September 8, 2025 • 39 mins
The road through addiction and recovery is rarely straight — and for Jamie Felton, it’s been marked by both unimaginable loss and profound resilience.
By age 24, Jamie had accumulated three DUIs and found herself walking home from a blackout at 3:30 AM. That was the breaking point that led her to seek help — and on November 7, 2006, she began a journey that has kept her sober for nearly 19 years.
But sobriety didn’t shield her from heartbreak. Jamie’s sons, Jack and Sam, both struggled with substance use. She poured everything she had into helping Jack — financially, emotionally, spiritually — but in May 2019, at just 20 years old, he died of a heroin overdose. Today, her younger son Sam is in recovery, a gift she holds close.
Out of her own lived experience, Jamie has dedicated her life to guiding others. Through Fresh Start Recovery Consultants, she provides the kind of support and professional navigation she once desperately needed — helping families find hope in the chaos of addiction.
In this episode of Hope Comes to Visit, Jamie shares her story with honesty and courage: the dark valleys of addiction, the grief of losing a child, and the determination to transform her pain into purpose. Her story is a reminder that even in the hardest places, hope can still take root.
Learn more about Jamie's work and how she helps people find hope and recovery here - Fresh Start Addiction and Recovery Consultants.
You can also connect with her on Social:
Instagram - @fsaddictionandrecovery
Facebook - Fresh start Addiction and Recovery Consultants
LinkedIn - Jamie Felton
X - @recovery_fs
Thank you for listening to Hope Comes to Visit. If this conversation helps, follow the show, share it with someone who needs hope today, and leave a review - it helps others find their way to these conversations.
New episodes drop every Monday, so you can begin your week with a little light and a lot of hope.
For more stories, reflections, and ways to connect, visit www.DanielleElliottSmith.com or follow along on Instagram @daniellesmithtv and @HopeComestoVisit
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It was probably 3.30 in the morning and I was walking
home by myself and I came outof a blackout and I prayed and I
said, god, I need your help,please.
I'm going to lose my kids.
And they were four and a halfand eight and that was it.
I mean, I knew that at somepoint I would lose them.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
There are moments in life when everything falls apart
and somehow something sacredbegins On.
Hope Comes to Visit.
We share those stories.
We're really excited you'rehere with us today.
I am very excited to share withyou a friend of mine.
This is Jamie Felton.
Jamie, thank you so much forbeing here with us today.
I am excited to have you herebecause you and I have a
(00:57):
relationship that goes beyondthis podcast.
Right?
So you are a woman in recoveryand, in addition to that, you
have started your own businessand you are working to help
other people, other families inrecovery, and I want to share
(01:17):
all of the work you are doing,all of the heart that you have
and the hope that you aresharing with other individuals
and other families.
So, first of all, thank you somuch for being here.
Thank you let's take a quickmoment to thank the people that
support and sponsor the podcast.
When life takes an unexpectedturn, you deserve someone who
(01:39):
will stand beside you.
St Louis attorney Chris Dulleyoffers experienced one-on-one
legal defense.
Call 314-384-4000 or314-DUI-HELP, or you can visit
DulleyLawFirmcom that'sD-U-L-L-E LawFirmcom for a free
consultation.
So let's start with a littlebit of your story.
(02:03):
So, in sharing with ouraudience, let's talk a little
bit about you and your recovery,how you came to be in this
field, how you found yourselfhere and what your hope is you
(02:29):
found yourself here and whatyour hope is.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
So I pretty much knew from the time I was in junior
high that there was somethingoff.
And that's when I starteddrinking Dysfunctional Family
like everybody's story somewhereand went through.
I made it through college,graduated, moved to Aspen and
skied for a year, went downhillfrom there, moved to Scottsdale,
(02:52):
arizona, for a couple of yearsand then ended up getting
married after that to the guy Imoved to Scottsdale with Um.
We had our first son in 1998and um then had a second son in
2002.
And I ended up kicking myex-husband out when Sam was an
(03:16):
infant and Jack was a toddler.
Um and I drank for another fouryears and went, continued to
spiral because it's aprogressive disease and and then
I finally decided I can't dothis anymore.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
What was your tipping point in terms of deciding that
you were done drinking, becauseI know that for so many people.
Obviously I am also in recovery, right Something else you and I
have in common.
It took a lot for me to getthere, and I know that that is
(03:54):
different for everyone, but youreaching that point is something
that helps you to relate toother people.
What was your moment in sayingI'm done?
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I think everything in my life led up to that.
So three underage drinkingcitations by a time I was 17,
three DUIs by 24, failedmarriage and then just waking up
every day and feeling like aloser and I hated myself.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
You know, it's interesting that you say that,
right?
Because I think that there's somany people who can relate to
that, waking up every day andthinking, what am I doing, why
am I doing this?
And for me, I would wake upthat way.
(04:50):
I frequently woke up at 3.30 inthe morning and I would think,
god, I'm doing it again.
And I would convince myselfthat I wouldn't do it.
But somewhere in the middle ofthe day the next day, I would
think we're in the middle of theday the next day.
I would think I'm going to doit one more time.
(05:15):
How did you tip out of the placewhere you were cycling?
Because it took me a long timeto stop that cycle, to stop the.
But I can do it one more time.
This time it will be differentand I know for a lot of people
it's that.
But I can this time.
But something can change.
But you know, doing it over andover and over again and when
you say, I felt like a loser,right, so many of us, when we're
struggling, we do beatourselves up.
(05:37):
Do you know what it was thathelped you to make that change?
Because you're talking about anumber of different things that
for some people, people who arelistening, who don't understand
what it feels like to be there.
You had the citations, you hadthe DUIs For someone who hasn't
(05:59):
been where we are.
They think, well, if I got oneDUI, I'd stop.
We don't right when we'restruggling, when we are in, they
think, well, if I got one DUI,I'd stop.
We don't right.
When we're struggling, when weare in this place, we don't
automatically stop with whatfeels like to one person might
be just a bottom.
What was the?
The one thing that said okay,now I'm done.
Like this moment I'm looking inthe mirror and I'm saying, ok,
(06:23):
jamie, you finally hit Done.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
It was probably three thirty in the morning and I was
walking home by myself and Icame out of a blackout and and I
prayed and I said, God, I needyour help, please.
I'm going to lose my kids.
And they were four and a halfand eight and that was it.
I mean, I knew that at somepoint I would lose them.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
So you know it's interesting.
My kids factored into it for metoo.
I knew that I needed to make achange there too.
So what did that change looklike for you?
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Well, for seven months I was sober, I changed my
whole routine.
And then my best friend fromthird grade, her husband, drank
himself to death 36.
And I remember it was a Fridaynight, I was with her, my boys
were with their dad, and onSaturday I thought, oh my gosh,
(07:28):
what if I start drinking again?
And I had heard about AA.
