April 1, 2025 • 44 mins
What happens when compliments make you uncomfortable? When recognition feels undeserved? When success feels like luck rather than skill? Brad and Tiffany open up about the surprising origins of this episode – a moment when Tiffany's inability to acknowledge Brad's public compliments revealed a deeper struggle with feeling worthy of recognition.
Through vulnerable conversation, they explore the concept of imposter syndrome, defined by their friend and licensed therapist Jessica Roberts as "a distorted belief system that describes people with pervasive feelings of insecurity and self-doubt who have anxious feelings related to being exposed as a fraud in their work, despite being verifiably successful." The hosts reveal how this syndrome often affects high-functioning, accomplished individuals who struggle to internalize their success.
The discussion takes a powerful turn when Brad shares a story about Gary Vee telling a young woman, "You are somebody now," causing her to cry with relief. This moment crystallizes the episode's core message: your worth isn't tied to your achievements or recognition. As Tiffany poignantly notes, "I don't want to be 61 thinking I still didn't do any of those things because I held myself back because of my thinking."
Whether you're battling perfectionism, attributing your success to luck, struggling with receiving compliments, or feeling like you'll eventually be "exposed" as inadequate, this episode offers practical strategies for challenging negative self-talk and embracing your true worth. From examining the stories you tell yourself to seeking honest positive feedback from trusted friends, Brad and Tiffany provide actionable steps toward healing and growth.
Ready to break free from the cycle of feeling unworthy? Listen now, and remember – you are already somebody, worthy of every good thing that comes your way.
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2312581/support
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Hey, good morning.
Good morning, this is Brad andI'm with my wife, tiffany.
We are the host of the HustleFlow podcast.
Thank you this morning fortaking your time to listen to
our podcast and the subject thatwe're going to be talking about
this morning.
Good morning, tiffany.
Good morning.
How are you this morning?
I'm great, it's good, it's agood day, man.
The sun is shining.
We're here in Mississippi andthe weather's been hot, cold,
(00:42):
rainy.
It's been all kind of stuff,but I think we're finally turned
a corner.
I see all the green stuff onour cars that we're having to go
to the car wash and wash everyday.
So it looks like spring is hereand we're pretty excited about
that because that's a goodseason in Mississippi spring
Summer not so much, it gets hotand crazy, but spring and fall
(01:02):
is a good season in Mississippi,so we're excited about it.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
It's kind of a yellow green.
It's like a.
It's pollen.
And I've watched the funniestTikTok about a guy.
It's that guy and I can'tremember his name.
He dressed up as pollen andit's hilarious.
He's talking about what he'sgot to do and but then he talks
about how he jacks up your carsand your allergies.
Yeah, it was really funny.
He's a guy.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
I think he's from Georgia, maybe.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
He wears all the t-shirts.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
It says different stuff.
He's the one that did theFacebook thing.
Is that drill still for sale?
Yeah, you remember that one.
Yeah, it's here.
He's a funny guy.
He's a funny guy, I like him.
But hey, this morning we aregoing to talk about just feeling
worthy, and that's real broadterm.
But we're going to tell you,maybe, where this originated
from.
We're going to give you somebackstory to it.
(01:44):
But feeling worthy in, maybe,people giving you accolades or
people talking to you nicely orgiving you compliments, but even
if it goes a step further,there is a syndrome called
imposter syndrome and we'regoing to delve into that just a
little bit.
We're not licensed therapistshere.
We're not licensed counselors,but we do have friends that are
(02:05):
and we've got some things fromthem.
But we're going to talk aboutthat just a little bit this
morning.
So let's hop in there, let'sget going and let's talk about
this subject this morning.
Do you want to tell where thiscomes from?
Because this is a conversation,the way that we look at our
podcast.
We really want to just bringyou into our Saturday morning
(02:28):
conversations at our breakfasttable.
We have a lot of conversationwhen we eat breakfast.
We only eat breakfast aboutonce a week.
Most of the time it's just ashake, but when we cook
breakfast and actually sit downtogether, we generally sit at
that table for a good while andtalk about marriage issues, we
talk about church issues, wetalk about family issues, we
talk about all kinds of things,and so Saturday was kind of
(02:53):
cathartic for both of us, just alittle bit.
So why don't you just hop inthere, let's talk about it and
see where this goes?
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Yeah.
So as we were talking becauseit was a conversation that we
needed to have in our marriageum, as we were talking, we were
probably 20 minutes in and Isaid, you know, this could
probably be a good topic for apodcast because, um, what we
discovered is, I hate names andlabels, I hate saying I have
(03:25):
ADHD, I hate saying these kindof things, but when there are
actually labels, sometimes youjust have to use the labels.
So we talked about, through ourconversation, that I've heard
of imposter syndrome.
I've never, ever, read up on it.
I know how I feel and I knowthings that I struggle with, but
(03:46):
I didn't know that.
I thought it was something else,honestly, because I've heard
people on facebook say I think Ihave, you know, whatever, and I
just thought, well, it's likeeverybody that says they have
adhd, maybe they don't have it,maybe they do what.
Does that even really look likeright, but yeah, and so I will
probably be very, um, vulnerable.
You know that word's alwayshard for me and in this I'm
talking about where it came from.
(04:06):
So it started out because wehad had a week where I just knew
there was something a littleoff and I would ask you every
day.
What's going on with you?
Are you okay?
You know, you just seem alittle off.
And so finally, saturdaymorning, you told me.
You said I want to tell, tellyou you've hurt my feelings,
which I don't hurt your feelingsvery rarely like I make you mad
(04:27):
sometimes, and sometimes Ienjoy making you mad.
A little often like there's justtimes where I just think I want
to get him a little riled upjust every once in a while.
We don't because you don'treally know the purpose yeah,
like you know, just you know,just push your button just a
little every once in a whilebecause I think it's you know,
it's fun.
But yeah, but hurting yourfeelings is something I rarely
do, um, would you agree?
Speaker 1 (04:48):
yeah, no, I, I mean it's, I don't get my feelings
hurt a lot overall, because Ijust don't, but then very rarely
do you hurt my feelings.
Yeah, because I'm not piss meoff a lot.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
That's not.
You shouldn't say that word,but yeah, because I'm not.
Yeah, I, I don't, I'm notintentionally somebody that
tries to be hurtful.
I don't want to be hurt, but youhad told me that I had hurt
your feelings because there werewere the last two times that
you had said things about me onFacebook that I had not
responded Right, and I listenedto you as you should.
(05:20):
When your spouse is telling youyou have either made me mad or
you have hurt my feelings.
As you should, you know, Ilistened all the way through and
then I told you that I was verysorry because I never wanted to
hurt your feelings.
That was never my intention andI absolutely understood
everything you were saying andit was true.
I could not deny anything thatyou said.
You said some other thingsabout.
(05:41):
Sometimes.
You know, this is what I feellike.
You know, I'm proud of you andI say these things and I don't
get anything back.
When I, you know, notnecessarily in person, not when
we're in the house together orwhatever I don't get anything
back.
And so I understood how it madeyou feel.
I apologized, but then I I thendecided to let you in on, but
(06:03):
let me, let me explain to youthe why.
It's not because I mean, Ididn't want anybody, you, to
tell anybody I'm your girl orany of these things, because you
know I've got 10 boyfriends andI don't want them to know that
we're that close by youmentioning something on Facebook
or whatever the reasons are, orbecause I just don't care, or
because of what you say about medoesn't matter, because it like
(06:25):
I appreciate what, how you saythat you feel about me so much.
But I'll let you into a part ofmy world.
And how I feel is that I I donot like for nice things to be
said about me.
It's a problem, right, right.
(07:10):
And then the more nice thingsthat are said, the more that I
then go and like hide from itand run from it Like I need it.
It makes me so uncomfortablethat I then just do the absolute
worst thing I can do and I justact like it didn't happen and
run away from it.
And so I realized, and werealized and we talked about it,
not just to you but it comesoff as being very rude and
unappreciative and all of thosethings where that's not the case
at all.
Right, it's just feelings thatI have, but you know, and it's
hard because at 51 years old Iwould you, at some point in life
you would like to think you'vegot it together, you're like you
(07:33):
finally got it together andmaybe I'm like a semi, like
whatever person.
I don't know that there's asuch thing as normal.
I don't know what normal is.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
No, there's no such thing as normal.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
But using the word anyway, like I'm normal now I'm
finally like, and you think also.
I think for me sometimes.
I think, because of my age andyears of working through
different things, that there'salso things you should never
have to like.
You should be normal by acertain age and there shouldn't
be things you have to workthrough necessarily that would
(08:05):
be great anymore.
I know, I know it would be great, wouldn't it?
But that's how some of thiscame up, because, you know, I
told you about a certain thing Ihad put out it's on my birthday
year before last.
I had no idea it was.
You know it was a, it was abirthday picture that I put up
and I don't know I was a hotpitcher, it was and it gained.
I liked it, it gained hundredsof comments, and so after the
(08:29):
first 30, 40, I don't remember Ishut down.
I never went back and looked atthe post because I couldn't
deal with it, and I know this,like I don't.
There may be, and I and thereason we're talking about is
because there probably are otherpeople like me but I never went
back and said thank you toevery person.
I couldn't even read thecomments anymore because of what
(08:53):
we're talking about today, andso that's, I think that's, and
you may have something to add,but I think that's how we got
where we are that is.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
That is really the.
