Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:18):
Hey, good morning.
Good morning, this is Brad andI'm, with my wife, tiffany, the
host of the Hustle Flow podcast,excited to be with you this
morning.
Thank you for tuning in andlistening to the podcast.
Good morning, tiff, goodmorning.
How are you?
I'm great.
Well, that's a very broadstatement.
I'm going to tell you a storyreal quick about how she's not
(00:42):
so great Women get accused oftelling long stories?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
I believe you're a longer storyteller than I am.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Long story short is we were challenged to do
something dumb at the gymyesterday.
Yeah, monday, monday, yeah, afew days ago, three days ago,
that's right Monday and one ofour buddies said you know one of
the old trainers.
He put my ex-girlfriend on hisback and held a weight on his
foot and he did a pull-up.
I thought, well, I could dothat and we went over and we
(01:13):
decided to try it and my lovelywife hopped on my back, locked
her legs around me, but shefailed to lock her arms around
me and all of a sudden we heardkaboom and the whole gym came
over and she was upside down onher head and on her neck.
Long story short, it's a mildconcussion.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Yeah, it's just a concussion.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
It's just a concussion.
So if anything happens todayand she says something that may
be a little weird, it's theconcussion talking, but anyway
so it's probably not.
No.
And then, since we've had allthis for three days, she said
we're going to do that again andtry it again.
Oh yeah, we're absolutely goingto try it again, absolutely not
no, no, yeah, I didn't gothrough all that, for One
(01:59):
concussion is enough.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Nah, it's fine, is enough, it is enough.
So we, we do dumb stuffsometimes, and that is one of
those dumb things.
Well, yeah, we're the wrong.
Both of us are the wrong peopleto say hey, I bet you can't
wait, hang on, I bet we can, orwe're going to try.
So yeah, we're both there and Iand we forget that we are not.
You know, we were talking aboutstuff that we used to do in the
old CrossFit gym, which wasthat was 12 years ago, and we
just forgot that 12 years agomeant that we were barely 40.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
That's right, you weren't even 40 yet, I was just
41 and you would have still beenlike 30, 39.
So, yeah, a lot of time underthe bridge or a lot of water
under the bridge, and a lot oftime ago we might've done that.
I'm not trying it again.
Yeah, we're trying.
I told you you may just have tofind somebody else's back to
(02:49):
hop on, but anyway, so that'swhat we're dealing with this
week is a concussion.
It's been interesting, it's fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Well, good morning.
Thank you for listening.
We are going to hop into ourtopic this morning.
Our topic this morning is whatkind of work ethic do you have
when it comes to your marriageand we've been talking about
marriage.
It's important to us, marriageis important to us.
(03:10):
We've had a lot ofheart-to-heart discussions,
especially over the past fewweeks and again at 53, I'll be
53 in a couple weeks.
At 53, I'm continuing to learn.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
I still have issues and you could have asked me and
I could have cleared that up foryou do you want to ask me about
your issues?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
no, I'm not interested, but I thought I
thought at 53 that I had most ofthis stuff conquered.
But I'm learning.
The older I get, man, there arestill some holes in me.
There's places to where Ididn't even know that I needed
(03:53):
help or I've missed things.
Does that make sense?
And so we're going to talk thismorning about your work ethic
in a marriage, about making amarriage work.
We've been together.
June 1st will be 35 years thatwe've been together.
We've talked about that atlength, how long we've been
(04:13):
together, and it has always.
I wish and you may have adifferent take on this, and I
want you to hop in there if youdo it's not always been.
It's not easy.
Being together 35 years's noteasy.
Being together 35 years is noteasy.
And especially we are polaropposites.
We're not the same type ofpersonality.
(04:34):
We both are wired different.
We think different.
If you say up, I'm going to saydown, and it has not been an
easy marriage.
Now that doesn't mean it hadn'tbeen a great marriage, but it's
not been an easy marriage.
So we didn't.
Just, you know, look at eachother in bad eyes and every
night we're watching the sameprograms because we watch the
(04:55):
same TV, we're reading the samebooks, we're going to the same
restaurants.
We're constantly having to workand evolve to continue to make
our marriage work, constantlyhaving to work and evolve to
continue to make our marriagework.
And so let's talk about whatthat really looks like a little
bit.
A long, successful marriage iswork.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Yeah, I was thinking about work ethic.
When I interview people orbefore I interview people,
sometimes you know they'll emailme and they'll say this is my
first job, but I have a reallystrong work ethic.
How do you know you have astrong work ethic if you've
never had a job before?
(05:37):
But sometimes I don't think inmarriage that we think in those
terms of having a work ethic,Because marriage, when you think
about it, I know, when you'reyoung and you're getting ready
to get married, you don't think,well, this is going to be a lot
of work.
(05:57):
You think this is going to bewonderful, I'm going to have
somebody to hold hands with andgo to TJ Maxx with.
It's what a woman is thinkingand a man is thinking other
things, but you're not thinkingabout work.
I know you and I we flip housesand we will go in and we will
look at a house and what do wesay if we walk away from it?
Speaker 1 (06:18):
It's too much work too much work.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
But you don't think about that in terms of marriage
sometimes, and we'll talk aboutthat later.
But sometimes, even justlooking at you know, sometimes
if we really looked at eachother before we got married and
looked at all the baggage that'slined up behind each other, we
might look and go that's goingto be too much work, that's
going to be a lot of work.
But then, when you're in it,well, you bought the house.
(06:43):
That's right Now.
You bought it.
That's right now.
You bought it, that's right.
So now you just got to put yournose to the grindstone and go
to work.
And that's what marriage is tomake it last a long time, it's
work.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
And you've got to have a strong work, that work
ethic, to make it great yeah andthat's actually a really good
adage when you think about ahouse that we do walk away from
houses sometimes because we dosay that's too much work.
But there's an addition to thatparticular phrase it's too much
work for the return.
(07:14):
The return is not there Now,and this is a side note as a
reference.
When I buy a house, I try tobuy a house at 50% of value of
what it would be fixed up, andthen I will put in about 20% of
work maybe 20, 25, but I willnever, ever buy a house, nor
will I work on a house if Ican't make at least what I'm
(07:37):
going to put into it, and sothat's how I think about houses.
When it comes to marriage,you're right when I met you, you
were the most beautiful thing.
You still are, but you were themost beautiful thing I'd ever
seen.
And when I was able to talk toyou the first time, I held your
(07:58):
hand, the first time, I kissedyou, I thought, man, this is
awesome.
However, year 35, I had noconcept what the work would be
to get to year 35.
Year one was awesome.
Year 35 has been way betterthan year one because of the
(08:22):
return, because we stayed vestedinto the relationship and we
did put our nose to the groundand we kept working.
Yeah, we both have a good workethic and and listen, there's
times that all of us get tired.
There's times that all of usget, you know, whatever weary.
But if you have a good workethic, you need to take that
(08:43):
same work ethic and put it intoyour relationship, and that's
what we're talking about thismorning.
Get in the boat.
Yeah, get in the boat together.
Mel Robbins you may or may notknow who Mel Robbins is.
She wrote the book Let them andit's a really good book.
It's one of those things thatyou see a lot about, but her and
(09:04):
her husband have a podcast aswell, and the one thing that she
said was is that you want to bein the boat rowing together.
So you want to talk about yourexperience with rowing the boat
with me and maybe what thatlooks like for you.
I mean, when I say get in theboat and row together, what does
that mean to you?
How do you feel about that?
When I say getting the boat androw together, what does that
mean to you?
How do?
Speaker 2 (09:24):
you feel about that?
Well, I think that, especiallynow you know, I realize that
when we're talking about wherewe're going and where we're
heading and we're both rowing tohead there, it makes things so
much easier.
And I know too over periods ofmy life, if I think about it, I
can pinpoint places where I wasrowing in another direction, and
(09:48):
I'll try not to over over um,overuse the rowing and the boat
analogy any more than necessary.
But it's real hard if if oneperson's rowing one way and one
person is rowing the other wayabsolutely and it it makes it
really really tough.
And I know for sure thatthere's been times in my life
when I was rowing in theopposite direction.
