Somatic Healing: Learn What Your Body is Trying to Tell You! | Ep 68 - House of Peregrine

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hi, I'm Michael Weber, founder and auteur of House of
Peregrine. Expat, immigrant, pioneer.
None of these were a fit, but Peregrine describes that we are
all about perfectly those that craft their life story with
intention. I've spent the last six years in
awe of the life changing connections and stories I've

(00:23):
experienced while living abroad and believe it is time for this
adventure to be recognized, celebrated, and elevated to the
life stage that it is. Through these interviews, I hope
to connect those living internationally more deeply to
both the place they are living and with themselves and those
around them. We cover everything from
international finances and meaning making to global

(00:46):
parenting and relationships to make your time abroad more
intentional, edifying and full of beauty.
Find us at houseofperegrine.com where you can find more ways to
connect with the ethos of Peregrine.
I hope you enjoy today's guest. Let's get started.
Hello everyone and welcome back to the House of Peregrine

(01:07):
podcast. I'm Michael Weber and today my
guest is Amanda McRae, a somaticcoach and founder of B or Total
Self. She is a woman whose journey
from high paced world of advertising to the slow embodied
work of healing has helped many,myself included, to begin a
journey back to the body as a way of healing and finding a way
back to self. Amanda's work is rooted in love.

(01:29):
Yes, love is a word that is so often sidelined, yet she names
it as the missing ingredient in most healing journeys.
Through deep body wisdom, curiosity, empowerment and
trust, she guides people back tothemselves, to their home body,
as she calls it. She's originally from Australia
and Amanda has lived across continents from Sydney to LA and
now back in Amsterdam. She brings a global, tender

(01:51):
perspective to her work, especially for those in
positions of leadership and influence.
She holds a particular sensitivity for what it means to
navigate transition, cultural, personal and relational.
Welcome to the podcast, Amanda. I am so excited to have you on
today. Hello, what a beautiful
introduction. Thank you so much for rewriting

(02:11):
my bio for me. Beautiful.
I'm going to cut and paste that one.
Well, you're welcome to to have it.
You don't even have to steal it.I'm so glad to have to have you
on because we we've worked together now it's been a few
years ago, but listeners to the podcast know a little bit of my
story of kind of going through abig transition.
And so even when I started this podcast two years ago, I knew I

(02:33):
wanted to have you on. So this is kind of a good, good
full circle moment for me. So I'm so glad you're here.
Yeah, I often say that tracks were laid like I, I, I always
feel like there's certain peoplethat come into your life and
you, you, you go different ways and then you, you come back and
you're one of those people that I feel like these tracks will
continue to cross. And here they are crossing

(02:54):
again. So it's great to join you.
Great. So to begin with, I, I really
think maybe most people know, but I don't think most people
do. What is somatic body work?
So I call myself a somatic coachand my understanding, the way
that I, I look at it, my business name is actually be

(03:14):
your total self. So somatic for me encompasses
the whole of the body. So when I think about the body,
it's not just the mental body orthe emotional body or the
physical body, it's the history.It is our behaviors, it's our
nervous system, it's the, the totality of all of these things.
So when I'm looking at a person,I'm realizing that the body

(03:37):
keeps score of all of these components.
And my lens actually is the pattern that is in the body.
So I, I see the belief system, we talk about the history, we
look at the emotional charge, but actually where we create the
change is from the, from the body, how it's holding it,
getting it to release it and allow whatever resource or

(03:59):
energy that is stuck to be sort of freed or felt.
Yeah, nice. And in my experience, this, this
was something I didn't know before that I got to learn a lot
of times if you're having not not always illness, but for me
it was, I couldn't explain why Iwas having these things in my
body. And I would go to the hospital
or the emergency room. Like I have a lot of things

(04:21):
going on now. I would probably say it was
something like burnout, but fromcaregiving.
But an intro, going to talk therapy or sitting down and
talking to someone didn't work because what was coming up in my
body wasn't able to be processedby my mind and out my mouth.
And so this was a really powerful way.

(04:42):
Maybe it's called a healing, maybe it's called coaching.
It's a combination of things. But why?
Why, in your words, does the body do we not always know
what's going on in our body? Think actually when you talk
about like what you're talking about is symptoms.
And I think our body is communicating to us all of all
of the time, whether it's through the sensations or these

(05:02):
these symptoms that are calling for our attention.
And what I like to say is that these symptoms or these these
sensations have a lot of wisdom for us.
But sometimes because we are human and we have this nervous
system that is wired in survivaland emotional connection,
sometimes there's a misunderstanding or a dulling,
we turn these things down or we disconnect.

(05:24):
We don't attune what I really the first step in any kind of
session or any kind of teaching that I do is actually the
awareness of like coming back and hearing and attuning to to
what is actually there. So when you talk about burnout,
what I often find is people haveran over the top of these red
flags or these these sensations that would have said, hey,

(05:47):
actually, maybe you need to resttoday or hey, actually you need
to drink more water or hey, thisconnection is not good for me.
Yes, exactly. When I'm teaching in in the the
burnout prevention workshop thatI do is, is all of a sudden
everybody wants to go to the bathroom and everybody wants to
drink. All of a sudden people get
hungry with these are the kind of signals that we're not always

(06:10):
attuning to. So that is generally a first
step. Yeah.
And when we are ignoring these signals, it's it.
We've talked, we've talked quitea bit about burnout on this
podcast, but I would love for you to go into the language that
your body is speaking. And we didn't even start.

(06:31):
First, let's talk about how you got here.
I I wanted to jump right in. I was so excited because I want
the world to know about this type of modality.
But first, tell us about you. How did you get to this line of
work? Yeah, yeah.
Well, I, I grew up in Sydney, well, on the northern beaches of
Sydney in Australia, and I was an athlete.