So that's when I went to myfirst meeting.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
So at that point you'd been sober on your own
sort of white knuckling it, yeah.
And then you decided that AAwas an option.
Yes, Okay.
And how long have you beensober now?
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Almost 19 years.
It will be in November.
Congratulations, thank you.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
That's amazing Thanks .
Speaker 1 (07:56):
What keeps you on track?
Faith in God and the support ofthe fellowship and prayer
meditation working in the field.
Okay, yeah, all those things.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
So let's talk a little bit about working in the
field.
So you have started work onyour own, I know for me within
that first week of being in.
So I went to treatment andwithin that first week I had a
woman say to me part of yourgift in this is going to be
helping others.
I am not active in a programbecause there are other things
(08:36):
that I do to stay on track, butI know that staying active in
helping other people has beenkey for me and you have started
something on your own to helpother people.
Tell us about that.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
It's Fresh Start Addiction and Recovery
Consultants and I started this acouple years ago.
My son died from a heroinoverdose 2019.
Okay, and when he started using, I had no idea what to do, so I
would Google things, he'd go towilderness camp, rehabs, all of
(09:22):
that and so a couple years ago,I thought I can help other
other people.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Okay, and yeah, I'm gonna backtrack for a second.
We're gonna talk more aboutFresh Start in just a second, so
let's let's talk about your son, jack.
Yes, so how old was Jack whenhe started using?
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Probably 13.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
Okay, and so for you, your struggle was alcohol.
Jack's did it start as heroin.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
No, it started with marijuana and then moved quickly
to Xanax and Oxy and heroin andso, as someone who struggled
with alcohol did the substancesfeel very foreign to you.
No, because I also did other.
I did drugs as well.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Okay.
So, did you recognize?
Speaker 1 (10:15):
the signs right away in him.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
And as someone who had struggled on your own, what
was your initial?
Was your initial like?
I can help him through this or,oh no, my child is going down
the same path, like what is the?
As a parent, because I knowthat for me it is one of my
fears, right, knowing that thiswas something I struggled with.
(10:40):
I'm also the adult child ofpeople who struggled with
alcohol, so I recognize thefamily, the threads that run
through us, right, so I do worryabout that being something that
my kids could ever.
It's a fear of mine, right?
(11:02):
Was it something that had beena fear of yours when your kids
were younger?
Speaker 1 (11:08):
I don't know that I ever really saw it, I mean, or
thought of it.
Okay, I knew that he wasimpulsive and so I saw.
You know he was exactly like me, Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
So I saw, you know he was exactly like me.
Okay, yeah, so as a mom, you'retrying everything.
Mm-hmm.
How did he have periods ofsobriety and recovery?
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Yeah, he did.
Probably 11 months was thelongest and then a few months
here and there in between rehabsand that was that.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Okay, tell me about him.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
He was very outgoing, he was funny, very smart, he
loved skiing and Colorado waskind of our place and he was
incredible.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Yeah, as someone in recovery, I have often said you
know, we go through so much topull ourselves out of that place
.
I wish that we would be exemptfrom the hard things, Losing a
child has got to be the very,very hardest.
(12:36):
I wondered when I was workingto be sober I was working to be
sober if there would be anythingthat would make it so that I
couldn't stay sober anymore.
I have experienced hard losssince going into, since being in
(12:57):
recovery, but losing a childhow did you stay on track?
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Um first, I mean, it was God always for me and um I
had a routine every day where Iwould pray, meditate, journal,
exercise and make myself feel it.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
So that's interesting , right?
Because I think that the one ofour instant go-tos is I don't
want to feel, right?
Um, as someone who wasstruggling with addiction,
that's one of our things.
We, we don't want to feel, sothat's our.
I just want to drink, I justwant to.
I don't want to feel what I'mfeeling.
(13:44):
Mm-hmm, did you find yourselftempted, triggered, thinking
like I'm really having to workat this?
Speaker 1 (13:55):
no, I didn't.
I had.
Sam was 17 at the time and andso it wasn't an option and I
knew if I started drinking, thatwould be it, it would be over
okay, what advice do you offerto other people who are going
through something challenginglike that?
If you're sober, you know, dowhat you can to stay sober.
(14:19):
If you don't have a higherpower, find one, talk about it.
If you need to talk about it,cry.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
If you need to talk about it, cry, allow yourself to
walk through the steps andgrief, or that we learn how to
feel, because I think that somuch of what we do when we are
actively in addiction isavoiding feeling.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Right.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
So how important is it that we find a way to feel.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Well, I don't think you can make it to the other
side unless you, unless you feelit.
Um, if you, if you choose tocover up that pain, then you're
going to wake up the next dayand have the same pain.
So you've got to deal with it.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
What has been the the most healing part of all of
this for you?
You are.
You've had to continue to workthrough losing your son, but
you're starting something.
Um, you have started a new,hope filled business that allows
(15:48):
you to work with other families, but one of the pieces that we
haven't talked about yet is thatyour other son, sam, works with
you in that, and Sam is also inrecovery.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Right.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
So let's talk about that.
Let's talk about the process ofSam finding himself in recovery
.
At what point did Sam chooserecovery?
Was it before or after losingJack?
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Sam was in treatment, was in a treatment center when
Jack died Wow, and he had 90days sober the night before
Jack's funeral and fell off therails two months later.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Sweet baby.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
For two years.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
So and then he decided he's 23, got sober a
little bit before his 20thbirthday.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Okay, how is he doing now?
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Great, had a baby last week.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Okay, talk to us about.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Sam.
He got married a couple ofyears ago.
He, when he got sober, he gothis GED.
He's in college, full-timeworks.
Full-time works with me.
He's amazing.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
It is unique to choose recovery young.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Right, how, and I think that the extraordinary
piece is you have him workingwith you.
So one of the extraordinarythings about the work you are
doing is you have you with yourage, family experience, life
experience that can walkfamilies through the process.
(17:30):
And then you also have Sam, whochose Recovery, young, who can
offer his life experience andperspective.
That makes what you guys dounique.
Let's talk a little bit aboutthe services that you guys offer
.
Let's talk about Fresh Start,so the services that you guys
offer.
Let's talk about Fresh Start,so the services that you guys
(17:52):
offer, because I think what youdo is unique.
You guys are not a treatmentcenter, right?
So what does Fresh StartRecovery Services do?
Speaker 1 (18:02):
So I figured out, you know, as I said, a couple years
ago, and people had beencalling me you, you know for
help, for since they knew thatjack, when they found out jack
died, um, because they knew Ihad been in recovery for quite a
while and um, that I had twosons that were addicts, and so
(18:26):
then I thought a couple of yearsago I could help, you know, in
doing more, because I was such adisaster when they were using,
I mean, nut nut ball.
In what way?
Because I was filled with fear.
I mean I followed drug dealers.