(10:09):
But when we're going the samedirection, when we know where
that is and we're both rowing toget there, it just makes it so
much easier.
Because I don't know I've neverread the maybe I have wrote
about it's very typical that Iprobably would row the boat
opposite direction of somebody,but I can imagine that that's
(10:29):
all that's real hard like whenone person is is rowing one way
and one is rowing the other.
How much harder that would beversus when you're both trying
to get to the same place.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Yeah, yeah, well, and I know that we we've canoed
before.
Uh, don't go canoeing with yourspouse.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
I think I would do better now I don't know it was.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
We ran into trees and we turned over and it, you know
, uh, it was such an interestingexperience that I don't I think
one time is good for me.
That's a really good memory andI'll just let it stay there.
But rowing and getting in theboat and staying in the boat
together this day in time thatwe live in, it is absolutely
(11:22):
easy to get out of the boat.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Because, listen, the world will tell you you don't
have to stay in this, youabsolutely don't have to stay in
something you don't like.
Now there are caveats, okay,and I understand that.
And if you want to say, well,you don't know my situation and
I don't Every situation isdifferent.
You know, when there's there'sabuse, there's there's infidel,
there's all kind of things thathave variants, okay.
(11:53):
So I'm just saying, but, as awhole, if you wake up one day
and you think I don't even likeyou, today the world has made it
easy to get out of the boat,because there's life rafts
around and it could be friends,it could be your mama, it could
be your brother, it could beyour sister.
(12:16):
They're like, hey, you don'thave to put up with that stuff.
Why don't you just come get inthis boat?
You can get out of that boatand we'll just take this boat
and we'll go somewhere else, andyou don't have to stay in the
boat with them anymore.
Life has dealt, it's just easy.
Now, no fault divorces Well,listen, I don't believe in that
term.
There's some fault somewhere.
(12:38):
Somebody quit somewhere.
So I think, when you rowtogether, though, there's got to
be a common, there's a cleardestination, and you got to be
on the same page.
And what does that look likebeing on the same page in
marriage?
Speaker 2 (12:52):
That's what we were just talking about.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Yeah, I mean, just go into the same destination
talking about where you're,where you're going and where
you're heading, and what takes alot of conversation, though
that's not just something thatwe wake up and we decide, and I
won't say anything other thanSunday we were presented with an
opportunity, and it was anopportunity that just came out
of nowhere, and it's anopportunity that could change
(13:17):
our life one way or the other,and so we could just make a
quick decision and say we'regoing to do this or we're not
going to do this, but for ourmarriage, for the next 20, 30
years, ever how long we'retogether, we have to make a
decision together of what thatlooks like for us, and I think
(13:38):
that that's it.
If we don't communicate clearlyand we don't talk about our
goals, we don't talk about ourdreams, we don't talk about
where we really want to head asa married couple, then then I
think it causes you to row indifferent directions, like you
were talking about, you know,and I think that's that's really
where that's something thatcomes in.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Yeah, I think so.
And then and then you justcan't you know.
If you realize, you look up andyou realize and you're not
rowing why?
And we'll talk about somethings like deal with work ethic
too just that we were thinkingabout.
But if you've quit rowing, whydid you get lazy?
Did you get distracted?
Do you not care anymore?
(14:22):
I mean, you know why.
Why do you quit?
Are you just tired?
I've been.
I've been coming home with thissame person for however long,
and I'm just tired, or I'm tiredof them, I'm tired of their
behavior.
I quit rowing because theydon't row no more and I'm not
rowing no more.
I mean, you know, if yourealize, when you're listening
to some of this, that you justquit rowing, maybe you both quit
rowing.
You know you have to askyourself why.
(14:42):
Then you know what kind of workethic?
Apparently, I'm going to have areal hard time saying that
today but you know what doeswork ethic look like in your
marriage?
I know we're big on serving.
We really believe in serving.
How can I serve you today?
(15:03):
I've written some notes in myphone because I've been thinking
about a post I was puttingtogether about marriage.
Because I'm very deliberate inmy facebook post.
I'll make notes in my notes appand then I'm you know, before I
put something out, but I wasthinking about um and in my my
(15:25):
post will be um.
You don't always know what goeson behind closed doors and I've
got a picture of us that I loveand you think about that one
way, right, but you don't knowwhat goes on behind closed doors
, because I mean to a lot ofpeople.
Let's just be honest.
Our marriage looks great andpeople say that like we think.
You know that we'd rather justlive in each other's skin and
we're always together, and allthose you know they, we're a
(15:47):
unit.
Our grandbaby says that's honeypapa's house.
Like we're, we're a unit, umbut.
And you know, but you, you know,but you, you look at people
like, well, you don't know whatgoes on behind closed doors,
though, but I know what goes onbehind closed doors at my house.
At my house, my day starts outthat you bring me coffee because
I'm not ready to come to thekitchen.
But then, yeah, and so I meanthat's that's then, and I do
(16:09):
things for you, and we'reconstantly saying what can I do
for you today?
When I just was doing this playthat took up so much of my time
every day, you said how can Iserve you today?
Like, what do you need from metoday?
What can I do for you today?
And I know that maybe everybodydoesn't do that at their house
every day, but we work togetherso we can sometimes say like,
well, hey, before lunch can youdo this, or can you call about
(16:32):
whatever.
But even like, I think you candefinitely say like, this week,
what is there something that'sthat's that will help you?
Is there something I can helpget off your back or make your
life easier this week?
Anyway, but that's just serving, um, that's.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
That's one one thing yes, and for me, that's one of
the reasons we've made it 35years is that we chose to serve
each other, and you know, for meI'm a what helps me in my life,
because you do we do constantlyask each other how can I help
you?
Is there something I can do tohelp you?
(17:07):
And the stuff that I needsometimes, honestly, is the
stuff you hate.
It's like can you do, you mindrunning to the bank?
Yeah, I can run to the bank,but you need to tell me what
account it's coming out of.
You need to give me the um, sothe number, and yeah, which bank
?
Speaker 2 (17:25):
because I went to the wrong bank before and they just
looked at me like I don't, whyare you here?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
this is this is not and so, but for me, errands is
serving me, because I may have14 things I need to do and
sometimes just taking the burdenof going and taking care of a
couple of things like thatthat's very helpful to me.
So serving in your marriage isgoing to look different.
You've got to be attuned towhat your spouse needs.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
I mean, if you've got little kids, it may mean, hey,
I really need you to give her abath tonight and put her to bed
please.
I've had a day at work.
I really need some time todecompress.
Please take care of that childthat you brought into this world
, because I just I need, I needsome step back.
That's right.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
So serving is going to look different for everybody?
Yeah, but it's, but it's thesame in every marriage.
It needs to be done, I thinkone of the other things that has
helped us stay together 35years.
And these are just things thatwe talk about because this is
our work ethic.
If you want to know Brad andTiffany's work ethic in their
marriage, this is it Number one.
We serve each other.
(18:29):
Another thing is we changeconstantly.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Yeah, you know, I have a new friend and we were
talking about marriage and shewas saying this is her third
marriage.
I said, well, I've technicallybeen married three times, it's
been to the same person, butI've changed three different
times in my marriage.
When I was young I wasabsolutely stupid and I was so
stubborn and I was unwilling tobend.
(18:54):
I want to answer that and yeah,and so.
And then in the middle I wasreally trying to find like who
we were.
Our kids were getting older andlife was going so fast at that
time.
And then and I think the second,the middle part I was really
trying to figure out priorities,right, yeah, and then this I
(19:20):
would say this last part youknow together 34 maybe or
something, I don't know.
You know better than I do, butthe last part has just been
really enjoying marriage andreally trying to nail down some
of this stuff like serving andchanging and saying, okay, what
do I need to fix, I need to fixand communicating.
And and been okay, what do Ineed to fix?
I need to fix and communicating.
And, ben, it's been ourmarriage the last.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
This third marriage has been so intentional, yeah,
that's a good word is that ithas been intentional.
We have really chose to change.
Yeah, and I'm going to behonest with you.
You're right, I would say threemarriages make sense and I've
not.
To be honest with you, you'reright, I would say three
marriages make sense and I'venot really thought about it
until you brought it up.