(06:53):
If anyone knows the Australian culture, there's lots of sports.
And I sort of fell into athletics really early on,
played hockey at a high level and I was exposed to performance
visualization. So mind, body connection,
practice to make me a better athlete.
So that's where I think the the spark was ignited and then I was
just always curious. It was just a hobby.

(07:15):
I used to meditate and I used toteach my friends how to
meditate. And then I when I gave birth to
my kids, I felt like I was in a doula in me was just like, I
know how to do this. So there was like sort of like
this curiosity, I guess. And then I was in advertising on
the board of an agency in Sydneyand then my then husband and my

(07:36):
two young kids, we moved to LA chasing the the Hollywood dream.
And while then I lost my sister unexpectedly.
And so everything flipped on itshead and it, it really turned me
inwards. And when I really connected with
myself through this, that, that healing process, I just realized

(08:01):
I just couldn't do another car commercial.
I had to do something with meaning, not that I I didn't, I
did not, not love my work and there was a lot that I loved
about it, but it just it it, it just felt a little empty for me.
I often say actually, I'd love to go back now in this embodied
way to go back and doing it again and, and see how enriching

(08:24):
it could be. So.
But yeah, so through through that process, I went into a
psychology process, met a beautiful psychologist in in LA
who actually is my friend. I'm not sure if that is even
ethically or legally OK, but we're now very good friends.
And we got to a point in our talk process where I was just, I

(08:45):
said, look, I'm showing up here.I, I understand it completely,
but I just feel so stuck. And she introduced me to a body
worker in LA. And the first session I had, I
remember there was these two parts of me.
There was this part that was like, like it was, it was
unfolding and I couldn't kind ofget in my own way sort of thing.

(09:08):
It was like it, it, my body sortof allowed it to feel the
intensity, I guess of the grief.And in a way that also felt
empowering because when I say this, other part of me was also
knowing that or trusting the innate power of my body.

(09:29):
So it was, it was overwhelming and new and also known somehow.
And so that part that in me thatreally was like, oh, I know
this. I wanted to know more, wanted to
understand more. So three months after that, I
was flying from LA to Berlin to study the work and then opened

(09:54):
up my practice in LA Years later, we moved from LA to
Amsterdam, then with teenager kids and found Amsterdam.
And my practice is here. Yeah.
So that's that's the road to to this moment.
Yeah, when you describe that first moment when you were
working with a body worker and it sounds like you're a

(10:15):
therapist at the time who's now your friend, she recognized that
there's a she had taken you maybe as far as she could for
that point and then you needed to go into the body.
And of course, maybe you were working in tandem with both
modalities, which I also find extremely powerful, especially
for children. I think children, teens, it's

(10:40):
it's like they don't always knowhow to talk about.
So if you, if you send, if you're having trouble with, with
something that just can't be named like this grief you're
talking about with your sister, which that's an incredible
story. So you were in LA and your
sister passed in Australia. Yeah, that's, that's, that's
like everyone who listens to this podcast will understand

(11:03):
the, the extra layer that is being so far away from, from
something like that. But as you're processing it and,
and it's not, it's unexpected. So things like this, we don't
have ceremony or ways of understanding culturally the
actual depth that our bodies might experience something like

(11:24):
this. So it's like, yeah, you agree if
you go to the funeral maybe and then it's done.
And so then you're left your body and your own life is left
to process what that means. And but, and I think is that
what maybe your experience was, was, is actually touching the
depth of that grief through yourbody, through the lens of your
body, allowing your body. Yeah, I, I don't think there's

(11:46):
anything more intense actually than grieving.
I think it is an it's just overwhelming in, in so many
ways. But when you talk about the
audience, the expat audience or the international audiences, so
much of I think was also delayeda little bit because I, I didn't
have all of the pop up remindersof Leanne in LA.
Like it's almost like I, I, I, we had the funeral and I flew

(12:10):
back and then I sort of just wasin this life, another life.
So I think it also is the that, you know, I think that's
probably interesting for for theaudience about that experience
or relatable. Yeah, two different lives.
Two different lives. Two different lives and then and
really compartmentalizing. So I think it slowed down the

(12:32):
grief in the first part. But then when I could actually
move it to the body, I could I could meet all of that.
I could meet the Sydney me and Icould meet the LA me and I could
meet the future me. In, in, in, in the body and.
That's so powerful, especially when we talk about place and and
some I had a guest on who she used the word biolocate.

(12:56):
Biolocate as a word for living in two different places, half,
one place 1/2 of the year and the other place another half.
And I know other people who use it as a way of like existing in
two places energetically at onceor multiple places.
And I think that the way you're using it now is super

(13:17):
interesting as well. Whereas like you have your
Sydney life and in your LA life,you don't have the grief as as
much for one reason or another, the reminders, the, the
energetics, whatever it is. And so I think it's really
important that in some way, eventually, if you're abroad a
long time, you find a way to integrate it, integrate those

(13:39):
two worlds or three or four or how many countries you've been
to. What do you see?
That's, I mean, you'd, I think you work with a lot of
international people. What do you see as the common
things that you see come up in people's bodies who have moved a
lot? Oh.
Well, it's just it's the grounding piece, it's the home

(14:01):
piece, it's the belonging. It's feeling like the outsider
all of these these things, but Ialso think that I also see the
the the the person that actuallyreally chooses to be to step out
in this way. They are the risk taker.
They are generally the, the, thebreaking new ground as well.
So often, often they're seeking something, they're curious.

(14:25):
So I think what I have to do is actually bring this nature of
theirs that actually has them stepping outside of the norm
and, and towards something and still feel at home in their
body, belonging to their body. So that they are, yeah, wherever
they are, they feel that, they feel at home, They feel
connection. And I believe if we feel

(14:47):
connected to ourselves, then we we feel connected to our
environment. Yeah, yeah.
And that rooted sense of self is, is can sometimes be elusive.
How how do you bring that? Maybe this is a good time to
talk about your work is when youcome to see you.

