December 15, 2025 • 50 mins
This episode includes honest discussion of addiction and legal consequences.
What does recovery look like when the compulsion won’t let go? In this conversation, I am privileged to sit with Kelli Bauer, who lives with kleptomania—an often-hidden addiction—and has paid steep personal and legal costs. This conversation is brave and vulnerable. We talk about the difference between “shoplifting” and a clinical compulsion, how shame and secrecy keep us sick, what (actually) helps day-to-day, and why, for Kelli, hope looks like refusing to give up—one hour, one errand, one decision at a time.
We cover:
- Kleptomania vs. “casual shoplifting” (compulsion, not character)
- Consequences: arrests, career loss, media fallout—and rebuilding anyway
- Supports that help: meetings, service, meds, accountability
- Real-life tactics: don’t shop alone, stay in the same aisle, phone-in support
- Triggers everywhere (stores on every route) and how to plan around them
- Redefining hope when relapse happens
Resources & Links
- CASA (Kleptomania & Shoplifters Anonymous) — weekly meeting info
- Terry Shulman’s counseling/resources for theft & compulsive behaviors
- Instagram and TikTok: @twoliveswithkel
If you or someone you love is struggling, please reach out to a licensed professional or a local support line.
Thank you for listening to Hope Comes to Visit. If this conversation helps, follow the show, share it with someone who needs hope today, and leave a review - it helps others find their way to these conversations.
New episodes drop every Monday, so you can begin your week with a little light and a lot of hope.
For more stories, reflections, and ways to connect, visit www.DanielleElliottSmith.com or follow along on Instagram @daniellesmithtv and @HopeComestoVisit
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kelli Bauer (00:00):
I drive home that day and about 10 police cars
rush me.
They literally slam me againstthe garage door, um, handcuffed
me, ask me, do you know what'sgoing on?
And I have no idea.
Danielle Elliott Smith (00:22):
Hi there, friends.
This is Hope Comes to Visit.
I'm Danielle Elliott Smith.
This is a place for bravestories and soft landings, and I
am so glad you are here.
My guest today has one heck ofa brave story, and I'm really
excited for you to meet her.
Let's take a quick moment tothank the people that support
and sponsor the podcast.
(00:43):
When life takes an unexpectedturn, you deserve someone who
will stand beside you.
St.
Louis attorney Chris Dulyoffers experienced one-on-one
legal defense.
Call 314-384-4000 or 314-DUIhelp.
Or you can visitDulilawfirm.com.
That's D-U-L-L-E Law Firm.comfor a free consultation.
(01:06):
Kelly Bauer, thank you forjoining in and spending time
with me and being willing to bevulnerable with our audience.
How are you today?
I'm good.
I'm good.
A little nervous, but otherthan that, I'm good.
That is okay.
It is okay to be nervous.
I always tell my kids, youknow, when back when I used to
do television a long time ago,people would say, Do you ever
(01:26):
get nervous?
And I said, if you stop beingnervous, then you actually don't
care anymore about what it isyou're doing.
So this means that you careabout what's going on and the
story you're getting ready toshare.
So I will say that your story,um, it's one of addiction, but
it is an addiction that we don'ttalk about a whole lot.
(01:46):
So I'm going to let you share abit about your story and then
we're we're going to talk aboutit.
But in advance, I want to saythank you for being willing to
be so vulnerable and honest witheveryone.
Kelli Bauer (01:59):
Absolutely.
Like she said, my name's Kelly.
Um, my addiction iskleptomania, basically
shoplifting addiction, which alot of people had never even
heard of kleptomania.
And I think the reason whynobody knows about it is because
who's going to talk about it?
It is pretty rare to beginwith.
It is not a real, you know,high percentage, um, but it does
(02:21):
exist.
A lot of times you'll hearpeople say I'm a klepto, or they
shoplift, but very few peoplehave kleptomania.
And really klepdomania istaking items that you have no
use for and you probably aren'tgoing to use, just for the mere,
you know, whatever, reason fortaking them.
Um, and it's just a behaviorthat no different than any other
(02:41):
addiction that you repeat andrepeat and repeat, even though
you know the consequences arehuge until it destroys your
life, which is where I'm at.
Um, I started when I was 12.
I'm 55, so pretty much beendoing it my whole life.
And uh, as we talk more, you'llfigure it out.
But it has blown up my life,um, blown up my family's life.
(03:05):
And uh it's a pretty sad story.
But the reason why I like totalk about it a little bit is I
want people to know about it.
There's a lot of judgment, alot of whispers behind people's
back.
Um, alcoholism, drug addictionis you know, understood a little
bit more.
Most people don't understandthis, and because it's illegal,
people just kind of think I'm athief, and morally there's
(03:26):
something wrong with me.
I'm a bad person.
Danielle Elliott Smith (03:28):
Which sounds like I am confident that
you are not a bad person.
I'll start there.
Uh when did you first decide tostart sharing your story?
I know that when I and andpeople who listen to the show
know that I am in recovery, soalcohol has been my struggle.
I am closing in on seven years,but I legitimately walked out
(03:51):
of treatment.
The day I walked out oftreatment, and there was a
gentleman who in the area whereI had been living who looked at
me and said, Oh, I haven't seenyou in a while.
And I said, That's because I'vebeen in rehab.
And that was my instant, I'mgoing to practice saying this
out loud because I want peopleto know that it isn't something
to be afraid of.
Because up to that point, I hadbeen afraid I was going to walk
around with this big scarlet Aon my chest.
(04:13):
When did you decide this wassomething you needed to start
talking about?
Clearly, not when you were.
Kelli Bauer (04:18):
Well, mine's interesting.
I would have never talked aboutit.
Um, it got blown up all overthe news, which I'll kind of go
through.
But so I was shoplifting inhigh school, and it was not, not
that I'm making an excuse, buta lot of kids did it.
It wasn't that big of a deal.
It was just, you know, being ateenager.
So shoplifted.
(04:38):
I think I got caught.
My dad paid off the fine.
It wasn't that big a deal.
Um, I still continued toshoplift in college, which was a
little bit more of a biggerdeal, but I, straight a student,
had big anxiety, so I would useit as an excuse that I almost
got to be.
And that was my, you know, wayto re relieve my anxiety.
So I was caught again.
(04:59):
Again, made excuses.
It was more two things thathappened.
Danielle Elliott Smith (05:04):
You were caught again in college.
You were caught again incollege.
Okay.
Kelli Bauer (05:08):
Um, but again, it was um in a different town,
different county, nothing wasconnected.
So it was kind of just a slapon the wrist.
It's a misdemeanor crime, undera hundred dollars.
So it just I moved on.
Um, it was when I I became astockbroker after I graduated,
and I'd been with the firm, Idon't know, over 10 years and
(05:28):
had been extremely successful.
And I probably not that Ishould talk about money, but I'm
gonna, I was probably making aquarter of a million dollars and
I was shoplifting almost everyday, and I stole $77 from them
all.
I was caught, I was arrested,um, and it is a misdemeanor
(05:49):
theft.
However, if you are a financialadvisor, uh, you have SEC
regulations and you cannot havetheft on your record.
So I lost my misdemeanor.
Even as a misdemeanor.
Um, and and that's again,that's kind of why I also like
to talk about it is you can havea gun possession, you can be
caught with drugs, you can becaught with a DUI, and you can
(06:12):
still have a career as astockbroker.
You have the word theft on yourrecord, even though I would
have never taken anything fromwork or anything like that,
automatically lost my life.
Danielle Elliott Smith (06:21):
Kelly, this has been a lifetime
challenge for you.
So something that started whenyou were 12, but has had a
substantial effect on your life.
Walk me through a little bit ofthat process, if you would.
So you're shoplifting a bitwhen you're young kind of feels
(06:42):
like something everyone else isdoing.
Kelli Bauer (06:45):
Correct.
So it started, like I said,when I was 12.
I don't remember.
A lot of times you'll go totherapy and they'll say, What
was the first item you took?
I don't, I don't remember anyof that.
I do remember that when Ishoplifted, it made me feel
good.
So I continued.
So did it in high school,didn't think too much about it,
uh, continued to do it incollege, again, didn't think too
much about it.
(07:05):
I was pretty, I was a greatstudent and would get stressed.
And so that was a way torelieve it.
Um, it was more after collegethat the, you know, red lights
started going off.
This isn't normal.
So I was a stockbroker, hadbeen in the industry for a
little over 10 years, um, and Iwas shoplifting every single day
(07:26):
and got caught at the mall.
Um, I, like I said, I wasprobably making a quarter of a
million dollars and I went tothe mall.
Can't tell you what I stole,but it was $77.
I was arrested.
And even though it was amisdemeanor, you cannot have the
word theft on your record ifyou're a financial advisor.
It's just part of the SECrules.
(07:47):
So um, my boss was veryunderstanding.
Obviously, people were shocked,uh, you know, but they're like,
we'll get you through it.
And they couldn't.
There was just no ifs, ands, orbuts.
I lost my career and I wasdevastated.
It literally, I still havegrief over losing my career.
I don't think I got out of bedfor about a month.
It just, it broke my heart.
(08:08):
I absolutely loved what I wasdoing.
I was really good at it, and Icouldn't believe that I had
thrown it all away to stealsomething that was worth nothing
that I was never going to use.
How long ago was this?
Um, that was in 2009.
Okay.
Now I really haven't had acareer since then.
Pardon?
Um I'm sorry, go ahead.
(08:30):
I was gonna say, and I reallyhaven't had a career since then.
Um, and I'll kind of explainthat too, but you know, that was
my identity.
That's what I did.
So finding another job, um,again, financial advising was
out.
Um, it it just it changed mylife completely.
Danielle Elliott Smith (08:48):
So we're talking about this is about 16
years ago, right?
Um, how how regularly had youbeen stealing throughout that
10-year period while you were asuccessful stockbroker?
Kelli Bauer (09:02):
I hate to admit it, I'm embarrassed, but I'll bet I
was stealing every day.
If I wasn't stealing every day,I was stealing three and four
times a week.
Um, I remember um, you know, Iprobably almost every lunch hour
on the way home, I would stealstuff.
And we'll kind of talk about itlater, but I mean, dumb stuff.
It could be a pack of gum atthe gas station, it could be a
(09:23):
pair of socks.
Uh, it did not matter what Itook.
I had to take something to makemyself feel better.
But it was almost a dailyoccurrence.
Danielle Elliott Smith (09:31):
And this is an important piece that I I
want people to hear because whatyou're describing, the emotions
around it, the compulsion, thethe impulse control, the I need
to do this, I the I'm I'mcompelled to do this to feel
better, the I didn't get an A,so therefore I handled my stress
(09:51):
this way.
These are all addict behaviors.
And uh, what is so brave aboutyour story is uh you're taking
uh the mystery away fromsomething that, you know, a
phrase that people just say,like, oh, I'm a klepto, as
though this is some little thingthat people do as a joke.
(10:16):
And uh it's not, it's the sameway people say, Oh, I'm I'm a
crack addict.
Oh my gosh, that's like it thattastes like crack, or you know,
they they make these these offthe cuff phrases not recognizing
that these are real problemsthat real people struggle with,
and the compulsions are real.
Kelli Bauer (10:38):
Yeah, and they are, I mean, intense.
And, you know, one thing thatthat obviously does bother me
is, and and I have friends, Ihave a very supportive, you
know, network, but people willsay to me, you know, you gotta
quit being so stupid.
You're gonna get caught again,quit being so stupid, or why are
you doing this?
And that's the part if you'renot in addiction that's hard to
(10:58):
understand.
I've said two things recently,but I heard somebody speak and
she said, it is like drinkingbleach, and you think that
bleach is gonna make you feelbetter.
