April 15, 2025 • 47 mins
"Spoiler: Your to-do list isn’t the problem—it’s your brain (and maybe your phone). This week, TULA’s Debra Doliner returns to help us hack time management, ditch guilt, and finally make that 5-minute phone call we’ve all been avoiding for months."
—
Who Should Listen
- Moms who’ve ever cried over an empty laundry basket (why is it always full again by noon?!).
- Anyone whose "ideal day" involves not answering emails on a ‘break’ in the bathroom.
- Women ready to embrace Dolly Parton’s wisdom: "Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life."
—
What You Get In This Episode
- Your "Ideal Day" Is a Compass
- Write down what your actual perfect day looks like (yes, tacos count). Then add what fills your cup (game nights! walks!) and subtract what drains you (pointless meetings, we’re looking at you).
- The 3-Task Rule
- Only put 3 must-do items on your daily to-do list. "Finished them? Congrats! Everything else is bonus points."
- Delegate Like a CEO
- That vet appointment you’ve avoided for months? The donation pile judging you? Outsource it (babysitters, TULA, or a neighbor going to Goodwill anyway).
- "No Agenda? No Atten-da!"
- Stop attending meetings that could’ve been an email. Protect your time like it’s the last cookie in the jar.
- Phone Jail Is Real
- Debra uses a literal lockbox (ySky Cell Phone lockbox) to break her phone addiction. Way to stick to those boundaries.
—
Bios
"Caitlin & Jenny: Educators, moms, and glitter survivors. Follow our chaos @CKandGKPodcast."
—
Mentioned in This Episode
- TULA Life Balanced (Use code GROWNUP20 for 20% off personal assistant/chef services!)
- The Finisher’s Journal (For ADHD brains who need focus)
- The Mom Psychologist (Instagram gold for parent-child connection)
- The Daily Stoic (Ryan Holiday’s wisdom for chaotic minds)
"Subscribe so you never miss an episode (unlike that phone call you only answered in your head). Tell us your best delegation win @CKandGKPodcast!"
The best support is a rating and a share.
Love,
CK & GK
View our website at ckandgkpodcast.com. Find us on social media @ckandgkpodcast on
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Thanks, y'all!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Caitlin Kindred (00:01):
Hey friends, this episode had some mild to
moderate sound issues and weapologize in advance for the
sound quality.
We'll be back to our regulargood stuff next week.
Thanks for hanging in and weappreciate you.
Hello and welcome.
(00:21):
And I'm not Jenny, so you'renot going to hear me sing
because, nope, that's just not.
It's just not my thing.
Just don't do it.
Um, we're so glad you're here.
Welcome to how to be a grown-up.
This is the show that teachesyou how to do things like how to
get crayons off the wall,because we just googled it
(00:41):
before we started recording and,by the way, the answer is you
spray WD-40 on the wall andit'll cover it up.
Yes, I'm Caitlin, and with metoday again is my friend, debra
Dolinar, who is the Austin headof marketing and growth for Tula
Life Balanced.
We met a few years ago, whenour kids were in kindergarten
together, and she's just anabsolute joy.
(01:04):
She is our Zen Master ofStrategy and Glow Giving Guru
for our self-care talk today.
Last week you were here and youshared steps for and tips for
how to manage our energy.
Things like deep breathing,things like prioritizing
different parts of your routinefor when you know your energy is
(01:26):
at its peak or at its lowest.
Today, you're here to talkabout managing time and a better
work-life balance, so this issomething I need help with.
Just give me all theinformation, because I struggle
here.
Yeah, I mean, first of all, Ihave to say that managing our
(01:48):
time don't be so hard onyourself, because I think that
managing our time is a lot likehome organization, that it's not
just done and then it's perfectall the time.
It's.
The word management is therefor a reason so we can like
revisit it, you know, yeah, sowe're revisiting it today.
So, managing our time, the onetop rule that I can say is to
(02:13):
sit down and really write downwhat does your ideal day look
like?
And I know our weekends look alot different than our week days
.
So sit down and write down thatyou're like what would I like
my ideal day to look like?
Okay, so I'm curious, like ifyou were to I'm putting you on
the spot but if you're like,okay, what would my ideal day
(02:33):
look like?
That's a good question.
I'd probably start with sleep,like sleeping until my body
naturally wakes me up yeah, andsometimes my body will naturally
wake me up, you know, aroundfour because anxiety.
But also, if I could go back tosleep, I'd probably enjoy doing
that.
(02:53):
And then, you know, um,breakfast tacos and coffee, and
spending some time with goodfriends and laughing, maybe
crossing something off of myto-do list finally making that
phone call that I've beenputting off for three months but
it takes five minutes, and thenspending the rest of my time
(03:16):
with my husband and my son,watching movies, playing games,
stuff like that.
Yeah, that's pretty similar tomine.
Yeah, I am impressed that youall eat breakfast tacos during
the week, because that issomething that yeah, that's
pretty similar to mine.
Yeah, I am impressed that youall eat breakfast tacos during
the week, because that issomething that we do like as a
treat to us.
So, I know it's.
It's not an everyday, it is a.
If it's ideal day, yeah, welove good breakfast tacos, so so
(03:39):
what you want to do is reallylook at your ideal day and see
you need to figure out how tomake that happen.
And, granted, I know you'regoing to say, like, our ideal
day doesn't involve doinglaundry, yeah, but obviously we
have to squeeze that in.
But really look at what youwant your day to look like and
then figure out how to get asclose to that as possible.
(04:00):
So it's a matter of adding inwhat's missing.
So, for us as a family, Irealized that I really enjoy
doing game nights with ourfamily and after dinner, sitting
around the table playing cards.
So fitting in what you want,adding in what will bring more
meaning to each day and thensubtracting what's not working.
(04:20):
We have made ourselves so busyand we commit ourselves to so
many things that aren'tnecessarily ideal or not moving
us towards our goals that wesign up because we feel
obligated or for various reasons.
And I am voting for us to slowdown our life.
And I know that some people arelike, but I'm a parent and I
(04:42):
have all my kids things, and I'ma firm believer in also showing
our children that we don't have, that their schedules also
don't have to be so crazy.
And and talk me off the ledgeDo you think that this is crazy?
Or do you think that this is,that this is possible?
That if we started subtractingthe things that we don't have to
do in life, you think this ispossible?
I do, and I you made it justsound so simple.
(05:07):
My brain always goes back toteaching it's backwards design.
Right, if this is if this isthe end goal, then what do I
need to do to accomplish the endgoal?
If I need to take out thisthing that sucks because I it
sucks and it doesn't fit myideal day and I need to add this
piece in, that seems prettysimple and manageable to do, I
think, also knowing and beingrealistic, that like that's,
(05:31):
that's a, that's a target.
It's not going to happen everyday, yeah, but even if it just
means sort of taking out onething that sucks to get you out
of you know what I mean oradding in one thing that makes
you happy, I think could get you, but that seems pretty
manageable to me.
Yeah, it does.
And I think for us, even I ourdog, luckily, is not one of
(05:53):
those dogs that has to be walkedabsolutely every day.
She's not a high energy dog,but I realized I was happier
when I did walk her twice a day,if possible, and even if it's
for five, we're on the block andshe's, you know, she doesn't
complain, but she's, of course,happier when she does get a walk
.
Um, I hope no one's judging me.
(06:14):
No, yeah, putting those thingsbring more meaning to your life,
and especially for our weekends, because I am guilty of this,
of spending way too much time onour phones, spending way too
much time on social media, whenwe know if we replace something
else that would bring a lot moremeaning into our day, we can
move ourselves towards a happierlife.
(06:35):
So I know, while that doesn'tlook like managing time, I think
it's a really good.
Starting point Is how I'mspending my day moving me
further towards my goal ormoving me further away from my
goals and my ideal life?
Yeah, and use as like a dailytarget.
We're so quick to be so hard onourselves about getting on our
phone and scrolling.
(06:57):
But I read something recentlyand it completely changed the
way I think about habits andtime management.
Change the way I think abouthabits and time management and I
reflect back on it time andtime again and that is our
brains are, for the most part,pattern seekers.
That is, our brain's job is tosearch for patterns, and so if
we've created that pattern of atthis time of day, I pick up my
(07:19):
phone and I scroll.
That's what our brain is goingto go to and it's what it's
going to seek out, and so Ithink working hard to get to
find that new pattern will behelpful, but not beating
ourselves up about it, becausethat's all our brain is doing,
and so we were so used togetting that dopamine hit that
way that we can find another wayto get that dopamine hit.
(07:40):
That is something that I'vebeen working on for myself
lately is kind of separating mythinking about myself from my
brain's job.
There is something veryvaluable about that
metacognitive piece of thinking,about your thinking, but
there's also something veryvaluable about separating out
(08:00):
your emotions from what'sactually being processed by your
brain.
So that's a really nice point.
How is my brain thinking versusjust like being taken over by
the thoughts?
But like so, going back to timemanagement and all of that, I,
you know, I know, we all knowthis to like plan your day, plan
your year, plan your day, planyour week, plan your month, plan
(08:24):
your year, but make sure, whenyou're planning it, to include
your life there.
Because, like in the work-lifebalance, when we look at our
work-life balance, so I wouldbet no one is like, oh, you know
what I need to do, I need toput more work, I need to put
more work in this.
Yeah, no, put your life in thatschedule and protect that time.
(08:45):
And I know we talked about, wetouched on the phones a little
bit and I'll go back to it in alittle bit, but I have to admit
that my phone addiction is sobad that I have a lockbox.
There are many that you canorder Mine's on Amazon, it's
called the YSky Portable, andyou set the time and it
literally will lock your phone.
And my addiction is that badand so I just put it in the
(09:10):
lockbox and I'm a lot moreproductive and it really does
show you how attached we are topicking up our devices.
So, as far as time managementgoes, that is definitely a good
tool for those of us that justcan't stop or are very
distracted by our computer.
No, I'm thinking about it formyself.
Wow, good for you.
(09:31):
As far as managing our phones,they're such great devices, but
we have to make sure they don'trule our lives.
Yeah, absolutely yeah.
And with that I have to share aquote that I can't stop
thinking about from Dolly Parton.
And it's don't get so busymaking a living that you forget
(09:51):
to make a life.
Oh, all of us just need tofollow the church of Dolly, like
she's just so amazing, amazing,yeah, she is.
