November 6, 2025 • 25 mins
If you’re new here—welcome. If you’re back—welcome home. Today I’m sitting with my dear friend of 12+ years, Amanda Willson, a life coach and anxiety expert who has walked this road and now teaches the rest of us how to find steadier ground. This isn’t theory; it’s real tools for real life.
We talk about simple practices that change the moment you’re in: 4-7-8 breathing to settle your nervous system, the 5-4-3-2-1 senses reset to get you out of your head and back into your body, and the surprisingly tender act of naming your anxiety with compassion so it stops driving the car. Amanda shares how movement helps move emotion, why gratitude is brain training (not fluff), how to build an inner safe place you can visit anytime, and what it means to take your thoughts captive—speaking to yourself the way you’d speak to your own child.
I left this conversation feeling calmer, clearer, and more equipped. My hope is you do too. 💙
Listen now and share it with the friend who’s been white-knuckling their days.
Guest: Amanda Willson — Worthy of Love Wellness → worthyoflovewellness.com
Amanda on Instagram → Worthy of Love Wellness
Gentle heads-up: we mention panic attacks and anxiety. As always, nothing here is a substitute for professional care.
Show highlights
- The breath that helps fast: 4-7-8
- The senses exercise that interrupts spirals
- Why naming anxiety softens it
- Movement as medicine (and why stillness can backfire)
- Gratitude as a daily brain reset
- Your “safe place” visualization (mine is the beach 🌊)
- Bedtime thoughts that program tomorrow’s morning
Thank you for listening to Hope Comes to Visit. If this conversation helps, follow the show, share it with someone who needs hope today, and leave a review - it helps others find their way to these conversations.
New episodes drop every Monday, so you can begin your week with a little light and a lot of hope.
For more stories, reflections, and ways to connect, visit www.DanielleElliottSmith.com or follow along on Instagram @daniellesmithtv and @HopeComestoVisit
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
It's really important for us to really take
(00:02):
our thoughts captive, be able tosay to yourself, like, okay, I'm
not feeling all that great rightnow.
But these are the things that Iam good at.
These are the things, the lightthat I bring into this world.
And being able to be gratefulfor those things that you bring
into this world because it'ssuch a beautiful thing, and we
(00:23):
each have our own gifts.
That's the wonderful thing, isthere's no two alike.
SPEAKER_01 (00:36):
Hi friends, I'm Danielle Elliott Smith, and this
is Hope Comes to Visit.
If this is your first timejoining us, welcome.
If you are back, welcome home.
I'm so glad you're here.
My goal is always for us to havereal conversations and real
heart work here on the show.
And today I'm super excited tohave a conversation, not only
(00:56):
with someone who is an expert,but someone who is a good heart
friend for me.
Amanda Wilson, you are, as Imentioned, not just a close
heart friend for more than adozen years, but also a mental
health and life coach worthy oflife wellness.
Thank you so much for being herewith me.
Thank you, Danielle.
I was so excited to be here.
(01:16):
You know, I had the pleasure ofsitting with you recently while
you did an expert talk to anamazing group of people and you
gave what I consider to be amasterclass on how to deal with
anxiety.
And I kept thinking this issomething that everyone needs to
(01:37):
hear because I feel as thoughanxiety is one of those things
that we are overrun with rightnow, whether it's anxious about
being a parent raising our kids,whether it's anxious about the
state of the world right now,whether it's anxious about
whether or not we're going to beable to afford our groceries or
our mortgages or our rent, oranxious about our relationships,
(02:02):
just day-to-day.
So knowing that I've known youand your life for so long, let's
start with a little bit aboutwho you are and how you've come
to be this expert.
SPEAKER_00 (02:16):
Oh, thank you, Danielle.
You're welcome.
Um I so I am a mom of three, andum I for many, many years uh
dealt with anxiety.
I started having panic attackswhen I was probably in my early
20s.
You know, I had an interestingchildhood, lots of adversity,
(02:38):
and so um I started to reallydive deep into how do I handle
that?
How do I deal with the anxiety?
Um life is stressful.
There's so many things that wecome up against on a regular
basis.
And so for me, it was reallywanting to help, wanting to make
(03:01):
a difference in people's lives,wanting to make a difference in
my own life and the lives of mychildren.
Um, my children are now 29, 23,and 19.
And it's at a point where I'mteaching them these life skills
as well, because we have to havetools in our toolbox to be able
to navigate what's going on inour world.
(03:23):
And even just little bits hereand there, um, it helps you uh
refocus your attention.
SPEAKER_01 (03:32):
And so what was it in you that you recognized this
was becoming almost, I don'twant to say uncontrollable, but
to a point where it wasaffecting your day-to-day life?
Because I don't think that werecognize how heavy anxiety can
be.
We don't recognize how itaffects our overall systems.
(03:55):
We think that we're sick, wethink that we are, and that sick
is a lot of times a result ofanxiety.
Yes?
Yes, absolutely.
So, where did that how did thatmanifest for you?
SPEAKER_00 (04:07):
Panic attacks in my 20s.
SPEAKER_01 (04:09):
Okay.
Yeah.
So what led you to understandthat the panic attacks were a
result of the anxiety and whatdid you do about it?
SPEAKER_00 (04:16):
So um, probably about 15 years ago, I was
diagnosed with um celiacsdisease, which I had to navigate
my life on where the restroomwas.
And so anywhere I went, I had toresearch and figure that out.
And so once I started to dothat, um, I decided I wanted to
(04:38):
become a health coach.
I wanted to help people navigatefood allergies and all of that.
