October 27, 2025 • 37 mins
How does sex trafficking affect boys and men (not just girls and women) and what does healing look like? Hear Mike Chapman's incredible story. This episode is a taken from Mike's recent presentation, "Family-Controlled Sex Trafficking of Young Boys: One Survivor's Healing Journey" at the International Human Trafficking & Social Justice Conference.
Mike Chapman is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and family-controlled sex trafficking, and a survivor of sexual assault by clergy as a young adult. In his spiritual journey to recovery, Mike has had to battle anger, PTSD, anxiety, codependency, and addictive behaviors, including porn addiction. Mike is also a Full-Time Sign Language Interpreter and a Part-Time Santa Claus Portrayal Artist. He’s been happily married to his wife Beth for over 35 years, and they have 2 adult children – Lizzy and Mac. He and Beth live in Hubert, NC. Mike is currently a part-time Recovery Life Coach for both Polar Life Consulting and Husband Material. To find out more or to contact Mike, email him at PolarLifeConsulting@gmail.com
Check out Mike's own podcast:
Healing for Male Survivors with Mike Chapman
Join Mike and Drew at the next Husband Material Retreat at husbandmaterial.com/retreat
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Welcome to the Husband Material podcast, where
we help Christian men outgrowporn.
Why?
So you can change your brain,heal your heart, and save your
relationship.
My name is Drew Bola, and I'mhere to show you how.
Let's go.
Today we're talking abouthealing from sex trafficking in
(00:24):
honor of Male Survivor AwarenessDay, October 25th.
We're going to hear from MikeChapman, who is a certified
husband material coach, he's abrain spotting practitioner,
he's an advocate for malesurvivors, and he's a
professional Santa.
Mike led the art therapyworkshop at our recent husband
material retreat.
(00:44):
He's a good friend and he has anamazing story.
I believe we need to hear hisstory and his perspective
because when we think about sextrafficking, most of us have in
mind teenage girls or youngwomen in forced prostitution,
which is very real.
And there's another face of sextrafficking.
Mike shares some startlingstatistics because the average
(01:06):
age of men and boys who aretrafficked into sexual
exploitation is younger onaverage, mostly under 18, and
about 13% of survivors weretrafficked when they were zero
to eight years old.
And that is Mike's story.
I want to give you a triggerwarning.
This episode contains somegraphic descriptions of the
(01:28):
childhood sexual abuse and sextrafficking that Mike
experienced.
So please continue listeningwith caution.
The presentation you're about tohear is called Family Controlled
Sex Trafficking of Young Boys,One Survivor's Healing Journey.
And when Mike originally sharedthis with me, I thought it was
so good that I asked him if itwould be okay to share it with
all of you.
I hope you'll be as inspired asI am by Mike, by the miracle of
(01:50):
what God has done in his lifeand what God can do in your life
too.
SPEAKER_01 (01:54):
My name is Mike Chapman.
I am a recovery life coach,brain spotting provider, podcast
host, lived experienced expert,consultant, and researcher.
My own father sexually abused mefrom the time I was an infant
until age five.
He then trafficked me for sexwith other men until age eight.
This was in the 1970s in thestate of Oregon where I grew up.
(02:18):
I now know this has happened towhite middle class boys like me
all over the U.S.
and in the UK, Australia, andother countries for decades.
And it's still happening today.
When it is being led by a familymember, this is often called
familial sex trafficking.
But I prefer the moredescriptive term, family
(02:40):
controlled sex trafficking.
The family member is controllingsexual access to their own
relative in exchange forsomething of value.
How does this happen?
For me, it turns out my mothernever wanted children.
She had had a bad experiencewith her own mother and did not
want to be responsible for otherchildren.
My father insisted, so they hadthree children, two girls and a
(03:04):
boy.
I was the youngest.
Unknown to my mother, he was apedophile.
Basically, the only reason I wasconceived was to service his
needs.
Once we got old enough where helost interest, he left us.
My parents separated, thendivorced when I was eight.
I had no father figure and a lotof mess.
(03:26):
My mother was now a singlemother with three kids she
originally never wanted.
I tried to be the good kid,making things easier on my mom.
Inside, I was a mess, but Ididn't understand why.
Locking out the abuse, I didn'tunderstand why I had a hard time
making friends, a hard timetrusting, especially guys.
(03:47):
As I got older, my momremarried, a guy who also didn't
want children.
More rejection.
As I became a teenager, I hadall kinds of conflicting
feelings inside.
As my teen hormones emerged,feelings were clouded by the
repressed memories of thehundreds of sex acts I had
(04:08):
endured as a child.
I wanted relationships withgirls, but was haunted by
thoughts of physical contactwith men.
I had a lot of confusion.
I wanted intimacy, but wasafraid of it as well.
Boy-girl relationships scaredme.
When they became too physical, Iwould retreat, never wanting
(04:28):
things to progress too far.
My family never went to churchever.
My grandparents were veryreligious from a legalistic
church.
They sometimes brought us kidsto Sunday school when we were
little.
They talked about God theFather, and that concept was
foreign to me, but I believed inGod.
As I entered high school, I gotinvolved in a church youth
(04:49):
group, and I felt love andbelonging.
I wanted more.
The pastor would give altarcalls.
I would listen, but I wasn'tready.
I just didn't understand.
The summer before my senioryear, I attended their summer
youth retreat.
The speaker talked about thepain and suffering Jesus went
through on the cross.
He did that for each of us, evenfor me.
(05:12):
Subconsciously, I could reallyrelate to the pain and
suffering.
That touched my heart, and Iaccepted Jesus as my Lord and
Savior and was soon baptized.
When I was a young man incollege, age 20, but looked like
16, I was a late bloomer.
A Methodist minister at thechurch I was attending took an
(05:32):
interest in me.
I was flattered.
I loved to get attention from aman I very much admired.
Apparently, he was actually apedophile and liked teenage
boys.
He came to my college apartmentfor a social visit.
I lived alone at the time.
Things led to him touching me inplaces he shouldn't.
Something deep inside of me knewI had to stop him.
(05:55):
I got him to stop and he left.
I eventually was able toconfront him two years later
through his church leadership,but he basically got a wrist
slap, he was mere retirementage, and a mild warning to his
local church that he needed tostay away from teens and
children.
As I got older, those confusedfeelings got worse, but Father
(06:16):
God was there guiding me throughit, revealing bit by bit the
causes so I could receivehealing.
After college, I moved away frommy home state of Oregon to the
Washington, D.C.
area.
I got married and had twowonderful children and moved to
eastern North Carolina.
God used my children too.
(06:36):
Every time I would discipline orshow love to my children, Father
God would remind me that is howI am with you.
I started seeking therapeuticsupport groups for what happened
in college and the unwantedsame-sex attractions I had
experienced since puberty.
Through the support groups andreading different testimonies of
those with similar issues, Irealized I was the victim of
(06:59):
sexual abuse as a young child.
