March 25, 2025 • 36 mins
Hey Mama, feeling guilty about taking time for yourself? You’re not alone. In this episode, we’re diving into the real reason self-care feels so hard—guilt—and sharing five practical ways to ditch it for good. Whether you’re a serial people-pleaser or just can’t seem to prioritize yourself, we’ve got the tools to help you reclaim your time, redefine success, and finally say “no” without feeling bad about it.
👉 Ready to ditch the guilt and finally prioritize yourself? Start by redefining your self-care and saying “no” to what doesn’t serve you. And don’t forget to subscribe to our email list for more tips, laughs, and self-care moments!
—
Who Should Listen
- Moms who feel guilty about taking time for themselves.
- People-pleasers who struggle to say “no.”
- Anyone who needs a reminder that self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential.
—
What You Get In This Episode
- Redefine self-care: Learn why your current definition might be holding you back (and how to fix it).
- Ditch achievement-based success: Stop tying your self-worth to outcomes and start celebrating the process.
- Master the art of saying “no”: Discover why “no” is a complete sentence—and how to use it guilt-free.
- Take back your time: Uncover hidden pockets of time you didn’t know you had.
- Build a support system: Learn why accountability is key to making self-care stick.
—
Bios
Caitlin Kindred (CK):
A former teacher, mom, and self-proclaimed “recovering overthinker,” Caitlin is on a mission to help moms navigate the chaos of adulthood with humor and practical advice. She’s passionate about making self-care and mindfulness accessible for everyone—especially busy moms.
Ariella Monti (Guest Co-Host):
A certified yoga instructor, published author, and mom, Ariella brings a wealth of knowledge about mindfulness and self-care. With a background in yoga and lots of time in therapy, she’s all about helping people find calm in the chaos—one deep breath (or mindful moment) at a time.
—
Sources
- How To Stop Feeling Guilty About Taking Care Of Yourself | Heather Moulder Course Correction Coaching
- Episode 144: 4 Clever Ways to Reset Your Forgotten Self-Care Routine
- Episode 146: Why Hobbies Are the Secret to Surviving Motherhood
The best support is a rating and a share.
Love,
CK & GK
View our website at ckandgkpodcast.com. Find us on social media @ckandgkpodcast on
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Thanks, y'all!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Caitlin Kindred (00:01):
Hey, we're glad you're here.
I don't know what day it is.
That's Jenny's realm of knowingwhat day.
I'm not that person.
It might be Tuesday, could be,but it's a day of the week and
I'm Caitlin.
Welcome to how to Be a Grown-Up, the show that is all about
(00:23):
giving you advice on being agrown-up, with hosts who
sometimes forget to take thatadvice themselves.
So, uh, with me today fillingin for jenny as she recovers
from knee surgery, is arielamonte, author of roots in ink.
Ariella Monti (00:38):
My poetic coffee fueled tornado of brilliance oh,
I wouldn't have said tornado ofbrilliance, I would have said
tornado of something less thanbrilliance but no, you're we've
talked about this before you'revery wisdomous, okay, uh, we
love you, jenny, we miss you.
Caitlin Kindred (00:57):
Um, if you want to support her, please do feel
free to reach out to us usingthe contact us form on our
website, or you can send me atext through the show notes.
It's the first link in the shownotes.
Today we are continuing ourspring into self-care series
with the very importantconversation about self-care and
guilt which I mentioned wewould get into.
(01:18):
Uh, and as we first startedthis series, um, so I touched on
that in episode 144, which isfour clever ways to reset your
forgotten self-care routine.
If you haven't listened to it,I suggest going back to that and
I will link it here in the shownotes as well.
So today my sources are HeatherMulder, which I talked about in
(01:40):
that episode.
She is the owner of a of acoaching company called course
correction, and the article iscalled how to stop feeling
guilty about taking care ofyourself.
And then there's, of course,references from myself, and
Ariella will add in her herfeelings about this as well.
But I'm going to start bysaying you know, if you listen
(02:00):
to this show regularly, that wehave been lecturing you about
the importance of self-care.
For the past three weeks, wetalked about resetting your
self-care routine, we talkedabout mindfulness, we talked
about hobbies, but the thingthat's hardest is probably what
we're getting into today, and soI'm sure that you are probably
sick of me saying you need tofocus on your self-care.
(02:20):
You know that already.
You just can't do it forwhatever reason, and I'm going
to repeat what I said a fewweeks ago, and this is going to
sound harsh, but it's probablybecause you feel guilty about
your self-care.
Okay, it's time to fix thatlove.
We're done with that.
No more guilt.
No more guilt.
As heather molder said, and Iagain I agree with her on all
this.
Ditching that guilt requiresthree things one, a good
(02:43):
definition of self-care.
Two, knowing how to startprioritizing it.
And three, a good supportsystem that you can go to for
help, guidance andaccountability to make sure that
you are taking care of yourself.
So we're going to get into eachone of those things here.
We're going to start with your.
If you are someone who feelsguilty about self-care, you are
likely unreasonable at bestdefinition of self-care.
(03:06):
So no offense to you, as I saysomething offensive your
definition of self-care probablysucks.
I'm just going to say it Fixyour definition of self-care.
It might be oh, I need to takea spa day.
No, I'm going to give you mydefinition from episode 144.
And again, I'm going to giveyou my definition from episode
144.
And again, I'm going to suggestyou go back to it.
My definition is the thingsthat you do for yourself that
(03:31):
help you feel like yourself.
Why does it exist?
The purpose of self-care is tobe able to give your best to
tasks and other people when itmatters the most, like when you
have a big work project due,like when your kiddo is up sick
all night and you haven't slept.
Because that's life as a parent.
(03:53):
You'll be better equipped,better mentally capable of
handling that big problem whenit does come your way.
Because it will.
It always does, because that islife.
Right, it always does If you'vetaken care of yourself before
it arrives.
I also find that sometimes thelittle problems are where I
really lose it.
(04:14):
Right, because they stack up.
Right, they do.
And it's never that you spillsomething one time in a day.
It's that you've spilled threethings and then you drop
something and you break it, andthen there's a band-aid stuck to
the drum of your dryer and youjust lose your mind and you
completely lose your mind right.
(04:35):
I may or may not be speakingfrom personal experience on that
one right, but all those littlethings that add up.
When you completely lose itbecause of those little things,
it's probably because yourself-care is lacking it's the
preventative maintenance of yourlife right right, it is the
botox of your life.
(04:56):
It is the hair dye that you use,and when your roots are growing
out, it is the hair dye thatyou use.
And when your roots are growingout, it is the little powder
that you tap onto the roots sothat they don't show.
Okay, that's the purpose ofyour self-care.
The other thing I want you todo is redefine success.
(05:17):
This is a really weird one tobring up here, but I promise it
matters.
Success is not necessarilyachievement based.
It can be, of course, rightAnytime.
You accomplish a goal or a task.
That is success, and you shouldbe proud of that and celebrate
everything that comes along withit.
But how you define successreally does matter, because if
(05:42):
your definition is based solelyon achievement, success really
does matter.
Because if your definition isbased solely on achievement, as
Heather Mulder says, yourself-worth will also be
primarily about your outcome andyou're less likely to feel that
you're worthy of self-care.
Ariella Monti (06:03):
We're not.
Caitlin Kindred (06:04):
We're not.
We're not doing that in 2025.
We're not tying our self-worthto our outcomes.
No, it's not healthy.
I'm going to use you in as anexample here.
Okay, you achieved success inpublishing your book.
That is an accomplishment.
You worked really hard on itfor four years and you were also
doing other projects at thesame time.
(06:25):
Like, that is an achievement.
You need to celebrate that asthe success.
What you're not going to focuson right now even though it's so
impossible and I'm facing thismyself with the podcast is the
result of the publishing.
(06:45):
Right, you can't define thesuccess of the book by how well
it does in the market.
You have to define the successof the book by the fact that you
accomplished that in the firstplace.
