February 4, 2025 • 40 mins
What if embracing discomfort could be the key to unlocking your potential at any age? With Season 2 of the Hustle Flow podcast, we're diving into the exhilarating world of personal growth and maturity. This episode kicks off with my recent adventures— from pounding the pavement in a half marathon in Starkville, Mississippi, to stepping under the bright lights of local theater with a role in "Steel Magnolias." At 51, I've learned that staying active and challenging myself is crucial, and it’s never too late to keep striving for more. We've got some humorous takes on the uncertainties of retirement and the government's role in our financial futures, but beneath the laughter lies a serious call to keep our dreams alive.
Ever noticed how your reactions change with time? We explore how personal growth and maturity can transform our communication, leading to more thoughtful and constructive interactions. We talk about learning to process information differently, choosing when and where to express our thoughts for maximum impact, and the importance of pausing before responding. These skills not only help avoid unnecessary conflicts but also strengthen relationships, providing valuable insights for anyone looking to improve their personal interactions. It’s all about choosing growth over complacency and embracing the journey of maturation.
Our discussion also covers forming and nurturing healthy relationships, managing stress, and viewing constructive criticism as a stepping stone to personal development. We explore the significance of setting boundaries and the power of saying "no" to protect your well-being. There's also a focus on delaying gratification for long-term fulfillment, highlighting patience and hard work as keys to a rewarding life. Through personal stories and reflections, we emphasize that while growing up isn’t always easy, it ultimately leads to a more relaxed and enjoyable life. Join us as we embark on this journey together, discovering joy in new challenges and lifelong connections.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Hey, good morning.
Good morning, this is Brad andI'm with my wife, tiffany.
Good morning, tiffany, goodmorning.
Hey, we are the host of theHustle Flow podcast.
We are here coming to youseason two.
We finished up season one lastyear, had a great time doing
that getting to share content,getting to know the audience and
had some good feedback.
So we're back for season twoand really hope that this year
(00:42):
that we can bring some goodcontent to you, some good topics
, and I'm excited about that.
Today we're actually going todelve into maturity, growing up.
So one of the things that youhear sometimes is you need to
grow up, and then most of thetime, the comment back is no,
you need to grow up, and sowe're going to talk about
(01:03):
maturity.
We're going to talk aboutmaturity.
We're going to talk aboutgrowth and maybe what that looks
like and and hopefully this,this session, will help you
maybe find some ways to to growa little bit.
So, uh, what man it's been it'sbeen a minute since we've been
on the microphone.
So what's been happening inyour world?
Man did tell me what.
Uh, I know a lot, but but tellme where you're at.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Oh, just chasing goals, chasing grandkids and
doing all the things.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
All the things.
What does that look like,though?
Tell me your most recentaccomplishment.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
That would have been Saturday.
The half marathon in Starkville, mississippi, that is not God's
country.
God's country is Oxford,mississippi, obviously.
But uh, yeah, I'm just kidding,but yeah, that was.
That was interesting.
I'd been warned about all thehills over there and didn't
underestimated the hills overthere.
(02:01):
So that was an interesting halfmarathon.
They put on a good race, thatwas good.
So that was.
That was most recentaccomplishment.
Of course I'm.
I'm doing something new, jumpedout We'll probably talk about
that at some point but alwaysjust trying to do new things
because I'm I'm 51.
So it's not time to stop.
It's time to keep going andkeep checking things off the
(02:23):
list and sometimes even checkingthings off the list that are
not on the list.
I've auditioned for a role in alocal theater and got a role in
Steel Magnolias and that isabsolutely uncharted territory
for me.
So that's been interesting andit's been interesting seeing if
my 51-year-old brain canmemorize things.
Brain can memorize things.
(02:50):
So I thought about I really,really give kudos to people who
go back to school late in lifebecause it is.
It's something when you'retrying to remember things that
you've got to remember when yourbrain is not in its 20s anymore
.
So yeah, man, my hat's off topeople who go back to school
late to either further theireducation or do something new,
because it's not easy.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
No, it's not and that .
But you said something that wasreally interesting is that at
51, it's not time to stop, right.
And I was talking to somebodythe other day and their, their,
their kids were talking aboutwhen are y'all going to, when
are y'all going to retire, whenare y'all going to give that up?
You know at what point are yougoing to give this thing up.
And I told you, I said you know, I don't ever want to feel that
(03:33):
way, that there's a finish linefor me, that if I can make it
to 65, and maybe the governmentgives me some money, maybe they
don't, I don't know, but I don'twant to finish Like.
I want to continue to run andcontinue to race and continue to
pursue and achieve things andand have goals and dreams and
visions out in front of us.
(03:54):
And I like that.
And the only way you do that.
I saw this thing on Facebook andI really love it.
It says that comfort is a slowdeath.
Choose pain, love it.
It says that comfort is a slowdeath, choose pain.
And I, you know, for me, I wantto choose things that are
uncomfortable, not necessarilyalways painful things.
Now, you and I are different.
I like painful things.
(04:15):
I like things that are going tohurt me, whatever reason, I
don't know, it's just weird.
But whether whether the pain isactual physical discomfort or
just being uncomfortable withsomething that is out of the
realm of, what you wouldnormally do.
I think that's where we want tobe, especially in our 50s.
(04:37):
I like where we are and I likethe fact that you continue to
pursue goals.
So that's what that looks like.
Let's just jump in today.
You know this is so off topic.
Let's do it.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
But you were just saying about when the government
gives you money.
I don't know if I should beembarrassed, because other
people may know this.
How do you know how much moneyyou're getting?
Is it 65?
Is that when they give youmoney?
Speaker 1 (05:03):
You want the truth?
I have no idea.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
This is terrible.
I have no idea.
Now I feel like I've got tofind out this information you
may know that, and if you do,that's awesome.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
I have no idea.
Um, my idea is to not ever quitand finish.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
My idea is to continue to pursue things well I
know, but I'm still like isthis a given that they're going
to give us that we turn an ageand they get?
They start sending us money.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
It's based on like given yeah, I mean there's
probably a cap on it, but I Iyou know.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
I think it's based on how much you have made over the
years well, I'm gonna writethem a letter when that time
comes and tell them how much Ifeel like I need, and then let's
see if that's something they'll.
They'll send up the ladder andapprove.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I doubt it, I, I doubt it.
So anyway, let's hop in.
This morning that was a reallyoff topic.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
But that's something we need to know.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Then why don't you do that?
Report back to us in the nextsegment.
We'll find out how much you'regoing to get and at what age.
I know there was earlyretirement at 62 and I think
then full retirement at 60.
I don't know if that's changed.
It may be 67 now.
I have no idea.
I just hate to know thatsomebody's hanging on until
they're 65, 67, 68 years oldretiring.
I mean, it's a long time andit's respect for people who hang
(06:17):
in there that long at aparticular job.
And they used to be, and Idon't know why we went this way,
but we're going.
It used to be and I don't knowwhy we went this way, but we're
going.
Used to be that.
That was the, that was.
The goal is that we were goingto stay somewhere 30, 40 years.
We were retire there, we weregoing to build our life there.
But uh, just not quite the sameanymore.
I don't know if covid changedthat or just life changed that,
but we're in a different worldnow.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
I don't know, and being self-employed, that that
looks different.
For us too it does.
Yeah, because we're I going tomake sure that you're working
until you're at least 80.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Well, can I the day I die.
Do you think I can have thatday off Maybe?
possibly All right, that's,that's that.
That's true.
And you think she's joking, butshe's not.
She'll work me and I'll I'lldie.
We'll have my funeral the nextday.
So, um, I just hope that I dieearly in the morning so I don't
have to work all day.
But anyway, I'm joking, I'mjoking, hey.
(07:06):
So let's talk today about growthand maturity, and this is
something we were talking aboutthis past week.
And you know, first of the yearis one of those things new
goals, new me, new year, blah,blah, blah.
And we all have done it.
Sometimes we all still do it.
If you remember, I talked aboutQuitter's Day.
(07:27):
It was the second Friday ofJanuary is considered Quitter's
Day.
That's when most people quittheir dreams, quit their goals,
quit whatever they're doing.
And a friend of mine who hadbeen doing some stuff, he texted
me and said all right, I quittoday.
And so I said come on, man,don't quit on Quitter's Day,
quit the next day.
But you know, I quit today.
And so I said come on, man,don't quit on quitter's day,
quit the next day.
But you know, this is notnecessarily about that kind of
(07:51):
growth or that kind of maturityor how you can have your best 25
.
Okay, this is about really justsome personal life skills of
maturity and growing and whatthat looks like.
So, off the off the top of yourhead what, what does?
What does growth or maturity?
What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (08:10):
when I say that to you, I think I mean the first
thing that comes to mind andthis is not all encompassing is
your outward actions, how you,how you speak and how you handle
situations.
That's the first thing thatcomes to mind.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Okay, okay.
So give me, give me an exampleof what that may look like in
your mind.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Well, somebody says something that this doesn't sit
quite right to you.
So what do you?
