March 18, 2025 • 50 mins
Feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated, or just plain over it? You’re not alone. In this episode, we’re diving into the world of hobbies—yes, hobbies!—and why they’re not just a luxury but a necessity for your mental health. Whether you’re a serial hobby-starter (thanks, ADHD) or haven’t picked up a hobby since middle school, we’ve got practical tips to help you find—and stick with—something you love. Plus, we’ll share why hobbies are the ultimate form of self-care (and why you shouldn’t turn them into a side hustle).
—
Who Should Listen
- Moms who feel like they’ve lost themselves in the chaos of motherhood.
- ADHDers who struggle to stick with hobbies (or feel guilty for starting new ones).
- Anyone who needs a reminder that it’s okay to do something just for fun.
—
What You Get In This Episode
- The science behind hobbies: Learn why hobbies are linked to better mental health, happiness, and life satisfaction (backed by a 2023 study!).
- How to find your hobby: Tips for exploring new interests without breaking the bank (hello, library classes and Buy Nothing groups!).
- Making time for hobbies: Why scheduling “hobby time” is just as important as scheduling soccer practice or work meetings.
- The perfectionism trap: How to let go of the pressure to be “good” at your hobby and just enjoy the process.
- Why hobbies shouldn’t be side hustles: A gentle reminder that your hobby is for you, not for profit.
—
Bios
Caitlin Kindred (CK):
A former teacher, mom, and self-proclaimed “recovering overthinker,” Caitlin is on a mission to help moms navigate the chaos of adulthood with humor and practical advice. She’s passionate about making self-care and mindfulness accessible for everyone—especially busy moms.
Ariella Monti (Guest Co-Host):
A certified yoga instructor, published author, and mom, Ariella brings a wealth of knowledge about mindfulness and self-care. With a background in yoga and lots of time in therapy, she’s all about helping people find calm in the chaos—one deep breath (or mindful moment) at a time.
—
👉 Ready to find your next hobby? Start by checking out your local library, joining a Buy Nothing group, or just being “hobby curious.” And don’t forget to subscribe to our email list for more tips, laughs, and self-care moments!
—
Sources
The best support is a rating and a share.
Love,
CK & GK
View our website at ckandgkpodcast.com. Find us on social media @ckandgkpodcast on
- Instagram
- Facebook
- TikTok
Thanks, y'all!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Caitlin K (00:02):
All right, I'm Caitlin and welcome to how to Be
a Grown-Up.
This is the show that is ahow-to show that gives you
advice on being a grown-up, andtoday it's going to be all the
insights into the ADHD mind.
Regarding hobbies, with metoday filling in for Jenny as
she has a robot move.
Her knee is pod friend andauthor of Roots and Ink, ariella
(00:25):
Monti.
She is my glitter coveredlibrary wizard.
If you don't know what I'mtalking about, go back to the
library episode.
Ariella Monti (00:36):
You'll know what I mean.
Caitlin K (00:38):
Anyway, jen, we love you.
We're so glad you're healingnow.
The robot thing is weird.
Not weird, not gonna lie.
There's a robot moving yourknee and that's very strange.
But it's cool.
It's just weird.
Did you know that was a thing?
I did not.
It like bear, like it.
It like moves her knee so thatit bends like an inch and then
(00:58):
goes.
She sent me a video.
It does not look like it's fun,especially for someone who just
said knee surgery.
But it is what it is.
It's cool, but it's a littleweird.
I didn't know it was a thing.
Yeah, anyway, if you want tosupport jenny and her recovery,
feel free to send me a textusing the link in the show notes
, um, or you can send me amessage through our website, on
(01:21):
the contact us page.
Today we're continuing ourspring into self-care series
with a discussion about hobbies.
This is dangerous territory forus ADHD years, but that's okay
because hobbies are self-careand it's a way for ADHD years to
get.
Ariella Monti (01:40):
Absolutely.
This is like.
This is like our bread andbutter, right here.
Caitlin K (01:48):
Oh, a hundred percent , give me all the random hobbies
.
Let me buy all the stuff forthem.
No, let me not.
Let me go to the library andsee what I can borrow, or go to
a buy nothing group and do itthat way and then see if I
actually am really into it.
Anyway, I really did get intocrocheting.
I really do like it.
Um, it feels like more thanjust the usual three-day ADHD
hyperfixation where I spend allthe money and then don't do it.
(02:10):
So I'm glad we're talking aboutthis, because this is something
I need to be intentional aboutmaking time for for myself.
So, anyway, let's talk abouthobbies for self-care and why
you need to either get a hobbyor do more than just say I'll
get to it when I can.
You need to actually make it bea part of your self-care
(02:30):
routine and make it a habit.
Ariella Monti (02:32):
So this is going to be more of me just sort of
gently poking your listeners toget a hobby and commit to it.
To get a hobby and commit to it, and it doesn't have to be
perfect and it doesn't have tobe, you know, a big, long
commitment or anything like that, but this is just my little
(02:52):
gentle poking.
So, if we want to look at thescientific reasons why we all
need some kind of hobbies, therewas a 2023 observational study
published in Nature Medicine andthis study included 93,000
(03:15):
people across 16 countries.
They were all 65 years andolder and here's the important
thing they all had long-standingmental or physical health
conditions.
These, these are like ourpeople, you know these are like
our people.
Okay, these, these are not likeneurotypical, super healthy
(03:38):
people like these are.
You know, these are, these areaverage.
Joes, that's what they are, andthey were followed for between
four and eight years and thepeople who had hobbies reported
better health, more happiness,fewer symptoms of depression and
(03:58):
higher life satisfaction.
Oh, wow, that's awesome.
(04:18):
I love that.
Okay, that we already know arelinked to good mental health and
well-being, which is creativity, sensory engagement,
self-expression, relaxation,cognitive stimulation.
And then, on top of that, ifyou are doing these hobbies with
other people, it keeps yousocially connected and that
(04:40):
helps reduce loneliness andisolation.
Caitlin K (04:44):
Okay.
Ariella Monti (04:45):
Yeah, so these, the, these, the hobbies
themselves, it's.
It has all the things kind ofbaked into it that we already
know have these benefits, likelong term sure, so that's for
your health is why what's theword to get through the dumpster
fire that is life in 2025?
(05:10):
Make time for a little bit ofhobbies for some hobbies.
Caitlin K (05:16):
I think this is a really important aspect of this,
because when we talked aboutself-care, we were talking about
the, the benefit to your, toyour mental health, the benefit
to the reset, the benefit to theability to stay calm in moments
of crisis.
Right, and for a lot of people,the hobby is like the, the time
(05:36):
to kind of disassociate fromeverything else.
Right, it's like it's a, it's amental clarity piece which is
so important to that mentalhealth happiness space.
It's a mental clarity piecewhich is so important to that,
um, mental health happinessspace.
It's really, it's reallyinteresting to think of this
angle as as a piece of self-care, because it does provide that
(05:56):
activity without the thinking,without the, or you know the
thinking about somethingcompletely different.
And for the people who are, Idon't know what my self-care is
you know it's like it's goingback to that reframing of, like,
well, what you know, what arethe things that you love that
make you feel happy?
Well, if you know, doingpuzzles is one of the things
that you love, makes you feelhappy, then that should be you
(06:17):
should, and it's a hobby ofyours, and consider it self-care
and then use that as you know.
It's just a really interestingidea and the idea that it's so
beneficial to your overallhealth is kind of amazing.
Absolutely, because it reallyis so simple.
Ariella Monti (06:35):
In a lot of ways, you know, I think we've
overcomplicated even hobbies.
You know, especially us ADHDers, we feel like we have to do our
hobbies like 100% perfect, wehave to do it just the right way
, and that is not at all thecase.
Like you're still going to getall of these benefits by just
(06:59):
taking it in little bits andchunks.
Caitlin K (07:01):
You're right about the perfectionism piece.
Jenny and I were on the phonethe other night and she goes.
So I hate to tell you this, butyou might be a little of a
perfectionist and I was like,okay, pot, meat, kettle shut up.
But also, she's not wrong.
Right, and that's especiallyfor people who do have some
perfectionist tendencies in them.
If it's not easy right away,they tend to think that it's
(07:23):
something they shouldn't keepdoing right away.
They tend to think that it'ssomething they shouldn't keep
doing.
But if it's not easy right awayand you enjoy it anyway, then
why not?
Or you know you're never goingto get good at it, then why not?
You know, keep it going.
I think that that's part of whyADHDers also don't necessarily
stick with hobbies.
Oh, totally.
I don't know about you, but Ithink we tend to be a little bit
of a jack of all trades, masterof none sort of thing, where I
(07:46):
can pretty much do a little bitof everything decent, if not
above average, but then I can'tescalate it past that because I
don't keep practicing, and sothen I get frustrated with
myself.
So there is this moment of meneeding to take a step back and
going.
Okay, but this is somethingthat I did because I thought it
was fun.
It gave me a dopamine hit whenI first started doing it.
(08:08):
Why am I needing, why am Iputting this much pressure on
myself to get better at it?
This is literally just for fun.
This is literally just formental clarity.
Ariella Monti (08:17):
I don't need to sell it which I'm sure we're
going to get to Totally, totally, but anyway.
Caitlin K (08:21):
So I love hobby groups too.
Ariella Monti (08:25):
This is cool, right, so keep it going.
I'm excited.
You know there's a big jokethat, like, once you get into
your 30s, you start picking upall these like grandma hobbies
like crocheting and cross this100 like bird watching and all
the puzzles you know, when we'rein, we're 20s, we're like oh
why?
Does my grandmother like to dopuzzles?
And then we turn like 32 andit's like oh, look, look at this
new puzzle I got, you know Ican make bread Like.
Caitlin K (08:47):
it's just the most rare and that happened a lot
during the pandemic too.
Right Like people were like Ipicked up crocheting and now I'm
so happy and you're like well.
I obviously need to dosomething because, ooh, yes, I
love the old lady.
Hobbies, give them all to mehere for it.
Ariella Monti (09:01):
And the thing with hobbies and this kind of
goes back to what we were sayingabout the perfectionism is that
how involved you are into thesehobbies or these interests are
just they're going to bedependent on your season of life
and what you have going on.
It is a lot easier to have ahobby when your kids are 12 than
when they are 12 weeks Reach.
