May 6, 2025 • 50 mins
Vote for Caitlin: Women Podcasters Awards, Education Podcasts
Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there—we see you!
Turns out, mom wasn’t blowing off your teenage BS when she said ‘be careful who you hang out with’ or ‘one day you’ll miss my nagging.’ This episode is for every grownup who finally gets it—plus the hilarious (and humbling) mom wisdom we still ignore.
—
Who Should Listen
- Anyone who’s ever rolled their eyes at their mom… then realized she was right
- Parents currently losing the "just wear a jacket!" battle
- Humans who finally realize that "it is what it is" is actually profound
—
What You Get In This Episode
- Mom’s Most Valuable Lessons
- "Clean a little every day" (we agree… in theory)
- "Your coat should cover your skirt hem" (sorry, cropped jacket lovers)
- "Don’t over-pluck your eyebrows" (elder millennials, we see you)
- Deep Cuts from Reddit
- Why driving in silence is peak adulthood
- How "it’s not you, it’s them" applies to middle school and adulthood
- The life-changing magic of a vertical file box or fire-proof envelope
- Ariella’s Mom Wisdom
- Italian-grandma-approved work/life boundaries ("If I’m clocked out, you’re dead to me.")
- Why a perfect meal is one you have with someone else
- Caitlin’s Favorite Momisms
- "People are stupid" (it’s not mean, it’s statistical)
- "Do not f* thyself"* (ancient wisdom, modern applications)
- Your New Mantra
- "They’re not anti-you—they’re pro-them." (road rage therapy, unlocked)
—
Bios
Caitlin & Ariella: Second career starters, current chaos wranglers, and hosts who’ve accepted that mom usually knows best (but still won’t scrub floors on their knees).
—
Sources
- Reddit/AskWomen: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/1jl1gyk/whats_something_you_thought_was_stupid_as_a_girl/
- Ariella’s fireproof document pouch: Link on our Favorite Things page
- Vote for Caitlin! Women in Podcasting Awards: Vote here!
Tag us @CKandGKPodcast with your #MomWasRight moment—we’ll feature the best ones!
The best support is a rating and a share.
Love,
CK & GK
View our website at ckandgkpodcast.com. Find us on social media @ckandgkpodcast on
- Instagram
- Facebook
- TikTok
Thanks, y'all!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Caitlin Kindred (00:01):
Hello everyone.
Hi, we're so glad you're heretoday.
Welcome to how to Be a Grown-Up.
This is the how-to show, withat least one host who wishes
that she had listened to hermother a little bit more when
she was younger.
Hi, Mom, Hi Mom.
(00:25):
I'm Caitlin and with me today.
co-hosting for Jenny is AriellaMonti, who is the author of
Roots in Ink and a sophisticatednewborn baby with a PhD in
awesome.
Yes, I'm so glad youacknowledged that PhD it took so
(00:46):
long for me to get you workedhard for that one.
I worked hard for that one.
It wasn't as easy as my degreein underwater basket weaving
that one was just simple.
I actually had to work for theone in awesome.
I used to say stuff like that tomy students.
I'd be like you know, one dayyou'll be as awesome as me.
Well, maybe close, you won'tget this awesome, but that's
(01:11):
part of my job as your teacheris to help you get some of this
awesomeness into you.
So just a fun little tidbitabout the way that I used to
roast my kids.
Anyway, just a little warning.
We're talking about moms today,and if that's a painful topic
for you, we completelyunderstand and we encourage you
(01:34):
to take the emotional space thatyou need around this episode,
and with that, mother's Day isnearly here when we're recording
this.
Mother's Day is upcoming, so Ithought it would be fun to honor
the moms in our lives bysharing the stuff that mom was
right about, because, oh man,there's so much, and 40 year old
(02:00):
me just needs to just go backand smack 16-year-old me in the
face and be like okay, mom, Igot it.
I got it, so you get it, yeah,yeah.
So this, a lot of this, comesfrom you and I obviously Right,
right.
But there's also.
I reached out for some supporton Reddit because it is the
(02:25):
birthplace of the internet orwhatever.
That's not what the line is, itdoesn't matter.
Home, the heart of the internet, or something like that is what
they call it.
I don't know, but it's the AskWomen thread and I have linked
it here in the show notes, butI've also linked it on the blog
post and you can actually readthe entire thread on the blog
post if you go there.
I've embedded it there, so takea look at that if you want to
(02:47):
get all of the advice.
But these were just some of thefavorites that we had, and
they're kind of broken up intogroups, so let's start with a
couple of things that she wasright about.
Around your house.
Oh man, okay, this is from OnlyTexts.
(03:09):
Clean a little every day so youdon't have to spend the entire
day cleaning at the end of theweek.
Ariella Monti (03:16):
Yes, yeah, yeah.
And let's be clear just becausewe know our moms were right
does not mean we take thisadvice and do it ourselves.
Right does not mean we takethis advice and do it ourselves.
That is absolutely true.
Caitlin Kindred (03:29):
oh my god, I just I just we can ignore, yeah,
like we can acknowledge we'renot doing it ourselves, right?
Ariella Monti (03:33):
like she's right, right, this is absolutely
correct.
Caitlin Kindred (03:35):
That doesn't mean I do it.
And also I just got into itwith my child about folding up a
blanket and he was like I justcan't fold this blanket right
now.
I was like dude, I get it,don't like I understand right
now.
I was like dude, I get it, Iunderstand.
Ariella Monti (03:46):
Right, yeah, we just want to throw this out
there.
That just because we agree thatthey are right does not mean
that we put any of this stuffinto practice ourselves.
Caitlin Kindred (03:57):
Okay, all right , so I'm not cleaning a little
bit every day, but I doacknowledge that that's the way
to do it.
That said, I do do a load oflaundry every day, but I do
acknowledge that that's the wayto do it.
That said, I do right, do aload of laundry every day
because it does help.
Yeah, yeah, that's true allright.
Ariella Monti (04:13):
Um, the only way to get a clean kitchen floor is
to get on your hands and knees.
I effing hate that.
She was right about that.
Caitlin Kindred (04:22):
Thank you, mbw rose do you know how true that
is for me?
Oh my god it is.
It is true, it is a real cleanfloor like a steam mop is great
like, but I have wood look tileand what I've learned about wood
(04:43):
look tile is all of wood.
Look also means a little bit ofthat texture and all of the dirt
settles in the texture and theonly way to get it up is to get
on your hands and knees andscrub and it is right, do not
recommend yeah, zero out of fivestars okay uh, this one I
thought was really good and Iactually kind of have this, but
not the exact right way, okay,okay, so this one is my mom was
(05:06):
right about one very importantthing Get a vertical file box
and put your important ish in itInsurance papers in a folder,
healthcare records in another,birth certificate and social
security cards, passport, etcetera, tax forms, all that
important stuff you don't needuntil you need it and you can't
find it.
And that's from.
(05:26):
I've seen herbivore one onReddit.
That is the coolest name ever.
I love that one.
That's a really good one.
Have you done that before?
Have you taken all your stuffand put it in one place?
Ariella Monti (05:41):
Yes, because you know, as the ADHD people we are,
you know it'll be like threeo'clock in the morning I'll be
like where's my Social Securitycard?
Caitlin Kindred (05:51):
I like sleep too much to do that.
But I will panic when otherpeople don't give me all of
their documents and I put themin one place.
So like we get home from a tripand I'm like husband, where is
your passport?
I need it right now.
And he's like it's right here,I have it.
I'll go put it in the folder.
Nope, you give it to me and Iwill put it in the folder.
Ariella Monti (06:10):
Right, right, exactly.
So I don't use a file boxanymore.
I used to, but I actually gotthese fire and waterproof like
envelopes oh yeah, I've andwaterproof like envelopes oh
yeah, I've heard that that'swhat I use.
Yeah, I use those insteadbecause, um, dealing we used to
(06:31):
have a safe for all that stuff,and dealing with getting in and
out of a safe that was shoved inthe corners of our closet was
just, I mean, mean, nobody wasgoing to steal it because they
would have to, like, get overall of the crap in front of it
and like for what To get thetitle of our, you know at the
(06:53):
time, like 15 year old car?
Sure, have at it Right, go forit, but but but yeah, I actually
found the those like waterproof, fireproof, like folders um
folders.
They're like envelopes, they'vegot like a zipper on them and
everything like, though, I foundthose to be great.
They're easy to store and youknow, they're easy to pull out
(07:17):
when you need them, and all that.
Caitlin Kindred (07:19):
If you have the link, you should, you should
give it to me and I'll put it onour favorite things page.
Ariella Monti (07:23):
That's a good one .
Caitlin Kindred (07:23):
Okay, all right , on random stuff.
Mom was right about Completelyrandom stuff.
This one is spoke to my heartSilence.
As a teenager it was soirritating and unthinkable to me
as to why my mom never had herradio on when she was driving.
Now, I mean not never.
Okay, to me that was the timeto crank it up.
(07:45):
And now guess who drives aroundin silence, because it's the
only gosh dang time I have tohear my own thoughts that and I
can't see, when the radio's tooloud, that one's mint julep on.
Ariella Monti (07:59):
Reddit.
Caitlin Kindred (08:01):
I can't see.
I have a friend who did that inhigh school we were like 17 and
he's like I can't see, and thenhe would turn the radio down
and I was like hold on a second,I can't see those things, don't
make any sense.
Ariella Monti (08:20):
It's so true.
But it is true.
Yeah, yeah.
No, I still have to have musicon in the car, but I can totally
understand the need for some.
That was me yesterday.
Yeah, I think that was meyesterday.
I just need to hear nothing butthe buzzing in my ears because
(08:42):
Right.
Caitlin Kindred (08:42):
The voices in my head are all I need most of
each other right, exactly, it'sexactly.
Ariella Monti (08:48):
Yeah, all right, oh my god, um, so atomic
attorney 274.
I always used to pick on my momfor changing into her pajamas
right after dinner, why it'sstill laid out.
Dad, are you really, are you?
Oh, I'm so bad at reading.
This is why I don't narratebooks.
I'll do it for you.
(09:10):
I got it.
I will do, I'll get it.
I'll get it.
Uh, okay, restart no we'releaving all that, okay?
Oh, I never said you could takeit out, I'm just saying I'm
restarting okay, all right,restart.
Atomic attorney 274 says it saysI always used to pick on my mom
(09:32):
for changing into her pajamasright after dinner why it's
still light out, dead, and youwere really not gonna go out for
the rest of the night.
I wouldn't change until rightbefore bed, just in case
something fun came up.
But now I change into comfyclothes as soon as I get home,
no matter what time of day it is, and even if I know I'm going
(09:52):
out later and I prefer stayingin now, even on the weekend.
Preach, yes, yes, get in thosejammies Right.
So now I have daytime pajamasand nighttime pajamas oh
seriously oh yeah, I'm a yogateacher who works at home, so
basically I live in some kind ofpajamas, but I've got my day
(10:15):
pajamas and my night pajamas, soI, I definitely do this.
