April 23, 2024 • 33 mins
When you keep hearing that you need to love yourself, and nobody gives you instructions in how, it’s easy to feel stuck (and not any more loved). But self-loving people are not a different breed of human being: they’ve just internalized certain lessons earlier in life. In this episode, we’ll do our best to articulate...
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(00:00):
Once you bring your attention to these things,
then the love is felt much more readily.
It's not a performance. You're not pretending to
have self love or presenting it to an
for nobody else's real benefit in that way.
You can only love the car, the spouse,
or the dog you do have. You
can't look at
the car or the spouse or the Welcome
(00:21):
to How to be an Adult, a podcast
created by the practitioners at the Morpheus Clinic
for hypnosis in Toronto, Canada,
where we make hypnosis make sense.
This is a show for people just like
you who've inadvertently become adults and don't know
what to do about it. I'm Luke Chao.
And I'm Pascal Langdell.
And this we see as the trail guide
(00:42):
to life.
That whether you're 18 or 80 or a
180, it's the trail guide you were never
given by your parents when you became an
adult. So we democratize
what we know and put it out there
to help you become
a better adult. In today's episode, we're gonna
talk about how to love yourself
too.
(01:02):
All of us know we ought to love
ourselves
too in addition to how we love other
people, friends, neighbors and so on. But seldom
do we actually get specific
guidance
as to how.
And it's kind of like if
the other kids in your neighborhood grew up
with a piano and their parents showed them
how to play the piano and that you
didn't have one so your parents couldn't show
(01:24):
you how to play the piano. Then as
an adult, if someone says, well, let's hear
you play.
How could you even be expected to know?
And then if you've gone to your therapist
and, you know, they just ask you, well,
how does it feel to be unable to
play the piano? Look, can you tell me
about what it's like to not be able
to play the piano? It doesn't actually give
you solutions. Yeah. So today we intend to
(01:46):
fill in that gap for you and give
you some stepping stones, some principles as to
how to be self loving.
I think some of the challenge probably also
comes from,
you know, when you grow up, depending on
what generation but also depending on parents as
well.
If you were in a situation
where you're being loved was anyway conditional,
(02:08):
then
you
wouldn't have developed
this underlying feeling of being loved regardless of
the circumstances or the context, which is
really
I would suggest is one of the parents
main roles in raising
a new person Mhmm. Is to be able
to say, you know, okay you may be
screaming at me and we may even be
(02:29):
screaming at each other but you are still
loved. You know,
the degree to which emotional affect
makes somebody feel,
less than or shame. And so, you have
to modify modify your behavior. That has a
really big effect on
on that underlying sense of self worth that
really should be inherited from your parents attitudes
(02:49):
and relationship with you. And if you don't
get that, and let's face it,
not a lot of us do.
Then when it comes to your learning the
piano analogy, sometimes it's the case where you're
going, I don't even know what a piano
is. I don't know what music is. I
have no idea what you're talking about. So
in some ways, for some people it's like
you're starting from, you know, a base level,
(03:09):
a fundamental foundation point.
So let's get into the principles for how
to love yourself from first principles. Yep. The
first principle
is that
love as an emotion, as a feeling
is a positive sum pursuit and not a
zero sum or worse. Not a negative sum
pursuit.
(03:30):
So that's a fancy way to say that
if you love yourself too
you're adding to the whole amount of love
that exists in this world and in this
universe. You're not like allocating some love you
would give to someone else for yourself and
then robbing them of the love you would
give to them. It's actually
that kind of like, you're baking more cakes
(03:51):
because you have the capacity to do so
rather than taking just a finite amount of
cakes and then dividing it up between you
and then other people.
This makes it
morally
permissible
to to love yourself
too? It is and I suppose you could
say, well, if, if I have a glass
of water, for example, and we're both thirsty,
(04:12):
then it's fair for me to also have
some of that water. There's no
and in fact, in in in your case,
the water is constantly replenished. There's no
just because I don't have some doesn't mean
that you necessarily get more, if that makes
sense. Yeah. Like everyone
in this world can bask in the same
sunlight when the sun is shining without putting
(04:33):
anyone else in the shadow. Mhmm. All of
us can breathe as deeply as we need
to or sleep as completely as we need
to, and it's all good
with no downside.
Yet we often see the world in these
zero sum terms where it's like if we
love ourselves it is in stead of loving
others
rather than in addition to loving others. That's
(04:53):
why the episode is titled How to Love
Yourself 2.
And why do you think that
I mean, there is
I've come across this where there is a
almost instinctual rejection.
It's not really instinctual, I would argue. But
there's a reflex, I should say, a reflex
rejection of the idea. When you sit when
you ask somebody, well,
so here's a good test. You say, well,
(05:14):
how would you describe yourself on your dating
app?
And it stumps a lot of people because,
so, okay, list the good qualities, list those
things that you like about yourself.
And a lot of people are stumped. And
I'm curious as to what you think is
the what are the predominant causes for that
resistance?
Like
most limitations
(05:34):
that our adult listeners have,
these kinds of limitations in thinking highly of
yourself or thinking positively of yourself
go back to what was instilled in you
when you were a child.
And if you heard things like well don't
get too big for your britches or if
you heard things like that you can't be
too happy because then a bad thing's gonna
follow or good things don't last.
(05:57):
Or if just simply through the withholding of
love you got the idea that love is
scarce as opposed to a continually
replenished
feeling or resource. Well, then unless you're kinda
corrected in adult life, you just keep believing
what was shown to you. I mean, part
of the reason we put out this message
is to help our listeners
(06:17):
to understand that what they grew up with
is not all that there is. That there
are other points of view that in your
adult life you might actually assess to be
a better modeling of how your emotions work.
Is there an influence
from, for instance,
advertising, commerce, marketing,
in the sense that if you see an
(06:37):
advert, it is implicitly stating that you are
not enough unless you have this thing. Is
there a cultural aspect to
this resistance to a sense of self worth?
Is there there's something cultural going on as
well?
I think that a lot of the perpetuation
of this conditionality
around a person's self worth or lovability
comes from
(06:58):
those who kind of wanna maintain power over
others. So so so, like, for example,
you're suddenly gonna hear from a so called
human resources department
that you are worthy independently of your job
performance.
Right? Because they wanna kind of exert power
over you, extract productivity from you, make sure
that, you know, you make back your salary
(07:19):
times some multiple.
So they they have no incentive to instill
a sense of lovability and innate worth. They
instead have the incentive to
suggest that your value is dependent upon their
assessment of you or your KPI's
or your recent performance or your productivity.
We can see that economic
incentive.
