June 14, 2024 • 54 mins
What does it take to transition from a protective parent to a supportive mentor? Join us on this special Father's Day edition of Hustle Her, where I sit down with my father, Dwayne Caines, the CEO of The City of Hamilton, for an intimate and enlightening conversation. We share family traditions like celebrating Cup Match in Somerset and recount our unforgettable trip to Colombia. My dad, a night owl and lover of Jamaican cuisine, opens up about his daily routines and the inspiring figures that have shaped his life, while describing each of his daughters with just one word each: tenacious, compassionate, and passionate.
Together, we explore the complexities of parenting, particularly the intricacies of co-parenting and blended families. My father reflects on his upbringing and the influence of having ambitious friends and strict yet loving parents. We dive into the emotional challenges and rewards of raising children in different circumstances and stages of life, emphasizing the importance of honesty, unconditional love, and putting the child's well-being first. His heartfelt anecdotes about navigating co-parenting decisions highlight the significance of mutual respect and the positive outcomes that can arise from non-traditional family structures.
As we continue, the conversation shifts to the evolving dynamics between a father and his growing children. From discussing the transition of roles as children reach adulthood to the lasting impact of childhood experiences, we underscore the importance of effective communication and understanding. My dad also shares his thoughts on the unique challenges men face in fatherhood and the critical need for a supportive village. This episode is a heartfelt celebration of fatherhood, filled with reflections, lessons, and the enduring bond between a father and his daughters.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm a hustler baby.
It's time for Hustle Herpodcast.
I'm your host, deshae Caines.
Hustle Her is all aboutinspiring women through real
life experiences that havehelped to mold and develop not
only me, of motivation, a bit oftough love and some actionable
(00:26):
takeaways to be the best.
You, girl, you are in the rightplace.
Hey guys, and welcome back toHustle Heart Podcast.
As always, thank you forspending some time with me today
.
I really appreciate it.
Big shout out to the Women'sResource Center for partnering
with us for these next fewepisodes.
Make sure you guys head over totheir website so you can learn
(00:47):
more about all the amazingservices that they provide.
Also, welcome back to ourpartners, brown Company as well
as 59 Front.
Make sure you follow us onInstagram to see the amazing
things that we have coming with59 Front and Brown Company.
Guys, if you're watching this onYouTube, make sure you like and
subscribe the channel so youcan stay up to date with all the
new episodes that we havecoming.
Make sure you head over to thewebsite hustleherpodcastcom to
(01:09):
be able to sign up to be a VIPlistener so you can get all of
our episodes ahead of time, aswell as some amazing giveaways
we have from some of oursponsors.
So today means a lot more to methan most episodes.
I always get asked all the timewhen are you going to have a
man on the podcast?
When is there going to be a man?
We need some male perspectiveson the podcast and I always told
(01:31):
people that the first guestwould always be my dad.
So in honor of Father's Day,coming up on June 15th, this
year, I have my amazing father,dwayne Keynes, the CEO of the
city of Hamilton, here inBermuda, as my first guest.
Hi, jody.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Hey Shayski, how are you doing?
Speaker 1 (01:48):
I'm good, how are you ?
Speaker 2 (01:49):
I'm good, you know, a little nervous.
I don't know why, but I'm happyto be here, nervous, nervous.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
It just makes me nervous to hear you say that.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
I mean, you've been on TV all the time for a really
long time remember it's avulnerability of it all, but I'm
actually looking forward to itand I'm just so proud of you,
seeing you in your element.
It's actually really, reallyspecial to be on this side
watching you in your essence,doing your thing really so I
have a ground rule.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Are you ready?
This is my show, my podcast jay, this is my show.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
I am the boss of you, so do not tell me whose show it
is.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
When I just have to remind you when I'm here, you're
secondary no, this is mypodcast.
I just need to set the groundrules here that you can't take
over in this environment, okayyou'll see okay, so you watch my
podcast so you know we startoff with some amazing rapid fire
questions.
Obviously, this is focusedaround Father's Day and families
(02:47):
and you being a girl dad, sowe'll jump right in.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Ready.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
All right, tell me your favorite family tradition.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
I have a new one that we just started.
It's Cup Match in Somerset.
I love getting the camp ready,getting everybody up to the
field enjoying the day, but Ialso like Christmas.
Christmas is also reallyspecial absolutely so.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
What about your most memorable family vacation with
us?
Speaker 2 (03:10):
my most memorable family vacation ironic is
recently I took the girls, mydaughters, my wife.
We went away to columbia thefirst time I engaged with you
all as adults and we had thegood, the bad and the ugly, but
certainly you'll be a memorabletrip yeah, we learned a lot.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
No, it was a lot of fun.
Colombia was a lot of fun and Ithink when we went to a few
different places in colombia aswell, we got to see different
parts of colombia and that wasreally cool to witness together
as a family?
Are you a morning person ornight owl?
Night owl 100 totally agree,coffee or tea um coffee okay,
and what's one word you woulddescribe each of your daughters?
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Oh, very good, Dishay Tenacious.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Dacia Compassionate.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
Adoree Passionate.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Okay, go-to comfort food.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Actually Jamaican food.
I I knew you're gonna say thatfor me it's actually cory goat
rice, anything in that family umcory goat and rice, rice and
peas.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
That that's my space okay, your most inspirational
historic figure that's a verygood one um why do you sound
surprised?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
my most inspirational historical figure.
It sounds corny, but um, it'stwo.
It's two people that come tomind historical.
The phrase kind of scares me,but my mother is the most
significant person in my life interms of inspiration and as a
young man I was fascinated bythree individuals I know, you
said one was marcus garvey,malcolm max and mon luther king
(04:44):
okay, I'm not surprised by anyof those.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Okay, and what's your favorite hobby?
Past, because I know you'regetting a little old.
So I mean currently and past.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Well, my favorite hobby before injury set in was a
volleyball.
Everybody knows I've playedvolleyball for 35 years.
I think one of my favoritemoments is when you started to
play volleyball, even though youwere not a very good volleyball
player.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
You couldn't help yourself.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
And we were on the same team and I was really
bothered by your skill level andhaving to motivate you and
actually deal with you on avolleyball court.
One of my most favoritememories is actually getting to
the point where you and I playedon the same team and now it's
actually boating.
That's actually given me asignificant sense of peace.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
And then finally, finally, what's your favorite
thing about being a dad?
Um, that's a.
That's an interesting one.
My favorite thing about being adad is watching my daughters
come into their own, bepassionate, be strong and be,
and they their compassion thatthey have towards their fellow
men and women okay, so obviouslythis is going to release on
well, a little bit beforeFather's Day, and obviously we
want to talk about your journeybecoming a father.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
So I was brought into this world when you were 18.
Walk me through what that waslike for you as an 18 year old
father.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
It was nerve wracking , as you can imagine.
I went off to university andwhen I went to university you go
off with the hopes and theambitions of actually coming
back to Bermuda and making adifference.
My mom and dad were very clear.
My girlfriend at the time wasChevelle Burch, your mom and
they were like listen, don't goto the same school.
They believed that was best,that we had different
(06:21):
experiences and kind of comeback in Bermuda.
They thought we were a bit tooclose.
You know locally when we werein Bermuda.
Of course, at that age you knoweverything and so, history
being what it was, I remembercoming back 11 months later with
Chevelle pregnant, and also youwere born in July.
So it was a whirlwindexperience.
(06:42):
We went from youth to adulthoodin a magical second and life
changed.
Life changed.
It was a different experience,it was a different journey from
July 18th 1989.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
The day your life became amazing.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Absolutely there you go?
Speaker 1 (06:58):
We love to see it.
Can you believe that's almost35 years?
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Well, 35 years ago in a month, 35 years ago.
It's significant.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Significant, believe that's 30, almost 35 years.
Well, 35 years ago, in a month,35 years ago, it's significant,
significant.
Yeah, you look pretty good.
You know that's all right.
So what would you say were someof the challenges during that
time?
And I guess, from thosechallenges, how did you grow?
Speaker 2 (07:14):
oh, very good question again.
I think one of the things isthe self-doubt with come with
being a young father, feelingthat you let people down, um,
feeling that you were becoming astatistic in terms of black
males, the inability to actuallyprovide for a family at the
appropriate time, and I thinkthat gave me an incentive to be
(07:36):
a good dad.
And I look back on those youngdays as actually amazing,
because I was able to do somethings.
Now I look back on it at 18 and19 and 20 years old and forge
some paths, um, establish somerelationships and do some things
now that I'm really proud of.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Absolutely Like what.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Um, we were in school with a kid and we were going to
class.
Um, one of the funny thingswould be would be um, we would
be in uni and you sometimeswould come to class.
We would be in the door, um, inour apartment, respective
apartments.
You, in essence, grew up withus as we were growing up.
So, what's interesting, whenyou come from a blended
(08:16):
environment, your experience asa child was totally different
from your siblings, and so wehad to grow and you grew with us
.
We matured with you and youmatured with us and I dare say,
being a young parent, we wereforced to adapt.
I hasten to say thank you to thesupport we had.
I would not be take the credit.
(08:40):
I think that would beself-grandizing.
We had an amazing village.
My mother, my father, my brotherTravis at the time, your
grandmother, nana Russell, youknow your aunt Leisha we had an
amazing support system and whatthey did was they locked arms
with us and they all let us knowthat there's nothing that will
(09:00):
happen, that you will comeoutside of the bonds of our
family and you actually, for along while, were the coagulant.
You were so young that you willcome outside of the bonds of
our family and you actually, fora long while, were the
coagulant.
You were so young that you wereevery the apple of everybody's
eye.
You were in the center of itand I think it was a good point
for the family to have a youngperson in our midst.
And it became, you became thespark, and everybody saw you as
(09:20):
their daughter, their niece, andI'm looking back on it.
I think we had the best supportthat we needed for the time of
which we were raising you in.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
No, I totally agree.
I think, if I look back on mychildhood, you know, if you were
in school or mommy was inschool, I was always with a
family member, you know, and Inever had a feeling as a kid
that my parents weren't there,like there was never a time
where it was like, oh, my mom isnot here, my dad is not here,
and I also don't remember, as akid either, feeling like, oh, my
(09:53):
parents weren't together, whichis really weird because it was
such a such a great, I guess,support system as a family.
Like you know, nana and PapaKane's were always there, nana
Russell, Uncle Travis, uncleWayne you know what I mean like
aunt lisha, everyone was alwaysthere and so our support system
to this day has always beenamazing and it is a really good
blend of both sides of ourfamilies and I I totally agree
(10:13):
with you on that.
So crazy that you brought thatup, because that was actually my
next question.
You're just in my head and it'sokay, I appreciate that but,
it's a lot to be in you.
You just always got to come withthe jokes.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
And I just well.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Where did I get it from?
Speaker 2 (10:27):
I'm looking at the makeup.
That's a lot of makeup.
Wow, are we going to do this?
Stay focused.
This is what we're doing rightnow.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Like we're like like I just don't understand.
Anyway.
So, as like it, thingsprogressed, and you know, I
guess, from being a young dad tothen having two more daughters.
What would you say was onething that kind of prepared you.
For once you had Deysha andDory.
From learning, from having me,so really quickly.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
There's a part that I want to gloss over, and that is
whenever, in Bermuda, as I gothrough my journey, I recognize
that blended families becomemore commonplace than ever
before.