As I progressed in thateducation, I started to realize
that our chakras actually storeour energy.
So unprocessed energy are storedin our chakras.
And if you don't move thatenergy, it will manifest as
(05:03):
ailments in the body.
And so about, I guess it wasabout eight or nine years ago, I
started working with a lady whodoes energy work.
And in doing that, I started torealize that we could personally
clear our own chakras, but Ialso noticed that the anxiety
was much more controlled betweenphysical activity and doing the
(05:29):
energy work for myself.
It was something that I startedto notice exponentially, an
improvement in my anxiety.
But it started with just mylife, you know, just everything
in my life.
I it was anxiety-ridden overdifferent aspects of it, and I
wanted freedom from it.
I wanted to be able to pullmyself out of that and live my
(05:54):
life to the fullest and not becrippled by the anxiety.
So that was kind of what startedit for me was being able to um
really work at navigating thatenergy work.
SPEAKER_01 (06:09):
So, what can we do?
I know that day to day I findmyself anxious.
I know that lots of people findthemselves anxious.
Yeah.
It's really easy to get in ourheads.
It's really easy to findourselves overwhelmed.
What do you do when someonecomes to you and says, uh, it's
(06:32):
too much?
SPEAKER_00 (06:34):
So there's a couple exercises, but one of my
favorites is the four, seven,eight breath.
So you breathe in for four, youhold it for seven, and you
breathe out for eight.
It slowly relaxes your nervoussystem and the diaphragm
actually raises when you bellybreathe and it massages your
heart, which activates theparasympathetic nervous system.
(06:56):
So that's one of my favorites.
But my other favorite is tappinginto your senses.
Okay, that one I find it bringsyou to the present moment.
You can't focus on the thoughtloops that constantly run in our
head when you're focusing onyour senses.
So it's five things that you cansee, four things that you can
(07:19):
feel, three things that you canuh uh uh smell, I'm sorry, um,
and then through two things thatyou can taste and one thing
hear?
Yes.
I'm sorry, three things you canhear, two things that you can
smell, one thing you can taste.
I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_01 (07:40):
No, that's okay.
Um, but you're focusing on yoursenses, right?
So the first thing you're doingis you're looking around and
you're thinking, what do I seeright now?
Yes.
Right?
What are five things thatbecause I think that when you do
that, you're almostautomatically looking for
interesting things.
You're not saying, okay, well, II see the microphone in front of
me and I see my phone and I seelike you're you're instantly
(08:00):
looking around for for thingsthat might seem more
interesting.
So it brings you out of yourthinking brain box.
Right.
Okay.
And then you're really findingyourself thinking, okay, what
what do I hear?
You're really, really having tolisten.
Yes.
I like that.
Yeah.
So the first things we're doingto get ourselves out of those
(08:23):
anxious are truly physical.
We're breathing.
Yes.
And then we're we're using oursenses.
Okay.
Yeah.
So what do I do next?
SPEAKER_00 (08:35):
So I'd I have fun with it.
Um I in the past, I have likenaming your anxiety, giving it
separate from yourself, givingit a name.
SPEAKER_01 (08:49):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (08:49):
Um, and make it something funny, you know, make
it something endearing, but talkto it with compassion and love.
Um, let it know that you see it.
Hi, I know you're here.
It's okay, we're safe.
You know, you can talk to itwith love and compassion like
you would a five-year-old.
You know, make sure that you'rereally paying attention to
(09:13):
what's coming up for you.
And don't push it away.
We tend to want to numb, youknow, whether that's through
addictions, through shopping,through eating, through drinking
or drugs or whatever.
We want to push the feelingaway.
And it's really sitting with it.
(09:33):
You can sit with a feeling forabout nine seconds and it will
start to dissipate.
So it's just recognizing thatthose feelings are coming up for
you.
And it's okay.
Like anxiety is coming to visit,but it doesn't take the wheel.
Anxiety comes to visit, hopecomes to visit, look at that.
SPEAKER_01 (09:54):
So nine seconds, really, because I know that
that's so interesting.
I when I think about umcravings, right?
So when I was going through theprocess of sobriety first in
that first recovery stage, I wasinitially told, you know, those
cravings come up, they reallyonly last two to three minutes.
(10:14):
If you allow, like if you getup, it's like move a muscle,
change of thought.
So the move a muscle change ofthought was get up, walk, get
up, change the channel, get up,go into another room, because
you're trying to allow yourbrain to change the station, if
you will.
But in terms of anxiety, you'reallowing yourself to sit with
(10:36):
it.
So it's almost a differentprocess because with addiction,
we're trying so hard to want, towe're trying to not feel.
You're saying we have to feel,right?
Yes.
And I think that's so importantbecause with addiction, we're
not wanting to feel, and andpart of this process is learning
(10:58):
how to feel.
Yes.
I didn't realize it was such ashort, that anxious peace is
such a short triggering time ifwe allow it to sit.
SPEAKER_00 (11:08):
Yes.
And one of the things that Iwould also suggest is moving
your body.
Because a lot of times when thatfeeling arises, you can sit with
the feeling, but much likerecovery, moving that body,
moving that mindset, gettinginto a different thought
process, the feeling's stillthere.
And I I know you know thisthrough grief.
(11:30):
Um, I I lost my dad a couple ofyears ago, and there was a
moment that I was reallystruggling with how do I
continue to live life?
Because I have this heaviness onmy heart.
And there was a day that I wasgoing for a walk, and I'd pick a
word for every year, and I wasreally sitting and ruminating
(11:51):
with my word, and one of thewords that I had chosen was
trust.