The crux of of what we where wecame to um in a little
background of that is thatyou've been involved in um play
practice, you've been involvedin the production of steel
magnolias and you've been busy,uh, practicing till 10 o'clock
every night.
And then this, the, the weekbefore this, I had left on a
(09:26):
Thursday.
I had to go up to the cabin andtake care of some things, and
then I went to Atlanta and,according to you, I was on
vacation.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
And I'm still kind of bitter about that.
I was running three.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Spartan races and muddy, dirty, gross and 25 miles
plus and a bunch of obstacles,but I was on vacation.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
You paid to go do it.
It's a vacation.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
I still, like I said, it's still bitter about that.
I was on vacation, but then Ihad to leave there as well and
then go back to Chattanooga.
So we so Chattanooga.
We were separate for about fiveor six days and then, um, I
don't remember how I eventhought about it, but I know
what it was, I know, know whatit was.
I had made a post, somethingabout you and and how proud I
(10:08):
was of you.
And listen, social mediasometimes is what it is, but I'm
just telling you the backgroundof where, where it is.
So I made this post, somethingabout you, you know, was proud
of you or whatever was actually,you know, excited about the
play or whatever.
And you had responded back topeople who had commented on my
(10:30):
post but never responded back tome, nor did you like it or or
or sad face it, or mad face itor or love it at all.
And then I saw that you hadcommented back to your
supporting actress, which isShelby Micah.
(10:52):
She's doing an incredible jobas well.
But I saw you commented back toher because she said something
about you being the best, orwhatever.
And I thought, man, that kind ofjust kind of stung a little bit
.
So then, being the investigatorI am and the petty person I am
sometimes, I went back and Ilooked and I thought, well, she
(11:14):
didn't even like my post aboutValentine's.
And then, honestly, being thegrown adult I am, I got in my
feelings.
And not only did I get in myfeelings, I let my feelings get
in me and I thought, you knowwhat, she don't care about you,
(11:37):
which is stupid, which is dumb.
But because we've got 34 yearsof marriage and I know the truth
on other side of social media,but it never still didn't take
the sting away, it kind of hurtme and instead of just telling
you, hey, I'm hurt, I let itfester all week.
And I'll be honest with you, Iwent through feelings of mad and
(11:58):
hurt and mad and hurt, and madand hurt, but I didn't want to
put it on you because you weregoing through eight days of like
four or five days of tech weekand then three days of
production, so I didn't want todump something on you because I
knew you had a lot on you.
But then, saturday this iswhere this come and we were
actually able to talk about this.
And then, once you explained tome this and I started talking I
(12:20):
think I even asked you thequestion I said it almost seems
like you don't feel like you'reworthy of compliments, and
that's where the conversationopened up.
And then we started talkingabout where maybe some of that
come from, how it originated andfeeling worthy.
And then we talked aboutimposter syndrome and we did a
little research on that andagain, we're not, we're not,
(12:42):
we're not licensed to talkdeeply about imposter syndrome
outside of our we're licensed totell you what our friend and
we'll touch on that has said.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Who is licensed to tell you and to tell you what
we've found just fromresearching?
Because the internet is free.
And so, no, we didn't even stayat a Holiday Inn last night.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
That's right night, so we are not licensed we.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
We need to make that disclaimer because every once in
a while there's somebody sayswell, they said, and we are not
licensed, but we want you toknow that things that we talk
about are not just great ideasthat we get on the internet and
think you know it'd be fun totalk about.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
These are real life things that we deal with.
Yeah, and that that you said.
You think sometimes at 51 andI'm almost you think I should
have all this stuff taken careof by now man, you would think
that I got my life together, butwe are continually working to
get better and I believe this.
I believe this If youcontinually work on yourself and
(13:39):
communicate clearly with yourspouse, your marriage can be
fantastic and it continue togrow, because you're never
perfect.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
What was it you said about the?
Um, I don't know if you havethat written down anywhere else,
so maybe something about aboutthe person, that people that
love you, um, kind of.
We've been talking.
We talk about being a mirror, alot about.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Oh that, uh, that the person who makes you the most
uncomfortable is the one thatloves you the most.
Is that the?
Is that what?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
you're talking about?
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Yeah, and I think that's true, you know is that
the person who challenges youand pushes you, not the person
who slaps you on the back andsay that's awesome.
It's the person who challengesyou, makes you uncomfortable,
probably loves you the most,because they're not going to
allow you just to getcomfortable and just to wallow
in.
You know, you would not haveallowed me to wallow in in pity,
(14:30):
you wouldn't have allowed me towallow in, believing that you
didn't care about me or whatever, because none of that's true.
So I think that that thatmatters.
So let's talk.
Let's talk about what, what?
Let's talk about what impostersyndrome actually is, what it
looks like, and this comes fromour good, our good friend.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Yeah, and so we had read some other kind of
explanations of it, but I likeJessica's the best.
So Jessica and Brad will tellyou all the ways that she's
licensed, probably later.
But Jessica Roberts is, um, shedoes run the Tupelo Marriage
and Family Therapy andCounseling Center here in Tupelo
.
So her definition, which I likethe most, is imposter syndrome
(15:12):
is a distorted belief systemthat describes people with
pervasive feelings of insecurityand self-doubt who have anxious
feelings related to beingexposed as a fraud in their work
, despite being verifiablysuccessful.
She says that often people thatexperience this are high
functioning and high achievingand a lot of times, particularly
(15:35):
in the medical field also.
Well, I am not in the medicalfield, so that is her definition
and I like the part that theythey have.
They either have, they can haveboth insecurity or self-doubt
and anxious feelings related tobeing exposed as a fraud, which,
of course, like I told you tome, I don't, I don't ever think
in those terms of I'm going tobe exposed as a fraud.
(15:57):
That's not something Inecessarily deal with, but but
the word imposter and fraud gohand, you know, go hand in hand.
But all the other things that,but the word imposter and fraud,
go hand, you know, go hand inhand.
But all the other things thatgo along with imposter syndrome,
you know, do make sense.
And when you're reading it tome, I love to go oh, I'm not,
this, I'm not, that, I'm never.
(16:17):
You know, perfectionist is onethat we'll talk about.
I always say I'm not aperfectionist.
But then when it's funny, whensomebody reads certain things,
you're like, well, I'm a bigliar, I absolutely am, whatever,
whatever that's.
When you read what aperfectionist is, I'm like, yeah
, I mean, that's, that's me.
(16:38):
They took a picture of me andread my like, followed me around
in the the dictionary.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Your picture's there.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
And we've talked about that.
And Jessica Roberts, she's agood friend of ours.
She goes to CrossFit with usand she's okay at CrossFit
Jessica Maybe, I don't know,you're terrible she's great.
She has her master's inmarriage and family therapy.
She's also a licensedprofessional counselor and she's
(17:10):
a supervisor for professionalcounselors as well.
So she's licensed in marriageand family therapy.
So she has a lot of backgroundin this information and she
deals with a lot of issues suchas these with family and people.
But you know it really, and shesaid that it comes from
generally.
It's learned behavior.
That comes from generally.
It's learned behavior.
It comes from any environment.
That's highly critical,unreasonable idea of what it
(17:31):
means to be successful, said itusually shows up alongside other
symptoms such as self-doubt,low self-esteem, feelings of
fraudulence or inadequacy that'sa good word being inadequate
Inability to internalize successor achievements, fear of
success or failure, anxiety ordepression.
Now let's just hop in there andtalk about you, because I'm
(17:51):
going to talk about you right infront of you.
I don't talk about you behindyour back.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Well, I won't talk about me the whole time.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Let's talk about you, because this is something we've
dealt with and because you saidthat not responding back on
social media sometimes is asrude and yes, it is, it can be.
You know what I'm saying.
If somebody says something niceto you, it can be rude not to
respond back.
It'd be just like somebodycoming up and giving you a
compliment and saying you lookreally beautiful and you're like
just walk away.
(18:16):
You know kind of that awkwardwhatever for you.
We talked about this the otherday.
Why is it, though?
Where do you feel like it comesfrom?
And maybe you don't know, but,but where do you feel like that
comes from, that you don'tsometimes feel worthy of the
compliment that you, that youget, because, okay, so we, we,
(18:38):
we know this.
Where you've been, you've beendoing the play and people have
told you hey, man, you're doing,you're knocking it out of the
park, you're incredible, butyour word to me that was the
other day.
Well, these are my friends,they're, they're supposed to say
that, but then, so where doessome of that come from for you?
Speaker 2 (18:52):
I think for every person it's probably different.
Um, just from researching alsoon the on the internet, some
further explanation about fordifferent people, where does it
come from?
A lot of time it's familyupbringing, maybe parents who
were controlling oroverprotective, or people who
(19:13):
flipped back and forth betweenbeing either offering a lot of
praise or offering a lot ofcriticism, or from families who
have a lot of conflict and verylow amounts of support.
You know are also places thatit can come from.
I think for me personally Iprobably have ideas where it
came from, but those may not beareas where I necessarily want
(19:36):
to, because sometimes we justalso want to respect people in
our lives.
So we may not, and for everyperson I think it can be
different where where some ofthese ideas and thoughts come
from.
But I think for me I do haveideas of, of why and things that
probably make sense to me.
But you know, for somebody elsethat deals with it it may be,
(19:58):
it may be a different situation.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Right, but I think I think it comes back to feeling
worthy and the worthiness of andI don't know sometimes if it's
that people maybe don't feellove or they don't feel I like
the word inadequate that Jessicahad used there that people feel
inadequate.
(20:20):
We know what low self-esteemlooks like.