So, with time management.
(10:12):
The other really importantaspect is to prioritize and
delegate, and I want to startwith putting fewer things on our
to-do list so you can put abrain dump at the beginning of
the week of all the stuff thatyou need to get done that week
or that month.
But if you actually put justthree items on your to-do list
that day, you're more likely toaccomplish those things.
Because if we put too much, youknow, sometimes we just put
(10:33):
what we hope to get done.
Oh yeah, it's overwhelming.
So just like, just put downwhere you're, like, I have to
get these three things done andI guess if you finish those
three things and you have extratime, you can go back to the
other list and say, okay, let mepull one more of those things,
cause it's the overwhelm.
Sometimes it stops us fromgetting more done.
Oh, I absolutely haveoverwhelmed paralysis a hundred
(10:56):
percent, which is why I have tostart with something small and
then build in momentum formyself.
Um, and other people I knowdon't function that way, but oh,
that overrun paralysis.
That was a really good tip tojust put three things.
Okay, that's what I'm going totry tomorrow.
Well, and I know you said I liketo do a lot of little things.
I actually call that power hour.
I kind of get a kick out ofdoing this, where I do mine like
(11:20):
more like afternoon, like notmy one to three slump, but my
afternoon, where I'll put downlike all these little tasks and
then I'll set the timer for anhour and I'm like how much can I
get done?
It's my little challenge oflike, okay, let's see, I call it
my power hour and I'm like howmuch can I of these little tasks
can I knock out?
Oh my gosh, that is brilliant,especially with people who have
(11:44):
ADHD.
The competitive piece, theturning it into a game yeah, oh
my gosh, I already do that with.
I do like a 10 minute tidywhere it's like, okay, I don't
want to do anything, let me seta timer for 10 minutes.
What can I pick up in those 10minutes?
Why don't I do that with tasks?
That's really smart.
Okay, thank you.
Another tip I'm going to youGot it, yeah, and it feels great
(12:14):
when you get all done, yeah,yeah.
So I briefly went overprioritize and delegate, but I
want to dive more into it.
Please do, please do thebrilliant.
Stephen Covey said not toprioritize what's on your
schedule, but to schedule yourpriorities, so really going to
the ideal life and your goals.
One thing that we all do,though, I think, is we work
outside of our work hours, andthat is what's going to
(12:34):
immediately tip that work-lifebalance.
What we really need to do isjust schedule our work hours and
stick to it and just say nope.
That other time is either mysecond shift, where I'm cooking
dinner and doing laundry, or andor being with my family, and
I'm reminding myself of thatbecause I've really started
creeping into doing work outsideof work hours.
(12:57):
And, um, checking email.
Oh my God, the time management.
How many times do we check our?
How many times do we check our?
How many times do you checkyour email a day?
Um, so I'm really bad aboutemail, and now that there's that
new priority inbox on my phoneapp, I check it.
I only see, like the ones thatthey kind of highlight.
(13:18):
Yeah, but more than I'd like toadmit.
It's probably like 10 times aday.
Yeah, for my personal, mypersonal inboxes, and I'd like
to admit it's probably like 10times a day.
Yeah, for my personal, mypersonal inboxes, and I have
like four to manage because I'vegot personal, and then the
podcast one and then there's acouple other.
Yeah, it's a lot, so a lot,yeah, yeah.
So I think also, with thatsticking to, I'm checking my
(13:39):
email twice a day, oh yeah, butit's on my phone and so
sometimes I'm just like it'sthat boredom thing or that
pattern thing where I just pickit up and check it.
So checking our email less, andwe talked about avoiding
distractions and phones a littlebit just that general idea of
how addicted we are to ourphones.
I know you've touched on it inprevious podcasts, but here's
(14:01):
what I found interesting is thatstudies show they did a study
where they had people who weretold to use their phone more
when they were I think it waslike a museum or something with
their family and ones that weretold to put their phone away,
and we showed we could probablypredict this, but studies showed
(14:22):
that people who use theirphones more found the event less
meaningful and they were morelonely.
Even if they were with theirfamily, they were more lonely
and they found it lessmeaningful.
So you know, if we're going toprioritize our time and manage
our time to really just bemindful when we're using our
phones, and then the constantinterruptions they show with
(14:45):
work.
It comes at a cost, so it takesaway our productivity, our
mental wellbeing and so reallyeliminating any distractions.
So that's interesting because Ido a couple of things with work
.
I will one.
I have an app that kind ofschedules my tasks for me, like
it auto-populates my calendarwith this is your priority right
(15:07):
now.
It's due, you know, in two days, whatever, but I have it set so
that I only check work emailsat the beginning of the day and
at the end of the day.
Nice, because the constantinterruptions get to be a lot
right and because when peoplesend emails a lot of time, you
know there's a fire under theirrear end to get something done,
(15:28):
but their emergency does notconstitute an emergency for me.
I have other deliverables thatI have to work on, and so that's
really been a big protector ofmy productivity.
Is beginning of day work emailcheck.
End of day work email check andthen, like at the end of the
day, after that I'll write downlike these are things I was
asked to do in my emails duringthe day or whatever.
(15:51):
The interruptions are huge andthey definitely, definitely can
impact the amount of time youhave for a task, absolutely yeah
, and distract us and it'sharder to get back on.
Yeah, absolutely true, yeah.
So I'm going to go back toprioritizing and delegating,
because I think I've rushed overand it's it's so, so important
that I, especially when we lookat work, we need to and personal
(16:15):
life, look at work, we need toand personal life again,
re-evaluate our goals, our idealday, and prioritize what will
move us towards that, towardsour goals or towards our ideal
day.
And the other part of it isdelegating, and we have filled
ourselves with so manyobligations.
I think it's time to startdelegating those or getting rid
(16:36):
of them altogether.
Let me give you an example.
So, tula, we are a on-demandpersonal assistant and personal
chef company.
We have an app where clientscan go on our app and request,
within 48 hours, anything thatneeds to be done off of their
to-do list.
And I think it's important towhether it's with Tula or a
(16:57):
friend or a neighbor to learn todelegate our tasks that we
don't have time for or that wereally, really don't want to do,
or that have been on our to-dolist for several months.
So I'm sure you have.
Can you think of anything that'sbeen on your to-do list for
like several months that youjust like don't want to do, yes,
okay, that you just like don'twant to do, yes, okay.
So one of them was making anappointment for my cats to go to
(17:18):
the vet.
They're just fine.
They just haven't been to thevet in a while, they're fine, so
finally did that.
And then the other one is Ihave a bunch of things that need
to be put away that are fromthe last trip we took, and
they're just sitting here in abasket and it's right next to a
basket of things that need to goto a donation facility.
(17:41):
Yeah, I just haven't taken them, they're just sitting on my
floor and it'll look so muchbetter when they go away.
I just haven't done it yet andthere's no judgment whatsoever,
because if you came to my house,I have, I have the same thing,
and I think that it's a matterof letting ourselves ask for
help and accept it.
So, whether that's delegatingit to our husband or a friend,
(18:05):
so we can get rid of those tasksand offload those off of our to
do list.
Because, like you said earlier,you said, oh, I had that, that
phone call to make that took mefive minutes.
That has been on my to do listfor a long time.
Call to make that took me fiveminutes.
That has been on my to-do listfor a long time and sometimes it
weighs more on us mentally thanit does just to like delegate
it and let it go.
(18:30):
Oh yeah, when I finally do it,I'm like everybody clap for me.
Yeah, I made a phone call.
Yeah, not even an important one, I just made the call
Congratulate me, I need, I needa hug, I need a cookie, I'm
gonna buy myself a little treat.
Like it's so hard to do thosethings sometimes, but yeah, it
does weigh on you quite a bit.
And then and then you this isthe part where that I really
(18:50):
need to work on that, youmentioned it earlier is and I
beat myself up with myself, talkabout it where I'm like,
seriously, took you five minutesto make that phone call and you
sat on it for three months.
What are you doing, you stupidhead?
You should have finished that along time ago.
And that's not, that's nothealthy, right, and it's
unrealistic to do that, but thatis the way I.
Or if I don't get it done, thenI'm like really, yeah, you sat
(19:10):
on your phone and you scrolled.
You found how many memes todayand you didn't make that five
minute phone call.
What is wrong with you?
And that's not, you know.
Neither one of those arehealthy.
So, yeah, no, we have to be begracious to ourselves, cause I
think sometimes we just don'twant to do something and that's
okay.
I had a similar situation wherewe had taken our dog to the
(19:32):
amazing dog sitter, but webrought the crate with us and
the crate was sitting in theback of my car for like three
months.
I'm not kidding, uh-huh,there's a box in the back of my
car.
It's empty box, yeah, yeah.
And I was reminded of it likeevery time we did grocery.
I do grocery store pick up,because every time I was
reminded, because they would belike do you want us to put this
on top of the crate?
And I was like sure, it's fine,not a big deal, you can put it
(19:54):
in there if you want.
It doesn't matter, it's allgood.
Yep, yeah, and it would kind oflike make the little sound.
You know that the crates makewhen you're like in the back.
I got it.
Yeah, I gotta get that out ofthere.
Yep, I get it.
Yeah, so what I should havedone is just said to my
wonderful husband hey, can youget that crate out of the car
for me?
So just delegate it.
(20:15):
But let me.
I curious.
I want to ask a conversationaround our culture of delegating
and what would make it easierfor people to ask for and accept
help and delegate.
So I think a lot of this is istied back to the American
culture of this.
(20:36):
I do myself this bootstrap idearight, and a lot of it is the
evolution of what women havedone to further their own social
station, with feministmovements and things like that.
We went from being people whoworked full-time inside the home
getting all these things done,and no, stay-at-home moms do not
(20:58):
have it easier.
What I'm saying is the time wasspent differently and you
weren't expected to do thingsoutside the home and inside the
home.
Right now there's thisexpectation that women parent as
if they are stay at homeparents but work as if they are
not parents, and those twothings you can be both a an
(21:23):
employee and a parent, but thosetwo things can't coexist in
perfect harmony all the time.
It just doesn't work, yeah,yeah.
So I don't want to say we'vedone this to ourselves, because
that's not it at all.
I think, culturally, there was atime when people helped each
other more.
We had different expectationsaround what it was to work
(21:44):
outside the home.
