October 29, 2023 • 51 mins
Join me for a heart-to-heart chat with Juanae Crockwell, the new executive director of the Women's Resource Center. We peel back the layers of her fascinating journey, from fun personal favorites to intense life challenges. We giggle over her skincare routine and celebrity crush, while also delving into the darker side of her past. A brush with the law, being led astray by an older boyfriend, and the struggle to rebuild her life, Juanae’s candor leaves us with an untamed narrative that is both inspiring and thought-provoking.
What happens when we face incompatibility in relationships, and how does one navigate co-parenting after separation? Posing these provocative questions, we journey through the turbulent waters of my personal experiences. From the grief of losing a loved one to the process of rebuilding a life post-trauma, the conversation takes an emotional turn. Together, Juanae and I underline the importance of prioritizing the needs of children and staying true to oneself, even when the circumstances are less than ideal.
As we shift gears, we turn our attention to the Women's Resource Center, discussing its role and influence on our lives. As Juanae, the new executive director, shares her insights, we explore the center's rebranding, her. Drawing on our personal experiences, we reflect on the influence they have on shaping our outlook towards life. This episode promises a blend of laughter, tears, healing, and resilience - a raw glimpse into real lives and the strength it takes to overcome adversity.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
It's time for hustle her podcast.
I'm your host, deshae Keynes.
Hustle her is all aboutinspiring women through real
life experiences that havehelped to mold and develop not
only me but my guests into theentrepreneurs and leaders we are
today.
If you're an enterprising womandetermined to succeed and
(00:22):
looking for a bit of motivation,a bit of tough love and some
actionable takeaways to be thebest you girl, you are in the
right place.
Hey guys, and welcome back tohustle her podcast.
Thank you so much for spendingsome time with me today.
As always, we want to give abig shout out to our season.
For sponsors Brown and company,as well as 59 front, make sure
(00:46):
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to be a VIP listener.
You can also get some coolbackground information on the
guests for today and you canalso see the episodes.
So you can also check all ofthat out over on the website
hustle her podcastcom.
So my next guest today is thenewest executive director of the
(01:06):
women's resource center.
When they crock Well, how are?
Speaker 2 (01:10):
you, I am good.
I am good, I'm happy to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
I'm glad, I'm really glad that you're here and I'm
glad.
It's so nice when it's someonethat you know you can get
comfortable.
Maybe just have a conversation,just have a chit chat, that's
it Right, all the nerves isflying there.
You go All right, okay.
So I'm going to ask you a fewquestions.
How about everyone to just getto know you a little bit better,
and then we'll jump right in?
Speaker 2 (01:32):
All right, I am happiest when eating or
traveling, or traveling, ortraveling, but eating.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Okay, that is relatable, though 100% relatable
.
Okay, tell me about yourskincare routine.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Oh my gosh, I'm the worst.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
You have such good skin.
It's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Thank you, it's genetics, but I literally just
washed my face with like, likeright now I'm using.
Is it like Sarah?
Sarah V Something like that.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love it, it's good.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Yes, so somebody gave it to me and I've been using it
and I like it Nice, and so Ijust wash and you know,
sometimes I'll get a littlefancy, use a little toner or
something.
Yeah, but that's pretty much itoverall.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Okay yeah, so are you a coffee drinker?
I am definitely a coffeedrinker what you go to coffee
order Dirty chai latte.
What's a dirty chai latte?
Speaker 2 (02:26):
It sounds really dirty, but it's it's so you have
chai tea right, and a dirtychai latte is basically where
you put a shot of espresso inthe chai tea.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
I know chai tea is like a powder.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
They put it in.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
It's like they firm it up.
I know that but I didn't knowyou could do that.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
I started drinking chai tea lattes in college
because I wasn't a coffeedrinker originally, right.
And then, um yeah, somebodytold me you should put a shot of
espresso in it, and that's whatgot to be life changing.
Life changing Love, a littlecoffee All right, all right.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Who's your closest friend?
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Oh, my goodness, try to get me in trouble.
I okay, so I have lots ofdifferent friend groups, but I'm
going to go with my closest,two friends who have been my
best friends since BermudaInstitute.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
So that would be shout out to BI.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
The real BI.
The real BI, that would beChristine June and Samantha
Croccall.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Oh, yes, they're all going to be yes, okay, and what
does love feel like?
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Oh, that went deep.
People always say that, and I'mlike hmm, I know what I'm, what
I've learned now Love feelssafe and calming.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Yeah, okay, all right .
What are you listening to rightnow?
Music wise, music wise.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
I am so stuck in the early 2000s I feel you on that.
So, yeah, I will put on like agood throwback playlist.
I'm like a Mariah Carey, aliciaKeys.
Do you try?
Speaker 1 (04:07):
to hit the notes.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
I definitely try to hit the notes.
I'm a choir singer Me too.
I'm a blender.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
That's what I call it .
I'm a choir singer, but I amnot a soloist In the shower.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
However, I am a performer there, you go, there
you go.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
I'm okay with that.
All right, what's a hiddentalent?
Speaker 2 (04:28):
I'm sorry, a hidden talent, hidden talent.
I don't hide much, so I'mtrying to think Difficult, right
?
It's so funny because I tend tothink that I'm not really like
talented in, like the artisticway Me, though.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
I agree, I get that Right.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
I don't know.
Okay, that's okay.
Well, I don't know anythingappropriate to say.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Okay, that just took me out.
Oh, my goodness, okay,celebrity crush.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Idris Alba.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Gotta love him.
Love him Honestly we're goingto have to do a poll on the IG
page of whose people's celebritycrush is going to have to be
typing who you want and IdrisAlba.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Because everybody loves Idris Alba.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
He is so handsome.
They kind of spoiled it for me,though, so my aunt was on, and
she said Idris right.
But then someone was like wow,Wayne, looks like Idris.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
And I don't see it though, my uncle, I mean, I love
Wayne.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Right, so that's also my dad, so it's kind of gross
now, so I can't enjoy it like Iused to.
I don't see it though.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Yeah, I don't see it, though I mean your dad and your
uncle are very handsome.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
All right, let's keep going.
All right, all right, cool, allright.
And then finally, who's yourcart?
Match team Summer sets.
Praise the Lord, hallelujah.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
We'll continue Exactly there we go, all right.
So tell me about young Wayne,like how were you growing up,
young?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Wayne, Um, young Wayne was Very creative, even
though I just said that I don'tfeel like I have creative
talents, because I really don't.
I'm not artistic but I wascreative in the sense that I was
always creating something.
Like I grew up kind of like anonly child, even though I had
two brothers and they were mucholder than me.
(06:18):
So until they had children, itwas just me.
So I had imaginary friends andBarbie dolls.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
They were all your friends, they were all my
friends.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
I was kind of sad and embarrassed.
Yeah, that's only child life,but yeah, I was creative, I
would just make my own fun, youknow.
And then I guess, as I got alittle bit older I was a bit
nerdy-ish, like I really lovedschool and reading and all that.
What was your favorite subjectin school?
(06:48):
Favorite subject was historyand English.
Loved history and English.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Mr.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Hill.
Oh my gosh, Mr Hill Love.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Mr Hill, one of the greats, and Dr Douglas, my
English teacher.
Yeah, same, he was my Englishteacher as well.
Yeah, he was really good.
He actually did speech anddebate for me and actually
that's how I fell in love withspeech and debate was because of
Dr Douglas.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
But yeah, Okay.
So what did you want to bethough growing up?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
So I went back and forth between a teacher and a
lawyer.
So when I was little little itwas a teacher, and once I had my
nieces and nephews around rightI would torture them by playing
a teacher.
And then as I got older, likehigh school it switched to
lawyer.
I even did, like my life skills, internship with your uncle At
(07:35):
DPP yeah, at DPP and then when Iwent to uni kind of switched
back to teacher.
But I'm none of those thingsnow.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
That's crazy.
So walk me through how youended up not going into teaching
or into law, and now you're theexecutive director of the
Women's Resource Center Right.
So what?
Speaker 2 (07:55):
happened.
Well, that's, it's a long story, but life happened.
So, basically, when I went toschool, I went to Newville
College, which is a very unknowncollege, is an event to school
in the UK.
It's actually closed down nowand I went there.
Yeah, they closed down, whichis sad, but I went there because
my dad said I had to go to anevent to school, not negotiate
(08:16):
with he was paying.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
I get it.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
It had to be an event to school.
I didn't want to go to Oakwoodbecause my whole class was going
to Oakwood and I love them.
Shout out to class of 04.
You guys were on PsyClassbecause you were.
I wanted a little distance, soI chose from the courses that
they actually had available.
They didn't have like lots ofstuff.
And so I chose a BA inhumanities, which was history
(08:39):
and literature, and I didn'treally know what I was going to
do with it, but I just knew Iloved history and literature.
So if I'm going to study forfour years I might as well do
something that I love.
And then I figured the onlything I could do with that was
teach.
And so when I graduated thatwas the plan I was going to go
get a postgraduate diploma forteaching.
(09:02):
But life happened and my guesswill probably get into that a
little bit more.
Life happened and I actuallydropped out of my master's
degree program, had to come backto Bermuda, got pregnant with
my first son and I had to work.
So it was less about what Iwanted to do, what my dreams
were, and more about providingand growing up really.
(09:25):
And so I kind of stumbled intoadministration work.
So I worked at the Departmentof Community and Cultural
Affairs still within my passionhistory, culture, all of that
but I was more like adminsupport and yeah.
So I spent a good 10 yearsworking in admin and then, like
(09:47):
I said, we'll get into it morelater, but through that time
period I became involved in alot of social activism, really
interested in the third sector.