You know what I'm saying.
We know people who is theperson who will just, oh man,
I'm ugly, I can't do nothing, Ican't.
You know that's low self-esteem, whether it's looks or
abilities or whatever.
But the worthiness and feelinginadequate and one of my
favorite things and I showed itto you, I guess last night or
(20:41):
whatever.
And if you know Gary Vee GaryVee's a big personality
entrepreneur, got a lot ofinfluence and you know,
sometimes his language is prettycrude, so you got to work past
that sometime.
But as a whole, gary Vee ispretty awesome.
And I saw this girl and you know, just to describe her to you
(21:05):
who can't actually see the video, you can go to TikTok and put
it in, you could see it, butshe's just, she's just an
average looking girl.
She's not, you know, she's justthe average person.
And she meets him outside of aplace and she said I'm going to,
(21:26):
you know, I'm going to besomebody one day.
And the coolest thing happenedis that he stopped and he turned
back to her and he said wait,listen to what you just said.
He said you are somebody now.
He said I was somebody before.
Anybody knew who I was, but itgoes back to.
She felt, like because of hisnotoriety, that she had to be
(21:49):
something in order for him torecognize her.
But he stopped in that momentand I'm telling you it's a
powerful moment when you grab ahold of it is that he told her
you're somebody now and shecried Because there's so many
people out there that feelworthless.
You're listening to this podcastright now and she cried because
there's so many people outthere that feel worthless.
You're listening to thispodcast right now and I don't
(22:10):
care what kind of car you'redriving in, your seats may be
heated and wrapped around yourback and your butt, and you're
feeling all nice and you'rejamming to the radio and you
feel worthless.
You feel inadequate.
You feel like you don't measureup.
It doesn't matter what kind ofhouse you live in, it doesn't
matter what kind of business youown or what kind of job you
(22:32):
work, or how good your family isor what it looks like.
You feel worthless, you feellike you're not somebody and I
don't know there's power behindhim just saying you're somebody
now.
And I don't know how you getthat across to somebody until
they actually internalize it.
(22:53):
Because you'll find people whoare overachieving and high
achieving and going after it sohard because they feel like
they've got to prove a point anddon't know how to wake up
tomorrow and just be.
And that's a weird thing.
You know, we were laughing, wewere talking about you've been
enthralled in this place so muchthat today is the first day
(23:15):
you've kind of woke up and youdon't have to be there tonight.
And you said it's weird, Idon't know how to wake up and
just be today.
And I think that when you feelworthless because society does
this and you hop in here anytime, but society makes us say,
if you look at this, this iswhat somebody looks like, this
(23:36):
is what a somebody is, and ifyou're not this, then you don't
really measure up and you'rekind of worthless and you don't
measure up.
So society really puts a lot ofpressure on us.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
Yeah, I agree, and I'm going to go back a little
bit.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Backwards to you know , like I said, like, and I'm not
trying to label anybody Again,we are not licensed and so I'm
not licensed to label you anyway.
Again we are not licensed and Iso I'm not licensed to label
you anyway.
But hearing about it andthinking about it, and thinking
about it in terms of how itdeals with me was was kind of
new information for me.
(24:14):
So what does it look like?
Like, how do you, how do you?
I guess, how does it?
How do you know that it's notjust you being oh well, you know
, I mean, it was all right, itwas okay and where it's a deeper
level of seriousness that mayaffect your life Because I'll
talk for a second about how itcan affect your life Absolutely.
(24:34):
But feelings of I'll just hopin, like persistent self-doubt
or insecurity.
You may not have all of these.
You may have some of thesepersistent self-doubt or
insecurity.
You may not have all of these.
You may have some of theseAttributing success to luck or
external factors, fear offailure or being exposed as a
fraud, feeling like you're notqualified or deserving of
achievements, difficultyaccepting praise and compliments
(24:57):
, perfectionism and very highstandards or overworking and
self-sabotage, and everybody mayfeel some of those, but if you
feel a whole lot of those, thenthere you know, then maybe,
maybe there's a possibility thatthis is, that this is a bigger
struggle for you than you thinkyou know.
(25:19):
Do you agonize over very smallmistakes or flaws, or are you
very you know sensitive toconstructive criticism?
Do you think that everybody'sinevitably going to just find
out who you really are, or doyou downplay your own expertise,
even when you know that youprobably is something that you
(25:39):
really have by the horns and youreally know what you're doing?
What does it feel like?
It's an inability torealistically assess your
competence and skills.
You constantly berate your ownperformance.
You feel like you're nevergoing to live up.
You have the self-doubt all thetime, sabotaging this is a
(26:00):
little repetitive or justoverachieving.
So, thinking about those thingsthough, if these are a lot of
things you identify with, youcan go your whole life with it.
I mean, apparently I'm 51, soI've probably went my whole life
with some of these things.
But and you know this, so thisis not news to you but living in
(26:25):
this and not getting to theplace of okay, man, I see that
and I got to fix it.
How can I fix it.
The self-sabotaging can also bebecause you're holding yourself
back.
You already are somebody, butyou're holding yourself back
from what you could really doand we can look around, like I
(26:46):
can look around at people andthink they are not reaching
their full potential, and it'sthe same, probably, that I could
probably look at you, probablylook at me and think, because I
know we've had conversationsabout things that, like I just I
won't do and I will not stepout and do.
This play was a huge being.
This play was a huge deal forme.
It's insane, yeah, it's a hugedeal for me, um, but they don't
(27:08):
reach their full potentialbecause of some of these things.
But and it would be amazing,probably in my own life I'm
going to use me as an exampleagain for a second of things I
might have, could have alreadyreally accomplished or done had
I not had this internal strugglethat goes on in my head
sometimes with some of thesethings.
There's a few things that havebeen on my list, you know I've
(27:32):
talked about before.
I met with Corey Lee and I hadgoals and I had things, but
there's things I still will notwalk into and try to do, and I
know that some of them probablyare because of these things, but
how much could you do, and evengoing even a step further.
You and I have talked aboutthose, sometimes some of the
things in your life that youneed to be doing, or so that
other people can see it and theycan know I can do that, they've
(27:56):
done that and I can do that andI've told you.
For me, what's important rightnow is doing things to show my
girls you can do anything youwant to do.
You can be anybody.
You want to be my son too, butjust some of the things identify
more like with them, like youcan own a business, you can step
(28:16):
out on a stage, you can lead aministry that you think you're
not capable of leading.
But you got to get out of yourhead with some of this stuff and
, like you said, no number one.
Yet you are already somebody.
You are worthy.
God knew who you were beforeyou were ever born.
He put stuff in you and it'snot him that's telling you you
(28:39):
don't deserve for anybody toappreciate anything you do.
You don't deserve accolades,you don't deserve success.
That's not him, right, that'sright.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
And it's easy, it's easy to get.
I like what you said the storyin your head.
Are you getting out of yourmind?
Because it is so hard to getout of your mind?
Because, let's just be honest,you do this, I do this.
You know, we work out a lot andwe've talked about that ad
nauseum.
We work out a lot and when Itake my shirt off at the house,
(29:11):
I see every imperfection, I seeevery piece of cake I ate.
You know, somebody else may say, well, dang, he's in good shape
, you know, but me as a person,in my head I see flaws, I see
things that need to be fixed orI see things that need to be
changed, and so it's hardsometimes to to take compliments
(29:33):
and to say, oh well, thanks,you know, I appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
And instead of being the all shucks guy, you know, or
oh, you know it's, you knowwhatever, and especially as
Christians, because we knowwe're supposed to be humble and
have humility.
But then just like what?
Like in my instance?
You know, you can, you can berude and you can be.
Yeah, and you can.
You can know you can cut peopleoff Because as Christians we
struggle, because our whole lifewe're told you have to be
(30:05):
humble and so it's and and therethat is true right.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
The Bible talks about humility, it talks about being
humble, and that pride comesbefore the fall.
And you know, arrogance is isjust detestable that's it.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
There's a difference, but there's a difference in
arrogance and what we're talkingabout.
Yeah, yeah, because we all knowthose people who are arrogant
and you're like you don't haveto tell them that they they look
good or they smell good or theydid something good, because
they're gonna tell you they'regonna beat you.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
You don't have to tell them they're great because
they've got the tattoo that saysI'm great on their chest.
You know what I'm saying like,and again, some of that just
comes from a background of steel.
I would still believe thatthere are people like that, who
put on that air and thatarrogance, that go home and know
(30:54):
that's the difference.
I think sometimes there arepeople like that and I'm not
talking about somebody specific,but there are people like that
that go home and absolutely knowthey're a fraud.
You know what I'm saying.
They don't feel like they are,they know they are.
And I laughed one time, oh myGod.
(31:15):
We were in Chattanooga one dayand I think we were walking down
around the river or whatever,and I was telling you about this
guy.
He posted he's an influencersomewhere.
I can't remember who it was,it's a moot point, but he was an
influencer somewhere and he wasposting about his house and his
car and these cool things thathe had.
(31:35):
And the guy was flipping socialmedia and he said wait a minute
.
He said that's my house.
He said it's an Airbnb that hewas renting for the week and
probably got the car.
Yeah, come to find out the guyhad had had leased a car, like
off a Turo and he had leased hisAirbnb and he was posting
(31:56):
influencer photos and, and sothat's what I'm talking about.
Yeah, that guy goes home andknows he's a fraud, but the
difference in in somebody likehim and somebody like you is
that you're not.
You're the same person herethat you are at home.