Exactly yeah, that's what I'mdoing with the podcast right now
is I can't define it based onthe number of listeners I have
or the number of downloads.
I need to be focused on thefact that one, I'm publishing
(07:06):
every week, which is anachievement in and of itself,
and two, it brings me joy.
So that needs to be the focusRight.
Here's the other problem withan achievement based definition
of success.
Achievement based definitionsof success make everything too
hard.
Mm, hmm, self-care becomes toomuch work because you end up
(07:28):
obsessing over metrics.
Achievement-based definitionsof success make everything too
hard.
Self-care becomes too much workbecause you end up obsessing
over metrics.
Right, and here's what I meanby metrics.
You know how, if you are anApple watch or a Garmin or
whatever the brand is of Fitbit,whatever it is of watch that
you wear, that measures youroutput for the day of watch that
you wear that measures youroutput for the day If you've
ever exercised without it or thebattery dies or you forget to
(07:53):
track it and you're like, dangit, that workout doesn't even
count.
I'm sorry.
Ariella Monti (08:01):
What?
No, of course it counts ofcourse the exercise counts.
Caitlin Kindred (08:07):
Just because you don't get credit for it on
your watch, you're gonna say theworkout doesn't count.
Now I've said that before.
The other day I was walkinghome it was pouring rain and my
jacket stuck to my watch and itturned off the walking workout.
So it said that I only walkedfor two and a half miles, when I
actually walked for four.
I was livid about that.
I'm like man, I'm not gonna getcredit for it.
(08:27):
And then I was like wait, wait,hold on a second, kaylin, take
a step back.
You still walked for four milesyou still did your morning walk
in the rain, holding my umbrella, switching back and forth
between arms because my armswere getting tired.
Ariella Monti (08:40):
I'm gonna get you one of those little hats with
the umbrella on it.
Caitlin Kindred (08:44):
I do need one of those.
How lame is that?
But it has to be big.
Ariella Monti (08:47):
That's true, because otherwise it only like
protects your like neck andthat's it Okay.
Caitlin Kindred (08:53):
If you're fixated on the achievement that
your watch is telling you youdid a workout and not on the
fact that you just did somethinggood for your body, that's
insane.
I'm fixated on the achievementand not on the good thing I just
did, and that's because mycrazy brain is thinking it
doesn't count because I have mywatch on.
That is insane.
Thinking right, it leads toother insanity.
(09:15):
Things like counting everysingle calorie, obsessing over
your step count, weighingyourself every morning and all
these other inane habits thatmake you feel ashamed of
yourself because you quotehaven't succeeded yet and it
doesn't honor the work that youdid, regardless of whether or
not it was measured Right, right, and it starts to become a
(09:40):
chore because you're so obsessedwith the success and the metric
of it.
It's not self-care.
Yeah, that kind of obsession isreally unhealthy.
That's what makes it notself-care.
So you can't use anachievement-based definition of
success when it comes toself-care.
(10:00):
It's not good for your mentalhealth.
Another thing we're going to dohere to get over the guilt
Repeat after me.
You're going to repeat after meAriella, here we go.
Okay, no is a complete sentence.
Ariella Monti (10:15):
Say it no is a complete sentence.
There it is.
Caitlin Kindred (10:18):
I find that in my life there are two ways of
getting me to say yes to things.
One is by asking me to dosomething that I know that you
suck at.
By asking me to do somethingthat I know that you suck at.
Ariella Monti (10:32):
Is this like is an example of this.
When I told you that I suck atExcel and you're like ask me to
do it.
Caitlin Kindred (10:42):
Yes, god, well, that well.
There's two things there.
One I genuinely want to helpyou.
No, sure, sure, sure, yeah.
But also like, yes, oh, my God,just let me do it, okay.
So there's two things going onthere.
One part of me is like no, Ican do it better than you, so
let me just do it.
That's an ego thing.
That's one.
Two if I have to teach you howto do the thing, forget it.
(11:04):
It's not worth it to me toteach you how to do it, so I'm
gonna do it myself.
So that's that's.
The first way is getting me todo some, or asking me to do
something that I know you suckat, okay.
The other way is by convincingme that the task won't take very
long oh yeah which we'll get toin a minute.
This is a very unfair thing todo to me because my time
(11:25):
blindness is one of my biggestchallenges.
Either way, remember that.
No, it's not about the person.
You're not rejecting a person,you're rejecting the ask.
And, by the way, if you'resaying yes because you want that
person to like you, they won'tlike you because you're saying
yes, they're going to like that.
(11:46):
You took the task off theirplate for them because they
don't want to do it.
That's a message to 12 oldcaitlin right there doing
something for someone does notmake them like you.
They either like you or theydon't.
The end the purpose of saying no.
Again, you're not rejecting theperson, you are rejecting the
ask.
The purpose of saying no is touphold your priorities, which in
(12:08):
this, this case, we're talkingabout yourself.
Right, and because you'reupholding your priorities, that
means there's nothing wrong withyou saying no.
Right, when you say no tosomeone and again, I want you to
switch that not saying no tosomeone, but saying no to
something, saying no to the ask.
(12:29):
When you say no, you're alsosaying yes to yourself and those
people that you love most,because you have the ability to
say yes to them so that you canbe your best self when it
matters Right?
Heather Mulder's website has awhole post about how to say no
guilt-free, and it's linked inthe blog for this episode and I
(12:50):
would highly recommend it.
I need to read it and then Ineed to memorize it and then I
need to listen to it as my go tosleep noises and brainwash
myself in the middle of thenight.
The fifth thing you're going todo when it comes to building
guilt-free self-care routines istake back your time, because
(13:12):
it's yours.
Heather Mulder says that whenyou say I don't have time for
self-care, you might be full ofgarbage.
Ariella Monti (13:25):
Sure, we'll go with that.
Caitlin Kindred (13:27):
Yeah, uh-huh.
Here's one of the things thatshe suggested.
Now, full disclosure.
I have not done this, but thereason I haven't done it is
because I'm afraid, I'm afraidand, and you'll see why in a
second um, she says for a fullweek pay attention to what
you're doing and how long youspend doing everything.
Keep a running log.
(13:47):
At the end of the week, go backand review how you're spending
your time.
Warning, it will shock you.
Ariella Monti (13:54):
It's like your screen time.
You know it's like your screentime usage when it pops up and
it's like you've spent you usedyour phone for five and a half
hours.
This week Eight hours on socialmedia.
Caitlin Kindred (14:11):
I have that like screen time limit thing
where it's like you only get anhour of social media.
Do you know how many times Ireject that warning?
Where it's like 15 more minutes, 15 more minutes, ignore for
the day.
I know, and that's where, whenyou see, like, oh, I spent five
hours and 23 minutes on socialmedia.
What could I have been doingwith that time?
(14:34):
Now, part of it is me doingthat because I'm also promoting
the podcast, but not all of it.
If you happen to be one of thevery fortunate recipients of my
memes, you know that that is notthe only thing I'm doing on
there, and sometimes I'mneglecting answering text
messages and emails because I'mscrolling social media.
Do you know how many times I'vebeen like oh, I forgot to make
(14:56):
that vet appointment.
What was I doing?
I was scrolling, I was lookingat Instagram, okay, so anyway,
this is not a shame fest abouthow you spend your time.
What we're doing is saying youmight actually have more time
than you think because thethings you spend your time on
are not as valuable as puttingself-care would be in that
(15:21):
moment.
Right.
Ariella Monti (15:22):
And I just want to add too that, like, when we
say more time, like we're nottalking about like four or five
hours here, like more time couldmean five minutes, you know, or
you know, or a half hour, likewe're not saying you know.
Oh, do this observation youneed three hours to go to the
(15:45):
spa.
Like that's not what this isRight Like maybe you find out
that like, yeah, you spend like15 minutes doom scrolling and
being depressed and that's 15minutes.
You could do something thatdoesn't depress you.
Caitlin Kindred (16:01):
Right, we've talked about this already where,
um you know, maybe, it meansdoing your hobby for 15 minutes.
