October 22, 2023 • 38 mins
Imagine the resilience it takes to bounce back after a heartbreaking loss. This is the story of Dr. Carmen Rabain, an accomplished dentist, entrepreneur, and a woman with an indomitable spirit. In this deeply moving episode, we get a glimpse into Carmen's vibrant life and her journey to success. With an infectious love for food, good conversation, jazz music, and painting, Carmen's multifaceted personality is as inspiring as it is intriguing. She shares her memories of stepping into the entrepreneurial world, her experiences as part of a mixed couple in Bermuda, and her fierce love for her Promethean husband.
The conversation takes a courageous turn as we touch upon the subject of loss and healing. Carmen opens up about her heartbreaking experience of losing her baby at 41 weeks. It's a story of heartbreak, resilience, navigating through emotional turmoil and eventually, finding a way to heal. She talks about how this personal tragedy brought about a profound change in her life and inspired her to start a support group for women, who have faced similar experiences.
As we venture deeper into Carmen's journey, we uncover the delicate balance she has discovered in her life. Despite the pain of her loss, Carmen has found a way to celebrate life, to cherish the moments she shares with her children, and to honor the memory of the child she lost. She discusses the importance of speaking about such losses and the role her husband played in her healing process. While the story is undoubtedly heart-wrenching, it's Carmen's strength and her determination to find joy and purpose that leaves us truly inspired. So, join us, as we share the tale of a woman who turned her deepest sorrow into a beacon of support for others. It's a conversation you won't want to miss.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
It's time for hustle her podcast.
I'm your host, deshae Keynes.
Hustle her is all aboutinspiring women through real
life experiences that havehelped to mold and develop not
only me but my guests into theentrepreneurs and leaders we are
today.
If you're an enterprising womandetermined to succeed and
(00:22):
looking for a bit of motivation,a bit of tough love and some
actionable takeaways to be thebest you girl, you are in the
right place.
Hey guys, welcome back tohustle her podcast.
Thank you for spending sometime with me today.
As always, I genuinelyappreciated.
Big shout out to our sponsors,brown and Co, as well as 59
(00:44):
front.
So make sure you head over to59 front.
You can buy this lovely germalone candle that we have here
on the coffee table today, andthen I'll be also doing some
shorter videos from some of theother things that they have over
there.
So, for those of you who areregular listeners and follow the
Instagram page, I did apeople's choice kind of contest
for who everyone wanted to seeon the podcast for this season.
(01:05):
So my next guest is someone whowas already scheduled to be on
but she, like hands down, wonthe vote, so please help me.
Welcome Dr Carmen Rubin.
She is a partner and owner ofCoral dental Carmen.
Thank you I appreciate it.
Great, all right.
(01:25):
So we're gonna jump in and getsome of these questions that we
have.
We want to get to know you alittle bit better and then we'll
jump right in.
Cool, all right.
What is your skincare routine?
Speaker 2 (01:39):
My skincare routine is well in the morning it's a
bit of a scramble with twolittle kids.
So, it's a 15 minute dash, yeah, so not much like in the shower
and the evening.
I do like a series of thingswith the OCEA products, which I
really love.
I had a facial somewhere at ahotel here and they kind of
(02:00):
instructed me, so I do like aserum and like a toner and a
moisturizer afterwards.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Okay yeah, nighttime routines for me are a bit more
heavy as well.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Like I have the time to actually focus on my face,
with just going All right.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
I'm happiest when.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I'm happiest when I'm in front of good food.
I love food Eating or cooking,and with good people, good
conversation.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Okay, perfect, all right.
What did you spend your firstpaycheck on after you, you know,
became a dentist?
Like what was the first firstbit of money spent on yourself.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Yeah, I invested in a better place to live, like just
getting just upgrading a littlebit started from the bottom and
, yeah, wanted to get a betterplace to live.
I was waiting on that check sowe could upgrade.
And I'm also invested in a goodpair of shoes Because I was the
target girl.
(02:55):
I still am a target girl.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
I mean targets, got some nice stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Kind of love target.
We can't knock it, can't knockit at all.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Spend way too much money in there, so I got it.
You can get lost.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
So yeah, but the shoes.
If you wear target shoes, youknow for a little, while they
don't hold up the same way.
A high quality shoe, there yougo.
So yeah, I got it.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
I get you All right.
Cool, Walk me through what youlike to do on the plane.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
A book I love reading .
I wait to get into the airportto go into one of the little
shops and I'm there with peoplethat don't usually look like me
and we're all like lookingthrough little books and I just
sit there and read and myhusband's wondering what I'm
doing and, yeah, I find a reallygood book that I want to read
and I just want to sit in the onthe plane and turn the pages
(03:38):
and feel the book Nice.
I wait for that.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Okay, all right.
What does love feel like?
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Love feels like acceptance, loving your
authentic self, someone wholoves you for who you are, truly
Acceptance, loving who you areand I would say, just like a
piece, I love.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
All right, and who or what are you listening to
currently?
I guess who, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
So it's Gregory Porter.
I know people don't really know.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
No, no idea who that is.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
So he's a jazz musician like jazz, but he he
sings like jazz.
It's kind of Nat King Cholesk,just a really soothing baritone.
You don't hear a baritone voicevery often.
It's something really soothingabout it and he's has some
really amazing calming songs.
So at the end of the day I liketo cook and turn him on and it
(04:39):
calms the kids down.
And also when I'm working Ithink it's very relaxing for
patients.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Okay, and then what's your hidden talent?
Something not a lot of peopleknow about you.
Hidden talent is I like topaint.
I don't know how good I am, butI like it Are you like one of
those people at the sip andpaints that are like doing
really well, or is it like, ooh,we don't know what?
Speaker 2 (04:59):
that is.
I think I take it way tooseriously.
I'm painting like I am investedin that picture and I feel like
I do a pretty good job, myfriend.
I was like Carmen.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
I just love something I'm here for it.
Okay, so obviously I knowyou've heard about the whole
celebrity crush thing, but Iasked everyone who comes on now
who's the celebrity crush?
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Yeah, I would have to say from childhood I loved
usher Raymond.
I went to his concert and likehe just embodies, he had a
little bit of Atlanta which Ilove, it's just home.
And then also like hisinteraction with the audience is
amazing and he's just, he'sjust my guy, it was a good time
you went to the Vegas show.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I did.
Okay, I got to go.
I heard he extended.
It's pretty amazing.
Yeah, okay, I'll make it apoint to head down to Vegas for
that.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Oscar show.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Okay, and I know you're not Promethean, but you
are married to one and I'mhoping and praying that he is
leading you down the right way.
So tell me who is your cutmatch team.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Uh, Starter Set there we go, there we go.
100%.
Cut match might be over butexactly, there you go.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
That's all you have to say.
The winners.
Sorry, lara, it'll be alright,all right, so let's jump right
in.
So, as the owner and partner ofone of you know, our one of our
leading dentists office inBermuda, something that I've
noticed, because I've had thepleasure of coming into your
practice before, is that youemploy a lot of young local
Bermudians qualified in theirfield.
(06:30):
You don't usually see that inpractices in Bermuda and as
someone who's not from here,like what was kind of the
essence or genesis behind thatwhen you bought your practice?
Speaker 2 (06:41):
I just thought honestly where I started.
We always I always was intogiving back and and being in
touch with my community.
Yeah, so when I was in dentalschool, I went to a dental
school where there weren't manypeople that looked like me, but
we had a group that always tookthe time to go back into the
(07:02):
high schools.
We spent time Just trying tomotivate and educate and expose
a young people to the profession.
It's just more of somethingthat's instilled in me.
It doesn't matter where I go.
I would be invested in peoplewho Typically wouldn't have
opportunities, and being able tobring them along because they
look like me, that's, yeah.
(07:23):
That's where I was, and so Iwas given the opportunity and I
always looked to be able to givesomeone who, first of all, has
a skill set like it's not, yeah,but have the skill set, have
the warmth that we're lookingfor and then, yeah, just have
the drive to do something more.
So I, my team, is justphenomenal.
They're awesome, they're goodpeople and I think you know
(07:48):
we're like a family.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Yeah, you can tell like from the social media.
You know you guys look like youget along, always doing like
the trends.
And then the crew, the parties,you guys always doing give
backs.
So that started in your firstpractice.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Well, when you first started in dentistry, the give
backs yeah, yeah, I just, Ithink it's just a Something from
childhood, like where my, myfamily, my mother and my
grandmother like we worked, likewe were, we were churchy people
so we're always in the churchand my grandmother like used to
do these homeless Like feedingprograms and things, and then
you would give back to, likefamilies in the community.
(08:22):
It's something that's beenstilled with me.
