November 7, 2023 • 32 mins
By the time we reach adulthood, we’re expected to be responsible for our own thoughts and emotions: we can’t just blame other people every time we’re unhappy or upset. But if you didn’t learn how to be happy and relaxed in childhood, how can you expect to be happy and relaxed in adult life, when...
The post How to Care for Your Mind and Emotions (Ep. 7) appeared first on The Morpheus Clinic for Hypnosis.
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(00:00):
Jealousy can become a habit. Envy can become
a habit. Right? This false notion
that you could, you know, verbally abuse yourself
without feeling abused, it's it's complete nonsense. And
so you could see it as an act
of service to others to look after yourself.
So if you really want to help other
people,
start off with making sure that you So
what ends up happening is we treat ourselves
(00:20):
like enemies. Welcome to How to be an
Adult,
a podcast created by the practitioners
at the Morpheus Clinic For Hypnosis in Toronto,
Canada. This show helps people like you who've
inadvertently
become adults and don't know what to do
about it. I'm Luke Chao. And I'm Pascal
Langdell. Now, if you're 18 or 80, we
are doing this podcast in order to give
(00:42):
to you the trail guide to adulthood that
you never really got when you reach the
age of majority.
We put out this podcast publicly so that
we can normalize
self respect and self esteem.
Today's episode talks about how to care for
your mind and how to care for your
emotions, which as an adult are yours to
care for. In the current world of CBT,
(01:04):
which is cognitive behavioral therapy, or even going
back 1000 of years to stoics. There are
certain themes that come up again and again.
Certain perspectives about how to deal with your
emotions and what they are and what they're
for. That chime very well with us. And
in fact, the perspectives that we work with.
I figured that if
2000 or 25100 years ago,
the ancients
(01:25):
figured out principles during, you know, the much
harsher and more violent ancient times, and they
still resonate. And then modern psychologists
have also figured out that the same principles
apply, then there's probably relevance to anyone listening
to this podcast no matter where in the
world they are. Both CBT and stoicism
suggest
that emotions are not just to be
(01:48):
observed and felt
and accepted. Stoicism
and CBT
suggest, additionally,
that our thoughts
have some impact
on how we
feel, just like the parent has some impact
on how the baby feels.
So this kind of contradicts the popular view
that our feelings are sacred and we are
(02:10):
to observe them as opposed to even try
to change them. Or the alternative, which is
that emotions are something which are to be
totally controlled, suppressed and manipulated.
I think a lot of people read or
mis
comprehend
stoicism
as, you know, keeping a stiff upper lip
(02:31):
and repressing your emotions.
But it isn't such a thing. So one
way of thinking about it perhaps is to
say that, well, emotions a, they have a
role that when you have an emotion
it's not the entire truth but it's an
aspect of a truth.
That any strong negative emotion, I would argue,
simply lacks context and information.
(02:52):
Because
I could look at a glass of water
and say it's half full or I can
say that it's half empty or I can
say it's water that adapts to the shape
that it's in. There are multiple
ways of perceiving an object or a situation.
The way that our emotions work, we can
give them too much credit or we can
give them too little credit. The same they
they did this, you know, you know this
story. And I'm sure some people out there
(03:12):
already know this one, which is they did
a test where they had 3 wine bottles.
And they had an expensive wine, a regular
wine, and a really cheap wine. Right? And
they they labeled them with the, how much
they cost basically. And they brought people in.
So you got to taste taste each of
these wines
and you've got to give them a rating.
Right? So the first time they do it
and all the bottles are lined up correctly
(03:33):
with their correct amount. And sure enough, you
know, people
had opinions and the way they tasted their
wine aligned with the cost. But then they
did the test again where they swapped it
around where they had the cheapest bottle being,
you know, labelled as the most expensive.
And the most expensive bottle being labelled as
the cheapest. And they brought people in again.
And sure enough,
(03:53):
people tasted the cheap wine. Some of them
even went, 'Ah, that's
disgusting. Because their expectation was linked to the
dollar cost.
Their thoughts therefore affected how they felt and
their reaction and the behavior to something that,
you know, minutes ago had been tasted and
validated and had been validated by experts as
being a very fine wine. What I'm taking
(04:14):
from what you've shared
is that emotions
are manipulable.
Yes.
Which means that
you can't always take them at face value.
You shouldn't just go with your feelings.
If you
think of something
difficult or challenging that you'd like to do,
Right? So right now, I'm gonna have you
hold in your mind some kind of work
(04:35):
or social challenge that would be difficult, and
I want you to tell yourself that you
can do it.
Right? So hold that thing in mind. Tell
yourself you can do it.
Probably, you're gonna breathe more deeply. Probably, you're
gonna sit up a bit more straight. Probably,
you're gonna feel more of a sense of
capability.
Now hold the same thing in mind. Right?
The same work or social challenge and tell
yourself you can't do it. Probably you're gonna
(04:57):
shrink a little. Probably your breathing becomes a
bit more tense
simply because of the thought about that thing.
It's not the thing in itself
that causes you to sit up straighter or
to shrink. It's your assessment
of whether you can do it or can't
do it. So this is
why, you know, we tell kids you can't
(05:17):
do it. It's not to mollycoddle them. It's
because it's actually good thinking that produces better
outcomes when you tell yourself you can. They've
shown this in in sports situations.
If you have if you have negative thoughts
and think, alright, it's been a disaster so
far. I'm not gonna win. I wish I
could. All all those sort of the maelstrom
(05:38):
of sports thinking. If you allow that to
come in,
it is much much more likely that you
will fail the shot, you won't achieve the
goal, you won't do the thing, than if
you had neutral thoughts. And the positive thoughts
don't have quite such an equal weight so
far as definitely guaranteeing you're going to achieve
the goal. Because of course there's a lot
of chaos, chaos, there's a lot of other
(05:59):
stuff on the other side of I can.
Which
that positive mindset allows you to deal better
with. However, it doesn't necessarily guarantee it. What
is guaranteed is if you have a negative
outlook, it's much, much more likely that it
will
negatively affect whatever it is that you're doing,
or even the way that you're relating to
people or any activity in fact. Well, one
way or another you're affecting how you feel
(06:20):
in your body. So if you're gonna affect
how you feel in the body one way
or another,
why make a detrimental impact on the way
you feel when you can just as easily
make a positive impact on how you feel?
