June 24, 2025 • 34 mins
Your ADHD brain isn’t ‘too sensitive’—it’s wired for emotional whiplash. Here’s why (and how to survive it)!
—
Who Should Listen
- Moms who can’t hear one more noise without losing it.
- Women labeled “dramatic” for intense emotional reactions.
- Anyone whose RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) turns a thumbs-up reaction into “they hate me.”
—
What You Get In This Episode
- The science behind ADHD emotions: Why your brain’s amygdala and prefrontal cortex are frenemies.
- Mom-specific triggers: Overstimulation meltdowns, invisible labor resentment, and the “what’s for dinner?” rage spiral.
- Why RSD isn’t “just insecurity” (and how mom guilt amplifies it).
- Hormones + ADHD: Why estrogen drops make Bluey a tearjerker.
- Sneak peek: Tools to short-circuit meltdowns (coming in Part 2!), like why naming your ADHD brain helps—meet ‘Gladys the Chaos Goblin!’
—
Bios
Caitlin Kindred: ADHD mom, former teacher, and recovering Lego-yeller. Still apologizes to her former students for her stapler-related outbursts.
Ariella Monti: Author, ADHD creative, and Roots in Ink novelist who battles RSD one thumbs-up emoji at a time.
—
Sources & Mentions
- 🧠 CHADD – ADHD emotional dysregulation research.
- 📚 ADDitude Mag – The holy grail of ADHD info.
- 🎧 How to ADHD (YouTube) – Visual explainers on emotional hijacking.
- 🔉 Loop Earplugs – Caitlin’s overstimulation lifesaver (not sponsored, just obsessed).
- 📖 Ariella’s Roots in Ink – Use code CKANDGK for 20% off at ariellamonti.com.
P.S. Tag us with your most “ADHD emotional whiplash” moment—we’ve all yelled at a single LEGO on the floor.
The best support is a rating and a share.
Love,
CK & GK
View our website at ckandgkpodcast.com. Find us on social media @ckandgkpodcast on
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- Facebook
- TikTok
Thanks, y'all!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Caitlin Kindred (00:00):
Hello, hi, my friends, we are so glad you're
here.
Welcome to how to Be a Grown-Up.
This is the how-to show formoms who've ever said I will
remember that and thenimmediately did not remember
that because we, as the memesays, I do not control the
remember right.
So thanks for sticking with uswhile we took a couple of weeks
(00:23):
to just life, right.
But today let me start thatagain.
Let me say this I'm CaitlinWith me today.
Co-hosting for Jenny is ArielleAmante, who is the author of
the incredible novel Roots inInk and the forthcoming Bound by
Ink, which, oh my gosh, thecover is so gorgeous, right, oh
(00:47):
my goodness I'm about to make itmy whole personality.
I know you have to.
It's like deep purples andteals and it's so gorgeous, oh
my gosh, okay.
She's a velvet-voiced tornadoof brilliance and kindness.
Velvet-voiced tornado ofbrilliance and kindness.
Ariella Monti (01:08):
Velvet-voiced feels like something I have to
work into a book now.
Caitlin Kindred (01:14):
I think you do, and I want the credit, just so
you know.
Absolutely, absolutely, ohgoodness.
Okay, so today we are talkingabout ADHD and emotional
regulation, or dysregulation, sowhat I mean is, this is why
(01:37):
ADHD brains feel so intenselycommon emotional triggers,
including some that are specificto moms, and then, next episode
, we're going to get to toolsfor emotional grounding and
self-soothing.
Before we do that, though, Iwant to remind our listeners
that if you like your books,like you like your salsa extra
spicy you can get.
(02:00):
Arielle's books for 20% offusing promo code CK and GK on
her website, arielleamonticom,which I've linked in the show
notes.
Okay, so let's get startedbefore I'm worried that y'all
are mad at me for taking toolong with this intro, because
that's real, okay, all right.
Okay, so I have a story.
All y'all know I was a teacher.
(02:22):
I'm just going to say this nowI'm a delightful human, right,
and I'm a delightful humanoutside of the classroom and
also inside of the classroom.
And then a kid would come up tome and ask something innocuous
like where's the stapler, orwhere do I put this?
You know, in January, whenwe've been doing it for months,
(02:44):
and I will respond like thatchild has personally offended my
ancestors, like where the F didthat come from?
Like I wasn't mad.
I wasn't mad, I thought I was ina good mood.
And the kid just asks somethingsilly, like, or says hello, and
I'm like, like, and it justcomes out of nowhere and the way
(03:07):
that I would describe it formyself is kind of like emotional
whiplash.
You know just, you're there andthen this emotion comes out of
nowhere.
Um, when I was younger, I gotcalled too sensitive or told
that I couldn't take a joke whencertain people I'm just going
(03:28):
to say that made fun of me oryou know like, horrifically
bullied me, which is what wasactually happening in school.
Or, and even now, like, when I'mangry, I will ruminate on the
reason that I'm angry.
I will spin around in circlesin my head and repeat myself
like a toddler who wearsthemselves out by running around
in circles, and it means thatsometimes I can't forgive or I
(03:51):
can't move on and it makes mehold grudges.
When I'm sad, it's like allthat I am Right, like I'm not
anything else.
I can't see out of that sadness.
There's no way of coming out ofit.
I'm going to be sad forever.
And then, you know, just put apuzzle in front of me or get me
(04:12):
into Canva and let me startdoing something that occupies my
brain and I will stop being sadand forget that I ever was sad,
right, right.
So does that sound?
It sounds like you can identifywith that.
Ariella Monti (04:26):
Oh yes, yes, I feel like this is just a daily
part of my existence, like alike.
It's just like a foundationalpart of how I walk through the
world right, it's, and it isvery whiplash feeling.
Caitlin Kindred (04:44):
You know one minute you're one way and the
next minute you're the other,and it's so intense.
So I hope that if you are ableto identify with any of those
things that I just describedabout myself, you lost it.
This is for you.
So again, welcome to emotionalregulation or dysregulation in
(05:10):
the ADHD form.
So here's what's going on.
It turns out that ADHD doesn'tjust make us lose our keys,
which I have recently done.
It makes us completely lose ourcool altogether, and there are
ways to make yourself stopfeeling like an emotional hazard
.
But we have to get throughunderstanding why we are the way
(05:34):
that we are first.
So I have a bunch of sourcesfor today.
Of course, attitude Mag Chad,which is children and adults
with attention deficit orhyperivity Disorder, and
understoodorg, and then, if youhaven't heard of the channel how
to ADHD on YouTube, that'sanother great one that I would
highly recommend.
All of the sources and articlesthat I've used are in the blog
(05:55):
post for this episode, so pleasego check those out.
And, of course, us, becauseADHD right, all right.
Ariella Monti (06:04):
So we are our own experts on our own lives, but
we are not doctors.
Caitlin Kindred (06:08):
No, not at all, and please seek help if you
need it.