You know, our boys are the sameage and so they're about eight
(09:24):
and a half and it's a lot easierto have hobbies now than when
they were.
You know, toddling aroundtrying to off themselves.
Caitlin K (09:34):
You know, in one way or another I was gonna say like
I was gonna finish that sentencethe exact same way you did,
like trying to find ways toelectrocute themselves and or
find random pills on the front.
Ariella Monti (09:45):
So don't get sucked into this perfectionist
mindset that you have todedicate hours a week to do this
hobby.
It's better to do itinfrequently and imperfectly
than to not do it at all.
One of my examples from mypersonal life is how I got back
(10:05):
into reading when I wasnap-trapped, because my kid
would only nap for longer than20 minutes if he was on my chest
.
So for one to two hours I wasstuck in a chair.
To two hours I was stuck in achair.
And the day that I decided,instead of scrolling TikTok no,
(10:29):
tiktok didn't exist back thenInstead of scrolling Facebook.
Caitlin K (10:32):
I could read on my Kindle.
Ariella Monti (10:47):
And that is how I started reading again.
And you know, with time youstart to have those pockets of
time become bigger and bigger.
So don't kind of get stuck inthat, well, I can't have a hobby
because I don't have any freetime, and it's like, yeah,
you're, you might not have anyfree time.
Like you might not, but it'snot always going to be like that
.
So if, like, that's the wayyour life is right now, it's
(11:08):
okay.
The people in this this studywere 65 right, they had time.
Caitlin K (11:14):
Yeah, they're all retired.
They don't have kids to monitor.
Ariella Monti (11:18):
Yeah, exactly so if the only time you can read or
crochet or color is when you'renap trapped or stuck in the car
or on your lunch break and ittakes you three months to finish
a book or a project, that'sokay, do that?
Caitlin K (11:38):
yeah, I agree, and I also I'm gonna go back to a
couple of things we mentioned inthe episode about self-care we
introduced.
This is one.
I'm hopeful that you back to acouple of things we mentioned in
the episode about self-care weintroduced.
This is one I'm hopeful thatyou have a partner in your life,
regardless of the season ofyour life that you're in,
whether it's the 12 week olds orthe 12 year olds, I hope that
you have a partner in your lifewho sees the value of that hobby
for you and provides you withthe escape time that you need in
(12:03):
order to do it.
So that's the first thing.
The second thing is should yoube fortunate enough to have that
partner which, by the way, youdeserve to have that partner?
This should be a non-negotiable.
But should you have thatpartner in your life or that
person in your life it couldeven be a mom friend who acts as
a body?
Double hint, hint, ariella.
Ask them for that time.
(12:24):
Right, you know, say I missreading.
Can I swap you this activityfor me to read 30 minutes and
see what happens?
You know, there's a really goodchance that that person who
you've expressed this to willunderstand why you need it and
give it to you.
I do like the idea for thepeople who are nap-trapped and
(12:46):
or up in the middle of the nightnursing.
Use that time to find themental escape that you need,
because that's important, and ifyou're not a person who gets
nap-trapped and you'reincredibly busy, again advocate
for that time.
Ariella Monti (12:59):
Absolutely Definitely.
Caitlin K (13:04):
So what if you're not sure what your hobbies are?
Ariella Monti (13:07):
So if you're not sure what your hobbies are, I
would like it to be hobbycurious.
Caitlin K (13:12):
Ooh, that's a very fancy word.
It feels borrowed from a genreof something.
I like that Hobby curious.
Ariella Monti (13:21):
Yes, be hobby curious.
So if there are things thatyou're interested in, you can,
as we said in previous episodes,check your library for
introductory classes.
These are usually free or verylow cost and some will happen on
a consistent basis, so everycouple of months.
(13:42):
There might be like an intro tocrocheting class, there might
be an intro to something else,there might be a book club.
All of these are opportunitiesto kind of test out a hobby
without going like fullcommitment on it, and you're
going to be with people who areexperienced and really and
(14:06):
already really enjoy it so theycan give you, you know, all the
little tips and all the littletricks.
Caitlin K (14:13):
And that is also where that social aspect comes
in uh, if you are someone whodoes not have the ability to get
to the library and or accessthese free classes and you have
an internet connection, youtubeis a fabulous resource for
teaching you just about anything.
And, uh, if you want to be likethe kids these days, the gen
(14:36):
zers and the gen alphas uh, theyare increasingly turning to
tiktok to learn new things.
Yes, there is so much you canlearn online, so if the library
is not an option, you can't getaccess to it.
You literally don't have thetime to drive 10 minutes to the
library, because then you haveto turn right back around and
come back.
Please use the internet toprovide this introductory lesson
(15:02):
for trying.
Ariella Monti (15:04):
Absolutely.
And YouTube TikTokiktok, thoseare all.
They're all real.
Especially if you're a visualperson, it's a really great way
to kind of learn these thingsyeah for supplies.
You can again check your library, see if they have a library of
things and if they might havethose things that you can borrow
(15:26):
or you can thrift it.
You can check your local buynothing group.
You can see if you can buy themused on facebook marketplace or
something.
You can borrow them from afriend, you know, if you want to
try crocheting like, I've got aton of yarn that I can pass on
to somebody who wants to learnhow to crochet.
Caitlin K (15:49):
Right.
And for those of you who are,uh, nap trapped or new moms or
something like for can't get outof the house for whatever
reason, I have seen it's notcommon, but I have seen on by
nothing groups, people who saylike this is something I really
need, but I literally cannotleave my house, I'm bedridden or
I'm whatever, and there arepeople who are kind enough who
will bring you these things.
(16:09):
It is amazing to see.
So I'm not saying you don'thave, I'm not saying there's no
excuses.
I'm saying that there are waysaround some of these
difficulties that you might beexperiencing.
So definitely agree with thesupply angle.
For sure, definitely.
The supply angle for sure,definitely.
Ariella Monti (16:26):
One way to get into a new hobby is doing it
with your kids.
So doing these things with yourkids through like a parent and
me class allows you to explorethe hobby in a super
introductory way, Like literallylike they're talking to you
like a five-year-old and you canlearn these little basics
(16:50):
before you commit to somethingon a more adult level.
Caitlin K (16:55):
I love that.
That was not something I hadeven thought of.
I'm about to go see what I cando with my son, because that
does so many things.
One you're providing a newskill, right.
Another outlet.
We are big into encouraging ourchild to do sports, because we
want him to listen to otherpeople and learn to work with
(17:16):
others.
Some kids are just not intothat, so this is a great way to
address that we talked about inthe last episode.
You're also doing that,bringing your kids in on the
concept of self-care, right,like you're teaching them.
This is something that we do toenjoy ourselves.
It's for pure enjoyment, it'sfor nothing else, and it makes
(17:37):
me feel better.
Does it make you feel better?
Here's why it makes you feelbetter because you're just
finding time to enjoy yourselfand like, think about the, the
value of the connection of thattime.
Right?
I'm very intentional about anytime that I spend one-on-one
with my son.
I label it and I will say thisis mommy and Sam special time.
(17:58):
That's all it's called.
It's not called anything fancy,it's just this is mommy and Sam
special time.
It could be us going to thegrocery store together, but it's
something that he and I dotogether, just us.
And it's for whatever reason,and it's not.
I'm sure that there's sciencebehind it and I'm sure every
child psychologist and parentingcoach in the world is going to.
(18:18):
If they hear this they're goingto scream at me like duh.
But it makes the relationshipbetter to the point where I
don't have the same difficultieswith it, the relationship
better to the point where Idon't have the same difficulties
with him.
We don't get into as manyfights because we've had the
mommy and Sammy special timeright.
It's a really interesting idea.
Ariella Monti (18:39):
I love this idea of getting into a hobby with
your kids.
Oh my gosh, what a great idea.
Yeah, this is how I got intopottery, because my son wanted
to take a pottery class, and thecommunity center that I work at
has an amazing pottery programfor adults and children, and I
also know the pottery teacherbecause I work there and she
(19:01):
does these extremely popularfamily clay time classes on
Saturday mornings.
So it's a child and they'readults and there's a project
that they work on and they workon it together and you learn the
basics of pottery and initiallymy son was going with my
(19:22):
husband.
Because I am not an artist Isuck at art.
Caitlin K (19:28):
I'm going to stop you right there.
One, don't talk about my friendlike that.
Two, your form of art isdifferent from what you're
defining art, as you are awriter.
Ariella Monti (19:38):
That is art, that is true.
Caitlin K (19:39):
I'm going to bring you back Now, you might not feel
as though you are gifted in atraditional sense of art.
Ariella Monti (19:46):
That's that is true, yes, yes all right so he
started going with my husbandand he, he loved it, really
enjoyed it, and then at somepoint he was like I want you to
take a class with me.
And I did, kind of anticipatingthat it was gonna be a disaster
, going to be a disaster, but itwasn't and and so I had a lot
(20:15):
of fun and I started going tomore classes with him and then
finally I decided to just do iton my own and take the adult
classes.
And now pottery is a hobby thatI do.
I do frequently.
Now it's easier for me becauseI work at a place that has an
accessible pottery program,because pottery is an expensive
hobby, so it's accessible to mein a way that it might not be
(20:36):
accessible to other people.
But the point is that, like myson still takes pottery, he
still goes to pottery once aweek.
Now he's doing it on his own,if you're doing it as a class.
Caitlin K (20:48):
think about what that means.
Yes, you have to get there.
You could view it as a burden,but again, this is scheduled
self-care.
You put it into your calendarand you are going.
There is not, especially if youpaid for the class.
If you paid for the class,that's when you really are like,
okay, I need to go.
(21:10):
There's value in getting thereturn on what you did.
So that's a really interestingpiece.
It's again, it's not justfinding the time, it's that
you've made the time.
It's part of your calendar.
It's something that you doevery Saturday morning or
whatever it may be.
That's another valuable pieceof using an outside resource to
(21:31):
develop these hobbies.
It forces you to put it on yourcalendar and do it.
Yeah.
Ariella Monti (21:37):
And then there's the accountability piece of it.
You start to make friends inthese classes and then it's like
, oh well, where's Ariella?
How come she hasn't been inclass, or what's going on with
her.
This is the only place that youmight talk to a person and you
know, when you left class theywere telling you all about, like
the drama with your, with theirneighbor, and like you want to
find out what happened with theneighbor you know, like I live
(22:02):
for those conversations.
