How To!

In 2025, our listeners contacted How To! for advice about outsmarting student loans, moving to a new city, hosting a low-key gathering, living with chronic pain, quitting a dream job, letting go of ADHD shame, and yes, losing your virginity in your 40s. Today on the show: Carvell Wallace and Courtney Martin get updates from some of those advice-seekers—and they check in with J...

Cohabitation can be bliss—except when it comes to your partner's incompatible approach to household tasks. Bonnie likes things clean, organized, and prompt. Vince, on the other hand, is a classic procrastinator. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on self-described "human glitterbomb" Jackie Kelley to offer up some practical "marriage rules" designed to improve everyday communication with the love of y...

When clinical psychologist, trauma therapist, and complex trauma survivor Dr. Ingrid Clayton learned about fawning — the fourth "F" after fight, flight, and freeze — she felt like this was the missing piece that explained her whole life. On this episode of How To!, Ingrid talks to Courtney Martin about what can happen when you find yourself in a chronic fawning response, and how to break free.

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Slate staff writer Rebecca Onion wants to improve her singing voice, but she's unsure about belting it out in public. On this episode, How To!'s Carvell Wallace introduces her to G. Phillip Shoultz III, associate director of VocalEssence, for advice on strengthening her voice, performing with confidence, and (gasp!) auditioning for a vocal group.

If you liked this episode check out How To Write the Perfect...

With the year-end giving season underway, you might be wondering how much to donate and where you can make the biggest impact. On this Giving Tuesday, How To!'s Courtney Martin brings on Grace Chiang Nicolette of the Center for Effective Philanthropy to explain how to pick the right organizations and ensure your dollar goes as far as possible—regardless of how much you're giving. 

It wasn't long after Melody Warnick moved to Blacksburg, Va., that she realized its nickname—"Bleaksburg"—wasn't a joke. Feeling stuck, she devised a research-based experiment to acclimate to her new city. On this episode: Melody explains how she went from hating Blacksburg to loving it (and how you can deepen your connection to the place where you live). 

Kerry is ready to leave rural Virginia and move to a walkable, vibrant city. The only problem? She can't decide which walkable, vibrant city is right for her. On this episode, How To!'s Courtney Martin brings on Melody Warnick, author of This Is Where You Belong and If You Could Live Anywhere. Melody asks Kerry what she's really seeking in a new place—and introduces a process that can help make such an important decision.

In the second half of How To!'s wide-ranging conversation about home improvement, gender, sexuality, and much more, journalist Sam Sanders and author Mercury Stardust (aka The Trans Handy Ma'am) talk with co-host Carvell Wallace about a truly daunting idea: skipping the contractors—and doing the work yourself.

Sam Sanders is many things: journalist, podcaster, pop-culture obsessive, and a familiar voice from public radio. He's also "quite possibly the world's most hesitant homeowner." Sam wants to fix up the house he recently bought, but three things are holding him back: First, he doesn't have a clue where to start. Second, he's not very handy. And third, he's intimidated by the thought of talking with contractors (who might disc...

Andrew Zaleski couldn't stop snoring. Fed up, he did what any good journalist would do: He started digging. On this episode of How To!, Andrew tells Courtney Martin about his investigation into sawing logs, his experiments with anti-snoring devices, and what he learned from sleep experts while reporting his recent story for Slate.

If you recently lost your job—or think you might lose it soon—Laura Brown and Kristina O'Neill are here to help! On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace talks to the authors of All the Cool Girls Get Fired about what to do when you get the ax—and how to turn termination into a real opportunity. 

Contemporary women are primal-screaming and hitting rage rooms, but are these really the solutions to our personal and political anger? On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin talks with Soraya Chemaly, journalist and author of Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger, about her own recent upsurge of anger. Soraya explains how to identify, understand, and harness what's bottled up inside you—and use it for change.

Jen is raising a pretty stellar 9-year-old son. With his tween and teen years on the horizon, she wants to steer him toward kindness, acceptance, and openness—and away from the pitfalls of toxic masculinity. On this episode, How To!'s Carvell Wallace brings on Ashanti Branch, founder of The Ever Forward Club and host of unMASKing with Male Educators. Ashanti offers his advice on talking with boys about their emotions...

After seven years of trying to conceive, Lauren is ending fertility treatments and starting a new journey: adoption. She's excited about this unexpected detour into parenthood—but she's also grieving the loss of something deeply personal that she desired for so long. On this episode: How To!'s Courtney Martin brings on Ada Limón, author of the new book Startlement and the current U.S. poet laureate. Ada offers Lauren guidanc...

In this mailbag episode of How To!, we get an update from Elizabeth, the 43-year-old listener who contacted us for advice on her plan to have sex for the first time. Then, co-hosts Courtney Martin and Carvell Wallace get listeners' takes on our most talked-about episodes of the year—and the staff holds an impromptu idea meeting for upcoming episodes.

Much of our common understanding of hypnosis has been gleaned from mind-control plots in Hollywood movies or hokey on-stage demonstrations. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Stanford University psychiatrist and researcher Dr. David Spiegel to talk about what hypnosis is (and isn't), as well as its potential to address stress, pain, and even athletic performance. Plus, with Carvell wrestling with an ongoin...

Alice has an objectively cool job. She programs film festivals and gets to watch documentaries for a living. But that living is also stressful: It's low-paying, seasonal work that provides some status, sure, but not much stability. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on atheist chaplain and author Vanessa Zoltan, who spent two years helping countless people decide whether to quit (or not) on her podcast The Re...

Krystina used to host gatherings all the time. Then came kids and the pandemic, and the parties ground to a halt. She's feeling a renewed urge to bring people together—specifically her inspiring, badass female friends—but every time she starts to plan something meaningful, she balks. On this episode: How To!'s Courtney Martin connects Krystina with Katherine Goldstein of the Substack and podcast The Double Shift. Katherine s...

When Kelly volunteered to be the head coach for his son's baseball team, he was nervous. He had no formal training, but he knew he wanted his players to have equal playing time—and have fun. Which they did, until the yelling started and the season ended in a stunning loss (and quite a few tears). What can Kelly do better next season? In this encore episode of How To! from 2021, Amanda Ripley connects Kelly with Doug Lemov, author o...