This work from home life wasnot the same as it is now, where
sometimes you don't have anyseparation between the end of
your workday and then yoursecond shift that picks up right
after that.
So, in terms of asking for help, there was a time where we
didn't really have to askbecause people would pick it up
for you or because you weren'tso stretched, yeah Right.
(22:10):
I think now it's hard for womento ask for help because, one, we
don't want to for a couple ofreasons.
Uh, one is that we're supposedto, supposed to, is an air
quotes supposed to be able to doeverything, um?
Two, ideally we have a partnerwho gets it, who we don't have
to ask.
(22:30):
We can just clearly bestruggling and they'll say oh
look, the laundry needs to bedone, let me go ahead and do it.
Be struggling and they'll say,oh look, the laundry needs to be
done, let me go ahead and do it.
Yeah, um.
But mostly I think it's justthat shame of I'm supposed to be
able to do this.
Why can't I do this?
I don't want to ask, and so it.
I think it's easier when there'sa menu of options to choose
(22:52):
from.
Right, like here are the fourstandard things that everybody
needs help with all the timeLaundry, getting crap done
outside the house, dropping offstuff, errands and a couple
other things, and you can justchoose.
If you could pick up mygroceries and fold my laundry
for me, that'd be amazing.
Right, those are things thatwould.
It's already there.
And also, taking away the fearof asking someone face to face
(23:15):
for help.
Yeah, right, isn't that like?
So that's so hard to look atsomeone and say I need help.
You know, um, especially askingpeople that we know, who know
us to, to support whatever it isthat we're we're struggling
with, that's, that's a hardthing.
Yeah, and I think it's alsoprobably because we already know
that we're busy and we'reafraid to add something to
(23:37):
someone else's plate.
Absolutely true, yeah, that'swhy I do think that Tula is
amazing, because you can go onthe app, you don't have to talk
to anyone.
You type it in, you ask for thehelp.
But I do understand that.
You know, I wish everyone wouldhave Tula in their lap.
I know that's not alwaysfeasible, so that's where I'm
(24:03):
like well, what else can youdelegate?
And I think one of the hidden,best hidden gems that parents
have neglected are ourbabysitters, and here's what I'm
talking about.
So my husband and I go on datenight at least twice a month,
sometimes more.
Good for you, yeah, I know it'sgreat.
Well, because we were like itis one thing that we prioritize
and we, we love it, we need it.
We find that when we don't doit, we're just not you're not
yourselves.
It's yeah, exactly, it's betterfor us to have that.
(24:26):
And yeah, I think you know datenights aren't for every couple,
but if they are, we hire ourbabysitters for an ungodly
amount of money and we pay themto watch our children.
Our children go go to bed atlike 8, 8.39.
And then the babysitter sitsthere and enjoys your Netflix,
which is great.
But we looked at each other andwe're like why have we not been
asking them to fold our laundry, or at least our son's laundry?
(24:48):
If you don't want to outsourceyour own laundry, then I'm like
use your babysitter's time whenthey're sitting there at night.
Utilize them to help out thatto do list.
Like make it a two for you'regoing on date night.
You guys are relaxing yourbabysitters taking care of your
child and, after your child orchildren are in bed, have them
offload some of those tasks foryou.
You're paying them there andoften we're like we're just
(25:11):
paying for a warm body to sitthere and watch Netflix, like no
, some of the other things likeyou mentioned, like oh, I need
to take this to Goodwill orSalvation Army.
You know, if you're friendswith your neighbors say like hey
, is anyone doing a Goodwill run?
Or the best thing is when weget together and we sort of work
as a community to help delegatesome of those tasks, if that
makes sense.
So, like one of our neighbors,absolutely Bringing, absolutely
(25:33):
Bringing stuff to the recyclingdown in Austin already had an
appointment.
He's like you need stuff.
So I think, looking for thoseoptions to delegate, I think if
we slowly work towards shiftingthat culture of asking for and
accepting help, those things canfall into place easier.
I like that I hadn't thoughtabout the people who are already
doing something.
They're not going out of theirway, they're already going to do
(25:56):
it.
Why not see if they'll takeyour thing too?
Yeah, good one.
And that's the one thing I keeptrying to think of a way that
we could make a I haven'tthought of it yet, but a way
that we could kind of create agroup thing for Tula, for that
idea.
Like we're all running the sameerrands, we're all going to the
post office and picking up onthe reason, so what's a way that
(26:18):
we can just do it together andbe smarter about our time?
Yeah, yeah, I like that.
Yeah, oh, I almost fell out ofmy chair.
Yay, alrighty, so well.
Let me say the last few things,because I know, when it comes to
(26:38):
time management, I am not ahuge fan of meetings and I'm a
board member of an organization.
So if the other board membersare listening, I love, love
being on the board and theirmeetings are very productive.
That being said, I hate nothingmore than going to a meeting
that is pointless.
That could have been put in anemail.
So, time management, stop goingto pointless meetings.
(26:58):
Stop signing yourself up forpointless things that are just a
waste of your time.
Also, if you have one of thosenotoriously wasteful meetings, I
saw some meme or tweet orsomething that was like if no
agenda me, no attenda, just makesure that there's a reason that
(27:19):
you're going, tell the team.
Can someone please tell me whatthe agenda for this meeting is
so that I can determine whatvalue I can bring to the meeting
, because if I can't contributeanything valuable, I'm not going
.
There's a way to say it so thatyou don't sound like a jerk.
But yes, absolutely, that's atime suck that you don't need to
(27:41):
be a part of.
If you can help it, yeah,absolutely, absolutely.
So in moving towards that timemanagement and kind of giving
yourself better work-lifebalance, because no one wants to
go to pointless meetings andwaste their time.
So I know we've touched on thisearlier of to have better
work-life balance.
It's about adding things andsubtracting things and letting
(28:03):
go of things.
But I know we all know this.
So I wanted to ask you whatmakes it hard?
Do you think in our culture,what makes it so hard to let go
of things, even if they're notserving our goals or ambitions
or our ideal life?
I think it kind of comes backto what you feel obligated to do
(28:23):
.
Yeah, I should be able to dothis, I should be able to, and
shooting all over yourself isreally unhealthy.
Um, I think that's a big partof it.
I think some of it is habit.
I think some of it is um, itworked for someone else, it
should work for me too.
I think that's a tough question, but I feel like those three
(28:47):
kind of come to mind right offthe bat.
There's some things, too, thatI'm like.
I mean, I talked about this inone of the episodes earlier.
You know, does my walk count ifmy watch doesn't track it?
And there there is a sense ofobligation that comes from those
sorts of things.
So you feel like you kind ofhave to, because if I don't do
(29:08):
this, then I don't get my steps.
Or if I don't do this, then youknow, I lose my streak of
whatever.
The stupid streak may be right,there's some of those too.
We're just putting so so muchpressure on ourselves for
everything too.
We're just putting so, so muchpressure on ourselves for
everything, right.
Why do I have to maintain astreak of 17 days for Wordle?
(29:29):
Why does that need to be athing?
Who cares For the record?
Yes, I do have a Wordle streakgoing because I still do them,
but 19 days I think it's 19right now.
Nice, right, yeah, but itshouldn't be.
Why am I putting pressure onmyself to get that done?
That's supposed to be anelective thing.
Why does it have to be a thing?
(29:49):
Yeah, yeah and I think aboutthat with your hobbies a little
bit of like it needs to besomething enjoyable.
We don't need to put so muchpressure on ourselves.
But when you're mentioningyou're mentioning laundry and
you're like, well, I should beable to do this.
There's something that I usedto tell myself.
This actually was related tolike I was in a friendship that
just wasn't healthy for me andwas looking at things in my life
(30:13):
, too, that weren't healthy forme, and like meaning, like my
schedule was so jam-packed thatit was impacting my stress load,
like I was just stressed allthe time.
This was pre-pandemic, and Istarted asking myself, like I
can do it.
Yes, is it good for me?
Because we can always keeppushing ourself more, but at
(30:35):
what expense to ourselves?
Right, family, right, mentalhealth.
So I think it's reallyimportant.
As far as like self-care andtime management and all of that,
ask yourself, like, is it goodfor me?
Yeah, yeah, of course I canfold the laundry.
Of course I can fold the kids'laundry, but if I can, you know,
go on a date night and have ourbabysitter do it.
(30:55):
This is so much better for me.
Or maybe laundry is not thebest example because it's not
very stressful and we all listento your podcast while we're
holding our life.
Yes, we do, um, you know,because there are days where we
have all the energy and we have,we can give ourselves 100.
But really, just being beinghonest with yourself and knowing
(31:17):
yourself, and we're so, so hardon ourselves and we've signed
ourselves up for so much, youknow, I, I know you talked a
little bit.
You kind of were referencinglike the 50s and 60s of how our
culture was back then.
Not only have we shifted towhere we're doing more, we're
asking our kids to do more,we're asking our spouses to do
more, but yet we've often movedaway from our family units.
(31:38):
So we don't have that helpRight.
Because I was so jealous we hada few friends whose both
parents were in town and theirgrandparents were in town and
they're helping out with thekids and the laundry and I was
like that's really nice, butmost of us don't have that, yeah
.
So I think really kind of goingback and seeing the reality of
what, not like what have we doneto ourselves, but like what's
(32:02):
realistic right, all, but likewhat's what's realistic right,
all these women who, like, do itall a lot of them have help and
this culture of like takingcare of yourself.
Not only do you do thingsyourself financially with your
job, but you also do thingsyourself in the home, and that's
just not how we were meant todo things.
(32:24):
Yeah, at all.
And even, too, I was thinkingearlier that I think it.
It goes even further than whatwe, than what we give ourselves
credit for.
So I didn't live in the 50s, soI don't know 100%, but I do
know like a lot of it was liketv dinners right, the tv dinners
kind of it was a thing.
Yeah, where now we shameourselves for something that's
(32:46):
like even close to a tv dinner.
We keep like raising the barfor these expectations for
ourselves, but we're not, we'renot delegating anything.
You know, of course we're gonnaget burned out and not have
time to take care of ourselves.
Yeah, um, and I actually sawsomeone another thing on
Instagram or TikTok or somethingthat was like maybe it feels
(33:06):
like it's getting harder becauseyou keep changing the
expectation and in this case itmight not even be you.
To me it's external forces,it's society changing
expectations, right, like therewas a whole Pinterest birthday
party thing that startedhappening, where it was like,
why did parties have to becomethis big deal?