Caitlin Kindred (10:23):
Um, the one thing I don't do I don't know
what it is about me and beingwithout shoes on.
If I don't have shoes on,apparently, I just sit all day
long.
But if I put, my shoes on like,or even just flip flops, just
something on the bottom of myfeet.
I will actually get up and likedo something productive.
Ariella Monti (10:43):
So I don't know, I've heard people do that.
Caitlin Kindred (10:46):
Yeah, but so I'll like wear like the comfiest
possible clothes you know athome and then put on shoes
because slippers aren't it likeI can't do slippers right, it's
not enough of it anyway, but yes, this is absolutely right okay,
no I get it.
This one had me cracking up whenI read this Stress and
screaming says how dare my momtell me my shyness would wear
(11:10):
off as an adult and I'd beshaking my butt in the club with
reckless abandon.
Because when I got to 21, Ifroze my vicious twerking in the
club as I was hit with thememory of her saying that to me
and I thought she was right.
You're in the club and you'redancing and you're like oh, mom
(11:30):
told me I wouldn't be this shyanymore.
That's hilarious.
Ariella Monti (11:35):
I mean, just wait until you're in your late 30s,
early 40s, and then, like I haveto say that you're never shy
again.
But all those insecurities aregone.
Caitlin Kindred (11:47):
Well, I think, especially for those of us who
have birthed a child, there isno shame anymore, like you get
to a point where you can't haveshame because if you do right,
right, all of that will come.
You'll relive it every day Onceyou have that child.
Okay On's awful.
Okay On beauty tips.
(12:08):
My mom said your coat shouldhang below your skirt hem.
I thought that was stupid andit made you look like a flasher.
So I always wanted my coat toend a couple of inches above my
skirt hem.
No, she was right.
It looks classier her way.
And that's from a little nightmusing I love that one.
(12:32):
I always felt like I see whatthat person means by like
looking like a flasher.
But I do think it looks betterto have the hem lower than the
skirt line.
Ariella Monti (12:44):
Yeah, I agree.
It actually bothers me, evenwith like regular jackets, like
when I wear like my puffy vestor something in the fall and
I'll wear like a long cardiganunderneath it, and I like hate
that the cardigan is longer.
Yeah, yeah, like depending onthe length, I'll like tuck it in
(13:08):
yeah, yeah.
Caitlin Kindred (13:09):
That's why I don't understand cropped jackets
.
You have to wear a croppedjacket with a cropped shirt?
Ariella Monti (13:23):
I don't guess.
Don't over pluck your eyebrows,gosh, I'm, I know.
No, I never, I never did this.
You're Italian?
I don't think, I don't.
I don't think there's a waythat I could over pluck my
eyebrows as an Italian.
Like that, my eyebrow, myfacial hair is going to come
(13:44):
back regardless of what I dowith it, but as a child, as an
elder millennial, oh, we know,we know we know, just don't,
don't do it.
Caitlin Kindred (13:55):
The number of women that I can like pinpoint
ages because of the currentthinness of their eyebrows,
because I know what we all didto ourselves back then.
I never overdid it either,Cause I've never had, like the
giant caterpillars that likebecame very popular several
years ago, Right, Um, I'vealways just had to clean them up
, but I I mean there are stilldays where I'm like man, I I
(14:18):
should have left that part,Cause now it's still a little
thinner than I want but, anyway.
Okay, this one.
I'm saying the word at the endof this because I have to.
This is from a deleted user.
I don't know who you are, butthis is so true.
Blend your foundation down yourneck, damn it, yes.
And if you are, if you'reputting bronzer on your jawline
(14:43):
like, blend that and then justmake sure like there's no hard
line on your neck.
Ariella Monti (14:50):
We're not going for that look anymore.
Caitlin Kindred (14:53):
It's just not a thing, right?
No?
Ariella Monti (14:56):
So I'm actually going to New York and my cousin
is a makeup artist is a makeupartist and I texted her this
morning and I was like I needyou to help me find a foundation
that works, because I feel likethis happens unintentionally,
(15:16):
where I get those like hardlines and it looks fine, like
until you see yourself from theside or whatever, and you're
like right I brushes are yourfriend, like I, I mean I will.
Caitlin Kindred (15:28):
I end up brushing it like into my hair
almost, because I'm just likeget blend, blend, blend anyway,
but yep yep, yeah, um, so pm me.
Ariella Monti (15:39):
Your cat's feet, says.
Catsfeet says I love Reddit somuch.
People are so funny.
This is why I'm not on Reddit.
I am not this witty to come upwith such a funny username.
Caitlin Kindred (15:53):
Mine is just whatever the platform gave to me
, but that's a good one.
Ariella Monti (15:57):
All right.
Caitlin Kindred (15:58):
PM me your catsfeet.
Ariella Monti (15:59):
So PM me your catsfe feet says absolutely 100%
sunscreen.
Caitlin Kindred (16:06):
Oh, oh, my gosh .
Yes, mom, I'm so.
You were so right.
The number of times I wouldintentionally go out.
I have red hair and freckles.
What was I thinking?
I would go and cook myself andI would be in so much.
There were some times where Iburnt myself so bad I would
throw up because I was like, no,don't need sunscreen, let me
(16:26):
put on some oil and see whathappens.
Literally cooking myself likeKramer in that Seinfeld episode
insane yeah, I wear sunscreenevery day now.
Ariella Monti (16:35):
Oh yeah, definitely, and not even that.
For us, it was more like thebeach umbrella or like getting
under the shade like my mom wasbig about the shade, like, get
in the shade, bring the umbrella.
And I'm always like, why?
Why do we gotta do that?
Why do we gotta break now?
Forget it now.
Caitlin Kindred (16:56):
I'm like give me a tree yeah, if I don't have
shade, I'm not going, like I orI, I will wear hat, like I hate.
I hate hats Like cause I hatehow I look in them.
But I will wear a hat and I, Imean, I use sunscreen every day.
I have retinol all over my facebecause your girl's got to keep
(17:17):
something on point here, and ifeverything else has gone to
hell, then I've got to havesomething.
Looking okay, I retina all thetime and like, if there's no
shade, I'm not going.
I'm not going, I I right, it'sjust not.
Ariella Monti (17:30):
yeah, and it's texas yeah, absolutely not,
absolutely okay, exactly.
Yeah, being in north carolina,forget it like I, I will find
the shade every.
I love the sun.
I love my lizard time where Ijust like bask in a sun puddle,
but I like, especially now.
Yeah, like a cat like I, Igotta be in the shade at the
(17:52):
beach everywhere.
We have two umbrellas now yeah,and.
Caitlin Kindred (17:56):
I get it.
It's not even about the heat.
It's about the sun cover.
Like I in Texas, you're gonnabe hot, no matter where you
stand.
It's's not about that.
It's about cooking myself.
Ariella Monti (18:08):
Yeah.
Caitlin Kindred (18:08):
Okay, so true.
Sorry, mom, you're right.
Okay, uh, on life lessons.
This is, this is where it'sgoing to get a little deep
sometimes.
Okay, uh, my mom complainedabout how quickly time passed.
Oh, my mom always says the daysare long, but the years are
short.
It seemed like she was alwaystelling me that time just flew
(18:30):
by and it was already almostChristmas, or time for school to
start up again, or the weekendalready.
To me, time dried like a snailthrough molasses, and now that
I'm much older, I cannot believethe speed at which time passes.
I'm complaining about it beingMonday and in no time at all I'm
sitting at Thursday, then theweekend is here and gone Back
around.
Then again, mom was right,that's from monkeycatdog.
(18:52):
Yeah, so true, right, like ugh.
Days are long, I agree, yearsare short.
Ariella Monti (19:00):
Yes, that's true, that's very very true, all
right.
Yes, that's true.
That's very, very true, allright.
Bell0516 says I thought my momwas just trying to make me feel
better and not hurt myself-esteem even more when she'd
tell me that people at mymiddle school and high school
were just shallow and immature.
She told me that I wasn't theproblem.
(19:20):
I just went to school with kidswho were too mean or stupid to
appreciate what I had to offer.
Now, as an adult and a teachermyself, I realized that my mom
was right.
I was a little quirky, gifted,identified only child who had
braces, acne, freckles, frizzyhair, and I was fat Girl.
I get you, I feel that, but Ihad a good heart and I was true
(19:44):
to myself.
There are a lot of shallow andclicky people out there who
don't care if they bring otherpeople down oh, that one like
man breaks my middle school andhigh school stuff yeah, yeah,
that one hurts.
Caitlin Kindred (19:58):
She's right.
I mean, it's so hard to see itwhen you're in it, like that's
part of why I taught middleschool because it's like middle
school is the worst part of mylife.
I can't.
I've been through a lot ofstuff as an adult and middle
school was by far the worst andwhere most of my trauma comes
from.
And I told, oh, this poor thing.
But her mom was right, this one, the patriarchy, lol.
(20:23):
I used to roll my eyes when mymom would point out problematic
patterns in our society, likewhen I was watching the Little
Mermaid.
She would remark that it's notthe best message to send to
little girls, amen, that themain character gambles away her
family that loves her for thechance of being with an older
man when she's only 16 years old.
At the time I insisted it wasromantic.
(20:45):
Now I'm like wtf, what's that?
kool-aid girl 40, it's so true,it's so problematic it's so,
probably, and and like therewere shows that would be you
know that are popular shows thatmy mom was like, no, you can't
watch that.
Like the Simpsons I was notallowed to watch when I was a
kid because, like the messaging,while it as an adult, it's it's
(21:11):
meant for adults.
It's not a kid's show, right,it's.
It's supposed to be a cartoonfor adults.
And as an adult now Iunderstand and see the humor and
the nuance and how valuablethat show actually is.
But as a child, like, justbecause it's a cartoon does not
mean it's meant for kids.
And my mom was very aware ofthat and I have to say she's
(21:33):
definitely right about some ofthose patriarchy things for sure
too, oh, definitely, definitelydefinitely, um.
Ariella Monti (21:40):
Be careful who you choose to spend your time
with.
She was right.
I invested too much time andemotions into a scummy and
abusive ex-boyfriend and sketchyso-called friends all who hurt
me in the long run and I'm stillrecovering from the scars.
I just wish she was still alive, so I could thank her and hug
her Ritz to fly.
Caitlin Kindred (22:00):
Oh baby, sweet girl Oof.
Ariella Monti (22:05):
Yep, yeah, she's right, definitely.
Caitlin Kindred (22:10):
Be careful who you choose to spend time with,
Very true Okay.
Yeah, my mom is from theCaribbean and she had this weird
saying when I was a teenageryour friends will bring you out,
but they won't bring you back.
She had this weird saying whenI was a teenager your friends
will bring you out, but theywon't bring you back.
It means people or friends willhelp you get into sticky
situations, but they won'tnecessarily help you get out of
them.
And that was Ash Tea Time.