But for the first part of ourmarriage and I'm just going to
(20:03):
say this, and you always look atme crazy, but I was a religious
butthole.
That's probably not a real goodword, christian word, but I was
just a religious butthole Iwanted to make sure that I kept
all the tradition.
I wanted to make sure that itwas a line upon line and precept
upon precept and that you dideverything like I needed you to
(20:25):
do.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Lord bless you.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
You picked the wrong one out of the bunch to try to
do that with and I didn't knowthat at the time, but I was not,
listen, I loved God and I didlove you, but I was very
religious and I was a butt aboutit when I didn't get my way.
And then, you're right, themiddle was more about priorities
(20:49):
, making a living, trying tofigure out how in the world I'm
going to pay for college andtuition is due again, dad.
And hey, I hit a curb and hey,what's the insurance number?
And hey, you know I'm gettingmarried and hey, we're happy.
So that middle part, you'reright, was a lot of that.
(21:10):
But then these past few years,once our kids really began to
grow up a little bit and they'rethey're still in that process,
that's where marriage reallybegan to happen.
And I think that's the hardpart for some people is that
that that first part is is funfor a minute, then it's yucky,
and then the middle part is like, oh my God, we've got kids and
(21:31):
high school graduations, and butwhen you get to that third part
part which is where we are nowin our marriage, that third life
that you want to call it, it'sfantastic.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
Yeah but I don't think you have to wait till the
third part.
I don't think so.
If you start doing some of thisstuff early, early on, if you,
if you learn to serve because Idon't know that we really
learned some of these things andknew what a difference some of
these things would make backthen, if we would have done some
of those things.
Prioritizing each other Okay,maybe my head does hurt a little
(22:06):
bit because my words are hardtoday but prioritizing each
other, you know, that'ssomething that we probably
because you think you're justraising kids and we've got time
for that later, but you don'trealize that, like you're it's
so important to keep each otherfirst, above the kids, even when
you do have kids and you'reraising kids.
(22:27):
But that's important.
Prioritizing each other overother people, over all the
things, over work, overeverything, over your mama, yeah
, and then you know,communicating.
Communicating it's, I think,that grows because of, and it
grows because of trust too.
We've talked about that severaltimes before, about trust, that
(22:48):
what a difference it'll make inyour marriage when you can
communicate and then communicateto the point to where then you
bring in the vulnerability rightbecause that's such an
important thing.
you did good with that idea ofyou know, even admitting, okay,
(23:09):
I am working on this, I see itand this is what I see, the
you're watching something aboutjordan peterson talking about
everybody has snakes, but beingable to tell each other about
all your snakes and know whenthe person's not gonna run away
and I might have, like, talkedabout something that you were,
because you know more about thatI want to talk about that.
But just communicating andkeeping communication keeps the
(23:33):
weeds out of the flowerbed.
What do you mean by that?
When little things pop up andyou don't communicate, whether
it's resentment, whether it'sjust something that's going on
with you personally that youdon't communicate about, like,
hey, I'm having a reallystressful time right now, or you
(23:56):
know, I'm just got a lot of bigemotions, whatever it is,
whatever, and you just don'tcommunicate.
Or, hey, I just I feel like youknow we, you, you know my love
language and I know yours, but,like I, I feel like you might
need a refresher course lately,cause I don't feel like you're
meeting my needs.
Um, but being able tocommunicate.
That, though you know, I thinkit was at the first of the year
we talked about.
(24:16):
I said, okay, I need you to be,I need you to be more
thoughtful about date nights,because I want, I want, like,
even though we spend a lot oftime together, I want a date
night, but being able tocommunicate that, instead of
just being mad at you that youdon't do a date night and I
didn't communicate with you,it's very important, right, yeah
?
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Because when you communicate clearly, it doesn't
mean that I'm always going to besuccessful, always going to be
successful, but it does put itin my eyesight to where this is
important to you and I've got topay attention to it because
she's brought it to my attention, Things that aren't
(24:54):
communicated or brought to yourattention.
You you may or may not do, andyou still may or may not do when
it's brought to your attention,but then at least it's there
for you to have in yourconsciousness.
And I think communication isreally important and you know
we're pretty good atcommunicating.
There are times to where weboth probably still, you know
(25:16):
just go into ourselves a littlebit and we eventually get it out
of each other.
I think the other thing too isthat not just communicating but
talking.
It's amazing to me, and howmany people don't just talk.
We talk about everythingeverywhere, all the time.
(25:37):
One of us really loves to talk,the other one talks some, but
we just talk.
There's nothing and I've saidthis before, there's nothing
funnier to me than, as you'repulling out of the driveway,
you're calling me.
I'm like, oh my God, we justlike saw each other, but it
could commence into a 35-minutephone call when you're going
(25:59):
somewhere because we're justtalking.
It's one of those things, Didyou see?
I forgot to tell you, did you?
Speaker 2 (26:05):
oh, my gosh, did you all week long I I try to listen
so intently.
You've been telling me aboutall these people that are out
there running 200 miles orwhatever it is and I have tried
to like we're just talking.
But I have tried to intentlylisten and you don't care, do
you?
well, I mean you want me to behonest?
No, but.
But I have intently listen andyou don't care, do you?
Well, I mean you want me to behonest?
No, but, but I have intentlylistened every time.
(26:27):
I've stopped what I was doingto listen to you.
Tell me about these people thatare on our whatever and my
whatever, because we're justtalking, we just talk.
But I want you to talk to me,but I don't want to make you
feel stupid or say, hey, I don'tcare about that.
If you'd not, it'd be great,because I want you to talk yeah,
yeah, because things like that.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Every person has something that's important to
them or that they enjoy, and ifyou shut that part of their life
down, they're going to stoptalking to you.
Right, and it's fine.
Like, yeah, it's, it's thearizona, the Arizona monster.
It's a 309-mile run.
These people have been runningfor days.
Andrew Glaze, which, if youlook at him, he runs 100 miles
(27:09):
every week and he's done it forfive years.
He just took it on.
It took him seven days tofinish 309 miles.
There's people who finish it in82 hours.
There's a lady who finished itin 104 hours.
But it was amazing to me and Ithink for me, like that excites
me, because I'm thinking how inthe world are these people
capable of keeping their bodymoving for that length of time
(27:31):
and that many miles?
And so, just like anything thatyou talk about, whether it's
cooking or whether it's a TikTok, or whether it's somebody you
think is real funny on TikTok,that's not funny to me.
Or whether it's somebody youthink's real funny on TikTok,
that's not funny to me.
But if I stop and say, look, Idon't want to talk about that,
you'll quit talking to me.
And I think, for us, the onething that showed our work ethic
(27:52):
is we constantly talk all thetime and we try not to shut each
other down.
We try to listen to each other,whether we're interested or not
.
We try to listen to each other,whether we're interested or not
.
We try.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
We try to intentionally do that yeah so I
was with somebody I don'tremember, who gosh, I hope, I
hope they don't listen but Isaid have you not talked to your
husband?
They said, oh no, I won't hearfrom him all day today.
And I said all day.
It was like a saturday, all day, like I brad and I will have
(28:25):
talked 10 times by whatevero'clock, like that just blew my
mind.
People just not just not outhere talking, chatting it up.
Um, well, that's that's whatI'm talking about.
Yeah, because well, and alsowe're friends, like we right,
we're best friends.
We know what each other likes,we know all those things Like I
know what your favorite of mosteverything is.
(28:46):
Sometimes I get it wrong andthat's fun, but you know, like
you know what I like and youknow what I don't like.
You know I will shut a surprisedown.
I don't care the good intentionbehind it.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
You shut my surprise down last week, I sure did, and
that's the thing is.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
This is good.
You need to surprise me with asurprise.
Don't tell me there's asurprise coming, because I will
shut the surprise down.
I do not like surprises.
So if you're going to surpriseme, you better surprise.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Surprise me, don't like let me know the surprise is
coming yeah, no, I mean, I hadit was, it was going to be fun.
Oh yeah, it would have beenawesome and it would have been
cool, but I shut it down, shutit down, but then, as she shut
it down, promised me somethingelse, like we'll go by or we'll
do something or we'll dowhatever.