(07:40):
But but the commercial sphere isn't all that
there is and it just barely begins to
encapsulate a human being once, you know, we
we look at just numbers or salary or
KPIs.
If you kind of recognize your valuest
life as a living human being then that
in itself is the worth you have at
baseline.
That leads to our second principle
(08:02):
which is that when it comes to
what conditions
should be met before we allow ourselves love,
I am suggesting
that the only condition really is that you're
a living human being and that's intentionally a
very low bar.
So that is, you know, defacto. There are
no conditions
for you loving yourself. As long as you
(08:23):
can raise the question, you know, 5 years,
10 years, 20 years, if you can raise
the question,
you're categorically
a living,
breathing
human being with at least at baseline, the
worth and the lovability of 1.
So, one of the challenges to that would
be well, if everybody has innate and viable
(08:45):
worth,
then there's
a value there, deserving respect, deserving rather, and
so on. So, we might turn it, yes,
but what about Pol Pot? What about these
hot these, you know, horrors of human behavior?
Mhmm. Are they
as of equal worth as me?
When I suggest that there shall be no
conditions placed upon a person's worth Mhmm. I'm
(09:06):
not really trying to quantify
one person's value against
another's. Right. I am instead trying to recognize
a common humanity
that we all have.
Now we would fault someone
like Paul Pott or any tyrannical murderous dictator
for actually having humanity and then not using
it. For actually having
(09:28):
the capacity to do moral reasoning
and using it to to kill his own
population.
But when we put to trial
such people,
we would be right
to respect and maintain their human rights. In
other words, we would be right
to recognize that they have a common humanity
(09:51):
with us.
It would be a mistake
to say okay well you murdered a whole
bunch of your countrymen
therefore you have no rights anymore. That would
be a degrading of our
morality and our civilization.
I'm not trying to precisely quantify, like, your
value versus Pol Potts,
but I am saying there is a common
(10:12):
humanity that you and I and Pol Pot
and Stalin Yeah. Etcetera,
all have such that any of us should
be treated as a human being if we're
facing,
international
criminal justice court. But I I'd also say
the same.
It's not to excuse our flaws and it's
not to excuse
(10:32):
our inattention or
for wants of a better word, sin meaning,
you know, not achieving the correct goal. Mhmm.
The way I also see it, I'm I'm
I'm on I'm on board
with the idea
that life is life,
period. Full stop. That's it.
Just that very fact. Now within that, there
there is a fundamental truth that nature's read
(10:53):
in tooth and claw as well. There is
also
power of 1 over animal over another. There
is also
the difference between humans and animals as well,
which there is a difference.
And that's when you begin to come across
thoughtful agency. And then I think
we're in the same way we're saying, look,
somebody's behavior and what they do with that
(11:15):
gift of life, with the worth that they
have, their potentiality for worth, what they do
for it is separate from that worth itself.
Because by saying that, we can also therefore
say, it does not matter what you do
or what you say. It does not matter,
what anybody else says or does. This is
a fundamental truth. You are life that has
worth.
Mhmm. Full stop. The the reason I make
(11:37):
this kind
of appeal is that I think most of
our listeners intuitively
feel that life has value.
In other words
you don't have to think too much about
it to feel that if you're gifted a
living plant as opposed to a plastic plant
there is much more value in the living
plant. If you're house sitting and there's a
(12:00):
real
parrot as opposed to a stuffed parrot
then of course a real parrot demands much
more care, attention,
and fulfillment of its needs because life does
have needs.
So there's this intuitive sense that we treat
life according to very different rules
by which we treat just mere things that
(12:22):
lack life.
And perhaps another thing would be to say,
well, that being true the only time that
it may not be true is if you
forget that
fact. Exactly. Which is why I don't want
to get too sidetracked by you know any
anything that takes our eyes off the fact
that our listeners are alive. They're definitely alive.
I know I don't know who they are
or what their faces look like or what
(12:42):
the names are. You're alive. You have
worth no less
than the guy living across the street whose
name I also don't know but who I'm
gonna treat like a human being if I
run into him.
The third principle that I want to introduce
is the idea that it's when you turn
to your own heart to find a loving
feeling that you're gonna find it most dependably.
(13:03):
If you feel like you have to turn
to another to find a loving feeling then
they might or might not be using their
hearts even if they can.
When you turn to your own heart, even
if you have to kind of
like try a few times,
which is the next point.
But when you turn to your own heart,
that's where you could look as long as
(13:23):
you have to, as deep as you have
to. And you're also turning then to the
one person who watched you grow up as
a kid
even when your parents were not around. And
you're turning to the one person who's definitely
gonna be there even if one day you're
a 120 years old. I mean something I
often say, I've said this in other episodes,
it's that what you have with yourself
(13:45):
is it's like a marriage. It's in sickness
and in health till death do you part.
And
that's guaranteed. Even if I meet a really
good woman,
she can't, in in all honesty, promise to
me that if one day I'm a 120
years old, that that she's going to be
there
even if she wants to be. So
(14:05):
the the the the point again is is
that the most dependable,
reliable, faithful
source of of you feeling loved and by
someone who counts
is you.
Now, just going back to the piano analogy
at the beginning where you said some people
are taught to play piano as kids, and
then you're not. And then,
you have to explain why it is that
(14:26):
you don't know how to play the piano
kind of thing. Yeah. So some people are
starting pretty much from scratch.
Right? So this has not been a habit
of mind.
And I think that's what I would point
out to is that it is a habit
of mind in the sense that, as we
mentioned earlier, you can forget
that you have fundamental worth and you can
forget that you are worthy of self love,
(14:49):
but you can also remember it. And it's
in the act of remembering that you have
this
ability to dip into your own heart, to
actually find love for yourself in there.
That it may be something that
that doesn't come naturally, it may be something
that
is hard at first. Like the first time
you actually do that, even if you get
(15:10):
this much,
that's like an exponential step as far as
I'm concerned. Because if you've gone from not
knowing anything about music and then you have
essentially played a single note on a piano,
that is a huge step.
And so I think there's often a a
tendency to think that self love is something
you can just click on, you know, or
(15:30):
that a lot of these things are things
that you can just either be and totally
be or not. Mhmm. Whereas
I think that for a lot of people
it's a process of learning
by repetition of opening up to the idea
even that it is possible.
An idea that actually you are worthy of
self love. And that with that idea comes
the first try and sometimes maybe not a
(15:52):
lot comes up. But with repeated
inward looking to what is good and lovable
in you,
that becomes easier. And it it might take
time. It might might not take any time
at all, but it might also take time.
