July 23, 2024 • 35 mins
What if mental toughness is something you can cultivate rather than just a trait you're born with? In this episode of the Hustle and Flow podcast, we discuss the arrival of our grandson, John Bradford, whose due date interestingly aligns with our anniversary plans. We also discuss the impact of my recent scoliosis diagnosis, adding a personal layer to our broader discussion on resilience. Tiffany and I compare our distinct approaches to building mental toughness: I actively seek out challenges, while Tiffany embodies resilience naturally.
Mastering emotions is a key theme, as we share experiences that highlight the importance of processing rather than ignoring emotions. From nearly becoming stoic to finding emotional release through prayer, we underscore that mental toughness involves seeing challenges as temporary and reframing them positively. We recount stories of caring for sick family members and navigating business setbacks, emphasizing the essential traits of confidence, stability, and belief in one's ability to overcome obstacles.
Challenging yourself to grow is another significant focus, where I talk about pushing limits through the 5K a day challenge and the 75 Hard program. We also discuss signing up for the Dallas Spartan Ultra, a task that has required me to hire a running coach and extensively train. Whether it's sleeping outside for a 24-hour event or considering sleeping on the floor before long runs, we emphasize the value of stepping out of comfort zones. To those hesitant to take risks, we offer encouragement, highlighting how these experiences build resilience and foster personal growth.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:17):
Hey, good morning.
Good morning, this is Brad andI'm with my beautiful wife,
Tiffany.
We are the hosts of the hustleand flow podcast.
Thank you for listening thismorning.
I don't know where you may be.
Maybe you're on your way towork, Maybe you're just kicking
back at home sipping some coffee, Maybe you're reading a good
book I'm not sure.
But I hope you're having agreat morning and we thank you
for listening to us this morning.
Good morning, Tiffany.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Good morning.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
What's going on in your world?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Anything new?
Getting excited that ourgrandson will be born Looks like
it can be sooner than wethought, but we're getting
excited about that.
We nervous.
We have a vacation plan tocelebrate an anniversary and it
is looking a little sooner.
So we are praying that he staysand bakes a little bit longer.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
A little bit longer.
Yeah, Our anniversary is August17th and her due date was
August 16th.
So we thought, hey, we'll dothe smart thing and we're going
to go do our anniversaryvacation in July.
Well, ta-da, yeah, she'salready started dilating and
it's like hey, sis, you need tolike slow your roll and maybe do
a little bed rest or somethingto get this baby till we can get
(01:26):
back.
And I think I think, uh, ourdaughter, our son-in-law's
mother, said, if we can waittill the 30th of July, that
would actually be better for hertoo.
So so we're, maybe we're hopingyou know, Ronza, that that it
can wait until the 30th as well,and that way everybody can get
back and be happy and settledand we can welcome John Bradford
into the family.
And my first grandson I'm stokedabout it and I love my
(01:50):
granddaughter is going to berough and tough and fun, and I'm
going to be rough and toughwith a grandson too.
We'll make him be I don't wantto say mean, but I'm going to
make him tough and have fun.
And so we're actually talkingthis morning about mental
toughness.
And so we're actually talkingthis morning about mental
toughness, and that is one ofthose things that I want to help
develop in my kids and mygrandkids is teach them about
(02:10):
that.
And I actually just learned andlike I've really not processed
it, I don't think it's no bigdeal like because I hadn't like
thought anymore about it, otherthan I've just been diagnosed
that I have scoliosis.
And I didn't know, I had noidea that I had that until I got
some tests done, some worklooked at, and was diagnosed
(02:32):
with scoliosis.
And I said what?
And they said yeah, yes, you'repretty crooked.
Like how long has it been thatway?
I have no idea.
I ain't been to the doctor inyears.
So I get a blood test everyonce in a while but I don't know
.
So I don't even know how thataffects your body, other than
it's all crooked and jacked upand it makes my back hurt
(02:53):
sometimes.
But so I was diagnosed withscoliosis, which is interesting.
So I'm assuming that'ssomething I'll have to work
through in my life as I getolder.
I don't know, I mean, it's justsomething I've never paid
attention to, I don't knowanything about it.
So just now learning.
But I think mental toughness isone of those things that we have
to work through and we have tolook at.
And I told you this morning.
(03:13):
I said mental toughness is oneof the hardest things that that
people have to work through.
And I said, if I had to chooseone person who I feel like is
the most mentally tough person,it's you.
So hello, my mentally toughwife.
Let's talk about mentaltoughness.
What?
And let's just talk about it.
And what?
What is, what does mentaltoughness look like?
Speaker 2 (03:36):
You know, and the thing is is that you talk about
it a lot and you read booksabout it and you, whatever, but
I, honestly, I don't think aboutit at all.
So you're just bad, you're justbad.
Yeah, I guess I'm just bad, butI don't really think about it
and I don't read about it and Idon't.
I don't pursue being mentallytough.
(03:57):
You do, you like to do hardthings, you like to do tough
things, you like to dochallenges.
You know, and sometimes I, youknow, I'll go along like we just
finished the 5k a day in themonth of June and that that was
mentally tough and it was reallyinteresting.
A lot of people in the groupsthat were fit and very fit, some
of them were runners, some ofthem were just CrossFitters,
some were were both, and theysaid this was so much harder
than I thought it was going tobe, not necessarily just the
(04:19):
physical part, but the mentalpart of committing to it and
seeing it through every day.
But I don't seek out thosethings and so you know, like I
said, that somewhat surprises me, because I don't think about it
and I don't think aboutnecessarily being mentally tough
.
Do I feel like I'm tough?
Yes, but I don't know that youand I share the same like desire
(04:45):
.
I don't think I need to be anymore mentally tough because I
feel like it if I'm, if I'm.
I don't know if mentally toughand tough are the same
necessarily thing, but I don'twant to be.
I don't want to dilute my beinga female.
Yeah, does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Yeah, I mean, I get that.
Yeah, so I think sometimesmentally tough and physically
tough are maybe two separatethings, and so in my mind there
are times that I equate thosetwo, because sometimes the
physical challenges that I takeon cause me to have a different
mental state in order to survivethose things.
And so some of those kind ofmaybe they're kissing cousins, I
(05:22):
don't know physical tough andmentally tough can kind of kind
of be one of the most mentallytough people I know, and if you
know who I'm talking about,can't hurt me.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
David Goggins.
Yeah, now you know he drops alot of words that we don't use
on a regular basis here.
We don't use those words reallyat all, but David Goggins is
probably one of the mostmentally tough people I know.
That joker is crazy, like he iscrazy and he would tell you
he's crazy.
He's crazy.
I've heard stories about himand the things that he's done
(05:55):
and you know he's the only guyto graduate SEAL training and
Army Ranger training the onlyperson in history to ever do
that.
He graduated SEAL training onstress fractures and you've had
stress fracture before.
How fun was that yeah, itwasn't.
Can you imagine completing SEALtraining on stress?
Speaker 2 (06:12):
fractures.
I just I ran I don't know sevenmiles um, did a race on them
and it was tough.
So, no, I can't imagine, likeday in, day day out, doing doing
all that.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
And so he's a mentally tough guy, you know,
and I respect him and I respectpeople who actually go out and
do things like that.
But what, what does it reallylook like?
What does mental toughness looklike?
Does it?
Does it mean that things don'taffect you, Cause I've said
you're a mentally tough person?
Does that mean that you're,you're just, you're not affected
by anything?
Speaker 2 (06:42):
No, I don't think it means that things don't affect
you.
I do think that things don'taffect you as much when you're
mentally tough.
People apologize to me overstupid crazy things sometimes,
or hope I didn't offend you or Ihope I didn't.
Whatever I'm like, I don't evenknow what you're talking about.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Right.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Like that.
No, that didn't.
I think that it does mean thatthings don't first of all affect
you as much, or that you don'tallow them to affect you also to
the degree that maybe somebodywho's not mentally tough would
affect them.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Right.