So I went back to school, got amaster's in community
development and that's how Iended up in our profit.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
I didn't realize.
You went back to school, to dothat, and at that time you had
more than one father.
Yeah, at that time.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
I had three sons, so I have a 12-year-old and
nine-year-old twins, and so Istarted in 2019, and the program
was distance learning.
Just difficult, yeah, but youhad to show up for intensive
classes each semester, so Iwould fly back and forth every
(10:31):
semester to the UK, and then thepandemic happened, so I
actually finished my master's inthe pandemic while
homeschooling my three kids.
I don't even know how I did it.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
I was going to ask, like how, that doesn't even
sound possible.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Yeah, I don't know how I wrote a dissertation with
three kids.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
I suppose so awesome about women, though, like quick
pause, like that's like aserious woman thing to do is to
have three children be in schoolpretty much full time, and
you're not only having the threechildren, but we're in the
middle of a pandemic.
And then you're homeschoolingthree children like not a
properly professional trainedteacher.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Not at all.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
And then you're also doing your own master's degree.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Yeah, I insane, but you got it done.
I got it done, I got it doneand I think that's probably one
of the things I'm most proud of.
Like, at first it was a bitembarrassing because, you know,
when you grow up in an event ascommunity, education is
important, so the fact that Idropped out was not something I
was proud of, you know.
So going back was always like athing, like it was always in
(11:35):
the back of my mind, you know,and so to be able to go back and
complete it, it was like, yeah,I did it.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Yeah, absolutely no, I got it.
And I think that the additionalpressure in the event, as
community, when it comes tothose things, it's not just on
you, it's also on your family.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
And it's just like a sense of shame, in a sense, when
certain things like that happen.
So going back is kind of likeit's for you, but it's also like
for your community yeah, it'sfor my community, and you know
my community, bi, southamptonChurch.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
My parents, my family they poured so much love into
me during that time.
I felt like not only did I oweit to myself, but I owed it to
them to realize my fullpotential.
You know it's amazing.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Yeah, so you spoke about you brought it up earlier
about you know, life startedlife right, life was life I.
Someone needs to coin that and,like I know, make it a proper
turn.
Somebody needs to be makingmoney off of that right, yeah
somebody.
So in your bio you speak aboutyou know dealing with, you know
some of the worst times in yourlife, darkest times in your life
, with abuse and addiction andthose types of things Like walk
(12:38):
me through where the kind ofthat, the genesis of that, like
how did that?
all start.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Yeah, how did that all start?
So I was away in school at NewWorld After my first year, my
freshman year.
I came back home for the summerand I met this wonderful man
right.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
How does it always start with?
Speaker 2 (13:01):
a man, you know, and he was much older than me,
significantly older than me.
And you know, my friends and Iwe joke all the time about how
I've always like been attractedto older men.
I don't know if it's because,like, my brothers were older not
blaming them or anything, butjust having older men around
just made it easy.
So, anyway, I met this olderguy and we started dating.
(13:25):
I didn't know anything abouthim because I was a relatively
sheltered, you know, christiangirl, and so I met this guy and
I'm trying to I'm trying to saythis without like really bashing
him, because he's really done alot of work to change his life
too, and I respect that.
But at that time, you know, hewas a drug addict, drug dealer,
(13:51):
criminal, in and out of prison.
But I didn't know that, Ididn't know anything about his
past reputation, you know, andso that naivety allowed me to
kind of see things about himthat I probably would never saw
if I knew anything about it.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
I think they'd like to see Reflex now, yeah, yeah
and see the Reflex.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
I didn't see any of that, you know, and it was
exciting and completelydifferent from anything I had
ever experienced.
You know, hanging out clubs,the street life.
You know not having to pay togo in a club, drinks just being
thrown at you, like I felt, likeI had arrived, you know, and so
I threw myself into thatrelationship.
(14:30):
And only enough.
You talked about how it's crazy, how women are able to do
things under, you know,extenuating circumstances.
Brasher, in this relationship,you know, I would come home for
all my breaks Christmas, summer,sometimes fall breaks or
whatever and I would be with himrunning the streets like drugs,
alcohol, whatever, running thestreets, and then I'll get on
(14:51):
the plane and I'll go back toNewbold and like, live a totally
double life, like you know,student Association president.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
you know, like just and Newbold is not a huge
college either.
No, super tiny I was small andsuper adventurous, yeah super
tiny and yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
So I lived this double life for three years
until I graduated from Newbold,and then when I graduated I was
back in Bermuda kind ofcontemplating on what I was
gonna do next and really, if Iwasn't in the relationship I
would have just went straight onto my masters, right.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
But I was in love, but we're in love.
I just want to say now butwe're in love, we just do
everything.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
I was in love and you know he had introduced me to,
like I said, a life that I hadnever experienced, that fast
pace life, you know, and I likedit.
I liked it a lot, and so I feellike, in a lot of ways, I chose
to abandon all the principlesand values that I was raised
(15:51):
with to pursue this life withsomeone that was living
something totally different, youknow.
But unfortunately, through allof that, you know, he introduced
me to drugs.
He was abusive, not physically,but mentally, emotionally, a
lot of like coercive control,and so that broke me down, like
(16:12):
that broke me down, and I becamecompletely dependent on him.
You know, like he became thecenter of my world and you know,
it all came to a head when hecommitted a crime and I was
aware of the crime but I did notLike when the police questioned
me, I, you know, I was heldwhat I knew, and so in doing so,
(16:36):
I became a co-conspirator inthat, because I was aware of the
crime before it happened, notjust aware after it happened.
I was aware that this was whathe was planning to do before it
happened, and so I was chargedwith conspiracy.
Yeah, and that's what I saylife-lifed, that was life-lifing
, where I had to drop out ofschool because I actually did go
(16:58):
back, yeah, to school.
The relationship was such whereit was like he was in and out
of jail, so he ended up goingback to prison and I saw that as
an opportunity to go back toschool, which is so crazy, like
just the polar opposite.
You know, lives that we lived,you know.
So he went back to prison, Iwent back to school and then
when I came home for Christmasbreak in 2008, I was charged
(17:22):
with conspiracy and so Icouldn't finish.
I had to drop out, you know, Ihad to surrender my passport,
all of that, and I was on bailfor, oh my goodness, I was on
bail for almost 18 months Justwaiting to find out what
happened.
During that time period he wasflown off to the UK, you know,
(17:44):
started a whole new life and Ijust was left to kind of hold
back right and in the end Iplayed guilty because you know
my dad and you know my dadrecently passed away.
But my dad, he said, if youwant my support, you have to do
the right thing.
Like I have your back.
I love you, I'm not gonnaabandon you.
(18:07):
This doesn't change anything,but you have to do the right
thing.
So if you're guilty, you needto go and you need to earn that,
and that's what I did, wow.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
That's a crazy level of support, though, right.
Like most people think like ifyour parents especially right
like there's gonna be there orthey're gonna shun you right
Right.
And not be a part of it.
You have that support, but it'snot conditional support but,
like you're gonna do the rightthing if this support is what
I'm gonna give you.
Like, yes, you did somethingwrong, but you're gonna have to
earn up to it.
That's, it's amazing, though.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Right, it's an unconditional condo.
That's yeah, it's unconditional, and it was like it was a kind
of love and support where hewasn't worried about what other
people thought.
You know, because I probablycould have beat the case, maybe
I don't know Right, but he knewthat I think he was more
concerned with, like, mysalvation.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
I was gonna say like so you know my soul.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
And his thing was like I don't care what anybody
thinks or says about you, I justwant you to do the next right
thing.
You know, and that's probablyone of the greatest lessons I
have learned in my life is thatyou can make a million mistakes,
but you always have anotherchoice and you get to choose.
Are you gonna keep makingmistakes, are you gonna keep
(19:27):
doing the wrong thing, or areyou gonna make a different
choice?
And my daddy and my wholefamily speaking specifically
about my dad, but my wholefamily was super supportive and
they gave me the space to beable to make the next right
choice, and that's kind of, Iguess, where my life started to
turn around.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
So in that process of you, you know, pleading guilty,
taking ownership, for that'sessentially what it is right.
Yeah, Like in what went wrong,essentially, Like, how do you
work through that?
Like even when your dad's likeI'm gonna support you, but
you're gonna have to earn up tothat?
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Like that comes with a different level of a lot of
different things right.
I'm assuming, and this is myassumption and please, you know,
correct me if I'm wrong.
So shame, definitely, right,immediately.
What else comes along with that?
Speaker 2 (20:16):
I think shame's the biggest one.
Regret, you know, just lookingback and seeing moments where I
could have made a differentchoice and had a completely
different outcome, and justwishin' that I could go back
right.
So a lot of shame, a lot ofregret but, ironically, a lot of
hope.
There's a level of freedom thatcomes when you just let it out
(20:39):
Like I didn't have to keep lyingand pretending and it's like oh
my God, yeah, it's a mess, Imessed up really bad, and just
to be able to like say that itgave me freedom.
You know, and you know, I guesspeople will have different
feelings, like people who'vebeen through that experience
(21:00):
will have different feelingsabout it, but for me it was like
okay, I got a clean slate.
You know I was blessed, Ididn't have to go to prison.
You know I was given asuspended sentence, so I
basically just had to stay outof trouble.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
I didn't realize that suspended sentence is pretty
specific to British law and likewhat we practice in Burmese,
because a lot of Americans don'tknow what that means.
Yeah, so yeah, I'm glad yousaid what it is.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Yeah, so basically, I guess for viewers' benefit.