And I would say that any effort and
any small incremental increase,
to me, is a huge step, particularly if
(16:13):
you're starting from scratch.
A salient point is that
self love,
it's not just a noun.
It's not just the the this thing that
that is or isn't. It it is a
process. It's a verb.
It's something you do.
So the reason you can kind of
look a few times in your heart for
(16:33):
for where the love is or what is
lovable about you
it's because it can take a few moments
between
starting to look and then eventually
finding the feeling that we call love or
self love.
Now
we do this sometimes for our friends. So
like if our friend is drunk
(16:54):
and they're being a total idiot, right, at
first
you might not quite like what they're doing
or saying in the moment and then if
you give yourself a few moments beyond that
then you can love your friend again and
then like pick them up from the floor
or whatever.
So even when it comes to loving another
it's not always something that either is or
(17:16):
isn't.
It's worth looking into your heart a couple
of times to then pick the drunk friend
off the floor.
If you just kind of go with whatever
feeling comes to you first and you're thinking,
oh not again.
Then I mean you could give up on
the other friend too easily.
Now it doesn't take
that much effort usually if you have an
(17:37):
established relationship with a person or or you
know, of course with yourself
to to then arrive at a feeling
of love or to to bring your attention,
you know, not to how they're in a
puddle of their own vomit. To bring your
attention to how they are the person who
you've dined with a 100 times before. So
once you bring your attention to these things
then the love is felt much more readily.
(18:00):
So,
I I I want to extract that point
which is that, even though it's often
used as a noun,
self love is better understood
to be a verb or a process.
Yes. So I'm I'm I'm gonna just bounce
off that very quickly and say because it's
a verb and a process, then it's not
(18:20):
a performance. You're not pretending to have self
love or presenting it to an for nobody
else's real benefit in that way. Mhmm. And
it's not really incentives also not practice either
because practice is well, there's different kinds of
practice, but basketball practice is the repetition of
a particular singular thing.
Whereas
learning, I suppose, is there are many different
(18:41):
ways to accept self love and to see
evidence of it and being open to those
those ranges of things
is much a much more accurate idea of
what that process is
rather than a singular goal or even the
repetition of just the same mantra, for example.
Mhmm. Well, that's a good segue into
(19:01):
the next principle.
Principle number 5
is that we're gonna find love or
self love
in where the glass is half full.
Not by looking at where the glass is
half empty. Now, this is sort of a
metaphor I've been playing with for only the
past few weeks and it seems to resonate
universally with all of my clients in their
(19:23):
multitude of problems.
Now often a view of the glass being
half
full
and a view of the glass being half
empty are presented as
equally valid. Mhmm. And I'm gonna make the
argument that a view of the glass as
half full is actually the correct view. I'm
(19:43):
gonna put all my weight behind the view
of the glass as half full and here's
why.
When you're looking to where the glass is
half full, when you're looking at the water
in the glass you're looking at the actionable
information. Because when you're looking at the water
you're seeing the substance that you could then
water a plant with or hydrate yourself with
or you know you could give that glass
to a friend and they're not gonna be
(20:03):
insulted because there's water in the glass.
Now let's say instead you turn your eyes
away from that actionable information
and you look to the emptiness
in the other half of the glass.
Well you're not seeing anything of substance. You're
not seeing anything you could hydrate yourself with
or water a plant with. And if you're
only looking to where the glass is half
(20:24):
empty, you don't even know if you can
give that glass to a friend without insulting
them. So
I am speaking against cynicism and pessimism and
and, you know, chronic negativity here.
And to tie this back with the self
love topic and to maybe make this less
abstract and more practical,
the exact same metaphor could be stated as
(20:46):
you can
only make a meal with the ingredients
you do have.
You can only love the car, the spouse,
or the dog you do have. You can't
look at at the car or the spouse
or or the animal
and wish they were some other way
or nitpick and criticize them and then find
(21:08):
a path to loving them
through
that thicket
of criticism
and negativity.
I think in this world there often is
I'll say it, an overvaluing
of negativity and criticism and cynicism and an
undervaluing of appreciation and love. I wanna bring
balance to the universe.
(21:28):
So I am putting my weight behind
an appreciative view of what is because that
is a path to love and happiness.
Even if you have like this ratty
beater of a car,
but it's your car
and it's taking your places
and you've like had made make out sessions
in the back seat of that car before
(21:50):
and no other car,
well, that's your path to loving that car.
If you have, like, the body you do
have and the mind you do have, and
the career you do have, and
the upbringing you do have, and the wealth
you do have,
and the spotify playlist you did make,
(22:11):
I am suggesting that in all of that,
that's where you're gonna find your lovability.
It's not gonna be and turning away from
all that is to look at what isn't
or what could have been or what should
have been.
That there's no path to loving yourself
or loving yourself as you are that goes
(22:32):
through where the glass is half empty. You
have to flick your eyes away
from where the glass is half empty
to look at
what is, to look at where the glass
is half full. That's your path
to self love and that's your path to
happiness.
Self love is also
instrumental as well. It's, so it's something on
(22:52):
this next point is saying that
you can apply
love to wherever
you need it. As in, you can apply
it like a salve to whatever's hurting, whatever
is damage, whatever is needing attention.
One of the the ways that I often
express this is that if you injure yourself,
right, there's this there's this Japanese saying that
(23:14):
pain is like 2 arrows,
right? There's the first arrow which is the
pain and then there's the second arrow which
is what you do with that.
And
what I think
would be the ideal response is you have
that first arrow of the pain And the
second arrow should be one of compassion and
love,
not one which is of anger, angst, resentment,
(23:34):
and bitterness, or, or, you know, clenching or
resistance, you see what I mean. But,
that actually the
fairer response, if you are self loving,
to anything which
hurts or
needs attention
or even needs or a relationship that needs
correction,
the proper
and probably the most
(23:55):
effective response
is one of compassion and love.
I mean, physically at least, we know that
this actually makes a difference to healing rates,
for example, and speed of recovery, and
and so on. So we know that that
feeling of self love to what where you
are physically injured actually has a material effect.
So I I believe it's the same emotionally
(24:15):
as well. Why not? All of us can
probably remember to when we were kids or
if you're a parent you can remember when
your kid might fall off their bike, they'll
skin their knee.
And then they need not just antibacterial
ointment,
they also need a kiss on the knee
for them to feel a little bit better.
They they need a hug
(24:37):
in addition to the wound being cleansed
in order to feel
better. So so so yes. That that that's
like the 2 arrows. The the the there's
the physical wound and there's also the emotional
wound, and you take care of not just
the physical wound, you take care of the
emotional wound with an application of love. As
adults, we can't just really run to our
(24:57):
parents all the time if we have the
adult equivalent of skinning our knee on the
sidewalk.