I was driving around at twoo'clock in the morning trying to
(18:48):
find one of my kids, yeah, I amfamiliar with that.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
When you care about someone who is struggling, you
are hunting people down.
You are so worried, you are sopanicked.
You are tracking phones.
You're doing anything to findpeople.
Okay, so people knew that youwere doing phones.
You are you're doing anythingto find people.
Yeah, okay, so people knew thatyou were doing anything you
(19:13):
could right.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
So, um, I thought, while when someone comes to me
now and needs help, not only canI place their loved one in a
treatment center, but whilethey're gone I help the family,
okay, and I work with them oncea week, and then when the person
returns, I find a continuum ofcare, therapy, whatever they
(19:38):
need to help them, you know, besuccessful and staying sober
okay, so you offer interventionservices so so if a family says
hey, I have someone who needshelp, so you offer intervention
from that capacity Right, so youwill help someone figure out
(19:59):
how to help their loved one.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
You also offer transportation to a treatment
center Right, if someone needsto go further away, but you help
them.
If someone says I don't knowwhat to do, I have someone who's
willing.
Where do I go?
What do I do?
Right, okay, what does Sam doon his side?
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Sam is great when it comes to dealing with teenagers
and young adults because of hisstory and they relate more to
him than they do me, because I'mthis middle-aged woman, For
example.
He was not with me at thispoint, but I walked into a
hospital to see a 17-year-oldgirl and she immediately said
(20:47):
I'm not going to rehab.
And I said, okay, can I tellyou a story?
And so I made it quick andtalked about Sam and she said,
okay, I'll go.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Really Okay.
Did she take the time to talkto Sam?
Speaker 1 (21:01):
No.
No, but you just told her aboutSam Right, so she connected
with his story, right.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
How powerful.
So storytelling to me is thecore of so much.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Right.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
That's why we do this Right.
This is why I wanted thispodcast to exist, because I
think that the most powerfulthings that we hear are things
that we already know, whichboils down to hearing our story
from someone else's mouth, right, hearing you tell someone an
(21:39):
experience that you've had, thatthey're currently experiencing,
and they think I am not alone,and that is what I think is so
beautiful about the work you'redoing continuing to drink and
then making the choice to notyour path of white knuckling and
(22:11):
then choosing AA.
And then, as a mother whoworked to help your children,
one is successfully in recoveryand unfortunately, you lost one.
But then there's the piecewhere you stayed on track for
you right, and now you'reactively helping other people.
(22:32):
How do you define hope?
Speaker 1 (22:39):
When I think of hope.
I never gave up hope when itcame to Jack and Sam.
As far as you know, seeing themget sober one day.
As far as you know, seeing themget sober one day.
And so just allowing people tohave the thought that
everything's going to be okayand that things can change and
you don't have to live like thisforever.
(23:00):
Now I always tell people justbecause we place your loved one
in a treatment center does notmean that they're going to get
sober.
You know Right, and I have tobe transparent from the get-go.
It doesn't mean everything'sgoing to be all right that day,
but it might give them hope thatit's going to change.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
And it will Right.
And I think that's really,really important, right,
especially because giving voiceto our experience, right, being
able to look at you now and yousaying I have 19 years right, no
one looks at you and says I betyou used to struggle with
(23:46):
alcohol.
Right, and I think that,generally speaking, I walk down
the street and people don't sayI bet that woman's in recovery.
Right, but that's part of it.
Right Is being able to say Iwant what you have right, being
an example of what it can looklike on the other side.
And there are so many pieces ofyour journey that are the other
(24:09):
side, right, the, the recoverypiece, the surviving loss, the
being able to help other peoplethrough this experience.
In doing what you're doing, areyou offering people experiences
anywhere, like not just locally, right, you're not just saying
(24:30):
hey, like we'll place youlocally, it's anywhere.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
So when I was trying to find treatment for Jack
particularly, no one was askingquestions.
I didn't know what to do, so Iwould Google.
That's where he would go,whoever was paying the most for
the SEO.
That's where they go, right,and no one was asking about
(24:56):
trauma in his life anxiety, adhd, you know, mental illness in
the family, and so when I meetwith people, I find out as much
history as I can about theirfamily and the person that needs
to go to treatment and you askquestions.
(25:16):
That's how you learn, okay, andthe places where I send people
are out of state and typically90-day programs and typically 90
day programs.
(25:36):
I've had a couple of people thatcould absolutely not do that
because of kids at home and, youknow, divorced or whatever, and
and then I set up the continuumof care.
If a person does not have kidsor a spouse at home, they don't
have to go home.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
I try to get them in a facility that has aftercare
with the sober living there andget them to stay at least a year
.
Okay, so you're bringing upsome things that I think are
really important, that theaverage person, or anyone who
might have someone who'sstruggling, doesn't know.
What are important questions toask?
If you have someone who'sstruggling and they are seeking
help, or they're just in thatbeginning process of what do I
(26:14):
do and they're going to reachout to you or to someone else,
what are important questions toask about getting someone help?
So when they're, when they'retrying to figure out, like, what
do I do?
You're mentioning 90 days, orshould they go out of state?
Should they like?
What are the importantquestions they should be asking
(26:36):
someone, because you said allpeople are doing is Googling or
like the SEO, what should theybe looking into?
Speaker 1 (26:42):
Well, when I, when I ask questions, I'm asking um,
when people ask me for help, youknow, obviously I want to know
where they've been, where theirloved one has been, you know, in
treatment before, if they have,and what was set up afterwards.
But looking for, I don't loveco-ed facilities for people for
(27:07):
many different reasons, so I tryto do stay away from co-ed Out
of state I like.
Am I answering your question?
Yep absolutely.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
I get off track here.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
No, that's okay, no.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
I think that I believe that when someone has a
loved one who's struggling, theydon't know what to look for,
right, right.
So what makes I'll make itsimple what makes good treatment
in your mind?
What should I look for If I'mtrying to help someone?
What should I look?
Speaker 1 (27:42):
for I look for treatment centers that have a
solid clinical programpsychiatrists, obviously, the
therapy, the groups what elseare they doing outside of groups
?
Is it mind, body, spirit,working out was huge for me
getting sober.
(28:02):
I like to talk to other peoplethat have been at the treatment
centers, other people that haveused those that are consultants,
that I've met out in the field,so those.
But then really when I'm askingfamilies about their loved ones
, I ask a lot about trauma andtheir past.
(28:25):
There's a lady that owns atreatment facility in Florida
that she thinks all addictionstems from some sort of trauma,
and I think that's fascinating.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
That is interesting.
I wouldn't be surprised.
I mean, I think that there's.
When I think about all thepeople I know who have struggled
, there is some type ofcorrelation, right when you are
(28:59):
making these recommendations.
How important is family supportor support for some type of
support afterwards?
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Oh well, it's huge.