So ADHD emotions are not justbig feelings.
It's actually an emotionalhijacking, like a neurological
hijacking, and the sort of moreofficial definition is when
someone's emotions are all overthe place, way stronger than
(06:31):
they should be, lasting longerthan usual, popping up at the
worst times or leading to reallyintense reactions, and I would
further add that sometimes theseemotions actually interrupt
your life such that you cannotdo what is necessary to be done.
Yes, so there is a.
I'm going to read this quotethat I really, really liked,
which was by Dr Thomas E Brown,who's a clinical psychologist
(06:54):
and director of the Brown Clinicfor Attention and Related
Disorders.
He says many with ADHD syndromereport disproportionate
emotional reactions tofrustration.
Yes, a short fuse, a lowthreshold for irritability.
I feel like I'm describing mychild, but also that's me.
Yep, you know, it's like you'rea smoke detector and you go off
(07:20):
for burnt toast and also alarge fire and everything in
between.
Yes, what's interesting, though, is that this emotional
dysregulation, this increasedirritability, this whatever you
want to call it is really commonin ADHD adults, and children
too, but it's actually not anofficial part of the diagnosis
(07:42):
and is not one of the criteriain the DSM-5, which is the
current diagnostic manual for,yeah, what?
No, it's not in there.
That's bananas, isn't it?
Ariella Monti (07:54):
It should be yeah , like I could see.
Caitlin Kindred (08:00):
No, yeah, no, no, yeah no, I am speechless,
which is hard for someone withADHD.
We're often not, but the thingthat I think is interesting
about that is it's so subjective.
Emotions are so subjective.
I don't know that you can put ascience.
You know it's already likemental health is already
(08:20):
somewhat subjective in natureanyway, because of how people
feel things.
So I don't know that you couldpin that in there, but it is a
very commonly recognized trait,and when I was going through my
evaluation, the irritabilitypiece was probably one of the
biggest red flags for mypersonal evaluator.
(08:42):
So let's talk about the sciencebehind this.
Adhd brains have differences inthe amygdala, which is the
emotional center of your brain,and the prefrontal cortex, which
is the regulation center ofyour brain, so that's where you
do all your logic and reasoning.
So because of those differences, we have faster and stronger
emotional reactions and a muchslower return to baseline, like
(09:06):
that might be why you're stillruminating on something three
hours later, right?
And then, because we also havelow dopamine, we seek out
emotional hits, because dopaminehelps you regulate your
emotions, and so you might lookfor things that make you feel
good or bad in order to kind ofkeep tabs on your emotions, and
so you might look for thingsthat make you feel good or bad
in order to kind of keep tabs onyour emotions.
(09:29):
It's an interesting thing.
There is also that added pieceof rejection sensitivity
dysphoria.
This is not just being toosensitive, this is actually
psychological pain orphysiological pain, even like
both, it's a response that ispainful to any perceived
criticism or rejection.
(09:49):
So like when someone is makingfun of you as a 12 year old and
it's, it feels like it goes wellbeyond teasing and it's they
hate me and it's.
It's.
It's a very intense.
Um, I need everyone to followme around and tell me that they
like me every five minutes inorder to think that someone's
not mad at me.
Right Sort of feeling.
Ariella Monti (10:10):
If you, if you want to trigger my RSD, just
like, respond to a text of minewith a thumbs up and I am
convinced, like it, like a likeit could be genuine, like, yeah,
no, got it.
But I will take that as youhate me, right, and I don't want
(10:35):
to be your friend anymore,right?
Caitlin Kindred (10:36):
ew, yeah, or like so do the thumbs up and say
got it, and then put the thumbsup emoji in the response also,
so that we all understand right,right, um.
So that's all understand, right, right.
So that's one example.
Another one is like if yourfriend cancels, plans you go.
Ariella Monti (10:58):
Oh my gosh, they don't want to hang out with me
and it becomes a whole thing,even though it's like no, they,
they're handling a familyemergency, right?
Caitlin Kindred (11:03):
Like, right, right, yeah, I got a car.
I got it.
Help me, a car right for me.
It's like, oh, I didn't get asmany listens on the podcast this
week.
Everybody hates my show.
I'll never be successful.
It's like the most extremeillogical reaction.
But it is, it's real.
And then it gets amplified.
Rsd gets amplified by mom guilt.
(11:26):
It's not just like did I packthe snacks?
Oh, shoot it's.
I forgot to pack the snacks.
The number of times I haverethought about one instance
where I may or may not have donesomething awkward and think
(11:51):
that person hates me for lifenow.
And they are, like I don't evenremember that Ridiculous.
Ariella Monti (11:55):
So you're like good, because I'm going to go to
my grave remembering it.
Caitlin Kindred (12:00):
Yep, and when I can't sleep at night and I'm
worried about what people hateme I think I picture your face
in that one time that your kidfell, anyway, because of me,
because I was distracting you,anyway, that really did happen
and we can talk about thatanother time.
So the other another piece ofthis with with this emotional,
whatever you want to call it isthat people with ADHD brains do
(12:23):
not have object permanence,right.
So if it's out of sight, it isout of mind.
But that also happens withemotions.
So just like we forget aphysical object exists, we also
struggle to remember emotionalissues and we struggle to
remember that emotional statesare not permanent.
This is why if I'm sad, it's theonly thing I am and I will
(12:45):
never come out of it and I'll besad forever.
And then if I get distracted bya puzzle or something else
shiny I don't know, then Iforgot that I even was sad at
all.
Like this happens with grieving.
Number of times that I've likere-felt the same grief over and
over again about a person that Iloved being now gone is, you
(13:09):
know, an infinity loop, andthat's because I forget in that
moment to finish grieving.
I don't think I ever actuallyfinish because I get distracted
by something else right and andthat's.
it's just a another treat ofADHD the whiplash thing, that's
real.
So if you're a parent with ADHDand your kid has maybe I don't
(13:37):
know some unpredictablebehaviors every once in a while,
you could end up doing what Idid with the stapler situation
earlier, which is like yellingabout a single Lego, like
completely losing your mind overone Lego.
All the Legos are put awayexcept for the one that you see
on the ground and you freak outabout it, right.
And then you have a shamespiral which puts you into that
RSD.
And, yeah, tiny irritants likemisplaced keys or spilled
(14:01):
beverages, or a studentinterrupting me when I'm saying
hi in the hallway, or my partnerbreathing too loud, or your
partner breathing too loud, mypartner does not breathe too
loud Could feel like anemotional emergency.
You just are so triggered bythat and ADHD brains struggle
with frustration tolerance.
So that's a big part of why wemight freak out unnecessarily
(14:24):
over something.
And another fun aspect of thisis that random sadness piece
when the dopamine hit is goneright.
So, you finish the project andnow you're like, oh, now what?
And then you get sad, and it'snot just like you can't
celebrate that you finished theproject, it's that you have to
be sad that now you don't have aproject and so you go looking
(14:44):
for another one, which isanother dopamine hit.