You know your reaction to that,how, how you would handle that
and I, for me, that would havebeen, you know, handled like in
the 20.
When I was in my 20s, I got myfeelings hurt a lot and I made
up things in my head that didn'thappen and got my feelings hurt
(08:55):
a lot.
So I hope that I hope thatthat's not still a thing now.
I don't feel like it is no, doyou feel like you're?
Speaker 1 (09:02):
are you saying that you, you got tougher skin or
maybe you process theinformation different now?
Versus I mean, yeah, I don'tfeel like it is.
No, do you feel like you'resaying that you got tougher skin
, or maybe you process theinformation different now?
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I mean, yeah, I don't think I got tougher skin,
because my skin's not completelytough yet, but I think I think
I grew.
I think I grew up me and thedamage that it would do to me
and to relationships for thatparticular thing, to have my
(09:30):
feelings hurt all the time or toframe things to where they must
have been out, to get me oroffend me or yeah, does that
make sense?
Speaker 1 (09:39):
It does make sense.
You know, thinking, thinkingabout that.
You know, I've always said thatmost people's favorite subject
is themselves.
And it is amazing to me how, ifyou hear something or see
something or read something onsomebody's post and you're like
(09:59):
they're talking about me,they're talking about me and
you're like I don't think theyare.
No, yeah, yeah, that's about me.
That's about me Because you'relike I don't think they are.
No, yeah, yeah, that's about me.
That's about me, becausepeople's favorite subjects are
themselves and they love to besomehow involved in everything
and get offended and wear theirfeelings on their sleeve about
everything.
You know and you're right, andyou said that like, I think,
(10:22):
your response at 25 to something, I will say this it was
probably more volatile and sharp.
When somebody said something toyou, you would have more of a
tendency to be sharp backbecause that was just your, your
, your nature at that age, butat 51, which is funny, we were
(10:43):
talking about this the other daynature at that age, but at 51,
which is funny, we were talkingabout this the other day
somebody said you're one of themost diplomatic people I know
and I was like that's right, I'mless diplomatic At 53, I used
to be real diplomatic.
I'm the peacemaker man.
I'm like, hey, it's okay, we'regoing to hey, hey, hey.
(11:06):
And now she's like, hey, it'sokay.
And I'm like, no, let me tellyou, listen, listen, we, you
know.
So I'm less diplomatic and youare, because we've kind of
changed gears and roles.
But that is a maturity traitthat you don't always and I
think that's it, that you don'talways, and I think that's it
you don't always have to saywhat's on your mind, right, and
(11:27):
growth and maturity allows youto shut up sometimes yeah I'm
trying to talk about not alwayssay what's on your mind, and
even sometimes you can saywhat's on your mind, but you
don't need to say it to the, tothe person that it doesn't need
to be said to.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I've told um, I've I've really been trying to teach
my girls and some more thanothers it's okay to feel that
way or say that, but you need tosay it in the safety of family.
If you've got something to sayabout, like this situation at
work or this situation in familyor whatever, then you need to
say it to somebody safe, that is, to where the situation does
(12:00):
not blow up, just so you can getit out there and you can be
heard.
But you need to.
You need to save that for thosesituations.
You don't always need to say iton Facebook or in a text or to
the person standing in front ofyou.
So that's that's it.
You don't.
You don't have to sayeverything you're thinking
Sometimes in that moment.
(12:21):
Right, you can say what you'rethinking in the safety of
another relationship maybe Right.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Yeah, because when I'm in a situation, you know me,
my mind works quick and I'mlike boy, I want to say
something.
And do I sometimes?
Yes, do I regret it?
Yes, I can't unsend an email.
Sometimes I'm like man, Ishouldn't have said that.
(12:47):
Well, you're supposed to be ableto know how, but I haven't
figured that out yet, I'm sure,but like I don't feel bad about
it until about 10 minutes in andthen it's too late to retract
it.
You know there's a time frameyou can retract an email, but
you know you do have to becareful what you say and how you
(13:09):
say things.
And I think the one thing thatI've learned and it's hard is
being slow to speak, and I thinkwe've talked about this before
on the podcast is that you haveto allow space in between the
words that are said to youversus your reaction or whatever
you're going to say back.
A lot of people don't take thattime and that space to react.
(13:36):
They automatically reactbecause most people are already
sitting on the edge of theirseat because there's something
they want to say and they're notreally paying attention, nor
are they looking at the spiritof the person or maybe the
thought behind whatever theperson is trying to communicate
to them.
They just want to be heard, andimmaturity does that.
Immaturity speaks fast, itspeaks fast and it listens last.
(13:58):
And so let's just talk aboutwhat maturity looks like and you
just kind of tell me.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Well, we just talked about that Responses at 35, at
45, at 55, at 65 shouldn't bethe same responses to situations
or to people that they were at25.
At 45, my responses to thingsshould not be the same as they
were at 35.
The things that I was justtalking about how I was in my
20s if I'm still reacting tosituations and we'll talk about
(14:34):
several different ways to knowthat you've grown up, you're
growing up, kind of a checklistIf I'm still responding to
situations the same, then I'venot grown up.
I'm just living year by year,being the same and not growing.
And so we can talk about some ofthe things of what does
maturity look like?
How do you know if you'rematuring?
(14:55):
I mean, if you're maturing, youknow, just off the cuff.
Some of those things are liketaking responsibility for things
.
Off the cuff.
Some of those things are liketaking responsibility for things
, and some of these things we'lltalk about are go hand in hand
with that managing stress, youknow, not having an ego.
(15:15):
That's, that's because, likeyou said, it's all about it's
all about me sometimes.
But we can just start kind ofbreaking some of that down of
what that really looks like.
Right, one of them isself-awareness, and what is it
you said about it's?
Speaker 1 (15:31):
It's been said that self-awareness is the highest
form of self-care.
Ok, because if you can knowyourself, then you can know all
your proclivities.
You can know all yourproclivities, you can know all
the things that are good and badabout you, and then you can
triage those type places in yourlife that need help, the places
(15:53):
that are weak, the places thatare bad, and you actually say
you know what.
This is a weakness of mine.
I am weak when it comes to X, y, z, and so I recognize that
pattern about myself and I'm notgoing to allow myself to be put
in this situation withoutgaining some strength or some
wisdom or whatever to help meovercome that.
(16:15):
And so you actually becomebetter at caring for yourself
and then you can make progressand you can become a little more
mature when you recognize andhave self-awareness.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
So that that was kind of my, my thought process well,
and even even in being selfself-aware, I think you have to
continually do an inventory tosee if something is slipping.
For instance, I know that we'regonna I'm not jumping ahead to,
I'm just gonna bring up.
You know, we going to talkabout boundaries and my
boundaries, and some sometimeshave been great.
(16:50):
But this year I went lookingthrough our bookshelf to see if
we still have a copy ofboundaries because I'm becoming
aware that I need to reread thebook.
I was saying way, way too manyyeses last year and that ended
up biting me and I would eitherbe resentful or whatever.
And we'll talk about more aboutthat in boundaries, you know,
(17:13):
because I had let myself slip inthose areas, and so
self-awareness, I think, needsto be continually ongoing.
Okay, here's all the thingslike what, what am I doing great
at and what am I?
What am I, what do I need tobrush up on and get better at?
Well, you're talking aboutstrengths and weaknesses, so
this is interesting.
And our interviews with people.
I always send them a list aheadof time so that they're not
(17:36):
stumbling around.
We do FaceTime interviews nowwith employees, potential
employees, because COVID changedpeople coming in for an
interview.
This never happened to us inall those years of business.
But after COVID, during COVIDand after COVID, people would
not show up for interviews.
Like you would talk to themthat morning at nine o'clock and
say, just checking in to makesure I'm going to still see you
(17:58):
in an hour and a half.
Yeah, see you then.
And then you go and you sit tomeet them and you're like, where
are they at?
It's, they're still not here.
They're still not here, they'restill not here.
You text them.
They would completely ghost you, and that started happening
frequently.
It was strange, more than not.
Yeah, and so we have a prettystrict.
(18:21):
Now we're going to do a FaceTimeinterview, because I'm not
going and sitting somewhere andwaiting on you for an hour
wondering what's going to happen.
So I send them a list ahead oftime.
These are the interviewquestions and one of the
questions is tell me about yourstrengths and tell me about your
weaknesses.
Now, they know the questionahead of time and again, more
often than not, we get tostrengths and they'll tell me,
like I'm great at rememberingthings or I learn really fast.
I'm a people person.
(18:41):
Yeah, I'm great with customers.
And then also tell me aboutyour weaknesses.
Yeah, I don't really have any,and I try because they can see
me.
Of course it's FaceTime.
I really try to not laugh there.
Sometimes I do Fix your facegirl.
Sometimes I go really, how haveyou accomplished that,
(19:04):
especially at such a young age?
Gosh, wow, god has been good.
I mean, yeah, how did youaccomplished that, especially at
such a young age?
Like, how have you Gosh, wowGod has been good.
I mean, yeah, how did you getthere?
I need to learn more.
