Transforming Adversity into Empowerment - Carlene Fonseca - How Do You Say Success in Spanglish?

Episode Transcript
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Raul Lopez (00:04):
This is Raul Lopez and you're listening to how Do
you Save Success in Spanglish.
The path to success isn't easyFor minorities and people of
color.
Many attempt this journey withlittle to no guidance.
Join me as I sit down withindividuals who share their
stories of perseverance so thattogether, we can learn how to
say success in Spanglish what'sgood, mi gente, it's your boy,

(00:33):
Raul.
Welcome back to how Do you SaySuccess in Spanglish.
Today we have Carlene Fanzica.
How's it going?
Hello?
Hey, welcome to the show.

(01:00):
Hello, a long way from whereyou were in high school to where
you are now and we've reunitedrecently and it was great to
catch up and I'm definitely gladyou reached out and asked me to
jump on the show, and so I'm soexcited to have you here today.
Thank you so much for being here.

Carlene Fonseca (01:13):
Thank you.

Raul Lopez (01:14):
Yeah, and so just to kind of give an intro on
Carlene.
Carlene Fonseca, the CEO andChief Consultant of the Greatest
you Consulting, brings adiverse and rich background in
leadership, community engagementand education.
Carlene holds several roles inlong-term contracts, such as the
statewide director for theRhode Island Afterschool Network
, working with professionals inout-of-school time throughout
the state of Rhode Island, acore faculty member with College

(01:36):
Unbound, an educational programfor non-traditional adult
learners.
Carlene also spent some time asa program director in Central
Falls School District, where shemanages significant budgets and
led impactful educationalprograms.
Carlene's educational journeyincludes a BA in government from
Georgetown University, an MA incriminology from George
Washington University and anongoing MBA from Providence

(01:58):
College.
She has also attainedcertification skills in diverse
areas like social-emotionallearning facilitations, yoga,
mental health, first aid andracial equality facilitation.
Carlene's motivation for thebusiness stems from her
commitment to fostering personaland professional growth,
utilizing her strengths instrategic thinking, leadership
and community development.
Carlene is a proud mother, alifelong learner, loves

(02:20):
listening to podcasts andhitting the gym.
She enjoys a healthy lifestyle,both physically and emotionally
, and recovery as a survivor ofchildhood and adult traumatic
experiences, and lovesempowering others in the
community to become their bestself.
Welcome to the show.

Thank you for having me.

Raul Lopez (02:36):
Yeah, it's very impressive.
You do so much and I follow youon Instagram so I see all the
stuff you post all the time andthe things you're making moves
on, so I'm really excited tokind of get into it.
So I guess, to kind of startoff, tell me you know who is
Carlene.

Yeah, thank you .
Thank you for that introduction.
And who is Carlene?
That's a good question rightBecause growing up I've been
trained to, I think, societywe're just trained to like
define ourselves by our rolesand the things that we do in our
jobs.

(03:14):
And that's why I started sayinglike my roles are right,
because I am a person outside ofany position.
I hold any job, any career.
Outside of any position, I holdany job, any career.
I'm a mother.
I'm a dog mom.
I'm someone who loves movementand exercise and anything that

(03:35):
gets my mind and my body moving.
I love helping people.
I'm a lifelong learner.
So whether that's reading,that's learning more about
myself.
I'm like 34 years old, I think.
Every single day I'm learningsomething different.
So I would say Carleen is awork in progress.

(03:57):
I am settling into my own skinand learning who I am, and I'm
very proud of that.
So, we'll get into it, but on asurface level.
That's who I am.

Raul Lopez (04:12):
Nice, nice.
Yeah, I think that lastsentence, you know, settling
into your own skin, is kind of alifetime progression.
You know, every year you mightget a little bit better and
better with it, but it's neversomething you fully get used to,
especially early on.
You know, like you said, we'realways, we're always defined
sometimes by the roles where wethink we're supposed to be, in
that we never really understandwhere we're supposed to go.

(04:33):
And so I'm glad to hear thatyou know, you're, you're, you're
doing so well with that, so Iget you know.
So, obviously, one of thethings you said when in your
pre-interview questionnaire isthat you know.
You said you are from centralfalls by way of cape verd.
Um, you know, for most peoplethose are two words that they've
never heard, especially in onesentence.
So can you tell me a little bitabout you know, uh, being cape

(04:54):
verdian and growing up incentral falls?

yes, absolutely so.
I.
I I joined the sorority incollege and we always used to
say, by way of if somebody waslike not originally from the
United States.
And although I was born inAmerica, born and raised in
Central Falls, I identify veryheavily with my Cape Verdean

(05:19):
culture, especially as a firstgeneration person here,
especially as a first generationperson here.
So my parents came here fromCape Verde in the 80s and they
didn't have a college education,they barely had a middle school
education, but they alwayspushed on to all of us like get
a degree and you know, be alawyer, be a doctor, you know

(05:42):
those things that immigrantparents tell their kids to do.
So I did well in school and Ilove Central Falls.
I got a tattoo of CF becauseit's my initials, but it's also
where I'm from, and growing uphere taught me a lot.
It taught me a lot and I didwell, like academically.

(06:05):
I graduated number two in myclass.
My brothers and sisters allgraduated number one.
So I was the one that was likethat.
I was the odd ball.
I was the one that used to getin trouble.
I experienced a lot ofchildhood traumatic experiences.
So I think with that I startedacting out.
I actually just got diagnosedwith ADHD as an adult because of

(06:30):
my daughter and I wish likesomebody had picked up on that a
long time ago.
But I always did well and onething that CF taught me was
perseverance.
So I tell people I may not havehad the best education here
upper bound helped offset thatbut I was taught to persevere

(06:51):
that, no matter what I wentthrough, that I would find a way
.
If one path didn't work out, Iwould go another route.
So I'm very proud proud of that, being from Central Falls.

Raul Lopez (07:05):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, even though I kind of finished
at the tail end of my lifegrowing up in Pawtucket and my
parents still live in Pawtucketnow.
I did spend a lot of my earlyages growing up, I think from
like first grade to about aboutsixth, seventh grade in Central
Falls.
I think I started Central.

Falls Junior.

Raul Lopez (07:22):
High School and then left to Pawtucket, so I can
remember it all over.

So yeah, central falls.