So many of our listeners are walking around
in this world and until someone points it
out to them, they actually believe they could
think whatever they like in their heads without
(06:42):
Consequences
to how they feel in the body now
as a hypnotherapist
you realize very quickly that the thoughts in
your head make a material impact on how
you feel in your body if your thoughts
are self loving and self respecting you're gonna
feel a whole lot better on a day
to day basis than if your thoughts about
yourself
are self loathing and self denigrating
(07:04):
this false notion
that your mind is completely independent
of of your body such that you could,
you know, verbally abuse yourself without feeling abused.
It's it's complete nonsense.
So when we have strong emotions like,
say I'm
scrolling through
social media and
(07:26):
and I come across something, I see somebody
I know doing something exceptional and for whatever
reasons at that point in that day I'm
not my best self. And I look at
it and I go, Oh,
man. How is it possible that this person
could do that? Why can't I do that?
Right? So, the beginnings of the green eyes
of of envy and jealousy. And so this
is why I'm saying that sometimes strong emotions
require context in order to be interpreted better.
(07:49):
So if I then enlarge that context, well,
okay. Well, what I don't know is the
context of the family, the context of the
work, how much work did it how many
years did it take to get to that
point? Who they had to know? The element
of chance. There's all these things that I
just don't know. And so therefore if I
did,
then I would perhaps say forgive myself a
little for not being that person at that
(08:10):
time with those opportunities in that backstory. Mhmm.
Right? And I think what jealousy and envy
to some degree
have is highlighting a value
or something that you feel you are missing
out or you haven't done accomplished that you
value.
And it's really interesting because
jealousy can become a habit. Envy can become
a habit. Right? And you can even be
(08:32):
instructed in your youth to think that envy
is necessary or that this judgment is necessary.
It's really interesting because you can turn around
and kind of go, okay,
what do I value? I value the fact
that this person has transcended their original job
and
are doing something they really enjoy with their
life. So what am I doing? What what
part of that is the thing that I
(08:53):
aspire to? And if I go, okay, I'm
falling down on the transcending my current job.
Well, then I've got power. Then I've got
agency. Then I can say, well, okay. What
do I need to do? And so it's
it's not that jealousy is bad or envy
is bad in and of itself. It's a,
that you believe that it's the only truth
and then you reflect it back on yourself
and you punish yourself for it.
(09:13):
Or you say, okay, well it's not the
only truth, it's a flag for something that
I'm trying to tell myself. What I'm hearing
you say is that if you only feel
jealous and that's the end of it, then
you kind of stew in the jealousy. Mhmm.
But if you feel jealous as the first
step towards self improvement,
then it doesn't end with you stewing and
(09:35):
jealousy. Jealousy. It ends with
you perhaps identifying your values and then striving
to be a better person yourself so that
the future you might have more of what
you'd seen on social media.
I made a post speaking of social media,
and I think I titled it emulate,
don't
envy
the successful
because we each have a choice when we
(09:56):
see someone with, like, a better career, you
know, a more loving partner, a better behaved
dog.
We have the choice
between emulating the qualities that led them to
have the better career, the more loving partner,
the better behaved dog,
or we could just kind of stew in
our envy
which is fruitless and which I would suggest
(10:16):
is a negative sum game
So the question is well, now we understand
that the mind and the body are an
integrated thing.
That whatever your whatever you think and your
emotions will affect your body. That you have
agency over your emotions and you can use
them for positive change rather than stewing in
your own jealousy and and nihilism, which is
(10:37):
obviously not a good way to live.
What would be one mental
approach to treating yourself well, bearing all that
in mind? Well, we we know exactly how
to treat a friend. Right? Even if we
just met the person, we know there are
certain things we do say. There are certain
things we don't say. Too often, we
decline the same courtesy of of ourselves.
(11:00):
So what ends up happening is we treat
ourselves like enemies and of course then
we don't feel so great as a consequence
but the very same
judgment and reasoning and conscience
that has you speak to friends in a
consistently beneficial manner
Can help you speak to yourself in a
(11:21):
consistently beneficial manner
and I'd like to point out that this
is unhypocritical.
Mhmm. Too often, we feel like if we
love and respect and care for ourselves that
we're being selfish or being hypocritical,
it's no such thing if you're already a
pro social person. It is unhippocritical
if your inner dialogue sounds
(11:42):
like your outer
dialogue.
Anyone who is walking around feeling unloved
does not have some of their most fundamental
needs met.
And just like if you walk around and
you're dehydrated and malnourished,
you're not going to be at your best.
If you walk around and you're feeling unloved
and disrespected because you neglect yourself love and
(12:03):
your self respect
Then it's hard to be at your very
best so in prior episodes We've talked about
approaching others with a cup that's
full So the first step in that is
to fill up your own cup until it's
overflowing and then you can so much more
easily give to others
So one of the overarching themes in today's
episode is gonna be the pursuit of positive
(12:25):
sum or net positive
outcomes.
If that person's happy, it doesn't obligate me
to be miserable.
That's positive sum thinking.
But if that person's happy, therefore, I'm gonna
be a resentful, envious person. That's zero sum
thinking.
It's so detrimental
when someone walks around feeling like
(12:47):
if someone else is happy, it robs you
of joy because it can just as easily
be that when someone else is happy, their
happiness wears off on you.
It is in a way a choice
how you interpret someone else's happiness
or the feeling of envy similarly comes in
part from this zero sum mentality
that suggests that well if someone else has
(13:10):
that career, then they've taken the slot that
could rightfully be yours.
And so you could see it as an
act of service to others to look after
yourself. So if you really want to help
other people,
start off with making sure that you have
good self esteem,
good self respect, you treat yourself well, you
look after yourself and treat yourself as
as well as a friend might, as well
(13:31):
as somebody who really cared about you might.
Maslow. Abraham Maslow, the humanist psychologist who developed
his hierarchy of needs, I would suggest,
has identified
many of the needs that every human being
has.
I remember learning about Maslow's hierarchy in grade
10 and I raised a hand and I
(13:51):
challenged the teacher. So when Abraham Maslow was
introduced and his hierarchy of needs was introduced,
obviously one of the tiers
is your social needs. So respect,
esteem,
love. Right?
That, you know, according to Maslow's hierarchy, we
all need to be esteemed by our peers
and loved by our friends and loved by
our neighbors. And without it, we suffer,
(14:14):
and we have to kind of have these
needs met before we reach finally self actualization.
So the question I raised, which I don't
think I've ever heard a very satisfactory answer
before,
is What about the lone monk living on
the mountaintop
who we might say is self actualized?
But they are not being loved
(14:36):
by Friends or neighbors since they're literally just
a lone monk living on a mountaintop
doesn't that you know, compromise Maslow's
theory?