A suspended sentence isbasically where you're sentenced
and you have a criminal record.
So I have a criminal record,but the sentence is suspended
for a period of time as long asyou don't reoffend in that
period of time.
So I was sentenced to one yearin prison, but it was suspended
(21:43):
for two years, so I had to notget in trouble for two years.
If I would have gotten introuble I would have had to go
do that year plus whateverGotcha.
The offense was yeah and so I'mreally, really grateful.
I mean, what some people don'tknow, even though it was
reported in the newspaper, I wasactually pregnant with my first
son when I was sentenced.
So that morning, driving tocourt because I knew that I was
(22:05):
going to be sentenced like pledguilty, so I was going for
sentencing, it wasn't a question.
And I remember that morninglike calling someone, like
friends, and telling them likeyou know, I don't know what's
going to happen, but don't comevisit me at Co-Ed, like I'll
write you a letter, so dramatic.
And I remember driving and mymom was concerned because I have
(22:28):
really sensitive skin like so Ican't use regular body wash,
and she was worried, like aboutwhether they would have body
wash.
The things that moms think ofright, you know we would drive
into the court and I'm in theback like I'm pregnant in life,
right, like I'm going to have tobreak you some.
At the time I was using Johnsonand Johnson on lavender baby
(22:51):
wash because that was the onlything that like was okay for me
and yeah, she was worried abouthaving to stop it all Making
sure that you know I what Ineeded, you know, but I was
pregnant.
I was pregnant with Skylar anddid everybody know like my
family knew Okay, yeah, myfamily knew, of course, and
(23:13):
actually my lawyer he mentionedit in his, you know, her name
was Colby, like his closingarguments or whatever and I
think the judge did take thatinto consideration.
And also, like you know,outside of that experience, I
was like a model young woman.
You know what I mean.
So I guess she took all of thatinto consideration and I'll
(23:37):
never forget, like when she toldme to stand up it was Charles
Satter she told me to stand upand she said, you know, taking
everything into consideration, Isent you to one year.
And then she paused and I waslike, oh my gosh, I'm going to
jail, right, like I'm going tojail.
(23:58):
And then she said, suspendedfor two years and like my whole,
like talk about waiting toexhale.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Yeah, yeah.
And you're pregnant, right?
So you're thinking, man, I'mgonna have to have my baby, I'm
gonna have to have my baby inprison.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Am I going to be able to keep my baby?
Like what's going to happen,like what's going to happen, and
so I walked out of thatcourtroom and I was surrounded
by love.
You know my brothers, myparents, my pastor, you know
they hugged me and we prayed andthat was the beginning of a new
(24:37):
life for me.
You know I'm actually getting alittle emotional Cause I
haven't told that part often,but yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
So in that moment, right, and you're thinking about
it and she's saying all thethings you knew, you, you owned
up to it, you knew what you weregoing into in there to
essentially not knowing what wasgoing to happen, right, what
was outside of, obviously,prison?
What was the biggest fear inthat moment?
Speaker 2 (25:05):
But I would never fulfill any of my dreams.
You know that, like this was,this was it for me.
You know I was 23.
So young, you know, full, fullof potential and talent, and I
(25:26):
think my biggest fear was likethis, is it?
Like this would define me?
I would always be defined bythis choice.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Wow, and I mean obviously we know that now and
that's not the case.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
So that's you know, let's lift it a little bit.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
No, but seriously, I think that's a real thing.
Like we, we don't realizepeople go through real stuff,
right.
Through real stuff, yeah, andwe just think life and sometimes
we get so caught up in what'sgoing on with us we never take
into account, like, what someoneelse is going through to get
them to where they are todayRight.
So, when you think of thattimeframe and everything that
you were going through and thegentleman who was in your life
(26:05):
at the time, do you, do youharbor any resent for him?
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Not now for many years.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Resentment.
Excuse me, yeah, Not notanymore.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
I was very resentful for many years.
You know, um, I wish I nevermet him.
You know why didn't I listen topeople?
Because everybody was tryingwas trying to get me to come to
my senses, yeah, and I had lotsof opportunities to make a
different choice.
So I was very, very resentfulfor a long time.
But somewhere along the way, um, with the help of of mentorship
(26:39):
, you know, I had an amazingmentor, um during that time.
Her name's Rachel Bailey,bermudian woman.
Um, you know, um, throughworking with her, I realized
that, like, the only person Ishould really be upset with is
myself, you know, and that'shard.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Yeah, it's really hard that.
Taking that ownership isdifficult.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Yeah, it's really hard, and so it took years to
work through that and come to aplace of like forgiving myself
for that, and once I was able todo that I wasn't so mad at him
anymore.
You know, and, like I saidearlier, you know he's going on
to, you know, rehabilitatehimself.
He's been clean for, oh my gosh, I don't even know how many
(27:24):
years probably 15 or more years.
He's living a totallyproductive life in the UK and
I'm happy for him.
I'm grateful that both of usthat Gaw gave both of us that
opportunity.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Yeah, do you think that if it wasn't for this, you
would have gone, continue to godown that path?
Which path With you know, withbeing with him and him going in
and out of jail, the drugdealing, those types of things?
Quite possibly because I waslike 10-tos down like ride or
die, running and climb.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Like yeah, I don't know, I would like to think I
would, I hope that you know,something would have happened
that would have made me kind ofrealize what I was doing.
But I'm just grateful that whathappened happened because all
the what ifs you know are justliterally what ifs right.
(28:18):
So I quite possibly may haveyou know, and a lot of times I
think, if I wouldn't have gottenpregnant with my son, would I
have continued to use drugs.
You know, because that's reallywhat initially made me stop,
stop Caught you.
You know, because he wasn'there anymore.
So every now and then I justmade the choice to do it on my
own.
You know, like Because there'sthat addiction at that point.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
You know, and I got pregnant with Skylar and just
felt like, you know, this isn'twhat I want for him, you know.
And so I don't know, I don'tknow what would have happened if
those things didn't occur butI'm grateful, absolutely being
very grateful, for that.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Okay, so all of this is half.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
This was in, like you said so this was in two, so I
was sentenced in 2010.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
So like once I know it's earlier in the year.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
It was in September.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
Okay, wow, okay.
So you that happens, you getthe suspended sentence.
It's amazing.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
You're essentially kind of lifted off your
shoulders because you know youcan do right Right.
You know you are not going toget into trouble.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
I'm not going to get in trouble and I think yeah you
know, like you go back to yourroots at that point.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
Right.
Exactly Like I was, I wasscared, so it was time to
straighten out straight.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
I got it though Right .
There's nothing like that toyou know.
Put you back on the straightand narrow.
So what did you decide to do atthat point?
To take this moment to, tochange your life.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Right.
So thankfully I had alreadyfinished my bachelor's right, so
I had a degree Right and atfirst I just did little odd jobs
Like um.
I always tell this story whereI used to work on a coffee truck
.
There was a coffee truck calledPlanet Coffee and it was a
little red.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
And so I didn't.
I didn't have a job rightBecause even when I was on bail
I had little jobs and I won'tname the establishments.
But once they found out I wason bail, it was like, okay, and
so I had a bachelor's degree butI couldn't get a job Right.
And, um, somehow, at like arandom event this was after my
son was born this coffee truckwas there and I ended up talking
(30:22):
to the guy who earned it and hewas like well, actually I'm
looking for someone to work itduring the week, you know,
because he had like a regularnine to five.
And so he hired me for $10 anhour to make in Bermuda, $10 an
hour, um, to make coffee on thecoffee truck at Barnes Corner.
And I lived really close toBarnes Corner, like I could walk
(30:43):
to Barnes Corner, so I wouldget up at 530 and walk.
Well, I would leave him at 530,walk to Barnes Corner in the
dark, he would meet me therewith his little coffee truck and
then I would set it up and, youknow, serve people their coffee
while they were driving to workand then drive this little
clown car thing to town, drophim his truck, and I don't know
(31:05):
how I got back.
Can't remember Right.
This was every day.
Yeah, every morning.
That's what I would do.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Was that humbling for you?
Like I would bust at my tailfor this degree and I'm here
serving coffee.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
Deeply humbling.
It was humbling and of coursethere were moments of
embarrassment.
You know what I mean whenpeople would come up to the to
get their coffee and it's likewhat?
are you doing here, and fulltransparency.
I didn't even know how to makecoffee very well, so I apologize
to anyone.
That's the best part of thatwhole story.
Okay, that's the best part.
(31:35):
I apologize to anyone who askedfor like a cappuccino or
something, because if it wasn'tblack coffee with like sugar and
milk, so my man hired you anddid not do a liquor training
Liquor training.
I mean he showed me how to usethe thing, but that was it?
Speaker 1 (31:49):
You know you needed that, you needed that
opportunity.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
I needed it, and you know back then it was $10 an
hour, which worked out to belike maybe 30 or $40 a day.
Can't remember how many hours Idid, but that was able to buy
diapers and all the things thatI needed for my son.
I was still living at home andmy dad would have supported me
and my son with all questions,but I felt like after everything
I had put that man through.
(32:12):
I'm going to go work on thiscoffee truck so that I can take
care of my child, and that'swhat I did.
And while working on the coffeetruck, this opportunity came
just randomly or maybe notrandomly.
It was a program called the Try30 program and it was offered
by government.
It only ever ran once.
It was like a pilot and it wasfor young adults who were
(32:35):
unemployed and I had filled outthe unemployment register you
know, like a good Bermudian, youknow.
And they picked me and so theyplaced me at the Department of
Community and Cultural Affairsin the community education
department doing admin work.
