May 13, 2025 • 50 mins
Vote for Caitlin for the Women Podcasters Awards!
Ever lose your phone while holding it? Start 10 projects and finish zero? Or hyper-fixate on Pope Leo’s baseball fandom at 2 AM? 👀 Welcome to the ADHD club, friend. In this episode, Caitlin and Ariella (a fellow ‘elder millennial with a PhD in awesome’) break down what ADHD really looks like in women—and why so many of us are just now figuring it out.
- Get even more content from this episode’s blog post, here.
- Subscribe to our newsletter!
- Text us your ‘Wait, that’s ADHD?!’ moment at the “Send Us A Text!” link—we’ll share our faves next episode!
—
Who Should Listen
- Moms who’ve been called "scatterbrained" but suspect there’s more to it.
- Women diagnosed with anxiety/depression but still feel like something’s "off."
- Anyone who’s ever gone to put away the box of Cheerios and ended up reorganizing the entire pantry.
—
What You Get In This Episode
- ADHD 101: It’s not "squirrel syndrome"—it’s erratic brain Wi-Fi, y’all.
- Overlooked Signs in Women: Perfectionism masking chaos, time blindness ("I’ll be ready in 5 minutes" = lies), and why you cry over spilled milk (then apologize to the dog).
- The Diagnosis Gap: Why girls fly under the radar (hint: society hates feral women).
- "Wait, That’s ADHD?!" From losing your keys in your hand to winning shower arguments that never happened.
- Why It’s Everywhere Now: TikTok, pandemics, Millennial parenting, and Gen Z’s refusal to suffer in silence.
—
Bios
Caitlin Kindred: Recovering teacher, professional overthinker, and mom who finally got diagnosed with ADHD at 38. Host of How to Be a Grownup—where "adulting" is a group project.
Ariella Monti: Author of Roots in Ink, flannel-clad bisexual icon, and mom who registered her car 2 months late (the ADHD angels spared her).
—
Sources & Mentions
📖 Articles/Studies:
- Have We Been Thinking About A.D.H.D. All Wrong? | The New York Times
- Speaking of Psychology: Why are more adults being diagnosed with ADHD? With Russell Ramsay, PhD | ADA
🧠 Instagram Recs:
- @ADHDoers (memes + truths)
- @coachingwithbrooke (actionable tips)
- @alex_partridge_100 (founder of UNILAD)
💡 5-Second Therapy:
- "Progress = Wellness" (Caitlin’s mantra for task overwhelm)
The best support is a rating and a share.
Love,
CK & GK
View our website at ckandgkpodcast.com. Find us on social media @ckandgkpodcast on
- Instagram
- Facebook
- TikTok
Thanks, y'all!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Caitlin Kindred (00:00):
Hello, hello, friends.
We are so glad you're heretoday.
Welcome to how to Be a Grown-Upthe show, with hosts who are
constantly hunting for dopamine.
Yes, I would.
I think we are Always, all thetime, always.
That's A fact of life at thispoint.
See, it's gone.
See, yeah, that's unfortunateand we're done Bye everybody.
(00:24):
See, done bye everybody.
That was the episode dopaminehit lost.
Okay, uh, I'm caitlin, and withme today co-hosting for johnny
is ariela monte, who is theauthor of roots and ink, and she
is a sunbeam wrapped in aflannel shirt I love that.
Ariella Monti (00:42):
I love flannel as my, you know, as my, my fellow
bisexuals know, we.
It's the uniform of my people.
The peoples, yeah, the uniformof my people Also elder
millennials Right, I was gonnasay like I came of age.
Caitlin Kindred (01:04):
Right, I am from San Francisco.
During the 90s, grunge was mylife, right?
Okay, today we are starting aseries on a topic that is very
near and dear to the show, toAriella and myself, to Jenny, to
our entire families, and thatis ADHD in general, in
(01:29):
particular ADHD in women, andwe've got a whole host of topics
around this.
So I hope you'll stick aroundfor the next few weeks as we
kind of take a deep dive intowhat this means for us.
But today I'm just going to goover the basics, meaning what it
is, what it looks like in women, particularly my symptoms and
(01:49):
I'm sure I'll mention some ofArielle's as well and why you're
hearing so much about ADHD nowwhen, as we mentioned, the elder
millennial generation did notgrow up with it like that, right
?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Really, the whole point of thisepisode and this whole series
is is validation, which is whatwe're always here for.
(02:10):
If you see yourself here, youare not broken, there is nothing
wrong with you.
Here's what helped us, here'swhat we've learned about
ourselves, here's what we'velearned about our children, and
I hope that you find some peaceand comfort in this episode, if
this is relatable to you at all.
I have a couple of sourcestoday.
One of them is from the NewYork Times.
(02:31):
It's called We've Been ThinkingAbout ADHD All Wrong.
I will link that in the shownotes.
Another one was Speaking ofPsychology why Are More Adults
being Diagnosed with ADHD?
With Russell Ramsey, this isthe ADA's podcast and it's a
really the episode is reallygreat.
The transcript is super helpfulif you want to learn more.
Really really fascinating, sohighly recommend.
(02:51):
And, of course, us, as we'velearned things from therapists.
And when we say I readsomething somewhere, we mean we
saw it on TikTok.
Okay, okay, um, yeah, what isadhd?
It's not squirrel syndrome,it's not.
You're not a magpie, you're notlike something shiny might
(03:13):
distract you, but it's not that.
It gets characterized in somesome funky ways which I will go
into in just a second.
But imagine your brain or yourcomputer with 47 tabs open.
Someone else is holding themouse, one of them is playing an
ad over and over again and theother one's got a YouTube video
on loud.
So it's not an inability to payattention.
(03:36):
Rather, I would characterize itas the inability to focus one's
attention on one thing at atime.
It's your.
You're hypersensitive toeverything, so everything is
getting your attention all atonce or, in the case of a
hyperfixation, only one thingfor all eternity.
By that I mean the next 27hours.
(03:56):
So it is officially in the DSMit's got like.
You know, dsm is the diagnosticbook of all the mental health
disorders and there's all thesedifferent versions we're on.
The five are something,something doesn't matter, but it
is a neurodevelopmentaldisorder that affects executive
function, like working memory,focus and impulse control, which
(04:20):
is a very short and succinctdefinition for something that is
anything but that right.
Ariella Monti (04:26):
Yes, yeah right.
Caitlin Kindred (04:27):
What we know is that there are brain
differences in people with ADHDversus those without.
There are imbalances withdopamine, which is why I made
that reference to dopamineearlier in the episode, and also
norepinephrine, which both arechemicals that interact with
parts of the brain, and it kindof has been mentioned as like
erratic brain Wi-Fi signal.
I don't know why that was theterm that I kept seeing over and
(04:50):
over again, but it does makesense to me.
Ariella Monti (04:53):
Yeah, yeah, that does make sense.
Yeah, I've learned more aboutneurotransmitters in the past
like four years, than I think Ihave ever in my life.
Caitlin Kindred (05:06):
Those are the transmitters or
neurotransmitters that are outof whack if you have ADHD.
So dopamine and norepinephrineWithin ADHD.
There are technically threetypes.
There's the stereotypical one,which is the hyperactive boy.
Presentation right, they can'tsit still.
Their legs jiggle, they'reconstantly tapping.
Presentation right, they can'tsit still.
Their legs jiggle, they'reconstantly tapping.
(05:26):
They're always on the move,they're forever talking, they
blurt out answers, theyinterrupt, they take risks
without thinking.
They're incredibly impulsive.
A lot of the time we think oflittle boys when we think of
hyperactive disorder.
It's very common in women too,but you don't see it because the
hyperactivity is not physical,it's in the brain.
It's jumping from one idea tothe next all the time.
(05:50):
Yes, the next type would beinattentive, which is very
common in women and girls.
It often looks like zoning outin mid-conversation.
For me it's not necessarilyzoning out, although that does
happen to me quite a bit.
It's also taking a minute toprocess.
But saying what instead?
So someone says something, Ihear it and I go what, and then
(06:12):
I answer the question rightafter that.
The delay, yes, the what delay?
I swear I'm not stupid, I justneeded a second.
Losing things, but not justlosing them, it's losing them
when they were just in your hand.
Things like you put somethingin a safe place for safekeeping
(06:36):
and then you can't rememberwhere that safe place was.
You have folders for foldersfor folders in your computer, so
everything is too complicated.
You over complicate theorganization so you lose things.
That way, I often will putsomething down and then need it
13 seconds later and cannot findit.
And you'll often hear peoplesay someone took my, and then
(06:56):
they're like oh my bad, nobodytook it, you just didn't know.
Avoiding tasks that demand yourfocus, like my taxes, that did
not get done until very latethis year.
And time blindness is anotherinattentive symptom.
This is probably the one thatmakes my husband the most crazy,
because me I'll be ready infive minutes actually means 45
(07:18):
or 15 or 20.
This is the one where people getthey don't seem adhd.
You don't seem like you haveadhd because it's not
hyperactive, but it is the othertype.
And then, of course, there'sthe combined type, the one I'm
the most familiar.
It looks like both.
You know that hyperactivity andinattention.
(07:40):
For me, the hyperactivity is inmy head and then I have the
inattention.
This is the person who starts10 projects and finishes zero,
like me and my crochet Snoopythat only took me four months to
complete.
Talks, fast, jumps betweentopics, forgets appointments,
and it should be well noted thatthis is the most common type
(08:03):
for adults to experience.
Be well noted that this is themost common type for adults to
experience and, honestly,characterizing someone as just
one or just the other is prettyridiculous.
It just doesn't really existthat way.
So there have been manyattempts to pinpoint an actual
biological marker for peoplewith ADHD.
Some of them said things likeoh, they have less brain power,
(08:25):
they don't process as fast,they're not as smart, their
brain mass is smaller.
There's all these things thathave happened in the past trying
to diagnose someone with ADHD,but, unlike something like
hypothyroidism or diabetes orother physical ailments, there
is no medical test.
The things that we've said doprove someone has ADHD
(08:45):
biologically have actually allbeen debunked and there's no way
to assess for ADHD with aphysical exam like that.
So the criteria for diagnosingare fairly subjective in nature
and it makes that diagnosissomething of an art for most
specialists.
So the other piece to considerhere is that there's a lot of
(09:09):
overlap between ADHD symptomsand symptoms of other disorders
like depression, anxiety,dyslexia is even one, and autism
is a huge overlap between thetwo.