So you know you expect yourloved one to work a program of
recovery, so the family needs todo the same.
And until I realized that Ineeded help when my boys were
using, as I said, I was adisaster.
And then one day, I mean I putmyself in danger and was driving
(29:37):
out of this horrible park andthought I need to get help.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
I think so.
This is a really importantpoint because I have worked with
many, many families who havesomeone who's struggling and
frequently the thought processis my family member needs help.
Right, take them, they need togo, do what they need to do, and
(30:34):
once they get help, everythingwill be fine.
And and the thought processthat is neglected is that the
other entities within the family, the other dynamic, whatever
may have been contributing tothat person who is struggling,
is going to stay the same ifeveryone else doesn't at least
take a hard look at themselves.
How do you bridge that gap?
How do you talk to a family andsay I lovingly suggest that you
also take a look internally, dosome self-work, get some help,
seek some therapy, whatever thatmay be, because I know that
(30:56):
it's hard for people to say Imight be involved in this as
well.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
Right.
So I wish I can make itmandatory, me too, for families.
I wish I can make it mandatory,me too, for families.
I mean it really.
When I started this, I mean Iknow that I was difficult to
deal with, right, difficult todeal with, that's how I am and
that's how most are that areusing drugs and alcohol, right.
But it's really the familiesthat are harder to deal with,
(31:30):
and I get it because I was there.
But it's really the familiesthat are harder to deal with and
think and I get it because Iwas there but that fear, you
know, that overtakes everything.
It drives you to do crazythings and you say things and
out of fear you know my fearsometimes would turn to anger
Like why are you doing this,even though I was in recovery
and I know it's a disease?
(31:50):
Why did I keep doing it Right?
Why did I keep drinking?
And so for the families, when Imeet with them once a week
while the person is away and Icontinue meeting with them when
they get home, that's incrediblyvaluable.
I love that you do that.
I also.
I was not an Al-Anon personbecause when Jack and it saved
(32:11):
tons of lives, al-anon has beena great program for a lot of
people.
For me, when Jack started usinghe was 13.
Okay, and so I didn't find aconnection with anyone in there
that had kids.
That young Nar-Anon was better,okay.
And then one-on-one therapy isreally what saved me with this
lady was amazing.
So I try to get people to go totherapy.
(32:35):
Al-anon, at least check out sixconsecutive meetings in a row,
okay, you don't like one, go toanother one.
And then I recommend classesOne.
There's a charge, and thenthere's another one in Kansas
City and in other cities.
That's no charge, okay, or youcan do them online.
(32:55):
So I really want them to startfocusing on themselves but
learning about the disease, andwe don't want to be like this.
It's not like I woke up everyday going God, I hope that I.
Today.
I am just like I was yesterdaywhen I woke up and I looked in
the mirror and I hated myself.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
It's.
Yes, I can remember sayingthere is no one who wants this
to change more than me, right?
There is no one who wants me tostop drinking more than me,
right?
There is no one who wants me tostop drinking more than me,
right?
And I wake up every day and Ithink today is the day I'm going
to stop this.
And I was so angry at myselffor not being able to control
(33:43):
this and I couldn't figure outwhy.
I felt like there were so manythings in my life I could
control.
Why not this?
Why, when I wake up at 3.30 inthe morning and I think, god, I
did it again, who do I have toapologize to?
What did I say?
Where is my car?
And I wake up in the morning andI think, okay, today's the day,
(34:05):
I'm not going to do it.
And by 3.30 in the afternoon, Ithink, okay, today's the day,
I'm not going to do it.
And by 3.30 in the afternoon, Ithink, okay, I can have one.
It's just that I didn't eatenough.
I didn't, you know, I didn't goslowly enough, I didn't drink
water in between.
I just I was a master atplaying twister, with how I
could finagle different things,and I just I wanted to find a
(34:27):
way to control it.
I didn't like that.
Those people can have mimosasat brunch.
Why can't I?
Why can't I be normal?
And I finally had to come toterms with the fact that this
was my lot, right?
Some people have diabetes, somepeople get cancer, some people
have epilepsy and I can't drink,and it just.
(34:49):
This is, this is my path.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
Right, it was just a hard one for me to accept, but
having supportive people in mylife was instrumental in me
continuing to walk this path.
So you offering those servicesis extraordinary.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
What advice would you offer to a family who has
someone who's struggling?
Speaker 1 (35:22):
Don't give up.
Don't give up on them.
Try to get help for yourself.
Tell them whoever's's using youlove them every single day.
And one question that no oneasked.
I don't think anyone ever askedme is there something I can do
to help you?
What can I do?
(35:42):
I love you.
I see you struggling.
How can I help?
Speaker 2 (35:47):
that's so funny how can I help?
That's so funny, Like how can Ihelp?
Was on my business cards.
Really hey, there we go, yeah,and that's I mean, that's how I
answered the phone.
I would say hi, this is Dionne.
How can I help?
Right, because I know thatnobody asked me that either.
Right?
Right, there was a lot of whydon't you stop drinking?
(36:09):
Not, how can I help you figurethis out?
Right, because people didn'tunderstand.
There was a lot of stopdrinking, but nobody understood
that I was the one who wanted tostop more than anyone else,
right?
So I think that what you'retalking about is so incredibly
powerful.
How can people find you?
Speaker 1 (36:35):
What you just said a second ago prompted this when I
was nine years sober, I found ajournal and I used to journal
when I was drunk and I'm a bigjournal person right now as well
but I found a journal and twomonths before I quit, I had
journaled, besides my boys.
I hate myself, I hate my lifeand I don't know what to do.
And I didn't know what to dobecause I played every game.
(36:59):
It's like you said, I didn'tneed enough, I didn't drink
enough water, I didn't do that.
It was I didn't know what to do.
And so I mean it's a scaryplace to be.
Hey, you asked me a questionand now I need to go back to
that.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
No, how can people find you how?
Can people reach out to you tofind your services, to if
they've got questions or theyeven want to explore beginning
this process.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
So Fresh Start Recovery Consultants is my
website.
My phone number is on there, myemail is on there, so they can
just reach out.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
And you're happy to help anyone.
Yes, I am so grateful thatyou've spent time with me.
Is there anything I didn't askyou that you'd like to share?
Speaker 1 (37:45):
I don't think so, thank you.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
Thank you for for having me, thank you so much for
being here and sharing this,your story, sharing Jack's story
and Sam's story.
Thank you, and for beingwilling to share this piece of
you and offer light and hope toother people who are struggling
(38:08):
and to families who have someonewho's struggling.
I think it means so much.
I think that going through thisprocess is challenging.
It's a part of my story, it'sone of the reasons that I wanted
to start this podcast and,while I know that this isn't a
recovery podcast per se, it is.
(38:30):
There is so much light to befound on the other side and I'm
really grateful you're here,thank you.