What does that look like?
So in my mind, it was like,okay, I'm gonna just trust where
I'm at right now.
And I was in the process oftaking my dogs for a walk.
And um, you know, I was like,okay, I'm having a conversation
with God, and I'm like, what amI doing?
(12:11):
And he was like, just go playyour playlist and go for a walk.
And I was like, oh, I don't knowthat I want to do that because I
like specific kind of music whenI'm working out.
Um, but I trusted the process,and so I went for a walk, and
there was a moment on the walkwhere a song came on that my dad
used to play when I was in thecar.
And the first initial feelingthat came up for me was joy.
(12:34):
Like I felt the smile on myface, but in the instant that I
was in the joy of the moment,the grief crept in.
Right.
And I tried to push the joydown.
Yes, and I felt the tears wellup in my eyes, and I felt the
lump in my throat, but I focusedon the joy, and it shifted
(12:55):
everything.
So two emotions can actuallylive at the same time, and so
it's really important for us torecognize like, yeah, okay,
anxiety is hair, but it's nottaking the wheel.
I am going to go do somethingelse.
Physical activity is anexcellent way to change your
mindset, you know that.
(13:16):
So, you know, it's just a reallyit's coupling the different
tools together and just notsitting in it because it thrives
in darkness.
Yeah, and isolation.
When we sit and do nothing, it'sno wonder when you sit and worry
on the couch all day long, youfeel like you ran a marathon.
(13:38):
Right.
Well, that's why your body'sphysically needing to move that
energy because those chakrasaren't radiating the way that
they're supposed to.
SPEAKER_01 (13:49):
You know, that's so interesting because it's it's
the same for autoimmunediseases, right?
So with fibromyalgia, the moresore I am, the less I want to
move, the worse I get if I don'tmove, if I don't try to stretch,
if I don't try to do somethingabout it.
And it's interesting to me thatour minds work in such a similar
(14:11):
fashion as our bodies.
Like it's just our our minds andour bodies are such miracles,
right?
So it's so fascinating to me howthey all tie together this way.
There was something you saidthat I'm gonna come back to in a
minute, but I want to move tosomething that I know you and I
have in common that is somethingthat is incredibly helpful for
(14:32):
anxiety, which is gratitude.
SPEAKER_00 (14:34):
Yes, ma'am.
SPEAKER_01 (14:35):
Talk to me about talk to me about your thought
process on gratitude.
SPEAKER_00 (14:39):
Um so several years ago, I started a gratitude
practice of just journalingevery single day.
And in the very beginning, itwas, you know, I was in such a
funky spot in my life, it wasreally hard.
Like I'm grateful for the housethat I have, I'm grateful for my
children.
But the more that we facilitategratitude on a regular basis,
(15:02):
the more we go out into theworld and we seek things and
draw things to us to be gratefulfor.
So you're training the brain toactually look for those things,
which shifts your mindset, whichis huge because part of this
whole anxiety loop that we getourselves in is about the
(15:23):
thought processes that we have,being in those thought loops,
talking to ourselves in such away that is empowering, not
smothering us, not crippling us.
Um, so gratitude was probablythe biggest way for myself.
(15:43):
Um, because as human beings, Idon't care who you are, I don't
care what's going on in yourlife, there is always something
to be grateful for.
Always.
I agree.
SPEAKER_01 (15:55):
It's interesting because when I have had the
times in my life when mygratitude practice has been the
strongest, I always recognizethat for me, trying to find the
little things that I'm gratefulfor, whether it's, you know,
that first sip of coffee or likethis morning being in a new
(16:15):
home, right?
I could see the way the suncomes into the house because the
house is very open.
Just seeing the clouds, thecolors in the sunrise this
morning was just so beautiful.
And allowing myself to have thatmoment, I can physically feel my
temperature rise in a positiveway.
Yes.
(16:35):
If we allow ourselves to trulysit in the little things that
make us smile, it actuallyincreases physically our ability
to be grateful for things.
Yes.
And so rather than just by rotesaying, I'm grateful because I
have a house, I'm gratefulbecause I have food to eat, I'm
(16:57):
grateful because my kids arehealthy, which are all
incredible things to be gratefulfor, but seeking out the small
things that put a smile on yourface, whether it's recognizing
that, wow, I made it, I made iton time today, or I got in my
car this morning and I had afull tank of gas and I didn't
have to stop, so I wasn't late.
(17:18):
You know, the little things thatwe just take for granted, those
things tend to, in a weird way,give me chills.
And it decreases my anxiety.
It decreases the anxiety I feelin other random areas of my
life.
(17:39):
The thing I wanted to go backto, because this was something
that was said to me, and I knowthat this is something you
teach.
This was said to me years ago.
I had a therapist say to me whenI was really beating myself up,
and she looked at me and shesaid, Dionyelle, would you treat
your daughter?
Would you talk to your daughterthe way you're talking to
(17:59):
yourself right now?
And I think this goes back towhat you were saying about how
our self-talk track is, howimportant it is to speak to
ourselves with compassion.
SPEAKER_00 (18:10):
Yes, absolutely.
So one of the stories that Ishare is the discussion.
One day I was having adiscussion with my girl, my uh
daughter, and she was talkingabout some girlfriends of hers
that just were not being niceand just the things that they
were doing was just hurting her.
And so she internalized it.
(18:31):
And the conversation led to hertalking really negatively about
herself.
And I looked at her and I said,Hey, sister, you're not gonna
talk about my daughter that way.
That's unacceptable.
I'm gonna need you to changethat.