And then she still we had towind up doing something
(29:35):
different, but anyway.
So, yeah, yeah, I get it, butwe are friends and I think
that's one thing that, asfriendships take work and you
know you don't mind sending your, like my brother and I send
memes and reels back and forthall day long.
(29:56):
It's just dumb stuff.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
It's dumb guy stuff, but we are keeping our
relationship moving and you'lldo that with friends.
You'll find something funny, oryou'll hear something funny and
you'll pick up the phone andcall them, or you'll pick up
your phone and text them, oryou'll shoot them a reel or
something funny.
It's the same concept inmarriage and and I'm just saying
I love that about you You'llsend me stuff sometimes that I'm
like you send me serious stuffand Bible stuff and I send you
(30:30):
funny stuff.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
But every relationship I mean.
That's why we're different.
We're just different.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
That's exactly right.
Yeah, my stuff is likeheartfelt and it's this reel of
old people who are in their 90sand they're loving each other
and he's kissing her on the headand she's sending me stuff like
people doing so, just funnystuff, so like that.
That is, that is your lovelanguage and that's how you
speak.
That's my love language.
(30:53):
That is it.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
So talk about your vows, or do you have anything
else about your work ethic?
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Well, I think.
I think the last thing I wouldsay about work ethic is
commitment in marriage is themost important thing.
Let me say that you have to becommitted in your marriage, but
one thing that we've learned howto do is to be compatible.
Compatibility is different thancommitment.
It's a different animal,because I don't like everything
(31:23):
you like and vice versa, andeven when I go do it, I don't
like it.
When you go do it and you sitout and do stuff that I want to
do, you don't like it.
But we've chosen to becompatible.
You know, you said that when youfirst get married you think, oh
, I got a buddy to go to TJ Maxxwith, or Target or whatever,
(31:44):
and guys think that too.
Guys think, oh, I got a buddy,I'm going to go to TJ Maxx and
then we'll have sex.
That's the same concept.
But you have to learn how to becompatible.
If your marriage and I'll saythis if your marriage is
unilateral and you always getyour way but your spouse never
gets their way, that is notcompatibility, that is
(32:08):
selfishness.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
And you have to learn how to be compatible, because
the world, believe it or not,does not revolve around you.
It revolves around yourmarriage and your spouse, and
you want to make that personfeel good and confident about
themselves as well, and so Ithink that you know that's where
(32:33):
I'm at.
Compatibility is so important,even as well as commitment.
So you were talking about vows.
We were talking about vows andhow important vows are and the
seriousness of vows, but youwere talking about new and
improved vows for 2025.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Well, everybody knows can quote some of the vows that
people say when they getmarried for sickness and have
richer, poorer, all those things.
And I was telling you, you know, in 2025, though and I'm not
trying to change the Bible, butin this day and age.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Let me say this though A lot of these vows don't
come from the Bible.
Yeah, some man may put ittogether.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Yes, yes, in 2025 it might look like in mental
stability and in not mentalstability, in debt, or in got
enough money that we can put ourelectric bill on draft every
month, like the different, thedifferent things today, versus
(33:39):
maybe of what it even lookedlike then, because it came to
mind.
I know a couple who willprobably end up getting divorced
and it is over mental stability.
But you and I both know thatthe one that's being left was
(34:02):
exactly like that before theygot married, right, and you know
he doesn't like all her issuesand he doesn't like all the all
the things, and she's had atough life and she's, you know,
and she's brought a lot ofbaggage and a lot of and, and
you know, mental issues stemmingfrom that into the marriage,
(34:23):
but he don't want to be therefor it.
But you know, that's justthat's one of those things that
in this day and age, we havepeople who get stressed out, or
they, you know, or they havesocial anxiety or they just have
ongoing depression.
That's a big one.
We talk to couples all the timeand they are tired of their
(34:45):
their maybe husband or theirwife being depressed.
They won't go anywhere, theywon't do anything, they come
home from work and all they dois sit there and they're
depressed.
And they've tried medicines andit don't work and I'm tired of
it.
And so in this day and age,that that's something you even
have to consider is stickingtogether through the different
things Right, the being in debtup to your eyeballs, because you
(35:06):
know, ourgreat-great-grandparents were
not necessarily, they didn'thave credit card payments and
payments for everything andtimeshares and all those things.
They just they worked on cash,that's right, and they did all
those things.
But now you know you can be indebt and that gets really
stressful Student loans and allthe credit card payments and all
those things.
But now you know you can be indebt and that gets really
stressful student loans and allthe credit card payments and all
those things.
(35:27):
So vows look a little differentnow of what you're signing up
for and what you're agreeing to,the debt you bring into a
marriage.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
But that's one of those things.
You knew that person had thiskind of debt when you got
married.
If you didn't ask that question, that's your fault.
You need to ask those questions.
Hey, I you know, I'm not tryingto look at your credit report
to see if you got a perfectcredit score, but like I need to
know what we're getting intohere, because then it's like
sucks to be you.
Good luck with all that.
(35:56):
You know, and it's one of thosethings.
I said this before Sometimesmarriages really fall apart
because if your partner'sdrowning, if you go out on a
boat and we can start finishingup with this if you go out on a
boat and your partner can't swim, but they jump in the water and
(36:19):
you stand on the boat andyou've got a life preserver and
you are a trained lifeguard andyou just watch them drown while
you're standing up on the boatsaying you knew you couldn't
swim.
I don't know why you jumped inthe water.
You know good and well youcan't swim.
You've never been able to swim.
Your mama couldn't swim, yourdaddy couldn't swim.
(36:40):
None of those people could swim, and and and I told you when we
went out on this boat there's apossibility the boat could go
down.
You said you'd be fine and butI told you that you probably
drown.
If you stand there and you watchyour spouse continue to drown
and you don't help, like that'swhere it gets weird, man, that's
where there's a problem.
And that goes with debt, thatgoes with anxiety, that goes
(37:03):
with family issues, that goeswith kid issues, that goes when
church goes crazy, that's allthese things.
Listen, it does not matter.
You can stand there and spitfacts all day long about why
they're in the situation they'rein, and the truth is, people
who are in those situationsprobably already know why
they're there.
They don't need facts.
(37:24):
Sometimes.
They need you to lend a handand say you know what?
I'm going to help you.
We don't want to be here, Iwant to stay near to you, I want
to stay committed to you thisis my vow I've made and continue
to work.
It takes two people.
The old song is Rob Bass.
It takes two to make a thing goright.
(37:48):
It makes two to make it out ofsight.
I can't work by myself inmarriage, and if you choose not
to work, then the marriage canbe in trouble.
But I can tell you one thingthat I know from 35 years If you
both will work, even when youget tired, don't quit.
(38:10):
Even if you can't row as hard,I'll row hard for you, even when
you don't feel like you canbreathe.
One day I'll breathe for youwhen you don't feel like you can
make it.
I'm going to do it.
And we found seasons in ourlife that are like that, to
(38:31):
where one of us is vibing.
One of us is strong, one of ushas it going on as far as just
being able to have our lifetogether, and the other one's
struggling a little bit.
But that's what marriage is isbringing your spouse along and
working double time.
When your spouse don't feellike they can work as hard, you
work till they come back to aneven keel, to where you're
(38:51):
working together.
Any final thoughts there?
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Yeah, I think that's good.
You know, if you feel like yourspouse has given up or they're
tired, just have theconversation.
Hey, like this is what I wantour marriage to be, and I know
it can be Like what can we do,what can we fix, what can we
make better so that we're bothrowing in the same direction and
getting there, and I think it'simportant.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
Absolutely.
As Beyonce says, work, work,work, work, work.
Get off your butt and go towork in your marriage and I'm
telling you, you can have themarriage of your dreams.
So thank you so much forlistening this morning.
When you find somebody who'sgoing in the direction you want
to go, hop in the directionthey're going and go there with
them and you'll find a beautifullife.
Thank you so much for listening.
(39:37):
Have a great morning forlistening.
(40:03):
Have a great morning me.
Brush it off, pick myself up,moving on to the better.
Okay, hey, yeah, ain't noerrors.
Baby, it's a new era.
I wake up early feeling rich,like I'm cash.
I get to the paper.