Raul Lopez (07:25):
I think I started junior high school and then uh
left to patucket.
So, uh, so, yeah, so cf has adear place in my heart for
people you know.
Look up central falls, rhodeisland.
Uh, learn about the uh, tiniestlittle city in the tiniest
little town, uh, in the tiniestlittle state.
Uh, there's a lot of amazingculture in in that city of
central falls, so's great.
I love being there and thenwatching it develop from where

(07:46):
it was years ago to where it isnow has been pretty amazing.
So, and I agree, I mean CentralFalls is not the smoothest
place to grow up with this brothand there is a lot of
perseverance that occurs thereand people you know, a lot of
strength in that town and forthe people there.
But obviously you mentioned alittle bit about um having to
deal with a variety of childhoodtrauma and stuff like that, but

(08:08):
would you mind sharing a littlebit about that?

yeah, absolutely, um, and I'll talk a
little bit more about, like mycape burying heritage.
So, um, we, I had a huge family.
My grandfather had 34 kids,different women, um, and I ended
up meeting a lot of my unclesand aunts in adulthood and my

(08:31):
grandfather he actually died bysuicide in Cape Verde the year
before I was born and we neverreally grew up talking about
feelings, mental health, I thinklike at first I thought it was
like Cape Verdeans who justdidn't do that, but it's every
culture, right.
Like everybody just talkedabout mental health and those
challenges and sweeping thingsunder the rug and it's like as

(08:53):
long as the garden looked clean,it didn't matter what happened,
like inside the house, right,even till this day, it's like
that.
So, growing up, I was like in anemotionally abusive household,
um, neglectful, like my parentsdid everything that they could,
like I was always even growingup in central paul's, it's like

(09:15):
everyone was like poor, quoteunquote, right.
So it's like you, I, I didn'tgo without, but what I did go
without was that emotionalsupport and and structure and
checking, checking, checking inand validating my feelings.
Like my emotions and myfeelings were never validated
growing up.
So I always grew up likequestioning myself and my worth,

(09:38):
um, and then like early lateelementary, early middle school
um, I was like sexually abusedby a great uncle and that kind
of like mess turned my wholelife upside down and I started
like acting out in school.
My grades started going down andnow that, as I'm older and I'm

(10:01):
getting into like psychology andhealth and wellness and
learning about all this stuff,it's like I had all the signs
that something was like wrongwith me, something happened to
me, and no adult in my lifewhether it's like a mentor,
teacher, parent checked in tosay like what is going on, right
?
And so I kept it silent until Iwas an adult.

(10:22):
I just came out with that a fewyears ago and we'll get into
like the effects of all of that.
But growing up I just felt likeI needed to always validate
myself and improve my worth, andespecially in like a Cape
Verdean culture like you justyou just keep it quiet and keep

(10:45):
it moving, keep it pushing.
So I mean that's what I did andI was able to excel in school,
like I said, but inside, deepdown, like things just weren't
right.
That makes sense.

Raul Lopez (11:00):
Yeah, no, not completely, not to say anything
about me, but the culturalaspect of our lives where our
emotional well-being, especiallyback in the day, you know, back
when we were growing up as kids, it wasn't as big as it is now.
You know, now there's a bigfocus on it.
Now there's a big thing whereevery time your kids something's

(11:20):
going on, it's oh, that'stherapy and things like that.
And in our culture that wasn'tthe case.
You know what I mean.
You sucked it up and you keptmoving and if something bad
happens is don't say anythingbecause we don't want people to
think bad about our family, andthat you, a lot of kids, dealt
with the same type of lack ofsupport emotionally on all
aspects of anything that we had.
So so you know, thank you somuch for sharing and thank you
for being open.
You know about it becauseobviously you know it's great to

(11:42):
be able to share thesesituations to help other people
you know overcome, you knowtheir obstacles and their
ability to hold things in.
And so obviously you said youkind of did really good in
school.
Kind of despite that, were youkind of like pinpoint focusing
in school, because it was kindof keeping your mind off of
other things that you weredealing with.

Was that?

Raul Lopez (12:04):
your outlet.

My outlet was probably sports.
So I grew up.
I grew up playing sports at anearly age.
Basketball was like my numberone thing.
I joined our girl we had agirls team at the time for the
city.
I think I was eight years old,eight, nine years old when I
started to play, so that waslike my outlet.
I played basketball throughouthigh school.

(12:27):
I scored a thousand points, butI, I I also played soccer,
volleyball, softball, I didtrack and I I also volunteered
and I did community service.
I think something inside of me,like growing up in a community
like Central Falls right, we'rethe third most populated city, I
think in the country right, wehave over 25,000 residents in

(12:51):
one square mile Like that's alot of people, like a lot of
resources are pressed.
Our city budget's not that much.
We don't have a lot ofresources in the city.
So what I noticed is I wasgoing out playing sports in
different cities and towns.
I said how come our fieldsdon't look like that?
How come our courts don't looklike that?
Um, and I kind of like startedto notice those economic

(13:14):
differences.
Um, and I, I gave a lot of timeback into my community when I
was in high school.
I volunteered at the middleschool with the sport the girls
sports teams.
Um, in high school I did.
Volunteered at the middleschool with the sport the girls
sports teams.
In high school I did.
I volunteered over 500 hourswith our local community center
doing like a tobacco freeprogram and ambassador.
I did a health fair.

(13:35):
In high school I ran a healthfair as a student.
So I was always like, I thinkmy way of channeling that energy
was to give back and to be asource of inspiration, maybe
that I didn't have, and letother people know like that,
that help is out there, thatpeople are valuable.
So I think I was projectinglike my own insecurities and

(13:59):
onto other people, but helpingin a good way.

Raul Lopez (14:03):
So yeah, yeah, but yeah, and you also mentioned
that you, you were, you were alittle bit, uh, destructive as
well.
I think you were getting introuble more as well and uh was
it one of those situations whereit's like you were, you were
getting ahead of stuff despitewhat you were doing, you were so
smart that you couldn't get.
Even if you got in trouble, youwere still doing well in school
that you kept moving forwardyeah, yeah, absolutely.

Um, like I would get to.
I got suspended.
I got in school um fights.
I remember I fought a boy insixth grade, um, because he won.
Of course I won, but it's notsomething I'm proud of, but I
was.
I was like lashing out, but myschoolwork was very important to

(14:47):
me.
My sister went to GeorgetownUniversity, where I ended up
going, and she was nine yearsolder than me and she was a real
role model to me.
She left home when I was eightand I went to go visit her.
It was cheaper at that time tofly Southwest and to do the $39

(15:09):
flight, so me and my mom wentwith her.
It's the first time I traveled,like stayed at a hotel, and I
saw Washington DC and I saidthat's where I'm going to school
.
And since I was eight years old, I just did everything in my
power to make sure like I gotthere and I did.
I just did everything in mypower to make sure like I got
there and I did because I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm simulated, stimulated

(15:29):
intellectually a lot and I lovereading was another outlet.
Like I read, like I would reada book every week, maybe two.
Growing up since I was like inkindergarten it's just reading
and learning was alwayssomething that was like really
big for me.

Raul Lopez (15:47):
And throughout high school and early on before you
got into college and Georgetownbeing I guess you said that was
your goal to get there.
You know what did you feel onceyou accomplished that goal of
yours.
What kind of feelings ranthrough you?

that goal of yours.
What kind of feelings ranthrough you?
Oh, it was a, it was a cultureshock.
I mean, it was completelydifferent than I imagined.
Um, different in good and badways, right.
Um, I don't know, I think.
I think when my sister, when Isaw the culture um aspect she
was involved in a lot of thecultural programs we went to the
multicultural graduation andthings like that.