Ariella Monti (22:31):
Seriously, though , yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That kind of like that relatesto the one before it, because,
like your ride or dies will bethe people that will get you
into trouble, but then they'regoing to get you out of trouble.
Or at least take accountabilitywith you Like right, exactly
(22:52):
Right, right, right, right yeah.
Caitlin Kindred (22:57):
This is why you and I text each other with a
shovel on a regular basis.
If you know, you know theshovel what it means.
Am I wrong?
Like no.
Oh no, no, no, no, like there'sa reason we text you and I and
our two girlfriends, joey andBrenna, we love you.
They're also moms.
The first thing that comes outwhen it's like can I vent or I'm
(23:22):
angry, can I share?
Ariella Monti (23:23):
One of us will show the shovel like we know
what's coming right before weeven like before the story is
even shared, right?
It's just like yeah, all right,I got it, I'll meet you there
those are the people you shouldbe spending your time with right
, right, absolutely.
You cannot change someone.
Accept them for who they are orleave them alone.
Individual cry zero.
Caitlin Kindred (23:46):
You cannot fix him.
Ariella Monti (23:48):
Nope, you cannot fix him, but he loves me, nope.
Nope, no, he don't, you cannotfix that.
No, you can't fix him?
Caitlin Kindred (23:55):
No, yeah, I'm just thinking like, what about?
Well, you know he doesn't wantkids, but I do.
Maybe he'll change.
No, like no, don't invest yourtime in someone who no, no, no,
yeah, definitely, definitely not.
Ariella Monti (24:09):
Save those ones for your books.
Like save the, I Can Fix Himfor your fictional characters,
you know.
Like save it for that.
And then come on this show andI'll write a promo for you.
Okay, similarly, when someoneshows you who they are, believe
them.
Minute fade, amen.
You said that.
Caitlin Kindred (24:30):
Oof Yep.
Well, the truths are hitting alittle hard right now.
Okay, my mom used to tell methat a relationship wasn't over
while I was sad.
It was over when I was angry.
And here's why, when you're sad, you're reminiscing about the
good times and you're vulnerableto going back, despite the
problems that caused you tobreak up in the first place.
Oh my gosh.
(24:51):
So true.
But when you're angry, you'reactually looking at the things
that went wrong and you are madat yourself for dealing with
that for so long.
Oh my gosh.
I hated when she would say justwait a few weeks after a
breakup, because in my teens andtwenties a breakup was world
ending, lol.
But she would also tell me getangry when I wallowed for too
(25:12):
long.
Now in my thirties, I know shedidn't mean to actually be an
angry, bitter ex.
She meant to shift the focusfrom sorrow of what was lost to
a determination of what Ideserve.
Ariella Monti (25:24):
That's pink fire, 10, 10, oh my gosh yeah, man,
that's like five years worth oftherapy.
Caitlin Kindred (25:31):
Right, a couple of paragraphs this is why
reddit is the heart of theinternet.
This and trolls, right, yeah,oh man, that's a good one, that
is a good one I feel like I needto yeah like, just carry that
with me yeah although in myhouse the line in our house is
no divorce, only murder.
(25:54):
But that's how we, that's howwe do things.
Life insurance anyway.
Okay, uh, we got another.
Ariella Monti (26:04):
We got a couple more quebec mafia woman says
when you're in a fight withsomeone and you want to text or
phone, call them, write out atext or script and then sleep on
it and decide the next daywhether or not you want to send
it.
I I always thought she wasacting like a doormat or was
afraid of confrontation.
(26:25):
I'm definitely afraid ofconfrontation.
I'll tell you right now, but Irealized that as I got older how
much easier relationships arewhen you take some time to mull
over your reaction and see ifthe feeling passes.
I agree with that too, becauseoften by the time I am done
writing that text, I have gottenover whatever it was uh, I?
Caitlin Kindred (26:54):
yes, this is true.
I just tend to hold on to itfor a little bit longer.
Yes, this is.
This is why I still don't shopat Best Buy.
That's a different story.
Okay, as much as I hate toadmit it and still get annoyed
when I hear this phrase,sometimes it just is what it is.
My mom used to say that duringcertain situations and it would
(27:16):
put me into a blind fury.
But as I've raged well, not asI've raged as I've aged I
realized that this is true.
Sometimes we just have to dealwith whatever it is.
That's from Rajessa.
I think that that phrase isused incorrectly more often than
not.
I don't think it means like, itis what it is and you can't do
(27:39):
anything about it.
I think that's the part thatmakes people angry.
I think that phrase is meant tomean you have to accept that as
a reality and then before youcan do anything about it, right,
right.
So I think, if you, look at itfrom that point of view and
again, that phrase is maddeningto me too, because it's like,
well, it shouldn't be that way,right, but that's not the point.
(28:01):
The point is to just take astep back and go okay, yes, that
is the reality.
I have to accept that as thecircumstance.
Now I can work with that totake the next step.
Ariella Monti (28:12):
Right, exactly, yeah, it's accepting the present
so that you can, like you said,take the next step move on from
there.
It's like okay, like well, yes,it is what it is.
This is where I'm at right now.
No, I cannot change what ishappening right now.
But what is?
How am I going to respond to it?
Right, yeah, she was right, Ido need a coat and I will be
(28:37):
cold.
Yes, thank you.
Dems, dems, dems.
Caitlin Kindred (28:42):
I don't know how to Dems D-F-T-B-A.
Dems Cool, but how true is that?
One the number of times I'd belike it's okay, I'm just going
to go out in my sweatshirt, ordo you have that fight with your
son?
It's freezing cold out.
Put on a jacket, no, I'm fine,yeah, and now and now.
Ariella Monti (29:07):
We like we'll take it and we just like shove
it in his backpack yeah I don'teven do that, I'm like here's
the jacket.
Caitlin Kindred (29:14):
You can wear a sweatshirt and a jacket.
You can wear a hat, like wearwhat you want, but I'm not going
to take responsibility ifyou're cold later, because you
do have recess outside, so dealwith it.
Yeah, exactly, okay, so thoseare the ones that we crowdsource
.
But everyone has momisms, noteveryone.
If you have momisms, we want tohear them, so that's one thing,
(29:36):
but I wanted to hear Ariella'smom's momisms, and then I'll
share mine.
Ariella Monti (29:42):
Yeah, so she doesn't have momisms per se.
But aside from you know, I'mnot yelling, I'm talking loudly
which pretty much every Italianfamily can relate to.
I like that one, yeah, sothere's a lot of like and I
(30:03):
talked to my brother and mysister about this.
There's a lot of oh, I get itnow yeah, moments like so, not
necessarily like you, she wasright, because there's nuance
and everything right but like,oh, get it now.
And some of these areprioritizing work-life balance.
(30:24):
So when my mom was at work andI worked with my mom for a year,
so I saw this when she was atwork, she was focused only on
her job.
Caitlin Kindred (30:33):
She didn't gossip with her coworkers.
Ariella Monti (30:35):
She didn't waste time.
She wasn't like me who would belike I need to go find some
dopamine and like wander off andwhatever.
If I called, had to call her atthe office, she got me off the
phone so fast, but as soon asher shift ended, like as soon as
she clocked out, you don't likeif you were her, you know, if
(30:58):
you were a co-worker you don'tcall her at home, you don't
email her at home.
She does not exist outside ofthe office and she would tell
you that.
Wow happened.
Caitlin Kindred (31:09):
We did force that boundary.
That's pretty impressive.
Ariella Monti (31:12):
Oh yeah, yeah yeah, and I like I should say my
mom is from italy, so they havea completely different idea of
work-life balance and she waslike no, I leave the office,
this is not my risk, this isyour responsibility, this is a
new problem.
Caitlin Kindred (31:31):
Oh, she needs to just come over here and slap
my hand sometimes.
Ariella Monti (31:35):
I know, I know, no, I get it.
I mean, it's a different timenow.
Yeah, it's a different time,but it's also like, yeah, a
different time now.
Yeah, it's a different time,but it's also like it's a
different world.
Caitlin Kindred (31:41):
Yeah, but it's also still really necessary to
draw that line.
It's a good one, Absolutelyyeah.
Ariella Monti (31:47):
One thing we always did growing up is we we
had dinner as a family wheneverwe could.
But if we could not have dinneras a whole family, my mom was
really good about making sureshe sat with us while we ate, so
you weren't eating alone and itwas no, like, no, granted, like
there are times when you'rejust like I just want to eat, in
(32:08):
peace and and everything.
But she always took that time tosit with you and take it as a
time to like catch up and seehow things were going, and just
so like you weren't just youknow you weren't eating alone,
yeah, yeah, um, movement andgetting outside every day, that
(32:31):
yeah, yes, I do that a lot now Imean not the movement part, but
the getting outside every day.
Caitlin Kindred (32:40):
Sometimes I just crack the window, it's fine
.
Ariella Monti (32:43):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Oh, that's another one WindowLike opening the window is
definitely better.
Fresh air is good, but I livein North Carolina so I am not
giving up my central air at anypoint in time Absolutely not,
but I do use the windowswhenever I can.
(33:05):
She definitely what she wasright about was never being like
too old to achieve a goal orswitch your paths.
So she went back to collegewhen she was in her early 40s I
think she was actually 42 whenshe went back to college, which
is my age now to get herassociate's degree and just
(33:30):
having that family support ofmaking a switch like in midlife,
which is what we all tend to donow, because yeah, hi, I'm on
my second career, so likeexactly yeah, exactly, um and
kind of with that, theintergenerational family
dynamics, so like my grandmotherlived with us for a little
(33:51):
while and mostly so like my momcould go back to school, and I
don't think that works, for thatdefinitely doesn't work in like
this stage of life in oursociety.
You know, the intergenerationalliving not for everything yeah,
right, but even having um thehelp from parents and the helps
(34:12):
from mothers and grandmothers,like I, I don't think when I was
living, when my grandmother wasliving with us and chasing me
around with a wooden spoon, Idon't think I definitely did not
appreciate what she was doingfor my mother until I had my own
kid and was like, oh man, Ireally could use a grandma
(34:36):
around not to chase my kid witha wooden spoon, but you know,
but maybe.
But maybe, maybe you you know,if it helps, so that's.
That's what we came up with Ilike that.
Caitlin Kindred (34:50):
Um, my mom has a few.
I also reached out to my, mysiblings for this.
Um, I think I I got most ofthem.
Julian has a few that we I meanshe has a lot, but there's only
a few that we all were like, no, they have to be in this
episode.
So one of them is make it aboutwhatever they need.
I have sort of twisted this onits head for myself and it's see
(35:13):
a need, fill the need right.
It's like if there's somethingthat needs to be done, just do
it.
There's like this whole,there's this kind of thing
sweeping the internet of likenotice and do right, you see
something weird, do somethingabout it.
You see something that needs toget done, take three minutes
and do it, whatever it is.
But hers make it about whateverthey need.
It's really, you know,especially for like work, like
(35:36):
what does your client need?