Hey, good morning.
Good morning, this is Brad andI'm, with my wife, tiffany, the
host of the Hustle Flow podcast,excited to be with you this
morning.
Thank you for tuning in andlistening to the podcast.
Good morning, tiff, goodmorning.
How are you?
I'm great.
Well, that's a very broadstatement.
I'm going to tell you a storyreal quick about how she's not
(00:42):
so great Women get accused oftelling long stories?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
I believe you're a longer storyteller than I am.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Long story short is we were challenged to do
something dumb at the gymyesterday.
Yeah, monday, monday, yeah, afew days ago, three days ago,
that's right Monday and one ofour buddies said you know one of
the old trainers.
He put my ex-girlfriend on hisback and held a weight on his
foot and he did a pull-up.
I thought, well, I could dothat and we went over and we
(01:13):
decided to try it and my lovelywife hopped on my back, locked
her legs around me, but shefailed to lock her arms around
me and all of a sudden we heardkaboom and the whole gym came
over and she was upside down onher head and on her neck.
Long story short, it's a mildconcussion.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Yeah, it's just a concussion.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
It's just a concussion.
So if anything happens todayand she says something that may
be a little weird, it's theconcussion talking, but anyway
so it's probably not.
No.
And then, since we've had allthis for three days, she said
we're going to do that again andtry it again.
Oh yeah, we're absolutely goingto try it again, absolutely not
no, no, yeah, I didn't gothrough all that, for One
(01:59):
concussion is enough.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Nah, it's fine, is enough, it is enough.
So we, we do dumb stuffsometimes, and that is one of
those dumb things.
Well, yeah, we're the wrong.
Both of us are the wrong peopleto say hey, I bet you can't
wait, hang on, I bet we can, orwe're going to try.
So yeah, we're both there and Iand we forget that we are not.
You know, we were talking aboutstuff that we used to do in the
old CrossFit gym, which wasthat was 12 years ago, and we
just forgot that 12 years agomeant that we were barely 40.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
That's right, you weren't even 40 yet, I was just
41 and you would have still beenlike 30, 39.
So, yeah, a lot of time underthe bridge or a lot of water
under the bridge, and a lot oftime ago we might've done that.
I'm not trying it again.
Yeah, we're trying.
I told you you may just have tofind somebody else's back to
(02:49):
hop on, but anyway, so that'swhat we're dealing with this
week is a concussion.
It's been interesting, it's fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Well, good morning.
Thank you for listening.
We are going to hop into ourtopic this morning.
Our topic this morning is whatkind of work ethic do you have
when it comes to your marriageand we've been talking about
marriage.
It's important to us, marriageis important to us.
(03:10):
We've had a lot ofheart-to-heart discussions,
especially over the past fewweeks and again at 53, I'll be
53 in a couple weeks.
At 53, I'm continuing to learn.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
I still have issues and you could have asked me and
I could have cleared that up foryou do you want to ask me about
your issues?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
no, I'm not interested, but I thought I
thought at 53 that I had most ofthis stuff conquered.
But I'm learning.
The older I get, man, there arestill some holes in me.
There's places to where Ididn't even know that I needed
(03:53):
help or I've missed things.
Does that make sense?
And so we're going to talk thismorning about your work ethic
in a marriage, about making amarriage work.
We've been together.
June 1st will be 35 years thatwe've been together.
We've talked about that atlength, how long we've been
(04:13):
together, and it has always.
I wish and you may have adifferent take on this, and I
want you to hop in there if youdo it's not always been.
It's not easy.
Being together 35 years's noteasy.
Being together 35 years is noteasy.
And especially we are polaropposites.
We're not the same type ofpersonality.
(04:34):
We both are wired different.
We think different.
If you say up, I'm going to saydown, and it has not been an
easy marriage.
Now that doesn't mean it hadn'tbeen a great marriage, but it's
not been an easy marriage.
So we didn't.
Just, you know, look at eachother in bad eyes and every
night we're watching the sameprograms because we watch the
(04:55):
same TV, we're reading the samebooks, we're going to the same
restaurants.
We're constantly having to workand evolve to continue to make
our marriage work, constantlyhaving to work and evolve to
continue to make our marriagework.
And so let's talk about whatthat really looks like a little
bit.
A long, successful marriage iswork.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Yeah, I was thinking about work ethic.
When I interview people orbefore I interview people,
sometimes you know they'll emailme and they'll say this is my
first job, but I have a reallystrong work ethic.
How do you know you have astrong work ethic if you've
never had a job before?
(05:37):
But sometimes I don't think inmarriage that we think in those
terms of having a work ethic,Because marriage, when you think
about it, I know, when you'reyoung and you're getting ready
to get married, you don't think,well, this is going to be a lot
of work.
(05:57):
You think this is going to bewonderful, I'm going to have
somebody to hold hands with andgo to TJ Maxx with.
It's what a woman is thinkingand a man is thinking other
things, but you're not thinkingabout work.
I know you and I we flip housesand we will go in and we will
look at a house and what do wesay if we walk away from it?
Speaker 1 (06:18):
It's too much work too much work.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
But you don't think about that in terms of marriage
sometimes, and we'll talk aboutthat later.
But sometimes, even justlooking at you know, sometimes
if we really looked at eachother before we got married and
looked at all the baggage that'slined up behind each other, we
might look and go that's goingto be too much work, that's
going to be a lot of work.
But then, when you're in it,well, you bought the house.
(06:43):
That's right Now.
You bought it.
That's right now.
You bought it, that's right.
So now you just got to put yournose to the grindstone and go
to work.
And that's what marriage is tomake it last a long time, it's
work.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
And you've got to have a strong work, that work
ethic, to make it great yeah andthat's actually a really good
adage when you think about ahouse that we do walk away from
houses sometimes because we dosay that's too much work.
But there's an addition to thatparticular phrase it's too much
work for the return.
(07:14):
The return is not there Now,and this is a side note as a
reference.
When I buy a house, I try tobuy a house at 50% of value of
what it would be fixed up, andthen I will put in about 20% of
work maybe 20, 25, but I willnever, ever buy a house, nor
will I work on a house if Ican't make at least what I'm
(07:37):
going to put into it, and sothat's how I think about houses.
When it comes to marriage,you're right when I met you, you
were the most beautiful thing.
You still are, but you were themost beautiful thing I'd ever
seen.
And when I was able to talk toyou the first time, I held your
(07:58):
hand, the first time, I kissedyou, I thought, man, this is
awesome.
However, year 35, I had noconcept what the work would be
to get to year 35.
Year one was awesome.
Year 35 has been way betterthan year one because of the
(08:22):
return, because we stayed vestedinto the relationship and we
did put our nose to the groundand we kept working.
Yeah, we both have a good workethic and and listen, there's
times that all of us get tired.
There's times that all of usget, you know, whatever weary.
But if you have a good workethic, you need to take that
(08:43):
same work ethic and put it intoyour relationship, and that's
what we're talking about thismorning.
Get in the boat.
Yeah, get in the boat together.
Mel Robbins you may or may notknow who Mel Robbins is.
She wrote the book Let them andit's a really good book.
It's one of those things thatyou see a lot about, but her and
(09:04):
her husband have a podcast aswell, and the one thing that she
said was is that you want to bein the boat rowing together.
So you want to talk about yourexperience with rowing the boat
with me and maybe what thatlooks like for you.
I mean, when I say get in theboat and row together, what does
that mean to you?
How do you feel about that?
When I say getting the boat androw together, what does that
mean to you?
How do?
Speaker 2 (09:24):
you feel about that?
Well, I think that, especiallynow you know, I realize that
when we're talking about wherewe're going and where we're
heading and we're both rowing tohead there, it makes things so
much easier.
And I know too over periods ofmy life, if I think about it, I
can pinpoint places where I wasrowing in another direction, and
(09:48):
I'll try not to over over um,overuse the rowing and the boat
analogy any more than necessary.
But it's real hard if if oneperson's rowing one way and one
person is rowing the other wayabsolutely and it it makes it
really really tough.
And I know for sure thatthere's been times in my life
when I was rowing in theopposite direction.