Age three, memories I hadblocked out.
This is a picture of me at agethree.
Additional support groups andchurch-related counseling helped
me fill in the blanks.
I also got confirmation that myown father had similarly
sexually abused several extendedfamily members when they were
(07:21):
children.
This filled in the blanks.
He was the person who abused me.
Therapy has uncovered more ofexactly what happened.
My father would get mom drunk soshe would pass out and not know
what was going on.
He would then proceed to molestme.
This happened multiple times,multiple nights, dozens, perhaps
(07:42):
hundreds of times.
I was not his only victim, as Imentioned.
He did the same thing to thoseextended family members when
they were little.
He may have done it to my twoolder sisters, I do not know.
One of my sisters passed away,and my surviving sister has
almost no memories fromchildhood whatsoever.
Since this uncovering, I'veattended survivor support groups
(08:05):
and professional therapy.
I have come a long way in myroad to healing, including being
over seven years free frompornography addiction.
I have been married to a greatwoman for 35 years this month,
and my two children are in theirlate 20s, early 30s, graduated
from college, and are startingtheir careers.
They all know my story and areall very supportive.
(08:27):
I tried to bring up the abuse tomy mother, but she seemed pretty
clueless.
She knew about the abuse by myfather towards his extended
family members, but said shecould never quite wrap her head
around it.
I decided to not push the issue.
Also, both she and my fatherwere heavy drinkers at the time.
I assumed she absolutely had noidea what was happening.
(08:50):
She then passed away 10 yearsago before I could bring up the
subject again.
I originally started what Icalled heavy recovery in 2019
after watching HBO's LeavingNeverland documentary and the
Oprah special that followed.
Yes, it triggered many thingsinside me, and I could feel God
telling me it was time to workthrough more of my issues again.
(09:14):
Through the documentary, Ilearned about an online support
group, male survivor.org, formale sex abuse survivors, full
of men, including manyChristians, who were similarly
abused.
This helped me realize I was notalone.
In fact, according to theCenters for Disease Control, for
(09:35):
females, one in four will besexually abused or assaulted by
the age of 18 in the U.S.
I assume the figures for maleswere much less like one in a
thousand or one in a hundred.
It is actually one in six maleswill be sexually abused or
assaulted by the age of eighteenin the U.S.
(09:56):
I was certainly not alone.
Meeting all of these men onlinewho had similar experiences
helped me realize I was notcrazy from all the varied
symptoms I had as a result ofthe abuse.
Many of these men had similarsymptoms.
Around this same time, I wasalso invited to a celebrate
recovery meeting in a nearbytown.
(10:18):
CR is an internationalfaith-based 12-step group.
Also, around this same time, Istarted attending therapy with a
Christian therapist, working onthe childhood traumas I
experienced.
God was using all three placesin tandem to help my healing
process.
The online support groupinformed me that I most likely
(10:39):
suffered from post-traumaticstress disorder, PTSD, like most
of them.
After reading up on thesymptoms, I felt like it was
describing my entirepersonality.
This was a bit unnerving becauseif all that defined me was a set
of symptoms, if I found healing,what would be left?
(11:01):
My Christian therapist helped mefind a therapist trained in
PTSD.
We hoped to find a ChristianPTSD therapist.
Apparently, there are none in myarea.
We settled on a non-ChristianPTSD therapist, and I had
concerns about a non-Christiantherapist, and I spoke to my
pastor about it, and he prayedfor me and offered me this
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scripture, Isaiah 52, 12.
You will not leave in a hurry,running for your lives, for the
Lord will go ahead of you.
Yes, the God of Israel willprotect you from behind.
This helped encourage me thatGod would be with me, guiding me
through the therapy process,even with secular therapy.
So I started going to the PTSDtherapist.
(11:45):
I shared my story.
I received a formal diagnosis ofPTSD with dissociative symptoms.
He's like a PTSD endoscopicsurgeon, knowing exactly where
to guide his tools to reach theparts that need to be addressed
without leaving my guts spilledall out.
And I'm able to go back to workwithin an hour after my sessions
(12:08):
and function pretty well therest of the day.
Again, like my pastor advisedme, I let God guide me
throughout these therapeuticpractices.
A lot of it seemed like weirdmumbo jumbo stuff, but it
worked.
Instead of the traditional eyemovement, desensitization,
reprocessing, or EMDR, that'squite common.
(12:32):
He felt more appropriatetherapies for my case would be a
combination of comprehensiveresource model, which was
developed from brain spottingtherapy, kuna, which is based on
traditional Hawaiian spiritualhealing practices, and several
other therapies.
My therapist encouraged me tolet those abused parts of me
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tell their story.
Since the child at that age ispre-verbal, you can encourage
them to tell their story in waysother than speaking, including
just giving them a keyboard.
He told me that he has hadpatients grab their cell phones
in his office and startfrantically texting, telling
their story.
I did that at home.
(13:15):
I reached out to thethree-year-old me.
I gave him my computer keyboardand encouraged him to share.
This poem simply poured outwithout any editing.
And no, I'm not known forwriting poetry.
And again, trigger warning, thispoem is both graphic and
descriptive of the abuse Iexperienced, but I have avoided
(13:36):
vulgar language.
Me at age three.
Heavy weight on me.
Hard to breathe.
Why is he doing this?
I don't understand.
I'm so scared.
I don't want this.
Betrayed.
I thought he loved me.
Why is he doing this to me?
(13:57):
Why is he causing so much pain?
I don't understand it.
The stuff I drank makes me feelweird.
Like I don't really understandwhat is happening.
But I still remember.
I can still feel everything.
Why does he keep doing this?
Night after night, like theboogeyman.
(14:19):
But he is real.
So much pressure on my head.
Rhythmic up and down against themattress.
Sometimes I hit my head on theheadboard.
It hurts.
I like to leave toys on thefloor.
Maybe this will stop him.
Give me some warning.
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He gets mad.
Swears it doesn't stop him.
I'm powerless.
I'm so alone.
If I had a little brother, Iwouldn't be alone.
Maybe then it would stop.
Maybe.
I am so weak.
He is so big.
(15:01):
I can't fight back.
I have to give in.
I hope it ends soon.
Maybe he won't come back nexttime.
Maybe.
I can't breathe.
I have to try to breathe throughmy nose.
So hard.
I try to catch breath when Ican.
(15:24):
He is done.
I cough up hard, slimy, rose.
The smell, the taste.
He wipes me down, removes theevidence.
I cry myself back to sleep.
Exhausted.
But I can finally breathe.
(15:51):
Around this same time, aftersharing some half-memories for
my childhood with the onlinesupport group, we were able to
deduce that I was alsotrafficked by my father to other
men.
This is the memory I shared ofwhen I was eight years old.
I always thought it was a weirdevent, and it was as if
(16:11):
something was telling me thatthis was important and to always
remember it.
My father woke me up in themiddle of the night.