Thank you, and thank you somuch, friends, for spending time
with us.
I certainly hope that Jamie'sstory has met you where you are
and that you will take the timeto share this with someone you
(38:50):
know and, if you know someonewho's struggling, that you will
reach out to Jamie and that youwill share this podcast with
other people and, between nowand the next time that you spend
time with us, you will takevery good care of you.
Thank you for being here.
Naturally, it's important tothank the people who support and
sponsor the podcast.
(39:11):
This episode is supported byChris Dulley, a trusted criminal
defense attorney and friend ofmine here in St Louis who
believes in second chances andsolid representation.
Whether you're facing a DWI,felony or traffic issue, chris
handles your case personallywith clarity, compassion and
over 15 years of experience.
When things feel uncertain, ithelps to have someone steady in
(39:33):
your corner.
Call 314-384-4000 or314-DUI-HELP or you can visit
dullylawfirmcom to schedule yourfree consultation.
It was probably 3.30 in the morning and I was walking
home by myself and I came outof a blackout and I prayed and I
said, god, I need your help,please.
I'm going to lose my kids.
And they were four and a halfand eight and that was it.
I mean, I knew that at somepoint I would lose them.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
There are moments in life when everything falls apart
and somehow something sacredbegins On.
Hope Comes to Visit.
We share those stories.
We're really excited you'rehere with us today.
I am very excited to share withyou a friend of mine.
This is Jamie Felton.
Jamie, thank you so much forbeing here with us today.
I am excited to have you herebecause you and I have a
(00:57):
relationship that goes beyondthis podcast.
Right?
So you are a woman in recoveryand, in addition to that, you
have started your own businessand you are working to help
other people, other families inrecovery, and I want to share
(01:17):
all of the work you are doing,all of the heart that you have
and the hope that you aresharing with other individuals
and other families.
So, first of all, thank you somuch for being here.
Thank you let's take a quickmoment to thank the people that
support and sponsor the podcast.
When life takes an unexpectedturn, you deserve someone who
(01:39):
will stand beside you.
St Louis attorney Chris Dulleyoffers experienced one-on-one
legal defense.
Call 314-384-4000 or314-DUI-HELP, or you can visit
DulleyLawFirmcom that'sD-U-L-L-E LawFirmcom for a free
consultation.
So let's start with a littlebit of your story.
(02:03):
So, in sharing with ouraudience, let's talk a little
bit about you and your recovery,how you came to be in this
field, how you found yourselfhere and what your hope is you
(02:29):
found yourself here and whatyour hope is.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
So I pretty much knew from the time I was in junior
high that there was somethingoff.
And that's when I starteddrinking Dysfunctional Family
like everybody's story somewhereand went through.
I made it through college,graduated, moved to Aspen and
skied for a year, went downhillfrom there, moved to Scottsdale,
(02:52):
arizona, for a couple of yearsand then ended up getting
married after that to the guy Imoved to Scottsdale with Um.
We had our first son in 1998and um then had a second son in
2002.
And I ended up kicking myex-husband out when Sam was an
(03:16):
infant and Jack was a toddler.
Um and I drank for another fouryears and went, continued to
spiral because it's aprogressive disease and and then
I finally decided I can't dothis anymore.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
What was your tipping point in terms of deciding that
you were done drinking, becauseI know that for so many people.
Obviously I am also in recovery, right Something else you and I
have in common.
It took a lot for me to getthere, and I know that that is
(03:54):
different for everyone, but youreaching that point is something
that helps you to relate toother people.
What was your moment in sayingI'm done?
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I think everything in my life led up to that.
So three underage drinkingcitations by a time I was 17,
three DUIs by 24, failedmarriage and then just waking up
every day and feeling like aloser and I hated myself.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
You know, it's interesting that you say that,
right?
Because I think that there's somany people who can relate to
that, waking up every day andthinking, what am I doing, why
am I doing this?
And for me, I would wake upthat way.
(04:50):
I frequently woke up at 3.30 inthe morning and I would think,
god, I'm doing it again.
And I would convince myselfthat I wouldn't do it.
But somewhere in the middle ofthe day the next day, I would
think we're in the middle of theday the next day.
I would think I'm going to doit one more time.
(05:15):
How did you tip out of the placewhere you were cycling?
Because it took me a long timeto stop that cycle, to stop the.
But I can do it one more time.
This time it will be differentand I know for a lot of people
it's that.
But I can this time.
But something can change.
But you know, doing it over andover and over again and when
you say, I felt like a loser,right, so many of us, when we're
struggling, we do beatourselves up.
(05:37):
Do you know what it was thathelped you to make that change?
Because you're talking about anumber of different things that
for some people, people who arelistening, who don't understand
what it feels like to be there.
You had the citations, you hadthe DUIs For someone who hasn't
(05:59):
been where we are.
They think, well, if I got oneDUI, I'd stop.
We don't right when we'restruggling, when we are in, they
think, well, if I got one DUI,I'd stop.
We don't right.
When we're struggling, when weare in this place, we don't
automatically stop with whatfeels like to one person might
be just a bottom.
What was the?
The one thing that said okay,now I'm done.
Like this moment I'm looking inthe mirror and I'm saying, ok,
(06:23):
jamie, you finally hit Done.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
It was probably three thirty in the morning and I was
walking home by myself and Icame out of a blackout and and I
prayed and I said, God, I needyour help, please.
I'm going to lose my kids.
And they were four and a halfand eight and that was it.
I mean, I knew that at somepoint I would lose them.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
So you know it's interesting.
My kids factored into it for metoo.
I knew that I needed to make achange there too.
So what did that change looklike for you?
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Well, for seven months I was sober, I changed my
whole routine.
And then my best friend fromthird grade, her husband, drank
himself to death 36.
And I remember it was a Fridaynight, I was with her, my boys
were with their dad, and onSaturday I thought, oh my gosh,
(07:28):
what if I start drinking again?
And I had heard about AA.
So that's when I went to myfirst meeting.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
So at that point you'd been sober on your own
sort of white knuckling it, yeah.
And then you decided that AAwas an option.
Yes, Okay.
And how long have you beensober now?
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Almost 19 years.
It will be in November.
Congratulations, thank you.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
That's amazing Thanks .
Speaker 1 (07:56):
What keeps you on track?
Faith in God and the support ofthe fellowship and prayer
meditation working in the field.
Okay, yeah, all those things.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
So let's talk a little bit about working in the
field.
So you have started work onyour own, I know for me within
that first week of being in.
So I went to treatment andwithin that first week I had a
woman say to me part of yourgift in this is going to be
helping others.
I am not active in a programbecause there are other things
(08:36):
that I do to stay on track, butI know that staying active in
helping other people has beenkey for me and you have started
something on your own to helpother people.
Tell us about that.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
It's Fresh Start Addiction and Recovery
Consultants and I started this acouple years ago.
