July 22, 2025 • 39 mins
Back-to-school season is nearly here, and former teachers Caitlin & Jenny are begging you: Don’t be the parent who shows up hoping for a conference at dismissal or CCs the principal ‘just to be safe.’ This CK & GK classic is a hilarious (but brutally honest) guide that reveals the unwritten rules of teacher etiquette—so you can avoid becoming a teachers’ lounge horror story.
—
Who Should Listen
- Parents who’ve ever thought, “But my child would never…” (FYI: They would.)
- Anyone who’s ever panic-bought a spiral notebook instead of a composition notebook because “they’re the same thing” (FYI: No they aren’t.)
- Mama-Bears who need some guidelines for school communication (FYI: No more 9 PM emails!).
—
What You Get In This Episode
- Supply List Savvy: Why the right scissors matter more than you think (and how to recover if you messed up).
- Birthday Treat Fails: The shocking reason your homemade cupcakes might come back home uneaten.
- Homework Lies Exposed: How to spot your kid’s “I finished it at school!” fib (without playing detective).
- Email Etiquette: When to schedule that angry message (hint: after wine o’clock = bad idea).
- The Principal Rule: Why CC’ing the admin first is like tattling in grownup font.
Bonus! Actionaable Tips
- Birthday Hack: Email teachers a week early with: “We’d love to celebrate! What’s your policy?” (Template in our Instagram highlights!)
- Homework Trick: Make “Show me before screens” your mantra (even if it’s crumpled at the bottom of their backpack).
- Conference Prep: Always send 2-3 specific questions first (e.g., “How’s his focus during group work?”).
—
Bios
- Caitlin (CK): Former teacher who definitely judged your pickup line conference attempts.
- Jenny (GK): Mom and assistant principal who forgives your supply list fails (but still side-eyes unscheduled cupcakes).
—
Sources & Mentions
- Must-Read: The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey (For “my child would never” recoverers).
The best support is a rating and a share.
Love,
CK & GK
View our website at ckandgkpodcast.com. Find us on social media @ckandgkpodcast on
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Thanks, y'all!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Caitlin (00:00):
Okay, y'all, we love those ADHD deep dives and we
hear you that you love thatcontent too.
But with the back to schoolchaos creeping up the next few
weeks for a lot of you, ariellaand Jenny and I realized that
some of y'all are about toaccidentally become that parent
without even trying.
So, as former teachers, jennyand I feel it's very important
(00:24):
that we pause and intervene sothat you don't become that
parent.
So this is your episode, thatis, the emergency breaks before
the school year begins.
It's stopping you from sendingthat 9 pm email, it's stopping
you from trusting the whole ohyeah, I did my homework Okay.
And it's stopping you frombeing the person who tries to
(00:46):
start a parent-teacherconference before even having
meet the teacher day.
So this is the throwback, theclassic 10 things I would do if
I wanted my kid's teacher tolike me, aka survival tips for
the school year episode.
Because teachers remember theunannounced cupcake-toting,
(01:08):
principal-cc-ing chaos-agentparents and we want better for
you and for your teacher.
So, without any further ado,take a listen to this throwback.
Without any further ado.
Take a listen to this throwback.
It's Tuesday.
We're so glad you're here.
(01:29):
It's our sophomore year of theshow.
Did you know that we're somature now?
Jenny (01:33):
Oh, we are super mature, definitely big fans of campus.
Caitlin (01:38):
I don't think I was ever a big man on campus,
literally or figuratively.
Jenny (01:42):
I'm just no, oh no, all right.
Well, welcome to CK and GK.
We are the how-to show thattells you all of the things that
we had to learn and tries tosave you some of the
embarrassment that we wentthrough and all the like anxiety
that goes into all of thelogistical things.
Caitlin (01:58):
That's what we're here for to try and help you out with
that.
Jenny (02:00):
That's right.
We're here to help you withyour anxiety.
I don't know if it's to lowerit or raise it.
Caitlin (02:05):
We don't know, but we're going to help you.
I'm hoping that we lower it atleast in some instances.
Jenny (02:09):
With me is Caitlin, but we're going to change her name
to Wi-Fi because she and I arefeeling a strong connection.
Caitlin (02:15):
Oh yeah.
Well, Jenny does not like thatRaymond because she's Marie
Barone.
I don't like that Raymond.
That show was so good.
Jenny (02:29):
It was so good.
Caitlin (02:30):
Yeah.
Jenny (02:31):
It was so good and you know I love Phil.
Yes, absolutely Love Raymond.
Caitlin (02:35):
Okay, so let's do some shout outs.
I need to start with this one,because my geriatric millennial
heart is like pounding eventalking about this, because this
was the coolest thing.
Jenny (02:45):
So this is not even a shout out.
This is a shout it from themountain top out right?
Caitlin (02:50):
um, I need to give a shout out to lisa.
Freaking lobe.
Are you kidding me?
Holy crap.
So here's what happened.
Jenny (02:57):
I send a tweet to heb those of you who are listening
outside of Texas.
This is the grocery store thatreally should be running the
world.
Caitlin (03:08):
H-e-b is wonderful.
We love them.
I sent a tweet to H-E-B.
I'm talking about how the musicthat they're playing there.
You know you have reached acertain age when the music in
the grocery store is like thissong is so good and you just are
like happy to be in the grocerystore.
And I used to just walk aroundthe grocery store with
headphones in, but at HEB I takeone out now because I can
(03:31):
listen to the music.
So I'm tweeting at HEB sayingthat I love their music and that
they're playing.
And I said something to theeffect of you know, I don't know
if I like need to go get awalker or like one of their toy
karaoke microphones so that Ican sing in the middle of the
produce section.
And HEB tweets back at me likeare you going to do it?
(03:52):
Are you going to do an encorefor us?
Jenny (03:56):
That was my timer, reminding me to say happy
birthday to my friend Jennifer,so shout out to you.
Caitlin (04:02):
Happy birthday.
So anyway, like I was saying,so, um, shrimp is the fruit of
the sea.
Nope, that's from forest gum,okay.
So I get a response back fromhb saying are you gonna do it
like, let's make it happen?
What are the songs?
So I was like, well, here, youknow, here's a few songs.
(04:22):
And then I said and any womanmy age worth her salt knows
every line to stay by Lisa Loeb,and I think I added her in this
, I think I called her out, Itagged her in the post.
Anyway, she liked it, okay,liked it, she liked it.
And then Jenny responds withlike you say I only buy what I
(04:45):
want to I only buy what I wantto, don't use a list.
Jenny (04:51):
Wow, that was pretty good .
Caitlin (04:54):
I don't stick to a budget, I just Somehow, adhd has
to get woven in there for myimpulse purchases.
So so, yeah, adhd has to getwoven in there for my impulse
purchases, so so, yeah.
So then she sees Jenny's replyand likes that too.
And then later on, when Itweeted about how, like I could,
you know, happily pass away asa geriatric millennial woman
(05:19):
because she liked my tweet, shefound it again and she liked it
again Soisa, lobe, I love you.
That's the end of that yeah,it's amazing, it's amazing, hey,
y'all pov.
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(05:39):
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It's an older trend, though,but we're doing it okay, well,
it's fine, we're gonna do it,because it's great, it's.
Jenny (06:19):
I'm an old lady, I'm gen x.
I have to wait tilleverything's old and it's on
facebook anyhow.
The old trend is this theme ofvideos that five or ten or 20
things I would never do becauseI am an ex-profession Mm-hmm.
Yes, and so today, to build theeducation triad, we are going
(06:45):
to help you connect student toteacher, to parent or grown-up
guardian family whatever termapplies to you as an adult in a
student's life.
Caitlin (06:59):
And, specifically, I think what we're doing here is
we're going to try and bridgethat gap between educator and
parent, like this is it's threepeople who are involved in the
learning of a child it's thechild, the teacher and the
parent and so oftentimes there'sa good relationship between the
teacher and the student and thestudent and the parent, and
then the parent and the educatorare the ones who are either
(07:23):
unaware of each other or at odds, or don't have an understanding
of each other, or whatever itis.