What does it mean?
Do you have emotion?
I mean, are you not emotional?
Do you not ever have emotion?
Are you stoic all the time?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
if you're mentally tough, no, but I think you
process things differently.
Yeah, well, what does that look?
Speaker 1 (07:32):
like Okay, so let's talk about that.
You have a terriblecircumstance.
I don't know what it is, Idon't want to say anything
specific.
Say you have something terriblehappen to you.
How do you process that?
Because you said that mentallytough people process things
differently.
How do you process that as amentally tough person?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
I think first you just can't react and we may talk
about that a little bit more,but you just can't immediately
react out of your emotion tothat, to that thing or to that
situation.
I think you have to reallythink it through and think, okay
, what is what does this reallylook like?
And and also what like what'swhat's really true about this
(08:19):
circumstance or this situationand what's not.
What is like fear in in insideof myself or the negativity
inside of myself, like what isthat?
What is that lie about thesituation that I may be hearing?
And then what's the truth aboutthis situation?
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Yeah, but that's actually good, because let's
just, let's just break it down.
Every person, I don't care whoyou are, has fears of some kind,
but some fears are exacerbatedby the point of whatever's
happening.
If that's kind of a fear ofyours, then automatically people
(08:56):
who aren't mentally tough andI'm not degrading that, I'm just
saying that there are peoplewho are more mentally tough than
others, People who aren't maybeas mentally tough they
automatically go to worst casescenario.
Right, they think, oh, my gosh,this is here it comes.
Here it comes.
The book of Job says it best.
The thing that I feared themost has come upon me and
(09:18):
there's something that everybodyfears and when it starts to
rear its head, you're like, uh,is this it?
Is this it?
And you have to harden yourmind against life, circumstance,
people.
You know you can't allowyourself.
Like you said, I think it's inthe reaction.
You know what was it?
What was it?
I told you that there's got tobe space between, uh, the
(09:43):
stimulus and the reaction.
People who are not mentallytough automatically respond.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Yeah, my day is ruined or nothing.
You know, nothing goes my way,or you know I might as well just
go back home and go to bed.
Bad things always happen to me,and not again like if it's not
one thing, it's your mother.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Absolutely, I love that it's your mother Absolutely
.
I love that.
That's my favorite.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Yeah, I mean that's, that's an automatic reaction to
whatever this thing is that I'mgoing through, or this thing
that happened is going to takeover, you know, all the other
the good things in my life, orthe good things going on, or my
day, or my attitude or in that,and it just doesn't have to be
that way, no, it don't, andthat's it, though it's an
(10:30):
automatic.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Woe is me, woe is me.
Here we go and it completelyerodes everything that's
happening and it makes you wantto go back and get in the bed.
It makes you just want to shutoff your phone.
I'm disconnecting fromeverybody.
I'm not talking to anybody.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
You know, and if we're being real honest, that's
self-pity that you're describing.
Self-pity is a poison to youbeing mentally tough.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
That's good.
Yeah, I absolutely agree withthat because you said it.
It does not take into accountif you're not mentally tough.
It does not take into accountwhat the truth is, what the
facts are.
Is your day really ruinedbecause you had a flat?
Yeah, no, well, it depends onwho you are.
There are some people whose dayis completely ruined if they
(11:20):
have a flat tire.
Well, I'm not going to lie, Idon't really enjoy flats either.
They make me hot and sweaty anda little mad sometimes because
I'm out there having to changeit.
Maybe the wrench don't fit likeit's supposed to, or somebody
borrowed my jack, I mean.
But does that ruin my day?
Well, no, the truth is is thatyou can let it ruin your day?
(11:41):
But the truth of the matter isis that it may just be a minor
inconvenience?
But the truth of the matter isis that it may just be a minor
inconvenience that you have toprocess that and realize, hey,
I'm on my way to see my parents50th anniversary.
Well, do you want to let a flattire ruin their day?
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Or you want to let it ruin it.
That's, that's what I'm saying.
So I think it goes back tohaving the capacity, maybe, to
persistently pursue some goals.
You want to remain determined,no matter how hard life gets.
So here's four things that webelieve that mentally tough
people are.
Number one they're resilient.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
What does that look like?
Being resilient, you can bounceback from whether it's a minor
inconvenience or something majorthat happens.
A job, you know.
A job change, job loss, youknow.
Relationship loss, failures,you know, of your, of your own
(12:40):
doing, or just failure, maybewith a marriage or anything else
like that, the disappointmentsyou know.
Just being able to say, okay, Ican't let this take me out.
Now, not that those, some ofthose things like a failure of a
marriage, that's a big deal.
But making up your mind, thisis hard.
It's going to.
I don't know, I don't even knowyet how I'm going to get to the
(13:01):
other side of it, but I amgoing to get to the other side
of it, right, to get to theother side of it, but I am going
to get to the other side of itRight.
And having a mindset ofwhatever this is, this is not
good, this, this is, this is not, you know, not something I even
expected, would have everwanted.
But I'm going to get through it, I'm going to figure out how to
get through it.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Well, it goes back to what you said.
It goes back to it's not thatyou don't feel stuff.
Nobody said, hey, you need tojust switch your mind off and
never feel again.
And I'll be the first to saythis, and I will admit this I
read a book last year maybe theyear before, I can't remember
exactly.
It was called Master yourEmotions.
(13:41):
The book was great.
The book was great, but if youremember this story, I did not.
I started mastering my emotionto the point that I almost
became stoic and I did not cryin any form or fashion for seven
months, no matter what.
And I'm an emotional guy,especially when it comes to
(14:10):
worship I'm emotional.
Not once did I shed a tear, andI had a preacher pray for me
about some family members and itbroke.
And ever since then I've beenjust a big crybaby.
I feel like we were prayingthis morning and I'm trying to
get through the prayer and I'mlike tearing up and crying.
I'm like, come on, man, I can'teven get through this.
So does that mean I'm notmentally tough?
(14:32):
Absolutely not.
That just means that I'm ableto feel my emotion.
And the thing there is that inorder to be resilient, you've
got to view things as temporary.
Yeah, they're not permanent.
If you have a flat tire, you'renot going to have a flat tire
every day for the rest of yourlife.
Right, it's going to have to befixed, Okay, In order to get
(14:52):
your car back on the road.
Some things are just temporaryand it's like you said even in
bad situations relationships ormarriages that end, or death or
anything like that you will getto the other side.
You can get to this.
Some people don't.
I take that back.
Some people don't get to theother side.
They live the rest of theirlife not bouncing back from a
(15:14):
setback, a failure or somethinglike that.
But you can.
You have to view it as atemporary situation and not live
in a temporary place.
So go ahead.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Yeah, live in a temporary place, so go ahead.
Yeah, I, you know I've beenthrough situations that I needed
.
I really needed to be mentallytough to get to get through them
.
You know, caring for my auntthat had cancer, that was in the
hospital for a while, like thatwas really hard.
Hospital staying Anybody that'sdone that knows that's the
worst and I knew we were goingto be there a while.
But, um, I knew that was not,that wasn't forever.
(15:48):
Each day was a new day.
Each day was, you know, and Istarted it was.
It was really really hardbecause my running businesses,
you know, my own family, a lotof things I needed to my
priority became with you know,with everybody's's blessing
around me, to be there with her.
(16:08):
And I started trying to reframethat I'm able to have this time
with her instead of thishospital stay and all this stuff
and her illness, like all ofthis is the worst of the worst
of the worst.
I started trying to think I'mable to be here, I'm able to
spend this time, I'm able tohave another day here, I'm able
(16:29):
to spend this time, I'm able tohave another day, and that's the
thing.
You just have to reframe yourmind sometimes, in these
situations, you know a businessthat doesn't work out or a job
loss OK, well, I'm able toreinvent myself.
I'm able to find something thatmaybe I'm more passionate about
.
Maybe this is you know,everything is not meant for our
(16:49):
demise.
Some things, you know.