My son died from a heroinoverdose 2019.
Okay, and when he started using, I had no idea what to do, so I
would Google things, he'd go towilderness camp, rehabs, all of
(09:22):
that and so a couple years ago,I thought I can help other
other people.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Okay, and yeah, I'm gonna backtrack for a second.
We're gonna talk more aboutFresh Start in just a second, so
let's let's talk about your son, jack.
Yes, so how old was Jack whenhe started using?
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Probably 13.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
Okay, and so for you, your struggle was alcohol.
Jack's did it start as heroin.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
No, it started with marijuana and then moved quickly
to Xanax and Oxy and heroin andso, as someone who struggled
with alcohol did the substancesfeel very foreign to you.
No, because I also did other.
I did drugs as well.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Okay.
So, did you recognize?
Speaker 1 (10:15):
the signs right away in him.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
And as someone who had struggled on your own, what
was your initial?
Was your initial like?
I can help him through this or,oh no, my child is going down
the same path, like what is the?
As a parent, because I knowthat for me it is one of my
fears, right, knowing that thiswas something I struggled with.
(10:40):
I'm also the adult child ofpeople who struggled with
alcohol, so I recognize thefamily, the threads that run
through us, right, so I do worryabout that being something that
my kids could ever.
It's a fear of mine, right?
(11:02):
Was it something that had beena fear of yours when your kids
were younger?
Speaker 1 (11:08):
I don't know that I ever really saw it, I mean, or
thought of it.
Okay, I knew that he wasimpulsive and so I saw.
You know he was exactly like me, Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
So I saw, you know he was exactly like me.
Okay, yeah, so as a mom, you'retrying everything.
Mm-hmm.
How did he have periods ofsobriety and recovery?
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Yeah, he did.
Probably 11 months was thelongest and then a few months
here and there in between rehabsand that was that.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Okay, tell me about him.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
He was very outgoing, he was funny, very smart, he
loved skiing and Colorado waskind of our place and he was
incredible.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Yeah, as someone in recovery, I have often said you
know, we go through so much topull ourselves out of that place
.
I wish that we would be exemptfrom the hard things, Losing a
child has got to be the very,very hardest.
(12:36):
I wondered when I was workingto be sober I was working to be
sober if there would be anythingthat would make it so that I
couldn't stay sober anymore.
I have experienced hard losssince going into, since being in
(12:57):
recovery, but losing a childhow did you stay on track?
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Um first, I mean, it was God always for me and um I
had a routine every day where Iwould pray, meditate, journal,
exercise and make myself feel it.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
So that's interesting , right?
Because I think that the one ofour instant go-tos is I don't
want to feel, right?
Um, as someone who wasstruggling with addiction,
that's one of our things.
We, we don't want to feel, sothat's our.
I just want to drink, I justwant to.
I don't want to feel what I'mfeeling.
(13:44):
Mm-hmm, did you find yourselftempted, triggered, thinking
like I'm really having to workat this?
Speaker 1 (13:55):
no, I didn't.
I had.
Sam was 17 at the time and andso it wasn't an option and I
knew if I started drinking, thatwould be it, it would be over
okay, what advice do you offerto other people who are going
through something challenginglike that?
If you're sober, you know, dowhat you can to stay sober.
(14:19):
If you don't have a higherpower, find one, talk about it.
If you need to talk about it,cry.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
If you need to talk about it, cry, allow yourself to
walk through the steps andgrief, or that we learn how to
feel, because I think that somuch of what we do when we are
actively in addiction isavoiding feeling.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Right.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
So how important is it that we find a way to feel.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Well, I don't think you can make it to the other
side unless you, unless you feelit.
Um, if you, if you choose tocover up that pain, then you're
going to wake up the next dayand have the same pain.
So you've got to deal with it.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
What has been the the most healing part of all of
this for you?
You are.
You've had to continue to workthrough losing your son, but
you're starting something.
Um, you have started a new,hope filled business that allows
(15:48):
you to work with other families, but one of the pieces that we
haven't talked about yet is thatyour other son, sam, works with
you in that, and Sam is also inrecovery.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Right.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
So let's talk about that.
Let's talk about the process ofSam finding himself in recovery
.
At what point did Sam chooserecovery?
Was it before or after losingJack?
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Sam was in treatment, was in a treatment center when
Jack died Wow, and he had 90days sober the night before
Jack's funeral and fell off therails two months later.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Sweet baby.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
For two years.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
So and then he decided he's 23, got sober a
little bit before his 20thbirthday.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Okay, how is he doing now?
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Great, had a baby last week.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Okay, talk to us about.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Sam.
He got married a couple ofyears ago.
He, when he got sober, he gothis GED.
He's in college, full-timeworks.
Full-time works with me.
He's amazing.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
It is unique to choose recovery young.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Right, how, and I think that the extraordinary
piece is you have him workingwith you.
So one of the extraordinarythings about the work you are
doing is you have you with yourage, family experience, life
experience that can walkfamilies through the process.
(17:30):
And then you also have Sam, whochose Recovery, young, who can
offer his life experience andperspective.
That makes what you guys dounique.
Let's talk a little bit aboutthe services that you guys offer
.
Let's talk about Fresh Start,so the services that you guys
offer.
Let's talk about Fresh Start,so the services that you guys
(17:52):
offer, because I think what youdo is unique.
You guys are not a treatmentcenter, right?
So what does Fresh StartRecovery Services do?
Speaker 1 (18:02):
So I figured out, you know, as I said, a couple years
ago, and people had beencalling me you, you know for
help, for since they knew thatjack, when they found out jack
died, um, because they knew Ihad been in recovery for quite a
while and um, that I had twosons that were addicts, and so
(18:26):
then I thought a couple of yearsago I could help, you know, in
doing more, because I was such adisaster when they were using,
I mean, nut nut ball.
In what way?
Because I was filled with fear.
I mean I followed drug dealers.
I was driving around at twoo'clock in the morning trying to
(18:48):
find one of my kids, yeah, I amfamiliar with that.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
When you care about someone who is struggling, you
are hunting people down.
You are so worried, you are sopanicked.
You are tracking phones.
You're doing anything to findpeople.
Okay, so people knew that youwere doing phones.
You are you're doing anythingto find people.
Yeah, okay, so people knew thatyou were doing anything you
(19:13):
could right.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
So, um, I thought, while when someone comes to me
now and needs help, not only canI place their loved one in a
treatment center, but whilethey're gone I help the family,
okay, and I work with them oncea week, and then when the person
returns, I find a continuum ofcare, therapy, whatever they
(19:38):
need to help them, you know, besuccessful and staying sober
okay, so you offer interventionservices so so if a family says
hey, I have someone who needshelp, so you offer intervention
from that capacity Right, so youwill help someone figure out
(19:59):
how to help their loved one.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
You also offer transportation to a treatment
center Right, if someone needsto go further away, but you help
them.