Jenny (07:30):
Right and more than anything, it's just these
teachers have anywhere in theneighborhood of 25 to 125 kids
with whom they're trying toconnect families, and you, as a
parent, have anywhere in theneighborhood, from one teacher
to you know, 16 or 30, dependingon how many kids you have, and
(07:52):
you're just trying to figure outhow you connect with teachers.
And so we are going to help youconnect with teachers by giving
you the non-examples Right, thethings I would never, the top
10 things I would never do afterserving as a classroom teacher.
(08:13):
Yes, number 10.
Buy the wrong school supplies,y'all.
It's actually better to waitlet the teacher know you could
not find the yellow folder withbrads than to buy the orange
folder and send it in.
Caitlin (08:32):
Yeah, there's a reason why the teacher wants yellow.
If you have multiple children,you might understand this
probably pretty well.
It's to eliminate that whole.
She has this and I don't havethat, and it gets confusing,
right, like I don't have ayellow folder, so which one of
my other brightly coloredfolders should I use?
So there's that piece of it,right.
(08:54):
And there was a conversationthat came up about crayons, like
which box of crayons to buy?
And it was.
I think, actually, that I sawthis online, but I also had this
conversation in my personallife and the question was I
can't find the box of 16 crayons.
I don't know why that's thespecific one.
And the answer is because whenthat teacher says I need you to
(09:17):
pull out your red crayon, and ifyou have a box of 24 crayons,
there could be three differentcolors of red, and now the child
is like but which one do I use?
And if it's just the sameacross the board for every
single kid?
You bought the brand that youwere asked to buy.
You bought the exact same sizeyou were supposed to buy.
The teacher also has that inhand and can pull that out and
go find the one that sayssunshine and that's going to be
(09:41):
the crayon we're all going touse to draw the sun, and
everyone is on the same page andthere's no conflict about it.
That's the reason.
Jenny (09:49):
Right as your child becomes older.
As your child becomes older,particularly in middle school
and then going into high school.
If a teacher requests aspecific item, it's because they
are going to teach the childhow to use that item Exactly.
(10:10):
I, as a math teacher, amthinking of a graphing
calculator.
If they tell you that you needthe TI-83 plus, plus means it
archives.
That's a shout out to my momfor making fun of me in high
school for wanting thatcalculator for Christmas, which
she did buy it for me.
Caitlin (10:27):
It's like a $200 calculator you have to yeah.
Jenny (10:30):
Oh man, no, no, no, she was making not the price it was.
That's what you want Acalculator Nerded up girl and it
had Tetris on it.
Caitlin (10:39):
It's fine yeah.
Jenny (10:41):
So right, but if they're telling you that that's the
specific brand and model ofcalculator, it's because they're
going to use the calculator asa tool to teach math Right, and
they don't want the tool to getin the way of the math.
So they're going to teacheverybody the same procedures
and understanding of thecalculator as a tool and then
(11:03):
further the math by not lettingthe tool get in the way of that.
Caitlin (11:08):
A composition notebook.
It's not the same as a spiraland I'm speaking as someone who
used a composition notebook anda spiral at different times in
my education career and I willtell you there's a reason behind
the specificity there.
So I would never buy the wrongschool supplies.
And if your school does a thinglike my son's school does, a
thing where it's like you canbuy all of the school supplies
(11:29):
in a bundle and it's what theteachers have listed, do it.
It's cheaper, it's cheaper andit's easier for you.
Just do it.
Jenny (11:38):
Yep.
Caitlin (11:39):
Yeah.
Jenny (11:40):
Check.
All right, what else would younever do?
Things I would never do assomeone who has served as a
classroom teacher.
Number nine assume that it'sokay to bring birthday treats.
Caitlin (11:53):
Right, especially now in the era of COVID.
I think people are a little bitmore mindful of this.
People are also talking about,you know, food sensitivities,
these are.
These are concerns, but if youare going to assume that
everyone in the class can havethe cupcakes, we all know what
happens when you assume Don't dothat, don't do that, and
there's a couple of reasons.
Jenny (12:13):
Right, at least you assumed cupcakes.
Oh, no, I've had kids bringcake.
They bring an entire cake, thecake, yeah.
And they say, oh, do you have aknife?
Oh, do you have plates?
Oh, do you have fork?
Caitlin (12:26):
Middle school children bringing in an entire cake and
they'll carry it around like allday long and they're like I bet
I could have it in thisperson's class.
And then they'll come to youand they're like like I bet I
could have it in this person'sclass.
And then they'll come to youand they're like it's my
birthday, can I have a cake?
No, you didn't.
No, I didn't know.
I didn't plan for this.
I'm supposed to be teaching yousomething.
I'm trying to keep every kid onthe same page.
Like, no, we're not stopping todo cake.
(12:46):
I'm not a restaurant supplystore.
Like, if you're going to do it,if you're going to do it, at
least send like paper plates andstuff along with it.
But like, don't just assumethat I have.
I'm going to just take all ofmy napkins and or all of the
paper towels out of my you knowsink area and use them.
Tissues, oh, tissues, it istissues.
(13:10):
Or like all of the Clorox wipesthat I purchased with my own
money and now I have to use toclean up all the frosting that
happened to get everywhere whenthe tissues didn't work, to
clean it up.
Jenny (13:19):
And then there's that mob of kids that follow the cake
kid around.
Caitlin (13:26):
Can I have some?
I've also seen the kids whohave the cake and then they do
have forks but nothing to serveit on.
So then the kids just all havea fork and they walk around and
they're all just taking it offof the cake.
Oh my gosh, it was horrible.
Like never, like, never again,never, ever, ever again.
Jenny (13:45):
So let me teach you how to celebrate your child's
birthday.
Yeah, okay, first, a week inadvance, email the teacher and
ask about the birthday policy.
Yes, ask, do you celebrate atschool?
If you do, how do you do it?
What is the number of treats Ineed to send in?
(14:08):
Should they be individuallywrapped?
Should they be prepared at astore?
Caitlin (14:11):
Can they be food at all ?
Can they be food at?
Jenny (14:14):
all.
Let the teacher tell you thatNow you only do this email
procedure if, after you haveread the handbook and syllabus
and all of the other documentsthat have gone by, you did not
see something about a birthdayparty, right?
Caitlin (14:33):
Otherwise go look there first.
Do that anyway, just go look.
Jenny (14:37):
When my daughter was in kindergarten was the best
birthday celebration procedure Ihave ever seen at any school,
ever.
Her teachers were amazing.
Okay, they, instead of doingtreats and a party and da, da,
da da, when it was your birthdaybirthday, you got to invite
someone to come and read to theclass oh, that's cute.
(15:00):
I love that idea right so thekid could choose if it was going
to be parent, grandparent,friend, aunt, uncle, a teacher
from some another class orwhatever, and they got to say
why this person is important,and then that person would read
a book to the class.
Caitlin (15:18):
I love that.
That's super cute.
It was adorable.
I also want to caution theclass birthday party thing.
If you're going to invitepeople from class to a birthday
party, again check the handbookand ask about the birthday party
policy because those can,especially at younger ages,
(15:39):
those can be a little hurtful ifthe whole class isn't invited.
So I realize that you know youmay not be made of money and I
understand that completely.
I am just make sure you referback to that policy.
I know at my son's school youdo need to invite the entire
class.
If you're having a birthdayparty and you invite anyone from
school, you need to inviteeveryone from school.
(15:59):
I would never, as a formereducator, now parent assume that
I know the birthday partypolicy.
Assume that I know the birthdaycelebration policy in the
classroom.
There you go.
Jenny (16:11):
All right Number.
Eight Things I would never doafter serving as a classroom
teacher Number eight.
Believe my elementary or middleschool child when they said
they have done all theirhomework.
Ask the kid to show you thework.
Caitlin (16:32):
Right.
Jenny (16:33):
You're the parent.
Caitlin (16:34):
Right.
Jenny (16:35):
Say great, I'm so glad you're done.
Show me what you did.
Let's talk about work.
Right, you're the parent, right?
Say great, I'm so glad you'redone.
