April 22, 2025 • 40 mins
Newsflash: Brushing your teeth is self-care. So is sitting in your car for a few moments of quiet away from your family. This episode is for every mom who thinks she ‘isn’t doing enough’—when really, she’s nailing the tiny wins (even if that ‘win’ is finally getting that cabinet door to stop squeaking).
—
Who Should Listen
- Moms who’ve cried over laundry and used household chores as therapy (aggressively scrubbing the shower floor counts as ‘anger management,’ right?)
- Anyone whose "me time" is hiding in the pantry with a snack they won’t share
- Humans who need permission to finally use the fancy china (yes, even for cereal)
—
What You Get In This Episode
- "Basic" Tasks Count Too
- Getting out of bed? Showering? Taking meds? Gold stars for you.
- "If you sat up today instead of lying down, that’s HUGE." —Ariella
- Pleasantries = Self-Care
- Crocheting a lopsided Snoopy hat (👋 Caitlin’s win)
- "Fancy sleep" in silk PJs on fresh sheets
- Sitting in the car to finish a podcast without tiny humans screaming
- Unpleasant But Necessary
- Future-you will high-five present-you for:
- Meal prepping (even if it’s just PB&Js)
- That 5-minute phone call you avoided for 3 months
- Changing the bedding sucks, but sliding into fresh sheets? The best.
- Future-you will high-five present-you for:
- Use the Damn Stickers
- Burn the fancy candles. Wear the jewelry. Eat off the china. Use the stickers. You don’t need to save them for a special occasion. You are the special occasion.
- Your grandma’s silver won’t judge you for eating Taco Bell off it.
—
Bios
Caitlin & Jenny: Educators, moms, and certified experts in car-sitting-as-therapy. Follow our chaos @CKandGKPodcast.
—
Sources & Other Mentions
- Reddit/self-care
- Ariella’s novel Roots in Ink (because authors need love too)
- Headspace app’s "doze" soundtrack (for guilt-free naps)
- Google Arts & Culture (museum hopping from your couch)
- Toadflax flowers (Ariella’s garden fairy obsession)
The best support is a rating and a share.
Love,
CK & GK
View our website at ckandgkpodcast.com. Find us on social media @ckandgkpodcast on
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- Facebook
- TikTok
Thanks, y'all!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Caitlin Kindred (00:01):
Hello Hi.
When I was younger I had acousin who I was playing
hide-and-seek with once and shegoes.
Hello.
I'm in the closet and it was thecutest.
I'll never forget it.
So hello, welcome to how to Bea Grown-Up.
(00:22):
This is the show that is allabout how to be a grown-up, with
hosts who sometimes learn to dothings right before we teach
them to you.
So when I was a first-yearteacher, third-year teacher,
sometimes I was learning thecontent right before the kids
showed up.
So it happens, I'm Caitlin, andwith me today, co-hosting for
(00:44):
jenny as she recovers from hersurgery, is ariela monti, the
author of the fabulous novelroots in ink, and she is, and if
you don't know her, the humanequivalent of a perfectly
toasted marshmallow oh, I likethat just the best I like
that Warm and toasty.
Yeah, we are continuing ourSpring Into Self-Care series
(01:10):
again today.
I wanted to kind of walk backnot walk back, that's not the
right term.
I want to start by saying a lotof what we've been doing is
kind of telling you about yourown self-care habits that you
can or you should be doing, andnot necessarily validating the
little things you already aredoing that are self-care.
(01:33):
So, in particular, I'm thinkingabout the things that don't fit
that traditional mold ofself-care.
Right, yeah, you know which?
Again, if you haven't listenedto our episode on hobbies for
self-care, that was a reallygood one.
That's non, a non-traditionalform of self-care.
People don't necessarily thinkof that, um, so go listen to
that one, cause that one wasgreat, um, so they might not
(01:56):
look like self-care to others,but they feel like it for you.
They are very cup fillingactivities or rituals.
Ariella Monti (02:07):
And my hope is that, by sharing some of these
things that have come to mind,you identify with them and you
think like, oh yeah you knowthat is a form of self-care for
me.
You're right, I am doing thatalready.
I'm not completely neglectingmy self-care, completely
neglecting my self-care.
So shout out to Reddit for someof these, because these are
(02:28):
brilliant and some of these aresourced from the ether myself
probably Ariella at some pointin time, when she told me what
to do and I told her not to tellme what to do, and then did it
anyway.
So I want to start with thevery, very basic things, and the
reason I'm starting here isbecause we don't necessarily
(02:48):
think of them as self-care, butthey are, because they are a
form of self-love and, inparticular, these things might
be especially difficult forpeople at certain seasons of
your life.
So, getting up out of bedself-care yeah.
If you haven't been able to dothat for a while maybe you're
ill, maybe you had surgery,maybe you just can't.
(03:12):
If you sat up today, that'shuge.
That's huge.
You sat up in your bed insteadof lay down.
Give yourself credit for that,because you did something
special for yourself Brushingyour teeth and flossing.
You should be flossing folks.
Just saying we talked aboutthis too.
(03:35):
There was a whole episode on howto do this the right way
Sometimes, and maybe I shouldlink that in that episode.
Anyway, sometimes, though,that's hard, yeah, like, oh,
yeah, ugh Am bathing or taking ashower.
Sometimes that's hard.
The number of times I have beenlike I don't want to, I don't
want to, I don't want to, Idon't want to, but then I get in
(03:56):
it and I'm like I'm nevergetting out.
I'm never getting out.
But for some people, just doingthat is difficult, whether it's
depression or you arephysically unable to do it
yourself.
Those things deserve to beconsidered self-care.
Going to sleep, especially ifit's at a consistent time or
(04:18):
you're super busy, you'repulling on all nighter and
you're going you know what.
I just can't anymore.
I need to go to bed.
That is self-care.
Caitlin Kindred (04:26):
That's something where I've been
falling.
It's been falling through thecracks the past two nights.
I've tried to I set a new alarmoh, here you go, if you're
having trouble getting to bed,set an alarm that says, hey, you
go to bed.
Ariella Monti (04:46):
Yeah, but be nice to yourself in it, because I'm
inclined to be like hey, youdummy, go to sleep, but then I
just feel bad about myself.
So don't do that.
Just say hey go to bed.
Caitlin Kindred (04:54):
Yeah, go to bed , get ready for bed, and the
past couple of nights that hasbeen very helpful for getting me
at least moving into my room.
Ariella Monti (05:05):
Yeah, exactly.
Um, for some people, eating oreating healthfully, or stopping
eating when you feel full all ofthose things I would consider.
Consider self-care, taking yourmedications.
This is new for me, in that Imean not pharmaceuticals in
(05:30):
general, because, listen, I'munhinged right but there are new
ones now that I'm using thatactually impact my physical
health in addition to my mentalhealth, and that is hard for me
to admit that I need these othermedications, and so I'm looking
at taking them as, yes, you'retaking your supplements that are
(05:52):
supposed to be helpful for you,and also you're taking this
other thing that will make youfeel better.
Caitlin Kindred (05:57):
Right, yeah.
Ariella Monti (05:59):
Going outside to feel the sun on your skin.
Caitlin Kindred (06:03):
That's my favorite one.
Ariella Monti (06:04):
And it's so.
It can be so like there aresome days where I don't go
outside.
What, yeah?
Why am I not going outside?
I mean, today it's gloomy andrainy and I you know that's
different, but it also meansthat I can, like, sit near a
window and read a book.
But if, if this is, you know,if the basics are difficult for
you, please consider those fewminutes of being outside to feel
(06:27):
a sun on your skin, self-careIf you did any of these today
that you didn't do yesterday,that's a win and I'm proud of
you for doing that.
So here are some other thingsthat you might already do or
that you were like oh that's socute, I want to do that.
And they're I'm calling thempleasantries, pleasant things.
(06:51):
Yeah, Some of these are thingswe've been talking about right
Taking time for your hobbies,reading, crafting, gaming.
Oh my gosh, I have to tell youthis.
This is I don't need I have totell you this.
I'm going to stand up for justa second.
I have to tell you, youinspired me because you said it
doesn't have to be perfect, youjust have to do it when it came
to your hobbies and this is notperfect at all, but look, I
(07:15):
finished his little hat.
Oh, it is so cute.
So we've talked about mycrocheted Snoopy.
He now has the World War Iflying ace hat and goggles and a
scarf that I crocheted for him.
It's crooked but it's done andit's mine, so the stitches are
(07:37):
good.
I just put the goggles on.
Crooked but it's not perfectand that's okay because it's
done and it's mine and I'm proudof that, so it's so cute.
That was my.
That was my little moment ofself care for the week.
I found a lot of enjoyment inthat.
So, doing things like that Ifyou're someone who likes to play
games whether board games orelectronic video games, things
(08:00):
like that gaming should count.
Hiking, reading, all of thesethings that you find enjoyment
in.
On the side, that are not sidehustle types of things right,
Indulgences, you know, thingslike yummy snacks you don't
always have in the house.