And so she kind of looked at meand I said, I want three
positives, and she goes, Okay.
And so she had to think about itand she spit them out for me.
(18:54):
But it was in that moment that Isaw the shift in her.
And it spoke to me like thethings that we say to ourselves
are so wretched.
When you hear someone else talkabout themselves that way,
you're almost offended for them,right?
Like, why would you say such athing?
Um, and so it's really importantfor us to really take our
(19:17):
thoughts captive, be able to sayto yourself, like, okay, I'm not
feeling all that great rightnow.
But these are the things that Iam good at.
These are the things, the lightthat I bring into this world,
and being able to be gratefulfor those things that you bring
into this world because it'ssuch a beautiful thing, and we
(19:38):
each have our own gifts.
That's the wonderful thing, isthere's no two alike.
SPEAKER_01 (19:42):
What a great way to put that.
Take your thoughts captive.
So I know there's somebodylistening right now who thinks I
have a friend who needs to knowright now that they need to take
their thoughts captive.
So this is a great opportunityfor someone to take this episode
and send it to someone that theyknow who has had a negative talk
track, who needs to hear whatyou're saying right now, because
(20:04):
there is light in so many of us,and we forget to have that
conversation with ourselvesbecause we're so busy being our
own biggest critic.
Yes.
And when we have that anxietyloop, remembering, I love that,
to have that captive audiencefor ourselves.
(20:27):
Gosh, what a beautiful way tosay that.
All right.
Hit me with more of your anxietymasterclass.
What else can we do?
SPEAKER_00 (20:35):
Um, so one of the things that I like to do is have
an internal safe space.
That's one of my favorites.
Um, mine is the beach.
I know you're a beach lover too,but um every time I go to the
beach, I will record my feet inthe sand and my feet because
there's a tattoo on my foot.
So I know when I'm reallystruggling, I will open my photo
(20:55):
library and watch my feet andthe ocean sound, the waves, the
feet in the sand, all of it.
It's very easy for me to gothere.
But it's really importantbecause our brain doesn't know
the difference between imaginarythoughts and actual reality
events.
SPEAKER_01 (21:15):
Really?
SPEAKER_00 (21:15):
So, yeah, which is amazing because why wouldn't you
hang out in your safe space?
Why wouldn't you?
Like it's happy place.
You're going there to escapeeverything, and you're actually
activating the parasympatheticnervous system by doing so
because it's your happy place,right?
Whatever that is.
(21:36):
Um, and everyone's different.
So um that is uh one of my favesbecause I like to hang out there
a lot.
SPEAKER_01 (21:44):
See, and I love that, and I know that you and I
have spoken about this before,and so both um Jeff, my
ex-husband, and Cooper, theirhappy place is baseball field,
right?
So I know that when Jeff wouldbe up in the middle of the night
and he was really strugglingwith a thought loop, he would do
the Cardinals lineup.
Like he would schedule thelineup for the next day, or he
(22:05):
would do it for whatever team hewas coaching.
And I know that Cooper does thesame thing, right?
So the baseball diamond, youknow, the crack of the bat, the
smell, and so they do theirsenses that way, right?
They they put themselves on thebaseball diamond to get out of
whatever their thought loop is.
And so, what a beautiful pieceof advice is figuring out what
your own happy, peaceful placeis and going there in your mind
(22:29):
and thinking about, again, thesenses.
So, what would I be smelling?
What would I be hearing?
What would I be seeing to putmyself there?
Because this is something thatyou had told me before that I
love.
What about the last thought wehave when we go to sleep?
SPEAKER_00 (22:45):
Yes.
So the the last thought thatyou're thinking before you go to
sleep is the first thing thatyou are going to wake up
thinking about because thatthought is programming your
subconscious thoughts for thenext day.
SPEAKER_01 (22:58):
I want you to say that again because I really
think this is so important forpeople.
This was such an aha light bulbmoment for me when you said
this, because so many of usstruggle to go to sleep because
our brains are in a hamsterwheel with what we have to do,
what we're stressed about, whatwe're anxious about.
SPEAKER_00 (23:17):
And so you are telling us we need to put
ourselves in a happy placebecause our thoughts that we
think about before we go to bedare programming our subconscious
so that when we wake up, thoseare the thoughts that are going
to be reoccurring.
SPEAKER_01 (23:35):
So we need to put ourselves in a happy place as we
are going to sleep in order toset ourselves up for a good day
the next day.
SPEAKER_00 (23:43):
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And it's an actually a greattime to incorporate gratitude.
So, like you could even do thatat night before you go to bed is
finding thoughts that arepositive, that are life-giving,
not life-taking.
That's the key.
So amazing.
SPEAKER_01 (24:02):
All right.
SPEAKER_00 (24:02):
Do you have any final tips for everyone on our
way out?
Uh, I mean, the only thing thatI really want to press upon is
the importance of really notjust taking those thoughts
captive, but taking an inventoryof your thoughts, really looking
at the ones that reoccur on aregular basis and reprogramming
them.
What is best case scenario?
(24:24):
What is the most positiveoutcome that you can think about
in regards to those particularthoughts and shift them so that
every time that a negativethought comes in, you're
shifting it to the positiveaffirmation, if you will, the
positive outcome that you'reseeking.
But slowly, when you do that,you're retraining your brain
(24:45):
through neuroplasticity.
You're actually rewiring newpathways in your brain, which is
a profound change that happensinside of you.
SPEAKER_01 (24:56):
You are such a gift.
Where can people find you,connect with you, work with you?