So one last thing I have to addin, because this is a podcast
primarily for women.
I know there are men who listenand bless you, but no Hormones
and ADHD.
Yay, we will get into that atsome point.
This is not the time or place,but especially for women who are
(15:06):
in states of fluctuatinghormones maybe perinatal,
menopausal, premenopausal inparticular and also girls going
through puberty, especiallyearly stages when all the
hormones are out of control,those lead to estrogen drops and
then dopamine crashes.
So you're not just cryingbecause bluey is sad, although
(15:30):
bluey will make you cry at thedrop of a hat.
Um, it's real, it's biology.
You're actually really upsetabout it and it's.
You can't control any of it,right?
Can't control, to remember,can't control the emotion.
It's all kind of a mess okay,so never in control never in
control.
Just so bad for me because Ineed to control all the things
(15:53):
anyway, um, okay, so I'm goingto also mention some common adhd
emotional triggers and how theymight show up for moms in
particular, before we get tosome fun stuff.
So, moms with adhd, do any ofthese sound familiar?
Yeah, just nod along with meand ariel, you're allowed to say
yes because you have amicrophone.
(16:14):
The overstimulation meltdown uhyour kids plus barking dog, plus
like too many noises.
And then someone turned on theoverhead light and it's like
fluorescent, like done yes, okay, and then, like the ac kicks on
and boom feeling too manythings at once.
(16:35):
Oh right, noise is my big one.
The noise is where I getoverstimulated, primarily.
Okay the invisible laborresentment, right Like what's
for dinner.
Shut up.
I will end you if you ask meone more stupid question.
(16:55):
Or the RSD guilt spiral.
Oh, the teacher didn't say hi,or she just was like hey and
then walked away.
I'm a terrible mother.
I'm horrible.
You know, I couldn't make it tothe, to the.
I didn't volunteer for thefield trip, even though I said I
might be able to volunteer, andnow I'm the worst parent ever.
The teacher hates me.
If any of those you're allowedto check all three, it can be
(17:15):
all the above, that's fine.
Let's get into kind of whatthese look like.
So overwhelm in particular is abig one.
You have 47 things to do, soyou do none of them and then you
feel guilty about it.
And then shame spiral.
Or and this is mine, themultiple ask moment.
(17:36):
Your kid is asking for a snackwhile you're folding laundry and
the dog is barking at your feetor whining.
If you ask me for somethingwhile I'm already doing another
ask, I am triggered, I will rageand I might not say it, but I'm
(17:56):
seething in my head and I'vegotten much better about saying
I can do one thing at a time andthen ask me when I am done with
this task.
And in our house I have to sayyou'll know that I'm done when
it's just going to happen rightaway.
So yeah, that's the one.
The overstimulation meltdown isanother one.
(18:19):
Again, the kids are loud, thedog is barking, the AC comes on
and you cannot hear one moresound, otherwise you will lose
it.
Do you get those?
Ariella Monti (18:30):
I get like rage tears when that happens yes, yes
, that, especially now thatwe're on summer break, oh, I, I
even even stuff like I I hate tosay it and I will be crucified
for this, but in those times Ican't even handle bluey being on
(18:53):
because it has the same.
It has the same sensoryexperience as having, like,
multiple children in the houseand yes, oh, oh, I cannot handle
it.
And that's where you startgetting like the, the, the like
(19:14):
the fighting, the dueling, likesensory needs, so like I need it
to be quiet, but my kid needs,like the background stimulation
so that he doesn't lose his mindand like we're just at a
stalemate because he won'tlisten to music just listen to
(19:35):
music.
Caitlin Kindred (19:35):
Uh, this is when I am a big fan and I am not
sponsored.
We've talked about this manytimes.
I'm not sponsored, I, I usethose loop earplugs.
That's a big help for me justto like kind of dull the sound,
um and yeah.
And then if I have my bigheadphones on, like my noise
cancelers, I will say like toevery to the boys in my house
(19:57):
I'm like I cannot hear you, I amnot listening, don't talk to me
, because I'm I'm not.
I hate pulling the headphoneoff and ear, no, I'm not
listening.
I hate pulling the headphoneoff and, no, I'm not listening.
I'm probably got my bilateralnature sounds because this is
all too much for me so great Bigfan of those.
But it just depends on what youroverstimulation is.
I just find that sound tends tobe a really big one for a lot
(20:19):
of the years that I know.
Yeah, ok, absolutely Anotheremotional trigger Time,
blindness and deadlines.
Um so I told you earlier that Iwas working on an assignment
for a client of mine at 1020 atnight.
Why was I doing that?
Because it was due at 11 thenext morning and I had done
(20:43):
stuff on it.
I had been working on it butlike tinkering and not
completing, does that make sense?
so yeah, yeah.
So when just start earlier islike a joke, if you don't have
any urgency, like that, and thenyou start to panic.
And then when you're in panicmode some ADHDers are really
(21:04):
good about being like I'm inpanic, panic mode, I will get
everything done right now.
But others get in panic modeand get overwhelmed and then
they have that paralysis.
Ariella Monti (21:13):
Shut down.
Caitlin Kindred (21:14):
Yeah, yeah.
The other one that is anemotional trigger for a lot of
ADHDers, especially women, isthat invisible labor component,
because you are the one managing.
If you are the one who's theprimary parent and you are the
primary keeper of the home, youare managing anywhere from four
(21:41):
to 50 bajillion tasks all atonce and if someone asks you
like what's for dinner, whileyou're managing everything else,
that can be incrediblytriggering and cause you to fly
off the handle.
And I personally think it'sreasonable.
But that's just me.
So, like it's, it's aninteresting, it's an interesting
(22:06):
set of triggers, but you cansee, like just in this
conversation, how everythingsort of ties back together.
Right, it's like one of thesethings causes the other one to
happen and then they all justsort of domino effect and then
it's like a domino where theysomebody keeps re-putting them
up and then they just keep goingaround in a circle.
Ariella Monti (22:24):
It's like it's happening over and over.
Caitlin Kindred (22:26):
So the next time your emotions feel like a
toddler with a megaphone, justremember that it's not you, it's
just your ADHD brain beingextra.
And it is okay if you yelled ata sock or a single Lego or a
paper towel today, becauseanyone of us who can relate to
this episode has been therebefore.
(22:48):
So next week we're going tohand out the emotional armor for
you how to short circuit yourmeltdown before you yell at that
Lego or sock, and why you needa name for your ADHD brain and a
good phrase for stopping yourRSD in its tracks.
Okay, so follow.
(23:08):
If you haven't already, go intoyour podcast app you probably
have your phone in your handanyway.
Just pick it up and then justmake sure you hit subscribe to
your feed so that you don't missthat episode, because the tools
are really what's going to bethe most helpful.
We're going to be right backwith some Circle Time.