We're believers.
We believe that sometimesthings happen and doors close
for something better, thatthere's a better door that's
going to open.
So sometimes it's best to sitback and decide I'm not going to
embrace self-pity, I'm going tobe upset from it, I'm going to
be disappointed, but then I'mgoing to keep my eyes open and
(17:10):
say, okay, is there something?
Speaker 1 (17:11):
I don't even see here ?
Absolutely.
And I think that you know evenyour aunt.
She came and lived with us thepast, the last two, two months
or so of her life and and justwatching you have to be mentally
tough for her.
You couldn't go break downbecause she's dying and you
couldn't break down foreverybody else and it was.
It was hard to watch, but butresilience is important and
(17:32):
working through that, you know.
I think it's super important toto be able to work through that
.
You know, another thing thatthat is important to that
mentally tough people have isthey have confidence, and that
that doesn't't does not meanthat they are arrogant or
prideful.
That's not what I'm talkingabout.
It's that they have the abilityin their mind to believe that
(17:52):
they can meet whateverchallenges are coming your way.
Is that I am up for thechallenge?
Yeah, what'd you laugh?
I?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
was laughing because when before I said I was talking
about it, I don't know how Ican say it and say it.
But you know I was talking about.
You know there's a point towhere I don't want to go too far
, because I can take away beingthe female side and I think
about oftentimes.
You know, I do have a lot ofconfidence and sometimes you'll
(18:21):
tell me to put my male parts up,and so that's what I mean, like
because I think I can do.
I you'll tell me to put my mailparts up, and so that's what I
mean, like because I think I cando.
I really do think I can doanything sometimes and that's
not always, you know Well, butyou're right.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
I do have to say that sometimes let's put it back in
your pants here and you want tobe stable, and I think mentally
tough people seem to be stablepeople, and it doesn't mean
they're not going through, itdoesn't mean they're not
experiencing things, but thatthey're confident in the ability
to say hey, you know what.
I've been through hard thingsbefore.
This too shall pass and I canwork through it and I have the
(18:59):
confidence that I can meet thechallenge, whatever it is.
And look, I can tell you if youhave any age on you at all,
life sucks.
Sometimes you lose people thatyou hope you don't lose Parents
die, siblings die, mamas die,spouses die, jobs get lost, you
(19:19):
lose.
Things happen, but you have tosay you know what.
I can survive and get throughthis.
Another thing is adaptability,and I like this about you is
that you're adaptable.
Me, I've had to learn how to beadaptable.
I'm not.
I'm not as adaptable as I, as Ineed to be, but I'm better.
But I think adaptability andwhat does that look like?
Speaker 2 (19:42):
I guess you know open to change and new ideas, and I
don't know, I don't knowsometimes all the whatever of
why we are the way we are, whyyou may not like change, why I'm
good with change.
But you're right, you do needto be adaptive, to build mental
(20:03):
toughness, because newchallenges and new things and
new situations will bring mentaltoughness to you, because you
have to have a new mindset forthose new opportunities or those
new situations or the thingsthat maybe just are a little
uncomfortable for you.
Being uncomfortable and gettingthrough something develops
mental toughness and that's whatwe're talking about.
(20:23):
It's like, you know, we, wetalk and we kind of do a little
checklist like am I?
Am I as mentally tough as Ineed to be?
And some of these things arethat are little questions to ask
yourself.
You know, can I improve there?
Can I?
If you want to be mentallytough, you know, can I improve
that?
Can I become more adaptable?
Is that where maybe I'm like Ihave confidence but I don't love
(20:44):
change and I'm not open tochange and I shut change down or
I shut new ideas down?
And you know those things cankeep you from being as mentally
tough as you need to be.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Yeah, I think so too, and you know Mike Tyson, I love
this quote.
Mike Tyson has said thateverybody has a plan until they
get punched in the face.
And man, I've had so many goodplans until I got punched in the
face.
And then I have to reevaluatecan I adapt to this new life?
Can I become who I need to benow and adapt to this?
(21:17):
And I know Jake Paul isprobably happy that Mike Tyson
couldn't fight him, because he'sabout to get punched in the
face too and his plan would havechanged a whole bunch.
But again, you have to beadaptable and I think, finally,
you also have to be self-aware,and what that looks like is you
need to know yourself.
You need to know who Brad is,not you me.
You need to know who Tiffany is, and you need to know your
(21:39):
strengths, your weaknesses, youremotions, your thoughts, and by
knowing who you are, you canhave a clear mind to make
decisions and know OK, look,this is a weak area of my life.
Ok, so I need to bring insupplemental support in that
particular area to help me here.
Well, this is a strength I can.
I can handle this.
You know, or I know, that thisis going to bring some emotion
(22:01):
back to me if I do this and soyou need to be self-aware, and
that helps you begin to put yourmind together and have a clear
picture of what life really is.
If you don't know yourself, youcan never, ever, experience
mental toughness, in my opinionJust, it's just my thought.
So let's talk about as we, aswe, we, we move on here.
(22:22):
How do you become mentallytough?
What are some things that youcan do to be mentally tough?
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Do hard things.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
What does that look like, though, for okay For you?
What does that mean for you,because for me it's different.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
For me it can be learning a new skill that I
don't know, learning how to dosomething you know, technology
related, without asking youuntil I absolutely have to.
Learning something new with mybusiness.
That is not, maybe, my normalforte In the physical world.
(22:59):
It can be just like the 5K aday challenge Last year.
I talk about it often becauseit changed my life.
Doing 75 hard that was one ofthe toughest things that I've
ever done, that I chose to dobut just constantly doing
something different and harderthan normal and that, like I
(23:20):
said, maybe out of your comfortzone yeah, and that's it for me.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Like I signed up for the dallas ultra, the spartan
ultra and we we've talked aboutthat a little bit.
Well for you, for people whorun all the time, they're like
what's an ultra?
It's no big deal.
What's an ultra?
It's no big deal.
It's 31 miles.
You know what's the big deal?
People who run Spartan Ultrasall the time are like this is no
big deal.
But look, I'm 52.
I've been running for three anda half years.
I'm not skinny, you know what Imean.
(23:48):
I don't weigh 150 pounds.
I carry about 195 pounds on myframe.
That's a lot of muscle and it'shard to get this big boy moving
and it's hard to get the bigboy to stop.
But it's also a lot ofendurance.
And so when I signed for up forthis like this is this is hard,
this is going to requireanywhere between seven to ten
(24:09):
hours on the course out in westtexas, in the, in the ranch, in
the dirt and desert, hot, and soI've really got to dig in.
But it's challenging me becauseI hired a running coach you
know Aaron Ford, good guy, ford,physical Therapy.
I hired Aaron to put metogether a plan.
So I used to just bewilly-nilly runner.
I'll go out there and I'm goingto run.
(24:29):
Today I'm going to run 10 miles, okay great.
Well, friday, I'm going to runfive miles.
Well, there was no real plan,because I don't know how to run,
I just taught myself in threeand a half years.
But I met with Aaron.
He put me together a plan to beable to accomplish this goal
October the 19th.
So I went out this morning.
I told you.
I said, oh my God, this isawesome to have a plan, because
it changed my mind.
(24:50):
Now I can switch that gear offand I know that I can engage,
because I'm going to get there,because I can make this a
strength of mine, whereas itslightly has been a weakness.
I can lift weights, I can dopull-ups, but running that many
miles kind of hurts, and so youhave to do hard things, whatever
that looks like.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
And for somebody else it may be.
You know going and being aroundpeople more, going and getting
involved in your community, butyou're an introvert.
It's people-y out here.
Yeah, If you're a businessowner, go in and networking with
people when that's not reallysomething that you normally do.
That you just go in and youkeep your head down and you do
your business and you know, notinvolve somewhere else.
(25:30):
That could be very hard for you.
That would not be hard for me,but it may be hard for you,
Right.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
Absolutely, and so you got to do hard things.
I don't know what hard thingslook like for you.