This is my instead of doomscrolling at this time.
I now, you know I can I candoom scroll for four hours and
53 minutes instead of five hoursand 23, and I can take 30 of
(16:21):
those minutes and I can use themto crochet or read or do my
puzzle or watch birds whateveryour hobby might be, it doesn't
matter.
But that's the point here.
Right, I can really seepersonally how this would show
me how I spend my time and whatI say yes to, and then it would
teach me a few lessons about howI value my own time, because I
(16:46):
clearly am valuing scrollingover reading a book that brings
me enjoyment, or crocheting,right, you know, and like I said
, yes, I spend too much time onsocial media.
This is not a social mediashame fest.
I am trying to promote apodcast here.
Ariel is trying to write a bookor trying to promote a book.
There are reasons for this, butthat doesn't mean that I am
(17:10):
using all of that time that way.
Like I, I also am inefficientwith other chores, like, well,
cleaning out my inbox by readingemails I don't actually care
about, like what these are.
This is a big time waster and Iprobably spend more time doing
chores than hanging out with myfamily than I actually realize.
Probably spend more time doingchores than hanging out with my
(17:32):
family than I actually realize.
That's the purpose of thetracking your time thing.
So if that's something youwould like to try doing, go for
it.
Like I said, I haven't done itbecause I'm scared, but it might
also just be that when you getthat screen time alert or when
you are doing chores, you notelike okay, I just spent an hour
and a half doing chores.
Only two of the four needed tobe done today.
(17:54):
How could I have adjusted myuse of time in that moment?
Right?
So what I mean to say when andwhat Ariel and I means to say
when we talk about can't findthe time, a closer look at how
you actually spend it might helpyou find it.
Yeah, right, yeah.
And for some of you, when youchoose to log your time, you
(18:23):
might actually find that youliterally have no time.
Yeah, in which case you, inparticular my friend who has no
time cannot afford to waste anyof it by feeling guilty about
taking care of yourself, likeyou literally don't have the
time to feel guilty aboutanything involved in taking care
of you as a person.
That's.
That's not okay, and and youare someone who needs this more
(18:49):
than anyone else.
Ariella Monti (18:50):
Definitely.
Caitlin Kindred (18:51):
So, just keeping that in mind so this was
just a little mini extension ofthat episode I promised you
know a few episodes ago aboutditching self care guilt.
So I'm going to recap thesefive ways that you're going to.
You're going to do these fivethings to help you realize that
there's no reason for you tofeel guilty about your self-care
.
Okay, One, you're going toredefine your crappy definition
(19:12):
of self-care and you're going touse mine.
I'm not going to repeat itagain.
Two, you're going to rememberthe purpose of self-care, why it
exists.
This, I will repeat it existsso that you can be your best
self when it matters.
Three, you're going to redefineyour success.
You are going to make sure thatsuccess is not
achievement-based, so thatyou're not obsessing over
(19:34):
metrics.
You are doing something becauseit's good.
You're not saying no to aperson.
(19:56):
You're saying no to the ask infavor of saying yes to yourself,
your family, things that matterto you.
And five, along with the sayingno to things, you're going to
take back your time because it'syours.
You're going to look for thoseareas of dead time that we
mentioned in episode 144.
And you're going to look forthose areas of time when you
(20:18):
need to do your hobby that wetalked about in 146, that you
can use to build in that momentthat habit of self-care.
And you as a parent especially,you can't afford to feel guilty
about doing things that makeyou feel good about yourself,
(20:39):
because your family needs you atyour best.
Ariella Monti (20:42):
And you need some model taking care of yourself
so that your kids can grow upknowing that it's okay to take
care of themselves.
Caitlin Kindred (20:53):
Yeah, and they honor when other people have
that request as well.
Let's take a quick break.
We will be right back For linksto resources mentioned in this
episode.
Head on over tockandgkpodcastcom slash blog to
find everything you need, and besure to follow us on social
media.
Head over to your favoritesocial media network and find us
(21:16):
at CK and GK podcast.
Ariella Monti (21:20):
And now back to the show a whole bunch of
balloons popped up.
Caitlin Kindred (21:25):
Oh, um, there is a thing on a Mac where you
can have reactions.
I don't know how they work,okay, and I don't know why they
happen, but like I've seen itwhere, like I've done a thumbs
up and it will give me a balloonthumbs up, but if I do it
intentionally, it doesn't do it.
Ariella Monti (21:43):
So I don't know what makes it happen.
Yeah, cause.
Caitlin Kindred (21:47):
I don't know what makes it happen.
Yeah Cause I don't know if yousaw me kind of go.
I saw you like do that, and Iwas like did I?
Ariella Monti (21:50):
No, because I did because I saw a balloon rise
and I was like what, what'shappening?
Caitlin Kindred (21:57):
And then yeah, it was, it was weird, and I also
because if I'm some, this ishow I think a lot of people are,
but I will look at myselfinstead of look at you when I'm
talking, which is not healthyfor a conversation.
So I hide my camera most of thetime, so I didn't even know
what happened, because my camerais not right, I'm only looking
at you.
(22:18):
Yeah, yeah.
Ariella Monti (22:18):
Yeah.
Caitlin Kindred (22:19):
Yeah, all right , feel better.
No, stop feeling guilty.
Ariella Monti (22:26):
It's just that easy.
Caitlin Kindred (22:27):
Right, just stop feeling guilty.
Says the person who needstherapy really badly.
Let's talk about currentobsessions.
I mentioned last time on theepisode that I love my boxing
workout.
I need to just make sure y'allunderstand I am using muscles
that I have not used in yearsand they are all screaming at me
(22:48):
.
I am so sore and I uh, I see achiropractor and then I go to a
deep tissue massage guy becausemy back and is so messed up and
my hips are really messed upfrom you know, motherhood and
having a job where I sit downthat like this is like
(23:10):
maintenance to make sure that Idon't cry when I try to tie my
shoes, and I went yesterday toget those things done and I am
so sore.
So my favorite thing right nowin my whole house is my foam
roller and I'm using it to rollout my glutes like the very top,
like where it's your waistalmost.
(23:32):
If you have a sore lower back,I highly recommend rolling out
your glutes.
If you haven't, but also my ITband.
I am in tears.
Ariella Monti (23:41):
Oh my God, the IT band hurts so much with a foam
roller, my eyes welled up, I wascrying.
Caitlin Kindred (23:50):
I cried because it hurt so badly and the
workout is obviously really goodfor me.
Like I said, my muscles aregoing hey, did you remember you
had this muscle?
You didn't.
And it's good because, you know, the stronger your muscles are,
especially as you get older,into your 40s Hello, I am now 41
.
I, like you, need to build themup because it helps with
(24:13):
literally everything else, likemetabolism and all that, yes,
but also like it's holding yourbones in place, like hello.
Ariella Monti (24:20):
So it's really good for me, but I am so sore
and my foam roller is my bestieat the moment, so I'm obsessed
with her it's so funny you saythat because yesterday at the
end of my yoga class I wasputting some of the props away
and there's a stack of foamrollers like on the top shelf of
(24:42):
in the closet, and I don't knowwhat I did, but one came down
and then like five of them justoh, that's so down.
So people were.
There were a couple of studentsthat were like what?
Because they're huge.
Yeah, they're big.
The one I have is maybe liketwo feet tall.
(25:04):
These ones are like a good four, like they're gigantic and some
people are like what are they?
Caitlin Kindred (25:11):
using them for, and that's what we were talking
about.
Ariella Monti (25:12):
I'm like I have no idea how they, you know, I
don't.
I honestly don't think there'sbeen a class that has used them
recently and stuff.
But, um, somebody was like Idon't even know, like how you
would use it, and I'm like, yeah, you do like this really
painful torture stuff and like Igot on my side to like oh it,
oh, it hurts so much but itfeels it like afterwards.
Caitlin Kindred (25:36):
I feel like a million bucks, like after I roll
out.
I can feel less tension overallin my body.