We're going camping.
Help me drag your mattress intothe back of a station wagon.
Half asleep, I complied.
Camping trip, I thought.
Dad never mentioned a campingtrip.
(16:32):
We never go camping.
We dragged the mattress into theback of the station wagon, along
with pillows, sheets, andblankets.
We would drive what wouldnormally be a four-hour drive to
the south from our home inPortland.
However, this was 1973.
There was an energy crisis and agas shortage.
(16:53):
Lines were horrendously long andsupplies were limited and
sometimes rationed.
That four-hour drive definitelywould require at least one
fill-up for a gas guzzlingstation wagon.
Whatever sedative I was givencompletely wore off, and I was
wide awake, fully aware that ourso-called camping trip was
(17:15):
sidelined by gas lines.
I think my father did not planfor this and had no backup plan
for a second sedative.
We eventually arrived at ourdestination, Crescent Lake
Campground.
I had never heard of it.
Lots of campgrounds around theGreater Portland metro area, but
this was on the other side ofthe state.
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It seemed there were more dadsthan sons, more men than boys.
It seems that two other boys hadthe same issue.
They awoke too early.
One was about my age, a littleshorter, with deep set eyes.
Looking back, I believe it wasthe look of an abuse survivor,
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something that was familiar tome.
The other boy was about a yearolder.
He seemed angry underneath, likehe knew what was going on, but
was sworn not to tell.
I don't remember their names.
We were told that we three hadto stick together and to stay
away from the main lodge.
There was a very large boulderseveral yards away from the
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lodge.
Don't come past this boulder.
You three go play around thelake, but don't get wet.
We will bring you your lunch.
So we played as boys do,exploring the woods around the
lake.
And that was it.
That was camping with my dad.
I now realize that the dads werecontinuing their orgy with all
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the boys that were stillsedated.
We three were a liability, tooawake to remember faces and
events that, if we told anyone,could destroy what they had
built.
We've been able to deduce thatbecause of the unsuccessful
nature of the event and the factthat I was aging out from the
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age preferences of this group.
This was probably the finaltrafficking event I was ever
brought to.
My father then divorced mymother soon after.
I have now come to understandwhat happens at these sexual
exploitation events, oftencalled boy swap events.
Men who are invited can eithercome alone for a fee or bring a
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sedated boy with them for areduced fee.
It is then a free-for-all wherethey can do what they wish to as
many boys as they wish.
Most of us boys were not 100%sedated, but sedated to the
point of a zombie-like statewhere we could respond to
commands but no longer had anysense of self or free will.
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This would allow the men to notonly manipulate us into
performing sex acts with them,but also to performing sex acts
on each other.
These abusive acts were alsothen documented by still
photography and film, producingwhat we now call CSAM, child
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sexual abuse materials, morecommonly referred to as child
pornography.
These materials would be evenmore profitable than the fees
paid to attend the events,making these events quite
profitable for the organizers.
Many of these events wereorganized by groups such as
NAMLA, the North AmericanMan-Boy Love Association, a
(20:40):
political, civil rights, andeducational organization that
advocates and promotes adultsexual behavior with male
children.
And the Renee Beyond Society,whose infamous model was sex
before eight or it is too late.
Such groups and events oftenhave ties to organized crime, as
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they are behind most all typesof pornography being produced in
this country.
Decades before the internet,child pornography magazines
could be easily found at adultbookstores across the country.
Classified ads in the back ofthese magazines would advertise
NAMBLA and similar meetings,which would then share locations
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of these voicewap events.
Thus, the cycle of fresh imagesand film to satisfy the lusts of
their consumers could continue.
Through therapy, I receivedconfirmation of the trafficking.
We were also able to deduce thatit began around age five and
continued until that final eventwhen I was eight.
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This also explains the memorygap I have had of my first grade
year in school.
This is me at age six during thetime of this trafficking abuse.
This is the face of trafficking.
This was me in the first grade.
I was pretty much a zombie.
(22:07):
You can see the vacant,pain-filled look in my eyes.
I have virtually no memories ofthis time.
When I look at my first gradeclass group photo, I recognize
my classmates from kindergartenthe previous year, but I do not
recognize the teacher at all.
Not her face, not her name.
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It was if I was never there.
I now know this is part of thedissociation.
When faced with severe trauma,the mind experiences a break and
isolates the main identity toprotect it, to allow it to
continue to live and breathe,blocking out the trauma.
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When the trauma becomes sosevere and repeated, the
isolation is frozen in place.
This explains why I literallychecked out that entire year.
This past year, I was able toattend an art therapy retreat
with other traffic survivors.
The different tools and mediawere all ready to go at our
(23:11):
tables, and before they couldeven begin with directions, many
of us simply started creating.
I started with the canvas andstarted painting my memories.
It was like that little woundedboy inside of me took over and
shared what he needed to share.
This is the end result, entitledFearslash Void.
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This encapsulated what Iexperienced during the downtime
during such events.
In this painting, there is acampfire in the woods, four
dark, shadowy figures are behindthe flames.
On the lower left is a smallgray figure in a fetal position.
This is me.
My hands and feet are bound.
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I'm on the dirt next to thefire.
I'm blindfolded, but this iswhat I remember from sense
memory.
Smells, sounds, tastes, touch.
And if you notice, there's anempty space on the right side of
the fire.
After studying the picture, Irealize there's a second boy
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that is present, also bound andsilent, which is why I didn't
notice his presence by the way.
In this next poem, I asked thatfirst grade self to share from
his heart about his experience.
This poem is the result of beingtrafficked in first grade.
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Such confusion, darkness,dizziness, sometimes outside
near a fire, too hot, sometimesin a building on a cement cold
floor, tied up.
I can't move.
I want to leave, but I can't.
I want to wake up from thisnightmare.
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I can't.
Feeling nauseous, like I had theflu.
I'm scared and alone.
But not alone.
Lots of men.
Men who do things, new things,things that are bad, that are
wrong, messy, slimy, dirty,evil.
(25:25):
Hands are tied.
I can't wipe off the filth.
They go all night.
Will this ever end?
Half awake, half asleep, like azombie, but I feel everything.
When they are done, they cleanme off.
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I can still smell the bleach.
The shower nozzle is too strong.
The water hurts.
The bleach soap hurts worse.
I can feel it on all my cuts andscrapes.
It burns.
They put our clothes back on sowe can go home.
Good as new.
(26:07):
Lies.
We just went camping.
Cuts and scrapes are part of thefun.
More lies.
We are going again in a coupleof weeks.
He had a really good time.
He wants to go back again.
It is good for him.
Why do you always get to gocamping?
Why doesn't he take us girlstoo?
(26:30):
Huh?
What camping trip?
We must protect the boy.
We have to hide this secret.
It will break him.
He would die.
We will lock up this secret.
Then he can breathe, and we willall survive.
(26:52):
Why can't I remember firstgrade?
I remember kindergarten.