Caitlin (16:37):
Show me what you need, let's talk about it.
Right, and you might not havetime.
This doesn't need to beeverything, but, like the whole
wait, what I've been told thatthey've been doing their
homework four weeks into schoolis so tired, like it's so tired.
Jenny (16:54):
Right.
You know that there's a way foryou to see what assignments are
due.
You know there's a way for youto access that.
And if you are struggling toaccess it because it's nuts and
different teachers use differentplatforms and you had to learn
something in third grade that'sdifferent than what you're doing
in fourth grade, I get you,it's a headache, it's terrible
(17:15):
and I know how hard that is.
You got to learn the system.
You got to learn the system.
Figure out how to check what'scoming up and look at your kid
and say, okay, you are supposedto have a report on the phantom
toll booth done on Thursday.
I want to see what you've doneRight and don't not.
(17:37):
How are you doing Right?
Not?
Are you close?
Not, oh, you've already turnedit in Lies.
Caitlin (17:43):
It's all lies.
It's all lies.
And you might have a reallyresponsible child who is like me
and highly anxious and likewe'll do the homework.
I get that piece, but evenasking that child lets them know
that you are invested in it andyou're not just trusting them
to do it.
You are going to actually takea moment to have a conversation
(18:05):
with them about it.
They know you're going to checkup on them and there is a
reassurance that comes from thatHaving someone check in and go
well, let's see, just show mewhat you're doing Because there
is power in that conversation,both for the child in terms of
explaining to you what'shappening in the classroom and
what they're learning, and foryou as a parent.
It's an opportunity for you toconnect with your child and not
(18:28):
be caught with the.
I had no idea.
Jenny (18:32):
And I can't tell you how many times as a teacher
facilitating a student parentteacher conference and again you
heard student in the conference, because I'm a big fan of
including students inconversations about their
learning but I can't tell youhow many times in those types of
meetings I would look at a kidand say your dad's allowed to
(18:52):
ask to see your homework.
He's your dad, right, you're 12.
And you don't need you don'thomework.
He's your dad, right, you're 12.
And you don't need.
You don't need to put up afight, right, and you don't need
to say you're smothering me andno, he, he's allowed to ask to
see it, right, and you're.
You're only looking like youhaven't done it If you press
back and say I don't want toshow you.
(19:14):
Yeah, absolutely, it looks likeyou're done and you're not
proud because you rushed throughit or you're not done at all.
Caitlin (19:22):
Yeah, all right, the key word there is show me
no-transcript.
Jenny (19:33):
Send an email send.
Send an email to a teacherafter 6 pm.
Now I emphasize the word sendbecause you can type that email
at 930 if you want.
You can type that email at 2 am, but don't hit send after the
workday is over.
Caitlin (19:52):
No, I actually, as a teacher, I would set boundaries
and say, like you can email meafter this time, but I do not
expect an answer after fiveo'clock.
The anxiety that I got fromhaving an email in my inbox that
hit at like 730 at night oh, itwas enough to keep me awake for
(20:13):
hours, for hours and hours andhours.
Jenny (20:15):
It doesn't matter what it's about and if this is an
email that addresses a conflict,whether it be a conflict that
you as an adult have aboutsomething that's happening in
the classroom, or it'sresponding to a conflict that
the student and the teacher have, it doesn't matter.
If it is a email that addressesa conflict and it does not
(20:37):
involve an emergency, this is anemail that you need to read
again hours later.
Yeah don't fire it off on yourman something hideous because
(21:02):
she was hot at three, 30 andsend something that was unkind
and not responsive and notthinking about the child.
You can be better than that,yep, and you can respond, but
don't hit send yeah, and eithereither use a scheduler to have
it sent at 730.
So it shows up in her inboxthat morning, or look at it
again that morning when you wakeup and say, okay, I actually
(21:26):
can make her look even worseBecause I can be cool, calm and
collected and respond so kindlyand so sickeningly sweet.
But don't don't power of emailafter the work day.
Caitlin (21:40):
Teachers who have the discipline to not look at their
work email when it's on theirphone after a certain hour is
something else and, honestly, ateacher will open it, he or she
will read it, they will read itand they will go, oh my gosh,
and it will be an anxietycausing thing.
And and if it's an issue withhomework, um, I would say you
(22:06):
can.
You can absolutely draft thatemail, notify the teacher.
This is what happened, um, youknow, so so-and-so worked on it
for 45 minutes.
We both don't understand.
We're both so confused and youknow, please excuse this
situation.
And if you can coach thatperson through it, then we'll
talk about it and we'll get thehomework done.
(22:26):
My apologies, something likethat is totally acceptable, but
the expectation of a responseanytime after 5 pm is pretty
unfair.
Frankly, after 4.30 is probablypretty unfair for a lot of
teachers, especially ones whohave children in their own lives
, and it's just don't, justdon't send it, just don't send
(22:48):
it.
Please use an email scheduler.
It's just so much more kind.
Or at least say I don't expecta response right away.
Oh dude, that's the same thing.
Yeah, I understand, you're out.
I'm putting this here now.
I don't expect a response rightaway.
Oh, dude, that's the same thing.
Yeah, I understand you're out.
I'm putting this here now.
I don't expect a response fromyou.
Please catch up on what youneed to do and when you have the
bandwidth for this, pleaserespond at that point, but I
don't expect an answer from youright away.
(23:09):
That's an absolutely fine wayto do that.
Jenny (23:13):
Number six.
That number six request aconference without sending
specific questions or concernsso the teacher can prepare for
the meeting.
Caitlin (23:25):
All the anxiety, panic, alarms are going off right now.
Jenny (23:28):
Oh my gosh, the emails that were like you, ever made a
doctor's appointment and had thereason for the appointment be
want to talk to doctor.
Caitlin (23:39):
Or your doctor says I'm going to call you back and talk
about your results.
Anxiety, right, it's panic.
You're instantly freaking out.
Or if you are a parent whoworks in a corporate setting and
your boss goes hey, can you popby my office tomorrow?
I'd love to chat with you aboutsomething.
(24:00):
And they say something and theydon't clarify what it is.
What's your first thought?
I'm fired.
Yeah, Please be specific.
Jenny (24:09):
A lot of times things can be resolved pretty easily via
email or phone call and don'trequire you coming up to school.
Via email or phone call anddon't require you coming up to
school.
There are many reasons to havea conference.
If you come to the conferencewithout the teacher knowing the
agenda, they aren't ready.
(24:29):
Not just are they sitting theremarinating in anxiety.
Oh my gosh, I don't even knowwhat's wrong.
You now have set up for asecond conference Right, because
they're not ready to answer you.
And you've told me X, y and Zand I said, oh my goodness,
you're right, those are realproblems.
The problem is I actually haveto talk to the science teacher
to get the information aboutthat.
(24:50):
Absolutely, I wish that you hadtold me ahead of time and I
could have pulled her into thismeeting.
Caitlin (24:58):
Or at least gotten some notes from her that I could
then show you and or read outloud at something.
There's prep work that goesinto these.
That's why parent-teacherconferences are scheduled the
way that they are, because it'san opportunity for you to talk
and the teacher has done thelegwork to be prepared for all
those conferences with thoseparents and families.
Jenny (25:18):
So, yes, Number five, also relating to conferences yes
, attempting to have one duringcarpool and or back to school
night Dude.
Yes, no, these are hard no's.
I don't even need to explainthis.
I don't even need to explainthis.
If the teacher has another dutyat the same time, you don't get
(25:39):
a conference.
No, these are hard no's.
I don't even need to explainthis.
I don't even need to explainthis.
If the teacher has another dutyat the same time, you don't get
a conference no.
If you go to their doctor'soffice and he is seeing another
patient, you don't get to walkin and say, hey, but I have a
call, all right.
Moving on Number four.
Moving on Number four Signdocuments without reading them
(26:02):
slash.
Ignoring emails from teachers.
Caitlin (26:10):
Especially at the beginning of the year.
All those communications areusually about these other things
like here's back to schoolnight.
Here's when you can have aconference with me.
These are my conference periods.
