Kindness Matters - with Mallory Cyr - Humanitarian - The Real Michael Jackson

Episode Transcript
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(00:05):
Thanks listeners for joining usonce again.

(00:38):
that mentioned you and youcommented and said you'd love to
come on and chat with me.
So I'm very, very appreciative.
Thanks for commenting andthanks for chatting with me.
How are you?

Mallory (00:58):
I'm good.
Yeah.
Thanks for having me.
It's funny because, you know,over the years I've seen
different posts and, you know,things about my experience and I
never really thought to sort ofjoin the chat and something
came over me that day.
And, you know, I looked in youryour book and your work and I

(01:20):
thought it was a really coolperspective.
So I figured why not see if wecould connect and it worked out.
Thank you.
It's so funny because as wewere chatting last week and I
said sometimes the stars are theline.
I had you on my list.
I've got a list of about 120people that I want to speak to
and I had you on the list andI'm slowly getting through it
because I work full time.

(01:41):
I do this podcast in my owntime.
So I was slowly getting throughthat list and I kept seeing
your name and I'm like, yeah,I'm going to get to her.
I'm going to get And then youcommented, and I'm like, this is
perfect, that the stars align.
And when the stars align andthings just happen
coincidentally to make thingshappen, I know, I feel like I'm
on the right track.

(02:01):
Yeah, definitely.
And it's funny because it's notsomething I really talk about.
I also have a career and afull-time job, and this feels
like such a blip on the radar ofmy life.
But it felt kind of neat to...
Cool.
I

Paul (02:23):
look forward to hearing it.
It is only a small paragraph inmy book.
It's on page 67 for anyone thatwants to see it.
And it says on June 18, 1993,Michael sent a letter and a
donation to an eight-year-oldMallory Sear of Sabotus in
Maine.
Is that how I say it?
Sabotus?

Mallory (02:41):
Sabotus, yes.

Paul (02:42):
Sabotus.
Mallory suffered from amicrovillous inclusion disease,
which limited her ability toeat.
and you received intravenousfeedings michael responded to a
letter writing campaignorganized by school children and
in his letter he wrote i'msending you all my loving and
caring along with the enclosedgift which i hope will help

(03:03):
nourish you and keep you strongand so i obviously want to ask
you a little bit about theletter writing campaign but i
was wondering if you could firsttake us back to pre-1993 um and
what was it like being mallorypre-1993 you childhood where you
were growing up and how wasthat?

Mallory (03:21):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I still live with a raredisease.
I get all my nutrition fromTPN, total parenteral nutrition.
And so my condition issomething I still live with.
And I have a sister who alsohas it.
I had a wonderful childhoodgrowing up.

(03:44):
My family is amazing.
We always have lived life froma it's not a no we can't but how
can we perspective and so I wasvery included in my community
growing up I had a lot offriends we had a wonderful
neighborhood that we lived inand my school was always very

(04:05):
supportive so this all happenedmy mom was actually pregnant
with my sister at the time anddue to my disease, I had some
bone and joint issues, and Iunderwent a really big leg
surgery that had me in awheelchair.

(04:28):
We needed an accessible van,and I was getting all of my
specialty care in Boston at thetime.
So we were going back and forthfrom Maine to Boston, and our
community really just wrappedaround my family.
We were going through somedifficult times, And it was just

(04:49):
one of those periods whereeverything happens at once.
And, of course, as you canimagine, you know, the adults

(05:21):
and the teachers were kind oflike, okay, you know, bless your
heart, Michael Jackson, I'msure he has some things going
on.
And they did.
You know, these second gradekids all wrote letters and
Crayola marker and drew picturesand everyone was my best
friend.
And

Paul (05:39):
off

Mallory (05:41):
the letters went and we kind of forgot about it until
we didn't.

Paul (05:45):
Was she a friend of yours, the girl that came up with the
idea?

Mallory (05:48):
She was, yeah, I mean, I knew her.
She was a little bit older thanme, but everyone knew me and I
sort of knew everyone.
It was a very small town, verysmall community.
Even, you know, once I got intohigh school, it was kind of all
the same kids.
So we had a really close-knitcommunity.