But yeah, being self-aware isrealizing you do have weaknesses
, we all do.
We have weaknesses.
So, yeah, that's just kind offunny.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
So, yeah, well that lets you know that their
weakness is self-awareness.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
So yeah, this is a side note my favorite, though,
because you know we're ratedhighly for our customer service,
and if we're ever not, then Ialways need to know.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Tell us.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
But when they say I'm not really good with people,
I'm like, oh no, oh no, we couldjust, honestly, we could stop
right there.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
We don't even like people.
I'm really sorry, bro.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
I've heard that one, it's funny.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Yeah, you got a.
You need to find somethingthat's just you, but.
But I think self-awareness is akey man.
It's so huge as far as growingand maturing.
You need to recognize whatpeople already see about you.
Yeah, it's easy, like my friendMike here, you know I can say
hey, mike, this is what I thinkmay be your weakness.
Well, he may not know thatabout himself until he starts
(20:09):
getting a reflection, and I dothink that's a huge key.
You need to listen.
Strengths are great.
Like I'm telling you, mike's adynamic guy, but I'm sure he has
weaknesses every day, that helooks in that mirror, that his
wife may not see but he sees.
And you need to know thosethings.
That way you can work on it.
If you don't know something'swrong, you can't work on it.
(20:31):
If your car is going clunk,clunk, clunk, clunk, turning the
radio up louder to where youdon't hear it does not fix the
problem until you're sitting onthe side of the road and have to
call a tow truck because youdisregarded being aware that
your car had problems.
Your life's the same way, beingself-aware.
What's another thing?
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Self-control.
That's what we were talkingabout.
Just saying what comes to thefirst thing that pops in your
head self-control of taking inand processing and framing it
and trying to consider well, howdo they really mean that, or
even situations that happen that, or even you know situations
that happen that you hear about,you know how.
(21:11):
What's the background of that,why did that happen that way,
before you know getting mad orflying off the handle or sending
a text or sending an email, youknow taking time to consider
all the points to it andsometimes, when you do that, you
can figure and even askquestions.
Now, when you said that, whatwere you talking about?
(21:33):
You know, last night at churchsomebody said something to me
and I said and at first itsounded a little off and I said
how do you mean?
Instead of saying you don'tknow what you're talking about,
I wanted to say you don't evenknow what you're talking about.
That's what I wanted to say.
I wanted to say you don't evenknow what you're talking about.
But I said how do you mean?
Explain that to me.
Give yourself and just thinkingof things like that, if you
(21:57):
know you're quick to losecontrol having some backup
questions that are ready to goof, explain that to me again.
And now, what was it that yousaid can sometimes slow the roll
, to help you manage youremotions and not lash out.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Well, and self-control also.
It goes into a lot of areas ofyour life and self-control is
indulgence, control in essence,whether it is emotion or whether
it is food, or whether it's sex, whether it's addiction or
whether it is a food, whetherit's sex, whether it's addiction
or whatever self-control isit's, it's tough.
It is very, very hard to haveself-control and whatever that
particular thing is.
But I think maturity is havingself control.
Now I'm going to say this, andthis is we, we.
(22:41):
We joke about this a lot.
I have a hard time withself-control when it comes to
sweets, and that's a silly thing, but that's the truth.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
And so, like you know , we've been on this thing for I
don't even know how many day7,640.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
I think we're day 24 today Like no bread.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
So you're not even a third way there, no bread, no
gluten, no sugar.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Well, it's cool, man.
It's worked for me.
I've lost 10 pounds in threeweeks.
I feel great, I'm performingwell, but the past couple of
days we had a huge catering thatwe did and there was three
pieces of red velvet cake left.
I like red velvet cake.
No, I love red velvet cake.
And I asked you.
I said please throw that away.
And you almost threw it away.
(23:22):
I moved it to the counterbeside the garbage can, To the
counter beside the garbage can,not in the garbage can.
And so here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
It's just so hard to pick up cake and throw it.
Perfectly good cake.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
And then last night she had cooked some things for
the church and she had chocolatecake or yellow cake with
chocolate icing.
That is my absolute favoriteand anybody wants to cook me one
of those, I'll take it.
I love them, but not for 50.
But she said, hey, you want totaste this.
I said I can't have it.
She said that's ridiculous.
I said I cannot.
(23:54):
I said you don't understand.
One piece turns into two pieces,and then I'm going to eat a
little bit of the third piecewhile I'm deciding if I want a
fourth piece, and then I'm sevenpieces deep with my finger and
my belly button and gotchocolate all over my mouth.
And and here I am deep in aproblem for me, because of
(24:16):
self-control, and that's where,like sometimes and this is where
I am Sometimes I've just got toabsolutely cut out a particular
thing in my life, even thoughit may not be as harmful,
because I don't have enoughcontrol in that area.
And that's one area that I gotto work.
And so it doesn't matter ifit's emotion, if it's food, if
it's addiction.
Self-control is maturity.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
And the last part about that is just also
self-control with yourself, howyou talk to yourself and how you
treat yourself.
So you know you can lash out onothers, but sometimes you can
just beat up yourself and havevery negative self-talk and you
have to control that as well.
Yeah, so empathy, empathy isanother part, not sympathy, no,
(24:56):
empathy, empathy, empathy, yeah,and I think that does develop
with maturity because, like wewere talking about your favorite
subject, sometimes is you, butmaking it not about you and the
others around you, and then eveneven greater, like others in
(25:18):
the world, having care andthought for situations that
other people are going through,thinking about the people that
have just suffered all thewildfires in California, that
are losing their homes, likejust flood victims, like
thinking outside of of yourself,and and you is empathy, yeah,
yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
And I'm not.
I was going to say somethingabout I'm not.
We're going to move on, becausethere's a hot topic right now
about being empathetic.
So I think that when you canput yourself in the shoes of
somebody else, yes.
Because they are people, yeah,no matter who, they are Right.
And when people hurt, you know,you need to say you know what?
(25:55):
I'm not there and maybe I'mthankful that I'm not
particularly there at thissituation, but God forbid that I
was there and you know.
That's empathy, and I think youhave to really empathy.
You can see what other peoplesay, you can kind of feel what
they're going through and you'renot just like, well, it sucks
to be you, you know, and that'sthe idea.
(26:17):
So, other than that, I thinkhealthy relationships and this
is one that I this is a realgood one here is healthy
relationships.
This is a real good one here.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
It's healthy relationships, yeah, and that's
being able to.
You know, for me, healthyrelationships it's not about
just having a healthyrelationship, it's about
maintaining a healthyrelationship.
That's right.
How healthy is my relationshipwith friend A if I only have
(26:49):
that relationship for six monthsor a year and then I'm on to
the next relationship and thenext relationship, like at the
end of it?
You know, if I have bestfriends from the age of 15 years
old to 55 years old, how manyyears is that 40.
I shouldn't have had 40 bestfriends, like I would hope.
(27:09):
One a year, yeah, like that'sthe and even and.
That can go into dating andeverything else.
But in the relationships aroundus family and friends,
maintaining those relationships,putting the work into those
relationships, because if you'vegot a new best friend every
year, then you need to stop andsay OK, why.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Why.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Now it's fine to have new friends.
Some people say no new friends.
I've never understood that,like I like new friends.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
I like people yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
Yeah, that's a funny side note.
Yeah, that's what funny sidenote you know it was.
It was funny to some, notshocking to others, that at mile
five I made a new friend inStarkville and I made her start
talking to me and listening tome and we ended up running
together the rest of the whole13 miles, talking nonstop, and
we knew each other's names,names, everything about each
(27:57):
other.
We're facebook friends now andtext friends, because I do.
I like new friends and I was.
I was just determined she wasgoing to be my new friend too.
Um, so that's you know.
No, new friends are great, butwe've also.
We don't throw out our oldfriends.
We've got to figure out how tomaintain relationships and if
we're switching relationshipsall the time, then sometimes,
(28:19):
sometimes we have to say, okay,I've got to grow here, I've got
to figure out why myrelationships are tanking.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Right, and it's the maintaining, and that is the key
part.
It's not forming, it'smaintaining.
I met a guy on the run in two.
His name was Mark, I don't knowanything else about him, but I
made sure that I didn't let himbeat me to the finish line.
That's important.
That's important.
(28:45):
I didn't care about formingrelationships during the run,
but anyway.
So another thing is is thatwe're conflict resolution.
You know, it's not okay to staymad all the time.
You just got to learn how tohave a healthy resolution to
conflict.
Conflict is part of life.
You're not going to agree withsomebody, you're not going to
see eye to eye, and it is okayto sit down and say, hey, listen
, I don't necessarily agree withyou about this.
(29:05):
Let's talk about how we canwork through this together.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Yeah, and that's healthy, instead of just walking
away mad saying, okay, this isour issue, how can we talk
through this, how can we getthrough this?
And even, sometimes, what is itAgree to disagree?
Yeah, and we do that sometimes.
Yeah, we do, we agree todisagree.
The other one, which I am stillgrowing and I'm not figuring it
out, is stress management.