Caitlin K (22:04):
so the social aspect of that.
So you may get all the tea andI'm someone who, again, I live
for those conversations.
So the social aspect of that.
So you may get all the tea andI'm someone who, again, I live
for those conversations.
They're my favorite.
There's no such thing as TMIand there is no such thing as
gossip for me, because I want tohear all of it.
So if that's a reason to goback to class, I'm going, oh
yeah absolutely.
I am a chismosa to the max.
(22:25):
Tell me everything.
I love it.
Okay, all right, so you can useyour kids to be social, to
start a hobby?
Uh, you can use the, the time,the scheduled block time, to be
a chismosa and have scheduledself-care.
What else can you do to learnmore about these hobbies and get
(22:48):
yourself started?
Ariella Monti (22:50):
So Facebook and Discord, just if there's a thing
that you want to learn about,just join these groups or these
servers and just lurk for awhile, look at the conversations
, what people are talking aboutand then eventually start, you
know, asking questions.
Sometimes these groups haveoutings or meetups and you can
(23:13):
learn more about it.
I signed up.
I ended up not going, I thinkbecause I was sick or my son was
sick.
A it was a birding meetupthrough the Audubon Society,
like in Raleigh, and now I can'ttell you how many emails I get
from meetup about birdingopportunities.
(23:36):
So yeah, these are other waysthat you can learn without
committing to it and then, onceyou are ready to really dive
into the hobby or the interest,you can start asking questions
or you can meet up with thesepeople if they have, if they
have these kinds of outings, andeven if you're not ready to
(24:00):
kind of dive into the hobby,like you could still hang out
with these people, people andtalk to these people and get to
know these people, especially ifthey're in your community and
you just have a common interest.
Caitlin K (24:15):
Right, you might not be doing the activity, but
you're at least interestedenough in the activity to go and
engage Right, like maybe youdon't have time in your life to
grow a vegetable garden but youare interested in gardening.
Ariella Monti (24:27):
If it's a group that's going to kick you out
because you don't have aphysical garden like they're a
bunch of jerks and you shouldn'tbe hanging out with them anyway
.
You know like yeah yeah, itdoesn't matter what your
involvement is.
It's just a way that you cankind of start to expand on the
interest and maybe socialize alittle bit.
Caitlin K (24:46):
Yeah, I've found that people who don't get an ADHD or
started talking about a hobbythat they love because you'll
never hear the end of it.
But I find that people who areinterested in a hobby and are
actually participating love toshare why they like it and would
love to show you more about it,even if you're not necessarily
engaging with it.
I also don't want to rule outReddit as a great option for
(25:10):
this.
Reddit has infinite amount ofinformation and an infinite
amount of questions and answerson Reddit that are about an
infinite amount of hobbies, sothat's a great place to learn
and ask questions.
People will absolutely engagewith you on reddit.
I mean, I love reddit.
I I tend to go down rabbitholes.
(25:32):
It's kind of like tiktok for me, where, like I'll, I'll go in
spurts because I really love itand I'll spend too much time
there instead of crocheting onreddit.
Can reddit be a hobby?
I think it can't.
Anyway, I'm reading, so I thinkthat's tough, but that's a
great place to go to.
So, yes, if you hate Facebookand you don't have Discord and
you don't if you're like me andyou're like if there's one more
(25:54):
social channel that I have tokeep up with, I will lose my
ever loving mind.
Reddit might be the place to go, because you can really go in
and out without getting tooinvolved in too many
notifications.
Ariella Monti (26:04):
Totally Like.
90% of the time, if I have aquestion and I ask the internet,
like my answer is going to bein Reddit?
Caitlin K (26:10):
Yeah, definitely.
There's a really good chancethat if you're trying a new
hobby and you have a questionabout something, the answer will
exist there, so that's a greatplace to go.
Okay, what about?
We talked about time, like.
We talked about making sure youhave dedicated space in your
life to set aside every week,every day, every two weeks, put
(26:35):
it on your calendar, sign up fora class if you must, because if
you don't block off the time,you'll blow it off.
And we talked about theaccountability piece of that.
What about space for your?
Ariella Monti (26:47):
hobby and your house.
If you have the space and now Iam I am very understanding to
the lack of space.
I have a very, very small houseand it has no garage.
It has really crappy closetsand our shed is my husband's
office and our shed is myhusband's office.
So I on it, like we weretalking about mindfulness, and
(27:38):
being able to focus on yourhobby sometimes also means that
you have to be in a place whereyour hobby is the focus, and
that doesn't mean it has to be awhole room Like we.
The dining room in our house is.
It's like a catch-all room.
We used to call it the room ofrequirement because that's our
(28:02):
guest room.
It is like that is where, wherethat's our drop zone for all of
our bags and backpacks.
It's where everything lives.
But now I have a small squaretable like one of those plastic
folding tables in there and thatis my dedicated space.
(28:25):
It's where I do my sewing, it'swhere I do any hobby where I
need a little bit of space.
Caitlin K (28:33):
This kind of reminds me of when people tell you to
work on your sleep habits.
What do they tell you to do?
They say that the bed is onlyfor sleeping right, so that you
train your body to understandthat this is the space where I
sleep.
I don't do things that keep meawake because I've told my body
(28:55):
now it's okay to be awake inthis space.
It's kind of like that where youhave this dedicated space where
you do your hobby, and so yourbody knows.
When I'm in this space, mybrain is going to shut off on
all the other things and I'mgoing to fixate on this one
thing that's in front of me formy enjoyment.
Yes, this is the sanctionedspace of the hobby self-care
(29:20):
area.
That was a dumb way to say that, but what I'm saying is and I'm
going to edit that part out Nowthat when you have that
dedicated space, not only doeseveryone in the house know
that's your space for your hobbyso when you're sitting there,
leave me alone, I'm doing myhobby but also your body, your
brain subconsciously understandsthis is where I do the thing
(29:41):
that I enjoy.
Ariella Monti (29:43):
Yes, definitely.
Caitlin K (29:45):
Okay, so I'm going to .
I think I'm going to be able tosummarize this pretty well here
.
One science says you need ahobby.
It's good for your mentalhealth.
Ariella Monti (29:56):
Yep.
Caitlin K (29:57):
Two, if you're not sure what they are, again, I'm
going to go back to mydefinition of self-care, which
is find the things that make youhappy and make you feel like
yourself.
Those are your hobbies.
There's a really good chanceOtherwise.
Be hobby curious.
Consider old lady hobbies.
Look into something that youcan do with your children.
Do a search online and see whatReddit gives you in terms of
(30:20):
options for that hobby and otherfree resources that you can
look into.
Make space for your hobby, bothin terms of the physical area
around you and on your calendar,in order to use hobbies as your
self-care.
Yeah, okay, what other thoughtsdo you have about this?
Ariella Monti (30:38):
before we wrap this up, so my two big things
that are kind of related and wetalked about this earlier when
we talked about perfection butbe bad at it.
Allow yourself to not be goodat this hobby, especially right
(30:59):
out the gate.
Now, if it's frustrating, thehell out of you.
Like it's not for you.
This is one of those thingswhere you're bad at it but
you're enjoying learning.
Of those things where you'rebad at it but you're enjoying
learning, yeah, and so just beokay and I know this is hard and
it has taken, you know, lots oftherapy and growth to get to
(31:20):
this place but, like, be okaywith just not being good at this
thing and just enjoy it becauseyou enjoy it.
That said, if you do get reallygood at it, do not make this
your side hustle.
(31:41):
Your hobby does not have to bemonetized and your hobby should
not become monetized.
If it's something that you loveenough that you're like, hey,
like I think I want to do thisfor a living, like that is fine,
that is totally cool, but thenit's no longer your hobby, it's
(32:02):
your job, and I can tell youthis because writing is my job,
it is not my hobby.
Pottery is my hobby.
Writing is my job and it's acompletely different mindset
when you take your hobby andstart monetizing it.
(32:23):
So four the love of everything,the love of that hobby.
Yes, Do not make this, I beg ofyou, do not make this a side
hustle.
Caitlin K (32:37):
Yeah, I think if you have a natural talent for
something and people are like Iwould love to buy that from you,
and then you can turn it into ajob and you want to do that,
that is completely differentfrom saying I'm going to become
really good at crochet so that Ican sell it.
That's the mentalities thereare very different.
So I think that's the argumenthere.
Ariella Monti (32:56):
Yes, definitely, definitely.
And you need a hobby to giveyou a break from your job, and
having that hobby is going tomake you allow you to be better
at that job.
So writing is a creative job.
I have creative hobbies thatare not related to my writing
(33:17):
that work a completely differentmuscle in my brain, different
physical muscles in my handsthan writing, because being
creative in a completelydifferent way helps me be
creative in my writing job.
Caitlin K (33:35):
Yeah, you aren't starting a hobby to make money.
You're starting a hobby to giveyourself enjoyment.
Don't start a hobby with theintent to make it your side
hustle.
Start a hobby with the intentto make it something that you
enjoy as a form of self-care.
If you want to monetize yourhobby, fine, but understand it's
no longer a hobby for you.
It is a very enjoyable job,right.
(33:57):
But with jobs come pressure,and just keep that in mind as
you go about this.
Okay, so I love that.
Writing is my job.
Pottery is my hobby.
For me, it's also writing Verydifferent style of writing.
Writing is my job.
Podcasting is my hobby, youknow.
(34:19):
So is crocheting, and so isdoing a puzzle and sleep.
Those are all my forms ofself-care.
All right, let's take a quickbreak.
Thank you for that.
I love that spin on the idea ofself-care and we'll be right
back For links to resourcesmentioned in this episode.
Head on over tockandgkpodcastcom slash blog to
(34:43):
find everything you need, and besure to follow us on social
media.
Head over to your favoritesocial media network and find us
at CK and GK podcast.
And now back to the show.
Okay, we are back.
So do you have obsessionsbesides pottery?
Ariella Monti (35:06):
I do so.
My obsession lately has beenusing this website called
democracyio to harass mycongress, people and senators
yes, okay, state reps only or no?
Caitlin K (35:23):
this is like local and all this is.
Ariella Monti (35:25):
So this is it's just federal on like,
unfortunately, it's just federal.
Like, unfortunately it's justfederal.
I wish it had like a local, alocal bent to it, but it's just
federal.