(16:27):
When I went, it was a completeculture shock.
It was the most white peopleI've ever seen in my whole life,
the most wealth I've seen in mywhole life.
Even the black people atGeorgetown were rich, going to
school with execs.
Um, I think one of the uhSupreme court uh judges like his

(16:51):
daughter was was going toschool with me at the time.
It was like elitism at its best,um, and I just I didn't fit in
in a lot of ways and it was alsothe first time that.
So, like I mentioned, I'm CapeVerdean.
I went to Washington DC.
They had no idea what CapeVerde is, and so they looked at

(17:13):
me and they're like what arethat movie?
Like some funny sort of PuertoRican?
They probably thought I waslike some funny sort of Puerto
Rican.
Like she's not Spanish, butshe's like J-Lo a little bit.
She like she's not Spanish, butshe's like J-Lo a little bit,
but she's like from the hood, sowhat's?
I don't get it.
You know so, and I'mlight-skinned, I got green eyes,

(17:34):
so it doesn't help.
Um, so it was like fitting intothat circle as well, like I had
to like really figure out likewhere I fit in and who I was
like.
I started to like ask myselfand question myself like who am
I, and and and what do I want tobe?

Raul Lopez (17:50):
Yeah, I think it's a struggle we, a lot of us, deal
with when we first go to college.
We never know what to expectand how to get there and what
we're going to do there.
And obviously, probably by thetime you you visited your sister
, she was kind of alreadyknowing how to make it work and
so you came in thinking, oh yeah, it's going to be easy.
I meet all these people but Imean, yeah, I feel you, dude,

(18:11):
it's like one of my friends'friend's dad owned a yacht
company in Europe and he gotkicked out of housing but had
the money to live in like a niceapartment in downtown Boston
and it's like, you know, peoplegot money.
I don't even know Like what.
I thought people had money.
I was way off on what peoplehad money Like.
So, yeah, that that really.

(18:32):
And so what were what were?
How were you able to kind ofovercome some of those
challenges once, once you guysstarted getting going into
university?

I just a perseverance, like I said said
if I didn't know, something Iwould like go to.
I was that person who went tooffice hours.
I went to our writing center.
We had like a multiculturalcenter.
I went there for support, um,and I joined a lot of programs,
like I like extracurricularactivities, like just like in
high school um, I joinedprobably like eight programs my

(19:06):
my first year just to see likewhat, what I liked, and I just
kept going.
I I like buckled down on myacademics, got support.
I remember I had to takepre-calc, um, and I'm like I
already took pre-calc, I tookcalculus already and now I'm
like going backwards, but it wasa different type of calculus.

(19:26):
So I just remember I justdoubled down, I did my studies,
but I also did the things thatfueled me, like the service.
I joined service boards and Ijoined my sorority.
I'm a part of Delta Sigma,theta Sorority Incorporated, the
best sorority out there, and wedo a lot of service.

(19:48):
So that was my way of likegiving back to the community.
I learned a lot about DC.
I interned on the Hill with theDepartment of Justice and I was
able to just take advantage ofany opportunity that came my way
and that helped me like stayfocused.

(20:09):
You know, like stay focused andput my academics first.

Raul Lopez (20:13):
Nice, nice.
And I know you mentionedearlier when you were younger,
because of all the trauma youwere dealing with, you were
focused really on community tokind of validate yourself.
Were you still having thosesort of feelings in college?
With all the community serviceyou were doing, you still
thought you were trying tovalidate yourself um, now I I
put that together as an adult,right, like as a child.

I'm not thinking about that like this is
why I'm doing that, butprobably same thing, as you know
in college.

Raul Lopez (20:43):
Um, it was my way of of healing and and mice and
coping I guess, cool in my waynice, okay, yeah, and and so you
obviously went from georgetownuh university and then you were.
I'm guessing you were able tokind of overcome that culture
shock and and get throughsuccessfully, because you know
obviously you obviously you wentto George Washington University

(21:05):
afterwards.
You know what was the evolutionlike for you between undergrad
and grad school.

What was the evolution?
I thought I wanted to go intolaw enforcement, right Like.
I thought I wanted to like bepart of like FBI or CIA.
So I went ahead and applied fora criminology degree and George
Washington was a great school.
I actually got I got two fullrides at other schools and I

(21:36):
turned them down.
I tell people, like, if I hadone regret in my life, it's that
, like, go to where they'repaying you to go.
So I went and I think as I wasgoing through my coursework I
realized that I didn'tnecessarily want to do
enforcement.
I wanted to work on policybecause I didn't believe in some

(21:57):
of the laws and policies thatwere happening and how laws came
to be, and at the same time Iwas working for the federal
government.
So I worked at the U S agencyfor international development.
I worked there for two years.
I did that like nine to fiveduring the day and then I went
to school.
I went to grad school in theevenings and that was a real

(22:21):
learning experience, like I Ihelped, I was the liaison to the
white house liaison and that'swhen I learned, like, about
political appointees.
So whenever a president comesin, he appoints all the heads of
all these agencies and all theleadership staff, like the
director of every agency, everydepartment in the agency, every

(22:44):
leadership team.
So we placed all those folks inour agency through Obama.
So it was a real learningexperience.
And then going to school at thesame time I just it was a really
good learning experience, likeI tried to take advantage of a

(23:05):
lot of opportunities but stillenjoying my life.
You know, enjoying my life.
I was in a not so healthyrelationship at the time, but I
didn't really.
It was like my first likeserious relationship and I
didn't really like see a lot ofthe red signs.
There were a lot of red signsand I kind of like that started

(23:27):
like my spiral emotionally, yeah, yeah and this is when?

Raul Lopez (23:35):
Um, yeah, yeah.
And this is when?
Was this?
While you were still in, uh,third Washington, or um, and
then did that continue on untilyou graduated or did things,
yeah, until I graduated yeah.
And then, once you graduated,what was?
What was life like that for you?

So when I graduated, I had to decide if I
was going to stay in DC or comeback home.
Graduated, I had to decide if Iwas going to stay in DC or come
back home and ultimately my myuncle ended up passing away a
few months after I graduatedfrom grad school here in Rhode
Island and I lived with him mywhole life.
So I said I was going to comehome.
I was going to come home,support my parents my

(24:10):
grandmother was here at the timeso I said I'm just just gonna
come home and like figure it outover here.
So I had I got a job promotionin DC and I called them and I
was like I'm, I can't go.
I actually moved all my stuffthere, I like set up an
apartment with my cousin and, um, I was just like I something

(24:31):
inside of me said don't go, don,don't, don't stay there.
And I came back home.

Raul Lopez (24:38):
And did, did your?
Was your relationship over bythat point?

Yes, it fizzled out.
I told when I moved back.

Raul Lopez (24:48):
Okay, good, all right, yeah, Nice, and so, yeah,
I mean, you took that leap offaith to kind of get back to
Rhode Island and back to yourroots, and what was that like
for you once you got here?

It was completely different, Like being
a high school student and beingan adult, like I lived in DC
for like eight years, so likecoming into into it, it was like
crazy.
It was election year, mind you.
Like it was a governor's racewhen Gina Raimondo got elected
and I ended up joining my firstjob in Rhode Island.