This is a part where we bothknow and anybody close to me
(29:28):
knows that I am trying to workon it.
One of my doctors said well, gorun.
I said I would be running allday.
I've got to stop at some pointand live life, so that's not.
So, yeah, I'm working on stressmanagement because for years I
thought I didn't have stress,but then, the older I got, it
(29:50):
started exhibiting in other waysbecause I just ignored that.
I do have stress, apparently.
But you know I'm working onthat one.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
That is one where I'm working hard on Well and you
could have asked me and I couldhave told you.
You know you had stress,because it was stressful, but
you know, another thing as weget toward the end here is
constructive criticism.
I can tell you now, the sign ofa good person who has grown and
matured, can receive feedbackwithout being a baby.
(30:20):
Now listen, I'm going to behonest with you.
I've struggled with that for along time.
I'm much better than I used tobe, and because you would tell
me things that I didn't want tohear and even though I know
they're true sometimes, you know, with the feedback that
somebody's giving you is true,you're like I don't want to hear
that and I specifically don'twant to hear that from you.
And so, getting feedback andnot having an outburst, not
(30:46):
being pouty, not wanting to I'mnot talking to you for two days,
don't look at me you know thatis a sign of growth and maturity
.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
And genuinely, most people have your best interest
at heart when they're tellingyou that, because if somebody is
taking the time to tell yousomething that they know even
may upset you and may make them,maybe even mad at you, but
they're going to take the riskanyway, that usually means they
care enough about you to say,hey, I don't even know if you're
aware of this, but I just wantto point this out that this is
something you may want to thinkabout and consider.
(31:20):
It's usually, if it'sconstructive criticism, that's
what it means.
They're helping you toconstruct you, to be a better
you, and we need that mirrorsometimes, because our mirror
gets cloudy and foggy and wecan't see what we're doing or
what we're saying or how we'rebehaving, and so we need that
other mirror to sharpen us andmake us better.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
You either have a cloudy mirror or you put on
rose-colored glasses andeverything looks wonderful and
everything you say and do isawesome.
But you know, I think maturityand just growing really comes
down to accepting responsibility.
I think that's it.
You have to acceptresponsibility for you.
I can't accept responsibility'sit.
You have to acceptresponsibility for you.
I can't accept responsibilityfor you.
(32:01):
I have to do it for myself.
My actions, decisions, evenlearning from my mistakes.
It is okay.
If you screw up, you need totake responsibility for it.
I call it putting your big boypants on.
You need to put your big boypants on and say you know what.
(32:25):
I made a mistake here.
This is me and I'm going totell you if you make a mistake
with me and you'll come back andsay you know what I did it.
I respect you and I'm like cool, we can move on.
But if you're obtuse and youjust kind of go your way and
have an ego and like, you knowthat that doesn't get any kind
of go your way and have an egoand not, you know that that
doesn't get any kind of respectfrom people.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
Or lie.
You know that that's my.
If you yeah, if you won't takeresponsibility and you lie that
somebody else did it or you haveno idea, I don't know.
We got you on camera doing it.
No, I don't know, it wasn't me.
It wasn't me, it was somebodythat just looked exactly like me
.
It.
(33:02):
Talking again about boundaries Italked about that a second ago.
This is another one I have towork on, because if you do not
set boundaries, it's not goodfor you and it's not good for
the people around you, cause youknow, when I, if I overextend
myself, let's just, let's justsay not necessarily, these are
not.
I'm not talking aboutrelationships, of setting
boundaries with people that youneed to set boundaries with, but
my, my, my downfall withboundaries is usually taking on
things that I need to say no to,and the thing is is that it
doesn't just hurt me.
Going back to stress management, it will affect the
(33:24):
relationships around me,sometimes, because I'm going to
become tired, I'm going tobecome cranky, I'm going to
start lashing out because Ichose to put too much on my
plate.
You know, a recent thing was theyouth asked me to go on a trip
with them.
They needed somebody to cookand I wanted so bad to be able
to help them.
But you kept telling me youneed to think about this, you
(33:47):
need to think about this.
Look at your cat.
And I kept looking at mycalendar going well, yeah, it's
kind of I don't need to do it, Idon't, but I should, I feel
like I should, jesus would wantme to.
And then I did the best thingthat I needed to do for them and
for me and I said no, I cannotdo it, I'm sorry, and that was
that's.
Saying no is hard.
(34:07):
But then sometimes, after youjust say it, you're like you
know that was the absolute bestdecision that I could have made
for me, for them and for those Ilove.
Sometimes, and thenrelationships just set in
boundaries with people thatdrain you, that pull you.
You know that are not goodinfluences, all those things
Sometimes we just have to drawthat line.
So if, if that's a struggle foranybody, listening boundaries
(34:28):
book will help you and it willhelp me if I can find a copy, if
anybody has a copy and you'relistening, please send me a copy
.
Let me borrow it for a minute.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Well, you know, shonda Rhimes has a book called
the Year of yes and somebody outthere needs to have the year of
no.
Yeah, you need to say no.
That's not going to work for methis time.
And I've got to set someboundaries for my marriage.
I've got to set some boundariesfor my family.
I've got to set some boundarieswith my church.
I've got to set some boundarieswith my job, whatever that is,
(34:57):
any of my relationships.
And I'm telling you, the powerof no is an amazing thing, so I
would encourage you.
And then, finally, this isdelaying gratification.
Man, being mature and growingis delaying gratification.
You know the generation behindus.
I love them.
I got four of them, but theywant instant gratification.
(35:19):
I want mine now.
You know it's like the prodigalson give me my stuff now and
I'm going to go out and I'mgoing to live and have a great
time.
And, of course, you know daddytook him back and I would do the
same for any of my kids, but Iwant mine now.
I want what mom and daddy have.
You know I want, I want to.
Y'all are going somewhere.
I want.
What mom and daddy have, youknow I want, I want to.
Well, y'all are going somewhere.
I want to go too.
(35:39):
You know I should and no, youshouldn't.
You know, we're going to Vailnext week and that's not
bragging, we're just.
We're going to Vail next weekand you know our kids are like,
well, we want to go and I'm like, no, not going.
You, you know, and they're youknow, because at 53, when
they're 30 or 28 and 32,whatever, you know, I didn't go
(36:02):
anywhere.
I was raising kids, I wastrying to figure out how to make
a living, I was trying tofigure out how to pay to blow
water and light and and likefiguring things out.
And you know, if somebody hasmeans before they're, they're
older, that's cool.
But like now I have opportunitybecause I did stuff back here
and delayed some gratificationand I think that that is
(36:25):
maturing in any way.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Well, let me just say our kids are well-traveled for
their age.
My kids have done more in their20s than I did in the first 20
years of marriage, probably atall, and they probably maybe
have still done it.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Yeah, but they're funny sometimes Can you Venmo me
some money out here yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Our kids and I do.
I love, though, that our kidsare not homebodies and they do
love to wander.
They just sometimes want towander where we're wandering,
and it's not time for them towander where we're wandering.
But yeah, even talking aboutthe cake, going back to your
cake, you're delaying yourgratification now because you're
training for a 50-mile race andI shouldn't have last night.
But they said, why are you notdoing this?
(37:06):
I said because I'm not stupid,and that was just me being funny
, but I don't think you'restupid.
I love that.
You have hard goals and, likeyou said, you like pain.
I don't like pain.
The 13-mile race last Saturdayhurt me and I'm still hurting
five days later.
So I don't want to do 50 milesbecause I don't love pain like
that.
But you know you're delayinggratification.
You're in 75 days of very hardtraining and whatever, because
(37:29):
it's going to pay off for youlater.
Even you know sometimes peoplethat are taking on a second job
or they're going to school onthe side of their job.
You're delaying yourgratification, and that's a good
thing.
Learning how to do the hardstuff, sometimes for a bigger
paycheck later, a better lifelater, all those things, that's.
Speaker 1 (37:48):
that's signs of growth it is, and that brings
the point that we'll finish on.
There's two people that Ithought about.
There's a lady named Jenniferwho used to work for us.
She worked a second job, for sheworked for us five years, seven
years.
She worked for us a long timeand so so that they could get
their stuff paid off and figuredout and done.
And then she was able, abouttwo months ago, to quit because
(38:12):
she'd been delayinggratification.
And then the other lady,kristen, at Chick-fil-a, the the
Chick-fil-A celebrated.
You remember she had beenworking, working, working so
they could pay off all theirbills and pay off their house
and everything.
And she did that and her timewas over because she delayed
gratification.
And maturity is being able to dothat, and so we just want to
(38:33):
encourage you.
Listen, we're not telling youthat we are fully grown, because
we may be teenagers at times,but we're working that way to
work through puberty and grow upand learn, and it has been.
It's not easy.
Okay, let me explain that toyou.
It is not easy to grow upbecause there are things that
(38:53):
you want we all have tendenciesof selfishness and things that
we desire, we'd like to have.
But I can promise you this asyou grow and mature, life gets
so much better.
Things roll off your back awhole lot more.
I'm not uptight as much as Iused to be, especially with my
kids.