To be right back with someCircle Time.
(23:32):
Hey y'all.
Pov you find a diary exposingforbidden magic and the hot
museum caretaker's life dependson you burning it, roots and Ink
.
The debut novel by AriellaMonti is the fantasy romance for
rebels.
Use promo code CK and GK to get20% off your copy at
AriellaMontecom.
Again, that's all.
Caps C, k, a, n, d, g, k for20% off on AriellaMontecom.
(23:57):
Get your copy for 20% off today.
Okay, we are back and I need toknow what your current
hyperfixation is.
I've talked a lot.
Please talk.
Ariella Monti (24:32):
Carolina.
It is mid-June-ish when we'rerecording, which means a lot of
my flowers that I have plantedover the past couple of years
have started to bloom, which isfantastic, and I love having
little cut flowers, but myactual hyper fixation is when
I'm walking around my yardwatering them going.
Hmm, I wonder how that plantwould do over here and right and
(24:59):
then like thinning them out anddigging them up, and now I'll.
I'll do this like I don't know,like hour before bedtime.
So now I'm getting all sweatyat the end of the day and I'm
not wearing the right shoes andI have to find my garden gloves.
But no, I got to do it becausemy you know your brain is
(25:21):
telling you yeah exactly yourbrain.
Yeah, and I right, and I need tomove my body.
So now I am digging up Yarrowso in one spot, so that I could
go dig a hole in another spotand go.
I wonder if this is gonna workover here.
Let's find out.
Caitlin Kindred (25:40):
Oh, my goodness .
Ariella Monti (25:42):
Yeah, that happens Like, and I have to like
physically stop myself fromdoing like, stop myself from
doing like like much largertransplanting projects because,
like I said, it's like 6, 30, 7o'clock in the evening and that
is not exactly the time that Ishould be digging up a tree to
(26:06):
move it someplace else this islike when I was a kid and my mom
would tell me to clean my room,but instead of cleaning my room
, I would go on a quote unquoteorganizing spree and then
everything would be out rightand my mom would come down and
be like what are you doing?
Caitlin Kindred (26:22):
Like this is not cleaning your room, like
what are you doing?
But I'm gonna organize it andI'm gonna rearrange it and you
know new room, because my bed'sin a different corner, and like
all that Right.
Ariella Monti (26:32):
Right.
Ridiculous and really she justwanted you to like pick up your
socks and like make your bedRight.
Caitlin Kindred (26:40):
Right, and that would have been.
I'm now understanding that Iprobably didn't know what a
clean room meant.
Ariella Monti (26:46):
Right At that age .
Yeah, yeah, yeah, instrument uhright at that age.
Caitlin Kindred (26:49):
Yeah, yeah, but yeah, so, yeah.
So just anyway, mom, you didgreat sorry, I don't mean to
throw you, but I'm not.
I swear um my hyper fixation.
I've previewed this hyperfixation on instagram a couple
times, but I have a new doggy inmy life and she's so sweet.
Her name is gracie.
(27:09):
She is a princess and she is.
When you adopt a dog who'solder, you don't adopt a dog,
you adopt a project, as my vetsays, and she is a project.
But, um, that's so.
That's why she's a princess,because she's.
She needs people taking care ofher.
But she's very sweet and I'llput a picture of her in the blog
post if you'd like to see, orfollow us on instagram and
(27:31):
you'll get to see pictures ofgracie and she's just so sweet.
She's such a good girl.
She's so cute, she's really cute, she's.
She kind of looks like a boxer,but she's not at all.
She's a.
Basically she's a chili dog.
She's a red healer, which isjust another word for a cattle
dog, and a lab mix.
So, and some beagle there too,but she's super cute.
(27:53):
She's got spots on her.
She's precious.
Anyway, that's mine.
Everything dog, all the dog.
She's so cute.
Okay, what did you get done?
Did you get anything finallycrossed off your list?
Ariella Monti (28:08):
I went.
I finally went to the dentistfor a cleaning after like more
than 15 years, so I'm going tobe a little vulnerable here.
So when we moved to NorthCarolina oh yeah, considering
the date, it literally 15 yearsago To the day yeah, to the day
(28:31):
when we moved to North Carolina,we didn't have health insurance
, let alone dental insurance.
So obviously I wasn't going tothe dentist if I didn't have
dental insurance.
And then when we wouldoccasionally have spurts of time
where we had dental insurance,now I was, a afraid to go and b
(28:57):
had undiagnosed adhd.
So making an appointment for athing that I didn't want to do
was just not gonna happen.
Yeah, um, and basically thatjust happened for 15 years.
But I finally went less I haveto go back again.
So they, they did like thecleaning and, thankfully, think
(29:21):
genetics I really did not haveany problems good like huge
problems yeah yeah, um, but todo the cleaning they had to like
numb one side of my mouth andthen do, because they were like
they needed to like really getin there so yeah, um, and so
they have to do it like.
(29:42):
So your whole mouth isn't numb,so I had like my one appointment
a couple weeks ago and thennext week I have to go and get
the other side of my mouth done,and it was.
I mean, I was still really,really anxious, but I have to
give the essential practice,which is a new practice to me
(30:05):
credit, because it was not asawful and terrifying as I
thought it was, thought it wasgoing to be.
So that's great, that's so,yeah.
So if you're, if you're aperson out there who's like,
especially if you've got adhdand you struggle with, like,
with those hygiene tasks, likelike you know, give yourself
(30:29):
some grace and it will like, itwill be okay, yeah.
Caitlin Kindred (30:33):
It'll come together.
Yeah, yeah, I mean this is whyI'm convinced that I would love
to have like a personalassistant who just like manages
that kind of thing Right.
Ariella Monti (30:45):
What's the line?
Caitlin Kindred (30:45):
from that from Allie Wong, which is is like you
know how much more successful Iwould be if I had a wife, like
someone to make yourappointments yeah so for sure.
That's great, though I'm gladyou did that.
Oral health is super important.
It's, it's a big deal, so I'mglad you're.
You took some pretty proactivesteps.
That's amazing experiencing um,mine is that I finally oh my
(31:15):
gosh, I'm so embarrassed, nope,being vulnerable.
Being vulnerable, it's fine.
Okay, it's probably real for alot of people.
I hope I finally put away allthe travel crap that I got out
from the trip to london that Itook in january january, just so
we're clear.
Like I, it's like all this, youknow, it's like the this is my
carry-on, like backpack thingthat I have where I can put an
(31:37):
entire amount of clothing, andthen this is the like the mary
mary poppins thing that I havefor all of my toiletries, and it
was just sitting in a laundrybasket on the floor of my room.
It's January and I finally putit away.
In fairness, I'm going to blamemy husband because it goes in
(31:57):
the guest room and I don't likegoing in the guest room because
it's like his personal like golfrepository of stuff and there's
just like boxes and the flooris a mess and I just I don't
want to go in there.
But I really could have put itaway in the best experience.
