Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey there, this is
Brad and I'm with my wife,
Tiffany, just coming to you thisafternoon with the Hustle Flow
podcast.
How are you, Tiff?
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm good.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Hey, we just want to
come to you with another summer
short.
We're going to be talking todayabout quality time, and you
don't want to get that confusedwith quantity time, so we're
going to discuss that today.
That's our key topic is qualitytime.
So, tiffany, tell me aboutquality time for you.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Quality.
Tell me about quality time.
For you, quality time isactually one of my love
languages.
I mean, there's five lovelanguages, but that's one that's
important to me.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Right, so tell me why
it's important to you.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
I think it's
important to me because,
especially like with us, we'retogether a lot.
We go to the gym together, weeat three meals together.
Well, you don't eat breakfast,you drink a shake every day, but
so we're together a lot.
So it's not that I take it forgranted that we're together a
(00:58):
lot, but you don't have a choicebut to be with me because we
work together.
You're not with me for threemeals necessarily, kind of
because you know you want to beand because you're just sitting
at my feet all day looking at me.
It's because of a lot of thethings that we do, we are
together automatically.
So quality time is important tome because I want time where
(01:22):
you are just sitting and lookingat me and not your phone, and
where, even after we've beentogether all this time, that you
still want to know my thoughtson something or you want to know
me better, and so that's that'swhy it's important to me.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Okay, yeah, and that
makes sense.
We've been uh, august will be34 years for us, and so we've
been together 35 years and we'veonly really been apart three of
35 years.
Now, that doesn't mean that wespent every waking hour together
, but for the most part we spenttons of time together.
And so when sometimes you say,well, we've not really spent any
(02:00):
time together, I'm thinking, uh, yeah, we have.
We just drove four hours fromChattanooga not too long ago, so
we were together four hours,but that was not necessarily
quality time, it was a quantitytime, and and there's a
difference.
So what?
What does quantity time looklike?
Before we really delve into thedifferences of quality versus
(02:21):
quantity, what does quantitytime look like?
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Yeah, well, I think.
Just going back to what we justsaid, like quantity time, we go
to the gym together everymorning, but you're doing your
thing and I'm doing mine, andthen we go super early, so we're
not having meaningfulconversations at six in the
morning.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
You don't want to
talk to me that early.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
I don't.
And what's so crazy is I usedto be a morning person and I'm
still a morning person comparedto a lot of people because I go
on trips with girls and thingslike that.
So, compared to a lot of people, I am a morning person, but I
used to be ready for ameaningful conversation at 530
in the morning and singing andall those things.
But I'm not necessarily as muchanymore.
I'll talk to you.
I'm not ill or mean or anything, but I'm just not like ready
(02:59):
for a life altering conversationat that time, but like ready
for a life altering conversationat that time, but like that's.
And we eat.
We do eat together, becausesometimes we work from home and
we're both here for lunch.
Well, at lunch you may beanswering emails and I may be
doing the same, and so it's it'salso it's it's it's quantity
time during those times, ifwe're watching TV together, you
know we're watching TV and I'mnot.
(03:20):
I'm wanting you to not misswhat's going on.
So TV and I'm not.
I'm wanting you to not misswhat's going on, so we're also
not, because it makes me mad.
If you miss something, I'll saywell, you didn't see it on the
screen.
She just said it was threeweeks ago or whatever.
So those things are quantity,they're not quality.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Yeah, and that makes
sense we are.
We do spend a lot of timetogether and people who know us,
they know that about us.
We're kind of a unit and youknow, we've said it before with
our, our.
Our granddaughter calls ushoney papa.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
So we're not honey
and papa, we're honey papa, and
that's how probably people knowus.
Is that when people see me theydon't say hey man, what's going
on, how are you?
Their first question is where'sTiff?
Because we're kind of that unitand people would assume,
because we have a lot of timetogether, that that equates into
(04:10):
quality time, and that's justnot true.
So quantity time could looksomething like you know, if
you're, maybe we go to a movie.
We spend two hours together ata movie theater.
Well, that's quantity time.
Because you're outside of metrying to beg you to give me my
Reese's Pieces so I can eat themduring the like previews.
I'm not having a whole lot ofmeaningful, intentional
(04:32):
conversation because I'm tryingto pry that out of your bag and
you hold it till the last minute, or maybe it's.
We're sitting in the same spaceand I'm working here.
You're doing something likethat.
So, yes, we spend a lot of timetogether, but there's a whole
lot of difference when it comesto being intentional and
(04:53):
spending some quality time,because you've said before, I
need you to date me, I need youto be intentional.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Because you dated me
big time when we were dating.
Bro, I did you would call me onthe landline and whenever you
moved to Itawamba County whenyour dad was pastoring there.