Fast forward many years, I I feel like
I can offer an answer to that challenge
And it's that Maslow
did identify correctly that love and esteem and
(14:59):
respect are needs.
The bit that he might not have said
or not have said loudly enough
is that one's own self love, one's own
self respect, one's own self
esteem
fulfills
the need
so he wasn't wrong in identifying
that love and respect and esteem are needs
(15:21):
but these needs do not necessarily
in my view have to be fulfilled socially
If one is the monk on the mountaintop.
If one lives, you know, in this modern
industrial world and too often we run home
and we crash on the couch after work
only to do it again the next day.
If self love and self respect and self
(15:42):
esteem
are what we can have consistently
and getting these needs met by others is
too inconsistent,
then let's not discount
our self love and our self respect and
our self esteem. Even the monk though, we
can kind of imagine
he or she had their monk brothers or
sisters
(16:03):
to kind of show them how to meditate,
to show them how to connect with their
own feelings of lovingkindness.
So I think that those kinds of lessons
earlier in life
will have a lasting impact later in life
such that you know It's not like the
monk was born, you know able to be
peaceful on a mountaintop
(16:23):
The the monk having had enough positive regard
from others,
the monk having had enough guidance from others
can eventually reach a point where he or
she could be at the peak of the
mountain Meditating at amidst the trees and and
still be happy
In the modern world,
we don't really consult with religious figures for
(16:45):
happiness and life guidance,
at least not as much as human beings
used to,
we often instead confer with psychotherapists
for life guidance and for advice for how
to be happy. Too often therapists say that
they don't really give advice but they'll kind
of encourage you to search inwardly.
For better or for worse,
(17:05):
therapy sometimes
gets
slagged for being just for the wealthy, but
that doesn't mean that everyone who can afford
a therapist
is going to be out in the cold
that's where
unconditional
positive regard which is such a huge part
of especially
humanistic schools of psychotherapy
(17:25):
that's where it can be something that you
give to yourself
so part of the reason I think therapy
actually makes people feel better is you can
talk about whatever shameful
scary
thoughts you have in your head
and you're shown unconditional positive regard.
But as an adult,
your opinions are adult opinions.
(17:47):
Your perspectives are adult perspectives
and I would suggest that we human beings
have the self reflective capacity
to not just love ourselves and to esteem
ourselves
but to give ourselves
unconditional
positive regard
of a similar nature
to what therapists give professionally.
(18:10):
I think some of my therapist friends would
agree with me when I say that part
of the role of therapy
is to have
your client
eventually
give themselves the same unconditional
positive regard that the therapist gives them, almost
like they had good parents who knew what
they were doing
(18:32):
when they were a child.
Which is not to say that you are
free from responsibility or accountability.
It's simply that with responsibility and accountability, it
doesn't make you bad.
Right. So I'll give you an example of
what the inner dialogue might sound like.
So
very often if we make a mistake,
we might say to ourselves,
(18:52):
I'm such a screw up. I never get
anything right so that is without unconditional positive
regard
now
let's say you make the same error
and you have unconditional positive regard you aren't
really thinking
I'm gonna keep screwing up for the rest
of my life and I can't do anything
about it you're probably gonna think well you
(19:14):
know next time I'm gonna be a bit
more careful and next time I'm gonna do
things differently
if we apply the principle of talking to
yourself like a friend right so let's say
a friend makes some kind of error or
faux pas in front of us
if we're a good friend we aren't really
gonna just let it go completely
And we're not gonna we're not gonna criticize
(19:36):
them like that. We might just pull them
aside and quietly say, you know, I know
you could do better than that. So then
next time, this way, please. Yeah. And you
still love them.
So it doesn't get you off the hook
to have unconditional positive regard just like your
friends are not off the hook just because
you love them. Mhmm. And I I certainly
in my experience of raising children, you're doing
(19:57):
that awful lot. You're actually gonna be doing
something which
is,
but but you're not you're not gonna hate
them. You hate the behavior because it's not
doing anybody any good or them or whatever.
But even in those those, those worst moments
it works very well. If you turn out
that even though this is happening, it's not
gonna change the fact that I love you.
Even though I'm annoyed about behavior,
(20:19):
it's not gonna change the fact that I
love you. Even for people who've never had
a child before, but who have had a
cat or a dog before
if they barf on the rug
you know you know if you have a
heart at all you're not getting rid of
the animal if they barf on the rug
you love the animal a just might redirect
them to like the hardwood part of your
(20:39):
living room or the next time they start
food or you just take them to the
vet if they do it often enough. Yeah,
you know you could do what you can
to correct the behavior
and still have pure love for the animal.
So if we can do this for a
dog,
but then we can definitely
do it for ourselves.
(20:59):
So
if we can
do it for a dog then we can,
you say,
definitely do it for ourselves. And we do
it because
there is a fundamental,
innate
worth that every human being has.
To start off with just the chance of
you, Luke, being here now,
genetically speaking, it's 1 in 400,000,000,000,000
(21:21):
chance.
Another thing is, so far as we know,
there's no other beings in the universe that
are like humans. In that we can
manipulate tools, we can make plans, and manipulate
the future to some degree.
We have appreciation of our own mortality.
And just those facts alone make you pretty
unique. Even if you're like many other human
(21:41):
beings, how many how many billions there are.
That's still an extraordinary thing in and of
itself.
But if I was to say, okay, science
put that to the side for a moment,
what other ways
can we accept that humans have innate worth?
Well, the first step
is to count yourself among living beings
so that you don't treat yourself worse than
(22:02):
a dog, worse than a tree worse than
a cat
too often we do treat ourselves as like
we're things that could be neglected or abused
without consequences or like you're machine? Or like
a machine with only value insofar as we're
meeting certain specifications and functioning to a certain
level. But you'd be incorrectly categorized as a
machine or a robot or a computer. You'd
(22:22):
be correctly categorized among the cats and the
dogs in the trees.
Right? And additionally, you'd be correctly categorized among
your kids, among your partner, among your friends,
among your neighbors, among your favorite writers and
musicians and artists,
because you're human.
One thing that I think compromises
a lot of people's sense of self worth
(22:43):
is the idea that one must be perfect
or else one is worthless. There's this black
and white all or nothing
thinking as though we're like like a strawberry
and once it's got a bit of mold
on it, we have to toss it and
there's no more commercial family left. That's a
weird example, but we often treat ourselves a
lot like we're either
(23:05):
worthy because we're perfect and we meet everyone's
approval
or we are worthless as though there are
no shades in between, but there are definitely
a lot of shades.
And and it can be extraordinarily self defeating.