So there's a lot to be saidhere with what it actually is
and what it isn't, becausethere's so much overlap and
there's so much gray area aroundwhat it actually is and looks
(09:33):
like.
But I thought this statisticwas fascinating.
One of the things about ADHD isthat it often has comorbidities
that go along with it right.
So this from the New York Timesarticle says more than three
quarters of children diagnosedwith ADHD do have another mental
health condition as well,according to the CDC, and more
than a third have a diagnosis ofanxiety, a similar fraction of
(09:56):
a diagnosed learning disorderand 44% have been diagnosed with
a behavioral disorder likeoppositional defiant disorder or
ODD, on top of their ADHDdiagnosis.
Ariella Monti (10:08):
That's my kid in like one paragraph.
Diagnosed with ODD and anxietyand ADHD combined type.
Yeah it's a lot, yeah, it is alot.
And then me myself.
I was diagnosed with anxiety inmy early 20s, depression in my
(10:29):
teens, but it took until I was38 to get my ADHD diagnosis.
And it was like once I got theADHD diagnosis a lot of my
anxiety symptoms made sense.
Caitlin Kindred (10:45):
Yes.
Ariella Monti (10:46):
It was like the missing piece.
Caitlin Kindred (10:49):
Yeah, agree, and I was actually also 38 when
I had my diagnosis and I hadalso been diagnosed with anxiety
.
And actually my therapist atthe time was like asking me kind
of about how my family tends toprocess things.
And I mentioned my sister, whoI I firmly believe does and she
(11:11):
manages herself very well.
Um, and I don't think she hasan official diagnosis, but I do
believe just watching andlooking at how she conducts
herself, I do, she thinks shedoes.
And my therapist goes yoursister, but not you.
And I went what?
And she was like, yeah, I thinkyou, I think you need to go get
a diagnosis and then, due toADHD form, I didn't get one for
(11:34):
another year and a half afterthat.
Okay, so let's talk about whatit actually looks like, because
this is some you might seeyourself here, just so you know.
It's less like can't sit stillfor women and more like why is
my life a mess, why I need togrow up.
So here are some commonoverlooked signs and then we'll
go into some additional symptoms.
(11:56):
Masking you are a perfectionist,but that's because you are
hiding chaos.
So me, I have many planners, Ihave the one on my, I have a
phone calendar that I haveeverything on.
I have things written down butthey're all written down in
different places, which is why Ineed one place to centralize
(12:19):
everything.
But this perfectionism that youhave that's masking all the
chaos in your life.
It gets exhausting Like it's.
It's a very tiresome mask thatyou are wearing.
It's heavy Time blindness.
As I mentioned earlier, I'llleave in five minutes.
It's actually 17 minutes laterand then you're late.
Or I'll work on the podcast foran hour and then three hours
(12:40):
later you're still sitting right.
This one kind of hit me and Ifelt like I needed to go back to
my therapist Emotional rollercoaster.
There is an element of ADHDcalled rejection, sensitivity
dysphoria.
It's where you get a critiqueof some sort and it feels like
it's a personal attack.
It's a very emotionalexperience to receive criticism
(13:04):
and you feel like you're afailure receive criticism and
you feel like you're a failure.
Ariella Monti (13:10):
And this is also the all my friends hate me, even
though you have no reason.
There's no reason for them tohate you, but they added a
thumbs up at the end of a textand you're like that's it.
I'm the worst.
They hate me.
Caitlin Kindred (13:22):
That might have been one of the clues that you
thought I had it, because at onepoint I was like no one's
talking to me on our group chat,like did I say something
awkward and no one's answeredand I was like, are you guys
okay?
Like did I say something stupid?
And then everybody was like, no, we just got busy, it's fine.
Like your joke was funny, calmdown.
And I think you were like youmight want to calm down with
(13:45):
that.
That also goes into this lowemotional regulation, which is
another overlooked symptom ofADHD, but it makes every feeling
you have more intense, and thiswas really common for me when I
was teaching.
You react in a bigger way thanyou intended to.
Or for me, I'd be like I'm in agreat mood today and then I
(14:05):
would get a kid ask me one thingand then 14 seconds later, the
other kid would interrupt me asI was answering something and I
would completely lose my mindand be like blow up like a
volcano, even though I reallythought I was in a good mood,
and the kids are like, whoa,you're crazy.
You know it was just.
It's like an irritability,almost is the way that I would
describe it, but you don't reactthe way that you expect to with
(14:30):
this emotional regulation issue, hyper focus hijacking your
time.
Maybe you wanted to put awaythe box of Cheerios and instead
you reorganize the entire pantry.
Ariella Monti (14:42):
Yeah, I updated my LinkedIn profile.
I updated my LinkedIn profile,which I go into.
I don't use LinkedIn I'm not acorporate business person, so I
don't use it but my sisterwanted me to share something
that she posted, so of courseI'm going to do it.
But then I logged in there andI ended up staying up well past
(15:06):
my bedtime redoing my LinkedInprofile because the hyper-focus
took over.
That's amazing At 10.30 atnight.
Caitlin Kindred (15:15):
That's amazing.
Also, do I hear chickens in thebackground?
Ariella Monti (15:19):
Yeah, those are my chickens.
They're probably laying an eggor something like that.
Yeah, that's amazing.
Caitlin Kindred (15:24):
Hi chickens.
The other one that I'm going toadd in this other symptom is
overthinking everything.
It kind of goes into that lowemotional regulation piece.
I can't speak for everybody whohas this, but for me I always
felt like I was a little bit offcompared to my friends,
especially in school, and itkind of triggered this over
analysis of everyone else'sbehavior towards me.
(15:45):
And so I I overthink everything, like I will have an instinct.
I will immediately second guessthat instinct.
Third guess research thingsthat don't matter, because it's
like you know, I'm over herelooking at different types of
deodorants for 30 minutesbecause it's like I don't know
which one I need to buy and Ilike what if it.
You know, I just constantoverthinking and second guessing
(16:07):
everything.
So those are some common ones.
Here are some other ones that Ithought were exceptionally
important to mention, and thisis not all of them.
These are the ones that I alsoexperienced Poor object
permanence, if you're not surewhat that is, that's the thing
that when, when there's a babyand mom hides behind a blanket,
(16:28):
baby thinks mom's gone.
This is why peekaboo is funny,right?
Because all of a sudden mom'sthere again, right?
But for people with ADHD whohave poor object permanence.
Literally out of sight, out ofmind, is life.
If it's not right in front ofme, it doesn't exist.
Here's what I mean.
I will have alerts on mycomputer for when a meeting is
(16:51):
supposed to start.
The alerts used to go off 10minutes before the meeting.
I would dismiss the alert andthen be 10 minutes late to the
meeting because I forgot that Ihad the meeting.
So this goes for calendar,appointments, everyday objects,
people friends, family, oh.
(17:11):
God, yes.
And emotions.
I've always said like, oh, I'mso good at compartmentalizing,
that's not what I mean it is.
But that's not what this is.
This is me forgetting thatsomeone that I love passed away
and then, when I remember, Iexperienced that grief all over
again.
Or me forgetting that my friend, hi Anne, if you're listening,
(17:35):
I got your text message a coupleweeks ago.
I legitimately thought Ianswered you in my brain and
then didn't send it.
And then I'll write the notethat says text Anne.
I'll stick it on my phone, seeit there and remove it and put
it somewhere else and thenforget to text Anne Like it's
just if you cover up something.
It's gone to me.
Yeah, don't know where.
Anything is.
Poor impulse control when Icover something up, I need to go
(18:00):
buy another one.
So it doesn't really it's notnecessarily like cliff diving or
anything Like.
It doesn't really look likethat, especially for women.
It's more like overspendingRight Amazon Prime addiction.
Chasing dopamine by makingimpulse purchases is a really
(18:20):
common one.
Right, pretty sure this is whyJenny is not allowed to have a
Prime account on her own.
Okay, okay, oversharing,oversharing, and then regretting
it and thinking everyone hatesyou and or you made an ass of
(18:44):
yourself.
Ariella Monti (18:45):
Yeah.
Caitlin Kindred (18:46):
Yeah, yeah, and then also making someone else's
story about you because you'reoversharing.
You're not trying to make itabout you, you're just trying to
show empathy, like, hey, my catpassed away, I'm sad.
Oh, I know what that feels likewhen my cat passed away, here's
what happened.
And then the other person'slike I'm so sorry that happened
(19:08):
to you.
And you're like, yeah, thanks,oh shoot.
We were talking about you Likeit's not intended to be.
How many times have I done that?
I was like, oh my gosh, myfriend was hate me, and then and
, and there you see the need fortherapy.
Okay, I loved this one Great ina crisis, overwhelmed by the
(19:29):
everyday.
Ariella Monti (19:30):
Yeah, do you have that.
Oh, absolutely, absolutely.
Caitlin Kindred (19:36):
That one hit me and I didn't realize that that
was a symptom, but it absolutelyis.
If my child throws up in themiddle of the night, I know
exactly what to do, how to do it, the order in which to do it,
and I can stay calm, get it doneand go back to sleep.
However, if you tell me towrite a blog post, for example,
(19:59):
I cannot.
I cannot get started, I cannotdo it.
I'm like, um, but I have thisidea, and then I have this idea
and then, oh shoot, but I alsoneed to have the graphics.
And then I can't.
I can't do the, I can't move onto the, I can't write the next
paragraph unless I have thegraphic.
That goes with it, like it'sjust complete overwhelm and it
turns into paralysis because youthere's so much to do in your
(20:24):
head that you you can't even seewhat the next step is.
Yeah, absolutely.
And then poor self-esteem,because you know all these
things about yourself.
You know you have poor impulsecontrol, you know you overshare,
you know that you getoverwhelmed easily, you know
that you are terrible with time,you know that you overthink
(20:47):
things and then you internalizethose things with your RSD and
strive to be perfect.
So you get a lot of intenseperfectionism.
So I'm looking at my type Agirlies over here.
I personally consider myself tobe type A minus because of the
ADHD piece, but I want to betype a, I aspire um.
(21:07):
And then that thatperfectionism also becomes
people-pleasing behavior andyou'll often see people with
adhd who are extremely kind, um,because they know what it feels
like to be on the receiving endof someone who is not extremely
kind.
And then you could.
You often see that kindnesssort of get taken advantage of.
(21:28):
It can lead to mostly takentaken advantage of.