Some people will have no cluewhat this is even talking about,
but so it was long distance tocall me from your landline in
(05:20):
Itawamba County to my housephone in Prentice County, and so
you would have to drive overthe line to the gas station to
call me from the phone there,because I think y'all actually
got a very expensive landlinebill one time and your parents
wanted to kill you.
But so you would talk to me forhours and ask me about me, and
I don't, I don't even know whatyou talk about in those dating
years when you're talking likethat forever.
But even then you know, youwould pick me up and we would
(05:44):
talk.
We didn't have cell phones andwe would talk about life and
everything else.
And we would talk.
We didn't have cell phones andwe would talk about life and
everything else, and you wouldtake me places to eat or
wherever it was that we weregoing, and so you spent quality
time with me then, and so, yes,I force you kind of into dating
me sometimes now.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Well, I don't know
about forcing.
I think that, as you said, thatquality time is your love
language, one of two lovelanguages, and it's not so much
mine.
Now, yeah, there's some qualitymoments I'd like to spend with
you, if you know what I'mtalking about, but that's not my
love language, so it's notprimary for me, and so it's
(06:23):
something that I have to work on.
But I think that you can makethat a cop out if you want to.
You can say, well, it's not mylove language, it's yours, and
so I'm not going to make it asimportant which is crazy,
because I should make it moreimportant if it's your love
language, versus worrying abouttrying to love you in my love
language, and that's where itgets weird.
So I think that, when it comesto that, quality time is not
(06:48):
really a love language issue ina marriage.
It should be something that youshould be a cornerstone.
In my opinion, it should belike a pillar in your marriage.
One of the most importantthings should be quality time,
so it shouldn't be about metrying to please your love
language.
It should be about this is apillar in our marriage.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yeah, I think so,
because even though it is, yes,
one of my love languages andmaybe not necessarily one of
yours, I think, like Iconstantly need to know who you
are and where you're at.
I vowed to spend my life withyou and to love you, for better,
for worse and for all thesethings, and so you know, if, if
you're my best friend and I'mcommitted to you, then I need to
(07:25):
know, like, what's going onwith you and where you're at.
Are you, what are youstruggling with?
Like what, what do you?
What do you need in God?
To answer for you?
Um, what's, what do you thinkis is good right now?
You know, I think, just eventoday, I ask you what's your
favorite flavor of Gatorade,zero or whatever?
(07:46):
Because I bought a variety pack, and so it's funny because,
like, I'll try to drink the onesI know you probably don't like.
And then I I thought, well, amI even right?
Am I even on the same page?
It's just silly stuff of like,what do you, what do you like?
Has that changed?
Um, for a while you used to getme a particular candy bar, and
that's not even my favoritecandy bar anymore, and so just
(08:08):
stay in current.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
I do change, you
don't change, but I do like you
like reese's cups.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
For as for as long as
I've ever known you, that's
your number one the only thingbetter than a reese's cup is a
reese's tree.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
That's the only thing
better but I'm surprised with
all the change that you've notchanged, that you still like me.
That's what's crazy after allthe change.
But you're right, it's gettingto continually.
I think that's it, tiff.
It's continually getting toknow your spouse.
That's where quality time comesin.
And not taking for granted thatyou are the same that you were a
(08:41):
year ago Because let's put itin perspective At 51 for you, 53
for me, things change on a dime.
Your life can change.
Tomorrow, one thing can happen,good or bad, that can change
your life, and so when thatoccurs, it's going to change who
you are some way or another.
(09:02):
It can change your personality,it can change how you view
things, it can change yourperspective, it can change your
goals, it can change your habits, and so for me, goals, it can
change your habits, and so forme to take for granted that
you're the same that you weretwo months ago, because we've
had things transpire over thesummer and we've really had to
to to work together, to workthrough these things, those
things can change you and Ican't take for granted that
(09:24):
you're the same.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
Yeah, and I'll add on
to that.
I was thinking, you know,having those conversations
sometimes that are meaningful,and paying attention to your
spouse and continually gettingto know them.
What it does also is it buildsa firm foundation of open
communication, and so it makesit easier when hard times come,
because you know this will besomething we'll probably talk
(09:44):
about another podcast.
Well, I know we're going to betalking about church and things
like that, but we've had someconversations this summer that
were probably very real, veryhonest conversations, even
surrounding, like church, and soI was not afraid to tell you
every single thought right in myhead.
(10:05):
I didn't hold anything backbecause our foundation is laid.
That's right For for for overhundreds and thousands of
conversations that we've hadthat involve open communication.
That foundation is laid for meto be open and honest with you,
right.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
And I think that's
important is that we have laid
the foundation and you don'thave to worry about running me
off when you tell me somethingraw and real.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
And that's where
quality time comes in, because
the more quality time you have,the easier those conversations
are to have, because they don'tfreak you out as much.