Like why can't I just orderpizza and take all the kids to a
(33:27):
pool?
Like what's wrong with doingthat Little things like that,
where we're all putting so muchpressure on ourselves to do
things that are for lack of abetter word extra don't need to
be done that way.
Well, and I'll put it, and Iagree with you because that that
I was fortunately orunfortunately, I don't know
which one did not get thepinterest I like.
(33:47):
I like pinterest, but I don'thave that in me where I can
create a party like that.
That's photo worthy.
No, but if that is important toyou, if you're like I really
want the cute party with thecute decorations, you can
outsource that.
Yeah, there you go, yeah, andTula does that.
Tula does the party planning.
You want to do the partyplanning.
You want the, the aestheticallydesigned, gorgeous party?
(34:10):
Then ask someone else to comein and do it exactly the balloon
.
You're gonna spend the money onit anyway.
You might as well have someonewho knows what they're doing.
Do it.
Yeah, exactly gosh.
So I think you mentioned this ina previous episode and when you
said, I was like yes, I saythat too.
People are going to keep askingyou to do things, and if it's
(34:31):
not a hell yes, I hope I can saythat you can absolutely say
hell yeah.
If it's not a hell yes, thenit's a no yeah exactly.
Or another way of framing it isI had a very wise mentor once
tell me, if you're debatingabout something, the answer is
no.
And what I've always said isunless it's double stuffed Oreo
(34:51):
cookies, because then the answeris always yes, always yes.
After weekends, make sure you'regiving yourself a break.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I don't knowabout you, but I actually really
love looking at my weekendplans and like, yeah, my son
will have black football and hismusic lessons.
I really like having nothingelse planned.
(35:13):
Yeah, isn't that weird to otherpeople?
No, we've talked about the joyof missing out before.
I'm sort of a one thing a daykind of person, and then I love
looking at my calendar and going, oh, I don't have anything
planned.
Yeah, that feels nice.
Yeah, it was really nice.
Yeah, and I think we should dothat more.
And I wanted to leave a littlebit of time to talk about
(35:35):
hobbies.
I knew you talked about it in.
Was it your last episode or twoepisodes ago?
It was, it was a coupleepisodes ago, yeah, so I loved
that.
I loved it.
I loved hearing about yourhobbies.
I loved hearing about yourcrocheting hobby.
Yes, so fun.
I haven't started my nextproject yet, but I need to.
Yeah, what's your next project?
(35:55):
It's probably going to be aWoodstock.
If I made a Snoopy, I got tomake a Woodstock, right, aw?
So, yeah, I've got one I stock,right, oh, yeah, I've got one.
I've got one.
He's right, he's.
He's sitting in a bag waitingto be started, but he's next.
I'm not as successful on thecrocheting aspect as you are.
Your crocheting was lovely.
I really wanted to learn how tocrochet.
This was when, when our sonswere in kindergarten together,
(36:18):
and so I was learning.
I was watching YouTube videosand I even took like a
one-on-one class.
But I saw that video where, ifyou learned anything about
crocheting, there's this videowhere they say Stop it,
stringlet, scoop out its guts,throw it over a cliff.
And so my son had seen mewatching this video and he had
(36:42):
kind of memorized it.
And we were in the middle ofthe grocery store, everyone's
around and he starts saying stopit, scooby, throw it over a
cliff.
And I looked at him like maybethat's not the best thing to be
whispering in a scary voice inpublic.
So, oh, and they were in kinderso they would have been, like,
(37:02):
probably masked.
So can you just imagine likeyou're standing at the grocery
store next to this little kid inhis mask and he's like stab it.
It makes it even creepier,really, I know.
Oh my gosh, oh, so good, sosweet.
So it was really reallyinnocent.
Yeah, that was a lot ofinformation about managing your
(37:24):
time better.
We talked about being mindfulof your time with your phone,
being mindful of spending thetime on the things that make you
feel like it's worth it tospend your time on and removing
the things that don't feel worthit, and about delegating and
leaning on others and how it'sokay to do those things.
(37:45):
Let's take a quick break.
We'll be right back to talkabout other obsessions and
silliness in just a minute.
For links to resourcesmentioned in this episode, head
on over to ckandgkpodcastcomslash blog to find everything
you need, and be sure to followus on social media.
Slash blog to find everythingyou need, and be sure to follow
us on social media.
Head over to your favoritesocial media network and find us
(38:07):
at CK and GK podcast.
And now back to the show.
Okay, we're back, and do youhave any obsessions that you
feel like you have to share withus right now?
Yes, yes, okay, they're notlike fun obsessions.
They don't have to be, theydon't have to be.
No, they don't ever like.
(38:28):
Okay, my, sometimes myobsession is like almonds, like
don't.
There's no pressure here.
This is, this is a safe spacefor anything that you're
obsessed with or like isridiculous, like don't, even, it
doesn't matter.
Yeah, it's super useful.
So I'm obsessed with thefinisher's journal.
It comes quarterly, I'm tellingyou, for I know you've
mentioned, for someone like methat's easily distracted.
(38:52):
You know I come up with a newidea at least all the time, all
the time.
Yeah, I tried to look at thenumber to make myself feel
better, but it's the finish.
I've had so many differentplanners and they need to start
paying me because, as much asI've been like talking about
this journal, it's amazing.
I'm on my second one and itreally does help you focus on
(39:13):
your goals and accomplish themand has stuff like gratitude, it
just it has all the things youwant, but it's also not too time
consuming to do it every daythe things you want, but it's
also not too time consuming todo it every day.
I love this.
I'm about to go look this thingup.
I'm, I have like all theselittle notes.
Yeah, you're giving me allthese great ideas.
I'm.
I'm really excited to look atthis and it's now on.
(39:34):
It's now on Amazon.
And then, okay, my otherobsession it's been for a while.
Have you heard of the DailyStoic obsession?
It's been for a while.
Have you heard of the dailystoic?
No, so it's the.
It's a podcast, youtube channel,um, and a guy named ryan
holiday.
He's written several books too,so it's going to sound super
dry, but there's two videos I'mnot kidding you on a youtube
(39:56):
channel that I've probably eachlistened to at least 100 times,
so I'll give you those specificvideos to post your blog.
Yeah, but one of like one ofthe 10 lessons we need to tell
ourselves every day, and one islike eight questions we should
ask ourselves.
I know I'm not getting thetitle exactly, but they're so
helpful to like recenteringmyself when I feel like monkey
mind or I feel whatever isweighing on me too much.
(40:20):
It really does help me recenterand it helps me focus on what's
important and the cool thing isis that Ryan Holiday lives in
Bastrop and apparently is oh noworries In Austin.
He owns a bookshop in Bastropcalled the Painted Porch.
Okay, and I'm just like I'm hisgreatest fan, so I'm obsessed
(40:40):
with the Daily Stoic and gocheck it out.
I will definitely take a lookat that.
Um, my current obsession rightnow is an Instagram account.
Oh, she's called the mompsychologist.
I need to just take a look atall of my saved Instagram posts
(41:01):
and like do a calculation of howmany of them are hers.
But it's like I have all thesesaved Instagram posts and like
do a calculation of how many ofthem are hers.
But it's like I have all thesesaved Instagram posts and some
of them are like things I wantto talk about on the show or
things that I just think this isbrilliant, you know, or this is
funny and this one is.
It just makes its way into,like, my mom folder.
But she has things, like youknow.
These are five questions thatare meant to be used before bed
(41:24):
that will strengthen yourconnection between you and your
child, or morning rush mistakesthat will ruin your entire day,
like what these are.
This is so smart and it's easyto consume.
It's just a swipe, right.
She puts one tip on a slide, butI just really appreciate the
(41:45):
message that she's providing andI've implemented some of those
things and it's kind ofinteresting, like what's
happening as a result of them.
One of them was like the ninemost important minutes of your
child's day and it's the firstthree minutes after they wake up
, the first three minutes afterthey get home from school and
the last three minutes beforethey go to bed.
(42:06):
Those are times when you, youknow, you put your phone down
and you give them just threeminutes of your time.
Yeah, that's not hard to do,right, and I started doing that
and it's it's.
I'm noticing a differencealready with my relationship
with my son, so I really likeher.
I would highly recommend she's.
She's my obsession right now.
The mom psychologist onInstagram.
I will definitely go.
(42:26):
Look at that sounds.
Anything that helps the bondwith our kids is gold, a hundred
percent.
Yeah, I feel like you alreadytold me your gem, which was your
crochet story, because that wasso good.
Well, there's another creator onInstagram.
(42:47):
Her name is Tessa Romero andshe was talking about how she
talks to her children when theyget lippy sassy with her and the
thing that she does when theystart talking to her in a way.
That's not okay.
She'll, she'll go.
Who am I in a very nice way.
(43:09):
Who and who am I when the kidsare like you're my mom?
Okay, and how do you talk tomom?
And at her house the answer iskindly, we talk to her mom,
kindly.
So I tried it with my kid.
Wait, I tried it and I was likeokay, so who am I?
And he's like mom.
And I was like and how do youtalk to me?
And he's like like this.
(43:30):
So I did not do a good job offront loading how we do this.
And then, when I sort of frontloaded it again, I was like well
, here's the thing.
Like we talk to our parents ina kind tone, like we love them,
right, like like we want to betalked to.
Any of those things would havebeen appropriate responses yeah,
um, I did the pre-teaching,which I had forgotten to do.
(43:51):
And then the next time I triedit the question I said you know
who am I?
And he goes.
I really don't want to do this.
Oh, it was like okay, let's tryit again.
Who am I Mom?
I really don't want to do this.
So that was my parenting fail.
Yeah, no, I'm so glad Our sonsare very similar in that regard.
(44:14):
We had a photo situation todaythat he didn't want to have his
photo taken and it was around alarge group of people and it was
he refused, and so we had alittle talk about it.
After you know what, though?
Part of me, I'm glad when kidscan be themselves in front of
them.
Yeah, yeah, and just fully.
(44:35):
Yeah, I'm glad he could.
He felt comfortable enough withme to be himself.
Yeah, but I will say justasking, asking the question.
I've noticed stops the, thesnippy responses.
At least, if I have to ask thequestion, he gets that like oh,
I maybe crossed the line withhow I should speak to my mother.