But straight up, abuse issomething that you'll see a lot
of adhd people experiencebecause they're they want so
badly to please and and peopleknow that that's symptoms.
I feel like here I amoversharing about myself.
You're're welcome everyone.
This is Real Talk with Caitlin.
(21:49):
Here's why it's missed in womenwe talked about this a little
bit earlier Cultural bias guys.
So for a long time weresearched boys.
Boys were who we focused ourattention on.
It was considered a boydisorder and little girls?
Their symptoms manifestdifferently than little boys.
(22:11):
Girls it tends to manifestitself as more anxiety related,
whereas boys you see thathyperactivity a little bit more.
So there is a little bit ofthat that's causing that lack of
research into what it lookslike in women.
Ariella Monti (22:23):
And then there's also the way we raised boys
versus raising girls, whereasboys were allowed to be
rambunctious and girls weresupposed to be quiet.
So I think that's part of wherethe internal hyperactivity kind
(22:45):
of stemmed from.
And also, you know, fidgetingthat maybe we didn't realize was
fidgeting when we were kids,and sensory seeking because
girls were not socialized whenwe were kids.
Yes, you know, it was notsocially acceptable for girls to
be a bit feral.
Caitlin Kindred (23:07):
No, she got labeled a tomboy right away if
she was yeah, yeah, that was me,I was labeled a tomboy, like
right away.
Ariella Monti (23:15):
But I also, when I think back on it, I see a lot
of, mostly because I see it inmy son.
My son has a lot of the samesensory seeking fidgets that I
did growing up, lot of the samesensory seeking fidgets that I
did growing up.
So now I'm realizing, like, oh,when I was doing you know, like
(23:35):
when I was chewing on the endsof my hair, like that's, that's
a fidget, that's very common.
Yeah, that's a stim for sure.
Yeah, yeah, you know.
So I think that is one of thereasons why another one of the
reasons why we flew under theradar.
Caitlin Kindred (23:53):
Yeah, I mean, when I told my mom that I was
diagnosed, she she was like Inever would have believed that
you had that and that's becauseI did have school related
anxiety and I, you know, Imasked all that with that
perfectionism piece of um.
But yeah, I mean, it definitely, definitely was there, it just
was not showing itself the sameway.
(24:15):
So, yeah, and because of this,the way that ADHD presents
itself and how similar thesymptoms are to other disorders
women will often get mislabeled.
They're labeled as anxious orscatterbrained or hormonal,
(24:36):
which is the bane of myexistence.
So when we talk about racingthoughts, that's very often
associated with anxiety, and insome ways it is.
But I, I almost characterizeanxiety as like racing thoughts
that are also negatively focused.
You don't, you're not worryingabout like good stuff, that can
(25:00):
happen.
There's also some intrusivitythat comes with that anxiety
piece.
I think, yeah, and and thathappens to me I do have those
those anxious, intrusivethoughts.
But for me my racing thoughtsare like first I have to go do
the laundry, but before I can dothe laundry I got to pick this
up, and then where's my phone?
And then, oh, I need a drink,and then like it, just it's all
the back and forth and like I dothe thing where you take a step
(25:22):
forward here, but then you'relike, oh wait, I got over.
And you know you're kind oflooks like you're trying to like
juke someone on a basketballcourt, like you're just going
back and forth all the time,like that's what most of my
racing thoughts are.
They're less doom and gloom andmore incessant back and forth,
like a ping pong ball or apinball Right.
Ariella Monti (25:43):
Right.
I think that is how minemanifests more now.
It's the like I got to do thisand then I got to do this and I
got to do this.
And when I think about what itwas like when I was younger, or
even like like pre child, it wasthe, the fights you have in
(26:03):
your head while you're in theshower, you know, or every
argument that you win whileyou're in the shower, you know,
or every argument that you winwhile you're in the shower,
right.
Yeah, it's, it's more stuff likethat or like oh, I saw a thing
on Facebook and now I'm thinkingabout how I would respond to
something like that or like thisis.
(26:26):
This is where a lot of likelike my book ideas ended up
coming from, because a thingwill trigger a thought and then
my brain will just kind of runwith it, and that is like all
I'm thinking of for the rest ofthe day.
Caitlin Kindred (26:40):
The thinking about how you would respond.
That's a pretty common one, andI don't.
This isn't like when you were akid and you would like count
the number of paragraphs thatyou would have to read
beforehand.
This is like the situation hasliterally nothing to do with you
, but somehow you put yourselfin it and then you plan out the
argument or conversation orwhatever it's that's so that is
(27:04):
a wild thing.
I hadn't thought about that, butyes, that does happen.
Yeah, that is a wild thing.
I hadn't thought about that,but yes, that does happen.
So the big thing that we'reseeing is there's a big crush of
content all related to ADHD andpeople with ADHD.
Now, maybe that's just my feed,because I tend to like all of
that stuff, but I do think thatwe're hearing a lot more about
(27:27):
it now for a few reasons.
So these are kind of the bigones that I have come up with,
and you might have other ideasand I'd love to hear them, but
here's what I'm thinking.
One TikTok therapy is a thingthis viral accessibility of
(27:50):
content that one reduces thestigma of what it actually is
but also is so relatable to somany people.
People are seeing themselves inthat content and going this is
hitting a little bit too closeto home.
I think this is something Ineed to explore.
I think, in some ways, therewas a little bit of this whole
spreading myths about what it isin some of the content that
I've seen, and that alwaysexists.
(28:11):
You have to be careful aboutthe content that you consume
online, obviously, but there isquite a large number of content
creators who are saying this iswhat it actually looks like.
It's not.
It's not that I forgot my keys,it's that I have my keys in my
hand and I'm searching the housefor my keys and I'm accusing my
family members of stealing mykeys from me.
(28:31):
And they're in my hand.
Yeah, yeah, um.
The pandemic, I think, has areally big influence on this.
I think one people's routinescompletely shattered during the
pandemic and, as someone whothrives on routines an ADHD
(28:53):
person in particular thrives onroutines.
They get bored to death of them, but they do better with them,
so just keep that in mind.
I think that that exposed a lotof people's hidden struggles
with all of these issues.
Like they're, they're I can'tthink of the word because brain
what's the word for executivefunction?
Ariella Monti (29:16):
Oh, there it is.
Caitlin Kindred (29:17):
Oh, that's right.
So when you?
But when you're on a routineand you know this is what I'm
going to do every day, and thenyour routine is completely
shattered and you can't getanything done, that's a, that's
a big shift and people kind ofgo wait, what's wrong with me?
And I think a lot of peoplewere like, well, it's the
pandemic, everything's up in theair.
We're all confused.
It's not that for me.
I noticed it after I quit myjob, teaching, because teaching
(29:45):
is a very regimented schedule.
Right During first period I didthis.
During second period I did that, and eighth period is when I
always made my copies and Icould only pee during this time
of the day.
Like you, you had to follow avery structured routine, and
then I got started working athome and I could not manage my
workload.
Ariella Monti (30:00):
Yeah.
Caitlin Kindred (30:01):
I couldn't figure out why and I couldn't
establish a routine for myself.
I need someone else to createthe routine for me and hold me
to it, and I think that that wasa big, big part of it.
And in addition to the pandemicshattering routines, you also
have people saying during thepandemic you need to take care
of your mental health.
This is a scary time for mentalhealth.
(30:23):
Be aware of what's happening,seek out support, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
And so people actually startedto take it seriously and do that
.
And they're finding out at 38that they have this disorder
that they've had their wholelife, and all of a sudden
everything makes sense.
And then they go out on TikTokand they talk about it.
So you're seeing those thingshappen at the same time.
(30:43):
Yeah, I agree with all of that.
The other piece of this is, Ithink, that there's been a lot
of medical progress and we havea long way to go with medical
progress here, especially withregard to women.
But there is now a betterunderstanding of how ADHD
symptoms manifest themselves inwomen, who often present with
(31:05):
that inattentive or combinedtype, and better diagnostic
criteria in general for childrentoo.
Right, right, concern almost ablowback of like every every kid
who's hyperactive in class hasADHD.
So we're not going to diagnoseanyone with ADHD for a little
(31:27):
while.
And I think now that we havebetter criteria of what that
hyperactivity actually lookslike, it's it's not being
hyperactive, it's that the thisimpairment that you have
actually impairs your everydayfunction.
Right, hyperactivity is fine ifit's not, if it's not messing
with your everyday life, butwhen it is affecting your
(31:48):
ability to learn or do your jobor be a nice human, any of those
things, it's time to get help.
And there's also more opennessI think some of it's coming from
Gen Z and maybe even somemillennials too about being
willing to talk about mentalhealth when that wasn't a thing
(32:11):
that boomers or generationsbefore really did talk about, of
that not really talking aboutit so much.
I think they're kind of comingalong for the ride, though with
with millennials in that sense.
But I think there's somegenerational influence making it
more prevalent in society nowtoo, and that means more people
(32:34):
are going to go seek answers.
Now that we're talking about it.
Ariella Monti (32:38):
Yep, I think some of it is also people our age,
so in like their 30s and their40s, a lot of us who, because
it's genetic, our kids aregetting diagnosed.
And it was not just a couple offriends starting challenges
that my child had I also had,and I think that's part of it
(33:32):
too, I think with more, with thebetter diagnostic criteria, and
then you've got the kidsgetting diagnosed.
And then you've got the kidsgetting diagnosed and now we
know for sure that it's genetic.
When the kids were gettingdiagnosed the parents are like,
oh, maybe.
Caitlin Kindred (33:51):
Well, I mean, that's what happened to me,
that's what happened to me.
I mean I was like, oh my gosh,my six.
So they tend to not, they don'tdiagnose kids before age six.
And my son was six and like acouple of weeks and we were like
, look we, we got to find outand we did.
And if it was obvious, when hewas that little, the apple
(34:14):
didn't fall far from the treeand we know it's not my husband.
So, yeah, so I'm looking at allthese symptoms and going yeah,
that's a little too.
This is uh-huh, yep, yeah, uh,check, check, check, check,
double check.
Oh my gosh, this is my life.
Everything makes sense.
Ariella Monti (34:34):
It's the most validating feeling too, to have
that, but you're right.
Caitlin Kindred (34:39):
I think that's a big piece of it, this whole
openness and better criteria andpeople seeking answers and
getting it for their kids.