I just sat around church allday like packing baskets for
people, yeah.
So I always was very connectedto the community and I Think
that that translates to who I amnow, where it's just an
intimate part of who I am andwhere I I'm doing this for a
reason, like I'm not just doingthis just to make money like.
(08:43):
I'm doing this as a service.
So, yeah, it's just part of whoI am.
And we're even going to.
Next week we leave forGuatemala, we go on a mission
trip, so we're going back thereto serve and to be able to help
out the kids there.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
That's amazing.
Yeah, it's really good, youknow, because sometimes people
just kind of look at doctors andthink they're just here to just
kind of make money and theynever really give back into the
community.
Yeah, so I actually something Ireally admire about your
practice.
So you mentioned about your momand your grandma.
Like tell me about littleCarmen, like where are you from?
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Yeah, so I am from.
I was born in Cleveland, ohio.
We were only there for a coupleyears.
Yeah, yeah, which is real middleAmerica.
But, yeah, I loved it.
I only was there a couple yearsand then I moved straight to
Atlanta.
So I spent my the majority ofmy life in Atlanta.
As little Carmen was in AtlantaI grew up.
(09:36):
My dad was a pastor, my mom wasa nurse.
She had a constant drive.
She was a big inspiration forme as far as education, and my
dad.
They both are very much intoeducation, but my mom and she,
like, went back.
She started off as an RN andthen she went back and became a
nurse practitioner, got hermasters and she went on got her
(09:57):
doctorate, as we were.
As she was an adult, she spenta lot of time considering how to
move herself forward, becauseshe started off as an orange.
She always wanted to be adoctor and she always had a huge
thirst to do more as far as herstudies, and I remember being
surrounded by that, as well asmy father.
So, yeah, so we grew up inAtlanta.
(10:19):
Little Carmen always lovedsports.
I played a lot of volleyball.
Really, yeah, captain of myvolleyball team, I played
basketball.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
So we gotta get you out on the volleyball team I
love volleyball.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Really I don't quite what it used to be?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Oh goodness.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
But I'm good, I can do it.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Okay, All right.
So when you were younger, didyou know?
You always wanted to be adentist.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
No, I knew I wanted to be a doctor.
I thought I wouldn't be asurgeon actually, so I thought
pediatrician I love mypediatrician and my mom used to
tell me I would go to thepediatrician's house like my mom
worked for her, and she wouldsay, if you want a house like
this, you gotta get good grades.
And I was like, oh, okay, allright.
So I thought, oh, maybe I'll belike that.
(11:01):
And she was a black woman andshe was beautiful and she was
sweet, and so I thought I wantedto be like her.
And then I learned I like towork with my hands.
So I thought I would be asurgeon, like a neonatal surgeon
, and I started shadowing thesurgeon and realized that their
hours were something thatwouldn't support what I wanted
to do, which is be a mommy, andso I wanted to have time to be
(11:24):
at home with my kids, and so sheactually enlightened me and
told me, like you should reallycheck out Dentistry with my
friends at Dentist.
And she can.
She still works with her hands,she still does surgery, but
she's able to have theflexibility to be with her
family and her day cuts off, youknow.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
At a certain time.
At a certain time, a little bitin the surgeons, yeah,
absolutely so.
What was kind of like thedriving force behind coming in?
Entrepreneur Cause, like somepeople you know, they look at
entrepreneurs like, oh, it looksfun, like you know, great, you
can set your own hours, all thattype of stuff, but there's a
lot of comfort in working forsomeone else.
You know what I mean guaranteedin paychecks and you're not
dealing with the politics ofoffices, hiring, firing, all of
(12:04):
that.
So what made you go from youknow the comfort of not having
to worry about any of that toyou know what I'm gonna buy this
practice.
Take it on, transform it.
What was that?
Speaker 2 (12:13):
That's a good question because it was really
challenging Initially, before Iwas married, I always thought
I'll have my own practice oneday, but after I had kids it
became a big focus of mine, likeI love being a mom, and so when
I got to that point I thought,you know, maybe I don't have to
and I was in a good practice,that I was working and I really
(12:36):
enjoyed the people that I wasthere with, and then this
opportunity kept presentingitself couple of them and I
think it was just the fact thatI just know that if I didn't, if
I didn't take the opportunityto do it, then I might not ever
do it.
And I feel like you know Itruly God, like just aligned it
(12:59):
so that.
I was able to do it, so, yeah.
So I stepped out there and I'mlike, lord, if it all aligns,
then I'll do it.
And I kept stepping and thingsjust fell into place and my now
partner we worked together atthe previous office where we
were both very content and cozyand she's like what are you
doing?
She thought I was absolutelyinsane.
That's all right.
Later I told her come on, helpme out.
(13:23):
But yeah, I think it's a scarything, as a woman as well, like
to when you know that you're ina comfort zone you're doing all
right to step out by yourselfand to do it, especially when
you've never done it before.
They don't train like medicalprofessionals, healthcare
professionals, anything aboutbusiness, really Like nothing.
Like they.
We're in school for eight, 10,12 years and they don't give you
(13:46):
business training, so you haveto do that on your own, gotcha.
So it's a scary thing to stepout there and not just be like
I'm already a masterful at mycraft of dentistry, but I knew
nothing about running a business, so I had to do a lot of CE,
spend a lot of time with peoplewho were masterful and put good
people in my corner and ithappened, yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
So what would you say has been the biggest learning
curve outside of, like thebusiness aspect of it?
Anything else, but you weren'texpecting.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Yeah, I think it's just managing people.
I think it's just the fact thatyou know you expect others to
be to react in situations likeyou would.
You know, like I'm like alwaysshocked by that.
So you go through somedifficult spots with people and
(14:35):
trying to like give them achance, and then they don't
necessarily always reciprocatein the same way or they don't
respond in the way that youthought they would.
But when you filter through andyou get the really good ones,
then you have something reallyamazing.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Yeah that's good.
No, I totally understand.
And then, as an entrepreneur aswell, we have this like need to
want to defend the business aswell, especially when someone
leaves or is no longer with usor has a bad experience,
whatever that may or may notlook like, because it's your
baby, right.
It's like something that you'veput your heart and soul into.
So you take it so personally.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
And that's always so difficult as well, but managing
people is just, you know, everyshoe doesn't fit and we and I
have a specific bus, like wehave a specific bus that we're
on, with a direction that we'regoing, and I know what we want
and who we want to be.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
And it doesn't fit for everybody.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
And that's okay.
But yeah, I just, I just wanteverybody to get along.
So it's hard as a, it's hard assomeone who's managing people
to sometimes step back and sayyou know, this probably isn't
the best fit.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's always unfortunate, so okay
, so walk me through how youended up in Bermuda, and I know
it's with your husband, so walkus through the story of that and
how you ended up here.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Oh, yeah, okay.
So I was finishing dentalschool and I just came on
vacation to visit a girlfriendof mine that was here a
childhood friend and I just saidI'll come sleep on your couch.
I just need to get away fromAlabama for a minute and have a
change of scenery.
Yeah, so, yeah.
So I came here and we said wewere.
(16:08):
I said, can we go to the beachtomorrow?
I was on a Friday and she'slike, okay, well, let's go to
the church first and then we cango to the beach.
And I'm like, oh, all right,all right, let's go to church.
I love church.
So we went and I randomlybumped into my husband and he
knew my friend's husband andthen I just kept seeing him
throughout the week that I washere and we talked every single
(16:30):
day since then.
So suddenly here I am inBermuda.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
And we said oh, maybe three years we'll live here.
And yeah, 13 years later, 14years, I feel like a lot of
people who are like mixedcouples, in terms of like one
from Bermuda, another one fromsomewhere else and I will come
to Bermuda for a few years, andthen it turns into like 20 years
later we've been here all thistime, that's it, and we bought a
practice and we have a houseand it's all of that.
(16:55):
So you met him at church onvacation.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Yeah, it was really random and I don't know, I think
it was just, I literallystarted praying for like a
specific, specific things and itwas just so easy.
It was so different than everyother relationship I had been in
and, yeah, it was very simple.
Every time he said he wouldcall, he called and we did long
(17:19):
distance thing for about a yearand then I was here.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
So how is it being married to a Bermudian in
Bermuda Like?
What is that process being like?
Because it's not the true expatkind of environment, because
you're emerged into, like aBermudian lifestyle as well but,
you're not really from here,like how is that?
I've always I'm always veryinterested to know how people
you know feel.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Yeah, it's been good At first.
When you get here, you get acouple comments.
You get like a ah, still one ofour guys, one of our Bermudians
, I got that.
I got that a couple times.
But after I developedrelationships with people, they
were good.
I was like well, you can haveone of mine.