(15:08):
For most people, it's probably the first time they've done this
kind of work. Do you have a lot of people who
you're explaining what you do? I think over the years it's now
becoming more common, like people are now actually Googling
somatic coaching and therapy like, but when I first started,
I think people came because theyhad no other option.
Like they tried everything else a bit, a bit like through the

(15:29):
sensation that I felt. But so yeah, more people are
coming at least informed becausethey've they've seen it on
Instagram or somebody's talked about it on a podcast.
They talk about the nervous system from an informed way, but
most people, I would say, if I was that they are a curious kind
of person to kind of want to meet themselves also in this

(15:51):
way. So yeah.
But when you come to what systems are you, you're working
kind of in the nervous system, would you say like, and you
don't have to name it if you don't want to, but like, what is
the, we've got the system that we work with with like talk
therapy, which helps to figure out what's going on in your

(16:13):
brain, why you may be feeling this way, processing feelings,
maybe. How would you explain both?
Like when someone comes in the room with you but also what's
actually happening for their body?
Yeah. So any session we are having the
cognitive, the talk upfront. Yeah, and when they are talking

(16:35):
their bodies expressing something to me too, I and and
because of my way to sort of interpret the body, it helps me
to get to the core root very quickly of where the where the
part of themselves is actually being suppressed or contracted
or resisted. And, and I kind of want to

(16:56):
circle back to something you said earlier about the, the,
the, the importance of talk therapy, because we do have to
have these words, particularly for the teenagers.
I think you really highlight that, that there's an important
thing we need the language, we, we need to be able to relate to
ourselves. So often when I am first coming
to the body, we are, like I said, the awareness is the first

(17:17):
thing. I'm getting people to describe
it with words. What do you feel?
And many people are like numb. They, they don't, they, they
don't have the mind body connection.
So at first they're saying I don't feel anything or I feel a
lot and it feels overwhelming, or I feel hot, I feel cold.
And that's the door that we start to sort of relate to

(17:39):
ourselves. And then we start to notice.
Maybe we could actually take that numbness and just feel that
there is a little bit of sensitivity around it and then
start to expand it, notice wherewe're resisting it and just sort
of open up the, the, the experience to feel safely felt
for, for the individual. And that's where we start to

(18:00):
really relearn or unlearn that we can feel these feelings or
that we can connect with that part of ourselves that maybe was
offline. Yeah.
And so this, this you're helpingthem like connect back to their
body. The language of their body is
speaking to them. The body, Your body would maybe

(18:22):
go numb because you stopped listening and now it's just in
protection. Yeah, We have lots of defenders
and protectors, of course. And many of these patents that
you and I hold and all of us hold come from the earliest time
of life inside of our original family system.
We, yeah, so many times we're not even aware of the patents.

(18:44):
We might understand the belief system that says I'm not good
enough or I don't belong or I need to work hard for this.
Or like we, we might hear these,but we don't actually feel how
we're holding them in the body. So once we actually notice, oh,
it's actually in the right shoulder, a symptom might lead
us here, but you know, an achingshoulder or, or maybe an upset

(19:05):
tummy, but it's also it's, it's not always screaming at us, our
bodies in those ways. If we've got a symptom, we've
gone way, way past the first expression of it.
So, yeah, but I think what I would want to add to this, and I
think you said it in the intro really beautifully, is that

(19:27):
because we are human and becausewe learnt so many of these
things in our original family system, often the missing
ingredient is is love. And when we had our conversation
ahead of the, the, the call, I was, I, I shared with you that I
didn't realize that I was working with love until sort of

(19:48):
probably four or five years ago.And I was kind of like, Oh my
gosh, can I, can I work with that?
Can I hold these people with allthis love?
But actually what it is, it's, it's just a, it's just a, it
allows me a lot of freedom to meet an individual wherever they
are, because there's no judgement.

(20:10):
There is just. And just what is, and sometimes
that is the piece that just allows people to be like, I
never felt this. I never, I've never shared this,
I've never experienced this. And that's so, so, so powerful
for this the this human system. Yeah, and I think that the the

(20:36):
love door is where we learn a lot of it's like love
acceptance, safety has to come first before before we can heal
or integrate or relax enough to allow deeper healing or any.
I even think like shamans use, you can call it something
different, but it is this universal force of something.

(21:01):
Love is is a really good word for it.
And I think that do you see a lot of people coming to you
saying, I've never felt this level of acceptance and love?
Yeah, Yeah. And that comes from family
systems, from parenting. I'm a mother myself and that's
that. I consider that my number one
job. Basically, I'm head snuggler in
chief. And like nervous system

(21:22):
regulation is my, you know, has become my top priority because
of that. But it is very it's, it's, is it
astonishing to you how common itis that people haven't felt this
before? Yes and no, because I, I
believe, yeah, it can be like, even when you ask that question,

(21:45):
I feel a little overwhelmed and I wow this and I feel an urgency
to to help more people somehow. Like it triggers something in
me. But I think, I think it really
does just speak to the humannessof us.
It is not the fault of the original family system.

(22:06):
It, it, you know, I, I think I, I also have showered my kids
with love, maybe even too much, if that is possible, like where,
you know, maybe I disempower them to sort of feel their own,
you know, their own, their own spirit in it or something.
But I think we are all, we're all just doing our best.