If you have a foam roller andyou haven't used it and you have
pains in your body, just go onYouTube and find like a five
minute roller foam rollerworkout and do it and you will
feel better, I promise.
Ariella Monti (25:54):
And if you can't handle the foam roller, I will
say you could use something likea lacrosse ball or a tennis
ball or something, and kind ofhurt just as much?
I don't think well.
Well, it depends on what you'redoing, like, yeah, if you're
trying to like roll over atennis ball, then yes, but if
you're just taking the tennisball and rolling it on, your leg
(26:15):
rubbing it.
Caitlin Kindred (26:16):
Oh okay, I was like what?
No, like I'm sorry, I wasdefinitely picturing like me
lying like on my side andpropped up my elbow trying to
roll out my with a tennis ball.
Ariella Monti (26:27):
I was like that's no, if anything that would be
like you would just press itdown in that case okay, yeah, I
took a couple of yoga classesthat do myofacial release and we
use that kind of stuff.
I cannot say that I'm an expertin it whatsoever there's
another one that I've seen.
Caitlin Kindred (26:44):
that's called scraping.
It's, yeah, you might have seenlike uh, uh, if you ever
watched the Olympics there were.
There was a while where therewere the swimmers were having
the like giant circular bruiseson their back and that's called
cupping.
Oh, okay, but this is calledscraping and it's basically like
a um, it kind of looks like astick.
You might've seen them.
They're like sticks and theyhave like those abacus kind of
(27:07):
ball things on them and you usethem to roll up and down your
muscles.
But the scraping one has liketines, it looks like fingers and
it's to straighten out thefibers of your muscles and it
hurts.
I haven't done the scrapingthing, but the between the foam
rolling and the cupping and theand the scraping there's.
There's an option for you ifyou have pains, but I would
highly recommend, especially ifyou have lower back pain,
(27:29):
rolling at your glutes androlling at your IT band makes a
big difference.
So, anyway, that's my obsession.
Do you have one right now or no?
I cannot think of one.
Ariella Monti (27:38):
You know I probably do, but now that I'm on
the spot like I can't.
Caitlin Kindred (27:44):
Yeah, no, I get it.
Ariella Monti (27:48):
I can't, yeah, no , I get it I can't ever think of
things.
Caitlin Kindred (27:49):
I can't think of things.
Okay, do you want to hear mygem?
Yes, I sent this to johnny thismorning.
For those of you who don't know, means you haven't been
listening to this podcast verylong.
I love botox, but I wear botoxout.
It's supposed to last for threemonths, three to six.
I wear it out in about sevenweeks.
(28:14):
So, um, I have a stronger onethat I use.
It's called Dysport, and, likeBotox, it kicks in and you reach
full strength around two weeksafter you have your appointment,
and for me, though, thedifference is that with Botox, I
couldn't feel it kicking inright away, whereas with Dysport
, like 24 hours, 24 hours later,I'm like oh yeah, and there it
is, and you don't necessarilyfeel it, but you like, you can,
just you can tell.
Well, this morning I go into thebathroom and my husband is
(28:36):
saying something about how likewe're this old, and I was like
forget you, I'm 25.
And then I looked at myforehead.
Ladies, ladies and gentlemen,ladies, there's no gentleman
listening to this anymore.
My forehead doesn't move, myeyebrows don't go anywhere.
It made me so happy, and I wasso excited about it, that I was
like Bryce, get in here.
He was like okay.
(28:57):
I was like watch my eyebrows.
He was like, okay, they don'tmove, you guys, they don't move.
Watch this, I'll show you herewe.
Okay, they don't move.
You guys, they don't move.
Watch this, I'll show you herewe go ready.
They're not moving.
I'm trying really hard to lift,that is, I can't lift them up
and okay, I'm trying to make anangry face.
My angry face is me blinking.
Ariella Monti (29:22):
I adore you with all of of the fiber of my being,
but that is so disturbing.
You know I support you in yourBotox journey.
I do not judge you at all.
Caitlin Kindred (29:38):
Oh we're not on a.
We're on an adventure.
It's more than a journey.
I love this for you, but it'sso weird.
It's so weird.
It's so weird, it's so weird.
And you know what?
I don't care, because here'sthe other part.
So I do get my crow's feet done, I do, but it's not intense,
and my dermatologist was likeyou know.
(30:00):
So next time you might want tothink about getting more in your
crow's feet, and I was like all, maybe I will.
I'm not gonna lie, but at thispoint I still have other lines
on my face, so you can tell thatI like have an expression right
um, but I can't make an angryface.
(30:21):
That which means I have no 11slines and my son doesn't comment
on how my forehead looks like awifi symbol anymore.
So I am overjoyed.
I love that.
Overjoyed that my I'm two weeksin and I can't move, and it's
great.
You are happy.
So I am happy, I am right, andI don't.
I don't dye my hair, right?
(30:42):
I?
We've talked about this.
I am aging gracefully with myhair.
I will have white hair.
Hopefully I'll be one of thosecool chicks that has red and
white hair at the same time,like Bonnie Raitt style.
I won't be, but that would bethe goal.
But the Botox is going to beLike I'm trying to get angry.
Look, I can't.
It's great, I don't look likeme in some ways and that is okay
(31:11):
.
Yay, yes, okay.
Do you have a gem?
I?
Ariella Monti (31:14):
do I have milkweed babies?
What?
Caitlin Kindred (31:23):
I'm sorry I don't Is.
This is milkweed.
Ariella Monti (31:25):
milkweed's a plant Milkweed is a plant, right
, right, yeah, okay, yeah, okay.
So I got one, right, okay.
So we were talking abouthobbies last week.
One of my hobbies is gardeningand native plants.
Yes, and I have a milkweedplant out in the front yard that
that has seed, a couple of seedpods on it and I suck at
(31:50):
growing things from seed.
And milkweed can be a littlebit tricky because it needs cold
in order to germinate, so itneeds a winter, like it needs it
needs a.
It needs a nice winter nap inorder to bloom, which,
personally, I think we all needto do more of winter naps in
(32:14):
order to bloom.
Caitlin Kindred (32:16):
Right, there's something there that's very
metaphorical and relatable.
Ariella Monti (32:21):
Definitely, yeah.
So the past couple.
I have been trying to growmilkweed from seed for a couple
of years now and I'm justthrilled because last year I was
able to harvest a good amountof it.
I cold stratified it by puttingit into the refrigerator,
(32:43):
putting them into therefrigerator for a month, to the
refrigerator, putting them intothe refrigerator for a month,
and then a couple of weeks ago Iplanted them in like little
pots and stuff and last year Ithink I got maybe two out of a
couple of dozen seeds, like twoactual like plants out of a
couple of dozen seeds seeds, andthis year so far I think I have
(33:13):
like five or six.
Oh, yay, yeah.
So these are all gonna be likemy little milkweed babies.
The first year that I did thisand I had like small little
milkweed plants, I made themistake of putting them in the
ground a little bit too earlybecause they were small and my
chickens decided to eat them.
So, um, this year I'm going tokeep them and, uh, I'm going to
(33:36):
keep them in a pot for a littlebit longer.
So they're a little bit bigger,but that's like five or six.
If they continue to grow andthrive, that's like five or six
milkweed plants that I get toput outside, and they'll be
happy places for monarchbutterflies to lay their babies
okay, I had to.
Caitlin Kindred (33:58):
I I had to, like go look up what this plant
is, because I know, I know whatit is, but I couldn't tell you,
like I'm not good at knowingwhat the plants are at all.
Know, I know what it is, but Icouldn't tell you like I'm not
good at knowing what the plantsare at all.
The only plants I know is likegrass, and I couldn't tell you
what types of grass.
And I know like sunflowers andthen like sago palms, because
that's what exists in Texas,right, but like now that I'm
(34:19):
seeing, okay, I looked it up, Igot some images.
This is huge.
Texas is such a big stopoverfor monarchs.
I should probably have some ofthese two around my area.
