Top 10 Books For Men Outgrowing Porn

If you want lasting freedom from porn, consider reading one of these 10 books: 

• Altogether You: Experiencing Personal and Spiritual Transformation with Internal Family Systems Therapy, by Jenna Riemersma
• Going Deeper: How The Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction, by Eddie Capparucci
• Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Betrayal, by Sheri Keffer
• No Stones: Women Redeemed from Sexual Addiction, by Marnie Ferree
• Outgrow Porn: Find Lasting Freedom Without Fighting an Exhausting Battle—A Man's Guide to Healing, by Drew Boa
• Setting Us Free: An Unexpected Journey of Grace, by Nick Stumbo
• The Sex Talk You Never Got: Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality, by Sam Jolman
• Surfing for God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle, by Michael John Cusick 
• Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing, by Jay Stringer
• Wired For Intimacy: How Porn Hijacks the Male Brain, by William Struthers

Also mentioned in this episode: 

• Boundaries For Your Soul: How to Turn Your Overwhelming Thoughts and Feelings into Your Greatest Allies, by Alison Cook and Kim Miller
• Redeemed Sexuality: 12 Sessions for Healing and Transformation in Community, by Andrew A. Boa (Drew)

Buy the Outgrow Porn bundle (paperback, ebook, workbook, and free online companion course) here.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Husband Material podcast, where
we help Christian men outgrowporn.
Why?
So you can change your brain,heal your heart and save your
relationship.
My name is Drew Boa and I'mhere to show you how let's go.
Today, you are going to hear mylist of the top 10 books I

(00:25):
would recommend for anyone whois pursuing freedom from porn.
This list does not includeworkbooks, like the workbook I
wrote in 2017, redeemedSexuality.
It's a great resource.
You might not have even knownthat it exists, but we are
limiting this to books.
Before I moved into my currentoffice one year ago, I used to

(00:48):
record these episodes, with twobig bookshelves behind me full
of hundreds of books all aboutfreedom from porn and healing,
and some of you guys would askme Drew, do you have a list of
all those books?
I would really love to see thatlist.
Well, here's my top 10 list ofthe very best books I've ever

(01:08):
read on this topic.
It was hard to narrow it downto 10, because there are
actually so many resources.
I wish so many of these booksexisted when I started this
journey 15 years ago, and I'mnot going to rank them from
number 10 all the way up tonumber one.
Instead, I'm going to sharethem in alphabetical order,
because each of these books isfantastic in a beautiful way.

(01:31):
They all fit together into onebigger picture that I hope will
introduce you to at least onebook you haven't read yet,
because any of these would be agreat choice.
Let's start at the top of thealphabet with Altogether you
Experiencing Personal andSpiritual Transformation with
Internal Family Systems Therapy,written by Jenna Reimersma, who

(01:56):
is amazing.
I first heard about IFS fromJenna in pastoral sex addiction
professional training and it isby far one of the most powerful
approaches to outgrowing porn Ihave ever experienced.
I have received IFS counseling.
I also use IFS a lot in thework that I do.

(02:17):
It's fantastic.
Jenna comes at it from aChrist-centered perspective, as
a licensed professionalcounselor, as a certified sex
addiction therapist herself andas a sexually betrayed partner
who has lived through thewreckage and the rebuilding of
her own marriage.
Jenna lives and breathes IFS.

(02:38):
She's one of those people who,when you meet her, you're like
wow, you have been with Jesus.
Please influence me, please.
I hope I can get more of whatyou have, because kindness and
compassion just overflows out ofher and it overflows throughout
the whole book.
There are some other great IFSbooks.
Another Christ-centered one youshould be aware of is

(02:59):
Boundaries for your Soul byAlison Cook and Kim Miller,
which has more theologicalprecision.
But the limitation of this bookis that it doesn't actually
talk about sexuality, whereasJenna addresses sexual addiction
, betrayal, any kind of unwantedbehavior, very directly in.
Altogether, you and I've takenclients through it.

(03:19):
Would highly recommend it.
The second book I want to tellyou about is Going Deeper how
the Inner Child Impacts yourSexual Addiction.
The Road to Recovery GoesThrough your Childhood.
By Eddie Caparucci, whointerviewed me on this show last
week.
This book introduces the innerchild model for treating porn

(03:40):
and sex addiction, which hasinfluenced me a ton.
In fact, when I first saw thatsomeone had written a book about
how the inner child impacts sexaddiction, I was really
disappointed because I wanted tobe the first person to write
that book.
But Eddie has laid a foundationfor me and for so many other
people to understand the innerchild.