That is not pop chips.
Pop chips are always in myhouse, Taking yourself to lunch
(08:24):
with just a book for company.
One of my friends who I workwith we were in London together
earlier this year and she justwas like I'm on a date and I was
like I'm what?
Like I don't tell me you're,you're married and your husband
lives in Copenhagen, she's likeno, I'm on a date with myself,
I'll be there in a little bitand I was like, oh, how sweet is
(08:45):
that.
Like what a nice thing to do Arelaxing bath or a spa day, or
just going and getting a massageor, in my case, going to the
chiropractor and having hercrack all the things and put
them back where they belong.
I would consider those to bepleasantries.
(09:06):
One of my favorite things thatI've seen are we're going to
talk about some tiny ones herein a minute, but there is a
trend online right now or maybeit's not a trend or it's just a
tiny post that I keep seeing,but there's someone online who
keeps posting all of theselittle whimsical things that
they're seeing throughout theday, that people do.
(09:27):
So I think the question is,like, what's a whimsical thing
you do that just makes you happy?
And some of these are, are, arethose?
And some of them just were socute that I felt like I had to
share.
So, um, he's just made me smilethat you might be doing
self-care moments.
Silk or satin jammies, what?
How amazing Puppy videos, yes,yeah.
(09:50):
I mean absolutely Right, likethat's so sweet, just like a
little moment of self-care.
Do you watch puppy videos?
Do they make you happy?
Yes, I like to watch the onesof pandas where they're rolling
around all over the ground andbeing stupid.
Those are my favorite Aneverything shower Ladies.
You know what I'm talking about.
It's like do all the things.
(10:11):
You wash your hair, you shaveyour legs, you exfol, you do all
the things you wash your hair,you shave your legs, you
exfoliate, you.
Then you put on lotionafterwards and then you dry your
hair like an everything getready.
Yep, I personally would putthose in this other unpleasant
category, because those may becrazy, but if I don't have to
dry my hair afterwards I don'tmind as much.
(10:32):
Anyway, I thought this idea wasbrilliant.
They look at Google Arts andCulture, which, if you didn't
know, that is a thing.
There's like all thesedifferent types of Google Google
Scholar, google Books, google,all these different things but
one of them is Arts and Culture,and you can explore museums and
do deep dives into variousartists and their work.
(10:52):
That's amazing, isn't that?
So if you're an art lover oryou just want to like, couldn't,
I can just see that being sospecial, just just doing it from
your bed.
Caitlin Kindred (11:04):
Great.
Ariella Monti (11:04):
Great, yeah, what a great moment of taking care
of yourself and doing somethingthat interests you.
Love that Um another tinypleasant thing that is self-care
iced coffee.
Some of us are like, no, that'sa necessity, but if it's a
necessity for you, and then you.
Another tiny pleasant thingthat is self-care iced coffee.
Some of us are like, no, that'sa necessity, but if it's a
necessity for you, and then youpartake in it, then I would
consider it part of yourself-care, right, yeah, I agree.
Or your beverage of choice,especially if that is in your
(11:27):
favorite container.
I have a container that I usefor my self-coffee, or for my
self-coffee, my coffee, andthat's.
I want my coffee in that.
That's where it tastes the bestIn my brain.
Caitlin Kindred (11:39):
I've got my mug .
That says motivated by spiteand powered by spite.
Ariella Monti (11:47):
Powered by spite.
Caitlin Kindred (11:48):
Yeah, powered by spite and it's got a vulture
on it.
It's by F-ing Birds.
I love that account.
It's so good.
I love that mug and that iswhat I drink my coffee in in the
morning, because I am poweredby spite.
Ariella Monti (12:03):
I mean and caffeine?
Caitlin Kindred (12:05):
Yeah, those two things for sure.
Ariella Monti (12:08):
Yeah, and ADHD medication, yep, because when I
don't, I don't know if you know,do you?
If you don't take your ADHDmeds, are you tired?
I even with, even with caffeine, I'm still really tired.
I mean, which makes sense?
It's a stimulant, but it's justI'm very tired.
Anyway, uh, this happens rarelyfor me, but you mentioned it
(12:28):
and it's absolutely true Sittingin the car, after you pull into
the driveway or wherever youpark your car, to finish a great
song or a podcast or a chapterof an audiobook or whatever it
is, or just sit there in silence, um, that's that is yes.
Caitlin Kindred (12:49):
That is my most regular form of self-care.
I would say it feels good.
Why?
Ariella Monti (12:56):
is it?
Why does sitting in the car inthose moments feel good?
If it's traffic, like just noRight.
If it's just like if I'm, youknow, early to something and I
just sit in the car for a fewminutes, like that just feels
good, it's a good transition,yeah, transition from like the
like, the stress of driving.
Caitlin Kindred (13:15):
Because even if you like don't find driving
stressful, your brain is doingso much when you're driving.
You know to like keep fromgetting into a car accident,
yeah.
Ariella Monti (13:27):
And.
Caitlin Kindred (13:27):
I think we're just so used to it that we don't
even like realize howexhausting it probably is.
Yeah, we don't even likerealize how exhausting it
probably is, yeah, and the justlike sitting there is, it feels
like a relief.
Ariella Monti (13:44):
I think I also like, if I'm in a place and this
is probably really common anyplace that uses air conditioning
a lot like Texas, but it'll bereally cold in that space and
then you get to your car andbefore you feel like it's an
inferno, it feels like warm andhappy.
Yes, that that is a good,that's a moment of self-care for
me.
It's just like sitting sittingin that warmth to warm my body
(14:05):
up before I need the airconditioning again.
Just feels good yeah, yeah, uh,speaking of cars and quiet.
If you experience silence inyour life, parents, am I right?
Any sort of silence?
Consider that.
Self-care, yes, and naps,whether they're yours, which I'm
(14:27):
pushing for.
In an ideal world, you get yourown, but when your child is
napping, I miss nap time.
Me too.
Now I take nap time.
Caitlin Kindred (14:35):
Me too.
Ariella Monti (14:37):
Now I take nap time, not always.
Caitlin Kindred (14:39):
I can't remember the last time I took a
nap.
Ariella Monti (14:41):
Oh, it was like two weeks ago for me.
I will.
I've gotten to the point.
I mean and this is part of whyI'm taking medication but I've
gotten to the point where I'mlike it's 2 o'clock in the
afternoon on a Sunday.
I cannot stay awake.
Caitlin Kindred (15:00):
I'm going to go take a nap.
Bye, and I and I will Irishgoodbye on my family and go take
a nap.
But see, I can't, I can't napLike I can't do short naps If I
take a nap.
Ariella Monti (15:09):
I'm going to be out for like two, three hours.
Oh see, mine's not two or threehours, but I can do like a good
hour, hour and a half?
Caitlin Kindred (15:20):
No, I will.
If I'm.
If I take a nap, it's like therest of the day is like gone,
which is what keeps me generallykeeps me from from purposely
taking a nap.
Like, if I like fall asleep onthe couch or something, then
then I'll probably never reallyfall asleep that deeply.
But if I purposely take a nap,I gotta consider the day done.
Ariella Monti (15:37):
That's interesting.
I have um.
I use a headspace app, theheadspace app and there's a doze
soundtrack there that will playfor an hour, and I've trained
my body that I turn it on.
My body relaxes, usually takesabout 10-15 minutes or so to
relax and then, when the, whenthe sound stops, usually is when
(15:58):
my body will wake up, so I can.
I can get in and out in aboutan hour, hour and 15 minutes.
I'm not a 15 minute napper.
Those people who can do that, Icannot do that.
Bless you.
Caitlin Kindred (16:08):
It's amazing, I'm so jealous of those people.
Ariella Monti (16:10):
I would love to do it, but I just can't do it.
Another tiny pleasantry thatyou should consider self-care
your favorite meal, yeah,wherever it's from.
If it's homemade, amazing.
If it's from the fast foodchain down the street, that's
also amazing.
If it's your favorite meal,that's self-care.
Sometimes a cheesy gorditacrunch from taco bell is
(16:36):
self-care when I had no dollarsin college and a two dollar taco
bell meal was gourmet, oh man.
Sometimes it just hits the spotright um hugs, guys.
As cheesy as that sound, hugsare selfcare.
Caitlin Kindred (16:54):
I'm a great hugger, you are a great hugger.
I love giving hugs.
Yeah, it's because I'm amarshmallow that's called a
callback.
Ariella Monti (17:09):
We're circling back to that joke.
Caitlin Kindred (17:10):
We're circling back to that.
Ariella Monti (17:12):
No, we don't use those terms.
Circling back to that oh, no,we don't use those terms.
I have to say also there aresome unpleasant things that you
might be doing.
We've talked about a few ofthese before, but these are
unpleasant things that I wouldalso consider to be self-care
and to clarify why they'reunpleasant.
These are things that wedislike, but they make future us
feel better.