SPEAKER_00 (25:00):
So I have a website, worthy of lovewellness.com, and
then I also have um uh coachingpractice.
So I can give you the phonenumber.
SPEAKER_01 (25:10):
Do you want if you'd like to share the phone number,
you certainly can, or I can putit in the show notes, whatever
you prefer.
SPEAKER_00 (25:15):
You could put it in the show notes, that's fine.
Um, so yeah, just reach out andwe can connect.
That's amazing.
You are such a gift.
SPEAKER_01 (25:22):
Thank you for being here with me.
Thank you, Danielle.
It was a pleasure.
And friends, thank you so muchfor joining us on this episode
of Hope Comes to Visit.
We so hope we have met you whereyou are today, and that you will
take this episode and take allof Amanda's tips and feel a
little bit less anxious, and youwill share the episode with
people you know who need to hearthese same thoughts and
(25:43):
practices.
We so look forward to seeing youagain next time and between now
and then, please take very goodcare of you.
It's really important for us to really take
(00:02):
our thoughts captive, be able tosay to yourself, like, okay, I'm
not feeling all that great rightnow.
But these are the things that Iam good at.
These are the things, the lightthat I bring into this world.
And being able to be gratefulfor those things that you bring
into this world because it'ssuch a beautiful thing, and we
(00:23):
each have our own gifts.
That's the wonderful thing, isthere's no two alike.
SPEAKER_01 (00:36):
Hi friends, I'm Danielle Elliott Smith, and this
is Hope Comes to Visit.
If this is your first timejoining us, welcome.
If you are back, welcome home.
I'm so glad you're here.
My goal is always for us to havereal conversations and real
heart work here on the show.
And today I'm super excited tohave a conversation, not only
(00:56):
with someone who is an expert,but someone who is a good heart
friend for me.
Amanda Wilson, you are, as Imentioned, not just a close
heart friend for more than adozen years, but also a mental
health and life coach worthy oflife wellness.
Thank you so much for being herewith me.
Thank you, Danielle.
I was so excited to be here.
(01:16):
You know, I had the pleasure ofsitting with you recently while
you did an expert talk to anamazing group of people and you
gave what I consider to be amasterclass on how to deal with
anxiety.
And I kept thinking this issomething that everyone needs to
(01:37):
hear because I feel as thoughanxiety is one of those things
that we are overrun with rightnow, whether it's anxious about
being a parent raising our kids,whether it's anxious about the
state of the world right now,whether it's anxious about
whether or not we're going to beable to afford our groceries or
our mortgages or our rent, oranxious about our relationships,
(02:02):
just day-to-day.
So knowing that I've known youand your life for so long, let's
start with a little bit aboutwho you are and how you've come
to be this expert.
SPEAKER_00 (02:16):
Oh, thank you, Danielle.
You're welcome.
Um I so I am a mom of three, andum I for many, many years uh
dealt with anxiety.
I started having panic attackswhen I was probably in my early
20s.
You know, I had an interestingchildhood, lots of adversity,
(02:38):
and so um I started to reallydive deep into how do I handle
that?
How do I deal with the anxiety?
Um life is stressful.
There's so many things that wecome up against on a regular
basis.
And so for me, it was reallywanting to help, wanting to make
(03:01):
a difference in people's lives,wanting to make a difference in
my own life and the lives of mychildren.
Um, my children are now 29, 23,and 19.
And it's at a point where I'mteaching them these life skills
as well, because we have to havetools in our toolbox to be able
to navigate what's going on inour world.
(03:23):
And even just little bits hereand there, um, it helps you uh
refocus your attention.
SPEAKER_01 (03:32):
And so what was it in you that you recognized this
was becoming almost, I don'twant to say uncontrollable, but
to a point where it wasaffecting your day-to-day life?
Because I don't think that werecognize how heavy anxiety can
be.
We don't recognize how itaffects our overall systems.
(03:55):
We think that we're sick, wethink that we are, and that sick
is a lot of times a result ofanxiety.
Yes?
Yes, absolutely.
So, where did that how did thatmanifest for you?
SPEAKER_00 (04:07):
Panic attacks in my 20s.
SPEAKER_01 (04:09):
Okay.
Yeah.
So what led you to understandthat the panic attacks were a
result of the anxiety and whatdid you do about it?
SPEAKER_00 (04:16):
So um, probably about 15 years ago, I was
diagnosed with um celiacsdisease, which I had to navigate
my life on where the restroomwas.
And so anywhere I went, I had toresearch and figure that out.
And so once I started to dothat, um, I decided I wanted to
(04:38):
become a health coach.
I wanted to help people navigatefood allergies and all of that.
As I progressed in thateducation, I started to realize
that our chakras actually storeour energy.
So unprocessed energy are storedin our chakras.
And if you don't move thatenergy, it will manifest as
(05:03):
ailments in the body.
And so about, I guess it wasabout eight or nine years ago, I
started working with a lady whodoes energy work.
And in doing that, I started torealize that we could personally
clear our own chakras, but Ialso noticed that the anxiety
was much more controlled betweenphysical activity and doing the
(05:29):
energy work for myself.
It was something that I startedto notice exponentially, an
improvement in my anxiety.
But it started with just mylife, you know, just everything
in my life.
I it was anxiety-ridden overdifferent aspects of it, and I
wanted freedom from it.
I wanted to be able to pullmyself out of that and live my
(05:54):
life to the fullest and not becrippled by the anxiety.
So that was kind of what startedit for me was being able to um
really work at navigating thatenergy work.
SPEAKER_01 (06:09):
So, what can we do?