And one of the things that Irecognize if my life is going to
be legitimate, I have to cometo grips with my reality, and
(11:16):
there's a part of that journeywhere I had to be honest with
myself and say this is who I am,this is my family, and be
comfortable with my reality,because there is a hoaxable
effect, if you know what I mean,where everybody, when you get
to a certain level, you wantthis cookie cutter world and
what I recognized, that was inmy reality and I became
comfortable with this being mystory, this being my journey,
(11:39):
and as much as it may beuncomfortable look all to
everybody else my number onepriority as a young father was
to instill balance, instill love, a sense of community, and so
in so doing with you, I thinkthat you learn by literally
trial and error the second timearound.
Obviously, I was married then toRoshanda and I actually saw
(12:03):
parenting from a very differentlevel.
In the totality of what it wasand looking back on it, each
journey was unique, one wouldlike to say, the journey.
The confines of marriage shouldhave been better or primal.
I look at each one of themreflective of the time, the
person and as I matured, Iengage my parental skills, my
(12:27):
parental environment just thebest that I could okay, so how
would you say it's different?
Speaker 1 (12:33):
has been different raising the three of us?
So myself, daisha and dory,three very different
personalities, but we're allstill very similar.
How, how is it raising threegirls?
Speaker 2 (12:43):
well, um with.
It's no secret that I've alwayswanted a son, I mean, and not,
we know not because daughters,daughters, daughters are amazing
, but sons actually, yeah, it isguys my dad was really
disappointed.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
He had three girls as a sports, as a sports guy.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
You know you just have these images dressing him
like you.
But a lot of it is centeredaround a sports guy, you're a
sports guy the shade I don'tunderstand a sport I played
volleyball, played, playedvolleyball football.
I ran track every sport pingpong, basketball.
Do not sleep on who I used tobe.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Anyway, I don't want to pull out my resume I'm just
so confused, I just like anyway,stay focused I'm very, really
at a loss for words and so I'msorry, sports guy, go ahead no,
just go ahead.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
I'm sorry, just you want somebody to be your mirror
image, right, and once you getpast that ego-driven sort of
mindset, I recognize that withyou you saw the grind right.
You saw me and was with meduring, when there was nothing,
when we we were in school, whenwe came back, when we were in
(14:00):
the apartment, when we werebuilding, when you saw a study
mapping out you at the house,when, lou Omar, wayne Barkley,
we were talking about our dreams.
The really crazy part was youwere always around.
So when I see how articulateyou are, when I see a business
savvy, when I see how articulateyou are, when I see a business
savvy, when I see how you workin business you had been exposed
(14:22):
to this at a very young level.
You were always around my peerswho were literally their
trajectory was going in the up,it was going up, and so you,
vicariously, were always aroundprogressive individuals and so I
think that impacted on you.
You saw us when we were livingsmall, so you had a very
(14:44):
different reality around whattomorrow looks like.
You saw it when there wasnothing.
Daisha and Dory came when therewas a little more and they had
a very different experience andit kind of created very
different realities, right, andI think each reality has a
different response.
It requires a different levelof parenting.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
So what would you, I guess, give me a little more on
different level of parenting.
So obviously we talked about mebeing 18, then Dasha and Dory,
when you were married with DawnRow and stuff.
What does that mean?
A different level of parenting?
Speaker 2 (15:19):
So when I was a young , I had a lot to prove and I
think you're stricter.
The first one.
You want to do everything right, you want to make sure that
this and I, literally.
I remember the first time Iwanted to be a track athlete.
It was a funny story.
We were in new york and I wasjust like everybody in your
family ran.
You gotta get on the field andyou've got to run.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
Very traumatic experience.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
You were running around the field and of course
you were slow and I was likethat should surprise no one
right?
I just honestly, I wasn't slowand I remember you stopping in
the middle of the field andsaying I don't want to run, this
is not what I want to do, Ihate it.
I do want to do.
I hate it and and I remember meprojecting on you and we put a.
(16:01):
I put a lot of pressure on you.
In retrospect I was like youhave to.
It was always you have to bethe best.
You cannot walk into.
Because that's where I was inmy head at the time as a father,
saying you got a chip on yourshoulder.
You're the child of teenageparents you don't have the
(16:21):
luxury of, and I think that mayhave been unfair pressure.
I disagree In retrospect.
I think it's easy to parentfrom the rearview mirror, but I
think I put a lot of pressure onyou and I was really strict,
and strict in the traditionalsense of the word strict.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
I agree, but I also disagree because if we look back
at the time, I hated it, rightlike when you looked at the
boundaries and the level ofstrictness that it was, but
those boundaries and rules andall of that saved me from a lot
right, yeah and in terms ofschool sports, even though I
wasn't fast, I played otherthings.
I was always busy.
(17:02):
First of all, I can pull up myresume too.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Okay, I played sports you know, I was I go, I go to
basketball.
Say shit, you're on the benchagain.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
I was never on the bench.
I was always starting five fromthe time I started playing.
You're going to bedisrespectful, it's all right I
get it, I got pitches.
I'm always starting five inbasketball.
I don't know why you do that,but anyway, from that to you
know boundaries around,friendships around, you know
boyfriends, like those types ofthings.
Yes, you are very strict withme, but it also in rear view if
(17:35):
I look at who those people werethat I wanted to date at the
time, or if it looks at thefreedom that some of my friends
had that I didn't have at thetime.
And you look back on.
At the time I was upset and Ididn't understand it, but as an
adult, looking back, it saved me, I think, from a lot of things
that I wasn't privy to at thetime that I'm grateful for now.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
That's good to hear, I think, as a parent, one of the
things that you do as a parentsometimes you beat up on
yourself and you ask yourselfdid I get it right?
What would I have donedifferently?
And you can go down the rabbithole in your mind wondering did
I make good decisions?
And so it's comforting to hearwhat you said, but here's what I
take comfort in every night.
(18:15):
I did the best with the toolsthat were given me.
I made sure that every singleday I was better as a parent.
I surrounded myself with reallygood role models, and I tried
my best to instill into mydaughters the values of which
was instilled in me and thethings that I did not like about
how I was raised.
I tried to change that Right.
(18:43):
One of my things as a parent is,I think, first of all, as a
father, you must be a reflectionof love.
Your children have to see God'slove in you.
They have to see forgiveness inyou, right.
They have to see what lovefeels like and looks like.
The other thing that I'm reallybig on is advocacy.
Your children need to know that, whatever they do, they have
you as a support, they have youas the person that they know
they can count on.
The other thing that I wanted tomake sure that I let you guys
(19:07):
feel is you can do anything,that there was nothing that you
put your heart.
If you put your heart to it,you can achieve.
And so when I see you guys, inyour respective areas, blossom,
I feel a sense of humility thatis attached to pride, the pride
in the sense that you say theseyoung ladies are living the
(19:31):
fruit of their work, the living,the, the, the vision of their
grandparents.
I see you, I see nana russell,I see ab nana, I see nana canes
and I see women who are strong.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
You came from a strong no, I, I get that and I
appreciate it, and I and I wantto go to a word that you used
previously, which was wasadvocacy right, and what I do in
my day-to-day life aroundadvocacy is because of how you
advocated for us right, what youdid with us, if it was school,
(20:09):
if it was sports, you always hadour back.
You know what I mean.
You always were.
As long as we were in the right, we were disrespectful, we were
talking too much.
You know, I was always told Italked too much in school and I
was distracted in that way.
But if we were in the right, wewere disrespectful, we were
talking too much.
You know, I was always told Italked too much, um, in school
and I was distracted in that way.
But if we were in the right andsomeone was doing us wrong, you
always advocated for us.
And that level of advocacyallows me to do what I do today
(20:30):
in my job, because we it was, itwas a proper representation in
my life, every single day, atevery level, and it it's
something that I'm soappreciative of, because I then
know how to not just advocate inmy respective space in terms of
work, but I know how toadvocate for my sisters.
I know how to advocate for those, my friends.
(20:50):
I know how to do all of thosethings because I learned that
from you and those wereinvaluable lessons that we that
were taught to me, and also fromjust seeing you do it as well.
Like I've tell people all thetime I've been in a public
speaking PR class all my lifebecause of who my father is.
So I mean, I wanted to comeback to that and one say thank
you, like everyone who's in mylife, in terms of the women that
(21:11):
you mentioned as well all veryimportant, but that portion of
how you raised us and what youinstilled in us, I think, is
something that we can neverrepay you back for, because I
know that because of you, Well,thank you.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
We, as I was saying earlier before, I kind of got
choked up.
You guys have had strong womenand the legacy of the women that
you represent, so I was giventhis crazy task.
As a father, how do I nurture,how do I give life to a seed
that actually was germinatedyears ago by true appreciation
(21:47):
for that they will come torespect and honor later.
And you have to be so convictedthat it's the right thing for
the time.
And there are times when, as aparent, we loved each other.
(22:10):
We did not like each other, andthat every parent who has a
teenage boy or girl knows thepoint.
When you look across at yourchild and say I don't like you
right now.
And it's heavy because we don'thave those conversations.
And so parents are in cornersfeeling like they are failures,
(22:31):
they don't get it right becausewe have this iconic view of what
parenting is, and the realityis there is very little people
in this world who got it right.
We are all trying our best withthe tools that we've been given
.
We have to free people up tosay I was not a perfect parent.
I made mistakes, I've learned,and mothers and fathers out
(22:55):
there trying to live thisperfect life.
Where there is no perfection.
It's individuals that say Ihave to be better for my child
and the skills that you do nothave.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
You find those skills so that you can be a more
effective parent.
Yeah, so, when we talk aboutthere not being a blueprint for
it and doing what works best foryou, like, obviously your mommy
co-parented with me my entirelife, right, and you spoke about
earlier doing what works foryou, you Like, obviously you and
mommy co-parented with me myentire life, right, and you
spoke about earlier doing whatworks for you and your family.
And one of the things that Isay to people all the time is my
, my parents are amazing friends, and you also spoke about, you
(23:30):
know, things being difficultsometimes.
So how would you say you andmommy came to the I guess, not
necessarily conclusion, but moreso the agreement that you guys
would be such great co-parents.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
I think it's a very emotional story of which I would
not get into just because itwill take me to an emotional
place, and I'm not just preparedto go to you and your mother
and I obviously were nottogether, but she and I had a
personal conversation about whatwe wanted for you and we made a
decision when you were not, um,when you were 13, to have my
(24:06):
house be the primary house foryou, and so you came to live at
my house.
Now, just the context of whatthat means is most people
understand it to have a blendedfamily.
You spend a weekend with yourmom or dad and the week, and so
we went through that.
We went through that for 13years and I remember just
getting to the point where Iwanted you to wake up with your
(24:28):
sisters every day.
I wanted you to have thisamazing experience and I shared
that with your mother and she,in tears, basically said I want
that for my daughter too.
And literally you came to myhouse and it's the one of the
best singular decisions of mylife and people will come to my
(24:50):
house, and this is when westayed on Happy Valley.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Good old days.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
We would stay at Happy Valley and they walk into
the house and see Roshanda atthe table and your mother at the
table doing homework and it wasuncomfortable for everybody.
I remember my every man waslike, oh, this is big love, the
Utah show.
And everybody came in.
(25:16):
But what we recognize it was nolonger about us yeah as adults,
and I think one of the biggestgifts that I've had is roshanda
and chevelle being mature womenwho were able to say their
number one priority is ourdaughters and they never put you
guys above excuse me themselvesabove you, and it made us
(25:41):
operate differently.
