Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:17):
Hey, good morning.
Good morning, this is Brad,with my wife, tiffany.
We are the host of the HustleFlow podcast, just coming to you
this morning.
We're going to be talking thismorning about the people on your
bus and we'll explain moreabout what that looks like.
But good morning, tiffany.
Good morning, tell me somethingfun.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Going to one of my
favorite places this weekend.
Yes, you are which also happensto be one of your least
favorite places.
That's why you're not going.
You're excited that I foundsome other people to go with me
Going to New Orleans.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Thank y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
I love it.
I think it's one of my dreamsto have a house, maybe in
Louisiana, but I'm torn betweenNew Orleans and on the bayou.
I've told you we need to gostay at an Airbnb on the bayou
so that I can get that out of mysystem, to know if that would
just really be hot and yucky andway too many mosquitoes.
(01:14):
I think I've got the.
What is that movie?
Lake Placid.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Lake Placid's in New
York.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Well, but okay, then
I don't know where it is anyway.
Anyway, the whole crocodile inthe bayou thing, I don't know,
it just seems.
I don't know.
I don't know either it justseems like it would be great to
just have a little summer place,on the bayou, I guess, or in
New Orleans.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
All I think about
when it comes to the Bayou is
the skeleton key.
Oh yeah.
The skeleton key.
Yes, that crazy lady who wasdevil possessed and was taking
over their bodies and stuff likethat.
So like that's what I thinkabout and, yeah, I'm happy I'm
not going to New Orleans.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Yeah, I know you are.
You know You're going to dosomething fun.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Absolutely.
That's funny.
I'm doing a 24-hour race onSaturday to Sunday, so that's
fun for me, and so we're goingto both this weekend.
We're going to have fun on ourown, with our own family and
friends, your version and myversion.
Absolutely, absolutely, however.
So that brings us to ourtoday's subject is the people on
your bus.
Now, where does this come fromIf you've ever read the book
(02:25):
good to great, Jim Collins?
Jim Collins talks about the busand he talks about the people
on your bus.
He said sometimes, as a company, as a, as a ministry, as a, as
a whatever, there are people onyour bus that don't need to be
on your bus.
And he said if there are peopleon your bus that don't want to
be on your bus, then you getthem off your bus.
(02:46):
He said, however, there arepeople that are on your bus that
are in the wrong seat and youhave to rearrange the bus and
make it effective for yourcompany, your church, whatever.
So it's an adaptation of JimCollins' Good to Great book, but
we're talking about the peopleon your bus.
So life is about seasons, and wehave talked a lot about the
(03:10):
seasons of our life and variousthings we've went through.
And as you grow, no matterwhere you are in your marriage,
you're going to go throughseasons.
There will be seasons whereit's without kids.
There will be seasons with kids.
There will be seasons where youhave job change.
There'll be seasons where kidswill go to school, won't go to
school.
There'll be seasons to whereyou'll start church.
You may quit church.
(03:30):
There'll be seasons to whereyou'll have family members who
pass away.
There's all kinds of seasons inyour life, and so with seasons,
you're going to be surroundedby tons of relationships, and so
is there anything?
Is there any season in yourlife maybe and I know I put you
(03:51):
on the spot and you're like,please don't do this, but is
there any season of your lifeover 35 years to where it has
been better than the otherbecause of people?
Is there a time in your lifethat you can finally think about
?
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Disclaimer we've been
married 35 years, but I am not
35 years old, so over my lifewould be 50 years where my life
has been better with people?
Oh, absolutely.
But now you also know that Ilove people around.
If I had my way, my bus wouldbe a very, very large bus with
lots and lots and lots of seats.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Um this is true, yes,
this is like a party bus
without the stripper pole yes,yes and my bus would absolutely.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
My bus is my bus is a
party bus absolutely but, um,
yeah, I mean there's definitelyparts of my life that have been
better with, with you know,certain people and different
people around, for sure, yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
And that's the thing
I think when you think about
relationships and you thinkabout people.
Look, god did not design us tobe alone.
I, I, I enjoy being aloneSometimes.
Mike and I were talking earlierabout running.
Sometimes it's cathartic.
It gives you that clear channeland you think about whatever's
(05:10):
going on in your life and hetalks about.
That's where he gets hissermons, that's places to where
I get things in my life, whetherit's sermons or whether it's
just ideas, and I have that.
But it's not good.