But it's weird when peoplecompliment you.
It's weird when people say so.
(32:17):
There is the humility factor asa Christian, but then there's
also the things that the Biblesays that if you will exercise
your gift, that God's giftingand callings are without
repentance, and men and womenand this is true I've talked
about this the other day if youhave a gift from God, it works,
no matter where you are and Iknow it sounds whatever.
(32:40):
But if you have an ability tosing, play, dance whatever, god
wants you to use that for him.
But if you go and use it forsomething else, for your own
gain guess what?
It still works.
That's why some of your bestpoliticians should have been
preachers.
That's why some of your bestsingers grew up in the church
(33:03):
and they took the gift and usedit somewhere else, but it still
works.
But the Bible says that yourgift will make room for you and
bring you before great men.
So, in humility, it's okay tobe humble and give honor to God
for what he gives you, but thenthere's also a place to where
God will put you in a seat ofprominence and open a door for
(33:27):
you that can never be opened byyourself, and so that's where
sometimes you have to work andsay you know what, I'm not
worthy per se, but God has mademe worthy.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
Yeah, you know, and I just thought about what you
said about God you knowproviding a seat and opening a
door.
I think that's it.
Sometimes you have to, and Ijust thought about what you said
about God, you know providing aseat and opening a door.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
I think that's it.
Sometimes you have to realizeI'm supposed to be here, I'm
supposed to be here, I'msupposed to be here.
Say it, that's good, yeah, butI didn't.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
It's not by just luck or whatever.
I need to be here and bethankful that I'm here.
But understand, I am here forthis season and this time or
whatever it is, because Godwants me to.
God may want this to be beforemen and men to know about it,
because there is somebody outthere.
There may be a little girl thatwants to know that she can do
(34:18):
this or that, or there may be aperson out there that thinks
they'll never be able to theirdream will never come true to
own a business.
But they can.
So sometimes I think thatthat's what we don't understand
is I am supposed to be here.
I'm not a fraud, I'm not aphony.
I'm supposed to be exactlywhere I am.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
I'm supposed to be here.
That's a really good thing.
Listen, I'll tell you I don'tbelieve in luck.
I'm sorry you listen to thispodcast.
You believe in luck.
God bless you.
That's good.
I don't believe in luck.
I believe in providentialappointments.
I believe that God directs ourpath.
The Bible says that the steps ofa righteous man are ordered by
God and I believe that, as yousee God, that I believe that he
orders your steps and he willput you in situations and doors
(34:55):
you could never get on byyourself.
And then it opens the door ofinfluence, just like you said,
because you said it was just sogood.
When you said that, I thoughtwhat if there's that young girl
who's in a really bad family andit's really people who are
telling her you suck, you'llnever be nothing, you're awful,
(35:17):
you're ugly, you can't do this.
But somebody like you I'm notjust you, but somebody like you
steps on a stage and they thinkthere's something about that
that inspires me, that I think Ican do that and it brings you
to.
I'm telling you that is apowerful, powerful thing.
And so I think how do you movepast that?
(35:42):
How do you take a step in theright direction?
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Well, I think you can ask yourself a few questions.
What beliefs do I hold aboutmyself?
Do I believe I'm worthy of loveas I am, and why do I think I
need to be perfect?
And do I have to be perfect forother people to approve of me?
Those are questions you have toask.
And then there's some thingsthat Jessica said that I thought
(36:07):
were real good.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
So what's a step in the right direction?
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Be honest with yourself about the story you
choose to tell yourself aboutyourself, and that's that's.
That's really good.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Yeah, because if you'll be honest with the story
you tell yourself about yourself, I know what I believe about
you, but there's things I knowabout me that I tell myself over
and over and over.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
I I.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
I'm not an Apple music guy.
I know that sounds crazy.
You love Apple music and I'llsay this I'm a Pandora guy.
Sorry, I'm an old school.
It's on Apple music.
When you go search a song right, unless you create a station or
create a playlist if you searchthat song, that song will play
(36:59):
over and over and over and over.
I've had pink skies on my, onmy playlist there, and it just
plays it.
Every time I get in the car itplays it.
I'm like, oh my God, let's playa different song, but because
that's on repeat and you as aperson, different song, but
because that's on repeat.
And you as a person, there arethings in your mind that you
have on repeat, whether it'ssomething your daddy said,
(37:20):
whether it's something your mamasaid, your pastor, your friend,
your, your whomever somebodygave you something in your heart
and in your mind and you've gotit on repeat and you
automatically have thosenegative thoughts that play over
and over and over and justbeing vulnerable one last time.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
I think for me, the thing I say sometimes to myself
is you don't deserve this.
So and I think and I know I'mprobably not the only one um,
she says also a lot of timespeople have automatic negative
thoughts.
Well, that's probably you knowmine that I just said that they
play on repeat in their minds.
So what do you do?
You challenge the negativethoughts that you have.
(37:58):
You ask yourself if thosethoughts are true and productive
.
Well, obviously, for me that'san automatic no.
And where do the thoughts comefrom?
And that's sometimes you got togo a little deeper to really
figure out where the thoughtscame from.
And then try to balance yournegative thinking with truthful,
positive thinking.
And I think that would beabsolutely helpful for me or
(38:19):
anybody else who may kind ofidentify with this.
Balance out your negativethinking with your truthful,
positive thinking.
And then this goes back to themirror and what we were talking
about.
Ask someone you trust for alist of honest, positive things
about yourself.
You know I've been at churchretreats before and other places
where they about yourself.
You know I've been at, we'vebeen, I've been church retreats
before and other places wherethey say you know, get an index
card and I want you to writesomething nice about everybody
(38:41):
in the room, and so those are.
Um, those are helpful sometimesand there's people that don't
know you that may say thingslike I've told you before
somebody says I'm sweet ifsomebody says I'm sweet, I know
they do not know me, I am kindand I believe that to be true.
But once if I am kind and I docare about people, but like
sweet is like Aunt B on AndyGriffith, I don't think that's
(39:05):
but Aunt.
B wasn't that sweet either.
I thought Aunt B was preciousbut sweet.
So anyway.
But yes, the positive things,like ask people that you trust
for honest, positive thingsabout yourself.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
Yeah, and that's really good, because you know,
she said you got to challengethe negative thoughts and ask if
they're true and productive.
Well, the story we tellourselves sometime is just not
true, and I will, I will, I willbring it back around to this.
The story I told myself lastweek was it you didn't care
(39:42):
about me?
Because if you did, you would,you would have responded back to
me.
Well, that was just not true.
The truth is is that you arethe absolute best partner I
could ever have at my house.
You love me unconditionally.
You take care of anything andeverything that moves, and I
never, ever, wonder who or whatyou are.
(40:04):
But just that one lie that Iallowed myself to believe and
have a negative on repeatbecause of something stupid and
it's not stupid, but somethingsilly like that that it caused
my mind to get messed up.
But then I go back and if Iwait, against the truth, the
(40:25):
truth is that you love me.
The truth is that you havepoured your heart out to me and
your mercy out to me for 34years.
That's the truth and it's notproductive.
So Philippians talks about that.
You got to think on positivethings and I'm just paraphrasing
here things that are noteworthy, things that are good, you know
, and quit focusing on negativestuff.
(40:45):
And I think the more you dothat, I think the better you
would be.
And I like ask someone youtrust for a list of honest
things about yourself.
And that's different, actually,because when I read that I
thought of some flaws, I thought.
But then I read no, wait, wait,ask for a list of honest,
positive things.
Don't tell me all the thingsthat I am, that are, that are
(41:08):
wrong, because I know those.
Why don't you tell me some goodthings about myself?
Tell me what you really seethat's really good about me.
And I'm telling you, man, I'mnot trying to get emotional, but
that just hit me hard.
Tell me what's good about me.
What am I doing?
Speaker 2 (41:25):
Right yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:27):
You know, and and I think there's something in that
that helps you feel worthy andthink you know what.
I'm not trash, I'm not aterrible dad, I'm not a terrible
husband, I'm not a terriblefriend, I'm not a terrible wife,
I'm not a terrible pastor, I'mnot a terrible.
There's value.
And then, of course, last thingJessica says is that if you
(41:50):
can't get through those thingsthat you do need to see yeah,
that's what I was going to sayOf a professional and I think
that's good as well, and ourintention today is not to fix
anybody but, for me personally.
Speaker 2 (42:02):
My intention is is that you know, maybe maybe
there's somebody listening thatneeds to be aware of that,
because you may be holdingyourself back from your
potential to be used in yourchurch, to be used in your
career, just to be able to lookin the mirror longer at yourself
and not run away or hide outfrom people or all those things.
(42:23):
So you know if this is deeperfor you and you cannot move past
these things, and you know youcan't reach your full potential
without really getting to theroot of it and fixing it.
Yes, I mean, I absolutelyencourage you.
I always feel like, I feel likecounseling.
I I just think every, I thinkit should be something automatic
(42:44):
.
I wish our health care systemtook care of it for every
marriage, every, every person'smental health or you know, but
it, but it always doesn't.
But yeah, our friend at tupelomarriage and family therapy and
counseling, and she's I knowshe's got some great people
there too, because I know someof the people that are there.
But there's other places.
Like you know, I I don't wantto.
(43:05):
So I'm 51, but I don't want tobe 61 thinking I still didn't do
any of those things because Iheld myself back because of my
thinking that's right.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
So, hey, work on your thinking and be able to look at
yourself in the mirror for awhile, and I think that that
really really will help, and soI hope you've enjoyed today.