(25:18):
My cousin introduced me tosomeone and was like, oh, like,
maybe you could work for thiscampaign it was Angel Tavares'
campaign for governor.
So I'm like back into RhodeIsland.
People are like who is thisCarleen girl?
Right, Because nobody knows mefrom here.
Like that, was this Carleengirl right, Because nobody knows

(25:38):
me from here, like that.
And I had to like kind of likeprove myself, but also like it
gave me a good opportunity tolike put myself out there and
meet people and work in thecommunity, the community that I
loved.
So I did that for a whole yearand I worked for then
Congressman Cicilline on hisreelection campaign as well, and
then I said I need to get areal job because these campaigns

(26:01):
ain't doing it.
So I ended up working forBlackstone Valley Prep, which is
a charter school.
I was a dean of operationsthere for a year and then after
that.
That's when I moved over to theStature Fall School District
where I went to school, and thatwas an honor because I was able
to bring back resources andgrants and activities for our

(26:26):
youth Some things like that Ididn't have growing up.
So, that was like full circle.

Raul Lopez (26:32):
Nice, nice, yeah.
And so what was it like whenyou go back to your school and
you're not on the other side ofthe table?
You know, obviously, whenyou're a kid and you're in high
school, you're like, man, myschool doesn't do this, or it
does do that, or it deals withwhatever.
But then you get flipped to theother side and you're like oh
OK, I see what we're workingwith.

You know what kind of shock did that give you?
Yeah, I mean, it's actuallyeasier working with the students
than working with the adults.
I say that in any, any aspectof life.
Right, it's like the problem isnot the students.
The problem is, are the adults?
Um, and that's what I foundright Um, the students are
awesome Even now.
The students are awesome Evennow.
I go back to the school all thetime.
I speak to students and theproblem at the school?

(27:21):
So I I started I wanted to likethink outside the box and like
what can we do to like reallysupport these students?
And one thing that happens inCentral Falls is we have a lot
of students who don't end uplike graduating on time right in
June, so they have to do summerschool in order to make the

(27:43):
August graduation so.
And then there's a bunch ofother students like the, the
younger, the younger grades, whojust need summer school.
So I applied for the grant, um,through the state.
It was like the first time thatthey put out this skills for
Rhode Island's youth grant andwhat I did is I tied the
academic component withworkforce, because students need

(28:04):
to work.
Right, it's like summertime,they're like a lot of our
students are supporting theirfamilies or supporting
themselves, so they need income,legal income.
So what I did was the studentswent to school nine to 12, and
then from 12 to three or 12 tofour.
They worked in a local businesslike small business or

(28:27):
nonprofit or even the schooldistrict between those hours and
they got paid for it throughthe grant.
So it's thinking outside the boxlike how can we best support
these students so that they'reachieving academically, but
we're also thinking about thewhole student.
So I was able to do things likethat.

(28:48):
I took them on a lot of fieldtrips Like that's something that
we didn't necessarily have.
Going up right, like going upin like an inner city, even in
Rhode Island, being so close tothe beach, a lot of students
don't make it down there.
So I remember one field trip.
We took them to the beach, wetook them to National Guard camp
, we took them to a bunch ofdifferent job fears and career

(29:11):
fears that were specifically foryouth and I thought that was
important for exposure, becausegrowing up I wasn't exposed to
any of that stuff, and it's so.
And being able to leave RhodeIsland and CDC and be exposed to
different experiences, I wantedto bring that to our youth.
So, those are some of the thingsthat that that we did.

Raul Lopez (29:33):
Yeah, no, it's, it's .
Rhode Island is interestingwhen it comes to distance.
We are, there's no distancereally in.
If you go anywhere outside ofRhode Island it's like
everything's close by.
But the you know Boston'sconsidered a day trip when I was
growing up.
You know like, oh, you're gonnago to Boston.
Oh, you know like we didn'tjust go to Boston.
Like there's times then as anadult that I've gone to Boston

(29:55):
like three times in one day, youknow, just to go drop off
something, come back and go dosomething else.

Oh, you're a good one, I wouldn't do that.

Raul Lopez (30:03):
That's exactly it.
You know people are like, oh myGod, now I live in Connecticut,
I'm 45 minutes from like 40 to50 minutes from my parents, so
I'm always the one coming up todo stuff because I'm like you
live so far, you live so far andI'm like dude.
I used to go an hour and a halfto go get an ospice for my wife
when she was pregnant inhouston, because the best ones
were in the west side of houstonand so, uh, but yeah, it's just

(30:25):
you.
There is this perspective ofyou miss out on outside of your
bubble.
Um, for people in rhode island,um, you know, like I said, like
one of the things on my other,one of my other episodes, I
talked about how I didn't applyto brown because I thought there
was too many white people atbrown and I applied to boston
university.
I'm like it's the same shit.
You know it was the same thing,it's just I'm.

(30:45):
You're stuck in your littlebubble.
You don't know different.
You think providence.
You think just because theschool's in providence it's
going to be closer to what yourculture is, but you don't
realize that that's its ownecosystem, inside of Providence,
that lives completely differentthan what you are.
So yeah, I'm glad you were ableto kind of give that additional
perspective to some of yourstudents.

Yeah.

Raul Lopez (31:07):
And so what did you start doing after you were
working for Central Falls?
What was your next step?

So after Central Falls I actually went to
Providence College um, and I uhone of my primary uh roles
there was running a fellowshipprogram.
So, um, it was called theFeinstein Community Fellowship
Program.
It was named after Alan SeanFeinstein, which is like a huge
philanthropist here in RhodeIsland, and um, I worked with

(31:37):
primarily first gen um studentsof color, low-income students,
and they were placed in localnon-profits throughout Rhode
Island and they would get like atuition scholarship for that,
and then I ran bi-weekly likeworkshops with those students as
well.
So it's like a leadershipprogram, um, and I managed our

(31:58):
day-to-day um things in theoffice and I did that for five
years.
Um, at the end I kind of toldyou a little bit about it, but
it was a very traumatizingexperience at the end of my road
there, um, because they it's acatholic, predominantly white

(32:22):
school and the leadership isvery conservative and I want to
say racist, so heavily racist um, and they just didn't treat
students of color or stafffaculty of color very well and
that's why you see a mass exodusover the last decade of people

(32:43):
and unfortunately I was part ofthat.
But I'm proud of myself that Iwas able to like recognize that,
and before I even had like mynext job lined up, like I left,
I resigned because it was no, itwasn't good for my mental
health, um, and that's the onething like I, I emphasize to

(33:04):
people all the time it's like ajob is they'll replace you in a
second and you probably, theyprobably need you more than you
need them.
And I think often, often, weone define ourselves by our
roles but two, we give so muchpower over to employers and
think like nothing else is goingto come, nothing better, like I

(33:28):
won't, I don't, I'm notqualified for this position.
But I just want to challengepeople to say like no, you, you
can get another job, you areworthy, you are qualified and
you can, you can explore, youcan explore your options and you
don't have to be stuck in aplace that doesn't value you.

(33:50):
Because when, when you arestuck in places like that, you
start to devalue yourself andlike that's the worst position
you can be in.