They're so pretty.
Look at that.
Ariella Monti (34:32):
Oh, I like them.
There's a couple of differentvarieties, and the one variety
that does pretty well at myhouse is called swamp milkweed
or rose milkweed, and that's, Ibelieve that's the one that I've
been having a lot of luck with,and so now I feel like I have
enough that I've been having alot of luck with, and so now I
feel like I have enough that Idon't have to go and buy starter
plants and I can spend my moneyon, like other pollinator
(34:56):
friendly, you know, because I'veI've gotten these little
milkweed babies, so I'm very,I'm very happy, that's so sweet,
they're really pretty.
Caitlin Kindred (35:04):
You should put a picture of them on the blog
post for this episode I want tosee.
Yeah, people will want to seethat.
Okay, I believe we have curedyour guilt Single-handedly.
I did it all by myself.
No, you need more than just me.
You need a therapist to reallycure guilt.
In the meantime, as Jenny wouldsay, say, make good choices and
(35:30):
go plant some milkweed.
Yeah, and stop.
You don't have time for guilt.
No, guilt's not constructive.
No, go do something else withyour time, like a hobby.
All right, see ya bye.
Hey, we're glad you're here.
I don't know what day it is.
That's Jenny's realm of knowingwhat day.
I'm not that person.
It might be Tuesday, could be,but it's a day of the week and
I'm Caitlin.
Welcome to how to Be a Grown-Up, the show that is all about
(00:23):
giving you advice on being agrown-up, with hosts who
sometimes forget to take thatadvice themselves.
So, uh, with me today fillingin for jenny as she recovers
from knee surgery, is arielamonte, author of roots in ink.
Ariella Monti (00:38):
My poetic coffee fueled tornado of brilliance oh,
I wouldn't have said tornado ofbrilliance, I would have said
tornado of something less thanbrilliance but no, you're we've
talked about this before you'revery wisdomous, okay, uh, we
love you, jenny, we miss you.
Caitlin Kindred (00:57):
Um, if you want to support her, please do feel
free to reach out to us usingthe contact us form on our
website, or you can send me atext through the show notes.
It's the first link in the shownotes.
Today we are continuing ourspring into self-care series
with the very importantconversation about self-care and
guilt which I mentioned wewould get into.
(01:18):
Uh, and as we first startedthis series, um, so I touched on
that in episode 144, which isfour clever ways to reset your
forgotten self-care routine.
If you haven't listened to it,I suggest going back to that and
I will link it here in the shownotes as well.
So today my sources are HeatherMulder, which I talked about in
(01:40):
that episode.
She is the owner of a of acoaching company called course
correction, and the article iscalled how to stop feeling
guilty about taking care ofyourself.
And then there's, of course,references from myself, and
Ariella will add in her herfeelings about this as well.
But I'm going to start bysaying you know, if you listen
(02:00):
to this show regularly, that wehave been lecturing you about
the importance of self-care.
For the past three weeks, wetalked about resetting your
self-care routine, we talkedabout mindfulness, we talked
about hobbies, but the thingthat's hardest is probably what
we're getting into today, and soI'm sure that you are probably
sick of me saying you need tofocus on your self-care.
(02:20):
You know that already.
You just can't do it forwhatever reason, and I'm going
to repeat what I said a fewweeks ago, and this is going to
sound harsh, but it's probablybecause you feel guilty about
your self-care.
Okay, it's time to fix thatlove.
We're done with that.
No more guilt.
No more guilt.
As heather molder said, and Iagain I agree with her on all
this.
Ditching that guilt requiresthree things one, a good
(02:43):
definition of self-care.
Two, knowing how to startprioritizing it.
And three, a good supportsystem that you can go to for
help, guidance andaccountability to make sure that
you are taking care of yourself.
So we're going to get into eachone of those things here.
We're going to start with your.
If you are someone who feelsguilty about self-care, you are
likely unreasonable at bestdefinition of self-care.
(03:06):
So no offense to you, as I saysomething offensive your
definition of self-care probablysucks.
I'm just going to say it Fixyour definition of self-care.
It might be oh, I need to takea spa day.
No, I'm going to give you mydefinition from episode 144.
And again, I'm going to giveyou my definition from episode
144.
And again, I'm going to suggestyou go back to it.
My definition is the thingsthat you do for yourself that
(03:31):
help you feel like yourself.
Why does it exist?
The purpose of self-care is tobe able to give your best to
tasks and other people when itmatters the most, like when you
have a big work project due,like when your kiddo is up sick
all night and you haven't slept.
Because that's life as a parent.
(03:53):
You'll be better equipped,better mentally capable of
handling that big problem whenit does come your way.
Because it will.
It always does, because that islife.
Right, it always does If you'vetaken care of yourself before
it arrives.
I also find that sometimes thelittle problems are where I
really lose it.
(04:14):
Right, because they stack up.
Right, they do.
And it's never that you spillsomething one time in a day.
It's that you've spilled threethings and then you drop
something and you break it, andthen there's a band-aid stuck to
the drum of your dryer and youjust lose your mind and you
completely lose your mind right.
(04:35):
I may or may not be speakingfrom personal experience on that
one right, but all those littlethings that add up.
When you completely lose itbecause of those little things,
it's probably because yourself-care is lacking it's the
preventative maintenance of yourlife right right, it is the
botox of your life.
(04:56):
It is the hair dye that you use,and when your roots are growing
out, it is the hair dye thatyou use.
And when your roots are growingout, it is the little powder
that you tap onto the roots sothat they don't show.
Okay, that's the purpose ofyour self-care.
The other thing I want you todo is redefine success.
(05:17):
This is a really weird one tobring up here, but I promise it
matters.
Success is not necessarilyachievement based.
It can be, of course, rightAnytime.
You accomplish a goal or a task.
That is success, and you shouldbe proud of that and celebrate
everything that comes along withit.
But how you define successreally does matter, because if
(05:42):
your definition is based solelyon achievement, success really
does matter.
Because if your definition isbased solely on achievement, as
Heather Mulder says, yourself-worth will also be
primarily about your outcome andyou're less likely to feel that
you're worthy of self-care.
Ariella Monti (06:03):
We're not.
Caitlin Kindred (06:04):
We're not.
We're not doing that in 2025.
We're not tying our self-worthto our outcomes.
No, it's not healthy.
I'm going to use you in as anexample here.
Okay, you achieved success inpublishing your book.
That is an accomplishment.
You worked really hard on itfor four years and you were also
doing other projects at thesame time.
(06:25):
Like, that is an achievement.
You need to celebrate that asthe success.
What you're not going to focuson right now even though it's so
impossible and I'm facing thismyself with the podcast is the
result of the publishing.
(06:45):
Right, you can't define thesuccess of the book by how well
it does in the market.
You have to define the successof the book by the fact that you
accomplished that in the firstplace.
Exactly yeah, that's what I'mdoing with the podcast right now
is I can't define it based onthe number of listeners I have
or the number of downloads.
I need to be focused on thefact that one, I'm publishing
(07:06):
every week, which is anachievement in and of itself,
and two, it brings me joy.
So that needs to be the focusRight.
Here's the other problem withan achievement based definition
of success.
Achievement based definitionsof success make everything too
hard.
Mm, hmm, self-care becomes toomuch work because you end up
(07:28):
obsessing over metrics.
Achievement-based definitionsof success make everything too
hard.
Self-care becomes too much workbecause you end up obsessing
over metrics.
Right, and here's what I meanby metrics.
You know how, if you are anApple watch or a Garmin or
whatever the brand is of Fitbit,whatever it is of watch that
you wear, that measures youroutput for the day of watch that
you wear that measures youroutput for the day If you've
ever exercised without it or thebattery dies or you forget to
(07:53):
track it and you're like, dangit, that workout doesn't even
count.
I'm sorry.
Ariella Monti (08:01):
What?
No, of course it counts ofcourse the exercise counts.
Caitlin Kindred (08:07):
Just because you don't get credit for it on
your watch, you're gonna say theworkout doesn't count.