Last week my brother came overand ran 10 miles with me and you
came and joined us for aboutfour and a half miles and we're
both yappers.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
So I was laughing
because you're talking about it
being quiet and cathartic, andwhen you run with me, it is
anything but quiet and cathartic.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
It is not.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
It is not Because I
eventually make you take your
headphones out so you can listento what I'm saying, because I
eventually make you take yourheadphones out so you can listen
to what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
But what I was going
to say is that you will run
better with people in your lifethan you run by yourself.
Right, because they're going topush you, and it makes it
easier when you have peoplearound you Like, for me, it just
makes running.
It made it easier.
It was still hard, but it madeit just easier because we're
(06:05):
talking, we're going about ourbusiness, but you have people on
the journey with you, andthat's how I believe that God
has designed us is that he'sdesigned us for relationship.
He's designed you forrelationship.
He didn't design you to sit onthe couch with your hands in
your pockets watching TV untilit's time to go to bed.
(06:26):
He designs you for relationshipand I think that as seasons go,
you're going to find differentrelationships.
You're going to find differentrelationships in your life.
So let's talk about the bus.
Let's talk about the people onyour bus and maybe what that
looks like We've talked about.
Maybe you have people on yourbus who's not right to be on
your bus.
Let's talk about the people onyour bus and maybe what that
(06:47):
looks like you know we've talkedabout, maybe that you have
people on your bus.
Who's not right to be on yourbus.
We have people that maybe arein the wrong seats.
But let's talk about let's justuse the minivan, let's go,
let's let's size it down to aminivan because, you're right,
you would have a party bus.
I can see your party bus.
I mean there's lights going andthere's music and it's snacks.
You got snacks.
They're usually weird snacks,like toffee nut snacks or like
(07:10):
strange stuff.
They're not going to be justreal.
You know what I'm saying?
They're not going to be.
You're not going to get onthere and have real just like
M&Ms.
They're going to be like toffeenut M&Ms.
So it's always going to be somestrange snacks, but you, you'll
have snacks and you'll havethat.
My bus is more of a learning bus.
It's the teaching bus.
It's more the deep thought bus.
(07:31):
It's more the provocative typemind thing.
You know that's my bus Thoughtprovoking.
Yeah, it's very docile andwe're going to have some good
music on.
That's maybe some like 80scountry, some Don Williams or
some Hank or something like that, and we're going to have a good
time.
But it's going to be different.
So our buses are different, butthe seats are the same as to
(07:56):
what your bus may look like.
So let's talk about what thatlooks like.
Let's talk about the front seatof a bus.
What does that look like?
What is the front seat of yourbus?
What is the front seat of your,your bus?
What does the front seat ofyour, your mobile?
What does it look?
Speaker 2 (08:09):
like Well, you know,
ideally I mean this is not
always the case Ideally, theperson who, if your spouse it
should be your spouse sittingbeside you If you're not married
, but it should be the person inthe beside you that is the best
for you, that's going to giveyou the best directions, guide
(08:30):
my minivan somewhere, or givingme advice and giving me
directions Well, that's justabsolutely no good.
(08:55):
The person that should be up atthe front is the person that's
going to help you get whereyou're going and give you the
best advice and the bestdirections, and all of that.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Well, and so let's,
let's think of it this way what
is the most outside of thedriver, the most important seat
in any car?
The passenger and what's itcalled?
I'm going to ride shotgun.
Shotgun, yeah, and I don't knowwhy they say that.
I don't know why I do becausethat it comes from a term to
where that was the person whowould protect whatever with a
(09:29):
shotgun.
That's where it come from.
They're riding shotgun becausethey're protecting the driver.
That's how that originated.
And so our kids, man, theywould pull hair, yeah, they
would fight and like like, getin and lock doors and like I
mean it was, I've got and andbefore, like we would even go
(09:51):
out of the house somebody'scalling shotgun.
They would wake up at six inthe morning, shotgun, and then
you're like you can't callshotgun till you actually go
outside, like you know, wethere's, but shotgun's an
important place.
Riding shotgun is is is probablythe most important place in
your life.
And I like what you said youneed to find somebody who's
going to ride shotgun with youand be in that front seat, who's
(10:13):
going to be the best for you,who's going to give you the best
directions, because what is thefront seat?
Does.
The front seat is the one thathelps you chart your course is
the one that helps you chartyour course.
Now, you and I you know you'remy geographical navigational
person when I'm in a, in a busycity, um, I will ask you, hey,
(10:33):
where are we going?