Raul Lopez (33:57):
Yeah, no, it's true.
I mean, I felt that for thelongest time too in my career
where I'm stuck at a job and I'mlike something will come,
please, something will come,cause I don't know if I'll apply
anywhere and they'll take me.
And you know, you just keepsucking at it and you think you
have to be loyal to a companybecause that's what they tell
you.
You know, and when you know,with time my perspective of

(34:18):
loyalty has been I'm loyal withyou while I'm working there and
I'm going to work hard while I'mthere, and that's my loyalty to
the company.
But it goes both ways and youknow, I I had, I also had a job
where I wasn't getting raisesand anything like that, and then
I left and then two jobs later,they're calling me to come back
with a higher position, ahigher pay, and I'm like you

(34:39):
guys are underpaying what I'mmaking now at the position you
are now.
So if you would have kept mefor like 10% more five years ago
, I would have been stayingthere for a lot longer.
But now you're almost doublingwhat you would have had me pay
me before, and you're not evenclose to what I'm making out.
So, yeah, it's like you gotta,you gotta realize your value to
these companies, because itreally does.

(35:00):
You know, we don't recognize itand we think we and we get
taken advantage of, you know,especially because our we're
immigrants.
You know our parents wereworkers.
They just went and worked anddid what they had to do.
So you know they, they justsucked it up and went to work
and came home, fed the kids andthat's it.
So no, I appreciate that and Ithink that's from that.

(35:20):
What you're mentioning is partof what you guys do now in your
consulting firm.
Did you leave that fine sign?
Is that when you started doingthe consulting, or was that
there was still more?
Yeah, good question.

I actually started it while I was there, so
I always knew skills andstrengths and do something like
on my own, like, so it was right.
It was right before COVIDhappened, january 2020.
Um, and I read this book, um,trent Shelton.
He's a?
Um like a inspirational speaker.

(36:12):
He's an author, and I read oneof his books.
It was called the greatest youand he really inspired me to
like, pursue myself and and inmy wants and my needs.
Um, so I was like I'm gonnacreate this consulting business,
um, it's gonna be called thegreatest you consulting, because
I want everyone to be theirgreatest you.
I think it's it's a exemplifies, like, my life story and how I

(36:37):
want to share my gift withothers.
So I I originally was like, oh,I'll consult around everything,
right, and you can't really doeverything.
And over the over the years I Ijust got into recovery April 7th
of last year from substancesand alcohol, which I'm very

(37:00):
proud of, and through thatjourney, I realized I had a lot
of mental health struggles too.
I was in this past year and ahalf.
I was diagnosed with, I guess,adhd, anxiety, depression,
complex PTSD.
So through that journey, Irealized I want to help other

(37:22):
people who are recovering fromanything, because we all recover
from something.
We all have traumas in our lifeand somebody's little trauma
could be somebody's big trauma.
That could be a divorce.
That could be a breakup to bigtrauma.
That could be a divorce.
That could be a breakup.
To some people, that could belike sexual abuse.
People who experience sexualabuse, 95% of them turn to drugs

(37:44):
and alcohol 95%.
So at the age of 10, somebodyshould have told me like you're
probably going to go down thatroute right, and this is a
message now I'm able to give toyouth, but also give to adults
and caretakers of those preciousyouth.
So I centered my business now onhealth and wellness, around the

(38:05):
eight dimensions of wellness,which could be emotional,
physical, social, financial,because when we neglect one of
those areas, usually anotherarea is neglected.
So through my business I doworkshops around mindfulness,
yoga, trauma, mental health andalso put on events.

(38:27):
I've been doing the CentralFalls Job Fair for 10 years now
with the Department of Labor andTraining and Progreso Latino.
I'm going to be hosting ahealth fair to talk more about
like preventive strategies, notnecessarily like, okay, you're
in it now.
Now, what's the?
What medications are we taking?
I want to take a holisticapproach to that to health and

(38:51):
helping people.

Raul Lopez (38:52):
So yeah, awesome.
Well, first, you know,congratulations on recovery.
I know that's a difficult thingto do and it's a it's a
lifelong journey that you, youdeal with all the time.
So you know, I'm proud of youfor, for you know, sticking with
that and getting through thatCause, yeah, I think, at least

(39:12):
for me.
We all have family members andstuff like that that have dealt
with different aspects of things, and so it's great to see some
success with that.
So I just want to let you knowI'm very, very proud of you for
all of that.
And then, you know, it's reallyexciting to see that you're.
You know you've turned yourtraumas into.
You know I think that'ssomething you've said, you've

(39:32):
always done You've turned yourtraumas and, you know, projected
them out to the world to helpother people and and and improve
the lives of others.
And so you know, um, what'sbeen some of probably the
biggest challenges um for you in, in, in that realm.

Yeah, I think I think what I've learned is is
and this is something like Iwant to talk about for a good
amount of time because in ourcommunities we don't talk about
self-love and self-acceptanceand self-respect, right, and
it's always especially as women,as women of color it's always

(40:10):
what are you giving?
What are you putting out to theworld?
Like how are you going to servethe men?
Like the kids come first, right?
Like you never talk aboutyourself.
And I had to flip the scriptonce I went down that rabbit
hole and I found myself in adeep, dark place all alone.
Like I knew I needed help andlike asking for help is probably

(40:31):
one of the most courageousthings that you can do and.
I just want to let other peopleknow if you need help, if you
need assistance, like there areplaces, there are resources that
you can go to, and it's not asign of weakness for you to ask
for help.
Like I grew up thinking like,oh, that was a weakness, I had
to be hyper independent, doeverything on my own and I don't

(40:53):
have all the answers.
I was the first person in myfamily to get sober, to go to a
facility, to go to Butler, totalk about mental health, and
it's so stigmatized in ourcommunity that I didn't have
that person.
Like I couldn't go to an uncleor aunt and say, oh, how can you
help me through this?
Like, do you have arecommendation?

(41:15):
Like you can't go to youremployer because then they look
at you crazy.
So it's like you have to.
I had to figure out my way andI had to ask for help because I
didn't have those answers orresources in my circle.
So I just want other people toknow like it's okay for you to
ask for help.

Raul Lopez (41:32):
it's actually a very courageous thing to do yeah,
it's super, super difficult toofor a lot of people.

So yeah, being able to hear other people say
that.

Raul Lopez (41:41):
Say that, I'm sure is really helpful.

Yeah, and then yeah, and then I, in terms of
you know, helping other people,I realized I had to help myself
first in that process, rightLike we can't if our cup is
empty, we can't fill anyoneelse's cup.
And as a mother like I got intoan abusive relationship, like

(42:03):
right after I had my daughterand I was no good to her if I
wasn't good to myself.
So I had to get help for myselfin order to be the best version
of myself for her.
So even in my business now, alot of the practices workshops
is centered on you, right Likeyou can't change the world until

(42:23):
you change yourself or healyourself.
And by healing yourself, you'rehealing generations, you're
healing bloodlines.
And in my family we didn't heal.
Like I said, my grandfatherdied by suicide and nobody in
the family thought that'simportant to talk about.
Things like that are genetic.
They get passed down fromgeneration to generation.