And I said, Not only is thatbleach gonna make me feel
better, I feel like I have todrink that bleach to survive.
I mean, I literally feel likeif I don't take that item, it
doesn't matter what it is, I'mgonna die.
(11:19):
That compulsion is huge.
And I think a lot of people,unfortunately, a lot of times
will think it's an excuse.
But the other example I wouldgive would be for people that
cut on themselves.
Um, you know, nobody would dothat by choice.
It's it's providing them arelief.
Um, they're not being stupid,they're not uneducated.
It is what they know to providecomfort, and that's what it is
(11:40):
for me is it's huge anxiety.
And then I take something andit makes me feel better.
Unfortunately, that cycle haschanged, and now I have to keep
stealing more and more, and soit's it's gotten really out of
control.
Danielle Elliott Smith (11:52):
Uh no one says to themselves, you know
what, I'd really love a seventhDUI.
Right?
Right.
And yet it happens, and peoplelose their families.
And the the real lifeconsequences you're talking
about for this particularaddiction are real.
How aware was your family ofthis struggle you were having at
(12:15):
the time that the walls camedown on this?
Kelli Bauer (12:19):
Both my mom, my I have a pretty small family, mom
and dad and sister, and theywere all aware that I'd been
caught in high school.
That was it.
They didn't know anything else.
They knew I was an extremelysuccessful uh stockbroker, um,
you know, lived in a big house,having a great life.
My husband did not know.
And we'll talk about that alittle later.
But there's a lot of peoplethat are because my my story
(12:41):
blew up and a bigger thinghappened.
Um, and he had no idea.
Um, you know, there's thingsthat I'll manipulate.
So this sounds stupid, butlet's say you're at a
McDonald's, I'll take too manypackets of ketchup or I'll get a
free refill.
So stuff like that.
And that used to bother myhusband a little bit, but he
literally had no idea.
I did not tell my family or anyof my friends that I lost my
(13:05):
job for two more years.
So they did not know that.
Danielle Elliott Smith (13:08):
Your family can talk about your
husband, didn't know, your kidsdidn't know that you know my
husband, my husband knew thatI'd lost my job.
Kelli Bauer (13:17):
I had to obviously tell him.
Did he know why?
Um he did.
And here's the deal my husbandwas a successful uh engineer,
structural engineer for thefirst 10, 12 years of his life,
but my business blew up.
It was exploding.
Um, and we had we had littlekids, and my husband worked a
ton, and I needed a partner.
So I recruited him to come tomy firm.
(13:39):
And I was gonna be themarketing person.
He's brilliant.
He was gonna be the manager ofthe money.
I recruited him to come over inJuly.
He wasn't even officiallylicensed, and I lost my job in
September.
So, if people understand kindof how it works, if you have a
book of business, I had workedmy entire life for this book of
(14:00):
business and it pays me acertain amount.
I probably had a hundred andsome clients.
Though I those were just gonnago away because he wasn't even
registered.
So I had to go to anotherbroker in the office and
basically say, I've been bustedfor shoplifting, I've lost my
license, my husband isn'tregistered yet.
Can you manage these clientsfor the next six months until he
(14:22):
gets registered?
Then can you share theseclients for a year till he gets
on you know his feet and thengoes from there?
And my clients didn't know.
We um I wasn't honest withthem.
They know now, they didn't knowthen.
I basically said I was gonnatake time off to be with my kids
and that my husband was gonnastart managing my clients.
Danielle Elliott Smith (14:41):
Okay.
Kelli Bauer (14:42):
And he was ready to divorce me at that point.
I mean, he wanted nothing to dowith me, but he stayed because
we had kids that were, you know,five years old.
Danielle Elliott Smith (14:50):
Okay.
So what happens next?
You said you didn't have a bedfor about two months.
Um, really strong piecestogether.
Kelli Bauer (15:01):
Yep.
And I think I was caughtanother time.
And in Johnson County, I kindof live in a bubble.
Um, again, not making excuses,but depending on where you're
at, um, I'm on the border ofKansas City.
So if you get um uh misdemeanortheft in Kansas City, you'll
never go to jail.
Nothing will ever happen.
They're gonna tap you on thewrist, give you a ticket, you
(15:22):
write your fine, and you'll moveon.
I'm in a county where nothinghappens bad.
It's a very high net worthcounty.
So they love when stuffhappens.
So in Johnson County, afteryour third arrest, it's
automatically a felony.
So I was arrested for thefourth time at this point, um,
and it became a felony, whichmeans you're probably never
(15:42):
gonna have a career of any kind.
You can't work at McDonald'swith a felony, you can't work at
Taco Bell with a felony.
I mean, I went through it all.
Was it not a felony after yourthird?
Well, it's you can have threethat are misdemeanors, and then
it hits a felony.
So I was arrested again.
So again, just you know, doingthe mom thing, keeping my mouth
(16:02):
stuck, you know, mouth shut, ourlife still looked pretty good.
Here's what happened.
And when I tell you my lifeblew up, my life blew up.
So besides the addiction ofshoplifting, I have a little bit
of a hoarding issue.
Um, you'd never know it.
It's not like you come in myhouse and I have whatever, but I
just I don't throw awayanything.
So I had, you know, shoes fromhigh school.
I had my kids' baby clothes.
(16:24):
I don't throw away anything.
So I had gone and said, I'mgonna take care of myself.
I lost about 20 pounds and Isaid, I am gonna get rid of all
of these clothes that don't fit.
I'm gonna have a sale.
So I listed it on, I don't evenknow what it was, Facebook
Marketplace or whatever it wasat that time, and said, you
know, high-end designer clothes.
And by the way, these were notstolen because I don't use
(16:47):
anything that I've stolen, andthat's part of that piece with
Kleptimania.
Okay.
So I invited people into myhouse and said, you know, you
can buy all this stuff.
Um, people came in my house.
Um, and I don't know if this isnormally the case, but I guess
it's normally the case that alot of times undercover cops
will come to people's housesthat are having big sales to see
(17:08):
if they find stolenmerchandise.
Danielle Elliott Smith (17:10):
Okay.
How long ago?
How long ago was this?
Kelli Bauer (17:13):
This was 2017.
Okay.
And again, at this point,nobody knew anything.
My mom didn't know I'd lost myjob.
It was a secret except for withmy husband.
Danielle Elliott Smith (17:23):
Okay.
Kelli Bauer (17:23):
So this was in 2017.
Um, sold a bunch of stuff, tonsof people in my house.
Again, didn't think anythingabout it.
Um, it started with a ladyasked me, Do you have a Louis
Vuitton person?
I said, I actually have a fakeone, but I'd sell it because
it's fake.
That's all I said.
Because she said, Great, I'llbuy it.
Bought it, 50 bucks, whatever.
(17:44):
So about a week later, Icontinued to shoplift.
Um, I I don't know, what Ichecked.
I went to a sporting goodsstore.
This tells you Kleptomania.
I stole a softball.
Never played softball in mylife, and neither do I have
girls or nothing.
So I stole a softball.
I drive home that day, andabout 10 police cars rush me.
(18:06):
They literally slammed meagainst the garage door, um,
handcuffed me, ask me, do youknow what's going on?
And I have no idea.
I'm like, there is no way thiscan be because of this.
No, no way.
And so I literally, I have, I,I really am dumbfounded.
I have no idea.
So I go to jail that night.
(18:27):
Um, and I'm obviously petrifiedat this point.
I had not been to jail.
And um Kelly, can I stop youfor one second?
Danielle Elliott Smith (18:35):
I'm just trying to wrap my brain around
the timeline.
So this is this is nine yearsafter you've lost your job as a
stockbroker.
But have you had your have youhas your fourth arrest been the
felony yet?
Kelli Bauer (18:51):
Yes, yes.
I'm I've I've got a felony.
You have a felony at thispoint.
Okay, I forgive me.
So I have a felony.
And again, you know, once youhit that felony, it it doesn't
really matter.
It can be a pack of gum, itcould have been a you know, ten
thousand dollar ring diamondring.
Doesn't matter.
Okay.
Anyway, so they rush me.
Um, and I go to jail thatnight, which is obviously scary
(19:12):
as heck.
Obviously, I've never been injail before.
And um, my attorney um calledor comes in and he goes, Well,
you're being charged with ahundred thousand dollars in
theft.
And I said, Do you mean athousand?
Because the way misdemeanorsworked then or whatever, I think
it was a thousand dollars orless.
Okay.
He goes, No, a hundredthousand.
And I'm like, What did you say?
(19:33):
And he said, a hundredthousand.
I go, what are you talkingabout?
And he said, they think you arerunning a theft train.
They said that you're in yourhouse, you're running a shop out
of your house, and that youhave all of this stolen
merchandise and you're andyou're selling it.
And I'm like, Scott, that's nottrue.
And and and my husband knewthis, I mean, this this was not
(19:56):
true at all.
Okay.
We had an online, I had anonline Company that I had
bought.
It was just an e-car e-commercecompany.
It was called My Retro Baby,and we mainly sell sold
personalized jewelry.
Danielle Elliott Smith (20:08):
Right.
Kelli Bauer (20:08):
I bought it from some else existing.
So they assumed that when I hadthis sale, I was basically
stealing merchandise and sellingit.
Um, whether it was off mywebsite or having people come
in.
When they caught me stealing,that was enough for them to say,
okay, she's stealing, and theyarrested me.
They took every single item outof our house.
(20:30):
Uh, we had news crews with thebig whatever satellite dishes,
great media.
Danielle Elliott Smi (20:36):
Basically, live, they were doing live
shots from outside your house.
Kelli Bauer (20:40):
I mean, our neighbors are shocked.
My husband's shocked.
We can't get inside, they won'tlet us get our dogs out.
My kids had uh baseball, theywouldn't let us get our
uniforms.
I mean, it was horrible.
And they took our Jeep, much iswhat I was driving on.
And my husband said, So why dothey have the Jeep?
And they said, Because she usedthat vehicle to commit the
(21:01):
crime.
So, long story short, theycharged me with $100,000 in
theft.
They truly believed that, andthey took stuff out.
Um, they went through all ofour bank records, they went
through our business records,they went through everything and
of course found nothing becauseI had never done a theft ring.
I did sell clothing, but it wasnot stolen.
(21:24):
They just assumed thateverything in my house was
stolen.
And I was just a, I don't wantto call it pathetic, but a
pathetic little pettyshoplifter.
But they they did they did notbelieve me.
I'm still not sure theybelieved me.
And because of that happened,there's still people in the
community that will say, oh,she's the one that was, you
know, running the business outof her home.
(21:45):
So fast forward, um, I fightand fight and fight.
You know, they're wanting me todo two years, three years, all
that.
And I'm like, I'm I'm not doingthat.
I'll go to trial.
So finally, this is almost 18months later.
We don't have a Jeep, I don'thave any of my clothes, I don't
have earrings, I don't havejewelry.
(22:05):
Um my kids is a background.
They have nothing.
They took it all.
Um, and so finally, after twoyears, uh, I think my either my
attorney suggested it or theydid, and they said, we'll give
her 90 days.
And I said, fine, I'll take it.
I just need my stuff, I'll takeit.
So what they told me I wassigning is theft under 25,000.
(22:26):
And I had no problem signingthat because if I've been
stealing since I was 12 and I'm50 some, trust me.
I mean, I hate to admit that,but have I stolen $25,000 worth
of stuff?
Absolutely.
Danielle Elliott Smith (22:37):
Okay.
Kelli Bauer (22:38):
So when I signed it, they didn't tell me that.
They actually put on it $25,000to $100, which really bothered
me because I wasn't admitting tothat.
I did that.
Um, people don't understandjail time, but there's something
called a backup time.