Ariella Monti (32:14):
I just didn't do it, but I did it now.
I am sure I still have stuffsitting out from our trip to New
York, which which happenedabout a month ago, and the only
reason why it will get picked upis because I'm going to georgia
in a couple of weeks.
Caitlin Kindred (32:31):
Yeah, otherwise it would probably sit there for
until christmas well, yeah, I'mbeing real, yeah, I'm, and I'm
just gonna sit here and say like, if I'm going, if I had any
trips on the horizon right now,I would have just left it out.
The only reason I put it away isbecause I knew I wasn't going
to use it in the near future.
So, oh, yeah, okay.
(32:51):
Well, I need a pat on the backfor doing that.
You get a pat on the back forgoing to the dentist, all the
back pats.
So, yes, you have toddleremotions and that's totally okay
, but next week we're going toteach that toddler to use their
inside voice.
Yeah, yeah, or at least bribeit with some snacks, all good
(33:15):
yes, and as jenny would say makegood choices and take a deep
breath because you probably needto love.
You mean it bye.
Hello, hi, my friends, we are so glad you're
here.
Welcome to how to Be a Grown-Up.
This is the how-to show formoms who've ever said I will
remember that and thenimmediately did not remember
that because we, as the memesays, I do not control the
remember right.
So thanks for sticking with uswhile we took a couple of weeks
(00:23):
to just life, right.
But today let me start thatagain.
Let me say this I'm CaitlinWith me today.
Co-hosting for Jenny is ArielleAmante, who is the author of
the incredible novel Roots inInk and the forthcoming Bound by
Ink, which, oh my gosh, thecover is so gorgeous, right, oh
(00:47):
my goodness I'm about to make itmy whole personality.
I know you have to.
It's like deep purples andteals and it's so gorgeous, oh
my gosh, okay.
She's a velvet-voiced tornadoof brilliance and kindness.
Velvet-voiced tornado ofbrilliance and kindness.
Ariella Monti (01:08):
Velvet-voiced feels like something I have to
work into a book now.
Caitlin Kindred (01:14):
I think you do, and I want the credit, just so
you know.
Absolutely, absolutely, ohgoodness.
Okay, so today we are talkingabout ADHD and emotional
regulation, or dysregulation, sowhat I mean is, this is why
(01:37):
ADHD brains feel so intenselycommon emotional triggers,
including some that are specificto moms, and then, next episode
, we're going to get to toolsfor emotional grounding and
self-soothing.
Before we do that, though, Iwant to remind our listeners
that if you like your books,like you like your salsa extra
spicy you can get.
(02:00):
Arielle's books for 20% offusing promo code CK and GK on
her website, arielleamonticom,which I've linked in the show
notes.
Okay, so let's get startedbefore I'm worried that y'all
are mad at me for taking toolong with this intro, because
that's real, okay, all right.
Okay, so I have a story.
All y'all know I was a teacher.
(02:22):
I'm just going to say this nowI'm a delightful human, right,
and I'm a delightful humanoutside of the classroom and
also inside of the classroom.
And then a kid would come up tome and ask something innocuous
like where's the stapler, orwhere do I put this?
You know, in January, whenwe've been doing it for months,
(02:44):
and I will respond like thatchild has personally offended my
ancestors, like where the F didthat come from?
Like I wasn't mad.
I wasn't mad, I thought I was ina good mood.
And the kid just asks somethingsilly, like, or says hello, and
I'm like, like, and it justcomes out of nowhere and the way
(03:07):
that I would describe it formyself is kind of like emotional
whiplash.
You know just, you're there andthen this emotion comes out of
nowhere.
Um, when I was younger, I gotcalled too sensitive or told
that I couldn't take a joke whencertain people I'm just going
(03:28):
to say that made fun of me oryou know like, horrifically
bullied me, which is what wasactually happening in school.
Or, and even now, like, when I'mangry, I will ruminate on the
reason that I'm angry.
I will spin around in circlesin my head and repeat myself
like a toddler who wearsthemselves out by running around
in circles, and it means thatsometimes I can't forgive or I
(03:51):
can't move on and it makes mehold grudges.
When I'm sad, it's like allthat I am Right, like I'm not
anything else.
I can't see out of that sadness.
There's no way of coming out ofit.
I'm going to be sad forever.
And then, you know, just put apuzzle in front of me or get me
(04:12):
into Canva and let me startdoing something that occupies my
brain and I will stop being sadand forget that I ever was sad,
right, right.
So does that sound?
It sounds like you can identifywith that.
Ariella Monti (04:26):
Oh yes, yes, I feel like this is just a daily
part of my existence, like alike.
It's just like a foundationalpart of how I walk through the
world right, it's, and it isvery whiplash feeling.
Caitlin Kindred (04:44):
You know one minute you're one way and the
next minute you're the other,and it's so intense.
So I hope that if you are ableto identify with any of those
things that I just describedabout myself, you lost it.
This is for you.
So again, welcome to emotionalregulation or dysregulation in
(05:10):
the ADHD form.
So here's what's going on.
It turns out that ADHD doesn'tjust make us lose our keys,
which I have recently done.
It makes us completely lose ourcool altogether, and there are
ways to make yourself stopfeeling like an emotional hazard
.
But we have to get throughunderstanding why we are the way
(05:34):
that we are first.
So I have a bunch of sourcesfor today.
Of course, attitude Mag Chad,which is children and adults
with attention deficit orhyperivity Disorder, and
understoodorg, and then, if youhaven't heard of the channel how
to ADHD on YouTube, that'sanother great one that I would
highly recommend.
All of the sources and articlesthat I've used are in the blog
(05:55):
post for this episode, so pleasego check those out.
And, of course, us, becauseADHD right, all right.
Ariella Monti (06:04):
So we are our own experts on our own lives, but
we are not doctors.
Caitlin Kindred (06:08):
No, not at all, and please seek help if you
need it.
So ADHD emotions are not justbig feelings.
It's actually an emotionalhijacking, like a neurological
hijacking, and the sort of moreofficial definition is when
someone's emotions are all overthe place, way stronger than
(06:31):
they should be, lasting longerthan usual, popping up at the
worst times or leading to reallyintense reactions, and I would
further add that sometimes theseemotions actually interrupt
your life such that you cannotdo what is necessary to be done.
Yes, so there is a.
I'm going to read this quotethat I really, really liked,
which was by Dr Thomas E Brown,who's a clinical psychologist
(06:54):
and director of the Brown Clinicfor Attention and Related
Disorders.
He says many with ADHD syndromereport disproportionate
emotional reactions tofrustration.
Yes, a short fuse, a lowthreshold for irritability.
I feel like I'm describing mychild, but also that's me.
Yep, you know, it's like you'rea smoke detector and you go off
(07:20):
for burnt toast and also alarge fire and everything in
between.