(17:33):
Things that we dislike but theymake future us feel better Like
writing down all of my tasksfor work the next day when I
just want to be done with work,is something that makes morning
Caitlin not hate evening Caitlin, so I would consider that to be
self-care.
Yeah, okay.
Someone on Reddit volunteeredthis definition, which I really
(17:54):
liked, which was real.
Self-care is about creatingspace to function again.
It's not about escaping yourresponsibilities.
It's about making them lesschaotic to carry.
Oh yeah, I thought that wasbeautiful.
So deep cleans in your house.
I would consider that to beunpleasant, but it feels good
when it's done and you can turnit to a pleasant thing if
(18:17):
someone else does it for you.
Yeah, oh, man, okay, Along withcleaning a kitchen reset If
you're one of those people who'slike you, can't stand coming
into a dirty kitchen in themorning because it just feels
like it's already awful in yourhouse.
Caitlin Kindred (18:38):
You taking that time to do that at night is
self-care washing dishes,counters, wiping down, etc I
would even say something that Ido when the dopamine hits is
kind of pick up all like thelittle trashy bits that kind of
get left around places, you know, like on counters and stuff.
(19:02):
This happens kind of in in mybathroom, where I'll just start
picking stuff up and eithertossing it or putting it back
where it belongs yeah, tidying,yeah.
So it's not even like a clean,it's more just like a clearing.
Ariella Monti (19:19):
Yeah, it's a tidy , it's a, it's a, it's a space,
not cluttered.
Yeah, that feels good too.
I would also say that this goesfor other things that you clean
.
Um, my favorite unpleasantclean thing is when you change
the bedding, because as much asI hate changing the bedding and
(19:41):
doing the laundry that goes withthe bedding.
I love getting into a fresh bedat night and one of those
whimsical things I saw wassomeone says when she does that,
she puts on her silk jammies orher like fancy jammies and she
calls it fancy sleep.
Like, how cute is that?
Right, that is fancy, fancysleep, so sweet.
(20:04):
Uh, other deep cleans thisperson was talking about when
they deep clean their, their,their retainer.
Oh, I'm so glad someone askedthe question for me.
But they were like excuse me,what does that look like?
And the answer was like most ofthe time, you know, I brush it
(20:27):
or I put it in.
Some people put it in mouthwashor like Polydent or something
or those tablets, but this iswhen they put it in their
ultrasonic cleaner.
Caitlin Kindred (20:35):
Oh yeah, that makes sense.
Ariella Monti (20:37):
Yes, yeah, Deep cleaning your jewelry or getting
it back from like when you takeit to a jewelry shop and it's
clean and it's all hot.
I love that feeling where it'slike it's warm.
Caitlin Kindred (20:48):
I have never cleaned my jewelry.
Ariella Monti (20:52):
Really.
No, oh, it feels good.
You can use toothpaste if it'snot too abrasive.
Caitlin Kindred (20:59):
I think the last time I cleaned my jewelry,
I think I cleaned my engagementring Like almost 15, no like 12
years ago.
Ariella Monti (21:09):
You can take them to jewelry shops and if you I
mean if you're nearby one andjust say like how long would it
take to clean it or how muchwould it cost, a lot of them
will clean it for free.
Caitlin Kindred (21:18):
So a lot of my good jewelry is like packed away
because I'm saving it for theimpending apocalypse.
Oh, and so I have stuff totrade.
Ariella Monti (21:36):
So I was prepared to like really lecture you on
the self-care moment here and belike listen, don't, you can't
take it with you, Just wear itRight.
But I see why you're.
I mean a lot of it is gold.
Caitlin Kindred (21:50):
And like I don't wear gold, like you know,
I'm an.
Italian girl from Long Island,like, of course, I have gold.
Yeah, it would look good on you, but I don't actually.
I don't actually look.
I'm a cool toned person, yeah,so I look better in silver.
Ariella Monti (22:04):
You get tanned though, yeah, but Anyway, this
is not relevant, yeah.
Caitlin Kindred (22:11):
But in any case .
Ariella Monti (22:12):
I was going to tell you to wear it.
Caitlin Kindred (22:15):
I don't wear it because it's all gold and I
don't think I look good in it,so I'm just saving it.
Ariella Monti (22:20):
I just thought of a pleasant thing, and Jenny has
said this before Use thestickers.
Use the stickers.
Yes, wear the jewelry, burn thecandles that are nice, yes,
stickers, use the stickers.
Caitlin Kindred (22:34):
Use the stickers.
Yeah, use the stickers.
Ariella Monti (22:37):
Okay, other unpleasant.
Back to the unpleasant things.
Sorry.
So, cleaning jewelry, cleaninggrandma's silver I always hated
doing that and then I learnedyou can use hot water and
vinegar and a ball of foil andwatch the tarnish just like come
off of stuff, like it justliterally melts away.
And now I I like to clean.
That's how I clean my jewelry,and I also will clean my
(22:59):
grandmother's the spoons thatshe gave me, that I there is
something really satisfying.
Caitlin Kindred (23:04):
I don't have any fancy silver like that, but
my mom does and I remember beinga kid like there is something
really satisfying about, likewatching the tarnish just
disappear yeah, it feels good.
Ariella Monti (23:18):
Yeah, yeah, also use the china and use the silver
.
If someone has spoons, use thespoons for your tea.
Use them for your cereal.
It just feels good.
Yeah, yeah, also use the chinaand use the silver.
If someone has spoons, use thespoons for your tea.
Use them for your cereal.
It just feels good, fancycereal.
Caitlin Kindred (23:27):
That's what we did, all of like the fancy china
that we inherited Because wedidn't ask for it for our
wedding, because we inherited it.
It was just sitting in ourcredenza, like for Christmas and
Thanksgiving, and I was likescrew this.
We Christmas and Thanksgivingand I was like screw this we
were using it every day.
Ariella Monti (23:45):
Yeah, so now my cats eat off of Makasa.
Oh, get it.
Fancy If you're someone who'sworried about them getting messy
we've talked about this beforeyou could put like a plastic,
like a clear plastic plate overit and then like if you have a
if you have a knife, that'sgonna you know it's gonna
scratch it.
You could do that anyway.
But use, use the fancy thingsfor a little tiny pleasant thing
.
My grandmother would be veryproud of me for using the spoons
the way I do.
Um, doing a load of laundry isan unpleasant thing, but it
(24:09):
feels even better if you do itall the way through, from start
to finish.
But if you just moved it fromthe washing machine to the dryer
, congratulations.
You don't have to wash again.
Watch the first round.
Yeah exactly.
Caitlin Kindred (24:23):
Yeah, that's so .
I mean that right there.
Ariella Monti (24:28):
Meal prepping.
Listen, I can confirm thissucks.
When I was teaching, I mealprepped and it's it sucked
because you're kind of confinedto what you can and can't.
Well, maybe I was because Ican't cook, but I didn't like it
.
But can confirm it made my weekeasier because, seriously,
(24:49):
tuesday morning Caitlin hatedwhen there was no lunch pre-made
.
So there we go, um, along withthat, doing the other things at
night that need to be done foryou to get out the door in the
morning Making sure your keysare in the right place, you know
, setting out your clothes ifyou're somebody who struggles
with what to wear, filling yourwater bottle, so you're not like
(25:11):
standing there going oh my gosh, I'm late but this water bottle
takes forever to fill.
Doing things like that thatsuck because all you want to do
is just go to bed but you can'tbecause you have to finish these
things.
That's self-care, becauseyou're prioritizing yourself
tomorrow and that's an okaything to do.
Uh, finally, making that stupidphone call you've been meaning
(25:31):
to make booking the appointment,right, that is, oh my gosh, me
too.
And one of them is like a vetappointment.
Like what Same?
Like I love my animals and Ihave not made this appointment
for like two years.
I need to just get them to thevet, or sending the email that
you really didn't want to send,or, you know, gathering all your
(25:54):
tax documents and finallyscanning them together.
Ugh, all of that stuff, thethings that you need a body
double for yeah, that suck to do, but you'll get them done
eventually.
That that's what I mean.
Um, exercise, listen, I'mreminded of the line from Ann
Perkins where she's tellingChris Traeger you made me jog,
(26:17):
and he's like jogging's fun, andshe's like no, it's not, like
nobody likes it, which you know,some people do, but for most of
us that are probably listeningto, this, exercise is a
necessary evil.
Yeah, especially cardio, whichI hate.
So there you go.
That's why I liked the boxingworkout, because it doesn't feel
like a crappy cardio session,and this one crying A crappy
(26:44):
cardio session and this onecrying Listen, sometimes that
ugly cry just feels so damn good.
Right, and I'm not referring tolike the kind of cry that's like
the grief, devastation sort ofcry.
Right right right, I'm referringto the one where you just this
is me watching the Thanksgivingday parade because it was on and
(27:07):
you started to cry when SantaClaus was going by, and or just
because you happened to see youknow the Backstreet Boys lip
syncing.
Those things make me cry.
Not going to lie, I cry all thetime about stuff like that, and
it just feels good when I don'tstop it Like it, just I just
let it come out because it'sclearly something that I needed
to do.