(04:01):
In fact, eddie has identified12 different types of inner
child that we can experience asadults and it's all really
helpful.
Eddie's book has been a gamechanger for so many men to
realize what's going onunderneath the surface, of why I
think, feel and act the way Ido.
If you want to grow inself-awareness, get a copy of

(04:24):
Going Deeper.
You might also be interested inEddie's newest book, going
Deeper for Betrayed Partners aswell.
And speaking of betrayedpartners, the third resource I
want to recommend is IntimateDeception Healing the Wounds of
Sexual Betrayal, by Dr SherryKeffer.
Wow, when I read this book, myeyes were opened in so many ways

(04:48):
.
We all need to understand notjust how to outgrow porn for
ourselves as individuals, butalso how our significant others
are impacted Girlfriends,fiancés, wives, partners,
including male sexually betrayedpartners.
All of us would benefit fromreading this book to understand

(05:10):
how porn, deception, hiding andlying impacts the people we love
.
And what really surprised mewhile reading Intimate Deception
is how much I learned aboutmyself.
Sherry is an expert inunderstanding and explaining
trauma, which is not justimportant for partners.
It's important for those of uswho are wanting freedom from

(05:33):
porn too, because trauma isoften at the source of what we
struggle with.
Sherry writes abouttrauma-induced shame, beliefs
and the neuroscience ofaddiction and healing.
All of that can be so helpful.
So I would highly recommendIntimate Deception and another
book by a female author, noStones Women Redeemed from

(05:55):
Sexual Addiction by Marnie Free.
When I first read the subtitleof this book Women Redeemed from
Sexual Addiction I thought itwould be an anthology, a
collection of stories of womenwho have found freedom, and my
first impression was wrong.
So, just like when I wasreading Intimate Deception, I
started reading no Stones,thinking this is going to help
me understand women better, notrealizing that no Stones would

(06:19):
deeply impact me.
Wow, marnie Free goes right tothe heart of childhood
experiences.
She talks about sexualfantasies.
She talks about healing theinner child.
I mean, I did not expect to seemyself in these pages, but I
did.
When she talks about the root ofporn and sex addiction in

(06:39):
unhealthy families and then theway that that affects us as
adults and the role of fantasyand how to build healthy
relationships and all thesedifferent aspects of healing had
me writing pages and pages ofnotes about every chapter.
There's so much great stuff inhere about disclosure and

(07:01):
rebuilding trust and I reallythink no Stones is the most
underrated book on this list.
I think Marnie was ahead of hertime.
I was so honored to learn fromher in the Pastoral Sex
Addiction Professional Programand I would recommend no Stones
not just to women, but to men,and speaking of books written

(07:21):
for men, there's a new book thatyou may have heard of called
Outgrow Porn Find LastingFreedom Without Fighting an
Exhausting Battle A Man's Guideto Healing that I just wrote and
published, and I'm very, veryexcited about it.
Here are some things aboutOutgrow Porn that I think sets
it apart from other books onthis topic.

(07:41):
First, it is full of practicaltools.
In 10 chapters you have 14tools that make every insight
actionable.
So, even though it's not aworkbook and there is an Outgrow
Porn workbook available on mywebsite if you want to apply
what you're learning this bookmakes it really, really easy,

(08:03):
with step-by-step instructionson how to understand your sexual
fantasies, process, childhoodexperiences, how to respond to
sexual thoughts and feelingswhen they come up.
So outgrow porn has tons oftools for implementation, as
well as tons of stories forinspiration.
There are 25 real life storiesand testimonials of men who have

(08:26):
used the tools in outgrow pornand found healing and freedom
and redemption as a result.
Of course, that's an ongoingprocess, but 25 different
stories to give you imaginationfor what it actually looks like
to get free that's rare.
I actually had over 50different men submit stories and

(08:47):
we were only able to use 25.
But, man, they really enhanceyour reading experience and I
think it gives people a lot ofhope.
Another unique thing aboutOutgrow Porn is that it comes
with a free online course withvideos, pdf worksheets and one
or two podcast episodes for eachchapter to help guide you
through the process step by step, which is not included with any

(09:09):
other book on this list or anyother book about outgrowing porn
that I'm aware of.
All the books I've recommendedso far have approached the issue
of unwanted sexual behaviorfrom a Christian perspective,
with a lot of clinical insightsand neuroscience.
One book that does a wonderfuljob of approaching these issues,
with special attention toscripture and looking at it

(09:33):
through the lens of the Bible,is Setting Us Free An Unexpected
Journey of Grace by Nick Stumbo.
Setting Us Free is the bestbook I have read on this topic.
That goes through specificstories of the Bible and applies
them to these issues of pornand sex addiction, balancing
biblical wisdom with clinicalinsight, just as you would

(09:54):
expect from Pure Desire and fromTed Roberts, who really
influenced Nick and wrote theforeword for that book.
So for anyone who wants to reada book with a more biblical
flavor.
I would recommend Setting UsFree by Nick Stumbo, and for
anyone who wants to get apositive vision for male
sexuality, I would highlyrecommend the Sex Talk you Never