And you're pretty good about it, you know, but that front seat
is the one that helps you chartyour course.
Well, where are we going?
Okay, what exit do I need to belooking for?
And that's where I think, ifyou're married, you have to have
your spouse in the front seat.
You have to have your spouse asyour your ride or die that they
say.
And you have to have thatspouse or your significant other
(10:55):
there, because they're the onesgoing to be interacting with
you the most and they're the onethat's going to be talking to
you.
The other thing that I wrotedown is they're actually going
to be helping keep you awake.
Now, I thought about that thismorning.
It's more than because we drivelate nights Sometimes.
Sometimes we drive longdistances and you know just,
we're tired, and the worststretch for me is between Jasper
(11:18):
, alabama, and Tupelo,mississippi.
That is the worst stretch ofroad.
It is so boring.
There's nothing there, theybuilt a new pilot, and it is
awful, and I get so sleepy, butyou help keep me awake.
And with that, though, thepeople in your life that are in
(11:40):
the front seat with you, they'llkeep you awake.
They won't allow you to go tosleep on life.
They won't allow you to go tosleep on your family.
They won't allow you to go tosleep on your marriage.
They won't allow you to gosleep on on God.
They won't allow you that'sthat's kind of how I think is
that it's an important place.
So I think that the front seatis probably the most pivotal
relationship that you'll have,and if you're not careful with
(12:04):
that, you'll put somebody in thefront seat that don't need to
be there, and and it can bedangerous for you, it'll be
dangerous for your life.
So who do we put in the secondseat?
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Family, close friends
.
Okay, If we were doing circles,I'd say your second, your,
that'd be your first circle oryour second circle, but your
second circle.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
but your Probably
second circle.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
First circle?
I don't know First circle, butyeah, family, close friends that
are that are also going to helpyou look out.
I know I was on a lady's tripand my um, my shotgun rider
helped me, but the ladies rightbehind me were giving me weather
updates because we were drivingparallel to the tornadoes yeah
(12:47):
a few saturdays ago, right, andso the ladies right behind me.
Now I did get tickled.
Somebody said like I don't knowhow many times you could say
rotation in a three hour timeperiod, but they, they were
talking about the rotations alot, but we were running, we
were, we were driving parallelto all those tornadoes, and so
(13:07):
those ladies kept the weatherapps pulled up and was telling
me it says that you're just 20minutes ahead of it coming
through here or whatever, and soI think those people also can
help look out for you and tellyou what's coming and what you
may not you know, and just alsobe, yeah, be those people that
(13:30):
that protect and keep you, keepyou awake and keep you.
They hold your, you know, theyalso hold your, since they're
the closest to you, they see themost, and they also hold your
stuff, your, you know, your,your trust and well, they that.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
So you think about
that second seat.
There, that second seat, youinteract with them almost as
much as you interact with thefront seat.
Right, not quite the same.
There's a.
There is a difference.
But that second seat is theinteraction.
It's family, it's close friendsand it's those type people.
They're gonna feed you snacks.
You know what I'm saying?
Hey, what's in that bag backthere?
Hey, hand me some of those.
Hand me some of those cookiesback there.
Is there?
Is there a water?
(14:07):
Is there, like a diet, drPepper?
Is there something back there?
Hand me that.
And they're going to.
They're going to vibe with youLike they're going to, they're
going to want to use yourcharger.
You know they're going to.
You know they're going to helpvibe with you on your journey,
and so it's important to notonly have that front seat set.
(14:30):
You want to have people aroundyou in that second seat.
That will help you in your lifeas well, and so that's
important too.
Then I think in in the thirdseat.
Let's just talk about the backof the bus.
What does the back of the buslook like?
Speaker 2 (14:45):
that is, those fringe
relationships yeah, it's
probably your third circle ofyeah, the the people that are
maybe not as not as on theinside they may they're, and
they're also in their own world.
They don't know what's going onup in the front.
They haven't.
You don't know what's going onback there and they don't know
what's going on up there.
So you don't, you know, so youdon't know what's going on back
there and they don't know what'sgoing on up there.
So you don't want to just stickthem in in the last second in
(15:08):
the front seat or interchangethem, because they have no idea
what's going on.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
They're usually the
ones that's going to be
hollering hey, I've got to stopand pee but there's some kind of
disconnect between the frontseat and the back seat, because
those people are on their own.
So what does that mean?