(22:26):
And but I'm sort of getting lostin this because that experience
of understanding that we're all craving this really, really
touches me. Yeah, yeah, I see it as an,
well, there's that expression, we're all just walking each
other home that comes to mind because it can't just, it can't

(22:47):
just happen in your own family system.
Like, there's many, many ways tofeel this universal love.
And I think it's as simple as recognizing that it's essential
and it's and can come from many places like your work or a
teacher at school or a colleagueor a spouse.
Yeah. There's many ways a dog, a cat,

(23:08):
you know these things, they're it's abundant.
But I do think that recognizing these things can help us in our
own healing and understanding ofwhat we may be going through and
how to maybe even make ourselvesmore resilient.
Yeah, I think actually what you're referring to is the car
regulation, because as, as humans, we are wired for

(23:31):
survival. Yeah, if the scandal was to
knock over and it would start tolight things up, I would get up
and move and take care of business.
But we are wired for that emotional connection.
And if you think about the expatthat is moving from one family
or one system to another to another, often we are looking to
connect. But what I want to empower

(23:52):
somebody is that they don't needto look like the other.
It it is empowering this to feelthe love of the uniqueness that
it is alongside of the other. So inside of that session, when
I'm providing this container forpeople through that lens of
love, they start to access that part of themselves that maybe

(24:14):
was has been adapting or maybe has been whispering quietly
inside or or maybe yes, been shyto to come out or has been
numbed for for different reasons.
Yeah, yeah. Do you see it as helping people?
What it feels like to me, and this is coming from a different
lens that I have with relationships, is that every

(24:36):
crisis is asking for an an evolution of some sort.
And so your body is maybe, maybeyou're not listening to it, but
yes, that's one thing. But that it wants to keep
moving. It wants to keep growing.
It wants to keep experiencing things.
And so it if it can't, then it'sasking you to evolve.

(24:59):
Yeah. So learn new skills.
Yeah, Yeah. I think that I would use
probably the word transformationis like we can get stuck in
those things, like in the crisis, we can bunker down or we
can, we can resist it. But if we can really allow
that's where that growth happens.
That's where we meet new parts of ourselves.

(25:19):
That's where I think we have theopportunity to expand and learn
and and feel into the the potential that we all that we
that we have that maybe is not always kind of a given space.
Yeah. So when you come to your
practice, it's very much like you sit down, you chat and then
it's kind of like you, you experience like a not a massage,

(25:42):
but like you're on a massage table.
And so for you, you're sensing different things, blockages that
are happening in this person and, and through your work, you
are helping the body to move it.Is that right?
To move or change encouraging it?
How, how would you describe thatprocess?
I think every person probably describes it differently and

(26:05):
it's hard to describe. So I apologize for the question.
But. Walk us through what that is
kind of. Yeah.
So after we had the conversation, we also set a sort
of a collective intention. So the intention of the people
on the table for many different reasons might be vitality or it
might be a creative process thatsomebody's on, or it could be

(26:25):
somebody that's transitioning ina divorce or it could be that
many things. So we would use the current
situation that is going on in their life and how it is
actually being held in the body.So but then when we go to the
bodies, we we have this intention.
So the mind has got a job to join us in it.
And the very first thing, and this is like it's so I cannot

(26:47):
over emphasize is the awareness,the attunement of what is and
whether that is numb or pain or discomfort or disconnect.
That's where we come to 1st. We come to it with that
curiosity and love. And then we can start to hear
the the needs of this, of this part of the body.

(27:08):
Yeah. And then with that, we start to
have that conversation between the mind and the body that
actually are. It can take space, it can let
go, it can be soft. So my touch is very, very
gentle. My hands.
It's, it's why I call myself a coach today rather than the
practitioner. So I'm really supporting the

(27:28):
individual to, to feel somethingthat they can't yet see or to,
just to, to notice. I'm never pulling or pushing
them towards something. I'm really inviting them to see
that there is an option now to do something with what is here.
Yeah. And then actually probably
what's nice to, I think this is more answers the question is

(27:51):
what happens when that transformation or that change
happens is we connect with a lotof the energy that we're stuck.
So for me, when I was first on the table, all of that energy
that was being controlled because the grief was
overwhelming was also my love and my creativity and my
connection with my kids and my partner.

(28:12):
All of that had a lot of energy.And so my body trembled.
I got cold and chivalry. And so when a client releases
trauma for one of a better word or from the body, it comes with
this beautiful, beautiful charge.
Yeah. So if I were to play that back
to you, that is like you're, you're doing a lot of effort to

(28:34):
not process something big. So you're having to really, your
body, whether you know it or not, is taking a lot of
resources that it uses for otherthings just to keep this grief
in a little box or inside and not fully processing it through
the system. Yeah.
And that and that cuts off your access to other, to energy, to

(28:55):
other things like this. Yeah, One of my favorite words
is effortlessness. Effortlessness.
How can we build it more effortlessly ourselves?
Because in any kind of pattern there is a contraction of sorts.
Yeah. So resistance is a contraction.
Yeah. And, and, and I work with a lot
of leaders, a lot of people of influence and, and I love

(29:17):
working with women too in, in these kind of positions, but
because of culture, they've had to do a lot of effort to get to
these places. So they're so used to putting
their elbows out and to, to leaning in at the boardroom and
to, you know, to, to coming with, you know, proving
themselves with great effort. So often that's a really kind of

(29:40):
very even intention like, well, I'll lose my productivity, I'll
lose my place, I'll, I'll fall behind.
And, and so, but actually what we, we find and if I use myself
as an example, when I first started this work, I could only
see two clients in a day becauseI would be exhausted.
And that's because I was doing so much effort.

(30:01):
I so wanted to help people. I so wanted to get them across
the line. But actually today when I see,
you know, I have an A client dayseveral days a week, I, I am
coming with an effortless way. And that's because I'm trusting
this love. I'm trusting myself to be able

(30:21):
to, but I don't need to carry orhold and I can I can meet these
people with so much energy from that place.
So yeah, if it is a if it effortwould be a great thing for all
the listeners to just notice where are you doing effort right
now and could you just soften ita little and it doesn't have to

(30:41):
go from zero to 10? Yeah, if we just dropped the
effort from our shoulders by just by just 2%, there's a there
is a little bit more space for something else.
Yeah, that gets tricky because, yeah, so make that tangible.