When they say something I'mlike okay, whatever, I don't
(39:14):
engage anymore Because my job isto be a good father and love
them, be a good husband, be agood friend, and it's really not
about me trying to fix you.
I've got to take care of me andI've got to grow and mature.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
Last thought I think that's it.
We're growing too, and we'rejust trying to figure out these
places where we've got to keepgrowing.
I hope if I said this samething again five years from now,
then there's some areas that Icould say okay, that's, I'm
really, I'm doing pretty goodthere, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
And you are.
You're doing fantastic andyou're, you're wonderful.
So anyway, hey, thanks so muchfor listening this morning.
We just encourage you to hop inthe flow with somebody who's
going the way you want to go,and I promise you things will be
great on the other side.
Thank you for listening thismorning.
Moving on to the better.
Hey, good morning.
Good morning, this is Brad andI'm with my wife, tiffany.
Good morning, tiffany, goodmorning.
Hey, we are the host of theHustle Flow podcast.
We are here coming to youseason two.
We finished up season one lastyear, had a great time doing
that getting to share content,getting to know the audience and
had some good feedback.
So we're back for season twoand really hope that this year
(00:42):
that we can bring some goodcontent to you, some good topics
, and I'm excited about that.
Today we're actually going todelve into maturity, growing up.
So one of the things that youhear sometimes is you need to
grow up, and then most of thetime, the comment back is no,
you need to grow up, and sowe're going to talk about
(01:03):
maturity.
We're going to talk aboutmaturity.
We're going to talk aboutgrowth and maybe what that looks
like and and hopefully this,this session, will help you
maybe find some ways to to growa little bit.
So, uh, what man it's been it'sbeen a minute since we've been
on the microphone.
So what's been happening inyour world?
Man did tell me what.
Uh, I know a lot, but but tellme where you're at.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Oh, just chasing goals, chasing grandkids and
doing all the things.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
All the things.
What does that look like,though?
Tell me your most recentaccomplishment.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
That would have been Saturday.
The half marathon in Starkville, mississippi, that is not God's
country.
God's country is Oxford,mississippi, obviously.
But uh, yeah, I'm just kidding,but yeah, that was.
That was interesting.
I'd been warned about all thehills over there and didn't
underestimated the hills overthere.
(02:01):
So that was an interesting halfmarathon.
They put on a good race, thatwas good.
So that was.
That was most recentaccomplishment.
Of course I'm.
I'm doing something new, jumpedout We'll probably talk about
that at some point but alwaysjust trying to do new things
because I'm I'm 51.
So it's not time to stop.
It's time to keep going andkeep checking things off the
(02:23):
list and sometimes even checkingthings off the list that are
not on the list.
I've auditioned for a role in alocal theater and got a role in
Steel Magnolias and that isabsolutely uncharted territory
for me.
So that's been interesting andit's been interesting seeing if
my 51-year-old brain canmemorize things.
Brain can memorize things.
(02:50):
So I thought about I really,really give kudos to people who
go back to school late in lifebecause it is.
It's something when you'retrying to remember things that
you've got to remember when yourbrain is not in its 20s anymore
.
So yeah, man, my hat's off topeople who go back to school
late to either further theireducation or do something new,
because it's not easy.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
No, it's not and that .
But you said something that wasreally interesting is that at
51, it's not time to stop, right.
And I was talking to somebodythe other day and their, their,
their kids were talking aboutwhen are y'all going to, when
are y'all going to retire, whenare y'all going to give that up?
You know at what point are yougoing to give this thing up.
And I told you, I said you know, I don't ever want to feel that
(03:33):
way, that there's a finish linefor me, that if I can make it
to 65, and maybe the governmentgives me some money, maybe they
don't, I don't know, but I don'twant to finish Like.
I want to continue to run andcontinue to race and continue to
pursue and achieve things andand have goals and dreams and
visions out in front of us.
(03:54):
And I like that.
And the only way you do that.
I saw this thing on Facebook andI really love it.
It says that comfort is a slowdeath.
Choose pain, love it.
It says that comfort is a slowdeath, choose pain.
And I, you know, for me, I wantto choose things that are
uncomfortable, not necessarilyalways painful things.
Now, you and I are different.
I like painful things.
(04:15):
I like things that are going tohurt me, whatever reason, I
don't know, it's just weird.
But whether whether the pain isactual physical discomfort or
just being uncomfortable withsomething that is out of the
realm of, what you wouldnormally do.
I think that's where we want tobe, especially in our 50s.
(04:37):
I like where we are and I likethe fact that you continue to
pursue goals.
So that's what that looks like.
Let's just jump in today.
You know this is so off topic.
Let's do it.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
But you were just saying about when the government
gives you money.
I don't know if I should beembarrassed, because other
people may know this.
How do you know how much moneyyou're getting?
Is it 65?
Is that when they give youmoney?
Speaker 1 (05:03):
You want the truth?
I have no idea.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
This is terrible.
I have no idea.
Now I feel like I've got tofind out this information you
may know that, and if you do,that's awesome.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
I have no idea.
Um, my idea is to not ever quitand finish.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
My idea is to continue to pursue things well I
know, but I'm still like isthis a given that they're going
to give us that we turn an ageand they get?
They start sending us money.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
It's based on like given yeah, I mean there's
probably a cap on it, but I Iyou know.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
I think it's based on how much you have made over the
years well, I'm gonna writethem a letter when that time
comes and tell them how much Ifeel like I need, and then let's
see if that's something they'll.
They'll send up the ladder andapprove.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I doubt it, I, I doubt it.
So anyway, let's hop in.
This morning that was a reallyoff topic.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
But that's something we need to know.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Then why don't you do that?
Report back to us in the nextsegment.
We'll find out how much you'regoing to get and at what age.
I know there was earlyretirement at 62 and I think
then full retirement at 60.
I don't know if that's changed.
It may be 67 now.
I have no idea.
I just hate to know thatsomebody's hanging on until
they're 65, 67, 68 years oldretiring.
I mean, it's a long time andit's respect for people who hang
(06:17):
in there that long at aparticular job.
And they used to be, and Idon't know why we went this way,
but we're going.
It used to be and I don't knowwhy we went this way, but we're
going.
Used to be that.
That was the, that was.
The goal is that we were goingto stay somewhere 30, 40 years.
We were retire there, we weregoing to build our life there.
But uh, just not quite the sameanymore.
I don't know if covid changedthat or just life changed that,
but we're in a different worldnow.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
I don't know, and being self-employed, that that
looks different.
For us too it does.
Yeah, because we're I going tomake sure that you're working
until you're at least 80.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Well, can I the day I die.
Do you think I can have thatday off Maybe?
possibly All right, that's,that's that.
That's true.
And you think she's joking, butshe's not.
She'll work me and I'll I'lldie.
We'll have my funeral the nextday.
So, um, I just hope that I dieearly in the morning so I don't
have to work all day.
But anyway, I'm joking, I'mjoking, hey.
(07:06):
So let's talk today about growthand maturity, and this is
something we were talking aboutthis past week.
And you know, first of the yearis one of those things new
goals, new me, new year, blah,blah, blah.
And we all have done it.
Sometimes we all still do it.
If you remember, I talked aboutQuitter's Day.
(07:27):
It was the second Friday ofJanuary is considered Quitter's
Day.
That's when most people quittheir dreams, quit their goals,
quit whatever they're doing.
And a friend of mine who hadbeen doing some stuff, he texted
me and said all right, I quittoday.
And so I said come on, man,don't quit on Quitter's Day,
quit the next day.
But you know, I quit today.
And so I said come on, man,don't quit on quitter's day,
quit the next day.
But you know, this is notnecessarily about that kind of
(07:51):
growth or that kind of maturityor how you can have your best 25
.
Okay, this is about really justsome personal life skills of
maturity and growing and whatthat looks like.
So, off the off the top of yourhead what, what does?
What does growth or maturity?
What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (08:10):
when I say that to you, I think I mean the first
thing that comes to mind andthis is not all encompassing is
your outward actions, how you,how you speak and how you handle
situations.
That's the first thing thatcomes to mind.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Okay, okay.
So give me, give me an exampleof what that may look like in
your mind.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Well, somebody says something that this doesn't sit
quite right to you.
So what do you?
You know your reaction to that,how, how you would handle that
and I, for me, that would havebeen, you know, handled like in
the 20.
When I was in my 20s, I got myfeelings hurt a lot and I made
up things in my head that didn'thappen and got my feelings hurt
(08:55):
a lot.
So I hope that I hope thatthat's not still a thing now.
I don't feel like it is no, doyou feel like you're?
Speaker 1 (09:02):
are you saying that you, you got tougher skin or
maybe you process theinformation different now?
Versus I mean, yeah, I don'tfeel like it is.
No, do you feel like you'resaying that you got tougher skin
, or maybe you process theinformation different now?
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I mean, yeah, I don't think I got tougher skin,
because my skin's not completelytough yet, but I think I think
I grew.