So that doesn't mean that youdon't have any kind of
relationship with these people.
They're on the journey with youand we're talking about just
(15:34):
we're using a car, but we'realso just talking about how you
space people in your life, basedon who they are and what they
are and what they bring to yourlife.
And so you have to beintentional with those kind of
people.
You have to actually turn theradio down and you actually have
to look in the mirror and youhave to speak to them in the
back hey, are y'all okay backthere?
What's going on back there?
What are y'all laughing about?
You know you have tointentionally make conversation
(15:54):
and be friends with those people, and so that's the, that's
intentionality with that thirdset of people.
So there has to be space, and Ithink that Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Yeah, thinking about
the intentionality we were
talking this morning aboutpeople that maybe and it was
specific actually to people whowe don't go to church with
anymore Like you can try to beintentional and I know we'll
talk about when they're not inthe seats anymore at all on your
bus.
But you can try to beintentional and keep people in
(16:28):
those back seats and as long asyou're both being intentional
you know they're back there andthey know you're up there they
stay.
You know they do stay in theseat, but intentional is right.
Like you with the third seatpeople, the back row people, you
do have to be intentional orthey're probably not going to
stay in the seat, yeah, and ifthey're not intentional with you
, they're not going to stay onyour van in the seat, yeah, and
(16:50):
if they're not, intentional withyou.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
They're not going to
stay on your van, no, they and
they won't, and that's so.
That's where you have to reallydecide and you have to measure
it.
I think you have to measurerelationships and you have to
really take stock of what thisrelationship really is.
My friend, my family, all thesepeople, what is this
relationship really bringing tomy life?
And I told you yesterday, Ithink, that when you look at a
(17:14):
relationship, I think there'sthree things that you look at.
I think one relationship thatyou look at when you bring
somebody into your life is thisa relationship where I'm
supposed to be a mentor.
Am I supposed to take thisperson under my wing and mentor
this person?
And I have people, and I don'tknow why.
I mean I have people a lot oftimes approach me.
(17:36):
Hey, I'd like you to be mymentor and I'm going to be
honest with you, I'm not calledto be everybody's mentor and so
just because you want me todoesn't mean that I can.
So you have to decide if thisperson coming in my life, am I
supposed to be a mentor to them?
And if you are, then you haveto embrace that.
(18:02):
The other part is that if you'renot supposed to be a mentor.
Is this person supposed to be apeer?
If they're a peer, then we'reequal and you can become a
friend in my life and we canhave commonality.
And then the final thoughtprocess is if they're not,
you're not to mentor them andthey're not a peer, then are
they supposed to be your mentor?
Yeah, is there something youcan learn from them?
(18:22):
And that's how I measurerelationships, and I've had to
learn how to do that.
The older I get, and I've hadto learn how to do that, the
older I get, because not everyrelationship is right for me.
I can't be friends witheverybody.
I can be an acquaintance withthem, I can be a Facebook friend
with them, I can say happybirthday on Facebook, but
(18:43):
getting on my bus does that makesense?
Getting on my bus requires adifferent level of commitment
from you and from me, and itdepends on where you fit on that
bus.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
And I think that's
hard for me sometimes is because
I think I prefer sometimesdefinitely first to be a peer
but then even to be a mentee,and it's real hard to find
mentors.
But when I realize I'm a mentor, that means we can't sometimes
be peers, and so that requires adifferent commitment from me
(19:17):
and I realize, okay, this is adifferent commitment and I also
have to be careful and guardwhat I might share or be as a
peer.
When I realize I'm a mentor too, that's a good thought.
And sometimes too, if I realizeI'm a mentee, then I also need
(19:39):
to realize that I need torequire less of somebody.
If I'm supposed to besomebody's mentee, that I don't
need to pull on them every dayand expect them to text me all
day, every day and to send mefunny memes back and all that.
I need to realize that if I'm amentee, then I'm requiring
something from them and I needto respect their time.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
And I need to respect
, you know, whatever it is that
they give me and when they giveit to me, and realize that and
that's a good point, because themore relationship you have, the
more relationship you have, themore access you have to
somebody.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
But then you also
have to respect that
relationship, whether and that'sit you've got to decide is it a
mentor, is it a peer, or is oram I supposed to mentor you?
That's you have to think aboutthat.
Yeah, the other thing is you'vegot to have safe people in your
life.
Do you want to talk about that?
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Well, I mean, trust
is huge for me.