You guys can head over toAtlanta and, you know, scoop one
(18:05):
up I'll trade you, I'll tradeyou.
Exchange.
Yeah, I'm good with that.
Yeah, I was.
I got that a couple times atthe beginning, but you know, I
think it's just, I love people.
So I think I've just, sinceI've been here, I've just kind
of immersed myself in theculture.
I've made Bermudian friends andI do things with them.
(18:28):
What they do I, I don't know.
It's just part of my life now.
Bermuda is is part of me, butit does take a little time to
get used to it and you just haveyou miss things about home.
So I part of the marriageagreement is that I get home
quite whenever I want to, like Igo back and forth often and
that way I'm not so homesick andmy family loves Bermuda, so
(18:48):
they come here and, yeah, wejust have meshed together.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
I like when you said a part of the marriage agreement
.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
It was part of the marriage agreement.
I'm like okay, if I do this,then you're okay with me leaving
.
Right, and he was he was likeokay, yeah, you can go in.
It changes a little bit whenyou have kids, cause he just
doesn't want to be at home withthe kids all the time by himself
, but we've worked it out.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Yeah, no, I mean, I get that.
And then it's also like youknow, you want to go home, you
want to see your family and youmiss certain things.
Like you know, go on a target,right Target, there you go.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Fall and target is the best Like right now.
I miss like warm sweaters andlike shopping all the fall items
and target.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Yes, definitely, and we really don't have a fall in
Bermuda, it goes from like hotto not so hot, and then damp and
cold and then back hot.
Exactly, I loved fall and I wasa nerd.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
So I like pin sharpened pencils Like when
you're starting to sharpenpencils like the smell of that
is so and like fall leaves andthe sweaters, and then like the
pumpkin, like the pumpkin patch,rides and hay rides.
I don't know, I know LaCourney,but I love it All of it.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Well, you're from down south too, which?
Speaker 2 (19:55):
those are big things in the south right, so I went to
school.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
We went to the same alma mater, oakley University.
Oh, you, and I think we bothyou were there when I was there
as well, and so Oakley College,sorry.
And then you.
So you see all the fall, yousee the changes, you see the
leaves.
Then they have like the applepicking and the pumpkin patches,
so it's very, very southern.
So I do agree.
Okay, so now that you guys havekids and you know you have two
(20:20):
cultures to kind of blend, likewhat is something that you, how
do you balance, I guess, yourcultures with your kids?
You know there's some holidaysthat we don't have here in
Bermuda, that's, in the States,and vice versa.
How does that happen?
How does it work?
I think?
Speaker 2 (20:33):
um, I just, I just do it all.
The more holidays, the better,so we do them all.
So Thanksgiving is the oneholiday I thirst for here.
It was my favorite holiday athome, but I still cook and I
make sure I make some basicthings that must be there, like
the collard greens and the sweetpotatoes and the macaroni and
the dressing.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
I'm still waiting for my Thanksgiving invitation.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
The dressing, oh okay , I'll work on that, the
dressing, not the stuffing.
That's a big thing.
It's a big thing.
That's very southern though,the very southern thing, yeah.
So we, I just do, I just dothem both, and then, like fourth
of July, I was born on fourthof July, yes, and so that's
something that I miss here.
But we go home most of the time.
We're there, we make sure wesee the fireworks, and then when
(21:19):
we're here, we're May 24, weare cup matched Out.
We are fully immersed inculture here too.
So they know both of theirsides and if anybody asks them,
they you know they have beenwell exposed to both.
And they spend the summers withmy mom.
She's out in the country inNashville, so they get.
They get a little bit ofeverything.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Yeah, that's good, I mean when you look back right on
, like what you did as a kid.
I think a good balance of bothis always really good, I think
so.
I think so.
I grew up in Bermuda, but Ialso spent a lot of time
overseas because my parents werein university, so that balance
of knowing both cultures isreally great.
So I think you know it helpsout.
And then you get like theseweird accents sometimes, though,
(21:59):
because it's like you're aroundcertain you know Americans, and
then you're with Braumudian, soit like that adaptability and
the accents is strange.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Yeah, my son, his accent is a little crazy.
Right now it is he's got somethick Braumudian accent and then
he says y'all you know, so it's, he's got like some.
It's a serious mixture, you'reright.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
It's that summertime in the country with his
grandparents and me, yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
I'm y'all all day.
You say you're going to sayy'all.
I'm a y'all girl yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
It happens, especially when you're in down
south like that, y'all will rolloff the tongue.
I drew the line when I saidFinna one day.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
I was in, I was like I'm going to go to the store.
I was like who am I?
Speaker 1 (22:40):
And I was like never again.
And that's when I knew it wastime to leave Huntsville.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Yeah, yeah, it's rubbing off.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Yeah, that's hilarious.
So it wasn't always.
You weren't always in thisspace as a mom where you know
you had two lovely kids, like inthe beginning.
You know you went through somedifficulty with not actually
having kids but with yourpregnancy, Like and again I want
everyone to be very aware Iasked Carmen if it was okay to
discuss this, so walk me throughyour first child.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Yeah, first baby.
I had an amazing pregnancy andI was yoga mom and I was doing
all the things and preparing formy beautiful natural birth and,
yeah, I had a stillborn.
I was 41 weeks pregnant.
I was out walking on the beachand trying to walk the baby down
(23:31):
, as everybody told me to do,and I was going for my checkups
and I felt some strange thingsand then the baby stopped moving
.
So I lost the baby at 41 weeksand it was truly the most
traumatic thing I think I'vebeen through in my life and it
took a period of a period to tryto recover from that and just
(23:56):
to recenter myself and reallyspiritually, which is the
foundation and the crux of mylife is my relationship with God
, just asking him why, like whatis going on.
But it also allows you to haveyour own experience, your own
(24:19):
spiritual experience not yourparents' experience, but truly
your own experience, and beingable to go through a trial that
tough on your own just allowsyou to grow and to really sit
down and have those questionswith God.
So that's kind of where I endedup, but it was an amazing
(24:39):
experience in that while I wassearching for the answers as to
why that would happen becausepeople lose babies and I've had
miscarriages too, like earlieron and I'm not discrediting a
miscarriage, because all ofthese losses are really
traumatic but there's somethingabout carrying a baby with this
big tummy and sitting down andworking on patients that I see
all day, every day, and thatcome back in six months and I
(25:02):
was waiting to see the baby.
There's something about goingthrough that external view of
pregnancy.
That was difficult.
So as I searched for the answersas to why I would be allowed to
even get that far, I've learnedI'm still learning that I truly
(25:25):
believe that it was a vesselfor me to be able to be
empathetic towards others.
The amount of women that I'vebeen able to encourage and be in
contact with after that isphenomenal.
I started like a little supportgroup when I got back from I
left.
I left the island and kind ofhid, because the great thing
about Bermuda is that everybodyknows you.
(25:46):
The bad thing about Bermuda isthat everybody knows you Exactly
.
So everybody was waiting to seethis baby.
So I just kind of fled and hidout in my mom's, basically
upstairs in her house.
And one thing I did while I wasthere is I went to support
groups and when you're in theStates there are quite a few
(26:07):
people who are maybe goingthrough the same thing.
But when you're in Bermuda youfeel a little isolated because
it's less a smaller populationof people to draw from.
So you feel like you're byyourself.
And I found a lot of peopledidn't talk about it.
So I got back I was like, okay,I'm gonna start a support group
.
So I just kind of I was on likea one track mind of trying to
distract myself from the babyand I wrote OBGYNs and told the
(26:31):
hospital hey look, I have thislike if women are going through
something like I'll sit downwith them and just share my
story.
And I had another friend whowas going through something
similar, so two of us did it andit's been amazing the amount of
women that I've been able toconnect with.
And I don't have any profoundwisdom in it.
I'm not.
I don't have any formaltraining in it, but many times
(26:51):
you just wanna talk to somebodyelse who's been through the same
thing.
So we sat down, we talk, I'dbring them a bear, I just tell
them to celebrate their baby andwe grow through that.
So I truly feel like I wentthrough that process so that I'm
able to.
That's just like an arm of likeministry for me, an arm of
(27:11):
another arm of service, I guess.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
So, yeah yeah, so you said just now.
You said they're celebrate thebaby.
How do you do that?
How do you?
As you know, you said you were41 weeks, it was a full term
baby, right?
How do you celebrate a baby whoyou no longer felt kicking and
you still had to go through thebirthing process, I'm assuming?
(27:33):
And then you walk away and nothave that child.
Like how do you celebrate that?
Speaker 2 (27:39):
So I planted a tree, like I planted a little lemon
tree, and that reminds me of himit's my Austin tree.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
That's his name, Austin.