I think I grew up me and thedamage that it would do to me
and to relationships for thatparticular thing, to have my
(09:30):
feelings hurt all the time or toframe things to where they must
have been out, to get me oroffend me or yeah, does that
make sense?
Speaker 1 (09:39):
It does make sense.
You know, thinking, thinkingabout that.
You know, I've always said thatmost people's favorite subject
is themselves.
And it is amazing to me how, ifyou hear something or see
something or read something onsomebody's post and you're like
(09:59):
they're talking about me,they're talking about me and
you're like I don't think theyare.
No, yeah, yeah, that's about me.
That's about me Because you'relike I don't think they are.
No, yeah, yeah, that's about me.
That's about me, becausepeople's favorite subjects are
themselves and they love to besomehow involved in everything
and get offended and wear theirfeelings on their sleeve about
everything.
You know and you're right, andyou said that like, I think,
(10:22):
your response at 25 to something, I will say this it was
probably more volatile and sharp.
When somebody said something toyou, you would have more of a
tendency to be sharp backbecause that was just your, your
, your nature at that age, butat 51, which is funny, we were
(10:43):
talking about this the other daynature at that age, but at 51,
which is funny, we were talkingabout this the other day
somebody said you're one of themost diplomatic people I know
and I was like that's right, I'mless diplomatic At 53, I used
to be real diplomatic.
I'm the peacemaker man.
I'm like, hey, it's okay, we'regoing to hey, hey, hey.
(11:06):
And now she's like, hey, it'sokay.
And I'm like, no, let me tellyou, listen, listen, we, you
know.
So I'm less diplomatic and youare, because we've kind of
changed gears and roles.
But that is a maturity traitthat you don't always and I
think that's it, that you don'talways, and I think that's it
you don't always have to saywhat's on your mind, right, and
(11:27):
growth and maturity allows youto shut up sometimes yeah I'm
trying to talk about not alwayssay what's on your mind, and
even sometimes you can saywhat's on your mind, but you
don't need to say it to the, tothe person that it doesn't need
to be said to.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I've told um, I've I've really been trying to teach
my girls and some more thanothers it's okay to feel that
way or say that, but you need tosay it in the safety of family.
If you've got something to sayabout, like this situation at
work or this situation in familyor whatever, then you need to
say it to somebody safe, that is, to where the situation does
(12:00):
not blow up, just so you can getit out there and you can be
heard.
But you need to.
You need to save that for thosesituations.
You don't always need to say iton Facebook or in a text or to
the person standing in front ofyou.
So that's that's it.
You don't.
You don't have to sayeverything you're thinking
Sometimes in that moment.
(12:21):
Right, you can say what you'rethinking in the safety of
another relationship maybe Right.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Yeah, because when I'm in a situation, you know me,
my mind works quick and I'mlike boy, I want to say
something.
And do I sometimes?
Yes, do I regret it?
Yes, I can't unsend an email.
Sometimes I'm like man, Ishouldn't have said that.
(12:47):
Well, you're supposed to be ableto know how, but I haven't
figured that out yet, I'm sure,but like I don't feel bad about
it until about 10 minutes in andthen it's too late to retract
it.
You know there's a time frameyou can retract an email, but
you know you do have to becareful what you say and how you
(13:09):
say things.
And I think the one thing thatI've learned and it's hard is
being slow to speak, and I thinkwe've talked about this before
on the podcast is that you haveto allow space in between the
words that are said to youversus your reaction or whatever
you're going to say back.
A lot of people don't take thattime and that space to react.
(13:36):
They automatically reactbecause most people are already
sitting on the edge of theirseat because there's something
they want to say and they're notreally paying attention, nor
are they looking at the spiritof the person or maybe the
thought behind whatever theperson is trying to communicate
to them.
They just want to be heard, andimmaturity does that.
Immaturity speaks fast, itspeaks fast and it listens last.
(13:58):
And so let's just talk aboutwhat maturity looks like and you
just kind of tell me.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Well, we just talked about that Responses at 35, at
45, at 55, at 65 shouldn't bethe same responses to situations
or to people that they were at25.
At 45, my responses to thingsshould not be the same as they
were at 35.
The things that I was justtalking about how I was in my
20s if I'm still reacting tosituations and we'll talk about
(14:34):
several different ways to knowthat you've grown up, you're
growing up, kind of a checklistIf I'm still responding to
situations the same, then I'venot grown up.
I'm just living year by year,being the same and not growing.
And so we can talk about some ofthe things of what does
maturity look like?
How do you know if you'rematuring?
(14:55):
I mean, if you're maturing, youknow, just off the cuff.
Some of those things are liketaking responsibility for things
.
Off the cuff.
Some of those things are liketaking responsibility for things
, and some of these things we'lltalk about are go hand in hand
with that managing stress, youknow, not having an ego.
(15:15):
That's, that's because, likeyou said, it's all about it's
all about me sometimes.
But we can just start kind ofbreaking some of that down of
what that really looks like.
Right, one of them isself-awareness, and what is it
you said about it's?
Speaker 1 (15:31):
It's been said that self-awareness is the highest
form of self-care.
Ok, because if you can knowyourself, then you can know all
your proclivities.
You can know all yourproclivities, you can know all
the things that are good and badabout you, and then you can
triage those type places in yourlife that need help, the places
(15:53):
that are weak, the places thatare bad, and you actually say
you know what.
This is a weakness of mine.
I am weak when it comes to X, y, z, and so I recognize that
pattern about myself and I'm notgoing to allow myself to be put
in this situation withoutgaining some strength or some
wisdom or whatever to help meovercome that.
(16:15):
And so you actually becomebetter at caring for yourself
and then you can make progressand you can become a little more
mature when you recognize andhave self-awareness.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
So that that was kind of my, my thought process well,
and even even in being selfself-aware, I think you have to
continually do an inventory tosee if something is slipping.
For instance, I know that we'regonna I'm not jumping ahead to,
I'm just gonna bring up.
You know, we going to talkabout boundaries and my
boundaries, and some sometimeshave been great.
(16:50):
But this year I went lookingthrough our bookshelf to see if
we still have a copy ofboundaries because I'm becoming
aware that I need to reread thebook.
I was saying way, way too manyyeses last year and that ended
up biting me and I would eitherbe resentful or whatever.
And we'll talk about more aboutthat in boundaries, you know,
(17:13):
because I had let myself slip inthose areas, and so
self-awareness, I think, needsto be continually ongoing.
Okay, here's all the thingslike what, what am I doing great
at and what am I?
What am I, what do I need tobrush up on and get better at?
Well, you're talking aboutstrengths and weaknesses, so
this is interesting.
And our interviews with people.
I always send them a list aheadof time so that they're not
(17:36):
stumbling around.
We do FaceTime interviews nowwith employees, potential
employees, because COVID changedpeople coming in for an
interview.
This never happened to us inall those years of business.
But after COVID, during COVIDand after COVID, people would
not show up for interviews.
Like you would talk to themthat morning at nine o'clock and
say, just checking in to makesure I'm going to still see you
(17:58):
in an hour and a half.
Yeah, see you then.
And then you go and you sit tomeet them and you're like, where
are they at?
It's, they're still not here.
They're still not here, they'restill not here.
You text them.
They would completely ghost you, and that started happening
frequently.
It was strange, more than not.
Yeah, and so we have a prettystrict.
(18:21):
Now we're going to do a FaceTimeinterview, because I'm not
going and sitting somewhere andwaiting on you for an hour
wondering what's going to happen.
So I send them a list ahead oftime.
These are the interviewquestions and one of the
questions is tell me about yourstrengths and tell me about your
weaknesses.
Now, they know the questionahead of time and again, more
often than not, we get tostrengths and they'll tell me,
like I'm great at rememberingthings or I learn really fast.
I'm a people person.
(18:41):
Yeah, I'm great with customers.
And then also tell me aboutyour weaknesses.
Yeah, I don't really have any,and I try because they can see
me.
Of course it's FaceTime.
I really try to not laugh there.
Sometimes I do Fix your facegirl.
Sometimes I go really, how haveyou accomplished that,
(19:04):
especially at such a young age?
Gosh, wow, god has been good.
I mean, yeah, how did youaccomplished that, especially at
such a young age?
Like, how have you Gosh, wowGod has been good.
I mean, yeah, how did you getthere?
I need to learn more.
But yeah, being self-aware isrealizing you do have weaknesses
, we all do.
We have weaknesses.
So, yeah, that's just kind offunny.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
So, yeah, well that lets you know that their
weakness is self-awareness.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
So yeah, this is a side note my favorite, though,
because you know we're ratedhighly for our customer service,
and if we're ever not, then Ialways need to know.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Tell us.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
But when they say I'm not really good with people,
I'm like, oh no, oh no, we couldjust, honestly, we could stop
right there.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
We don't even like people.
I'm really sorry, bro.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
I've heard that one, it's funny.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Yeah, you got a.
You need to find somethingthat's just you, but.
But I think self-awareness is akey man.
It's so huge as far as growingand maturing.
You need to recognize whatpeople already see about you.
Yeah, it's easy, like my friendMike here, you know I can say
hey, mike, this is what I thinkmay be your weakness.