Ariella Monti (34:50):
That advocacy is now turning into self-ad of it
too, because we do know thatyour cycle does impact your ADHD
(35:10):
symptoms and, with more of usentering, like, our late 30s,
early 40s and hittingperimenopause, when our hormones
are starting to go bananas,that's going to have an impact
on our symptoms.
So symptoms that we have, maybe, were able to handle or didn't
(35:36):
know that they were symptoms,are now not allowing us to
function in in every day.
So it's like oh well, likewhat's wrong with me, and like
one you know again, like nowyou're.
Caitlin Kindred (35:49):
One thing leads to another and I think that is
playing a role as well, I wouldagree with that, and I think
that's one of the areas I thinkwe need a lot more research into
.
Is we?
We know that phases of awoman's cycle you're going to
experience better symptommanagement versus much poorer
(36:10):
symptom management, and I thinkit would be very beneficial.
As women, our age, I think weneed to be doing more than just
cracking.
I think we need to be sharingwhat this looks like, to see
kind of what's going on here.
But that is a fascinating point.
(36:31):
I hadn't thought about it thatway either.
Yep, yeah, all that to say thatif you've ever lost your phone,
that doesn't mean you have ADHD, but if you've lost it while
it's been in your hand, thatdoesn't mean you have ADHD, but
if you've lost it while it'sbeen in your hand, let's let's
you and I have a conversation.
Yeah, before we wrapped sort ofthis basic intro, which and
we'll do we're doing a series onthis, so you're going to get
(36:52):
more information about thiswhole thing I wanted to share a
few of my favorite Instagramaccounts and I'm sure you'll
have some too or TikTok accountsthat that have really great
ADHD content.
Some, too, or TikTok accountsthat have really great ADHD
content.
I really like Instagramaccounts for this because it's
very easy to go for, especiallyfor an ADHD person to go down a
rabbit hole here.
But these bite-sized bits areoften all I have the bandwidth
(37:13):
to absorb, so that's why I'msaying let's look at this.
One of my favorites is ADHDewers.
They share memes, but they alsoshare helpful tidbits of
information, which is great.
One of my favorites is ADHDoers.
They share memes, but they alsoshare helpful tidbits of
information, which is great.
One of my favorites who doesnot get enough credit, I don't
think is Coaching with Brooke.
She has amazing content andyou're going to hear all kinds
(37:36):
of content from Coaching withBrooke because she has so many
actionable tips.
One that I found so helpfulthat I actually had to comment
and say like I use this and thisis a life changing tip for me.
Thank you so much.
The other that I really like isAlex Partridge Alex Partridge
100.
And there's Alex underscorePartridge, underscore 100.
He is the founder of Unilad.
(37:58):
Have you heard of that?
Ariella Monti (38:00):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Caitlin Kindred (38:02):
Yeah, he's the founder of Unilad.
Have you heard of that?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's thefounder of Unilad.
He just wrote a book, he's gota podcast that is ADHD related
and he has this one post that Iit's pinned in his profile if
you go find it, but it's likehow to spot a woman with ADHD in
25 seconds or less.
And it was one of those momentswhere I was like, oh, oh, this
(38:22):
hurts me, I'm gonna start to cry.
Oh, this is too real.
Oh, my goodness.
And I had to put it down for asecond before I watched it like
six more times, but Ilegitimately had tears in my
eyes because I was like this manis nailing this.
But anyway, those are a fewgood ones.
We're gonna come back in just aminute and talk about our hyper
fixations and things we finallygot done this week.
(38:44):
So stick around we'll be rightback for links to resources
mentioned in this episode.
Head on over to ckngkpodcastcomslash blog to find everything
you need, and be sure to followus on social media.
Head over to your favoritesocial media network and find us
at CK and GK podcast.
And now back to the show.
(39:07):
All right, we're back, do you?
Instead of an obsession we'regoing to call it a hyper
fixation which is more than anobsession this is.
It becomes your life for thenext 47 hours, and then you buy
all the things and then, whenall the things show up, the
dopamine's gone and you move onto a new hobby.
That's my experience, prettymuch, pretty much.
(39:29):
Okay, what's yours?
Ariella Monti (39:30):
right now.
Well, I've got to say thatlately, the past 24 hours, my
hyper fixation has been Pope Leoand finding out he's a white
socks fan guys.
Oh, really so happy.
yeah, yeah, you know the as aformer catholic, but somebody
(39:55):
who remains culturally catholic,I guess, um, I was more
invested in the Pope choosingthan I thought I was going to be
and yeah yesterday I got justabout no work done because I was
like I need to know more aboutthis person and if it's, if he's
(40:17):
going to make things better,worse or you, you know about the
same, or you know like, I'mfine with this status quo is
about what I would expect fromthe church.
Caitlin Kindred (40:31):
yeah, yeah, I'm with you um, I, I have feels
about this.
It's super cool that this is alike chicago, south chicago,
born and bred pope.
Like that is a very awesomething 267 popes and not one of
them has been american, so sothat's kind of a big deal.
I get the sense that he's gonnabe his own dude, uh, and do his
(40:56):
own thing, which is kind ofgreat.
But he's also of a similarorder I don't want to say
similar because I don't know howsimilar he is but like he's of
one of those orders of ofcatholicism where you, there's a
very big emphasis onmarginalized groups of people.
So I'm optimistic.
Um, yeah, but I think he'll.
I think he'll tow the partyline for the most part, but I'm
(41:19):
with you, I, I like him, I'm sofar.
I'm happy.
Ariella Monti (41:22):
So that is what I've been, you know,
hyper-focused on anytime I'm onthe internets and I anticipate
it being my hyper-focus formaybe another 24 hours, and then
I'll be over it and I will moveon to something else.
Caitlin Kindred (41:39):
Yeah, that sounds about right.
I like that one, though that'sa good one.
I don't know that I have aparticular hyper fixation right
now.
I did have a hyper fixationyesterday with work.
I was very invested in makingthis is so dumb in making a
table of contents page.
(41:59):
A table of contents like pieceof code on a web page where you
can click the thing and go andscroll to the next part of the
article that you want to read.
I was very invested in makingit sticky, which means that it
scrolls with you, so you scrolland then it just stays there
right next and I I am frustratedbecause on one page on our
(42:20):
website it's sticky, and onanother page on our website
which sticky.
And on another page on ourwebsite, which I had, I cloned
the original page it's notsticky and I don't know why.
So I got real.
I'm very invested in figuringout why, and I may or may not
have broken something in theprocess, but I did go fix it.
So, jim, if you're listening, Ifixed it.
(42:42):
I swear, but I did, I did.
I did break a little something.
So, oopsies, it's fine.
It's fine, it's fine.
It's fine, it's all fine, it'sfine, it's back to normal now
it's fine.
Fine, yeah, totally.
That was my hyper fixation,though is is like fiddling with
the website and trying to get itthe way that I want, but, yeah,
(43:04):
okay, did you accomplish?
So?
One of the other things wetalked about is task avoidance
Anything that's going to taketoo much focus and effort.
So did you accomplish anythingInstead of your gem?
Did you accomplish anythingthis week?
Ariella Monti (43:16):
I registered my car six months late.
No, no, not six months late.
I take it back.
Not six months late.
No, no, not six months late.
I take it back.
Not six months late.
I registered my car only twomonths late.
Three, how could you get away?
Caitlin Kindred (43:32):
with driving.
How did you not get ticketedLike?
Ariella Monti (43:38):
luck.
I don't know.
I got nothing.
The ADHD angels were lookingout for you.
Yeah, I mean like I.
I back in January, I did get mycar inspected two months early,
(43:58):
which is well within like rangefor it, and I was like yes,
look look at me, I'm an adult, Iam doing great, I am winning,
yep.
And then I never.
And then I kept forgetting Ijust kept putting off yeah, no,
I mean, the worst was a year anda half late during covid but
(44:24):
they also well, during covidthey they expand, like they
extended it so, like they gaveyou like a buffer year or
something.
So technically it was only likesix months, but that was the
time that I did get pulled overand the cop was like your cars
(44:45):
needs to be.
I'm, like I know, covid childand so I did it it literally
took me two minutes.
It took me two minutes on theonline.
It took me two minutes, but itI got the sticker.
I put it on my license plateand everything.
Caitlin Kindred (45:06):
Yeah, but it doesn't take two minutes.
It takes the time you have togo get the inspection and like
there's more to it.
That's the piece about it thatI think people don't understand
with ADHD is that it's not just,it's the work between the work,
it's all of the teeny, tinylittle steps that have to make
something happen before you canaccomplish anything.
It's not just, it's the workbetween the work, it's all of
the teeny, tiny little stepsthat have to make something
happen before you can accomplishanything.
(45:27):
It's so frustrating.
Right, right, right, totally.
Yeah totally yeah.
So mine is speaking of that.
I talked to my boss the otherday and the thing I accomplished
was that we are going to, fromhere on out, say progress is
wellness Because, as I mentioned, it's not the work, it's the
(45:51):
work between the work.
It's not just getting a blogpost live, it's writing the blog
post, getting it approved,making all the graphics,
designing the page so that itworks properly.
It's making oh, this filedoesn't fit properly, got to
remake the files.
Now I have version one, two,three, four.
(46:15):
It's all of the little thingsthat go into what looks like a
really easy thing getting done,crossing it off your list.
And so, as nutso as it sounds,what our, what we accomplished
was, we're going to set up.
We have a task manager andwe're just going to set it up so
that you can see the progress,and we're going to put in every
little subtask and we're goingto, that way you can see the
(46:36):
progress, and it's going to beso much better for both of our
mental health, because we feelvery overwhelmed by all the
things that are on our plateright now and yet we are
accomplishing things.
It just looks like you're notbecause you can't cross the big
thing off just yet, right?
So, yeah, when I look at what Iaccomplished this week, I
actually can cross some thingsoff my list, because I did get
(47:00):
things done, because I can seethat.
You know what I mean.
I can see all the little stuff.
So that's my, that's.
My accomplishment is that Ican't.
I can't cross off any bigthings, and that's okay, but I
can cross off a bunch of littlethings.
I'm going to yeah, I'm going toaccept that progress is
wellness.
Ariella Monti (47:19):
Yes, I agree.
Caitlin Kindred (47:21):
That works.
So okay.
Well, this has been, Ipersonally think, a very helpful
conversation for myself.
I think so.
I hope you see yourself in this.
I hope it feels validating.