(10:09):
But when we're going the samedirection, when we know where
that is and we're both rowing toget there, it just makes it so
much easier.
Because I don't know I've neverread the maybe I have wrote
about it's very typical that Iprobably would row the boat
opposite direction of somebody,but I can imagine that that's
(10:29):
all that's real hard like whenone person is is rowing one way
and one is rowing the other.
How much harder that would beversus when you're both trying
to get to the same place.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Yeah, yeah, well, and I know that we we've canoed
before.
Uh, don't go canoeing with yourspouse.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
I think I would do better now I don't know it was.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
We ran into trees and we turned over and it, you know
, uh, it was such an interestingexperience that I don't I think
one time is good for me.
That's a really good memory andI'll just let it stay there.
But rowing and getting in theboat and staying in the boat
together this day in time thatwe live in, it is absolutely
(11:22):
easy to get out of the boat.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Because, listen, the world will tell you you don't
have to stay in this, youabsolutely don't have to stay in
something you don't like.
Now there are caveats, okay,and I understand that.
And if you want to say, well,you don't know my situation and
I don't Every situation isdifferent.
You know, when there's there'sabuse, there's there's infidel,
there's all kind of things thathave variants, okay.
(11:53):
So I'm just saying, but, as awhole, if you wake up one day
and you think I don't even likeyou, today the world has made it
easy to get out of the boat,because there's life rafts
around and it could be friends,it could be your mama, it could
be your brother, it could beyour sister.
(12:16):
They're like, hey, you don'thave to put up with that stuff.
Why don't you just come get inthis boat?
You can get out of that boatand we'll just take this boat
and we'll go somewhere else, andyou don't have to stay in the
boat with them anymore.
Life has dealt, it's just easy.
Now, no fault divorces Well,listen, I don't believe in that
term.
There's some fault somewhere.
(12:38):
Somebody quit somewhere.
So I think, when you rowtogether, though, there's got to
be a common, there's a cleardestination, and you got to be
on the same page.
And what does that look likebeing on the same page in
marriage?
Speaker 2 (12:52):
That's what we were just talking about.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Yeah, I mean, just go into the same destination
talking about where you're,where you're going and where
you're heading, and what takes alot of conversation, though
that's not just something thatwe wake up and we decide, and I
won't say anything other thanSunday we were presented with an
opportunity, and it was anopportunity that just came out
of nowhere, and it's anopportunity that could change
(13:17):
our life one way or the other,and so we could just make a
quick decision and say we'regoing to do this or we're not
going to do this, but for ourmarriage, for the next 20, 30
years, ever how long we'retogether, we have to make a
decision together of what thatlooks like for us, and I think
(13:38):
that that's it.
If we don't communicate clearlyand we don't talk about our
goals, we don't talk about ourdreams, we don't talk about
where we really want to head asa married couple, then then I
think it causes you to row indifferent directions, like you
were talking about, you know,and I think that's that's really
where that's something thatcomes in.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Yeah, I think so.
And then and then you justcan't you know.
If you realize, you look up andyou realize and you're not
rowing why?
And we'll talk about somethings like deal with work ethic
too just that we were thinkingabout.
But if you've quit rowing, whydid you get lazy?
Did you get distracted?
Do you not care anymore?
(14:22):
I mean, you know why.
Why do you quit?
Are you just tired?
I've been.
I've been coming home with thissame person for however long,
and I'm just tired, or I'm tiredof them, I'm tired of their
behavior.
I quit rowing because theydon't row no more and I'm not
rowing no more.
I mean, you know, if yourealize, when you're listening
to some of this, that you justquit rowing, maybe you both quit
rowing.
You know you have to askyourself why.
(14:42):
Then you know what kind of workethic?
Apparently, I'm going to have areal hard time saying that
today but you know what doeswork ethic look like in your
marriage?
I know we're big on serving.
We really believe in serving.
How can I serve you today?
(15:03):
I've written some notes in myphone because I've been thinking
about a post I was puttingtogether about marriage.
Because I'm very deliberate inmy facebook post.
I'll make notes in my notes appand then I'm you know, before I
put something out, but I wasthinking about um and in my my
(15:25):
post will be um.
You don't always know what goeson behind closed doors and I've
got a picture of us that I loveand you think about that one
way, right, but you don't knowwhat goes on behind closed doors
, because I mean to a lot ofpeople.
Let's just be honest.
Our marriage looks great andpeople say that like we think.
You know that we'd rather justlive in each other's skin and
we're always together, and allthose you know they, we're a
(15:47):
unit.
Our grandbaby says that's honeypapa's house.
Like we're, we're a unit, umbut.
And you know, but you, you know,but you, you look at people
like, well, you don't know whatgoes on behind closed doors,
though, but I know what goes onbehind closed doors at my house.
At my house, my day starts outthat you bring me coffee because
I'm not ready to come to thekitchen.
But then, yeah, and so I meanthat's that's then, and I do
(16:09):
things for you, and we'reconstantly saying what can I do
for you today?
When I just was doing this playthat took up so much of my time
every day, you said how can Iserve you today?
Like, what do you need from metoday?
What can I do for you today?
And I know that maybe everybodydoesn't do that at their house
every day, but we work togetherso we can sometimes say like,
well, hey, before lunch can youdo this, or can you call about
(16:32):
whatever.
But even like, I think you candefinitely say like, this week,
what is there something that'sthat's that will help you?
Is there something I can helpget off your back or make your
life easier this week?
Anyway, but that's just serving, um, that's.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
That's one one thing yes, and for me, that's one of
the reasons we've made it 35years is that we chose to serve
each other, and you know, for meI'm a what helps me in my life,
because you do we do constantlyask each other how can I help
you?
Is there something I can do tohelp you?
(17:07):
And the stuff that I needsometimes, honestly, is the
stuff you hate.
It's like can you do, you mindrunning to the bank?
Yeah, I can run to the bank,but you need to tell me what
account it's coming out of.
You need to give me the um, sothe number, and yeah, which bank
?
Speaker 2 (17:25):
because I went to the wrong bank before and they just
looked at me like I don't, whyare you here?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
this is this is not and so, but for me, errands is
serving me, because I may have14 things I need to do and
sometimes just taking the burdenof going and taking care of a
couple of things like thatthat's very helpful to me.
So serving in your marriage isgoing to look different.
You've got to be attuned towhat your spouse needs.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
I mean, if you've got little kids, it may mean, hey,
I really need you to give her abath tonight and put her to bed
please.
I've had a day at work.
I really need some time todecompress.
Please take care of that childthat you brought into this world
, because I just I need, I needsome step back.
That's right.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
So serving is going to look different for everybody?
Yeah, but it's, but it's thesame in every marriage.
It needs to be done, I thinkone of the other things that has
helped us stay together 35years.
And these are just things thatwe talk about because this is
our work ethic.
If you want to know Brad andTiffany's work ethic in their
marriage, this is it Number one.
We serve each other.
(18:29):
Another thing is we changeconstantly.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Yeah, you know, I have a new friend and we were
talking about marriage and shewas saying this is her third
marriage.
I said, well, I've technicallybeen married three times, it's
been to the same person, butI've changed three different
times in my marriage.
When I was young I wasabsolutely stupid and I was so
stubborn and I was unwilling tobend.
(18:54):
I want to answer that and yeah,and so.
And then in the middle I wasreally trying to find like who
we were.
Our kids were getting older andlife was going so fast at that
time.
And then and I think the second,the middle part I was really
trying to figure out priorities,right, yeah, and then this I
(19:20):
would say this last part youknow together 34 maybe or
something, I don't know.
You know better than I do, butthe last part has just been
really enjoying marriage andreally trying to nail down some
of this stuff like serving andchanging and saying, okay, what
do I need to fix, I need to fixand communicating.
And and been okay, what do Ineed to fix?
I need to fix and communicating.
And, ben, it's been ourmarriage the last.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
This third marriage has been so intentional, yeah,
that's a good word is that ithas been intentional.
We have really chose to change.
Yeah, and I'm going to behonest with you.
You're right, I would say threemarriages make sense and I've
not.
To be honest with you, you'reright, I would say three
marriages make sense and I'venot really thought about it
until you brought it up.