What does the person want?
Like, if you're trying to get ajob, what do they need out of
you?
You know, like, that's how thenyou steer the conversation in
that direction.
This one which she said to usall the time.
She still says and she'sprobably going to be annoyed
that I don't really know exactlythe origin of this, although I
have heard it comes from GeorgeCarlin and a few others, but
(35:58):
it's.
You can pick your friends, youcan pick your friends, you can
pick your nose, but you can'tpick your friend's nose.
Have you heard that line before?
Oh, my father says itconstantly.
Yeah, he still says it.
Yeah.
So for a long time I did notunderstand what that meant, and
I still.
I feel like there's twomeanings to this, but one of
them is mind your own business,like stay out of other people's
(36:20):
business.
Right, that's probably the mainone.
But I also thought, like youknow, there is a piece of this
where you can choose youractions, you can choose who you
spend your time with, but youcan't choose what they do or how
they react to your actions.
Right like there's a lot thatyou can control but there's a
lot that's outside of it andjust you're gonna have to
(36:42):
understand that part of it.
But the mind your business isprobably the one that makes the
most sense.
Ariella Monti (36:47):
Anyway, I think my dad told it to us literally.
So you're free to really pickyour own nose, but don't do it
to anybody else.
Caitlin Kindred (36:58):
Right, Well, and there's, if you look, if you
were to search that meaning onthe internet, cause I just to
see if I was right about what Ihad assumed it meant.
Uh.
I searched and people are likeI thought it just meant you
couldn't pick up people's noselike, or keep your finger.
And then the other thing thatcame up was like why it's
dangerous to pick your nose.
Ariella Monti (37:15):
And I was going for but also don't tell me what
to do just kidding.
Caitlin Kindred (37:22):
Sometimes, when you gotta do what you gotta do,
if you have a bat in the cave,man, get that out, and if you
don't, if you have a bat in thecave and you don't know, I'll
tell you and I'll tell you to goget it out anyway.
Uh, another momism.
This is one of my favoritespeople are stupid.
She's like I know people arestupid and she's not trying to
be hurtful at all, she's justtrying to like if you're
(37:45):
complaining about people who aredumb, she's gonna say I know
people are stupid and if youjust, I think she means like the
masses in general.
You know, it's like the wholenot every man, but always a man
kind of statement right, it'slike I know people are stupid
and I think she just wanted usto stop complaining about dumb
people.
But whatever, this is myfavorite one and she'll go.
(38:08):
What's the rule?
And you already know it'scoming and she'll go do not f
thyself, it's always withthyself.
Also, right, so, like, justdon't do something that you're,
that later you was gonna hate,right?
like yeah, but but yeah, um,those are good.
(38:29):
My mom, my mom's, got some gems, all right.
So this is, this is when I'vecome up for myself and I plan to
share it with my son when thetime is right.
But this is kind of taking allof that stuff together from what
my mom has said, and this is myown momism that I use now and
it's people are not anti you,they are pro them.
So, like I'm just thinkingabout, like you're on the road,
(38:52):
this is this is really when itoccurs to me the most.
You're driving and for somereason, you are the car that
everyone decides to cut it infront of.
I don't know why, but it's you.
Happens to me all the time, orit'll be like three or four in a
row and I'm like what am Idoing?
There's no space, because thetwo other cars just took that
space.
What are you doing?
You're trying to get me killed.
It's not that they're anti meas a person.
(39:13):
They're not looking at my carand going, oh, you have a bluey
magnet on your car.
You suck, I'm going to cut youoff.
It's pro them, and especiallyin a time that we are in right
now, where it feels like theempathy is lacking.
Everywhere I look, I'm havingto remind myself yes, there are
people who are anti you,depending on who you are yeah
(39:36):
right, right, and in general,people are not trying to
necessarily be super selfish tothe point where they neglect
other people.
It's that they're looking outfor their own best interest.
So right, so that's somethingthat I've.
That's a good one, thank you.
When I feel like life isn'tfair and when I feel like my son
says stuff like that, I have togo go.
They're not anti you, they'repro them.
(39:57):
They're being selfish, notbecause they're trying to be,
but because they're looking outfor themselves.
Yeah, I like it.
Thanks.
Thanks, mom, love you.
Let's take a quick break Forlinks to resources mentioned in
this episode.
Head on over tockandgkpodcastcom slash blog to
find everything you need, and besure to follow us on social
(40:20):
media.
Head over to your favoritesocial media network and find us
at CK and GK podcast.
And now back to the show.
Okay and back.
You have obsessions?
Ariella Monti (40:36):
yes, yeah so I I don't want to say I just
discovered it, I finallyremember to listen to it, but,
um, the podcast wild card withrachel martin, tell me, um, it's
an npr produced podcast, Ithink I'm almost positive and
(41:01):
she interviews celebrities usingcards.
So there'll be three questionson a card or, I'm sorry,
there'll be three cards with aquestion on each card and the
celebrity has to pick card one,two or three, and that is how
the conversation gets started.
Yeah, and the questions areabout the celebrity's life
usually, so the first one that Ilistened to was with Brett
(41:24):
Goldstein.
You know Roy Kent.
Yes, it was phenomenal.
It was such a fun.
It was such a fun interview.
That particular episode is notfamily friendly, but I did just
listen to the one with Weird AlYankovic.
(41:45):
That one is family friendly, soI will say that that's awesome.
So it's been.
I mean, you know, aside fromyour podcast, I listened to a
lot of like investigativejournalism and you know I love
those Like deep dives.
Yeah, yeah, like deep dive typestuff, so kind of depressing
(42:08):
sort of stuff, and I neededsomething a little bit more
lighthearted, yeah.
Caitlin Kindred (42:16):
That was how I got into smart lists for a while
.
Was I needed needed?
I was listening to a lot oftrue crime and I needed
something lighter I do need tolisten to I'm going to call her
Leslie Knope, but I know it's onher name.
Amy Poehler's new podcast lookssuper cute and just looks like
she has a lot of fun on that one.
So that's.
I've also been listening toAnatomy of Murder a lot more
lately.
That's a really good one.
(42:37):
If you like true crime, allright, I'm gonna add it to my
list.
Ariella Monti (42:41):
I'm gonna do it mine, is the traitors I know
this, but I don't know this okay, so this is a reality tv show.
Caitlin Kindred (42:52):
I'm sure it started in the uk and the us
stole it as we do.
Um, it is a reality TV show.
I'm sure it started in the UKand the US stole it as we do.
It is a group of 20 people whocome to a castle in Scotland.
The goal is to earn as muchmoney as possible by completing
challenges as a group of 20people.
But in the group there arepeople who are named traitors.
(43:15):
Everyone who's not a traitor isa faithful.
Whoever's left at the end ofthe game wins the money.
So if there are only faithfulsleft at the end of the game,
then all the faithfuls get tosplit the money.
However, if there's even onetraitor left among the group,
that traitor takes all of it.
And there it's like so it's 20people.
(43:36):
One trader left among the group, that trader takes all of it.
Wow, and it's like so it's 20people.
They eliminate two people a day.
It goes fast.
And the level of notbackstabbing?
Because that's not it.
It's the people who think theycan read people really, really
well.
They're like I know, thisperson's a trader and they are
not even close.
I was watching one there.
(43:57):
I was watching the Britishversion and everyone at the end
raised a glass and the one womanwho didn't raise a glass got
called out for being a traitor.
Well, what you don't know aboutthat woman, or what she then
tells you, is you know why Ididn't raise a glass?
Because I don't have a righthand.
I lost it in an accident andthe glass was on my right, so
(44:20):
it's awkward for me to reachacross and raise the glass.
And they eliminated her anyway.
I was like, oh my god, justbecause she didn't raise it.
Like it is wild.
And the people who are like, uh, I worked in government, I was,
I was in the police and I knowwho's lying, and they are who
are like, uh, I worked ingovernment, I was in, I was in
the police and I know who'slying, and they are dead wrong.
Like I cannot stop every timeevery time they're always wrong.
(44:43):
Uh, and the american version isgood too.
They like bring on kind of amix of celebrities and regular
people, and by celebrities Imean like reality tv star
celebrities, like people who areon big brother and like bravo,
yeah, yeah, yeah, but yeah, Icannot stop watching.
It's so good.
If you like, it's fun, it's fundrama it sounds like murder
(45:07):
mystery dinner.
Ariella Monti (45:09):
Yes, yes, it is a little bit like Clue yeah.
It is giving.
Caitlin Kindred (45:14):
Clue vibes.
It feels very like Clue yeah.
Gems Do you have any?
It's okay if you don't, becauseI have a kind of a big one.
Ariella Monti (45:23):
I can't remember like anything that happened this
week.
Caitlin Kindred (45:29):
I know I laughed about a lot of things
this week, but I can't.
I know I'm not smart enough towrite them down in the moment.
Ariella Monti (45:35):
So I know a lot of things this week but I can't,
I don't, I'm not smart enoughto write them down in the moment
.
So I know it was you know whatwas was kind of cute.
I will say this my kid isobsessed with these minecraft
chapter books and the other dayafter I I got done like doing
doing my PT in the morning whenI walked by his door, his I
(45:57):
think he was still sleeping orsomething.
But by the time I finisheddoing my PT and I went to go
wake him up for school, he wasalready awake and he was reading
his book.
Oh, Like all in bed and stuffthe cutest, and I was just like
oh my god, my little reader Iknow.
Caitlin Kindred (46:16):
I love when you catch them doing that.
Ariella Monti (46:17):
Apparently, like one night, you woke up at like 2
o'clock in the morning and,instead of coming into our bed
like he usually does, he readhis book for a half hour, oh,
and then maybe came into our bed.
Caitlin Kindred (46:29):
Oh.
I was like if it keeps him outof doing it, doing it.
Ariella Monti (46:34):
Yeah, no, no, take it back.
Then he came and tore it back.
Caitlin Kindred (46:41):
So mine is.
If you're listening to this, inMay of 2025, I have been
nominated for a women podcastersaward in the education category
, so I would love it, if you'rea listener, if you could vote
(47:02):
for me.
I will put the link in the shownotes.
It'll be right at the top, uh,and it will also be on our
website, and you'll probably geta pop-up every time you show up
on the website, which we don'tcare.
Go vote, um.
I would love to have yoursupport.
That's my gem, and please votefor me yes, really cool.
Ariella Monti (47:26):
I'm glad you mentioned it because you did
send us the the link, for yeah,you're required to vote if you
haven't already if you've beenon my show you and you're not
nominated.
Caitlin Kindred (47:34):
You need to go vote for me yeah, yeah valerie
deborah go vote yeah, I need to.
Ariella Monti (47:39):
I it was my.
Caitlin Kindred (47:41):
My phone was not happy about it, I think,
wherever it's a google form soit's not a hard thing to do, and
I'll put the link directly tome, like if you go to it you
click on my page and thenthere's a big old button at the
bottom that says vote.