So I pled guilty.
I got 90 days in jail, but mybackup time basically said, but
you're on probation for a year,and if you get in trouble,
(23:00):
you're gonna do your backuptime, which is a year.
So this is the best example ofaddiction and how you do not
think logically.
So I had done my 90 days, Ithought I was through
everything.
I had gotten out in March, andin November, I went to a store
and stole a sports bra.
And within about an hour, thepolice were at my door, they
(23:23):
issued a warrant, and I went toprison for the next nine months.
So, you know, and again, a $30,$30 sports bra.
And that is where people don'tget addiction.
There is no, I mean, I live ina beautiful home, I have
beautiful children, I have greatfriends, I have a great
husband, and I was willing,because it didn't even cross my
(23:44):
mind that I might go to jail.
I I had to take something.
So I took that item and had todo my backup.
It was really nine months injail because I'd already served
the three.
Um, but my kids were in fifthgrade and I missed uh Christmas,
I missed their birthday, Imissed Thanksgiving.
Um, I was gone for nine months.
Danielle Elliott Smith (24:03):
So, Kelly, you are in the midst of
this what feels like chaos.
The police, the authoritieshave all of your stuff.
It's dragging on for months.
And they come to you with yourattorney with what feels like a
deal.
What does that look like?
Kelli Bauer (24:24):
Um, and by the way, we had to fight for this deal.
They literally, they again,they they thought they were
gonna give me two or threeyears, which there was no way I
would have ever pled guilty tothat because I didn't do it.
So they came to me with 90days, plead guilty to stealing
under 25,000, and I said, fine,I'll take it.
I can do 90 days in jail.
I just want to be done.
We're looking at almost twoyears previous.
(24:46):
So I agreed to that.
I did that January, February,and March.
And then I was gonna be onprobation um for 12 months, and
I just couldn't get in troubleduring probation.
That was the deal.
Because if you get in troubleduring probation, then what?
Okay, so a lot of people don'tunderstand how jail works, but
you have what's a called backuptime.
(25:07):
So literally, my sentence, theybasically agreed to give me.
They said, we'll give you ayear in jail, but you only have
to serve three months.
But if you screw up, you'regonna have to do the rest of
those 12 months.
So that was my agreement.
And I was very confident and Isaid, I'm not gonna screw up.
I'm there's no way.
I I know this, I'm scared todeath.
So I do my three months, I getout in March and in November, I
(25:33):
go and get a $25 sports bra.
I steal it.
Uh within an hour, the policeare at my house because keep in
mind, I've been all over thenews.
Um, and I this isn't that bigof a town.
Every police officer knows me.
So when I go into a store, theyknow me.
So within an hour, they hadpicked me up and I automatically
(25:55):
went back to jail and Iautomatically did my backup
time.
So I uh remember it vividly.
I picked up my kids fromschool.
It was mid-November, and I, youknow, said, I'm sorry, and I
love you, and uh went into jailand was there for the next nine
months.
So um missed Christmas, missedtheir birthday.
(26:15):
It was their fifth grade year.
Um, and I did all of thatbecause I couldn't resist
shoplifting a, you know, an itemthat I would probably never
ever gonna use because theaddiction just it gets a hold of
you, and I was not thinkinglogically.
Danielle Elliott Smith (26:31):
And this is very close to the age my
kids were when I went totreatment.
My kids were sixth and eighthgrade, and I missed my
daughter's birthday.
And when I left, she wouldn'tsay goodbye to me.
And it's interesting becausethe the day that I decided to go
to treatment, there was a textbetween my kids that said, too
bad mom loves wine more than sheloves us, right?
And that is a sort of universalfeeling for people who do not
(26:58):
understand the compulsion andthe sickness that is addiction
because you did not choose tosteal over spending time with
your kids.
Kelli Bauer (27:12):
I was not choosing and I would never yeah, I was
gonna say, I I mean, if ifpeople know me, I love my kids,
I probably love them too much.
I love them more than anything.
I'm very involved, mom.
Danielle Elliott Smith (27:23):
And I and I could not right and I
could not very close to yourkids' age now, right?
So my kids are in college now,and my kids now know that the
mom loves wine more than us wasnot true then.
It's not true now, but that Iwas sick, right?
But they had to grow up andthey had to understand, and I
don't mean grow up like theyneeded to mature, they to get
(27:47):
older to mature and to to reallyunderstand what addiction looks
like.
Quite honestly, I needed tounderstand what addiction really
looks like, and the people wholove me took time to research
and understand and and figureout what it looks like because
quite honestly, Kelly, theperson who's struggling is the
(28:09):
one who wants it to stop themost.
You absolutely are the one whowants to stop stealing more than
anyone who knows you and lovesyou.
They want it for you.
Yeah, but the people who arelooking at you and saying, Okay,
well, just stop stealing, arethe same people who are looking
at me and saying, Okay, well,just don't drink as much.
Just have one glass, just havetwo glasses, and then stop.
Kelli Bauer (28:32):
You know, if if if I if I did know somebody that
had seven or eight DUIs, thiswould have been 10 years ago, I
would have said, Oh my gosh, youknow, what a selfish person,
what an idiot.
And then here I am, I gave up ayear with my kids because I
couldn't resist shoplifting.
I will say, which we'll talkabout it too, I don't know how I
got so lucky with my kids.
(28:53):
Um, but my kids, trust me, theywere embarrassed and they were
mortified, but never once didthey were they mad at me, or
they at least didn't share it.
They talked to me every day onthe phone.
They would say how much theyloved me, how proud they were of
me, and they still say itbecause I still struggle.
I have way more arrests thanthen.
(29:13):
Um, but but it's a battle.
And it was more people on theoutside.
The only thing that was goodthat came from that arrest is
when I was first arrested andall the news crews showed up,
most people that didn't know methought I was running a theft
ring, and I had this big,beautiful house that was paid
for from stolen merchandise, andnone of that was true.
(29:34):
Okay.
So people think withshoplifting, it's about money
and it actually has nothing todo with money, just like
alcoholism usually has nothingto do with the alcohol.
And so when I got caught asecond time and had to go back
to jail, I think people thenfinally said, wait a minute,
gosh, maybe there's somethingwrong.
Why would she do that?
Right.
Danielle Elliott Smith (29:55):
Because clearly there's a little wrong.
Right.
Clearly, she needs help in somecapacity.
Right.
And we'll talk about it.
Go ahead.
At that point, did you start toget additional help?
At what point did you seek helpthat is in the addiction and
mental health realm?
Kelli Bauer (30:17):
Well, I've been in therapy since college.
Um, so always was open totherapy.
I actually have a master's inclinical social work, which is
even funnier because obviouslyit didn't work for me.
But um I when I was astockbroker and I got arrested
and lost my job, I got I hadbeen in active therapy since
then and I started on meds.
Um, and meds did help some.
(30:39):
Um, but I did the medication,psychiatrist, and therapy
consistently since 2009.
Um, and I'm when I tell youI've tried it all, which we'll
talk about.
I've done EMDR, which is an eyetherapy, I've done um, you
know, cognitive therapy, I'vedone 12-step, I've done smart
(30:59):
recovery, I've been on every medthere is.
I've done it all.
So, and have been reallyactively trying to quit.
Um, and the longest time I haveis nine months when I was in
jail.
So that's the longest period Ihave of not shoplifting.
Do you mind if I ask you whereyou are now?
Long story, but no, I'mactually, believe it or not, in
(31:24):
trouble again.
Um, so just kind of fastforward.
Um, you know, that was probably2019.
And again, if if you're anaddict, what you're gonna say
is, I will never do this again.
I'm done.
You know, it's Monday, I'mdone, you'll never see me.
And by that day, I've I'vetaken something again.
So I don't even know, but Ihave over 10, probably have over
(31:48):
10 felonies now.
Um, and so since that time,I've probably been arrested
three or four times.
In August, um, I was arrestedagain.
Um, and I don't really want togo into too many details because
believe it or not, the case isstill going on, but the store
had been watching me.
So every time I came in there,they didn't arrest me, they just
(32:11):
kept track of it.
So when I was arrested the endof August, I have seven felony
charges I got hit with that day.
So um I'm looking at someprobably pretty serious jail
time again.
And um I'm I'm in the cycle.
Um, so you know, I I I've neverreally been out of the cycle.
I do have an attorney thatbelieves me, and I have a
(32:34):
therapist that believes me.
And I think my husband has apretty good understanding of
addiction.
No one would choose this life.
So they know I'm not doing itto be selfish.
I would never choose this life,but I'm in a lot of trouble
again.
So that's where I stand.
Haven't shoplifted since August30th.
Okay.
Um, but we'll, there'sdefinitely consequences coming,
coming up the road.
(32:55):
And, you know, one thing, if weever do another call again, I
would like to talk about.
Unfortunately, jail does nothelp an addict.
It just, it just doesn't.
Um, it's punishment, it's shamewe already have.
And so, you know, they can putme in jail.
They've done it before two orthree times, and uh it it's not
what stops you.
You got to continue with thetherapy, with the medication,
(33:17):
and and all those things.
So that's where I stand rightnow.
Danielle Elliott Smith (33:20):
This is an important question.
What does help you?
Of all the things you've tried,is there anything that does
help?
Kelli Bauer (33:28):
Yes.
So a couple things.
I am on neltraxone, which a lotof people might be on if they
have an alcohol addiction.
It is for alcohol and it helps.
The problem is it helpedsignificantly when I took it.
But I think, if I'm notmistaken, it's more for
short-term, like people that for90 days.
I've been on it two years, soit's not um it doesn't have as
(33:48):
good a hole.
Yeah.
And then the other thing that Ido religiously, um, Jamie,
who's a friend of mine, is theone that said she goes, you need
to pretty much serve every dayor go to a meeting.
So that is what I do.
I am either at a meeting or Iwork at a wonderful place.
It's called the Bishop SolomonCenter in uh downtown Kansas
City, and I serve um theunhoused people lunch every day.
(34:12):
And I love it from 11 to 2, andit makes me feel really good.
And when I serve um and do theright thing, I don't I don't
have a desire to shoplift.
And then lastly, which wetalked about a little bit before
the call, is I just recentlystarted on a weight loss
medication.
Um, not to lose weight.
(34:32):
We're gonna try it foraddiction.
The the studies have beenextremely promising.
It's not FDA approved, butthere are lots of people that
needed to lose weight, but werealso alcoholics, and it has
really um subsided theircravings.
Okay.
And so far, I can tell it.
I mean, I'm very hopeful.
Um, I'm very optimistic.
I can't imagine not havingcravings.
(34:54):
I have never in my adult lifenot had a craving.
So to have that would be, Ican't even fathom it.
But right now, the noise in mybrain is is less than it's ever
been, probably in 30 years.
Danielle Elliott Smith (35:06):
That's remarkable.
Kelly, how do you define hope?
Kelli Bauer (35:12):
I guess probably just not giving up.
Um, I won't give up.
Um, you know, you can knock medown a hundred times and I'm
getting back up.
I I do I do believe there, Ido, I believe in hope.
I don't know how to necessarilydefine it, but I always believe
that there is a chance and tonever give up.
Look at right now.
(35:32):
I have been struggling so bad,you know, really bad the last
five years has been really avicious.
And now this medication's comeout and it seems to be working.
So that's why you you neverwant to you never want to give
up.
And I also want to be a rolemodel for my kids.
I want to be a role model forother addicts.
Um you gotta keep trying.
(35:53):
And and you know, they theytalk about the ones that are in
recovery, but unfortunately, Idon't know what percentage it
is, but it's not a hugepercentage.
A lot of people go back andthey and they relapse.
And so I don't want people tothink that you're a piece of
crap because you keep relapsing.
