Most Replayed Moment: Buy The Plant and Start Living Here Now.

Landing in a new country can lock you into “go mode.” In this practical conversation, Mickelle and guest Erin Frobenius reframe survival energy: it’s useful at the start but it shouldn’t become your lifestyle.

Erin offers simple shifts that feel luxurious in their ease: budget your energy (some days two tasks equal ten), step outside daily, breathe, and choose presence over perfection. And act as if you’re staying - buy the plant.

They also explore community as self-care. Whether you thrive in groups or one-to-one, design your “team,” put the phone down at drop-off, say hello, host a tiny gathering. Embrace impermanence and let connection grow, even if the timeline’s uncertain.

In this episode:

• Spotting survival mode and stepping out

• Energy budgeting: two tasks can equal ten

• Daily resets: walks, breath, micro-meditations

• Community as self-care: build your “team”

• Connect as if you’re staying: buy the plant

• Preventing the crash with early mindset shifts

Listen to the full episode with Erin Frobenius: https://www.houseofperegrine.com/podcast/ep-040

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hi, I'm Mikkel Weber, founder and auteur of House of
Peregrine. Expat, immigrant, pioneer.
None of these were a fit, but Peregrine describes that we are
all about perfectly those that craft their life story with
intention. I've spent the last six years in
awe of the life changing connections and stories I've

(00:23):
experienced while living abroad and believe it is time for this
adventure to be recognized, celebrated, and elevated to the
life stage that it is. Through these interviews, I hope
to connect those living internationally more.
Deeply. To both the place they are
living and with themselves and those around them.
We cover everything from international finances and

(00:44):
meaning making. To global.
Parenting and relationships to make your time abroad more
intentional, edifying and full of beauty.
Find us at houseofperegrine.com where you can find more ways to
connect with the ethos of Peregrine.
I hope you enjoy today's guest. Let's get started.
If you've had the experience of landing in a new country and

(01:06):
felt yourself stuck in survival mode or just unable to keep up
second guessing every decision, this one's for you in this most
played moment with Erin from episode 40.
She brings a. Social work lens to
international life and gives us this reframe.
Survival energy is OK at first, but it shouldn't.
Become a way of life. This simple shift is his
permission slip to live in the now, whereas Aaron says buy the

(01:27):
plant. Let's hear what she has to say.
As they say, kids are on your Wi-Fi, right?
Like they're on your. So if you're not well and that
that survival energy gets you, gets you to where you need to
go. But how are what are some ways
that we can identify this survival energy maybe, and it is
necessary, we should say like inthose first few weeks, it's

(01:48):
important, right? We don't want to say it's not
important, but we don't want to be in it for years, no.
And it becomes and easily becomes a way of life if you're,
if you're doing international moves.
And So what? Are some ways we can recognize
this and maybe get out of it. If someone doesn't can't call
you yet, but they they can startrecognizing them in themselves,
the survival energy or survival state that they maybe can take a

(02:11):
step out. Of well, I'll give you a really
good example. So for me, I had this list of
things that I needed to do right.
One of them was figure out how to classic.
How did you use the wash, the dish, the the dryer, the dryer?
I could not figure out how to use the dryer.
It was an old dryer. It was damaging my sheets.

(02:32):
And I was like, I think something's wrong with this.
And everyone kept pushing back on me.
The landlord, the relocation person, they kept saying do
this, do this. And I was like, there's
something wrong with it, I think.
But I doubted myself. Here it was, you know, this
woman who has done laundry for 30 years and finally they sent

(02:52):
someone over and the guy repairman came and he unplugged
the dryer and he said, don't usethis.
This is a huge fire hazard. Don't plug it in.
And at that moment I was like, you know, I'm, I'm so everything
is so new to me that I'm doubting myself and everything.
So to go to your, to answer yourquestion, I think we all have to

(03:15):
just allow our self space every single day to just get outside,
go for a walk, do a meditation, just because all of these little
things that you're used to doingjust keep adding up.
And that's survival mode, right?You're just going from one thing
to the next. All these little things that you
that you are used to being part of your life, they're just
routine, are new and they're challenges and those things just

(03:39):
keep piling up. So when that happened, I
thought, OK, I, I have to figureout how I can everyday get out
and just take care of myself. We call it self-care, take care
of myself so that I'm in a better space to manage these
things. And also looking at my list, I
don't have energy today to do 10things.
I have energy today to do 2 things like that figure out.