Yeah, so my, your sisters callab.
There is no distinctions.
We've never used the word halfsisters.
We don't use that in our house.
There's no phraseology thatallows for that, because we are
one yeah and our unit is ourunit.
We make no apologies for it.
And I'm saying a part of usgetting to the and guess what?
(26:03):
It doesn't happen overnight.
It happens when you mature, andmaturing takes some time.
It takes retro introspection,excuse me.
It takes counseling.
Sometimes it takes you to getto the point where you say it's
no longer about me, my hurt, myego is secondary to my child's
(26:25):
development.
We got to that point Now.
Remember I said you were 13.
So it means it doesn't happenovernight.
And we got to that point.
And guess what?
That's when I start to see thebeauty of what a family could be
.
That's when I realize whatunconditional love truly feels
like.
And it's literally when we tellour story, we tell it from that
(26:49):
perspective of.
You can be a blended family,you can be a family that is not
traditional and still be happy,still be, have the ability to
enjoy life pure at the levelthat you choose.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
No, I mean and mommy spoke about it on her episode a
while ago making that sacrifice.
You know, when you talk to herabout wanting me to live with
you full time, and it wasdifficult, right, it was
difficult for her.
I also didn't understand it atthe time until I didn't fully
appreciate that sacrifice frommy mom, until I was well into
(27:24):
being an adult.
But it is something that and Ithanked her for it at that time
because you and I have therelationship that we have.
Daisha Dory and I have therelationship that we have
because of that sacrifice and Ihate that I'm about to cry.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
I will just take over and just say one of the things
that I appreciate as well as ourvillage.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Your family have always been kind and respectful.
Your dad I mean her father,excuse me Wallace Robinson, ab
Nana, nana Russell They'vealways treated me with respect.
My family has always treatedyour mother with respect.
They never got into our issues.
They never allowed any of theinner workings of relationships
(28:12):
to impact on how they treated us.
And I think the maturity in ourspace, the love that was in our
space, it actually created theappropriate building blocks.
Right, because it's not easy.
And I say to people that ifyou're thinking it was a bed of
roses and we just woke up oneday and we got there it's
actually dishonest.
(28:32):
It's dishonest to the work.
It's dishonest to the nightswhere we were saying why are we
doing this?
But we got to a point where webelieved and knew within our
hearts that we made rightdecisions as a collaborative
unit.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
Yeah, absolutely I am .
I'm like I said, I'm veryappreciative of that time and it
was very pivotal andsignificant in my life and you
don't understand it when you'reyounger, but when you look back
you're very grateful for it.
I remember a time when myuniversity boyfriend came to
Bermuda and I don't know if youremember this, but he came and I
was at the house and I wasmaking dinner and my mom pulled
(29:07):
up into the driveway and he raninside and he was like your mom
is outside.
And I was like, yeah, I knowRight, he was like your dad and
mom was still here.
And I was like, yeah, I knowRight, he was like your dad and
stepmom was still here.
And I was like I know she'scoming for dinner with all of us
.
And he literally said he was soshocked at the time and that
was the first time in my life Irealized that our situation
(29:28):
wasn't normal and in terms ofhow his family was blended, but
in a very different way.
And that was the first time inmy life.
I was like, wow, my mom comingover for dinner with my dad, my
stepmom, my sisters and myboyfriend at the time is not
something that people who haveblended families are very used
to and that was the first time Ihad a full appreciation of it
because it was so normal.
(29:49):
Daisha and Dory run up to my momand it's Aunt Chevelle, you
know what I mean.
It's Nana Russell, you know,it's Aunt Leisha, to your point
around.
There is no difference, andvice versa.
When it comes to anything else,you know Aunt Roshanda's family
have always been very welcomingto me.
So I don't know, I don't know,it just is something that not
weighs on me, but it's somethingthat I think about all the time
(30:11):
and I'm very grateful for andit also.
But it puts me into a spacesometimes where I don't
understand how other people canbe that way, but it a space
sometimes where I don'tunderstand how other people
can't be that way, but it uhit's a journey.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Yeah, it's a journey, and also different people
evolve.
There are certain baselinethings that we had, that
actually we had commonalities infaith.
We had commonalities in sort ofwhat we wanted for the future.
So it's a lot easier whencertain things are in place as a
natural rule right so, um, itwas a blessing.
As I said, roshanda is anamazing mother.
(30:43):
She's an amazing wife and Ithink that some of the things
that she has actually made sureshe incorporated into her
parenting style, because certainwomen wouldn't put up with that
or even go through, and viceversa.
So, as I said, it's been ablessing to be a part of our
unit.
I'm honored by it.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
I'm blessed by it every day yeah, absolutely, and
obviously it'd be remiss of menot to say anything about aunt
roshanda.
Roshanda has never, evertreated me anything other than
her daughter.
You know right, I've never inmy life felt, you know people
say step-parent and step-childor anything like that I've never
felt that way and um you, um,you know, even though you come
(31:20):
into things like this and youhave those feelings, amashana
has always been amazing and Itell people all the time my
step-mom is a saint and, uh, I'mvery grateful for her always
welcoming me that way, and itdefinitely is something that I'm
very, very appreciative of.
So when you talk, so I guess,how is it now?
Parenting adult daughters?
Speaker 2 (31:41):
It's weird You're never prepared for when you
can't just say be quiet, andthey be quiet.
You never know it's.
Parenting doesn't stop andthere's a transition to
parenting where you're adultchildren and you become more
(32:03):
friends.
There's clearly a boundary ofwhich you want to keep as sacred
as a parent and adult child.
But for me, it's watching youguys grow and develop.
It's watching you make lifechoices and here's the thing
Some of those life choices Idon't agree with and here's what
you and your sisters remind meof and it's really difficult to
(32:25):
hear but, I, need to hear it.
It's no longer my job to haveany say in how you live your
life, and, as a father that I'mwith, I have very strong
opinions about most things I'maware and when you see your
daughters making decisions thatsometimes you don't agree with
as adults, your natural instinctwhen you were the parent that I
(32:47):
was is to try to correct coursecorrect.
And one of the most interestingthings I remember talking to
Disha she came back home andobviously she moved into the
apartment and we were going tothe teeth and pains and I wanted
to still be the daddy, thatkind of and she was like very
(33:08):
emotional.
I don't need that daddy anymore.
I've had him.
I want the encouraging dad whosimply is there, nurturing and
supporting, and it is a shiftwhen you are sort of the alpha
dad in terms of the protector,the always around.
Do you need anything?
Or let me give you my adviceand your advice.
(33:29):
You know I've got to learn nowand I'm still learning that your
advice sometimes isoverpowering that they don't
want your advice.
They're not telling yousomething because they want you
to fix it.
They're telling you becausethey just want you to listen,
and so that's been the biggestchange for me is watching my
adult daughters make decisionsand having absolutely no control
(33:54):
over the decision or theprocess and having to trust
their judgment, having to watchthem make mistakes and having
the heart to allow it to happenand just be there to support
yeah, like we're a littledifficult for you though it
still is yeah, I just wanted tobring us back down to reality.
(34:16):
It never is easy when you'vetaken a path and the only thing
you want, as a parent, is foryour child not to make mistakes,
particularly if you made thosemistakes.
Yeah, absolutely, and sostepping back sometimes is hard
because life is a field.
(34:36):
As a parent, you're theguardrails.
Yeah, and you all would likeyou know when you had the um
hospital beds and they put therails up, it stops you from
falling off.
There comes a point where thoserails come down but as a parent
you want to put them back upand you recognize you cannot
carpet the world.
You cannot make life smooth andeasy.
I want to fix everything andsometimes you cannot fix
(35:00):
everything.
You have to allow your adultchildren to make mistakes and to
grow and to enjoy the benefitsof their hard work, but also to
suffer the consequences of theirdecisions yeah, absolutely, and
I think our relationship hasmorphed as well.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
I know Dasha and Dory call me the daddy whisperer
because you know, if anything isever not good, bad ugly or
whatever, we can always kind ofcome to you and have those
conversations after, and I thinkwith you and I especially one,
we work really well togetherwhen we're planning things and
doing things like that, but thenalso when it comes to having
(35:35):
difficult conversations.
I think and correct me if I'mwrong but I think we've gotten
to a point as well where we bothlisten to each other when it
comes to those things and kindof take into consideration those
viewpoints I think what you aremore aware of than most is on
my triggers.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
Oh and so when you see me going to a certain place,
you don't go there yeah andvice versa, and I think we have
been in each other's space forso long.
We know when we're going to aplace that we need to pull back
from.
Your sisters are still learningthat space, and that's because
time and maturity right, andalso we spend a lot of time
(36:11):
together over the years, and Ithink, spending time as we have
over the years, what it's doneis given us the roadmap for how
we want to be treated, and Ithink one of the gifts that we
were able to instill in you andyour sisters is the ability to
communicate how you feel, and soone of the things that was big
(36:33):
for me is for my daughters to beable to speak, and so we've
come from a very auditoryculture the Bermudian side, the
Caribbean, the Jamaican sidewhere everything is about oral
communication.
That's how we share ourtraditions, that's how we
communicate and we love hard,but it's very, very strong in
terms of how we communicate.
I like the fact that you guyshave your voice and you are
(36:58):
strong enough to articulate whatthat means for you, and I see
it as a gift.
I look at you, daisha and Dory,and I see myself in all of you.
I see you, your entrepreneurial, your drive.
I see that in me.
I see how you would have gottento where you are, because that
is a part of me.
I look at Daisha and I see hercompassion as a nurse.
(37:21):
I see myself in that, and thenI see Dory as a history teacher,
her love for history, culture,and I see myself in that, and
every time I see you guys, I seea piece of myself in you and
the only thing I get is filledwith pride, because I know that
(37:41):
it's a unique experience that Itreasure watching my daughters
mature into a place wherethey're comfortable being
themselves, perfect, but theyare comfortable with their
choices, their circle of friends.
And if they are not comfortable, they know how to build the
(38:06):
communities and also thecapacity that gives them the
strength to know that they'renot alone.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
Yeah, no, absolutely.
It's weird having thisconversation because I agree
with you right, there's no,there's no coming back and forth
when in this conversation, likeI would with the traditional
guests, because you're 100correct, I mean 10 years ago I
wouldn't have been appreciativeof that, or even 15 years ago,
but it is the truth.
You know, I think all of uslike myself, daisha Dory, we, we
(38:35):
definitely are like you a lot,and there's other things that
not as much, but I think all ofthose things are 100% true and I
think we all appreciate it too.
You said around being strictand disciplined, which is true,
but, like I said before, I amgrateful for it, genuinely
grateful.
There were a lot of things thatsome of my friends or people
(38:57):
that I was in school with at thetime went through that because
of that, I didn't.
You know what I mean.
And also, having a dad in yourlife who people are not fearful
of but respect, um it, it savesyou from so much I find that men
respect malehood, and so whenthey see someone in a young
(39:25):
lady's life, they think twiceagreed and I think that a part
of being a father is being apriest.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
A priest is not a pastor, but it's someone who
shows their children that thereis someone out there that's
greater than themselves.
Right, it's a level of humilitythat you introduce your child
to the father.
It's a spirit-led household,and I hope that you guys can
look and say this is not aboutreligion, it's about
(39:56):
relationship, and that'ssomething that I wanted to
expose you to and to represent.