Paul (06:08):
That sounds really nice.
And I know it's hard, and Ihate asking, you know, what do
you remember about being eightyears old?
Because, you know, we don'tremember a lot.
But do you remember?
Was there a goal of having acertain amount of letters to
write or was it like, oh, we'regoing to write at least a
hundred or?

Mallory (06:25):
Yeah, I'm not sure.
I think it was like across allages.
It might've been like withinthe school, but I also forgot
the group that organized all ofthe fundraising campaign were
called Mal's Pals.
And so there were t-shirts andbuttons and I'm sure I still

(06:48):
have some of the buttons thatI've given out when I've gotten
older.
So it was kind of this coregroup of people that were my
friends' moms and teachers thatI had had.
And so I think she was probablya part of that group and kind
of took that on as a fundraisingidea.

(07:08):
That

Paul (07:09):
sounds like a really nice community to be a part of.

Mallory (07:12):
We were very, very fortunate.
Very fortunate.

Paul (07:15):
I'm presuming you wrote a letter as well?

Mallory (07:18):
I don't think I did.
I remember going to the eventswhen I could, but I was in a lot

(07:56):
of pain at the time.
I had metal pins, like fixatorsin my legs, and they were there
for months.
So my mobility was verylimited, and I would show up,
but it all was incrediblyoverwhelming.
So I don't think it wassomething I participated in.
It was sort of just allhappening around us.

(08:18):
And a lot of things that Ithink I probably didn't even
know were happening because Iwas also trying to do school and
be a person.
Yeah.

Paul (08:30):
Well, you sort of said that, you know, oh, bless her
heart.
Everyone's like, yeah, okay,write your letter to Michael
Jackson.
We'll see.
So there wasn't really anexpectation of anything to
evolve from this response.

Mallory (08:42):
No, not at all.
I don't think anyone expectedany kind of response, let alone
what we received.
And so

Paul (08:49):
you did get a

Mallory (08:53):
response.
Tell us about that.

(09:14):
hugely helpful to my family andthey were extremely extremely
grateful

Paul (09:22):
yeah i could imagine and thank i hope your mom was
sitting down at the same timeshe was

Mallory (09:28):
she was we we made we made sure was like want to
minimize the stress of all of us

Paul (09:34):
and that's so nice i mean what he said in that letter
about um i hope this will helpnourish you and keep you strong
he obviously knew of yourcondition he had read about it
he had taken it in and it wasn'tjust off the whim sort of yeah
respond get my secretary torespond it was something that he
must have taken a bit of aninterest in yeah

Mallory (09:55):
i i like to i like to think that um and he also um he
was supposed to call me on thephone but due to the timing and
like the events that transpiredlike shortly thereafter that
wasn't a thing that happened soit but there was supposed to be
more of an interaction i think

Paul (10:14):
was that in the letter did he say i'm going to give you a
call or i plan on trying to giveyou a call?

Mallory (10:19):
I think so.
It was somehow conveyed that hewould try to communicate with
me by phone at some point.
And, you know, it's so funnybecause, you know, at the time I
was eight and I didn't reallylike talking on the phone like
as it was.
And I would just remember beinglike really nervous that he
would call me and I would belike, I didn't know.

(10:42):
I know I'm sure it would havebeen a great conversation, but I
just remember being very likeanxious because I think we
talked about last time, youknow, back in the day with the
landline, you didn't know whowas calling.
You didn't even have an aircode.
So, you know, it was like,could be my teacher, could be
Michael Jackson.

Paul (11:00):
Who

Mallory (11:00):
knows?

Paul (11:01):
So every time you went to the phone for that next couple
of months, you must have beenreally nervous.

Mallory (11:06):
Yeah, it was for a little while, actually.
It was just, you know, thesuspense.
But I am a little sad that wenever got to connect as humans
because he seemed very cool Butjust having that small memory is
really special.

Paul (11:21):
Yeah, it's very special.
I have to ask, do you stillhave the letter?

Mallory (11:27):
So after we spoke last time, my mom literally went in
the basement and we cannot findit.