I know that day to day I findmyself anxious.
I know that lots of people findthemselves anxious.
Yeah.
It's really easy to get in ourheads.
It's really easy to findourselves overwhelmed.
What do you do when someonecomes to you and says, uh, it's
(06:32):
too much?
SPEAKER_00 (06:34):
So there's a couple exercises, but one of my
favorites is the four, seven,eight breath.
So you breathe in for four, youhold it for seven, and you
breathe out for eight.
It slowly relaxes your nervoussystem and the diaphragm
actually raises when you bellybreathe and it massages your
heart, which activates theparasympathetic nervous system.
(06:56):
So that's one of my favorites.
But my other favorite is tappinginto your senses.
Okay, that one I find it bringsyou to the present moment.
You can't focus on the thoughtloops that constantly run in our
head when you're focusing onyour senses.
So it's five things that you cansee, four things that you can
(07:19):
feel, three things that you canuh uh uh smell, I'm sorry, um,
and then through two things thatyou can taste and one thing
hear?
Yes.
I'm sorry, three things you canhear, two things that you can
smell, one thing you can taste.
I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_01 (07:40):
No, that's okay.
Um, but you're focusing on yoursenses, right?
So the first thing you're doingis you're looking around and
you're thinking, what do I seeright now?
Yes.
Right?
What are five things thatbecause I think that when you do
that, you're almostautomatically looking for
interesting things.
You're not saying, okay, well, II see the microphone in front of
me and I see my phone and I seelike you're you're instantly
(08:00):
looking around for for thingsthat might seem more
interesting.
So it brings you out of yourthinking brain box.
Right.
Okay.
And then you're really findingyourself thinking, okay, what
what do I hear?
You're really, really having tolisten.
Yes.
I like that.
Yeah.
So the first things we're doingto get ourselves out of those
(08:23):
anxious are truly physical.
We're breathing.
Yes.
And then we're we're using oursenses.
Okay.
Yeah.
So what do I do next?
SPEAKER_00 (08:35):
So I'd I have fun with it.
Um I in the past, I have likenaming your anxiety, giving it
separate from yourself, givingit a name.
SPEAKER_01 (08:49):
Okay.
SPEAKER_00 (08:49):
Um, and make it something funny, you know, make
it something endearing, but talkto it with compassion and love.
Um, let it know that you see it.
Hi, I know you're here.
It's okay, we're safe.
You know, you can talk to itwith love and compassion like
you would a five-year-old.
You know, make sure that you'rereally paying attention to
(09:13):
what's coming up for you.
And don't push it away.
We tend to want to numb, youknow, whether that's through
addictions, through shopping,through eating, through drinking
or drugs or whatever.
We want to push the feelingaway.
And it's really sitting with it.
(09:33):
You can sit with a feeling forabout nine seconds and it will
start to dissipate.
So it's just recognizing thatthose feelings are coming up for
you.
And it's okay.
Like anxiety is coming to visit,but it doesn't take the wheel.
Anxiety comes to visit, hopecomes to visit, look at that.
SPEAKER_01 (09:54):
So nine seconds, really, because I know that
that's so interesting.
I when I think about umcravings, right?
So when I was going through theprocess of sobriety first in
that first recovery stage, I wasinitially told, you know, those
cravings come up, they reallyonly last two to three minutes.
(10:14):
If you allow, like if you getup, it's like move a muscle,
change of thought.
So the move a muscle change ofthought was get up, walk, get
up, change the channel, get up,go into another room, because
you're trying to allow yourbrain to change the station, if
you will.
But in terms of anxiety, you'reallowing yourself to sit with
(10:36):
it.
So it's almost a differentprocess because with addiction,
we're trying so hard to want, towe're trying to not feel.
You're saying we have to feel,right?
Yes.
And I think that's so importantbecause with addiction, we're
not wanting to feel, and andpart of this process is learning
(10:58):
how to feel.
Yes.
I didn't realize it was such ashort, that anxious peace is
such a short triggering time ifwe allow it to sit.
SPEAKER_00 (11:08):
Yes.
And one of the things that Iwould also suggest is moving
your body.
Because a lot of times when thatfeeling arises, you can sit with
the feeling, but much likerecovery, moving that body,
moving that mindset, gettinginto a different thought
process, the feeling's stillthere.
And I I know you know thisthrough grief.
(11:30):
Um, I I lost my dad a couple ofyears ago, and there was a
moment that I was reallystruggling with how do I
continue to live life?
Because I have this heaviness onmy heart.
And there was a day that I wasgoing for a walk, and I'd pick a
word for every year, and I wasreally sitting and ruminating
(11:51):
with my word, and one of thewords that I had chosen was
trust.
What does that look like?
So in my mind, it was like,okay, I'm gonna just trust where
I'm at right now.
And I was in the process oftaking my dogs for a walk.
And um, you know, I was like,okay, I'm having a conversation
with God, and I'm like, what amI doing?
(12:11):
And he was like, just go playyour playlist and go for a walk.
And I was like, oh, I don't knowthat I want to do that because I
like specific kind of music whenI'm working out.
Um, but I trusted the process,and so I went for a walk, and
there was a moment on the walkwhere a song came on that my dad
used to play when I was in thecar.
And the first initial feelingthat came up for me was joy.
(12:34):
Like I felt the smile on myface, but in the instant that I
was in the joy of the moment,the grief crept in.
Right.
And I tried to push the joydown.
Yes, and I felt the tears wellup in my eyes, and I felt the
lump in my throat, but I focusedon the joy, and it shifted
(12:55):
everything.