We've been a little transparentwith you and we want you to
know us, because we want tobring you into our Saturday
morning breakfast table and justlet you know what really makes
us tick and how we really talk.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
And I don't think anybody would want your
gluten-free biscuits though.
You did, but you didn't becauseyou made them for me, yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:43):
Hey, thank you so much for listening this morning.
If you find somebody that'sgoing in the direction you want
to go, hop in the flow with themand go that direction and your
life can change incredibly.
Thank you so much for listeningto us.
God bless the pressure.
(44:11):
I've been wanting this forever.
I've been in the field withwhatever they throw at me, brush
it off, pick myself up, movingon to the better.
Ain't no errors, baby, it's anew era.
I wake up early, feeling richlike I'm Kesha.
I get to the paper.
Hey, good morning.
Good morning, this is Brad andI'm with my wife, tiffany.
We are the host of the HustleFlow podcast.
Thank you this morning fortaking your time to listen to
our podcast and the subject thatwe're going to be talking about
this morning.
Good morning, tiffany.
Good morning.
How are you this morning?
I'm great, it's good, it's agood day, man.
The sun is shining.
We're here in Mississippi andthe weather's been hot, cold,
(00:42):
rainy.
It's been all kind of stuff,but I think we're finally turned
a corner.
I see all the green stuff onour cars that we're having to go
to the car wash and wash everyday.
So it looks like spring is hereand we're pretty excited about
that because that's a goodseason in Mississippi spring
Summer not so much, it gets hotand crazy, but spring and fall
(01:02):
is a good season in Mississippi,so we're excited about it.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
It's kind of a yellow green.
It's like a.
It's pollen.
And I've watched the funniestTikTok about a guy.
It's that guy and I can'tremember his name.
He dressed up as pollen andit's hilarious.
He's talking about what he'sgot to do and but then he talks
about how he jacks up your carsand your allergies.
Yeah, it was really funny.
He's a guy.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
I think he's from Georgia, maybe.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
He wears all the t-shirts.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
It says different stuff.
He's the one that did theFacebook thing.
Is that drill still for sale?
Yeah, you remember that one.
Yeah, it's here.
He's a funny guy.
He's a funny guy, I like him.
But hey, this morning we aregoing to talk about just feeling
worthy, and that's real broadterm.
But we're going to tell you,maybe, where this originated
from.
We're going to give you somebackstory to it.
(01:44):
But feeling worthy in, maybe,people giving you accolades or
people talking to you nicely orgiving you compliments, but even
if it goes a step further,there is a syndrome called
imposter syndrome and we'regoing to delve into that just a
little bit.
We're not licensed therapistshere.
We're not licensed counselors,but we do have friends that are
(02:05):
and we've got some things fromthem.
But we're going to talk aboutthat just a little bit this
morning.
So let's hop in there, let'sget going and let's talk about
this subject this morning.
Do you want to tell where thiscomes from?
Because this is a conversation,the way that we look at our
podcast.
We really want to just bringyou into our Saturday morning
(02:28):
conversations at our breakfasttable.
We have a lot of conversationwhen we eat breakfast.
We only eat breakfast aboutonce a week.
Most of the time it's just ashake, but when we cook
breakfast and actually sit downtogether, we generally sit at
that table for a good while andtalk about marriage issues, we
talk about church issues, wetalk about family issues, we
talk about all kinds of things,and so Saturday was kind of
(02:53):
cathartic for both of us, just alittle bit.
So why don't you just hop inthere, let's talk about it and
see where this goes?
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Yeah.
So as we were talking becauseit was a conversation that we
needed to have in our marriageum, as we were talking, we were
probably 20 minutes in and Isaid, you know, this could
probably be a good topic for apodcast because, um, what we
discovered is, I hate names andlabels, I hate saying I have
(03:25):
ADHD, I hate saying these kindof things, but when there are
actually labels, sometimes youjust have to use the labels.
So we talked about, through ourconversation, that I've heard
of imposter syndrome.
I've never, ever, read up on it.
I know how I feel and I knowthings that I struggle with, but
(03:46):
I didn't know that.
I thought it was something else,honestly, because I've heard
people on facebook say I think Ihave, you know, whatever, and I
just thought, well, it's likeeverybody that says they have
adhd, maybe they don't have it,maybe they do what.
Does that even really look likeright, but yeah, and so I will
probably be very, um, vulnerable.
You know that word's alwayshard for me and in this I'm
talking about where it came from.
(04:06):
So it started out because wehad had a week where I just knew
there was something a littleoff and I would ask you every
day.
What's going on with you?
Are you okay?
You know, you just seem alittle off.
And so finally, saturdaymorning, you told me.
You said I want to tell, tellyou you've hurt my feelings,
which I don't hurt your feelingsvery rarely like I make you mad
(04:27):
sometimes, and sometimes Ienjoy making you mad.
A little often like there's justtimes where I just think I want
to get him a little riled upjust every once in a while.
We don't because you don'treally know the purpose yeah,
like you know, just you know,just push your button just a
little every once in a whilebecause I think it's you know,
it's fun.
But yeah, but hurting yourfeelings is something I rarely
do, um, would you agree?
Speaker 1 (04:48):
yeah, no, I, I mean it's, I don't get my feelings
hurt a lot overall, because Ijust don't, but then very rarely
do you hurt my feelings.
Yeah, because I'm not piss meoff a lot.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
That's not.
You shouldn't say that word,but yeah, because I'm not.
Yeah, I, I don't, I'm notintentionally somebody that
tries to be hurtful.
I don't want to be hurt, but youhad told me that I had hurt
your feelings because there werewere the last two times that
you had said things about me onFacebook that I had not
responded Right, and I listenedto you as you should.
(05:20):
When your spouse is telling youyou have either made me mad or
you have hurt my feelings.
As you should, you know, Ilistened all the way through and
then I told you that I was verysorry because I never wanted to
hurt your feelings.
That was never my intention andI absolutely understood
everything you were saying andit was true.
I could not deny anything thatyou said.
You said some other thingsabout.
(05:41):
Sometimes.
You know, this is what I feellike.
You know, I'm proud of you andI say these things and I don't
get anything back.
When I, you know, notnecessarily in person, not when
we're in the house together orwhatever I don't get anything
back.
And so I understood how it madeyou feel.
I apologized, but then I I thendecided to let you in on, but
(06:03):
let me, let me explain to youthe why.
It's not because I mean, Ididn't want anybody, you, to
tell anybody I'm your girl orany of these things, because you
know I've got 10 boyfriends andI don't want them to know that
we're that close by youmentioning something on Facebook
or whatever the reasons are, orbecause I just don't care, or
because of what you say about medoesn't matter, because it like
(06:25):
I appreciate what, how you saythat you feel about me so much.
But I'll let you into a part ofmy world.
And how I feel is that I I donot like for nice things to be
said about me.
It's a problem, right, right.
(07:10):
And then the more nice thingsthat are said, the more that I
then go and like hide from itand run from it Like I need it.
It makes me so uncomfortablethat I then just do the absolute
worst thing I can do and I justact like it didn't happen and
run away from it.
And so I realized, and werealized and we talked about it,
not just to you but it comesoff as being very rude and
unappreciative and all of thosethings where that's not the case
at all.
Right, it's just feelings thatI have, but you know, and it's
hard because at 51 years old Iwould you, at some point in life
you would like to think you'vegot it together, you're like you
(07:33):
finally got it together andmaybe I'm like a semi, like
whatever person.
I don't know that there's asuch thing as normal.
I don't know what normal is.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
No, there's no such thing as normal.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
But using the word anyway, like I'm normal now I'm
finally like, and you think also.
I think for me sometimes.
I think, because of my age andyears of working through
different things, that there'salso things you should never
have to like.
You should be normal by acertain age and there shouldn't
be things you have to workthrough necessarily that would
(08:05):
be great anymore.
I know, I know it would be great, wouldn't it?
But that's how some of thiscame up, because, you know, I
told you about a certain thing Ihad put out it's on my birthday
year before last.
I had no idea it was.
You know it was a, it was abirthday picture that I put up
and I don't know I was a hotpitcher, it was and it gained.
I liked it, it gained hundredsof comments, and so after the
(08:29):
first 30, 40, I don't remember Ishut down.
I never went back and looked atthe post because I couldn't
deal with it, and I know this,like I don't.
There may be, and I and thereason we're talking about is
because there probably are otherpeople like me but I never went
back and said thank you toevery person.
I couldn't even read thecomments anymore because of what
(08:53):
we're talking about today, andso that's, I think that's, and
you may have something to add,but I think that's how we got
where we are that is.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
That is really the.
The crux of of what we where wecame to um in a little
background of that is thatyou've been involved in um play
practice, you've been involvedin the production of steel
magnolias and you've been busy,uh, practicing till 10 o'clock
every night.
And then this, the, the weekbefore this, I had left on a
(09:26):
Thursday.
I had to go up to the cabin andtake care of some things, and
then I went to Atlanta and,according to you, I was on
vacation.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
And I'm still kind of bitter about that.
I was running three.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Spartan races and muddy, dirty, gross and 25 miles
plus and a bunch of obstacles,but I was on vacation.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
You paid to go do it.
It's a vacation.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
I still, like I said, it's still bitter about that.
I was on vacation, but then Ihad to leave there as well and
then go back to Chattanooga.
So we so Chattanooga.
We were separate for about fiveor six days and then, um, I
don't remember how I eventhought about it, but I know
what it was, I know, know whatit was.