If you need to have a phonecall, this is what time of day
I'll be able to answer youremails.
This is the supplies that Ineed.
Here's how you log in and seeyour kids' grades.
Don't ignore that stuff.
Come on now.
This is how we celebratebirthdays.
Jenny (26:28):
Exactly, goodness.
I will tell you that as aclassroom teacher, I had about
45 minutes a day that was notscheduled.
And if I am spending that 45minutes composing a message to
go out to families, it isbecause it is a message that I
think you will value.
(26:48):
I don't want to send somethingfrivolous.
No, it's because I'm hopingthat you're going to read it.
No, it's because I'm hopingthat you're going to read it.
Things I would never do afterserving as a classroom teacher.
Number three Contact or carboncopy the principal on an email
(27:10):
before going to the teacherfirst.
The principal might be lividabout the information that you
were providing to her, but shealso wonders why you didn't go
to the teacher first, becausethe first thing she has to do
with that email is walk down thehall to the teacher and say can
you contact this parentregarding this email I just got
(27:33):
Exactly.
Caitlin (27:34):
Exactly and I will say I have done the email that goes
to the teacher and the counselor.
But when you go to theprincipal you're not tattle
telling Right.
No, this was like.
This was me wanting like anopportunity for some sort of
additional support.
I was not trying to rat out theteacher, the number of times
(27:57):
that this happened to me as aneducator and there are all kinds
of ways that teachers mess up.
Jenny (28:03):
Please.
I've done it myself.
Caitlin (28:05):
Oh, so many times We've talked about the one where I
threw a marker at it.
It was all in good fun, but itstill could have gotten me in
trouble.
Jenny (28:14):
Right, come to me and tell me G, gk, you missed the
mark on this one.
Yeah or gk, I am so angry withyou.
I, I am so angry with what wasreported to me that my child
experienced in your classroom.
I completely disagree with whathappened and we have got to
(28:35):
work this out.
Yeah, but you and, and then andI'm also going to email the
principal about this because I'mso mad.
At least let me know.
Caitlin (28:43):
Right, right, you can say you can forward my response.
That's totally fine andcertainly if there's some sort
of egregious harm done to achild, we're talking, like you
know, the worst possible things,abuse of a position of trust
sort of situation.
That's a different thing.
Jenny (29:02):
Right.
Number two attempt to pick upmy child either early or drop
them off late without goingthrough the main office, without
going through the main office.
Y'all this is a safety thing.
You cannot take a kid withoutletting the office know.
Caitlin (29:27):
Your school is charged with your child's safety and, in
light of recent events thathave happened both in Texas and
across the country, teachers areunder more scrutiny than ever
when it comes to keepingchildren safe.
Jenny (29:47):
We all want to be the best parent that we can to our
kid Right, and so the motivationbehind Meet Me at the Gym is
number one.
It's easier on parent right,you can just go, you don't have
to park, you don't have to go in, sign in, show your id, you
don't have to do all that right.
But also it's faster for thekid right, right, because then
(30:07):
they don't have to wait for youto have the office call them
from class and come down andabsolutely, and I get it.
But what you've actually doneis now put a 14 year old in
between teacher and parent.
Yep, because they're sayinglook, my aunt said I can just
meet her right here at the gym,she's waiting for me, right.
(30:31):
And we have to say no, youcan't do that, you can't go.
And now they are playingbetween two authorities in their
life.
Dealing with I now have to goback and give my parent, aunt,
guardian, whoever it is.
I have to give them this badnews that I can't follow their
plan.
Caitlin (30:48):
There's a way to get around this.
If you have to leave early oryou have to drop off late, you
notify the school the day beforeand I will say my apologies,
there's an appointment at thistime.
And then, when you're 15minutes away, you call the
school and you say hey, can youplease send Tom, dick and Harry
down to the office because I'mgoing to go pick them up early?
(31:13):
And then the school will trackdown where those children are,
notify the teacher and theteacher will send them to the
office.
That's totally fine.
It happens Sometimes yourorthodontist appointments have
to be scheduled in the middle ofthe afternoon.
We get that right.
But it's not okay to insistthat a school keep your child
(31:34):
safe and then break protocolsthat are put in place to keep
your child safe.
Right?
Can you tell I'm getting heated?
Yes, oh, yeah, I'm heated aboutthis.
Jenny (31:45):
Okay, okay, here we go.
Things I would never do afterserving as a classroom teacher.
So fast.
Caitlin (31:53):
Number one.
We are going to have to fix thesound on that one.
Okay, go for it.
Jenny (31:59):
Say my child would never, Because my child would and so
would yours.
Caitlin (32:08):
Yeah, my child for sure would, so I know that yours
would too.
And the way that your childbelieve it or not, the way that
your child behaves in front ofyou is very different from the
way that your child behaves atschool, right?
Some kids are holy terrors athome and angels at school.
Some are the opposite, right,holy terrors at school and
(32:29):
angelic at home.
So the idea that your childwould never push a boy into the
girl's bathroom which is why Iwent into the office when I was
a kid the idea that those thingswould never happen they would
happen.
Think about yourself as a kid.
Think about the things that youdid.
Surely you broke some rules andyou crossed some boundaries.
(32:52):
So just keep that out of yourvocabulary.
Jenny (32:57):
You might have a fantastic well-behaved, follows
all of the rules, type kid.
Okay, I have two children.
I have the kid that I wish Icould be when I grow up.
She's so well-behaved and shewould never.
But I'm telling you, this kid,this wonderful child, bit
(33:20):
someone in preschool and thereason she bit someone is
because that other kid wasn'tcleaning up properly that's
amazing so to say, my childwould never act up.
My child would never guess whatshe would.
And maybe her motivation isgood, right, right, she wanted
(33:44):
that other girl to clean up.
It was time to clean up, yeah,at four years old didn't have
another tool and so she bit her.
Well, guess what?
It doesn't matter that it wascleanup time.
We now have to deal with mywould never child is biting
people at school.
Caitlin (34:01):
Right, mine dragged a fork across the little girl's
back twice, so like duringlunchtime, I think it just
wanted to see what it would do.
We don't know, we don't knowthe motivation, but it did
happen.
And so you are allowed to beshocked and horrified by what
your child would do or did doand they did.
Jenny (34:21):
And you know what?
Tomorrow's a new day andhopefully they won't again.
Right, right, I cannot speakfor all teachers.
Right, we know that there arepolice who are great and we know
that there are police who arenot.
And we know that there areeducators out there who have a
heart in it and we know thatthere are those who don't.
Caitlin (34:40):
But a good and kind and true teacher is surprised when
those things happen, but hopefulthat they won't happen twice
and probably the next day ifthey're hopeful that they won't
happen twice probably the nextday that teacher is going to go.
It's so good to see you todayand today's a new day.
I used to say that to my kidsall the time Today's a new day.
(35:00):
Let's move on from that Right.
And also, to be clear, I'mlearning these things as I go to
right as a parent.
It's a very different viewpointthan it is as a classroom
teacher, and I'm experiencingthat for the first time, and so
I'm not going to sit here andsay I've done this all correctly
, but I am going to say that Iam going to lead with this
(35:22):
mentality that we've listed outhere first.
Jenny (35:25):
And I will tell you that some of the greatest parent
relationships I've had have beenthe parents of some of the most
challenging students For sureI've had.
Because when you know thatthose parents are on your side
and that everybody is workingtowards bettering that child and
(35:47):
helping them grow up to be abeautiful, productive, kind
member of society, you'reworking towards a common goal.
Caitlin (35:57):
Right.
It changes your perspective ofthe kid too.
Right, like it's no longer acontentious relationship.
You have an additionaloutpouring of empathy and
kindness and patience andsupport that you are willing to
extend.
It's you know, that's the whole.
Love is not a candy barsituation.
Right, like the more you'reshown, the more you have to give
.
And it's just respecting theteacher in these ways is so, so,
(36:22):
so valuable for your child tosee.
They're learning from you.
So honoring that person andhonoring that relationship is
going to be really, reallyimportant.
Jenny (36:34):
You know what else you could honor Our Patreon?
Yes, are you?