Ariella Monti (47:53):
So all you have to do is I think I saw it at
work where, like, the internetsucks at my job, and maybe
that's when I was like, oh, letme do this right now.
Caitlin Kindred (48:01):
And then it was like well, you have the link in
front of you right now.
Ariella Monti (48:05):
I do, I'm gonna do it, I am gonna do it okay,
that's all I have.
Caitlin Kindred (48:13):
Happy Mother's.
Day to all of the people whocelebrate, whoever in whatever
way you.
That's all I have.
Happy Mother's Day to all ofthe people who celebrate,
whoever in whatever way youcelebrate, whether it's kicking
your kids out for 24 hours goodfor you, that's a great way to
celebrate.
Or it's honoring your mom insome way, or it's giving your
doggies a snuggle, whatever itneeds to be.
However, you feel like you wantto honor the mom figure in your
(48:33):
life, have a great one, orhonor yourself and you're a mom
you want to honor yourself.
You should, you really should,especially if you have young
kids.
Yeah, man, you are in thetrenches, my friend, yeah, all
right.
Yeah, with that, jenny wouldsay make good choices.
Love you, mom, bye, bye.
Hello everyone.
Hi, we're so glad you're heretoday.
Welcome to how to Be a Grown-Up.
This is the how-to show, withat least one host who wishes
that she had listened to hermother a little bit more when
she was younger.
Hi, Mom, Hi Mom.
(00:25):
I'm Caitlin and with me today.
co-hosting for Jenny is AriellaMonti, who is the author of
Roots in Ink and a sophisticatednewborn baby with a PhD in
awesome.
Yes, I'm so glad youacknowledged that PhD it took so
(00:46):
long for me to get you workedhard for that one.
I worked hard for that one.
It wasn't as easy as my degreein underwater basket weaving
that one was just simple.
I actually had to work for theone in awesome.
I used to say stuff like that tomy students.
I'd be like you know, one dayyou'll be as awesome as me.
Well, maybe close, you won'tget this awesome, but that's
(01:11):
part of my job as your teacheris to help you get some of this
awesomeness into you.
So just a fun little tidbitabout the way that I used to
roast my kids.
Anyway, just a little warning.
We're talking about moms today,and if that's a painful topic
for you, we completelyunderstand and we encourage you
(01:34):
to take the emotional space thatyou need around this episode,
and with that, mother's Day isnearly here when we're recording
this.
Mother's Day is upcoming, so Ithought it would be fun to honor
the moms in our lives bysharing the stuff that mom was
right about, because, oh man,there's so much, and 40 year old
(02:00):
me just needs to just go backand smack 16-year-old me in the
face and be like okay, mom, Igot it.
I got it, so you get it, yeah,yeah.
So this, a lot of this, comesfrom you and I obviously Right,
right.
But there's also.
I reached out for some supporton Reddit because it is the
(02:25):
birthplace of the internet orwhatever.
That's not what the line is, itdoesn't matter.
Home, the heart of the internet, or something like that is what
they call it.
I don't know, but it's the AskWomen thread and I have linked
it here in the show notes, butI've also linked it on the blog
post and you can actually readthe entire thread on the blog
post if you go there.
I've embedded it there, so takea look at that if you want to
(02:47):
get all of the advice.
But these were just some of thefavorites that we had, and
they're kind of broken up intogroups, so let's start with a
couple of things that she wasright about.
Around your house.
Oh man, okay, this is from OnlyTexts.
(03:09):
Clean a little every day so youdon't have to spend the entire
day cleaning at the end of theweek.
Ariella Monti (03:16):
Yes, yeah, yeah.
And let's be clear just becausewe know our moms were right
does not mean we take thisadvice and do it ourselves.
Right does not mean we takethis advice and do it ourselves.
That is absolutely true.
Caitlin Kindred (03:29):
oh my god, I just I just we can ignore, yeah,
like we can acknowledge we'renot doing it ourselves, right?
Ariella Monti (03:33):
like she's right, right, this is absolutely
correct.
Caitlin Kindred (03:35):
That doesn't mean I do it.
And also I just got into itwith my child about folding up a
blanket and he was like I justcan't fold this blanket right
now.
I was like dude, I get it,don't like I understand right
now.
I was like dude, I get it, Iunderstand.
Ariella Monti (03:46):
Right, yeah, we just want to throw this out
there.
That just because we agree thatthey are right does not mean
that we put any of this stuffinto practice ourselves.
Caitlin Kindred (03:57):
Okay, all right , so I'm not cleaning a little
bit every day, but I doacknowledge that that's the way
to do it.
That said, I do do a load oflaundry every day, but I do
acknowledge that that's the wayto do it.
That said, I do right, do aload of laundry every day
because it does help.
Yeah, yeah, that's true allright.
Ariella Monti (04:13):
Um, the only way to get a clean kitchen floor is
to get on your hands and knees.
I effing hate that.
She was right about that.
Caitlin Kindred (04:22):
Thank you, mbw rose do you know how true that
is for me?
Oh my god it is.
It is true, it is a real cleanfloor like a steam mop is great
like, but I have wood look tileand what I've learned about wood
(04:43):
look tile is all of wood.
Look also means a little bit ofthat texture and all of the dirt
settles in the texture and theonly way to get it up is to get
on your hands and knees andscrub and it is right, do not
recommend yeah, zero out of fivestars okay uh, this one I
thought was really good and Iactually kind of have this, but
not the exact right way, okay,okay, so this one is my mom was
(05:06):
right about one very importantthing Get a vertical file box
and put your important ish in itInsurance papers in a folder,
healthcare records in another,birth certificate and social
security cards, passport, etcetera, tax forms, all that
important stuff you don't needuntil you need it and you can't
find it.
And that's from.
(05:26):
I've seen herbivore one onReddit.
That is the coolest name ever.
I love that one.
That's a really good one.
Have you done that before?
Have you taken all your stuffand put it in one place?
Ariella Monti (05:41):
Yes, because you know, as the ADHD people we are,
you know it'll be like threeo'clock in the morning I'll be
like where's my Social Securitycard?
Caitlin Kindred (05:51):
I like sleep too much to do that.
But I will panic when otherpeople don't give me all of
their documents and I put themin one place.
So like we get home from a tripand I'm like husband, where is
your passport?
I need it right now.
And he's like it's right here,I have it.
I'll go put it in the folder.
Nope, you give it to me and Iwill put it in the folder.
Ariella Monti (06:10):
Right, right, exactly.
So I don't use a file boxanymore.
I used to, but I actually gotthese fire and waterproof like
envelopes oh yeah, I've andwaterproof like envelopes oh
yeah, I've heard that that'swhat I use.
Yeah, I use those insteadbecause, um, dealing we used to
(06:31):
have a safe for all that stuff,and dealing with getting in and
out of a safe that was shoved inthe corners of our closet was
just, I mean, mean, nobody wasgoing to steal it because they
would have to, like, get overall of the crap in front of it
and like for what To get thetitle of our, you know at the
(06:53):
time, like 15 year old car?
Sure, have at it Right, go forit, but but but yeah, I actually
found the those like waterproof, fireproof, like folders um
folders.
They're like envelopes, they'vegot like a zipper on them and
everything like, though, I foundthose to be great.
They're easy to store and youknow, they're easy to pull out
(07:17):
when you need them, and all that.
Caitlin Kindred (07:19):
If you have the link, you should, you should
give it to me and I'll put it onour favorite things page.
Ariella Monti (07:23):
That's a good one .
Caitlin Kindred (07:23):
Okay, all right , on random stuff.
Mom was right about Completelyrandom stuff.
This one is spoke to my heartSilence.
As a teenager it was soirritating and unthinkable to me
as to why my mom never had herradio on when she was driving.
Now, I mean not never.
Okay, to me that was the timeto crank it up.
(07:45):
And now guess who drives aroundin silence, because it's the
only gosh dang time I have tohear my own thoughts that and I
can't see, when the radio's tooloud, that one's mint julep on.
Ariella Monti (07:59):
Reddit.
Caitlin Kindred (08:01):
I can't see.
I have a friend who did that inhigh school we were like 17 and
he's like I can't see, and thenhe would turn the radio down
and I was like hold on a second,I can't see those things, don't
make any sense.
Ariella Monti (08:20):
It's so true.
But it is true.
Yeah, yeah.
No, I still have to have musicon in the car, but I can totally
understand the need for some.
That was me yesterday.
Yeah, I think that was meyesterday.
I just need to hear nothing butthe buzzing in my ears because
(08:42):
Right.
Caitlin Kindred (08:42):
The voices in my head are all I need most of
each other right, exactly, it'sexactly.
Ariella Monti (08:48):
Yeah, all right, oh my god, um, so atomic
attorney 274.
I always used to pick on my momfor changing into her pajamas
right after dinner, why it'sstill laid out.
Dad, are you really, are you?
Oh, I'm so bad at reading.
This is why I don't narratebooks.
I'll do it for you.
(09:10):
I got it.
I will do, I'll get it.
I'll get it.
Uh, okay, restart no we'releaving all that, okay?
Oh, I never said you could takeit out, I'm just saying I'm
restarting okay, all right,restart.
Atomic attorney 274 says it saysI always used to pick on my mom
(09:32):
for changing into her pajamasright after dinner why it's
still light out, dead, and youwere really not gonna go out for
the rest of the night.
I wouldn't change until rightbefore bed, just in case
something fun came up.
But now I change into comfyclothes as soon as I get home,
no matter what time of day it is, and even if I know I'm going
(09:52):
out later and I prefer stayingin now, even on the weekend.
Preach, yes, yes, get in thosejammies Right.
So now I have daytime pajamasand nighttime pajamas oh
seriously oh yeah, I'm a yogateacher who works at home, so
basically I live in some kind ofpajamas, but I've got my day
(10:15):
pajamas and my night pajamas, soI, I definitely do this.
Caitlin Kindred (10:23):
Um, the one thing I don't do I don't know
what it is about me and beingwithout shoes on.
If I don't have shoes on,apparently, I just sit all day
long.
But if I put, my shoes on like,or even just flip flops, just
something on the bottom of myfeet.
I will actually get up and likedo something productive.
Ariella Monti (10:43):
So I don't know, I've heard people do that.
Caitlin Kindred (10:46):
Yeah, but so I'll like wear like the comfiest
possible clothes you know athome and then put on shoes
because slippers aren't it likeI can't do slippers right, it's
not enough of it anyway, but yes, this is absolutely right okay,
no I get it.
This one had me cracking up whenI read this Stress and
screaming says how dare my momtell me my shyness would wear
(11:10):
off as an adult and I'd beshaking my butt in the club with
reckless abandon.
Because when I got to 21, Ifroze my vicious twerking in the
club as I was hit with thememory of her saying that to me
and I thought she was right.
You're in the club and you'redancing and you're like oh, mom
(11:30):
told me I wouldn't be this shyanymore.
That's hilarious.