I had made a post, somethingabout you and and how proud I
(10:08):
was of you.
And listen, social mediasometimes is what it is, but I'm
just telling you the backgroundof where, where it is.
So I made this post, somethingabout you, you know, was proud
of you or whatever was actually,you know, excited about the
play or whatever.
And you had responded back topeople who had commented on my
(10:30):
post but never responded back tome, nor did you like it or or
or sad face it, or mad face itor or love it at all.
And then I saw that you hadcommented back to your
supporting actress, which isShelby Micah.
(10:52):
She's doing an incredible jobas well.
But I saw you commented back toher because she said something
about you being the best, orwhatever.
And I thought, man, that kind ofjust kind of stung a little bit
.
So then, being the investigatorI am and the petty person I am
sometimes, I went back and Ilooked and I thought, well, she
(11:14):
didn't even like my post aboutValentine's.
And then, honestly, being thegrown adult I am, I got in my
feelings.
And not only did I get in myfeelings, I let my feelings get
in me and I thought, you knowwhat, she don't care about you,
(11:37):
which is stupid, which is dumb.
But because we've got 34 yearsof marriage and I know the truth
on other side of social media,but it never still didn't take
the sting away, it kind of hurtme and instead of just telling
you, hey, I'm hurt, I let itfester all week.
And I'll be honest with you, Iwent through feelings of mad and
(11:58):
hurt and mad and hurt, and madand hurt, but I didn't want to
put it on you because you weregoing through eight days of like
four or five days of tech weekand then three days of
production, so I didn't want todump something on you because I
knew you had a lot on you.
But then, saturday this iswhere this come and we were
actually able to talk about this.
And then, once you explained tome this and I started talking I
(12:20):
think I even asked you thequestion I said it almost seems
like you don't feel like you'reworthy of compliments, and
that's where the conversationopened up.
And then we started talkingabout where maybe some of that
come from, how it originated andfeeling worthy.
And then we talked aboutimposter syndrome and we did a
little research on that andagain, we're not, we're not,
(12:42):
we're not licensed to talkdeeply about imposter syndrome
outside of our we're licensed totell you what our friend and
we'll touch on that has said.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Who is licensed to tell you and to tell you what
we've found just fromresearching?
Because the internet is free.
And so, no, we didn't even stayat a Holiday Inn last night.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
That's right night, so we are not licensed we.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
We need to make that disclaimer because every once in
a while there's somebody sayswell, they said, and we are not
licensed, but we want you toknow that things that we talk
about are not just great ideasthat we get on the internet and
think you know it'd be fun totalk about.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
These are real life things that we deal with.
Yeah, and that that you said.
You think sometimes at 51 andI'm almost you think I should
have all this stuff taken careof by now man, you would think
that I got my life together, butwe are continually working to
get better and I believe this.
I believe this If youcontinually work on yourself and
(13:39):
communicate clearly with yourspouse, your marriage can be
fantastic and it continue togrow, because you're never
perfect.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
What was it you said about the?
Um, I don't know if you havethat written down anywhere else,
so maybe something about aboutthe person, that people that
love you, um, kind of.
We've been talking.
We talk about being a mirror, alot about.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Oh that, uh, that the person who makes you the most
uncomfortable is the one thatloves you the most.
Is that the?
Is that what?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
you're talking about?
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Yeah, and I think that's true, you know is that
the person who challenges youand pushes you, not the person
who slaps you on the back andsay that's awesome.
It's the person who challengesyou, makes you uncomfortable,
probably loves you the most,because they're not going to
allow you just to getcomfortable and just to wallow
in.
You know, you would not haveallowed me to wallow in in pity,
(14:30):
you wouldn't have allowed me towallow in, believing that you
didn't care about me or whatever, because none of that's true.
So I think that that thatmatters.
So let's talk.
Let's talk about what, what?
Let's talk about what impostersyndrome actually is, what it
looks like, and this comes fromour good, our good friend.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Yeah, and so we had read some other kind of
explanations of it, but I likeJessica's the best.
So Jessica and Brad will tellyou all the ways that she's
licensed, probably later.
But Jessica Roberts is, um, shedoes run the Tupelo Marriage
and Family Therapy andCounseling Center here in Tupelo
.
So her definition, which I likethe most, is imposter syndrome
(15:12):
is a distorted belief systemthat describes people with
pervasive feelings of insecurityand self-doubt who have anxious
feelings related to beingexposed as a fraud in their work
, despite being verifiablysuccessful.
She says that often people thatexperience this are high
functioning and high achievingand a lot of times, particularly
(15:35):
in the medical field also.
Well, I am not in the medicalfield, so that is her definition
and I like the part that theythey have.
They either have, they can haveboth insecurity or self-doubt
and anxious feelings related tobeing exposed as a fraud, which,
of course, like I told you tome, I don't, I don't ever think
in those terms of I'm going tobe exposed as a fraud.
(15:57):
That's not something Inecessarily deal with, but but
the word imposter and fraud gohand, you know, go hand in hand.
But all the other things that,but the word imposter and fraud,
go hand, you know, go hand inhand.
But all the other things thatgo along with imposter syndrome,
you know, do make sense.
And when you're reading it tome, I love to go oh, I'm not,
this, I'm not, that, I'm never.
(16:17):
You know, perfectionist is onethat we'll talk about.
I always say I'm not aperfectionist.
But then when it's funny, whensomebody reads certain things,
you're like, well, I'm a bigliar, I absolutely am, whatever,
whatever that's.
When you read what aperfectionist is, I'm like, yeah
, I mean, that's, that's me.
(16:38):
They took a picture of me andread my like, followed me around
in the the dictionary.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Your picture's there.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
And we've talked about that.
And Jessica Roberts, she's agood friend of ours.
She goes to CrossFit with usand she's okay at CrossFit
Jessica Maybe, I don't know,you're terrible she's great.
She has her master's inmarriage and family therapy.
She's also a licensedprofessional counselor and she's
(17:10):
a supervisor for professionalcounselors as well.
So she's licensed in marriageand family therapy.
So she has a lot of backgroundin this information and she
deals with a lot of issues suchas these with family and people.
But you know it really, and shesaid that it comes from
generally.
It's learned behavior.
That comes from generally.
It's learned behavior.
It comes from any environment.
That's highly critical,unreasonable idea of what it
(17:31):
means to be successful, said itusually shows up alongside other
symptoms such as self-doubt,low self-esteem, feelings of
fraudulence or inadequacy that'sa good word being inadequate
Inability to internalize successor achievements, fear of
success or failure, anxiety ordepression.
Now let's just hop in there andtalk about you, because I'm
(17:51):
going to talk about you right infront of you.
I don't talk about you behindyour back.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Well, I won't talk about me the whole time.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Let's talk about you, because this is something we've
dealt with and because you saidthat not responding back on
social media sometimes is asrude and yes, it is, it can be.
You know what I'm saying.
If somebody says something niceto you, it can be rude not to
respond back.
It'd be just like somebodycoming up and giving you a
compliment and saying you lookreally beautiful and you're like
just walk away.
(18:16):
You know kind of that awkwardwhatever for you.
We talked about this the otherday.
Why is it, though?
Where do you feel like it comesfrom?
And maybe you don't know, but,but where do you feel like that
comes from, that you don'tsometimes feel worthy of the
compliment that you, that youget, because, okay, so we, we,
(18:38):
we know this.
Where you've been, you've beendoing the play and people have
told you hey, man, you're doing,you're knocking it out of the
park, you're incredible, butyour word to me that was the
other day.
Well, these are my friends,they're, they're supposed to say
that, but then, so where doessome of that come from for you?
Speaker 2 (18:52):
I think for every person it's probably different.
Um, just from researching alsoon the on the internet, some
further explanation about fordifferent people, where does it
come from?
A lot of time it's familyupbringing, maybe parents who
were controlling oroverprotective, or people who
(19:13):
flipped back and forth betweenbeing either offering a lot of
praise or offering a lot ofcriticism, or from families who
have a lot of conflict and verylow amounts of support.
You know are also places thatit can come from.
I think for me personally Iprobably have ideas where it
came from, but those may not beareas where I necessarily want
(19:36):
to, because sometimes we justalso want to respect people in
our lives.
So we may not, and for everyperson I think it can be
different where where some ofthese ideas and thoughts come
from.
But I think for me I do haveideas of, of why and things that
probably make sense to me.
But you know, for somebody elsethat deals with it it may be,
(19:58):
it may be a different situation.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Right, but I think I think it comes back to feeling
worthy and the worthiness of andI don't know sometimes if it's
that people maybe don't feellove or they don't feel I like
the word inadequate that Jessicahad used there that people feel
inadequate.
(20:20):
We know what low self-esteemlooks like.
You know what I'm saying.
We know people who is theperson who will just, oh man,
I'm ugly, I can't do nothing, Ican't.
You know that's low self-esteem, whether it's looks or
abilities or whatever.
But the worthiness and feelinginadequate and one of my
favorite things and I showed itto you, I guess last night or
(20:41):
whatever.
And if you know Gary Vee GaryVee's a big personality
entrepreneur, got a lot ofinfluence and you know,
sometimes his language is prettycrude, so you got to work past
that sometime.
But as a whole, gary Vee ispretty awesome.
And I saw this girl and you know, just to describe her to you
(21:05):
who can't actually see the video, you can go to TikTok and put
it in, you could see it, butshe's just, she's just an
average looking girl.
She's not, you know, she's justthe average person.