My teacher was really nice.
I can zip and tie.
I remember second grade.
We had a pancake meal together.
That was my last week beforemoving.
I can't remember first grade.
Oh well, it must not beimportant.
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After unlocking these truths,the floodgates opened from my
repressed memories.
This is when the traumaflashbacks began.
My brain began to process everytraumatic sexual encounter I had
experienced at these voicewapevents.
Every position, every sensation.
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I could not stop the flashbacksonce they began.
My only choice was to ride thewave until they were over.
Sometimes one, sometimes up to adozen per night.
It was as if I was therere-experiencing the trauma.
It was horrifying.
But I realized now my mind hadto do a memory dump in order to
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fully heal.
After several months, theystopped and had not returned.
I processed enough where theflashbacks were no longer
necessary.
Another main symptom I had fromthe trauma was hypervigilance,
commonly found with complexPTSD.
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Hypervigilance is defined as acondition in which the nervous
system is inaccurately andrapidly filtering sensory
information, and the individualis in an enhanced state of
sensory sensitivity.
This appears to be linked to adysregulated nervous system,
which can often be caused bytraumatic events or complex
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PTSD.
In hypervigilance, there is aperpetual scanning of the
environment to search forsights, sounds, people,
behaviors, smells, or anythingelse that is reminiscent of
activity, threat, or trauma.
The individual is placed on highalert in order to be certain
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danger is not near.
Hypervigilance can lead to avariety of obsessive behavior
patterns as well as producingdifficulties with social
interaction and relationships.
So basically, hypervigilancewould cause my brain to be on
constant high alert, constantlyscanning my environment to
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figure out how to keep me safe,where are the exits, what time
is it?
When will I be allowed to leave?
Who is present?
Who's missing?
Who is in power?
How can I get on their goodside?
How can I get them to like me?
Which is another trauma responsecalled fawning.
All of this constantly churningin the back of my head, trying
to keep me safe, trying to keepme alive.
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This is why many survivors withthese trauma responses,
including myself, getmisdiagnosed with traditional
attention deficit disorder.
Yes, hypervigilance can cause alack of attention to the task at
hand, but this is due to a largechunk of the brain trying to
keep the trauma survivor aliveand safe, even when no threat
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exists.
While continuing my healingjourney around the same time,
the 12-step leader taught onsurrendering the pain from our
hearts.
I went ahead and received asurrender chip for this, even
though I had no idea what thatlooked like or how to do it.
That next week, I met with myPTSD therapist and we did just
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that.
Severed the unhealthy ties tothe abuser, my father, which
allowed me to surrender the painI had been holding on to.
I envisioned dozens of fiberstrands coming out of my chest,
continuing to connect me to him.
I then envisioned a large pairof garden shears where I could
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sever all those ties so I was nolonger bound to him nor the
severe multiple traumas hecaused.
Afterwards, I felt extreme calmmore than I ever had felt my
entire life.
I realized that my ownhypervigilance had been healed.
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I had suffered fromhypervigilance since childhood,
and now it was gone.
Similarly, between CR, mytherapist, and my support group,
I have been able to deal withissues of food addiction, body
shame, and fear of gettinghealthy.
I have also learned to overcomethe feelings of guilt and shame,
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feeling I was dirty andunlovable, unworthy of love
because of the abuse.
Later that same year, my storygot updated with my PTSD
therapy.
We uncovered even earlier traumaby my father.
Seems it actually started when Iwas an infant, only a few months
old.
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This was me around that time.
In fall of 2020, I startedattending an online recovery
program for Christian mendealing with pornography
addiction called husbandmaterial.
Even though I had already beenfree from porn for over two
years by that time, it was likeI was a dry drunk, where I still
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had a lot of the behaviors onthe inside and still needed
deeper healing.
HM has challenged me to godeeper, looking at the reasons
why I have so many issues withmy own sexuality and digging
down to get at those roots, manycaused by the abuse, so that
God's healing light can shinethrough.
(32:47):
For the past four years, I havebeen in leadership there,
helping other men on theirhealing journeys as a recovery
life coach.
Unwanted same-sex attraction isstill an issue, but less now.
I have always had a fear anddistrust of men as a result of
my abuse.
My healing journey has helpedwith that a lot.
(33:08):
I have learned about the conceptof imprinted arousal patterns.
Dr.
Douglas Carpenter, in his bookSecret Shame, a survivor's guide
to understanding male sexualabuse and male sexual
development, summarizes thisconcept.
When a person is introduced tosexual information or
(33:29):
experience, the information iswritten on the pages of the
mind.
Our body responds to the sexualinformation coupled with
sexually pleasurable sensationsand associated emotional
reactions, causing the memoryand recognition of the events to
be even more strongly stampedinto the brain.
(33:52):
The template leads to thedevelopment of preferences and
functions as a roadmap to whatthe individual finds to be
erotic.
The formation of these mentaltemplates happens so
automatically on covert andovert levels that an individual
does not even realize what isoccurring.
(34:14):
The process naturallytranspires.
This explains why, sincepuberty, I not only had a
fascination with male sexualintimacy, but also with bondage.
Once I became addicted to onlinepornography, that informed my
decisions there as well,searching for BDSM scenes that
(34:36):
mirrored or rewrote thosetrafficking abuses, even though
I was still repressing thememories of being trafficked.
As I continued to heal intherapy, I was given the
following affirmation that Imade into a sign that hangs in
my office to remind me of thistruth.
How I now know that God sees meand how I need to see myself.
(34:58):
It is a picture of a lion, andit says, I am beautiful, I am
strong, I am worthy.
With this newfound healing, Ihave taken on several new roles.
As I previously mentioned, Iserve in leadership with husband
material ministries.
I also provide recovery lifecoaching to male survivors of
(35:20):
sexual exploitation with PolarLive Consulting.
I host my own podcast on malesexual exploitation called
Healing for Male Survivors withMike Chapman, where I often
interview male survivors ofsexual abuse and sex
trafficking, holding space forthose men to tell their stories
and share their healing journey,inspiring other men to find
(35:44):
their own paths towards healing.
I have also become a part-timeprofessional Santa Claus
portrayal artist for malls,retail, corporate, family,
in-person visits, and videovisits.
This feeds the needs of my innerchild and allows me to spread
joy to children and families,giving me joy in return.
(36:07):
With all the support I havefound, I know I do not need to
feel shame or guilt because ofwhat happened to me and can
continue to grow into thestrong, beautiful, and
supportive man I was destined tobe.
I am now finding different waysof sharing with others my story
through my podcast andelsewhere, letting other male
(36:29):
sexual exploitation survivorsknow that help and healing are
available.
You are not alone, and the abusewas not your fault.
Male trafficking survivors needyour help.
Do not forget about us.
Thank you for letting me share.
SPEAKER_00 (36:49):
Thank you so much for listening.