If someone says I don't knowwhat to do, I have someone who's
willing.
Where do I go?
What do I do?
Right, okay, what does Sam doon his side?
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Sam is great when it comes to dealing with teenagers
and young adults because of hisstory and they relate more to
him than they do me, because I'mthis middle-aged woman, For
example.
He was not with me at thispoint, but I walked into a
hospital to see a 17-year-oldgirl and she immediately said
(20:47):
I'm not going to rehab.
And I said, okay, can I tellyou a story?
And so I made it quick andtalked about Sam and she said,
okay, I'll go.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Really Okay.
Did she take the time to talkto Sam?
Speaker 1 (21:01):
No.
No, but you just told her aboutSam Right, so she connected
with his story, right.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
How powerful.
So storytelling to me is thecore of so much.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Right.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
That's why we do this Right.
This is why I wanted thispodcast to exist, because I
think that the most powerfulthings that we hear are things
that we already know, whichboils down to hearing our story
from someone else's mouth, right, hearing you tell someone an
(21:39):
experience that you've had, thatthey're currently experiencing,
and they think I am not alone,and that is what I think is so
beautiful about the work you'redoing continuing to drink and
then making the choice to notyour path of white knuckling and
(22:11):
then choosing AA.
And then, as a mother whoworked to help your children,
one is successfully in recoveryand unfortunately, you lost one.
But then there's the piecewhere you stayed on track for
you right, and now you'reactively helping other people.
(22:32):
How do you define hope?
Speaker 1 (22:39):
When I think of hope.
I never gave up hope when itcame to Jack and Sam.
As far as you know, seeing themget sober one day.
As far as you know, seeing themget sober one day.
And so just allowing people tohave the thought that
everything's going to be okayand that things can change and
you don't have to live like thisforever.
(23:00):
Now I always tell people justbecause we place your loved one
in a treatment center does notmean that they're going to get
sober.
You know Right, and I have tobe transparent from the get-go.
It doesn't mean everything'sgoing to be all right that day,
but it might give them hope thatit's going to change.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
And it will Right.
And I think that's really,really important, right,
especially because giving voiceto our experience, right, being
able to look at you now and yousaying I have 19 years right, no
one looks at you and says I betyou used to struggle with
(23:46):
alcohol.
Right, and I think that,generally speaking, I walk down
the street and people don't sayI bet that woman's in recovery.
Right, but that's part of it.
Right Is being able to say Iwant what you have right, being
an example of what it can looklike on the other side.
And there are so many pieces ofyour journey that are the other
(24:09):
side, right, the, the recoverypiece, the surviving loss, the
being able to help other peoplethrough this experience.
In doing what you're doing, areyou offering people experiences
anywhere, like not just locally, right, you're not just saying
(24:30):
hey, like we'll place youlocally, it's anywhere.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
So when I was trying to find treatment for Jack
particularly, no one was askingquestions.
I didn't know what to do, so Iwould Google.
That's where he would go,whoever was paying the most for
the SEO.
That's where they go, right,and no one was asking about
(24:56):
trauma in his life anxiety, adhd, you know, mental illness in
the family, and so when I meetwith people, I find out as much
history as I can about theirfamily and the person that needs
to go to treatment and you askquestions.
(25:16):
That's how you learn, okay, andthe places where I send people
are out of state and typically90-day programs and typically 90
day programs.
(25:36):
I've had a couple of people thatcould absolutely not do that
because of kids at home and, youknow, divorced or whatever, and
and then I set up the continuumof care.
If a person does not have kidsor a spouse at home, they don't
have to go home.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
I try to get them in a facility that has aftercare
with the sober living there andget them to stay at least a year
.
Okay, so you're bringing upsome things that I think are
really important, that theaverage person, or anyone who
might have someone who'sstruggling, doesn't know.
What are important questions toask?
If you have someone who'sstruggling and they are seeking
help, or they're just in thatbeginning process of what do I
(26:14):
do and they're going to reachout to you or to someone else,
what are important questions toask about getting someone help?
So when they're, when they'retrying to figure out, like, what
do I do?
You're mentioning 90 days, orshould they go out of state?
Should they like?
What are the importantquestions they should be asking
(26:36):
someone, because you said allpeople are doing is Googling or
like the SEO, what should theybe looking into?
Speaker 1 (26:42):
Well, when I, when I ask questions, I'm asking um,
when people ask me for help, youknow, obviously I want to know
where they've been, where theirloved one has been, you know, in
treatment before, if they have,and what was set up afterwards.
But looking for, I don't loveco-ed facilities for people for
(27:07):
many different reasons, so I tryto do stay away from co-ed Out
of state I like.
Am I answering your question?
Yep absolutely.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
I get off track here.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
No, that's okay, no.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
I think that I believe that when someone has a
loved one who's struggling, theydon't know what to look for,
right, right.
So what makes I'll make itsimple what makes good treatment
in your mind?
What should I look for If I'mtrying to help someone?
What should I look?
Speaker 1 (27:42):
for I look for treatment centers that have a
solid clinical programpsychiatrists, obviously, the
therapy, the groups what elseare they doing outside of groups
?
Is it mind, body, spirit,working out was huge for me
getting sober.
(28:02):
I like to talk to other peoplethat have been at the treatment
centers, other people that haveused those that are consultants,
that I've met out in the field,so those.
But then really when I'm askingfamilies about their loved ones
, I ask a lot about trauma andtheir past.
(28:25):
There's a lady that owns atreatment facility in Florida
that she thinks all addictionstems from some sort of trauma,
and I think that's fascinating.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
That is interesting.
I wouldn't be surprised.
I mean, I think that there's.
When I think about all thepeople I know who have struggled
, there is some type ofcorrelation, right when you are
(28:59):
making these recommendations.
How important is family supportor support for some type of
support afterwards?
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Oh well, it's huge.
So you know you expect yourloved one to work a program of
recovery, so the family needs todo the same.
And until I realized that Ineeded help when my boys were
using, as I said, I was adisaster.
And then one day, I mean I putmyself in danger and was driving
(29:37):
out of this horrible park andthought I need to get help.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
I think so.
This is a really importantpoint because I have worked with
many, many families who havesomeone who's struggling and
frequently the thought processis my family member needs help.
Right, take them, they need togo, do what they need to do, and
(30:34):
once they get help, everythingwill be fine.
And and the thought processthat is neglected is that the
other entities within the family, the other dynamic, whatever
may have been contributing tothat person who is struggling,
is going to stay the same ifeveryone else doesn't at least
take a hard look at themselves.
How do you bridge that gap?
How do you talk to a family andsay I lovingly suggest that you
also take a look internally, dosome self-work, get some help,
seek some therapy, whatever thatmay be, because I know that
(30:56):
it's hard for people to say Imight be involved in this as
well.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
Right.