And while I was there theyrealized like you're really
smart and talented, you've got abrain and we can do more.
(32:59):
So the program was supposed tobe like three months, but I
ended up working at thedepartment for two years.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Talk about full circle?
Because didn't you work therebefore?
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Well, this was when I started working there.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
This is how I ended up getting there, and you had,
you know, the interest inhistory anyway, so that was very
helpful during that time,during that time.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
So, yeah, I worked there for two years and I
probably would have stayed there, but at the time government had
a hiring freeze so theycouldn't actually give me a post
with benefits and all of that.
So you know, over the two yearsI got married, I got pregnant
with my twins and you know, Icame to the decision that I
needed to find something thatactually had benefits, health
(33:42):
care, all of that.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Yeah, those things are important.
Yeah, very expensive so you gotto make sure you, you know,
keep all those things together.
So when you talk about, youknow everything.
That and this was all withinlike what?
Two to three years.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Yeah, so I got married in 2010, sentenced,
2011,.
Had my son the timeline's crazy.
2011,.
Had my son.
2012, I got married.
2014,.
I had my twins.
And then, just to throw alittle razzle dazzle in there,
(34:17):
2016, I was divorced.
Yeah, and so it was a.
It was a lot, you know, thathappened in a short span of time
, but I survived it.
You survived it and you'reflourishing, right.
Yeah, very fortunate.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
But how was divorce for you?
Like what, what was.
How did you feel during thattime?
Speaker 2 (34:40):
It felt like another failure.
You know, a lot of the reasonwhy I got married was because I
had messed up so bad and I feltlike, okay, well, if I get
married and settle down and goback to church, you know,
everyone would think I'm cool,I'm good.
And so, you know, I was datingthis man, again older than me,
(35:02):
much older than me.
He loved me, he loved my son,and so I was like this makes
sense, yeah, get married.
And you know just, it wasn'tabout living happily ever after.
It was about being stable anddoing the right thing and doing
what I felt was the right thing.
But as I continued working onmyself, you know, and being in
therapy and just unearthing allthe stuff that was going on
(35:26):
within me, I realized that wewere not compatible.
This wasn't a great alignment,you know.
It wasn't a horrible marriage,but did I want to be in that
marriage for 40, 50 years?
No, really, you know.
And so I made the hard decision.
We made the hard decisionbecause our twins were only one,
(35:47):
you know.
So we made the decision thatthis just wasn't.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
So how does that work ?
Right Like you're with someoneand you realized you're like to
your point, you're notcompatible, but nothing's
happened right Like I feel, likewe have.
We see that a lot more withwomen who are like this isn't
working and the person is great,you know, in their own right.
There's nothing, but nothinghappened, like.
How do you choose to walk awayat that point in time?
What is the kind of who do youput first in that situation?
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Yeah, that's a really good question.
I mean, for me, with mysituation, like there wasn't
anything horribly wrong, butthere were little things that
were very uncomfortable and Ifelt like I couldn't be my
authentic self.
And so it came to a point whereI was forced to make that
choice because I couldn't hidemy authentic self, you know and
(36:39):
to his defense he didn't.
You know, I portrayed somethingthat I probably wasn't.
You know, I at the time wasconservative and, you know, nice
wifey, you know, material, Iguess I don't know and that's
what he married.
And then, over the years that wewere together, I couldn't
(37:01):
maintain that Like I'm ambitiousand career-driven and you know
I don't want to just stay homeand make sure that dinner is
cooked and your clothes areclean and the house is clean,
and I just felt like he wasn'tin a place where he could
support that, you know.
And there were other things aswell, you know a little bit more
(37:23):
personal things, that we justwere not compatible with.
And so at the end of the day,it was so hard to just keep
going through that every day.
And you know, one day it justhappened to be Mother's Day and
I was at the spa.
He sent me to the spa forMother's Day and I just sent him
a text and I was just likeevery part of my life brings me
(37:45):
joy, but this, you know, andthat was the beginning of us
just, and we had gone tocounseling like we had done all
the things you do the work.
Yeah, you know, we was going tochurch, like everything you
know, and we just agreed that weprobably should have stayed
(38:06):
friends.
But in the end we have ourbeautiful kids and he's an
amazing co-parent, even for myoldest son, who's not his
biologically.
He has been his dad too andstill is, you know.
Speaker 1 (38:21):
That's amazing, I think, when you get with good
people, regardless of thecompatibility of it being able
to co-parent and, you know,especially when you have
children involved in thesituation is great right.
It's something that you can.
It kind of warms your heart,because sometimes people's
disdain for their ex actuallyprevents them from working
together for the kids.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
And I see that a lot obviously in the work that I do.
You know, and at the end of theday you want to put the kids
well being first.
You know you don't want to bein an unsafe situation or an
abusive situation, but whereverpossible you want to think what
is the best scenario for mychildren and we found an amazing
balance.
You know the kids are with himright now.
(39:03):
You know, and you know he stillgets on my nerves but at the
end of the day, at the end ofthe day, we do whatever is
necessary for our kids, you know.
Speaker 1 (39:16):
So in your life right and just reading your bio, also
knowing you as well, you'vealso experienced some
significant loss and you'vementioned recently losing your
father, but previously that youalso lost your brother.
Like, how have you been dealingwith that grief?
Speaker 2 (39:33):
Well, in all honesty, when I lost my brother in 2017,
I did not deal with it verywell.
It was a very public death andso I didn't have space to deal
with it very well, and so I kindof returned to some habits that
were not helpful.
You know, drinking a lot.
You know Never returned todrugs, but, yeah, alcohol, wine
(39:57):
every night was like my thing.
Put the kids to bed and I'llhave some wine and I ate.
Like I'm an emotional consumer.
So that could be food, alcohol,it could be clothes shopping,
whatever right.
And so that's how I coped forlike the first six months after
losing Sean.
And then I realized like hewouldn't want this for me, like
(40:21):
I fought way too hard to comeout of that dark space of
depression and he would not wanthis death to be what sends me
back.
And so that was actually thebeginning of like a really
intentional healing andspiritual journey, not just for
the loss of him, but foreverything I had been through,
because, you know, I was sofocused on rebuilding my life
(40:43):
that I didn't always take timeto like pour into myself and
recover.
It was like, okay, I gotta dowhat's next?
I gotta get married.
I gotta get a job I gotta dothat, and so when he died, it
was like everything stopped andI was able to do that work that
was really required and that Iguess that kind of that
(41:05):
experience prepared me forlosing my father, because you
know, when you lose someonesuddenly it's not the same as if
they're sick or they're older.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
It's best that you can, yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
You know.
And so it lost my brother, likecompletely suddenly, and I
don't know if there's a painthat is greater than that.
So when my dad passed, you knowI had time I had years of him
being unwell to prepare for thatloss, even though you can never
really fully be prepared.
(41:41):
But I know that for the lastfive, six years of his life I
showed up as like the absolutebest daughter that I could be,
because I knew it was coming.
I knew it was coming right.
So that helped.
You know, the experience losingmy brother helped me to live so
much more intentionally thatwhen I lost my dad there was a
(42:04):
peace that came with that youknow, and how do you as a family
kind of stay together afterthat?
Speaker 1 (42:11):
right, you have tragedy and loss and then you
have a bit more.
You know it's coming loss butthen you also because during the
time of your brother's death,you were also, like, the
spokesperson for your family aswell right.
You were like the, you know, welike to say the family manager
you know what I mean At thattime.
So that's also an additionalweight.
Like how do you guys staytogether as a family during that
(42:33):
?
Speaker 2 (42:34):
Thankfully, we were always a close family so we
always came together for, youknow, every single birthday, you
know Christmas, all of that.
We've always supported eachother.
So it was natural to just, youknow, fall in line and continue
to support each other.
And then, with my dad, you know, because he was sick, we all
(42:55):
kind of played a role in, Iguess, just making the last few
years of his life good you knowmy mom.
She quit working and took careof my dad.
My nephew took over my dad'sbusiness.
You know, I was like thedaughter, slash caregiver, slash
(43:16):
manager of the things.
You know my niece at one pointshe came in and was his
caregiver.
So we all, just you know that'sjust what we do.
You know it's just what we doand I'm so grateful to be from a
family like that, you know.
And so the same way theyrallied to support me in my
lowest moments, we do the samething for each other, like
(43:38):
that's what we do.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
Definitely I can memorize the name of that 100%
the family aspect of it.
And at your core.
Like those values, never leaveyou.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
They never leave.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
And you always come together in the best times for
that.
But, given essentiallyeverything that you've been
through, right, how much ofeverything that you've been
through have prepared you foryour current role?
Speaker 2 (43:57):
100% like I chuckle all the time.
I'm like, okay, god, I get it.
So you wanted me to go throughevery single thing possible so
that when these women walk intomy office, I am speaking from a
place of complete understandingand non-judgment and
relatability.
And then also I have a story ofhope that I can give them.
I don't you know and this is nooffense to any one who is in
(44:21):
this profession, but I don'tjust have the textbook answer
for them what you're supposed tosay.
I'm actually a living,breathing, walking example that
you can 100% change your life,like it's 100% possible.
Speaker 1 (44:38):
And I think that's the key right, like that's the
missing key.
Like sometimes we have peoplein positions that do well the
text looks out of it and arevery good at their jobs, but
very rarely it's difficult notto be able to relate and
sometimes, especially whenpeople are in the lowest point,
it's like okay, yeah, pull yoursocks up, you can do it.
Rah, rah, rah.
But, there's a difference tosomeone saying no, I know where
(44:59):
you've been before.