If you would like to connectwith Mike or check out his
podcast, go down to the links inthe description and consider
joining us in person at theupcoming Husband Material
retreat in Clayton, Georgia inApril.
This will be a powerful timewith embodied healing
experiences and art therapy,which is especially powerful for
survivors of childhood sexualabuse.
(37:10):
Go to husbandmaterial.com slashretreat for more information.
And always remember you areGod's beloved son, and you, he
is well pleased.
Welcome to the Husband Material podcast, where
we help Christian men outgrowporn.
Why?
So you can change your brain,heal your heart, and save your
relationship.
My name is Drew Bola, and I'mhere to show you how.
Let's go.
Today we're talking abouthealing from sex trafficking in
(00:24):
honor of Male Survivor AwarenessDay, October 25th.
We're going to hear from MikeChapman, who is a certified
husband material coach, he's abrain spotting practitioner,
he's an advocate for malesurvivors, and he's a
professional Santa.
Mike led the art therapyworkshop at our recent husband
material retreat.
(00:44):
He's a good friend and he has anamazing story.
I believe we need to hear hisstory and his perspective
because when we think about sextrafficking, most of us have in
mind teenage girls or youngwomen in forced prostitution,
which is very real.
And there's another face of sextrafficking.
Mike shares some startlingstatistics because the average
(01:06):
age of men and boys who aretrafficked into sexual
exploitation is younger onaverage, mostly under 18, and
about 13% of survivors weretrafficked when they were zero
to eight years old.
And that is Mike's story.
I want to give you a triggerwarning.
This episode contains somegraphic descriptions of the
(01:28):
childhood sexual abuse and sextrafficking that Mike
experienced.
So please continue listeningwith caution.
The presentation you're about tohear is called Family Controlled
Sex Trafficking of Young Boys,One Survivor's Healing Journey.
And when Mike originally sharedthis with me, I thought it was
so good that I asked him if itwould be okay to share it with
all of you.
I hope you'll be as inspired asI am by Mike, by the miracle of
(01:50):
what God has done in his lifeand what God can do in your life
too.
SPEAKER_01 (01:54):
My name is Mike Chapman.
I am a recovery life coach,brain spotting provider, podcast
host, lived experienced expert,consultant, and researcher.
My own father sexually abused mefrom the time I was an infant
until age five.
He then trafficked me for sexwith other men until age eight.
This was in the 1970s in thestate of Oregon where I grew up.
(02:18):
I now know this has happened towhite middle class boys like me
all over the U.S.
and in the UK, Australia, andother countries for decades.
And it's still happening today.
When it is being led by a familymember, this is often called
familial sex trafficking.
But I prefer the moredescriptive term, family
(02:40):
controlled sex trafficking.
The family member is controllingsexual access to their own
relative in exchange forsomething of value.
How does this happen?
For me, it turns out my mothernever wanted children.
She had had a bad experiencewith her own mother and did not
want to be responsible for otherchildren.
My father insisted, so they hadthree children, two girls and a
(03:04):
boy.
I was the youngest.
Unknown to my mother, he was apedophile.
Basically, the only reason I wasconceived was to service his
needs.
Once we got old enough where helost interest, he left us.
My parents separated, thendivorced when I was eight.
I had no father figure and a lotof mess.
(03:26):
My mother was now a singlemother with three kids she
originally never wanted.
I tried to be the good kid,making things easier on my mom.
Inside, I was a mess, but Ididn't understand why.
Locking out the abuse, I didn'tunderstand why I had a hard time
making friends, a hard timetrusting, especially guys.
(03:47):
As I got older, my momremarried, a guy who also didn't
want children.
More rejection.
As I became a teenager, I hadall kinds of conflicting
feelings inside.
As my teen hormones emerged,feelings were clouded by the
repressed memories of thehundreds of sex acts I had
(04:08):
endured as a child.
I wanted relationships withgirls, but was haunted by
thoughts of physical contactwith men.
I had a lot of confusion.
I wanted intimacy, but wasafraid of it as well.
Boy-girl relationships scaredme.
When they became too physical, Iwould retreat, never wanting
(04:28):
things to progress too far.
My family never went to churchever.
My grandparents were veryreligious from a legalistic
church.
They sometimes brought us kidsto Sunday school when we were
little.
They talked about God theFather, and that concept was
foreign to me, but I believed inGod.
As I entered high school, I gotinvolved in a church youth
(04:49):
group, and I felt love andbelonging.
I wanted more.
The pastor would give altarcalls.
I would listen, but I wasn'tready.
I just didn't understand.
The summer before my senioryear, I attended their summer
youth retreat.
The speaker talked about thepain and suffering Jesus went
through on the cross.
He did that for each of us, evenfor me.
(05:12):
Subconsciously, I could reallyrelate to the pain and
suffering.
That touched my heart, and Iaccepted Jesus as my Lord and
Savior and was soon baptized.
When I was a young man incollege, age 20, but looked like
16, I was a late bloomer.
A Methodist minister at thechurch I was attending took an
(05:32):
interest in me.
I was flattered.
I loved to get attention from aman I very much admired.
Apparently, he was actually apedophile and liked teenage
boys.
He came to my college apartmentfor a social visit.
I lived alone at the time.
Things led to him touching me inplaces he shouldn't.
Something deep inside of me knewI had to stop him.
(05:55):
I got him to stop and he left.
I eventually was able toconfront him two years later
through his church leadership,but he basically got a wrist
slap, he was mere retirementage, and a mild warning to his
local church that he needed tostay away from teens and
children.
As I got older, those confusedfeelings got worse, but Father
(06:16):
God was there guiding me throughit, revealing bit by bit the
causes so I could receivehealing.
After college, I moved away frommy home state of Oregon to the
Washington, D.C.
area.
I got married and had twowonderful children and moved to
eastern North Carolina.
God used my children too.
(06:36):
Every time I would discipline orshow love to my children, Father
God would remind me that is howI am with you.
I started seeking therapeuticsupport groups for what happened
in college and the unwantedsame-sex attractions I had
experienced since puberty.
Through the support groups andreading different testimonies of
those with similar issues, Irealized I was the victim of
(06:59):
sexual abuse as a young child.
Age three, memories I hadblocked out.
This is a picture of me at agethree.
Additional support groups andchurch-related counseling helped
me fill in the blanks.
I also got confirmation that myown father had similarly
sexually abused several extendedfamily members when they were
(07:21):
children.
This filled in the blanks.
He was the person who abused me.
Therapy has uncovered more ofexactly what happened.
My father would get mom drunk soshe would pass out and not know
what was going on.
He would then proceed to molestme.
This happened multiple times,multiple nights, dozens, perhaps
(07:42):
hundreds of times.
I was not his only victim, as Imentioned.
He did the same thing to thoseextended family members when
they were little.
He may have done it to my twoolder sisters, I do not know.
One of my sisters passed away,and my surviving sister has
almost no memories fromchildhood whatsoever.