Paul (11:33):
Oh,

Mallory (11:34):
no.
I don't.
And it's really funny becauseof all the things that she
keeps.
We cannot put eyes on it.
We have articles about it andwe have a whole fundraising
book, but she She said it's notin there.
But who knows?
It might take a second set ofeyes to go through the basement.

Paul (11:54):
It's like your car keys.
I think you always find themwhen you stop looking.
One day they'll pop upsomewhere.

Mallory (11:59):
Well, and I think this was, again, like 31 years ago.
We've lived in multiple homes.
At one point, our basementflooded.
We lost a lot of things.
So unfortunately, it's likethrough life's transition, it
may not be something we stillhave.
But we have the memories andit's out there on the internet.

Paul (12:22):
It is.
I'm making sure it keeps goingout there.

Mallory (12:25):
Yes,

Paul (12:26):
yes.
So after you get this letter, Isuppose you're obliged to go
and report back to all thesekids that wrote the letter.
You have to go and say, hey, wegot a response.
How was their reaction?
I

Mallory (12:37):
think people were just shocked and amazed.
I think it might have been onthe news and we just were like,
wow, the power of Yeah.
Yeah.

Paul (13:17):
Yeah,

Mallory (13:19):
it was incredibly helpful.
My dad had been laid off fromhis job.
We were traveling back andforth from Boston to Maine.
We were able to, you know, getthe accessible van that we
needed and just support ourfamily during a very difficult
time.
And, you know, I won'tdisclose, you know, what it was,

(13:40):
but I will tell you, it's notsomething I'm still existing on
today.
And it's wouldn't go as fartoday, but it helped my family
during that time significantly.

Paul (13:54):
A hundred percent.
And I suppose just the idea ofaccomplishing that goal and
hearing back could be probablyeven more important and stay
with you for longer than whatthe monetary donation might be.
Do you feel like that responseand just getting the letter back
has stayed with you?
I know you do a lot for othersnow.

(14:15):
Has Michael's letter and ofinspired you to do things for
others because I know you dothat now.
Yeah.

Mallory (14:24):
Yeah, it's really interesting.
And I was really happy toconnect with you and see the
work that you're doing.
I've written a chapter foranother book about his
humanitarian efforts.
And I think I have sort ofintrinsically, you know, thought
about the person that he wasand the things that he's done.

(14:44):
And I know a lot of times thatthat isn't the things that the
media likes to highlight.
So I do, I think.
carry that with me in the workthat I do and my advocacy and
being being I think A person whosometimes it feels like the

(15:07):
world isn't ready for thechanges I want to make and the
things I want to speak out on.
And I feel like Michael wasreally ahead of his time in the
way that he thought aboutthings, in the art that he
created.
And I truly believe that hejust wasn't, people weren't
ready for him all the time.

(15:29):
But the good that he did iswhat I remember about him.

Paul (15:34):
Yeah.
And so you've gone on to becomea national advocate for young
adults living with disabilitiesand complex medical conditions.
Tell us a little bit about whatyou do now.

Mallory (15:44):
Yeah, so my career has really been built on improving
systems for medically complexyoung people with disabilities
as well as their families andimproving health care systems
and access to services andsupports and also really
empowering young people andfamilies to be their own

(16:09):
advocates because I think we inAmerica exist in a really
complicated just inequitablesystem for all people and
growing up myself with medicalneeds and disabilities and my
husband has disabilities reallyviewing the world through that

(16:30):
lens and helping to empower andeducate You know, people who are
navigating the system, but alsothose that are running the
programs, creating the policies.
I also do consulting withorganizations who want to better
work with or involve peoplewith disabilities.
I help plan inclusive meetings.

(16:52):
I love traveling, you know,viewing hotels from an
accessibility lens and learning,like, really how we can do
better together.
from a place of people don'tknow what they don't know.
And for things that aren't theway that people view the world,
sometimes it just takes someoneto go, hey, did you think about

(17:16):
it this way?
Or what if we did this?
And then folks, it's sort oflike give someone a fish and
they eat for a day and teachthem to fish.
And so if you teach someone toview the world through a
different lens, then they'rethen able to be part of that
change as well.
So I guess I always say my goalis to like work myself out of a

(17:38):
job.
But I don't think that's goingto happen anytime soon.
But I do feel like I'veimpacted, you know, in a lot of
ways.
A

Paul (17:49):
hundred percent.
And I think part of the reasonI didn't contact you before we
connected was because I like toresearch everyone that I talk to
first.
And there's so much to researchabout you because you've done
so much.
So I've read a lot and hats offto you.
You've done so much.
You have made an impact.