(42:44):
That's something you need totalk about.
I have my daughter.
I have a therapist I see everyweek but my five-year-old
daughter now she's been intherapy since she was four years
old and people say, like yourdaughter's in therapy, yes,
she's in therapy, but she's seena lot of things in her four
years and I want her to be setup and prepared in a way that I
was not.

(43:08):
So that's her learning toregulate her emotions and deal
with her emotions and learncoping skills and strategies,
something that our parentsdidn't teach us, our
grandparents didn't have toteach.
So one thing that I do is Ilead by example, I show people
after this interview we're doingI'm going to sauna, I'm going
to read, I said for an hour,maybe two hours, I'll be there.
I tell my daughter that.
I tell my mom that who'swatching her?

(43:28):
So she knows that's my way ofdecompressing and centering
myself.
It's not always about otherpeople and to be the best people
, we have to take care ofourselves, and I pass that
message on to my daughter.
If she's, if, um, they'refighting over a toy, or she sees
somebody else doing something,they're not supposed to rain a

(43:50):
focus on yourself.

Raul Lopez (43:51):
I tell her focus on yourself.

What are you supposed to be doing in this
moment, right, and if, and if weall did that, the world would
be such a better place.

Raul Lopez (43:59):
Yeah, yeah, it's.
It's commendable too thatyou're you're taking the life
lessons you've had in applyingit to your daughter.
I think one of the great thingsabout our generation, as far as
parents go, is that we're veryreflective of what we, what
didn't work for us as a kid, andwe try to do the opposite.
Well, I think a lot of our asyou mentioned, I think
generational trauma.

(44:19):
For a lot of our parents it wasdoing repeating the same things
because they thought that'swhat worked for them and people
didn't get the therapy, peopledidn't get the stuff.
You know, like you're teachingyour daughter not just that
she's not just going to therapybecause therapeutic which it is,
but also you're teaching herthat it's okay to go.
So if she ever gets, if shedoesn't need therapy for 10

(44:40):
years and decides, oh my God,I'm dealing with stuff,
hopefully she's a betterunderstanding of being able to
say, hey, uh, I'm not afraid togo get help and that's very
commendable, that's.
You know, it's a hard thing.
It's a hard thing to overcomefrom our cultures and our lives
and our generational traumas ofwhat we need.
And even I think as an adult, Igo back to my parents.

(45:02):
I'm like you're dealing with alot of stuff.
Maybe you should go see atherapist.
It's trying to work back andforth and I feel like our
generation has been really goodat being able to be receptive of
that and so I commend you forthat, has been really good at
being able to be receptive ofthat, and so you know, I commend
you for that.
And you know, as a parent, Inever stopped thinking about
what can I do better to help mychild in there.

(45:22):
So you know, thank you so muchfor all that and then and so,
from the stuff you're doing withyour, with Greatest you
Consulting you know we talkedabout all the things that you do
and the mental health and theptsd um things.
You know what, what do you feelhas been one of your biggest
successes, um, as anorganization, so far that you,

(45:44):
that you've been able to produce?

um, I'll say two things.
Um, one is is somethinghistorically, and then something
new that's coming.
So, um, I, like I mentioned,I've been doing a Central Falls
job for I started it when Ievent to the 10th time that
we're doing it, and now we'redoing it twice a year instead of

(46:19):
once annually and we bringtogether between 30 and 40
employers throughout the stateand we invite job seekers and
people who need resources and,on top of employers, we've been
inviting apprenticeship programs.
We've been inviting collegeslike College Unbound and getting

(46:46):
folks to like.
We've been invitingapprenticeship programs.
We've been inviting collegeslike College Unbound and getting
folks to get their four yeardegree, ccri, lifespan, who has
workforce development programsas well, match job seekers with
employers who are offering thembenefits.
I always go back to one of thesuccesses one of the recruiters
now for a student, which is abus company.
She's a recruiter now but shewent through the job fair, like

(47:08):
five years ago and that's whereshe got her job.
And five years later, you, youknow she's recruiting for the
company.
So, um, for me, like that, justit comes full circle to know
that in a community when I firststarted the job fair, job fairs
weren't local.
They like they.
They were in Warwick right at,like a Crowne Plaza, they were

(47:32):
at different hotels and thingslike that, and they didn't used
to come to our communities like,especially communities like a
Central Falls.
So what I said is I'm bringingthe employers to us, like that
job fair is staying in CentralFalls and you're going to come
where the people are.
And what I'm proud of is, likenow, with the recruiters.

(47:52):
I want to say, if we have 30employers, at least 20 to 25 of
them bring bilingual recruitersor even multilingual um
recruiters, because they knowour population and they value
that and they say I need an, Ineed an employer.
I'm going to send an employerwho speaks the language of the
folks who are attending um andthat's huge.
That's huge for the employerside, because they don't they

(48:15):
don't usually do that.
So being able to like see, uh,uh, a program like that evolve
and grow and change the lives ofpeople, um, that's, that's been
huge for our company.

Raul Lopez (48:29):
Nice, nice, and so so you were going to say
something.

And the second part of that is I'm getting into
wellness, health and wellnessproduct development.
So I just developed a wellnessjournal which is like has daily
journal prompts, weekly journalprompts.
It runs on a 90 day period sofolks can jot down their

(48:52):
thoughts on and my journey andmy mental health recovery
journey and my substance usejourney.
I journaled a lot and that wassomething that helped me put pen
to paper your bilateralmovement.
It actually helps trauma andlower stress and anxiety by
writing things down.
So I will be launching awellness journal in the next few

(49:14):
weeks.
It's printing now so that's atool on top of the workshops and
events that folks can use tobetter improve their health.

Raul Lopez (49:25):
Awesome.
Well, congratulations on that.
That's pretty cool that you'remaking those moves and getting
some stuff out there, so I'mvery happy to hear that that
you're making those moves andgetting some stuff out there.
So I'm very happy to hear thatand obviously before you, right
when you were talking aboutstuff you mentioned also when I
get out of here.
I'm going to the spa and you'regoing to go unwind and read and

(49:45):
do that, and you're you.
You know I see a lot of yourFacebook Instagram posts where
you're always at the gym anddoing stuff like that, and so it
looks like you're really tryingto strike a balance between
your mental and your physicalhealth.
You know, and people lots, of,lots of times also focus on one
or the other.
You know, why is it importantto have that balance between
both?

Yeah, good question.
Like I said, when you neglectyour physical health and
emotional health two differentthings, right, but they can
overlap.
And for me and a lot of peoplelike myself, like I have ADHD,
like I'm just, I'm restless, Ihave to be doing something.

(50:26):
And for me, movement is my wayof expressing my emotions and I
think, like playing sports,growing up, like what we don't
express we suppress, right, andfor me, movement is the thing
that helps me like express thoseemotions, even if I don't know
it, subconsciously, throughmoving, through yoga, through
sports, through lifting emotions.