Well, he may not know thatabout himself until he starts
(20:09):
getting a reflection, and I dothink that's a huge key.
You need to listen.
Strengths are great.
Like I'm telling you, mike's adynamic guy, but I'm sure he has
weaknesses every day, that helooks in that mirror, that his
wife may not see but he sees.
And you need to know thosethings.
That way you can work on it.
If you don't know something'swrong, you can't work on it.
(20:31):
If your car is going clunk,clunk, clunk, clunk, turning the
radio up louder to where youdon't hear it does not fix the
problem until you're sitting onthe side of the road and have to
call a tow truck because youdisregarded being aware that
your car had problems.
Your life's the same way, beingself-aware.
What's another thing?
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Self-control.
That's what we were talkingabout.
Just saying what comes to thefirst thing that pops in your
head self-control of taking inand processing and framing it
and trying to consider well, howdo they really mean that, or
even situations that happen that, or even you know situations
that happen that you hear about,you know how.
(21:11):
What's the background of that,why did that happen that way,
before you know getting mad orflying off the handle or sending
a text or sending an email, youknow taking time to consider
all the points to it andsometimes, when you do that, you
can figure and even askquestions.
Now, when you said that, whatwere you talking about?
(21:33):
You know, last night at churchsomebody said something to me
and I said and at first itsounded a little off and I said
how do you mean?
Instead of saying you don'tknow what you're talking about,
I wanted to say you don't evenknow what you're talking about.
That's what I wanted to say.
I wanted to say you don't evenknow what you're talking about.
But I said how do you mean?
Explain that to me.
Give yourself and just thinkingof things like that, if you
(21:57):
know you're quick to losecontrol having some backup
questions that are ready to goof, explain that to me again.
And now, what was it that yousaid can sometimes slow the roll
, to help you manage youremotions and not lash out.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Well, and self-control also.
It goes into a lot of areas ofyour life and self-control is
indulgence, control in essence,whether it is emotion or whether
it is food, or whether it's sex, whether it's addiction or
whether it is a food, whetherit's sex, whether it's addiction
or whatever self-control isit's, it's tough.
It is very, very hard to haveself-control and whatever that
particular thing is.
But I think maturity is havingself control.
Now I'm going to say this, andthis is we, we.
(22:41):
We joke about this a lot.
I have a hard time withself-control when it comes to
sweets, and that's a silly thing, but that's the truth.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
And so, like you know , we've been on this thing for I
don't even know how many day7,640.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
I think we're day 24 today Like no bread.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
So you're not even a third way there, no bread, no
gluten, no sugar.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Well, it's cool, man.
It's worked for me.
I've lost 10 pounds in threeweeks.
I feel great, I'm performingwell, but the past couple of
days we had a huge catering thatwe did and there was three
pieces of red velvet cake left.
I like red velvet cake.
No, I love red velvet cake.
And I asked you.
I said please throw that away.
And you almost threw it away.
(23:22):
I moved it to the counterbeside the garbage can, To the
counter beside the garbage can,not in the garbage can.
And so here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
It's just so hard to pick up cake and throw it.
Perfectly good cake.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
And then last night she had cooked some things for
the church and she had chocolatecake or yellow cake with
chocolate icing.
That is my absolute favoriteand anybody wants to cook me one
of those, I'll take it.
I love them, but not for 50.
But she said, hey, you want totaste this.
I said I can't have it.
She said that's ridiculous.
I said I cannot.
(23:54):
I said you don't understand.
One piece turns into two pieces,and then I'm going to eat a
little bit of the third piecewhile I'm deciding if I want a
fourth piece, and then I'm sevenpieces deep with my finger and
my belly button and gotchocolate all over my mouth.
And and here I am deep in aproblem for me, because of
(24:16):
self-control, and that's where,like sometimes and this is where
I am Sometimes I've just got toabsolutely cut out a particular
thing in my life, even thoughit may not be as harmful,
because I don't have enoughcontrol in that area.
And that's one area that I gotto work.
And so it doesn't matter ifit's emotion, if it's food, if
it's addiction.
Self-control is maturity.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
And the last part about that is just also
self-control with yourself, howyou talk to yourself and how you
treat yourself.
So you know you can lash out onothers, but sometimes you can
just beat up yourself and havevery negative self-talk and you
have to control that as well.
Yeah, so empathy, empathy isanother part, not sympathy, no,
(24:56):
empathy, empathy, empathy, yeah,and I think that does develop
with maturity because, like wewere talking about your favorite
subject, sometimes is you, butmaking it not about you and the
others around you, and then eveneven greater, like others in
(25:18):
the world, having care andthought for situations that
other people are going through,thinking about the people that
have just suffered all thewildfires in California, that
are losing their homes, likejust flood victims, like
thinking outside of of yourself,and and you is empathy, yeah,
yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
And I'm not.
I was going to say somethingabout I'm not.
We're going to move on, becausethere's a hot topic right now
about being empathetic.
So I think that when you canput yourself in the shoes of
somebody else, yes.
Because they are people, yeah,no matter who, they are Right.
And when people hurt, you know,you need to say you know what?
(25:55):
I'm not there and maybe I'mthankful that I'm not
particularly there at thissituation, but God forbid that I
was there and you know.
That's empathy, and I think youhave to really empathy.
You can see what other peoplesay, you can kind of feel what
they're going through and you'renot just like, well, it sucks
to be you, you know, and that'sthe idea.
(26:17):
So, other than that, I thinkhealthy relationships and this
is one that I this is a realgood one here is healthy
relationships.
This is a real good one here.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
It's healthy relationships, yeah, and that's
being able to.
You know, for me, healthyrelationships it's not about
just having a healthyrelationship, it's about
maintaining a healthyrelationship.
That's right.
How healthy is my relationshipwith friend A if I only have
(26:49):
that relationship for six monthsor a year and then I'm on to
the next relationship and thenext relationship, like at the
end of it?
You know, if I have bestfriends from the age of 15 years
old to 55 years old, how manyyears is that 40.
I shouldn't have had 40 bestfriends, like I would hope.
(27:09):
One a year, yeah, like that'sthe and even and.
That can go into dating andeverything else.
But in the relationships aroundus family and friends,
maintaining those relationships,putting the work into those
relationships, because if you'vegot a new best friend every
year, then you need to stop andsay OK, why.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Why.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Now it's fine to have new friends.
Some people say no new friends.
I've never understood that,like I like new friends.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
I like people yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
Yeah, that's a funny side note.
Yeah, that's what funny sidenote you know it was.
It was funny to some, notshocking to others, that at mile
five I made a new friend inStarkville and I made her start
talking to me and listening tome and we ended up running
together the rest of the whole13 miles, talking nonstop, and
we knew each other's names,names, everything about each
(27:57):
other.
We're facebook friends now andtext friends, because I do.
I like new friends and I was.
I was just determined she wasgoing to be my new friend too.
Um, so that's you know.
No, new friends are great, butwe've also.
We don't throw out our oldfriends.
We've got to figure out how tomaintain relationships and if
we're switching relationshipsall the time, then sometimes,
(28:19):
sometimes we have to say, okay,I've got to grow here, I've got
to figure out why myrelationships are tanking.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Right, and it's the maintaining, and that is the key
part.
It's not forming, it'smaintaining.
I met a guy on the run in two.
His name was Mark, I don't knowanything else about him, but I
made sure that I didn't let himbeat me to the finish line.
That's important.
That's important.
(28:45):
I didn't care about formingrelationships during the run,
but anyway.
So another thing is is thatwe're conflict resolution.
You know, it's not okay to staymad all the time.
You just got to learn how tohave a healthy resolution to
conflict.
Conflict is part of life.
You're not going to agree withsomebody, you're not going to
see eye to eye, and it is okayto sit down and say, hey, listen
, I don't necessarily agree withyou about this.
(29:05):
Let's talk about how we canwork through this together.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Yeah, and that's healthy, instead of just walking
away mad saying, okay, this isour issue, how can we talk
through this, how can we getthrough this?
And even, sometimes, what is itAgree to disagree?
Yeah, and we do that sometimes.
Yeah, we do, we agree todisagree.
The other one, which I am stillgrowing and I'm not figuring it
out, is stress management.
This is a part where we bothknow and anybody close to me
(29:28):
knows that I am trying to workon it.
One of my doctors said well, gorun.
I said I would be running allday.
I've got to stop at some pointand live life, so that's not.
So, yeah, I'm working on stressmanagement because for years I
thought I didn't have stress,but then, the older I got, it
(29:50):
started exhibiting in other waysbecause I just ignored that.
I do have stress, apparently.
But you know I'm working onthat one.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
That is one where I'm working hard on Well and you
could have asked me and I couldhave told you.
You know you had stress,because it was stressful, but
you know, another thing as weget toward the end here is
constructive criticism.
I can tell you now, the sign ofa good person who has grown and
matured, can receive feedbackwithout being a baby.
(30:20):
Now listen, I'm going to behonest with you.
I've struggled with that for along time.