Yes, what's interesting, though, is that this emotional
dysregulation, this increasedirritability, this whatever you
want to call it is really commonin ADHD adults, and children
too, but it's actually not anofficial part of the diagnosis
(07:42):
and is not one of the criteriain the DSM-5, which is the
current diagnostic manual for,yeah, what?
No, it's not in there.
That's bananas, isn't it?
Ariella Monti (07:54):
It should be yeah , like I could see.
Caitlin Kindred (08:00):
No, yeah, no, no, yeah no, I am speechless,
which is hard for someone withADHD.
We're often not, but the thingthat I think is interesting
about that is it's so subjective.
Emotions are so subjective.
I don't know that you can put ascience.
You know it's already likemental health is already
(08:20):
somewhat subjective in natureanyway, because of how people
feel things.
So I don't know that you couldpin that in there, but it is a
very commonly recognized trait,and when I was going through my
evaluation, the irritabilitypiece was probably one of the
biggest red flags for mypersonal evaluator.
(08:42):
So let's talk about the sciencebehind this.
Adhd brains have differences inthe amygdala, which is the
emotional center of your brain,and the prefrontal cortex, which
is the regulation center ofyour brain, so that's where you
do all your logic and reasoning.
So because of those differences, we have faster and stronger
emotional reactions and a muchslower return to baseline, like
(09:06):
that might be why you're stillruminating on something three
hours later, right?
And then, because we also havelow dopamine, we seek out
emotional hits, because dopaminehelps you regulate your
emotions, and so you might lookfor things that make you feel
good or bad in order to kind ofkeep tabs on your emotions, and
so you might look for thingsthat make you feel good or bad
in order to kind of keep tabs onyour emotions.
(09:29):
It's an interesting thing.
There is also that added pieceof rejection sensitivity
dysphoria.
This is not just being toosensitive, this is actually
psychological pain orphysiological pain, even like
both, it's a response that ispainful to any perceived
criticism or rejection.
(09:49):
So like when someone is makingfun of you as a 12 year old and
it's, it feels like it goes wellbeyond teasing and it's they
hate me and it's.
It's.
It's a very intense.
Um, I need everyone to followme around and tell me that they
like me every five minutes inorder to think that someone's
not mad at me.
Right Sort of feeling.
Ariella Monti (10:10):
If you, if you want to trigger my RSD, just
like, respond to a text of minewith a thumbs up and I am
convinced, like it, like a likeit could be genuine, like, yeah,
no, got it.
But I will take that as youhate me, right, and I don't want
(10:35):
to be your friend anymore,right?
Caitlin Kindred (10:36):
ew, yeah, or like so do the thumbs up and say
got it, and then put the thumbsup emoji in the response also,
so that we all understand right,right, um.
So that's all understand, right, right.
So that's one example.
Another one is like if yourfriend cancels, plans you go.
Ariella Monti (10:58):
Oh my gosh, they don't want to hang out with me
and it becomes a whole thing,even though it's like no, they,
they're handling a familyemergency, right?
Caitlin Kindred (11:03):
Like, right, right, yeah, I got a car.
I got it.
Help me, a car right for me.
It's like, oh, I didn't get asmany listens on the podcast this
week.
Everybody hates my show.
I'll never be successful.
It's like the most extremeillogical reaction.
But it is, it's real.
And then it gets amplified.
Rsd gets amplified by mom guilt.
(11:26):
It's not just like did I packthe snacks?
Oh, shoot it's.
I forgot to pack the snacks.
The number of times I haverethought about one instance
where I may or may not have donesomething awkward and think
(11:51):
that person hates me for lifenow.
And they are, like I don't evenremember that Ridiculous.
Ariella Monti (11:55):
So you're like good, because I'm going to go to
my grave remembering it.
Caitlin Kindred (12:00):
Yep, and when I can't sleep at night and I'm
worried about what people hateme I think I picture your face
in that one time that your kidfell, anyway, because of me,
because I was distracting you,anyway, that really did happen
and we can talk about thatanother time.
So the other another piece ofthis with with this emotional,
whatever you want to call it isthat people with ADHD brains do
(12:23):
not have object permanence,right.
So if it's out of sight, it isout of mind.
But that also happens withemotions.
So just like we forget aphysical object exists, we also
struggle to remember emotionalissues and we struggle to
remember that emotional statesare not permanent.
This is why if I'm sad, it's theonly thing I am and I will
(12:45):
never come out of it and I'll besad forever.
And then if I get distracted bya puzzle or something else
shiny I don't know, then Iforgot that I even was sad at
all.
Like this happens with grieving.
Number of times that I've likere-felt the same grief over and
over again about a person that Iloved being now gone is, you
(13:09):
know, an infinity loop, andthat's because I forget in that
moment to finish grieving.
I don't think I ever actuallyfinish because I get distracted
by something else right and andthat's.
it's just a another treat ofADHD the whiplash thing, that's
real.
So if you're a parent with ADHDand your kid has maybe I don't
(13:37):
know some unpredictablebehaviors every once in a while,
you could end up doing what Idid with the stapler situation
earlier, which is like yellingabout a single Lego, like
completely losing your mind overone Lego.
All the Legos are put awayexcept for the one that you see
on the ground and you freak outabout it, right.
And then you have a shamespiral which puts you into that
RSD.
And, yeah, tiny irritants likemisplaced keys or spilled
(14:01):
beverages, or a studentinterrupting me when I'm saying
hi in the hallway, or my partnerbreathing too loud, or your
partner breathing too loud, mypartner does not breathe too
loud Could feel like anemotional emergency.
You just are so triggered bythat and ADHD brains struggle
with frustration tolerance.
So that's a big part of why wemight freak out unnecessarily
(14:24):
over something.
And another fun aspect of thisis that random sadness piece
when the dopamine hit is goneright.
So, you finish the project andnow you're like, oh, now what?
And then you get sad, and it'snot just like you can't
celebrate that you finished theproject, it's that you have to
be sad that now you don't have aproject and so you go looking
(14:44):
for another one, which isanother dopamine hit.
So one last thing I have to addin, because this is a podcast
primarily for women.
I know there are men who listenand bless you, but no Hormones
and ADHD.
Yay, we will get into that atsome point.
This is not the time or place,but especially for women who are
(15:06):
in states of fluctuatinghormones maybe perinatal,
menopausal, premenopausal inparticular and also girls going
through puberty, especiallyearly stages when all the
hormones are out of control,those lead to estrogen drops and
then dopamine crashes.
So you're not just cryingbecause bluey is sad, although
(15:30):
bluey will make you cry at thedrop of a hat.
Um, it's real, it's biology.
You're actually really upsetabout it and it's.
You can't control any of it,right?
Can't control, to remember,can't control the emotion.
It's all kind of a mess okay,so never in control never in
control.
Just so bad for me because Ineed to control all the things
(15:53):
anyway, um, okay, so I'm goingto also mention some common adhd
emotional triggers and how theymight show up for moms in
particular, before we get tosome fun stuff.