And she meets him outside of aplace and she said I'm going to,
(21:26):
you know, I'm going to besomebody one day.
And the coolest thing happenedis that he stopped and he turned
back to her and he said wait,listen to what you just said.
He said you are somebody now.
He said I was somebody before.
Anybody knew who I was, but itgoes back to.
She felt, like because of hisnotoriety, that she had to be
(21:49):
something in order for him torecognize her.
But he stopped in that momentand I'm telling you it's a
powerful moment when you grab ahold of it is that he told her
you're somebody now and shecried Because there's so many
people out there that feelworthless.
You're listening to this podcastright now and she cried because
there's so many people outthere that feel worthless.
You're listening to thispodcast right now and I don't
(22:10):
care what kind of car you'redriving in, your seats may be
heated and wrapped around yourback and your butt, and you're
feeling all nice and you'rejamming to the radio and you
feel worthless.
You feel inadequate.
You feel like you don't measureup.
It doesn't matter what kind ofhouse you live in, it doesn't
matter what kind of business youown or what kind of job you
(22:32):
work, or how good your family isor what it looks like.
You feel worthless, you feellike you're not somebody and I
don't know there's power behindhim just saying you're somebody
now.
And I don't know how you getthat across to somebody until
they actually internalize it.
(22:53):
Because you'll find people whoare overachieving and high
achieving and going after it sohard because they feel like
they've got to prove a point anddon't know how to wake up
tomorrow and just be.
And that's a weird thing.
You know, we were laughing, wewere talking about you've been
enthralled in this place so muchthat today is the first day
(23:15):
you've kind of woke up and youdon't have to be there tonight.
And you said it's weird, Idon't know how to wake up and
just be today.
And I think that when you feelworthless because society does
this and you hop in here anytime, but society makes us say,
if you look at this, this iswhat somebody looks like, this
(23:36):
is what a somebody is, and ifyou're not this, then you don't
really measure up and you'rekind of worthless and you don't
measure up.
So society really puts a lot ofpressure on us.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
Yeah, I agree, and I'm going to go back a little
bit.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Backwards to you know , like I said, like, and I'm not
trying to label anybody Again,we are not licensed and so I'm
not licensed to label you anyway.
Again we are not licensed and Iso I'm not licensed to label
you anyway.
But hearing about it andthinking about it, and thinking
about it in terms of how itdeals with me was was kind of
new information for me.
(24:14):
So what does it look like?
Like, how do you, how do you?
I guess, how does it?
How do you know that it's notjust you being oh well, you know
, I mean, it was all right, itwas okay and where it's a deeper
level of seriousness that mayaffect your life Because I'll
talk for a second about how itcan affect your life Absolutely.
(24:34):
But feelings of I'll just hopin, like persistent self-doubt
or insecurity.
You may not have all of these.
You may have some of thesepersistent self-doubt or
insecurity.
You may not have all of these.
You may have some of theseAttributing success to luck or
external factors, fear offailure or being exposed as a
fraud, feeling like you're notqualified or deserving of
achievements, difficultyaccepting praise and compliments
(24:57):
, perfectionism and very highstandards or overworking and
self-sabotage, and everybody mayfeel some of those, but if you
feel a whole lot of those, thenthere you know, then maybe,
maybe there's a possibility thatthis is, that this is a bigger
struggle for you than you thinkyou know.
(25:19):
Do you agonize over very smallmistakes or flaws, or are you
very you know sensitive toconstructive criticism?
Do you think that everybody'sinevitably going to just find
out who you really are, or doyou downplay your own expertise,
even when you know that youprobably is something that you
(25:39):
really have by the horns and youreally know what you're doing?
What does it feel like?
It's an inability torealistically assess your
competence and skills.
You constantly berate your ownperformance.
You feel like you're nevergoing to live up.
You have the self-doubt all thetime, sabotaging this is a
(26:00):
little repetitive or justoverachieving.
So, thinking about those thingsthough, if these are a lot of
things you identify with, youcan go your whole life with it.
I mean, apparently I'm 51, soI've probably went my whole life
with some of these things.
But and you know this, so thisis not news to you but living in
(26:25):
this and not getting to theplace of okay, man, I see that
and I got to fix it.
How can I fix it.
The self-sabotaging can also bebecause you're holding yourself
back.
You already are somebody, butyou're holding yourself back
from what you could really doand we can look around, like I
(26:46):
can look around at people andthink they are not reaching
their full potential, and it'sthe same, probably, that I could
probably look at you, probablylook at me and think, because I
know we've had conversationsabout things that, like I just I
won't do and I will not stepout and do.
This play was a huge being.
This play was a huge deal forme.
It's insane, yeah, it's a hugedeal for me, um, but they don't
(27:08):
reach their full potentialbecause of some of these things.
But and it would be amazing,probably in my own life I'm
going to use me as an exampleagain for a second of things I
might have, could have alreadyreally accomplished or done had
I not had this internal strugglethat goes on in my head
sometimes with some of thesethings.
There's a few things that havebeen on my list, you know I've
(27:32):
talked about before.
I met with Corey Lee and I hadgoals and I had things, but
there's things I still will notwalk into and try to do, and I
know that some of them probablyare because of these things, but
how much could you do, and evengoing even a step further.
You and I have talked aboutthose, sometimes some of the
things in your life that youneed to be doing, or so that
other people can see it and theycan know I can do that, they've
(27:56):
done that and I can do that andI've told you.
For me, what's important rightnow is doing things to show my
girls you can do anything youwant to do.
You can be anybody.
You want to be my son too, butjust some of the things identify
more like with them, like youcan own a business, you can step
(28:16):
out on a stage, you can lead aministry that you think you're
not capable of leading.
But you got to get out of yourhead with some of this stuff and
, like you said, no number one.
Yet you are already somebody.
You are worthy.
God knew who you were beforeyou were ever born.
He put stuff in you and it'snot him that's telling you you
(28:39):
don't deserve for anybody toappreciate anything you do.
You don't deserve accolades,you don't deserve success.
That's not him, right, that'sright.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
And it's easy, it's easy to get.
I like what you said the storyin your head.
Are you getting out of yourmind?
Because it is so hard to getout of your mind?
Because, let's just be honest,you do this, I do this.
You know, we work out a lot andwe've talked about that ad
nauseum.
We work out a lot and when Itake my shirt off at the house,
(29:11):
I see every imperfection, I seeevery piece of cake I ate.
You know, somebody else may say, well, dang, he's in good shape
, you know, but me as a person,in my head I see flaws, I see
things that need to be fixed orI see things that need to be
changed, and so it's hardsometimes to to take compliments
(29:33):
and to say, oh well, thanks,you know, I appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
And instead of being the all shucks guy, you know, or
oh, you know it's, you knowwhatever, and especially as
Christians, because we knowwe're supposed to be humble and
have humility.
But then just like what?
Like in my instance?
You know, you can, you can berude and you can be.
Yeah, and you can.
You can know you can cut peopleoff Because as Christians we
struggle, because our whole lifewe're told you have to be
(30:05):
humble and so it's and and therethat is true right.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
The Bible talks about humility, it talks about being
humble, and that pride comesbefore the fall.
And you know, arrogance is isjust detestable that's it.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
There's a difference, but there's a difference in
arrogance and what we're talkingabout.
Yeah, yeah, because we all knowthose people who are arrogant
and you're like you don't haveto tell them that they they look
good or they smell good or theydid something good, because
they're gonna tell you they'regonna beat you.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
You don't have to tell them they're great because
they've got the tattoo that saysI'm great on their chest.
You know what I'm saying like,and again, some of that just
comes from a background of steel.
I would still believe thatthere are people like that, who
put on that air and thatarrogance, that go home and know
(30:54):
that's the difference.
I think sometimes there arepeople like that and I'm not
talking about somebody specific,but there are people like that
that go home and absolutely knowthey're a fraud.
You know what I'm saying.
They don't feel like they are,they know they are.
And I laughed one time, oh myGod.
(31:15):
We were in Chattanooga one dayand I think we were walking down
around the river or whatever,and I was telling you about this
guy.
He posted he's an influencersomewhere.
I can't remember who it was,it's a moot point, but he was an
influencer somewhere and he wasposting about his house and his
car and these cool things thathe had.
(31:35):
And the guy was flipping socialmedia and he said wait a minute
.
He said that's my house.
He said it's an Airbnb that hewas renting for the week and
probably got the car.
Yeah, come to find out the guyhad had had leased a car, like
off a Turo and he had leased hisAirbnb and he was posting
(31:56):
influencer photos and, and sothat's what I'm talking about.
Yeah, that guy goes home andknows he's a fraud, but the
difference in in somebody likehim and somebody like you is
that you're not.
You're the same person herethat you are at home.
But it's weird when peoplecompliment you.
It's weird when people say so.
(32:17):
There is the humility factor asa Christian, but then there's
also the things that the Biblesays that if you will exercise
your gift, that God's giftingand callings are without
repentance, and men and womenand this is true I've talked
about this the other day if youhave a gift from God, it works,
no matter where you are and Iknow it sounds whatever.
(32:40):
But if you have an ability tosing, play, dance whatever, god
wants you to use that for him.
But if you go and use it forsomething else, for your own
gain guess what?
It still works.
That's why some of your bestpoliticians should have been
preachers.
That's why some of your bestsingers grew up in the church
(33:03):
and they took the gift and usedit somewhere else, but it still
works.
But the Bible says that yourgift will make room for you and
bring you before great men.