Caitlin (36:42):
on our list?
Nice, very nice.
Are you on our list?
Very nice Okay.
Jenny (36:50):
So here's what you're going to do.
You're actually listening to uson your phone right now, so
you're going to put your phonein your hand, you are going to
go to all of the places whereyou pod and you are going to hit
those stars.
You are going to write a littlereview you are going to share,
you are going to subscribe, youare going to go to our website
(37:12):
and read our blog.
To go to our website and readour blog and you are going to
tell the world that you havecompletely changed as a person,
that you are a better version ofyourself, because ck and gk
have spoken goodness into yourlife.
You're the 20-year reunionversion of yourself right, yes
right, absolutely put on thedress, throw the glitter,
(37:36):
glitter, snap, do it make yourchoices and use your gift cards
and, uh, get the right schoolsupplies because it helps.
Caitlin (37:44):
Okay, bye.
Okay, y'all, we love those ADHD deep dives and we
hear you that you love thatcontent too.
But with the back to schoolchaos creeping up the next few
weeks for a lot of you, ariellaand Jenny and I realized that
some of y'all are about toaccidentally become that parent
without even trying.
So, as former teachers, jennyand I feel it's very important
(00:24):
that we pause and intervene sothat you don't become that
parent.
So this is your episode, thatis, the emergency breaks before
the school year begins.
It's stopping you from sendingthat 9 pm email, it's stopping
you from trusting the whole ohyeah, I did my homework Okay.
And it's stopping you frombeing the person who tries to
(00:46):
start a parent-teacherconference before even having
meet the teacher day.
So this is the throwback, theclassic 10 things I would do if
I wanted my kid's teacher tolike me, aka survival tips for
the school year episode.
Because teachers remember theunannounced cupcake-toting,
(01:08):
principal-cc-ing chaos-agentparents and we want better for
you and for your teacher.
So, without any further ado,take a listen to this throwback.
Without any further ado.
Take a listen to this throwback.
It's Tuesday.
We're so glad you're here.
(01:29):
It's our sophomore year of theshow.
Did you know that we're somature now?
Jenny (01:33):
Oh, we are super mature, definitely big fans of campus.
Caitlin (01:38):
I don't think I was ever a big man on campus,
literally or figuratively.
Jenny (01:42):
I'm just no, oh no, all right.
Well, welcome to CK and GK.
We are the how-to show thattells you all of the things that
we had to learn and tries tosave you some of the
embarrassment that we wentthrough and all the like anxiety
that goes into all of thelogistical things.
Caitlin (01:58):
That's what we're here for to try and help you out with
that.
Jenny (02:00):
That's right.
We're here to help you withyour anxiety.
I don't know if it's to lowerit or raise it.
Caitlin (02:05):
We don't know, but we're going to help you.
I'm hoping that we lower it atleast in some instances.
Jenny (02:09):
With me is Caitlin, but we're going to change her name
to Wi-Fi because she and I arefeeling a strong connection.
Caitlin (02:15):
Oh yeah.
Well, Jenny does not like thatRaymond because she's Marie
Barone.
I don't like that Raymond.
That show was so good.
Jenny (02:29):
It was so good.
Caitlin (02:30):
Yeah.
Jenny (02:31):
It was so good and you know I love Phil.
Yes, absolutely Love Raymond.
Caitlin (02:35):
Okay, so let's do some shout outs.
I need to start with this one,because my geriatric millennial
heart is like pounding eventalking about this, because this
was the coolest thing.
Jenny (02:45):
So this is not even a shout out.
This is a shout it from themountain top out right?
Caitlin (02:50):
um, I need to give a shout out to lisa.
Freaking lobe.
Are you kidding me?
Holy crap.
So here's what happened.
Jenny (02:57):
I send a tweet to heb those of you who are listening
outside of Texas.
This is the grocery store thatreally should be running the
world.
Caitlin (03:08):
H-e-b is wonderful.
We love them.
I sent a tweet to H-E-B.
I'm talking about how the musicthat they're playing there.
You know you have reached acertain age when the music in
the grocery store is like thissong is so good and you just are
like happy to be in the grocerystore.
And I used to just walk aroundthe grocery store with
headphones in, but at HEB I takeone out now because I can
(03:31):
listen to the music.
So I'm tweeting at HEB sayingthat I love their music and that
they're playing.
And I said something to theeffect of you know, I don't know
if I like need to go get awalker or like one of their toy
karaoke microphones so that Ican sing in the middle of the
produce section.
And HEB tweets back at me likeare you going to do it?
(03:52):
Are you going to do an encorefor us?
Jenny (03:56):
That was my timer, reminding me to say happy
birthday to my friend Jennifer,so shout out to you.
Caitlin (04:02):
Happy birthday.
So anyway, like I was saying,so, um, shrimp is the fruit of
the sea.
Nope, that's from forest gum,okay.
So I get a response back fromhb saying are you gonna do it
like, let's make it happen?
What are the songs?
So I was like, well, here, youknow, here's a few songs.
(04:22):
And then I said and any womanmy age worth her salt knows
every line to stay by Lisa Loeb,and I think I added her in this
, I think I called her out, Itagged her in the post.
Anyway, she liked it, okay,liked it, she liked it.
And then Jenny responds withlike you say I only buy what I
(04:45):
want to I only buy what I wantto, don't use a list.
Jenny (04:51):
Wow, that was pretty good .
Caitlin (04:54):
I don't stick to a budget, I just Somehow, adhd has
to get woven in there for myimpulse purchases.
So so, yeah, adhd has to getwoven in there for my impulse
purchases, so so, yeah.
So then she sees Jenny's replyand likes that too.
And then later on, when Itweeted about how, like I could,
you know, happily pass away asa geriatric millennial woman
(05:19):
because she liked my tweet, shefound it again and she liked it
again Soisa, lobe, I love you.
That's the end of that yeah,it's amazing, it's amazing, hey,
y'all pov.
You find a diary exposingforbidden magic and the hot
(05:39):
museum caretaker's life dependson you burning it, roots and Ink
.
The debut novel by AriellaMonti is the fantasy romance for
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Use promo code CKANDGK to get20% off your copy at
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Again, that's all capsC-K-A-N-D-G-K for 20% off on
(06:03):
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Get your copy for 20% off today.
It's an older trend, though,but we're doing it okay, well,
it's fine, we're gonna do it,because it's great, it's.
Jenny (06:19):
I'm an old lady, I'm gen x.
I have to wait tilleverything's old and it's on
facebook anyhow.
The old trend is this theme ofvideos that five or ten or 20
things I would never do becauseI am an ex-profession Mm-hmm.
Yes, and so today, to build theeducation triad, we are going
(06:45):
to help you connect student toteacher, to parent or grown-up
guardian family whatever termapplies to you as an adult in a
student's life.
Caitlin (06:59):
And, specifically, I think what we're doing here is
we're going to try and bridgethat gap between educator and
parent, like this is it's threepeople who are involved in the
learning of a child it's thechild, the teacher and the
parent and so oftentimes there'sa good relationship between the
teacher and the student and thestudent and the parent, and
then the parent and the educatorare the ones who are either
(07:23):
unaware of each other or at odds, or don't have an understanding
of each other, or whatever itis.
Jenny (07:30):
Right and more than anything, it's just these
teachers have anywhere in theneighborhood of 25 to 125 kids
with whom they're trying toconnect families, and you, as a
parent, have anywhere in theneighborhood, from one teacher
to you know, 16 or 30, dependingon how many kids you have, and
(07:52):
you're just trying to figure outhow you connect with teachers.
And so we are going to help youconnect with teachers by giving
you the non-examples Right, thethings I would never, the top
10 things I would never do afterserving as a classroom teacher.
(08:13):
Yes, number 10.
Buy the wrong school supplies,y'all.
It's actually better to waitlet the teacher know you could
not find the yellow folder withbrads than to buy the orange
folder and send it in.
Caitlin (08:32):
Yeah, there's a reason why the teacher wants yellow.
If you have multiple children,you might understand this
probably pretty well.
It's to eliminate that whole.