Since this uncovering, I'veattended survivor support groups
(08:05):
and professional therapy.
I have come a long way in myroad to healing, including being
over seven years free frompornography addiction.
I have been married to a greatwoman for 35 years this month,
and my two children are in theirlate 20s, early 30s, graduated
from college, and are startingtheir careers.
They all know my story and areall very supportive.
(08:27):
I tried to bring up the abuse tomy mother, but she seemed pretty
clueless.
She knew about the abuse by myfather towards his extended
family members, but said shecould never quite wrap her head
around it.
I decided to not push the issue.
Also, both she and my fatherwere heavy drinkers at the time.
I assumed she absolutely had noidea what was happening.
(08:50):
She then passed away 10 yearsago before I could bring up the
subject again.
I originally started what Icalled heavy recovery in 2019
after watching HBO's LeavingNeverland documentary and the
Oprah special that followed.
Yes, it triggered many thingsinside me, and I could feel God
telling me it was time to workthrough more of my issues again.
(09:14):
Through the documentary, Ilearned about an online support
group, male survivor.org, formale sex abuse survivors, full
of men, including manyChristians, who were similarly
abused.
This helped me realize I was notalone.
In fact, according to theCenters for Disease Control, for
(09:35):
females, one in four will besexually abused or assaulted by
the age of 18 in the U.S.
I assume the figures for maleswere much less like one in a
thousand or one in a hundred.
It is actually one in six maleswill be sexually abused or
assaulted by the age of eighteenin the U.S.
(09:56):
I was certainly not alone.
Meeting all of these men onlinewho had similar experiences
helped me realize I was notcrazy from all the varied
symptoms I had as a result ofthe abuse.
Many of these men had similarsymptoms.
Around this same time, I wasalso invited to a celebrate
recovery meeting in a nearbytown.
(10:18):
CR is an internationalfaith-based 12-step group.
Also, around this same time, Istarted attending therapy with a
Christian therapist, working onthe childhood traumas I
experienced.
God was using all three placesin tandem to help my healing
process.
The online support groupinformed me that I most likely
(10:39):
suffered from post-traumaticstress disorder, PTSD, like most
of them.
After reading up on thesymptoms, I felt like it was
describing my entirepersonality.
This was a bit unnerving becauseif all that defined me was a set
of symptoms, if I found healing,what would be left?
(11:01):
My Christian therapist helped mefind a therapist trained in
PTSD.
We hoped to find a ChristianPTSD therapist.
Apparently, there are none in myarea.
We settled on a non-ChristianPTSD therapist, and I had
concerns about a non-Christiantherapist, and I spoke to my
pastor about it, and he prayedfor me and offered me this
(11:22):
scripture, Isaiah 52, 12.
You will not leave in a hurry,running for your lives, for the
Lord will go ahead of you.
Yes, the God of Israel willprotect you from behind.
This helped encourage me thatGod would be with me, guiding me
through the therapy process,even with secular therapy.
So I started going to the PTSDtherapist.
(11:45):
I shared my story.
I received a formal diagnosis ofPTSD with dissociative symptoms.
He's like a PTSD endoscopicsurgeon, knowing exactly where
to guide his tools to reach theparts that need to be addressed
without leaving my guts spilledall out.
And I'm able to go back to workwithin an hour after my sessions
(12:08):
and function pretty well therest of the day.
Again, like my pastor advisedme, I let God guide me
throughout these therapeuticpractices.
A lot of it seemed like weirdmumbo jumbo stuff, but it
worked.
Instead of the traditional eyemovement, desensitization,
reprocessing, or EMDR, that'squite common.
(12:32):
He felt more appropriatetherapies for my case would be a
combination of comprehensiveresource model, which was
developed from brain spottingtherapy, kuna, which is based on
traditional Hawaiian spiritualhealing practices, and several
other therapies.
My therapist encouraged me tolet those abused parts of me
(12:54):
tell their story.
Since the child at that age ispre-verbal, you can encourage
them to tell their story in waysother than speaking, including
just giving them a keyboard.
He told me that he has hadpatients grab their cell phones
in his office and startfrantically texting, telling
their story.
I did that at home.
(13:15):
I reached out to thethree-year-old me.
I gave him my computer keyboardand encouraged him to share.
This poem simply poured outwithout any editing.
And no, I'm not known forwriting poetry.
And again, trigger warning, thispoem is both graphic and
descriptive of the abuse Iexperienced, but I have avoided
(13:36):
vulgar language.
Me at age three.
Heavy weight on me.
Hard to breathe.
Why is he doing this?
I don't understand.
I'm so scared.
I don't want this.
Betrayed.
I thought he loved me.
Why is he doing this to me?
(13:57):
Why is he causing so much pain?
I don't understand it.
The stuff I drank makes me feelweird.
Like I don't really understandwhat is happening.
But I still remember.
I can still feel everything.
Why does he keep doing this?
Night after night, like theboogeyman.
(14:19):
But he is real.
So much pressure on my head.
Rhythmic up and down against themattress.
Sometimes I hit my head on theheadboard.
It hurts.
I like to leave toys on thefloor.
Maybe this will stop him.
Give me some warning.
(14:40):
He gets mad.
Swears it doesn't stop him.
I'm powerless.
I'm so alone.
If I had a little brother, Iwouldn't be alone.
Maybe then it would stop.
Maybe.
I am so weak.
He is so big.
(15:01):
I can't fight back.
I have to give in.
I hope it ends soon.
Maybe he won't come back nexttime.
Maybe.
I can't breathe.
I have to try to breathe throughmy nose.
So hard.
I try to catch breath when Ican.
(15:24):
He is done.
I cough up hard, slimy, rose.
The smell, the taste.
He wipes me down, removes theevidence.
I cry myself back to sleep.
Exhausted.
But I can finally breathe.
(15:51):
Around this same time, aftersharing some half-memories for
my childhood with the onlinesupport group, we were able to
deduce that I was alsotrafficked by my father to other
men.
This is the memory I shared ofwhen I was eight years old.
I always thought it was a weirdevent, and it was as if
(16:11):
something was telling me thatthis was important and to always
remember it.
My father woke me up in themiddle of the night.
We're going camping.
Help me drag your mattress intothe back of a station wagon.
Half asleep, I complied.
Camping trip, I thought.
Dad never mentioned a campingtrip.
(16:32):
We never go camping.
We dragged the mattress into theback of the station wagon, along
with pillows, sheets, andblankets.
We would drive what wouldnormally be a four-hour drive to
the south from our home inPortland.
However, this was 1973.
There was an energy crisis and agas shortage.
(16:53):
Lines were horrendously long andsupplies were limited and
sometimes rationed.
That four-hour drive definitelywould require at least one
fill-up for a gas guzzlingstation wagon.
Whatever sedative I was givencompletely wore off, and I was
wide awake, fully aware that ourso-called camping trip was
(17:15):
sidelined by gas lines.