Yeah, his name was Austin.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
Yeah, and that's it.
Like celebrating him is likespeaking his name and like
talking about the fact that hewas here and his life meant
something, and that was mypurpose, like what did his life
mean?
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Like why did I go through this?
Speaker 2 (27:59):
And I feel like his life meant something to be able
to encourage others.
It meant something in my family.
It just gave me such a rightnow with my own kids.
I have a different level ofpassion with my children.
And I had to fix that a littlebit, like with the first baby,
because when I first had Ava,like I was so happy to have a
(28:23):
baby, like I would just sit andhold her, and you can't just
hold a baby off.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Yeah, yeah, you gotta leave him alone, yeah, you
gotta put him down.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Sometimes, so I think that you have to find the
balance in that.
But I think his life allowed meto be able to celebrate my kids
and be a better mother now.
I really truly appreciate itand, yeah, I celebrate him
through that and they know abouthim and I tell my other like
moms, like you know, speak theirnames, like find ways to
remember them every year aroundtheir birthday and just find
(28:55):
ways to incorporate them intoyour life since not like they're
forgotten.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Yeah, definitely, Because I guess not having.
I guess it's hard becausesometimes it's like would it be
easier to try to forget and justmove on, but then I'm assuming
that that doesn't help with thatgrieving process.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
Yeah, I guess everybody's a little different.
I'm not a real quiet person,like it would be unnatural for
me to sleep something under therug.
I'm like a wear it on yourshoulder kind of girl I want to
like I will just share whatever,so that for some people I think
they might feel better abouthiding something and just
(29:32):
keeping it closed and manypeople do and I had people that
reached out to me after I hadthe loss and suddenly were like
hey, I've been through this andthey've never mentioned it
before.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Why do you think we, as women, tend to shy away from
that Is?
What do you think that is?
Speaker 2 (29:46):
I think there's a little shame in it.
You walk around and you seewomen that just pop out babies
like candy, like in the ricefields, you know.
Yeah, like they were doing itlike since ancient times, yeah,
and so like everybody expects usto be able to do this womanly
thing which is to birth a baby.
(30:07):
So I think there's a littleshame in it.
It's really sad.
It's a reminder that you failedat something, so I think that
maybe we don't talk about thatbecause of that reason, but
truly it's not something to beashamed of, because so many
(30:27):
women go through it, I think ifwe shared more, we could
encourage each other and sitbeside each other and fill the
support and figure out how to doit again.
Try again if you want to.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
Definitely yeah.
And then the trying part isalso again.
After that happens, like I'massuming, during those processes
you get just as nervous as thefirst time.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Yeah, it like changes your relationship.
It can really be difficult torecover from that and it can be
harsh on the husband, like hedidn't sign up for this, like
they don't really want to, theydon't want to have to go through
this and watching their wifegoing through this type of
(31:08):
turmoil I mean they're sad too.
But it's different for thewomen, and so it changes what
used to be fun.
It changes it into somethingthat becomes a chore and a thing
that is just something that isalmost like a, a thing that you
want to kind of shy away fromevery month.
You don't even want to thinkabout it, and it changes the
(31:28):
whole direction and the energyof your month and you're waiting
to see if you might have a babythis month.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
Yeah, that's great.
So how was Ryan with you duringthat time?
Speaker 2 (31:37):
He was great.
He was just super patient.
I have like my husband'sopposite of me.
He is like completely balanced,completely.
He's just always the same andthis was hard for him, but he's
truly like my compliment.
So, whereas I know people whoserelationships are strained and
they don't make it through thiskind of thing it pushes them
(31:59):
apart he was just there, he wasjust supportive.
Every time I was in the showercrying by myself, he was just
there.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
He was phenomenal, he was awesome.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
And he was down for all of the shenanigans that.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
I put him through Like.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
I was at a calendar and you know he was there, he
was ready and he's been anamazing father.
Yeah, he was just committed tothe process because he wanted
the same thing that I did and wejust did it.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
So what do you want to say to like women now that
have gone through that?
So we spoke about miscarriagesin a previous episode, but I
think a full term loss like thatis different in some ways and,
like you said, we're notdiminishing that in any way but
what is something that you wantto convey to someone who may
have just gone through that?
Speaker 2 (32:45):
If you've just gone through it, I just would say to
find somebody else to talk to soyou don't feel so alone and so
you don't feel like you've donesomething wrong.
I'll say one example that Iremember like vividly is going
into the grocery store rightafter it happened and a patient
walked up to me.
I was grabbing something off oflike the top shelf and she was
(33:08):
like oh, she's like I bet yougrabbed something off the top
shelf like that when you werepregnant, didn't you?
And she's like you know thatthat pulls them umbilical cord
and it chokes your baby.
That's probably what happenedwhat?
Yeah, that's what she said.
Are you kidding me?
Yeah, so then I'm like in thegrocery store, like like okay,
maybe I did do that Full tearslike just happened.
(33:29):
That's why I had to like leave.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Yeah, because people would make little comments.
People are so insensitive.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
Yeah, and they just want, they feel like they're
helping and that is not helpful.
No, because then you go homeand you think about it and
you're like maybe I did do thatand there's this like whole
guilt thing.
So I feel like women who havelosses.
There's something that happenedduring your pregnancy where you
feel like I did something wrongand, honestly, like women used
(33:55):
to work in the fields.
Women do gymnastics, they do,they do all levels of yeah,
marathons, like it had nothingto do with you doing something
wrong.
It just it had something thathappens, like statistically it
just happens.
So I would just say findsomebody to talk to so you can
realize that you know Somebodyelse is going through it as well
(34:17):
.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
And push through it and try again if you want to.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
Okay, perfect.
And then now you have beautifulAva and Ashton.
So when you look at them now,given the first, the loss that
you had of Austin, like how doesthat feel having your two
beautiful kids now Best?
Speaker 2 (34:33):
It is like my joy to come home to them every day.
As as hectic as it is to be amom, it is the best, um, and I
think that, like I said, youjust appreciate it in a
different level.
Like I love um, whereas I was,I'm definitely like a.
I love a, a good event, a party, like what's happening, like
(34:55):
let's go.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Like.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
I'm always I'm, I'm the friend that's down to travel
, to go and to always be busy,um, but being a mom to them, it
brings me the most joy, and soI'm learning um over and over,
as I'm getting a little older,that I think that brings me the
most joy when I'm sitting therecooking or painting with them.
Um, although I still like myparty, um, you know, I still
(35:20):
like a good event, but I I finda piece in in being their mom
and being next to them and justbeing able to see them learn and
just um and grow.
Yeah, they're growing so fast,yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Time is flying by.
Oh my gosh Can't believe it.
Ava's what 10?
Now she's turning 10.
Oh my gosh, crazy.
Anyway, we are running out oftime, so I we're going to do a
part too.
Um, you know, so we can geteverything together.
You know, kind of ask you somemore questions, but I always
round out with everyone, um, atthe end of each episode, like
when you're no longer on thisplanet and someone says Carmen
(35:55):
Rebane, or if they knew you byyour, uh, maiden name, like what
do you want to be rememberedfor?
What do you want people to sayabout you when you're no longer
with us?
Speaker 2 (36:04):
Um, I think that I would just want to be remembered
as a person who lovedpassionately.
Um.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
I loved people.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
I loved my friends, I loved God.
Um I just, and that wasauthentic and that.
I was true to myself, um, and Ithink that's kind of the
foundation of of how I function,like I want to function in true
(36:33):
love with whoever I'm.
I'm with, and authenticity.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Nice, I love that.
Okay, so thank you so much forspending some time with me today
, and I too.
Two uh ways people can get incontact with you.
So the first thing is, ifanyone wants to do anything
teeth related, how do they getin contact with you?
Um to uh is potentially come toCoral Dental.
Yeah, um, just call my office.
Speaker 2 (36:56):
I've got amazing ladies that will hook you up.
They will get you in.
Um, I've been really busy.
I'm very blessed to be verybusy, but I have associate
dentist that just joined us, sowe are welcoming new patients at
this point, whereas we weren'tbefore.
Um.
So just just call one of ourgirls, um, charmaine, sherri,
and these girls will take careof you.
Um, or you can email us.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
Okay, perfect, and then, if anyone wants, to reach
out for the support group oranything that you have going on
with.
That.
That's great.
How's the best way to get incontact?
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Yeah, they can email me, um at dentistcoraldentalbm.
Um, and it comes directly to me, Perfect Um, and I'll be able
to chat with them a bit and setup something.
Perfect, support them.
Yeah, I would love to do thatPerfect.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Thanks again, carmen.
I appreciate you, um, forspending some time with me on
the couch.
Um and um, thank you again.