So, basically, what it does isit's like the five calls app,
but it's for email.
So right, so what you do is youput in your address and it
brings up your two senators andyour representative your two
(35:54):
senators and your representative, and you can choose if you want
to send an email to one of them, all three of them to whatever,
and then it will populate kindof everything for you.
So you can just send out like I, just I send it to like all,
regardless of what it is, sure,yeah, who cares?
Right?
And then I write my email andthen it gets sent out to all
(36:18):
three of my representatives.
So I've written one email andit gets sent to three different
representatives.
I could not tell you what thetech behind it is, but I do know
from the emails that I havereceived from these
(36:38):
representatives that they aregetting them.
Good, I would recommend that,if you use this app, maybe put
at the bottom that you are usingthe app to send the email,
because the first one I got back, I think my senator one of my
senators was going to disregardit because it was a it was a
(37:01):
third party engagement app and,um, they weren't going to take
it very seriously, um, which iskind of not okay.
Um, it would be.
If they weren't going to payattention to those could
potentially violate a Supremecourt ruling.
(37:22):
Um, which I very politelypointed out in my follow-up
email.
Um, but since then at the bottom, after I sign my name, I do say
I'm sending this email to myrepresentatives using the
democracyio engagement platform.
Caitlin K (37:41):
Okay, that's good to know An easy way to get involved
without pressure or anxiety,but still getting your messaging
across.
Ariella Monti (37:51):
I like that.
Caitlin K (37:52):
That's a good obsession to have, I think, uh,
mine is a way for me to get outall of the anger that I am
feeling these days.
Um, when I was teaching, I usedto do this workout.
It's a.
It's a boxing workout and I'mnot going to name the workout or
the trainer because I don'twant to get into that and I'm
(38:13):
not sponsored but it does boxingthree days a week and then the
other two days are lifting daysand it's become muscle memory
for me.
I used to do the workout again,like I said, all the time.
It's like a six-week program.
It teaches you everything youneed to know, from start to
(38:34):
finish, like what the punchesare, and it's not kickboxing.
That's a.
It's a different thing.
It's like standard, traditionalMike Tyson, muhammad Ali style
boxing.
Right, it is so fun.
If you are looking to makeyourself feel cool, do this
workout.
You will feel so.
I don't.
I don't swear on this show, soI'm not gonna say it.
You will feel like a as the waymy son would put it, a bad A if
(38:58):
you do this.
Okay, it is the most empoweringworkout.
Like, I am very much a bad Awhen I'm doing this.
It's.
It feels so empowering.
Uh, highly recommend a boxingworkout If you haven't tried it
yet.
It's really fun.
That's my obsession right now.
I love that.
That's amazing.
Okay, what about gems?
Oh my God, this is the I'm now.
(39:21):
I'm just now reading what youhave on the show notes.
I'm dying, oh my goodness.
Ariella Monti (39:28):
Okay, so I will.
I will not repeat what I put.
I put the.
I put that in the show notesjust for you, to make you laugh
um inappropriate language.
Caitlin K (39:37):
It's not for moms.
Ariella Monti (39:38):
It's a, um, it's an, it's a.
It's an accurate word todescribe a rooster, but it's an
impolite word in other uses, ifyou have right.
Caitlin K (39:50):
If you are a mom, you know the word, and especially
if you have boys, you know theword.
Yeah, uh.
However, you might be listeningto this in the car with your
children, in which case we won'tsay it right.
Or if you read a lot of romance, you read it right, often.
What sound does?
A rooster?
Okay, now we know what the wordis.
Yay, okay, bye.
So tell me about this gem.
Ariella Monti (40:12):
I'm this is freaking wild, okay.
So background we are achicken-raisin family.
We have had hens.
Caitlin K (40:29):
I'm sorry.
I'm such a city girl like theidea that there's like.
I know people in this city havechickens like it's.
So I grew up in San Franciscolike, and then Denver like.
Ariella Monti (40:45):
I grew up in a middle class suburb on Long
Island.
I mean I can't.
But now I live in amiddle-class suburb on long
island.
I mean I right, like, but now Ilive in a in a rural suburb and
you really do.
Yeah, north carolina.
So we have had chickens, acouple of different flocks of
chickens, for maybe like 10years or so now.
Now we have never had roosters.
(41:08):
But take it back, we had onerooster and he became lunch for
a hawk, so that was veryshort-lived.
So we've always had hens.
Now, because I live in NorthCarolina, when kids are learning
the life cycle in elementaryschool they use chickens as the
(41:30):
example.
So he asks me for eggs becausehe wants to.
He wants to like go in a darkroom and like, hold a flashlight
up to it to see if you can.
Like see the you know the littlechicken side and I was like
well, we don't have a rooster,so we are not going to have any
fertilized eggs.
(41:50):
And he was like well, we don'thave a rooster, so we are not
gonna have any fertilized eggs.
And he's like, well, can youget fertilized eggs?
And I was like you know,actually I can get fertilized
eggs.
Um, I got them from a friend ofmine and who was thrilled to
give them to me.
And now these, yes, arefertilized eggs, but she, they
were fresh, so they have notbeen sat on for a while, like
they're like.
So it was very unlikely thatthere was going to be a chicken
(42:13):
in them.
Anyway, but I bring them homeand I'm like hey, look, I got
your eggs.
And then I hear the the rest ofhis plan, which was to hatch
these fertilized eggs.
Caitlin K (42:31):
Oh, I'm shocked.
You didn't know that was coming, because I knew exactly where
this was going.
Ariella Monti (42:36):
So he and my husband and I were like oh no,
we're not going to hatch these,for several reasons.
One we need an incubator.
We don't have an incubator, orwe have to put these under one
of our chickens, and then that'sa whole thing.
Need an incubator?
We don't have an incubator, orwe have to put these under one
of our chickens, and then that'sa whole thing.
But the main reason is that Ihad six eggs and we could not
(42:58):
risk hatching six roosters.
Yeah, because for people whodon't know, you can only have
one rooster per 10 hens,otherwise it gets.
So we had to explain this to mykid and he got a whole lesson
in chicken dynamics.
But then he was like, well, weshould, we should get a rooster.
(43:20):
And me and my husband were like, okay, well, we had one and
stuff happens and we don't wanta rooster because then we have
to constantly get the eggs andwe have to make sure that we
don't end up with more littlechicks, because, yes, they're
adorable but like, we don't wantthat sort of responsibility.
Caitlin K (43:41):
Right.
Ariella Monti (43:43):
And he was like, oh okay, and then the next
freaking morning there is arooster in my backyard.
Caitlin K (43:57):
We have no idea this is life.
Ariella Monti (43:58):
Yeah, this is life.
My kid asked for a rooster andthe universe was like bet and I
just won a billion dollars Rightright, right, why, like, why
couldn't it be something likethat?
Caitlin K (44:20):
So this rooster we don't know where it came from.
Ariella Monti (44:21):
He's fairly docile, but he just kind of made
himself at home.
Caitlin K (44:24):
Oh no, with our three girls, and now we have a
rooster and you're gonna have to, like, do the thing with the
eggs that you didn't want tohave to do yes.
Ariella Monti (44:30):
Yeah, his name is Steve Rougers.
Caitlin K (44:38):
Because Winter Soldier is your comfort movie.
Ariella Monti (44:40):
No, because my hens are Hennifer Walters, which
is She-Hulk, Yelena and Sylviefrom Loki.
Caitlin K (44:48):
My previous flock had Wanda and Natasha, so Winter
Soldier is your comfort movie,just like I said, right.
And Because the Marvel Universeis a thing in Ariel.
Ariella Monti (45:01):
Right right, because the Marvel Universe is
one of my hobbies, so I wentwith Steve Ruggers, because it
is too soon for me to use thename Clucky Barnes, which was
the name of our previous rooster, who became lunch for a hawk.
It would have been hilarious ifhe was lunch for a falcon, but
(45:28):
unfortunately it was a hawk,this is so demented and this all
happened.
This this rooster showed up likeafter my son and I had left,
you know, for work and school,and so when I picked him up, I I
was like hey, I've got asurprise for you.
(45:49):
And we get home and I bring himout on the on the deck and he's
like what, what?
And I'm like you asked for arooster and the universe
delivered.
Right, he's, I love it, yeah sogood.
Caitlin K (46:09):
Yeah, uh, my gem is not nearly as cool as yours.
We've talked about this already.
I got a new washer and dryer.
Yeah, they, they are the future, as my son pointed out.
They are beautiful.
I love them.
Uh, I'm cleaning, not cleaningout, the dryer.
I learned two things.
(46:30):
One, um, I, I really need thelight on in the dryer.
Like there's a light in there,and if I, if the light doesn't
isn't on for whatever reason,all of a sudden it becomes
really difficult for me to dothe laundry, like pull the
clothes out.
I don't know, it's like itshouldn't be that hard, like I
can still see in there, but Ijust need it.
So I learned how to turn thelight on and I was very proud of
(46:50):
myself.
I had one of those I am thesmartest man alive moments which
I posted on instagram because Ireally legitimately had that.
The other thing is, I amlearning, uh, that I'm very anal
about the state of this newappliance in my house.
I want it to stay as pristineas possible.
(47:12):
Well, that's really difficultwhen you have a little boy, and
the other day I found a littleboy Band-Aid stuck to the drum
of my dryer and I, just I was.
(47:33):
I turned the light on to getthe rest of the clothes out.
And I'm I.
I fold in the laundry room,like I take out a piece of
clothing, fold it, put it in thebasket, take out another piece.
That's why I need the light onright, because I don't.
I'm not just, I'm not theperson who just like, grabs the
whole pile and brings it intothe living room, although I have
done that and I see a greatvalue in that.
It's just not how I do it.
Yeah, um, and when I turned thatlight on and I saw that
band-aid on the bottom of mydryer, I was in the house by
(47:54):
myself, thank goodness.
I screamed all of theobscenities why is there a old
band-aid on the drum of my dryer?
I was was so angry.
Did it go through the wash?
It must have, like, I don'tunderstand Because I, but I
(48:15):
don't know where it was becauseI didn't see it on any of the
clothes Right.
So either someone was veryintentional, opened up the
bandaid and stuck it to theinside of my dryer which I
highly doubt happened or itsomehow was like in the clothing
.
But it was.
It was opened up like a perfectjust.