(31:02):
So like you said, maybe make it a goal to drop your shoulders
every time you notice. That's one step.
But when I from when I started working with to when I ended
working with you, it it went from I have to do everything.
I am alone. I I have to do everything to

(31:25):
when I'm in my best self, when I'm trusting the most, I can
flow through a day and not thinkabout anything and everything
comes when I need. And it sounds very mystical and
or something or silly, but it ina broader sense, that's once
you've done the effort, let's say good.

(31:47):
Would would you say like good job that got you here, what's
going to keep you here and generating things in a in a
positive way for so your body's not breaking down so you can
listen to your body is this new skill of ease.
Yeah. And letting things come in and
you are not the power source anymore.
Yeah, I like this description actually.

(32:07):
So what I what I hear is that and and what I would want people
to understand. It's not that I that we don't
that I'm taking away the abilityto Sprint or the ability to
actually run the and to do all of that.
We just don't want that to be our only way, our automatic way
of being. So doing everything.
Doing everything and the realityis, yeah, being a mum and a

(32:30):
working mum. And if we're only doing with
that switch on that place of effort, then we we are going to
exhaust ourselves. That beautiful expression of
like what you said, like when I actually really let go and I, I
allow myself with all of the capacity that I have to, to walk
through my days. Things flow, things find me.

(32:51):
I think that this is what I would want to teach everybody
actually, that we have the capacity to be able to find the
ground in all the, the, the daily stress.
And that's the point is we, we will still have stressful
moments, but we won't suffer in them.
We will still feel the the chaos, but we will actually be

(33:12):
able to see the options. So yeah.
Yeah, yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
And, and this brings us back, atleast in my experience, to the
language of the body and, and how, and knowing the language,
everybody's body is probably giving them different signals.
And interestingly, there was onething that came up in one of my
sessions with you that I've usedso much that is like this thing

(33:34):
my knee does when there's danger.
So I'll be like, oh, and I don'thave, I, it's not coming here.
I don't feel danger, I don't think.
But if my knee tenses up, I'm like, Oh, I'm going to take a
look at that. And that's my, my little sign
with my body that I need to be more cautious.
And still I might do it. But at least I've, I've given it
because often our body is so wise to things that cognitively

(33:58):
we can't see that, that just knowing that that's my little
thing my body does for me has really steered me at a lot of
things. But as you say, and a lot of
people say, our body's talking to us constantly.
It's sensing things we don't see.
We have our intuition, we have, you know, our Spidey sense, we
have everything going on. So the advantage to learning

(34:20):
that that system is something that comes from it could come
from crisis, like you said, likeyour shoulders trying to tell
you something, it's hurting. You have tense shoulders.
I everyone has 10 shoulders. I have 10 shoulders still, but
but we can then learn the meaning of these things and and
in a way that really can benefitus.
And so how do how do you begin to teach people the language of

(34:44):
their body? Yeah.
And I think this is probably a little bit unique to my approach
actually, is that what I really like to do is to help somebody
really translate that so often. And, and everyone has different
approaches. Of course you can.
There's, there's many different ways, you know, I'm seeing
somatic yoga classes and there'ssomatic experiencing.

(35:04):
And there's the word somatic is everywhere right now.
But in my approach, what I really wanna do when I when I
feel into your knee that is actually in contraction.
What I would want to do is just unpack a little bit more about
the quality of play. The if you think about our
knees, it wants to run, it wantsto jump, it wants to have
freedom, it wants to pivot. But also our legs store a lot of

(35:28):
our childhood stuff. So this is where we would need
to go probably more to the core root of where this knee of yours
had to hold where it wanted to run and jump and play or jump
outside of the box, but it had to stay in in one place.
So when we can start to also connect it to the core root of

(35:52):
where this need learnt this, there's also an opportunity to I
think to also not just feel it as a symptom, but also feel into
that younger part of you and to and to choose for her today to
to skip and to dance and to, to be the one outside of the box.
Yeah, or and choose that's for me, for me at least right now

(36:14):
that's the big lesson, right. Thank you for your input And now
I'm going to choose yes or no like you're you're scared and I
will take that in consideration.It's a little bit parts work,
right? Like recognizing it's coming
from a younger part and a wise probably younger part and then
using my current self to make the decision.

(36:34):
Yeah, but knowing that and again, I feel like I'm always
learning, which is another really cool thing about this.
You think as a maybe mid age person that you know yourself
really well maybe and who you are, but your work be your total
self. It it feels like you you're
opening up other ways of knowingyourself and learning about

(36:54):
yourself through your body and through your experiences.
And that that's really powerful work for your life, for your
family, for of course, if you're, if you're having
sickness, it can be very helpful.
What are other reasons that people would come see you?
Would you ever have someone cometo see you preventatively?

(37:17):
Oh, absolutely, absolutely. And I think today, like when we
talked about where where the work has has come from, people
used to come because they had that they didn't have any other
option. So I had a lot of very unwell
people on my table. Today people are coming and
doing a vitality process where they just come, you know, the
authors and the, you know, the, the artists and the mums and

(37:39):
the, the expat that's just landed.
It's like they come once a monthfor a tune up to, to connect to
self, to learn some new tools. So and, and I really, I, I love
all of my clients, but I really love that part of the work where
people are really coming from anempowered place because it's a

(38:00):
very, it's a very different session.
If I have somebody that actuallywe're just working to regulate
the nervous system, really getting them to just feel what
is and to feel that safety versus if somebody comes in
already attuned to self, we can really stretch into that
potential piece in a, in a, in adifferent way.

(38:20):
Yeah, Yeah, lots of reasons. Yeah.
And I would say for me, there's healing that happens, right?
And then there's growth that happens.
And my, my story of coming and moving abroad definitely was the
beginning of a self knowledge. Like it was the beginning of a
new era of knowing myself. And that has come in the form of

(38:43):
working with you, working with avery intense couples process,
with psychedelic training with someone we've had on the
podcast, Janine and Hans. And then just through my kids,
getting to know another languageand learning my own culture from
the other side. So moving abroad can be a
catalyst for many things. It changes.