I hope that, if you do seeyourself in this and you don't
have a diagnosis, that you reachout to someone who can help you
(47:43):
check out those creators onInstagram and see if any of them
resonate with you.
If they do, again, please gofind someone who can be
supportive, and I think that'sall for today.
Ariella Monti (47:53):
Yeah, yeah, oh, and we are not doctors or mental
health professionals.
That is a very excellent point.
Yeah, we forgot to say thatbecause you know ADHD.
Caitlin Kindred (48:03):
Please seek professional help Right, not us.
Ariella Monti (48:09):
Not us.
We are just sharing information.
Go see somebody who went toschool for this stuff and the
ADA.
Yeah, go see a real doctor notme.
Yeah, I mean, at least you'vegot a bachelor's in Science.
Yeah, it's a real doctor, notme.
Yeah, I mean, at least you'vegot a bachelor's in Science.
Caitlin Kindred (48:27):
Yeah, it's a science.
Yeah, I suppose that counts,but it's not a doctor.
No, I'm not a doctor.
Okay.
So, as Jenny would say, makegood choices.
And I'm going to ask one moretime for you to vote for me for
the Women Podcasters Awards.
The link is in the show notes,at the very top, right
(48:50):
underneath, where it says sendus a text.
It just says vote for me.
So please do that, because Iwant external validation.
Okay, exactly.
Ariella Monti (49:02):
Bye, bye.
Hello, hello, friends.
We are so glad you're heretoday.
Welcome to how to Be a Grown-Upthe show, with hosts who are
constantly hunting for dopamine.
Yes, I would.
I think we are Always, all thetime, always.
That's A fact of life at thispoint.
See, it's gone.
See, yeah, that's unfortunateand we're done Bye everybody.
(00:24):
See, done bye everybody.
That was the episode dopaminehit lost.
Okay, uh, I'm caitlin, and withme today co-hosting for johnny
is ariela monte, who is theauthor of roots and ink, and she
is a sunbeam wrapped in aflannel shirt I love that.
Ariella Monti (00:42):
I love flannel as my, you know, as my, my fellow
bisexuals know, we.
It's the uniform of my people.
The peoples, yeah, the uniformof my people Also elder
millennials Right, I was gonnasay like I came of age.
Caitlin Kindred (01:04):
Right, I am from San Francisco.
During the 90s, grunge was mylife, right?
Okay, today we are starting aseries on a topic that is very
near and dear to the show, toAriella and myself, to Jenny, to
our entire families, and thatis ADHD in general, in
(01:29):
particular ADHD in women, andwe've got a whole host of topics
around this.
So I hope you'll stick aroundfor the next few weeks as we
kind of take a deep dive intowhat this means for us.
But today I'm just going to goover the basics, meaning what it
is, what it looks like in women, particularly my symptoms and
(01:49):
I'm sure I'll mention some ofArielle's as well and why you're
hearing so much about ADHD nowwhen, as we mentioned, the elder
millennial generation did notgrow up with it like that, right
?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Really, the whole point of thisepisode and this whole series
is is validation, which is whatwe're always here for.
(02:10):
If you see yourself here, youare not broken, there is nothing
wrong with you.
Here's what helped us, here'swhat we've learned about
ourselves, here's what we'velearned about our children, and
I hope that you find some peaceand comfort in this episode, if
this is relatable to you at all.
I have a couple of sourcestoday.
One of them is from the NewYork Times.
(02:31):
It's called We've Been ThinkingAbout ADHD All Wrong.
I will link that in the shownotes.
Another one was Speaking ofPsychology why Are More Adults
being Diagnosed with ADHD?
With Russell Ramsey, this isthe ADA's podcast and it's a
really the episode is reallygreat.
The transcript is super helpfulif you want to learn more.
Really really fascinating, sohighly recommend.
(02:51):
And, of course, us, as we'velearned things from therapists.
And when we say I readsomething somewhere, we mean we
saw it on TikTok.
Okay, okay, um, yeah, what isadhd?
It's not squirrel syndrome,it's not.
You're not a magpie, you're notlike something shiny might
(03:13):
distract you, but it's not that.
It gets characterized in somesome funky ways which I will go
into in just a second.
But imagine your brain or yourcomputer with 47 tabs open.
Someone else is holding themouse, one of them is playing an
ad over and over again and theother one's got a YouTube video
on loud.
So it's not an inability to payattention.
(03:36):
Rather, I would characterize itas the inability to focus one's
attention on one thing at atime.
It's your.
You're hypersensitive toeverything, so everything is
getting your attention all atonce or, in the case of a
hyperfixation, only one thingfor all eternity.
By that I mean the next 27hours.
(03:56):
So it is officially in the DSMit's got like.
You know, dsm is the diagnosticbook of all the mental health
disorders and there's all thesedifferent versions we're on.
The five are something,something doesn't matter, but it
is a neurodevelopmentaldisorder that affects executive
function, like working memory,focus and impulse control, which
(04:20):
is a very short and succinctdefinition for something that is
anything but that right.
Ariella Monti (04:26):
Yes, yeah right.
Caitlin Kindred (04:27):
What we know is that there are brain
differences in people with ADHDversus those without.
There are imbalances withdopamine, which is why I made
that reference to dopamineearlier in the episode, and also
norepinephrine, which both arechemicals that interact with
parts of the brain, and it kindof has been mentioned as like
erratic brain Wi-Fi signal.
I don't know why that was theterm that I kept seeing over and
(04:50):
over again, but it does makesense to me.
Ariella Monti (04:53):
Yeah, yeah, that does make sense.
Yeah, I've learned more aboutneurotransmitters in the past
like four years, than I think Ihave ever in my life.
Caitlin Kindred (05:06):
Those are the transmitters or
neurotransmitters that are outof whack if you have ADHD.
So dopamine and norepinephrineWithin ADHD.
There are technically threetypes.
There's the stereotypical one,which is the hyperactive boy.
Presentation right, they can'tsit still.
Their legs jiggle, they'reconstantly tapping.
Presentation right, they can'tsit still.
Their legs jiggle, they'reconstantly tapping.
(05:26):
They're always on the move,they're forever talking, they
blurt out answers, theyinterrupt, they take risks
without thinking.
They're incredibly impulsive.
A lot of the time we think oflittle boys when we think of
hyperactive disorder.
It's very common in women too,but you don't see it because the
hyperactivity is not physical,it's in the brain.
It's jumping from one idea tothe next all the time.
(05:50):
Yes, the next type would beinattentive, which is very
common in women and girls.
It often looks like zoning outin mid-conversation.
For me it's not necessarilyzoning out, although that does
happen to me quite a bit.
It's also taking a minute toprocess.
But saying what instead?
So someone says something, Ihear it and I go what, and then
(06:12):
I answer the question rightafter that.
The delay, yes, the what delay?
I swear I'm not stupid, I justneeded a second.
Losing things, but not justlosing them, it's losing them
when they were just in your hand.
Things like you put somethingin a safe place for safekeeping
(06:36):
and then you can't rememberwhere that safe place was.
You have folders for foldersfor folders in your computer, so
everything is too complicated.
You over complicate theorganization so you lose things.
That way, I often will putsomething down and then need it
13 seconds later and cannot findit.
And you'll often hear peoplesay someone took my, and then
(06:56):
they're like oh my bad, nobodytook it, you just didn't know.
Avoiding tasks that demand yourfocus, like my taxes, that did
not get done until very latethis year.
And time blindness is anotherinattentive symptom.
This is probably the one thatmakes my husband the most crazy,
because me I'll be ready infive minutes actually means 45
(07:18):
or 15 or 20.
This is the one where people getthey don't seem adhd.
You don't seem like you haveadhd because it's not
hyperactive, but it is the othertype.
And then, of course, there'sthe combined type, the one I'm
the most familiar.
It looks like both.
You know that hyperactivity andinattention.
(07:40):
For me, the hyperactivity is inmy head and then I have the
inattention.
This is the person who starts10 projects and finishes zero,
like me and my crochet Snoopythat only took me four months to
complete.
Talks, fast, jumps betweentopics, forgets appointments,
and it should be well noted thatthis is the most common type
(08:03):
for adults to experience.
Be well noted that this is themost common type for adults to
experience and, honestly,characterizing someone as just
one or just the other is prettyridiculous.
It just doesn't really existthat way.
So there have been manyattempts to pinpoint an actual
biological marker for peoplewith ADHD.
Some of them said things likeoh, they have less brain power,
(08:25):
they don't process as fast,they're not as smart, their
brain mass is smaller.
There's all these things thathave happened in the past trying
to diagnose someone with ADHD,but, unlike something like
hypothyroidism or diabetes orother physical ailments, there
is no medical test.
The things that we've said doprove someone has ADHD
(08:45):
biologically have actually allbeen debunked and there's no way
to assess for ADHD with aphysical exam like that.
So the criteria for diagnosingare fairly subjective in nature
and it makes that diagnosissomething of an art for most
specialists.
So the other piece to considerhere is that there's a lot of
(09:09):
overlap between ADHD symptomsand symptoms of other disorders
like depression, anxiety,dyslexia is even one, and autism
is a huge overlap between thetwo.
So there's a lot to be saidhere with what it actually is
and what it isn't, becausethere's so much overlap and
there's so much gray area aroundwhat it actually is and looks
(09:33):
like.
But I thought this statisticwas fascinating.
One of the things about ADHD isthat it often has comorbidities
that go along with it right.
So this from the New York Timesarticle says more than three
quarters of children diagnosedwith ADHD do have another mental
health condition as well,according to the CDC, and more
than a third have a diagnosis ofanxiety, a similar fraction of
(09:56):
a diagnosed learning disorderand 44% have been diagnosed with
a behavioral disorder likeoppositional defiant disorder or
ODD, on top of their ADHDdiagnosis.
Ariella Monti (10:08):
That's my kid in like one paragraph.
Diagnosed with ODD and anxietyand ADHD combined type.
Yeah it's a lot, yeah, it is alot.
And then me myself.
I was diagnosed with anxiety inmy early 20s, depression in my
(10:29):
teens, but it took until I was38 to get my ADHD diagnosis.
And it was like once I got theADHD diagnosis a lot of my
anxiety symptoms made sense.
Caitlin Kindred (10:45):
Yes.
Ariella Monti (10:46):
It was like the missing piece.
Caitlin Kindred (10:49):
Yeah, agree, and I was actually also 38 when
I had my diagnosis and I hadalso been diagnosed with anxiety
.