Speaker 2 (45:00):
I literally know how hard it is to overcome an
addiction.
I know how hard it is to be asingle mom.
I know how hard it is to leavea relationship, but I also know
that the strength that'srequired to carry me through
(45:20):
those hard situations is stillthere to elevate me to the next
thing, you know.
So you have to draw on thatstrength.
Like you know a lot of women,we go through things and the
world tends to look down on usbecause of the things that we've
been through.
But it takes a really, reallystrong woman to go through abuse
(45:41):
and still be there and still bewilling to get up every day and
fight, you know, or go throughloss, significant loss, or even
making massive mistakes that endup on the front page of the
newspaper right.
To be able to go through thatand still get up and like, keep
going is incredible.
(46:01):
It's like it's-.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
It's a superpower 100%.
You know, yeah, and then whenyou look at it from that angle,
and then you couple in havingchildren, right.
And having to show up for themas well, like you have three
boys that you have to show upfor every single day and you
know with the women that youhelp at the Women's Resource
Center I'm sure a lot of themalso have children too right?
So I think coupling all thattogether like we do some amazing
(46:25):
things as women, that's thefirst thing right, and then
everything that you kind of pourinto these women, like how
receptive are they?
Speaker 2 (46:33):
I think they're very receptive.
I mean, a lot of them don'tknow my journey right, and I
have to remind myself.
It has been enough time wheresome people just don't know.
I think that everybody knowsbecause obviously you felt like
that.
I felt like that I mean it wasliterally on the front page of
these.
They were.
But I've done so much otherthings since then that people
(46:54):
don't always either remember orthey just never knew, and so
sometimes I have to tell them,like listen, you know, I'm not
just sitting here in this seattelling you things that I think
you want to hear, like you know,and it shouldn't be about me
but sometimes there areopportunities to really inspire
someone by sharing that personalstory?
Speaker 1 (47:16):
Yeah, definitely, and I think also, you know we
always say you go througheverything happens for a reason,
right, and I think this newrole that you're in is the
literal kind of definition ofthat right Because it allows you
to pour into people from apersonal experience, but then
you also go back to school to beable to apply that knowledge
(47:36):
into a way that can expand anddo all of that right, so I think
it's pretty amazing.
I think so too.
I think you're pretty great.
No, it's crazy because I haveso much more to talk to you
about, but we're not in time broit's crazy, I told you.
It always happens Like you justlook up and then it's like oh
wow, 45 minutes gone, done anddusted.
But no, I think we coulddefinitely expand on this more
you know, going forward and Idefinitely want to have an
(47:58):
additional conversation with you, but for purposes of time and
here on the podcast today likewhat are some things that you
know, given everything thatyou've been through right and
everything that you've learnedand things that you're going to
continue to doing?
What is something that you wantto be remembered for, like when
you, you know, are old and grayand you know you've retired and
(48:21):
you know everything that youcan look back on now and where
you currently sit.
What do you want to beremembered for?
Speaker 2 (48:28):
I want to be remembered for creating safe
spaces for women to be theirmost authentic self and be able
to create a life beyond theirwildest dreams.
That's what I want to beremembered for.
You know I feel like it soundscliche, but I want to be
remembered for making peoplefeel safe.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Yeah, amazing, I love that.
Yes, that's good.
Okay, so let's give thelisteners some ways to get in
contact with each other At theWomen's Resource Center.
That's the first thing.
So let's talk about how, ifsomeone wants to get in contact
with you or the Women's ResourceCenter, how can they do that?
Speaker 2 (49:03):
Sure, so at the Women's Resource Center you can
contact us obviously by givingus a call 295-3882, but our
website is wwwwrcbramudacom.
And just really quick, I justwant to say that the Women's
Resource Center, we've recentlyrebranded, so we have a host of
programs and services, not justfor women who might find
(49:25):
themselves in a rough situation.
We have empowerment programsand services and education and
all of that.
So if that's something that youthink you might benefit from,
just head over to our website.
Speaker 1 (49:36):
Okay, perfect.
And also you have a blog and apodcast that you have as well,
so tell me a bit about that.
Speaker 2 (49:42):
So A Little Girl Grows Up.
That's my Instagram handle.
It started as a blog like atraditional write blog, but now
it's more like when I feel theinspiration.
I hop on stories and just sharewhatever.
It's not structured, it's veryauthentic, but if that's your
thing, you can follow me there.
Speaker 1 (50:03):
And check it out.
Check it out when the spiritmoves.
There you go.
Well, thank you so much, Renee,for joining me today.
I really appreciate it and I'mconfident that your story will
touch someone, and that's why Iwant thank you for trusting me
to share that here today.
Speaker 2 (50:16):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
Yes, all right, guys.
We just had an amazing episodewith Renee Crocker.
She is also the new executivedirector of the Women's Resource
Center.
Make sure you head over to thewebsite to learn about all the
amazing new programs they havefrom their new rebrand, as well
as give them a call if you justwant to find it out that way as
well.
Also, follow Renee on Instagram.
A little girl grows up.
You can learn more about herand anything that kind of hits
(50:37):
her spirit that day that shewants to share with you you can
find on her Instagram channel.
As always, head over to ourwebsite, hustleherpodcastcom,
where you can sign up to be aVIP listener as well as catch up
on all the other episodes.
You can also see our new blogthat we've launched, where you
can comment on today's episodeand let me know what you think.
As also, we have merch guys.
(50:58):
We have some new hats in stock.
We have the mustard ones, wealso have the black ones, and
we'll have some sweatshirts thatare coming out.
All of that can be found on thewebsite.
So, as always, thank you forspending some time with me today
and for watching Hustle HerPodcast.
It's time for hustle her podcast.
I'm your host, deshae Keynes.
Hustle her is all aboutinspiring women through real
life experiences that havehelped to mold and develop not
only me but my guests into theentrepreneurs and leaders we are
today.
If you're an enterprising womandetermined to succeed and
(00:22):
looking for a bit of motivation,a bit of tough love and some
actionable takeaways to be thebest you girl, you are in the
right place.
Hey guys, and welcome back tohustle her podcast.
Thank you so much for spendingsome time with me today.
As always, we want to give abig shout out to our season.
For sponsors Brown and company,as well as 59 front, make sure
(00:46):
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to be a VIP listener.
You can also get some coolbackground information on the
guests for today and you canalso see the episodes.
So you can also check all ofthat out over on the website
hustle her podcastcom.
So my next guest today is thenewest executive director of the
(01:06):
women's resource center.
When they crock Well, how are?
Speaker 2 (01:10):
you, I am good.
I am good, I'm happy to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
I'm glad, I'm really glad that you're here and I'm
glad.
It's so nice when it's someonethat you know you can get
comfortable.
Maybe just have a conversation,just have a chit chat, that's
it Right, all the nerves isflying there.
You go All right, okay.
So I'm going to ask you a fewquestions.
How about everyone to just getto know you a little bit better,
and then we'll jump right in?
Speaker 2 (01:32):
All right, I am happiest when eating or
traveling, or traveling, ortraveling, but eating.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Okay, that is relatable, though 100% relatable
.
Okay, tell me about yourskincare routine.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Oh my gosh, I'm the worst.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
You have such good skin.
It's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Thank you, it's genetics, but I literally just
washed my face with like, likeright now I'm using.
Is it like Sarah?
Sarah V Something like that.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love it, it's good.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Yes, so somebody gave it to me and I've been using it
and I like it Nice, and so Ijust wash and you know,
sometimes I'll get a littlefancy, use a little toner or
something.
Yeah, but that's pretty much itoverall.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Okay yeah, so are you a coffee drinker?
I am definitely a coffeedrinker what you go to coffee
order Dirty chai latte.
What's a dirty chai latte?
Speaker 2 (02:26):
It sounds really dirty, but it's it's so you have
chai tea right, and a dirtychai latte is basically where
you put a shot of espresso inthe chai tea.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
I know chai tea is like a powder.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
They put it in.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
It's like they firm it up.
I know that but I didn't knowyou could do that.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
I started drinking chai tea lattes in college
because I wasn't a coffeedrinker originally, right.
And then, um yeah, somebodytold me you should put a shot of
espresso in it, and that's whatgot to be life changing.
Life changing Love, a littlecoffee All right, all right.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Who's your closest friend?
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Oh, my goodness, try to get me in trouble.
I okay, so I have lots ofdifferent friend groups, but I'm
going to go with my closest,two friends who have been my
best friends since BermudaInstitute.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
So that would be shout out to BI.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
The real BI.
The real BI, that would beChristine June and Samantha
Croccall.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Oh, yes, they're all going to be yes, okay, and what
does love feel like?
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Oh, that went deep.
People always say that, and I'mlike hmm, I know what I'm, what
I've learned now Love feelssafe and calming.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Yeah, okay, all right .
What are you listening to rightnow?
Music wise, music wise.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
I am so stuck in the early 2000s I feel you on that.
So, yeah, I will put on like agood throwback playlist.
I'm like a Mariah Carey, aliciaKeys.
Do you try?
Speaker 1 (04:07):
to hit the notes.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
I definitely try to hit the notes.
I'm a choir singer Me too.
I'm a blender.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
That's what I call it .
I'm a choir singer, but I amnot a soloist In the shower.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
However, I am a performer there, you go, there
you go.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
I'm okay with that.
All right, what's a hiddentalent?
Speaker 2 (04:28):
I'm sorry, a hidden talent, hidden talent.
I don't hide much, so I'mtrying to think Difficult, right
?