It could be really overwhelming if you allow
that perspective to take over. It's like, alright,
I can't even make the first step. I
can't even Because I'll never reach that heights.
(23:26):
There's no point in trying. And so therefore,
you start looking outside
for validation. You start looking outside for reasons
why you might be feeling this way. You
start looking outside for solutions to how you
feel. And that can be, of course, things
like alcohol and drugs, of course. But you're
looking in the wrong place to start off
with. For for all of my clients who
(23:48):
they drink too much, they smoke
at all, they they use drugs and then
regret it, they, gamble too much.
The answer though,
I hesitate to use this word, but almost
a panacea for their emotional wounds
is self loving. Now I state that as
a verb,
Not as a noun too often you hear
about self love. So you think oh, well,
(24:10):
I don't feel self love Therefore, I don't
have it, but that's not how it works
so self loving as an intentional act as
an internal process
is Maybe the closest thing we have to
a panacea to emotional
wounds.
So if someone's
said a cutting remark to us,
then self loving makes it hurt less. If
(24:32):
someone wants nothing to do with us our
self loving again makes it hurt less
if we are disappointed
Then our self loving makes it hurt less
This might be the closest thing to a
panacea
that we have and maybe that's why so
many religions that people seek comfort in have
arrived at love or lovingkindness,
however you phrase it,
(24:53):
as a solution, almost a universal solution.
One of the problems I think with our
society
is that we're not being taught where to
look
to find happiness. We're not being taught where
to look
to find
a sense of being
worthy.
We're taught to look outside ourselves. We're not
(25:15):
taught to look inside ourselves.
That's why I have a career at all.
That's why there are philosophers and psychotherapists and
hypnotherapists,
in my case,
who can provide some guidance for how to
navigate your own thoughts and feelings, how to
go through your inner world,
and find that which you can't purchase at
the shopping mall.
(25:36):
One pattern I've noticed, in at least my
clients who have sought out help during a
job search,
or when they're dating, or when they've been
broken up with, is that when their their
sense of self worth is tied up with
the approval, acceptance, and validation of of another,
so often they're left actually feeling empty on
(25:57):
the inside,
where they're worse off
than if they never even just
tried to love.
So what I would suggest
in many of these situations
is that
if you recognize
your innate worth and value at the same
time you recognize theirs,
(26:19):
you are 1, being an egalitarian. You're treating
yourself as an equal.
And 2, even in a breakup scenario or
a job loss scenario,
both you and they can walk away with
your heads held up high.
Too often, zero sum thinking has you believe
that
one person's gotta lose and one person's gotta
(26:40):
win.
But even in a breakup scenario or a
job loss scenario, I would suggest
it is possible
for you to recognize your future, your worth,
your dignity,
and to keep it in mind
as you walk
away, at the same time that you recognize
their worth and their dignity.
(27:00):
Then,
no matter what happens,
it's tolerable. Whatever happens, it's bearable.
With dignity, with dignity
recognized,
even
adversity
can be born.
But I might even go a little bit
further and say,
if you
have that self love and self esteem,
(27:21):
that any
fault of yours is forgiven. Although you don't
necessarily
that doesn't mean that you relinquish responsibility, but
it's forgivable.
And that any challenge that you face or
any
behavior that is persistent.
So with this self love,
it makes life
better. It actually makes the process of living
(27:43):
more enjoyable.
It is extraordinarily
draining
to be stuck in grief.
It's extraordinarily
draining to be stuck in a loop of
endless self flagellation.
When we're talking about all these things, in
some ways what we're saying is that that
is actually a, not necessary,
and b, it's not it's entirely unhypocritical
(28:03):
and it's inclusive to count yourself as somebody
that actually deserves
and has rights to have a certain level
of self worth, self esteem,
and and confidence that allows you to carry
yourself through this world filled with challenges
and come out of it going, okay. I
am not a bad person. And, okay, I
can deal with this. It's a it's when
you say it's an emotional panacea, I would
(28:24):
even go further and say
it's probably the golden bullet for almost everything,
for almost every way that you interact with
the world.
If you come at it from this confident,
self validating,
self worth,
you could actually deal very well with almost
anything. It's not gonna make you stop feeling
bad. It's just gonna allow you to move
through it better and quicker.
(28:45):
It's exactly why we try to instill this
attitude in children. Mhmm. We are not spoiling
them. We are not mollycoddling
them.
It actually
produces
a better, healthier,
happier, more successful adult life
if one has self esteem, if one has
self respect and self love.
(29:06):
And, to the point of self flagellation being
draining, I would even say that continued self
flagellation when you've already learned what you had
to learn
is cruel and unusual in a way that
we will not do even to convicted criminals.
If we're saying that
self love, self respect,
and to not put yourself through cruel and
(29:28):
unusual punishment,
then the opposite of self isolation would actually
begrasse you for what is rather than mourning
resentment or,
guilt about what has been or is what
no what is no longer true or current.
There's a
lot of truths
that you could pay attention to and many
more falsehoods
(29:49):
Mhmm. You could pay attention to any given
moment of every waking hour of your life.
And too often we're looking at the ugly
truths.
Too often we're looking at ugly falsities.
Gratitude is the intentional
act of looking at the beautiful truths.
And,
there's no self deception in this. I think
(30:10):
a lot of people might feel like it's
self deceiving if you're grateful when the world
can be so awful,
but I would suggest that it's just as
self deceiving to turn away from the beautiful
truths to look at the ugly ones, or
worse, the ugly lies.
When you are looking for it, you'll find
the beauty in a tree. You'll find the
(30:31):
humanity, and the connection, and the depth
in the person who's bagging your groceries
at the grocery store if you're looking for
it. The mistake that often we make is
we're not looking for it, we're not looking
at it when we
see it and worse that we're searching our
minds
for the ugly bits in life. You've heard
(30:53):
me say before, it's not sophisticated to be
cynical and negative.
It is more sophisticated
to, like the art critic or the music
critic or the literary critic, to love beauty.
Thank you again for listening.
Pascal and I are available through the Morpheus
Clinic for hypnosis as hypnotherapists.
If you want to hear more of what
we have to say and if you want
(31:13):
to hear it being spoken directly into your
head,
then please contact the Morphis Clinic for hypnosis
atmorphisclinic.com.
At heart, we're prodigal philosophers. We like to
think deeply. We like to think specifically about
how one might be as happy of a
person as one can be given the modern
world,
(31:34):
given the modern times,
given that in adulthood you've cut responsibilities
that your childhood might not have prepared you
for. So check us out. We're on YouTube
at Morpheus Hypnosis.