Thank you so much for um beinghere today and I'm glad we
finally got it locked down.
Yes, me too.
Perfect, all right guys.
Thank you so much for spendingsome time with me today with the
amazing Dr Carmen Rabain, whois the partner and owner of
(38:00):
Coral Dental.
Um, make sure you head over toher company's website If you
want to.
Uh, head over to Coral Dentalto have anything done with your
teeth and then, if you have anyyou know questions with for
Carmen for any of the thingsthat she spoke about on the
podcast today, especially aroundum, the support group um that
we mentioned, make sure youemail her, as always.
Thank you to our sponsors,brown and Co and 59 front.
(38:23):
Please head over to 59 frontfor all of your needs and we
look forward to seeing you againon our next episode of hustle
her podcast.
It's time for hustle her podcast.
I'm your host, deshae Keynes.
Hustle her is all aboutinspiring women through real
life experiences that havehelped to mold and develop not
only me but my guests into theentrepreneurs and leaders we are
today.
If you're an enterprising womandetermined to succeed and
(00:22):
looking for a bit of motivation,a bit of tough love and some
actionable takeaways to be thebest you girl, you are in the
right place.
Hey guys, welcome back tohustle her podcast.
Thank you for spending sometime with me today.
As always, I genuinelyappreciated.
Big shout out to our sponsors,brown and Co, as well as 59
(00:44):
front.
So make sure you head over to59 front.
You can buy this lovely germalone candle that we have here
on the coffee table today, andthen I'll be also doing some
shorter videos from some of theother things that they have over
there.
So, for those of you who areregular listeners and follow the
Instagram page, I did apeople's choice kind of contest
for who everyone wanted to seeon the podcast for this season.
(01:05):
So my next guest is someone whowas already scheduled to be on
but she, like hands down, wonthe vote, so please help me.
Welcome Dr Carmen Rubin.
She is a partner and owner ofCoral dental Carmen.
Thank you I appreciate it.
Great, all right.
(01:25):
So we're gonna jump in and getsome of these questions that we
have.
We want to get to know you alittle bit better and then we'll
jump right in.
Cool, all right.
What is your skincare routine?
Speaker 2 (01:39):
My skincare routine is well in the morning it's a
bit of a scramble with twolittle kids.
So, it's a 15 minute dash, yeah, so not much like in the shower
and the evening.
I do like a series of thingswith the OCEA products, which I
really love.
I had a facial somewhere at ahotel here and they kind of
(02:00):
instructed me, so I do like aserum and like a toner and a
moisturizer afterwards.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Okay yeah, nighttime routines for me are a bit more
heavy as well.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Like I have the time to actually focus on my face,
with just going All right.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
I'm happiest when.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I'm happiest when I'm in front of good food.
I love food Eating or cooking,and with good people, good
conversation.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Okay, perfect, all right.
What did you spend your firstpaycheck on after you, you know,
became a dentist?
Like what was the first firstbit of money spent on yourself.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Yeah, I invested in a better place to live, like just
getting just upgrading a littlebit started from the bottom and
, yeah, wanted to get a betterplace to live.
I was waiting on that check sowe could upgrade.
And I'm also invested in a goodpair of shoes Because I was the
target girl.
(02:55):
I still am a target girl.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
I mean targets, got some nice stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Kind of love target.
We can't knock it, can't knockit at all.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Spend way too much money in there, so I got it.
You can get lost.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
So yeah, but the shoes.
If you wear target shoes, youknow for a little, while they
don't hold up the same way.
A high quality shoe, there yougo.
So yeah, I got it.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
I get you All right.
Cool, Walk me through what youlike to do on the plane.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
A book I love reading .
I wait to get into the airportto go into one of the little
shops and I'm there with peoplethat don't usually look like me
and we're all like lookingthrough little books and I just
sit there and read and myhusband's wondering what I'm
doing and, yeah, I find a reallygood book that I want to read
and I just want to sit in the onthe plane and turn the pages
(03:38):
and feel the book Nice.
I wait for that.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Okay, all right.
What does love feel like?
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Love feels like acceptance, loving your
authentic self, someone wholoves you for who you are, truly
Acceptance, loving who you areand I would say, just like a
piece, I love.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
All right, and who or what are you listening to
currently?
I guess who, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
So it's Gregory Porter.
I know people don't really know.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
No, no idea who that is.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
So he's a jazz musician like jazz, but he he
sings like jazz.
It's kind of Nat King Cholesk,just a really soothing baritone.
You don't hear a baritone voicevery often.
It's something really soothingabout it and he's has some
really amazing calming songs.
So at the end of the day I liketo cook and turn him on and it
(04:39):
calms the kids down.
And also when I'm working Ithink it's very relaxing for
patients.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Okay, and then what's your hidden talent?
Something not a lot of peopleknow about you.
Hidden talent is I like topaint.
I don't know how good I am, butI like it Are you like one of
those people at the sip andpaints that are like doing
really well, or is it like, ooh,we don't know what?
Speaker 2 (04:59):
that is.
I think I take it way tooseriously.
I'm painting like I am investedin that picture and I feel like
I do a pretty good job, myfriend.
I was like Carmen.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
I just love something I'm here for it.
Okay, so obviously I knowyou've heard about the whole
celebrity crush thing, but Iasked everyone who comes on now
who's the celebrity crush?
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Yeah, I would have to say from childhood I loved
usher Raymond.
I went to his concert and likehe just embodies, he had a
little bit of Atlanta which Ilove, it's just home.
And then also like hisinteraction with the audience is
amazing and he's just, he'sjust my guy, it was a good time
you went to the Vegas show.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I did.
Okay, I got to go.
I heard he extended.
It's pretty amazing.
Yeah, okay, I'll make it apoint to head down to Vegas for
that.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Oscar show.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Okay, and I know you're not Promethean, but you
are married to one and I'mhoping and praying that he is
leading you down the right way.
So tell me who is your cutmatch team.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Uh, Starter Set there we go, there we go.
100%.
Cut match might be over butexactly, there you go.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
That's all you have to say.
The winners.
Sorry, lara, it'll be alright,all right, so let's jump right
in.
So, as the owner and partner ofone of you know, our one of our
leading dentists office inBermuda, something that I've
noticed, because I've had thepleasure of coming into your
practice before, is that youemploy a lot of young local
Bermudians qualified in theirfield.
(06:30):
You don't usually see that inpractices in Bermuda and as
someone who's not from here,like what was kind of the
essence or genesis behind thatwhen you bought your practice?
Speaker 2 (06:41):
I just thought honestly where I started.
We always I always was intogiving back and and being in
touch with my community.
Yeah, so when I was in dentalschool, I went to a dental
school where there weren't manypeople that looked like me, but
we had a group that always tookthe time to go back into the
(07:02):
high schools.
We spent time Just trying tomotivate and educate and expose
a young people to the profession.
It's just more of somethingthat's instilled in me.
It doesn't matter where I go.
I would be invested in peoplewho Typically wouldn't have
opportunities, and being able tobring them along because they
look like me, that's, yeah.
(07:23):
That's where I was, and so Iwas given the opportunity and I
always looked to be able to givesomeone who, first of all, has
a skill set like it's not, yeah,but have the skill set, have
the warmth that we're lookingfor and then, yeah, just have
the drive to do something more.
So I, my team, is justphenomenal.
They're awesome, they're goodpeople and I think you know
(07:48):
we're like a family.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Yeah, you can tell like from the social media.
You know you guys look like youget along, always doing like
the trends.
And then the crew, the parties,you guys always doing give
backs.
So that started in your firstpractice.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Well, when you first started in dentistry, the give
backs yeah, yeah, I just, Ithink it's just a Something from
childhood, like where my, myfamily, my mother and my
grandmother like we worked, likewe were, we were churchy people
so we're always in the churchand my grandmother like used to
do these homeless Like feedingprograms and things, and then
you would give back to, likefamilies in the community.
(08:22):
It's something that's beenstilled with me.
I just sat around church allday like packing baskets for
people, yeah.
So I always was very connectedto the community and I Think
that that translates to who I amnow, where it's just an
intimate part of who I am andwhere I I'm doing this for a
reason, like I'm not just doingthis just to make money like.
(08:43):
I'm doing this as a service.
So, yeah, it's just part of whoI am.
And we're even going to.
Next week we leave forGuatemala, we go on a mission
trip, so we're going back thereto serve and to be able to help
out the kids there.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
That's amazing.
Yeah, it's really good, youknow, because sometimes people
just kind of look at doctors andthink they're just here to just
kind of make money and theynever really give back into the
community.
Yeah, so I actually something Ireally admire about your
practice.
So you mentioned about your momand your grandma.
Like tell me about littleCarmen, like where are you from?