Ariella Monti (11:35):
I mean, just wait until you're in your late 30s,
early 40s, and then, like I haveto say that you're never shy
again.
But all those insecurities aregone.
Caitlin Kindred (11:47):
Well, I think, especially for those of us who
have birthed a child, there isno shame anymore, like you get
to a point where you can't haveshame because if you do right,
right, all of that will come.
You'll relive it every day Onceyou have that child.
Okay On's awful.
Okay On beauty tips.
(12:08):
My mom said your coat shouldhang below your skirt hem.
I thought that was stupid andit made you look like a flasher.
So I always wanted my coat toend a couple of inches above my
skirt hem.
No, she was right.
It looks classier her way.
And that's from a little nightmusing I love that one.
(12:32):
I always felt like I see whatthat person means by like
looking like a flasher.
But I do think it looks betterto have the hem lower than the
skirt line.
Ariella Monti (12:44):
Yeah, I agree.
It actually bothers me, evenwith like regular jackets, like
when I wear like my puffy vestor something in the fall and
I'll wear like a long cardiganunderneath it, and I like hate
that the cardigan is longer.
Yeah, yeah, like depending onthe length, I'll like tuck it in
(13:08):
yeah, yeah.
Caitlin Kindred (13:09):
That's why I don't understand cropped jackets
.
You have to wear a croppedjacket with a cropped shirt?
Ariella Monti (13:23):
I don't guess.
Don't over pluck your eyebrows,gosh, I'm, I know.
No, I never, I never did this.
You're Italian?
I don't think, I don't.
I don't think there's a waythat I could over pluck my
eyebrows as an Italian.
Like that, my eyebrow, myfacial hair is going to come
(13:44):
back regardless of what I dowith it, but as a child, as an
elder millennial, oh, we know,we know we know, just don't,
don't do it.
Caitlin Kindred (13:55):
The number of women that I can like pinpoint
ages because of the currentthinness of their eyebrows,
because I know what we all didto ourselves back then.
I never overdid it either,Cause I've never had, like the
giant caterpillars that likebecame very popular several
years ago, Right, Um, I'vealways just had to clean them up
, but I I mean there are stilldays where I'm like man, I I
(14:18):
should have left that part,Cause now it's still a little
thinner than I want but, anyway.
Okay, this one.
I'm saying the word at the endof this because I have to.
This is from a deleted user.
I don't know who you are, butthis is so true.
Blend your foundation down yourneck, damn it, yes.
And if you are, if you'reputting bronzer on your jawline
(14:43):
like, blend that and then justmake sure like there's no hard
line on your neck.
Ariella Monti (14:50):
We're not going for that look anymore.
Caitlin Kindred (14:53):
It's just not a thing, right?
No?
Ariella Monti (14:56):
So I'm actually going to New York and my cousin
is a makeup artist is a makeupartist and I texted her this
morning and I was like I needyou to help me find a foundation
that works, because I feel likethis happens unintentionally,
(15:16):
where I get those like hardlines and it looks fine, like
until you see yourself from theside or whatever, and you're
like right I brushes are yourfriend, like I, I mean I will.
Caitlin Kindred (15:28):
I end up brushing it like into my hair
almost, because I'm just likeget blend, blend, blend anyway,
but yep yep, yeah, um, so pm me.
Ariella Monti (15:39):
Your cat's feet, says.
Catsfeet says I love Reddit somuch.
People are so funny.
This is why I'm not on Reddit.
I am not this witty to come upwith such a funny username.
Caitlin Kindred (15:53):
Mine is just whatever the platform gave to me
, but that's a good one.
Ariella Monti (15:57):
All right.
Caitlin Kindred (15:58):
PM me your catsfeet.
Ariella Monti (15:59):
So PM me your catsfe feet says absolutely 100%
sunscreen.
Caitlin Kindred (16:06):
Oh, oh, my gosh .
Yes, mom, I'm so.
You were so right.
The number of times I wouldintentionally go out.
I have red hair and freckles.
What was I thinking?
I would go and cook myself andI would be in so much.
There were some times where Iburnt myself so bad I would
throw up because I was like, no,don't need sunscreen, let me
(16:26):
put on some oil and see whathappens.
Literally cooking myself likeKramer in that Seinfeld episode
insane yeah, I wear sunscreenevery day now.
Ariella Monti (16:35):
Oh yeah, definitely, and not even that.
For us, it was more like thebeach umbrella or like getting
under the shade like my mom wasbig about the shade, like, get
in the shade, bring the umbrella.
And I'm always like, why?
Why do we gotta do that?
Why do we gotta break now?
Forget it now.
Caitlin Kindred (16:56):
I'm like give me a tree yeah, if I don't have
shade, I'm not going, like I orI, I will wear hat, like I hate.
I hate hats Like cause I hatehow I look in them.
But I will wear a hat and I, Imean, I use sunscreen every day.
I have retinol all over my facebecause your girl's got to keep
(17:17):
something on point here, and ifeverything else has gone to
hell, then I've got to havesomething.
Looking okay, I retina all thetime and like, if there's no
shade, I'm not going.
I'm not going, I I right, it'sjust not.
Ariella Monti (17:30):
yeah, and it's texas yeah, absolutely not,
absolutely okay, exactly.
Yeah, being in north carolina,forget it like I, I will find
the shade every.
I love the sun.
I love my lizard time where Ijust like bask in a sun puddle,
but I like, especially now.
Yeah, like a cat like I, Igotta be in the shade at the
(17:52):
beach everywhere.
We have two umbrellas now yeah,and.
Caitlin Kindred (17:56):
I get it.
It's not even about the heat.
It's about the sun cover.
Like I in Texas, you're gonnabe hot, no matter where you
stand.
It's's not about that.
It's about cooking myself.
Ariella Monti (18:08):
Yeah.
Caitlin Kindred (18:08):
Okay, so true.
Sorry, mom, you're right.
Okay, uh, on life lessons.
This is, this is where it'sgoing to get a little deep
sometimes.
Okay, uh, my mom complainedabout how quickly time passed.
Oh, my mom always says the daysare long, but the years are
short.
It seemed like she was alwaystelling me that time just flew
(18:30):
by and it was already almostChristmas, or time for school to
start up again, or the weekendalready.
To me, time dried like a snailthrough molasses, and now that
I'm much older, I cannot believethe speed at which time passes.
I'm complaining about it beingMonday and in no time at all I'm
sitting at Thursday, then theweekend is here and gone Back
around.
Then again, mom was right,that's from monkeycatdog.
(18:52):
Yeah, so true, right, like ugh.
Days are long, I agree, yearsare short.
Ariella Monti (19:00):
Yes, that's true, that's very very true, all
right.
Yes, that's true.
That's very, very true, allright.
Bell0516 says I thought my momwas just trying to make me feel
better and not hurt myself-esteem even more when she'd
tell me that people at mymiddle school and high school
were just shallow and immature.
She told me that I wasn't theproblem.
(19:20):
I just went to school with kidswho were too mean or stupid to
appreciate what I had to offer.
Now, as an adult and a teachermyself, I realized that my mom
was right.
I was a little quirky, gifted,identified only child who had
braces, acne, freckles, frizzyhair, and I was fat Girl.
I get you, I feel that, but Ihad a good heart and I was true
(19:44):
to myself.
There are a lot of shallow andclicky people out there who
don't care if they bring otherpeople down oh, that one like
man breaks my middle school andhigh school stuff yeah, yeah,
that one hurts.
Caitlin Kindred (19:58):
She's right.
I mean, it's so hard to see itwhen you're in it, like that's
part of why I taught middleschool because it's like middle
school is the worst part of mylife.
I can't.
I've been through a lot ofstuff as an adult and middle
school was by far the worst andwhere most of my trauma comes
from.
And I told, oh, this poor thing.
But her mom was right, this one, the patriarchy, lol.
(20:23):
I used to roll my eyes when mymom would point out problematic
patterns in our society, likewhen I was watching the Little
Mermaid.
She would remark that it's notthe best message to send to
little girls, amen, that themain character gambles away her
family that loves her for thechance of being with an older
man when she's only 16 years old.
At the time I insisted it wasromantic.
(20:45):
Now I'm like wtf, what's that?
kool-aid girl 40, it's so true,it's so problematic it's so,
probably, and and like therewere shows that would be you
know that are popular shows thatmy mom was like, no, you can't
watch that.
Like the Simpsons I was notallowed to watch when I was a
kid because, like the messaging,while it as an adult, it's it's
(21:11):
meant for adults.
It's not a kid's show, right,it's.
It's supposed to be a cartoonfor adults.
And as an adult now Iunderstand and see the humor and
the nuance and how valuablethat show actually is.
But as a child, like, justbecause it's a cartoon does not
mean it's meant for kids.
And my mom was very aware ofthat and I have to say she's
(21:33):
definitely right about some ofthose patriarchy things for sure
too, oh, definitely, definitelydefinitely, um.
Ariella Monti (21:40):
Be careful who you choose to spend your time
with.
She was right.
I invested too much time andemotions into a scummy and
abusive ex-boyfriend and sketchyso-called friends all who hurt
me in the long run and I'm stillrecovering from the scars.
I just wish she was still alive, so I could thank her and hug
her Ritz to fly.
Caitlin Kindred (22:00):
Oh baby, sweet girl Oof.
Ariella Monti (22:05):
Yep, yeah, she's right, definitely.
Caitlin Kindred (22:10):
Be careful who you choose to spend time with,
Very true Okay.
Yeah, my mom is from theCaribbean and she had this weird
saying when I was a teenageryour friends will bring you out,
but they won't bring you back.
She had this weird saying whenI was a teenager your friends
will bring you out, but theywon't bring you back.
It means people or friends willhelp you get into sticky
situations, but they won'tnecessarily help you get out of
them.
And that was Ash Tea Time.
Ariella Monti (22:31):
Seriously, though , yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That kind of like that relatesto the one before it, because,
like your ride or dies will bethe people that will get you
into trouble, but then they'regoing to get you out of trouble.
Or at least take accountabilitywith you Like right, exactly
(22:52):
Right, right, right, right yeah.
Caitlin Kindred (22:57):
This is why you and I text each other with a
shovel on a regular basis.
If you know, you know theshovel what it means.
Am I wrong?
Like no.
Oh no, no, no, no, like there'sa reason we text you and I and
our two girlfriends, joey andBrenna, we love you.
They're also moms.
The first thing that comes outwhen it's like can I vent or I'm
(23:22):
angry, can I share?
Ariella Monti (23:23):
One of us will show the shovel like we know
what's coming right before weeven like before the story is
even shared, right?
It's just like yeah, all right,I got it, I'll meet you there
those are the people you shouldbe spending your time with right
, right, absolutely.
You cannot change someone.
Accept them for who they are orleave them alone.
Individual cry zero.
Caitlin Kindred (23:46):
You cannot fix him.
Ariella Monti (23:48):
Nope, you cannot fix him, but he loves me, nope.