So we kind of have to reach in
our own hearts
to define our own love which is called
self love. We find it within ourselves and
we take that and we spread it as
a self upon wherever it hurts or wherever
it's tense or wherever it feels empty. And
this this is a recommendation
(25:19):
of an an action that you can actually
do, whether it's physical, whether it's emotional, is
you take a moment to identify where the
source of the pain is. And if it's
emotional, it may even have a place in
your body, it might be a tension in
your chest or your your belly or whatever.
And you take a moment to,
breathe
and then you send deliberately send love to
that area of your body, love and compassion
(25:40):
to that area of your body. And whether
it's physical or whether it's emotional, it's is
as you say, it's like a salve. It
allows you
to
not be hijacked by the emotion, not be
hijacked by your your panicking cortex,
but instead,
sort of have
an accurate response to what's happening,
(26:01):
to allow you to behave accordingly.
So many of our wounds
that that we suffer, there is no physical
component. It's only
an emotional wound. And in that case,
self love
and in addition to any love you might
get from a pet animal or from a
partner or from a friend,
love is the top tier solution.
(26:25):
Our last and 7th principle
is that
if in all of this you end up
treating yourself
as you would a friend
or a brother or a sister.
That then, when you've reached that height of
inclusivity,
that's when you're doing it correctly.
If you're still kind of treating yourself differently
(26:47):
than a friend or a sibling, if you're
treating yourself
differently
than you might treat
other forms of life that that's under your
care then you still have a ways to
go. But our endpoint
in this
is for you to be treating yourself in
your own head and heart and in the
actions you take towards yourself and also what
you will and will not permit from others
(27:09):
If you finally are treating yourself
as you would a friend
or any other loved one, that's the end
point. That's when you're doing it correctly. That's
when you're upholding a universal standard for how
you treat people.
Just to concretize that a little bit more,
let's say that
you're asked to give a presentation at work.
(27:29):
It's an important presentation
and you show up and for some reason
you start having a very strong panicked reaction.
Your hands are shaking. You get red in
the face.
Maybe you have to excuse yourself halfway through
and then 2 minutes later you go back
and then you stumble your way through the
rest of the presentation. Now any listener with
(27:51):
a fear of public speaking is probably feeling
terrified right now. But let's say that's that's
the situation.
Now the lens to see yourself through, right,
is not how would HR see me?
It's
how
would I treat a loved one in the
same situation? So let's say you have like
a younger sister. Right?
(28:11):
And they go through exactly the same sequence
of events. They have an important presentation. They're
at the front of the room. They get
red in the face. They start to get
panicked. They they leave the room for a
few minutes.
They had to go back and they stumble
their way through the rest of the presentation
and they they they get it completed.
So probably you would give that that sister
credit for completing the presentation
(28:33):
as opposed to faulting them
for where they had to leave the room.
Probably
you would not heap
extra blame
on top of how they're already self criticizing,
probably
you would be looking
within that situation
for where the glass is half full. So
(28:54):
the reassuring truths. So if they kept their
job after it you would probably bring their
attention to the reality that, you know, however
badly
they might assess themselves at least they kept
their job.
And I could keep going. But this is
what I mean by having a universal standard
for how we treat people because
the same conscience
(29:15):
that has you be compassionate
as opposed
to blaming or ridiculing
of a sibling.
That's conscience that allows you to be compassionate
towards yourself
rather than to heap insult upon injury.
I could give another example as well, which
might resonate with a few people, which is
when you're
doing something new, when you're learning something, when
(29:37):
you are outside your comfort zone,
it's it's very easy to be your own
worst enemy because you're holding yourself up to,
I don't know, the comparisons
about people who are already performing at their
highest. You know, public speaking is a good
example. You compare yourself to the finest speakers,
for example.
And it's interesting because if you take a
moment and
(29:57):
pretend that you are your own friend, you'll
probably get more accurate
assessment of your position
than any part of your worst imaginings and
self flagellating criticism could ever provide. Yeah. It
would be it's much more useful in fact
to turn around and as a genuine honest
friend be able to say, look, you're outside
your comfort zone. You are learning. You're not
(30:20):
at the peaks of Olympic performance in public
speaking or or computer
coding or animation or medicine or whatever it
is that is your particular challenge. You're not
a master yet. You you are still a
learner. And that the friend would be there
to say give yourself a break,
and also your friend will also be there
(30:40):
to encourage and say, and keep on working,
and keep on aspiring, and keep on accepting
that that you will
fall short from this great height. So you
don't need to look at that, just take
the steps. They'd be the encouraging friend that
would also be
calling it out when you were being lazy,
calling it out when you could do better,
but in a compassionate and loving way and
(31:01):
not some horribly self flagellating
evil brother, you know.
In all of this, I I wanna say
that one point we keep coming back to
is that if our listeners
look
inside themselves
and they find their best thoughts,
there's enough there already
(31:22):
for them
to to then start loving themselves.
To start getting accustomed to fostering those thoughts
that lead to the feeling we call self
love.
Here, I'm kinda contradicting the idea that a
person has to be a dramatically different person
or that you have to heal from every
childhood wound or that you have to attain
some kind of status of perfection or whatever
(31:43):
other criteria on first
before you love yourself. In fact, for for
my hypnotherapy clients, one thing I've often been
saying recently is I'm not actually,
even trying to alter you. I'm actually seeking
to to describe
you in a clear and positive light so
that you can see yourself as you are
today. And then you're not gonna delay in
(32:05):
loving yourself or accepting yourself. You can start
doing it right now.
So I say the same to you, the
listener.
Looking to where the glass is half full
within you, looking at the heart you do
have, looking at the kinder thoughts you do
have, looking at the accepting compassionate thoughts you
do have,
(32:26):
That's where you'll find what you need to
love yourself now
and without delay.
Thank you for listening. We've made this podcast
and we're putting it out there for free
so that more people than just our private
clients here at the Morphis Clinic for hypnosis
are able to benefit from our thoughts and
our ideas and our vision for how humanity
(32:47):
can be.
If you are in a position to pay
for private sessions or if you wanna join
us in a group format, which twice a
month is free,
then go to our website at www.morphisclinic.com.
And for private sessions, request a free consultation
for shared sessions. Just click on the classes
page and you can self register there.
(33:07):
So if you like what you're hearing and
perhaps you wanna share it with some other
people, then, you can subscribe
on YouTube at Morpheus Hypnosis,
or on Spotify, or Apple Podcasts or wherever
it is you get your podcasts.