So, in humility, it's okay tobe humble and give honor to God
for what he gives you, but thenthere's also a place to where
God will put you in a seat ofprominence and open a door for
(33:27):
you that can never be opened byyourself, and so that's where
sometimes you have to work andsay you know what, I'm not
worthy per se, but God has mademe worthy.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
Yeah, you know, and I just thought about what you
said about God you knowproviding a seat and opening a
door.
I think that's it.
Sometimes you have to, and Ijust thought about what you said
about God, you know providing aseat and opening a door.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
I think that's it.
Sometimes you have to realizeI'm supposed to be here, I'm
supposed to be here, I'msupposed to be here.
Say it, that's good, yeah, butI didn't.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
It's not by just luck or whatever.
I need to be here and bethankful that I'm here.
But understand, I am here forthis season and this time or
whatever it is, because Godwants me to.
God may want this to be beforemen and men to know about it,
because there is somebody outthere.
There may be a little girl thatwants to know that she can do
(34:18):
this or that, or there may be aperson out there that thinks
they'll never be able to theirdream will never come true to
own a business.
But they can.
So sometimes I think thatthat's what we don't understand
is I am supposed to be here.
I'm not a fraud, I'm not aphony.
I'm supposed to be exactlywhere I am.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
I'm supposed to be here.
That's a really good thing.
Listen, I'll tell you I don'tbelieve in luck.
I'm sorry you listen to thispodcast.
You believe in luck.
God bless you.
That's good.
I don't believe in luck.
I believe in providentialappointments.
I believe that God directs ourpath.
The Bible says that the steps ofa righteous man are ordered by
God and I believe that, as yousee God, that I believe that he
orders your steps and he willput you in situations and doors
(34:55):
you could never get on byyourself.
And then it opens the door ofinfluence, just like you said,
because you said it was just sogood.
When you said that, I thoughtwhat if there's that young girl
who's in a really bad family andit's really people who are
telling her you suck, you'llnever be nothing, you're awful,
(35:17):
you're ugly, you can't do this.
But somebody like you I'm notjust you, but somebody like you
steps on a stage and they thinkthere's something about that
that inspires me, that I think Ican do that and it brings you
to.
I'm telling you that is apowerful, powerful thing.
And so I think how do you movepast that?
(35:42):
How do you take a step in theright direction?
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Well, I think you can ask yourself a few questions.
What beliefs do I hold aboutmyself?
Do I believe I'm worthy of loveas I am, and why do I think I
need to be perfect?
And do I have to be perfect forother people to approve of me?
Those are questions you have toask.
And then there's some thingsthat Jessica said that I thought
(36:07):
were real good.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
So what's a step in the right direction?
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Be honest with yourself about the story you
choose to tell yourself aboutyourself, and that's that's.
That's really good.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Yeah, because if you'll be honest with the story
you tell yourself about yourself, I know what I believe about
you, but there's things I knowabout me that I tell myself over
and over and over.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
I I.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
I'm not an Apple music guy.
I know that sounds crazy.
You love Apple music and I'llsay this I'm a Pandora guy.
Sorry, I'm an old school.
It's on Apple music.
When you go search a song right, unless you create a station or
create a playlist if you searchthat song, that song will play
(36:59):
over and over and over and over.
I've had pink skies on my, onmy playlist there, and it just
plays it.
Every time I get in the car itplays it.
I'm like, oh my God, let's playa different song, but because
that's on repeat and you as aperson, different song, but
because that's on repeat.
And you as a person, there arethings in your mind that you
have on repeat, whether it'ssomething your daddy said,
(37:20):
whether it's something your mamasaid, your pastor, your friend,
your, your whomever somebodygave you something in your heart
and in your mind and you've gotit on repeat and you
automatically have thosenegative thoughts that play over
and over and over and justbeing vulnerable one last time.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
I think for me, the thing I say sometimes to myself
is you don't deserve this.
So and I think and I know I'mprobably not the only one um,
she says also a lot of timespeople have automatic negative
thoughts.
Well, that's probably you knowmine that I just said that they
play on repeat in their minds.
So what do you do?
You challenge the negativethoughts that you have.
(37:58):
You ask yourself if thosethoughts are true and productive
.
Well, obviously, for me that'san automatic no.
And where do the thoughts comefrom?
And that's sometimes you got togo a little deeper to really
figure out where the thoughtscame from.
And then try to balance yournegative thinking with truthful,
positive thinking.
And I think that would beabsolutely helpful for me or
(38:19):
anybody else who may kind ofidentify with this.
Balance out your negativethinking with your truthful,
positive thinking.
And then this goes back to themirror and what we were talking
about.
Ask someone you trust for alist of honest, positive things
about yourself.
You know I've been at churchretreats before and other places
where they about yourself.
You know I've been at, we'vebeen, I've been church retreats
before and other places wherethey say you know, get an index
card and I want you to writesomething nice about everybody
(38:41):
in the room, and so those are.
Um, those are helpful sometimesand there's people that don't
know you that may say thingslike I've told you before
somebody says I'm sweet ifsomebody says I'm sweet, I know
they do not know me, I am kindand I believe that to be true.
But once if I am kind and I docare about people, but like
sweet is like Aunt B on AndyGriffith, I don't think that's
(39:05):
but Aunt.
B wasn't that sweet either.
I thought Aunt B was preciousbut sweet.
So anyway.
But yes, the positive things,like ask people that you trust
for honest, positive thingsabout yourself.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
Yeah, and that's really good, because you know,
she said you got to challengethe negative thoughts and ask if
they're true and productive.
Well, the story we tellourselves sometime is just not
true, and I will, I will, I willbring it back around to this.
The story I told myself lastweek was it you didn't care
(39:42):
about me?
Because if you did, you would,you would have responded back to
me.
Well, that was just not true.
The truth is is that you arethe absolute best partner I
could ever have at my house.
You love me unconditionally.
You take care of anything andeverything that moves, and I
never, ever, wonder who or whatyou are.
(40:04):
But just that one lie that Iallowed myself to believe and
have a negative on repeatbecause of something stupid and
it's not stupid, but somethingsilly like that that it caused
my mind to get messed up.
But then I go back and if Iwait, against the truth, the
(40:25):
truth is that you love me.
The truth is that you havepoured your heart out to me and
your mercy out to me for 34years.
That's the truth and it's notproductive.
So Philippians talks about that.
You got to think on positivethings and I'm just paraphrasing
here things that are noteworthy, things that are good, you know
, and quit focusing on negativestuff.
(40:45):
And I think the more you dothat, I think the better you
would be.
And I like ask someone youtrust for a list of honest
things about yourself.
And that's different, actually,because when I read that I
thought of some flaws, I thought.
But then I read no, wait, wait,ask for a list of honest,
positive things.
Don't tell me all the thingsthat I am, that are, that are
(41:08):
wrong, because I know those.
Why don't you tell me some goodthings about myself?
Tell me what you really seethat's really good about me.
And I'm telling you, man, I'mnot trying to get emotional, but
that just hit me hard.
Tell me what's good about me.
What am I doing?
Speaker 2 (41:25):
Right yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:27):
You know, and and I think there's something in that
that helps you feel worthy andthink you know what.
I'm not trash, I'm not aterrible dad, I'm not a terrible
husband, I'm not a terriblefriend, I'm not a terrible wife,
I'm not a terrible pastor, I'mnot a terrible.
There's value.
And then, of course, last thingJessica says is that if you
(41:50):
can't get through those thingsthat you do need to see yeah,
that's what I was going to sayOf a professional and I think
that's good as well, and ourintention today is not to fix
anybody but, for me personally.
Speaker 2 (42:02):
My intention is is that you know, maybe maybe
there's somebody listening thatneeds to be aware of that,
because you may be holdingyourself back from your
potential to be used in yourchurch, to be used in your
career, just to be able to lookin the mirror longer at yourself
and not run away or hide outfrom people or all those things.
(42:23):
So you know if this is deeperfor you and you cannot move past
these things, and you know youcan't reach your full potential
without really getting to theroot of it and fixing it.
Yes, I mean, I absolutelyencourage you.
I always feel like, I feel likecounseling.
I I just think every, I thinkit should be something automatic
(42:44):
.
I wish our health care systemtook care of it for every
marriage, every, every person'smental health or you know, but
it, but it always doesn't.
But yeah, our friend at tupelomarriage and family therapy and
counseling, and she's I knowshe's got some great people
there too, because I know someof the people that are there.
But there's other places.
Like you know, I I don't wantto.
(43:05):
So I'm 51, but I don't want tobe 61 thinking I still didn't do
any of those things because Iheld myself back because of my
thinking that's right.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
So, hey, work on your thinking and be able to look at
yourself in the mirror for awhile, and I think that that
really really will help, and soI hope you've enjoyed today.
We've been a little transparentwith you and we want you to
know us, because we want tobring you into our Saturday
morning breakfast table and justlet you know what really makes
us tick and how we really talk.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
And I don't think anybody would want your
gluten-free biscuits though.
You did, but you didn't becauseyou made them for me, yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:43):
Hey, thank you so much for listening this morning.
If you find somebody that'sgoing in the direction you want
to go, hop in the flow with themand go that direction and your
life can change incredibly.
Thank you so much for listeningto us.
God bless the pressure.
(44:11):
I've been wanting this forever.
I've been in the field withwhatever they throw at me, brush
it off, pick myself up, movingon to the better.
Ain't no errors, baby, it's anew era.
I wake up early, feeling richlike I'm Kesha.
I get to the paper.
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