And actually my therapist atthe time was like asking me kind
of about how my family tends toprocess things.
And I mentioned my sister, whoI I firmly believe does and she
(11:11):
manages herself very well.
Um, and I don't think she hasan official diagnosis, but I do
believe just watching andlooking at how she conducts
herself, I do, she thinks shedoes.
And my therapist goes yoursister, but not you.
And I went what?
And she was like, yeah, I thinkyou, I think you need to go get
a diagnosis and then, due toADHD form, I didn't get one for
(11:34):
another year and a half afterthat.
Okay, so let's talk about whatit actually looks like, because
this is some you might seeyourself here, just so you know.
It's less like can't sit stillfor women and more like why is
my life a mess, why I need togrow up.
So here are some commonoverlooked signs and then we'll
go into some additional symptoms.
(11:56):
Masking you are a perfectionist,but that's because you are
hiding chaos.
So me, I have many planners, Ihave the one on my, I have a
phone calendar that I haveeverything on.
I have things written down butthey're all written down in
different places, which is why Ineed one place to centralize
(12:19):
everything.
But this perfectionism that youhave that's masking all the
chaos in your life.
It gets exhausting Like it's.
It's a very tiresome mask thatyou are wearing.
It's heavy Time blindness.
As I mentioned earlier, I'llleave in five minutes.
It's actually 17 minutes laterand then you're late.
Or I'll work on the podcast foran hour and then three hours
(12:40):
later you're still sitting right.
This one kind of hit me and Ifelt like I needed to go back to
my therapist Emotional rollercoaster.
There is an element of ADHDcalled rejection, sensitivity
dysphoria.
It's where you get a critiqueof some sort and it feels like
it's a personal attack.
It's a very emotionalexperience to receive criticism
(13:04):
and you feel like you're afailure receive criticism and
you feel like you're a failure.
Ariella Monti (13:10):
And this is also the all my friends hate me, even
though you have no reason.
There's no reason for them tohate you, but they added a
thumbs up at the end of a textand you're like that's it.
I'm the worst.
They hate me.
Caitlin Kindred (13:22):
That might have been one of the clues that you
thought I had it, because at onepoint I was like no one's
talking to me on our group chat,like did I say something
awkward and no one's answeredand I was like, are you guys
okay?
Like did I say something stupid?
And then everybody was like, no, we just got busy, it's fine.
Like your joke was funny, calmdown.
And I think you were like youmight want to calm down with
(13:45):
that.
That also goes into this lowemotional regulation, which is
another overlooked symptom ofADHD, but it makes every feeling
you have more intense, and thiswas really common for me when I
was teaching.
You react in a bigger way thanyou intended to.
Or for me, I'd be like I'm in agreat mood today and then I
(14:05):
would get a kid ask me one thingand then 14 seconds later, the
other kid would interrupt me asI was answering something and I
would completely lose my mindand be like blow up like a
volcano, even though I reallythought I was in a good mood,
and the kids are like, whoa,you're crazy.
You know it was just.
It's like an irritability,almost is the way that I would
describe it, but you don't reactthe way that you expect to with
(14:30):
this emotional regulation issue, hyper focus hijacking your
time.
Maybe you wanted to put awaythe box of Cheerios and instead
you reorganize the entire pantry.
Ariella Monti (14:42):
Yeah, I updated my LinkedIn profile.
I updated my LinkedIn profile,which I go into.
I don't use LinkedIn I'm not acorporate business person, so I
don't use it but my sisterwanted me to share something
that she posted, so of courseI'm going to do it.
But then I logged in there andI ended up staying up well past
(15:06):
my bedtime redoing my LinkedInprofile because the hyper-focus
took over.
That's amazing At 10.30 atnight.
Caitlin Kindred (15:15):
That's amazing.
Also, do I hear chickens in thebackground?
Ariella Monti (15:19):
Yeah, those are my chickens.
They're probably laying an eggor something like that.
Yeah, that's amazing.
Caitlin Kindred (15:24):
Hi chickens.
The other one that I'm going toadd in this other symptom is
overthinking everything.
It kind of goes into that lowemotional regulation piece.
I can't speak for everybody whohas this, but for me I always
felt like I was a little bit offcompared to my friends,
especially in school, and itkind of triggered this over
analysis of everyone else'sbehavior towards me.
(15:45):
And so I I overthink everything, like I will have an instinct.
I will immediately second guessthat instinct.
Third guess research thingsthat don't matter, because it's
like you know, I'm over herelooking at different types of
deodorants for 30 minutesbecause it's like I don't know
which one I need to buy and Ilike what if it.
You know, I just constantoverthinking and second guessing
(16:07):
everything.
So those are some common ones.
Here are some other ones that Ithought were exceptionally
important to mention, and thisis not all of them.
These are the ones that I alsoexperienced Poor object
permanence, if you're not surewhat that is, that's the thing
that when, when there's a babyand mom hides behind a blanket,
(16:28):
baby thinks mom's gone.
This is why peekaboo is funny,right?
Because all of a sudden mom'sthere again, right?
But for people with ADHD whohave poor object permanence.
Literally out of sight, out ofmind, is life.
If it's not right in front ofme, it doesn't exist.
Here's what I mean.
I will have alerts on mycomputer for when a meeting is
(16:51):
supposed to start.
The alerts used to go off 10minutes before the meeting.
I would dismiss the alert andthen be 10 minutes late to the
meeting because I forgot that Ihad the meeting.
So this goes for calendar,appointments, everyday objects,
people friends, family, oh.
(17:11):
God, yes.
And emotions.
I've always said like, oh, I'mso good at compartmentalizing,
that's not what I mean it is.
But that's not what this is.
This is me forgetting thatsomeone that I love passed away
and then, when I remember, Iexperienced that grief all over
again.
Or me forgetting that my friend, hi Anne, if you're listening,
(17:35):
I got your text message a coupleweeks ago.
I legitimately thought Ianswered you in my brain and
then didn't send it.
And then I'll write the notethat says text Anne.
I'll stick it on my phone, seeit there and remove it and put
it somewhere else and thenforget to text Anne Like it's
just if you cover up something.
It's gone to me.
Yeah, don't know where.
Anything is.
Poor impulse control when Icover something up, I need to go
(18:00):
buy another one.
So it doesn't really it's notnecessarily like cliff diving or
anything Like.
It doesn't really look likethat, especially for women.
It's more like overspendingRight Amazon Prime addiction.
Chasing dopamine by makingimpulse purchases is a really
(18:20):
common one.
Right, pretty sure this is whyJenny is not allowed to have a
Prime account on her own.
Okay, okay, oversharing,oversharing, and then regretting
it and thinking everyone hatesyou and or you made an ass of
(18:44):
yourself.
Ariella Monti (18:45):
Yeah.
Caitlin Kindred (18:46):
Yeah, yeah, and then also making someone else's
story about you because you'reoversharing.
You're not trying to make itabout you, you're just trying to
show empathy, like, hey, my catpassed away, I'm sad.
Oh, I know what that feels likewhen my cat passed away, here's
what happened.
And then the other person'slike I'm so sorry that happened
(19:08):
to you.
And you're like, yeah, thanks,oh shoot.
We were talking about you Likeit's not intended to be.
How many times have I done that?
I was like, oh my gosh, myfriend was hate me, and then and
, and there you see the need fortherapy.
Okay, I loved this one Great ina crisis, overwhelmed by the
(19:29):
everyday.
Ariella Monti (19:30):
Yeah, do you have that.
Oh, absolutely, absolutely.
Caitlin Kindred (19:36):
That one hit me and I didn't realize that that
was a symptom, but it absolutelyis.
If my child throws up in themiddle of the night, I know
exactly what to do, how to do it, the order in which to do it,
and I can stay calm, get it doneand go back to sleep.
However, if you tell me towrite a blog post, for example,
(19:59):
I cannot.
I cannot get started, I cannotdo it.
I'm like, um, but I have thisidea, and then I have this idea
and then, oh shoot, but I alsoneed to have the graphics.
And then I can't.
I can't do the, I can't move onto the, I can't write the next
paragraph unless I have thegraphic.
That goes with it, like it'sjust complete overwhelm and it
turns into paralysis because youthere's so much to do in your
(20:24):
head that you you can't even seewhat the next step is.
Yeah, absolutely.
And then poor self-esteem,because you know all these
things about yourself.
You know you have poor impulsecontrol, you know you overshare,
you know that you getoverwhelmed easily, you know
that you are terrible with time,you know that you overthink
(20:47):
things and then you internalizethose things with your RSD and
strive to be perfect.
So you get a lot of intenseperfectionism.
So I'm looking at my type Agirlies over here.
I personally consider myself tobe type A minus because of the
ADHD piece, but I want to betype a, I aspire um.
(21:07):
And then that thatperfectionism also becomes
people-pleasing behavior andyou'll often see people with
adhd who are extremely kind, um,because they know what it feels
like to be on the receiving endof someone who is not extremely
kind.
And then you could.
You often see that kindnesssort of get taken advantage of.
(21:28):
It can lead to mostly takentaken advantage of.
But straight up, abuse issomething that you'll see a lot
of adhd people experiencebecause they're they want so
badly to please and and peopleknow that that's symptoms.
I feel like here I amoversharing about myself.
You're're welcome everyone.
This is Real Talk with Caitlin.
(21:49):
Here's why it's missed in womenwe talked about this a little
bit earlier Cultural bias guys.
So for a long time weresearched boys.
Boys were who we focused ourattention on.
It was considered a boydisorder and little girls?
Their symptoms manifestdifferently than little boys.
(22:11):
Girls it tends to manifestitself as more anxiety related,
whereas boys you see thathyperactivity a little bit more.
So there is a little bit ofthat that's causing that lack of
research into what it lookslike in women.
Ariella Monti (22:23):
And then there's also the way we raised boys
versus raising girls, whereasboys were allowed to be
rambunctious and girls weresupposed to be quiet.
So I think that's part of wherethe internal hyperactivity kind
(22:45):
of stemmed from.
And also, you know, fidgetingthat maybe we didn't realize was
fidgeting when we were kids,and sensory seeking because
girls were not socialized whenwe were kids.
Yes, you know, it was notsocially acceptable for girls to
be a bit feral.
Caitlin Kindred (23:07):
No, she got labeled a tomboy right away if
she was yeah, yeah, that was me,I was labeled a tomboy, like
right away.