Right, that is just a shortlist of things that you may or
(27:29):
may not be doing in your lifethat you need to reframe as
self-care, because if you'retaking care of yourself in any
way, if you're prioritizing yourfuture self, that is self-care.
Caitlin Kindred (27:42):
Agreed.
Ariella Monti (27:43):
Great, glad you do, because you don't have a
choice.
This is my show.
We'll be back.
I'm going to leave that in.
Caitlin Kindred (27:58):
Yes, you should .
Ariella Monti (28:02):
For links to resources mentioned in this
episode.
Head on over tockandgkpodcastcom slash blog to
find everything you need, and besure to follow us on social
media.
Head over to your favoritesocial media network and find us
at CK and GK podcast.
And now back to the show.
Okay, we're back, folks, andI'm still laughing because I was
(28:29):
a snot face to Ariella, and Idon't care, she has to tolerate
it.
This is my platform.
She's doing me a solid, butthis is my platform.
Anyway, I am not funny bymyself.
What are your obsessions, right?
Caitlin Kindred (28:45):
now.
So my obsessions, going back tohobbies, are puzzles, yes, okay
.
So here's the thing.
This was kind of unintentional.
The kid was sick this week andso he wasn't in school and we
(29:05):
were trying to find something todo and I was like, why don't we
do a puzzle together?
Nice, and he was into that andI found.
So all the puzzles that we haveare like a 250 piece, like a
(29:26):
set of four 250 piece puzzlesfrom like my parents or somebody
for Christmas at like some Idon't know, some year.
So I, so I, they were stilllike all wrapped up and
everything, like not in the giftwrapping but like whatever, but
like not unsealed, I gotchaRight.
(29:46):
Yeah, because I did not knowuntil I opened them up that they
are wooden puzzles.
Oh, so, like the pieces aretiny and like I don't know why
my parents got my son these,because these are very
complicated puzzles.
Ariella Monti (30:04):
Maybe it's to keep him busy, maybe.
Caitlin Kindred (30:06):
Maybe it's to keep him busy, maybe.
But that being said, I foundmyself, like over the two days
that he was sick, because it'sso like physically small, it's
like the size of a piece ofpaper, and it comes with like
this little like wooden framething for it, and so it was
(30:28):
really easy to just like move.
you know, it wasn't like thisgiant thing which is what I end
up doing yeah, and so it made itreally easy to like just spend
five, ten minutes like adding acouple of pieces to it.
I'm like man, like man.
I need so many more of these.
Yes.
Ariella Monti (30:48):
Do you remember, like two years ago you talked me
out of buying a puzzle table?
Yes, well, then I had gumsurgery and I bought one anyway
and it has like drawers andstuff and I I really I haven't
used it in a while cause Ihaven't had time to do my puzzle
, but I, I love that and I justlike to have them out as like a
(31:12):
thing to do.
When I was teaching I had atable that was just for the
puzzle and when kids were likewanting to talk to me or just
needed a break, they would justcome over and put a few pieces
in.
It was just for fun and it's anice way to have a conversation
while doing something that feelskind of mindless but also
engaging enough that you're notbored with it.
Caitlin Kindred (31:27):
I, yeah, I really like them.
Ariella Monti (31:29):
I think they're fun.
Caitlin Kindred (31:30):
Yeah, yeah.
So and I think the reason why Ididn't do because when we had
that conversation I ended upbuying 8,000 piece puzzle at the
science museum like three dayslater but and I never.
And I but the problem is like Idon't have a space where I it's
too big and I don't have aspace where I can just like
(31:52):
leave it.
But this little one it was like, yeah, you could there, it is
small enough that you could justlike leave it somewhere and
like move it around when youneed to.
That.
Ariella Monti (32:03):
That's nice.
Caitlin Kindred (32:04):
Now I need another one.
Ariella Monti (32:07):
Yeah, yeah, maybe see if the library has one you
can borrow.
Before you need Fair and thereis a service I'm sure you have
to pay for it that you canborrow puzzles.
That's neat.
Yeah, like I forget what it isLike Rent the Runway but for
puzzles I don't know what it'scalled, but because I talk about
(32:28):
puzzles and because if I saythe word puzzle, it's going to
show up in my Instagram feed,I'm sure it'll show up yeah, um,
my obsession right now isreaders because, ladies and
gentlemen, you turn 40 and, forsome reason, you need readers.
I don't know if you need them, Ineed them.
Oh, I've needed them since I waslike 20 something, so but I
(32:48):
mean, I wear glasses, but I wearthem for distance.
This is new.
I got them a while ago and thenI'm trying to like, do the
thing where I don't look, usethem all the time in case I
don't actually need them.
Cause if you do use them beforeyou're ready, you kind of train
your eyes that you need themanyway.
So I'm trying not to.
But no, no, this is I.
We're past that point now andit like I can see what's
(33:11):
happening on the screen.
But if I am working for a longperiod of time, I have to end up
, I have to put them back on.
Caitlin Kindred (33:18):
Yeah, I've been using them for a really long
time for, like, tensionheadaches and stuff, like
because I've always worked onthe computer.
But I will say, the last time Iwent and got my eyes checked,
like a month or so ago, Iofficially need them now, like,
but I need a very low, low, likea prescription yes, what you
(33:38):
said.
And she says it's like, reallythey're.
They're tough to kind of findyou in places like Target and
all that kind of stuff, and Ididn't know that, like I've been
using ones that are much moreWell see how you do with the
ones that are lower.
Ariella Monti (33:54):
I mean, I have the ones I have I ordered from
the A to Z store and they'reblue light blocking and they're
kind of bifocal-ish.
So, like you know, there's likelike the magnifier at the
bottom and then when I'm usingmy computer and it's further
away, I can look up and have theblue light blocking, but I
don't need the magnification forthat.
Caitlin Kindred (34:15):
So anyway, I might need one for that.
Ariella Monti (34:17):
Yeah, I'll find it If you like.
Aviators, I'm an aviator person, sure, so like I'm sure, so, so
like I'm into that.
Uh, I usually wear them whileI'm recording, but I'm not today
.
Uh, that's my obsession, whatabout?
Caitlin Kindred (34:30):
gems do you have?
Ariella Monti (34:31):
it is toad flax season in my yard you are the
biggest nature nerd, are yousure you're not like some kind
of fairy like?
Because?
Caitlin Kindred (34:39):
I am a garden fairy, you are a garden fairy
yeah, I am a garden fairy, forsure.
Yeah, it is, I guess, kind oflike how in Texas y'all have,
like bluebell season, bluebonnet, bluebonnet season.
Sorry, I apologize to all ofthe Texans.
Ariella Monti (34:56):
All the Texans, that's like my whole audience.
Caitlin Kindred (35:01):
I apologize, bluebonnets.
I think these, these flowersare actually in the same kind of
family or something.
It's blue toad flax and I hadnever seen it until I moved to
North Carolina and moved intothis house and it's just a
wildflower that grows all overmy yard in late May, late March,
(35:25):
early April, and they are myfavorite, so I'm happy that they
are starting to bloom.
That's so nice and so yeah,there's like a nice little like
crop of them kind of coming upnow, and so it makes me, that
makes me happy.
Ariella Monti (35:42):
Sure, I can see.
I mean I would say that's selfcarecare too right, it's like
when you have getting like freshcut flowers for yourself.
Caitlin Kindred (35:51):
Yeah, what I'll do is, right before we let the
grass go as high as we kind ofcan, before it starts getting a
little questionable out there,before it starts getting a
little questionable out there,and right before we get it cut,
I will go and like just grab awhole handful of them and bring
(36:12):
them into the house and havethem.
Ariella Monti (36:13):
Oh, that's so nice.
Let's add it to the list oflittle tiny pleasantries.
Mine's a little different.
This time I have actually avery cool gem for you.
Jenny and I are in HarnessMagazine.
Awesome, yeah, there's a whole.
(36:35):
We did an interview withHarness Magazine and there's a
whole.
I just got the link like today,a little bit ago, before you
and I started recording, so I'vebeen saving.
I've been sitting on this for alittle bit, but you and I
started recording, so I've beensaving.
I've been sitting on this for alittle bit, but only for like a
few minutes before.
Um, and you're one of the firstpeople to know and, um, this is
cool, like we're.
(36:56):
So harnessmagazinecom is whereyou go to find it and right now,
if you I don't know how long itwill be there because we're
recording this on like a fewweeks before you you know it's
there, but I'll put it on thewebsite and I'll post it and all
that stuff.
But anyway, right now it's likeon the cover.
Caitlin Kindred (37:14):
That's so cool.
Ariella Monti (37:16):
Yeah, it's kind of wild, so I don't know.
We'll see what happens, butit's pretty exciting and I think
it'll be really fun to read andkind of get a sense of where
this came from.
And I don't think we've everactually talked about where the
idea for this show sort of camefrom.
But if you want to know moreabout that, you can read it and
(37:39):
it's fun, it's a nice story,that's amazing.