So if you like this, please click the
like, share, spread the word. If the if
you find these good ideas, if you find
these worthy ideas,
(33:28):
then let's help spread them around.
Once you bring your attention to these things,
then the love is felt much more readily.
It's not a performance. You're not pretending to
have self love or presenting it to an
for nobody else's real benefit in that way.
You can only love the car, the spouse,
or the dog you do have. You
can't look at
the car or the spouse or the Welcome
(00:21):
to How to be an Adult, a podcast
created by the practitioners at the Morpheus Clinic
for hypnosis in Toronto, Canada,
where we make hypnosis make sense.
This is a show for people just like
you who've inadvertently become adults and don't know
what to do about it. I'm Luke Chao.
And I'm Pascal Langdell.
And this we see as the trail guide
(00:42):
to life.
That whether you're 18 or 80 or a
180, it's the trail guide you were never
given by your parents when you became an
adult. So we democratize
what we know and put it out there
to help you become
a better adult. In today's episode, we're gonna
talk about how to love yourself
too.
(01:02):
All of us know we ought to love
ourselves
too in addition to how we love other
people, friends, neighbors and so on. But seldom
do we actually get specific
guidance
as to how.
And it's kind of like if
the other kids in your neighborhood grew up
with a piano and their parents showed them
how to play the piano and that you
didn't have one so your parents couldn't show
(01:24):
you how to play the piano. Then as
an adult, if someone says, well, let's hear
you play.
How could you even be expected to know?
And then if you've gone to your therapist
and, you know, they just ask you, well,
how does it feel to be unable to
play the piano? Look, can you tell me
about what it's like to not be able
to play the piano? It doesn't actually give
you solutions. Yeah. So today we intend to
(01:46):
fill in that gap for you and give
you some stepping stones, some principles as to
how to be self loving.
I think some of the challenge probably also
comes from,
you know, when you grow up, depending on
what generation but also depending on parents as
well.
If you were in a situation
where you're being loved was anyway conditional,
(02:08):
then
you
wouldn't have developed
this underlying feeling of being loved regardless of
the circumstances or the context, which is
really
I would suggest is one of the parents
main roles in raising
a new person Mhmm. Is to be able
to say, you know, okay you may be
screaming at me and we may even be
(02:29):
screaming at each other but you are still
loved. You know,
the degree to which emotional affect
makes somebody feel,
less than or shame. And so, you have
to modify modify your behavior. That has a
really big effect on
on that underlying sense of self worth that
really should be inherited from your parents attitudes
(02:49):
and relationship with you. And if you don't
get that, and let's face it,
not a lot of us do.
Then when it comes to your learning the
piano analogy, sometimes it's the case where you're
going, I don't even know what a piano
is. I don't know what music is. I
have no idea what you're talking about. So
in some ways, for some people it's like
you're starting from, you know, a base level,
(03:09):
a fundamental foundation point.
So let's get into the principles for how
to love yourself from first principles. Yep. The
first principle
is that
love as an emotion, as a feeling
is a positive sum pursuit and not a
zero sum or worse. Not a negative sum
pursuit.
(03:30):
So that's a fancy way to say that
if you love yourself too
you're adding to the whole amount of love
that exists in this world and in this
universe. You're not like allocating some love you
would give to someone else for yourself and
then robbing them of the love you would
give to them. It's actually
that kind of like, you're baking more cakes
(03:51):
because you have the capacity to do so
rather than taking just a finite amount of
cakes and then dividing it up between you
and then other people.
This makes it
morally
permissible
to to love yourself
too? It is and I suppose you could
say, well, if, if I have a glass
of water, for example, and we're both thirsty,
(04:12):
then it's fair for me to also have
some of that water. There's no
and in fact, in in in your case,
the water is constantly replenished. There's no
just because I don't have some doesn't mean
that you necessarily get more, if that makes
sense. Yeah. Like everyone
in this world can bask in the same
sunlight when the sun is shining without putting
(04:33):
anyone else in the shadow. Mhmm. All of
us can breathe as deeply as we need
to or sleep as completely as we need
to, and it's all good
with no downside.
Yet we often see the world in these
zero sum terms where it's like if we
love ourselves it is in stead of loving
others
rather than in addition to loving others. That's
(04:53):
why the episode is titled How to Love
Yourself 2.
And why do you think that
I mean, there is
I've come across this where there is a
almost instinctual rejection.
It's not really instinctual, I would argue. But
there's a reflex, I should say, a reflex
rejection of the idea. When you sit when
you ask somebody, well,
so here's a good test. You say, well,
(05:14):
how would you describe yourself on your dating
app?
And it stumps a lot of people because,
so, okay, list the good qualities, list those
things that you like about yourself.
And a lot of people are stumped. And
I'm curious as to what you think is
the what are the predominant causes for that
resistance?
Like
most limitations
(05:34):
that our adult listeners have,
these kinds of limitations in thinking highly of
yourself or thinking positively of yourself
go back to what was instilled in you
when you were a child.
And if you heard things like well don't
get too big for your britches or if
you heard things like that you can't be
too happy because then a bad thing's gonna
follow or good things don't last.
(05:57):
Or if just simply through the withholding of
love you got the idea that love is
scarce as opposed to a continually
replenished
feeling or resource. Well, then unless you're kinda
corrected in adult life, you just keep believing
what was shown to you. I mean, part
of the reason we put out this message
is to help our listeners
(06:17):
to understand that what they grew up with
is not all that there is. That there
are other points of view that in your
adult life you might actually assess to be
a better modeling of how your emotions work.
Is there an influence
from, for instance,
advertising, commerce, marketing,
in the sense that if you see an
(06:37):
advert, it is implicitly stating that you are
not enough unless you have this thing. Is
there a cultural aspect to
this resistance to a sense of self worth?
Is there there's something cultural going on as
well?
I think that a lot of the perpetuation
of this conditionality
around a person's self worth or lovability
comes from
(06:58):
those who kind of wanna maintain power over
others. So so so, like, for example,
you're suddenly gonna hear from a so called
human resources department
that you are worthy independently of your job
performance.
Right? Because they wanna kind of exert power
over you, extract productivity from you, make sure
that, you know, you make back your salary
(07:19):
times some multiple.
So they they have no incentive to instill
a sense of lovability and innate worth. They
instead have the incentive to
suggest that your value is dependent upon their
assessment of you or your KPI's
or your recent performance or your productivity.
We can see that economic
incentive.
(07:40):
But but the commercial sphere isn't all that
there is and it just barely begins to
encapsulate a human being once, you know, we
we look at just numbers or salary or
KPIs.