Ariella Monti (23:15):
But I also, when I think back on it, I see a lot
of, mostly because I see it inmy son.
My son has a lot of the samesensory seeking fidgets that I
did growing up, lot of the samesensory seeking fidgets that I
did growing up.
So now I'm realizing, like, oh,when I was doing you know, like
(23:35):
when I was chewing on the endsof my hair, like that's, that's
a fidget, that's very common.
Yeah, that's a stim for sure.
Yeah, yeah, you know.
So I think that is one of thereasons why another one of the
reasons why we flew under theradar.
Caitlin Kindred (23:53):
Yeah, I mean, when I told my mom that I was
diagnosed, she she was like Inever would have believed that
you had that and that's becauseI did have school related
anxiety and I, you know, Imasked all that with that
perfectionism piece of um.
But yeah, I mean, it definitely, definitely was there, it just
was not showing itself the sameway.
(24:15):
So, yeah, and because of this,the way that ADHD presents
itself and how similar thesymptoms are to other disorders
women will often get mislabeled.
They're labeled as anxious orscatterbrained or hormonal,
(24:36):
which is the bane of myexistence.
So when we talk about racingthoughts, that's very often
associated with anxiety, and insome ways it is.
But I, I almost characterizeanxiety as like racing thoughts
that are also negatively focused.
You don't, you're not worryingabout like good stuff, that can
(25:00):
happen.
There's also some intrusivitythat comes with that anxiety
piece.
I think, yeah, and and thathappens to me I do have those
those anxious, intrusivethoughts.
But for me my racing thoughtsare like first I have to go do
the laundry, but before I can dothe laundry I got to pick this
up, and then where's my phone?
And then, oh, I need a drink,and then like it, just it's all
the back and forth and like I dothe thing where you take a step
(25:22):
forward here, but then you'relike, oh wait, I got over.
And you know you're kind oflooks like you're trying to like
juke someone on a basketballcourt, like you're just going
back and forth all the time,like that's what most of my
racing thoughts are.
They're less doom and gloom andmore incessant back and forth,
like a ping pong ball or apinball Right.
Ariella Monti (25:43):
Right.
I think that is how minemanifests more now.
It's the like I got to do thisand then I got to do this and I
got to do this.
And when I think about what itwas like when I was younger, or
even like like pre child, it wasthe, the fights you have in
(26:03):
your head while you're in theshower, you know, or every
argument that you win whileyou're in the shower, you know,
or every argument that you winwhile you're in the shower,
right.
Yeah, it's, it's more stuff likethat or like oh, I saw a thing
on Facebook and now I'm thinkingabout how I would respond to
something like that or like thisis.
(26:26):
This is where a lot of likelike my book ideas ended up
coming from, because a thingwill trigger a thought and then
my brain will just kind of runwith it, and that is like all
I'm thinking of for the rest ofthe day.
Caitlin Kindred (26:40):
The thinking about how you would respond.
That's a pretty common one, andI don't.
This isn't like when you were akid and you would like count
the number of paragraphs thatyou would have to read
beforehand.
This is like the situation hasliterally nothing to do with you
, but somehow you put yourselfin it and then you plan out the
argument or conversation orwhatever it's that's so that is
(27:04):
a wild thing.
I hadn't thought about that, butyes, that does happen.
Yeah, that is a wild thing.
I hadn't thought about that,but yes, that does happen.
So the big thing that we'reseeing is there's a big crush of
content all related to ADHD andpeople with ADHD.
Now, maybe that's just my feed,because I tend to like all of
that stuff, but I do think thatwe're hearing a lot more about
(27:27):
it now for a few reasons.
So these are kind of the bigones that I have come up with,
and you might have other ideasand I'd love to hear them, but
here's what I'm thinking.
One TikTok therapy is a thingthis viral accessibility of
(27:50):
content that one reduces thestigma of what it actually is
but also is so relatable to somany people.
People are seeing themselves inthat content and going this is
hitting a little bit too closeto home.
I think this is something Ineed to explore.
I think, in some ways, therewas a little bit of this whole
spreading myths about what it isin some of the content that
I've seen, and that alwaysexists.
(28:11):
You have to be careful aboutthe content that you consume
online, obviously, but there isquite a large number of content
creators who are saying this iswhat it actually looks like.
It's not.
It's not that I forgot my keys,it's that I have my keys in my
hand and I'm searching the housefor my keys and I'm accusing my
family members of stealing mykeys from me.
(28:31):
And they're in my hand.
Yeah, yeah, um.
The pandemic, I think, has areally big influence on this.
I think one people's routinescompletely shattered during the
pandemic and, as someone whothrives on routines an ADHD
(28:53):
person in particular thrives onroutines.
They get bored to death of them, but they do better with them,
so just keep that in mind.
I think that that exposed a lotof people's hidden struggles
with all of these issues.
Like they're, they're I can'tthink of the word because brain
what's the word for executivefunction?
Ariella Monti (29:16):
Oh, there it is.
Caitlin Kindred (29:17):
Oh, that's right.
So when you?
But when you're on a routineand you know this is what I'm
going to do every day, and thenyour routine is completely
shattered and you can't getanything done, that's a, that's
a big shift and people kind ofgo wait, what's wrong with me?
And I think a lot of peoplewere like, well, it's the
pandemic, everything's up in theair.
We're all confused.
It's not that for me.
I noticed it after I quit myjob, teaching, because teaching
(29:45):
is a very regimented schedule.
Right During first period I didthis.
During second period I did that, and eighth period is when I
always made my copies and Icould only pee during this time
of the day.
Like you, you had to follow avery structured routine, and
then I got started working athome and I could not manage my
workload.
Ariella Monti (30:00):
Yeah.
Caitlin Kindred (30:01):
I couldn't figure out why and I couldn't
establish a routine for myself.
I need someone else to createthe routine for me and hold me
to it, and I think that that wasa big, big part of it.
And in addition to the pandemicshattering routines, you also
have people saying during thepandemic you need to take care
of your mental health.
This is a scary time for mentalhealth.
(30:23):
Be aware of what's happening,seek out support, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
And so people actually startedto take it seriously and do that
.
And they're finding out at 38that they have this disorder
that they've had their wholelife, and all of a sudden
everything makes sense.
And then they go out on TikTokand they talk about it.
So you're seeing those thingshappen at the same time.
(30:43):
Yeah, I agree with all of that.
The other piece of this is, Ithink, that there's been a lot
of medical progress and we havea long way to go with medical
progress here, especially withregard to women.
But there is now a betterunderstanding of how ADHD
symptoms manifest themselves inwomen, who often present with
(31:05):
that inattentive or combinedtype, and better diagnostic
criteria in general for childrentoo.
Right, right, concern almost ablowback of like every every kid
who's hyperactive in class hasADHD.
So we're not going to diagnoseanyone with ADHD for a little
(31:27):
while.
And I think now that we havebetter criteria of what that
hyperactivity actually lookslike, it's it's not being
hyperactive, it's that the thisimpairment that you have
actually impairs your everydayfunction.
Right, hyperactivity is fine ifit's not, if it's not messing
with your everyday life, butwhen it is affecting your
(31:48):
ability to learn or do your jobor be a nice human, any of those
things, it's time to get help.
And there's also more opennessI think some of it's coming from
Gen Z and maybe even somemillennials too about being
willing to talk about mentalhealth when that wasn't a thing
(32:11):
that boomers or generationsbefore really did talk about, of
that not really talking aboutit so much.
I think they're kind of comingalong for the ride, though with
with millennials in that sense.
But I think there's somegenerational influence making it
more prevalent in society nowtoo, and that means more people
(32:34):
are going to go seek answers.
Now that we're talking about it.
Ariella Monti (32:38):
Yep, I think some of it is also people our age,
so in like their 30s and their40s, a lot of us who, because
it's genetic, our kids aregetting diagnosed.
And it was not just a couple offriends starting challenges
that my child had I also had,and I think that's part of it
(33:32):
too, I think with more, with thebetter diagnostic criteria, and
then you've got the kidsgetting diagnosed.
And then you've got the kidsgetting diagnosed and now we
know for sure that it's genetic.
When the kids were gettingdiagnosed the parents are like,
oh, maybe.
Caitlin Kindred (33:51):
Well, I mean, that's what happened to me,
that's what happened to me.
I mean I was like, oh my gosh,my six.
So they tend to not, they don'tdiagnose kids before age six.
And my son was six and like acouple of weeks and we were like
, look we, we got to find outand we did.
And if it was obvious, when hewas that little, the apple
(34:14):
didn't fall far from the treeand we know it's not my husband.
So, yeah, so I'm looking at allthese symptoms and going yeah,
that's a little too.
This is uh-huh, yep, yeah, uh,check, check, check, check,
double check.
Oh my gosh, this is my life.
Everything makes sense.
Ariella Monti (34:34):
It's the most validating feeling too, to have
that, but you're right.
Caitlin Kindred (34:39):
I think that's a big piece of it, this whole
openness and better criteria andpeople seeking answers and
getting it for their kids.
Ariella Monti (34:50):
That advocacy is now turning into self-ad of it
too, because we do know thatyour cycle does impact your ADHD
(35:10):
symptoms and, with more of usentering, like, our late 30s,
early 40s and hittingperimenopause, when our hormones
are starting to go bananas,that's going to have an impact
on our symptoms.
So symptoms that we have, maybe, were able to handle or didn't
(35:36):
know that they were symptoms,are now not allowing us to
function in in every day.
So it's like oh well, likewhat's wrong with me, and like
one you know again, like nowyou're.
Caitlin Kindred (35:49):
One thing leads to another and I think that is
playing a role as well, I wouldagree with that, and I think
that's one of the areas I thinkwe need a lot more research into
.
Is we?
We know that phases of awoman's cycle you're going to
experience better symptommanagement versus much poorer
(36:10):
symptom management, and I thinkit would be very beneficial.
As women, our age, I think weneed to be doing more than just
cracking.
I think we need to be sharingwhat this looks like, to see
kind of what's going on here.
But that is a fascinating point.
(36:31):
I hadn't thought about it thatway either.
Yep, yeah, all that to say thatif you've ever lost your phone,
that doesn't mean you have ADHD, but if you've lost it while
it's been in your hand, thatdoesn't mean you have ADHD, but
if you've lost it while it'sbeen in your hand, let's let's
you and I have a conversation.