I actually try to rephrase it.
I actually think I'm a prettygood person to not give up.
(36:15):
Because a lot of people wouldhave just said, forget it.
You know, I'm gonna move out ofthe neighborhood, I'm gonna go
crawl in a hole, and uh I just Ikeep showing up and I I tell my
story and I try not to beembarrassed.
Danielle Elliott Smith (36:26):
Kelly, what I find remarkable many
things, but specifically inasking you how you define hope,
in my head, you defined itexactly how I would define it in
the context of thisconversation, in the context of
your life, in the context of whoyou are.
(36:48):
There is not one ounce of youthat has said, God, just never
gonna get this.
Every time, every day, you havesaid to yourself, I'm I'm going
to keep fighting.
And I think that is beautifuland brave and vulnerable.
And the fact that you'rewilling to talk about something
(37:10):
that so few people talk about.
Addiction is a struggle forpeople to talk about to begin
with, right?
And you're right that when itcomes down to it, we typically
talk about alcohol and drugs,and then we talk sometimes about
shopping or about weight, butvery infrequently do we talk
(37:30):
about kleptomania.
And I did some research beforeyou and I started to talk, and
it affects 0.3, 0.03 to 0.06% ofthe population, and more often
than not, it's women rather thanmen, right?
And all of the what helps areall of the things that you're
(37:51):
trying, right?
The the only other thing that Isaw that was as a potential is
when you shop, you never shopalone, right?
Yep.
Kelli Bauer (37:59):
And is that and I do I do that, yeah.
And I also, and this tells you,first of all, I have wonderful,
wonderful kids, but my it makesme cry thinking about it.
Um but my son, this wasprobably two or three years ago,
gave me a it's right here, it'sa phone case, it has all my
credit cards and stuff in it sothat I don't have a purse.
(38:20):
So this is what my son gave meso that I wouldn't take a purse
into the store.
And that is how much my kidslove me.
Um, it makes me sad that theyhave to think about that, but
they want their mom around.
And so I think they thought,wow, this is a great gift.
But yes, shopping with somebodyhelps in general.
I shouldn't shop at all.
And I know that.
(38:40):
That kind of goes back to beingan alcoholic.
You know, you shouldn't go tothe bar, you know you shouldn't
get in the car.
I know to not go to the store,but sometimes I just can't
resist it.
Um, I do know that not only canI not shop by myself, I can't
even have you go to the otheraisle.
Like, so if I do need to go tothe store, I literally tell my
(39:01):
husband, you just stay right byme.
Don't you run and go getCheerios and I'll stay in this
aisle.
You need to stay right by me.
Um, it triggers me just goinginto the store.
Um, and luckily, uh onlineshopping helps and you can have
groceries delivered and stuff,but it's pretty hard to live to
say I'm never gonna go into astore again.
Uh, just like with anorexia,it's pretty hard to manage that
(39:24):
because it's not like you're notgonna again.
Right.
Yeah.
These are but I know those.
Danielle Elliott Smith (39:29):
And go ahead.
They're basic they're basiclife things.
These are things that we do.
And I felt in to a lesserdegree when I came out of
treatment, all I could see wasevery advertisement for alcohol.
Every I mean, I knew that I wasnever gonna walk into, you
know, people who are strugglingwith many drug addictions aren't
(39:51):
gonna walk into a restaurantand have someone try to hand
them a glass of of drugs on NewYear's.
But I'm walking into arestaurant and they're like,
Congratulations.
And they hand me, try to handme a glass of champagne walking
into a restaurant for New Year'sEve.
Or no one's handing you a menu.
Right.
But these are this is part oflife.
Kelli Bauer (40:11):
And I do wish and I will because I will say really
quick, one thing I'd like to addis that, you know, you can't,
you can't drive down a streetwithout seeing a store.
I mean, you cannot.
So those triggers, I am seeing,you know, and someone will say,
let's say they go to a favoritebar and they'll say, I take a
different route, or I'm goingto, I really can't take a
different route.
It does not matter where Ilive, any route you take, I'm
(40:33):
going to pass a store.
And so it is, it is nearlyimpossible to get rid of, which
you kind of talk about thathope.
I just have to say, but I'm notgiving up.
I can do it.
I'm going to do it today.
You know, you talk about oneday at a time, and that's what I
do is I'm not going to stealtoday.
And that's all I worry about.
And sometimes I'm successfuland sometimes I'm not, but I I
(40:56):
will never give up.
I will tell you that.
I am proud to know you.
Danielle Elliott Smith (40:59):
And I, Jamie, who you mentioned, who is
who introduced us so that wecould have this conversation,
her suggesting to you that youserve, one of the things that I
found that was helpful for mewas anytime I did experience any
type of a I really want todrink, I would pick up my phone
and I would reach out to checkon someone else.
I found that worrying aboutother people and making sure
(41:23):
other people were doing okay andhelping others is what has
continued to keep me afloat.
Uh, that's been a huge part ofmy recovery even to this day.
If I find myself thinking,really like a drink right now,
which happens quiteinfrequently, fortunately, not
never, but far less than it usedto, I I recognize that I have
(41:47):
to do something.
And the other pieces that thesecond I start to say, I'm good,
like I don't, I don't everthink about it anymore, I
recognize that's when I have todouble down.
Absolutely when I have to dosomething to benefit my
recovery.
Kelli Bauer (42:02):
Absolutely.
And you know, I I you knowsometimes I'm lazy and sometimes
I'm, you know, feel sorry formyself and I have a pity party.
Like, why do I have to dealwith this?
But one of my best friends hasMS.
Trust me, if she don't want todeal with it.
You know, there's people thathave lost their their children.
There are people that havecancer.
Everybody has something.
Um, this just this sucks forme.
(42:24):
Um, and it's very embarrassing.
I think that's the biggestthing is my husband has said to
me, not to be mean, but he usedto say, gosh, I wish you were an
alcoholic, because at leastpeople could understand it.
It is about as shameful as youcan get.
And when I run into somebody,very rarely, unless they know
me, the whispers are she's thelady that gets caught
(42:46):
shoplifting or she's so-and-so'smom.
Um, and most people don'tunderstand it, and they just
think I'm an unethical personthat has no morals, which is
literally furthest from thetruth.
I I know right from wrong.
I have a heart of gold.
I would do anything for anyone.
But if you put me in a store bymyself, there's a pretty high
chance I'm gonna stick somethingin my pocket.
Danielle Elliott Smith (43:08):
Well, my hope is that from now on you
can refer them to thisconversation because I hope that
we can help to enlighten peoplea little bit.
And you can also let yourhusband know uh that there are
many, many, many people in theworld who think the very same
about alcoholics as your husbandfears that that people think
(43:29):
about you.
Um there were there was quite along time that there were
people who unfriended me onFacebook.
Um family who unfriended me onFacebook when I went to
treatment.
Uh and for a while.
And and that's one of thereasons I'm incredibly vocal
about it because there arepeople who are sitting at home
(43:53):
thinking they are alone.
I'm gonna stop us because ofthat.
Kelli Bauer (43:58):
I will tell you that in my um so first of all,
like I'm not normally even umwelcomed at like an AA meeting
um because I don't have analcohol addiction.
But I had I had found arecovery group through my church
that has really helped me.
And it's all addictions.
So it can be porn, um, eatingdisorders, mine's kleptomania.
And when I've told my storyevery time, I've I very rarely
(44:20):
do not have someone come up tome and say, Thank you for
sharing that.
I had no idea.
And then I've had a lot ofpeople that have come up to me
and say, I've never told anyonethis, but I shoplift too.
Now, they may not havekleptomania.
It might be part of theiraddiction.
So a lot of people that areaddicts will, you know, steal
things or do things to kind ofkeep up with their addiction.
(44:41):
But just saying that out loud,you know, they say that uh
secrets keep you sick.
I 100% believe that.
Just saying that out loud, Ithink admitting to someone else
that I do this too is veryfreeing for them.
Um, and and I get referred fromour pastor there.
And and he'll, you know,someone will call me and they'll
say, I talked to Pastor Tom andhe said you struggle with this,
(45:04):
and I do too.
Would you be willing to talk tome?
And I always am, and 100% will,but I'm also very honest with
them that I still struggle everyday.
I definitely don't have ananswer.
But if it helps to talk aboutit, I'm absolutely here for you.
Danielle Elliott Smith (45:18):
I think that community and hearing your
story come out of someone else'smouth is part of what helps.
What would you say to someonewho is potentially listening and
thinking, gosh, I've beenstruggling silently by myself?
Or someone who has a familymember who is listening and they
think, gosh, I I know, I knowpeople who struggle and they
(45:42):
feel alone.
What would you say to them?
Kelli Bauer (45:46):
I think the main thing is number one, they are
not alone.
It may be hard to believe, butthey are a hundred percent not
alone.
And to reach out to somebody,you know, I had to obviously be
very creative on trying to findsupports, even just trying to
find meetings.
But you can Google now.
I mean, there's uh I think it'sCasa, Kleptomania, and
Shoplifters Anonymous.
(46:06):
So there are organizations andthey do a Thursday night call,
and so they exist.
There's a a gentleman namedTerry Shulman that uh very
similar to me, uh, has a lawdegree and had a terrible, you
know, shoplifting addiction, andhe now runs a therapy group.
So they do exist, but you haveto work a little bit harder.
(46:27):
And I think that the morepeople that speak up, whether it
is, you know, cutting orwhatever it is, the more people
that speak up, the easier it is.
Danielle Elliott Smith (46:35):
Well, Kelly, I am incredibly grateful
to you for spending this timewith me.
If someone wanted to get intouch with you, what would be
the best way to do that?
Kelli Bauer (46:44):
Um, well, a couple things.
I'm gonna give you my cell justso anybody can text me at any
time.
So my cell is 913-707-8425,913-707-8425.
I will talk to anybody.
Um, I'm on Facebook, uh KellyLuft Bauer, which is my maiden
name.
(47:04):
And then I just started aTikTok and an Instagram account
that said it's it's two liveswith Kelly, and for the very
first time in my life, I postedmy story.
So if you go to that, I justdid it last week, and it's it's
a pinned story of me and tellingyou about my shoplifting
addiction.
So if somebody wants to reachout that way, they can.
(47:26):
And and I would love to helpanyone that I can.
Obviously, I'm I'm far fromperfect, but I at least am to
the point that I'm comfortablein my life um admitting it,
which I think is huge.
Danielle Elliott Smith (47:38):
I'm proud to know you.
I am grateful to you for takingthis time with me and having
the courage to share a storythat so many people um have
kept.
You know, there are people thatare that are keeping, like you
said, our our secrets keep ussick, right?
So it takes a lot to haveshared everything you have,
(48:00):
especially considering so muchof what happened to you blew up
and it wasn't true.
And I'm grateful that we'vebeen able to give you this
platform to set your storystraight and own the pieces that
are true and dispel the piecesthat are not.
It has been a gift to talk toyou.
Kelli Bauer (48:20):
Thank you so much.
It's been a pleasure, andhopefully, people kind of
learned a few things.
And if anyone ever hasquestions or wants more
information, I um have themreach out because I'd I'd love
to help anyone I can.
Danielle Elliott Smith (48:31):
You are wonderful.
Thank you, Kelly, so much forbeing here.
And and I will be keeping allof my fingers and toes crossed
that everything that you havemoving forward works out well,
as well as it possibly can.
And I certainly hope you willkeep us updated.
Kelli Bauer (48:46):
Absolutely.
Thank you so much.
It was a pleasure.
Danielle Elliott Smit (48:49):
Likewise.
And friends, thank you forbeing here with us.
I am always so grateful thatyou take time.