The other thing was a protector.
I wanted to always protect mydaughters, and protecting is
showing you care, as well asalways making sure that there is
a hedge around you, that I willalways make sure you would
(40:16):
always be protected and provide,and the provision is love, the
first provision.
The next provision is support.
The next provision is nurturing.
How do I nurture your dreams?
Well, I know that she, like, westarted violin lessons right
and we got you in violins and,um, you couldn't play a lick
right why do you keep doing this, you?
(40:38):
had a lot of you kissed a lot offrogs this year.
Oh, we put her into, it wasballet, it was tat.
I mean you, you kissed a lot offrogs.
But my point is, I'll go, I'llgo.
Yeah, this is just so I playedno, no, no, no, no, no we're
going to do this right now Iplayed violin mississippi hot
dog I'm like the only reason whyI stopped playing violin was
(40:59):
because I broke my thumb okay,so we're gonna, we're gonna tell
that story my thumb, butI played piano oh, wow, for two.
Okay, I'm not gonna do that toyou because, no, no, no, we're
not gonna do is make it seemlike there's a lot that didn't
stick.
There's a lot that didn't stick, but what I will say is that
fair.
You know, we had you in a lotof stuff, but but what we
(41:21):
recognized was there were thingsthat stuck like basketball
taekwondo.
No, no, you did, I did taekwondo, I would literally I was a
student leader during school,like I did, was very good at
speech and debate like, don't dome, like I didn't do anything,
all jokes aside.
So there was a method to ourmadness, and so one of the
things was we took faith veryseriously.
(41:43):
Yes, education was significantAbsolutely.
My mom's a teacher.
The next thing was giving back,understanding the value of your
community.
Culture was very important.
Yeah, understanding who you are,the people that made it
important for you to be here onyour both sides of family.
That's for everyone.
And then the other thing that Ithink we wanted you guys to do
is not be scared to fail.
(42:05):
So part of that was exposingyou to all the things that we
expose you to swimming overwhite silence, sailing over
white silence, taekwondo, andwhat I like about what we did
was you guys were involved in somany things and, as I'm being
silly, everything is notsupposed to stick.
Sometimes it's just literallyabout exposure, and we wanted to
(42:25):
expose you to the most that wecould and Bermuda is such a cool
place because at every cornerthere's something new and unique
to expose young people to andwe did it all there was never a
summer, there was neverchristmas that you guys were not
involved in something thatexpanded your horizons no, I
mean there were, there were afew rules.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
There was definitely you got to do well in school,
but then there was just not alot of time for idle time, no,
and that was.
Speaker 2 (42:51):
That's something that was passed on to me, right,
yeah, and so a part of it is thecharnet king, and the other
thing was the other thing waswork ethic yeah, I mean we all
had jobs you, we, but all hadconsistent job you worked from.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
You were 13 for snowys I don't think you're
supposed to say 13 well, no, anddaishin dori pack groceries
right and they double it down.
Speaker 2 (43:11):
No, no, they practice started at 10 and my point is
yeah, 10.
You gotta eat.
Somebody's gotta work if yougotta eat.
Listen, that macaroni don't payfor itself, that Cory goat
don't pay for itself.
Speaker 1 (43:28):
You can't say things like that in 2024.
No what.
Speaker 2 (43:30):
I'm saying is, let me put some character on it.
So they pack groceries atModern Mart, and they pack
groceries only on Sundays, fromfrom one to five.
But here's what was amazing oneto five and what we used to do
is we used to take their moneyfrom them and save it, and so,
like at six months dory used tospend it dory would go into the
(43:51):
store and make 20 dollars, make50 dollars, spend 20 on snacks.
But every sunday these guyswould come home and in six
months save up three thousanddollars yeah and they were able
to do so much for themselves atyoung age and we, we didn't
spend the money.
We started savings accounts andso, but I see what I, what I
(44:12):
think you guys got from that.
Not knowing it's time on task.
Most you guys are not scared ofhard work, but it started with
the little things.
The other things, likepathfinders, are the choirs.
Um, it was service-basedorganization and so the gift was
just putting you in things thatmade you well rounded and have
a respect for Bermuda yeah,absolutely, and I think again, I
(44:35):
100% agree with you.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
Those are all things that we all did.
You know working at Snowy'sback in the day, you know I
remember a lot of firstshappened around those places, so
definitely the work ethic wassomething that was always
instilled in us.
And then you know giving backto the community as well, like
Nana's been giving back to thecommunity since before I was
born, before you were born.
You know what I mean.
So those are all service basedthings that we know and we love
and we all still do so much.
(44:57):
So, no, we're totally gratefulfor all of those things.
But I mean, it's crazy, we'recoming up on time and, uh, I
wanted to kind of just go back alittle bit around.
I guess your reflections as adad and like I guess, what
you're most proud of with us, um, around that I know you said a
few different things, but know,in our career choices, whatever
that looks like, like reflectingwise, like what would you, what
(45:21):
would you look back on andreflectively and say about us?
Speaker 2 (45:25):
I have said it and I'll say it again what I reflect
upon is who you all have becomeand your journeys, the one of
the gifts that I've learned justfrom being around a very
supportive village, and I wantto take the the time to
acknowledge my village, mymother, my father, who are
amazing role models, um, and thepeople in my community I don't
(45:46):
want to start calling names, butI have an amazing circle of
friends.
I have amazing men in my lifethat I have had the honor and
privilege to watch, and I'vegrown and I've matured as a
father by being surrounded bymen who take fathering and
fatherhood very seriously.
Being a male is a matter ofbirth.
(46:08):
Being a man and a father is achoice, and I chose to be a good
father.
And so, just coming down to theend of your show, the learning
points for me is, as a father,you cannot let anyone dictate
the terms of your fatherhood,and there are men right now that
, based on court appointedsituations or relationships with
(46:29):
mothers, they feel like they'relimited to how you can be a
father, and what I say to manyis, if you have been given an
hour to see your child, makethat the most important hour of
that child's life.
Remember you've got to turnmoments into memories and until
such time as you create theoptimum environment for your
(46:50):
child, you have to make yourchild in the time that you see
them be most important.
The other valuable value that Ihave to transmit in this space
is you cannot love your childthe way it needs to be loved
when you've got anger and hatefor their mother.
In order for you to be freed tolove your child the way they
(47:15):
need to be loved, you have tocome to grips with the anger,
the frustration and the emotionsaround what happened in the
relationship, because the childcan sense it and a child cannot
ultimately give you 100%.
If they know you hate a half ofwho they are, so a part of it
(47:35):
is.
Coming to grips with the factthat your love for your child
should supersede your hate,disdain or dislike for that
mother.
It also does not let men whoare married off the hook.
A lot of men are married butthey are not active agents in
their children's life and theybelieve my sum total is to bring
(47:57):
money in the home or just to beat the steering wheel I mean
the passenger side and grab ontothe steering wheel when it's.
It's proverbially, of course,when it becomes you almost.
In order for you to get therespect that you deserve is to
be active in the household.
Now here's the other piece womenhave to allow men to be fathers
(48:18):
absolutely you have to allowmen to be active in their
child's life and do not holdthem hostage to relationships
that did not work, or holdfathers to contemptuous
situations based on a youngerversion of themselves.
Men, we mature, sometimes later.
One of my funny stories aboutthat is when I used to come home
(48:39):
, as you remember, I wouldalways need 30 minutes to come
down and I would always comehome and like lie off and relax
and I was just like listen, I'mjust unwind and I've got a plug,
and roshanda would say whydon't I get a chance to unplug?
I have, and I just said it wasjust different for me.
I knew if I did not have amoment to change gears to come
(49:06):
down, the energy that I broughtinto the house would be the same
as the energy that I have todeal with the real world.
There is a different realitythat men face, and this is not
making light of women's plight,but in this forum I have to be
true to men who are fathers andsay sometimes we don't want you
(49:27):
to be in our shoes, we want tojust give value to one of the
things that we're saying.
Sometimes men's voices are notrespected particularly,
particularly when it comes toparenting, and until we elevate
our voices or put down our feet,that is when people start to
listen.
Men have to be able to speakwithout it being confrontational
(49:47):
or it being ultimatumsituations.
We have values, we have voicesIn terms of fathers.
We just have to be consistentwith that regard.
We cannot choose the times thatwe want to be active.
Being a parent is a 24-hour job.
It's 365 days.
It's about committing to be thebest that you can be, and best
(50:11):
is an action.
It means every single day Irise up to be better than the
day before.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
Absolutely no.
And to your point about takingthat time, like you laughed
because we always used to saywhy do you need 30 minutes?
Speaker 2 (50:24):
to kind of calm down, I still take it.
Speaker 1 (50:25):
I know and you're all you're like for summertime.
You're like I need the AC on.
I want to come home to a coolhouse.
Speaker 2 (50:30):
It was nothing worse than coming into a hot house.
Speaker 1 (50:38):
Daddy, let me tell you something.
I have never in my lifeunderstood something so clearly.
About three years ago I walkedinto my house and it was hot and
I said, lord, I work too hardfor this.
And I understood it like and Ithink people's, what you do
after work and what you need todo to calm down is different for
everybody.
But everyone should do it.
Moms to everyone should do itlike for me.
I just need a few minutes playan idle game on my phone just to
come off of what you do everysingle day.
But I never understood thatuntil about three or four years
(50:59):
ago.
Speaker 2 (51:00):
Che the last thing I would like to say about
fathering is learn your child.
A part of the gift of parentingis treating your child unique.
One size does not fit all.
I have three daughters, allunique.
All of them respond to medifferently.
They have different stimulation.
So part of being a father isstudying your child, also
(51:23):
understanding what they want tobe and putting things within
their path that waters theirdreams.
Child is interested insomething.
Make sure you give themeverything in their path that
they know they can accomplish,and the other thing is just love
on them.
Love, love, love.
(51:44):
And here's the other thingDiscipline is love.
Discipline shows that I careenough about you to put a
boundary and a consequence.
Clearly there are specificrubrics around how you
discipline the time youdiscipline the energy around
disciplining.
But disciplining is a form oflove.
It should be executed verywisely, not when you're angry,
(52:06):
not when you're frustrated, andbut it's still a form of love.
But love your child.
Make sure they know there isnothing they can do, that they
will fall out of your love.
Speaker 1 (52:18):
So I usually ask all of my guests before they leave
you know, what do you want to beremembered for?
Right, but in this context offather's day and girl dad, what
is something that you want us,as your daughters, to remember
about you?
And obviously a long, long timefrom now, when someone says to
us you know your dad or anythingabout your dad, what is
something you want us to knowand always remember about you?
(52:41):
You?
Speaker 2 (52:41):
are fearfully and wonderfully made.
You walk on the foundation ofstrong men and women.
Everything that you did wasordained for your greatness.
Every day, every decision thatI made in my life is A to make
you proud.
To make you proud and to letyou know that there is nothing
(53:09):
in this world you cannotaccomplish if you do not.
There's nothing in this worldyou cannot accomplish if you put
your heart, your soul, in it.
Treat people right, berespectful of others, give back
to those who have less than you,be true and honorable to God,
be faithful to your friends andfamily, and everything that you
(53:31):
want will be added onto you.
Speaker 1 (53:34):
Thank you, Daddy.
Happy Father's Day.
Speaker 2 (53:36):
Thank you so much and thank you for being an amazing
daughter.