Now I've said that before.
The other day I was walkinghome it was pouring rain and my
jacket stuck to my watch and itturned off the walking workout.
So it said that I only walkedfor two and a half miles, when I
actually walked for four.
I was livid about that.
I'm like man, I'm not gonna getcredit for it.
(08:27):
And then I was like wait, wait,hold on a second, kaylin, take
a step back.
You still walked for four milesyou still did your morning walk
in the rain, holding my umbrella, switching back and forth
between arms because my armswere getting tired.
Ariella Monti (08:40):
I'm gonna get you one of those little hats with
the umbrella on it.
Caitlin Kindred (08:44):
I do need one of those.
How lame is that?
But it has to be big.
Ariella Monti (08:47):
That's true, because otherwise it only like
protects your like neck andthat's it Okay.
Caitlin Kindred (08:53):
If you're fixated on the achievement that
your watch is telling you youdid a workout and not on the
fact that you just did somethinggood for your body, that's
insane.
I'm fixated on the achievementand not on the good thing I just
did, and that's because mycrazy brain is thinking it
doesn't count because I have mywatch on.
That is insane.
Thinking right, it leads toother insanity.
(09:15):
Things like counting everysingle calorie, obsessing over
your step count, weighingyourself every morning and all
these other inane habits thatmake you feel ashamed of
yourself because you quotehaven't succeeded yet and it
doesn't honor the work that youdid, regardless of whether or
not it was measured Right, right, and it starts to become a
(09:40):
chore because you're so obsessedwith the success and the metric
of it.
It's not self-care.
Yeah, that kind of obsession isreally unhealthy.
That's what makes it notself-care.
So you can't use anachievement-based definition of
success when it comes toself-care.
(10:00):
It's not good for your mentalhealth.
Another thing we're going to dohere to get over the guilt
Repeat after me.
You're going to repeat after meAriella, here we go.
Okay, no is a complete sentence.
Ariella Monti (10:15):
Say it no is a complete sentence.
There it is.
Caitlin Kindred (10:18):
I find that in my life there are two ways of
getting me to say yes to things.
One is by asking me to dosomething that I know that you
suck at.
By asking me to do somethingthat I know that you suck at.
Ariella Monti (10:32):
Is this like is an example of this.
When I told you that I suck atExcel and you're like ask me to
do it.
Caitlin Kindred (10:42):
Yes, god, well, that well.
There's two things there.
One I genuinely want to helpyou.
No, sure, sure, sure, yeah.
But also like, yes, oh, my God,just let me do it, okay.
So there's two things going onthere.
One part of me is like no, Ican do it better than you, so
let me just do it.
That's an ego thing.
That's one.
Two if I have to teach you howto do the thing, forget it.
(11:04):
It's not worth it to me toteach you how to do it, so I'm
gonna do it myself.
So that's that's.
The first way is getting me todo some, or asking me to do
something that I know you suckat, okay.
The other way is by convincingme that the task won't take very
long oh yeah which we'll get toin a minute.
This is a very unfair thing todo to me because my time
(11:25):
blindness is one of my biggestchallenges.
Either way, remember that.
No, it's not about the person.
You're not rejecting a person,you're rejecting the ask.
And, by the way, if you'resaying yes because you want that
person to like you, they won'tlike you because you're saying
yes, they're going to like that.
(11:46):
You took the task off theirplate for them because they
don't want to do it.
That's a message to 12 oldcaitlin right there doing
something for someone does notmake them like you.
They either like you or theydon't.
The end the purpose of saying no.
Again, you're not rejecting theperson, you are rejecting the
ask.
The purpose of saying no is touphold your priorities, which in
(12:08):
this, this case, we're talkingabout yourself.
Right, and because you'reupholding your priorities, that
means there's nothing wrong withyou saying no.
Right, when you say no tosomeone and again, I want you to
switch that not saying no tosomeone, but saying no to
something, saying no to the ask.
(12:29):
When you say no, you're alsosaying yes to yourself and those
people that you love most,because you have the ability to
say yes to them so that you canbe your best self when it
matters Right?
Heather Mulder's website has awhole post about how to say no
guilt-free, and it's linked inthe blog for this episode and I
(12:50):
would highly recommend it.
I need to read it and then Ineed to memorize it and then I
need to listen to it as my go tosleep noises and brainwash
myself in the middle of thenight.
The fifth thing you're going todo when it comes to building
guilt-free self-care routines istake back your time, because
(13:12):
it's yours.
Heather Mulder says that whenyou say I don't have time for
self-care, you might be full ofgarbage.
Ariella Monti (13:25):
Sure, we'll go with that.
Caitlin Kindred (13:27):
Yeah, uh-huh.
Here's one of the things thatshe suggested.
Now, full disclosure.
I have not done this, but thereason I haven't done it is
because I'm afraid, I'm afraidand, and you'll see why in a
second um, she says for a fullweek pay attention to what
you're doing and how long youspend doing everything.
Keep a running log.
(13:47):
At the end of the week, go backand review how you're spending
your time.
Warning, it will shock you.
Ariella Monti (13:54):
It's like your screen time.
You know it's like your screentime usage when it pops up and
it's like you've spent you usedyour phone for five and a half
hours.
This week Eight hours on socialmedia.
Caitlin Kindred (14:11):
I have that like screen time limit thing
where it's like you only get anhour of social media.
Do you know how many times Ireject that warning?
Where it's like 15 more minutes, 15 more minutes, ignore for
the day.
I know, and that's where, whenyou see, like, oh, I spent five
hours and 23 minutes on socialmedia.
What could I have been doingwith that time?
(14:34):
Now, part of it is me doingthat because I'm also promoting
the podcast, but not all of it.
If you happen to be one of thevery fortunate recipients of my
memes, you know that that is notthe only thing I'm doing on
there, and sometimes I'mneglecting answering text
messages and emails because I'mscrolling social media.
Do you know how many times I'vebeen like oh, I forgot to make
(14:56):
that vet appointment.
What was I doing?
I was scrolling, I was lookingat Instagram, okay, so anyway,
this is not a shame fest abouthow you spend your time.
What we're doing is saying youmight actually have more time
than you think because thethings you spend your time on
are not as valuable as puttingself-care would be in that
(15:21):
moment.
Right.
Ariella Monti (15:22):
And I just want to add too that, like, when we
say more time, like we're nottalking about like four or five
hours here, like more time couldmean five minutes, you know, or
you know, or a half hour, likewe're not saying you know.
Oh, do this observation youneed three hours to go to the
(15:45):
spa.
Like that's not what this isRight Like maybe you find out
that like, yeah, you spend like15 minutes doom scrolling and
being depressed and that's 15minutes.
You could do something thatdoesn't depress you.
Caitlin Kindred (16:01):
Right, we've talked about this already where,
um you know, maybe, it meansdoing your hobby for 15 minutes.
This is my instead of doomscrolling at this time.
I now, you know I can I candoom scroll for four hours and
53 minutes instead of five hoursand 23, and I can take 30 of
(16:21):
those minutes and I can use themto crochet or read or do my
puzzle or watch birds whateveryour hobby might be, it doesn't
matter.
But that's the point here.
Right, I can really seepersonally how this would show
me how I spend my time and whatI say yes to, and then it would
teach me a few lessons about howI value my own time, because I
(16:46):
clearly am valuing scrollingover reading a book that brings
me enjoyment, or crocheting,right, you know, and like I said
, yes, I spend too much time onsocial media.
This is not a social mediashame fest.
I am trying to promote apodcast here.
Ariel is trying to write a bookor trying to promote a book.
There are reasons for this, butthat doesn't mean that I am
(17:10):
using all of that time that way.
Like I, I also am inefficientwith other chores, like, well,
cleaning out my inbox by readingemails I don't actually care
about, like what these are.
This is a big time waster and Iprobably spend more time doing
chores than hanging out with myfamily than I actually realize.
Probably spend more time doingchores than hanging out with my
(17:32):
family than I actually realize.