So I wish I can make itmandatory, me too, for families.
I wish I can make it mandatory,me too, for families.
I mean it really.
When I started this, I mean Iknow that I was difficult to
deal with, right, difficult todeal with, that's how I am and
that's how most are that areusing drugs and alcohol, right.
But it's really the familiesthat are harder to deal with,
(31:30):
and I get it because I was there.
But it's really the familiesthat are harder to deal with and
think and I get it because Iwas there but that fear, you
know, that overtakes everything.
It drives you to do crazythings and you say things and
out of fear you know my fearsometimes would turn to anger
Like why are you doing this,even though I was in recovery
and I know it's a disease?
(31:50):
Why did I keep doing it Right?
Why did I keep drinking?
And so for the families, when Imeet with them once a week
while the person is away and Icontinue meeting with them when
they get home, that's incrediblyvaluable.
I love that you do that.
I also.
I was not an Al-Anon personbecause when Jack and it saved
(32:11):
tons of lives, al-anon has beena great program for a lot of
people.
For me, when Jack started usinghe was 13.
Okay, and so I didn't find aconnection with anyone in there
that had kids.
That young Nar-Anon was better,okay.
And then one-on-one therapy isreally what saved me with this
lady was amazing.
So I try to get people to go totherapy.
(32:35):
Al-anon, at least check out sixconsecutive meetings in a row,
okay, you don't like one, go toanother one.
And then I recommend classesOne.
There's a charge, and thenthere's another one in Kansas
City and in other cities.
That's no charge, okay, or youcan do them online.
(32:55):
So I really want them to startfocusing on themselves but
learning about the disease, andwe don't want to be like this.
It's not like I woke up everyday going God, I hope that I.
Today.
I am just like I was yesterdaywhen I woke up and I looked in
the mirror and I hated myself.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
It's.
Yes, I can remember sayingthere is no one who wants this
to change more than me, right?
There is no one who wants me tostop drinking more than me,
right?
There is no one who wants me tostop drinking more than me,
right?
And I wake up every day and Ithink today is the day I'm going
to stop this.
And I was so angry at myselffor not being able to control
(33:43):
this and I couldn't figure outwhy.
I felt like there were so manythings in my life I could
control.
Why not this?
Why, when I wake up at 3.30 inthe morning and I think, god, I
did it again, who do I have toapologize to?
What did I say?
Where is my car?
And I wake up in the morning andI think, okay, today's the day,
(34:05):
I'm not going to do it.
And by 3.30 in the afternoon, Ithink, okay, today's the day,
I'm not going to do it.
And by 3.30 in the afternoon, Ithink, okay, I can have one.
It's just that I didn't eatenough.
I didn't, you know, I didn't goslowly enough, I didn't drink
water in between.
I just I was a master atplaying twister, with how I
could finagle different things,and I just I wanted to find a
(34:27):
way to control it.
I didn't like that.
Those people can have mimosasat brunch.
Why can't I?
Why can't I be normal?
And I finally had to come toterms with the fact that this
was my lot, right?
Some people have diabetes, somepeople get cancer, some people
have epilepsy and I can't drink,and it just.
(34:49):
This is, this is my path.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
Right, it was just a hard one for me to accept, but
having supportive people in mylife was instrumental in me
continuing to walk this path.
So you offering those servicesis extraordinary.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
What advice would you offer to a family who has
someone who's struggling?
Speaker 1 (35:22):
Don't give up.
Don't give up on them.
Try to get help for yourself.
Tell them whoever's's using youlove them every single day.
And one question that no oneasked.
I don't think anyone ever askedme is there something I can do
to help you?
What can I do?
(35:42):
I love you.
I see you struggling.
How can I help?
Speaker 2 (35:47):
that's so funny how can I help?
That's so funny, Like how can Ihelp?
Was on my business cards.
Really hey, there we go, yeah,and that's I mean, that's how I
answered the phone.
I would say hi, this is Dionne.
How can I help?
Right, because I know thatnobody asked me that either.
Right?
Right, there was a lot of whydon't you stop drinking?
(36:09):
Not, how can I help you figurethis out?
Right, because people didn'tunderstand.
There was a lot of stopdrinking, but nobody understood
that I was the one who wanted tostop more than anyone else,
right?
So I think that what you'retalking about is so incredibly
powerful.
How can people find you?
Speaker 1 (36:35):
What you just said a second ago prompted this when I
was nine years sober, I found ajournal and I used to journal
when I was drunk and I'm a bigjournal person right now as well
but I found a journal and twomonths before I quit, I had
journaled, besides my boys.
I hate myself, I hate my lifeand I don't know what to do.
And I didn't know what to dobecause I played every game.
(36:59):
It's like you said, I didn'tneed enough, I didn't drink
enough water, I didn't do that.
It was I didn't know what to do.
And so I mean it's a scaryplace to be.
Hey, you asked me a questionand now I need to go back to
that.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
No, how can people find you how?
Can people reach out to you tofind your services, to if
they've got questions or theyeven want to explore beginning
this process.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
So Fresh Start Recovery Consultants is my
website.
My phone number is on there, myemail is on there, so they can
just reach out.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
And you're happy to help anyone.
Yes, I am so grateful thatyou've spent time with me.
Is there anything I didn't askyou that you'd like to share?
Speaker 1 (37:45):
I don't think so, thank you.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
Thank you for for having me, thank you so much for
being here and sharing this,your story, sharing Jack's story
and Sam's story.
Thank you, and for beingwilling to share this piece of
you and offer light and hope toother people who are struggling
(38:08):
and to families who have someonewho's struggling.
I think it means so much.
I think that going through thisprocess is challenging.
It's a part of my story, it'sone of the reasons that I wanted
to start this podcast and,while I know that this isn't a
recovery podcast per se, it is.
(38:30):
There is so much light to befound on the other side and I'm
really grateful you're here,thank you.
Thank you, and thank you somuch, friends, for spending time
with us.
I certainly hope that Jamie'sstory has met you where you are
and that you will take the timeto share this with someone you
(38:50):
know and, if you know someonewho's struggling, that you will
reach out to Jamie and that youwill share this podcast with
other people and, between nowand the next time that you spend
time with us, you will takevery good care of you.
Thank you for being here.
Naturally, it's important tothank the people who support and
sponsor the podcast.
(39:11):
This episode is supported byChris Dulley, a trusted criminal
defense attorney and friend ofmine here in St Louis who
believes in second chances andsolid representation.
Whether you're facing a DWI,felony or traffic issue, chris
handles your case personallywith clarity, compassion and
over 15 years of experience.
When things feel uncertain, ithelps to have someone steady in
(39:33):
your corner.
Call 314-384-4000 or314-DUI-HELP or you can visit
dullylawfirmcom to schedule yourfree consultation.
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