I appreciate so much and thankyou for being an amazing
daughter I appreciate that andthank you for being an amazing
dad.
Speaker 1 (53:42):
Honestly, I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
Love you all, right, guys?
Happy father's day to all thefathers out there.
I hope you enjoyed this episodewith me and my dad and you got
to see a little peek inside ofour relationship and the things
that he's instilled in myselfand my sisters all of our lives,
as always, thank you, thank youso much for spending some time
with me today.
Make sure you like andsubscribe this episode.
(54:04):
Make sure you head over to theto the website
hustleheartpodcastcom to sign upto be a VIP listener.
We also have some amazing newmerch that's come out for the
summer some new hats, some newcolors.
We would love for you guys toget some of those as soon as you
can.
As always, as always, thank you, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you for spending sometime with me today on Hustle
Heart Podcast.
I'm a hustler baby.
It's time for Hustle Herpodcast.
I'm your host, deshae Caines.
Hustle Her is all aboutinspiring women through real
life experiences that havehelped to mold and develop not
only me, of motivation, a bit oftough love and some actionable
(00:26):
takeaways to be the best.
You, girl, you are in the rightplace.
Hey guys, and welcome back toHustle Heart Podcast.
As always, thank you forspending some time with me today
.
I really appreciate it.
Big shout out to the Women'sResource Center for partnering
with us for these next fewepisodes.
Make sure you guys head over totheir website so you can learn
(00:47):
more about all the amazingservices that they provide.
Also, welcome back to ourpartners, brown Company as well
as 59 Front.
Make sure you follow us onInstagram to see the amazing
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Guys, if you're watching this onYouTube, make sure you like and
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Make sure you head over to thewebsite hustleherpodcastcom to
(01:09):
be able to sign up to be a VIPlistener so you can get all of
our episodes ahead of time, aswell as some amazing giveaways
we have from some of oursponsors.
So today means a lot more to methan most episodes.
I always get asked all the timewhen are you going to have a
man on the podcast?
When is there going to be a man?
We need some male perspectiveson the podcast and I always told
(01:31):
people that the first guestwould always be my dad.
So in honor of Father's Day,coming up on June 15th, this
year, I have my amazing father,dwayne Keynes, the CEO of the
city of Hamilton, here inBermuda, as my first guest.
Hi, jody.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Hey Shayski, how are you doing?
Speaker 1 (01:48):
I'm good, how are you ?
Speaker 2 (01:49):
I'm good, you know, a little nervous.
I don't know why, but I'm happyto be here, nervous, nervous.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
It just makes me nervous to hear you say that.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
I mean, you've been on TV all the time for a really
long time remember it's avulnerability of it all, but I'm
actually looking forward to itand I'm just so proud of you,
seeing you in your element.
It's actually really, reallyspecial to be on this side
watching you in your essence,doing your thing really so I
have a ground rule.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Are you ready?
This is my show, my podcast jay, this is my show.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
I am the boss of you, so do not tell me whose show it
is.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
When I just have to remind you when I'm here, you're
secondary no, this is mypodcast.
I just need to set the groundrules here that you can't take
over in this environment, okayyou'll see okay, so you watch my
podcast so you know we startoff with some amazing rapid fire
questions.
Obviously, this is focusedaround Father's Day and families
(02:47):
and you being a girl dad, sowe'll jump right in.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Ready.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
All right, tell me your favorite family tradition.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
I have a new one that we just started.
It's Cup Match in Somerset.
I love getting the camp ready,getting everybody up to the
field enjoying the day, but Ialso like Christmas.
Christmas is also reallyspecial absolutely so.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
What about your most memorable family vacation with
us?
Speaker 2 (03:10):
my most memorable family vacation ironic is
recently I took the girls, mydaughters, my wife.
We went away to columbia thefirst time I engaged with you
all as adults and we had thegood, the bad and the ugly, but
certainly you'll be a memorabletrip yeah, we learned a lot.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
No, it was a lot of fun.
Colombia was a lot of fun and Ithink when we went to a few
different places in colombia aswell, we got to see different
parts of colombia and that wasreally cool to witness together
as a family?
Are you a morning person ornight owl?
Night owl 100 totally agree,coffee or tea um coffee okay,
and what's one word you woulddescribe each of your daughters?
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Oh, very good, Dishay Tenacious.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Dacia Compassionate.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
Adoree Passionate.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Okay, go-to comfort food.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Actually Jamaican food.
I I knew you're gonna say thatfor me it's actually cory goat
rice, anything in that family umcory goat and rice, rice and
peas.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
That that's my space okay, your most inspirational
historic figure that's a verygood one um why do you sound
surprised?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
my most inspirational historical figure.
It sounds corny, but um, it'stwo.
It's two people that come tomind historical.
The phrase kind of scares me,but my mother is the most
significant person in my life interms of inspiration and as a
young man I was fascinated bythree individuals I know, you
said one was marcus garvey,malcolm max and mon luther king
(04:44):
okay, I'm not surprised by anyof those.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Okay, and what's your favorite hobby?
Past, because I know you'regetting a little old.
So I mean currently and past.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Well, my favorite hobby before injury set in was a
volleyball.
Everybody knows I've playedvolleyball for 35 years.
I think one of my favoritemoments is when you started to
play volleyball, even though youwere not a very good volleyball
player.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
You couldn't help yourself.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
And we were on the same team and I was really
bothered by your skill level andhaving to motivate you and
actually deal with you on avolleyball court.
One of my most favoritememories is actually getting to
the point where you and I playedon the same team and now it's
actually boating.
That's actually given me asignificant sense of peace.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
And then finally, finally, what's your favorite
thing about being a dad?
Um, that's a.
That's an interesting one.
My favorite thing about being adad is watching my daughters
come into their own, bepassionate, be strong and be,
and they their compassion thatthey have towards their fellow
men and women okay, so obviouslythis is going to release on
well, a little bit beforeFather's Day, and obviously we
want to talk about your journeybecoming a father.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
So I was brought into this world when you were 18.
Walk me through what that waslike for you as an 18 year old
father.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
It was nerve wracking , as you can imagine.
I went off to university andwhen I went to university you go
off with the hopes and theambitions of actually coming
back to Bermuda and making adifference.
My mom and dad were very clear.
My girlfriend at the time wasChevelle Burch, your mom and
they were like listen, don't goto the same school.
They believed that was best,that we had different
(06:21):
experiences and kind of comeback in Bermuda.
They thought we were a bit tooclose.
You know locally when we werein Bermuda.
Of course, at that age you knoweverything and so, history
being what it was, I remembercoming back 11 months later with
Chevelle pregnant, and also youwere born in July.
So it was a whirlwindexperience.
(06:42):
We went from youth to adulthoodin a magical second and life
changed.
Life changed.
It was a different experience,it was a different journey from
July 18th 1989.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
The day your life became amazing.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Absolutely there you go?
Speaker 1 (06:58):
We love to see it.
Can you believe that's almost35 years?
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Well, 35 years ago in a month, 35 years ago.
It's significant.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Significant, believe that's 30, almost 35 years.
Well, 35 years ago, in a month,35 years ago, it's significant,
significant.
Yeah, you look pretty good.
You know that's all right.
So what would you say were someof the challenges during that
time?
And I guess, from thosechallenges, how did you grow?
Speaker 2 (07:14):
oh, very good question again.
I think one of the things isthe self-doubt with come with
being a young father, feelingthat you let people down, um,
feeling that you were becoming astatistic in terms of black
males, the inability to actuallyprovide for a family at the
appropriate time, and I thinkthat gave me an incentive to be
(07:36):
a good dad.
And I look back on those youngdays as actually amazing,
because I was able to do somethings.
Now I look back on it at 18 and19 and 20 years old and forge
some paths, um, establish somerelationships and do some things
now that I'm really proud of.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Absolutely Like what.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Um, we were in school with a kid and we were going to
class.
Um, one of the funny thingswould be would be um, we would
be in uni and you sometimeswould come to class.
We would be in the door, um, inour apartment, respective
apartments.
You, in essence, grew up withus as we were growing up.
So, what's interesting, whenyou come from a blended
(08:16):
environment, your experience asa child was totally different
from your siblings, and so wehad to grow and you grew with us
.
We matured with you and youmatured with us and I dare say,
being a young parent, we wereforced to adapt.
I hasten to say thank you to thesupport we had.
I would not be take the credit.
(08:40):
I think that would beself-grandizing.
We had an amazing village.
My mother, my father, my brotherTravis at the time, your
grandmother, nana Russell, youknow your aunt Leisha we had an
amazing support system and whatthey did was they locked arms
with us and they all let us knowthat there's nothing that will
(09:00):
happen, that you will comeoutside of the bonds of our
family and you actually, for along while, were the coagulant.
You were so young that you willcome outside of the bonds of
our family and you actually, fora long while, were the
coagulant.
You were so young that you wereevery the apple of everybody's
eye.
You were in the center of itand I think it was a good point
for the family to have a youngperson in our midst.
And it became, you became thespark, and everybody saw you as
(09:20):
their daughter, their niece, andI'm looking back on it.
I think we had the best supportthat we needed for the time of
which we were raising you in.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
No, I totally agree.
I think, if I look back on mychildhood, you know, if you were
in school or mommy was inschool, I was always with a
family member, you know, and Inever had a feeling as a kid
that my parents weren't there,like there was never a time
where it was like, oh, my mom isnot here, my dad is not here,
and I also don't remember, as akid either, feeling like, oh, my
(09:53):
parents weren't together, whichis really weird because it was
such a such a great, I guess,support system as a family.
Like you know, nana and PapaKane's were always there, nana
Russell, Uncle Travis, uncleWayne you know what I mean like
aunt lisha, everyone was alwaysthere and so our support system
to this day has always beenamazing and it is a really good
blend of both sides of ourfamilies and I I totally agree
(10:13):
with you on that.
So crazy that you brought thatup, because that was actually my
next question.
You're just in my head and it'sokay, I appreciate that but,
it's a lot to be in you.
You just always got to come withthe jokes.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
And I just well.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Where did I get it from?
Speaker 2 (10:27):
I'm looking at the makeup.
That's a lot of makeup.
Wow, are we going to do this?
Stay focused.
This is what we're doing rightnow.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Like we're like like I just don't understand.
Anyway.
So, as like it, thingsprogressed, and you know, I
guess, from being a young dad tothen having two more daughters.
What would you say was onething that kind of prepared you.
For once you had Deysha andDory.
From learning, from having me,so really quickly.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
There's a part that I want to gloss over, and that is
whenever, in Bermuda, as I gothrough my journey, I recognize
that blended families becomemore commonplace than ever
before.
And one of the things that Irecognize if my life is going to
be legitimate, I have to cometo grips with my reality, and
(11:16):
there's a part of that journeywhere I had to be honest with
myself and say this is who I am,this is my family, and be
comfortable with my reality,because there is a hoaxable
effect, if you know what I mean,where everybody, when you get
to a certain level, you wantthis cookie cutter world and
what I recognized, that was inmy reality and I became
comfortable with this being mystory, this being my journey,
(11:39):
and as much as it may beuncomfortable look all to
everybody else my number onepriority as a young father was
to instill balance, instill love, a sense of community, and so
in so doing with you, I thinkthat you learn by literally
trial and error the second timearound.
Obviously, I was married then toRoshanda and I actually saw
(12:03):
parenting from a very differentlevel.
In the totality of what it wasand looking back on it, each
journey was unique, one wouldlike to say, the journey.