(39:05):
So I want to, I'm always trying to recommend this type of work
as part of people's arsenal, because when you land somewhere
new, what's happening in your body that so obviously new
patterns, any patterns you had are, are going to repeat, are
going to repeat where you go, wherever you go, there you are,
right? So there's that.

(39:25):
But then what additional does itbring this ungroundedness you
talked about? What can people come to you to
not prevent? But what's the concept that
people can come to with you? It's like I've landed into a
country. I need to do this, this, this,
this, that's I, I think somatic processing of some sort is one
of those things. And so how would you say that?

(39:49):
What part of the process should that be?
Well, I think actually you raised a couple of points.
Yeah. So change actually creates
change too. Yeah.
So we do bring ourselves, we will find those things, but I
think there is also a fertile ground.
So what I would be looking at isthat how do we create the
structure that you want? Yeah.

(40:10):
So structure would be the thingsthat would kind of give us some
rhythm in our days. Yeah.
And you know, in those first sort of three to six months,
like, like everything. New like where to buy the milk
or where it is even located in the supermarket.
And so like the structure has tobe kind of rewritten and that's
that's a great opportunity to find a new way of those beats

(40:33):
that we want our bedtime routines is a structure that has
the opportunity to change when we move.
So, but if I think about like somebody who's just landing here
and is, is wanting to use the work, what I would be doing is
looking them to them to get themto embody their bones.
Our bones are the structure that's inside of us.

(40:56):
Our bones are the earth that is grounding us to ourselves.
It is they are quiet and strong and solid.
And if we just like even now as I start to kind of feel my
bones, I start to feel a different kind of vibration in
my legs. It's just like there is a,
there's a yeah, a grounding quality.

(41:17):
But yeah. So I would be giving strategy
around these patterns and behaviors that we could put in
place. And I would be also attuning
them to their legs and the the bones that are actually inside
of them. But often our muscles are trying
to do what our bones do. They're trying to hold
structure. There's that effort piece again.
So if we can get them to soften and to actually trust this

(41:38):
beautiful collarbone and to feelall of the parts of ourselves in
an embodied way, we have more, we'll time more of that flow and
freedom and newness. I think that's true actually is
what we're often really terrified of.
But actually what the expat is seeking is the it's like, I want
it. Can I have it?
I want it. But how do I understand that I'm

(42:00):
going to be OK if I've never really ever experienced it?
And that is that trust of self. Yeah.
To be able to take the steps to be able to stand in what it is
and to and to be able to walk away or to to have that trust.
Yeah, yeah. And so when we're talking about

(42:21):
transitions like this, there's lots of transitions.
So having a baby I think is a really great time after having a
baby or before having a baby, moving country.
When a relationship dissolves, Iknow you have personal
experience with this, but also many of your clients.
When a relationship dissolves, Apartnership, a marriage, what
does what does that do to your to your body, to your systems,

(42:44):
and what does that process look like?
I. Think it it, it creates again,
an opportunity to connect with something a little bit deeper.
So I was in a marriage for 25 years and my, my kids that I
talked about earlier on, they are now 23 and 21.
My 23 year old lives in Stockholm.
My 21 year old's in Sydney. She's currently here with me

(43:05):
right now and my, the father andmy kids are still living in, in
Amsterdam. We still live in the same, same
city, but going through that transition.
For us, it was not just COVID and divorce and kids moving from
high school into university and leaving the house.

(43:25):
So as we had so much kind of change going on And I really, I,
I, I really think if I, I hadn'tdone the work, I, I probably
would have found myself back home.
I probably would have packed my bags and gone somewhere that I
knew that I could just be safe. Yeah.

(43:49):
But actually, I think knowing that I could take the steps
through it, that this change waspart of my process and the
journey to actually being the better mom, the better partner,
the better me, the better coach.It, it, it.

(44:10):
Yeah. It allowed me to, yeah.
Keep walking towards what was unfolding.
Yeah, so the the safety and loveyou felt in your own body
allowed you to be able to do theright thing for yourself, for
your own. Would you call it progression?
Would you call it your own path?What would you?
How would you call that? I, I, I, I call it my unique me.

(44:34):
Like I, I think it's also an inner being.
I use many words. That inner being is also love,
but it's also potential. I sometimes I shy away from the
word potential, but it's like there we all have a different
kind of capacity. Usain Bolt can run really fast.
That's because he's got a capacity for it.
Other people are really creativebecause, you know, they have a
certain capacity for it. So I, I think when when I, when

(44:59):
you ask this question now, what I felt into was actually it is
that adult part of me being ableto choose to be able to express
Amanda, to be able to, to live from this place.
Yeah. Yeah.
And so if someone comes to you saying I don't know what like

(45:21):
I'm in a relationship, I don't know, especially long term
relationships, especially when you're in a different country
together. It's a big it's a it's a
foundation shake to to change relationship.
And so is that how you help people process it?
It like should I say or should Igo as a massive question for
therapists or any kind of things?

(45:42):
Do you help people find that safety if they're having that
question within themselves? Is that the first?
Yeah, I think what actually getsentangled, like when you give
this as an example, sometimes it's fear telling us no or yes,
but actually that's not our truth.
So when we come to the body, we can actually really connect.
Actually, I really love this person, but I'm really

(46:04):
frightened of taking the next step with them.
So actually they. So this is where sometimes,
yeah, we can misinterpret the inthat contracted place that this
resistance is telling us something that is our truth.
No, no, no, no. This resistance is actually
trying to protect us from the change that will come if we just

(46:27):
said yes to this. So that's that's what happens is
that there's a certain clarity that comes.
There is a certain. Yeah, knowing.
Yeah. When you're using all of your
resources, it turns out you get better answers.
Yeah, yeah. And, and that answer is not
always comfortable because if I'm choosing not to be with my

(46:48):
partner that I've been with for a very long time, I'm also
disrupting the people that I love.
So if we keep ourselves small and stay small and stay small,
this is a very unwell place to live from.
This is a very disconnected place to live from.
Yeah, yeah. So yeah.