But for the first part of ourmarriage and I'm just going to
(20:03):
say this, and you always look atme crazy, but I was a religious
butthole.
That's probably not a real goodword, christian word, but I was
just a religious butthole Iwanted to make sure that I kept
all the tradition.
I wanted to make sure that itwas a line upon line and precept
upon precept and that you dideverything like I needed you to
(20:25):
do.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Lord bless you.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
You picked the wrong one out of the bunch to try to
do that with and I didn't knowthat at the time, but I was not,
listen, I loved God and I didlove you, but I was very
religious and I was a butt aboutit when I didn't get my way.
And then, you're right, themiddle was more about priorities
(20:49):
, making a living, trying tofigure out how in the world I'm
going to pay for college andtuition is due again, dad.
And hey, I hit a curb and hey,what's the insurance number?
And hey, you know I'm gettingmarried and hey, we're happy.
So that middle part, you'reright, was a lot of that.
(21:10):
But then these past few years,once our kids really began to
grow up a little bit and they'rethey're still in that process,
that's where marriage reallybegan to happen.
And I think that's the hardpart for some people is that
that that first part is is funfor a minute, then it's yucky,
and then the middle part is like, oh my God, we've got kids and
(21:31):
high school graduations, and butwhen you get to that third part
part which is where we are nowin our marriage, that third life
that you want to call it, it'sfantastic.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
Yeah but I don't think you have to wait till the
third part.
I don't think so.
If you start doing some of thisstuff early, early on, if you,
if you learn to serve because Idon't know that we really
learned some of these things andknew what a difference some of
these things would make backthen, if we would have done some
of those things.
Prioritizing each other Okay,maybe my head does hurt a little
(22:06):
bit because my words are hardtoday but prioritizing each
other, you know, that'ssomething that we probably
because you think you're justraising kids and we've got time
for that later, but you don'trealize that, like you're it's
so important to keep each otherfirst, above the kids, even when
you do have kids and you'reraising kids.
(22:27):
But that's important.
Prioritizing each other overother people, over all the
things, over work, overeverything, over your mama, yeah
, and then you know,communicating.
Communicating it's, I think,that grows because of, and it
grows because of trust too.
We've talked about that severaltimes before, about trust, that
(22:48):
what a difference it'll make inyour marriage when you can
communicate and then communicateto the point to where then you
bring in the vulnerability rightbecause that's such an
important thing.
you did good with that idea ofyou know, even admitting, okay,
(23:09):
I am working on this, I see itand this is what I see, the
you're watching something aboutjordan peterson talking about
everybody has snakes, but beingable to tell each other about
all your snakes and know whenthe person's not gonna run away
and I might have, like, talkedabout something that you were,
because you know more about thatI want to talk about that.
But just communicating andkeeping communication keeps the
(23:33):
weeds out of the flowerbed.
What do you mean by that?
When little things pop up andyou don't communicate, whether
it's resentment, whether it'sjust something that's going on
with you personally that youdon't communicate about, like,
hey, I'm having a reallystressful time right now, or you
(23:56):
know, I'm just got a lot of bigemotions, whatever it is,
whatever, and you just don'tcommunicate.
Or, hey, I just I feel like youknow we, you, you know my love
language and I know yours, but,like I, I feel like you might
need a refresher course lately,cause I don't feel like you're
meeting my needs.
Um, but being able tocommunicate.
That, though you know, I thinkit was at the first of the year
we talked about.
(24:16):
I said, okay, I need you to be,I need you to be more
thoughtful about date nights,because I want, I want, like,
even though we spend a lot oftime together, I want a date
night, but being able tocommunicate that, instead of
just being mad at you that youdon't do a date night and I
didn't communicate with you,it's very important, right, yeah
?
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Because when you communicate clearly, it doesn't
mean that I'm always going to besuccessful, always going to be
successful, but it does put itin my eyesight to where this is
important to you and I've got topay attention to it because
she's brought it to my attention, Things that aren't
(24:54):
communicated or brought to yourattention.
You you may or may not do, andyou still may or may not do when
it's brought to your attention,but then at least it's there
for you to have in yourconsciousness.
And I think communication isreally important and you know
we're pretty good atcommunicating.
There are times to where weboth probably still, you know
(25:16):
just go into ourselves a littlebit and we eventually get it out
of each other.
I think the other thing too isthat not just communicating but
talking.
It's amazing to me, and howmany people don't just talk.
We talk about everythingeverywhere, all the time.
(25:37):
One of us really loves to talk,the other one talks some, but
we just talk.
There's nothing and I've saidthis before, there's nothing
funnier to me than, as you'repulling out of the driveway,
you're calling me.
I'm like, oh my God, we justlike saw each other, but it
could commence into a 35-minutephone call when you're going
(25:59):
somewhere because we're justtalking.
It's one of those things, Didyou see?
I forgot to tell you, did you?
Speaker 2 (26:05):
oh, my gosh, did you all week long I I try to listen
so intently.
You've been telling me aboutall these people that are out
there running 200 miles orwhatever it is and I have tried
to like we're just talking.
But I have tried to intentlylisten and you don't care, do
you?
well, I mean you want me to behonest?
No, but.
But I have intently listen andyou don't care, do you?
Well, I mean you want me to behonest?
No, but, but I have intentlylistened every time.
(26:27):
I've stopped what I was doingto listen to you.
Tell me about these people thatare on our whatever and my
whatever, because we're justtalking, we just talk.
But I want you to talk to me,but I don't want to make you
feel stupid or say, hey, I don'tcare about that.
If you'd not, it'd be great,because I want you to talk yeah,
yeah, because things like that.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Every person has something that's important to
them or that they enjoy, and ifyou shut that part of their life
down, they're going to stoptalking to you.
Right, and it's fine.
Like, yeah, it's, it's thearizona, the Arizona monster.
It's a 309-mile run.
These people have been runningfor days.
Andrew Glaze, which, if youlook at him, he runs 100 miles
(27:09):
every week and he's done it forfive years.
He just took it on.
It took him seven days tofinish 309 miles.
There's people who finish it in82 hours.
There's a lady who finished itin 104 hours.
But it was amazing to me and Ithink for me, like that excites
me, because I'm thinking how inthe world are these people
capable of keeping their bodymoving for that length of time
(27:31):
and that many miles?
And so, just like anything thatyou talk about, whether it's
cooking or whether it's a TikTok, or whether it's somebody you
think is real funny on TikTok,that's not funny to me.
Or whether it's somebody youthink's real funny on TikTok,
that's not funny to me.
But if I stop and say, look, Idon't want to talk about that,
you'll quit talking to me.
And I think, for us, the onething that showed our work ethic
(27:52):
is we constantly talk all thetime and we try not to shut each
other down.
We try to listen to each other,whether we're interested or not
.
We try to listen to each other,whether we're interested or not
.
We try.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
We try to intentionally do that yeah so I
was with somebody I don'tremember, who gosh, I hope, I
hope they don't listen but Isaid have you not talked to your
husband?
They said, oh no, I won't hearfrom him all day today.
And I said all day.
It was like a saturday, all day, like I brad and I will have
(28:25):
talked 10 times by whatevero'clock, like that just blew my
mind.
People just not just not outhere talking, chatting it up.
Um, well, that's that's whatI'm talking about.
Yeah, because well, and alsowe're friends, like we right,
we're best friends.
We know what each other likes,we know all those things Like I
know what your favorite of mosteverything is.
(28:46):
Sometimes I get it wrong andthat's fun, but you know, like
you know what I like and youknow what I don't like.
You know I will shut a surprisedown.
I don't care the good intentionbehind it.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
You shut my surprise down last week, I sure did, and
that's the thing is.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
This is good.
You need to surprise me with asurprise.
Don't tell me there's asurprise coming, because I will
shut the surprise down.
I do not like surprises.
So if you're going to surpriseme, you better surprise.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Surprise me, don't like let me know the surprise is
coming yeah, no, I mean, I hadit was, it was going to be fun.
Oh yeah, it would have beenawesome and it would have been
cool, but I shut it down, shutit down, but then, as she shut
it down, promised me somethingelse, like we'll go by or we'll
do something or we'll dowhatever.
