September 26, 2025 • 10 mins
Cocoon life chose me, and she is glorious. Talking about putting myself first and the lessons I've learned about self-care in my thirties, plus answering a listener question about evening routines.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Hey, Hey, Emily. Here you are listening to five Minute
Friday from Hurdle. I'm feeling really silly today.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
It's been I think I'm feeling silly because I haven't
had a ton of human interaction this week. I got
home on Monday night. I traveled for like literally twenty
four hours. It was the longest Monday I've ever had.
I left my hotel at like almost nine am Japan time,
and I got home just shy of nine pm Eastern
(00:52):
on the same day, which is just it's just wild.
But I have been owning my no this week in
a way that I haven't done so in such a
long time, and I really have no hesitation. I'm not
apologizing for it. I'm just really dialing in on the
(01:15):
question that I've been working on asking myself for the
past gosh a few years now, which is what's best
for Emily. And I know that what's best for Emily
right now is getting to a place where I'm sleeping
normal hours, which is pretty successful so far. I've had
something like eight or nine hours the last three nights,
which feels very successful.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
And getting on East Coast.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Time, and just getting back into my routine, like getting
my feet back under me.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
I mean, I'm running a marathon in.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Just over two weeks, which is really crazy to say
out loud, and that always brings about a fair amount
of anxiety and feelings. But it definitely brings about extra
anxiety and feelings when I haven't been in my normal
routine for the past two weeks. So I just feel
this pressure that I'm putting on myself to really get
(02:07):
back into the swing of things and feel good in
my body. And so I'm really owning my no. And
it's so interesting as a recovering people pleaser because for
so long, for so long, I always always always put
everybody else's feelings ahead of my own. I wanted to
(02:28):
make sure that everyone that I cared about was taken
care of, even if that meant putting things that were
important to me or my feelings on the back burner.
And what I learned over time and as I've gotten older,
is that that is not how it works, and that
the people that care about you, they want you to
be happy. There I said it, the people that care
(02:51):
about you, they want you to be happy. And if
they knew that doing something that you thought would accommodate
them would actually put you at a disadvantage, then let
me be the one to break this news to you.
Most of the time they probably wouldn't want you to
do it. But the way that we are, at least
(03:11):
the way that I am, or have been classically in
the past, is that I didn't want to put that
out there. I didn't want to let someone know that
maybe acting in a certain way in their best interest
was not in my best interest. And so now in
this era of asking myself what's best for Emily, I'm
(03:34):
getting better at being a bit more selfish, understanding that
it's not selfish with ill intent. And the people that
care about me understand that about me. They never assume
the bad in me. They know me and they know
my heart, and that is what's important. I'll never forget
(03:55):
I was. I was dealing with a really frustrating situation
with a friend at the time a few years ago,
and I was on my way to Washington, d C.
To visit my college roommate, and I sat down with
her at dinner after having like a really uncomfortable textic
change with someone, and my roommate said, the difference between
(04:15):
this person and me is I know you and I
know your heart, and I know that you would never
ever do anything with a negative intent toward me, and
that always really resonated with me, this idea that you
are going to find people in your life that know
you and know your heart and know who it is
(04:35):
that you are at your core, and so those are
the people that you should really care about their feedback.
Those are the people that you want to make sure
that you communicate with to the best of your ability.
And so this week, as I am being a little
bit selfish, you might say, and owning my know and
(04:57):
not going to random events or honestly, I've been random dinners,
I had a really exciting invite for tonight, if this
is you're listening to this. On Friday, had a really
exciting invite for tonight that would put me in a
room with some really great people, but it was later
then I wanted to be out, and so I said,
(05:17):
please count me in for next time. But this time
it's just not going to work for me, and that's it,
and it's okay.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
I As I've.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Gotten older, fomo is something that I experienced a little
bit less as I understand where I'm at and I
do this honest inventory of what's important, and right now,
I know that what's important is just resting and coming
back to myself and doing the best I can with
what I have Here. I am rambling as usual on
(05:47):
five Minute Friday, but I hope that you take.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Something from this.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
I genuinely know that for a better part of my twenties,
this was something that I really really struggled with. And
I'm by no means in my early thirties anymore. But
what I do know is that as I have gotten older,
and as I've gotten to this point, I understand that
it's not so serious and so as earth shattering is
(06:13):
maybe saying no felt when I was younger, it doesn't
feel the same now. In fact, it feels so much better.
So you just got to do the best you can
with what you have. My question for you this week,
my thought prompt is how can you own your no?
What are you doing right now that you don't actually
want to do? Is there something that you can turn down,
something that you can do to hold your space, to
(06:37):
take care of you, to ask yourself what's best for.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Insert your name here? How can you own your know?
This week?