(18:09):
I've seen some of the thingsyou've been doing and the work
you've been doing.
It's unreal.
It's good to see people doingwhat I think you're passionate
about and making a difference ina good way because we all need
that.
And you sent me a photo duringthe week of you with Mr.
Barack Obama.
How the hell did you get thatto happen?

Mallory (18:32):
Yeah, it's funny, you know, I think the Michael
Jackson experience was just sortof like one celebrity encounter
I've had throughout my crazyrandom life.
Always fun party stories.
But yeah, I was very fortunateto be invited in 2011 to a
disability policy seminar at theWhite House.

(18:54):
And my friend had given my nameto the specialist assistant on
disability policy, and she hadworked at the White House.
And when I got That letter,which was by then an email, I
think I mentioned to you, youknow, my dad thought, oh, that's
that's spam.
That's a that's a joke.
I don't know, dad.

(19:15):
This is a really good let youknow, it's on letterhead.
This is I think this is real.
And so I texted my friend andsaid, you know, did you give my
name to someone?
And she said, I did.
Can you go to D.C.
in two weeks?
And so I scrambled and pulledit all together.
And And I actually didn't knowthat we were going to meet

(19:37):
Obama.
It was just there was a policysession where we got to ask
questions and hear from folks.
And then there was a reception,very nice reception.
And all of a sudden, peoplejust started standing up in a
line.
And I had no idea where thisline was going.
So I'm just in line with mychampagne following people.

(19:59):
And, you know, people werelike, he's here.
This is an unannounced.
appearance and it was it wasjust amazing um he's so so kind
and so genuine and so funny i iwanted to stay and like you know
have dinner with him and chatmore but it was an amazing
experience

Paul (20:20):
what was the seminar that you were there for

Mallory (20:22):
so yeah so we were it was more of like a town hall
format where the folks focusedon disability and inclusion at
the white house um just talkedto us and shared their gratitude
for the work that we were doingin our communities and they
wanted us to know that we werewelcome there and that our

(20:45):
voices mattered and we were ableto kind of ask questions and it
was a different time where wefelt really valued and that we
were involved in the policymaking process.
So it was very cool.

Paul (21:01):
That's very cool.
I wonder we can live in a timelike that again.
Me too.
Was Michelle there?
Did you get to meet Michelle?

Mallory (21:11):
I did not.
I saw the dog being walked inthe garden, but I did not see
Michelle, unfortunately.

Paul (21:19):
I love the Obamas.
They come across as reallybeautiful

Mallory (21:22):
people.
I miss them a great deal everyday.

Paul (21:25):
I'm sure a lot of Americans would.
Very interesting watching fromAustralia what's happening with
America and their their politicsat the moment.

Mallory (21:36):
It's alarming.
And I think even more so whyit's so important to highlight
stories like these and folksthat are seeing the good and
continuing to do the workbecause it's getting harder and
harder with access being takenaway for folks that really need

(21:56):
it and just the divide thatwe're seeing politically.
It's pretty scary.

Paul (22:03):
Yeah, we're going It

Mallory (22:04):
makes it harder and even more important to do this
work.

Paul (22:07):
Yeah, 100%.
We've got to bring the focusback onto what's important and
what we all need.
So thank you again for joiningme for this chat.
Do you remember in 2009 hearingthat Michael had passed away?