If you kind of recognize your valuest
life as a living human being then that
in itself is the worth you have at
baseline.
That leads to our second principle
(08:02):
which is that when it comes to
what conditions
should be met before we allow ourselves love,
I am suggesting
that the only condition really is that you're
a living human being and that's intentionally a
very low bar.
So that is, you know, defacto. There are
no conditions
for you loving yourself. As long as you
(08:23):
can raise the question, you know, 5 years,
10 years, 20 years, if you can raise
the question,
you're categorically
a living,
breathing
human being with at least at baseline, the
worth and the lovability of 1.
So, one of the challenges to that would
be well, if everybody has innate and viable
(08:45):
worth,
then there's
a value there, deserving respect, deserving rather, and
so on. So, we might turn it, yes,
but what about Pol Pot? What about these
hot these, you know, horrors of human behavior?
Mhmm. Are they
as of equal worth as me?
When I suggest that there shall be no
conditions placed upon a person's worth Mhmm. I'm
(09:06):
not really trying to quantify
one person's value against
another's. Right. I am instead trying to recognize
a common humanity
that we all have.
Now we would fault someone
like Paul Pott or any tyrannical murderous dictator
for actually having humanity and then not using
it. For actually having
(09:28):
the capacity to do moral reasoning
and using it to to kill his own
population.
But when we put to trial
such people,
we would be right
to respect and maintain their human rights. In
other words, we would be right
to recognize that they have a common humanity
(09:51):
with us.
It would be a mistake
to say okay well you murdered a whole
bunch of your countrymen
therefore you have no rights anymore. That would
be a degrading of our
morality and our civilization.
I'm not trying to precisely quantify, like, your
value versus Pol Potts,
but I am saying there is a common
(10:12):
humanity that you and I and Pol Pot
and Stalin Yeah. Etcetera,
all have such that any of us should
be treated as a human being if we're
facing,
international
criminal justice court. But I I'd also say
the same.
It's not to excuse our flaws and it's
not to excuse
(10:32):
our inattention or
for wants of a better word, sin meaning,
you know, not achieving the correct goal. Mhmm.
The way I also see it, I'm I'm
I'm on I'm on board
with the idea
that life is life,
period. Full stop. That's it.
Just that very fact. Now within that, there
there is a fundamental truth that nature's read
(10:53):
in tooth and claw as well. There is
also
power of 1 over animal over another. There
is also
the difference between humans and animals as well,
which there is a difference.
And that's when you begin to come across
thoughtful agency. And then I think
we're in the same way we're saying, look,
somebody's behavior and what they do with that
(11:15):
gift of life, with the worth that they
have, their potentiality for worth, what they do
for it is separate from that worth itself.
Because by saying that, we can also therefore
say, it does not matter what you do
or what you say. It does not matter,
what anybody else says or does. This is
a fundamental truth. You are life that has
worth.
Mhmm. Full stop. The the reason I make
(11:37):
this kind
of appeal is that I think most of
our listeners intuitively
feel that life has value.
In other words
you don't have to think too much about
it to feel that if you're gifted a
living plant as opposed to a plastic plant
there is much more value in the living
plant. If you're house sitting and there's a
(12:00):
real
parrot as opposed to a stuffed parrot
then of course a real parrot demands much
more care, attention,
and fulfillment of its needs because life does
have needs.
So there's this intuitive sense that we treat
life according to very different rules
by which we treat just mere things that
(12:22):
lack life.
And perhaps another thing would be to say,
well, that being true the only time that
it may not be true is if you
forget that
fact. Exactly. Which is why I don't want
to get too sidetracked by you know any
anything that takes our eyes off the fact
that our listeners are alive. They're definitely alive.
I know I don't know who they are
or what their faces look like or what
(12:42):
the names are. You're alive. You have
worth no less
than the guy living across the street whose
name I also don't know but who I'm
gonna treat like a human being if I
run into him.
The third principle that I want to introduce
is the idea that it's when you turn
to your own heart to find a loving
feeling that you're gonna find it most dependably.
(13:03):
If you feel like you have to turn
to another to find a loving feeling then
they might or might not be using their
hearts even if they can.
When you turn to your own heart, even
if you have to kind of
like try a few times,
which is the next point.
But when you turn to your own heart,
that's where you could look as long as
(13:23):
you have to, as deep as you have
to. And you're also turning then to the
one person who watched you grow up as
a kid
even when your parents were not around. And
you're turning to the one person who's definitely
gonna be there even if one day you're
a 120 years old. I mean something I
often say, I've said this in other episodes,
it's that what you have with yourself
(13:45):
is it's like a marriage. It's in sickness
and in health till death do you part.
And
that's guaranteed. Even if I meet a really
good woman,
she can't, in in all honesty, promise to
me that if one day I'm a 120
years old, that that she's going to be
there
even if she wants to be. So
(14:05):
the the the the point again is is
that the most dependable,
reliable, faithful
source of of you feeling loved and by
someone who counts
is you.
Now, just going back to the piano analogy
at the beginning where you said some people
are taught to play piano as kids, and
then you're not. And then,
you have to explain why it is that
(14:26):
you don't know how to play the piano
kind of thing. Yeah. So some people are
starting pretty much from scratch.
Right? So this has not been a habit
of mind.
And I think that's what I would point
out to is that it is a habit
of mind in the sense that, as we
mentioned earlier, you can forget
that you have fundamental worth and you can
forget that you are worthy of self love,
(14:49):
but you can also remember it. And it's
in the act of remembering that you have
this
ability to dip into your own heart, to
actually find love for yourself in there.
That it may be something that
that doesn't come naturally, it may be something
that
is hard at first. Like the first time
you actually do that, even if you get
(15:10):
this much,
that's like an exponential step as far as
I'm concerned. Because if you've gone from not
knowing anything about music and then you have
essentially played a single note on a piano,
that is a huge step.
And so I think there's often a a
tendency to think that self love is something
you can just click on, you know, or
(15:30):
that a lot of these things are things
that you can just either be and totally
be or not. Mhmm. Whereas
I think that for a lot of people
it's a process of learning
by repetition of opening up to the idea
even that it is possible.
An idea that actually you are worthy of
self love. And that with that idea comes
the first try and sometimes maybe not a
(15:52):
lot comes up. But with repeated
inward looking to what is good and lovable
in you,
that becomes easier. And it it might take
time. It might might not take any time
at all, but it might also take time.
And I would say that any effort and
any small incremental increase,
to me, is a huge step, particularly if
(16:13):
you're starting from scratch.
A salient point is that
self love,
it's not just a noun.