Speaker 2 (06:47):
And now a listener question, Hey, Emily, this is Brianna
from Georgia. I've been listening since I think twenty eighteen.
I want to thank you for all that you give
to the hurdle community. I see so much great on
morning routines and I feel like I finally have one
that works for me. On the flip side, however, I
find it so hard to be consistent with evening routines.
(07:08):
Sometimes it's so difficult to find the energy to move
through an evening routine after an extra long work day
while speaking, even though I know it will set me
up for success the next day. Specifically, how do you
stay consistent with an evening routine and what are some
things that you include in yours?
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Thank you so much, Brianna.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Okay, this is a great question, and I feel like
I'm only really getting into my evening routine when I've
been really diligently owning my know. My evening routine right
now is I'll turn the TV off maybe around nine
o'clock at night. I will wash my face and do
(07:48):
whatever skincare is on deck for the evening, brush my teeth,
and then I will read in my bed, and candidly,
I might only read for like fifteen minutes max before
I'm just zonked. I don't have a TV in my room.
I am pretty good at falling asleep quickly. I know
(08:09):
that I'm very lucky about that. So my evening routine
really is turn off the screens around nine, wash my face,
read for a bit, and fall asleep. It's very rare
that I am not asleep by nine forty five unless
I get sucked into a show and then that nine
o'clock becomes nine.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Point thirty or later. But otherwise that's it for me. Now.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
I am not one to preach like diligence in an
evening routine. I have been very good at my morning routine,
but not so much in my evening routine. What I
will say is, when you're trying to establish any routine,
there are two tips I can offer you. The first
one is start small, so you don't want to choose
four different habits and say, okay, I'm going to do
these four things every night, and then start with all
(08:58):
four things at once. You want to add little by little,
making it a little bit more attainable for you. And
the second thing that I will recommend is habit stacked.
So what that means is maybe right now you do
have a routine of turning off screens at nine thirty
at night. Okay, if you're going to turn off your
screen at nine thirty at night, then add one more
(09:18):
habit so it's like, Okay, the second after I turn
off my screen at nine thirty at night, I go
into my bathroom and I brush my teeth.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Or after I'm done brushing my teeth every night, I am.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Going to walk into my bedroom and write one gratitude
from the day. Whatever the habit is that you want
to add into the mix, if you stack it on
top of another existing habit, you're more likely to keep
up with it. I hope that this helps make sure
you're following along with hurdle over on social It's at
Hurdle podcast, I'm over at Emily a Body another hurdle conquered.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Catch you guys, next time
Speaker 2 (10:00):
You
Hey, Hey, Emily. Here you are listening to five Minute
Friday from Hurdle. I'm feeling really silly today.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
It's been I think I'm feeling silly because I haven't
had a ton of human interaction this week. I got
home on Monday night. I traveled for like literally twenty
four hours. It was the longest Monday I've ever had.
I left my hotel at like almost nine am Japan time,
and I got home just shy of nine pm Eastern
(00:52):
on the same day, which is just it's just wild.
But I have been owning my no this week in
a way that I haven't done so in such a
long time, and I really have no hesitation. I'm not
apologizing for it. I'm just really dialing in on the
(01:15):
question that I've been working on asking myself for the
past gosh a few years now, which is what's best
for Emily. And I know that what's best for Emily
right now is getting to a place where I'm sleeping
normal hours, which is pretty successful so far. I've had
something like eight or nine hours the last three nights,
which feels very successful.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
And getting on East Coast.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Time, and just getting back into my routine, like getting
my feet back under me.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
I mean, I'm running a marathon in.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Just over two weeks, which is really crazy to say
out loud, and that always brings about a fair amount
of anxiety and feelings. But it definitely brings about extra
anxiety and feelings when I haven't been in my normal
routine for the past two weeks. So I just feel
this pressure that I'm putting on myself to really get
(02:07):
back into the swing of things and feel good in
my body. And so I'm really owning my no. And
it's so interesting as a recovering people pleaser because for
so long, for so long, I always always always put
everybody else's feelings ahead of my own. I wanted to
(02:28):
make sure that everyone that I cared about was taken
care of, even if that meant putting things that were
important to me or my feelings on the back burner.
And what I learned over time and as I've gotten older,
is that that is not how it works, and that
the people that care about you, they want you to
be happy. There I said it, the people that care
(02:51):
about you, they want you to be happy. And if
they knew that doing something that you thought would accommodate
them would actually put you at a disadvantage, then let
me be the one to break this news to you.
Most of the time they probably wouldn't want you to
do it. But the way that we are, at least
(03:11):
the way that I am, or have been classically in
the past, is that I didn't want to put that
out there. I didn't want to let someone know that
maybe acting in a certain way in their best interest
was not in my best interest. And so now in
this era of asking myself what's best for Emily, I'm
(03:34):
getting better at being a bit more selfish, understanding that
it's not selfish with ill intent. And the people that
care about me understand that about me. They never assume
the bad in me. They know me and they know
my heart, and that is what's important. I'll never forget
(03:55):
I was. I was dealing with a really frustrating situation
with a friend at the time a few years ago,
and I was on my way to Washington, d C.