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Yeah, so I am from.
I was born in Cleveland, ohio.
We were only there for a coupleyears.
Yeah, yeah, which is real middleAmerica.
But, yeah, I loved it.
I only was there a couple yearsand then I moved straight to
Atlanta.
So I spent my the majority ofmy life in Atlanta.
As little Carmen was in AtlantaI grew up.
(09:36):
My dad was a pastor, my mom wasa nurse.
She had a constant drive.
She was a big inspiration forme as far as education, and my
dad.
They both are very much intoeducation, but my mom and she,
like, went back.
She started off as an RN andthen she went back and became a
nurse practitioner, got hermasters and she went on got her
(09:57):
doctorate, as we were.
As she was an adult, she spenta lot of time considering how to
move herself forward, becauseshe started off as an orange.
She always wanted to be adoctor and she always had a huge
thirst to do more as far as herstudies, and I remember being
surrounded by that, as well asmy father.
So, yeah, so we grew up inAtlanta.
(10:19):
Little Carmen always lovedsports.
I played a lot of volleyball.
Really, yeah, captain of myvolleyball team, I played
basketball.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
So we gotta get you out on the volleyball team I
love volleyball.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Really I don't quite what it used to be?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Oh goodness.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
But I'm good, I can do it.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Okay, All right.
So when you were younger, didyou know?
You always wanted to be adentist.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
No, I knew I wanted to be a doctor.
I thought I wouldn't be asurgeon actually, so I thought
pediatrician I love mypediatrician and my mom used to
tell me I would go to thepediatrician's house like my mom
worked for her, and she wouldsay, if you want a house like
this, you gotta get good grades.
And I was like, oh, okay, allright.
So I thought, oh, maybe I'll belike that.
(11:01):
And she was a black woman andshe was beautiful and she was
sweet, and so I thought I wantedto be like her.
And then I learned I like towork with my hands.
So I thought I would be asurgeon, like a neonatal surgeon
, and I started shadowing thesurgeon and realized that their
hours were something thatwouldn't support what I wanted
to do, which is be a mommy, andso I wanted to have time to be
(11:24):
at home with my kids, and so sheactually enlightened me and
told me, like you should reallycheck out Dentistry with my
friends at Dentist.
And she can.
She still works with her hands,she still does surgery, but
she's able to have theflexibility to be with her
family and her day cuts off, youknow.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
At a certain time.
At a certain time, a little bitin the surgeons, yeah,
absolutely so.
What was kind of like thedriving force behind coming in?
Entrepreneur Cause, like somepeople you know, they look at
entrepreneurs like, oh, it looksfun, like you know, great, you
can set your own hours, all thattype of stuff, but there's a
lot of comfort in working forsomeone else.
You know what I mean guaranteedin paychecks and you're not
dealing with the politics ofoffices, hiring, firing, all of
(12:04):
that.
So what made you go from youknow the comfort of not having
to worry about any of that toyou know what I'm gonna buy this
practice.
Take it on, transform it.
What was that?
Speaker 2 (12:13):
That's a good question because it was really
challenging Initially, before Iwas married, I always thought
I'll have my own practice oneday, but after I had kids it
became a big focus of mine, likeI love being a mom, and so when
I got to that point I thought,you know, maybe I don't have to
and I was in a good practice,that I was working and I really
(12:36):
enjoyed the people that I wasthere with, and then this
opportunity kept presentingitself couple of them and I
think it was just the fact thatI just know that if I didn't, if
I didn't take the opportunityto do it, then I might not ever
do it.
And I feel like you know Itruly God, like just aligned it
(12:59):
so that.
I was able to do it, so, yeah.
So I stepped out there and I'mlike, lord, if it all aligns,
then I'll do it.
And I kept stepping and thingsjust fell into place and my now
partner we worked together atthe previous office where we
were both very content and cozyand she's like what are you
doing?
She thought I was absolutelyinsane.
That's all right.
Later I told her come on, helpme out.
(13:23):
But yeah, I think it's a scarything, as a woman as well, like
to when you know that you're ina comfort zone you're doing all
right to step out by yourselfand to do it, especially when
you've never done it before.
They don't train like medicalprofessionals, healthcare
professionals, anything aboutbusiness, really Like nothing.
Like they.
We're in school for eight, 10,12 years and they don't give you
(13:46):
business training, so you haveto do that on your own, gotcha.
So it's a scary thing to stepout there and not just be like
I'm already a masterful at mycraft of dentistry, but I knew
nothing about running a business, so I had to do a lot of CE,
spend a lot of time with peoplewho were masterful and put good
people in my corner and ithappened, yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
So what would you say has been the biggest learning
curve outside of, like thebusiness aspect of it?
Anything else, but you weren'texpecting.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Yeah, I think it's just managing people.
I think it's just the fact thatyou know you expect others to
be to react in situations likeyou would.
You know, like I'm like alwaysshocked by that.
So you go through somedifficult spots with people and
(14:35):
trying to like give them achance, and then they don't
necessarily always reciprocatein the same way or they don't
respond in the way that youthought they would.
But when you filter through andyou get the really good ones,
then you have something reallyamazing.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Yeah that's good.
No, I totally understand.
And then, as an entrepreneur aswell, we have this like need to
want to defend the business aswell, especially when someone
leaves or is no longer with usor has a bad experience,
whatever that may or may notlook like, because it's your
baby, right.
It's like something that you'veput your heart and soul into.
So you take it so personally.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
And that's always so difficult as well, but managing
people is just, you know, everyshoe doesn't fit and we and I
have a specific bus, like wehave a specific bus that we're
on, with a direction that we'regoing, and I know what we want
and who we want to be.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
And it doesn't fit for everybody.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
And that's okay.
But yeah, I just, I just wanteverybody to get along.
So it's hard as a, it's hard assomeone who's managing people
to sometimes step back and sayyou know, this probably isn't
the best fit.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's always unfortunate, so okay
, so walk me through how youended up in Bermuda, and I know
it's with your husband, so walkus through the story of that and
how you ended up here.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Oh, yeah, okay.
So I was finishing dentalschool and I just came on
vacation to visit a girlfriendof mine that was here a
childhood friend and I just saidI'll come sleep on your couch.
I just need to get away fromAlabama for a minute and have a
change of scenery.
Yeah, so, yeah.
So I came here and we said wewere.
(16:08):
I said, can we go to the beachtomorrow?
I was on a Friday and she'slike, okay, well, let's go to
the church first and then we cango to the beach.
And I'm like, oh, all right,all right, let's go to church.
I love church.
So we went and I randomlybumped into my husband and he
knew my friend's husband andthen I just kept seeing him
throughout the week that I washere and we talked every single
(16:30):
day since then.
So suddenly here I am inBermuda.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
And we said oh, maybe three years we'll live here.
And yeah, 13 years later, 14years, I feel like a lot of
people who are like mixedcouples, in terms of like one
from Bermuda, another one fromsomewhere else and I will come
to Bermuda for a few years, andthen it turns into like 20 years
later we've been here all thistime, that's it, and we bought a
practice and we have a houseand it's all of that.
(16:55):
So you met him at church onvacation.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Yeah, it was really random and I don't know, I think
it was just, I literallystarted praying for like a
specific, specific things and itwas just so easy.
It was so different than everyother relationship I had been in
and, yeah, it was very simple.
Every time he said he wouldcall, he called and we did long
(17:19):
distance thing for about a yearand then I was here.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
So how is it being married to a Bermudian in
Bermuda Like?
What is that process being like?
Because it's not the true expatkind of environment, because
you're emerged into, like aBermudian lifestyle as well but,
you're not really from here,like how is that?
I've always I'm always veryinterested to know how people
you know feel.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Yeah, it's been good At first.
When you get here, you get acouple comments.
You get like a ah, still one ofour guys, one of our Bermudians
, I got that.
I got that a couple times.
But after I developedrelationships with people, they
were good.
I was like well, you can haveone of mine.
You guys can head over toAtlanta and, you know, scoop one
(18:05):
up I'll trade you, I'll tradeyou.
Exchange.
Yeah, I'm good with that.
Yeah, I was.
I got that a couple times atthe beginning, but you know, I
think it's just, I love people.
So I think I've just, sinceI've been here, I've just kind
of immersed myself in theculture.
I've made Bermudian friends andI do things with them.
(18:28):
What they do I, I don't know.
It's just part of my life now.
Bermuda is is part of me, butit does take a little time to
get used to it and you just haveyou miss things about home.
So I part of the marriageagreement is that I get home
quite whenever I want to, like Igo back and forth often and
that way I'm not so homesick andmy family loves Bermuda, so
(18:48):
they come here and, yeah, wejust have meshed together.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
I like when you said a part of the marriage agreement
.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
It was part of the marriage agreement.