The confines of marriage shouldhave been better or primal.
I look at each one of themreflective of the time, the
person and as I matured, Iengage my parental skills, my
(12:27):
parental environment just thebest that I could okay, so how
would you say it's different?
Speaker 1 (12:33):
has been different raising the three of us?
So myself, daisha and dory,three very different
personalities, but we're allstill very similar.
How, how is it raising threegirls?
Speaker 2 (12:43):
well, um with.
It's no secret that I've alwayswanted a son, I mean, and not,
we know not because daughters,daughters, daughters are amazing
, but sons actually, yeah, it isguys my dad was really
disappointed.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
He had three girls as a sports, as a sports guy.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
You know you just have these images dressing him
like you.
But a lot of it is centeredaround a sports guy, you're a
sports guy the shade I don'tunderstand a sport I played
volleyball, played, playedvolleyball football.
I ran track every sport pingpong, basketball.
Do not sleep on who I used tobe.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Anyway, I don't want to pull out my resume I'm just
so confused, I just like anyway,stay focused I'm very, really
at a loss for words and so I'msorry, sports guy, go ahead no,
just go ahead.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
I'm sorry, just you want somebody to be your mirror
image, right, and once you getpast that ego-driven sort of
mindset, I recognize that withyou you saw the grind right.
You saw me and was with meduring, when there was nothing,
when we we were in school, whenwe came back, when we were in
(14:00):
the apartment, when we werebuilding, when you saw a study
mapping out you at the house,when, lou Omar, wayne Barkley,
we were talking about our dreams.
The really crazy part was youwere always around.
So when I see how articulateyou are, when I see a business
savvy, when I see how articulateyou are, when I see a business
savvy, when I see how you workin business you had been exposed
(14:22):
to this at a very young level.
You were always around my peerswho were literally their
trajectory was going in the up,it was going up, and so you,
vicariously, were always aroundprogressive individuals and so I
think that impacted on you.
You saw us when we were livingsmall, so you had a very
(14:44):
different reality around whattomorrow looks like.
You saw it when there wasnothing.
Daisha and Dory came when therewas a little more and they had
a very different experience andit kind of created very
different realities, right, andI think each reality has a
different response.
It requires a different levelof parenting.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
So what would you, I guess, give me a little more on
different level of parenting.
So obviously we talked about mebeing 18, then Dasha and Dory,
when you were married with DawnRow and stuff.
What does that mean?
A different level of parenting?
Speaker 2 (15:19):
So when I was a young , I had a lot to prove and I
think you're stricter.
The first one.
You want to do everything right, you want to make sure that
this and I, literally.
I remember the first time Iwanted to be a track athlete.
It was a funny story.
We were in new york and I wasjust like everybody in your
family ran.
You gotta get on the field andyou've got to run.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
Very traumatic experience.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
You were running around the field and of course
you were slow and I was likethat should surprise no one
right?
I just honestly, I wasn't slowand I remember you stopping in
the middle of the field andsaying I don't want to run, this
is not what I want to do, Ihate it.
I do want to do.
I hate it and and I remember meprojecting on you and we put a.
(16:01):
I put a lot of pressure on you.
In retrospect I was like youhave to.
It was always you have to bethe best.
You cannot walk into.
Because that's where I was inmy head at the time as a father,
saying you got a chip on yourshoulder.
You're the child of teenageparents you don't have the
(16:21):
luxury of, and I think that mayhave been unfair pressure.
I disagree In retrospect.
I think it's easy to parentfrom the rearview mirror, but I
think I put a lot of pressure onyou and I was really strict,
and strict in the traditionalsense of the word strict.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
I agree, but I also disagree because if we look back
at the time, I hated it, rightlike when you looked at the
boundaries and the level ofstrictness that it was, but
those boundaries and rules andall of that saved me from a lot
right, yeah and in terms ofschool sports, even though I
wasn't fast, I played otherthings.
I was always busy.
(17:02):
First of all, I can pull up myresume too.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Okay, I played sports you know, I was I go, I go to
basketball.
Say shit, you're on the benchagain.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
I was never on the bench.
I was always starting five fromthe time I started playing.
You're going to bedisrespectful, it's all right I
get it, I got pitches.
I'm always starting five inbasketball.
I don't know why you do that,but anyway, from that to you
know boundaries around,friendships around, you know
boyfriends, like those types ofthings.
Yes, you are very strict withme, but it also in rear view if
(17:35):
I look at who those people werethat I wanted to date at the
time, or if it looks at thefreedom that some of my friends
had that I didn't have at thetime.
And you look back on.
At the time I was upset and Ididn't understand it, but as an
adult, looking back, it saved me, I think, from a lot of things
that I wasn't privy to at thetime that I'm grateful for now.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
That's good to hear, I think, as a parent, one of the
things that you do as a parentsometimes you beat up on
yourself and you ask yourselfdid I get it right?
What would I have donedifferently?
And you can go down the rabbithole in your mind wondering did
I make good decisions?
And so it's comforting to hearwhat you said, but here's what I
take comfort in every night.
(18:15):
I did the best with the toolsthat were given me.
I made sure that every singleday I was better as a parent.
I surrounded myself with reallygood role models, and I tried
my best to instill into mydaughters the values of which
was instilled in me and thethings that I did not like about
how I was raised.
I tried to change that Right.
(18:43):
One of my things as a parent is,I think, first of all, as a
father, you must be a reflectionof love.
Your children have to see God'slove in you.
They have to see forgiveness inyou, right.
They have to see what lovefeels like and looks like.
The other thing that I'm reallybig on is advocacy.
Your children need to know that, whatever they do, they have
you as a support, they have youas the person that they know
they can count on.
The other thing that I wanted tomake sure that I let you guys
(19:07):
feel is you can do anything,that there was nothing that you
put your heart.
If you put your heart to it,you can achieve.
And so when I see you guys, inyour respective areas, blossom,
I feel a sense of humility thatis attached to pride, the pride
in the sense that you say theseyoung ladies are living the
(19:31):
fruit of their work, the living,the, the, the vision of their
grandparents.
I see you, I see nana russell,I see ab nana, I see nana canes
and I see women who are strong.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
You came from a strong no, I, I get that and I
appreciate it, and I and I wantto go to a word that you used
previously, which was wasadvocacy right, and what I do in
my day-to-day life aroundadvocacy is because of how you
advocated for us right, what youdid with us, if it was school,
(20:09):
if it was sports, you always hadour back.
You know what I mean.
You always were.
As long as we were in the right, we were disrespectful, we were
talking too much.
You know, I was always told Italked too much in school and I
was distracted in that way.
But if we were in the right, wewere disrespectful, we were
talking too much.
You know, I was always told Italked too much, um, in school
and I was distracted in that way.
But if we were in the right andsomeone was doing us wrong, you
always advocated for us.
And that level of advocacyallows me to do what I do today
(20:30):
in my job, because we it was, itwas a proper representation in
my life, every single day, atevery level, and it it's
something that I'm soappreciative of, because I then
know how to not just advocate inmy respective space in terms of
work, but I know how toadvocate for my sisters.
I know how to advocate for those, my friends.
(20:50):
I know how to do all of thosethings because I learned that
from you and those wereinvaluable lessons that we that
were taught to me, and also fromjust seeing you do it as well.
Like I've tell people all thetime I've been in a public
speaking PR class all my lifebecause of who my father is.
So I mean, I wanted to comeback to that and one say thank
you, like everyone who's in mylife, in terms of the women that
(21:11):
you mentioned as well all veryimportant, but that portion of
how you raised us and what youinstilled in us, I think, is
something that we can neverrepay you back for, because I
know that because of you, Well,thank you.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
We, as I was saying earlier before, I kind of got
choked up.
You guys have had strong womenand the legacy of the women that
you represent, so I was giventhis crazy task.
As a father, how do I nurture,how do I give life to a seed
that actually was germinatedyears ago by true appreciation
(21:47):
for that they will come torespect and honor later.
And you have to be so convictedthat it's the right thing for
the time.
And there are times when, as aparent, we loved each other.
(22:10):
We did not like each other, andthat every parent who has a
teenage boy or girl knows thepoint.
When you look across at yourchild and say I don't like you
right now.
And it's heavy because we don'thave those conversations.
And so parents are in cornersfeeling like they are failures,
(22:31):
they don't get it right becausewe have this iconic view of what
parenting is, and the realityis there is very little people
in this world who got it right.
We are all trying our best withthe tools that we've been given
.
We have to free people up tosay I was not a perfect parent.
I made mistakes, I've learned,and mothers and fathers out
(22:55):
there trying to live thisperfect life.
Where there is no perfection.
It's individuals that say Ihave to be better for my child
and the skills that you do nothave.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
You find those skills so that you can be a more
effective parent.
Yeah, so, when we talk aboutthere not being a blueprint for
it and doing what works best foryou, like, obviously your mommy
co-parented with me my entirelife, right, and you spoke about
earlier doing what works foryou, you Like, obviously you and
mommy co-parented with me myentire life, right, and you
spoke about earlier doing whatworks for you and your family.
And one of the things that Isay to people all the time is my
, my parents are amazing friends, and you also spoke about, you
(23:30):
know, things being difficultsometimes.
So how would you say you andmommy came to the I guess, not
necessarily conclusion, but moreso the agreement that you guys
would be such great co-parents.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
I think it's a very emotional story of which I would
not get into just because itwill take me to an emotional
place, and I'm not just preparedto go to you and your mother
and I obviously were nottogether, but she and I had a
personal conversation about whatwe wanted for you and we made a
decision when you were not, um,when you were 13, to have my
(24:06):
house be the primary house foryou, and so you came to live at
my house.
Now, just the context of whatthat means is most people
understand it to have a blendedfamily.
You spend a weekend with yourmom or dad and the week, and so
we went through that.
We went through that for 13years and I remember just
getting to the point where Iwanted you to wake up with your
(24:28):
sisters every day.
I wanted you to have thisamazing experience and I shared
that with your mother and she,in tears, basically said I want
that for my daughter too.
And literally you came to myhouse and it's the one of the
best singular decisions of mylife and people will come to my
(24:50):
house, and this is when westayed on Happy Valley.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Good old days.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
We would stay at Happy Valley and they walk into
the house and see Roshanda atthe table and your mother at the
table doing homework and it wasuncomfortable for everybody.
I remember my every man waslike, oh, this is big love, the
Utah show.
And everybody came in.
(25:16):
But what we recognize it was nolonger about us yeah as adults,
and I think one of the biggestgifts that I've had is roshanda
and chevelle being mature womenwho were able to say their
number one priority is ourdaughters and they never put you
guys above excuse me themselvesabove you, and it made us
(25:41):
operate differently.
Yeah, so my, your sisters callab.
There is no distinctions.
We've never used the word halfsisters.
We don't use that in our house.
There's no phraseology thatallows for that, because we are
one yeah and our unit is ourunit.
We make no apologies for it.
And I'm saying a part of usgetting to the and guess what?
(26:03):
It doesn't happen overnight.
It happens when you mature, andmaturing takes some time.
It takes retro introspection,excuse me.
It takes counseling.
Sometimes it takes you to getto the point where you say it's
no longer about me, my hurt, myego is secondary to my child's
(26:25):
development.
We got to that point Now.
Remember I said you were 13.
So it means it doesn't happenovernight.
And we got to that point.
And guess what?