To visit my college roommate, and I sat down with
her at dinner after having like a really uncomfortable textic
change with someone, and my roommate said, the difference between
(04:15):
this person and me is I know you and I
know your heart, and I know that you would never
ever do anything with a negative intent toward me, and
that always really resonated with me, this idea that you
are going to find people in your life that know
you and know your heart and know who it is
(04:35):
that you are at your core, and so those are
the people that you should really care about their feedback.
Those are the people that you want to make sure
that you communicate with to the best of your ability.
And so this week, as I am being a little
bit selfish, you might say, and owning my know and
(04:57):
not going to random events or honestly, I've been random dinners,
I had a really exciting invite for tonight, if this
is you're listening to this. On Friday, had a really
exciting invite for tonight that would put me in a
room with some really great people, but it was later
then I wanted to be out, and so I said,
(05:17):
please count me in for next time. But this time
it's just not going to work for me, and that's it,
and it's okay.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
I As I've.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Gotten older, fomo is something that I experienced a little
bit less as I understand where I'm at and I
do this honest inventory of what's important, and right now,
I know that what's important is just resting and coming
back to myself and doing the best I can with
what I have Here. I am rambling as usual on
(05:47):
five Minute Friday, but I hope that you take.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Something from this.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
I genuinely know that for a better part of my twenties,
this was something that I really really struggled with. And
I'm by no means in my early thirties anymore. But
what I do know is that as I have gotten older,
and as I've gotten to this point, I understand that
it's not so serious and so as earth shattering is
(06:13):
maybe saying no felt when I was younger, it doesn't
feel the same now. In fact, it feels so much better.
So you just got to do the best you can
with what you have. My question for you this week,
my thought prompt is how can you own your no?
What are you doing right now that you don't actually
want to do? Is there something that you can turn down,
something that you can do to hold your space, to
(06:37):
take care of you, to ask yourself what's best for.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Insert your name here? How can you own your know?
This week?
Speaker 2 (06:47):
And now a listener question, Hey, Emily, this is Brianna
from Georgia. I've been listening since I think twenty eighteen.
I want to thank you for all that you give
to the hurdle community. I see so much great on
morning routines and I feel like I finally have one
that works for me. On the flip side, however, I
find it so hard to be consistent with evening routines.
(07:08):
Sometimes it's so difficult to find the energy to move
through an evening routine after an extra long work day
while speaking, even though I know it will set me
up for success the next day. Specifically, how do you
stay consistent with an evening routine and what are some
things that you include in yours?
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Thank you so much, Brianna.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Okay, this is a great question, and I feel like
I'm only really getting into my evening routine when I've
been really diligently owning my know. My evening routine right
now is I'll turn the TV off maybe around nine
o'clock at night. I will wash my face and do
(07:48):
whatever skincare is on deck for the evening, brush my teeth,
and then I will read in my bed, and candidly,
I might only read for like fifteen minutes max before
I'm just zonked. I don't have a TV in my room.
I am pretty good at falling asleep quickly. I know
(08:09):
that I'm very lucky about that. So my evening routine
really is turn off the screens around nine, wash my face,
read for a bit, and fall asleep. It's very rare
that I am not asleep by nine forty five unless
I get sucked into a show and then that nine
o'clock becomes nine.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Point thirty or later. But otherwise that's it for me. Now.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
I am not one to preach like diligence in an
evening routine. I have been very good at my morning routine,
but not so much in my evening routine. What I
will say is, when you're trying to establish any routine,
there are two tips I can offer you. The first
one is start small, so you don't want to choose
four different habits and say, okay, I'm going to do
these four things every night, and then start with all
(08:58):
four things at once. You want to add little by little,
making it a little bit more attainable for you. And
the second thing that I will recommend is habit stacked.
So what that means is maybe right now you do
have a routine of turning off screens at nine thirty
at night. Okay, if you're going to turn off your
screen at nine thirty at night, then add one more
(09:18):
habit so it's like, Okay, the second after I turn
off my screen at nine thirty at night, I go
into my bathroom and I brush my teeth.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Or after I'm done brushing my teeth every night, I am.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Going to walk into my bedroom and write one gratitude
from the day. Whatever the habit is that you want
to add into the mix, if you stack it on
top of another existing habit, you're more likely to keep
up with it. I hope that this helps make sure
you're following along with hurdle over on social It's at
Hurdle podcast, I'm over at Emily a Body another hurdle conquered.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Catch you guys, next time
Speaker 2 (10:00):
You
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