I'm like okay, if I do this,then you're okay with me leaving
.
Right, and he was he was likeokay, yeah, you can go in.
It changes a little bit whenyou have kids, cause he just
doesn't want to be at home withthe kids all the time by himself
, but we've worked it out.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Yeah, no, I mean, I get that.
And then it's also like youknow, you want to go home, you
want to see your family and youmiss certain things.
Like you know, go on a target,right Target, there you go.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Fall and target is the best Like right now.
I miss like warm sweaters andlike shopping all the fall items
and target.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Yes, definitely, and we really don't have a fall in
Bermuda, it goes from like hotto not so hot, and then damp and
cold and then back hot.
Exactly, I loved fall and I wasa nerd.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
So I like pin sharpened pencils Like when
you're starting to sharpenpencils like the smell of that
is so and like fall leaves andthe sweaters, and then like the
pumpkin, like the pumpkin patch,rides and hay rides.
I don't know, I know LaCourney,but I love it All of it.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Well, you're from down south too, which?
Speaker 2 (19:55):
those are big things in the south right, so I went to
school.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
We went to the same alma mater, oakley University.
Oh, you, and I think we bothyou were there when I was there
as well, and so Oakley College,sorry.
And then you.
So you see all the fall, yousee the changes, you see the
leaves.
Then they have like the applepicking and the pumpkin patches,
so it's very, very southern.
So I do agree.
Okay, so now that you guys havekids and you know you have two
(20:20):
cultures to kind of blend, likewhat is something that you, how
do you balance, I guess, yourcultures with your kids?
You know there's some holidaysthat we don't have here in
Bermuda, that's, in the States,and vice versa.
How does that happen?
How does it work?
I think?
Speaker 2 (20:33):
um, I just, I just do it all.
The more holidays, the better,so we do them all.
So Thanksgiving is the oneholiday I thirst for here.
It was my favorite holiday athome, but I still cook and I
make sure I make some basicthings that must be there, like
the collard greens and the sweetpotatoes and the macaroni and
the dressing.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
I'm still waiting for my Thanksgiving invitation.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
The dressing, oh okay , I'll work on that, the
dressing, not the stuffing.
That's a big thing.
It's a big thing.
That's very southern though,the very southern thing, yeah.
So we, I just do, I just dothem both, and then, like fourth
of July, I was born on fourthof July, yes, and so that's
something that I miss here.
But we go home most of the time.
We're there, we make sure wesee the fireworks, and then when
(21:19):
we're here, we're May 24, weare cup matched Out.
We are fully immersed inculture here too.
So they know both of theirsides and if anybody asks them,
they you know they have beenwell exposed to both.
And they spend the summers withmy mom.
She's out in the country inNashville, so they get.
They get a little bit ofeverything.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Yeah, that's good, I mean when you look back right on
, like what you did as a kid.
I think a good balance of bothis always really good, I think
so.
I think so.
I grew up in Bermuda, but Ialso spent a lot of time
overseas because my parents werein university, so that balance
of knowing both cultures isreally great.
So I think you know it helpsout.
And then you get like theseweird accents sometimes, though,
(21:59):
because it's like you're aroundcertain you know Americans, and
then you're with Braumudian, soit like that adaptability and
the accents is strange.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Yeah, my son, his accent is a little crazy.
Right now it is he's got somethick Braumudian accent and then
he says y'all you know, so it's, he's got like some.
It's a serious mixture, you'reright.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
It's that summertime in the country with his
grandparents and me, yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
I'm y'all all day.
You say you're going to sayy'all.
I'm a y'all girl yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
It happens, especially when you're in down
south like that, y'all will rolloff the tongue.
I drew the line when I saidFinna one day.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
I was in, I was like I'm going to go to the store.
I was like who am I?
Speaker 1 (22:40):
And I was like never again.
And that's when I knew it wastime to leave Huntsville.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Yeah, yeah, it's rubbing off.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Yeah, that's hilarious.
So it wasn't always.
You weren't always in thisspace as a mom where you know
you had two lovely kids, like inthe beginning.
You know you went through somedifficulty with not actually
having kids but with yourpregnancy, Like and again I want
everyone to be very aware Iasked Carmen if it was okay to
discuss this, so walk me throughyour first child.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Yeah, first baby.
I had an amazing pregnancy andI was yoga mom and I was doing
all the things and preparing formy beautiful natural birth and,
yeah, I had a stillborn.
I was 41 weeks pregnant.
I was out walking on the beachand trying to walk the baby down
(23:31):
, as everybody told me to do,and I was going for my checkups
and I felt some strange thingsand then the baby stopped moving
.
So I lost the baby at 41 weeksand it was truly the most
traumatic thing I think I'vebeen through in my life and it
took a period of a period to tryto recover from that and just
(23:56):
to recenter myself and reallyspiritually, which is the
foundation and the crux of mylife is my relationship with God
, just asking him why, like whatis going on.
But it also allows you to haveyour own experience, your own
(24:19):
spiritual experience not yourparents' experience, but truly
your own experience, and beingable to go through a trial that
tough on your own just allowsyou to grow and to really sit
down and have those questionswith God.
So that's kind of where I endedup, but it was an amazing
(24:39):
experience in that while I wassearching for the answers as to
why that would happen becausepeople lose babies and I've had
miscarriages too, like earlieron and I'm not discrediting a
miscarriage, because all ofthese losses are really
traumatic but there's somethingabout carrying a baby with this
big tummy and sitting down andworking on patients that I see
all day, every day, and thatcome back in six months and I
(25:02):
was waiting to see the baby.
There's something about goingthrough that external view of
pregnancy.
That was difficult.
So as I searched for the answersas to why I would be allowed to
even get that far, I've learnedI'm still learning that I truly
(25:25):
believe that it was a vesselfor me to be able to be
empathetic towards others.
The amount of women that I'vebeen able to encourage and be in
contact with after that isphenomenal.
I started like a little supportgroup when I got back from I
left.
I left the island and kind ofhid, because the great thing
about Bermuda is that everybodyknows you.
(25:46):
The bad thing about Bermuda isthat everybody knows you Exactly
.
So everybody was waiting to seethis baby.
So I just kind of fled and hidout in my mom's, basically
upstairs in her house.
And one thing I did while I wasthere is I went to support
groups and when you're in theStates there are quite a few
(26:07):
people who are maybe goingthrough the same thing.
But when you're in Bermuda youfeel a little isolated because
it's less a smaller populationof people to draw from.
So you feel like you're byyourself.
And I found a lot of peopledidn't talk about it.
So I got back I was like, okay,I'm gonna start a support group
.
So I just kind of I was on likea one track mind of trying to
distract myself from the babyand I wrote OBGYNs and told the
(26:31):
hospital hey look, I have thislike if women are going through
something like I'll sit downwith them and just share my
story.
And I had another friend whowas going through something
similar, so two of us did it andit's been amazing the amount of
women that I've been able toconnect with.
And I don't have any profoundwisdom in it.
I'm not.
I don't have any formaltraining in it, but many times
(26:51):
you just wanna talk to somebodyelse who's been through the same
thing.
So we sat down, we talk, I'dbring them a bear, I just tell
them to celebrate their baby andwe grow through that.
So I truly feel like I wentthrough that process so that I'm
able to.
That's just like an arm of likeministry for me, an arm of
(27:11):
another arm of service, I guess.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
So, yeah yeah, so you said just now.
You said they're celebrate thebaby.
How do you do that?
How do you?
As you know, you said you were41 weeks, it was a full term
baby, right?
How do you celebrate a baby whoyou no longer felt kicking and
you still had to go through thebirthing process, I'm assuming?
(27:33):
And then you walk away and nothave that child.
Like how do you celebrate that?
Speaker 2 (27:39):
So I planted a tree, like I planted a little lemon
tree, and that reminds me of himit's my Austin tree.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
That's his name, Austin.
Yeah, his name was Austin.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
Yeah, and that's it.
Like celebrating him is likespeaking his name and like
talking about the fact that hewas here and his life meant
something, and that was mypurpose, like what did his life
mean?
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Like why did I go through this?
Speaker 2 (27:59):
And I feel like his life meant something to be able
to encourage others.
It meant something in my family.
It just gave me such a rightnow with my own kids.
I have a different level ofpassion with my children.
And I had to fix that a littlebit, like with the first baby,
because when I first had Ava,like I was so happy to have a
(28:23):
baby, like I would just sit andhold her, and you can't just
hold a baby off.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Yeah, yeah, you gotta leave him alone, yeah, you
gotta put him down.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Sometimes, so I think that you have to find the
balance in that.