So two emotions can actuallylive at the same time, and so
it's really important for us torecognize like, yeah, okay,
anxiety is hair, but it's nottaking the wheel.
I am going to go do somethingelse.
Physical activity is anexcellent way to change your
mindset, you know that.
(13:16):
So, you know, it's just a reallyit's coupling the different
tools together and just notsitting in it because it thrives
in darkness.
Yeah, and isolation.
When we sit and do nothing, it'sno wonder when you sit and worry
on the couch all day long, youfeel like you ran a marathon.
(13:38):
Right.
Well, that's why your body'sphysically needing to move that
energy because those chakrasaren't radiating the way that
they're supposed to.
SPEAKER_01 (13:49):
You know, that's so interesting because it's it's
the same for autoimmunediseases, right?
So with fibromyalgia, the moresore I am, the less I want to
move, the worse I get if I don'tmove, if I don't try to stretch,
if I don't try to do somethingabout it.
And it's interesting to me thatour minds work in such a similar
(14:11):
fashion as our bodies.
Like it's just our our minds andour bodies are such miracles,
right?
So it's so fascinating to me howthey all tie together this way.
There was something you saidthat I'm gonna come back to in a
minute, but I want to move tosomething that I know you and I
have in common that is somethingthat is incredibly helpful for
(14:32):
anxiety, which is gratitude.
SPEAKER_00 (14:34):
Yes, ma'am.
SPEAKER_01 (14:35):
Talk to me about talk to me about your thought
process on gratitude.
SPEAKER_00 (14:39):
Um so several years ago, I started a gratitude
practice of just journalingevery single day.
And in the very beginning, itwas, you know, I was in such a
funky spot in my life, it wasreally hard.
Like I'm grateful for the housethat I have, I'm grateful for my
children.
But the more that we facilitategratitude on a regular basis,
(15:02):
the more we go out into theworld and we seek things and
draw things to us to be gratefulfor.
So you're training the brain toactually look for those things,
which shifts your mindset, whichis huge because part of this
whole anxiety loop that we getourselves in is about the
(15:23):
thought processes that we have,being in those thought loops,
talking to ourselves in such away that is empowering, not
smothering us, not crippling us.
Um, so gratitude was probablythe biggest way for myself.
(15:43):
Um, because as human beings, Idon't care who you are, I don't
care what's going on in yourlife, there is always something
to be grateful for.
Always.
I agree.
SPEAKER_01 (15:55):
It's interesting because when I have had the
times in my life when mygratitude practice has been the
strongest, I always recognizethat for me, trying to find the
little things that I'm gratefulfor, whether it's, you know,
that first sip of coffee or likethis morning being in a new
(16:15):
home, right?
I could see the way the suncomes into the house because the
house is very open.
Just seeing the clouds, thecolors in the sunrise this
morning was just so beautiful.
And allowing myself to have thatmoment, I can physically feel my
temperature rise in a positiveway.
Yes.
(16:35):
If we allow ourselves to trulysit in the little things that
make us smile, it actuallyincreases physically our ability
to be grateful for things.
Yes.
And so rather than just by rotesaying, I'm grateful because I
have a house, I'm gratefulbecause I have food to eat, I'm
(16:57):
grateful because my kids arehealthy, which are all
incredible things to be gratefulfor, but seeking out the small
things that put a smile on yourface, whether it's recognizing
that, wow, I made it, I made iton time today, or I got in my
car this morning and I had afull tank of gas and I didn't
have to stop, so I wasn't late.
(17:18):
You know, the little things thatwe just take for granted, those
things tend to, in a weird way,give me chills.
And it decreases my anxiety.
It decreases the anxiety I feelin other random areas of my
life.
(17:39):
The thing I wanted to go backto, because this was something
that was said to me, and I knowthat this is something you
teach.
This was said to me years ago.
I had a therapist say to me whenI was really beating myself up,
and she looked at me and shesaid, Dionyelle, would you treat
your daughter?
Would you talk to your daughterthe way you're talking to
(17:59):
yourself right now?
And I think this goes back towhat you were saying about how
our self-talk track is, howimportant it is to speak to
ourselves with compassion.
SPEAKER_00 (18:10):
Yes, absolutely.
So one of the stories that Ishare is the discussion.
One day I was having adiscussion with my girl, my uh
daughter, and she was talkingabout some girlfriends of hers
that just were not being niceand just the things that they
were doing was just hurting her.
And so she internalized it.
(18:31):
And the conversation led to hertalking really negatively about
herself.
And I looked at her and I said,Hey, sister, you're not gonna
talk about my daughter that way.
That's unacceptable.
I'm gonna need you to changethat.
And so she kind of looked at meand I said, I want three
positives, and she goes, Okay.
And so she had to think about itand she spit them out for me.
(18:54):
But it was in that moment that Isaw the shift in her.
And it spoke to me like thethings that we say to ourselves
are so wretched.
When you hear someone else talkabout themselves that way,
you're almost offended for them,right?
Like, why would you say such athing?
Um, and so it's really importantfor us to really take our
(19:17):
thoughts captive, be able to sayto yourself, like, okay, I'm not
feeling all that great rightnow.
But these are the things that Iam good at.
These are the things, the lightthat I bring into this world,
and being able to be gratefulfor those things that you bring
into this world because it'ssuch a beautiful thing, and we
(19:38):
each have our own gifts.
That's the wonderful thing, isthere's no two alike.
SPEAKER_01 (19:42):
What a great way to put that.
Take your thoughts captive.