That's when I start to see thebeauty of what a family could be
.
That's when I realize whatunconditional love truly feels
like.
And it's literally when we tellour story, we tell it from that
(26:49):
perspective of.
You can be a blended family,you can be a family that is not
traditional and still be happy,still be, have the ability to
enjoy life pure at the levelthat you choose.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
No, I mean and mommy spoke about it on her episode a
while ago making that sacrifice.
You know, when you talk to herabout wanting me to live with
you full time, and it wasdifficult, right, it was
difficult for her.
I also didn't understand it atthe time until I didn't fully
appreciate that sacrifice frommy mom, until I was well into
(27:24):
being an adult.
But it is something that and Ithanked her for it at that time
because you and I have therelationship that we have.
Daisha Dory and I have therelationship that we have
because of that sacrifice and Ihate that I'm about to cry.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
I will just take over and just say one of the things
that I appreciate as well as ourvillage.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Your family have always been kind and respectful.
Your dad I mean her father,excuse me Wallace Robinson, ab
Nana, nana Russell They'vealways treated me with respect.
My family has always treatedyour mother with respect.
They never got into our issues.
They never allowed any of theinner workings of relationships
(28:12):
to impact on how they treated us.
And I think the maturity in ourspace, the love that was in our
space, it actually created theappropriate building blocks.
Right, because it's not easy.
And I say to people that ifyou're thinking it was a bed of
roses and we just woke up oneday and we got there it's
actually dishonest.
(28:32):
It's dishonest to the work.
It's dishonest to the nightswhere we were saying why are we
doing this?
But we got to a point where webelieved and knew within our
hearts that we made rightdecisions as a collaborative
unit.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
Yeah, absolutely I am .
I'm like I said, I'm veryappreciative of that time and it
was very pivotal andsignificant in my life and you
don't understand it when you'reyounger, but when you look back
you're very grateful for it.
I remember a time when myuniversity boyfriend came to
Bermuda and I don't know if youremember this, but he came and I
was at the house and I wasmaking dinner and my mom pulled
(29:07):
up into the driveway and he raninside and he was like your mom
is outside.
And I was like, yeah, I knowRight, he was like your dad and
mom was still here.
And I was like, yeah, I knowRight, he was like your dad and
stepmom was still here.
And I was like I know she'scoming for dinner with all of us
.
And he literally said he was soshocked at the time and that
was the first time in my life Irealized that our situation
(29:28):
wasn't normal and in terms ofhow his family was blended, but
in a very different way.
And that was the first time inmy life.
I was like, wow, my mom comingover for dinner with my dad, my
stepmom, my sisters and myboyfriend at the time is not
something that people who haveblended families are very used
to and that was the first time Ihad a full appreciation of it
because it was so normal.
(29:49):
Daisha and Dory run up to my momand it's Aunt Chevelle, you
know what I mean.
It's Nana Russell, you know,it's Aunt Leisha, to your point
around.
There is no difference, andvice versa.
When it comes to anything else,you know Aunt Roshanda's family
have always been very welcomingto me.
So I don't know, I don't know,it just is something that not
weighs on me, but it's somethingthat I think about all the time
(30:11):
and I'm very grateful for andit also.
But it puts me into a spacesometimes where I don't
understand how other people canbe that way, but it a space
sometimes where I don'tunderstand how other people
can't be that way, but it uhit's a journey.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Yeah, it's a journey, and also different people
evolve.
There are certain baselinethings that we had, that
actually we had commonalities infaith.
We had commonalities in sort ofwhat we wanted for the future.
So it's a lot easier whencertain things are in place as a
natural rule right so, um, itwas a blessing.
As I said, roshanda is anamazing mother.
(30:43):
She's an amazing wife and Ithink that some of the things
that she has actually made sureshe incorporated into her
parenting style, because certainwomen wouldn't put up with that
or even go through, and viceversa.
So, as I said, it's been ablessing to be a part of our
unit.
I'm honored by it.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
I'm blessed by it every day yeah, absolutely, and
obviously it'd be remiss of menot to say anything about aunt
roshanda.
Roshanda has never, evertreated me anything other than
her daughter.
You know right, I've never inmy life felt, you know people
say step-parent and step-childor anything like that I've never
felt that way and um you, um,you know, even though you come
(31:20):
into things like this and youhave those feelings, amashana
has always been amazing and Itell people all the time my
step-mom is a saint and, uh, I'mvery grateful for her always
welcoming me that way, and itdefinitely is something that I'm
very, very appreciative of.
So when you talk, so I guess,how is it now?
Parenting adult daughters?
Speaker 2 (31:41):
It's weird You're never prepared for when you
can't just say be quiet, andthey be quiet.
You never know it's.
Parenting doesn't stop andthere's a transition to
parenting where you're adultchildren and you become more
(32:03):
friends.
There's clearly a boundary ofwhich you want to keep as sacred
as a parent and adult child.
But for me, it's watching youguys grow and develop.
It's watching you make lifechoices and here's the thing
Some of those life choices Idon't agree with and here's what
you and your sisters remind meof and it's really difficult to
(32:25):
hear but, I, need to hear it.
It's no longer my job to haveany say in how you live your
life, and, as a father that I'mwith, I have very strong
opinions about most things I'maware and when you see your
daughters making decisions thatsometimes you don't agree with
as adults, your natural instinctwhen you were the parent that I
(32:47):
was is to try to correct coursecorrect.
And one of the most interestingthings I remember talking to
Disha she came back home andobviously she moved into the
apartment and we were going tothe teeth and pains and I wanted
to still be the daddy, thatkind of and she was like very
(33:08):
emotional.
I don't need that daddy anymore.
I've had him.
I want the encouraging dad whosimply is there, nurturing and
supporting, and it is a shiftwhen you are sort of the alpha
dad in terms of the protector,the always around.
Do you need anything?
Or let me give you my adviceand your advice.
(33:29):
You know I've got to learn nowand I'm still learning that your
advice sometimes isoverpowering that they don't
want your advice.
They're not telling yousomething because they want you
to fix it.
They're telling you becausethey just want you to listen,
and so that's been the biggestchange for me is watching my
adult daughters make decisionsand having absolutely no control
(33:54):
over the decision or theprocess and having to trust
their judgment, having to watchthem make mistakes and having
the heart to allow it to happenand just be there to support
yeah, like we're a littledifficult for you though it
still is yeah, I just wanted tobring us back down to reality.
(34:16):
It never is easy when you'vetaken a path and the only thing
you want, as a parent, is foryour child not to make mistakes,
particularly if you made thosemistakes.
Yeah, absolutely, and sostepping back sometimes is hard
because life is a field.
(34:36):
As a parent, you're theguardrails.
Yeah, and you all would likeyou know when you had the um
hospital beds and they put therails up, it stops you from
falling off.
There comes a point where thoserails come down but as a parent
you want to put them back upand you recognize you cannot
carpet the world.
You cannot make life smooth andeasy.
I want to fix everything andsometimes you cannot fix
(35:00):
everything.
You have to allow your adultchildren to make mistakes and to
grow and to enjoy the benefitsof their hard work, but also to
suffer the consequences of theirdecisions yeah, absolutely, and
I think our relationship hasmorphed as well.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
I know Dasha and Dory call me the daddy whisperer
because you know, if anything isever not good, bad ugly or
whatever, we can always kind ofcome to you and have those
conversations after, and I thinkwith you and I especially one,
we work really well togetherwhen we're planning things and
doing things like that, but thenalso when it comes to having
(35:35):
difficult conversations.
I think and correct me if I'mwrong but I think we've gotten
to a point as well where we bothlisten to each other when it
comes to those things and kindof take into consideration those
viewpoints I think what you aremore aware of than most is on
my triggers.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
Oh and so when you see me going to a certain place,
you don't go there yeah andvice versa, and I think we have
been in each other's space forso long.
We know when we're going to aplace that we need to pull back
from.
Your sisters are still learningthat space, and that's because
time and maturity right, andalso we spend a lot of time
(36:11):
together over the years, and Ithink, spending time as we have
over the years, what it's doneis given us the roadmap for how
we want to be treated, and Ithink one of the gifts that we
were able to instill in you andyour sisters is the ability to
communicate how you feel, and soone of the things that was big
(36:33):
for me is for my daughters to beable to speak, and so we've
come from a very auditoryculture the Bermudian side, the
Caribbean, the Jamaican sidewhere everything is about oral
communication.
That's how we share ourtraditions, that's how we
communicate and we love hard,but it's very, very strong in
terms of how we communicate.
I like the fact that you guyshave your voice and you are
(36:58):
strong enough to articulate whatthat means for you, and I see
it as a gift.
I look at you, daisha and Dory,and I see myself in all of you.
I see you, your entrepreneurial, your drive.
I see that in me.
I see how you would have gottento where you are, because that
is a part of me.
I look at Daisha and I see hercompassion as a nurse.
(37:21):
I see myself in that, and thenI see Dory as a history teacher,
her love for history, culture,and I see myself in that, and
every time I see you guys, I seea piece of myself in you and
the only thing I get is filledwith pride, because I know that
(37:41):
it's a unique experience that Itreasure watching my daughters
mature into a place wherethey're comfortable being
themselves, perfect, but theyare comfortable with their
choices, their circle of friends.
And if they are not comfortable, they know how to build the
(38:06):
communities and also thecapacity that gives them the
strength to know that they'renot alone.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
Yeah, no, absolutely.
It's weird having thisconversation because I agree
with you right, there's no,there's no coming back and forth
when in this conversation, likeI would with the traditional
guests, because you're 100correct, I mean 10 years ago I
wouldn't have been appreciativeof that, or even 15 years ago,
but it is the truth.
You know, I think all of uslike myself, daisha Dory, we, we
(38:35):
definitely are like you a lot,and there's other things that
not as much, but I think all ofthose things are 100% true and I
think we all appreciate it too.
You said around being strictand disciplined, which is true,
but, like I said before, I amgrateful for it, genuinely
grateful.
There were a lot of things thatsome of my friends or people
(38:57):
that I was in school with at thetime went through that because
of that, I didn't.
You know what I mean.
And also, having a dad in yourlife who people are not fearful
of but respect, um it, it savesyou from so much I find that men
respect malehood, and so whenthey see someone in a young
(39:25):
lady's life, they think twiceagreed and I think that a part
of being a father is being apriest.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
A priest is not a pastor, but it's someone who
shows their children that thereis someone out there that's
greater than themselves.
Right, it's a level of humilitythat you introduce your child
to the father.
It's a spirit-led household,and I hope that you guys can
look and say this is not aboutreligion, it's about
(39:56):
relationship, and that'ssomething that I wanted to
expose you to and to represent.
The other thing was a protector.
I wanted to always protect mydaughters, and protecting is
showing you care, as well asalways making sure that there is
a hedge around you, that I willalways make sure you would
(40:16):
always be protected and provide,and the provision is love, the
first provision.
The next provision is support.
The next provision is nurturing.
How do I nurture your dreams?
Well, I know that she, like, westarted violin lessons right
and we got you in violins and,um, you couldn't play a lick
right why do you keep doing this, you?
(40:38):
had a lot of you kissed a lot offrogs this year.
Oh, we put her into, it wasballet, it was tat.
I mean you, you kissed a lot offrogs.
But my point is, I'll go, I'llgo.