But I think his life allowed meto be able to celebrate my kids
and be a better mother now.
I really truly appreciate itand, yeah, I celebrate him
through that and they know abouthim and I tell my other like
moms, like you know, speak theirnames, like find ways to
remember them every year aroundtheir birthday and just find
(28:55):
ways to incorporate them intoyour life since not like they're
forgotten.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Yeah, definitely, Because I guess not having.
I guess it's hard becausesometimes it's like would it be
easier to try to forget and justmove on, but then I'm assuming
that that doesn't help with thatgrieving process.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
Yeah, I guess everybody's a little different.
I'm not a real quiet person,like it would be unnatural for
me to sleep something under therug.
I'm like a wear it on yourshoulder kind of girl I want to
like I will just share whatever,so that for some people I think
they might feel better abouthiding something and just
(29:32):
keeping it closed and manypeople do and I had people that
reached out to me after I hadthe loss and suddenly were like
hey, I've been through this andthey've never mentioned it
before.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Why do you think we, as women, tend to shy away from
that Is?
What do you think that is?
Speaker 2 (29:46):
I think there's a little shame in it.
You walk around and you seewomen that just pop out babies
like candy, like in the ricefields, you know.
Yeah, like they were doing itlike since ancient times, yeah,
and so like everybody expects usto be able to do this womanly
thing which is to birth a baby.
(30:07):
So I think there's a littleshame in it.
It's really sad.
It's a reminder that you failedat something, so I think that
maybe we don't talk about thatbecause of that reason, but
truly it's not something to beashamed of, because so many
(30:27):
women go through it, I think ifwe shared more, we could
encourage each other and sitbeside each other and fill the
support and figure out how to doit again.
Try again if you want to.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
Definitely yeah.
And then the trying part isalso again.
After that happens, like I'massuming, during those processes
you get just as nervous as thefirst time.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Yeah, it like changes your relationship.
It can really be difficult torecover from that and it can be
harsh on the husband, like hedidn't sign up for this, like
they don't really want to, theydon't want to have to go through
this and watching their wifegoing through this type of
(31:08):
turmoil I mean they're sad too.
But it's different for thewomen, and so it changes what
used to be fun.
It changes it into somethingthat becomes a chore and a thing
that is just something that isalmost like a, a thing that you
want to kind of shy away fromevery month.
You don't even want to thinkabout it, and it changes the
(31:28):
whole direction and the energyof your month and you're waiting
to see if you might have a babythis month.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
Yeah, that's great.
So how was Ryan with you duringthat time?
Speaker 2 (31:37):
He was great.
He was just super patient.
I have like my husband'sopposite of me.
He is like completely balanced,completely.
He's just always the same andthis was hard for him, but he's
truly like my compliment.
So, whereas I know people whoserelationships are strained and
they don't make it through thiskind of thing it pushes them
(31:59):
apart he was just there, he wasjust supportive.
Every time I was in the showercrying by myself, he was just
there.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
He was phenomenal, he was awesome.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
And he was down for all of the shenanigans that.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
I put him through Like.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
I was at a calendar and you know he was there, he
was ready and he's been anamazing father.
Yeah, he was just committed tothe process because he wanted
the same thing that I did and wejust did it.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
So what do you want to say to like women now that
have gone through that?
So we spoke about miscarriagesin a previous episode, but I
think a full term loss like thatis different in some ways and,
like you said, we're notdiminishing that in any way but
what is something that you wantto convey to someone who may
have just gone through that?
Speaker 2 (32:45):
If you've just gone through it, I just would say to
find somebody else to talk to soyou don't feel so alone and so
you don't feel like you've donesomething wrong.
I'll say one example that Iremember like vividly is going
into the grocery store rightafter it happened and a patient
walked up to me.
I was grabbing something off oflike the top shelf and she was
(33:08):
like oh, she's like I bet yougrabbed something off the top
shelf like that when you werepregnant, didn't you?
And she's like you know thatthat pulls them umbilical cord
and it chokes your baby.
That's probably what happenedwhat?
Yeah, that's what she said.
Are you kidding me?
Yeah, so then I'm like in thegrocery store, like like okay,
maybe I did do that Full tearslike just happened.
(33:29):
That's why I had to like leave.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Yeah, because people would make little comments.
People are so insensitive.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
Yeah, and they just want, they feel like they're
helping and that is not helpful.
No, because then you go homeand you think about it and
you're like maybe I did do thatand there's this like whole
guilt thing.
So I feel like women who havelosses.
There's something that happenedduring your pregnancy where you
feel like I did something wrongand, honestly, like women used
(33:55):
to work in the fields.
Women do gymnastics, they do,they do all levels of yeah,
marathons, like it had nothingto do with you doing something
wrong.
It just it had something thathappens, like statistically it
just happens.
So I would just say findsomebody to talk to so you can
realize that you know Somebodyelse is going through it as well
(34:17):
.
Speaker 1 (34:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
And push through it and try again if you want to.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
Okay, perfect.
And then now you have beautifulAva and Ashton.
So when you look at them now,given the first, the loss that
you had of Austin, like how doesthat feel having your two
beautiful kids now Best?
Speaker 2 (34:33):
It is like my joy to come home to them every day.
As as hectic as it is to be amom, it is the best, um, and I
think that, like I said, youjust appreciate it in a
different level.
Like I love um, whereas I was,I'm definitely like a.
I love a, a good event, a party, like what's happening, like
(34:55):
let's go.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Like.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
I'm always I'm, I'm the friend that's down to travel
, to go and to always be busy,um, but being a mom to them, it
brings me the most joy, and soI'm learning um over and over,
as I'm getting a little older,that I think that brings me the
most joy when I'm sitting therecooking or painting with them.
Um, although I still like myparty, um, you know, I still
(35:20):
like a good event, but I I finda piece in in being their mom
and being next to them and justbeing able to see them learn and
just um and grow.
Yeah, they're growing so fast,yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Time is flying by.
Oh my gosh Can't believe it.
Ava's what 10?
Now she's turning 10.
Oh my gosh, crazy.
Anyway, we are running out oftime, so I we're going to do a
part too.
Um, you know, so we can geteverything together.
You know, kind of ask you somemore questions, but I always
round out with everyone, um, atthe end of each episode, like
when you're no longer on thisplanet and someone says Carmen
(35:55):
Rebane, or if they knew you byyour, uh, maiden name, like what
do you want to be rememberedfor?
What do you want people to sayabout you when you're no longer
with us?
Speaker 2 (36:04):
Um, I think that I would just want to be remembered
as a person who lovedpassionately.
Um.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
I loved people.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
I loved my friends, I loved God.
Um I just, and that wasauthentic and that.
I was true to myself, um, and Ithink that's kind of the
foundation of of how I function,like I want to function in true
(36:33):
love with whoever I'm.
I'm with, and authenticity.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Nice, I love that.
Okay, so thank you so much forspending some time with me today
, and I too.
Two uh ways people can get incontact with you.
So the first thing is, ifanyone wants to do anything
teeth related, how do they getin contact with you?
Um to uh is potentially come toCoral Dental.
Yeah, um, just call my office.
Speaker 2 (36:56):
I've got amazing ladies that will hook you up.
They will get you in.
Um, I've been really busy.
I'm very blessed to be verybusy, but I have associate
dentist that just joined us, sowe are welcoming new patients at
this point, whereas we weren'tbefore.
Um.
So just just call one of ourgirls, um, charmaine, sherri,
and these girls will take careof you.
Um, or you can email us.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
Okay, perfect, and then, if anyone wants, to reach
out for the support group oranything that you have going on
with.
That.
That's great.
How's the best way to get incontact?
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Yeah, they can email me, um at dentistcoraldentalbm.
Um, and it comes directly to me, Perfect Um, and I'll be able
to chat with them a bit and setup something.
Perfect, support them.
Yeah, I would love to do thatPerfect.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Thanks again, carmen.
I appreciate you, um, forspending some time with me on
the couch.
Um and um, thank you again.
Thank you so much for um beinghere today and I'm glad we
finally got it locked down.
Yes, me too.
Perfect, all right guys.
Thank you so much for spendingsome time with me today with the
amazing Dr Carmen Rabain, whois the partner and owner of
(38:00):
Coral Dental.
Um, make sure you head over toher company's website If you
want to.
Uh, head over to Coral Dentalto have anything done with your
teeth and then, if you have anyyou know questions with for
Carmen for any of the thingsthat she spoke about on the
podcast today, especially aroundum, the support group um that
we mentioned, make sure youemail her, as always.
Thank you to our sponsors,brown and Co and 59 front.
(38:23):
Please head over to 59 frontfor all of your needs and we
look forward to seeing you againon our next episode of hustle
her podcast.
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