And I do hope that Kelly'sstory has inspired you, if in no
other capacity, to rememberthat you can keep going through
hard things as Kelly hascontinued to do.
(49:10):
Please turn around and sharethis story, this episode, with
people that you know and love.
And until we see you again,take very good care of you.
Naturally, it's important tothank the people who support and
sponsor the podcast.
This episode is supported byChris Dulley, a trusted criminal
(49:31):
defense attorney and friend ofmine here in St.
Louis, who believes in secondchances and solid
representation.
Whether you're facing a DWI,felony, or traffic issue, Chris
handles your case personallywith clarity, compassion, and
over 15 years of experience.
When things feel uncertain, ithelps to have someone steady in
your corner.
Call 314 384 4000 or 314 DUIHelp, or you can visit
(49:56):
Dulilawfirm.com to schedule yourfree consultation.
I drive home that day and about 10 police cars
rush me.
They literally slam me againstthe garage door, um, handcuffed
me, ask me, do you know what'sgoing on?
And I have no idea.
Danielle Elliott Smith (00:22):
Hi there, friends.
This is Hope Comes to Visit.
I'm Danielle Elliott Smith.
This is a place for bravestories and soft landings, and I
am so glad you are here.
My guest today has one heck ofa brave story, and I'm really
excited for you to meet her.
Let's take a quick moment tothank the people that support
and sponsor the podcast.
(00:43):
When life takes an unexpectedturn, you deserve someone who
will stand beside you.
St.
Louis attorney Chris Dulyoffers experienced one-on-one
legal defense.
Call 314-384-4000 or 314-DUIhelp.
Or you can visitDulilawfirm.com.
That's D-U-L-L-E Law Firm.comfor a free consultation.
(01:06):
Kelly Bauer, thank you forjoining in and spending time
with me and being willing to bevulnerable with our audience.
How are you today?
I'm good.
I'm good.
A little nervous, but otherthan that, I'm good.
That is okay.
It is okay to be nervous.
I always tell my kids, youknow, when back when I used to
do television a long time ago,people would say, Do you ever
(01:26):
get nervous?
And I said, if you stop beingnervous, then you actually don't
care anymore about what it isyou're doing.
So this means that you careabout what's going on and the
story you're getting ready toshare.
So I will say that your story,um, it's one of addiction, but
it is an addiction that we don'ttalk about a whole lot.
(01:46):
So I'm going to let you share abit about your story and then
we're we're going to talk aboutit.
But in advance, I want to saythank you for being willing to
be so vulnerable and honest witheveryone.
Kelli Bauer (01:59):
Absolutely.
Like she said, my name's Kelly.
Um, my addiction iskleptomania, basically
shoplifting addiction, which alot of people had never even
heard of kleptomania.
And I think the reason whynobody knows about it is because
who's going to talk about it?
It is pretty rare to beginwith.
It is not a real, you know,high percentage, um, but it does
(02:21):
exist.
A lot of times you'll hearpeople say I'm a klepto, or they
shoplift, but very few peoplehave kleptomania.
And really klepdomania istaking items that you have no
use for and you probably aren'tgoing to use, just for the mere,
you know, whatever, reason fortaking them.
Um, and it's just a behaviorthat no different than any other
(02:41):
addiction that you repeat andrepeat and repeat, even though
you know the consequences arehuge until it destroys your
life, which is where I'm at.
Um, I started when I was 12.
I'm 55, so pretty much beendoing it my whole life.
And uh, as we talk more, you'llfigure it out.
But it has blown up my life,um, blown up my family's life.
(03:05):
And uh it's a pretty sad story.
But the reason why I like totalk about it a little bit is I
want people to know about it.
There's a lot of judgment, alot of whispers behind people's
back.
Um, alcoholism, drug addictionis you know, understood a little
bit more.
Most people don't understandthis, and because it's illegal,
people just kind of think I'm athief, and morally there's
(03:26):
something wrong with me.
I'm a bad person.
Danielle Elliott Smith (03:28):
Which sounds like I am confident that
you are not a bad person.
I'll start there.
Uh when did you first decide tostart sharing your story?
I know that when I and andpeople who listen to the show
know that I am in recovery, soalcohol has been my struggle.
I am closing in on seven years,but I legitimately walked out
(03:51):
of treatment.
The day I walked out oftreatment, and there was a
gentleman who in the area whereI had been living who looked at
me and said, Oh, I haven't seenyou in a while.
And I said, That's because I'vebeen in rehab.
And that was my instant, I'mgoing to practice saying this
out loud because I want peopleto know that it isn't something
to be afraid of.
Because up to that point, I hadbeen afraid I was going to walk
around with this big scarlet Aon my chest.
(04:13):
When did you decide this wassomething you needed to start
talking about?
Clearly, not when you were.
Kelli Bauer (04:18):
Well, mine's interesting.
I would have never talked aboutit.
Um, it got blown up all overthe news, which I'll kind of go
through.
But so I was shoplifting inhigh school, and it was not, not
that I'm making an excuse, buta lot of kids did it.
It wasn't that big of a deal.
It was just, you know, being ateenager.
So shoplifted.
(04:38):
I think I got caught.
My dad paid off the fine.
It wasn't that big a deal.
Um, I still continued toshoplift in college, which was a
little bit more of a biggerdeal, but I, straight a student,
had big anxiety, so I would useit as an excuse that I almost
got to be.
And that was my, you know, wayto re relieve my anxiety.
So I was caught again.
(04:59):
Again, made excuses.
It was more two things thathappened.
Danielle Elliott Smith (05:04):
You were caught again in college.
You were caught again incollege.
Okay.
Kelli Bauer (05:08):
Um, but again, it was um in a different town,
different county, nothing wasconnected.
So it was kind of just a slapon the wrist.
It's a misdemeanor crime, undera hundred dollars.
So it just I moved on.
Um, it was when I I became astockbroker after I graduated,
and I'd been with the firm, Idon't know, over 10 years and
(05:28):
had been extremely successful.
And I probably not that Ishould talk about money, but I'm
gonna, I was probably making aquarter of a million dollars and
I was shoplifting almost everyday, and I stole $77 from them
all.
I was caught, I was arrested,um, and it is a misdemeanor
(05:49):
theft.
However, if you are a financialadvisor, uh, you have SEC
regulations and you cannot havetheft on your record.
So I lost my misdemeanor.
Even as a misdemeanor.
Um, and and that's again,that's kind of why I also like
to talk about it is you can havea gun possession, you can be
caught with drugs, you can becaught with a DUI, and you can
(06:12):
still have a career as astockbroker.
You have the word theft on yourrecord, even though I would
have never taken anything fromwork or anything like that,
automatically lost my life.
Danielle Elliott Smith (06:21):
Kelly, this has been a lifetime
challenge for you.
So something that started whenyou were 12, but has had a
substantial effect on your life.
Walk me through a little bit ofthat process, if you would.
So you're shoplifting a bitwhen you're young kind of feels
(06:42):
like something everyone else isdoing.
Kelli Bauer (06:45):
Correct.
So it started, like I said,when I was 12.
I don't remember.
A lot of times you'll go totherapy and they'll say, What
was the first item you took?
I don't, I don't remember anyof that.
I do remember that when Ishoplifted, it made me feel
good.
So I continued.
So did it in high school,didn't think too much about it,
uh, continued to do it incollege, again, didn't think too
much about it.
(07:05):
I was pretty, I was a greatstudent and would get stressed.
And so that was a way torelieve it.
Um, it was more after collegethat the, you know, red lights
started going off.
This isn't normal.
So I was a stockbroker, hadbeen in the industry for a
little over 10 years, um, and Iwas shoplifting every single day
(07:26):
and got caught at the mall.
Um, I, like I said, I wasprobably making a quarter of a
million dollars and I went tothe mall.
Can't tell you what I stole,but it was $77.
I was arrested.
And even though it was amisdemeanor, you cannot have the
word theft on your record ifyou're a financial advisor.
It's just part of the SECrules.
(07:47):
So um, my boss was veryunderstanding.
Obviously, people were shocked,uh, you know, but they're like,
we'll get you through it.
And they couldn't.
There was just no ifs, ands, orbuts.
I lost my career and I wasdevastated.
It literally, I still havegrief over losing my career.
I don't think I got out of bedfor about a month.
It just, it broke my heart.
(08:08):
I absolutely loved what I wasdoing.
I was really good at it, and Icouldn't believe that I had
thrown it all away to stealsomething that was worth nothing
that I was never going to use.
How long ago was this?
Um, that was in 2009.
Okay.
Now I really haven't had acareer since then.
Pardon?
Um I'm sorry, go ahead.
(08:30):
I was gonna say, and I reallyhaven't had a career since then.
Um, and I'll kind of explainthat too, but you know, that was
my identity.
That's what I did.
So finding another job, um,again, financial advising was
out.
Um, it it just it changed mylife completely.
Danielle Elliott Smith (08:48):
So we're talking about this is about 16
years ago, right?
Um, how how regularly had youbeen stealing throughout that
10-year period while you were asuccessful stockbroker?
Kelli Bauer (09:02):
I hate to admit it, I'm embarrassed, but I'll bet I
was stealing every day.
If I wasn't stealing every day,I was stealing three and four
times a week.
Um, I remember um, you know, Iprobably almost every lunch hour
on the way home, I would stealstuff.
And we'll kind of talk about itlater, but I mean, dumb stuff.
It could be a pack of gum atthe gas station, it could be a
(09:23):
pair of socks.
Uh, it did not matter what Itook.
I had to take something to makemyself feel better.
But it was almost a dailyoccurrence.
Danielle Elliott Smith (09:31):
And this is an important piece that I I
want people to hear because whatyou're describing, the emotions
around it, the compulsion, thethe impulse control, the I need
to do this, I the I'm I'mcompelled to do this to feel
better, the I didn't get an A,so therefore I handled my stress
(09:51):
this way.
These are all addict behaviors.
And uh, what is so brave aboutyour story is uh you're taking
uh the mystery away fromsomething that, you know, a
phrase that people just say,like, oh, I'm a klepto, as
though this is some little thingthat people do as a joke.
(10:16):
And uh it's not, it's the sameway people say, Oh, I'm I'm a
crack addict.
Oh my gosh, that's like it thattastes like crack, or you know,
they they make these these offthe cuff phrases not recognizing
that these are real problemsthat real people struggle with,
and the compulsions are real.
Kelli Bauer (10:38):
Yeah, and they are, I mean, intense.
And, you know, one thing thatthat obviously does bother me
is, and and I have friends, Ihave a very supportive, you
know, network, but people willsay to me, you know, you gotta
quit being so stupid.
You're gonna get caught again,quit being so stupid, or why are
you doing this?
And that's the part if you'renot in addiction that's hard to
(10:58):
understand.
I've said two things recently,but I heard somebody speak and
she said, it is like drinkingbleach, and you think that
bleach is gonna make you feelbetter.
And I said, Not only is thatbleach gonna make me feel
better, I feel like I have todrink that bleach to survive.
I mean, I literally feel likeif I don't take that item, it
doesn't matter what it is, I'mgonna die.
(11:19):
That compulsion is huge.
And I think a lot of people,unfortunately, a lot of times
will think it's an excuse.
But the other example I wouldgive would be for people that
cut on themselves.
Um, you know, nobody would dothat by choice.
It's it's providing them arelief.
Um, they're not being stupid,they're not uneducated.
It is what they know to providecomfort, and that's what it is
(11:40):
for me is it's huge anxiety.
And then I take something andit makes me feel better.
Unfortunately, that cycle haschanged, and now I have to keep
stealing more and more, and soit's it's gotten really out of
control.