Yeah, before we wrapped sort ofthis basic intro, which and
we'll do we're doing a series onthis, so you're going to get
(36:52):
more information about thiswhole thing I wanted to share a
few of my favorite Instagramaccounts and I'm sure you'll
have some too or TikTok accountsthat that have really great
ADHD content.
Some, too, or TikTok accountsthat have really great ADHD
content.
I really like Instagramaccounts for this because it's
very easy to go for, especiallyfor an ADHD person to go down a
rabbit hole here.
But these bite-sized bits areoften all I have the bandwidth
(37:13):
to absorb, so that's why I'msaying let's look at this.
One of my favorites is ADHDewers.
They share memes, but they alsoshare helpful tidbits of
information, which is great.
One of my favorites is ADHDoers.
They share memes, but they alsoshare helpful tidbits of
information, which is great.
One of my favorites who doesnot get enough credit, I don't
think is Coaching with Brooke.
She has amazing content andyou're going to hear all kinds
(37:36):
of content from Coaching withBrooke because she has so many
actionable tips.
One that I found so helpfulthat I actually had to comment
and say like I use this and thisis a life changing tip for me.
Thank you so much.
The other that I really like isAlex Partridge Alex Partridge
100.
And there's Alex underscorePartridge, underscore 100.
He is the founder of Unilad.
(37:58):
Have you heard of that?
Ariella Monti (38:00):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Caitlin Kindred (38:02):
Yeah, he's the founder of Unilad.
Have you heard of that?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's thefounder of Unilad.
He just wrote a book, he's gota podcast that is ADHD related
and he has this one post that Iit's pinned in his profile if
you go find it, but it's likehow to spot a woman with ADHD in
25 seconds or less.
And it was one of those momentswhere I was like, oh, oh, this
(38:22):
hurts me, I'm gonna start to cry.
Oh, this is too real.
Oh, my goodness.
And I had to put it down for asecond before I watched it like
six more times, but Ilegitimately had tears in my
eyes because I was like this manis nailing this.
But anyway, those are a fewgood ones.
We're gonna come back in just aminute and talk about our hyper
fixations and things we finallygot done this week.
(38:44):
So stick around we'll be rightback for links to resources
mentioned in this episode.
Head on over to ckngkpodcastcomslash blog to find everything
you need, and be sure to followus on social media.
Head over to your favoritesocial media network and find us
at CK and GK podcast.
And now back to the show.
(39:07):
All right, we're back, do you?
Instead of an obsession we'regoing to call it a hyper
fixation which is more than anobsession this is.
It becomes your life for thenext 47 hours, and then you buy
all the things and then, whenall the things show up, the
dopamine's gone and you move onto a new hobby.
That's my experience, prettymuch, pretty much.
(39:29):
Okay, what's yours?
Ariella Monti (39:30):
right now.
Well, I've got to say thatlately, the past 24 hours, my
hyper fixation has been Pope Leoand finding out he's a white
socks fan guys.
Oh, really so happy.
yeah, yeah, you know the as aformer catholic, but somebody
(39:55):
who remains culturally catholic,I guess, um, I was more
invested in the Pope choosingthan I thought I was going to be
and yeah yesterday I got justabout no work done because I was
like I need to know more aboutthis person and if it's, if he's
(40:17):
going to make things better,worse or you, you know about the
same, or you know like, I'mfine with this status quo is
about what I would expect fromthe church.
Caitlin Kindred (40:31):
yeah, yeah, I'm with you um, I, I have feels
about this.
It's super cool that this is alike chicago, south chicago,
born and bred pope.
Like that is a very awesomething 267 popes and not one of
them has been american, so sothat's kind of a big deal.
I get the sense that he's gonnabe his own dude, uh, and do his
(40:56):
own thing, which is kind ofgreat.
But he's also of a similarorder I don't want to say
similar because I don't know howsimilar he is but like he's of
one of those orders of ofcatholicism where you, there's a
very big emphasis onmarginalized groups of people.
So I'm optimistic.
Um, yeah, but I think he'll.
I think he'll tow the partyline for the most part, but I'm
(41:19):
with you, I, I like him, I'm sofar.
I'm happy.
Ariella Monti (41:22):
So that is what I've been, you know,
hyper-focused on anytime I'm onthe internets and I anticipate
it being my hyper-focus formaybe another 24 hours, and then
I'll be over it and I will moveon to something else.
Caitlin Kindred (41:39):
Yeah, that sounds about right.
I like that one, though that'sa good one.
I don't know that I have aparticular hyper fixation right
now.
I did have a hyper fixationyesterday with work.
I was very invested in makingthis is so dumb in making a
table of contents page.
(41:59):
A table of contents like pieceof code on a web page where you
can click the thing and go andscroll to the next part of the
article that you want to read.
I was very invested in makingit sticky, which means that it
scrolls with you, so you scrolland then it just stays there
right next and I I am frustratedbecause on one page on our
(42:20):
website it's sticky, and onanother page on our website
which sticky.
And on another page on ourwebsite, which I had, I cloned
the original page it's notsticky and I don't know why.
So I got real.
I'm very invested in figuringout why, and I may or may not
have broken something in theprocess, but I did go fix it.
So, jim, if you're listening, Ifixed it.
(42:42):
I swear, but I did, I did.
I did break a little something.
So, oopsies, it's fine.
It's fine, it's fine.
It's fine, it's all fine, it'sfine, it's back to normal now
it's fine.
Fine, yeah, totally.
That was my hyper fixation,though is is like fiddling with
the website and trying to get itthe way that I want, but, yeah,
(43:04):
okay, did you accomplish?
So?
One of the other things wetalked about is task avoidance
Anything that's going to taketoo much focus and effort.
So did you accomplish anythingInstead of your gem?
Did you accomplish anythingthis week?
Ariella Monti (43:16):
I registered my car six months late.
No, no, not six months late.
I take it back.
Not six months late.
No, no, not six months late.
I take it back.
Not six months late.
I registered my car only twomonths late.
Three, how could you get away?
Caitlin Kindred (43:32):
with driving.
How did you not get ticketedLike?
Ariella Monti (43:38):
luck.
I don't know.
I got nothing.
The ADHD angels were lookingout for you.
Yeah, I mean like I.
I back in January, I did get mycar inspected two months early,
(43:58):
which is well within like rangefor it, and I was like yes,
look look at me, I'm an adult, Iam doing great, I am winning,
yep.
And then I never.
And then I kept forgetting Ijust kept putting off yeah, no,
I mean, the worst was a year anda half late during covid but
(44:24):
they also well, during covidthey they expand, like they
extended it so, like they gaveyou like a buffer year or
something.
So technically it was only likesix months, but that was the
time that I did get pulled overand the cop was like your cars
(44:45):
needs to be.
I'm, like I know, covid childand so I did it it literally
took me two minutes.
It took me two minutes on theonline.
It took me two minutes, but itI got the sticker.
I put it on my license plateand everything.
Caitlin Kindred (45:06):
Yeah, but it doesn't take two minutes.
It takes the time you have togo get the inspection and like
there's more to it.
That's the piece about it thatI think people don't understand
with ADHD is that it's not just,it's the work between the work,
it's all of the teeny, tinylittle steps that have to make
something happen before you canaccomplish anything.
It's not just, it's the workbetween the work, it's all of
the teeny, tiny little stepsthat have to make something
happen before you can accomplishanything.
(45:27):
It's so frustrating.
Right, right, right, totally.
Yeah totally yeah.
So mine is speaking of that.
I talked to my boss the otherday and the thing I accomplished
was that we are going to, fromhere on out, say progress is
wellness Because, as I mentioned, it's not the work, it's the
(45:51):
work between the work.
It's not just getting a blogpost live, it's writing the blog
post, getting it approved,making all the graphics,
designing the page so that itworks properly.
It's making oh, this filedoesn't fit properly, got to
remake the files.
Now I have version one, two,three, four.
(46:15):
It's all of the little thingsthat go into what looks like a
really easy thing getting done,crossing it off your list.
And so, as nutso as it sounds,what our, what we accomplished
was, we're going to set up.
We have a task manager andwe're just going to set it up so
that you can see the progress,and we're going to put in every
little subtask and we're goingto, that way you can see the
(46:36):
progress, and it's going to beso much better for both of our
mental health, because we feelvery overwhelmed by all the
things that are on our plateright now and yet we are
accomplishing things.
It just looks like you're notbecause you can't cross the big
thing off just yet, right?
So, yeah, when I look at what Iaccomplished this week, I
actually can cross some thingsoff my list, because I did get
(47:00):
things done, because I can seethat.
You know what I mean.
I can see all the little stuff.
So that's my, that's.
My accomplishment is that Ican't.
I can't cross off any bigthings, and that's okay, but I
can cross off a bunch of littlethings.
I'm going to yeah, I'm going toaccept that progress is
wellness.
Ariella Monti (47:19):
Yes, I agree.
Caitlin Kindred (47:21):
That works.
So okay.
Well, this has been, Ipersonally think, a very helpful
conversation for myself.
I think so.
I hope you see yourself in this.
I hope it feels validating.
I hope that, if you do seeyourself in this and you don't
have a diagnosis, that you reachout to someone who can help you
(47:43):
check out those creators onInstagram and see if any of them
resonate with you.
If they do, again, please gofind someone who can be
supportive, and I think that'sall for today.
Ariella Monti (47:53):
Yeah, yeah, oh, and we are not doctors or mental
health professionals.
That is a very excellent point.
Yeah, we forgot to say thatbecause you know ADHD.
Caitlin Kindred (48:03):
Please seek professional help Right, not us.
Ariella Monti (48:09):
Not us.
We are just sharing information.
Go see somebody who went toschool for this stuff and the
ADA.
Yeah, go see a real doctor notme.
Yeah, I mean, at least you'vegot a bachelor's in Science.
Yeah, it's a real doctor, notme.
Yeah, I mean, at least you'vegot a bachelor's in Science.
Caitlin Kindred (48:27):
Yeah, it's a science.
Yeah, I suppose that counts,but it's not a doctor.
No, I'm not a doctor.
Okay.
So, as Jenny would say, makegood choices.
And I'm going to ask one moretime for you to vote for me for
the Women Podcasters Awards.
The link is in the show notes,at the very top, right
(48:50):
underneath, where it says sendus a text.
It just says vote for me.
So please do that, because Iwant external validation.
Okay, exactly.
Ariella Monti (49:02):
Bye, bye.
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