(04:03):
Yeah, but back when you were in your in a country, you knew the
language perhaps or where you'refrom, you could do 10 exactly.
Is 2, 2 takes the same as 10. This is not a personal failing.
You are doing a lot. And so that exactly shift, that
shift is really important. And I find, and I am allergic to

(04:24):
the word health self-care, I have to say, because when I had
little kids, everyone would justsay you just need self-care.
I'm like, no, I need community, I need a village.
That's what I need. But that also was taking that is
taking care of yourself. That is taking care of yourself.
You're meeting your needs that way.
So whatever you want to call it,I I hear you around self-care,
but. No, I use it all.
Yeah, but what I think you're saying is you're saying

(04:47):
self-care is also community. self-care is also caring for
your family. self-care is also contributing to the betterment
of the international community. So you're caring for yourself is
not optional. It is not optional because if
you are not your best self, you are not going to be able to then
help. Help your family, be in your

(05:08):
family. Participate, feel happy.
You know what? Whatever it is, manage your
day-to-day life, go to work, youknow all of those things.
Yeah, and, and, and as true as it is when you're in, you know,
your home country or where you're from or where you speak
the language, whatever you want to call it, it's doubly
important here because this is not going to end.

(05:31):
This is your new reality. Yeah, things will get easier.
You'll learn the language, but then there's new things.
Yeah. And so I think making this a
practice and budgeting your timedifferently is a super important
paradigm shift. I think that if if people got to
that earlier, these big crashes might be less, less common.

(05:51):
And we've all had them, right? Big and small, even if it's a
day or a week where you're like,why is this so hard?
Yeah. My partner and I still have
them. Today we had why is it so hard?
And it's like, oh, right, we're doing a lot.
Yes, we are doing a lot, yeah. And so I think that paradigm
shift early on of this is not a luxury.

(06:13):
This it like this is your life, this is harder and also a lot of
other great things. But taking really taking credit
for for the things you're doing in a way I think is really
important and making sure that the paradigm shifts and you're
still not thinking you need to tackle those 10 things on the
list or that you can even that is a really good.

(06:36):
You also are bringing up some really good points about how
community functions. So I'd like to you to talk about
your team. I really loved you use that
word, your team or your people, because you don't longer have
family or your friends, you're rebuilding your entire social
structure. So why don't you tell me a

(06:57):
little bit about that? Like I love how you're bringing
the social work aspect and the mental health and the
international together so we canlook at it all at the same time.
So what does that look like for people?
What's the what's the strategy? Well, so the first thing I would
like to say is there are, everybody has a different way of
everyone has a different comfortlevel of putting themselves out

(07:19):
there. So I am the kind of person, I
mean, I have a background in communication and community
building. So for me, I love to network.
I love to meet new people. My I, I prefer to go to
situations by myself so I can connect with other people that
are there and meet new people. That's just, that's just who I
am. So for me, I what I tell people

(07:42):
is figure out. Be clear about what your how you
feel about connecting in a community.
Do you prefer to have? A.
One to one setting do you preferto have an art class do you like
to exercise? Do you like to whatever it is
for parents who come, they are, they have more of a social

(08:02):
network already built in than people who come that don't have
children or who have children that are in high school, right?
It's there's, there's just different levels of is.
A way to feel surrounded by people.
Yes. So for people who have kids use
that time. I always this is what I tell
everybody when you go out somewhere, put down your phone,
be available, look around, be available to talk to people.

(08:26):
I think that sometimes it's really hard for folks that are
have moved here and aren't sure because we hear this a lot how
long they're going to be stayinghere.
They often don't want to connector maybe haven't even
consciously thought that, but don't connect because they're
unsure if they're going to be staying.
They don't feel it's hard to connect when you're not sure.

(08:49):
I might be leaving. And I think even for me, that
was the the way I felt in the beginning.
And I know a couple of people that have.
And as we experience in this life, lots of people move away,
but I just decided that I'm going to connect with people as
if I'm going to be here forever because otherwise I'll never
feel connected. I'll never feel settled and I'll
always feel this uncertainty. And that to me doesn't feel

(09:11):
good. So I I just think you have the.
Mind shift, right? Like that's a mind shift shift.
Yes, it's a, it's an impermanence.
It's a recognition of impermanence and letting that be
OK. Yes, and it, and it also is
opening up yourself to heartbreak a little bit because
you might become very good friends with people who then
move to another part of the world.
And I think we all want to protect ourselves a little bit.