Danielle Elliott Smith (11:52):
Uh no one says to themselves, you know
what, I'd really love a seventhDUI.
Right?
Right.
And yet it happens, and peoplelose their families.
And the the real lifeconsequences you're talking
about for this particularaddiction are real.
How aware was your family ofthis struggle you were having at
(12:15):
the time that the walls camedown on this?
Kelli Bauer (12:19):
Both my mom, my I have a pretty small family, mom
and dad and sister, and theywere all aware that I'd been
caught in high school.
That was it.
They didn't know anything else.
They knew I was an extremelysuccessful uh stockbroker, um,
you know, lived in a big house,having a great life.
My husband did not know.
And we'll talk about that alittle later.
But there's a lot of peoplethat are because my my story
(12:41):
blew up and a bigger thinghappened.
Um, and he had no idea.
Um, you know, there's thingsthat I'll manipulate.
So this sounds stupid, butlet's say you're at a
McDonald's, I'll take too manypackets of ketchup or I'll get a
free refill.
So stuff like that.
And that used to bother myhusband a little bit, but he
literally had no idea.
I did not tell my family or anyof my friends that I lost my
(13:05):
job for two more years.
So they did not know that.
Danielle Elliott Smith (13:08):
Your family can talk about your
husband, didn't know, your kidsdidn't know that you know my
husband, my husband knew thatI'd lost my job.
Kelli Bauer (13:17):
I had to obviously tell him.
Did he know why?
Um he did.
And here's the deal my husbandwas a successful uh engineer,
structural engineer for thefirst 10, 12 years of his life,
but my business blew up.
It was exploding.
Um, and we had we had littlekids, and my husband worked a
ton, and I needed a partner.
So I recruited him to come tomy firm.
(13:39):
And I was gonna be themarketing person.
He's brilliant.
He was gonna be the manager ofthe money.
I recruited him to come over inJuly.
He wasn't even officiallylicensed, and I lost my job in
September.
So, if people understand kindof how it works, if you have a
book of business, I had workedmy entire life for this book of
(14:00):
business and it pays me acertain amount.
I probably had a hundred andsome clients.
Though I those were just gonnago away because he wasn't even
registered.
So I had to go to anotherbroker in the office and
basically say, I've been bustedfor shoplifting, I've lost my
license, my husband isn'tregistered yet.
Can you manage these clientsfor the next six months until he
(14:22):
gets registered?
Then can you share theseclients for a year till he gets
on you know his feet and thengoes from there?
And my clients didn't know.
We um I wasn't honest withthem.
They know now, they didn't knowthen.
I basically said I was gonnatake time off to be with my kids
and that my husband was gonnastart managing my clients.
Danielle Elliott Smith (14:41):
Okay.
Kelli Bauer (14:42):
And he was ready to divorce me at that point.
I mean, he wanted nothing to dowith me, but he stayed because
we had kids that were, you know,five years old.
Danielle Elliott Smith (14:50):
Okay.
So what happens next?
You said you didn't have a bedfor about two months.
Um, really strong piecestogether.
Kelli Bauer (15:01):
Yep.
And I think I was caughtanother time.
And in Johnson County, I kindof live in a bubble.
Um, again, not making excuses,but depending on where you're
at, um, I'm on the border ofKansas City.
So if you get um uh misdemeanortheft in Kansas City, you'll
never go to jail.
Nothing will ever happen.
They're gonna tap you on thewrist, give you a ticket, you
(15:22):
write your fine, and you'll moveon.
I'm in a county where nothinghappens bad.
It's a very high net worthcounty.
So they love when stuffhappens.
So in Johnson County, afteryour third arrest, it's
automatically a felony.
So I was arrested for thefourth time at this point, um,
and it became a felony, whichmeans you're probably never
(15:42):
gonna have a career of any kind.
You can't work at McDonald'swith a felony, you can't work at
Taco Bell with a felony.
I mean, I went through it all.
Was it not a felony after yourthird?
Well, it's you can have threethat are misdemeanors, and then
it hits a felony.
So I was arrested again.
So again, just you know, doingthe mom thing, keeping my mouth
(16:02):
stuck, you know, mouth shut, ourlife still looked pretty good.
Here's what happened.
And when I tell you my lifeblew up, my life blew up.
So besides the addiction ofshoplifting, I have a little bit
of a hoarding issue.
Um, you'd never know it.
It's not like you come in myhouse and I have whatever, but I
just I don't throw awayanything.
So I had, you know, shoes fromhigh school.
I had my kids' baby clothes.
(16:24):
I don't throw away anything.
So I had gone and said, I'mgonna take care of myself.
I lost about 20 pounds and Isaid, I am gonna get rid of all
of these clothes that don't fit.
I'm gonna have a sale.
So I listed it on, I don't evenknow what it was, Facebook
Marketplace or whatever it wasat that time, and said, you
know, high-end designer clothes.
And by the way, these were notstolen because I don't use
(16:47):
anything that I've stolen, andthat's part of that piece with
Kleptimania.
Okay.
So I invited people into myhouse and said, you know, you
can buy all this stuff.
Um, people came in my house.
Um, and I don't know if this isnormally the case, but I guess
it's normally the case that alot of times undercover cops
will come to people's housesthat are having big sales to see
(17:08):
if they find stolenmerchandise.
Danielle Elliott Smith (17:10):
Okay.
How long ago?
How long ago was this?
Kelli Bauer (17:13):
This was 2017.
Okay.
And again, at this point,nobody knew anything.
My mom didn't know I'd lost myjob.
It was a secret except for withmy husband.
Danielle Elliott Smith (17:23):
Okay.
Kelli Bauer (17:23):
So this was in 2017.
Um, sold a bunch of stuff, tonsof people in my house.
Again, didn't think anythingabout it.
Um, it started with a ladyasked me, Do you have a Louis
Vuitton person?
I said, I actually have a fakeone, but I'd sell it because
it's fake.
That's all I said.
Because she said, Great, I'llbuy it.
Bought it, 50 bucks, whatever.
(17:44):
So about a week later, Icontinued to shoplift.
Um, I I don't know, what Ichecked.
I went to a sporting goodsstore.
This tells you Kleptomania.
I stole a softball.
Never played softball in mylife, and neither do I have
girls or nothing.
So I stole a softball.
I drive home that day, andabout 10 police cars rush me.
(18:06):
They literally slammed meagainst the garage door, um,
handcuffed me, ask me, do youknow what's going on?
And I have no idea.
I'm like, there is no way thiscan be because of this.
No, no way.
And so I literally, I have, I,I really am dumbfounded.
I have no idea.
So I go to jail that night.
(18:27):
Um, and I'm obviously petrifiedat this point.
I had not been to jail.
And um Kelly, can I stop youfor one second?
Danielle Elliott Smith (18:35):
I'm just trying to wrap my brain around
the timeline.
So this is this is nine yearsafter you've lost your job as a
stockbroker.
But have you had your have youhas your fourth arrest been the
felony yet?
Kelli Bauer (18:51):
Yes, yes.
I'm I've I've got a felony.
You have a felony at thispoint.
Okay, I forgive me.
So I have a felony.
And again, you know, once youhit that felony, it it doesn't
really matter.
It can be a pack of gum, itcould have been a you know, ten
thousand dollar ring diamondring.
Doesn't matter.
Okay.
Anyway, so they rush me.
Um, and I go to jail thatnight, which is obviously scary
(19:12):
as heck.
Obviously, I've never been injail before.
And um, my attorney um calledor comes in and he goes, Well,
you're being charged with ahundred thousand dollars in
theft.
And I said, Do you mean athousand?
Because the way misdemeanorsworked then or whatever, I think
it was a thousand dollars orless.
Okay.
He goes, No, a hundredthousand.
And I'm like, What did you say?
(19:33):
And he said, a hundredthousand.
I go, what are you talkingabout?
And he said, they think you arerunning a theft train.
They said that you're in yourhouse, you're running a shop out
of your house, and that youhave all of this stolen
merchandise and you're andyou're selling it.
And I'm like, Scott, that's nottrue.
And and and my husband knewthis, I mean, this this was not
(19:56):
true at all.
Okay.
We had an online, I had anonline Company that I had
bought.
It was just an e-car e-commercecompany.
It was called My Retro Baby,and we mainly sell sold
personalized jewelry.
Danielle Elliott Smith (20:08):
Right.
Kelli Bauer (20:08):
I bought it from some else existing.
So they assumed that when I hadthis sale, I was basically
stealing merchandise and sellingit.
Um, whether it was off mywebsite or having people come
in.
When they caught me stealing,that was enough for them to say,
okay, she's stealing, and theyarrested me.
They took every single item outof our house.
(20:30):
Uh, we had news crews with thebig whatever satellite dishes,
great media.
Danielle Elliott Smi (20:36):
Basically, live, they were doing live
shots from outside your house.
Kelli Bauer (20:40):
I mean, our neighbors are shocked.
My husband's shocked.
We can't get inside, they won'tlet us get our dogs out.
My kids had uh baseball, theywouldn't let us get our
uniforms.
I mean, it was horrible.
And they took our Jeep, much iswhat I was driving on.
And my husband said, So why dothey have the Jeep?
And they said, Because she usedthat vehicle to commit the
(21:01):
crime.
So, long story short, theycharged me with $100,000 in
theft.
They truly believed that, andthey took stuff out.
Um, they went through all ofour bank records, they went
through our business records,they went through everything and
of course found nothing becauseI had never done a theft ring.
I did sell clothing, but it wasnot stolen.
(21:24):
They just assumed thateverything in my house was
stolen.
And I was just a, I don't wantto call it pathetic, but a
pathetic little pettyshoplifter.
But they they did they did notbelieve me.
I'm still not sure theybelieved me.
And because of that happened,there's still people in the
community that will say, oh,she's the one that was, you
know, running the business outof her home.
(21:45):
So fast forward, um, I fightand fight and fight.
You know, they're wanting me todo two years, three years, all
that.
And I'm like, I'm I'm not doingthat.
I'll go to trial.
So finally, this is almost 18months later.
We don't have a Jeep, I don'thave any of my clothes, I don't
have earrings, I don't havejewelry.
(22:05):
Um my kids is a background.
They have nothing.
They took it all.
Um, and so finally, after twoyears, uh, I think my either my
attorney suggested it or theydid, and they said, we'll give
her 90 days.
And I said, fine, I'll take it.
I just need my stuff, I'll takeit.
So what they told me I wassigning is theft under 25,000.
(22:26):
And I had no problem signingthat because if I've been
stealing since I was 12 and I'm50 some, trust me.
I mean, I hate to admit that,but have I stolen $25,000 worth
of stuff?
Absolutely.
Danielle Elliott Smith (22:37):
Okay.
Kelli Bauer (22:38):
So when I signed it, they didn't tell me that.
They actually put on it $25,000to $100, which really bothered
me because I wasn't admitting tothat.
I did that.
Um, people don't understandjail time, but there's something
called a backup time.
So I pled guilty.
I got 90 days in jail, but mybackup time basically said, but
you're on probation for a year,and if you get in trouble,
(23:00):
you're gonna do your backuptime, which is a year.
So this is the best example ofaddiction and how you do not
think logically.
So I had done my 90 days, Ithought I was through
everything.
I had gotten out in March, andin November, I went to a store
and stole a sports bra.
And within about an hour, thepolice were at my door, they
(23:23):
issued a warrant, and I went toprison for the next nine months.
So, you know, and again, a $30,$30 sports bra.
And that is where people don'tget addiction.
There is no, I mean, I live ina beautiful home, I have
beautiful children, I have greatfriends, I have a great
husband, and I was willing,because it didn't even cross my
(23:44):
mind that I might go to jail.
I I had to take something.
So I took that item and had todo my backup.