I'm so happy for you too, thankyou.
So now tell your friends aboutme because you're on my show and
I'm funny, gosh and unhinged.
So go read that and I thinkit's time.
(38:03):
I think we've both become alittle unhinged.
Speaking of unhinged people, Ithink you and I both need to go
take care of ourselves.
Caitlin Kindred (38:11):
I'm going to go sit outside in the pollen, I
guess.
Ariella Monti (38:14):
There you go.
That sounds great.
It's rainy here, but there'slittle flowers peeking over the
fence, and so I might just gosit by where I can see them.
Caitlin Kindred (38:22):
Yeah, do that.
Yeah, I won't go sit in thepollen.
It's really bad.
That sounds like the oppositeof self-care.
Ariella Monti (38:29):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.
Well, along those lines,sitting in pollen is a bad
choice, and Jenny would tell younot to make bad choices.
She would say make good choices.
And I'm going to say take careof yourself and find those
little moments of things you dowhere you prioritize your needs
and remember that they'reself-care.
You're nodding, which meansthat it's time for us to go.
(38:53):
Bye.
Caitlin Kindred (38:54):
Bye.
Hello Hi.
When I was younger I had acousin who I was playing
hide-and-seek with once and shegoes.
Hello.
I'm in the closet and it was thecutest.
I'll never forget it.
So hello, welcome to how to Bea Grown-Up.
(00:22):
This is the show that is allabout how to be a grown-up, with
hosts who sometimes learn to dothings right before we teach
them to you.
So when I was a first-yearteacher, third-year teacher,
sometimes I was learning thecontent right before the kids
showed up.
So it happens, I'm Caitlin, andwith me today, co-hosting for
(00:44):
jenny as she recovers from hersurgery, is ariela monti, the
author of the fabulous novelroots in ink, and she is, and if
you don't know her, the humanequivalent of a perfectly
toasted marshmallow oh, I likethat just the best I like
that Warm and toasty.
Yeah, we are continuing ourSpring Into Self-Care series
(01:10):
again today.
I wanted to kind of walk backnot walk back, that's not the
right term.
I want to start by saying a lotof what we've been doing is
kind of telling you about yourown self-care habits that you
can or you should be doing, andnot necessarily validating the
little things you already aredoing that are self-care.
(01:33):
So, in particular, I'm thinkingabout the things that don't fit
that traditional mold ofself-care.
Right, yeah, you know which?
Again, if you haven't listenedto our episode on hobbies for
self-care, that was a reallygood one.
That's non, a non-traditionalform of self-care.
People don't necessarily thinkof that, um, so go listen to
that one, cause that one wasgreat, um, so they might not
(01:56):
look like self-care to others,but they feel like it for you.
They are very cup fillingactivities or rituals.
Ariella Monti (02:07):
And my hope is that, by sharing some of these
things that have come to mind,you identify with them and you
think like, oh yeah you knowthat is a form of self-care for
me.
You're right, I am doing thatalready.
I'm not completely neglectingmy self-care, completely
neglecting my self-care.
So shout out to Reddit for someof these, because these are
(02:28):
brilliant and some of these aresourced from the ether myself
probably Ariella at some pointin time, when she told me what
to do and I told her not to tellme what to do, and then did it
anyway.
So I want to start with thevery, very basic things, and the
reason I'm starting here isbecause we don't necessarily
(02:48):
think of them as self-care, butthey are, because they are a
form of self-love and, inparticular, these things might
be especially difficult forpeople at certain seasons of
your life.
So, getting up out of bedself-care yeah.
If you haven't been able to dothat for a while maybe you're
ill, maybe you had surgery,maybe you just can't.
(03:12):
If you sat up today, that'shuge.
That's huge.
You sat up in your bed insteadof lay down.
Give yourself credit for that,because you did something
special for yourself Brushingyour teeth and flossing.
You should be flossing folks.
Just saying we talked aboutthis too.
(03:35):
There was a whole episode on howto do this the right way
Sometimes, and maybe I shouldlink that in that episode.
Anyway, sometimes, though,that's hard, yeah, like, oh,
yeah, ugh Am bathing or taking ashower.
Sometimes that's hard.
The number of times I have beenlike I don't want to, I don't
want to, I don't want to, Idon't want to, but then I get in
(03:56):
it and I'm like I'm nevergetting out.
I'm never getting out.
But for some people, just doingthat is difficult, whether it's
depression or you arephysically unable to do it
yourself.
Those things deserve to beconsidered self-care.
Going to sleep, especially ifit's at a consistent time or
(04:18):
you're super busy, you'repulling on all nighter and
you're going you know what.
I just can't anymore.
I need to go to bed.
That is self-care.
Caitlin Kindred (04:26):
That's something where I've been
falling.
It's been falling through thecracks the past two nights.
I've tried to I set a new alarmoh, here you go, if you're
having trouble getting to bed,set an alarm that says, hey, you
go to bed.
Ariella Monti (04:46):
Yeah, but be nice to yourself in it, because I'm
inclined to be like hey, youdummy, go to sleep, but then I
just feel bad about myself.
So don't do that.
Just say hey go to bed.
Caitlin Kindred (04:54):
Yeah, go to bed , get ready for bed, and the
past couple of nights that hasbeen very helpful for getting me
at least moving into my room.
Ariella Monti (05:05):
Yeah, exactly.
Um, for some people, eating oreating healthfully, or stopping
eating when you feel full all ofthose things I would consider.
Consider self-care, taking yourmedications.
This is new for me, in that Imean not pharmaceuticals in
(05:30):
general, because, listen, I'munhinged right but there are new
ones now that I'm using thatactually impact my physical
health in addition to my mentalhealth, and that is hard for me
to admit that I need these othermedications, and so I'm looking
at taking them as, yes, you'retaking your supplements that are
(05:52):
supposed to be helpful for you,and also you're taking this
other thing that will make youfeel better.
Caitlin Kindred (05:57):
Right, yeah.
Ariella Monti (05:59):
Going outside to feel the sun on your skin.
Caitlin Kindred (06:03):
That's my favorite one.
Ariella Monti (06:04):
And it's so.
It can be so like there aresome days where I don't go
outside.
What, yeah?
Why am I not going outside?
I mean, today it's gloomy andrainy and I you know that's
different, but it also meansthat I can, like, sit near a
window and read a book.
But if, if this is, you know,if the basics are difficult for
you, please consider those fewminutes of being outside to feel
(06:27):
a sun on your skin, self-careIf you did any of these today
that you didn't do yesterday,that's a win and I'm proud of
you for doing that.
So here are some other thingsthat you might already do or
that you were like oh that's socute, I want to do that.
And they're I'm calling thempleasantries, pleasant things.
(06:51):
Yeah, Some of these are thingswe've been talking about right
Taking time for your hobbies,reading, crafting, gaming.
Oh my gosh, I have to tell youthis.
This is I don't need I have totell you this.
I'm going to stand up for justa second.
I have to tell you, youinspired me because you said it
doesn't have to be perfect, youjust have to do it when it came
to your hobbies and this is notperfect at all, but look, I
(07:15):
finished his little hat.
Oh, it is so cute.
So we've talked about mycrocheted Snoopy.
He now has the World War Iflying ace hat and goggles and a
scarf that I crocheted for him.
It's crooked but it's done andit's mine, so the stitches are
(07:37):
good.
I just put the goggles on.
Crooked but it's not perfectand that's okay because it's
done and it's mine and I'm proudof that, so it's so cute.
That was my.
That was my little moment ofself care for the week.
I found a lot of enjoyment inthat.
So, doing things like that Ifyou're someone who likes to play
games whether board games orelectronic video games, things
(08:00):
like that gaming should count.
Hiking, reading, all of thesethings that you find enjoyment
in.
On the side, that are not sidehustle types of things right,
Indulgences, you know, thingslike yummy snacks you don't
always have in the house.
That is not pop chips.
Pop chips are always in myhouse, Taking yourself to lunch
(08:24):
with just a book for company.
One of my friends who I workwith we were in London together
earlier this year and she justwas like I'm on a date and I was
like I'm what?
Like I don't tell me you're,you're married and your husband
lives in Copenhagen, she's likeno, I'm on a date with myself,
I'll be there in a little bitand I was like, oh, how sweet is
(08:45):
that.
Like what a nice thing to do Arelaxing bath or a spa day, or
just going and getting a massageor, in my case, going to the
chiropractor and having hercrack all the things and put
them back where they belong.
I would consider those to bepleasantries.
(09:06):
One of my favorite things thatI've seen are we're going to
talk about some tiny ones herein a minute, but there is a
trend online right now or maybeit's not a trend or it's just a
tiny post that I keep seeing,but there's someone online who
keeps posting all of theselittle whimsical things that
they're seeing throughout theday, that people do.
(09:27):
So I think the question is,like, what's a whimsical thing
you do that just makes you happy?
And some of these are, are, arethose?
And some of them just were socute that I felt like I had to
share.