If I can't trust you and I'vegotten to where now I don't even
like I don't have time to wastetime on relationships.
I don't have time to waste timeon relationships when I'm in a
new relationship, like you know,doing the play was new for me.
I was reunited with some peoplethat I hadn't seen, and then
(20:57):
some of them were new, but rightoff the bat we were talking
about you know, we'll all befriends forever and I said we'll
be all friends forever.
But for me, you know, I have totrust you Absolutely.
I have to trust you AbsolutelyIf I cause I'm a very, I'm a
very, um, it doesn't take youlong to get to all the levels of
me and to really know me.
But if I show you all of me andyou go out and tell everybody
(21:18):
about you know, she's so funny,she was cutting up and this is
what, whatever, like, then Ican't and I can't trust you.
Then I'm done Right and so.
Or even if I'm just, you know,having a struggle with a kid, if
I'm having we're in ministry,if I'm having a struggle with
ministry, like, that needs tostay where it stays.
So the whenever you know youneed people that you can bear
(21:40):
your heart, bear your soul with.
That are safe people andmarriage.
You have to have safe peoplebecause you know you don't need.
I don't need a girlfriend.
That's telling me that justwants me to be single so that I
can go hang out and do thingswith her.
That's all the time telling me,like you don't need that, you
don't have to put up with that,you know you can find somebody
(22:00):
better.
You just don't even have to putup.
You'd be so happy without allthat.
Like I don't need that persontalking in my ear and being that
person for me.
That's right.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
And I think that
finding safe people is so
important.
Everybody's not for yourmarriage and you know this is
not just about marriage, this isabout life in general but
everybody's not for yourmarriage.
Everybody doesn't want yourmarriage to succeed.
There are people who don't careabout your marriage at all,
they just just want you.
(22:29):
And it's not that they wantsome kind of like weird sexual
relationship, that's not whatI'm talking about.
But sometimes they just wantyou and they want you isolated
from your spouse, from yourmarriage, from your family,
because they want you and youhave to be very careful and some
people are just jealous.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
you'll have family
members, a sister or whoever,
whoever or it could be a brother, I don't know a mama, mama that
did not want you to get married.
They're just jealous and don'twant you to be in that
relationship and they're not asafe person for you.
They've got to move out oftheir seat in the bus.
If mama is behind your husbandand she's sitting on that middle
(23:10):
bench seat but all she's doingis trying to constantly claw for
shotgun, then mama's got to getoff the bus, probably
completely for a while, or moveto the way to the back or
something.
So, yes, you've got to havesafe people in your life, but in
your marriage as well.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
That's hard to hear,
though.
That's hard for people to hearis that their family may not be
safe people for their marriage.
And I'll tell you thisSometimes your family is not
safe for your marriage becausethey know you and they sometimes
want the best for you, butsometimes they are jealous and
sometimes they don't like it,and so you have to put safe
(23:50):
people in your life and listen.
It's we're going to, I'm goingto.
Next, I'm going to tell youabout new people.
That's where you have to.
I'm a.
I'm a.
I'm a guardian of new people inour life.
My wife could walk down toWalmart and pick up 14 new
(24:11):
people and bring them home.
Me.
I may go down to Walmart for 15years and find one person I may
eventually bring to my house.
So there's a difference in newpeople and I think it's because
I want safe people in our life.
Yeah, I want to protect what?
Speaker 2 (24:28):
we have, and I
remember it's been a while back,
but I, you know, I had a friendthat your, our marriage was
good but and we went to churchwith her and I became good
friends with her and you werealways a little hesitant about
her, but I wasn't reallycatching on to how often she was
(24:49):
just siding with me.
And my problem too is I startedjust, I would just talk about
little things that I didn'tthink even were a big deal I
would share, like with her.
Like you know, I can't evenremember now, it's been 15 years
ago probably, or 20.
And I would just sharesomething small.
And then I started realizingthe more little things I would
(25:10):
share.
She would just start telling methat you know, I could do
better and I deserved somebodybetter.
And I didn't pick up on ituntil later when she said if you
weren't with him, you'd be sogood with my brother, y'all make
a great.
I was like, oh wait, what up,bro?
Yeah, I didn't pick up on it.
Yeah, I think he went to churchwith us too.
(25:32):
Yeah, he did.
I didn't even pick up on.
Oh, this is what's happening.
I just thought she's being afriend.
You know how your friends arelike girl, he's stupid, he don't
need to be doing that orwhatever.