Ok, everybody has stuff that'sdifferent in their life, and
what's hard for me may not behard for you, and I think that
that's important is to explore.
It goes back to this and Ithink you and I talked about
this a little bit to a point youhave to do things so big that
you may fail, and you're not areal fan of failure.
(26:00):
That that you just don't, youdon't like to do stuff because
you might fail, and that that wetalked about that a little bit.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
And tell me a little bit more about that being a
perfectionist to to a degreesome may say a real high degree,
I would say maybe low degree,um, very high.
Well, I am and I'm not, but I,I want to.
I just want to make sure thatI'm able to do something right
and do it well.
And so, yes, if I feel like Ican't do something right or well
(26:26):
, it may hold me back sometimesfrom trying something new.
Um, physical things for me areprobably fall into that category
.
You know, doing monkey bars, itlooks so easy because you see
seven-year-olds doing it, butit's a lot harder when you, like
you said, you're 50, I'm 50.
It's a lot harder when you're50.
I was doing that in a comp, ina Spartan race.
(26:47):
I was doing the monkey barswell and was almost to the end
and I saw the end and I gotscared and I dropped off because
I thought I may not finish andthat's so stupid's crazy.
It's the stupidest thing ever.
Yeah, but, and I don't, I don't.
Normally that's where you knowI have to push through sometimes
of doing something that my mindsays that I may fail at.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
Yeah, I don't like to fail, and I don't like to fail,
and I and I think that that youhave to do stuff as big.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Yeah, you know what I just thought about this too.
Sometimes we don't want to lookstupid, we don't want to look
silly, or we don't want somebodyto say, well, they tried that
and that didn't work, orwhatever.
We don't try things sometimesbecause of what other people may
think about us, because we maylook stupid or silly, or they
may think we're a failure or allthese things, and and when that
holds us back from doingsomething that we think we may
(27:40):
fail at.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
But what if it works, yeah.
What if you succeed?
Yeah, what if that one time youthink I'm not going to stop
here, I'm going to get to theend of the monkey bar and you
ring the bell.
Yeah, can you imagine theconfidence and the mental
fortitude that you got?
Because here's what happenswhen you accomplish something.
What happens the next time yourun up against that thing?
You don't even think about it.
(28:03):
You're like, hey, I've donethis before, I can do this again
.
And that's the thing is that ifyou stop short and you don't
challenge yourself, what if youfail?
If you fail, guess what?
Go back and try it again, do itagain.
I'm a firm believer.
Look, get back up.
The Bible says if you fallseven times, get up eight.
You got to try it again, and Ithink that's important.
(28:24):
But a lot of people love safetyand they don't want to let
their mind conceive that theycould fail or they could look
stupid or somebody's going,whatever.
I can tell you right now, someof your best people have failed
multiple times, multiple times,and so I think that that's it.
Some other things you take acold shower.
Look, I'm going to be honestwith you.
(28:44):
I don't love cold showers,except when I run during the
summer, I kind of have to backinto a cold shower, because it's
cold and it ain't no fun, youknow.
But cold showers, man, thatthat'll challenge you a little
bit too.
Uh, you get up early.
Yeah, maybe you like to sleepin.
Get up early.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
That's.
That's been a big um, a bigbeneficial thing that we've
we've done is is getting upearlier, yeah absolutely.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
It changed our, it changed our whole routine.
It did change our whole life.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
We found that we had more.
We have more time.
Now we do.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Yeah, Except at night .
We have to go to bed.
I don't like that.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
I do not like going to bed when kids are out playing
in the street and it's stilldaylight.
I do not love that part of it.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
But you know reading things like that uh, exercising
maybe.
Look, nobody says you got to gorun a marathon.
Why don't you just get up andgo do something?
Yeah, walk, do something.
Anything is great.
You know something like that.
Here's something I've beenthinking about.
What are you laughing about?
Speaker 2 (29:44):
The next thing you're talking about, because I just
can't go with you there.
You need to try it.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
No Sleeping outside.
No Sleeping outside.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
The skitos would get me Skitos as our granddaughter
calls them is skitos.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
Skitos would get me, the skitos will get you, they
probably will Skitos love me.
But we did that.
We did the death by 5K.
It was 24 hours and so we triedto sleep a little bit in
between.
We couldn't get the tent upbecause it was like my son I
told you before he bought amansion for a tent and like I
(30:20):
couldn't figure out how to getup, so we just laid on top of it
, but it was cold and like Itried to.
So I think that there's justdoing hard stuff and I've been
thinking about this lately andI've not told you this, but I've
been thinking about once a weekbefore my long run, just
sleeping on the floor with nocover and no pillow.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Okay, well, do what's in your heart, yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Just to be hard.
Do what's in, Just to be hard,Just in your heart.
Here's the other thing.
Maybe you work late, but Ithink that you've got to choose
hard things that are hard foryou, things that are out of your
comfort zone.
And the only way you get to theend zone is by moving out of
your comfort zone and tryinghard stuff.
And I think that being mentallytough, especially in today's
(30:55):
world, you've got to be mentallytough.
We are raising and again, allright, Boomer, I hear you,
Boomer we're raising ageneration of kids that aren't
as mentally tough as they needto be.
They're hurt by some of thelittlest of things, that things
that we can't, as a 50-year-old,sometimes we can't understand.
(31:16):
List of things that things thatthat we can't, as, as a 50 year
old, sometimes we can'tunderstand.
But we have to work throughthat and I believe that that, no
matter who you are or what youare, I think that you have to
work on your mental toughness.
You have to work on how beingadaptable and that everything
doesn't go your way.
You have to have to work on howto be resilient and how to, how
to be just uh, you don't haveto be mean and arrogant and
(31:39):
nothing bothers me and nothinghurts me.
But you do have to learn how tobe mentally tough and work
through life, because life willkick you in the face sometimes.
Any final words.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Well, you know, and when you said that about maybe
generations behind us not beingas mentally tough, and that's
the thing is that we want themto gain some of these skills
because we know that life isgoing to kick them in the teeth
and we want their days and theirworlds to not be blown apart.
You know, mental illness isconstantly on the rise and it's
on the rise among those youngergenerations, and so we want them
(32:14):
to develop, when it's notmental illness and it's just not
having the coping skills ofbeing mentally tough, how to
figure that out, so that theirlives don't get off track and
they don't turn to.
You know, more and more peopleare turning to addiction and to
devices and you know all thesethings, because they don't have
(32:37):
the mental toughness to getthrough something that maybe, to
what would have been tough forus, you know, at 30, is, you
know, way tougher for them at 30.
And so that's the thing is likethese things help you to live
better, live more productive andto live a more positive life
(32:58):
when every little thing is notdragging you down.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Absolutely.
And we don't discount mentalillness.
We know that there are realmental illness and conditions
that have to be treated byprofessional people.
But you're right, it goes backto.
Sometimes it's a copingmechanism that they've not
either been allowed toexperience or maybe they've not
chose to.
And you know, here's the thing,if you're that person that
(33:23):
maybe you shy away from hardstuff because you love comfort
and you don't really want totake a risk or anything like
that, I want to encourage you.
It will change your life, itabsolutely can change your life
by going in, doing somethingthat you didn't think you could
do and whatever that may looklike for you.
(33:43):
You know for us there's fitnessthings, but for you it may not
be.
It may be just somethingtotally different that you don't
think you can do.
And I can tell you, you mayfail but you may succeed.
And if you succeed, it givesfail but you may succeed, and if
you succeed it gives youconfidence for the next time.
So thank you so much forlistening this morning.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
Any other words as we get ready to finish.
No, just take a space, take abreath, think it through before
you react.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Absolutely, absolutely.
Put space between you and thestimulus and boy, you respond.
But hey, thanks so much forlistening this morning.
Hope you're having a greatmorning.
We look forward to spendingmore time with you.
Give us a five-star review,share this with your friends, or
anything like that, to be ableto help promote the podcast.