I think my father did not planfor this and had no backup plan
for a second sedative.
We eventually arrived at ourdestination, Crescent Lake
Campground.
I had never heard of it.
Lots of campgrounds around theGreater Portland metro area, but
this was on the other side ofthe state.
(17:36):
It seemed there were more dadsthan sons, more men than boys.
It seems that two other boys hadthe same issue.
They awoke too early.
One was about my age, a littleshorter, with deep set eyes.
Looking back, I believe it wasthe look of an abuse survivor,
(17:57):
something that was familiar tome.
The other boy was about a yearolder.
He seemed angry underneath, likehe knew what was going on, but
was sworn not to tell.
I don't remember their names.
We were told that we three hadto stick together and to stay
away from the main lodge.
There was a very large boulderseveral yards away from the
(18:20):
lodge.
Don't come past this boulder.
You three go play around thelake, but don't get wet.
We will bring you your lunch.
So we played as boys do,exploring the woods around the
lake.
And that was it.
That was camping with my dad.
I now realize that the dads werecontinuing their orgy with all
(18:43):
the boys that were stillsedated.
We three were a liability, tooawake to remember faces and
events that, if we told anyone,could destroy what they had
built.
We've been able to deduce thatbecause of the unsuccessful
nature of the event and the factthat I was aging out from the
(19:04):
age preferences of this group.
This was probably the finaltrafficking event I was ever
brought to.
My father then divorced mymother soon after.
I have now come to understandwhat happens at these sexual
exploitation events, oftencalled boy swap events.
Men who are invited can eithercome alone for a fee or bring a
(19:28):
sedated boy with them for areduced fee.
It is then a free-for-all wherethey can do what they wish to as
many boys as they wish.
Most of us boys were not 100%sedated, but sedated to the
point of a zombie-like statewhere we could respond to
commands but no longer had anysense of self or free will.
(19:53):
This would allow the men to notonly manipulate us into
performing sex acts with them,but also to performing sex acts
on each other.
These abusive acts were alsothen documented by still
photography and film, producingwhat we now call CSAM, child
(20:15):
sexual abuse materials, morecommonly referred to as child
pornography.
These materials would be evenmore profitable than the fees
paid to attend the events,making these events quite
profitable for the organizers.
Many of these events wereorganized by groups such as
NAMLA, the North AmericanMan-Boy Love Association, a
(20:40):
political, civil rights, andeducational organization that
advocates and promotes adultsexual behavior with male
children.
And the Renee Beyond Society,whose infamous model was sex
before eight or it is too late.
Such groups and events oftenhave ties to organized crime, as
(21:02):
they are behind most all typesof pornography being produced in
this country.
Decades before the internet,child pornography magazines
could be easily found at adultbookstores across the country.
Classified ads in the back ofthese magazines would advertise
NAMBLA and similar meetings,which would then share locations
(21:24):
of these voicewap events.
Thus, the cycle of fresh imagesand film to satisfy the lusts of
their consumers could continue.
Through therapy, I receivedconfirmation of the trafficking.
We were also able to deduce thatit began around age five and
continued until that final eventwhen I was eight.
(21:46):
This also explains the memorygap I have had of my first grade
year in school.
This is me at age six during thetime of this trafficking abuse.
This is the face of trafficking.
This was me in the first grade.
I was pretty much a zombie.
(22:07):
You can see the vacant,pain-filled look in my eyes.
I have virtually no memories ofthis time.
When I look at my first gradeclass group photo, I recognize
my classmates from kindergartenthe previous year, but I do not
recognize the teacher at all.
Not her face, not her name.
(22:28):
It was if I was never there.
I now know this is part of thedissociation.
When faced with severe trauma,the mind experiences a break and
isolates the main identity toprotect it, to allow it to
continue to live and breathe,blocking out the trauma.
(22:49):
When the trauma becomes sosevere and repeated, the
isolation is frozen in place.
This explains why I literallychecked out that entire year.
This past year, I was able toattend an art therapy retreat
with other traffic survivors.
The different tools and mediawere all ready to go at our
(23:11):
tables, and before they couldeven begin with directions, many
of us simply started creating.
I started with the canvas andstarted painting my memories.
It was like that little woundedboy inside of me took over and
shared what he needed to share.
This is the end result, entitledFearslash Void.
(23:34):
This encapsulated what Iexperienced during the downtime
during such events.
In this painting, there is acampfire in the woods, four
dark, shadowy figures are behindthe flames.
On the lower left is a smallgray figure in a fetal position.
This is me.
My hands and feet are bound.
(23:56):
I'm on the dirt next to thefire.
I'm blindfolded, but this iswhat I remember from sense
memory.
Smells, sounds, tastes, touch.
And if you notice, there's anempty space on the right side of
the fire.
After studying the picture, Irealize there's a second boy
(24:17):
that is present, also bound andsilent, which is why I didn't
notice his presence by the way.
In this next poem, I asked thatfirst grade self to share from
his heart about his experience.
This poem is the result of beingtrafficked in first grade.
(24:40):
Such confusion, darkness,dizziness, sometimes outside
near a fire, too hot, sometimesin a building on a cement cold
floor, tied up.
I can't move.
I want to leave, but I can't.
I want to wake up from thisnightmare.
(25:01):
I can't.
Feeling nauseous, like I had theflu.
I'm scared and alone.
But not alone.
Lots of men.
Men who do things, new things,things that are bad, that are
wrong, messy, slimy, dirty,evil.
(25:25):
Hands are tied.
I can't wipe off the filth.
They go all night.
Will this ever end?
Half awake, half asleep, like azombie, but I feel everything.
When they are done, they cleanme off.
(25:46):
I can still smell the bleach.
The shower nozzle is too strong.
The water hurts.
The bleach soap hurts worse.
I can feel it on all my cuts andscrapes.
It burns.
They put our clothes back on sowe can go home.
Good as new.
(26:07):
Lies.
We just went camping.
Cuts and scrapes are part of thefun.
More lies.
We are going again in a coupleof weeks.
He had a really good time.
He wants to go back again.
It is good for him.
Why do you always get to gocamping?
Why doesn't he take us girlstoo?
(26:30):
Huh?
What camping trip?
We must protect the boy.
We have to hide this secret.
It will break him.
He would die.
We will lock up this secret.
Then he can breathe, and we willall survive.
(26:52):
Why can't I remember firstgrade?
I remember kindergarten.
My teacher was really nice.
I can zip and tie.
I remember second grade.
We had a pancake meal together.
That was my last week beforemoving.
I can't remember first grade.
Oh well, it must not beimportant.
(27:15):
After unlocking these truths,the floodgates opened from my
repressed memories.
This is when the traumaflashbacks began.
My brain began to process everytraumatic sexual encounter I had
experienced at these voicewapevents.
Every position, every sensation.
(27:35):
I could not stop the flashbacksonce they began.
My only choice was to ride thewave until they were over.
Sometimes one, sometimes up to adozen per night.