It's so funny because I tend tothink that I'm not really like
talented in, like the artisticway Me, though.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
I agree, I get that Right.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
I don't know.
Okay, that's okay.
Well, I don't know anythingappropriate to say.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Okay, that just took me out.
Oh, my goodness, okay,celebrity crush.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Idris Alba.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Gotta love him.
Love him Honestly we're goingto have to do a poll on the IG
page of whose people's celebritycrush is going to have to be
typing who you want and IdrisAlba.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Because everybody loves Idris Alba.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
He is so handsome.
They kind of spoiled it for me,though, so my aunt was on, and
she said Idris right.
But then someone was like wow,Wayne, looks like Idris.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
And I don't see it though, my uncle, I mean, I love
Wayne.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Right, so that's also my dad, so it's kind of gross
now, so I can't enjoy it like Iused to.
I don't see it though.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Yeah, I don't see it, though I mean your dad and your
uncle are very handsome.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
All right, let's keep going.
All right, all right, cool, allright.
And then finally, who's yourcart?
Match team Summer sets.
Praise the Lord, hallelujah.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
We'll continue Exactly there we go, all right.
So tell me about young Wayne,like how were you growing up,
young?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Wayne, Um, young Wayne was Very creative, even
though I just said that I don'tfeel like I have creative
talents, because I really don't.
I'm not artistic but I wascreative in the sense that I was
always creating something.
Like I grew up kind of like anonly child, even though I had
two brothers and they were mucholder than me.
(06:18):
So until they had children, itwas just me.
So I had imaginary friends andBarbie dolls.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
They were all your friends, they were all my
friends.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
I was kind of sad and embarrassed.
Yeah, that's only child life,but yeah, I was creative, I
would just make my own fun, youknow.
And then I guess, as I got alittle bit older I was a bit
nerdy-ish, like I really lovedschool and reading and all that.
What was your favorite subjectin school?
(06:48):
Favorite subject was historyand English.
Loved history and English.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Mr.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Hill.
Oh my gosh, Mr Hill Love.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Mr Hill, one of the greats, and Dr Douglas, my
English teacher.
Yeah, same, he was my Englishteacher as well.
Yeah, he was really good.
He actually did speech anddebate for me and actually
that's how I fell in love withspeech and debate was because of
Dr Douglas.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
But yeah, Okay.
So what did you want to bethough growing up?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
So I went back and forth between a teacher and a
lawyer.
So when I was little little itwas a teacher, and once I had my
nieces and nephews around rightI would torture them by playing
a teacher.
And then as I got older, likehigh school it switched to
lawyer.
I even did, like my life skills, internship with your uncle At
(07:35):
DPP yeah, at DPP and then when Iwent to uni kind of switched
back to teacher.
But I'm none of those thingsnow.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
That's crazy.
So walk me through how youended up not going into teaching
or into law, and now you're theexecutive director of the
Women's Resource Center Right.
So what?
Speaker 2 (07:55):
happened.
Well, that's, it's a long story, but life happened.
So, basically, when I went toschool, I went to Newville
College, which is a very unknowncollege, is an event to school
in the UK.
It's actually closed down nowand I went there.
Yeah, they closed down, whichis sad, but I went there because
my dad said I had to go to anevent to school, not negotiate
(08:16):
with he was paying.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
I get it.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
It had to be an event to school.
I didn't want to go to Oakwoodbecause my whole class was going
to Oakwood and I love them.
Shout out to class of 04.
You guys were on PsyClassbecause you were.
I wanted a little distance, soI chose from the courses that
they actually had available.
They didn't have like lots ofstuff.
And so I chose a BA inhumanities, which was history
(08:39):
and literature, and I didn'treally know what I was going to
do with it, but I just knew Iloved history and literature.
So if I'm going to study forfour years I might as well do
something that I love.
And then I figured the onlything I could do with that was
teach.
And so when I graduated thatwas the plan I was going to go
get a postgraduate diploma forteaching.
(09:02):
But life happened and my guesswill probably get into that a
little bit more.
Life happened and I actuallydropped out of my master's
degree program, had to come backto Bermuda, got pregnant with
my first son and I had to work.
So it was less about what Iwanted to do, what my dreams
were, and more about providingand growing up really.
(09:25):
And so I kind of stumbled intoadministration work.
So I worked at the Departmentof Community and Cultural
Affairs still within my passionhistory, culture, all of that
but I was more like adminsupport and yeah.
So I spent a good 10 yearsworking in admin and then, like
(09:47):
I said, we'll get into it morelater, but through that time
period I became involved in alot of social activism, really
interested in the third sector.
So I went back to school, got amaster's in community
development and that's how Iended up in our profit.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
I didn't realize.
You went back to school, to dothat, and at that time you had
more than one father.
Yeah, at that time.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
I had three sons, so I have a 12-year-old and
nine-year-old twins, and so Istarted in 2019, and the program
was distance learning.
Just difficult, yeah, but youhad to show up for intensive
classes each semester, so Iwould fly back and forth every
(10:31):
semester to the UK, and then thepandemic happened, so I
actually finished my master's inthe pandemic while
homeschooling my three kids.
I don't even know how I did it.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
I was going to ask, like how, that doesn't even
sound possible.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Yeah, I don't know how I wrote a dissertation with
three kids.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
I suppose so awesome about women, though, like quick
pause, like that's like aserious woman thing to do is to
have three children be in schoolpretty much full time, and
you're not only having the threechildren, but we're in the
middle of a pandemic.
And then you're homeschoolingthree children like not a
properly professional trainedteacher.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Not at all.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
And then you're also doing your own master's degree.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Yeah, I insane, but you got it done.
I got it done, I got it doneand I think that's probably one
of the things I'm most proud of.
Like, at first it was a bitembarrassing because, you know,
when you grow up in an event ascommunity, education is
important, so the fact that Idropped out was not something I
was proud of, you know.
So going back was always like athing, like it was always in
(11:35):
the back of my mind, you know,and so to be able to go back and
complete it, it was like, yeah,I did it.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Yeah, absolutely no, I got it.
And I think that the additionalpressure in the event, as
community, when it comes tothose things, it's not just on
you, it's also on your family.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
And it's just like a sense of shame, in a sense, when
certain things like that happen.
So going back is kind of likeit's for you, but it's also like
for your community yeah, it'sfor my community, and you know
my community, bi, southamptonChurch.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
My parents, my family they poured so much love into
me during that time.
I felt like not only did I oweit to myself, but I owed it to
them to realize my fullpotential.
You know it's amazing.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Yeah, so you spoke about you brought it up earlier
about you know, life startedlife right, life was life I.
Someone needs to coin that and,like I know, make it a proper
turn.
Somebody needs to be makingmoney off of that right, yeah
somebody.
So in your bio you speak aboutyou know dealing with, you know
some of the worst times in yourlife, darkest times in your life
, with abuse and addiction andthose types of things Like walk
(12:38):
me through where the kind ofthat, the genesis of that, like
how did that?
all start.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Yeah, how did that all start?
So I was away in school at NewWorld After my first year, my
freshman year.
I came back home for the summerand I met this wonderful man
right.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
How does it always start with?
Speaker 2 (13:01):
a man, you know, and he was much older than me,
significantly older than me.
And you know, my friends and Iwe joke all the time about how
I've always like been attractedto older men.
I don't know if it's because,like, my brothers were older not
blaming them or anything, butjust having older men around
just made it easy.
So, anyway, I met this olderguy and we started dating.
(13:25):
I didn't know anything abouthim because I was a relatively
sheltered, you know, christiangirl, and so I met this guy and
I'm trying to I'm trying to saythis without like really bashing
him, because he's really done alot of work to change his life
too, and I respect that.
But at that time, you know, hewas a drug addict, drug dealer,
(13:51):
criminal, in and out of prison.
But I didn't know that, Ididn't know anything about his
past reputation, you know, andso that naivety allowed me to
kind of see things about himthat I probably would never saw
if I knew anything about it.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
I think they'd like to see Reflex now, yeah, yeah
and see the Reflex.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
I didn't see any of that, you know, and it was
exciting and completelydifferent from anything I had
ever experienced.
You know, hanging out clubs,the street life.
You know not having to pay togo in a club, drinks just being
thrown at you, like I felt, likeI had arrived, you know, and so
I threw myself into thatrelationship.
(14:30):
And only enough.
You talked about how it's crazy, how women are able to do
things under, you know,extenuating circumstances.
Brasher, in this relationship,you know, I would come home for
all my breaks Christmas, summer,sometimes fall breaks or
whatever and I would be with himrunning the streets like drugs,
alcohol, whatever, running thestreets, and then I'll get on
(14:51):
the plane and I'll go back toNewbold and like, live a totally
double life, like you know,student Association president.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
you know, like just and Newbold is not a huge
college either.
No, super tiny I was small andsuper adventurous, yeah super
tiny and yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
So I lived this double life for three years
until I graduated from Newbold,and then when I graduated I was
back in Bermuda kind ofcontemplating on what I was
gonna do next and really, if Iwasn't in the relationship I
would have just went straight onto my masters, right.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
But I was in love, but we're in love.
I just want to say now butwe're in love, we just do
everything.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
I was in love and you know he had introduced me to,
like I said, a life that I hadnever experienced, that fast
pace life, you know, and I likedit.
I liked it a lot, and so I feellike, in a lot of ways, I chose
to abandon all the principlesand values that I was raised
(15:51):
with to pursue this life withsomeone that was living
something totally different, youknow.
But unfortunately, through allof that, you know, he introduced
me to drugs.