(50:56):
Um, and like even the sauna,being in 200 degree weather,
it's hard for you to think aboutanything, right, so your mind
isn't like I don't have allthese intrusive negative
thoughts coming through becauseI'm in 200 degree weather,
there's not much I can do.
So I think it's important tolike have a healthy balance
between like movement and likeemotional health, because study

(51:16):
after study has shown thatoutdoor, being outdoors, being
in the sun, being in nature,like going on walks, it helps
your mental health.
Like, no questions about that,and that's something that I
really emphasize with mydaughter, like I wasn't a nature
girl, right, but now we go out,we play with the bugs.
I'm like, don't a a nature girl, right, but now we go out we
play with the bugs.
I'm like, don't kill the bugs,I'm scared.

(51:38):
And it's like it's a, it's alearning thing, and like we go
to parks and we go to lincolnwoods, it's like a we hike and I
want to expose her to all ofall that good things we actually
she doesn't sleep in her room.
We turn her room into a yogastudio oh nice, you know, like
we do yoga together.

(51:59):
And she, she, yesterday she wasdrawing.
I have a dog.
Dogs and animals are verytherapeutic too, so if you need
something, get an animal.
And she was drawing chalkoutside and she drew my, my dog,
a hotel and she put ameditation room in his hotel,

(52:20):
right.
So that's telling you.
Like these things, I'm passingit out to my daughter, yeah, and
now I tell her, like mommy'sgoing to the gym, mommy's going
to my yoga retreat, and she'slike she knows what it is
because it helps, mommy you knowit helps mommy to be a better
mother.

Raul Lopez (52:36):
So yeah, and it's amazing what you just said,
because it's really the you know, the lead by example, um, kind
of aspect of life where, um, Ithink one of the criticisms I
always had of my parents is thatthey'd always tell me one thing
and then do something else.
I'm like why, why am I gettingin trouble for something you do?
Like, why do?
Why do I get in trouble becauseI dropped the plate?
But you just dropped the plateand nobody yelled at you.
You know what I mean it's like.
So you lead by example, I thinkis always important and you do.

(52:59):
It looks like you're doing agreat job with it and I'm really
glad to hear that.
But it was just funny becauseit reminded me, like a week ago,
like I'm always talking to mydaughter and where we talk to
her, and one of the things mydad told me you know, now that
I'm an adult, you know he's likeone of the things I love about
you raising your daughter that'sdifferent than what I did was
that I yelled at you and I beatyou and I told you what to do

(53:21):
and you talked to your daughter,you explained things to her,
you let her know why this isthis way, or why this is
difficult, and with her and sayyou know, yes, it's challenging
and you're gonna get better ifyou keep doing this and stuff.
So we were having a conversationabout soccer uh, she's also a
soccer girl, she's.
She does soccer like six days aweek where she's on two teams
and, um, we were talking abouthow, you know, we were in the

(53:43):
city town, uh, and she hadn'tmoved up quite yet, um, to like
the high level, just because thenumbers, you know, um, but she
wasn't getting challenged whereshe was and I was like, if she
didn't get into the higher levelteam this year, I would have
put her in probably a differentprogram and she's like yeah,
because I need to be able to bechallenged.
If I don't get challenged, I'mnot going to improve and get
better.
You know, and I'm like, oh shit, I'm like someone's been

(54:03):
listening to my podcast.
I'm like, holy, I was likethere, you go.
All right, eva, she's juststarted laughing.
I was like I'm glad to hearthat all our conversations that
we're having is actually makingan impact where she can look at
this situation and understandthat, yeah, this is too easy for
me.
I need the challenge if I wantto get better.
You know what I mean, andthat's not something I ever had

(54:26):
as a kid.
That's not something I learnedas a kid.
This took me a long time, youknow, to get there so remarkably
a long time, you know, to getthere.
So and remarkably, I don't evenknow how I got here.
But it kind of segues into likemy next question as well, like,
obviously, as an adultreflection in looking back and
realizing the stuff we've beenthrough and the stuff that we've
gone through and modifying ourlives or modifying or
understanding what we wentthrough to kind of change things

(54:48):
.
I think it's an importantaspect of things and it seems
like you've done a lot ofreflection on things that you've
dealt with in the past.
You know, tell me, tell me, howdo you think how important is
reflecting to you and how doesthat, how has that affected you,
your life?

I mean, it's been huge and it's something I
work on every single day, likeand and and.
I have a smile on my face andit sounds.
Everything sounds peachy.
But every day is day, is astruggle, and but I know if I
have a positive outlook and ifI'm grateful and I'm thankful
that it's easier it's like thatmuch easier, right?

(55:23):
so by no means is is my lifeeasy, but it's worthwhile.
It's the most worthwhile and atpeace that I've ever been in my
life and that's what, lookingback at my life like a year, two
years ago from, I would neverimagine my life being the way it

(55:46):
is now, like I am at peace andI thank God every single day for
my recovery, for thosechallenges, for those dark days,
like I have high functioningdepression, so like I may not
look like a person quote unquotethat's depressed because I'm
high functioning, but it'schallenging and I have to remind

(56:09):
myself that I'm here for areason and that I have
everything within me.
And that's like my biggestblessing in this world is like
going through those dark times,because now I know there's light
, now I know that I can overcomeand nothing that I went through

(56:30):
was like for nothing.
It was, it all had a purposeand not everything was good,
like all the abuse I wentthrough, like I wouldn't wish
that on anyone, um, and by nomeans was it okay, but I'm able
to accept it now.
I'm able to accept that it waspart of my journey, my learning

(56:51):
experience, my growth and mydevelopment, and now I'm able to
, with good intentions, dosomething about that, right?
So I didn't.
We mentioned growing up I use alot of that energy to do for
others.
Now I use that energy to do formyself, you know, and that's

(57:15):
what was missing my whole life,like I didn't pour into myself
and I didn't think I was goodenough and I didn't think I was
enough.
So, reflecting back on life,like I'm just so grateful and
thankful for where I am, becausenow I get to pour into me and
becoming my greatest selfbecoming my greatest self,

(57:37):
awesome, and so I'm glad, and wetalked about this earlier you
know that you felt that you, you, you had to validify yourself.

Raul Lopez (57:40):
You know what I mean and do you feel like you've
reached that level, a level ofvalidity to yourself?

I think I've reached a level like I love
myself, I marry people.
People like are you married?
I'm like, yes, I married myselfand I went to a yoga retreat
last year and this ring saysnevertheless, she persisted and
I learned to love myself and Ido not love anyone on this earth

(58:07):
, even my daughter, more than Ilove myself um, because without
me there's nothing.
So I always I put this ring onas a reminder of like love and
acceptance.
And Carlene, you're beautifuland you're enough just the way
that you are and that's enoughfor me.
That's really enough for me.
But it is a journey.

(58:28):
I struggle, I struggle a lot,but my therapist helps, my
medication helps and movement,movement helps.