It's not just the the this thing that
that is or isn't. It it is a
process. It's a verb.
It's something you do.
So the reason you can kind of
look a few times in your heart for
(16:33):
for where the love is or what is
lovable about you
it's because it can take a few moments
between
starting to look and then eventually
finding the feeling that we call love or
self love.
Now
we do this sometimes for our friends. So
like if our friend is drunk
(16:54):
and they're being a total idiot, right, at
first
you might not quite like what they're doing
or saying in the moment and then if
you give yourself a few moments beyond that
then you can love your friend again and
then like pick them up from the floor
or whatever.
So even when it comes to loving another
it's not always something that either is or
(17:16):
isn't.
It's worth looking into your heart a couple
of times to then pick the drunk friend
off the floor.
If you just kind of go with whatever
feeling comes to you first and you're thinking,
oh not again.
Then I mean you could give up on
the other friend too easily.
Now it doesn't take
that much effort usually if you have an
(17:37):
established relationship with a person or or you
know, of course with yourself
to to then arrive at a feeling
of love or to to bring your attention,
you know, not to how they're in a
puddle of their own vomit. To bring your
attention to how they are the person who
you've dined with a 100 times before. So
once you bring your attention to these things
then the love is felt much more readily.
(18:00):
So,
I I I want to extract that point
which is that, even though it's often
used as a noun,
self love is better understood
to be a verb or a process.
Yes. So I'm I'm I'm gonna just bounce
off that very quickly and say because it's
a verb and a process, then it's not
(18:20):
a performance. You're not pretending to have self
love or presenting it to an for nobody
else's real benefit in that way. Mhmm. And
it's not really incentives also not practice either
because practice is well, there's different kinds of
practice, but basketball practice is the repetition of
a particular singular thing.
Whereas
learning, I suppose, is there are many different
(18:41):
ways to accept self love and to see
evidence of it and being open to those
those ranges of things
is much a much more accurate idea of
what that process is
rather than a singular goal or even the
repetition of just the same mantra, for example.
Mhmm. Well, that's a good segue into
(19:01):
the next principle.
Principle number 5
is that we're gonna find love or
self love
in where the glass is half full.
Not by looking at where the glass is
half empty. Now, this is sort of a
metaphor I've been playing with for only the
past few weeks and it seems to resonate
universally with all of my clients in their
(19:23):
multitude of problems.
Now often a view of the glass being
half
full
and a view of the glass being half
empty are presented as
equally valid. Mhmm. And I'm gonna make the
argument that a view of the glass as
half full is actually the correct view. I'm
(19:43):
gonna put all my weight behind the view
of the glass as half full and here's
why.
When you're looking to where the glass is
half full, when you're looking at the water
in the glass you're looking at the actionable
information. Because when you're looking at the water
you're seeing the substance that you could then
water a plant with or hydrate yourself with
or you know you could give that glass
to a friend and they're not gonna be
(20:03):
insulted because there's water in the glass.
Now let's say instead you turn your eyes
away from that actionable information
and you look to the emptiness
in the other half of the glass.
Well you're not seeing anything of substance. You're
not seeing anything you could hydrate yourself with
or water a plant with. And if you're
only looking to where the glass is half
(20:24):
empty, you don't even know if you can
give that glass to a friend without insulting
them. So
I am speaking against cynicism and pessimism and
and, you know, chronic negativity here.
And to tie this back with the self
love topic and to maybe make this less
abstract and more practical,
the exact same metaphor could be stated as
(20:46):
you can
only make a meal with the ingredients
you do have.
You can only love the car, the spouse,
or the dog you do have. You can't
look at at the car or the spouse
or or the animal
and wish they were some other way
or nitpick and criticize them and then find
(21:08):
a path to loving them
through
that thicket
of criticism
and negativity.
I think in this world there often is
I'll say it, an overvaluing
of negativity and criticism and cynicism and an
undervaluing of appreciation and love. I wanna bring
balance to the universe.
(21:28):
So I am putting my weight behind
an appreciative view of what is because that
is a path to love and happiness.
Even if you have like this ratty
beater of a car,
but it's your car
and it's taking your places
and you've like had made make out sessions
in the back seat of that car before
(21:50):
and no other car,
well, that's your path to loving that car.
If you have, like, the body you do
have and the mind you do have, and
the career you do have, and
the upbringing you do have, and the wealth
you do have,
and the spotify playlist you did make,
(22:11):
I am suggesting that in all of that,
that's where you're gonna find your lovability.
It's not gonna be and turning away from
all that is to look at what isn't
or what could have been or what should
have been.
That there's no path to loving yourself
or loving yourself as you are that goes
(22:32):
through where the glass is half empty. You
have to flick your eyes away
from where the glass is half empty
to look at
what is, to look at where the glass
is half full. That's your path
to self love and that's your path to
happiness.
Self love is also
instrumental as well. It's, so it's something on
(22:52):
this next point is saying that
you can apply
love to wherever
you need it. As in, you can apply
it like a salve to whatever's hurting, whatever
is damage, whatever is needing attention.
One of the the ways that I often
express this is that if you injure yourself,
right, there's this there's this Japanese saying that
(23:14):
pain is like 2 arrows,
right? There's the first arrow which is the
pain and then there's the second arrow which
is what you do with that.
And
what I think
would be the ideal response is you have
that first arrow of the pain And the
second arrow should be one of compassion and
love,
not one which is of anger, angst, resentment,
(23:34):
and bitterness, or, or, you know, clenching or
resistance, you see what I mean. But,
that actually the
fairer response, if you are self loving,
to anything which
hurts or
needs attention
or even needs or a relationship that needs
correction,
the proper
and probably the most
(23:55):
effective response
is one of compassion and love.
I mean, physically at least, we know that
this actually makes a difference to healing rates,
for example, and speed of recovery, and
and so on. So we know that that
feeling of self love to what where you
are physically injured actually has a material effect.
So I I believe it's the same emotionally
(24:15):
as well. Why not? All of us can
probably remember to when we were kids or
if you're a parent you can remember when
your kid might fall off their bike, they'll
skin their knee.
And then they need not just antibacterial
ointment,
they also need a kiss on the knee
for them to feel a little bit better.
They they need a hug
(24:37):
in addition to the wound being cleansed
in order to feel
better. So so so yes. That that that's
like the 2 arrows. The the the there's
the physical wound and there's also the emotional
wound, and you take care of not just
the physical wound, you take care of the
emotional wound with an application of love. As
adults, we can't just really run to our
(24:57):
parents all the time if we have the
adult equivalent of skinning our knee on the
sidewalk.