Nope, no, he don't, you cannotfix that.
No, you can't fix him?
Caitlin Kindred (23:55):
No, yeah, I'm just thinking like, what about?
Well, you know he doesn't wantkids, but I do.
Maybe he'll change.
No, like no, don't invest yourtime in someone who no, no, no,
yeah, definitely, definitely not.
Ariella Monti (24:09):
Save those ones for your books.
Like save the, I Can Fix Himfor your fictional characters,
you know.
Like save it for that.
And then come on this show andI'll write a promo for you.
Okay, similarly, when someoneshows you who they are, believe
them.
Minute fade, amen.
You said that.
Caitlin Kindred (24:30):
Oof Yep.
Well, the truths are hitting alittle hard right now.
Okay, my mom used to tell methat a relationship wasn't over
while I was sad.
It was over when I was angry.
And here's why, when you're sad, you're reminiscing about the
good times and you're vulnerableto going back, despite the
problems that caused you tobreak up in the first place.
Oh my gosh.
(24:51):
So true.
But when you're angry, you'reactually looking at the things
that went wrong and you are madat yourself for dealing with
that for so long.
Oh my gosh.
I hated when she would say justwait a few weeks after a
breakup, because in my teens andtwenties a breakup was world
ending, lol.
But she would also tell me getangry when I wallowed for too
(25:12):
long.
Now in my thirties, I know shedidn't mean to actually be an
angry, bitter ex.
She meant to shift the focusfrom sorrow of what was lost to
a determination of what Ideserve.
Ariella Monti (25:24):
That's pink fire, 10, 10, oh my gosh yeah, man,
that's like five years worth oftherapy.
Caitlin Kindred (25:31):
Right, a couple of paragraphs this is why
reddit is the heart of theinternet.
This and trolls, right, yeah,oh man, that's a good one, that
is a good one I feel like I needto yeah like, just carry that
with me yeah although in myhouse the line in our house is
no divorce, only murder.
(25:54):
But that's how we, that's howwe do things.
Life insurance anyway.
Okay, uh, we got another.
Ariella Monti (26:04):
We got a couple more quebec mafia woman says
when you're in a fight withsomeone and you want to text or
phone, call them, write out atext or script and then sleep on
it and decide the next daywhether or not you want to send
it.
I I always thought she wasacting like a doormat or was
afraid of confrontation.
(26:25):
I'm definitely afraid ofconfrontation.
I'll tell you right now, but Irealized that as I got older how
much easier relationships arewhen you take some time to mull
over your reaction and see ifthe feeling passes.
I agree with that too, becauseoften by the time I am done
writing that text, I have gottenover whatever it was uh, I?
Caitlin Kindred (26:54):
yes, this is true.
I just tend to hold on to itfor a little bit longer.
Yes, this is.
This is why I still don't shopat Best Buy.
That's a different story.
Okay, as much as I hate toadmit it and still get annoyed
when I hear this phrase,sometimes it just is what it is.
My mom used to say that duringcertain situations and it would
(27:16):
put me into a blind fury.
But as I've raged well, not asI've raged as I've aged I
realized that this is true.
Sometimes we just have to dealwith whatever it is.
That's from Rajessa.
I think that that phrase isused incorrectly more often than
not.
I don't think it means like, itis what it is and you can't do
(27:39):
anything about it.
I think that's the part thatmakes people angry.
I think that phrase is meant tomean you have to accept that as
a reality and then before youcan do anything about it, right,
right.
So I think, if you, look at itfrom that point of view and
again, that phrase is maddeningto me too, because it's like,
well, it shouldn't be that way,right, but that's not the point.
(28:01):
The point is to just take astep back and go okay, yes, that
is the reality.
I have to accept that as thecircumstance.
Now I can work with that totake the next step.
Ariella Monti (28:12):
Right, exactly, yeah, it's accepting the present
so that you can, like you said,take the next step move on from
there.
It's like okay, like well, yes,it is what it is.
This is where I'm at right now.
No, I cannot change what ishappening right now.
But what is?
How am I going to respond to it?
Right, yeah, she was right, Ido need a coat and I will be
(28:37):
cold.
Yes, thank you.
Dems, dems, dems.
Caitlin Kindred (28:42):
I don't know how to Dems D-F-T-B-A.
Dems Cool, but how true is that?
One the number of times I'd belike it's okay, I'm just going
to go out in my sweatshirt, ordo you have that fight with your
son?
It's freezing cold out.
Put on a jacket, no, I'm fine,yeah, and now and now.
Ariella Monti (29:07):
We like we'll take it and we just like shove
it in his backpack yeah I don'teven do that, I'm like here's
the jacket.
Caitlin Kindred (29:14):
You can wear a sweatshirt and a jacket.
You can wear a hat, like wearwhat you want, but I'm not going
to take responsibility ifyou're cold later, because you
do have recess outside, so dealwith it.
Yeah, exactly, okay, so thoseare the ones that we crowdsource
.
But everyone has momisms, noteveryone.
If you have momisms, we want tohear them, so that's one thing,
(29:36):
but I wanted to hear Ariella'smom's momisms, and then I'll
share mine.
Ariella Monti (29:42):
Yeah, so she doesn't have momisms per se.
But aside from you know, I'mnot yelling, I'm talking loudly
which pretty much every Italianfamily can relate to.
I like that one, yeah, sothere's a lot of like and I
(30:03):
talked to my brother and mysister about this.
There's a lot of oh, I get itnow yeah, moments like so, not
necessarily like you, she wasright, because there's nuance
and everything right but like,oh, get it now.
And some of these areprioritizing work-life balance.
(30:24):
So when my mom was at work andI worked with my mom for a year,
so I saw this when she was atwork, she was focused only on
her job.
Caitlin Kindred (30:33):
She didn't gossip with her coworkers.
Ariella Monti (30:35):
She didn't waste time.
She wasn't like me who would belike I need to go find some
dopamine and like wander off andwhatever.
If I called, had to call her atthe office, she got me off the
phone so fast, but as soon asher shift ended, like as soon as
she clocked out, you don't likeif you were her, you know, if
(30:58):
you were a co-worker you don'tcall her at home, you don't
email her at home.
She does not exist outside ofthe office and she would tell
you that.
Wow happened.
Caitlin Kindred (31:09):
We did force that boundary.
That's pretty impressive.
Ariella Monti (31:12):
Oh yeah, yeah yeah, and I like I should say my
mom is from italy, so they havea completely different idea of
work-life balance and she waslike no, I leave the office,
this is not my risk, this isyour responsibility, this is a
new problem.
Caitlin Kindred (31:31):
Oh, she needs to just come over here and slap
my hand sometimes.
Ariella Monti (31:35):
I know, I know, no, I get it.
I mean, it's a different timenow.
Yeah, it's a different time,but it's also like, yeah, a
different time now.
Yeah, it's a different time,but it's also like it's a
different world.
Caitlin Kindred (31:41):
Yeah, but it's also still really necessary to
draw that line.
It's a good one, Absolutelyyeah.
Ariella Monti (31:47):
One thing we always did growing up is we we
had dinner as a family wheneverwe could.
But if we could not have dinneras a whole family, my mom was
really good about making sureshe sat with us while we ate, so
you weren't eating alone and itwas no, like, no, granted, like
there are times when you'rejust like I just want to eat, in
(32:08):
peace and and everything.
But she always took that time tosit with you and take it as a
time to like catch up and seehow things were going, and just
so like you weren't just youknow you weren't eating alone,
yeah, yeah, um, movement andgetting outside every day, that
(32:31):
yeah, yes, I do that a lot now Imean not the movement part, but
the getting outside every day.
Caitlin Kindred (32:40):
Sometimes I just crack the window, it's fine
.
Ariella Monti (32:43):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Oh, that's another one WindowLike opening the window is
definitely better.
Fresh air is good, but I livein North Carolina so I am not
giving up my central air at anypoint in time Absolutely not,
but I do use the windowswhenever I can.
(33:05):
She definitely what she wasright about was never being like
too old to achieve a goal orswitch your paths.
So she went back to collegewhen she was in her early 40s I
think she was actually 42 whenshe went back to college, which
is my age now to get herassociate's degree and just
(33:30):
having that family support ofmaking a switch like in midlife,
which is what we all tend to donow, because yeah, hi, I'm on
my second career, so likeexactly yeah, exactly, um and
kind of with that, theintergenerational family
dynamics, so like my grandmotherlived with us for a little
(33:51):
while and mostly so like my momcould go back to school, and I
don't think that works, for thatdefinitely doesn't work in like
this stage of life in oursociety.
You know, the intergenerationalliving not for everything yeah,
right, but even having um thehelp from parents and the helps
(34:12):
from mothers and grandmothers,like I, I don't think when I was
living, when my grandmother wasliving with us and chasing me
around with a wooden spoon, Idon't think I definitely did not
appreciate what she was doingfor my mother until I had my own
kid and was like, oh man, Ireally could use a grandma
(34:36):
around not to chase my kid witha wooden spoon, but you know,
but maybe.
But maybe, maybe you you know,if it helps, so that's.
That's what we came up with Ilike that.
Caitlin Kindred (34:50):
Um, my mom has a few.
I also reached out to my, mysiblings for this.
Um, I think I I got most ofthem.
Julian has a few that we I meanshe has a lot, but there's only
a few that we all were like, no, they have to be in this
episode.
So one of them is make it aboutwhatever they need.
I have sort of twisted this onits head for myself and it's see
(35:13):
a need, fill the need right.
It's like if there's somethingthat needs to be done, just do
it.
There's like this whole,there's this kind of thing
sweeping the internet of likenotice and do right, you see
something weird, do somethingabout it.
You see something that needs toget done, take three minutes
and do it, whatever it is.
But hers make it about whateverthey need.
It's really, you know,especially for like work, like
(35:36):
what does your client need?
What does the person want?
Like, if you're trying to get ajob, what do they need out of
you?
You know, like, that's how thenyou steer the conversation in
that direction.
This one which she said to usall the time.
She still says and she'sprobably going to be annoyed
that I don't really know exactlythe origin of this, although I
have heard it comes from GeorgeCarlin and a few others, but
(35:58):
it's.
You can pick your friends, youcan pick your friends, you can
pick your nose, but you can'tpick your friend's nose.
Have you heard that line before?
Oh, my father says itconstantly.
Yeah, he still says it.
Yeah.
So for a long time I did notunderstand what that meant, and
I still.
I feel like there's twomeanings to this, but one of
them is mind your own business,like stay out of other people's
(36:20):
business.
Right, that's probably the mainone.
But I also thought, like youknow, there is a piece of this
where you can choose youractions, you can choose who you
spend your time with, but youcan't choose what they do or how
they react to your actions.
Right like there's a lot thatyou can control but there's a
lot that's outside of it andjust you're gonna have to
(36:42):
understand that part of it.
But the mind your business isprobably the one that makes the
most sense.