(47:08):
Yeah, and I think the biggest transitions we can go through
are some of those. And when people do them abroad,
I that's why I, I put it if, if I have a, a conversation with
someone, IIA lot of times do these consultations where I sit
down with someone and I say put together your team, your team of
how to land well, how to live well.

(47:29):
And this is often on my list because it, it just solves so
many, it doesn't solve so many problems.
It gives you so many more resources to thrive because it
is a very intense experience moving countries and you've now
done it twice across multiple continents and and for your kids
and and you become if you're well resourced, it becomes a lot
less struggle. And so that's that's yeah, I

(47:51):
think it's just a really important step.
How tell me you you've mentionedit a couple times, but I want to
give people something really clear.
If people want to start just on their own at home with maybe
peeking into what their body is trying to tell them, maybe
they're not burned out. Maybe they're, they're just
like, oh, I want, I'm interestedto learn what my body's telling

(48:13):
me because obviously it's a vastresource.
Where would you tell them to start?
What's the few tips they could just use in their everyday life?
I think movement, I think breath, I think awareness and
curiosity. They would be sort of the first
things that sort of pop up. But it is just like what?
Right now while I'm sitting withyou, I can still feel a lot in

(48:35):
my body. So I have a tingling sensation
in my feet. I feel the heaviness of myself
in my chair and still I can havea conversation with you.
I could imagine myself if it wasfive years ago and I was doing a
podcast, I'd probably be sittingup and I'd probably be
overthinking. And so I, I think what I would,

(48:56):
would just encourage people to do is to, to look at, look at
ways they like to move. So it doesn't mean going to the
gym. It can be the walk in the park
or the ride on the bike, or it can be the yoga.
There's just many ways. And when you are in those
places, you're really experiencing what it feels like.

(49:19):
Yeah. So right now, I'm really feeling
what it feels like to sit here and talk with you.
When I'm riding my bike. I feel the air touching my skin.
I'm smiling at the people aroundme.
And I'm looking and I'm, I am feeling my feet moving and my
heart rushing. And so feeling what is that
would be the first thing. Breath is an easy tool for a lot

(49:39):
of people. And I love breath.
And I also have a resistance to a lot of the breath stuff that's
going on right now where it's really active breath because a
lot of people's systems are not ready for that deep breath and
it sort of pushes them even higher out.
But just attuning to the breath.And many times when we meet our

(49:59):
breath, we feel the discomfort of where we are contracting or
where we're not allowing. So there we would just play a
little bit with choice and I would just say tacked on us.
Also, get your hands on your kids or your friends and if you
don't go and have a massage and really be active in the massage,
like don't just let it happen toyou.

(50:21):
Really experience the touch. Let yourself breathe with the
touch. Let yourself make the yummy
sounds of the touch. Yeah, there's some sort of sort
of easy access points, but there's also a really big
growing community of somatic practitioners.
Now. I had a beautiful evening here a
couple of weeks ago with a room full of psychologists, and I

(50:42):
introduced them to some practitioners that I would
recommend that are in and aroundAmsterdam.
And I first landed here. What?
Yeah, 10 years ago. I think it was me and maybe one
or two others from different modalities.
But now there's like 40 or so practitioners here.
So there is a, there are many options out there.
I would be very happy to, you know, to connect people if they

(51:06):
can't get into me, but to, to connect people to, to other
practitioners in the, in the city.
Nice. Yeah, yeah.
And so I just want to play that back.
So if whatever you're doing throughout the day, choose
something and just take a momentto really be in it and notice
everything about it. Yeah.
And I would add this, I don't know if this is next level.

(51:27):
What if you feel a pain? That can be scary if you feel a
pain when you've tuned in. Yeah, yeah.
Good. Question, what do you recommend
people do? Yeah, and we are gonna meet
pain. Yeah, like even now I'm sitting
with my legs crossing and as yousay, I'm feeling pain.
Then I actually think I might uncross my legs.
So I was not really feeling the discomfort that maybe I was

(51:47):
causing myself. So but sometimes pain is chronic
pain is is is it really is stuckin the body.
So it just needs some attention first.
Often when we go towards pain, it will increase.
It may also dissolve. It might also express like my
leg just said, please uncross me.

(52:08):
Like there I could have tuned toits knee, but yeah, but actually
going towards it. And this is where that love
piece fits in. When we go towards it, if we're
going towards it on our own, we might be like, I don't have time
for that pain right now. I've got to, you know, I've got
to pick up the kids or I've got to, you know, I want to just
just for you to be quiet or I'm frustrated by you.

(52:30):
If we're coming with that kind of mind body, body connection,
the pain's just going to either get tighter and contract and try
and hide itself in some way. But if we can come to it
lovingly and kind and be like, oh, yeah, OK.
I see that it actually needs a bit of attention and and pretty
much we can feel what it actually actually needs.

(52:51):
Yeah. And that's a kind of abstract
concept for a lot of people. But the practice just starting
with, for me at least, like so immediately when I would feel
pain, I would get scared. And so then it would turn back,
I would turn it back off. And so just even the practice of
not being scared. So my first step was feeling the
pain. And as silly as it sounded to

(53:12):
me, being like, OK, pain, what do you need?
And most times it would just disappear.
Yeah, yeah. And this comes from.
Thought about how would I attachgo towards my kids with this
kind of pain? Yeah, I would be like, come on,
like, let's go. I mean, like, oh honey, what is

(53:34):
it? Do I need to get a little hug or
a little kiss? Or can we just sit here and just
maybe give it a little massage or just just rest for a moment?
Yeah, but just acknowledging it sometimes is the first step to,
like you said, uncross. It'll change your entire
pattern. If you notice you're crossing

(53:56):
your legs all the time and then you stop crossing them, or if
you're you're shallow in your breath more often than you
realize, these things over time cause enormous changes
throughout your life. It's like the butterfly effect.
And so I want people to come away with this notion.
It doesn't have to be always starting this process with you,

(54:16):
which it should. Like if someone, and that's my
last question for you, is like, what are the processes with you
as a coach? But they have a place to start.
But if they want to come to you as a coach or Someone Like You,
what are the moments? What are the scenarios that
people might do it? And what does a process look
like? I'm sure it's different for
everybody, but like in general? Yeah, yeah.