I didn't realize there was aserious intent behind it, how
unsafe you know it really was,and so, yes, like you have to
pick up on those people that arenot safe and in the wrong seat,
(25:56):
yeah, Well, I think what washappening.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
She wanted to move
you from the backseat to the
second seat as a sister-in-law.
I think that's what it was.
We're moving from friendship tosister-in-law.
Baby, you get to feed me snackson this back seat, but safe
people, man, I'm telling youit's important and new people.
So I wrote this down becausesometimes it's just easier for
(26:20):
me to think about.
You know what happens and howdo you handle when new people
are introduced into your lifeand marriage.
Now I'll say this We've talkedabout this.
This is nothing, whatever theplay where you were introduced
to some new people.
And I'm telling you, man, newpeople, weird me out.
I'm.
I'm here to tell you new people, weird me out, because you're a
(26:42):
no new friends yeah.
It's not.
I don't know about no newfriends.
I think that because I want toprotect our marriage and our
family, I want to know why areyou here?
Tell me, why are you here?
And that was one of the thingsI wrote down.
Where did you come from?
A new people, new people inyour life?
(27:03):
Where did you come from?
Why are you here?
What purpose are you serving bybeing in our life?
And sometimes God will bringpeople into your circle, but
sometimes you go find them.
So that's where I think it getsweird for me is that I question
(27:23):
why is this new person in mylife?
Does it go back to the mentorrelationship?
Does it go back to me beingmentored by you?
Is it a peer relationship?
Is it a friendship that God'sbringing along?
You know I've talked about myfriend, keith.
Keith, god brought him alongseveral years ago and you know
at the time I didn't really knowKeith that well, but we got to
(27:44):
be friends and now you know thatrelationship is something I
depend on.
So it's not that I don'tembrace new people ever, because
Keith was a new person at onepoint in my life.
Michael was a new person at onepoint in my life, you know.
So you have to question newpeople.
You have to question them, yeah, and protect, because you want
to protect and have safe peoplein your life.
(28:06):
So let's talk about how do youlet people go.
Speaker 2 (28:11):
Man, that's that
one's so hard for me and it is
hard for you, that is really Iwant you to talk about it.
It is really really hard for meand I will mourn.
People get trying to get off mybus or that don't want to be in
the even the third circleanymore, sometimes way longer
than I need to, and I don't.
I don't know.
I don't know if, if I don'tknow if it's a female thing, it
(28:32):
may not be, I don't know if it'sjust people in general, but it
is hard for me to realize whenwe neither I need to move
somebody off the bus, but I'mjust not good at that.
So sometimes God will have tomove them out for me, Right?
(28:52):
Or?
Or I guess they'll want to getoff and it's so hard for me.
Imagine somebody wants to getoff my bus.
It's real hard for me.
But you know, talking aboutfamily and friends, you know
I've had people that we've beenclosely connected to at church,
but then, when they were not atour church anymore, I've wanted
to stay friends and I'veSnapchat it or I've commented on
Facebook and and I've sent atext here and there, and then
you realize over time you're theonly one doing that.
(29:14):
There's no you thought you weregoing to be friends, or friends
forever, if the Lord is the Lordof them that song, um, I forgot
who it is yeah.
But then you realize that theyjust don't really want to be on
your bus anymore and that's hard, hard for me.
But I've had, you know, acouple of times.
I've had significant, strongfemale relationships with
somebody and realized that theydo not want to be on my bus
(29:37):
anymore.
And you know, we've been atlife events for each other and
all those things, and so lettinggo is hard for me.
So, and I don't know sometimesif it's in with some of them,
things just happen.
But then with others I can lookand go.
Okay, god did not want them inmy bus anymore and I need to
quit trying to.
(29:58):
You know, every week going bytheir house trying to get them
back on my bus, Not in a stalkerway, right?
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Yeah, okay, well, and
I knew that that was hard for
you and that's why I wanted youto speak on it, because it is
hard, though I'm not the same asyou, I can cut a relationship a
little easier sometimes, but itis hard letting relationships
go.
Yeah, because sometimes I don'tunderstand why the relationship
(30:25):
ended.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Right, that's real
hard.
I don't know if guys are likethis, but I know that females
are for sure it's so hard and II know I don't know if guys are
like this, but I know thatfemales are for sure it's so
hard when you just don't knowwhy, you don't know what
happened and you don't know wasthere something I did?