It looked like someone hadopened up a band-aid and stuck
(48:37):
it on the inside.
Ariella Monti (48:37):
It was flat it wasn't like flopping, it was
just perfectly there.
Caitlin K (48:42):
Oh, I was so mad like this is disgusting.
I knew that at all.
So of course I was like now Ihave to clean it.
So I got a Lysol wipe andcleaned that part of the dryer.
I probably should have cleanedthe whole dryer because I was so
angry about it.
Only a parent can find thatPokemon Band-Aid on the inside
(49:06):
of their dryer.
It was so gross.
Anyway, we've done it.
It we've done another episode.
Yeah, yay, it's a.
It's a hobbies for self-careepisode.
So jenny would tell you to makegood choices.
What are you gonna say?
Hi, steve rugers, we're gonnago, you guys make time for your
(49:27):
hobbies.
Ariella Monti (49:28):
okay, get a hobby .
Go touch some grass there yougo Bye.
All right, I'm Caitlin and welcome to how to Be
a Grown-Up.
This is the show that is ahow-to show that gives you
advice on being a grown-up, andtoday it's going to be all the
insights into the ADHD mind.
Regarding hobbies, with metoday filling in for Jenny as
she has a robot move.
Her knee is pod friend andauthor of Roots and Ink, ariella
(00:25):
Monti.
She is my glitter coveredlibrary wizard.
If you don't know what I'mtalking about, go back to the
library episode.
Ariella Monti (00:36):
You'll know what I mean.
Caitlin K (00:38):
Anyway, jen, we love you.
We're so glad you're healingnow.
The robot thing is weird.
Not weird, not gonna lie.
There's a robot moving yourknee and that's very strange.
But it's cool.
It's just weird.
Did you know that was a thing?
I did not.
It like bear, like it.
It like moves her knee so thatit bends like an inch and then
(00:58):
goes.
She sent me a video.
It does not look like it's fun,especially for someone who just
said knee surgery.
But it is what it is.
It's cool, but it's a littleweird.
I didn't know it was a thing.
Yeah, anyway, if you want tosupport jenny and her recovery,
feel free to send me a textusing the link in the show notes
, um, or you can send me amessage through our website, on
(01:21):
the contact us page.
Today we're continuing ourspring into self-care series
with a discussion about hobbies.
This is dangerous territory forus ADHD years, but that's okay
because hobbies are self-careand it's a way for ADHD years to
get.
Ariella Monti (01:40):
Absolutely.
This is like.
This is like our bread andbutter, right here.
Caitlin K (01:48):
Oh, a hundred percent , give me all the random hobbies
.
Let me buy all the stuff forthem.
No, let me not.
Let me go to the library andsee what I can borrow, or go to
a buy nothing group and do itthat way and then see if I
actually am really into it.
Anyway, I really did get intocrocheting.
I really do like it.
Um, it feels like more thanjust the usual three-day ADHD
hyperfixation where I spend allthe money and then don't do it.
(02:10):
So I'm glad we're talking aboutthis, because this is something
I need to be intentional aboutmaking time for for myself.
So, anyway, let's talk abouthobbies for self-care and why
you need to either get a hobbyor do more than just say I'll
get to it when I can.
You need to actually make it bea part of your self-care
(02:30):
routine and make it a habit.
Ariella Monti (02:32):
So this is going to be more of me just sort of
gently poking your listeners toget a hobby and commit to it.
To get a hobby and commit to it, and it doesn't have to be
perfect and it doesn't have tobe, you know, a big, long
commitment or anything like that, but this is just my little
(02:52):
gentle poking.
So, if we want to look at thescientific reasons why we all
need some kind of hobbies, therewas a 2023 observational study
published in Nature Medicine andthis study included 93,000
(03:15):
people across 16 countries.
They were all 65 years andolder and here's the important
thing they all had long-standingmental or physical health
conditions.
These, these are like ourpeople, you know these are like
our people.
Okay, these, these are not likeneurotypical, super healthy
(03:38):
people like these are.
You know, these are, these areaverage.
Joes, that's what they are, andthey were followed for between
four and eight years and thepeople who had hobbies reported
better health, more happiness,fewer symptoms of depression and
(03:58):
higher life satisfaction.
Oh, wow, that's awesome.
(04:18):
I love that.
Okay, that we already know arelinked to good mental health and
well-being, which is creativity, sensory engagement,
self-expression, relaxation,cognitive stimulation.
And then, on top of that, ifyou are doing these hobbies with
other people, it keeps yousocially connected and that
(04:40):
helps reduce loneliness andisolation.
Caitlin K (04:44):
Okay.
Ariella Monti (04:45):
Yeah, so these, the, these, the hobbies
themselves, it's.
It has all the things kind ofbaked into it that we already
know have these benefits, likelong term sure, so that's for
your health is why what's theword to get through the dumpster
fire that is life in 2025?
(05:10):
Make time for a little bit ofhobbies for some hobbies.
Caitlin K (05:16):
I think this is a really important aspect of this,
because when we talked aboutself-care, we were talking about
the, the benefit to your, toyour mental health, the benefit
to the reset, the benefit to theability to stay calm in moments
of crisis.
Right, and for a lot of people,the hobby is like the, the time
(05:36):
to kind of disassociate fromeverything else.
Right, it's like it's a, it's amental clarity piece which is
so important to that mentalhealth happiness space.
It's a mental clarity piecewhich is so important to that,
um, mental health happinessspace.
It's really, it's reallyinteresting to think of this
angle as as a piece of self-care, because it does provide that
(05:56):
activity without the thinking,without the, or you know the
thinking about somethingcompletely different.
And for the people who are, Idon't know what my self-care is
you know it's like it's goingback to that reframing of, like,
well, what you know, what arethe things that you love that
make you feel happy?
Well, if you know, doingpuzzles is one of the things
that you love, makes you feelhappy, then that should be you
(06:17):
should, and it's a hobby ofyours, and consider it self-care
and then use that as you know.
It's just a really interestingidea and the idea that it's so
beneficial to your overallhealth is kind of amazing.
Absolutely, because it reallyis so simple.
Ariella Monti (06:35):
In a lot of ways, you know, I think we've
overcomplicated even hobbies.
You know, especially us ADHDers, we feel like we have to do our
hobbies like 100% perfect, wehave to do it just the right way
, and that is not at all thecase.
Like you're still going to getall of these benefits by just
(06:59):
taking it in little bits andchunks.
Caitlin K (07:01):
You're right about the perfectionism piece.
Jenny and I were on the phonethe other night and she goes.
So I hate to tell you this, butyou might be a little of a
perfectionist and I was like,okay, pot, meat, kettle shut up.
But also, she's not wrong.
Right, and that's especiallyfor people who do have some
perfectionist tendencies in them.
If it's not easy right away,they tend to think that it's
(07:23):
something they shouldn't keepdoing right away.
They tend to think that it'ssomething they shouldn't keep
doing.
But if it's not easy right awayand you enjoy it anyway, then
why not?
Or you know you're never goingto get good at it, then why not?
You know, keep it going.
I think that that's part of whyADHDers also don't necessarily
stick with hobbies.
Oh, totally.
I don't know about you, but Ithink we tend to be a little bit
of a jack of all trades, masterof none sort of thing, where I
(07:46):
can pretty much do a little bitof everything decent, if not
above average, but then I can'tescalate it past that because I
don't keep practicing, and sothen I get frustrated with
myself.
So there is this moment of meneeding to take a step back and
going.
Okay, but this is somethingthat I did because I thought it
was fun.
It gave me a dopamine hit whenI first started doing it.
(08:08):
Why am I needing, why am Iputting this much pressure on
myself to get better at it?
This is literally just for fun.
This is literally just formental clarity.
Ariella Monti (08:17):
I don't need to sell it which I'm sure we're
going to get to Totally, totally, but anyway.
Caitlin K (08:21):
So I love hobby groups too.
Ariella Monti (08:25):
This is cool, right, so keep it going.
I'm excited.
You know there's a big jokethat, like, once you get into
your 30s, you start picking upall these like grandma hobbies
like crocheting and cross this100 like bird watching and all
the puzzles you know, when we'rein, we're 20s, we're like oh
why?
Does my grandmother like to dopuzzles?
And then we turn like 32 andit's like oh, look, look at this
new puzzle I got, you know Ican make bread Like.
Caitlin K (08:47):
it's just the most rare and that happened a lot
during the pandemic too.
Right Like people were like Ipicked up crocheting and now I'm
so happy and you're like well.
I obviously need to dosomething because, ooh, yes, I
love the old lady.
Hobbies, give them all to mehere for it.
Ariella Monti (09:01):
And the thing with hobbies and this kind of
goes back to what we were sayingabout the perfectionism is that
how involved you are into thesehobbies or these interests are
just they're going to bedependent on your season of life
and what you have going on.
It is a lot easier to have ahobby when your kids are 12 than
when they are 12 weeks Reach.
You know, our boys are the sameage and so they're about eight
(09:24):
and a half and it's a lot easierto have hobbies now than when
they were.
You know, toddling aroundtrying to off themselves.
Caitlin K (09:34):
You know, in one way or another I was gonna say like
I was gonna finish that sentencethe exact same way you did,
like trying to find ways toelectrocute themselves and or
find random pills on the front.
Ariella Monti (09:45):
So don't get sucked into this perfectionist
mindset that you have todedicate hours a week to do this
hobby.
It's better to do itinfrequently and imperfectly
than to not do it at all.
One of my examples from mypersonal life is how I got back
(10:05):
into reading when I wasnap-trapped, because my kid
would only nap for longer than20 minutes if he was on my chest
.
So for one to two hours I wasstuck in a chair.
To two hours I was stuck in achair.
And the day that I decided,instead of scrolling TikTok no,
(10:29):
tiktok didn't exist back thenInstead of scrolling Facebook.
Caitlin K (10:32):
I could read on my Kindle.
Ariella Monti (10:47):
And that is how I started reading again.
And you know, with time youstart to have those pockets of
time become bigger and bigger.
So don't kind of get stuck inthat, well, I can't have a hobby
because I don't have any freetime, and it's like, yeah,
you're, you might not have anyfree time.
Like you might not, but it'snot always going to be like that
.
So if, like, that's the wayyour life is right now, it's
(11:08):
okay.
The people in this this studywere 65 right, they had time.