That's the purpose of thetracking your time thing.
So if that's something youwould like to try doing, go for
it.
Like I said, I haven't done itbecause I'm scared, but it might
also just be that when you getthat screen time alert or when
you are doing chores, you notelike okay, I just spent an hour
and a half doing chores.
Only two of the four needed tobe done today.
(17:54):
How could I have adjusted myuse of time in that moment?
Right?
So what I mean to say when andwhat Ariel and I means to say
when we talk about can't findthe time, a closer look at how
you actually spend it might helpyou find it.
Yeah, right, yeah.
And for some of you, when youchoose to log your time, you
(18:23):
might actually find that youliterally have no time.
Yeah, in which case you, inparticular my friend who has no
time cannot afford to waste anyof it by feeling guilty about
taking care of yourself, likeyou literally don't have the
time to feel guilty aboutanything involved in taking care
of you as a person.
That's.
That's not okay, and and youare someone who needs this more
(18:49):
than anyone else.
Ariella Monti (18:50):
Definitely.
Caitlin Kindred (18:51):
So, just keeping that in mind so this was
just a little mini extension ofthat episode I promised you
know a few episodes ago aboutditching self care guilt.
So I'm going to recap thesefive ways that you're going to.
You're going to do these fivethings to help you realize that
there's no reason for you tofeel guilty about your self-care
.
Okay, One, you're going toredefine your crappy definition
(19:12):
of self-care and you're going touse mine.
I'm not going to repeat itagain.
Two, you're going to rememberthe purpose of self-care, why it
exists.
This, I will repeat it existsso that you can be your best
self when it matters.
Three, you're going to redefineyour success.
You are going to make sure thatsuccess is not
achievement-based, so thatyou're not obsessing over
(19:34):
metrics.
You are doing something becauseit's good.
You're not saying no to aperson.
(19:56):
You're saying no to the ask infavor of saying yes to yourself,
your family, things that matterto you.
And five, along with the sayingno to things, you're going to
take back your time because it'syours.
You're going to look for thoseareas of dead time that we
mentioned in episode 144.
And you're going to look forthose areas of time when you
(20:18):
need to do your hobby that wetalked about in 146, that you
can use to build in that momentthat habit of self-care.
And you as a parent especially,you can't afford to feel guilty
about doing things that makeyou feel good about yourself,
(20:39):
because your family needs you atyour best.
Ariella Monti (20:42):
And you need some model taking care of yourself
so that your kids can grow upknowing that it's okay to take
care of themselves.
Caitlin Kindred (20:53):
Yeah, and they honor when other people have
that request as well.
Let's take a quick break.
We will be right back For linksto resources mentioned in this
episode.
Head on over tockandgkpodcastcom slash blog to
find everything you need, and besure to follow us on social
media.
Head over to your favoritesocial media network and find us
(21:16):
at CK and GK podcast.
Ariella Monti (21:20):
And now back to the show a whole bunch of
balloons popped up.
Caitlin Kindred (21:25):
Oh, um, there is a thing on a Mac where you
can have reactions.
I don't know how they work,okay, and I don't know why they
happen, but like I've seen itwhere, like I've done a thumbs
up and it will give me a balloonthumbs up, but if I do it
intentionally, it doesn't do it.
Ariella Monti (21:43):
So I don't know what makes it happen.
Yeah, cause.
Caitlin Kindred (21:47):
I don't know what makes it happen.
Yeah Cause I don't know if yousaw me kind of go.
I saw you like do that, and Iwas like did I?
Ariella Monti (21:50):
No, because I did because I saw a balloon rise
and I was like what, what'shappening?
Caitlin Kindred (21:57):
And then yeah, it was, it was weird, and I also
because if I'm some, this ishow I think a lot of people are,
but I will look at myselfinstead of look at you when I'm
talking, which is not healthyfor a conversation.
So I hide my camera most of thetime, so I didn't even know
what happened, because my camerais not right, I'm only looking
at you.
(22:18):
Yeah, yeah.
Ariella Monti (22:18):
Yeah.
Caitlin Kindred (22:19):
Yeah, all right , feel better.
No, stop feeling guilty.
Ariella Monti (22:26):
It's just that easy.
Caitlin Kindred (22:27):
Right, just stop feeling guilty.
Says the person who needstherapy really badly.
Let's talk about currentobsessions.
I mentioned last time on theepisode that I love my boxing
workout.
I need to just make sure y'allunderstand I am using muscles
that I have not used in yearsand they are all screaming at me
(22:48):
.
I am so sore and I uh, I see achiropractor and then I go to a
deep tissue massage guy becausemy back and is so messed up and
my hips are really messed upfrom you know, motherhood and
having a job where I sit downthat like this is like
(23:10):
maintenance to make sure that Idon't cry when I try to tie my
shoes, and I went yesterday toget those things done and I am
so sore.
So my favorite thing right nowin my whole house is my foam
roller and I'm using it to rollout my glutes like the very top,
like where it's your waistalmost.
(23:32):
If you have a sore lower back,I highly recommend rolling out
your glutes.
If you haven't, but also my ITband.
I am in tears.
Ariella Monti (23:41):
Oh my God, the IT band hurts so much with a foam
roller, my eyes welled up, I wascrying.
Caitlin Kindred (23:50):
I cried because it hurt so badly and the
workout is obviously really goodfor me.
Like I said, my muscles aregoing hey, did you remember you
had this muscle?
You didn't.
And it's good because, you know, the stronger your muscles are,
especially as you get older,into your 40s Hello, I am now 41
.
I, like you, need to build themup because it helps with
(24:13):
literally everything else, likemetabolism and all that, yes,
but also like it's holding yourbones in place, like hello.
Ariella Monti (24:20):
So it's really good for me, but I am so sore
and my foam roller is my bestieat the moment, so I'm obsessed
with her it's so funny you saythat because yesterday at the
end of my yoga class I wasputting some of the props away
and there's a stack of foamrollers like on the top shelf of
(24:42):
in the closet, and I don't knowwhat I did, but one came down
and then like five of them justoh, that's so down.
So people were.
There were a couple of studentsthat were like what?
Because they're huge.
Yeah, they're big.
The one I have is maybe liketwo feet tall.
(25:04):
These ones are like a good four, like they're gigantic and some
people are like what are they?
Caitlin Kindred (25:11):
using them for, and that's what we were talking
about.
Ariella Monti (25:12):
I'm like I have no idea how they, you know, I
don't.
I honestly don't think there'sbeen a class that has used them
recently and stuff.
But, um, somebody was like Idon't even know, like how you
would use it, and I'm like, yeah, you do like this really
painful torture stuff and like Igot on my side to like oh it,
oh, it hurts so much but itfeels it like afterwards.
Caitlin Kindred (25:36):
I feel like a million bucks, like after I roll
out.
I can feel less tension overallin my body.
If you have a foam roller andyou haven't used it and you have
pains in your body, just go onYouTube and find like a five
minute roller foam rollerworkout and do it and you will
feel better, I promise.
Ariella Monti (25:54):
And if you can't handle the foam roller, I will
say you could use something likea lacrosse ball or a tennis
ball or something, and kind ofhurt just as much?
I don't think well.
Well, it depends on what you'redoing, like, yeah, if you're
trying to like roll over atennis ball, then yes, but if
you're just taking the tennisball and rolling it on, your leg
(26:15):
rubbing it.
Caitlin Kindred (26:16):
Oh okay, I was like what?
No, like I'm sorry, I wasdefinitely picturing like me
lying like on my side andpropped up my elbow trying to
roll out my with a tennis ball.
Ariella Monti (26:27):
I was like that's no, if anything that would be
like you would just press itdown in that case okay, yeah, I
took a couple of yoga classesthat do myofacial release and we
use that kind of stuff.
I cannot say that I'm an expertin it whatsoever there's
another one that I've seen.
Caitlin Kindred (26:44):
that's called scraping.