It was really nine months injail because I'd already served
the three.
Um, but my kids were in fifthgrade and I missed uh Christmas,
I missed their birthday, Imissed Thanksgiving.
Um, I was gone for nine months.
Danielle Elliott Smith (24:03):
So, Kelly, you are in the midst of
this what feels like chaos.
The police, the authoritieshave all of your stuff.
It's dragging on for months.
And they come to you with yourattorney with what feels like a
deal.
What does that look like?
Kelli Bauer (24:24):
Um, and by the way, we had to fight for this deal.
They literally, they again,they they thought they were
gonna give me two or threeyears, which there was no way I
would have ever pled guilty tothat because I didn't do it.
So they came to me with 90days, plead guilty to stealing
under 25,000, and I said, fine,I'll take it.
I can do 90 days in jail.
I just want to be done.
We're looking at almost twoyears previous.
(24:46):
So I agreed to that.
I did that January, February,and March.
And then I was gonna be onprobation um for 12 months, and
I just couldn't get in troubleduring probation.
That was the deal.
Because if you get in troubleduring probation, then what?
Okay, so a lot of people don'tunderstand how jail works, but
you have what's a called backuptime.
(25:07):
So literally, my sentence, theybasically agreed to give me.
They said, we'll give you ayear in jail, but you only have
to serve three months.
But if you screw up, you'regonna have to do the rest of
those 12 months.
So that was my agreement.
And I was very confident and Isaid, I'm not gonna screw up.
I'm there's no way.
I I know this, I'm scared todeath.
So I do my three months, I getout in March and in November, I
(25:33):
go and get a $25 sports bra.
I steal it.
Uh within an hour, the policeare at my house because keep in
mind, I've been all over thenews.
Um, and I this isn't that bigof a town.
Every police officer knows me.
So when I go into a store, theyknow me.
So within an hour, they hadpicked me up and I automatically
(25:55):
went back to jail and Iautomatically did my backup
time.
So I uh remember it vividly.
I picked up my kids fromschool.
It was mid-November, and I, youknow, said, I'm sorry, and I
love you, and uh went into jailand was there for the next nine
months.
So um missed Christmas, missedtheir birthday.
(26:15):
It was their fifth grade year.
Um, and I did all of thatbecause I couldn't resist
shoplifting a, you know, an itemthat I would probably never
ever gonna use because theaddiction just it gets a hold of
you, and I was not thinkinglogically.
Danielle Elliott Smith (26:31):
And this is very close to the age my
kids were when I went totreatment.
My kids were sixth and eighthgrade, and I missed my
daughter's birthday.
And when I left, she wouldn'tsay goodbye to me.
And it's interesting becausethe the day that I decided to go
to treatment, there was a textbetween my kids that said, too
bad mom loves wine more than sheloves us, right?
And that is a sort of universalfeeling for people who do not
(26:58):
understand the compulsion andthe sickness that is addiction
because you did not choose tosteal over spending time with
your kids.
Kelli Bauer (27:12):
I was not choosing and I would never yeah, I was
gonna say, I I mean, if ifpeople know me, I love my kids,
I probably love them too much.
I love them more than anything.
I'm very involved, mom.
Danielle Elliott Smith (27:23):
And I and I could not right and I
could not very close to yourkids' age now, right?
So my kids are in college now,and my kids now know that the
mom loves wine more than us wasnot true then.
It's not true now, but that Iwas sick, right?
But they had to grow up andthey had to understand, and I
don't mean grow up like theyneeded to mature, they to get
(27:47):
older to mature and to to reallyunderstand what addiction looks
like.
Quite honestly, I needed tounderstand what addiction really
looks like, and the people wholove me took time to research
and understand and and figureout what it looks like because
quite honestly, Kelly, theperson who's struggling is the
(28:09):
one who wants it to stop themost.
You absolutely are the one whowants to stop stealing more than
anyone who knows you and lovesyou.
They want it for you.
Yeah, but the people who arelooking at you and saying, Okay,
well, just stop stealing, arethe same people who are looking
at me and saying, Okay, well,just don't drink as much.
Just have one glass, just havetwo glasses, and then stop.
Kelli Bauer (28:32):
You know, if if if I if I did know somebody that
had seven or eight DUIs, thiswould have been 10 years ago, I
would have said, Oh my gosh, youknow, what a selfish person,
what an idiot.
And then here I am, I gave up ayear with my kids because I
couldn't resist shoplifting.
I will say, which we'll talkabout it too, I don't know how I
got so lucky with my kids.
(28:53):
Um, but my kids, trust me, theywere embarrassed and they were
mortified, but never once didthey were they mad at me, or
they at least didn't share it.
They talked to me every day onthe phone.
They would say how much theyloved me, how proud they were of
me, and they still say itbecause I still struggle.
I have way more arrests thanthen.
(29:13):
Um, but but it's a battle.
And it was more people on theoutside.
The only thing that was goodthat came from that arrest is
when I was first arrested andall the news crews showed up,
most people that didn't know methought I was running a theft
ring, and I had this big,beautiful house that was paid
for from stolen merchandise, andnone of that was true.
(29:34):
Okay.
So people think withshoplifting, it's about money
and it actually has nothing todo with money, just like
alcoholism usually has nothingto do with the alcohol.
And so when I got caught asecond time and had to go back
to jail, I think people thenfinally said, wait a minute,
gosh, maybe there's somethingwrong.
Why would she do that?
Right.
Danielle Elliott Smith (29:55):
Because clearly there's a little wrong.
Right.
Clearly, she needs help in somecapacity.
Right.
And we'll talk about it.
Go ahead.
At that point, did you start toget additional help?
At what point did you seek helpthat is in the addiction and
mental health realm?
Kelli Bauer (30:17):
Well, I've been in therapy since college.
Um, so always was open totherapy.
I actually have a master's inclinical social work, which is
even funnier because obviouslyit didn't work for me.
But um I when I was astockbroker and I got arrested
and lost my job, I got I hadbeen in active therapy since
then and I started on meds.
Um, and meds did help some.
(30:39):
Um, but I did the medication,psychiatrist, and therapy
consistently since 2009.
Um, and I'm when I tell youI've tried it all, which we'll
talk about.
I've done EMDR, which is an eyetherapy, I've done um, you
know, cognitive therapy, I'vedone 12-step, I've done smart
(30:59):
recovery, I've been on every medthere is.
I've done it all.
So, and have been reallyactively trying to quit.
Um, and the longest time I haveis nine months when I was in
jail.
So that's the longest period Ihave of not shoplifting.
Do you mind if I ask you whereyou are now?
Long story, but no, I'mactually, believe it or not, in
(31:24):
trouble again.
Um, so just kind of fastforward.
Um, you know, that was probably2019.
And again, if if you're anaddict, what you're gonna say
is, I will never do this again.
I'm done.
You know, it's Monday, I'mdone, you'll never see me.
And by that day, I've I'vetaken something again.
So I don't even know, but Ihave over 10, probably have over
(31:48):
10 felonies now.
Um, and so since that time,I've probably been arrested
three or four times.
In August, um, I was arrestedagain.
Um, and I don't really want togo into too many details because
believe it or not, the case isstill going on, but the store
had been watching me.
So every time I came in there,they didn't arrest me, they just
(32:11):
kept track of it.
So when I was arrested the endof August, I have seven felony
charges I got hit with that day.
So um I'm looking at someprobably pretty serious jail
time again.
And um I'm I'm in the cycle.
Um, so you know, I I I've neverreally been out of the cycle.
I do have an attorney thatbelieves me, and I have a
(32:34):
therapist that believes me.
And I think my husband has apretty good understanding of
addiction.
No one would choose this life.
So they know I'm not doing itto be selfish.
I would never choose this life,but I'm in a lot of trouble
again.
So that's where I stand.
Haven't shoplifted since August30th.
Okay.
Um, but we'll, there'sdefinitely consequences coming,
coming up the road.
(32:55):
And, you know, one thing, if weever do another call again, I
would like to talk about.
Unfortunately, jail does nothelp an addict.
It just, it just doesn't.
Um, it's punishment, it's shamewe already have.
And so, you know, they can putme in jail.
They've done it before two orthree times, and uh it it's not
what stops you.
You got to continue with thetherapy, with the medication,
(33:17):
and and all those things.
So that's where I stand rightnow.
Danielle Elliott Smith (33:20):
This is an important question.
What does help you?
Of all the things you've tried,is there anything that does
help?
Kelli Bauer (33:28):
Yes.
So a couple things.
I am on neltraxone, which a lotof people might be on if they
have an alcohol addiction.
It is for alcohol and it helps.
The problem is it helpedsignificantly when I took it.
But I think, if I'm notmistaken, it's more for
short-term, like people that for90 days.
I've been on it two years, soit's not um it doesn't have as
(33:48):
good a hole.
Yeah.
And then the other thing that Ido religiously, um, Jamie,
who's a friend of mine, is theone that said she goes, you need
to pretty much serve every dayor go to a meeting.
So that is what I do.
I am either at a meeting or Iwork at a wonderful place.
It's called the Bishop SolomonCenter in uh downtown Kansas
City, and I serve um theunhoused people lunch every day.
(34:12):
And I love it from 11 to 2, andit makes me feel really good.
And when I serve um and do theright thing, I don't I don't
have a desire to shoplift.
And then lastly, which wetalked about a little bit before
the call, is I just recentlystarted on a weight loss
medication.
Um, not to lose weight.
(34:32):
We're gonna try it foraddiction.
The the studies have beenextremely promising.
It's not FDA approved, butthere are lots of people that
needed to lose weight, but werealso alcoholics, and it has
really um subsided theircravings.
Okay.
And so far, I can tell it.
I mean, I'm very hopeful.
Um, I'm very optimistic.
I can't imagine not havingcravings.
(34:54):
I have never in my adult lifenot had a craving.
So to have that would be, Ican't even fathom it.
But right now, the noise in mybrain is is less than it's ever
been, probably in 30 years.
Danielle Elliott Smith (35:06):
That's remarkable.
Kelly, how do you define hope?
Kelli Bauer (35:12):
I guess probably just not giving up.
Um, I won't give up.
Um, you know, you can knock medown a hundred times and I'm
getting back up.
I I do I do believe there, Ido, I believe in hope.
I don't know how to necessarilydefine it, but I always believe
that there is a chance and tonever give up.
Look at right now.
(35:32):
I have been struggling so bad,you know, really bad the last
five years has been really avicious.
And now this medication's comeout and it seems to be working.
So that's why you you neverwant to you never want to give
up.
And I also want to be a rolemodel for my kids.
I want to be a role model forother addicts.
Um you gotta keep trying.
(35:53):
And and you know, they theytalk about the ones that are in
recovery, but unfortunately, Idon't know what percentage it
is, but it's not a hugepercentage.
A lot of people go back andthey and they relapse.
And so I don't want people tothink that you're a piece of
crap because you keep relapsing.
I actually try to rephrase it.
I actually think I'm a prettygood person to not give up.
(36:15):
Because a lot of people wouldhave just said, forget it.
You know, I'm gonna move out ofthe neighborhood, I'm gonna go
crawl in a hole, and uh I just Ikeep showing up and I I tell my
story and I try not to beembarrassed.
Danielle Elliott Smith (36:26):
Kelly, what I find remarkable many
things, but specifically inasking you how you define hope,
in my head, you defined itexactly how I would define it in
the context of thisconversation, in the context of
your life, in the context of whoyou are.
(36:48):
There is not one ounce of youthat has said, God, just never
gonna get this.
Every time, every day, you havesaid to yourself, I'm I'm going
to keep fighting.
And I think that is beautifuland brave and vulnerable.