(10:15):
Got.
Recommend the Sex Talk youNever Got Reclaiming the Heart
of Masculine Sexuality by SamJoelman.
This is a rare book because itgoes to the heart of what sex
and sexuality is supposed to be,what we want to aim for, what

(10:41):
we want to pursue.
Sam goes into joy andconnection, awe and play and the
ways that those things can besabotaged by sexual abuse and
addiction and porn.
And for so many of us this hasbeen a crucial piece of the
puzzle because we didn't getenough sexual formation and
discipleship when we were boys.
And Sam doesn't go into thetechnicalities or techniques of
sex so much as the heart of it.
He's very poetic, his writingis powerful and he will give you

(11:02):
a vision of the way things aresupposed to be, which we
absolutely need on this journeyof outgrowing porn, because it's
not just about what we aregetting free from, it's about
what we're getting free for.
Sam is a licensed professionalcounselor and so is the author
of the ninth book.
I want to recommend Surfing forGod, discovering the Divine

(11:23):
Desire Beneath Sexual Struggleby Michael John Cusick.
This book was groundbreaking inapproaching the issue of porn
holistically, both in terms ofneuroscience, psychology,
spirituality, community.
It's all here in Surfing forGod and even the subtitle of

(11:44):
this book speaks so powerfullyto me Discovering the divine
desire beneath sexual struggle.
That has been a pivotal part ofthe Outgrow Porn approach
Discovering your desires andMichael really pioneered that
conversation and has doneincredible work since then.
I've never met anyone morevulnerable, insightful, loving

(12:05):
and overflowing with the graceof God than Michael.
So I would recommend his bookand even more than that, I would
recommend his ministryRestoring the Soul.
I got to go to their weekendintensive in February and it
blew me away.
So I would highly recommendMichael, restoring the Soul and

(12:26):
Surfing for God.
And last but certainly not least, this top 10 list finishes with
Unwanted how Sexual BrokennessReveals Our Way to Healing, by
Jay Stringer, and if you'rewatching the video right now,
you can see how dirty and yellowmy copy of Unwanted is because
I have loved it so much.
There's a reason why Unwantedis the best-selling book in this

(12:46):
genre because it is so powerful.
Some of the things that I lovedthe most about Unwanted were
the categories it gave me forunderstanding my childhood
experiences, how thoseexperiences really shaped my
sexual development, as well asbeing able to start analyzing my

(13:06):
specific sexual fantasies andthe stories that they were
trying to tell me.
There are so many great quotesin Unwanted.
I'm going to choose one thatcaptures the beauty of this
healing adventure of outgrowingporn.
Jay writes it is my convictionthat the God of the universe is
neither surprised by nor ashamedof the sexual behavior we

(13:30):
participate in.
Instead, he understands it tobe the very stage through which
the work of redemption will beplayed out in our lives.
Present sin is the doorway tothe wider work of the gospel to
bring healing to the wounds ofthe past and comfort, even power
, to the difficulties of thepresent.

(13:51):
Therefore, the sooner we assumea posture of curiosity for our
sexual brokenness, the more wewill prepare our hearts for the
redemptive work ahead.
And that's what keeps me comingback to this work.
That's why I'm so passionateabout this.
That's why this ministry exists, because it's so much bigger

(14:12):
than just sexual behavior.
It's about redemption.
It is a doorway to what God isdoing in our lives, and there is
nothing more exciting andmeaningful to me than that.
Okay, somehow I mixed up thenumbering and only included nine
books.
So book number 10 is Wired forIntimacy how Porn Hijacks the

(14:35):
male brain by William Struthers.
This book catapulted me into somuch self-awareness and being
able to understand what'shappening in my brain and have a
Christ-centered perspective onthat.
When I was in college I readthis book and it truly was

(14:57):
life-changing.
Even just that title, sayingWired for Intimacy, showed me
that underneath my sexualthoughts and feelings there was
this deeper desire for intimacyand I was created for connection
with God and with others.
And as I started to reallyexperience that, porn lost a lot
of its power.
So this is another wonderfulbook, and there are so many more

(15:20):
that are not on this list.
I hope you'll choose at leastone of these books to put on
your list of what to read next.
Thank you for joining me.
Thank you for entertaining thepossibility that maybe there are
some books out there that youhaven't read that could take you
even further into freedom,healing and redemption.
I'm going to put the list ofthese top 10 books in the show

(15:44):
notes for this episode.
I realize this list isincomplete.
It's just scratching thesurface of the amazing resources
out there about sexuality,addiction, trauma,
transformation and I wonder whatbooks would you add to the list
?
Let me know in the HusbandMaterial community and always
remember you are God's belovedson and you, he is well pleased.