Was there something I said,especially if it was a very if
you look on that relationshipand it was a great relationship
and it was significant to youyou don't really understand why
(30:49):
it's even harder to you, know, Ithink, to let it, to let it go,
and why, like you said, youdon't know why it didn't.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
You know, we don't
sometimes know why a
relationship ends Cause it don'tmake sense Sometimes, you think
, man, like we're texting, we're, we're hanging out together,
we're going to dinner, we'respending time together and then
all of a sudden we're not.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
And you know that's
happened several times, I think,
over our life.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
It's just that you
don't understand why that ends
sometimes, when this was evensomething I was gonna talk about
.
You know, I don't know, I'lltry to tiptoe around it, but
I've even been at church andbeen great friends with people
and you're all hanging out,you're going to dinner on church
after sunday, or you're hangingout each other's house and then
it just you find that they gotnew friends and that makes it so
(31:33):
weird and so awkward becausewe're all still going to church
together or we're all stilldoing this and like what
happened, I didn't even know youplanned to get off my bus and
do whatever, and it just it'shard, it's weird when you're no
longer in the circle or you'reno longer but you know, but
commonality is not friendship.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
And a lot of time,
when you're a church together,
it's commonality of purpose, butthat's not true friendship.
True friendship happens outsideof commonality.
Right, and that's what happensa lot of times.
And I get it, man, you know,especially in organizations,
whether it's church or businessor whatever, you have one common
(32:17):
purpose and it's easy to hangout and do stuff, but when
you're not, you're right, it'sthat text that you send.
Hey, hope you're doing good,hope things are great.
It just falls deaf.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
Or they're like I'm
good.
Speaker 2 (32:32):
And that's you.
You know that's what you getback.
And yeah, that happened to meyesterday.
Actually I've been constantlypursuing somebody and I did text
and I got two words back and Isaid, okay, and I'm gonna, I'm
gonna keep the bridge open.
I hope they know that I lovethem and it was somebody that I
I did that, that, I did go tochurch with that.
I don't anymore and I don't, youknow, and I just wanted to keep
the bridge open and that's andthat's important.
(32:54):
Keep the bridge open,absolutely Like just keep.
Keep everything open becauseyou do not want to burn the
bridge when you've got to move arelative off the bus.
If you've got to move asister-in-law or a
brother-in-law or a or somebodyoff the bus, that's just causing
drama and havoc in your life.
Try to not burn down the bridgecompletely and tell them
(33:14):
everything that you think justthat's in your head.
I don't even like your mama.
Yeah, you know, don't say that.
Keep the bridge open and keep,because you don't know if they
may need to get back in yourlife at some point in time.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
But you gotta not
burn that bridge and that's
that's it with letting go.
My saying is close the doorlightly.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
Because you never
know when you may have to open
that door again and close thedoor lightly.
Now, one of my favorite versesis Proverbs, chapter 22.
It says that a prudent man seesdanger and hides himself or
takes refuge, but the simplekeep going and they pay the
penalty.
Hides himself or takes refuge,but the simple keep going and
they pay the penalty.
(33:55):
Sometimes in relationships,even in letting go, you
absolutely stay headlong in arelationship when God's trying
to cut that relationship off.
Yeah, he's sending up red flags.
There's an unsteadiness in yourspirit and you don't know why.
You're like this don't make anysense.
Like and I'll use mike as anexample I love mike, there's
(34:15):
nothing wrong with mike.
But then all of a sudden godsays hey, hey, hey, hey.
And you're like there's nothinggoing on, and you're like.
And then you're like no, I'mgonna keep going.
And then you get caught up inwhatever it is and I can tell
you this if you're christian, no, I'm going to keep going.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
And then you get
caught up in whatever it is.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
And I can tell you
this If you're a Christian
listening to this podcast, youbetter listen to your spirit
when it comes to relationships,because God will say hey, and
he'll give you a chance.
So I think that that's reallyimportant Don't ignore the red
flags or the uneasiness in yourspirit.
(34:53):
And then I think, finally, toanswer this last question what
do you do, how do you handlewhen you and your spouse don't
agree on people to where they'resupposed to be seated on the
bus, or even if they're supposedto be on your bus at all?
How do you handle that.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
I think you have to
be cautious and if it's a
relationship that's supposed tobe, then being cautious and
being patient and not gettingall headlong into it, the
relationship will still be thereanyway.
But I think you just have to becautious.
You have to be very transparent.