And the fact that you'rewilling to talk about something
(37:10):
that so few people talk about.
Addiction is a struggle forpeople to talk about to begin
with, right?
And you're right that when itcomes down to it, we typically
talk about alcohol and drugs,and then we talk sometimes about
shopping or about weight, butvery infrequently do we talk
(37:30):
about kleptomania.
And I did some research beforeyou and I started to talk, and
it affects 0.3, 0.03 to 0.06% ofthe population, and more often
than not, it's women rather thanmen, right?
And all of the what helps areall of the things that you're
(37:51):
trying, right?
The the only other thing that Isaw that was as a potential is
when you shop, you never shopalone, right?
Yep.
Kelli Bauer (37:59):
And is that and I do I do that, yeah.
And I also, and this tells you,first of all, I have wonderful,
wonderful kids, but my it makesme cry thinking about it.
Um but my son, this wasprobably two or three years ago,
gave me a it's right here, it'sa phone case, it has all my
credit cards and stuff in it sothat I don't have a purse.
(38:20):
So this is what my son gave meso that I wouldn't take a purse
into the store.
And that is how much my kidslove me.
Um, it makes me sad that theyhave to think about that, but
they want their mom around.
And so I think they thought,wow, this is a great gift.
But yes, shopping with somebodyhelps in general.
I shouldn't shop at all.
And I know that.
(38:40):
That kind of goes back to beingan alcoholic.
You know, you shouldn't go tothe bar, you know you shouldn't
get in the car.
I know to not go to the store,but sometimes I just can't
resist it.
Um, I do know that not only canI not shop by myself, I can't
even have you go to the otheraisle.
Like, so if I do need to go tothe store, I literally tell my
(39:01):
husband, you just stay right byme.
Don't you run and go getCheerios and I'll stay in this
aisle.
You need to stay right by me.
Um, it triggers me just goinginto the store.
Um, and luckily, uh onlineshopping helps and you can have
groceries delivered and stuff,but it's pretty hard to live to
say I'm never gonna go into astore again.
Uh, just like with anorexia,it's pretty hard to manage that
(39:24):
because it's not like you're notgonna again.
Right.
Yeah.
These are but I know those.
Danielle Elliott Smith (39:29):
And go ahead.
They're basic they're basiclife things.
These are things that we do.
And I felt in to a lesserdegree when I came out of
treatment, all I could see wasevery advertisement for alcohol.
Every I mean, I knew that I wasnever gonna walk into, you
know, people who are strugglingwith many drug addictions aren't
(39:51):
gonna walk into a restaurantand have someone try to hand
them a glass of of drugs on NewYear's.
But I'm walking into arestaurant and they're like,
Congratulations.
And they hand me, try to handme a glass of champagne walking
into a restaurant for New Year'sEve.
Or no one's handing you a menu.
Right.
But these are this is part oflife.
Kelli Bauer (40:11):
And I do wish and I will because I will say really
quick, one thing I'd like to addis that, you know, you can't,
you can't drive down a streetwithout seeing a store.
I mean, you cannot.
So those triggers, I am seeing,you know, and someone will say,
let's say they go to a favoritebar and they'll say, I take a
different route, or I'm goingto, I really can't take a
different route.
It does not matter where Ilive, any route you take, I'm
(40:33):
going to pass a store.
And so it is, it is nearlyimpossible to get rid of, which
you kind of talk about thathope.
I just have to say, but I'm notgiving up.
I can do it.
I'm going to do it today.
You know, you talk about oneday at a time, and that's what I
do is I'm not going to stealtoday.
And that's all I worry about.
And sometimes I'm successfuland sometimes I'm not, but I I
(40:56):
will never give up.
I will tell you that.
I am proud to know you.
Danielle Elliott Smith (40:59):
And I, Jamie, who you mentioned, who is
who introduced us so that wecould have this conversation,
her suggesting to you that youserve, one of the things that I
found that was helpful for mewas anytime I did experience any
type of a I really want todrink, I would pick up my phone
and I would reach out to checkon someone else.
I found that worrying aboutother people and making sure
(41:23):
other people were doing okay andhelping others is what has
continued to keep me afloat.
Uh, that's been a huge part ofmy recovery even to this day.
If I find myself thinking,really like a drink right now,
which happens quiteinfrequently, fortunately, not
never, but far less than it usedto, I I recognize that I have
(41:47):
to do something.
And the other pieces that thesecond I start to say, I'm good,
like I don't, I don't everthink about it anymore, I
recognize that's when I have todouble down.
Absolutely when I have to dosomething to benefit my
recovery.
Kelli Bauer (42:02):
Absolutely.
And you know, I I you knowsometimes I'm lazy and sometimes
I'm, you know, feel sorry formyself and I have a pity party.
Like, why do I have to dealwith this?
But one of my best friends hasMS.
Trust me, if she don't want todeal with it.
You know, there's people thathave lost their their children.
There are people that havecancer.
Everybody has something.
Um, this just this sucks forme.
(42:24):
Um, and it's very embarrassing.
I think that's the biggestthing is my husband has said to
me, not to be mean, but he usedto say, gosh, I wish you were an
alcoholic, because at leastpeople could understand it.
It is about as shameful as youcan get.
And when I run into somebody,very rarely, unless they know
me, the whispers are she's thelady that gets caught
(42:46):
shoplifting or she's so-and-so'smom.
Um, and most people don'tunderstand it, and they just
think I'm an unethical personthat has no morals, which is
literally furthest from thetruth.
I I know right from wrong.
I have a heart of gold.
I would do anything for anyone.
But if you put me in a store bymyself, there's a pretty high
chance I'm gonna stick somethingin my pocket.
Danielle Elliott Smith (43:08):
Well, my hope is that from now on you
can refer them to thisconversation because I hope that
we can help to enlighten peoplea little bit.
And you can also let yourhusband know uh that there are
many, many, many people in theworld who think the very same
about alcoholics as your husbandfears that that people think
(43:29):
about you.
Um there were there was quite along time that there were
people who unfriended me onFacebook.
Um family who unfriended me onFacebook when I went to
treatment.
Uh and for a while.
And and that's one of thereasons I'm incredibly vocal
about it because there arepeople who are sitting at home
(43:53):
thinking they are alone.
I'm gonna stop us because ofthat.
Kelli Bauer (43:58):
I will tell you that in my um so first of all,
like I'm not normally even umwelcomed at like an AA meeting
um because I don't have analcohol addiction.
But I had I had found arecovery group through my church
that has really helped me.
And it's all addictions.
So it can be porn, um, eatingdisorders, mine's kleptomania.
And when I've told my storyevery time, I've I very rarely
(44:20):
do not have someone come up tome and say, Thank you for
sharing that.
I had no idea.
And then I've had a lot ofpeople that have come up to me
and say, I've never told anyonethis, but I shoplift too.
Now, they may not havekleptomania.
It might be part of theiraddiction.
So a lot of people that areaddicts will, you know, steal
things or do things to kind ofkeep up with their addiction.
(44:41):
But just saying that out loud,you know, they say that uh
secrets keep you sick.
I 100% believe that.
Just saying that out loud, Ithink admitting to someone else
that I do this too is veryfreeing for them.
Um, and and I get referred fromour pastor there.
And and he'll, you know,someone will call me and they'll
say, I talked to Pastor Tom andhe said you struggle with this,
(45:04):
and I do too.
Would you be willing to talk tome?
And I always am, and 100% will,but I'm also very honest with
them that I still struggle everyday.
I definitely don't have ananswer.
But if it helps to talk aboutit, I'm absolutely here for you.
Danielle Elliott Smith (45:18):
I think that community and hearing your
story come out of someone else'smouth is part of what helps.
What would you say to someonewho is potentially listening and
thinking, gosh, I've beenstruggling silently by myself?
Or someone who has a familymember who is listening and they
think, gosh, I I know, I knowpeople who struggle and they
(45:42):
feel alone.
What would you say to them?
Kelli Bauer (45:46):
I think the main thing is number one, they are
not alone.
It may be hard to believe, butthey are a hundred percent not
alone.
And to reach out to somebody,you know, I had to obviously be
very creative on trying to findsupports, even just trying to
find meetings.
But you can Google now.
I mean, there's uh I think it'sCasa, Kleptomania, and
Shoplifters Anonymous.
(46:06):
So there are organizations andthey do a Thursday night call,
and so they exist.
There's a a gentleman namedTerry Shulman that uh very
similar to me, uh, has a lawdegree and had a terrible, you
know, shoplifting addiction, andhe now runs a therapy group.
So they do exist, but you haveto work a little bit harder.
(46:27):
And I think that the morepeople that speak up, whether it
is, you know, cutting orwhatever it is, the more people
that speak up, the easier it is.
Danielle Elliott Smith (46:35):
Well, Kelly, I am incredibly grateful
to you for spending this timewith me.
If someone wanted to get intouch with you, what would be
the best way to do that?
Kelli Bauer (46:44):
Um, well, a couple things.
I'm gonna give you my cell justso anybody can text me at any
time.
So my cell is 913-707-8425,913-707-8425.
I will talk to anybody.
Um, I'm on Facebook, uh KellyLuft Bauer, which is my maiden
name.
(47:04):
And then I just started aTikTok and an Instagram account
that said it's it's two liveswith Kelly, and for the very
first time in my life, I postedmy story.
So if you go to that, I justdid it last week, and it's it's
a pinned story of me and tellingyou about my shoplifting
addiction.
So if somebody wants to reachout that way, they can.
(47:26):
And and I would love to helpanyone that I can.
Obviously, I'm I'm far fromperfect, but I at least am to
the point that I'm comfortablein my life um admitting it,
which I think is huge.
Danielle Elliott Smith (47:38):
I'm proud to know you.
I am grateful to you for takingthis time with me and having
the courage to share a storythat so many people um have
kept.
You know, there are people thatare that are keeping, like you
said, our our secrets keep ussick, right?
So it takes a lot to haveshared everything you have,
(48:00):
especially considering so muchof what happened to you blew up
and it wasn't true.
And I'm grateful that we'vebeen able to give you this
platform to set your storystraight and own the pieces that
are true and dispel the piecesthat are not.
It has been a gift to talk toyou.
Kelli Bauer (48:20):
Thank you so much.
It's been a pleasure, andhopefully, people kind of
learned a few things.
And if anyone ever hasquestions or wants more
information, I um have themreach out because I'd I'd love
to help anyone I can.
Danielle Elliott Smith (48:31):
You are wonderful.
Thank you, Kelly, so much forbeing here.
And and I will be keeping allof my fingers and toes crossed
that everything that you havemoving forward works out well,
as well as it possibly can.
And I certainly hope you willkeep us updated.
Kelli Bauer (48:46):
Absolutely.
Thank you so much.
It was a pleasure.
Danielle Elliott Smit (48:49):
Likewise.
And friends, thank you forbeing here with us.
I am always so grateful thatyou take time.
And I do hope that Kelly'sstory has inspired you, if in no
other capacity, to rememberthat you can keep going through
hard things as Kelly hascontinued to do.
(49:10):
Please turn around and sharethis story, this episode, with
people that you know and love.
And until we see you again,take very good care of you.
Naturally, it's important tothank the people who support and
sponsor the podcast.
This episode is supported byChris Dulley, a trusted criminal
(49:31):
defense attorney and friend ofmine here in St.
Louis, who believes in secondchances and solid
representation.
Whether you're facing a DWI,felony, or traffic issue, Chris
handles your case personallywith clarity, compassion, and
over 15 years of experience.
When things feel uncertain, ithelps to have someone steady in
your corner.
Call 314 384 4000 or 314 DUIHelp, or you can visit
(49:56):
Dulilawfirm.com to schedule yourfree consultation.
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