It was as if I was therere-experiencing the trauma.
It was horrifying.
But I realized now my mind hadto do a memory dump in order to
(27:59):
fully heal.
After several months, theystopped and had not returned.
I processed enough where theflashbacks were no longer
necessary.
Another main symptom I had fromthe trauma was hypervigilance,
commonly found with complexPTSD.
(28:20):
Hypervigilance is defined as acondition in which the nervous
system is inaccurately andrapidly filtering sensory
information, and the individualis in an enhanced state of
sensory sensitivity.
This appears to be linked to adysregulated nervous system,
which can often be caused bytraumatic events or complex
(28:44):
PTSD.
In hypervigilance, there is aperpetual scanning of the
environment to search forsights, sounds, people,
behaviors, smells, or anythingelse that is reminiscent of
activity, threat, or trauma.
The individual is placed on highalert in order to be certain
(29:06):
danger is not near.
Hypervigilance can lead to avariety of obsessive behavior
patterns as well as producingdifficulties with social
interaction and relationships.
So basically, hypervigilancewould cause my brain to be on
constant high alert, constantlyscanning my environment to
(29:26):
figure out how to keep me safe,where are the exits, what time
is it?
When will I be allowed to leave?
Who is present?
Who's missing?
Who is in power?
How can I get on their goodside?
How can I get them to like me?
Which is another trauma responsecalled fawning.
All of this constantly churningin the back of my head, trying
to keep me safe, trying to keepme alive.
(29:50):
This is why many survivors withthese trauma responses,
including myself, getmisdiagnosed with traditional
attention deficit disorder.
Yes, hypervigilance can cause alack of attention to the task at
hand, but this is due to a largechunk of the brain trying to
keep the trauma survivor aliveand safe, even when no threat
(30:14):
exists.
While continuing my healingjourney around the same time,
the 12-step leader taught onsurrendering the pain from our
hearts.
I went ahead and received asurrender chip for this, even
though I had no idea what thatlooked like or how to do it.
That next week, I met with myPTSD therapist and we did just
(30:35):
that.
Severed the unhealthy ties tothe abuser, my father, which
allowed me to surrender the painI had been holding on to.
I envisioned dozens of fiberstrands coming out of my chest,
continuing to connect me to him.
I then envisioned a large pairof garden shears where I could
(30:58):
sever all those ties so I was nolonger bound to him nor the
severe multiple traumas hecaused.
Afterwards, I felt extreme calmmore than I ever had felt my
entire life.
I realized that my ownhypervigilance had been healed.
(31:21):
I had suffered fromhypervigilance since childhood,
and now it was gone.
Similarly, between CR, mytherapist, and my support group,
I have been able to deal withissues of food addiction, body
shame, and fear of gettinghealthy.
I have also learned to overcomethe feelings of guilt and shame,
(31:42):
feeling I was dirty andunlovable, unworthy of love
because of the abuse.
Later that same year, my storygot updated with my PTSD
therapy.
We uncovered even earlier traumaby my father.
Seems it actually started when Iwas an infant, only a few months
old.
(32:03):
This was me around that time.
In fall of 2020, I startedattending an online recovery
program for Christian mendealing with pornography
addiction called husbandmaterial.
Even though I had already beenfree from porn for over two
years by that time, it was likeI was a dry drunk, where I still
(32:25):
had a lot of the behaviors onthe inside and still needed
deeper healing.
HM has challenged me to godeeper, looking at the reasons
why I have so many issues withmy own sexuality and digging
down to get at those roots, manycaused by the abuse, so that
God's healing light can shinethrough.
(32:47):
For the past four years, I havebeen in leadership there,
helping other men on theirhealing journeys as a recovery
life coach.
Unwanted same-sex attraction isstill an issue, but less now.
I have always had a fear anddistrust of men as a result of
my abuse.
My healing journey has helpedwith that a lot.
(33:08):
I have learned about the conceptof imprinted arousal patterns.
Dr.
Douglas Carpenter, in his bookSecret Shame, a survivor's guide
to understanding male sexualabuse and male sexual
development, summarizes thisconcept.
When a person is introduced tosexual information or
(33:29):
experience, the information iswritten on the pages of the
mind.
Our body responds to the sexualinformation coupled with
sexually pleasurable sensationsand associated emotional
reactions, causing the memoryand recognition of the events to
be even more strongly stampedinto the brain.
(33:52):
The template leads to thedevelopment of preferences and
functions as a roadmap to whatthe individual finds to be
erotic.
The formation of these mentaltemplates happens so
automatically on covert andovert levels that an individual
does not even realize what isoccurring.
(34:14):
The process naturallytranspires.
This explains why, sincepuberty, I not only had a
fascination with male sexualintimacy, but also with bondage.
Once I became addicted to onlinepornography, that informed my
decisions there as well,searching for BDSM scenes that
(34:36):
mirrored or rewrote thosetrafficking abuses, even though
I was still repressing thememories of being trafficked.
As I continued to heal intherapy, I was given the
following affirmation that Imade into a sign that hangs in
my office to remind me of thistruth.
How I now know that God sees meand how I need to see myself.
(34:58):
It is a picture of a lion, andit says, I am beautiful, I am
strong, I am worthy.
With this newfound healing, Ihave taken on several new roles.
As I previously mentioned, Iserve in leadership with husband
material ministries.
I also provide recovery lifecoaching to male survivors of
(35:20):
sexual exploitation with PolarLive Consulting.
I host my own podcast on malesexual exploitation called
Healing for Male Survivors withMike Chapman, where I often
interview male survivors ofsexual abuse and sex
trafficking, holding space forthose men to tell their stories
and share their healing journey,inspiring other men to find
(35:44):
their own paths towards healing.
I have also become a part-timeprofessional Santa Claus
portrayal artist for malls,retail, corporate, family,
in-person visits, and videovisits.
This feeds the needs of my innerchild and allows me to spread
joy to children and families,giving me joy in return.
(36:07):
With all the support I havefound, I know I do not need to
feel shame or guilt because ofwhat happened to me and can
continue to grow into thestrong, beautiful, and
supportive man I was destined tobe.
I am now finding different waysof sharing with others my story
through my podcast andelsewhere, letting other male
(36:29):
sexual exploitation survivorsknow that help and healing are
available.
You are not alone, and the abusewas not your fault.
Male trafficking survivors needyour help.
Do not forget about us.
Thank you for letting me share.
SPEAKER_00 (36:49):
Thank you so much for listening.
If you would like to connectwith Mike or check out his
podcast, go down to the links inthe description and consider
joining us in person at theupcoming Husband Material
retreat in Clayton, Georgia inApril.
This will be a powerful timewith embodied healing
experiences and art therapy,which is especially powerful for
survivors of childhood sexualabuse.
(37:10):
Go to husbandmaterial.com slashretreat for more information.
And always remember you areGod's beloved son, and you, he
is well pleased.
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