You know whatever you need todo to make your spouse feel at
(35:35):
ease about that person.
But then if you start seeingthe flags at your flag, you know
you were right about the personin my life and I didn't see it
for a while.
And then, though, when shestarted talking about her
brother, I was like oh, now,that was a big flag that would
have been hard for me to miss.
But I should have been pickingup on the flags before that, but
I just didn't want to.
I wanted to, you know, do whatI wanted to do.
(35:55):
But I think you have to.
I think you need to betransparent about that friend
with your spouse and just gointo it cautiously.
And then, of course, you knoweverybody may not agree, but I
think if it continues to be aproblem, then it's just not
(36:16):
worth it.
It's not worth it.
You've got to cut it loose.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
Yeah, and that's hard
.
Yeah, that's hard that you haveto prioritize your marriage
over your friendships.
And listen, I'll play the otherside of that.
Sometimes you just need to quitbeing jealous of your spouse's
friends, because sometimes thathappens too, and you don't want
them to have any friends becauseyou're jealous for everything
all the time.
(36:38):
So you have to work on that aswell and you do have to weigh it
out.
And you know we go back to.
Some people are seasonal.
I can think of relationshipsover our life.
There's been seasonal friendsbased on where we were, in our
particular plot and time, andthat doesn't discount the
(37:00):
relationship or the value thatthat person or people may have
brought to you, nor does itdiscount the value you may have
brought to them.
And I can think of somebodyright now and this is not
anything like if I call his name, it's not bad but Opie Hurst.
Opie Hurst had a pivotal timein my life, two pivotal times
(37:21):
actually, when we were first atHarrisburg and then another time
back in the early 2000s.
Opie was pivotal in my life andmy formation and if you ever
hear this, opie, I love you.
Man, I wouldn't be where I'm atwithout you.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
And he's a great
counselor.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
He's a great
counselor, he's a great
counselor yeah, but there again,that season in our life ended
because we were differentdirections and whatever, but it
never took the value away fromthat season and that friendship
in my life.
It was powerful.
So they're seasonal and you'regoing to find yourself in just
(37:59):
different relationships whereyou are.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
And I think, when you
realize that a relationship
might have been seasonal, um,either for you or for them, I
think you just have to bethankful for for for that time
that God brought them there oryou know, whatever it was.
Think you just have to bethankful for that time that God
brought them there or whateverit was that you were able to
accomplish in their life or theyaccomplished in your life
during that time, and bethankful for it and not maybe
(38:25):
keep trying to coerce them ontoyour bus and to stay in your
circle and just realize that Godhad them there for a purpose
and a season, or to write achapter in your life for you to
do the same for them, or forboth, for each other and be
grateful for that.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
I think so.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
But I think it is
important to realize the
importance of relationships andwhat people play in your life.
You know the roles they play.
Yeah, absolutely Absolutely,and the roles they play.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Absolutely,
absolutely.
I think that's a good place tostop, because I can't tell you
every relationship, every personyou have in your life is not a
lifelong friend.
They're just not.
And you've got to realize thevalue of relationships in the
timeframe of the relationshipyou're in.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
And not discount it
because it was only a year of
your life, because I can tellyou only a year of your life,
cause I can tell you a year ofyour life can change your life.
That's right.
Yeah, the right person in yourlife for a year of your life can
absolutely revolutionize yourmarriage.
It can revolutionize yourfamily, and I think about my
kids, man, and the one thingthat we've talked about is in
(39:32):
the one prayer that I alwayshave is God, put somebody in
their life that will show themyou.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
And I can tell you
and I don't care if it's a six
month season of their life.
It may be a lifelong friend,but it could be six months.
God put somebody in their lifeand that's what we're talking
about is recognizing the powerof relationships but the right
people on your bus, and watchingyour life grow and prosper.
Any final work.
(40:04):
That was a good.
That was a good one.
I actually really enjoyed that.
Hey, thank y'all so much forlistening.
We do appreciate it.
Give us a five-star review ifyou think we've earned it.
Share this with your friendsand continue to download.
Thank you so much for listening.
Yeah, let's see how you dounder pressure.
(40:30):
Oh yeah, I've been wanting thisforever.
I've been in the field withwhatever they throw at me, brush
it off, pick myself up, movingon to the better.
Ok, hey, yeah, ain't no errors,baby, it's a new era.
I wake up early, feeling richlike I'm Kesha.
I get to the paper.