So, um, he's just made me smilethat you might be doing
self-care moments.
Silk or satin jammies, what?
How amazing Puppy videos, yes,yeah.
(09:50):
I mean absolutely Right, likethat's so sweet, just like a
little moment of self-care.
Do you watch puppy videos?
Do they make you happy?
Yes, I like to watch the onesof pandas where they're rolling
around all over the ground andbeing stupid.
Those are my favorite Aneverything shower Ladies.
You know what I'm talking about.
It's like do all the things.
(10:11):
You wash your hair, you shaveyour legs, you exfol, you do all
the things you wash your hair,you shave your legs, you
exfoliate, you.
Then you put on lotionafterwards and then you dry your
hair like an everything getready.
Yep, I personally would putthose in this other unpleasant
category, because those may becrazy, but if I don't have to
dry my hair afterwards I don'tmind as much.
(10:32):
Anyway, I thought this idea wasbrilliant.
They look at Google Arts andCulture, which, if you didn't
know, that is a thing.
There's like all thesedifferent types of Google Google
Scholar, google Books, google,all these different things but
one of them is Arts and Culture,and you can explore museums and
do deep dives into variousartists and their work.
(10:52):
That's amazing, isn't that?
So if you're an art lover oryou just want to like, couldn't,
I can just see that being sospecial, just just doing it from
your bed.
Caitlin Kindred (11:04):
Great.
Ariella Monti (11:04):
Great, yeah, what a great moment of taking care
of yourself and doing somethingthat interests you.
Love that Um another tinypleasant thing that is self-care
iced coffee.
Some of us are like, no, that'sa necessity, but if it's a
necessity for you, and then you.
Another tiny pleasant thingthat is self-care iced coffee.
Some of us are like, no, that'sa necessity, but if it's a
necessity for you, and then youpartake in it, then I would
consider it part of yourself-care, right, yeah, I agree.
Or your beverage of choice,especially if that is in your
(11:27):
favorite container.
I have a container that I usefor my self-coffee, or for my
self-coffee, my coffee, andthat's.
I want my coffee in that.
That's where it tastes the bestIn my brain.
Caitlin Kindred (11:39):
I've got my mug .
That says motivated by spiteand powered by spite.
Ariella Monti (11:47):
Powered by spite.
Caitlin Kindred (11:48):
Yeah, powered by spite and it's got a vulture
on it.
It's by F-ing Birds.
I love that account.
It's so good.
I love that mug and that iswhat I drink my coffee in in the
morning, because I am poweredby spite.
Ariella Monti (12:03):
I mean and caffeine?
Caitlin Kindred (12:05):
Yeah, those two things for sure.
Ariella Monti (12:08):
Yeah, and ADHD medication, yep, because when I
don't, I don't know if you know,do you?
If you don't take your ADHDmeds, are you tired?
I even with, even with caffeine, I'm still really tired.
I mean, which makes sense?
It's a stimulant, but it's justI'm very tired.
Anyway, uh, this happens rarelyfor me, but you mentioned it
(12:28):
and it's absolutely true Sittingin the car, after you pull into
the driveway or wherever youpark your car, to finish a great
song or a podcast or a chapterof an audiobook or whatever it
is, or just sit there in silence, um, that's that is yes.
Caitlin Kindred (12:49):
That is my most regular form of self-care.
I would say it feels good.
Why?
Ariella Monti (12:56):
is it?
Why does sitting in the car inthose moments feel good?
If it's traffic, like just noRight.
If it's just like if I'm, youknow, early to something and I
just sit in the car for a fewminutes, like that just feels
good, it's a good transition,yeah, transition from like the
like, the stress of driving.
Caitlin Kindred (13:15):
Because even if you like don't find driving
stressful, your brain is doingso much when you're driving.
You know to like keep fromgetting into a car accident,
yeah.
Ariella Monti (13:27):
And.
Caitlin Kindred (13:27):
I think we're just so used to it that we don't
even like realize howexhausting it probably is.
Yeah, we don't even likerealize how exhausting it
probably is, yeah, and the justlike sitting there is, it feels
like a relief.
Ariella Monti (13:44):
I think I also like, if I'm in a place and this
is probably really common anyplace that uses air conditioning
a lot like Texas, but it'll bereally cold in that space and
then you get to your car andbefore you feel like it's an
inferno, it feels like warm andhappy.
Yes, that that is a good,that's a moment of self-care for
me.
It's just like sitting sittingin that warmth to warm my body
(14:05):
up before I need the airconditioning again.
Just feels good yeah, yeah, uh,speaking of cars and quiet.
If you experience silence inyour life, parents, am I right?
Any sort of silence?
Consider that.
Self-care, yes, and naps,whether they're yours, which I'm
(14:27):
pushing for.
In an ideal world, you get yourown, but when your child is
napping, I miss nap time.
Me too.
Now I take nap time.
Caitlin Kindred (14:35):
Me too.
Ariella Monti (14:37):
Now I take nap time, not always.
Caitlin Kindred (14:39):
I can't remember the last time I took a
nap.
Ariella Monti (14:41):
Oh, it was like two weeks ago for me.
I will.
I've gotten to the point.
I mean and this is part of whyI'm taking medication but I've
gotten to the point where I'mlike it's 2 o'clock in the
afternoon on a Sunday.
I cannot stay awake.
Caitlin Kindred (15:00):
I'm going to go take a nap.
Bye, and I and I will Irishgoodbye on my family and go take
a nap.
But see, I can't, I can't napLike I can't do short naps If I
take a nap.
Ariella Monti (15:09):
I'm going to be out for like two, three hours.
Oh see, mine's not two or threehours, but I can do like a good
hour, hour and a half?
Caitlin Kindred (15:20):
No, I will.
If I'm.
If I take a nap, it's like therest of the day is like gone,
which is what keeps me generallykeeps me from from purposely
taking a nap.
Like, if I like fall asleep onthe couch or something, then
then I'll probably never reallyfall asleep that deeply.
But if I purposely take a nap,I gotta consider the day done.
Ariella Monti (15:37):
That's interesting.
I have um.
I use a headspace app, theheadspace app and there's a doze
soundtrack there that will playfor an hour, and I've trained
my body that I turn it on.
My body relaxes, usually takesabout 10-15 minutes or so to
relax and then, when the, whenthe sound stops, usually is when
(15:58):
my body will wake up, so I can.
I can get in and out in aboutan hour, hour and 15 minutes.
I'm not a 15 minute napper.
Those people who can do that, Icannot do that.
Bless you.
Caitlin Kindred (16:08):
It's amazing, I'm so jealous of those people.
Ariella Monti (16:10):
I would love to do it, but I just can't do it.
Another tiny pleasantry thatyou should consider self-care
your favorite meal, yeah,wherever it's from.
If it's homemade, amazing.
If it's from the fast foodchain down the street, that's
also amazing.
If it's your favorite meal,that's self-care.
Sometimes a cheesy gorditacrunch from taco bell is
(16:36):
self-care when I had no dollarsin college and a two dollar taco
bell meal was gourmet, oh man.
Sometimes it just hits the spotright um hugs, guys.
As cheesy as that sound, hugsare selfcare.
Caitlin Kindred (16:54):
I'm a great hugger, you are a great hugger.
I love giving hugs.
Yeah, it's because I'm amarshmallow that's called a
callback.
Ariella Monti (17:09):
We're circling back to that joke.
Caitlin Kindred (17:10):
We're circling back to that.
Ariella Monti (17:12):
No, we don't use those terms.
Circling back to that oh, no,we don't use those terms.
I have to say also there aresome unpleasant things that you
might be doing.
We've talked about a few ofthese before, but these are
unpleasant things that I wouldalso consider to be self-care
and to clarify why they'reunpleasant.
These are things that wedislike, but they make future us
feel better.
(17:33):
Things that we dislike but theymake future us feel better Like
writing down all of my tasksfor work the next day when I
just want to be done with work,is something that makes morning
Caitlin not hate evening Caitlin, so I would consider that to be
self-care.
Yeah, okay.
Someone on Reddit volunteeredthis definition, which I really
(17:54):
liked, which was real.
Self-care is about creatingspace to function again.
It's not about escaping yourresponsibilities.
It's about making them lesschaotic to carry.
Oh yeah, I thought that wasbeautiful.
So deep cleans in your house.
I would consider that to beunpleasant, but it feels good
when it's done and you can turnit to a pleasant thing if
(18:17):
someone else does it for you.
Yeah, oh, man, okay, Along withcleaning a kitchen reset If
you're one of those people who'slike you, can't stand coming
into a dirty kitchen in themorning because it just feels
like it's already awful in yourhouse.
Caitlin Kindred (18:38):
You taking that time to do that at night is
self-care washing dishes,counters, wiping down, etc I
would even say something that Ido when the dopamine hits is
kind of pick up all like thelittle trashy bits that kind of
get left around places, you know, like on counters and stuff.
(19:02):
This happens kind of in in mybathroom, where I'll just start
picking stuff up and eithertossing it or putting it back
where it belongs yeah, tidying,yeah.