She has this and I don't havethat, and it gets confusing,
right, like I don't have ayellow folder, so which one of
my other brightly coloredfolders should I use?
So there's that piece of it,right.
(08:54):
And there was a conversationthat came up about crayons, like
which box of crayons to buy?
And it was.
I think, actually, that I sawthis online, but I also had this
conversation in my personallife and the question was I
can't find the box of 16 crayons.
I don't know why that's thespecific one.
And the answer is because whenthat teacher says I need you to
(09:17):
pull out your red crayon, and ifyou have a box of 24 crayons,
there could be three differentcolors of red, and now the child
is like but which one do I use?
And if it's just the sameacross the board for every
single kid?
You bought the brand that youwere asked to buy.
You bought the exact same sizeyou were supposed to buy.
The teacher also has that inhand and can pull that out and
go find the one that sayssunshine and that's going to be
(09:41):
the crayon we're all going touse to draw the sun, and
everyone is on the same page andthere's no conflict about it.
That's the reason.
Jenny (09:49):
Right as your child becomes older.
As your child becomes older,particularly in middle school
and then going into high school.
If a teacher requests aspecific item, it's because they
are going to teach the childhow to use that item Exactly.
(10:10):
I, as a math teacher, amthinking of a graphing
calculator.
If they tell you that you needthe TI-83 plus, plus means it
archives.
That's a shout out to my momfor making fun of me in high
school for wanting thatcalculator for Christmas, which
she did buy it for me.
Caitlin (10:27):
It's like a $200 calculator you have to yeah.
Jenny (10:30):
Oh man, no, no, no, she was making not the price it was.
That's what you want Acalculator Nerded up girl and it
had Tetris on it.
Caitlin (10:39):
It's fine yeah.
Jenny (10:41):
So right, but if they're telling you that that's the
specific brand and model ofcalculator, it's because they're
going to use the calculator asa tool to teach math Right, and
they don't want the tool to getin the way of the math.
So they're going to teacheverybody the same procedures
and understanding of thecalculator as a tool and then
(11:03):
further the math by not lettingthe tool get in the way of that.
Caitlin (11:08):
A composition notebook.
It's not the same as a spiraland I'm speaking as someone who
used a composition notebook anda spiral at different times in
my education career and I willtell you there's a reason behind
the specificity there.
So I would never buy the wrongschool supplies.
And if your school does a thinglike my son's school does, a
thing where it's like you canbuy all of the school supplies
(11:29):
in a bundle and it's what theteachers have listed, do it.
It's cheaper, it's cheaper andit's easier for you.
Just do it.
Jenny (11:38):
Yep.
Caitlin (11:39):
Yeah.
Jenny (11:40):
Check.
All right, what else would younever do?
Things I would never do assomeone who has served as a
classroom teacher.
Number nine assume that it'sokay to bring birthday treats.
Caitlin (11:53):
Right, especially now in the era of COVID.
I think people are a little bitmore mindful of this.
People are also talking about,you know, food sensitivities,
these are.
These are concerns, but if youare going to assume that
everyone in the class can havethe cupcakes, we all know what
happens when you assume Don't dothat, don't do that, and
there's a couple of reasons.
Jenny (12:13):
Right, at least you assumed cupcakes.
Oh, no, I've had kids bringcake.
They bring an entire cake, thecake, yeah.
And they say, oh, do you have aknife?
Oh, do you have plates?
Oh, do you have fork?
Caitlin (12:26):
Middle school children bringing in an entire cake and
they'll carry it around like allday long and they're like I bet
I could have it in thisperson's class.
And then they'll come to youand they're like like I bet I
could have it in this person'sclass.
And then they'll come to youand they're like it's my
birthday, can I have a cake?
No, you didn't.
No, I didn't know.
I didn't plan for this.
I'm supposed to be teaching yousomething.
I'm trying to keep every kid onthe same page.
Like, no, we're not stopping todo cake.
(12:46):
I'm not a restaurant supplystore.
Like, if you're going to do it,if you're going to do it, at
least send like paper plates andstuff along with it.
But like, don't just assumethat I have.
I'm going to just take all ofmy napkins and or all of the
paper towels out of my you knowsink area and use them.
Tissues, oh, tissues, it istissues.
(13:10):
Or like all of the Clorox wipesthat I purchased with my own
money and now I have to use toclean up all the frosting that
happened to get everywhere whenthe tissues didn't work, to
clean it up.
Jenny (13:19):
And then there's that mob of kids that follow the cake
kid around.
Caitlin (13:26):
Can I have some?
I've also seen the kids whohave the cake and then they do
have forks but nothing to serveit on.
So then the kids just all havea fork and they walk around and
they're all just taking it offof the cake.
Oh my gosh, it was horrible.
Like never, like, never again,never, ever, ever again.
Jenny (13:45):
So let me teach you how to celebrate your child's
birthday.
Yeah, okay, first, a week inadvance, email the teacher and
ask about the birthday policy.
Yes, ask, do you celebrate atschool?
If you do, how do you do it?
What is the number of treats Ineed to send in?
(14:08):
Should they be individuallywrapped?
Should they be prepared at astore?
Caitlin (14:11):
Can they be food at all ?
Can they be food at?
Jenny (14:14):
all.
Let the teacher tell you thatNow you only do this email
procedure if, after you haveread the handbook and syllabus
and all of the other documentsthat have gone by, you did not
see something about a birthdayparty, right?
Caitlin (14:33):
Otherwise go look there first.
Do that anyway, just go look.
Jenny (14:37):
When my daughter was in kindergarten was the best
birthday celebration procedure Ihave ever seen at any school,
ever.
Her teachers were amazing.
Okay, they, instead of doingtreats and a party and da, da,
da da, when it was your birthdaybirthday, you got to invite
someone to come and read to theclass oh, that's cute.
(15:00):
I love that idea right so thekid could choose if it was going
to be parent, grandparent,friend, aunt, uncle, a teacher
from some another class orwhatever, and they got to say
why this person is important,and then that person would read
a book to the class.
Caitlin (15:18):
I love that.
That's super cute.
It was adorable.
I also want to caution theclass birthday party thing.
If you're going to invitepeople from class to a birthday
party, again check the handbookand ask about the birthday party
policy because those can,especially at younger ages,
(15:39):
those can be a little hurtful ifthe whole class isn't invited.
So I realize that you know youmay not be made of money and I
understand that completely.
I am just make sure you referback to that policy.
I know at my son's school youdo need to invite the entire
class.
If you're having a birthdayparty and you invite anyone from
school, you need to inviteeveryone from school.
(15:59):
I would never, as a formereducator, now parent assume that
I know the birthday partypolicy.
Assume that I know the birthdaycelebration policy in the
classroom.
There you go.
Jenny (16:11):
All right Number.
Eight Things I would never doafter serving as a classroom
teacher Number eight.
Believe my elementary or middleschool child when they said
they have done all theirhomework.
Ask the kid to show you thework.
Caitlin (16:32):
Right.
Jenny (16:33):
You're the parent.
Caitlin (16:34):
Right.
Jenny (16:35):
Say great, I'm so glad you're done.
Show me what you did.
Let's talk about work.
Right, you're the parent, right?
Say great, I'm so glad you'redone.
Caitlin (16:37):
Show me what you need, let's talk about it.
Right, and you might not havetime.
This doesn't need to beeverything, but, like the whole
wait, what I've been told thatthey've been doing their
homework four weeks into schoolis so tired, like it's so tired.
Jenny (16:54):
Right.
You know that there's a way foryou to see what assignments are
due.
You know there's a way for youto access that.
And if you are struggling toaccess it because it's nuts and
different teachers use differentplatforms and you had to learn
something in third grade that'sdifferent than what you're doing
in fourth grade, I get you,it's a headache, it's terrible
(17:15):
and I know how hard that is.
You got to learn the system.
You got to learn the system.
Figure out how to check what'scoming up and look at your kid
and say, okay, you are supposedto have a report on the phantom
toll booth done on Thursday.
I want to see what you've doneRight and don't not.
(17:37):
How are you doing Right?
Not?
Are you close?