Thank you so much.
If you find something that youwant to do, hop in the flow of
(34:33):
life.
Get in there with people whoare going the direction you want
to go and watch your lifechange.
Have a great morning.
Music, music, music, music,music, music, music, music,
music, music, music, music,music, music, music, music,
music, music, music, music,music, music, music, music,
music, music, music, music,music, music.
Oh yeah, I've been wanting thisforever.
(34:55):
I've been in the field withwhatever they throw at me Brush
it off, pick myself up, movingon to the better.
Okay, hey, yeah, ain't noerrors, baby, it's a new era.
I wake up early feeling richlike I'm Kesha.
I get to the paper.
Hey, good morning.
Good morning, this is Brad andI'm with my beautiful wife,
Tiffany.
We are the hosts of the hustleand flow podcast.
Thank you for listening thismorning.
I don't know where you may be.
Maybe you're on your way towork, Maybe you're just kicking
back at home sipping some coffee, Maybe you're reading a good
book I'm not sure.
But I hope you're having agreat morning and we thank you
for listening to us this morning.
Good morning, Tiffany.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Good morning.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
What's going on in your world?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Anything new?
Getting excited that ourgrandson will be born Looks like
it can be sooner than wethought, but we're getting
excited about that.
We nervous.
We have a vacation plan tocelebrate an anniversary and it
is looking a little sooner.
So we are praying that he staysand bakes a little bit longer.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
A little bit longer.
Yeah, Our anniversary is August17th and her due date was
August 16th.
So we thought, hey, we'll dothe smart thing and we're going
to go do our anniversaryvacation in July.
Well, ta-da, yeah, she'salready started dilating and
it's like hey, sis, you need tolike slow your roll and maybe do
a little bed rest or somethingto get this baby till we can get
(01:26):
back.
And I think I think, uh, ourdaughter, our son-in-law's
mother, said, if we can waittill the 30th of July, that
would actually be better for hertoo.
So so we're, maybe we're hopingyou know, Ronza, that that it
can wait until the 30th as well,and that way everybody can get
back and be happy and settledand we can welcome John Bradford
into the family.
And my first grandson I'm stokedabout it and I love my
(01:50):
granddaughter is going to berough and tough and fun, and I'm
going to be rough and toughwith a grandson too.
We'll make him be I don't wantto say mean, but I'm going to
make him tough and have fun.
And so we're actually talkingthis morning about mental
toughness.
And so we're actually talkingthis morning about mental
toughness, and that is one ofthose things that I want to help
develop in my kids and mygrandkids is teach them about
(02:10):
that.
And I actually just learned andlike I've really not processed
it, I don't think it's no bigdeal like because I hadn't like
thought anymore about it, otherthan I've just been diagnosed
that I have scoliosis.
And I didn't know, I had noidea that I had that until I got
some tests done, some worklooked at, and was diagnosed
(02:32):
with scoliosis.
And I said what?
And they said yeah, yes, you'repretty crooked.
Like how long has it been thatway?
I have no idea.
I ain't been to the doctor inyears.
So I get a blood test everyonce in a while but I don't know
.
So I don't even know how thataffects your body, other than
it's all crooked and jacked upand it makes my back hurt
(02:53):
sometimes.
But so I was diagnosed withscoliosis, which is interesting.
So I'm assuming that'ssomething I'll have to work
through in my life as I getolder.
I don't know, I mean, it's justsomething I've never paid
attention to, I don't knowanything about it.
So just now learning.
But I think mental toughness isone of those things that we have
to work through and we have tolook at.
And I told you this morning.
(03:13):
I said mental toughness is oneof the hardest things that that
people have to work through.
And I said, if I had to chooseone person who I feel like is
the most mentally tough person,it's you.
So hello, my mentally toughwife.
Let's talk about mentaltoughness.
What?
And let's just talk about it.
And what?
What is, what does mentaltoughness look like?
Speaker 2 (03:36):
You know, and the thing is is that you talk about
it a lot and you read booksabout it and you, whatever, but
I, honestly, I don't think aboutit at all.
So you're just bad, you're justbad.
Yeah, I guess I'm just bad, butI don't really think about it
and I don't read about it and Idon't.
I don't pursue being mentallytough.
(03:57):
You do, you like to do hardthings, you like to do tough
things, you like to dochallenges.
You know, and sometimes I, youknow, I'll go along like we just
finished the 5k a day in themonth of June and that that was
mentally tough and it was reallyinteresting.
A lot of people in the groupsthat were fit and very fit, some
of them were runners, some ofthem were just CrossFitters,
some were were both, and theysaid this was so much harder
than I thought it was going tobe, not necessarily just the
(04:19):
physical part, but the mentalpart of committing to it and
seeing it through every day.
But I don't seek out thosethings and so you know, like I
said, that somewhat surprises me, because I don't think about it
and I don't think aboutnecessarily being mentally tough
.
Do I feel like I'm tough?
Yes, but I don't know that youand I share the same like desire
(04:45):
.
I don't think I need to be anymore mentally tough because I
feel like it if I'm, if I'm.
I don't know if mentally toughand tough are the same
necessarily thing, but I don'twant to be.
I don't want to dilute my beinga female.
Yeah, does that make sense?
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Yeah, I mean, I get that.
Yeah, so I think sometimesmentally tough and physically
tough are maybe two separatethings, and so in my mind there
are times that I equate thosetwo, because sometimes the
physical challenges that I takeon cause me to have a different
mental state in order to survivethose things.
And so some of those kind ofmaybe they're kissing cousins, I
(05:22):
don't know physical tough andmentally tough can kind of kind
of be one of the most mentallytough people I know, and if you
know who I'm talking about,can't hurt me.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
David Goggins.
Yeah, now you know he drops alot of words that we don't use
on a regular basis here.
We don't use those words reallyat all, but David Goggins is
probably one of the mostmentally tough people I know.
That joker is crazy, like he iscrazy and he would tell you
he's crazy.
He's crazy.
I've heard stories about himand the things that he's done
(05:55):
and you know he's the only guyto graduate SEAL training and
Army Ranger training the onlyperson in history to ever do
that.
He graduated SEAL training onstress fractures and you've had
stress fracture before.
How fun was that yeah, itwasn't.
Can you imagine completing SEALtraining on stress?
Speaker 2 (06:12):
fractures.
I just I ran I don't know sevenmiles um, did a race on them
and it was tough.
So, no, I can't imagine, likeday in, day day out, doing doing
all that.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
And so he's a mentally tough guy, you know,
and I respect him and I respectpeople who actually go out and
do things like that.
But what, what does it reallylook like?
What does mental toughness looklike?
Does it?
Does it mean that things don'taffect you, Cause I've said
you're a mentally tough person?
Does that mean that you're,you're just, you're not affected
by anything?
Speaker 2 (06:42):
No, I don't think it means that things don't affect
you.
I do think that things don'taffect you as much when you're
mentally tough.
People apologize to me overstupid crazy things sometimes,
or hope I didn't offend you or Ihope I didn't.
Whatever I'm like, I don't evenknow what you're talking about.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Right.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Like that.
No, that didn't.
I think that it does mean thatthings don't first of all affect
you as much, or that you don'tallow them to affect you also to
the degree that maybe somebodywho's not mentally tough would
affect them.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Right.
What does it mean?
Do you have emotion?
I mean, are you not emotional?
Do you not ever have emotion?
Are you stoic all the time?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
if you're mentally tough, no, but I think you
process things differently.
Yeah, well, what does that look?
Speaker 1 (07:32):
like Okay, so let's talk about that.
You have a terriblecircumstance.
I don't know what it is, Idon't want to say anything
specific.
Say you have something terriblehappen to you.
How do you process that?
Because you said that mentallytough people process things
differently.
How do you process that as amentally tough person?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
I think first you just can't react and we may talk
about that a little bit more,but you just can't immediately
react out of your emotion tothat, to that thing or to that
situation.