He was abusive, not physically,but mentally, emotionally, a
lot of like coercive control,and so that broke me down, like
(16:12):
that broke me down, and I becamecompletely dependent on him.
You know, like he became thecenter of my world and you know,
it all came to a head when hecommitted a crime and I was
aware of the crime but I did notLike when the police questioned
me, I, you know, I was heldwhat I knew, and so in doing so,
(16:36):
I became a co-conspirator inthat, because I was aware of the
crime before it happened, notjust aware after it happened.
I was aware that this was whathe was planning to do before it
happened, and so I was chargedwith conspiracy.
Yeah, and that's what I saylife-lifed, that was life-lifing
, where I had to drop out ofschool because I actually did go
(16:58):
back, yeah, to school.
The relationship was such whereit was like he was in and out
of jail, so he ended up goingback to prison and I saw that as
an opportunity to go back toschool, which is so crazy, like
just the polar opposite.
You know, lives that we lived,you know.
So he went back to prison, Iwent back to school and then
when I came home for Christmasbreak in 2008, I was charged
(17:22):
with conspiracy and so Icouldn't finish.
I had to drop out, you know, Ihad to surrender my passport,
all of that, and I was on bailfor, oh my goodness, I was on
bail for almost 18 months Justwaiting to find out what
happened.
During that time period he wasflown off to the UK, you know,
(17:44):
started a whole new life and Ijust was left to kind of hold
back right and in the end Iplayed guilty because you know
my dad and you know my dadrecently passed away.
But my dad, he said, if youwant my support, you have to do
the right thing.
Like I have your back.
I love you, I'm not gonnaabandon you.
(18:07):
This doesn't change anything,but you have to do the right
thing.
So if you're guilty, you needto go and you need to earn that,
and that's what I did, wow.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
That's a crazy level of support, though, right.
Like most people think like ifyour parents especially right
like there's gonna be there orthey're gonna shun you right
Right.
And not be a part of it.
You have that support, but it'snot conditional support but,
like you're gonna do the rightthing if this support is what
I'm gonna give you.
Like, yes, you did somethingwrong, but you're gonna have to
earn up to it.
That's, it's amazing, though.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Right, it's an unconditional condo.
That's yeah, it's unconditional, and it was like it was a kind
of love and support where hewasn't worried about what other
people thought.
You know, because I probablycould have beat the case, maybe
I don't know Right, but he knewthat I think he was more
concerned with, like, mysalvation.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
I was gonna say like so you know my soul.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
And his thing was like I don't care what anybody
thinks or says about you, I justwant you to do the next right
thing.
You know, and that's probablyone of the greatest lessons I
have learned in my life is thatyou can make a million mistakes,
but you always have anotherchoice and you get to choose.
Are you gonna keep makingmistakes, are you gonna keep
(19:27):
doing the wrong thing, or areyou gonna make a different
choice?
And my daddy and my wholefamily speaking specifically
about my dad, but my wholefamily was super supportive and
they gave me the space to beable to make the next right
choice, and that's kind of, Iguess, where my life started to
turn around.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
So in that process of you, you know, pleading guilty,
taking ownership, for that'sessentially what it is right.
Yeah, Like in what went wrong,essentially, Like, how do you
work through that?
Like even when your dad's likeI'm gonna support you, but
you're gonna have to earn up tothat?
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Like that comes with a different level of a lot of
different things right.
I'm assuming, and this is myassumption and please, you know,
correct me if I'm wrong.
So shame, definitely, right,immediately.
What else comes along with that?
Speaker 2 (20:16):
I think shame's the biggest one.
Regret, you know, just lookingback and seeing moments where I
could have made a differentchoice and had a completely
different outcome, and justwishin' that I could go back
right.
So a lot of shame, a lot ofregret but, ironically, a lot of
hope.
There's a level of freedom thatcomes when you just let it out
(20:39):
Like I didn't have to keep lyingand pretending and it's like oh
my God, yeah, it's a mess, Imessed up really bad, and just
to be able to like say that itgave me freedom.
You know, and you know, I guesspeople will have different
feelings, like people who'vebeen through that experience
(21:00):
will have different feelingsabout it, but for me it was like
okay, I got a clean slate.
You know I was blessed, Ididn't have to go to prison.
You know I was given asuspended sentence, so I
basically just had to stay outof trouble.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
I didn't realize that suspended sentence is pretty
specific to British law and likewhat we practice in Burmese,
because a lot of Americans don'tknow what that means.
Yeah, so yeah, I'm glad yousaid what it is.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Yeah, so basically, I guess for viewers' benefit.
A suspended sentence isbasically where you're sentenced
and you have a criminal record.
So I have a criminal record,but the sentence is suspended
for a period of time as long asyou don't reoffend in that
period of time.
So I was sentenced to one yearin prison, but it was suspended
(21:43):
for two years, so I had to notget in trouble for two years.
If I would have gotten introuble I would have had to go
do that year plus whateverGotcha.
The offense was yeah and so I'mreally, really grateful.
I mean, what some people don'tknow, even though it was
reported in the newspaper, I wasactually pregnant with my first
son when I was sentenced.
So that morning, driving tocourt because I knew that I was
(22:05):
going to be sentenced like pledguilty, so I was going for
sentencing, it wasn't a question.
And I remember that morninglike calling someone, like
friends, and telling them likeyou know, I don't know what's
going to happen, but don't comevisit me at Co-Ed, like I'll
write you a letter, so dramatic.
And I remember driving and mymom was concerned because I have
(22:28):
really sensitive skin like so Ican't use regular body wash,
and she was worried, like aboutwhether they would have body
wash.
The things that moms think ofright, you know we would drive
into the court and I'm in theback like I'm pregnant in life,
right, like I'm going to have tobreak you some.
At the time I was using Johnsonand Johnson on lavender baby
(22:51):
wash because that was the onlything that like was okay for me
and yeah, she was worried abouthaving to stop it all Making
sure that you know I what Ineeded, you know, but I was
pregnant.
I was pregnant with Skylar anddid everybody know like my
family knew Okay, yeah, myfamily knew, of course, and
(23:13):
actually my lawyer he mentionedit in his, you know, her name
was Colby, like his closingarguments or whatever and I
think the judge did take thatinto consideration.
And also, like you know,outside of that experience, I
was like a model young woman.
You know what I mean.
So I guess she took all of thatinto consideration and I'll
(23:37):
never forget, like when she toldme to stand up it was Charles
Satter she told me to stand upand she said, you know, taking
everything into consideration, Isent you to one year.
And then she paused and I waslike, oh my gosh, I'm going to
jail, right, like I'm going tojail.
(23:58):
And then she said, suspendedfor two years and like my whole,
like talk about waiting toexhale.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Yeah, yeah.
And you're pregnant, right?
So you're thinking, man, I'mgonna have to have my baby, I'm
gonna have to have my baby inprison.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Am I going to be able to keep my baby?
Like what's going to happen,like what's going to happen, and
so I walked out of thatcourtroom and I was surrounded
by love.
You know my brothers, myparents, my pastor, you know
they hugged me and we prayed andthat was the beginning of a new
(24:37):
life for me.
You know I'm actually getting alittle emotional Cause I
haven't told that part often,but yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
So in that moment, right, and you're thinking about
it and she's saying all thethings you knew, you, you owned
up to it, you knew what you weregoing into in there to
essentially not knowing what wasgoing to happen, right, what
was outside of, obviously,prison?
What was the biggest fear inthat moment?
Speaker 2 (25:05):
But I would never fulfill any of my dreams.
You know that, like this was,this was it for me.
You know I was 23.
So young, you know, full, fullof potential and talent, and I
(25:26):
think my biggest fear was likethis, is it?
Like this would define me?
I would always be defined bythis choice.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Wow, and I mean obviously we know that now and
that's not the case.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
So that's you know, let's lift it a little bit.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
No, but seriously, I think that's a real thing.
Like we, we don't realizepeople go through real stuff,
right.
Through real stuff, yeah, andwe just think life and sometimes
we get so caught up in what'sgoing on with us we never take
into account, like, what someoneelse is going through to get
them to where they are todayRight.
So, when you think of thattimeframe and everything that
you were going through and thegentleman who was in your life
(26:05):
at the time, do you, do youharbor any resent for him?
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Not now for many years.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Resentment.
Excuse me, yeah, Not notanymore.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
I was very resentful for many years.
You know, um, I wish I nevermet him.
You know why didn't I listen topeople?
Because everybody was tryingwas trying to get me to come to
my senses, yeah, and I had lotsof opportunities to make a
different choice.
So I was very, very resentfulfor a long time.
But somewhere along the way, um, with the help of of mentorship
(26:39):
, you know, I had an amazingmentor, um during that time.
Her name's Rachel Bailey,bermudian woman.
Um, you know, um, throughworking with her, I realized
that, like, the only person Ishould really be upset with is
myself, you know, and that'shard.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Yeah, it's really hard that.
Taking that ownership isdifficult.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Yeah, it's really hard, and so it took years to
work through that and come to aplace of like forgiving myself
for that, and once I was able todo that I wasn't so mad at him
anymore.
You know, and, like I saidearlier, you know he's going on
to, you know, rehabilitatehimself.
He's been clean for, oh my gosh, I don't even know how many
(27:24):
years probably 15 or more years.
He's living a totallyproductive life in the UK and
I'm happy for him.
I'm grateful that both of usthat Gaw gave both of us that
opportunity.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Yeah, do you think that if it wasn't for this, you
would have gone, continue to godown that path?
Which path With you know, withbeing with him and him going in
and out of jail, the drugdealing, those types of things?