Not, oh, you've already turnedit in Lies.
Caitlin (17:43):
It's all lies.
It's all lies.
And you might have a reallyresponsible child who is like me
and highly anxious and likewe'll do the homework.
I get that piece, but evenasking that child lets them know
that you are invested in it andyou're not just trusting them
to do it.
You are going to actually takea moment to have a conversation
(18:05):
with them about it.
They know you're going to checkup on them and there is a
reassurance that comes from thatHaving someone check in and go
well, let's see, just show mewhat you're doing Because there
is power in that conversation,both for the child in terms of
explaining to you what'shappening in the classroom and
what they're learning, and foryou as a parent.
It's an opportunity for you toconnect with your child and not
(18:28):
be caught with the.
I had no idea.
Jenny (18:32):
And I can't tell you how many times as a teacher
facilitating a student parentteacher conference and again you
heard student in the conference, because I'm a big fan of
including students inconversations about their
learning but I can't tell youhow many times in those types of
meetings I would look at a kidand say your dad's allowed to
(18:52):
ask to see your homework.
He's your dad, right, you're 12.
And you don't need you don'thomework.
He's your dad, right, you're 12.
And you don't need.
You don't need to put up afight, right, and you don't need
to say you're smothering me andno, he, he's allowed to ask to
see it, right, and you're.
You're only looking like youhaven't done it If you press
back and say I don't want toshow you.
(19:14):
Yeah, absolutely, it looks likeyou're done and you're not
proud because you rushed throughit or you're not done at all.
Caitlin (19:22):
Yeah, all right, the key word there is show me
no-transcript.
Jenny (19:33):
Send an email send.
Send an email to a teacherafter 6 pm.
Now I emphasize the word sendbecause you can type that email
at 930 if you want.
You can type that email at 2 am, but don't hit send after the
workday is over.
Caitlin (19:52):
No, I actually, as a teacher, I would set boundaries
and say, like you can email meafter this time, but I do not
expect an answer after fiveo'clock.
The anxiety that I got fromhaving an email in my inbox that
hit at like 730 at night oh, itwas enough to keep me awake for
(20:13):
hours, for hours and hours andhours.
Jenny (20:15):
It doesn't matter what it's about and if this is an
email that addresses a conflict,whether it be a conflict that
you as an adult have aboutsomething that's happening in
the classroom, or it'sresponding to a conflict that
the student and the teacher have, it doesn't matter.
If it is a email that addressesa conflict and it does not
(20:37):
involve an emergency, this is anemail that you need to read
again hours later.
Yeah don't fire it off on yourman something hideous because
(21:02):
she was hot at three, 30 andsend something that was unkind
and not responsive and notthinking about the child.
You can be better than that,yep, and you can respond, but
don't hit send yeah, and eithereither use a scheduler to have
it sent at 730.
So it shows up in her inboxthat morning, or look at it
again that morning when you wakeup and say, okay, I actually
(21:26):
can make her look even worseBecause I can be cool, calm and
collected and respond so kindlyand so sickeningly sweet.
But don't don't power of emailafter the work day.
Caitlin (21:40):
Teachers who have the discipline to not look at their
work email when it's on theirphone after a certain hour is
something else and, honestly, ateacher will open it, he or she
will read it, they will read itand they will go, oh my gosh,
and it will be an anxietycausing thing.
And and if it's an issue withhomework, um, I would say you
(22:06):
can.
You can absolutely draft thatemail, notify the teacher.
This is what happened, um, youknow, so so-and-so worked on it
for 45 minutes.
We both don't understand.
We're both so confused and youknow, please excuse this
situation.
And if you can coach thatperson through it, then we'll
talk about it and we'll get thehomework done.
(22:26):
My apologies, something likethat is totally acceptable, but
the expectation of a responseanytime after 5 pm is pretty
unfair.
Frankly, after 4.30 is probablypretty unfair for a lot of
teachers, especially ones whohave children in their own lives
, and it's just don't, justdon't send it, just don't send
(22:48):
it.
Please use an email scheduler.
It's just so much more kind.
Or at least say I don't expecta response right away.
Oh dude, that's the same thing.
Yeah, I understand, you're out.
I'm putting this here now.
I don't expect a response rightaway.
Oh, dude, that's the same thing.
Yeah, I understand you're out.
I'm putting this here now.
I don't expect a response fromyou.
Please catch up on what youneed to do and when you have the
bandwidth for this, pleaserespond at that point, but I
don't expect an answer from youright away.
(23:09):
That's an absolutely fine wayto do that.
Jenny (23:13):
Number six.
That number six request aconference without sending
specific questions or concernsso the teacher can prepare for
the meeting.
Caitlin (23:25):
All the anxiety, panic, alarms are going off right now.
Jenny (23:28):
Oh my gosh, the emails that were like you, ever made a
doctor's appointment and had thereason for the appointment be
want to talk to doctor.
Caitlin (23:39):
Or your doctor says I'm going to call you back and talk
about your results.
Anxiety, right, it's panic.
You're instantly freaking out.
Or if you are a parent whoworks in a corporate setting and
your boss goes hey, can you popby my office tomorrow?
I'd love to chat with you aboutsomething.
(24:00):
And they say something and theydon't clarify what it is.
What's your first thought?
I'm fired.
Yeah, Please be specific.
Jenny (24:09):
A lot of times things can be resolved pretty easily via
email or phone call and don'trequire you coming up to school.
Via email or phone call anddon't require you coming up to
school.
There are many reasons to havea conference.
If you come to the conferencewithout the teacher knowing the
agenda, they aren't ready.
(24:29):
Not just are they sitting theremarinating in anxiety.
Oh my gosh, I don't even knowwhat's wrong.
You now have set up for asecond conference Right, because
they're not ready to answer you.
And you've told me X, y and Zand I said, oh my goodness,
you're right, those are realproblems.
The problem is I actually haveto talk to the science teacher
to get the information aboutthat.
(24:50):
Absolutely, I wish that you hadtold me ahead of time and I
could have pulled her into thismeeting.
Caitlin (24:58):
Or at least gotten some notes from her that I could
then show you and or read outloud at something.
There's prep work that goesinto these.
That's why parent-teacherconferences are scheduled the
way that they are, because it'san opportunity for you to talk
and the teacher has done thelegwork to be prepared for all
those conferences with thoseparents and families.
Jenny (25:18):
So, yes, Number five, also relating to conferences yes
, attempting to have one duringcarpool and or back to school
night Dude.
Yes, no, these are hard no's.
I don't even need to explainthis.
I don't even need to explainthis.
If the teacher has another dutyat the same time, you don't get
(25:39):
a conference.
No, these are hard no's.
I don't even need to explainthis.
I don't even need to explainthis.
If the teacher has another dutyat the same time, you don't get
a conference no.
If you go to their doctor'soffice and he is seeing another
patient, you don't get to walkin and say, hey, but I have a
call, all right.
Moving on Number four.
Moving on Number four Signdocuments without reading them
(26:02):
slash.
Ignoring emails from teachers.
Caitlin (26:10):
Especially at the beginning of the year.
All those communications areusually about these other things
like here's back to schoolnight.
Here's when you can have aconference with me.
These are my conference periods.
If you need to have a phonecall, this is what time of day
I'll be able to answer youremails.
This is the supplies that Ineed.
Here's how you log in and seeyour kids' grades.
Don't ignore that stuff.
Come on now.
This is how we celebratebirthdays.
Jenny (26:28):
Exactly, goodness.
I will tell you that as aclassroom teacher, I had about
45 minutes a day that was notscheduled.
And if I am spending that 45minutes composing a message to
go out to families, it isbecause it is a message that I
think you will value.
(26:48):
I don't want to send somethingfrivolous.
No, it's because I'm hopingthat you're going to read it.
No, it's because I'm hopingthat you're going to read it.
Things I would never do afterserving as a classroom teacher.
Number three Contact or carboncopy the principal on an email
(27:10):
before going to the teacherfirst.