I'm much better than I used tobe, and because you would tell
me things that I didn't want tohear and even though I know
they're true sometimes, you know, with the feedback that
somebody's giving you is true,you're like I don't want to hear
that and I specifically don'twant to hear that from you.
And so, getting feedback andnot having an outburst, not
(30:46):
being pouty, not wanting to I'mnot talking to you for two days,
don't look at me you know thatis a sign of growth and maturity
.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
And genuinely, most people have your best interest
at heart when they're tellingyou that, because if somebody is
taking the time to tell yousomething that they know even
may upset you and may make them,maybe even mad at you, but
they're going to take the riskanyway, that usually means they
care enough about you to say,hey, I don't even know if you're
aware of this, but I just wantto point this out that this is
something you may want to thinkabout and consider.
(31:20):
It's usually, if it'sconstructive criticism, that's
what it means.
They're helping you toconstruct you, to be a better
you, and we need that mirrorsometimes, because our mirror
gets cloudy and foggy and wecan't see what we're doing or
what we're saying or how we'rebehaving, and so we need that
other mirror to sharpen us andmake us better.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
You either have a cloudy mirror or you put on
rose-colored glasses andeverything looks wonderful and
everything you say and do isawesome.
But you know, I think maturityand just growing really comes
down to accepting responsibility.
I think that's it.
You have to acceptresponsibility for you.
I can't accept responsibility'sit.
You have to acceptresponsibility for you.
I can't accept responsibilityfor you.
(32:01):
I have to do it for myself.
My actions, decisions, evenlearning from my mistakes.
It is okay.
If you screw up, you need totake responsibility for it.
I call it putting your big boypants on.
You need to put your big boypants on and say you know what.
(32:25):
I made a mistake here.
This is me and I'm going totell you if you make a mistake
with me and you'll come back andsay you know what I did it.
I respect you and I'm like cool, we can move on.
But if you're obtuse and youjust kind of go your way and
have an ego and like, you knowthat that doesn't get any kind
of go your way and have an egoand not, you know that that
doesn't get any kind of respectfrom people.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
Or lie.
You know that that's my.
If you yeah, if you won't takeresponsibility and you lie that
somebody else did it or you haveno idea, I don't know.
We got you on camera doing it.
No, I don't know, it wasn't me.
It wasn't me, it was somebodythat just looked exactly like me
.
It.
(33:02):
Talking again about boundaries Italked about that a second ago.
This is another one I have towork on, because if you do not
set boundaries, it's not goodfor you and it's not good for
the people around you, cause youknow, when I, if I overextend
myself, let's just, let's justsay not necessarily, these are
not.
I'm not talking aboutrelationships, of setting
boundaries with people that youneed to set boundaries with, but
my, my, my downfall withboundaries is usually taking on
things that I need to say no to,and the thing is is that it
doesn't just hurt me.
Going back to stress management, it will affect the
(33:24):
relationships around me,sometimes, because I'm going to
become tired, I'm going tobecome cranky, I'm going to
start lashing out because Ichose to put too much on my
plate.
You know, a recent thing was theyouth asked me to go on a trip
with them.
They needed somebody to cookand I wanted so bad to be able
to help them.
But you kept telling me youneed to think about this, you
(33:47):
need to think about this.
Look at your cat.
And I kept looking at mycalendar going well, yeah, it's
kind of I don't need to do it, Idon't, but I should, I feel
like I should, jesus would wantme to.
And then I did the best thingthat I needed to do for them and
for me and I said no, I cannotdo it, I'm sorry, and that was
that's.
Saying no is hard.
(34:07):
But then sometimes, after youjust say it, you're like you
know that was the absolute bestdecision that I could have made
for me, for them and for those Ilove.
Sometimes, and thenrelationships just set in
boundaries with people thatdrain you, that pull you.
You know that are not goodinfluences, all those things
Sometimes we just have to drawthat line.
So if, if that's a struggle foranybody, listening boundaries
(34:28):
book will help you and it willhelp me if I can find a copy, if
anybody has a copy and you'relistening, please send me a copy
.
Let me borrow it for a minute.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
Well, you know, shonda Rhimes has a book called
the Year of yes and somebody outthere needs to have the year of
no.
Yeah, you need to say no.
That's not going to work for methis time.
And I've got to set someboundaries for my marriage.
I've got to set some boundariesfor my family.
I've got to set some boundarieswith my church.
I've got to set some boundarieswith my job, whatever that is,
(34:57):
any of my relationships.
And I'm telling you, the powerof no is an amazing thing, so I
would encourage you.
And then, finally, this isdelaying gratification.
Man, being mature and growingis delaying gratification.
You know the generation behindus.
I love them.
I got four of them, but theywant instant gratification.
(35:19):
I want mine now.
You know it's like the prodigalson give me my stuff now and
I'm going to go out and I'mgoing to live and have a great
time.
And, of course, you know daddytook him back and I would do the
same for any of my kids, but Iwant mine now.
I want what mom and daddy have.
You know I want, I want to.
Y'all are going somewhere.
I want.
What mom and daddy have, youknow I want, I want to.
Well, y'all are going somewhere.
I want to go too.
(35:39):
You know I should and no, youshouldn't.
You know, we're going to Vailnext week and that's not
bragging, we're just.
We're going to Vail next weekand you know our kids are like,
well, we want to go and I'm like, no, not going.
You, you know, and they're youknow, because at 53, when
they're 30 or 28 and 32,whatever, you know, I didn't go
(36:02):
anywhere.
I was raising kids, I wastrying to figure out how to make
a living, I was trying tofigure out how to pay to blow
water and light and and likefiguring things out.
And you know, if somebody hasmeans before they're, they're
older, that's cool.
But like now I have opportunitybecause I did stuff back here
and delayed some gratificationand I think that that is
(36:25):
maturing in any way.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Well, let me just say our kids are well-traveled for
their age.
My kids have done more in their20s than I did in the first 20
years of marriage, probably atall, and they probably maybe
have still done it.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Yeah, but they're funny sometimes Can you Venmo me
some money out here yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Our kids and I do.
I love, though, that our kidsare not homebodies and they do
love to wander.
They just sometimes want towander where we're wandering,
and it's not time for them towander where we're wandering.
But yeah, even talking aboutthe cake, going back to your
cake, you're delaying yourgratification now because you're
training for a 50-mile race andI shouldn't have last night.
But they said, why are you notdoing this?
(37:06):
I said because I'm not stupid,and that was just me being funny
, but I don't think you'restupid.
I love that.
You have hard goals and, likeyou said, you like pain.
I don't like pain.
The 13-mile race last Saturdayhurt me and I'm still hurting
five days later.
So I don't want to do 50 milesbecause I don't love pain like
that.
But you know you're delayinggratification.
You're in 75 days of very hardtraining and whatever, because
(37:29):
it's going to pay off for youlater.
Even you know sometimes peoplethat are taking on a second job
or they're going to school onthe side of their job.
You're delaying yourgratification, and that's a good
thing.
Learning how to do the hardstuff, sometimes for a bigger
paycheck later, a better lifelater, all those things, that's.
Speaker 1 (37:48):
that's signs of growth it is, and that brings
the point that we'll finish on.
There's two people that Ithought about.
There's a lady named Jenniferwho used to work for us.
She worked a second job, for sheworked for us five years, seven
years.
She worked for us a long timeand so so that they could get
their stuff paid off and figuredout and done.
And then she was able, abouttwo months ago, to quit because
(38:12):
she'd been delayinggratification.
And then the other lady,kristen, at Chick-fil-a, the the
Chick-fil-A celebrated.
You remember she had beenworking, working, working so
they could pay off all theirbills and pay off their house
and everything.
And she did that and her timewas over because she delayed
gratification.
And maturity is being able to dothat, and so we just want to
(38:33):
encourage you.
Listen, we're not telling youthat we are fully grown, because
we may be teenagers at times,but we're working that way to
work through puberty and grow upand learn, and it has been.
It's not easy.
Okay, let me explain that toyou.
It is not easy to grow upbecause there are things that
(38:53):
you want we all have tendenciesof selfishness and things that
we desire, we'd like to have.
But I can promise you this asyou grow and mature, life gets
so much better.
Things roll off your back awhole lot more.
I'm not uptight as much as Iused to be, especially with my
kids.
When they say something I'mlike okay, whatever, I don't
(39:14):
engage anymore Because my job isto be a good father and love
them, be a good husband, be agood friend, and it's really not
about me trying to fix you.
I've got to take care of me andI've got to grow and mature.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
Last thought I think that's it.
We're growing too, and we'rejust trying to figure out these
places where we've got to keepgrowing.
I hope if I said this samething again five years from now,
then there's some areas that Icould say okay, that's, I'm
really, I'm doing pretty goodthere, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
And you are.
You're doing fantastic andyou're, you're wonderful.
So anyway, hey, thanks so muchfor listening this morning.
We just encourage you to hop inthe flow with somebody who's
going the way you want to go,and I promise you things will be
great on the other side.
Thank you for listening thismorning.
Moving on to the better.
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