So it's not even like a clean,it's more just like a clearing.
Ariella Monti (19:19):
Yeah, it's a tidy , it's a, it's a, it's a space,
not cluttered.
Yeah, that feels good too.
I would also say that this goesfor other things that you clean
.
Um, my favorite unpleasantclean thing is when you change
the bedding, because as much asI hate changing the bedding and
(19:41):
doing the laundry that goes withthe bedding.
I love getting into a fresh bedat night and one of those
whimsical things I saw wassomeone says when she does that,
she puts on her silk jammies orher like fancy jammies and she
calls it fancy sleep.
Like, how cute is that?
Right, that is fancy, fancysleep, so sweet.
(20:04):
Uh, other deep cleans thisperson was talking about when
they deep clean their, their,their retainer.
Oh, I'm so glad someone askedthe question for me.
But they were like excuse me,what does that look like?
And the answer was like most ofthe time, you know, I brush it
(20:27):
or I put it in.
Some people put it in mouthwashor like Polydent or something
or those tablets, but this iswhen they put it in their
ultrasonic cleaner.
Caitlin Kindred (20:35):
Oh yeah, that makes sense.
Ariella Monti (20:37):
Yes, yeah, Deep cleaning your jewelry or getting
it back from like when you takeit to a jewelry shop and it's
clean and it's all hot.
I love that feeling where it'slike it's warm.
Caitlin Kindred (20:48):
I have never cleaned my jewelry.
Ariella Monti (20:52):
Really.
No, oh, it feels good.
You can use toothpaste if it'snot too abrasive.
Caitlin Kindred (20:59):
I think the last time I cleaned my jewelry,
I think I cleaned my engagementring Like almost 15, no like 12
years ago.
Ariella Monti (21:09):
You can take them to jewelry shops and if you I
mean if you're nearby one andjust say like how long would it
take to clean it or how muchwould it cost, a lot of them
will clean it for free.
Caitlin Kindred (21:18):
So a lot of my good jewelry is like packed away
because I'm saving it for theimpending apocalypse.
Oh, and so I have stuff totrade.
Ariella Monti (21:36):
So I was prepared to like really lecture you on
the self-care moment here and belike listen, don't, you can't
take it with you, Just wear itRight.
But I see why you're.
I mean a lot of it is gold.
Caitlin Kindred (21:50):
And like I don't wear gold, like you know,
I'm an.
Italian girl from Long Island,like, of course, I have gold.
Yeah, it would look good on you, but I don't actually.
I don't actually look.
I'm a cool toned person, yeah,so I look better in silver.
Ariella Monti (22:04):
You get tanned though, yeah, but Anyway, this
is not relevant, yeah.
Caitlin Kindred (22:11):
But in any case .
Ariella Monti (22:12):
I was going to tell you to wear it.
Caitlin Kindred (22:15):
I don't wear it because it's all gold and I
don't think I look good in it,so I'm just saving it.
Ariella Monti (22:20):
I just thought of a pleasant thing, and Jenny has
said this before Use thestickers.
Use the stickers.
Yes, wear the jewelry, burn thecandles that are nice, yes,
stickers, use the stickers.
Caitlin Kindred (22:34):
Use the stickers.
Yeah, use the stickers.
Ariella Monti (22:37):
Okay, other unpleasant.
Back to the unpleasant things.
Sorry.
So, cleaning jewelry, cleaninggrandma's silver I always hated
doing that and then I learnedyou can use hot water and
vinegar and a ball of foil andwatch the tarnish just like come
off of stuff, like it justliterally melts away.
And now I I like to clean.
That's how I clean my jewelry,and I also will clean my
(22:59):
grandmother's the spoons thatshe gave me, that I there is
something really satisfying.
Caitlin Kindred (23:04):
I don't have any fancy silver like that, but
my mom does and I remember beinga kid like there is something
really satisfying about, likewatching the tarnish just
disappear yeah, it feels good.
Ariella Monti (23:18):
Yeah, yeah, also use the china and use the silver
.
If someone has spoons, use thespoons for your tea.
Use them for your cereal.
It just feels good.
Yeah, yeah, also use the chinaand use the silver.
If someone has spoons, use thespoons for your tea.
Use them for your cereal.
It just feels good, fancycereal.
Caitlin Kindred (23:27):
That's what we did, all of like the fancy china
that we inherited Because wedidn't ask for it for our
wedding, because we inherited it.
It was just sitting in ourcredenza, like for Christmas and
Thanksgiving, and I was likescrew this.
We Christmas and Thanksgivingand I was like screw this we
were using it every day.
Ariella Monti (23:45):
Yeah, so now my cats eat off of Makasa.
Oh, get it.
Fancy If you're someone who'sworried about them getting messy
we've talked about this beforeyou could put like a plastic,
like a clear plastic plate overit and then like if you have a
if you have a knife, that'sgonna you know it's gonna
scratch it.
You could do that anyway.
But use, use the fancy thingsfor a little tiny pleasant thing
.
My grandmother would be veryproud of me for using the spoons
the way I do.
Um, doing a load of laundry isan unpleasant thing, but it
(24:09):
feels even better if you do itall the way through, from start
to finish.
But if you just moved it fromthe washing machine to the dryer
, congratulations.
You don't have to wash again.
Watch the first round.
Yeah exactly.
Caitlin Kindred (24:23):
Yeah, that's so .
I mean that right there.
Ariella Monti (24:28):
Meal prepping.
Listen, I can confirm thissucks.
When I was teaching, I mealprepped and it's it sucked
because you're kind of confinedto what you can and can't.
Well, maybe I was because Ican't cook, but I didn't like it
.
But can confirm it made my weekeasier because, seriously,
(24:49):
tuesday morning Caitlin hatedwhen there was no lunch pre-made
.
So there we go, um, along withthat, doing the other things at
night that need to be done foryou to get out the door in the
morning Making sure your keysare in the right place, you know
, setting out your clothes ifyou're somebody who struggles
with what to wear, filling yourwater bottle, so you're not like
(25:11):
standing there going oh my gosh, I'm late but this water bottle
takes forever to fill.
Doing things like that thatsuck because all you want to do
is just go to bed but you can'tbecause you have to finish these
things.
That's self-care, becauseyou're prioritizing yourself
tomorrow and that's an okaything to do.
Uh, finally, making that stupidphone call you've been meaning
(25:31):
to make booking the appointment,right, that is, oh my gosh, me
too.
And one of them is like a vetappointment.
Like what Same?
Like I love my animals and Ihave not made this appointment
for like two years.
I need to just get them to thevet, or sending the email that
you really didn't want to send,or, you know, gathering all your
(25:54):
tax documents and finallyscanning them together.
Ugh, all of that stuff, thethings that you need a body
double for yeah, that suck to do, but you'll get them done
eventually.
That that's what I mean.
Um, exercise, listen, I'mreminded of the line from Ann
Perkins where she's tellingChris Traeger you made me jog,
(26:17):
and he's like jogging's fun, andshe's like no, it's not, like
nobody likes it, which you know,some people do, but for most of
us that are probably listeningto, this, exercise is a
necessary evil.
Yeah, especially cardio, whichI hate.
So there you go.
That's why I liked the boxingworkout, because it doesn't feel
like a crappy cardio session,and this one crying A crappy
(26:44):
cardio session and this onecrying Listen, sometimes that
ugly cry just feels so damn good.
Right, and I'm not referring tolike the kind of cry that's like
the grief, devastation sort ofcry.
Right right right, I'm referringto the one where you just this
is me watching the Thanksgivingday parade because it was on and
(27:07):
you started to cry when SantaClaus was going by, and or just
because you happened to see youknow the Backstreet Boys lip
syncing.
Those things make me cry.
Not going to lie, I cry all thetime about stuff like that, and
it just feels good when I don'tstop it Like it, just I just
let it come out because it'sclearly something that I needed
to do.
Right, that is just a shortlist of things that you may or
(27:29):
may not be doing in your lifethat you need to reframe as
self-care, because if you'retaking care of yourself in any
way, if you're prioritizing yourfuture self, that is self-care.
Caitlin Kindred (27:42):
Agreed.
Ariella Monti (27:43):
Great, glad you do, because you don't have a
choice.
This is my show.
We'll be back.
I'm going to leave that in.
Caitlin Kindred (27:58):
Yes, you should .
Ariella Monti (28:02):
For links to resources mentioned in this
episode.
Head on over tockandgkpodcastcom slash blog to
find everything you need, and besure to follow us on social
media.
Head over to your favoritesocial media network and find us
at CK and GK podcast.
And now back to the show.
Okay, we're back, folks, andI'm still laughing because I was
(28:29):
a snot face to Ariella, and Idon't care, she has to tolerate
it.
This is my platform.
She's doing me a solid, butthis is my platform.
Anyway, I am not funny bymyself.
What are your obsessions, right?
Caitlin Kindred (28:45):
now.
So my obsessions, going back tohobbies, are puzzles, yes, okay
.