Caitlin K (11:14):
Yeah, they're all retired.
They don't have kids to monitor.
Ariella Monti (11:18):
Yeah, exactly so if the only time you can read or
crochet or color is when you'renap trapped or stuck in the car
or on your lunch break and ittakes you three months to finish
a book or a project, that'sokay, do that?
Caitlin K (11:38):
yeah, I agree, and I also I'm gonna go back to a
couple of things we mentioned inthe episode about self-care we
introduced.
This is one.
I'm hopeful that you back to acouple of things we mentioned in
the episode about self-care weintroduced.
This is one I'm hopeful thatyou have a partner in your life,
regardless of the season ofyour life that you're in,
whether it's the 12 week olds orthe 12 year olds, I hope that
you have a partner in your lifewho sees the value of that hobby
for you and provides you withthe escape time that you need in
(12:03):
order to do it.
So that's the first thing.
The second thing is should yoube fortunate enough to have that
partner which, by the way, youdeserve to have that partner?
This should be a non-negotiable.
But should you have thatpartner in your life or that
person in your life it couldeven be a mom friend who acts as
a body?
Double hint, hint, ariella.
Ask them for that time.
(12:24):
Right, you know, say I missreading.
Can I swap you this activityfor me to read 30 minutes and
see what happens?
You know, there's a really goodchance that that person who
you've expressed this to willunderstand why you need it and
give it to you.
I do like the idea for thepeople who are nap-trapped and
(12:46):
or up in the middle of the nightnursing.
Use that time to find themental escape that you need,
because that's important, and ifyou're not a person who gets
nap-trapped and you'reincredibly busy, again advocate
for that time.
Ariella Monti (12:59):
Absolutely Definitely.
Caitlin K (13:04):
So what if you're not sure what your hobbies are?
Ariella Monti (13:07):
So if you're not sure what your hobbies are, I
would like it to be hobbycurious.
Caitlin K (13:12):
Ooh, that's a very fancy word.
It feels borrowed from a genreof something.
I like that Hobby curious.
Ariella Monti (13:21):
Yes, be hobby curious.
So if there are things thatyou're interested in, you can,
as we said in previous episodes,check your library for
introductory classes.
These are usually free or verylow cost and some will happen on
a consistent basis, so everycouple of months.
(13:42):
There might be like an intro tocrocheting class, there might
be an intro to something else,there might be a book club.
All of these are opportunitiesto kind of test out a hobby
without going like fullcommitment on it, and you're
going to be with people who areexperienced and really and
(14:06):
already really enjoy it so theycan give you, you know, all the
little tips and all the littletricks.
Caitlin K (14:13):
And that is also where that social aspect comes
in uh, if you are someone whodoes not have the ability to get
to the library and or accessthese free classes and you have
an internet connection, youtubeis a fabulous resource for
teaching you just about anything.
And, uh, if you want to be likethe kids these days, the gen
(14:36):
zers and the gen alphas uh, theyare increasingly turning to
tiktok to learn new things.
Yes, there is so much you canlearn online, so if the library
is not an option, you can't getaccess to it.
You literally don't have thetime to drive 10 minutes to the
library, because then you haveto turn right back around and
come back.
Please use the internet toprovide this introductory lesson
(15:02):
for trying.
Ariella Monti (15:04):
Absolutely.
And YouTube TikTokiktok, thoseare all.
They're all real.
Especially if you're a visualperson, it's a really great way
to kind of learn these thingsyeah for supplies.
You can again check your library, see if they have a library of
things and if they might havethose things that you can borrow
(15:26):
or you can thrift it.
You can check your local buynothing group.
You can see if you can buy themused on facebook marketplace or
something.
You can borrow them from afriend, you know, if you want to
try crocheting like, I've got aton of yarn that I can pass on
to somebody who wants to learnhow to crochet.
Caitlin K (15:49):
Right.
And for those of you who are,uh, nap trapped or new moms or
something like for can't get outof the house for whatever
reason, I have seen it's notcommon, but I have seen on by
nothing groups, people who saylike this is something I really
need, but I literally cannotleave my house, I'm bedridden or
I'm whatever, and there arepeople who are kind enough who
will bring you these things.
(16:09):
It is amazing to see.
So I'm not saying you don'thave, I'm not saying there's no
excuses.
I'm saying that there are waysaround some of these
difficulties that you might beexperiencing.
So definitely agree with thesupply angle.
For sure, definitely.
The supply angle for sure,definitely.
Ariella Monti (16:26):
One way to get into a new hobby is doing it
with your kids.
So doing these things with yourkids through like a parent and
me class allows you to explorethe hobby in a super
introductory way, Like literallylike they're talking to you
like a five-year-old and you canlearn these little basics
(16:50):
before you commit to somethingon a more adult level.
Caitlin K (16:55):
I love that.
That was not something I hadeven thought of.
I'm about to go see what I cando with my son, because that
does so many things.
One you're providing a newskill, right.
Another outlet.
We are big into encouraging ourchild to do sports, because we
want him to listen to otherpeople and learn to work with
(17:16):
others.
Some kids are just not intothat, so this is a great way to
address that we talked about inthe last episode.
You're also doing that,bringing your kids in on the
concept of self-care, right,like you're teaching them.
This is something that we do toenjoy ourselves.
It's for pure enjoyment, it'sfor nothing else, and it makes
(17:37):
me feel better.
Does it make you feel better?
Here's why it makes you feelbetter because you're just
finding time to enjoy yourselfand like, think about the, the
value of the connection of thattime.
Right?
I'm very intentional about anytime that I spend one-on-one
with my son.
I label it and I will say thisis mommy and Sam special time.
(17:58):
That's all it's called.
It's not called anything fancy,it's just this is mommy and Sam
special time.
It could be us going to thegrocery store together, but it's
something that he and I dotogether, just us.
And it's for whatever reason,and it's not.
I'm sure that there's sciencebehind it and I'm sure every
child psychologist and parentingcoach in the world is going to.
(18:18):
If they hear this they're goingto scream at me like duh.
But it makes the relationshipbetter to the point where I
don't have the same difficultieswith it, the relationship
better to the point where Idon't have the same difficulties
with him.
We don't get into as manyfights because we've had the
mommy and Sammy special timeright.
It's a really interesting idea.
Ariella Monti (18:39):
I love this idea of getting into a hobby with
your kids.
Oh my gosh, what a great idea.
Yeah, this is how I got intopottery, because my son wanted
to take a pottery class, and thecommunity center that I work at
has an amazing pottery programfor adults and children, and I
also know the pottery teacherbecause I work there and she
(19:01):
does these extremely popularfamily clay time classes on
Saturday mornings.
So it's a child and they'readults and there's a project
that they work on and they workon it together and you learn the
basics of pottery and initiallymy son was going with my
(19:22):
husband.
Because I am not an artist Isuck at art.
Caitlin K (19:28):
I'm going to stop you right there.
One, don't talk about my friendlike that.
Two, your form of art isdifferent from what you're
defining art, as you are awriter.
Ariella Monti (19:38):
That is art, that is true.
Caitlin K (19:39):
I'm going to bring you back Now, you might not feel
as though you are gifted in atraditional sense of art.
Ariella Monti (19:46):
That's that is true, yes, yes all right so he
started going with my husbandand he, he loved it, really
enjoyed it, and then at somepoint he was like I want you to
take a class with me.
And I did, kind of anticipatingthat it was gonna be a disaster
, going to be a disaster, but itwasn't and and so I had a lot
(20:15):
of fun and I started going tomore classes with him and then
finally I decided to just do iton my own and take the adult
classes.
And now pottery is a hobby thatI do.
I do frequently.
Now it's easier for me becauseI work at a place that has an
accessible pottery program,because pottery is an expensive
hobby, so it's accessible to mein a way that it might not be
(20:36):
accessible to other people.
But the point is that, like myson still takes pottery, he
still goes to pottery once aweek.
Now he's doing it on his own,if you're doing it as a class.
Caitlin K (20:48):
think about what that means.
Yes, you have to get there.
You could view it as a burden,but again, this is scheduled
self-care.
You put it into your calendarand you are going.
There is not, especially if youpaid for the class.
If you paid for the class,that's when you really are like,
okay, I need to go.
(21:10):
There's value in getting thereturn on what you did.
So that's a really interestingpiece.
It's again, it's not justfinding the time, it's that
you've made the time.
It's part of your calendar.
It's something that you doevery Saturday morning or
whatever it may be.
That's another valuable pieceof using an outside resource to
(21:31):
develop these hobbies.
It forces you to put it on yourcalendar and do it.
Yeah.
Ariella Monti (21:37):
And then there's the accountability piece of it.
You start to make friends inthese classes and then it's like
, oh well, where's Ariella?
How come she hasn't been inclass, or what's going on with
her.
This is the only place that youmight talk to a person and you
know, when you left class theywere telling you all about, like
the drama with your, with theirneighbor, and like you want to
find out what happened with theneighbor you know, like I live
(22:02):
for those conversations.
Caitlin K (22:04):
so the social aspect of that.
So you may get all the tea andI'm someone who, again, I live
for those conversations.
So the social aspect of that.
So you may get all the tea andI'm someone who, again, I live
for those conversations.
They're my favorite.
There's no such thing as TMIand there is no such thing as
gossip for me, because I want tohear all of it.
So if that's a reason to goback to class, I'm going, oh
yeah absolutely.
I am a chismosa to the max.
(22:25):
Tell me everything.
I love it.
Okay, all right, so you can useyour kids to be social, to
start a hobby?
Uh, you can use the, the time,the scheduled block time, to be
a chismosa and have scheduledself-care.
What else can you do to learnmore about these hobbies and get
(22:48):
yourself started?
Ariella Monti (22:50):
So Facebook and Discord, just if there's a thing
that you want to learn about,just join these groups or these
servers and just lurk for awhile, look at the conversations
, what people are talking aboutand then eventually start, you
know, asking questions.
Sometimes these groups haveoutings or meetups and you can
(23:13):
learn more about it.
I signed up.
I ended up not going, I thinkbecause I was sick or my son was
sick.
A it was a birding meetupthrough the Audubon Society,
like in Raleigh, and now I can'ttell you how many emails I get
from meetup about birdingopportunities.