So I know there's somebodylistening right now who thinks I
have a friend who needs to knowright now that they need to take
their thoughts captive.
So this is a great opportunityfor someone to take this episode
and send it to someone that theyknow who has had a negative talk
track, who needs to hear whatyou're saying right now, because
(20:04):
there is light in so many of us,and we forget to have that
conversation with ourselvesbecause we're so busy being our
own biggest critic.
Yes.
And when we have that anxietyloop, remembering, I love that,
to have that captive audiencefor ourselves.
(20:27):
Gosh, what a beautiful way tosay that.
All right.
Hit me with more of your anxietymasterclass.
What else can we do?
SPEAKER_00 (20:35):
Um, so one of the things that I like to do is have
an internal safe space.
That's one of my favorites.
Um, mine is the beach.
I know you're a beach lover too,but um every time I go to the
beach, I will record my feet inthe sand and my feet because
there's a tattoo on my foot.
So I know when I'm reallystruggling, I will open my photo
(20:55):
library and watch my feet andthe ocean sound, the waves, the
feet in the sand, all of it.
It's very easy for me to gothere.
But it's really importantbecause our brain doesn't know
the difference between imaginarythoughts and actual reality
events.
SPEAKER_01 (21:15):
Really?
SPEAKER_00 (21:15):
So, yeah, which is amazing because why wouldn't you
hang out in your safe space?
Why wouldn't you?
Like it's happy place.
You're going there to escapeeverything, and you're actually
activating the parasympatheticnervous system by doing so
because it's your happy place,right?
Whatever that is.
(21:36):
Um, and everyone's different.
So um that is uh one of my favesbecause I like to hang out there
a lot.
SPEAKER_01 (21:44):
See, and I love that, and I know that you and I
have spoken about this before,and so both um Jeff, my
ex-husband, and Cooper, theirhappy place is baseball field,
right?
So I know that when Jeff wouldbe up in the middle of the night
and he was really strugglingwith a thought loop, he would do
the Cardinals lineup.
Like he would schedule thelineup for the next day, or he
(22:05):
would do it for whatever team hewas coaching.
And I know that Cooper does thesame thing, right?
So the baseball diamond, youknow, the crack of the bat, the
smell, and so they do theirsenses that way, right?
They they put themselves on thebaseball diamond to get out of
whatever their thought loop is.
And so, what a beautiful pieceof advice is figuring out what
your own happy, peaceful placeis and going there in your mind
(22:29):
and thinking about, again, thesenses.
So, what would I be smelling?
What would I be hearing?
What would I be seeing to putmyself there?
Because this is something thatyou had told me before that I
love.
What about the last thought wehave when we go to sleep?
SPEAKER_00 (22:45):
Yes.
So the the last thought thatyou're thinking before you go to
sleep is the first thing thatyou are going to wake up
thinking about because thatthought is programming your
subconscious thoughts for thenext day.
SPEAKER_01 (22:58):
I want you to say that again because I really
think this is so important forpeople.
This was such an aha light bulbmoment for me when you said
this, because so many of usstruggle to go to sleep because
our brains are in a hamsterwheel with what we have to do,
what we're stressed about, whatwe're anxious about.
SPEAKER_00 (23:17):
And so you are telling us we need to put
ourselves in a happy placebecause our thoughts that we
think about before we go to bedare programming our subconscious
so that when we wake up, thoseare the thoughts that are going
to be reoccurring.
SPEAKER_01 (23:35):
So we need to put ourselves in a happy place as we
are going to sleep in order toset ourselves up for a good day
the next day.
SPEAKER_00 (23:43):
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And it's an actually a greattime to incorporate gratitude.
So, like you could even do thatat night before you go to bed is
finding thoughts that arepositive, that are life-giving,
not life-taking.
That's the key.
So amazing.
SPEAKER_01 (24:02):
All right.
SPEAKER_00 (24:02):
Do you have any final tips for everyone on our
way out?
Uh, I mean, the only thing thatI really want to press upon is
the importance of really notjust taking those thoughts
captive, but taking an inventoryof your thoughts, really looking
at the ones that reoccur on aregular basis and reprogramming
them.
What is best case scenario?
(24:24):
What is the most positiveoutcome that you can think about
in regards to those particularthoughts and shift them so that
every time that a negativethought comes in, you're
shifting it to the positiveaffirmation, if you will, the
positive outcome that you'reseeking.
But slowly, when you do that,you're retraining your brain
(24:45):
through neuroplasticity.
You're actually rewiring newpathways in your brain, which is
a profound change that happensinside of you.
SPEAKER_01 (24:56):
You are such a gift.
Where can people find you,connect with you, work with you?
SPEAKER_00 (25:00):
So I have a website, worthy of lovewellness.com, and
then I also have um uh coachingpractice.
So I can give you the phonenumber.
SPEAKER_01 (25:10):
Do you want if you'd like to share the phone number,
you certainly can, or I can putit in the show notes, whatever
you prefer.
SPEAKER_00 (25:15):
You could put it in the show notes, that's fine.
Um, so yeah, just reach out andwe can connect.
That's amazing.
You are such a gift.
SPEAKER_01 (25:22):
Thank you for being here with me.
Thank you, Danielle.
It was a pleasure.
And friends, thank you so muchfor joining us on this episode
of Hope Comes to Visit.
We so hope we have met you whereyou are today, and that you will
take this episode and take allof Amanda's tips and feel a
little bit less anxious, and youwill share the episode with
people you know who need to hearthese same thoughts and
(25:43):
practices.
We so look forward to seeing youagain next time and between now
and then, please take very goodcare of you.
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