So here's the thing.
This was kind of unintentional.
The kid was sick this week andso he wasn't in school and we
(29:05):
were trying to find something todo and I was like, why don't we
do a puzzle together?
Nice, and he was into that andI found.
So all the puzzles that we haveare like a 250 piece, like a
(29:26):
set of four 250 piece puzzlesfrom like my parents or somebody
for Christmas at like some Idon't know, some year.
So I, so I, they were stilllike all wrapped up and
everything, like not in the giftwrapping but like whatever, but
like not unsealed, I gotchaRight.
(29:46):
Yeah, because I did not knowuntil I opened them up that they
are wooden puzzles.
Oh, so, like the pieces aretiny and like I don't know why
my parents got my son these,because these are very
complicated puzzles.
Ariella Monti (30:04):
Maybe it's to keep him busy, maybe.
Caitlin Kindred (30:06):
Maybe it's to keep him busy, maybe.
But that being said, I foundmyself, like over the two days
that he was sick, because it'sso like physically small, it's
like the size of a piece ofpaper, and it comes with like
this little like wooden framething for it, and so it was
(30:28):
really easy to just like move.
you know, it wasn't like thisgiant thing which is what I end
up doing yeah, and so it made itreally easy to like just spend
five, ten minutes like adding acouple of pieces to it.
I'm like man, like man.
I need so many more of these.
Yes.
Ariella Monti (30:48):
Do you remember, like two years ago you talked me
out of buying a puzzle table?
Yes, well, then I had gumsurgery and I bought one anyway
and it has like drawers andstuff and I I really I haven't
used it in a while cause Ihaven't had time to do my puzzle
, but I, I love that and I justlike to have them out as like a
(31:12):
thing to do.
When I was teaching I had atable that was just for the
puzzle and when kids were likewanting to talk to me or just
needed a break, they would justcome over and put a few pieces
in.
It was just for fun and it's anice way to have a conversation
while doing something that feelskind of mindless but also
engaging enough that you're notbored with it.
Caitlin Kindred (31:27):
I, yeah, I really like them.
Ariella Monti (31:29):
I think they're fun.
Caitlin Kindred (31:30):
Yeah, yeah.
So and I think the reason why Ididn't do because when we had
that conversation I ended upbuying 8,000 piece puzzle at the
science museum like three dayslater but and I never.
And I but the problem is like Idon't have a space where I it's
too big and I don't have aspace where I can just like
(31:52):
leave it.
But this little one it was like, yeah, you could there, it is
small enough that you could justlike leave it somewhere and
like move it around when youneed to.
That.
Ariella Monti (32:03):
That's nice.
Caitlin Kindred (32:04):
Now I need another one.
Ariella Monti (32:07):
Yeah, yeah, maybe see if the library has one you
can borrow.
Before you need Fair and thereis a service I'm sure you have
to pay for it that you canborrow puzzles.
That's neat.
Yeah, like I forget what it isLike Rent the Runway but for
puzzles I don't know what it'scalled, but because I talk about
(32:28):
puzzles and because if I saythe word puzzle, it's going to
show up in my Instagram feed,I'm sure it'll show up yeah, um,
my obsession right now isreaders because, ladies and
gentlemen, you turn 40 and, forsome reason, you need readers.
I don't know if you need them, Ineed them.
Oh, I've needed them since I waslike 20 something, so but I
(32:48):
mean, I wear glasses, but I wearthem for distance.
This is new.
I got them a while ago and thenI'm trying to like, do the
thing where I don't look, usethem all the time in case I
don't actually need them.
Cause if you do use them beforeyou're ready, you kind of train
your eyes that you need themanyway.
So I'm trying not to.
But no, no, this is I.
We're past that point now andit like I can see what's
(33:11):
happening on the screen.
But if I am working for a longperiod of time, I have to end up
, I have to put them back on.
Caitlin Kindred (33:18):
Yeah, I've been using them for a really long
time for, like, tensionheadaches and stuff, like
because I've always worked onthe computer.
But I will say, the last time Iwent and got my eyes checked,
like a month or so ago, Iofficially need them now, like,
but I need a very low, low, likea prescription yes, what you
(33:38):
said.
And she says it's like, reallythey're.
They're tough to kind of findyou in places like Target and
all that kind of stuff, and Ididn't know that, like I've been
using ones that are much moreWell see how you do with the
ones that are lower.
Ariella Monti (33:54):
I mean, I have the ones I have I ordered from
the A to Z store and they'reblue light blocking and they're
kind of bifocal-ish.
So, like you know, there's likelike the magnifier at the
bottom and then when I'm usingmy computer and it's further
away, I can look up and have theblue light blocking, but I
don't need the magnification forthat.
Caitlin Kindred (34:15):
So anyway, I might need one for that.
Ariella Monti (34:17):
Yeah, I'll find it If you like.
Aviators, I'm an aviator person, sure, so like I'm sure, so, so
like I'm into that.
Uh, I usually wear them whileI'm recording, but I'm not today
.
Uh, that's my obsession, whatabout?
Caitlin Kindred (34:30):
gems do you have?
Ariella Monti (34:31):
it is toad flax season in my yard you are the
biggest nature nerd, are yousure you're not like some kind
of fairy like?
Because?
Caitlin Kindred (34:39):
I am a garden fairy, you are a garden fairy
yeah, I am a garden fairy, forsure.
Yeah, it is, I guess, kind oflike how in Texas y'all have,
like bluebell season, bluebonnet, bluebonnet season.
Sorry, I apologize to all ofthe Texans.
Ariella Monti (34:56):
All the Texans, that's like my whole audience.
Caitlin Kindred (35:01):
I apologize, bluebonnets.
I think these, these flowersare actually in the same kind of
family or something.
It's blue toad flax and I hadnever seen it until I moved to
North Carolina and moved intothis house and it's just a
wildflower that grows all overmy yard in late May, late March,
(35:25):
early April, and they are myfavorite, so I'm happy that they
are starting to bloom.
That's so nice and so yeah,there's like a nice little like
crop of them kind of coming upnow, and so it makes me, that
makes me happy.
Ariella Monti (35:42):
Sure, I can see.
I mean I would say that's selfcarecare too right, it's like
when you have getting like freshcut flowers for yourself.
Caitlin Kindred (35:51):
Yeah, what I'll do is, right before we let the
grass go as high as we kind ofcan, before it starts getting a
little questionable out there,before it starts getting a
little questionable out there,and right before we get it cut,
I will go and like just grab awhole handful of them and bring
(36:12):
them into the house and havethem.
Ariella Monti (36:13):
Oh, that's so nice.
Let's add it to the list oflittle tiny pleasantries.
Mine's a little different.
This time I have actually avery cool gem for you.
Jenny and I are in HarnessMagazine.
Awesome, yeah, there's a whole.
(36:35):
We did an interview withHarness Magazine and there's a
whole.
I just got the link like today,a little bit ago, before you
and I started recording, so I'vebeen saving.
I've been sitting on this for alittle bit, but you and I
started recording, so I've beensaving.
I've been sitting on this for alittle bit, but only for like a
few minutes before.
Um, and you're one of the firstpeople to know and, um, this is
cool, like we're.
(36:56):
So harnessmagazinecom is whereyou go to find it and right now,
if you I don't know how long itwill be there because we're
recording this on like a fewweeks before you you know it's
there, but I'll put it on thewebsite and I'll post it and all
that stuff.
But anyway, right now it's likeon the cover.
Caitlin Kindred (37:14):
That's so cool.
Ariella Monti (37:16):
Yeah, it's kind of wild, so I don't know.
We'll see what happens, butit's pretty exciting and I think
it'll be really fun to read andkind of get a sense of where
this came from.
And I don't think we've everactually talked about where the
idea for this show sort of camefrom.
But if you want to know moreabout that, you can read it and
(37:39):
it's fun, it's a nice story,that's amazing.
I'm so happy for you too, thankyou.
So now tell your friends aboutme because you're on my show and
I'm funny, gosh and unhinged.
So go read that and I thinkit's time.
(38:03):
I think we've both become alittle unhinged.
Speaking of unhinged people, Ithink you and I both need to go
take care of ourselves.
Caitlin Kindred (38:11):
I'm going to go sit outside in the pollen, I
guess.
Ariella Monti (38:14):
There you go.
That sounds great.
It's rainy here, but there'slittle flowers peeking over the
fence, and so I might just gosit by where I can see them.
Caitlin Kindred (38:22):
Yeah, do that.
Yeah, I won't go sit in thepollen.
It's really bad.
That sounds like the oppositeof self-care.
Ariella Monti (38:29):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.
Well, along those lines,sitting in pollen is a bad
choice, and Jenny would tell younot to make bad choices.
She would say make good choices.
And I'm going to say take careof yourself and find those
little moments of things you dowhere you prioritize your needs
and remember that they'reself-care.
You're nodding, which meansthat it's time for us to go.
(38:53):
Bye.
Caitlin Kindred (38:54):
Bye.
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