In a couple weeks, we're going to be
talking about how to take care of your
physical body as well. And, we look forward
to seeing your comments and we'll welcome you
back in a couple weeks time.
Jealousy can become a habit. Envy can become
a habit. Right? This false notion
that you could, you know, verbally abuse yourself
without feeling abused, it's it's complete nonsense. And
so you could see it as an act
of service to others to look after yourself.
So if you really want to help other
people,
start off with making sure that you So
what ends up happening is we treat ourselves
(00:20):
like enemies. Welcome to How to be an
Adult,
a podcast created by the practitioners
at the Morpheus Clinic For Hypnosis in Toronto,
Canada. This show helps people like you who've
inadvertently
become adults and don't know what to do
about it. I'm Luke Chao. And I'm Pascal
Langdell. Now, if you're 18 or 80, we
are doing this podcast in order to give
(00:42):
to you the trail guide to adulthood that
you never really got when you reach the
age of majority.
We put out this podcast publicly so that
we can normalize
self respect and self esteem.
Today's episode talks about how to care for
your mind and how to care for your
emotions, which as an adult are yours to
care for. In the current world of CBT,
(01:04):
which is cognitive behavioral therapy, or even going
back 1000 of years to stoics. There are
certain themes that come up again and again.
Certain perspectives about how to deal with your
emotions and what they are and what they're
for. That chime very well with us. And
in fact, the perspectives that we work with.
I figured that if
2000 or 25100 years ago,
the ancients
(01:25):
figured out principles during, you know, the much
harsher and more violent ancient times, and they
still resonate. And then modern psychologists
have also figured out that the same principles
apply, then there's probably relevance to anyone listening
to this podcast no matter where in the
world they are. Both CBT and stoicism
suggest
that emotions are not just to be
(01:48):
observed and felt
and accepted. Stoicism
and CBT
suggest, additionally,
that our thoughts
have some impact
on how we
feel, just like the parent has some impact
on how the baby feels.
So this kind of contradicts the popular view
that our feelings are sacred and we are
(02:10):
to observe them as opposed to even try
to change them. Or the alternative, which is
that emotions are something which are to be
totally controlled, suppressed and manipulated.
I think a lot of people read or
mis
comprehend
stoicism
as, you know, keeping a stiff upper lip
(02:31):
and repressing your emotions.
But it isn't such a thing. So one
way of thinking about it perhaps is to
say that, well, emotions a, they have a
role that when you have an emotion
it's not the entire truth but it's an
aspect of a truth.
That any strong negative emotion, I would argue,
simply lacks context and information.
(02:52):
Because
I could look at a glass of water
and say it's half full or I can
say that it's half empty or I can
say it's water that adapts to the shape
that it's in. There are multiple
ways of perceiving an object or a situation.
The way that our emotions work, we can
give them too much credit or we can
give them too little credit. The same they
they did this, you know, you know this
story. And I'm sure some people out there
(03:12):
already know this one, which is they did
a test where they had 3 wine bottles.
And they had an expensive wine, a regular
wine, and a really cheap wine. Right? And
they they labeled them with the, how much
they cost basically. And they brought people in.
So you got to taste taste each of
these wines
and you've got to give them a rating.
Right? So the first time they do it
and all the bottles are lined up correctly
(03:33):
with their correct amount. And sure enough, you
know, people
had opinions and the way they tasted their
wine aligned with the cost. But then they
did the test again where they swapped it
around where they had the cheapest bottle being,
you know, labelled as the most expensive.
And the most expensive bottle being labelled as
the cheapest. And they brought people in again.
And sure enough,
(03:53):
people tasted the cheap wine. Some of them
even went, 'Ah, that's
disgusting. Because their expectation was linked to the
dollar cost.
Their thoughts therefore affected how they felt and
their reaction and the behavior to something that,
you know, minutes ago had been tasted and
validated and had been validated by experts as
being a very fine wine. What I'm taking
(04:14):
from what you've shared
is that emotions
are manipulable.
Yes.
Which means that
you can't always take them at face value.
You shouldn't just go with your feelings.
If you
think of something
difficult or challenging that you'd like to do,
Right? So right now, I'm gonna have you
hold in your mind some kind of work
(04:35):
or social challenge that would be difficult, and
I want you to tell yourself that you
can do it.
Right? So hold that thing in mind. Tell
yourself you can do it.
Probably, you're gonna breathe more deeply. Probably, you're
gonna sit up a bit more straight. Probably,
you're gonna feel more of a sense of
capability.
Now hold the same thing in mind. Right?
The same work or social challenge and tell
yourself you can't do it. Probably you're gonna
(04:57):
shrink a little. Probably your breathing becomes a
bit more tense
simply because of the thought about that thing.
It's not the thing in itself
that causes you to sit up straighter or
to shrink. It's your assessment
of whether you can do it or can't
do it. So this is
why, you know, we tell kids you can't
(05:17):
do it. It's not to mollycoddle them. It's
because it's actually good thinking that produces better
outcomes when you tell yourself you can. They've
shown this in in sports situations.
If you have if you have negative thoughts
and think, alright, it's been a disaster so
far. I'm not gonna win. I wish I
could. All all those sort of the maelstrom
(05:38):
of sports thinking. If you allow that to
come in,
it is much much more likely that you
will fail the shot, you won't achieve the
goal, you won't do the thing, than if
you had neutral thoughts. And the positive thoughts
don't have quite such an equal weight so
far as definitely guaranteeing you're going to achieve
the goal. Because of course there's a lot
of chaos, chaos, there's a lot of other
(05:59):
stuff on the other side of I can.
Which
that positive mindset allows you to deal better
with. However, it doesn't necessarily guarantee it. What
is guaranteed is if you have a negative
outlook, it's much, much more likely that it
will
negatively affect whatever it is that you're doing,
or even the way that you're relating to
people or any activity in fact. Well, one
way or another you're affecting how you feel
(06:20):
in your body. So if you're gonna affect
how you feel in the body one way
or another,
why make a detrimental impact on the way
you feel when you can just as easily
make a positive impact on how you feel?
So many of our listeners are walking around
in this world and until someone points it
out to them, they actually believe they could
think whatever they like in their heads without
(06:42):
Consequences
to how they feel in the body now
as a hypnotherapist
you realize very quickly that the thoughts in
your head make a material impact on how
you feel in your body if your thoughts
are self loving and self respecting you're gonna
feel a whole lot better on a day
to day basis than if your thoughts about
yourself
are self loathing and self denigrating
(07:04):
this false notion
that your mind is completely independent
of of your body such that you could,
you know, verbally abuse yourself without feeling abused.