(23:36):
So yeah, these are other waysthat you can learn without
committing to it and then, onceyou are ready to really dive
into the hobby or the interest,you can start asking questions
or you can meet up with thesepeople if they have, if they
have these kinds of outings, andeven if you're not ready to
(24:00):
kind of dive into the hobby,like you could still hang out
with these people, people andtalk to these people and get to
know these people, especially ifthey're in your community and
you just have a common interest.
Caitlin K (24:15):
Right, you might not be doing the activity, but
you're at least interestedenough in the activity to go and
engage Right, like maybe youdon't have time in your life to
grow a vegetable garden but youare interested in gardening.
Ariella Monti (24:27):
If it's a group that's going to kick you out
because you don't have aphysical garden like they're a
bunch of jerks and you shouldn'tbe hanging out with them anyway
.
You know like yeah yeah, itdoesn't matter what your
involvement is.
It's just a way that you cankind of start to expand on the
interest and maybe socialize alittle bit.
Caitlin K (24:46):
Yeah, I've found that people who don't get an ADHD or
started talking about a hobbythat they love because you'll
never hear the end of it.
But I find that people who areinterested in a hobby and are
actually participating love toshare why they like it and would
love to show you more about it,even if you're not necessarily
engaging with it.
I also don't want to rule outReddit as a great option for
(25:10):
this.
Reddit has infinite amount ofinformation and an infinite
amount of questions and answerson Reddit that are about an
infinite amount of hobbies, sothat's a great place to learn
and ask questions.
People will absolutely engagewith you on reddit.
I mean, I love reddit.
I I tend to go down rabbitholes.
(25:32):
It's kind of like tiktok for me, where, like I'll, I'll go in
spurts because I really love itand I'll spend too much time
there instead of crocheting onreddit.
Can reddit be a hobby?
I think it can't.
Anyway, I'm reading, so I thinkthat's tough, but that's a
great place to go to.
So, yes, if you hate Facebookand you don't have Discord and
you don't if you're like me andyou're like if there's one more
(25:54):
social channel that I have tokeep up with, I will lose my
ever loving mind.
Reddit might be the place to go, because you can really go in
and out without getting tooinvolved in too many
notifications.
Ariella Monti (26:04):
Totally Like.
90% of the time, if I have aquestion and I ask the internet,
like my answer is going to bein Reddit?
Caitlin K (26:10):
Yeah, definitely.
There's a really good chancethat if you're trying a new
hobby and you have a questionabout something, the answer will
exist there, so that's a greatplace to go.
Okay, what about?
We talked about time, like.
We talked about making sure youhave dedicated space in your
life to set aside every week,every day, every two weeks, put
(26:35):
it on your calendar, sign up fora class if you must, because if
you don't block off the time,you'll blow it off.
And we talked about theaccountability piece of that.
What about space for your?
Ariella Monti (26:47):
hobby and your house.
If you have the space and now Iam I am very understanding to
the lack of space.
I have a very, very small houseand it has no garage.
It has really crappy closetsand our shed is my husband's
office and our shed is myhusband's office.
So I on it, like we weretalking about mindfulness, and
(27:38):
being able to focus on yourhobby sometimes also means that
you have to be in a place whereyour hobby is the focus, and
that doesn't mean it has to be awhole room Like we.
The dining room in our house is.
It's like a catch-all room.
We used to call it the room ofrequirement because that's our
(28:02):
guest room.
It is like that is where, wherethat's our drop zone for all of
our bags and backpacks.
It's where everything lives.
But now I have a small squaretable like one of those plastic
folding tables in there and thatis my dedicated space.
(28:25):
It's where I do my sewing, it'swhere I do any hobby where I
need a little bit of space.
Caitlin K (28:33):
This kind of reminds me of when people tell you to
work on your sleep habits.
What do they tell you to do?
They say that the bed is onlyfor sleeping right, so that you
train your body to understandthat this is the space where I
sleep.
I don't do things that keep meawake because I've told my body
(28:55):
now it's okay to be awake inthis space.
It's kind of like that where youhave this dedicated space where
you do your hobby, and so yourbody knows.
When I'm in this space, mybrain is going to shut off on
all the other things and I'mgoing to fixate on this one
thing that's in front of me formy enjoyment.
Yes, this is the sanctionedspace of the hobby self-care
(29:20):
area.
That was a dumb way to say that, but what I'm saying is and I'm
going to edit that part out Nowthat when you have that
dedicated space, not only doeseveryone in the house know
that's your space for your hobbyso when you're sitting there,
leave me alone, I'm doing myhobby but also your body, your
brain subconsciously understandsthis is where I do the thing
(29:41):
that I enjoy.
Ariella Monti (29:43):
Yes, definitely.
Caitlin K (29:45):
Okay, so I'm going to .
I think I'm going to be able tosummarize this pretty well here
.
One science says you need ahobby.
It's good for your mentalhealth.
Ariella Monti (29:56):
Yep.
Caitlin K (29:57):
Two, if you're not sure what they are, again, I'm
going to go back to mydefinition of self-care, which
is find the things that make youhappy and make you feel like
yourself.
Those are your hobbies.
There's a really good chanceOtherwise.
Be hobby curious.
Consider old lady hobbies.
Look into something that youcan do with your children.
Do a search online and see whatReddit gives you in terms of
(30:20):
options for that hobby and otherfree resources that you can
look into.
Make space for your hobby, bothin terms of the physical area
around you and on your calendar,in order to use hobbies as your
self-care.
Yeah, okay, what other thoughtsdo you have about this?
Ariella Monti (30:38):
before we wrap this up, so my two big things
that are kind of related and wetalked about this earlier when
we talked about perfection butbe bad at it.
Allow yourself to not be goodat this hobby, especially right
(30:59):
out the gate.
Now, if it's frustrating, thehell out of you.
Like it's not for you.
This is one of those thingswhere you're bad at it but
you're enjoying learning.
Of those things where you'rebad at it but you're enjoying
learning, yeah, and so just beokay and I know this is hard and
it has taken, you know, lots oftherapy and growth to get to
(31:20):
this place but, like, be okaywith just not being good at this
thing and just enjoy it becauseyou enjoy it.
That said, if you do get reallygood at it, do not make this
your side hustle.
(31:41):
Your hobby does not have to bemonetized and your hobby should
not become monetized.
If it's something that you loveenough that you're like, hey,
like I think I want to do thisfor a living, like that is fine,
that is totally cool, but thenit's no longer your hobby, it's
(32:02):
your job, and I can tell youthis because writing is my job,
it is not my hobby.
Pottery is my hobby.
Writing is my job and it's acompletely different mindset
when you take your hobby andstart monetizing it.
(32:23):
So four the love of everything,the love of that hobby.
Yes, Do not make this, I beg ofyou, do not make this a side
hustle.
Caitlin K (32:37):
Yeah, I think if you have a natural talent for
something and people are like Iwould love to buy that from you,
and then you can turn it into ajob and you want to do that,
that is completely differentfrom saying I'm going to become
really good at crochet so that Ican sell it.
That's the mentalities thereare very different.
So I think that's the argumenthere.
Ariella Monti (32:56):
Yes, definitely, definitely.
And you need a hobby to giveyou a break from your job, and
having that hobby is going tomake you allow you to be better
at that job.
So writing is a creative job.
I have creative hobbies thatare not related to my writing
(33:17):
that work a completely differentmuscle in my brain, different
physical muscles in my handsthan writing, because being
creative in a completelydifferent way helps me be
creative in my writing job.
Caitlin K (33:35):
Yeah, you aren't starting a hobby to make money.
You're starting a hobby to giveyourself enjoyment.
Don't start a hobby with theintent to make it your side
hustle.
Start a hobby with the intentto make it something that you
enjoy as a form of self-care.
If you want to monetize yourhobby, fine, but understand it's
no longer a hobby for you.
It is a very enjoyable job,right.
(33:57):
But with jobs come pressure,and just keep that in mind as
you go about this.
Okay, so I love that.
Writing is my job.
Pottery is my hobby.
For me, it's also writing Verydifferent style of writing.
Writing is my job.
Podcasting is my hobby, youknow.
(34:19):
So is crocheting, and so isdoing a puzzle and sleep.
Those are all my forms ofself-care.
All right, let's take a quickbreak.
Thank you for that.
I love that spin on the idea ofself-care and we'll be right
back For links to resourcesmentioned in this episode.
Head on over tockandgkpodcastcom slash blog to
(34:43):
find everything you need, and besure to follow us on social
media.
Head over to your favoritesocial media network and find us
at CK and GK podcast.
And now back to the show.
Okay, we are back.
So do you have obsessionsbesides pottery?
Ariella Monti (35:06):
I do so.
My obsession lately has beenusing this website called
democracyio to harass mycongress, people and senators
yes, okay, state reps only or no?
Caitlin K (35:23):
this is like local and all this is.
Ariella Monti (35:25):
So this is it's just federal on like,
unfortunately, it's just federal.
Like, unfortunately it's justfederal.
I wish it had like a local, alocal bent to it, but it's just
federal.
So, basically, what it does isit's like the five calls app,
but it's for email.
So right, so what you do is youput in your address and it
brings up your two senators andyour representative your two
(35:54):
senators and your representative, and you can choose if you want
to send an email to one of them, all three of them to whatever,
and then it will populate kindof everything for you.
So you can just send out like I, just I send it to like all,
regardless of what it is, sure,yeah, who cares?
Right?
And then I write my email andthen it gets sent out to all
(36:18):
three of my representatives.
So I've written one email andit gets sent to three different
representatives.
I could not tell you what thetech behind it is, but I do know
from the emails that I havereceived from these
(36:38):
representatives that they aregetting them.
Good, I would recommend that,if you use this app, maybe put
at the bottom that you are usingthe app to send the email,
because the first one I got back, I think my senator one of my
senators was going to disregardit because it was a it was a
(37:01):
third party engagement app and,um, they weren't going to take
it very seriously, um, which iskind of not okay.
Um, it would be.
If they weren't going to payattention to those could
potentially violate a Supremecourt ruling.
(37:22):
Um, which I very politelypointed out in my follow-up
email.
Um, but since then at the bottom, after I sign my name, I do say
I'm sending this email to myrepresentatives using the
democracyio engagement platform.
Caitlin K (37:41):
Okay, that's good to know An easy way to get involved
without pressure or anxiety,but still getting your messaging
across.
Ariella Monti (37:51):
I like that.