(54:38):
So I would say if people will belistening to this and will feel
naturally pulled to it, I would say feel that pull and act on it
like feels. This is a this is your internal
being saying yes, now make the movement towards it.
And maybe it's not towards the coach, but maybe it is towards
the the breath work or it is towards the yoga movement that

(54:58):
you were looking for. It is towards the lay in the
park. So listen to that pool and and
follow through. But what a process would look
like I'd people can come for onesession that can wake something
up and then then they continue in their, their talk therapy
process or with their chiropractor or with their
acupuncture. But generally what I like to say

(55:20):
is like around the third or fourth session, like there's a
certain amount of tools and awareness that really lands with
a person. So it's like they, it's, I see
them all attuning to my hands rather than me vocalizing it,
they start to to move towards it.
So that that happens for me around that third or fourth

(55:42):
session. And then of course, like I said,
the process can be yeah, for leaders or for, for, for
creative. So I have an artist that's
showing right now who's, and, and she's working on a new
project that's going to be in Paris.
And it's all about her voice. So we're, we're, we're working
very clearly on something that she's really wanting to create

(56:04):
from an authentic place. So it's, it's so it's so varied.
And that's, that's why it is be your total self.
It's like we meet the individual, we meet the
situation that you're staying meet, we meet you where it's at.
Yeah. And if someone wanted to come to
you to be a more attuned parent,that would be a different,
different process. Yeah, absolutely.

(56:26):
But what we would find actually in that like I have this often
that it's the mothers or the leaders or the the people
wanting to do it for somebody else.
What I would be able to do is tokind of bring them back here.
There is a there is an unmet need or an unexpressed
expression that is happening here that would allow them to
then parent differently. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(56:51):
That's, it's such a good advice.So that's the coaching I think
that you're talking about is you're really coaching them back
to themselves, teaching them about what their body is trying
to tell them, and that helps change patterns in every part of
their life. Yeah, yeah.
So we would maybe if we were working with the mum and there

(57:14):
will be a absolutely a ripple oneffect because the mum is also
the sister or the mum is also the daughter.
The mum is also the creator, themum is also.
So when we this, these shouldersnot compartmentalizing, they're
a part of the the total experience of of that person's

(57:37):
life. Yeah, yeah.
And I guess I have one more question.
Men do this work. I've, I've known a couple men
who've done this work also. And it we're all humans.
So we've talked a lot about women using this work, but I
know you also work with men. So I want to touch briefly on
what are the struggles that men might experience that are unique

(57:57):
in this culture. OK, that's, I mean, I probably
have I would say 45% of my clients are men.
So I, I, I see across the day, Isee a lot of men.
I would say the suppression of anger power is often something
that they want and know that they want to express that they
keep setting things small. I think yeah, feeling, feeling

(58:24):
comfortable also in their feminine sides, fit.
And when I say feminine, I'm talking about qualities like in
the softer nurturing sides, they're sensitive sides.
They're sort of often an entanglement of like, can I can
I really see and feel all of this and and still be the
provider or the the? Strong, strong, strong.

(58:47):
Person, I have a lot of men on my table right now that are
really struggling with, with sleep that are really restless
in the rest. So helping them sort of feel
into the, the letting go of. And, and because there's so much
change going on in the world right now, this particularly, I

(59:09):
think of that masculine role that they're having to sort of
let go of some of these old waysand to allow the news that is,
is, is emerging not just around us, but inside of us.
Yeah. Well, that's good insight.
I'm glad I asked you that question because I think it's
it's helpful to see some of these things in yourself.
Yeah, as well. Yeah.

(59:30):
Cool. Well, tell us how people can
reach you and your practice in Amsterdam.
And I know you work maybe in Australia a bit as well.
Do I have that right or no? Yeah, so I travel in and out, so
I toggle between Australia, LA and here.
My base is in Amsterdam so people can reach me.
I've got a beautiful new websitejust about to launch at Be Your

(59:51):
Total dot com and there you can find me with the same handle on
Instagram or look me up on LinkedIn, Amanda McRae And I'm
happy to sort of to sort of alsoshare other practitioners.
Yeah. So I, I really also want people
to to, to know that this work isan option, not just that I'm an

(01:00:12):
option, but there are there are so many practitioners around the
world that actually do very, very good work and I I would
just love people to know that they can find their way.
So if if that was. As a request or a question to
where they're located would be really handy for me to know and
I can kind of point them in the direction of introducing them to
somebody else. That is incredibly, that's

(01:00:33):
incredibly. I've never had anyone do that
say that before, but I know, I know you're very busy and
sometimes you have a booked schedule.
So that's very generous. OK, So we will put that down
below. And I want to thank you for
joining me today and also just for the work you do in the
world. And especially for me, it's been
extreme, extremely powerful. So I hope that everyone who's

(01:00:55):
listening can, if this is helpful for them, they can reach
out to Amanda or find someone with this very powerful modality
of work. I want to thank everyone for
joining us and I will see you next time on the House of
Peregrine podcasts. OK, that's it for today.
I hope you've enjoyed our show. For the latest insights on
living internationally, join us at houseofperegrine.com to find

(01:01:19):
out how you can connect with ourcommunity.
Let's craft our life story with intention, together.

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Somatic Healing: Learn What Your Body is Trying to Tell You! | Ep 68

Episode Transcript

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Somatic Healing: Learn What Your Body is Trying to Tell You! | Ep 68