It's it's complete nonsense.
So when we have strong emotions like,
say I'm
scrolling through
social media and
(07:26):
and I come across something, I see somebody
I know doing something exceptional and for whatever
reasons at that point in that day I'm
not my best self. And I look at
it and I go, Oh,
man. How is it possible that this person
could do that? Why can't I do that?
Right? So, the beginnings of the green eyes
of of envy and jealousy. And so this
is why I'm saying that sometimes strong emotions
require context in order to be interpreted better.
(07:49):
So if I then enlarge that context, well,
okay. Well, what I don't know is the
context of the family, the context of the
work, how much work did it how many
years did it take to get to that
point? Who they had to know? The element
of chance. There's all these things that I
just don't know. And so therefore if I
did,
then I would perhaps say forgive myself a
little for not being that person at that
(08:10):
time with those opportunities in that backstory. Mhmm.
Right? And I think what jealousy and envy
to some degree
have is highlighting a value
or something that you feel you are missing
out or you haven't done accomplished that you
value.
And it's really interesting because
jealousy can become a habit. Envy can become
a habit. Right? And you can even be
(08:32):
instructed in your youth to think that envy
is necessary or that this judgment is necessary.
It's really interesting because you can turn around
and kind of go, okay,
what do I value? I value the fact
that this person has transcended their original job
and
are doing something they really enjoy with their
life. So what am I doing? What what
part of that is the thing that I
(08:53):
aspire to? And if I go, okay, I'm
falling down on the transcending my current job.
Well, then I've got power. Then I've got
agency. Then I can say, well, okay. What
do I need to do? And so it's
it's not that jealousy is bad or envy
is bad in and of itself. It's a,
that you believe that it's the only truth
and then you reflect it back on yourself
and you punish yourself for it.
(09:13):
Or you say, okay, well it's not the
only truth, it's a flag for something that
I'm trying to tell myself. What I'm hearing
you say is that if you only feel
jealous and that's the end of it, then
you kind of stew in the jealousy. Mhmm.
But if you feel jealous as the first
step towards self improvement,
then it doesn't end with you stewing and
(09:35):
jealousy. Jealousy. It ends with
you perhaps identifying your values and then striving
to be a better person yourself so that
the future you might have more of what
you'd seen on social media.
I made a post speaking of social media,
and I think I titled it emulate,
don't
envy
the successful
because we each have a choice when we
(09:56):
see someone with, like, a better career, you
know, a more loving partner, a better behaved
dog.
We have the choice
between emulating the qualities that led them to
have the better career, the more loving partner,
the better behaved dog,
or we could just kind of stew in
our envy
which is fruitless and which I would suggest
(10:16):
is a negative sum game
So the question is well, now we understand
that the mind and the body are an
integrated thing.
That whatever your whatever you think and your
emotions will affect your body. That you have
agency over your emotions and you can use
them for positive change rather than stewing in
your own jealousy and and nihilism, which is
(10:37):
obviously not a good way to live.
What would be one mental
approach to treating yourself well, bearing all that
in mind? Well, we we know exactly how
to treat a friend. Right? Even if we
just met the person, we know there are
certain things we do say. There are certain
things we don't say. Too often, we
decline the same courtesy of of ourselves.
(11:00):
So what ends up happening is we treat
ourselves like enemies and of course then
we don't feel so great as a consequence
but the very same
judgment and reasoning and conscience
that has you speak to friends in a
consistently beneficial manner
Can help you speak to yourself in a
(11:21):
consistently beneficial manner
and I'd like to point out that this
is unhypocritical.
Mhmm. Too often, we feel like if we
love and respect and care for ourselves that
we're being selfish or being hypocritical,
it's no such thing if you're already a
pro social person. It is unhippocritical
if your inner dialogue sounds
(11:42):
like your outer
dialogue.
Anyone who is walking around feeling unloved
does not have some of their most fundamental
needs met.
And just like if you walk around and
you're dehydrated and malnourished,
you're not going to be at your best.
If you walk around and you're feeling unloved
and disrespected because you neglect yourself love and
(12:03):
your self respect
Then it's hard to be at your very
best so in prior episodes We've talked about
approaching others with a cup that's
full So the first step in that is
to fill up your own cup until it's
overflowing and then you can so much more
easily give to others
So one of the overarching themes in today's
episode is gonna be the pursuit of positive
(12:25):
sum or net positive
outcomes.
If that person's happy, it doesn't obligate me
to be miserable.
That's positive sum thinking.
But if that person's happy, therefore, I'm gonna
be a resentful, envious person. That's zero sum
thinking.
It's so detrimental
when someone walks around feeling like
(12:47):
if someone else is happy, it robs you
of joy because it can just as easily
be that when someone else is happy, their
happiness wears off on you.
It is in a way a choice
how you interpret someone else's happiness
or the feeling of envy similarly comes in
part from this zero sum mentality
that suggests that well if someone else has
(13:10):
that career, then they've taken the slot that
could rightfully be yours.
And so you could see it as an
act of service to others to look after
yourself. So if you really want to help
other people,
start off with making sure that you have
good self esteem,
good self respect, you treat yourself well, you
look after yourself and treat yourself as
as well as a friend might, as well
(13:31):
as somebody who really cared about you might.
Maslow. Abraham Maslow, the humanist psychologist who developed
his hierarchy of needs, I would suggest,
has identified
many of the needs that every human being
has.
I remember learning about Maslow's hierarchy in grade
10 and I raised a hand and I
(13:51):
challenged the teacher. So when Abraham Maslow was
introduced and his hierarchy of needs was introduced,
obviously one of the tiers
is your social needs. So respect,
esteem,
love. Right?
That, you know, according to Maslow's hierarchy, we
all need to be esteemed by our peers
and loved by our friends and loved by
our neighbors. And without it, we suffer,
(14:14):
and we have to kind of have these
needs met before we reach finally self actualization.
So the question I raised, which I don't
think I've ever heard a very satisfactory answer
before,
is What about the lone monk living on
the mountaintop
who we might say is self actualized?
But they are not being loved
(14:36):
by Friends or neighbors since they're literally just
a lone monk living on a mountaintop
doesn't that you know, compromise Maslow's
theory?
Fast forward many years, I I feel like
I can offer an answer to that challenge
And it's that Maslow
did identify correctly that love and esteem and
(14:59):
respect are needs.