I think you have to reallythink it through and think, okay
, what is what does this reallylook like?
And and also what like what'swhat's really true about this
(08:19):
circumstance or this situationand what's not.
What is like fear in in insideof myself or the negativity
inside of myself, like what isthat?
What is that lie about thesituation that I may be hearing?
And then what's the truth aboutthis situation?
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Yeah, but that's actually good, because let's
just, let's just break it down.
Every person, I don't care whoyou are, has fears of some kind,
but some fears are exacerbatedby the point of whatever's
happening.
If that's kind of a fear ofyours, then automatically people
(08:56):
who aren't mentally tough andI'm not degrading that, I'm just
saying that there are peoplewho are more mentally tough than
others, People who aren't maybeas mentally tough they
automatically go to worst casescenario.
Right, they think, oh, my gosh,this is here it comes.
Here it comes.
The book of Job says it best.
The thing that I feared themost has come upon me and
(09:18):
there's something that everybodyfears and when it starts to
rear its head, you're like, uh,is this it?
Is this it?
And you have to harden yourmind against life, circumstance,
people.
You know you can't allowyourself.
Like you said, I think it's inthe reaction.
You know what was it?
What was it?
I told you that there's got tobe space between, uh, the
(09:43):
stimulus and the reaction.
People who are not mentallytough automatically respond.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Yeah, my day is ruined or nothing.
You know, nothing goes my way,or you know I might as well just
go back home and go to bed.
Bad things always happen to me,and not again like if it's not
one thing, it's your mother.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Absolutely, I love that it's your mother Absolutely
.
I love that.
That's my favorite.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Yeah, I mean that's, that's an automatic reaction to
whatever this thing is that I'mgoing through, or this thing
that happened is going to takeover, you know, all the other
the good things in my life, orthe good things going on, or my
day, or my attitude or in that,and it just doesn't have to be
that way, no, it don't, andthat's it, though it's an
(10:30):
automatic.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Woe is me, woe is me.
Here we go and it completelyerodes everything that's
happening and it makes you wantto go back and get in the bed.
It makes you just want to shutoff your phone.
I'm disconnecting fromeverybody.
I'm not talking to anybody.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
You know, and if we're being real honest, that's
self-pity that you're describing.
Self-pity is a poison to youbeing mentally tough.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
That's good.
Yeah, I absolutely agree withthat because you said it.
It does not take into accountif you're not mentally tough.
It does not take into accountwhat the truth is, what the
facts are.
Is your day really ruinedbecause you had a flat?
Yeah, no, well, it depends onwho you are.
There are some people whose dayis completely ruined if they
(11:20):
have a flat tire.
Well, I'm not going to lie, Idon't really enjoy flats either.
They make me hot and sweaty anda little mad sometimes because
I'm out there having to changeit.
Maybe the wrench don't fit likeit's supposed to, or somebody
borrowed my jack, I mean.
But does that ruin my day?
Well, no, the truth is is thatyou can let it ruin your day?
(11:41):
But the truth of the matter isis that it may just be a minor
inconvenience?
But the truth of the matter isis that it may just be a minor
inconvenience that you have toprocess that and realize, hey,
I'm on my way to see my parents50th anniversary.
Well, do you want to let a flattire ruin their day?
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Or you want to let it ruin it.
That's, that's what I'm saying.
So I think it goes back tohaving the capacity, maybe, to
persistently pursue some goals.
You want to remain determined,no matter how hard life gets.
So here's four things that webelieve that mentally tough
people are.
Number one they're resilient.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
What does that look like?
Being resilient, you can bounceback from whether it's a minor
inconvenience or something majorthat happens.
A job, you know.
A job change, job loss, youknow.
Relationship loss, failures,you know, of your, of your own
(12:40):
doing, or just failure, maybewith a marriage or anything else
like that, the disappointmentsyou know.
Just being able to say, okay, Ican't let this take me out.
Now, not that those, some ofthose things like a failure of a
marriage, that's a big deal.
But making up your mind, thisis hard.
It's going to.
I don't know, I don't even knowyet how I'm going to get to the
(13:01):
other side of it, but I amgoing to get to the other side
of it, right, to get to theother side of it, but I am going
to get to the other side of itRight.
And having a mindset ofwhatever this is, this is not
good, this, this is, this is not, you know, not something I even
expected, would have everwanted.
But I'm going to get through it, I'm going to figure out how to
get through it.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Well, it goes back to what you said.
It goes back to it's not thatyou don't feel stuff.
Nobody said, hey, you need tojust switch your mind off and
never feel again.
And I'll be the first to saythis, and I will admit this I
read a book last year maybe theyear before, I can't remember
exactly.
It was called Master yourEmotions.
(13:41):
The book was great.
The book was great, but if youremember this story, I did not.
I started mastering my emotionto the point that I almost
became stoic and I did not cryin any form or fashion for seven
months, no matter what.
And I'm an emotional guy,especially when it comes to
(14:10):
worship I'm emotional.
Not once did I shed a tear, andI had a preacher pray for me
about some family members and itbroke.
And ever since then I've beenjust a big crybaby.
I feel like we were prayingthis morning and I'm trying to
get through the prayer and I'mlike tearing up and crying.
I'm like, come on, man, I can'teven get through this.
So does that mean I'm notmentally tough?
(14:32):
Absolutely not.
That just means that I'm ableto feel my emotion.
And the thing there is that inorder to be resilient, you've
got to view things as temporary.
Yeah, they're not permanent.
If you have a flat tire, you'renot going to have a flat tire
every day for the rest of yourlife.
Right, it's going to have to befixed, Okay, In order to get
(14:52):
your car back on the road.
Some things are just temporaryand it's like you said even in
bad situations relationships ormarriages that end, or death or
anything like that you will getto the other side.
You can get to this.
Some people don't.
I take that back.
Some people don't get to theother side.
They live the rest of theirlife not bouncing back from a
(15:14):
setback, a failure or somethinglike that.
But you can.
You have to view it as atemporary situation and not live
in a temporary place.
So go ahead.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Yeah, live in a temporary place, so go ahead.
Yeah, I, you know I've beenthrough situations that I needed
.
I really needed to be mentallytough to get to get through them
.
You know, caring for my auntthat had cancer, that was in the
hospital for a while, like thatwas really hard.
Hospital staying Anybody that'sdone that knows that's the
worst and I knew we were goingto be there a while.
But, um, I knew that was not,that wasn't forever.
(15:48):
Each day was a new day.
Each day was, you know, and Istarted it was.
It was really really hardbecause my running businesses,
you know, my own family, a lotof things I needed to my
priority became with you know,with everybody's's blessing
around me, to be there with her.
(16:08):
And I started trying to reframethat I'm able to have this time
with her instead of thishospital stay and all this stuff
and her illness, like all ofthis is the worst of the worst
of the worst.
I started trying to think I'mable to be here, I'm able to
spend this time, I'm able tohave another day here, I'm able
(16:29):
to spend this time, I'm able tohave another day, and that's the
thing.
You just have to reframe yourmind sometimes, in these
situations, you know a businessthat doesn't work out or a job
loss OK, well, I'm able toreinvent myself.
I'm able to find something thatmaybe I'm more passionate about
.
Maybe this is you know,everything is not meant for our
(16:49):
demise.
Some things, you know.
We're believers.
We believe that sometimesthings happen and doors close
for something better, thatthere's a better door that's
going to open.
So sometimes it's best to sitback and decide I'm not going to
embrace self-pity, I'm going tobe upset from it, I'm going to
be disappointed, but then I'mgoing to keep my eyes open and
(17:10):
say, okay, is there something?
Speaker 1 (17:11):
I don't even see here ?
Absolutely.
And I think that you know evenyour aunt.
She came and lived with us thepast, the last two, two months
or so of her life and and justwatching you have to be mentally
tough for her.
You couldn't go break downbecause she's dying and you
couldn't break down foreverybody else and it was.
It was hard to watch, but butresilience is important and
(17:32):
working through that, you know.