(44:56):
Um, again her name, I forget.
Uh, tessa romero got it perfect.
She's really great.
Yeah, yeah, and I don't know ifI have given the discount for
your listeners for Tula.
Oh, yay, demand personalassistant or personal chef.
We also have the personal chefservices, which is very high
(45:18):
demand right now.
Yes, we're really excited.
We brought a new personal chefon board recently and she's
amazing.
So all your listeners get a 20discount and the discount code
is grown up 20.
So if you just go into any ofyour apps and download tula,
life balance is t-u-l-a and plugin the discount code grown up
(45:39):
20 yay, free stuff for listeners.
Yes, guys, guys, jenny wouldtell you to make good choices.
So definitely do that.
Take care of yourself and usethat discount code, because 20%
off that's a big deal.
All right, awesome.
Thank you for being here, ofcourse.
So, like I said, jenny wouldtell you to make good choices.
(46:00):
So do that and take good careof yourself.
Bye, thank you so much forlistening.
Just in case you missed it, thepromo code for to a life
balance on demand personalassistant is grown up 20, as in
how to be a grown up 20.
(46:22):
Bye.
Hey friends, this episode had some mild to
moderate sound issues and weapologize in advance for the
sound quality.
We'll be back to our regulargood stuff next week.
Thanks for hanging in and weappreciate you.
Hello and welcome.
(00:21):
And I'm not Jenny, so you'renot going to hear me sing
because, nope, that's just not.
It's just not my thing.
Just don't do it.
Um, we're so glad you're here.
Welcome to how to be a grown-up.
This is the show that teachesyou how to do things like how to
get crayons off the wall,because we just googled it
(00:41):
before we started recording and,by the way, the answer is you
spray WD-40 on the wall andit'll cover it up.
Yes, I'm Caitlin, and with metoday again is my friend, debra
Dolinar, who is the Austin headof marketing and growth for Tula
Life Balanced.
We met a few years ago, whenour kids were in kindergarten
together, and she's just anabsolute joy.
(01:04):
She is our Zen Master ofStrategy and Glow Giving Guru
for our self-care talk today.
Last week you were here and youshared steps for and tips for
how to manage our energy.
Things like deep breathing,things like prioritizing
different parts of your routinefor when you know your energy is
(01:26):
at its peak or at its lowest.
Today, you're here to talkabout managing time and a better
work-life balance, so this issomething I need help with.
Just give me all theinformation, because I struggle
here.
Yeah, I mean, first of all, Ihave to say that managing our
(01:48):
time don't be so hard onyourself, because I think that
managing our time is a lot likehome organization, that it's not
just done and then it's perfectall the time.
It's.
The word management is therefor a reason so we can like
revisit it, you know, yeah, sowe're revisiting it today.
So, managing our time, the onetop rule that I can say is to
(02:13):
sit down and really write downwhat does your ideal day look
like?
And I know our weekends look alot different than our week days
.
So sit down and write down thatyou're like what would I like
my ideal day to look like?
Okay, so I'm curious, like ifyou were to I'm putting you on
the spot but if you're like,okay, what would my ideal day
(02:33):
look like?
That's a good question.
I'd probably start with sleep,like sleeping until my body
naturally wakes me up yeah, andsometimes my body will naturally
wake me up, you know, aroundfour because anxiety.
But also, if I could go back tosleep, I'd probably enjoy doing
that.
(02:53):
And then, you know, um,breakfast tacos and coffee, and
spending some time with goodfriends and laughing, maybe
crossing something off of myto-do list finally making that
phone call that I've beenputting off for three months but
it takes five minutes, and thenspending the rest of my time
(03:16):
with my husband and my son,watching movies, playing games,
stuff like that.
Yeah, that's pretty similar tomine.
Yeah, I am impressed that youall eat breakfast tacos during
the week, because that issomething that yeah, that's
pretty similar to mine.
Yeah, I am impressed that youall eat breakfast tacos during
the week, because that issomething that we do like as a
treat to us.
So, I know it's.
It's not an everyday, it is a.
If it's ideal day, yeah, welove good breakfast tacos, so so
(03:39):
what you want to do is reallylook at your ideal day and see
you need to figure out how tomake that happen.
And, granted, I know you'regoing to say, like, our ideal
day doesn't involve doinglaundry, yeah, but obviously we
have to squeeze that in.
But really look at what youwant your day to look like and
then figure out how to get asclose to that as possible.
(04:00):
So it's a matter of adding inwhat's missing.
So, for us as a family, Irealized that I really enjoy
doing game nights with ourfamily and after dinner, sitting
around the table playing cards.
So fitting in what you want,adding in what will bring more
meaning to each day and thensubtracting what's not working.
(04:20):
We have made ourselves so busyand we commit ourselves to so
many things that aren'tnecessarily ideal or not moving
us towards our goals that wesign up because we feel
obligated or for various reasons.
And I am voting for us to slowdown our life.
And I know that some people arelike, but I'm a parent and I
(04:42):
have all my kids things, and I'ma firm believer in also showing
our children that we don't have, that their schedules also
don't have to be so crazy.
And and talk me off the ledgeDo you think that this is crazy?
Or do you think that this is,that this is possible?
That if we started subtractingthe things that we don't have to
do in life, you think this ispossible?
I do, and I you made it justsound so simple.
(05:07):
My brain always goes back toteaching it's backwards design.
Right, if this is if this isthe end goal, then what do I
need to do to accomplish the endgoal?
If I need to take out thisthing that sucks because I it
sucks and it doesn't fit myideal day and I need to add this
piece in, that seems prettysimple and manageable to do, I
think, also knowing and beingrealistic, that like that's,
(05:31):
that's a, that's a target.
It's not going to happen everyday, yeah, but even if it just
means sort of taking out onething that sucks to get you out
of you know what I mean oradding in one thing that makes
you happy, I think could get you, but that seems pretty
manageable to me.
Yeah, it does.
And I think for us, even I ourdog, luckily, is not one of
(05:53):
those dogs that has to be walkedabsolutely every day.
She's not a high energy dog,but I realized I was happier
when I did walk her twice a day,if possible, and even if it's
for five, we're on the block andshe's, you know, she doesn't
complain, but she's, of course,happier when she does get a walk
.
Um, I hope no one's judging me.
(06:14):
No, yeah, putting those thingsbring more meaning to your life,
and especially for our weekends, because I am guilty of this,
of spending way too much time onour phones, spending way too
much time on social media, whenwe know if we replace something
else that would bring a lot moremeaning into our day, we can
move ourselves towards a happierlife.
(06:35):
So I know, while that doesn'tlook like managing time, I think
it's a really good.
Starting point Is how I'mspending my day moving me
further towards my goal ormoving me further away from my
goals and my ideal life?
Yeah, and use as like a dailytarget.
We're so quick to be so hard onourselves about getting on our
phone and scrolling.
(06:57):
But I read something recentlyand it completely changed the
way I think about habits andtime management.
Change the way I think abouthabits and time management and I
reflect back on it time andtime again and that is our
brains are, for the most part,pattern seekers.
That is, our brain's job is tosearch for patterns, and so if
we've created that pattern of atthis time of day, I pick up my
(07:19):
phone and I scroll.
That's what our brain is goingto go to and it's what it's
going to seek out, and so Ithink working hard to get to
find that new pattern will behelpful, but not beating
ourselves up about it, becausethat's all our brain is doing,
and so we were so used togetting that dopamine hit that
way that we can find another wayto get that dopamine hit.
(07:40):
That is something that I'vebeen working on for myself
lately is kind of separating mythinking about myself from my
brain's job.
There is something veryvaluable about that
metacognitive piece of thinking,about your thinking, but
there's also something veryvaluable about separating out
(08:00):
your emotions from what'sactually being processed by your
brain.
So that's a really nice point.
How is my brain thinking versusjust like being taken over by
the thoughts?
But like so, going back to timemanagement and all of that, I,
you know, I know, we all knowthis to like plan your day, plan
your year, plan your day, planyour week, plan your month, plan
(08:24):
your year, but make sure, whenyou're planning it, to include
your life there.
Because, like in the work-lifebalance, when we look at our
work-life balance, so I wouldbet no one is like, oh, you know
what I need to do, I need toput more work, I need to put
more work in this.
Yeah, no, put your life in thatschedule and protect that time.
(08:45):
And I know we talked about, wetouched on the phones a little
bit and I'll go back to it in alittle bit, but I have to admit
that my phone addiction is sobad that I have a lockbox.
There are many that you canorder Mine's on Amazon, it's
called the YSky Portable, andyou set the time and it
literally will lock your phone.
And my addiction is that badand so I just put it in the
(09:10):
lockbox and I'm a lot moreproductive and it really does
show you how attached we are topicking up our devices.
So, as far as time managementgoes, that is definitely a good
tool for those of us that justcan't stop or are very
distracted by our computer.
No, I'm thinking about it formyself.
Wow, good for you.
(09:31):
As far as managing our phones,they're such great devices, but
we have to make sure they don'trule our lives.
Yeah, absolutely yeah.
And with that I have to share aquote that I can't stop
thinking about from Dolly Parton.
And it's don't get so busymaking a living that you forget
(09:51):
to make a life.
Oh, all of us just need tofollow the church of Dolly, like
she's just so amazing, amazing,yeah, she is.
So, with time management.
(10:12):
The other really importantaspect is to prioritize and
delegate, and I want to startwith putting fewer things on our
to-do list so you can put abrain dump at the beginning of
the week of all the stuff thatyou need to get done that week
or that month.
But if you actually put justthree items on your to-do list
that day, you're more likely toaccomplish those things.
Because if we put too much, youknow, sometimes we just put
(10:33):
what we hope to get done.
Oh yeah, it's overwhelming.
So just like, just put downwhere you're, like, I have to
get these three things done andI guess if you finish those
three things and you have extratime, you can go back to the
other list and say, okay, let mepull one more of those things,
cause it's the overwhelm.
Sometimes it stops us fromgetting more done.
Oh, I absolutely haveoverwhelmed paralysis a hundred
(10:56):
percent, which is why I have tostart with something small and
then build in momentum formyself.
Um, and other people I knowdon't function that way, but oh,
that overrun paralysis.
That was a really good tip tojust put three things.
Okay, that's what I'm going totry tomorrow.
Well, and I know you said I liketo do a lot of little things.
I actually call that power hour.