Ariella Monti (36:47):
Anyway, I think my dad told it to us literally.
So you're free to really pickyour own nose, but don't do it
to anybody else.
Caitlin Kindred (36:58):
Right, Well, and there's, if you look, if you
were to search that meaning onthe internet, cause I just to
see if I was right about what Ihad assumed it meant.
Uh.
I searched and people are likeI thought it just meant you
couldn't pick up people's noselike, or keep your finger.
And then the other thing thatcame up was like why it's
dangerous to pick your nose.
Ariella Monti (37:15):
And I was going for but also don't tell me what
to do just kidding.
Caitlin Kindred (37:22):
Sometimes, when you gotta do what you gotta do,
if you have a bat in the cave,man, get that out, and if you
don't, if you have a bat in thecave and you don't know, I'll
tell you and I'll tell you to goget it out anyway.
Uh, another momism.
This is one of my favoritespeople are stupid.
She's like I know people arestupid and she's not trying to
be hurtful at all, she's justtrying to like if you're
(37:45):
complaining about people who aredumb, she's gonna say I know
people are stupid and if youjust, I think she means like the
masses in general.
You know, it's like the wholenot every man, but always a man
kind of statement right, it'slike I know people are stupid
and I think she just wanted usto stop complaining about dumb
people.
But whatever, this is myfavorite one and she'll go.
(38:08):
What's the rule?
And you already know it'scoming and she'll go do not f
thyself, it's always withthyself.
Also, right, so, like, justdon't do something that you're,
that later you was gonna hate,right?
like yeah, but but yeah, um,those are good.
(38:29):
My mom, my mom's, got some gems, all right.
So this is, this is when I'vecome up for myself and I plan to
share it with my son when thetime is right.
But this is kind of taking allof that stuff together from what
my mom has said, and this is myown momism that I use now and
it's people are not anti you,they are pro them.
So, like I'm just thinkingabout, like you're on the road,
(38:52):
this is this is really when itoccurs to me the most.
You're driving and for somereason, you are the car that
everyone decides to cut it infront of.
I don't know why, but it's you.
Happens to me all the time, orit'll be like three or four in a
row and I'm like what am Idoing?
There's no space, because thetwo other cars just took that
space.
What are you doing?
You're trying to get me killed.
It's not that they're anti meas a person.
(39:13):
They're not looking at my carand going, oh, you have a bluey
magnet on your car.
You suck, I'm going to cut youoff.
It's pro them, and especiallyin a time that we are in right
now, where it feels like theempathy is lacking.
Everywhere I look, I'm havingto remind myself yes, there are
people who are anti you,depending on who you are yeah
(39:36):
right, right, and in general,people are not trying to
necessarily be super selfish tothe point where they neglect
other people.
It's that they're looking outfor their own best interest.
So right, so that's somethingthat I've.
That's a good one, thank you.
When I feel like life isn'tfair and when I feel like my son
says stuff like that, I have togo go.
They're not anti you, they'repro them.
(39:57):
They're being selfish, notbecause they're trying to be,
but because they're looking outfor themselves.
Yeah, I like it.
Thanks.
Thanks, mom, love you.
Let's take a quick break Forlinks to resources mentioned in
this episode.
Head on over tockandgkpodcastcom slash blog to
find everything you need, and besure to follow us on social
(40:20):
media.
Head over to your favoritesocial media network and find us
at CK and GK podcast.
And now back to the show.
Okay and back.
You have obsessions?
Ariella Monti (40:36):
yes, yeah so I I don't want to say I just
discovered it, I finallyremember to listen to it, but,
um, the podcast wild card withrachel martin, tell me, um, it's
an npr produced podcast, Ithink I'm almost positive and
(41:01):
she interviews celebrities usingcards.
So there'll be three questionson a card or, I'm sorry,
there'll be three cards with aquestion on each card and the
celebrity has to pick card one,two or three, and that is how
the conversation gets started.
Yeah, and the questions areabout the celebrity's life
usually, so the first one that Ilistened to was with Brett
(41:24):
Goldstein.
You know Roy Kent.
Yes, it was phenomenal.
It was such a fun.
It was such a fun interview.
That particular episode is notfamily friendly, but I did just
listen to the one with Weird AlYankovic.
(41:45):
That one is family friendly, soI will say that that's awesome.
So it's been.
I mean, you know, aside fromyour podcast, I listened to a
lot of like investigativejournalism and you know I love
those Like deep dives.
Yeah, yeah, like deep dive typestuff, so kind of depressing
(42:08):
sort of stuff, and I neededsomething a little bit more
lighthearted, yeah.
Caitlin Kindred (42:16):
That was how I got into smart lists for a while
.
Was I needed needed?
I was listening to a lot oftrue crime and I needed
something lighter I do need tolisten to I'm going to call her
Leslie Knope, but I know it's onher name.
Amy Poehler's new podcast lookssuper cute and just looks like
she has a lot of fun on that one.
So that's.
I've also been listening toAnatomy of Murder a lot more
lately.
That's a really good one.
(42:37):
If you like true crime, allright, I'm gonna add it to my
list.
Ariella Monti (42:41):
I'm gonna do it mine, is the traitors I know
this, but I don't know this okay, so this is a reality tv show.
Caitlin Kindred (42:52):
I'm sure it started in the uk and the us
stole it as we do.
Um, it is a reality TV show.
I'm sure it started in the UKand the US stole it as we do.
It is a group of 20 people whocome to a castle in Scotland.
The goal is to earn as muchmoney as possible by completing
challenges as a group of 20people.
But in the group there arepeople who are named traitors.
(43:15):
Everyone who's not a traitor isa faithful.
Whoever's left at the end ofthe game wins the money.
So if there are only faithfulsleft at the end of the game,
then all the faithfuls get tosplit the money.
However, if there's even onetraitor left among the group,
that traitor takes all of it.
And there it's like so it's 20people.
(43:36):
One trader left among the group, that trader takes all of it.
Wow, and it's like so it's 20people.
They eliminate two people a day.
It goes fast.
And the level of notbackstabbing?
Because that's not it.
It's the people who think theycan read people really, really
well.
They're like I know, thisperson's a trader and they are
not even close.
I was watching one there.
(43:57):
I was watching the Britishversion and everyone at the end
raised a glass and the one womanwho didn't raise a glass got
called out for being a traitor.
Well, what you don't know aboutthat woman, or what she then
tells you, is you know why Ididn't raise a glass?
Because I don't have a righthand.
I lost it in an accident andthe glass was on my right, so
(44:20):
it's awkward for me to reachacross and raise the glass.
And they eliminated her anyway.
I was like, oh my god, justbecause she didn't raise it.
Like it is wild.
And the people who are like, uh, I worked in government, I was,
I was in the police and I knowwho's lying, and they are who
are like, uh, I worked ingovernment, I was in, I was in
the police and I know who'slying, and they are dead wrong.
Like I cannot stop every timeevery time they're always wrong.
(44:43):
Uh, and the american version isgood too.
They like bring on kind of amix of celebrities and regular
people, and by celebrities Imean like reality tv star
celebrities, like people who areon big brother and like bravo,
yeah, yeah, yeah, but yeah, Icannot stop watching.
It's so good.
If you like, it's fun, it's fundrama it sounds like murder
(45:07):
mystery dinner.
Ariella Monti (45:09):
Yes, yes, it is a little bit like Clue yeah.
It is giving.
Caitlin Kindred (45:14):
Clue vibes.
It feels very like Clue yeah.
Gems Do you have any?
It's okay if you don't, becauseI have a kind of a big one.
Ariella Monti (45:23):
I can't remember like anything that happened this
week.
Caitlin Kindred (45:29):
I know I laughed about a lot of things
this week, but I can't.
I know I'm not smart enough towrite them down in the moment.
Ariella Monti (45:35):
So I know a lot of things this week but I can't,
I don't, I'm not smart enoughto write them down in the moment
.
So I know it was you know whatwas was kind of cute.
I will say this my kid isobsessed with these minecraft
chapter books and the other dayafter I I got done like doing
doing my PT in the morning whenI walked by his door, his I
(45:57):
think he was still sleeping orsomething.
But by the time I finisheddoing my PT and I went to go
wake him up for school, he wasalready awake and he was reading
his book.
Oh, Like all in bed and stuffthe cutest, and I was just like
oh my god, my little reader Iknow.
Caitlin Kindred (46:16):
I love when you catch them doing that.
Ariella Monti (46:17):
Apparently, like one night, you woke up at like 2
o'clock in the morning and,instead of coming into our bed
like he usually does, he readhis book for a half hour, oh,
and then maybe came into our bed.
Caitlin Kindred (46:29):
Oh.
I was like if it keeps him outof doing it, doing it.
Ariella Monti (46:34):
Yeah, no, no, take it back.
Then he came and tore it back.
Caitlin Kindred (46:41):
So mine is.
If you're listening to this, inMay of 2025, I have been
nominated for a women podcastersaward in the education category
, so I would love it, if you'rea listener, if you could vote
(47:02):
for me.
I will put the link in the shownotes.
It'll be right at the top, uh,and it will also be on our
website, and you'll probably geta pop-up every time you show up
on the website, which we don'tcare.
Go vote, um.
I would love to have yoursupport.
That's my gem, and please votefor me yes, really cool.
Ariella Monti (47:26):
I'm glad you mentioned it because you did
send us the the link, for yeah,you're required to vote if you
haven't already if you've beenon my show you and you're not
nominated.
Caitlin Kindred (47:34):
You need to go vote for me yeah, yeah valerie
deborah go vote yeah, I need to.
Ariella Monti (47:39):
I it was my.
Caitlin Kindred (47:41):
My phone was not happy about it, I think,
wherever it's a google form soit's not a hard thing to do, and
I'll put the link directly tome, like if you go to it you
click on my page and thenthere's a big old button at the
bottom that says vote.
Ariella Monti (47:53):
So all you have to do is I think I saw it at
work where, like, the internetsucks at my job, and maybe
that's when I was like, oh, letme do this right now.
Caitlin Kindred (48:01):
And then it was like well, you have the link in
front of you right now.
Ariella Monti (48:05):
I do, I'm gonna do it, I am gonna do it okay,
that's all I have.
Caitlin Kindred (48:13):
Happy Mother's.
Day to all of the people whocelebrate, whoever in whatever
way you.
That's all I have.
Happy Mother's Day to all ofthe people who celebrate,
whoever in whatever way youcelebrate, whether it's kicking
your kids out for 24 hours goodfor you, that's a great way to
celebrate.
Or it's honoring your mom insome way, or it's giving your
doggies a snuggle, whatever itneeds to be.
However, you feel like you wantto honor the mom figure in your
(48:33):
life, have a great one, orhonor yourself and you're a mom
you want to honor yourself.
You should, you really should,especially if you have young
kids.
Yeah, man, you are in thetrenches, my friend, yeah, all
right.
Yeah, with that, jenny wouldsay make good choices.
Love you, mom, bye, bye.
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