And then she still we had towind up doing something
(29:35):
different, but anyway.
So, yeah, yeah, I get it, butwe are friends and I think
that's one thing that, asfriendships take work and you
know you don't mind sending your, like my brother and I send
memes and reels back and forthall day long.
(29:56):
It's just dumb stuff.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
It's dumb guy stuff, but we are keeping our
relationship moving and you'lldo that with friends.
You'll find something funny, oryou'll hear something funny and
you'll pick up the phone andcall them, or you'll pick up
your phone and text them, oryou'll shoot them a reel or
something funny.
It's the same concept inmarriage and and I'm just saying
I love that about you You'llsend me stuff sometimes that I'm
like you send me serious stuffand Bible stuff and I send you
(30:30):
funny stuff.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
But every relationship I mean.
That's why we're different.
We're just different.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
That's exactly right.
Yeah, my stuff is likeheartfelt and it's this reel of
old people who are in their 90sand they're loving each other
and he's kissing her on the headand she's sending me stuff like
people doing so, just funnystuff, so like that.
That is, that is your lovelanguage and that's how you
speak.
That's my love language.
(30:53):
That is it.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
So talk about your vows, or do you have anything
else about your work ethic?
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Well, I think.
I think the last thing I wouldsay about work ethic is
commitment in marriage is themost important thing.
Let me say that you have to becommitted in your marriage, but
one thing that we've learned howto do is to be compatible.
Compatibility is different thancommitment.
It's a different animal,because I don't like everything
(31:23):
you like and vice versa, andeven when I go do it, I don't
like it.
When you go do it and you sitout and do stuff that I want to
do, you don't like it.
But we've chosen to becompatible.
You know, you said that when youfirst get married you think, oh
, I got a buddy to go to TJ Maxxwith, or Target or whatever,
(31:44):
and guys think that too.
Guys think, oh, I got a buddy,I'm going to go to TJ Maxx and
then we'll have sex.
That's the same concept.
But you have to learn how to becompatible.
If your marriage and I'll saythis if your marriage is
unilateral and you always getyour way but your spouse never
gets their way, that is notcompatibility, that is
(32:08):
selfishness.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
And you have to learn how to be compatible, because
the world, believe it or not,does not revolve around you.
It revolves around yourmarriage and your spouse, and
you want to make that personfeel good and confident about
themselves as well, and so Ithink that you know that's where
(32:33):
I'm at.
Compatibility is so important,even as well as commitment.
So you were talking about vows.
We were talking about vows andhow important vows are and the
seriousness of vows, but youwere talking about new and
improved vows for 2025.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Well, everybody knows can quote some of the vows that
people say when they getmarried for sickness and have
richer, poorer, all those things.
And I was telling you, you know, in 2025, though and I'm not
trying to change the Bible, butin this day and age.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Let me say this though A lot of these vows don't
come from the Bible.
Yeah, some man may put ittogether.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Yes, yes, in 2025 it might look like in mental
stability and in not mentalstability, in debt, or in got
enough money that we can put ourelectric bill on draft every
month, like the different, thedifferent things today, versus
(33:39):
maybe of what it even lookedlike then, because it came to
mind.
I know a couple who willprobably end up getting divorced
and it is over mental stability.
But you and I both know thatthe one that's being left was
(34:02):
exactly like that before theygot married, right, and you know
he doesn't like all her issuesand he doesn't like all the all
the things, and she's had atough life and she's, you know,
and she's brought a lot ofbaggage and a lot of and, and
you know, mental issues stemmingfrom that into the marriage,
(34:23):
but he don't want to be therefor it.
But you know, that's justthat's one of those things that
in this day and age, we havepeople who get stressed out, or
they, you know, or they havesocial anxiety or they just have
ongoing depression.
That's a big one.
We talk to couples all the timeand they are tired of their
(34:45):
their maybe husband or theirwife being depressed.
They won't go anywhere, theywon't do anything, they come
home from work and all they dois sit there and they're
depressed.
And they've tried medicines andit don't work and I'm tired of
it.
And so in this day and age,that that's something you even
have to consider is stickingtogether through the different
things Right, the being in debtup to your eyeballs, because you
(35:06):
know, ourgreat-great-grandparents were
not necessarily, they didn'thave credit card payments and
payments for everything andtimeshares and all those things.
They just they worked on cash,that's right, and they did all
those things.
But now you know you can be indebt and that gets really
stressful Student loans and allthe credit card payments and all
those things.
But now you know you can be indebt and that gets really
stressful student loans and allthe credit card payments and all
those things.
(35:27):
So vows look a little differentnow of what you're signing up
for and what you're agreeing to,the debt you bring into a
marriage.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
But that's one of those things.
You knew that person had thiskind of debt when you got
married.
If you didn't ask that question, that's your fault.
You need to ask those questions.
Hey, I you know, I'm not tryingto look at your credit report
to see if you got a perfectcredit score, but like I need to
know what we're getting intohere, because then it's like
sucks to be you.
Good luck with all that.
(35:56):
You know, and it's one of thosethings.
I said this before Sometimesmarriages really fall apart
because if your partner'sdrowning, if you go out on a
boat and we can start finishingup with this if you go out on a
boat and your partner can't swim, but they jump in the water and
(36:19):
you stand on the boat andyou've got a life preserver and
you are a trained lifeguard andyou just watch them drown while
you're standing up on the boatsaying you knew you couldn't
swim.
I don't know why you jumped inthe water.
You know good and well youcan't swim.
You've never been able to swim.
Your mama couldn't swim, yourdaddy couldn't swim.
(36:40):
None of those people could swim, and and and I told you when we
went out on this boat there's apossibility the boat could go
down.
You said you'd be fine and butI told you that you probably
drown.
If you stand there and you watchyour spouse continue to drown
and you don't help, like that'swhere it gets weird, man, that's
where there's a problem.
And that goes with debt, thatgoes with anxiety, that goes
(37:03):
with family issues, that goeswith kid issues, that goes when
church goes crazy, that's allthese things.
Listen, it does not matter.
You can stand there and spitfacts all day long about why
they're in the situation they'rein, and the truth is, people
who are in those situationsprobably already know why
they're there.
They don't need facts.
(37:24):
Sometimes.
They need you to lend a handand say you know what?
I'm going to help you.
We don't want to be here, Iwant to stay near to you, I want
to stay committed to you thisis my vow I've made and continue
to work.
It takes two people.
The old song is Rob Bass.
It takes two to make a thing goright.
(37:48):
It makes two to make it out ofsight.
I can't work by myself inmarriage, and if you choose not
to work, then the marriage canbe in trouble.
But I can tell you one thingthat I know from 35 years If you
both will work, even when youget tired, don't quit.
(38:10):
Even if you can't row as hard,I'll row hard for you, even when
you don't feel like you canbreathe.
One day I'll breathe for youwhen you don't feel like you can
make it.
I'm going to do it.
And we found seasons in ourlife that are like that, to
(38:31):
where one of us is vibing.
One of us is strong, one of ushas it going on as far as just
being able to have our lifetogether, and the other one's
struggling a little bit.
But that's what marriage is isbringing your spouse along and
working double time.
When your spouse don't feellike they can work as hard, you
work till they come back to aneven keel, to where you're
(38:51):
working together.
Any final thoughts there?
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Yeah, I think that's good.
You know, if you feel like yourspouse has given up or they're
tired, just have theconversation.
Hey, like this is what I wantour marriage to be, and I know
it can be Like what can we do,what can we fix, what can we
make better so that we're bothrowing in the same direction and
getting there, and I think it'simportant.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
Absolutely.
As Beyonce says, work, work,work, work, work.
Get off your butt and go towork in your marriage and I'm
telling you, you can have themarriage of your dreams.
So thank you so much forlistening this morning.
When you find somebody who'sgoing in the direction you want
to go, hop in the directionthey're going and go there with
them and you'll find a beautifullife.
Thank you so much for listening.
(39:37):
Have a great morning forlistening.
(40:03):
Have a great morning me.
Brush it off, pick myself up,moving on to the better.
Okay, hey, yeah, ain't noerrors.
Baby, it's a new era.
I wake up early feeling rich,like I'm cash.
I get to the paper.
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