Right, and I think that's it.
So let's just finish up heretalking about the key
differences between quantity andquality time.
First key difference is what?
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Attention, attention,
undivided, attention, okay,
undivided.
Attention, okay, undividedattention.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Yeah, okay, explain
that.
What does that?
Speaker 2 (10:52):
look like.
Well, in this day and age, itmeans turning your phone upside
down, and you can apply thesethings to, though the quantity
and quality time, to evenspending time with your kids or
your friends and I was thinkingback talking about phones.
It's common day now for peopleto bring their phones to the
dinner table or for any kind ofsituation that they're in.
(11:14):
But if, if I have like, I'mgoing out with some friends
tonight to celebrate a birthdayand so we're all really good, we
may have our phone on the table, but none of us are sitting and
scrolling Facebook or justconstantly on social media.
Our phones are usually turnedupside down, but we're very
respectful to each other's timeand so, even in situations like
that, the the unavided attention, if I'm with you, I'm with you.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Right.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
And that's it.
I think I'm not with every.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I'm not with my 5,000
friends on Facebook.
Right now I'm with you.
Yeah, and it's.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
I think, even take it
a step further.
It is the disturbance Listen, Ilike phones.
Phones are useful.
You have a computer in yourpocket.
You can learn anything you wantto learn.
There's no excuse to beignorant anymore because you
have the ability.
However, it has become such adisturbance in marriages, in
families, in relationships, infriendships, et cetera, because
(12:07):
you live sometimes through that,you live through social media
of seeing what everybody else isdoing versus somebody who's
sitting in front of you.
And that is a tension, and evento the point like I've got a
garment.
I get rid of my Apple Watchbecause it drove me crazy, but I
got a garment and I can't speakback on my garment.
I can't send text, All I can dois receive junk all day long.
(12:27):
And so I find myself sometimes,even when we're together, those
notifications keep rollingacross and you're like who is it
?
And I'm like it's nobody, it's,it's the stock coming across.
You know it's just something,and so it's a disturbance.
And that's where attention beingundivided in that attention,
and everybody's attention spanis different.
I think what do they call it?
(12:48):
The attention economy thatwe're in now, and your attention
economy is even way less thanmine, Like you'll tell me hey,
you've got five minutes here andI'm trying to talk about, like
I need you to talk, let's talkabout this financial thing,
that's like going to be whatever, and you're like you've got
five minutes, bro, and then,like you know, the rabbits are
going to start coming out.
(13:09):
But you got five minutes, bro,and then, like you know, the
rabbits are going to startcoming out.
But the attention economy thatwe live in, the world that we
live in of attention economy,really, really is difficult and
I think with quality time withyour spouse, you have to turn
the phones even on.
Do not disturb, because even aswe're doing this podcast, I've
got stuff rolling across.
My daughter's asking me aquestion, just you know things
rolling across and so you haveto do that attention.
(13:29):
I think the other thing uh, theseparation between quality and
quantity is intentionality.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Is that you say
you're intentionally hey,
thursday night I want you to beready, cause I'm gonna pick you
up about six and we're going togo to dinner and we're going to
spend time together.
And what that does is thatbuilds and strengthens a
relationship, and it doesn'tjust passively say, hey, let's
just go eat tonight at theIndian place.
That's not intentional, that'spassive.
(13:56):
That means that we've got toeat tonight and I'm not cooking
at home, so I'm going to pickyou up, we're going to grab some
food.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Yeah, now that you've
mentioned that I want to go to
Namaste tonight.
But that yeah.
Or let's go to Sunday afternoon, let's go at 4 o'clock, let's
go to Crave and have coffee anddessert.
Shameless plug there.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
And then, finally, is
impact.
Talk about impact as we finish.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
I think the impact is
great, you know, in terms of
you're building those strongrelationships, that's right,
yeah, and I think that's it.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
That's the difference
.
Is that the impact of havingattention and then
intentionality, the impact isyou're just building a strong
relationship, that you're makinga point, I care about you, I
care about where you're at.
Help me understand where youare right now.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Last word.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Well and, like I said
, this, this is, this is great
for marriage, but this can alsobleed into your other
relationships too.
You know we have a groupmessage to our family all the
time, but I'm trying to also nowbe more mindful, to go outside
of that group message and askyou know a kid that has maybe
told me that, like they've had alot on their back like hey,
how's your week, how how's itgoing right now?
(15:13):
And being more impactful andmeaningful and intentional.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Yeah, and that's good
, and I and I appreciate you
saying that, because that thatdoes mean a lot.
Group texts are cool, but whenis the last time you checked on
somebody outside the group text?
Yeah, good that's.