So we kind of have to reach in
our own hearts
to define our own love which is called
self love. We find it within ourselves and
we take that and we spread it as
a self upon wherever it hurts or wherever
it's tense or wherever it feels empty. And
this this is a recommendation
(25:19):
of an an action that you can actually
do, whether it's physical, whether it's emotional, is
you take a moment to identify where the
source of the pain is. And if it's
emotional, it may even have a place in
your body, it might be a tension in
your chest or your your belly or whatever.
And you take a moment to,
breathe
and then you send deliberately send love to
that area of your body, love and compassion
(25:40):
to that area of your body. And whether
it's physical or whether it's emotional, it's is
as you say, it's like a salve. It
allows you
to
not be hijacked by the emotion, not be
hijacked by your your panicking cortex,
but instead,
sort of have
an accurate response to what's happening,
(26:01):
to allow you to behave accordingly.
So many of our wounds
that that we suffer, there is no physical
component. It's only
an emotional wound. And in that case,
self love
and in addition to any love you might
get from a pet animal or from a
partner or from a friend,
love is the top tier solution.
(26:25):
Our last and 7th principle
is that
if in all of this you end up
treating yourself
as you would a friend
or a brother or a sister.
That then, when you've reached that height of
inclusivity,
that's when you're doing it correctly.
If you're still kind of treating yourself differently
(26:47):
than a friend or a sibling, if you're
treating yourself
differently
than you might treat
other forms of life that that's under your
care then you still have a ways to
go. But our endpoint
in this
is for you to be treating yourself in
your own head and heart and in the
actions you take towards yourself and also what
you will and will not permit from others
(27:09):
If you finally are treating yourself
as you would a friend
or any other loved one, that's the end
point. That's when you're doing it correctly. That's
when you're upholding a universal standard for how
you treat people.
Just to concretize that a little bit more,
let's say that
you're asked to give a presentation at work.
(27:29):
It's an important presentation
and you show up and for some reason
you start having a very strong panicked reaction.
Your hands are shaking. You get red in
the face.
Maybe you have to excuse yourself halfway through
and then 2 minutes later you go back
and then you stumble your way through the
rest of the presentation. Now any listener with
(27:51):
a fear of public speaking is probably feeling
terrified right now. But let's say that's that's
the situation.
Now the lens to see yourself through, right,
is not how would HR see me?
It's
how
would I treat a loved one in the
same situation? So let's say you have like
a younger sister. Right?
(28:11):
And they go through exactly the same sequence
of events. They have an important presentation. They're
at the front of the room. They get
red in the face. They start to get
panicked. They they leave the room for a
few minutes.
They had to go back and they stumble
their way through the rest of the presentation
and they they they get it completed.
So probably you would give that that sister
credit for completing the presentation
(28:33):
as opposed to faulting them
for where they had to leave the room.
Probably
you would not heap
extra blame
on top of how they're already self criticizing,
probably
you would be looking
within that situation
for where the glass is half full. So
(28:54):
the reassuring truths. So if they kept their
job after it you would probably bring their
attention to the reality that, you know, however
badly
they might assess themselves at least they kept
their job.
And I could keep going. But this is
what I mean by having a universal standard
for how we treat people because
the same conscience
(29:15):
that has you be compassionate
as opposed
to blaming or ridiculing
of a sibling.
That's conscience that allows you to be compassionate
towards yourself
rather than to heap insult upon injury.
I could give another example as well, which
might resonate with a few people, which is
when you're
doing something new, when you're learning something, when
(29:37):
you are outside your comfort zone,
it's it's very easy to be your own
worst enemy because you're holding yourself up to,
I don't know, the comparisons
about people who are already performing at their
highest. You know, public speaking is a good
example. You compare yourself to the finest speakers,
for example.
And it's interesting because if you take a
moment and
(29:57):
pretend that you are your own friend, you'll
probably get more accurate
assessment of your position
than any part of your worst imaginings and
self flagellating criticism could ever provide. Yeah. It
would be it's much more useful in fact
to turn around and as a genuine honest
friend be able to say, look, you're outside
your comfort zone. You are learning. You're not
(30:20):
at the peaks of Olympic performance in public
speaking or or computer
coding or animation or medicine or whatever it
is that is your particular challenge. You're not
a master yet. You you are still a
learner. And that the friend would be there
to say give yourself a break,
and also your friend will also be there
(30:40):
to encourage and say, and keep on working,
and keep on aspiring, and keep on accepting
that that you will
fall short from this great height. So you
don't need to look at that, just take
the steps. They'd be the encouraging friend that
would also be
calling it out when you were being lazy,
calling it out when you could do better,
but in a compassionate and loving way and
(31:01):
not some horribly self flagellating
evil brother, you know.
In all of this, I I wanna say
that one point we keep coming back to
is that if our listeners
look
inside themselves
and they find their best thoughts,
there's enough there already
(31:22):
for them
to to then start loving themselves.
To start getting accustomed to fostering those thoughts
that lead to the feeling we call self
love.
Here, I'm kinda contradicting the idea that a
person has to be a dramatically different person
or that you have to heal from every
childhood wound or that you have to attain
some kind of status of perfection or whatever
(31:43):
other criteria on first
before you love yourself. In fact, for for
my hypnotherapy clients, one thing I've often been
saying recently is I'm not actually,
even trying to alter you. I'm actually seeking
to to describe
you in a clear and positive light so
that you can see yourself as you are
today. And then you're not gonna delay in
(32:05):
loving yourself or accepting yourself. You can start
doing it right now.
So I say the same to you, the
listener.
Looking to where the glass is half full
within you, looking at the heart you do
have, looking at the kinder thoughts you do
have, looking at the accepting compassionate thoughts you
do have,
(32:26):
That's where you'll find what you need to
love yourself now
and without delay.
Thank you for listening. We've made this podcast
and we're putting it out there for free
so that more people than just our private
clients here at the Morphis Clinic for hypnosis
are able to benefit from our thoughts and
our ideas and our vision for how humanity
(32:47):
can be.
If you are in a position to pay
for private sessions or if you wanna join
us in a group format, which twice a
month is free,
then go to our website at www.morphisclinic.com.
And for private sessions, request a free consultation
for shared sessions. Just click on the classes
page and you can self register there.
(33:07):
So if you like what you're hearing and
perhaps you wanna share it with some other
people, then, you can subscribe
on YouTube at Morpheus Hypnosis,
or on Spotify, or Apple Podcasts or wherever
it is you get your podcasts.
So if you like this, please click the
like, share, spread the word. If the if
you find these good ideas, if you find
these worthy ideas,
(33:28):
then let's help spread them around.
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