So, moms with adhd, do any ofthese sound familiar?
Yeah, just nod along with meand ariel, you're allowed to say
yes because you have amicrophone.
(16:14):
The overstimulation meltdown uhyour kids plus barking dog, plus
like too many noises.
And then someone turned on theoverhead light and it's like
fluorescent, like done yes, okay, and then, like the ac kicks on
and boom feeling too manythings at once.
(16:35):
Oh right, noise is my big one.
The noise is where I getoverstimulated, primarily.
Okay the invisible laborresentment, right Like what's
for dinner.
Shut up.
I will end you if you ask meone more stupid question.
(16:55):
Or the RSD guilt spiral.
Oh, the teacher didn't say hi,or she just was like hey and
then walked away.
I'm a terrible mother.
I'm horrible.
You know, I couldn't make it tothe, to the.
I didn't volunteer for thefield trip, even though I said I
might be able to volunteer, andnow I'm the worst parent ever.
The teacher hates me.
If any of those you're allowedto check all three, it can be
(17:15):
all the above, that's fine.
Let's get into kind of whatthese look like.
So overwhelm in particular is abig one.
You have 47 things to do, soyou do none of them and then you
feel guilty about it.
And then shame spiral.
Or and this is mine, themultiple ask moment.
(17:36):
Your kid is asking for a snackwhile you're folding laundry and
the dog is barking at your feetor whining.
If you ask me for somethingwhile I'm already doing another
ask, I am triggered, I will rageand I might not say it, but I'm
(17:56):
seething in my head and I'vegotten much better about saying
I can do one thing at a time andthen ask me when I am done with
this task.
And in our house I have to sayyou'll know that I'm done when
it's just going to happen rightaway.
So yeah, that's the one.
The overstimulation meltdown isanother one.
(18:19):
Again, the kids are loud, thedog is barking, the AC comes on
and you cannot hear one moresound, otherwise you will lose
it.
Do you get those?
Ariella Monti (18:30):
I get like rage tears when that happens yes, yes
, that, especially now thatwe're on summer break, oh, I, I
even even stuff like I I hate tosay it and I will be crucified
for this, but in those times Ican't even handle bluey being on
(18:53):
because it has the same.
It has the same sensoryexperience as having, like,
multiple children in the houseand yes, oh, oh, I cannot handle
it.
And that's where you startgetting like the, the, the like
(19:14):
the fighting, the dueling, likesensory needs, so like I need it
to be quiet, but my kid needs,like the background stimulation
so that he doesn't lose his mindand like we're just at a
stalemate because he won'tlisten to music just listen to
(19:35):
music.
Caitlin Kindred (19:35):
Uh, this is when I am a big fan and I am not
sponsored.
We've talked about this manytimes.
I'm not sponsored, I, I usethose loop earplugs.
That's a big help for me justto like kind of dull the sound,
um and yeah.
And then if I have my bigheadphones on, like my noise
cancelers, I will say like toevery to the boys in my house
(19:57):
I'm like I cannot hear you, I amnot listening, don't talk to me
, because I'm I'm not.
I hate pulling the headphoneoff and ear, no, I'm not
listening.
I hate pulling the headphoneoff and, no, I'm not listening.
I'm probably got my bilateralnature sounds because this is
all too much for me so great Bigfan of those.
But it just depends on what youroverstimulation is.
I just find that sound tends tobe a really big one for a lot
(20:19):
of the years that I know.
Yeah, ok, absolutely Anotheremotional trigger Time,
blindness and deadlines.
Um so I told you earlier that Iwas working on an assignment
for a client of mine at 1020 atnight.
Why was I doing that?
Because it was due at 11 thenext morning and I had done
(20:43):
stuff on it.
I had been working on it butlike tinkering and not
completing, does that make sense?
so yeah, yeah.
So when just start earlier islike a joke, if you don't have
any urgency, like that, and thenyou start to panic.
And then when you're in panicmode some ADHDers are really
(21:04):
good about being like I'm inpanic, panic mode, I will get
everything done right now.
But others get in panic modeand get overwhelmed and then
they have that paralysis.
Ariella Monti (21:13):
Shut down.
Caitlin Kindred (21:14):
Yeah, yeah.
The other one that is anemotional trigger for a lot of
ADHDers, especially women, isthat invisible labor component,
because you are the one managing.
If you are the one who's theprimary parent and you are the
primary keeper of the home, youare managing anywhere from four
(21:41):
to 50 bajillion tasks all atonce and if someone asks you
like what's for dinner, whileyou're managing everything else,
that can be incrediblytriggering and cause you to fly
off the handle.
And I personally think it'sreasonable.
But that's just me.
So, like it's, it's aninteresting, it's an interesting
(22:06):
set of triggers, but you cansee, like just in this
conversation, how everythingsort of ties back together.
Right, it's like one of thesethings causes the other one to
happen and then they all justsort of domino effect and then
it's like a domino where theysomebody keeps re-putting them
up and then they just keep goingaround in a circle.
Ariella Monti (22:24):
It's like it's happening over and over.
Caitlin Kindred (22:26):
So the next time your emotions feel like a
toddler with a megaphone, justremember that it's not you, it's
just your ADHD brain beingextra.
And it is okay if you yelled ata sock or a single Lego or a
paper towel today, becauseanyone of us who can relate to
this episode has been therebefore.
(22:48):
So next week we're going tohand out the emotional armor for
you how to short circuit yourmeltdown before you yell at that
Lego or sock, and why you needa name for your ADHD brain and a
good phrase for stopping yourRSD in its tracks.
Okay, so follow.
(23:08):
If you haven't already, go intoyour podcast app you probably
have your phone in your handanyway.
Just pick it up and then justmake sure you hit subscribe to
your feed so that you don't missthat episode, because the tools
are really what's going to bethe most helpful.
We're going to be right backwith some Circle Time.
To be right back with someCircle Time.
(23:32):
Hey y'all.
Pov you find a diary exposingforbidden magic and the hot
museum caretaker's life dependson you burning it, roots and Ink
.
The debut novel by AriellaMonti is the fantasy romance for
rebels.
Use promo code CK and GK to get20% off your copy at
AriellaMontecom.
Again, that's all.
Caps C, k, a, n, d, g, k for20% off on AriellaMontecom.
(23:57):
Get your copy for 20% off today.
Okay, we are back and I need toknow what your current
hyperfixation is.
I've talked a lot.
Please talk.
Ariella Monti (24:32):
Carolina.
It is mid-June-ish when we'rerecording, which means a lot of
my flowers that I have plantedover the past couple of years
have started to bloom, which isfantastic, and I love having
little cut flowers, but myactual hyper fixation is when
I'm walking around my yardwatering them going.
Hmm, I wonder how that plantwould do over here and right and
(24:59):
then like thinning them out anddigging them up, and now I'll.
I'll do this like I don't know,like hour before bedtime.