The bit that he might not have said
or not have said loudly enough
is that one's own self love, one's own
self respect, one's own self
esteem
fulfills
the need
so he wasn't wrong in identifying
that love and respect and esteem are needs
(15:21):
but these needs do not necessarily
in my view have to be fulfilled socially
If one is the monk on the mountaintop.
If one lives, you know, in this modern
industrial world and too often we run home
and we crash on the couch after work
only to do it again the next day.
If self love and self respect and self
(15:42):
esteem
are what we can have consistently
and getting these needs met by others is
too inconsistent,
then let's not discount
our self love and our self respect and
our self esteem. Even the monk though, we
can kind of imagine
he or she had their monk brothers or
sisters
(16:03):
to kind of show them how to meditate,
to show them how to connect with their
own feelings of lovingkindness.
So I think that those kinds of lessons
earlier in life
will have a lasting impact later in life
such that you know It's not like the
monk was born, you know able to be
peaceful on a mountaintop
(16:23):
The the monk having had enough positive regard
from others,
the monk having had enough guidance from others
can eventually reach a point where he or
she could be at the peak of the
mountain Meditating at amidst the trees and and
still be happy
In the modern world,
we don't really consult with religious figures for
(16:45):
happiness and life guidance,
at least not as much as human beings
used to,
we often instead confer with psychotherapists
for life guidance and for advice for how
to be happy. Too often therapists say that
they don't really give advice but they'll kind
of encourage you to search inwardly.
For better or for worse,
(17:05):
therapy sometimes
gets
slagged for being just for the wealthy, but
that doesn't mean that everyone who can afford
a therapist
is going to be out in the cold
that's where
unconditional
positive regard which is such a huge part
of especially
humanistic schools of psychotherapy
(17:25):
that's where it can be something that you
give to yourself
so part of the reason I think therapy
actually makes people feel better is you can
talk about whatever shameful
scary
thoughts you have in your head
and you're shown unconditional positive regard.
But as an adult,
your opinions are adult opinions.
(17:47):
Your perspectives are adult perspectives
and I would suggest that we human beings
have the self reflective capacity
to not just love ourselves and to esteem
ourselves
but to give ourselves
unconditional
positive regard
of a similar nature
to what therapists give professionally.
(18:10):
I think some of my therapist friends would
agree with me when I say that part
of the role of therapy
is to have
your client
eventually
give themselves the same unconditional
positive regard that the therapist gives them, almost
like they had good parents who knew what
they were doing
(18:32):
when they were a child.
Which is not to say that you are
free from responsibility or accountability.
It's simply that with responsibility and accountability, it
doesn't make you bad.
Right. So I'll give you an example of
what the inner dialogue might sound like.
So
very often if we make a mistake,
we might say to ourselves,
(18:52):
I'm such a screw up. I never get
anything right so that is without unconditional positive
regard
now
let's say you make the same error
and you have unconditional positive regard you aren't
really thinking
I'm gonna keep screwing up for the rest
of my life and I can't do anything
about it you're probably gonna think well you
(19:14):
know next time I'm gonna be a bit
more careful and next time I'm gonna do
things differently
if we apply the principle of talking to
yourself like a friend right so let's say
a friend makes some kind of error or
faux pas in front of us
if we're a good friend we aren't really
gonna just let it go completely
And we're not gonna we're not gonna criticize
(19:36):
them like that. We might just pull them
aside and quietly say, you know, I know
you could do better than that. So then
next time, this way, please. Yeah. And you
still love them.
So it doesn't get you off the hook
to have unconditional positive regard just like your
friends are not off the hook just because
you love them. Mhmm. And I I certainly
in my experience of raising children, you're doing
(19:57):
that awful lot. You're actually gonna be doing
something which
is,
but but you're not you're not gonna hate
them. You hate the behavior because it's not
doing anybody any good or them or whatever.
But even in those those, those worst moments
it works very well. If you turn out
that even though this is happening, it's not
gonna change the fact that I love you.
Even though I'm annoyed about behavior,
(20:19):
it's not gonna change the fact that I
love you. Even for people who've never had
a child before, but who have had a
cat or a dog before
if they barf on the rug
you know you know if you have a
heart at all you're not getting rid of
the animal if they barf on the rug
you love the animal a just might redirect
them to like the hardwood part of your
(20:39):
living room or the next time they start
food or you just take them to the
vet if they do it often enough. Yeah,
you know you could do what you can
to correct the behavior
and still have pure love for the animal.
So if we can do this for a
dog,
but then we can definitely
do it for ourselves.
(20:59):
So
if we can
do it for a dog then we can,
you say,
definitely do it for ourselves. And we do
it because
there is a fundamental,
innate
worth that every human being has.
To start off with just the chance of
you, Luke, being here now,
genetically speaking, it's 1 in 400,000,000,000,000
(21:21):
chance.
Another thing is, so far as we know,
there's no other beings in the universe that
are like humans. In that we can
manipulate tools, we can make plans, and manipulate
the future to some degree.
We have appreciation of our own mortality.
And just those facts alone make you pretty
unique. Even if you're like many other human
(21:41):
beings, how many how many billions there are.
That's still an extraordinary thing in and of
itself.
But if I was to say, okay, science
put that to the side for a moment,
what other ways
can we accept that humans have innate worth?
Well, the first step
is to count yourself among living beings
so that you don't treat yourself worse than
(22:02):
a dog, worse than a tree worse than
a cat
too often we do treat ourselves as like
we're things that could be neglected or abused
without consequences or like you're machine? Or like
a machine with only value insofar as we're
meeting certain specifications and functioning to a certain
level. But you'd be incorrectly categorized as a
machine or a robot or a computer. You'd
(22:22):
be correctly categorized among the cats and the
dogs in the trees.
Right? And additionally, you'd be correctly categorized among
your kids, among your partner, among your friends,
among your neighbors, among your favorite writers and
musicians and artists,
because you're human.
One thing that I think compromises
a lot of people's sense of self worth
(22:43):
is the idea that one must be perfect
or else one is worthless. There's this black
and white all or nothing
thinking as though we're like like a strawberry
and once it's got a bit of mold
on it, we have to toss it and
there's no more commercial family left. That's a
weird example, but we often treat ourselves a
lot like we're either
(23:05):
worthy because we're perfect and we meet everyone's
approval
or we are worthless as though there are
no shades in between, but there are definitely
a lot of shades.
And and it can be extraordinarily self defeating.
It could be really overwhelming if you allow
that perspective to take over. It's like, alright,
I can't even make the first step. I
can't even Because I'll never reach that heights.