Mallory (22:20):
I do, yes.
And what's wild is that thenews actually called me that
day.
And that was one of the firsttimes I knew that my name was
out there like on the internetyou know once the internet came
to be um but i was i wassurprised that the news called
me um and i just said i i didn'thave any comment and you know

(22:45):
that he had you know supportedmy family during that time and i
just wished you know privacyand respect for for him and his
family during that time but itwas a it was a very sad day in
history for sure

Paul (22:57):
yeah and we did speak last week and we were touched base
during the week and he said thatyou caught up with your mum on
the weekend and what you said tome touched my heart when you
said she was impressed with mywork.
That really, I appreciate that.
Did she have anything to addabout that time?
She

Mallory (23:15):
said it was, yeah, honestly, you know, it's a
little hard to relive because itwas a really difficult,
medically traumatic time for myfamily and, you know, hearing
that I was doing this, I reallywanted to to get her blessing.

(23:35):
And, you know, I shared that wespoke last week and she
actually got emotional when youwere talking about me being a
humanitarian.
And that just, it brought her alot of joy to see this
highlighted in this way.
And she said, just tell himthat we were very, very, very

(23:57):
grateful.
So that was her message.
But yeah, it made her happy.
I'm happy to see it beingframed in this way because
people have mixed reactions whenyou talk about Michael, but we
only think about the good.

Paul (24:14):
Yeah, and that's what I like to focus on anyway.
And I know, you know, I don'tknow if you've looked at the
humanitarian MJ socials, butwhat I try and do is inspire and
motivate other people to, asyou said, keep focusing on the
good and inspire other people todo good because I've said it in
another couple of episodes.
the only prerequisite to beinga humanitarian is being a human,

(24:36):
a human who performs acts ofkindness.
So one act of kindness, asecond act of kindness, and a
third act of kindness can makeanyone a humanitarian.
And you're doing that in thework that you do.
Michael obviously did that withthe work that he did off the
stage.
And anyone can do it.
So I want to inspire otherpeople to just do one act of

(24:57):
kindness today and maybe anotherone tomorrow.
And boom, before you know it,you're a humanitarian and you
might have a book And kindness

Mallory (25:06):
matters so much.
And I feel like it's somethingthat we're sort of moving away
from just basic, you know, humandecency to each other.
So, yeah, it's it doesn't gounrecognized.
I think sometimes we think eventhe small things that we do,
like I can't make a differenceor it doesn't matter.
And it's it's funny because mymom, my sister and I, we all

(25:29):
work in social justice.
And recently we all gotstarfish tattoos i'm not sure if
you're familiar with thestarfish story um but it's about
a girl who's walking down thebeach and they're starfish that
have washed up and she'sthrowing them back into the
ocean to save them and somebodysees her and says well why are

(25:50):
you doing that you're not you'renever going to be able to save
all of them and she says no butit made a difference to that one
so we try to really highlightyou know the the small wins in
our work because systems changeyou know it feels very big and
very heavy but you know thepeople that we work with and
that we impact you know everyday you know is kind of what

(26:13):
keeps us going so

Paul (26:15):
yeah I have heard that story now that you mentioned
that yeah have you got anythingelse you want to add to say to
anybody listening or to add tothe story to add to your story
oh

Mallory (26:28):
my gosh Just that it's so wild to learn about, you
know, the work that you're doingand how this is such a great
community.
And, you know, I'vecontributed, like I said, to
another book.
And I would be happy if otherfolks want to chat or, you know,

(26:49):
have me share my story in otherways.
I would be happy to sort of addthis to my things that I do
that I've never really…

Paul (27:01):
things

Mallory (27:01):
about it yeah besides my you know random party stories
of that michael jackson me aletter when i was eight so yeah
it's been very cool

Paul (27:12):
did you want to tell people where they can find you
if they want to contact you

Mallory (27:16):
sure yes um you can go to mallorysear.com um that's my
website and there is a contactme form um that is there i'm on
linkedin so if you if you googleme i'm there But that's my
website that you can feel freeto include.

Paul (27:34):
And I'll put some links up in our show notes when this
gets published, probably laterin the year.
Thanks again, Mallory, forchatting with me.
You've put aside time for metwice this week now to say hello
and connect.
So I really, really appreciateit.
Thank you again.
I really appreciate your time.
I really

Mallory (27:54):
appreciate it and I look forward to reading your
book.

Unknown (27:58):
Thank you.
Thank you.

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