(09:33):
And I even experienced that whenwe first moved here.
People, I got this question a lot.
How long are you going to be here?
I felt like that was one of the first questions and I was like,
what, why are they asking that? And it was like they were also
assessing do I want to connect with her if she's not going to
be here? But I just I just feel like you
want your home to feel nice. This is I I say to people, buy

(09:54):
the plant. People are like, I'm not going
to buy a plant. Buy the plant.
You don't know, anything can change.
Just get it, you know, help yourself.
You could. Be here 8 years and you came for
a year. Yes, you could be here for
exactly, exactly, yeah. And also the plant can go to a
new home. Always to somebody else that's

(10:16):
coming here, yes. But buying the plant is a really
good example of this idea of stalling, stalling your
friendships, stalling your growth, stalling your and a lot
of connection with travel, right?
Like I think the first year we traveled to like 5 different
countries or something, we're like, yeah, this is our life now
it's full. And then kind of come back and

(10:36):
you're like, but we don't know anybody.
Yeah, yeah. And so tell me a little bit.
I love that you say you're opening yourself up to
heartbreak because you are. And that is just again, one of
those paradigm shifts, like it'snow part of the territory for
you. You don't get the incredible
meeting, incredible people meeting aligned people in rapid

(10:56):
succession, sometimes without without this reality of this
community does do a lot of moving around.
And you are one of one of those people now.
So you also, I always say everyone's a flight risk, right?
So a friend will say we need to have coffee and I'm like, oh
God, are they leaving? Like that's my.

(11:17):
For them for a while and then they want to meet.
Oh no. I have like this radar this like
they, they seem they were askingabout like, you know, there's
these certain markers that you're like, oh, they're
leaving. So I feel like I now have like a
professional radar for when people are thinking about
leaving because that's also a process, right?
Starting up life in a new place is a process, but also shutting

(11:40):
down and moving on to the next place is a is a big, big
process, and it happens very similarly for a lot of people on
the emotional side, yeah. I mean, there's the grief and
the loss in the transition rightthere.
You're grieving people that are leaving, they're leaving,
they're grieving. Everyone's transitioning.
You know, I think, I think The thing is, is that if you look

(12:00):
back on the friends that you've had for your whole life, you've
had those friends your whole life.
And it takes a long time to makereally good friends and deep
friendships. And I just you have to nurture
your friendships that you make here.
I mean, you find your people, but then you have to nurture
that, you know, you have to put yourself out there a little bit
and invite them for coffee, go for a run, join a group.

(12:23):
You know, when I first moved here, I dropped a note in every
mail mailbox in my little block and said, come have a we're
having drinks. And every single person came.
And those people are the reason that we stay here.
And not everybody is used wants to do that, but find your.
Way find your way. You have to find your way.
And I could tell you a million things that I did that worked

(12:45):
and a few things that didn't work.
And you just, you know it, you have to try and you have to
figure out what's right for you.And I think sometimes people
don't know. So I'm, you know, I can help
people sort through that. What's the best, what's worked?
One of the things I do is what has worked?
What hasn't worked? What do you want, you know?
That's amazing. And we're doing that.

(13:07):
You're an extrovert. And obviously totally.
Yeah. But there's a way for everyone
to find their way. But I think just pointing out
that this is something that everyone goes through and
everyone's gonna have to figure out.
It's just as it's just the same as finding a place to live and
putting your kids in school. Finding your people is should be

(13:28):
on your list of, you know, finding your people.
And I think the lot, the more countries you do.
I've I've talked to people who have, you know, 10 countries
they've moved to or you know, the first time is always harder,
but they have a process. They have a.
Process. They know their limits.
If this resonated, listen to thefull conversation with Aaron in
episode 40. The link is in the show notes.

(13:49):
If you're navigating like between countries, join us at
House of Peregrine and subscribeto The House.
Of Peregrine podcast. And like and share.
This episode. It means the world to us and
only takes a few seconds. Thank you.
OK, that's it for today. I hope you've enjoyed our show.
For the latest insights on living internationally, join us
at houseofperegrine.com to find out how you can connect with our

(14:10):
community. Let's craft a life story.
With intention, together.