I kind of get a kick out ofdoing this, where I do mine like
(11:20):
more like afternoon, like notmy one to three slump, but my
afternoon, where I'll put downlike all these little tasks and
then I'll set the timer for anhour and I'm like how much can I
get done?
It's my little challenge oflike, okay, let's see, I call it
my power hour and I'm like howmuch can I of these little tasks
can I knock out?
Oh my gosh, that is brilliant,especially with people who have
(11:44):
ADHD.
The competitive piece, theturning it into a game yeah, oh
my gosh, I already do that with.
I do like a 10 minute tidywhere it's like, okay, I don't
want to do anything, let me seta timer for 10 minutes.
What can I pick up in those 10minutes?
Why don't I do that with tasks?
That's really smart.
Okay, thank you.
Another tip I'm going to youGot it, yeah, and it feels great
(12:14):
when you get all done, yeah,yeah.
So I briefly went overprioritize and delegate, but I
want to dive more into it.
Please do, please do thebrilliant.
Stephen Covey said not toprioritize what's on your
schedule, but to schedule yourpriorities, so really going to
the ideal life and your goals.
One thing that we all do,though, I think, is we work
outside of our work hours, andthat is what's going to
(12:34):
immediately tip that work-lifebalance.
What we really need to do isjust schedule our work hours and
stick to it and just say nope.
That other time is either mysecond shift, where I'm cooking
dinner and doing laundry, or andor being with my family, and
I'm reminding myself of thatbecause I've really started
creeping into doing work outsideof work hours.
(12:57):
And, um, checking email.
Oh my God, the time management.
How many times do we check our?
How many times do we check our?
How many times do you checkyour email a day?
Um, so I'm really bad aboutemail, and now that there's that
new priority inbox on my phoneapp, I check it.
I only see, like the ones thatthey kind of highlight.
(13:18):
Yeah, but more than I'd like toadmit.
It's probably like 10 times aday.
Yeah, for my personal, mypersonal inboxes, and I'd like
to admit it's probably like 10times a day.
Yeah, for my personal, mypersonal inboxes, and I have
like four to manage because I'vegot personal, and then the
podcast one and then there's acouple other.
Yeah, it's a lot, so a lot,yeah, yeah.
So I think also, with thatsticking to, I'm checking my
(13:39):
email twice a day, oh yeah, butit's on my phone and so
sometimes I'm just like it'sthat boredom thing or that
pattern thing where I just pickit up and check it.
So checking our email less, andwe talked about avoiding
distractions and phones a littlebit just that general idea of
how addicted we are to ourphones.
I know you've touched on it inprevious podcasts, but here's
(14:01):
what I found interesting is thatstudies show they did a study
where they had people who weretold to use their phone more
when they were I think it waslike a museum or something with
their family and ones that weretold to put their phone away,
and we showed we could probablypredict this, but studies showed
(14:22):
that people who use theirphones more found the event less
meaningful and they were morelonely.
Even if they were with theirfamily, they were more lonely
and they found it lessmeaningful.
So you know, if we're going toprioritize our time and manage
our time to really just bemindful when we're using our
phones, and then the constantinterruptions they show with
(14:45):
work.
It comes at a cost, so it takesaway our productivity, our
mental wellbeing and so reallyeliminating any distractions.
So that's interesting because Ido a couple of things with work
.
I will one.
I have an app that kind ofschedules my tasks for me, like
it auto-populates my calendarwith this is your priority right
(15:07):
now.
It's due, you know, in two days, whatever, but I have it set so
that I only check work emailsat the beginning of the day and
at the end of the day.
Nice, because the constantinterruptions get to be a lot
right and because when peoplesend emails a lot of time, you
know there's a fire under theirrear end to get something done,
(15:28):
but their emergency does notconstitute an emergency for me.
I have other deliverables thatI have to work on, and so that's
really been a big protector ofmy productivity.
Is beginning of day work emailcheck.
End of day work email check andthen, like at the end of the
day, after that I'll write downlike these are things I was
asked to do in my emails duringthe day or whatever.
(15:51):
The interruptions are huge andthey definitely, definitely can
impact the amount of time youhave for a task, absolutely yeah
, and distract us and it'sharder to get back on.
Yeah, absolutely true, yeah.
So I'm going to go back toprioritizing and delegating,
because I think I've rushed overand it's it's so, so important
that I, especially when we lookat work, we need to and personal
(16:15):
life, look at work, we need toand personal life again,
re-evaluate our goals, our idealday, and prioritize what will
move us towards that, towardsour goals or towards our ideal
day.
And the other part of it isdelegating, and we have filled
ourselves with so manyobligations.
I think it's time to startdelegating those or getting rid
(16:36):
of them altogether.
Let me give you an example.
So, tula, we are a on-demandpersonal assistant and personal
chef company.
We have an app where clientscan go on our app and request,
within 48 hours, anything thatneeds to be done off of their
to-do list.
And I think it's important towhether it's with Tula or a
(16:57):
friend or a neighbor to learn todelegate our tasks that we
don't have time for or that wereally, really don't want to do,
or that have been on our to-dolist for several months.
So I'm sure you have.
Can you think of anything that'sbeen on your to-do list for
like several months that youjust like don't want to do, yes,
okay, that you just like don'twant to do, yes, okay.
So one of them was making anappointment for my cats to go to
(17:18):
the vet.
They're just fine.
They just haven't been to thevet in a while, they're fine, so
finally did that.
And then the other one is Ihave a bunch of things that need
to be put away that are fromthe last trip we took, and
they're just sitting here in abasket and it's right next to a
basket of things that need to goto a donation facility.
(17:41):
Yeah, I just haven't taken them, they're just sitting on my
floor and it'll look so muchbetter when they go away.
I just haven't done it yet andthere's no judgment whatsoever,
because if you came to my house,I have, I have the same thing,
and I think that it's a matterof letting ourselves ask for
help and accept it.
So, whether that's delegatingit to our husband or a friend,
(18:05):
so we can get rid of those tasksand offload those off of our to
do list.
Because, like you said earlier,you said, oh, I had that, that
phone call to make that took mefive minutes.
That has been on my to do listfor a long time.
Call to make that took me fiveminutes.
That has been on my to-do listfor a long time and sometimes it
weighs more on us mentally thanit does just to like delegate
it and let it go.
(18:30):
Oh yeah, when I finally do it,I'm like everybody clap for me.
Yeah, I made a phone call.
Yeah, not even an important one, I just made the call
Congratulate me, I need, I needa hug, I need a cookie, I'm
gonna buy myself a little treat.
Like it's so hard to do thosethings sometimes, but yeah, it
does weigh on you quite a bit.
And then and then you this isthe part where that I really
(18:50):
need to work on that, youmentioned it earlier is and I
beat myself up with myself, talkabout it where I'm like,
seriously, took you five minutesto make that phone call and you
sat on it for three months.
What are you doing, you stupidhead?
You should have finished that along time ago.
And that's not, that's nothealthy, right, and it's
unrealistic to do that, but thatis the way I.
Or if I don't get it done, thenI'm like really, yeah, you sat
(19:10):
on your phone and you scrolled.
You found how many memes todayand you didn't make that five
minute phone call.
What is wrong with you?
And that's not, you know.
Neither one of those arehealthy.
So, yeah, no, we have to be begracious to ourselves, cause I
think sometimes we just don'twant to do something and that's
okay.
I had a similar situation wherewe had taken our dog to the
(19:32):
amazing dog sitter, but webrought the crate with us and
the crate was sitting in theback of my car for like three
months.
I'm not kidding, uh-huh,there's a box in the back of my
car.
It's empty box, yeah, yeah.
And I was reminded of it likeevery time we did grocery.
I do grocery store pick up,because every time I was
reminded, because they would belike do you want us to put this
on top of the crate?
And I was like sure, it's fine,not a big deal, you can put it
(19:54):
in there if you want.
It doesn't matter, it's allgood.
Yep, yeah, and it would kind oflike make the little sound.
You know that the crates makewhen you're like in the back.
I got it.
Yeah, I gotta get that out ofthere.
Yep, I get it.
Yeah, so what I should havedone is just said to my
wonderful husband hey, can youget that crate out of the car
for me?
So just delegate it.
(20:15):
But let me.
I curious.
I want to ask a conversationaround our culture of delegating
and what would make it easierfor people to ask for and accept
help and delegate.
So I think a lot of this is istied back to the American
culture of this.
(20:36):
I do myself this bootstrap idearight, and a lot of it is the
evolution of what women havedone to further their own social
station, with feministmovements and things like that.
We went from being people whoworked full-time inside the home
getting all these things done,and no, stay-at-home moms do not
(20:58):
have it easier.
What I'm saying is the time wasspent differently and you
weren't expected to do thingsoutside the home and inside the
home.
Right now there's thisexpectation that women parent as
if they are stay at homeparents but work as if they are
not parents, and those twothings you can be both a an
(21:23):
employee and a parent, but thosetwo things can't coexist in
perfect harmony all the time.
It just doesn't work, yeah,yeah.
So I don't want to say we'vedone this to ourselves, because
that's not it at all.
I think, culturally, there was atime when people helped each
other more.
We had different expectationsaround what it was to work
(21:44):
outside the home.
This work from home life wasnot the same as it is now, where
sometimes you don't have anyseparation between the end of
your workday and then yoursecond shift that picks up right
after that.
So, in terms of asking for help, there was a time where we
didn't really have to askbecause people would pick it up
for you or because you weren'tso stretched, yeah Right.
(22:10):
I think now it's hard for womento ask for help because, one, we
don't want to for a couple ofreasons.
Uh, one is that we're supposedto, supposed to, is an air
quotes supposed to be able to doeverything, um?
Two, ideally we have a partnerwho gets it, who we don't have
to ask.
(22:30):
We can just clearly bestruggling and they'll say oh
look, the laundry needs to bedone, let me go ahead and do it.
Be struggling and they'll say,oh look, the laundry needs to be
done, let me go ahead and do it.
Yeah, um.
But mostly I think it's justthat shame of I'm supposed to be
able to do this.
Why can't I do this?
I don't want to ask, and so it.
I think it's easier when there'sa menu of options to choose
(22:52):
from.
Right, like here are the fourstandard things that everybody
needs help with all the timeLaundry, getting crap done
outside the house, dropping offstuff, errands and a couple
other things, and you can justchoose.