Raul Lopez (58:37):
So it's a journey.
Yeah, I mean.
One of the things I've learnedfrom starting this podcast is
the importance of mental healthand how, especially with people
who are successful, are able toopen up about it and seek help
when needed, because we, youknow, the struggle will always
hold you down and it's kind oflike a chain to your foot that

(58:59):
if you don't, uh if you don'tget help, you're never going to
elevate yourself to what youneed to be.
So, yeah, no, I, I'm always I'm.
You know it feelsunintentionally.
I, my podcast has been just amental health promotion
promotion tool for people.
Uh, because it comes up.
It comes up over and over andover again and I think it's one
of the biggest pinnacles ofbeing successful is, you know,

(59:22):
mental health, you know, so I'mglad, I'm glad, I'm glad to see
things are working out betterfor you and that you know you're
you're, you're finding thatpeace and that validity that you
, that you deserve.
So I'm very proud of you forall of that.
So, and then I think you know,usually when we start getting to
the tail end, I started askingsome questions and so, you know,
one of the things I always liketo ask my guests are you know,

(59:45):
if you could go back and talk tothe younger version of yourself
, what's something you would,what's some advice you'd give
yourself, what's?

some advice you'd give yourself.
What would I tell baby Carly?
I think, I think baby Carlywould tell me something, tell me
she would and I actually hadthis.
I don't know, epiphany, is thatwhat it is?

(01:00:12):
I was kayaking and cause.
I think my, my younger selfcould tell me much more than I
can tell that younger personhonestly, um, because as a young
person, you just have so muchwisdom and knowledge and
innocence.
As adults, we're tainted withlife.
So my inner child, she, shetold me that I was, I was out

(01:00:37):
out kayaking, um at a yogaretreat in near, near New York
and I was in the middle of likea river kayaking.
I'm like this little girl fromCF, like out here and um, we had
to do like a mindful meditationout on our kayak and I was
praying I don't fall out.

(01:00:58):
And she, she told me my, my, myyounger child told me that
she's like look at you, likelook where you are right now,
like look around, and she waslike I'm so proud of you and um
for me that like just broughteverything full circle for her

(01:01:19):
to tell me I think I was lookingfor that validation everywhere
else and I needed thatvalidation from my younger self
to tell me, like you're doinglike the damn thing, like look
at you now, like you're a badass.
Um, and yeah, that validationfrom my younger child, that's

(01:01:39):
like all I needed yeah, yeah,yeah, and and now.
Now I give that to my daughter.
Nice, that's the biggestblessing, because if I didn't go
through half the stuff I wentthrough, I wouldn't be the kind
of mother that I am.
Like people say gentle parentYep, A gentle parent.
My daughter, like she's anadult.

(01:01:59):
We talk through her feelings.
She has an emotion chart andshe brings.
She brings it to me If I getangry, she goes let me get the
emotion chart.
But if I didn't go through myexperiences I wouldn't be the
kind of mom that I am.

Raul Lopez (01:02:13):
So yeah, I agree.
Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm.
I'm a big proponent on like Iapologize to my daughter when I
go out of line.
You know like I never would getapologized when my parents
would get out of line.
I'm not even as an adult theydon't say sorry, yeah, and so,
and so for me, it's very commonto be like, okay, I kind of went
overboard when we had.
When we were talking about thesituation, I was like but I want

(01:02:36):
you to understand where I'mcoming from and I'm frustrated,
and sometimes adults getfrustrated too and you know it's
okay to feel that way, but it'snot okay the way I talk, and so
you know so I try, we try, Ithink and, like I said, it's
once again reflective aspect ofmy life where I look back and
say what did I hate as a kid?
And I want to make sure I'm notthat way with my, with my

(01:02:57):
daughter.
There was a lot of stuffgrowing up that I hated you know
, that I hated the way I was.
I think we all hated someaspect of how we were raised,
and I just try to look back andsay, no, you know what I'm not.
I don't want to do that with mydaughter.
And you still catch yourselfdoing it sometimes, but you
still got to you know, be okaywith changing so and then.
But thank you so much.

(01:03:18):
I mean that's beautiful and I'mglad.
Stopping to smell the roses isprobably one of the hardest
things to do, sometimes beingable to stop and say hey look,
I'm here.
You're always chasing, butyou're never reflecting and you
don't look back.
So, yeah, that's wonderful.
And then I think, lastly, youknow how do you say success in

(01:03:38):
Spanglish.
What does success mean to you?

Carlene Fonseca (01:03:42):
Yeah, you said it before.
I did.
So success for me, in Spanglish, is being present and being
able to enjoy moments, and notfor me, not thinking too much
into the future and not lookingtoo much into the past, because
nothing good is there and if welive into the future then we're

(01:04:05):
not enjoying the current moment.
So every day I try to be aspresent as I can.
I try to be as present as I canin all my doings.
Like somewhere I was listeningto a podcast and they said, like
be where your feet are.
So my feet is here with youdoing this podcast, even though
my feet are off, but they'rehere with you when I'm with my

(01:04:27):
daughter, like my feet are there.
Be with her.
If I'm at work, if I I'mworking, then my feet are there.
So for me, success is havingthe freedom to be where your
feet are and be present in inthat moment.

It's awesome, man, that.
That's beautiful, um, and it'samazing the the lessons we learn
from our kids sometimes as well, because I remember, um,
something, something was postedon the internet and they were
like uh, you, you're running togo to school and your kids
walking slow and you yell atthem for being slow.
Oh, hurry up, get in the car,hurry up and get there, hurry up

(01:05:05):
.
We're doing like is like atsome point we lost the fact that
she was enjoying every aspectof what she was in at that
moment, while we're rushing toget to the next phase, you know
what I mean and you know and Iremember from clear as day for
me the first time I put mydaughter on grass, and the
amazement of just touching grassfor the first time and I'm like
we lost that.

(01:05:27):
We see grass all the time.
Now I sit on grass and I'mitchy and I hate grass.
You know what I mean, but atsome point it was the most
amazing feeling, cause I'venever felt this in my life and
it's like sometimes you do haveto look at little Carlene's
point of view and get thataffirmation from your younger
youth.
So, no, thank you.
Thank you so much for all ofthat and thank you for your
positivity, thank you for yourhonesty and thank you for, you

(01:05:48):
know, being open to discusseverything.
I really appreciate everythingthat you presented today, and so
, I guess, tell me, you know,how can people get more
information about what you andyour company does?

Absolutely, and thank you, thank you for this
platform, thank you for the safespace that you create for
people, because that's what Ihope to do in my life is just
create safe spaces individuallyand with groups.
So you can reach me on mywebsite it's
greatestuconsultingcom.
You can also reach me onInstagram, heal with Carlene or

(01:06:27):
Greatest U Consulting.
So, yeah, just check out mywebsite if you ever want to
connect, do any workshops.
So, yeah, just check out mywebsite if you ever want to
connect, do any workshops.
I am local to the Rhode Island,boston area, but I'm also
international because there'ssuch thing as Zoom.

There's internet.

You can reach out to me.

Nice, awesome, well, thank you so much.
Like I said, I reallyappreciate you taking the time
to come up here and you know,tell us your journey.
Thank you so much, carly.
Thank you and everyone else andyou know, tell us your journey.
Thank you so much, carly.
Thank you and everyone elselistening.
You know, thanks so much forjoining us and I hope you'll
join me again next time as wecontinue to learn how to say

(01:07:06):
success in Spanish.

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Transforming Adversity into Empowerment - Carlene Fonseca

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