Caitlin K (37:52):
That's a good obsession to have, I think, uh,
mine is a way for me to get outall of the anger that I am
feeling these days.
Um, when I was teaching, I usedto do this workout.
It's a.
It's a boxing workout and I'mnot going to name the workout or
the trainer because I don'twant to get into that and I'm
(38:13):
not sponsored but it does boxingthree days a week and then the
other two days are lifting daysand it's become muscle memory
for me.
I used to do the workout again,like I said, all the time.
It's like a six-week program.
It teaches you everything youneed to know, from start to
(38:34):
finish, like what the punchesare, and it's not kickboxing.
That's a.
It's a different thing.
It's like standard, traditionalMike Tyson, muhammad Ali style
boxing.
Right, it is so fun.
If you are looking to makeyourself feel cool, do this
workout.
You will feel so.
I don't.
I don't swear on this show, soI'm not gonna say it.
You will feel like a as the waymy son would put it, a bad A if
(38:58):
you do this.
Okay, it is the most empoweringworkout.
Like, I am very much a bad Awhen I'm doing this.
It's.
It feels so empowering.
Uh, highly recommend a boxingworkout If you haven't tried it
yet.
It's really fun.
That's my obsession right now.
I love that.
That's amazing.
Okay, what about gems?
Oh my God, this is the I'm now.
(39:21):
I'm just now reading what youhave on the show notes.
I'm dying, oh my goodness.
Ariella Monti (39:28):
Okay, so I will.
I will not repeat what I put.
I put the.
I put that in the show notesjust for you, to make you laugh
um inappropriate language.
Caitlin K (39:37):
It's not for moms.
Ariella Monti (39:38):
It's a, um, it's an, it's a.
It's an accurate word todescribe a rooster, but it's an
impolite word in other uses, ifyou have right.
Caitlin K (39:50):
If you are a mom, you know the word, and especially
if you have boys, you know theword.
Yeah, uh.
However, you might be listeningto this in the car with your
children, in which case we won'tsay it right.
Or if you read a lot of romance, you read it right, often.
What sound does?
A rooster?
Okay, now we know what the wordis.
Yay, okay, bye.
So tell me about this gem.
Ariella Monti (40:12):
I'm this is freaking wild, okay.
So background we are achicken-raisin family.
We have had hens.
Caitlin K (40:29):
I'm sorry.
I'm such a city girl like theidea that there's like.
I know people in this city havechickens like it's.
So I grew up in San Franciscolike, and then Denver like.
Ariella Monti (40:45):
I grew up in a middle class suburb on Long
Island.
I mean I can't.
But now I live in amiddle-class suburb on long
island.
I mean I right, like, but now Ilive in a in a rural suburb and
you really do.
Yeah, north carolina.
So we have had chickens, acouple of different flocks of
chickens, for maybe like 10years or so now.
Now we have never had roosters.
(41:08):
But take it back, we had onerooster and he became lunch for
a hawk, so that was veryshort-lived.
So we've always had hens.
Now, because I live in NorthCarolina, when kids are learning
the life cycle in elementaryschool they use chickens as the
(41:30):
example.
So he asks me for eggs becausehe wants to.
He wants to like go in a darkroom and like, hold a flashlight
up to it to see if you can.
Like see the you know the littlechicken side and I was like
well, we don't have a rooster,so we are not going to have any
fertilized eggs.
(41:50):
And he was like well, we don'thave a rooster, so we are not
gonna have any fertilized eggs.
And he's like, well, can youget fertilized eggs?
And I was like you know,actually I can get fertilized
eggs.
Um, I got them from a friend ofmine and who was thrilled to
give them to me.
And now these, yes, arefertilized eggs, but she, they
were fresh, so they have notbeen sat on for a while, like
they're like.
So it was very unlikely thatthere was going to be a chicken
(42:13):
in them.
Anyway, but I bring them homeand I'm like hey, look, I got
your eggs.
And then I hear the the rest ofhis plan, which was to hatch
these fertilized eggs.
Caitlin K (42:31):
Oh, I'm shocked.
You didn't know that was coming, because I knew exactly where
this was going.
Ariella Monti (42:36):
So he and my husband and I were like oh no,
we're not going to hatch these,for several reasons.
One we need an incubator.
We don't have an incubator, orwe have to put these under one
of our chickens, and then that'sa whole thing.
Need an incubator?
We don't have an incubator, orwe have to put these under one
of our chickens, and then that'sa whole thing.
But the main reason is that Ihad six eggs and we could not
(42:58):
risk hatching six roosters.
Yeah, because for people whodon't know, you can only have
one rooster per 10 hens,otherwise it gets.
So we had to explain this to mykid and he got a whole lesson
in chicken dynamics.
But then he was like, well, weshould, we should get a rooster.
(43:20):
And me and my husband were like, okay, well, we had one and
stuff happens and we don't wanta rooster because then we have
to constantly get the eggs andwe have to make sure that we
don't end up with more littlechicks, because, yes, they're
adorable but like, we don't wantthat sort of responsibility.
Caitlin K (43:41):
Right.
Ariella Monti (43:43):
And he was like, oh okay, and then the next
freaking morning there is arooster in my backyard.
Caitlin K (43:57):
We have no idea this is life.
Ariella Monti (43:58):
Yeah, this is life.
My kid asked for a rooster andthe universe was like bet and I
just won a billion dollars Rightright, right, why, like, why
couldn't it be something likethat?
Caitlin K (44:20):
So this rooster we don't know where it came from.
Ariella Monti (44:21):
He's fairly docile, but he just kind of made
himself at home.
Caitlin K (44:24):
Oh no, with our three girls, and now we have a
rooster and you're gonna have to, like, do the thing with the
eggs that you didn't want tohave to do yes.
Ariella Monti (44:30):
Yeah, his name is Steve Rougers.
Caitlin K (44:38):
Because Winter Soldier is your comfort movie.
Ariella Monti (44:40):
No, because my hens are Hennifer Walters, which
is She-Hulk, Yelena and Sylviefrom Loki.
Caitlin K (44:48):
My previous flock had Wanda and Natasha, so Winter
Soldier is your comfort movie,just like I said, right.
And Because the Marvel Universeis a thing in Ariel.
Ariella Monti (45:01):
Right right, because the Marvel Universe is
one of my hobbies, so I wentwith Steve Ruggers, because it
is too soon for me to use thename Clucky Barnes, which was
the name of our previous rooster, who became lunch for a hawk.
It would have been hilarious ifhe was lunch for a falcon, but
(45:28):
unfortunately it was a hawk,this is so demented and this all
happened.
This this rooster showed up likeafter my son and I had left,
you know, for work and school,and so when I picked him up, I I
was like hey, I've got asurprise for you.
(45:49):
And we get home and I bring himout on the on the deck and he's
like what, what?
And I'm like you asked for arooster and the universe
delivered.
Right, he's, I love it, yeah sogood.
Caitlin K (46:09):
Yeah, uh, my gem is not nearly as cool as yours.
We've talked about this already.
I got a new washer and dryer.
Yeah, they, they are the future, as my son pointed out.
They are beautiful.
I love them.
Uh, I'm cleaning, not cleaningout, the dryer.
I learned two things.
(46:30):
One, um, I, I really need thelight on in the dryer.
Like there's a light in there,and if I, if the light doesn't
isn't on for whatever reason,all of a sudden it becomes
really difficult for me to dothe laundry, like pull the
clothes out.
I don't know, it's like itshouldn't be that hard, like I
can still see in there, but Ijust need it.
So I learned how to turn thelight on and I was very proud of
(46:50):
myself.
I had one of those I am thesmartest man alive moments which
I posted on instagram because Ireally legitimately had that.
The other thing is, I amlearning, uh, that I'm very anal
about the state of this newappliance in my house.
I want it to stay as pristineas possible.
(47:12):
Well, that's really difficultwhen you have a little boy, and
the other day I found a littleboy Band-Aid stuck to the drum
of my dryer and I, just I was.
(47:33):
I turned the light on to getthe rest of the clothes out.
And I'm I.
I fold in the laundry room,like I take out a piece of
clothing, fold it, put it in thebasket, take out another piece.
That's why I need the light onright, because I don't.
I'm not just, I'm not theperson who just like, grabs the
whole pile and brings it intothe living room, although I have
done that and I see a greatvalue in that.
It's just not how I do it.
Yeah, um, and when I turned thatlight on and I saw that
band-aid on the bottom of mydryer, I was in the house by
(47:54):
myself, thank goodness.
I screamed all of theobscenities why is there a old
band-aid on the drum of my dryer?
I was was so angry.
Did it go through the wash?
It must have, like, I don'tunderstand Because I, but I
(48:15):
don't know where it was becauseI didn't see it on any of the
clothes Right.
So either someone was veryintentional, opened up the
bandaid and stuck it to theinside of my dryer which I
highly doubt happened or itsomehow was like in the clothing
.
But it was.
It was opened up like a perfectjust.
It looked like someone hadopened up a band-aid and stuck
(48:37):
it on the inside.
Ariella Monti (48:37):
It was flat it wasn't like flopping, it was
just perfectly there.
Caitlin K (48:42):
Oh, I was so mad like this is disgusting.
I knew that at all.
So of course I was like now Ihave to clean it.
So I got a Lysol wipe andcleaned that part of the dryer.
I probably should have cleanedthe whole dryer because I was so
angry about it.
Only a parent can find thatPokemon Band-Aid on the inside
(49:06):
of their dryer.
It was so gross.
Anyway, we've done it.
It we've done another episode.
Yeah, yay, it's a.
It's a hobbies for self-careepisode.
So jenny would tell you to makegood choices.
What are you gonna say?
Hi, steve rugers, we're gonnago, you guys make time for your
(49:27):
hobbies.
Ariella Monti (49:28):
okay, get a hobby .
Go touch some grass there yougo Bye.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Intentionally Disturbing
Join me on this podcast as I navigate the murky waters of human behavior, current events, and personal anecdotes through in-depth interviews with incredible people—all served with a generous helping of sarcasm and satire. After years as a forensic and clinical psychologist, I offer a unique interview style and a low tolerance for bullshit, quickly steering conversations toward depth and darkness. I honor the seriousness while also appreciating wit. I’m your guide through the twisted labyrinth of the human psyche, armed with dark humor and biting wit.