It's, yeah, you might have seenlike uh, uh, if you ever
watched the Olympics there were.
There was a while where therewere the swimmers were having
the like giant circular bruiseson their back and that's called
cupping.
Oh, okay, but this is calledscraping and it's basically like
a um, it kind of looks like astick.
You might've seen them.
They're like sticks and theyhave like those abacus kind of
(27:07):
ball things on them and you usethem to roll up and down your
muscles.
But the scraping one has liketines, it looks like fingers and
it's to straighten out thefibers of your muscles and it
hurts.
I haven't done the scrapingthing, but the between the foam
rolling and the cupping and theand the scraping there's.
There's an option for you ifyou have pains, but I would
highly recommend, especially ifyou have lower back pain,
(27:29):
rolling at your glutes androlling at your IT band makes a
big difference.
So, anyway, that's my obsession.
Do you have one right now or no?
I cannot think of one.
Ariella Monti (27:38):
You know I probably do, but now that I'm on
the spot like I can't.
Caitlin Kindred (27:44):
Yeah, no, I get it.
Ariella Monti (27:48):
I can't, yeah, no , I get it I can't ever think of
things.
Caitlin Kindred (27:49):
I can't think of things.
Okay, do you want to hear mygem?
Yes, I sent this to johnny thismorning.
For those of you who don't know, means you haven't been
listening to this podcast verylong.
I love botox, but I wear botoxout.
It's supposed to last for threemonths, three to six.
I wear it out in about sevenweeks.
(28:14):
So, um, I have a stronger onethat I use.
It's called Dysport, and, likeBotox, it kicks in and you reach
full strength around two weeksafter you have your appointment,
and for me, though, thedifference is that with Botox, I
couldn't feel it kicking inright away, whereas with Dysport
, like 24 hours, 24 hours later,I'm like oh yeah, and there it
is, and you don't necessarilyfeel it, but you like, you can,
just you can tell.
Well, this morning I go into thebathroom and my husband is
(28:36):
saying something about how likewe're this old, and I was like
forget you, I'm 25.
And then I looked at myforehead.
Ladies, ladies and gentlemen,ladies, there's no gentleman
listening to this anymore.
My forehead doesn't move, myeyebrows don't go anywhere.
It made me so happy, and I wasso excited about it, that I was
like Bryce, get in here.
He was like okay.
(28:57):
I was like watch my eyebrows.
He was like, okay, they don'tmove, you guys, they don't move.
Watch this, I'll show you herewe.
Okay, they don't move.
You guys, they don't move.
Watch this, I'll show you herewe go ready.
They're not moving.
I'm trying really hard to lift,that is, I can't lift them up
and okay, I'm trying to make anangry face.
My angry face is me blinking.
Ariella Monti (29:22):
I adore you with all of of the fiber of my being,
but that is so disturbing.
You know I support you in yourBotox journey.
I do not judge you at all.
Caitlin Kindred (29:38):
Oh we're not on a.
We're on an adventure.
It's more than a journey.
I love this for you, but it'sso weird.
It's so weird.
It's so weird, it's so weird.
And you know what?
I don't care, because here'sthe other part.
So I do get my crow's feet done, I do, but it's not intense,
and my dermatologist was likeyou know.
(30:00):
So next time you might want tothink about getting more in your
crow's feet, and I was like all, maybe I will.
I'm not gonna lie, but at thispoint I still have other lines
on my face, so you can tell thatI like have an expression right
um, but I can't make an angryface.
(30:21):
That which means I have no 11slines and my son doesn't comment
on how my forehead looks like awifi symbol anymore.
So I am overjoyed.
I love that.
Overjoyed that my I'm two weeksin and I can't move, and it's
great.
You are happy.
So I am happy, I am right, andI don't.
I don't dye my hair, right?
(30:42):
I?
We've talked about this.
I am aging gracefully with myhair.
I will have white hair.
Hopefully I'll be one of thosecool chicks that has red and
white hair at the same time,like Bonnie Raitt style.
I won't be, but that would bethe goal.
But the Botox is going to beLike I'm trying to get angry.
Look, I can't.
It's great, I don't look likeme in some ways and that is okay
(31:11):
.
Yay, yes, okay.
Do you have a gem?
I?
Ariella Monti (31:14):
do I have milkweed babies?
What?
Caitlin Kindred (31:23):
I'm sorry I don't Is.
This is milkweed.
Ariella Monti (31:25):
milkweed's a plant Milkweed is a plant, right
, right, yeah, okay, yeah, okay.
So I got one, right, okay.
So we were talking abouthobbies last week.
One of my hobbies is gardeningand native plants.
Yes, and I have a milkweedplant out in the front yard that
that has seed, a couple of seedpods on it and I suck at
(31:50):
growing things from seed.
And milkweed can be a littlebit tricky because it needs cold
in order to germinate, so itneeds a winter, like it needs it
needs a.
It needs a nice winter nap inorder to bloom, which,
personally, I think we all needto do more of winter naps in
(32:14):
order to bloom.
Caitlin Kindred (32:16):
Right, there's something there that's very
metaphorical and relatable.
Ariella Monti (32:21):
Definitely, yeah.
So the past couple.
I have been trying to growmilkweed from seed for a couple
of years now and I'm justthrilled because last year I was
able to harvest a good amountof it.
I cold stratified it by puttingit into the refrigerator,
(32:43):
putting them into therefrigerator for a month, to the
refrigerator, putting them intothe refrigerator for a month,
and then a couple of weeks ago Iplanted them in like little
pots and stuff and last year Ithink I got maybe two out of a
couple of dozen seeds, like twoactual like plants out of a
couple of dozen seeds seeds, andthis year so far I think I have
(33:13):
like five or six.
Oh, yay, yeah.
So these are all gonna be likemy little milkweed babies.
The first year that I did thisand I had like small little
milkweed plants, I made themistake of putting them in the
ground a little bit too earlybecause they were small and my
chickens decided to eat them.
So, um, this year I'm going tokeep them and, uh, I'm going to
(33:36):
keep them in a pot for a littlebit longer.
So they're a little bit bigger,but that's like five or six.
If they continue to grow andthrive, that's like five or six
milkweed plants that I get toput outside, and they'll be
happy places for monarchbutterflies to lay their babies
okay, I had to.
Caitlin Kindred (33:58):
I I had to, like go look up what this plant
is, because I know, I know whatit is, but I couldn't tell you,
like I'm not good at knowingwhat the plants are at all.
Know, I know what it is, but Icouldn't tell you like I'm not
good at knowing what the plantsare at all.
The only plants I know is likegrass, and I couldn't tell you
what types of grass.
And I know like sunflowers andthen like sago palms, because
that's what exists in Texas,right, but like now that I'm
(34:19):
seeing, okay, I looked it up, Igot some images.
This is huge.
Texas is such a big stopoverfor monarchs.
I should probably have some ofthese two around my area.
They're so pretty.
Look at that.
Ariella Monti (34:32):
Oh, I like them.
There's a couple of differentvarieties, and the one variety
that does pretty well at myhouse is called swamp milkweed
or rose milkweed, and that's, Ibelieve that's the one that I've
been having a lot of luck with,and so now I feel like I have
enough that I've been having alot of luck with, and so now I
feel like I have enough that Idon't have to go and buy starter
plants and I can spend my moneyon, like other pollinator
(34:56):
friendly, you know, because I'veI've gotten these little
milkweed babies, so I'm very,I'm very happy, that's so sweet,
they're really pretty.
Caitlin Kindred (35:04):
You should put a picture of them on the blog
post for this episode I want tosee.
Yeah, people will want to seethat.
Okay, I believe we have curedyour guilt Single-handedly.
I did it all by myself.
No, you need more than just me.
You need a therapist to reallycure guilt.
In the meantime, as Jenny wouldsay, say, make good choices and
(35:30):
go plant some milkweed.
Yeah, and stop.
You don't have time for guilt.
No, guilt's not constructive.
No, go do something else withyour time, like a hobby.
All right, see ya bye.
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