If you could pick up mygroceries and fold my laundry
for me, that'd be amazing.
Right, those are things thatwould.
It's already there.
And also, taking away the fearof asking someone face to face
(23:15):
for help.
Yeah, right, isn't that like?
So that's so hard to look atsomeone and say I need help.
You know, um, especially askingpeople that we know, who know
us to, to support whatever it isthat we're we're struggling
with, that's, that's a hardthing.
Yeah, and I think it's alsoprobably because we already know
that we're busy and we'reafraid to add something to
(23:37):
someone else's plate.
Absolutely true, yeah, that'swhy I do think that Tula is
amazing, because you can go onthe app, you don't have to talk
to anyone.
You type it in, you ask for thehelp.
But I do understand that.
You know, I wish everyone wouldhave Tula in their lap.
I know that's not alwaysfeasible, so that's where I'm
(24:03):
like well, what else can youdelegate?
And I think one of the hidden,best hidden gems that parents
have neglected are ourbabysitters, and here's what I'm
talking about.
So my husband and I go on datenight at least twice a month,
sometimes more.
Good for you, yeah, I know it'sgreat.
Well, because we were like itis one thing that we prioritize
and we, we love it, we need it.
We find that when we don't doit, we're just not you're not
yourselves.
It's yeah, exactly, it's betterfor us to have that.
(24:26):
And yeah, I think you know datenights aren't for every couple,
but if they are, we hire ourbabysitters for an ungodly
amount of money and we pay themto watch our children.
Our children go go to bed atlike 8, 8.39.
And then the babysitter sitsthere and enjoys your Netflix,
which is great.
But we looked at each other andwe're like why have we not been
asking them to fold our laundry, or at least our son's laundry?
(24:48):
If you don't want to outsourceyour own laundry, then I'm like
use your babysitter's time whenthey're sitting there at night.
Utilize them to help out thatto do list.
Like make it a two for you'regoing on date night.
You guys are relaxing yourbabysitters taking care of your
child and, after your child orchildren are in bed, have them
offload some of those tasks foryou.
You're paying them there andoften we're like we're just
(25:11):
paying for a warm body to sitthere and watch Netflix, like no
, some of the other things likeyou mentioned, like oh, I need
to take this to Goodwill orSalvation Army.
You know, if you're friendswith your neighbors say like hey
, is anyone doing a Goodwill run?
Or the best thing is when weget together and we sort of work
as a community to help delegatesome of those tasks, if that
makes sense.
So, like one of our neighbors,absolutely Bringing, absolutely
(25:33):
Bringing stuff to the recyclingdown in Austin already had an
appointment.
He's like you need stuff.
So I think, looking for thoseoptions to delegate, I think if
we slowly work towards shiftingthat culture of asking for and
accepting help, those things canfall into place easier.
I like that I hadn't thoughtabout the people who are already
doing something.
They're not going out of theirway, they're already going to do
(25:56):
it.
Why not see if they'll takeyour thing too?
Yeah, good one.
And that's the one thing I keeptrying to think of a way that
we could make a I haven'tthought of it yet, but a way
that we could kind of create agroup thing for Tula, for that
idea.
Like we're all running the sameerrands, we're all going to the
post office and picking up onthe reason, so what's a way that
(26:18):
we can just do it together andbe smarter about our time?
Yeah, yeah, I like that.
Yeah, oh, I almost fell out ofmy chair.
Yay, alrighty, so well.
Let me say the last few things,because I know, when it comes to
(26:38):
time management, I am not ahuge fan of meetings and I'm a
board member of an organization.
So if the other board membersare listening, I love, love
being on the board and theirmeetings are very productive.
That being said, I hate nothingmore than going to a meeting
that is pointless.
That could have been put in anemail.
So, time management, stop goingto pointless meetings.
(26:58):
Stop signing yourself up forpointless things that are just a
waste of your time.
Also, if you have one of thosenotoriously wasteful meetings, I
saw some meme or tweet orsomething that was like if no
agenda me, no attenda, just makesure that there's a reason that
(27:19):
you're going, tell the team.
Can someone please tell me whatthe agenda for this meeting is
so that I can determine whatvalue I can bring to the meeting
, because if I can't contributeanything valuable, I'm not going
.
There's a way to say it so thatyou don't sound like a jerk.
But yes, absolutely, that's atime suck that you don't need to
(27:41):
be a part of.
If you can help it, yeah,absolutely, absolutely.
So in moving towards that timemanagement and kind of giving
yourself better work-lifebalance, because no one wants to
go to pointless meetings andwaste their time.
So I know we've touched on thisearlier of to have better
work-life balance.
It's about adding things andsubtracting things and letting
(28:03):
go of things.
But I know we all know this.
So I wanted to ask you whatmakes it hard?
Do you think in our culture,what makes it so hard to let go
of things, even if they're notserving our goals or ambitions
or our ideal life?
I think it kind of comes backto what you feel obligated to do
(28:23):
.
Yeah, I should be able to dothis, I should be able to, and
shooting all over yourself isreally unhealthy.
Um, I think that's a big partof it.
I think some of it is habit.
I think some of it is um, itworked for someone else, it
should work for me too.
I think that's a tough question, but I feel like those three
(28:47):
kind of come to mind right offthe bat.
There's some things, too, thatI'm like.
I mean, I talked about this inone of the episodes earlier.
You know, does my walk count ifmy watch doesn't track it?
And there there is a sense ofobligation that comes from those
sorts of things.
So you feel like you kind ofhave to, because if I don't do
(29:08):
this, then I don't get my steps.
Or if I don't do this, then youknow, I lose my streak of
whatever.
The stupid streak may be right,there's some of those too.
We're just putting so so muchpressure on ourselves for
everything too.
We're just putting so, so muchpressure on ourselves for
everything, right.
Why do I have to maintain astreak of 17 days for Wordle?
(29:29):
Why does that need to be athing?
Who cares For the record?
Yes, I do have a Wordle streakgoing because I still do them,
but 19 days I think it's 19right now.
Nice, right, yeah, but itshouldn't be.
Why am I putting pressure onmyself to get that done?
That's supposed to be anelective thing.
Why does it have to be a thing?
(29:49):
Yeah, yeah and I think aboutthat with your hobbies a little
bit of like it needs to besomething enjoyable.
We don't need to put so muchpressure on ourselves.
But when you're mentioningyou're mentioning laundry and
you're like, well, I should beable to do this.
There's something that I usedto tell myself.
This actually was related tolike I was in a friendship that
just wasn't healthy for me andwas looking at things in my life
(30:13):
, too, that weren't healthy forme, and like meaning, like my
schedule was so jam-packed thatit was impacting my stress load,
like I was just stressed allthe time.
This was pre-pandemic, and Istarted asking myself, like I
can do it.
Yes, is it good for me?
Because we can always keeppushing ourself more, but at
(30:35):
what expense to ourselves?
Right, family, right, mentalhealth.
So I think it's reallyimportant.
As far as like self-care andtime management and all of that,
ask yourself, like, is it goodfor me?
Yeah, yeah, of course I canfold the laundry.
Of course I can fold the kids'laundry, but if I can, you know,
go on a date night and have ourbabysitter do it.
(30:55):
This is so much better for me.
Or maybe laundry is not thebest example because it's not
very stressful and we all listento your podcast while we're
holding our life.
Yes, we do, um, you know,because there are days where we
have all the energy and we have,we can give ourselves 100.
But really, just being beinghonest with yourself and knowing
(31:17):
yourself, and we're so, so hardon ourselves and we've signed
ourselves up for so much, youknow, I, I know you talked a
little bit.
You kind of were referencinglike the 50s and 60s of how our
culture was back then.
Not only have we shifted towhere we're doing more, we're
asking our kids to do more,we're asking our spouses to do
more, but yet we've often movedaway from our family units.
(31:38):
So we don't have that helpRight.
Because I was so jealous we hada few friends whose both
parents were in town and theirgrandparents were in town and
they're helping out with thekids and the laundry and I was
like that's really nice, butmost of us don't have that, yeah
.
So I think really kind of goingback and seeing the reality of
what, not like what have we doneto ourselves, but like what's
(32:02):
realistic right, all, but likewhat's what's realistic right,
all these women who, like, do itall a lot of them have help and
this culture of like takingcare of yourself.
Not only do you do thingsyourself financially with your
job, but you also do thingsyourself in the home, and that's
just not how we were meant todo things.
(32:24):
Yeah, at all.
And even, too, I was thinkingearlier that I think it.
It goes even further than whatwe, than what we give ourselves
credit for.
So I didn't live in the 50s, soI don't know 100%, but I do
know like a lot of it was liketv dinners right, the tv dinners
kind of it was a thing.
Yeah, where now we shameourselves for something that's
(32:46):
like even close to a tv dinner.
We keep like raising the barfor these expectations for
ourselves, but we're not, we'renot delegating anything.
You know, of course we're gonnaget burned out and not have
time to take care of ourselves.
Yeah, um, and I actually sawsomeone another thing on
Instagram or TikTok or somethingthat was like maybe it feels
(33:06):
like it's getting harder becauseyou keep changing the
expectation and in this case itmight not even be you.
To me it's external forces,it's society changing
expectations, right, like therewas a whole Pinterest birthday
party thing that startedhappening, where it was like,
why did parties have to becomethis big deal?
Like why can't I just orderpizza and take all the kids to a
(33:27):
pool?
Like what's wrong with doingthat Little things like that,
where we're all putting so muchpressure on ourselves to do
things that are for lack of abetter word extra don't need to
be done that way.
Well, and I'll put it, and Iagree with you because that that
I was fortunately orunfortunately, I don't know
which one did not get thepinterest I like.
(33:47):
I like pinterest, but I don'thave that in me where I can
create a party like that.
That's photo worthy.
No, but if that is important toyou, if you're like I really
want the cute party with thecute decorations, you can
outsource that.
Yeah, there you go, yeah, andTula does that.
Tula does the party planning.
You want to do the partyplanning.
You want the, the aestheticallydesigned, gorgeous party?
(34:10):
Then ask someone else to comein and do it exactly the balloon
.
You're gonna spend the money onit anyway.
You might as well have someonewho knows what they're doing.
Do it.
Yeah, exactly gosh.
So I think you mentioned this ina previous episode and when you
said, I was like yes, I saythat too.