Yeah, this is just so I playedno, no, no, no, no, no we're
going to do this right now Iplayed violin mississippi hot
dog I'm like the only reason whyI stopped playing violin was
(40:59):
because I broke my thumb okay,so we're gonna, we're gonna tell
that story my thumb, butI played piano oh, wow, for two.
Okay, I'm not gonna do that toyou because, no, no, no, we're
not gonna do is make it seemlike there's a lot that didn't
stick.
There's a lot that didn't stick, but what I will say is that
fair.
You know, we had you in a lotof stuff, but but what we
(41:21):
recognized was there were thingsthat stuck like basketball
taekwondo.
No, no, you did, I did taekwondo, I would literally I was a
student leader during school,like I did, was very good at
speech and debate like, don't dome, like I didn't do anything,
all jokes aside.
So there was a method to ourmadness, and so one of the
things was we took faith veryseriously.
(41:43):
Yes, education was significantAbsolutely.
My mom's a teacher.
The next thing was giving back,understanding the value of your
community.
Culture was very important.
Yeah, understanding who you are,the people that made it
important for you to be here onyour both sides of family.
That's for everyone.
And then the other thing that Ithink we wanted you guys to do
is not be scared to fail.
(42:05):
So part of that was exposingyou to all the things that we
expose you to swimming overwhite silence, sailing over
white silence, taekwondo, andwhat I like about what we did
was you guys were involved in somany things and, as I'm being
silly, everything is notsupposed to stick.
Sometimes it's just literallyabout exposure, and we wanted to
(42:25):
expose you to the most that wecould and Bermuda is such a cool
place because at every cornerthere's something new and unique
to expose young people to andwe did it all there was never a
summer, there was neverchristmas that you guys were not
involved in something thatexpanded your horizons no, I
mean there were, there were afew rules.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
There was definitely you got to do well in school,
but then there was just not alot of time for idle time, no,
and that was.
Speaker 2 (42:51):
That's something that was passed on to me, right,
yeah, and so a part of it is thecharnet king, and the other
thing was the other thing waswork ethic yeah, I mean we all
had jobs you, we, but all hadconsistent job you worked from.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
You were 13 for snowys I don't think you're
supposed to say 13 well, no, anddaishin dori pack groceries
right and they double it down.
Speaker 2 (43:11):
No, no, they practice started at 10 and my point is
yeah, 10.
You gotta eat.
Somebody's gotta work if yougotta eat.
Listen, that macaroni don't payfor itself, that Cory goat
don't pay for itself.
Speaker 1 (43:28):
You can't say things like that in 2024.
No what.
Speaker 2 (43:30):
I'm saying is, let me put some character on it.
So they pack groceries atModern Mart, and they pack
groceries only on Sundays, fromfrom one to five.
But here's what was amazing oneto five and what we used to do
is we used to take their moneyfrom them and save it, and so,
like at six months dory used tospend it dory would go into the
(43:51):
store and make 20 dollars, make50 dollars, spend 20 on snacks.
But every sunday these guyswould come home and in six
months save up three thousanddollars yeah and they were able
to do so much for themselves atyoung age and we, we didn't
spend the money.
We started savings accounts andso, but I see what I, what I
(44:12):
think you guys got from that.
Not knowing it's time on task.
Most you guys are not scared ofhard work, but it started with
the little things.
The other things, likepathfinders, are the choirs.
Um, it was service-basedorganization and so the gift was
just putting you in things thatmade you well rounded and have
a respect for Bermuda yeah,absolutely, and I think again, I
(44:35):
100% agree with you.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
Those are all things that we all did.
You know working at Snowy'sback in the day, you know I
remember a lot of firstshappened around those places, so
definitely the work ethic wassomething that was always
instilled in us.
And then you know giving backto the community as well, like
Nana's been giving back to thecommunity since before I was
born, before you were born.
You know what I mean.
So those are all service basedthings that we know and we love
and we all still do so much.
(44:57):
So, no, we're totally gratefulfor all of those things.
But I mean, it's crazy, we'recoming up on time and, uh, I
wanted to kind of just go back alittle bit around.
I guess your reflections as adad and like I guess, what
you're most proud of with us, um, around that I know you said a
few different things, but know,in our career choices, whatever
that looks like, like reflectingwise, like what would you, what
(45:21):
would you look back on andreflectively and say about us?
Speaker 2 (45:25):
I have said it and I'll say it again what I reflect
upon is who you all have becomeand your journeys, the one of
the gifts that I've learned justfrom being around a very
supportive village, and I wantto take the the time to
acknowledge my village, mymother, my father, who are
amazing role models, um, and thepeople in my community I don't
(45:46):
want to start calling names, butI have an amazing circle of
friends.
I have amazing men in my lifethat I have had the honor and
privilege to watch, and I'vegrown and I've matured as a
father by being surrounded bymen who take fathering and
fatherhood very seriously.
Being a male is a matter ofbirth.
(46:08):
Being a man and a father is achoice, and I chose to be a good
father.
And so, just coming down to theend of your show, the learning
points for me is, as a father,you cannot let anyone dictate
the terms of your fatherhood,and there are men right now that
, based on court appointedsituations or relationships with
(46:29):
mothers, they feel like they'relimited to how you can be a
father, and what I say to manyis, if you have been given an
hour to see your child, makethat the most important hour of
that child's life.
Remember you've got to turnmoments into memories and until
such time as you create theoptimum environment for your
(46:50):
child, you have to make yourchild in the time that you see
them be most important.
The other valuable value that Ihave to transmit in this space
is you cannot love your childthe way it needs to be loved
when you've got anger and hatefor their mother.
In order for you to be freed tolove your child the way they
(47:15):
need to be loved, you have tocome to grips with the anger,
the frustration and the emotionsaround what happened in the
relationship, because the childcan sense it and a child cannot
ultimately give you 100%.
If they know you hate a half ofwho they are, so a part of it
(47:35):
is.
Coming to grips with the factthat your love for your child
should supersede your hate,disdain or dislike for that
mother.
It also does not let men whoare married off the hook.
A lot of men are married butthey are not active agents in
their children's life and theybelieve my sum total is to bring
(47:57):
money in the home or just to beat the steering wheel I mean
the passenger side and grab ontothe steering wheel when it's.
It's proverbially, of course,when it becomes you almost.
In order for you to get therespect that you deserve is to
be active in the household.
Now here's the other piece womenhave to allow men to be fathers
(48:18):
absolutely you have to allowmen to be active in their
child's life and do not holdthem hostage to relationships
that did not work, or holdfathers to contemptuous
situations based on a youngerversion of themselves.
Men, we mature, sometimes later.
One of my funny stories aboutthat is when I used to come home
(48:39):
, as you remember, I wouldalways need 30 minutes to come
down and I would always comehome and like lie off and relax
and I was just like listen, I'mjust unwind and I've got a plug,
and roshanda would say whydon't I get a chance to unplug?
I have, and I just said it wasjust different for me.
I knew if I did not have amoment to change gears to come
(49:06):
down, the energy that I broughtinto the house would be the same
as the energy that I have todeal with the real world.
There is a different realitythat men face, and this is not
making light of women's plight,but in this forum I have to be
true to men who are fathers andsay sometimes we don't want you
(49:27):
to be in our shoes, we want tojust give value to one of the
things that we're saying.
Sometimes men's voices are notrespected particularly,
particularly when it comes toparenting, and until we elevate
our voices or put down our feet,that is when people start to
listen.
Men have to be able to speakwithout it being confrontational
(49:47):
or it being ultimatumsituations.
We have values, we have voicesIn terms of fathers.
We just have to be consistentwith that regard.
We cannot choose the times thatwe want to be active.
Being a parent is a 24-hour job.
It's 365 days.
It's about committing to be thebest that you can be, and best
(50:11):
is an action.
It means every single day Irise up to be better than the
day before.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
Absolutely no.
And to your point about takingthat time, like you laughed
because we always used to saywhy do you need 30 minutes?
Speaker 2 (50:24):
to kind of calm down, I still take it.
Speaker 1 (50:25):
I know and you're all you're like for summertime.
You're like I need the AC on.
I want to come home to a coolhouse.
Speaker 2 (50:30):
It was nothing worse than coming into a hot house.
Speaker 1 (50:38):
Daddy, let me tell you something.
I have never in my lifeunderstood something so clearly.
About three years ago I walkedinto my house and it was hot and
I said, lord, I work too hardfor this.
And I understood it like and Ithink people's, what you do
after work and what you need todo to calm down is different for
everybody.
But everyone should do it.
Moms to everyone should do itlike for me.
I just need a few minutes playan idle game on my phone just to
come off of what you do everysingle day.
But I never understood thatuntil about three or four years
(50:59):
ago.
Speaker 2 (51:00):
Che the last thing I would like to say about
fathering is learn your child.
A part of the gift of parentingis treating your child unique.
One size does not fit all.
I have three daughters, allunique.
All of them respond to medifferently.
They have different stimulation.
So part of being a father isstudying your child, also
(51:23):
understanding what they want tobe and putting things within
their path that waters theirdreams.
Child is interested insomething.
Make sure you give themeverything in their path that
they know they can accomplish,and the other thing is just love
on them.
Love, love, love.
(51:44):
And here's the other thingDiscipline is love.
Discipline shows that I careenough about you to put a
boundary and a consequence.
Clearly there are specificrubrics around how you
discipline the time youdiscipline the energy around
disciplining.
But disciplining is a form oflove.
It should be executed verywisely, not when you're angry,
(52:06):
not when you're frustrated, andbut it's still a form of love.
But love your child.
Make sure they know there isnothing they can do, that they
will fall out of your love.
Speaker 1 (52:18):
So I usually ask all of my guests before they leave
you know, what do you want to beremembered for?
Right, but in this context offather's day and girl dad, what
is something that you want us,as your daughters, to remember
about you?
And obviously a long, long timefrom now, when someone says to
us you know your dad or anythingabout your dad, what is
something you want us to knowand always remember about you?
(52:41):
You?
Speaker 2 (52:41):
are fearfully and wonderfully made.
You walk on the foundation ofstrong men and women.
Everything that you did wasordained for your greatness.
Every day, every decision thatI made in my life is A to make
you proud.
To make you proud and to letyou know that there is nothing
(53:09):
in this world you cannotaccomplish if you do not.
There's nothing in this worldyou cannot accomplish if you put
your heart, your soul, in it.
Treat people right, berespectful of others, give back
to those who have less than you,be true and honorable to God,
be faithful to your friends andfamily, and everything that you
(53:31):
want will be added onto you.
Speaker 1 (53:34):
Thank you, Daddy.
Happy Father's Day.
Speaker 2 (53:36):
Thank you so much and thank you for being an amazing
daughter.
I appreciate so much and thankyou for being an amazing
daughter I appreciate that andthank you for being an amazing
dad.
Speaker 1 (53:42):
Honestly, I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
Love you all, right, guys?
Happy father's day to all thefathers out there.
I hope you enjoyed this episodewith me and my dad and you got
to see a little peek inside ofour relationship and the things
that he's instilled in myselfand my sisters all of our lives,
as always, thank you, thank youso much for spending some time
with me today.
Make sure you like andsubscribe this episode.
(54:04):
Make sure you head over to theto the website
hustleheartpodcastcom to sign upto be a VIP listener.
We also have some amazing newmerch that's come out for the
summer some new hats, some newcolors.
We would love for you guys toget some of those as soon as you
can.
As always, as always, thank you, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you for spending sometime with me today on Hustle
Heart Podcast.
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