The principal might be lividabout the information that you
were providing to her, but shealso wonders why you didn't go
to the teacher first, becausethe first thing she has to do
with that email is walk down thehall to the teacher and say can
you contact this parentregarding this email I just got
(27:33):
Exactly.
Caitlin (27:34):
Exactly and I will say I have done the email that goes
to the teacher and the counselor.
But when you go to theprincipal you're not tattle
telling Right.
No, this was like.
This was me wanting like anopportunity for some sort of
additional support.
I was not trying to rat out theteacher, the number of times
(27:57):
that this happened to me as aneducator and there are all kinds
of ways that teachers mess up.
Jenny (28:03):
Please.
I've done it myself.
Caitlin (28:05):
Oh, so many times We've talked about the one where I
threw a marker at it.
It was all in good fun, but itstill could have gotten me in
trouble.
Jenny (28:14):
Right, come to me and tell me G, gk, you missed the
mark on this one.
Yeah or gk, I am so angry withyou.
I, I am so angry with what wasreported to me that my child
experienced in your classroom.
I completely disagree with whathappened and we have got to
(28:35):
work this out.
Yeah, but you and, and then andI'm also going to email the
principal about this because I'mso mad.
At least let me know.
Caitlin (28:43):
Right, right, you can say you can forward my response.
That's totally fine andcertainly if there's some sort
of egregious harm done to achild, we're talking, like you
know, the worst possible things,abuse of a position of trust
sort of situation.
That's a different thing.
Jenny (29:02):
Right.
Number two attempt to pick upmy child either early or drop
them off late without goingthrough the main office, without
going through the main office.
Y'all this is a safety thing.
You cannot take a kid withoutletting the office know.
Caitlin (29:27):
Your school is charged with your child's safety and, in
light of recent events thathave happened both in Texas and
across the country, teachers areunder more scrutiny than ever
when it comes to keepingchildren safe.
Jenny (29:47):
We all want to be the best parent that we can to our
kid Right, and so the motivationbehind Meet Me at the Gym is
number one.
It's easier on parent right,you can just go, you don't have
to park, you don't have to go in, sign in, show your id, you
don't have to do all that right.
But also it's faster for thekid right, right, because then
(30:07):
they don't have to wait for youto have the office call them
from class and come down andabsolutely, and I get it.
But what you've actually doneis now put a 14 year old in
between teacher and parent.
Yep, because they're sayinglook, my aunt said I can just
meet her right here at the gym,she's waiting for me, right.
(30:31):
And we have to say no, youcan't do that, you can't go.
And now they are playingbetween two authorities in their
life.
Dealing with I now have to goback and give my parent, aunt,
guardian, whoever it is.
I have to give them this badnews that I can't follow their
plan.
Caitlin (30:48):
There's a way to get around this.
If you have to leave early oryou have to drop off late, you
notify the school the day beforeand I will say my apologies,
there's an appointment at thistime.
And then, when you're 15minutes away, you call the
school and you say hey, can youplease send Tom, dick and Harry
down to the office because I'mgoing to go pick them up early?
(31:13):
And then the school will trackdown where those children are,
notify the teacher and theteacher will send them to the
office.
That's totally fine.
It happens Sometimes yourorthodontist appointments have
to be scheduled in the middle ofthe afternoon.
We get that right.
But it's not okay to insistthat a school keep your child
(31:34):
safe and then break protocolsthat are put in place to keep
your child safe.
Right?
Can you tell I'm getting heated?
Yes, oh, yeah, I'm heated aboutthis.
Jenny (31:45):
Okay, okay, here we go.
Things I would never do afterserving as a classroom teacher.
So fast.
Caitlin (31:53):
Number one.
We are going to have to fix thesound on that one.
Okay, go for it.
Jenny (31:59):
Say my child would never, Because my child would and so
would yours.
Caitlin (32:08):
Yeah, my child for sure would, so I know that yours
would too.
And the way that your childbelieve it or not, the way that
your child behaves in front ofyou is very different from the
way that your child behaves atschool, right?
Some kids are holy terrors athome and angels at school.
Some are the opposite, right,holy terrors at school and
(32:29):
angelic at home.
So the idea that your childwould never push a boy into the
girl's bathroom which is why Iwent into the office when I was
a kid the idea that those thingswould never happen they would
happen.
Think about yourself as a kid.
Think about the things that youdid.
Surely you broke some rules andyou crossed some boundaries.
(32:52):
So just keep that out of yourvocabulary.
Jenny (32:57):
You might have a fantastic well-behaved, follows
all of the rules, type kid.
Okay, I have two children.
I have the kid that I wish Icould be when I grow up.
She's so well-behaved and shewould never.
But I'm telling you, this kid,this wonderful child, bit
(33:20):
someone in preschool and thereason she bit someone is
because that other kid wasn'tcleaning up properly that's
amazing so to say, my childwould never act up.
My child would never guess whatshe would.
And maybe her motivation isgood, right, right, she wanted
(33:44):
that other girl to clean up.
It was time to clean up, yeah,at four years old didn't have
another tool and so she bit her.
Well, guess what?
It doesn't matter that it wascleanup time.
We now have to deal with mywould never child is biting
people at school.
Caitlin (34:01):
Right, mine dragged a fork across the little girl's
back twice, so like duringlunchtime, I think it just
wanted to see what it would do.
We don't know, we don't knowthe motivation, but it did
happen.
And so you are allowed to beshocked and horrified by what
your child would do or did doand they did.
Jenny (34:21):
And you know what?
Tomorrow's a new day andhopefully they won't again.
Right, right, I cannot speakfor all teachers.
Right, we know that there arepolice who are great and we know
that there are police who arenot.
And we know that there areeducators out there who have a
heart in it and we know thatthere are those who don't.
Caitlin (34:40):
But a good and kind and true teacher is surprised when
those things happen, but hopefulthat they won't happen twice
and probably the next day ifthey're hopeful that they won't
happen twice probably the nextday that teacher is going to go.
It's so good to see you todayand today's a new day.
I used to say that to my kidsall the time Today's a new day.
(35:00):
Let's move on from that Right.
And also, to be clear, I'mlearning these things as I go to
right as a parent.
It's a very different viewpointthan it is as a classroom
teacher, and I'm experiencingthat for the first time, and so
I'm not going to sit here andsay I've done this all correctly
, but I am going to say that Iam going to lead with this
(35:22):
mentality that we've listed outhere first.
Jenny (35:25):
And I will tell you that some of the greatest parent
relationships I've had have beenthe parents of some of the most
challenging students For sureI've had.
Because when you know thatthose parents are on your side
and that everybody is workingtowards bettering that child and
(35:47):
helping them grow up to be abeautiful, productive, kind
member of society, you'reworking towards a common goal.
Caitlin (35:57):
Right.
It changes your perspective ofthe kid too.
Right, like it's no longer acontentious relationship.
You have an additionaloutpouring of empathy and
kindness and patience andsupport that you are willing to
extend.
It's you know, that's the whole.
Love is not a candy barsituation.
Right, like the more you'reshown, the more you have to give
.
And it's just respecting theteacher in these ways is so, so,
(36:22):
so valuable for your child tosee.
They're learning from you.
So honoring that person andhonoring that relationship is
going to be really, reallyimportant.
Jenny (36:34):
You know what else you could honor Our Patreon?
Yes, are you?
Caitlin (36:42):
on our list?
Nice, very nice.
Are you on our list?
Very nice Okay.
Jenny (36:50):
So here's what you're going to do.
You're actually listening to uson your phone right now, so
you're going to put your phonein your hand, you are going to
go to all of the places whereyou pod and you are going to hit
those stars.
You are going to write a littlereview you are going to share,
you are going to subscribe, youare going to go to our website
(37:12):
and read our blog.
To go to our website and readour blog and you are going to
tell the world that you havecompletely changed as a person,
that you are a better version ofyourself, because ck and gk
have spoken goodness into yourlife.
You're the 20-year reunionversion of yourself right, yes
right, absolutely put on thedress, throw the glitter,
(37:36):
glitter, snap, do it make yourchoices and use your gift cards
and, uh, get the right schoolsupplies because it helps.
Caitlin (37:44):
Okay, bye.
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