(23:26):
There's no point in trying. And so therefore,
you start looking outside
for validation. You start looking outside for reasons
why you might be feeling this way. You
start looking outside for solutions to how you
feel. And that can be, of course, things
like alcohol and drugs, of course. But you're
looking in the wrong place to start off
with. For for all of my clients who
(23:48):
they drink too much, they smoke
at all, they they use drugs and then
regret it, they, gamble too much.
The answer though,
I hesitate to use this word, but almost
a panacea for their emotional wounds
is self loving. Now I state that as
a verb,
Not as a noun too often you hear
about self love. So you think oh, well,
(24:10):
I don't feel self love Therefore, I don't
have it, but that's not how it works
so self loving as an intentional act as
an internal process
is Maybe the closest thing we have to
a panacea to emotional
wounds.
So if someone's
said a cutting remark to us,
then self loving makes it hurt less. If
(24:32):
someone wants nothing to do with us our
self loving again makes it hurt less
if we are disappointed
Then our self loving makes it hurt less
This might be the closest thing to a
panacea
that we have and maybe that's why so
many religions that people seek comfort in have
arrived at love or lovingkindness,
however you phrase it,
(24:53):
as a solution, almost a universal solution.
One of the problems I think with our
society
is that we're not being taught where to
look
to find happiness. We're not being taught where
to look
to find
a sense of being
worthy.
We're taught to look outside ourselves. We're not
(25:15):
taught to look inside ourselves.
That's why I have a career at all.
That's why there are philosophers and psychotherapists and
hypnotherapists,
in my case,
who can provide some guidance for how to
navigate your own thoughts and feelings, how to
go through your inner world,
and find that which you can't purchase at
the shopping mall.
(25:36):
One pattern I've noticed, in at least my
clients who have sought out help during a
job search,
or when they're dating, or when they've been
broken up with, is that when their their
sense of self worth is tied up with
the approval, acceptance, and validation of of another,
so often they're left actually feeling empty on
(25:57):
the inside,
where they're worse off
than if they never even just
tried to love.
So what I would suggest
in many of these situations
is that
if you recognize
your innate worth and value at the same
time you recognize theirs,
(26:19):
you are 1, being an egalitarian. You're treating
yourself as an equal.
And 2, even in a breakup scenario or
a job loss scenario,
both you and they can walk away with
your heads held up high.
Too often, zero sum thinking has you believe
that
one person's gotta lose and one person's gotta
(26:40):
win.
But even in a breakup scenario or a
job loss scenario, I would suggest
it is possible
for you to recognize your future, your worth,
your dignity,
and to keep it in mind
as you walk
away, at the same time that you recognize
their worth and their dignity.
(27:00):
Then,
no matter what happens,
it's tolerable. Whatever happens, it's bearable.
With dignity, with dignity
recognized,
even
adversity
can be born.
But I might even go a little bit
further and say,
if you
have that self love and self esteem,
(27:21):
that any
fault of yours is forgiven. Although you don't
necessarily
that doesn't mean that you relinquish responsibility, but
it's forgivable.
And that any challenge that you face or
any
behavior that is persistent.
So with this self love,
it makes life
better. It actually makes the process of living
(27:43):
more enjoyable.
It is extraordinarily
draining
to be stuck in grief.
It's extraordinarily
draining to be stuck in a loop of
endless self flagellation.
When we're talking about all these things, in
some ways what we're saying is that that
is actually a, not necessary,
and b, it's not it's entirely unhypocritical
(28:03):
and it's inclusive to count yourself as somebody
that actually deserves
and has rights to have a certain level
of self worth, self esteem,
and and confidence that allows you to carry
yourself through this world filled with challenges
and come out of it going, okay. I
am not a bad person. And, okay, I
can deal with this. It's a it's when
you say it's an emotional panacea, I would
(28:24):
even go further and say
it's probably the golden bullet for almost everything,
for almost every way that you interact with
the world.
If you come at it from this confident,
self validating,
self worth,
you could actually deal very well with almost
anything. It's not gonna make you stop feeling
bad. It's just gonna allow you to move
through it better and quicker.
(28:45):
It's exactly why we try to instill this
attitude in children. Mhmm. We are not spoiling
them. We are not mollycoddling
them.
It actually
produces
a better, healthier,
happier, more successful adult life
if one has self esteem, if one has
self respect and self love.
(29:06):
And, to the point of self flagellation being
draining, I would even say that continued self
flagellation when you've already learned what you had
to learn
is cruel and unusual in a way that
we will not do even to convicted criminals.
If we're saying that
self love, self respect,
and to not put yourself through cruel and
(29:28):
unusual punishment,
then the opposite of self isolation would actually
begrasse you for what is rather than mourning
resentment or,
guilt about what has been or is what
no what is no longer true or current.
There's a
lot of truths
that you could pay attention to and many
more falsehoods
(29:49):
Mhmm. You could pay attention to any given
moment of every waking hour of your life.
And too often we're looking at the ugly
truths.
Too often we're looking at ugly falsities.
Gratitude is the intentional
act of looking at the beautiful truths.
And,
there's no self deception in this. I think
(30:10):
a lot of people might feel like it's
self deceiving if you're grateful when the world
can be so awful,
but I would suggest that it's just as
self deceiving to turn away from the beautiful
truths to look at the ugly ones, or
worse, the ugly lies.
When you are looking for it, you'll find
the beauty in a tree. You'll find the
(30:31):
humanity, and the connection, and the depth
in the person who's bagging your groceries
at the grocery store if you're looking for
it. The mistake that often we make is
we're not looking for it, we're not looking
at it when we
see it and worse that we're searching our
minds
for the ugly bits in life. You've heard
(30:53):
me say before, it's not sophisticated to be
cynical and negative.
It is more sophisticated
to, like the art critic or the music
critic or the literary critic, to love beauty.
Thank you again for listening.
Pascal and I are available through the Morpheus
Clinic for hypnosis as hypnotherapists.
If you want to hear more of what
we have to say and if you want
(31:13):
to hear it being spoken directly into your
head,
then please contact the Morphis Clinic for hypnosis
atmorphisclinic.com.
At heart, we're prodigal philosophers. We like to
think deeply. We like to think specifically about
how one might be as happy of a
person as one can be given the modern
world,
(31:34):
given the modern times,
given that in adulthood you've cut responsibilities
that your childhood might not have prepared you
for. So check us out. We're on YouTube
at Morpheus Hypnosis.
In a couple weeks, we're going to be
talking about how to take care of your
physical body as well. And, we look forward
to seeing your comments and we'll welcome you
back in a couple weeks time.
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