I think it's super important toto be able to work through that
.
You know, another thing thatthat is important to that
mentally tough people have isthey have confidence, and that
that doesn't't does not meanthat they are arrogant or
prideful.
That's not what I'm talkingabout.
It's that they have the abilityin their mind to believe that
(17:52):
they can meet whateverchallenges are coming your way.
Is that I am up for thechallenge?
Yeah, what'd you laugh?
I?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
was laughing because when before I said I was talking
about it, I don't know how Ican say it and say it.
But you know I was talking about.
You know there's a point towhere I don't want to go too far
, because I can take away beingthe female side and I think
about oftentimes.
You know, I do have a lot ofconfidence and sometimes you'll
(18:21):
tell me to put my male parts up,and so that's what I mean, like
because I think I can do.
I you'll tell me to put my mailparts up, and so that's what I
mean, like because I think I cando.
I really do think I can doanything sometimes and that's
not always, you know Well, butyou're right.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
I do have to say that sometimes let's put it back in
your pants here and you want tobe stable, and I think mentally
tough people seem to be stablepeople, and it doesn't mean
they're not going through, itdoesn't mean they're not
experiencing things, but thatthey're confident in the ability
to say hey, you know what.
I've been through hard thingsbefore.
This too shall pass and I canwork through it and I have the
(18:59):
confidence that I can meet thechallenge, whatever it is.
And look, I can tell you if youhave any age on you at all,
life sucks.
Sometimes you lose people thatyou hope you don't lose Parents
die, siblings die, mamas die,spouses die, jobs get lost, you
(19:19):
lose.
Things happen, but you have tosay you know what.
I can survive and get throughthis.
Another thing is adaptability,and I like this about you is
that you're adaptable.
Me, I've had to learn how to beadaptable.
I'm not.
I'm not as adaptable as I, as Ineed to be, but I'm better.
But I think adaptability andwhat does that look like?
Speaker 2 (19:42):
I guess you know open to change and new ideas, and I
don't know, I don't knowsometimes all the whatever of
why we are the way we are, whyyou may not like change, why I'm
good with change.
But you're right, you do needto be adaptive, to build mental
(20:03):
toughness, because newchallenges and new things and
new situations will bring mentaltoughness to you, because you
have to have a new mindset forthose new opportunities or those
new situations or the thingsthat maybe just are a little
uncomfortable for you.
Being uncomfortable and gettingthrough something develops
mental toughness and that's whatwe're talking about.
(20:23):
It's like, you know, we, wetalk and we kind of do a little
checklist like am I?
Am I as mentally tough as Ineed to be?
And some of these things arethat are little questions to ask
yourself.
You know, can I improve there?
Can I?
If you want to be mentallytough, you know, can I improve
that?
Can I become more adaptable?
Is that where maybe I'm like Ihave confidence but I don't love
(20:44):
change and I'm not open tochange and I shut change down or
I shut new ideas down?
And you know those things cankeep you from being as mentally
tough as you need to be.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Yeah, I think so too, and you know Mike Tyson, I love
this quote.
Mike Tyson has said thateverybody has a plan until they
get punched in the face.
And man, I've had so many goodplans until I got punched in the
face.
And then I have to reevaluatecan I adapt to this new life?
Can I become who I need to benow and adapt to this?
(21:17):
And I know Jake Paul isprobably happy that Mike Tyson
couldn't fight him, because he'sabout to get punched in the
face too and his plan would havechanged a whole bunch.
But again, you have to beadaptable and I think, finally,
you also have to be self-aware,and what that looks like is you
need to know yourself.
You need to know who Brad is,not you me.
You need to know who Tiffany is, and you need to know your
(21:39):
strengths, your weaknesses, youremotions, your thoughts, and by
knowing who you are, you canhave a clear mind to make
decisions and know OK, look,this is a weak area of my life.
Ok, so I need to bring insupplemental support in that
particular area to help me here.
Well, this is a strength I can.
I can handle this.
You know, or I know, that thisis going to bring some emotion
(22:01):
back to me if I do this and soyou need to be self-aware, and
that helps you begin to put yourmind together and have a clear
picture of what life really is.
If you don't know yourself, youcan never, ever, experience
mental toughness, in my opinionJust, it's just my thought.
So let's talk about as we, aswe, we, we move on here.
(22:22):
How do you become mentallytough?
What are some things that youcan do to be mentally tough?
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Do hard things.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
What does that look like, though, for okay For you?
What does that mean for you,because for me it's different.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
For me it can be learning a new skill that I
don't know, learning how to dosomething you know, technology
related, without asking youuntil I absolutely have to.
Learning something new with mybusiness.
That is not, maybe, my normalforte In the physical world.
(22:59):
It can be just like the 5K aday challenge Last year.
I talk about it often becauseit changed my life.
Doing 75 hard that was one ofthe toughest things that I've
ever done, that I chose to dobut just constantly doing
something different and harderthan normal and that, like I
(23:20):
said, maybe out of your comfortzone yeah, and that's it for me.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Like I signed up for the dallas ultra, the spartan
ultra and we we've talked aboutthat a little bit.
Well for you, for people whorun all the time, they're like
what's an ultra?
It's no big deal.
What's an ultra?
It's no big deal.
It's 31 miles.
You know what's the big deal?
People who run Spartan Ultrasall the time are like this is no
big deal.
But look, I'm 52.
I've been running for three anda half years.
I'm not skinny, you know what Imean.
(23:48):
I don't weigh 150 pounds.
I carry about 195 pounds on myframe.
That's a lot of muscle and it'shard to get this big boy moving
and it's hard to get the bigboy to stop.
But it's also a lot ofendurance.
And so when I signed for up forthis like this is this is hard,
this is going to requireanywhere between seven to ten
(24:09):
hours on the course out in westtexas, in the, in the ranch, in
the dirt and desert, hot, and soI've really got to dig in.
But it's challenging me becauseI hired a running coach you
know Aaron Ford, good guy, ford,physical Therapy.
I hired Aaron to put metogether a plan.
So I used to just bewilly-nilly runner.
I'll go out there and I'm goingto run.
(24:29):
Today I'm going to run 10 miles, okay great.
Well, friday, I'm going to runfive miles.
Well, there was no real plan,because I don't know how to run,
I just taught myself in threeand a half years.
But I met with Aaron.
He put me together a plan to beable to accomplish this goal
October the 19th.
So I went out this morning.
I told you.
I said, oh my God, this isawesome to have a plan, because
it changed my mind.
(24:50):
Now I can switch that gear offand I know that I can engage,
because I'm going to get there,because I can make this a
strength of mine, whereas itslightly has been a weakness.
I can lift weights, I can dopull-ups, but running that many
miles kind of hurts, and so youhave to do hard things, whatever
that looks like.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
And for somebody else it may be.
You know going and being aroundpeople more, going and getting
involved in your community, butyou're an introvert.
It's people-y out here.
Yeah, If you're a businessowner, go in and networking with
people when that's not reallysomething that you normally do.
That you just go in and youkeep your head down and you do
your business and you know, notinvolve somewhere else.
(25:30):
That could be very hard for you.
That would not be hard for me,but it may be hard for you,
Right.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
Absolutely, and so you got to do hard things.
I don't know what hard thingslook like for you.
Ok, everybody has stuff that'sdifferent in their life, and
what's hard for me may not behard for you, and I think that
that's important is to explore.
It goes back to this and Ithink you and I talked about
this a little bit to a point youhave to do things so big that
you may fail, and you're not areal fan of failure.
(26:00):
That that you just don't, youdon't like to do stuff because
you might fail, and that that wetalked about that a little bit.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
And tell me a little bit more about that being a
perfectionist to to a degreesome may say a real high degree,
I would say maybe low degree,um, very high.
Well, I am and I'm not, but I,I want to.
I just want to make sure thatI'm able to do something right
and do it well.