People are going to keep askingyou to do things, and if it's
(34:31):
not a hell yes, I hope I can saythat you can absolutely say
hell yeah.
If it's not a hell yes, thenit's a no yeah exactly.
Or another way of framing it isI had a very wise mentor once
tell me, if you're debatingabout something, the answer is
no.
And what I've always said isunless it's double stuffed Oreo
(34:51):
cookies, because then the answeris always yes, always yes.
After weekends, make sure you'regiving yourself a break.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I don't knowabout you, but I actually really
love looking at my weekendplans and like, yeah, my son
will have black football and hismusic lessons.
I really like having nothingelse planned.
(35:13):
Yeah, isn't that weird to otherpeople?
No, we've talked about the joyof missing out before.
I'm sort of a one thing a daykind of person, and then I love
looking at my calendar and going, oh, I don't have anything
planned.
Yeah, that feels nice.
Yeah, it was really nice.
Yeah, and I think we should dothat more.
And I wanted to leave a littlebit of time to talk about
(35:35):
hobbies.
I knew you talked about it in.
Was it your last episode or twoepisodes ago?
It was, it was a coupleepisodes ago, yeah, so I loved
that.
I loved it.
I loved hearing about yourhobbies.
I loved hearing about yourcrocheting hobby.
Yes, so fun.
I haven't started my nextproject yet, but I need to.
Yeah, what's your next project?
(35:55):
It's probably going to be aWoodstock.
If I made a Snoopy, I got tomake a Woodstock, right, aw?
So, yeah, I've got one I stock,right, oh, yeah, I've got one.
I've got one.
He's right, he's.
He's sitting in a bag waitingto be started, but he's next.
I'm not as successful on thecrocheting aspect as you are.
Your crocheting was lovely.
I really wanted to learn how tocrochet.
This was when, when our sonswere in kindergarten together,
(36:18):
and so I was learning.
I was watching YouTube videosand I even took like a
one-on-one class.
But I saw that video where, ifyou learned anything about
crocheting, there's this videowhere they say Stop it,
stringlet, scoop out its guts,throw it over a cliff.
And so my son had seen mewatching this video and he had
(36:42):
kind of memorized it.
And we were in the middle ofthe grocery store, everyone's
around and he starts saying stopit, scooby, throw it over a
cliff.
And I looked at him like maybethat's not the best thing to be
whispering in a scary voice inpublic.
So, oh, and they were in kinderso they would have been, like,
(37:02):
probably masked.
So can you just imagine likeyou're standing at the grocery
store next to this little kid inhis mask and he's like stab it.
It makes it even creepier,really, I know.
Oh my gosh, oh, so good, sosweet.
So it was really reallyinnocent.
Yeah, that was a lot ofinformation about managing your
(37:24):
time better.
We talked about being mindfulof your time with your phone,
being mindful of spending thetime on the things that make you
feel like it's worth it tospend your time on and removing
the things that don't feel worthit, and about delegating and
leaning on others and how it'sokay to do those things.
(37:45):
Let's take a quick break.
We'll be right back to talkabout other obsessions and
silliness in just a minute.
For links to resourcesmentioned in this episode, head
on over to ckandgkpodcastcomslash blog to find everything
you need, and be sure to followus on social media.
Slash blog to find everythingyou need, and be sure to follow
us on social media.
Head over to your favoritesocial media network and find us
(38:07):
at CK and GK podcast.
And now back to the show.
Okay, we're back, and do youhave any obsessions that you
feel like you have to share withus right now?
Yes, yes, okay, they're notlike fun obsessions.
They don't have to be, theydon't have to be.
No, they don't ever like.
(38:28):
Okay, my, sometimes myobsession is like almonds, like
don't.
There's no pressure here.
This is, this is a safe spacefor anything that you're
obsessed with or like isridiculous, like don't, even, it
doesn't matter.
Yeah, it's super useful.
So I'm obsessed with thefinisher's journal.
It comes quarterly, I'm tellingyou, for I know you've
mentioned, for someone like methat's easily distracted.
(38:52):
You know I come up with a newidea at least all the time, all
the time.
Yeah, I tried to look at thenumber to make myself feel
better, but it's the finish.
I've had so many differentplanners and they need to start
paying me because, as much asI've been like talking about
this journal, it's amazing.
I'm on my second one and itreally does help you focus on
(39:13):
your goals and accomplish themand has stuff like gratitude, it
just it has all the things youwant, but it's also not too time
consuming to do it every daythe things you want, but it's
also not too time consuming todo it every day.
I love this.
I'm about to go look this thingup.
I'm, I have like all theselittle notes.
Yeah, you're giving me allthese great ideas.
I'm.
I'm really excited to look atthis and it's now on.
(39:34):
It's now on Amazon.
And then, okay, my otherobsession it's been for a while.
Have you heard of the DailyStoic obsession?
It's been for a while.
Have you heard of the dailystoic?
No, so it's the.
It's a podcast, youtube channel,um, and a guy named ryan
holiday.
He's written several books too,so it's going to sound super
dry, but there's two videos I'mnot kidding you on a youtube
(39:56):
channel that I've probably eachlistened to at least 100 times,
so I'll give you those specificvideos to post your blog.
Yeah, but one of like one ofthe 10 lessons we need to tell
ourselves every day, and one islike eight questions we should
ask ourselves.
I know I'm not getting thetitle exactly, but they're so
helpful to like recenteringmyself when I feel like monkey
mind or I feel whatever isweighing on me too much.
(40:20):
It really does help me recenterand it helps me focus on what's
important and the cool thing isis that Ryan Holiday lives in
Bastrop and apparently is oh noworries In Austin.
He owns a bookshop in Bastropcalled the Painted Porch.
Okay, and I'm just like I'm hisgreatest fan, so I'm obsessed
(40:40):
with the Daily Stoic and gocheck it out.
I will definitely take a lookat that.
Um, my current obsession rightnow is an Instagram account.
Oh, she's called the mompsychologist.
I need to just take a look atall of my saved Instagram posts
(41:01):
and like do a calculation of howmany of them are hers.
But it's like I have all thesesaved Instagram posts and like
do a calculation of how many ofthem are hers.
But it's like I have all thesesaved Instagram posts and some
of them are like things I wantto talk about on the show or
things that I just think this isbrilliant, you know, or this is
funny and this one is.
It just makes its way into,like, my mom folder.
But she has things, like youknow.
These are five questions thatare meant to be used before bed
(41:24):
that will strengthen yourconnection between you and your
child, or morning rush mistakesthat will ruin your entire day,
like what these are.
This is so smart and it's easyto consume.
It's just a swipe, right.
She puts one tip on a slide, butI just really appreciate the
(41:45):
message that she's providing andI've implemented some of those
things and it's kind ofinteresting, like what's
happening as a result of them.
One of them was like the ninemost important minutes of your
child's day and it's the firstthree minutes after they wake up
, the first three minutes afterthey get home from school and
the last three minutes beforethey go to bed.
(42:06):
Those are times when you, youknow, you put your phone down
and you give them just threeminutes of your time.
Yeah, that's not hard to do,right, and I started doing that
and it's it's.
I'm noticing a differencealready with my relationship
with my son, so I really likeher.
I would highly recommend she's.
She's my obsession right now.
The mom psychologist onInstagram.
I will definitely go.
(42:26):
Look at that sounds.
Anything that helps the bondwith our kids is gold, a hundred
percent.
Yeah, I feel like you alreadytold me your gem, which was your
crochet story, because that wasso good.
Well, there's another creator onInstagram.
(42:47):
Her name is Tessa Romero andshe was talking about how she
talks to her children when theyget lippy sassy with her and the
thing that she does when theystart talking to her in a way.
That's not okay.
She'll, she'll go.
Who am I in a very nice way.
(43:09):
Who and who am I when the kidsare like you're my mom?
Okay, and how do you talk tomom?
And at her house the answer iskindly, we talk to her mom,
kindly.
So I tried it with my kid.
Wait, I tried it and I was likeokay, so who am I?
And he's like mom.
And I was like and how do youtalk to me?
And he's like like this.
(43:30):
So I did not do a good job offront loading how we do this.
And then, when I sort of frontloaded it again, I was like well
, here's the thing.
Like we talk to our parents ina kind tone, like we love them,
right, like like we want to betalked to.
Any of those things would havebeen appropriate responses yeah,
um, I did the pre-teaching,which I had forgotten to do.
(43:51):
And then the next time I triedit the question I said you know
who am I?
And he goes.
I really don't want to do this.
Oh, it was like okay, let's tryit again.
Who am I Mom?
I really don't want to do this.
So that was my parenting fail.
Yeah, no, I'm so glad Our sonsare very similar in that regard.
(44:14):
We had a photo situation todaythat he didn't want to have his
photo taken and it was around alarge group of people and it was
he refused, and so we had alittle talk about it.
After you know what, though?
Part of me, I'm glad when kidscan be themselves in front of
them.
Yeah, yeah, and just fully.
(44:35):
Yeah, I'm glad he could.
He felt comfortable enough withme to be himself.
Yeah, but I will say justasking, asking the question.
I've noticed stops the, thesnippy responses.
At least, if I have to ask thequestion, he gets that like oh,
I maybe crossed the line withhow I should speak to my mother.
(44:56):
Um, again her name, I forget.
Uh, tessa romero got it perfect.
She's really great.
Yeah, yeah, and I don't know ifI have given the discount for
your listeners for Tula.
Oh, yay, demand personalassistant or personal chef.
We also have the personal chefservices, which is very high
(45:18):
demand right now.
Yes, we're really excited.
We brought a new personal chefon board recently and she's
amazing.
So all your listeners get a 20discount and the discount code
is grown up 20.
So if you just go into any ofyour apps and download tula,
life balance is t-u-l-a and plugin the discount code grown up
(45:39):
20 yay, free stuff for listeners.
Yes, guys, guys, jenny wouldtell you to make good choices.
So definitely do that.
Take care of yourself and usethat discount code, because 20%
off that's a big deal.
All right, awesome.
Thank you for being here, ofcourse.
So, like I said, jenny wouldtell you to make good choices.
(46:00):
So do that and take good careof yourself.
Bye, thank you so much forlistening.
Just in case you missed it, thepromo code for to a life
balance on demand personalassistant is grown up 20, as in
how to be a grown up 20.
(46:22):
Bye.
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