So now I'm getting all sweatyat the end of the day and I'm
not wearing the right shoes andI have to find my garden gloves.
But no, I got to do it becausemy you know your brain is
(25:21):
telling you yeah exactly yourbrain.
Yeah, and I right, and I need tomove my body.
So now I am digging up Yarrowso in one spot, so that I could
go dig a hole in another spotand go.
I wonder if this is gonna workover here.
Let's find out.
Caitlin Kindred (25:40):
Oh, my goodness .
Ariella Monti (25:42):
Yeah, that happens Like, and I have to like
physically stop myself fromdoing like, stop myself from
doing like like much largertransplanting projects because,
like I said, it's like 6, 30, 7o'clock in the evening and that
is not exactly the time that Ishould be digging up a tree to
(26:06):
move it someplace else this islike when I was a kid and my mom
would tell me to clean my room,but instead of cleaning my room
, I would go on a quote unquoteorganizing spree and then
everything would be out rightand my mom would come down and
be like what are you doing?
Caitlin Kindred (26:22):
Like this is not cleaning your room, like
what are you doing?
But I'm gonna organize it andI'm gonna rearrange it and you
know new room, because my bed'sin a different corner, and like
all that Right.
Ariella Monti (26:32):
Right.
Ridiculous and really she justwanted you to like pick up your
socks and like make your bedRight.
Caitlin Kindred (26:40):
Right, and that would have been.
I'm now understanding that Iprobably didn't know what a
clean room meant.
Ariella Monti (26:46):
Right At that age .
Yeah, yeah, yeah, instrument uhright at that age.
Caitlin Kindred (26:49):
Yeah, yeah, but yeah, so, yeah.
So just anyway, mom, you didgreat sorry, I don't mean to
throw you, but I'm not.
I swear um my hyper fixation.
I've previewed this hyperfixation on instagram a couple
times, but I have a new doggy inmy life and she's so sweet.
Her name is gracie.
(27:09):
She is a princess and she is.
When you adopt a dog who'solder, you don't adopt a dog,
you adopt a project, as my vetsays, and she is a project.
But, um, that's so.
That's why she's a princess,because she's.
She needs people taking care ofher.
But she's very sweet and I'llput a picture of her in the blog
post if you'd like to see, orfollow us on instagram and
(27:31):
you'll get to see pictures ofgracie and she's just so sweet.
She's such a good girl.
She's so cute, she's really cute, she's.
She kind of looks like a boxer,but she's not at all.
She's a.
Basically she's a chili dog.
She's a red healer, which isjust another word for a cattle
dog, and a lab mix.
So, and some beagle there too,but she's super cute.
(27:53):
She's got spots on her.
She's precious.
Anyway, that's mine.
Everything dog, all the dog.
She's so cute.
Okay, what did you get done?
Did you get anything finallycrossed off your list?
Ariella Monti (28:08):
I went.
I finally went to the dentistfor a cleaning after like more
than 15 years, so I'm going tobe a little vulnerable here.
So when we moved to NorthCarolina oh yeah, considering
the date, it literally 15 yearsago To the day yeah, to the day
(28:31):
when we moved to North Carolina,we didn't have health insurance
, let alone dental insurance.
So obviously I wasn't going tothe dentist if I didn't have
dental insurance.
And then when we wouldoccasionally have spurts of time
where we had dental insurance,now I was, a afraid to go and b
(28:57):
had undiagnosed adhd.
So making an appointment for athing that I didn't want to do
was just not gonna happen.
Yeah, um, and basically thatjust happened for 15 years.
But I finally went less I haveto go back again.
So they, they did like thecleaning and, thankfully, think
(29:21):
genetics I really did not haveany problems good like huge
problems yeah yeah, um, but todo the cleaning they had to like
numb one side of my mouth andthen do, because they were like
they needed to like really getin there so yeah, um, and so
they have to do it like.
(29:42):
So your whole mouth isn't numb,so I had like my one appointment
a couple weeks ago and thennext week I have to go and get
the other side of my mouth done,and it was.
I mean, I was still really,really anxious, but I have to
give the essential practice,which is a new practice to me
(30:05):
credit, because it was not asawful and terrifying as I
thought it was, thought it wasgoing to be.
So that's great, that's so,yeah.
So if you're, if you're aperson out there who's like,
especially if you've got adhdand you struggle with, like,
with those hygiene tasks, likelike you know, give yourself
(30:29):
some grace and it will like, itwill be okay, yeah.
Caitlin Kindred (30:33):
It'll come together.
Yeah, yeah, I mean this is whyI'm convinced that I would love
to have like a personalassistant who just like manages
that kind of thing Right.
Ariella Monti (30:45):
What's the line?
Caitlin Kindred (30:45):
from that from Allie Wong, which is is like you
know how much more successful Iwould be if I had a wife, like
someone to make yourappointments yeah so for sure.
That's great, though I'm gladyou did that.
Oral health is super important.
It's, it's a big deal, so I'mglad you're.
You took some pretty proactivesteps.
That's amazing experiencing um,mine is that I finally oh my
(31:15):
gosh, I'm so embarrassed, nope,being vulnerable.
Being vulnerable, it's fine.
Okay, it's probably real for alot of people.
I hope I finally put away allthe travel crap that I got out
from the trip to london that Itook in january january, just so
we're clear.
Like I, it's like all this, youknow, it's like the this is my
carry-on, like backpack thingthat I have where I can put an
(31:37):
entire amount of clothing, andthen this is the like the mary
mary poppins thing that I havefor all of my toiletries, and it
was just sitting in a laundrybasket on the floor of my room.
It's January and I finally putit away.
In fairness, I'm going to blamemy husband because it goes in
(31:57):
the guest room and I don't likegoing in the guest room because
it's like his personal like golfrepository of stuff and there's
just like boxes and the flooris a mess and I just I don't
want to go in there.
But I really could have put itaway in the best experience.
Ariella Monti (32:14):
I just didn't do it, but I did it now.
I am sure I still have stuffsitting out from our trip to New
York, which which happenedabout a month ago, and the only
reason why it will get picked upis because I'm going to georgia
in a couple of weeks.
Caitlin Kindred (32:31):
Yeah, otherwise it would probably sit there for
until christmas well, yeah, I'mbeing real, yeah, I'm, and I'm
just gonna sit here and say like, if I'm going, if I had any
trips on the horizon right now,I would have just left it out.
The only reason I put it away isbecause I knew I wasn't going
to use it in the near future.
So, oh, yeah, okay.
(32:51):
Well, I need a pat on the backfor doing that.
You get a pat on the back forgoing to the dentist, all the
back pats.
So, yes, you have toddleremotions and that's totally okay
, but next week we're going toteach that toddler to use their
inside voice.
Yeah, yeah, or at least bribeit with some snacks, all good
(33:15):
yes, and as jenny would say makegood choices and take a deep
breath because you probably needto love.
You mean it bye.
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