And so, yes, if I feel like Ican't do something right or well
(26:26):
, it may hold me back sometimesfrom trying something new.
Um, physical things for me areprobably fall into that category
.
You know, doing monkey bars, itlooks so easy because you see
seven-year-olds doing it, butit's a lot harder when you, like
you said, you're 50, I'm 50.
It's a lot harder when you're50.
I was doing that in a comp, ina Spartan race.
(26:47):
I was doing the monkey barswell and was almost to the end
and I saw the end and I gotscared and I dropped off because
I thought I may not finish andthat's so stupid's crazy.
It's the stupidest thing ever.
Yeah, but, and I don't, I don't.
Normally that's where you knowI have to push through sometimes
of doing something that my mindsays that I may fail at.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
Yeah, I don't like to fail, and I don't like to fail,
and I and I think that that youhave to do stuff as big.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Yeah, you know what I just thought about this too.
Sometimes we don't want to lookstupid, we don't want to look
silly, or we don't want somebodyto say, well, they tried that
and that didn't work, orwhatever.
We don't try things sometimesbecause of what other people may
think about us, because we maylook stupid or silly, or they
may think we're a failure or allthese things, and and when that
holds us back from doingsomething that we think we may
(27:40):
fail at.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
But what if it works, yeah.
What if you succeed?
Yeah, what if that one time youthink I'm not going to stop
here, I'm going to get to theend of the monkey bar and you
ring the bell.
Yeah, can you imagine theconfidence and the mental
fortitude that you got?
Because here's what happenswhen you accomplish something.
What happens the next time yourun up against that thing?
You don't even think about it.
(28:03):
You're like, hey, I've donethis before, I can do this again
.
And that's the thing is that ifyou stop short and you don't
challenge yourself, what if youfail?
If you fail, guess what?
Go back and try it again, do itagain.
I'm a firm believer.
Look, get back up.
The Bible says if you fallseven times, get up eight.
You got to try it again, and Ithink that's important.
(28:24):
But a lot of people love safetyand they don't want to let
their mind conceive that theycould fail or they could look
stupid or somebody's going,whatever.
I can tell you right now, someof your best people have failed
multiple times, multiple times,and so I think that that's it.
Some other things you take acold shower.
Look, I'm going to be honestwith you.
(28:44):
I don't love cold showers,except when I run during the
summer, I kind of have to backinto a cold shower, because it's
cold and it ain't no fun, youknow.
But cold showers, man, thatthat'll challenge you a little
bit too.
Uh, you get up early.
Yeah, maybe you like to sleepin.
Get up early.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
That's.
That's been a big um, a bigbeneficial thing that we've
we've done is is getting upearlier, yeah absolutely.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
It changed our, it changed our whole routine.
It did change our whole life.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
We found that we had more.
We have more time.
Now we do.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Yeah, Except at night .
We have to go to bed.
I don't like that.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
I do not like going to bed when kids are out playing
in the street and it's stilldaylight.
I do not love that part of it.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
But you know reading things like that uh, exercising
maybe.
Look, nobody says you got to gorun a marathon.
Why don't you just get up andgo do something?
Yeah, walk, do something.
Anything is great.
You know something like that.
Here's something I've beenthinking about.
What are you laughing about?
Speaker 2 (29:44):
The next thing you're talking about, because I just
can't go with you there.
You need to try it.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
No Sleeping outside.
No Sleeping outside.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
The skitos would get me Skitos as our granddaughter
calls them is skitos.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
Skitos would get me, the skitos will get you, they
probably will Skitos love me.
But we did that.
We did the death by 5K.
It was 24 hours and so we triedto sleep a little bit in
between.
We couldn't get the tent upbecause it was like my son I
told you before he bought amansion for a tent and like I
(30:20):
couldn't figure out how to getup, so we just laid on top of it
, but it was cold and like Itried to.
So I think that there's justdoing hard stuff and I've been
thinking about this lately andI've not told you this, but I've
been thinking about once a weekbefore my long run, just
sleeping on the floor with nocover and no pillow.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Okay, well, do what's in your heart, yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Just to be hard.
Do what's in, Just to be hard,Just in your heart.
Here's the other thing.
Maybe you work late, but Ithink that you've got to choose
hard things that are hard foryou, things that are out of your
comfort zone.
And the only way you get to theend zone is by moving out of
your comfort zone and tryinghard stuff.
And I think that being mentallytough, especially in today's
(30:55):
world, you've got to be mentallytough.
We are raising and again, allright, Boomer, I hear you,
Boomer we're raising ageneration of kids that aren't
as mentally tough as they needto be.
They're hurt by some of thelittlest of things, that things
that we can't, as a 50-year-old,sometimes we can't understand.
(31:16):
List of things that things thatthat we can't, as, as a 50 year
old, sometimes we can'tunderstand.
But we have to work throughthat and I believe that that, no
matter who you are or what youare, I think that you have to
work on your mental toughness.
You have to work on how beingadaptable and that everything
doesn't go your way.
You have to have to work on howto be resilient and how to, how
to be just uh, you don't haveto be mean and arrogant and
(31:39):
nothing bothers me and nothinghurts me.
But you do have to learn how tobe mentally tough and work
through life, because life willkick you in the face sometimes.
Any final words.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Well, you know, and when you said that about maybe
generations behind us not beingas mentally tough, and that's
the thing is that we want themto gain some of these skills
because we know that life isgoing to kick them in the teeth
and we want their days and theirworlds to not be blown apart.
You know, mental illness isconstantly on the rise and it's
on the rise among those youngergenerations, and so we want them
(32:14):
to develop, when it's notmental illness and it's just not
having the coping skills ofbeing mentally tough, how to
figure that out, so that theirlives don't get off track and
they don't turn to.
You know, more and more peopleare turning to addiction and to
devices and you know all thesethings, because they don't have
(32:37):
the mental toughness to getthrough something that maybe, to
what would have been tough forus, you know, at 30, is, you
know, way tougher for them at 30.
And so that's the thing is likethese things help you to live
better, live more productive andto live a more positive life
(32:58):
when every little thing is notdragging you down.
Speaker 1 (33:01):
Absolutely.
And we don't discount mentalillness.
We know that there are realmental illness and conditions
that have to be treated byprofessional people.
But you're right, it goes backto.
Sometimes it's a copingmechanism that they've not
either been allowed toexperience or maybe they've not
chose to.
And you know, here's the thing,if you're that person that
(33:23):
maybe you shy away from hardstuff because you love comfort
and you don't really want totake a risk or anything like
that, I want to encourage you.
It will change your life, itabsolutely can change your life
by going in, doing somethingthat you didn't think you could
do and whatever that may looklike for you.
(33:43):
You know for us there's fitnessthings, but for you it may not
be.
It may be just somethingtotally different that you don't
think you can do.
And I can tell you, you mayfail but you may succeed.
And if you succeed, it givesfail but you may succeed, and if
you succeed it gives youconfidence for the next time.
So thank you so much forlistening this morning.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
Any other words as we get ready to finish.
No, just take a space, take abreath, think it through before
you react.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Absolutely, absolutely.
Put space between you and thestimulus and boy, you respond.
But hey, thanks so much forlistening this morning.
Hope you're having a greatmorning.
We look forward to spendingmore time with you.
Give us a five-star review,share this with your friends, or
anything like that, to be ableto help promote the podcast.
Thank you so much.
If you find something that youwant to do, hop in the flow of
(34:33):
life.
Get in there with people whoare going the direction you want
to go and watch your lifechange.
Have a great morning.
Music, music, music, music,music, music, music, music,
music, music, music, music,music, music, music, music,
music, music, music, music,music, music, music, music,
music, music, music, music,music, music.
Oh yeah, I've been wanting thisforever.
(34:55):
I've been in the field withwhatever they throw at me Brush
it off, pick myself up, movingon to the better.
Okay, hey, yeah, ain't noerrors, baby, it's a new era.
I wake up early feeling richlike I'm Kesha.
I get to the paper.
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