Quite possibly because I waslike 10-tos down like ride or
die, running and climb.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Like yeah, I don't know, I would like to think I
would, I hope that you know,something would have happened
that would have made me kind ofrealize what I was doing.
But I'm just grateful that whathappened happened because all
the what ifs you know are justliterally what ifs right.
(28:18):
So I quite possibly may haveyou know, and a lot of times I
think, if I wouldn't have gottenpregnant with my son, would I
have continued to use drugs.
You know, because that's reallywhat initially made me stop,
stop Caught you.
You know, because he wasn'there anymore.
So every now and then I justmade the choice to do it on my
own.
You know, like Because there'sthat addiction at that point.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
You know, and I got pregnant with Skylar and just
felt like, you know, this isn'twhat I want for him, you know.
And so I don't know, I don'tknow what would have happened if
those things didn't occur butI'm grateful, absolutely being
very grateful, for that.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Okay, so all of this is half.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
This was in, like you said so this was in two, so I
was sentenced in 2010.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
So like once I know it's earlier in the year.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
It was in September.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
Okay, wow, okay.
So you that happens, you getthe suspended sentence.
It's amazing.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
You're essentially kind of lifted off your
shoulders because you know youcan do right Right.
You know you are not going toget into trouble.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
I'm not going to get in trouble and I think yeah you
know, like you go back to yourroots at that point.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
Right.
Exactly Like I was, I wasscared, so it was time to
straighten out straight.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
I got it though Right .
There's nothing like that toyou know.
Put you back on the straightand narrow.
So what did you decide to do atthat point?
To take this moment to, tochange your life.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Right.
So thankfully I had alreadyfinished my bachelor's right, so
I had a degree Right and atfirst I just did little odd jobs
Like um.
I always tell this story whereI used to work on a coffee truck
.
There was a coffee truck calledPlanet Coffee and it was a
little red.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
And so I didn't.
I didn't have a job rightBecause even when I was on bail
I had little jobs and I won'tname the establishments.
But once they found out I wason bail, it was like, okay, and
so I had a bachelor's degree butI couldn't get a job Right.
And, um, somehow, at like arandom event this was after my
son was born this coffee truckwas there and I ended up talking
(30:22):
to the guy who earned it and hewas like well, actually I'm
looking for someone to work itduring the week, you know,
because he had like a regularnine to five.
And so he hired me for $10 anhour to make in Bermuda, $10 an
hour, um, to make coffee on thecoffee truck at Barnes Corner.
And I lived really close toBarnes Corner, like I could walk
(30:43):
to Barnes Corner, so I wouldget up at 530 and walk.
Well, I would leave him at 530,walk to Barnes Corner in the
dark, he would meet me therewith his little coffee truck and
then I would set it up and, youknow, serve people their coffee
while they were driving to workand then drive this little
clown car thing to town, drophim his truck, and I don't know
(31:05):
how I got back.
Can't remember Right.
This was every day.
Yeah, every morning.
That's what I would do.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Was that humbling for you?
Like I would bust at my tailfor this degree and I'm here
serving coffee.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
Deeply humbling.
It was humbling and of coursethere were moments of
embarrassment.
You know what I mean whenpeople would come up to the to
get their coffee and it's likewhat?
are you doing here, and fulltransparency.
I didn't even know how to makecoffee very well, so I apologize
to anyone.
That's the best part of thatwhole story.
Okay, that's the best part.
(31:35):
I apologize to anyone who askedfor like a cappuccino or
something, because if it wasn'tblack coffee with like sugar and
milk, so my man hired you anddid not do a liquor training
Liquor training.
I mean he showed me how to usethe thing, but that was it?
Speaker 1 (31:49):
You know you needed that, you needed that
opportunity.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
I needed it, and you know back then it was $10 an
hour, which worked out to belike maybe 30 or $40 a day.
Can't remember how many hours Idid, but that was able to buy
diapers and all the things thatI needed for my son.
I was still living at home andmy dad would have supported me
and my son with all questions,but I felt like after everything
I had put that man through.
(32:12):
I'm going to go work on thiscoffee truck so that I can take
care of my child, and that'swhat I did.
And while working on the coffeetruck, this opportunity came
just randomly or maybe notrandomly.
It was a program called the Try30 program and it was offered
by government.
It only ever ran once.
It was like a pilot and it wasfor young adults who were
(32:35):
unemployed and I had filled outthe unemployment register you
know, like a good Bermudian, youknow.
And they picked me and so theyplaced me at the Department of
Community and Cultural Affairsin the community education
department doing admin work.
And while I was there theyrealized like you're really
smart and talented, you've got abrain and we can do more.
(32:59):
So the program was supposed tobe like three months, but I
ended up working at thedepartment for two years.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Talk about full circle?
Because didn't you work therebefore?
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Well, this was when I started working there.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
This is how I ended up getting there, and you had,
you know, the interest inhistory anyway, so that was very
helpful during that time,during that time.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
So, yeah, I worked there for two years and I
probably would have stayed there, but at the time government had
a hiring freeze so theycouldn't actually give me a post
with benefits and all of that.
So you know, over the two yearsI got married, I got pregnant
with my twins and you know, Icame to the decision that I
needed to find something thatactually had benefits, health
(33:42):
care, all of that.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Yeah, those things are important.
Yeah, very expensive so you gotto make sure you, you know,
keep all those things together.
So when you talk about, youknow everything.
That and this was all withinlike what?
Two to three years.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Yeah, so I got married in 2010, sentenced,
2011,.
Had my son the timeline's crazy.
2011,.
Had my son.
2012, I got married.
2014,.
I had my twins.
And then, just to throw alittle razzle dazzle in there,
(34:17):
2016, I was divorced.
Yeah, and so it was a.
It was a lot, you know, thathappened in a short span of time
, but I survived it.
You survived it and you'reflourishing, right.
Yeah, very fortunate.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
But how was divorce for you?
Like what, what was.
How did you feel during thattime?
Speaker 2 (34:40):
It felt like another failure.
You know, a lot of the reasonwhy I got married was because I
had messed up so bad and I feltlike, okay, well, if I get
married and settle down and goback to church, you know,
everyone would think I'm cool,I'm good.
And so, you know, I was datingthis man, again older than me,
(35:02):
much older than me.
He loved me, he loved my son,and so I was like this makes
sense, yeah, get married.
And you know just, it wasn'tabout living happily ever after.
It was about being stable anddoing the right thing and doing
what I felt was the right thing.
But as I continued working onmyself, you know, and being in
therapy and just unearthing allthe stuff that was going on
(35:26):
within me, I realized that wewere not compatible.
This wasn't a great alignment,you know.
It wasn't a horrible marriage,but did I want to be in that
marriage for 40, 50 years?
No, really, you know.
And so I made the hard decision.
We made the hard decisionbecause our twins were only one,
(35:47):
you know.
So we made the decision thatthis just wasn't.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
So how does that work ?
Right Like you're with someoneand you realized you're like to
your point, you're notcompatible, but nothing's
happened right Like I feel, likewe have.
We see that a lot more withwomen who are like this isn't
working and the person is great,you know, in their own right.
There's nothing, but nothinghappened, like.
How do you choose to walk awayat that point in time?
What is the kind of who do youput first in that situation?
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Yeah, that's a really good question.
I mean, for me, with mysituation, like there wasn't
anything horribly wrong, butthere were little things that
were very uncomfortable and Ifelt like I couldn't be my
authentic self.
And so it came to a point whereI was forced to make that
choice because I couldn't hidemy authentic self, you know and
(36:39):
to his defense he didn't.
You know, I portrayed somethingthat I probably wasn't.
You know, I at the time wasconservative and, you know, nice
wifey, you know, material, Iguess I don't know and that's
what he married.
And then, over the years that wewere together, I couldn't
(37:01):
maintain that Like I'm ambitiousand career-driven and you know
I don't want to just stay homeand make sure that dinner is
cooked and your clothes areclean and the house is clean,
and I just felt like he wasn'tin a place where he could
support that, you know.
And there were other things aswell, you know a little bit more
(37:23):
personal things, that we justwere not compatible with.
And so at the end of the day,it was so hard to just keep
going through that every day.
And you know, one day it justhappened to be Mother's Day and
I was at the spa.
He sent me to the spa forMother's Day and I just sent him
a text and I was just likeevery part of my life brings me
(37:45):
joy, but this, you know, andthat was the beginning of us
just, and we had gone tocounseling like we had done all
the things you do the work.
Yeah, you know, we was going tochurch, like everything you
know, and we just agreed that weprobably should have stayed
(38:06):
friends.
But in the end we have ourbeautiful kids and he's an
amazing co-parent, even for myoldest son, who's not his
biologically.
He has been his dad too andstill is, you know.
Speaker 1 (38:21):
That's amazing, I think, when you get with good
people, regardless of thecompatibility of it being able
to co-parent and, you know,especially when you have
children involved in thesituation is great right.
It's something that you can.
It kind of warms your heart,because sometimes people's
disdain for their ex actuallyprevents them from working
together for the kids.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
And I see that a lot obviously in the work that I do.
You know, and at the end of theday you want to put the kids
well being first.
You know you don't want to bein an unsafe situation or an
abusive situation, but whereverpossible you want to think what
is the best scenario for mychildren and we found an amazing
balance.
You know the kids are with himright now.
(39:03):
You know, and you know he stillgets on my nerves but at the
end of the day, at the end ofthe day, we do whatever is
necessary for our kids, you know.
Speaker 1 (39:16):
So in your life right and just reading your bio, also
knowing you as well, you'vealso experienced some
significant loss and you'vementioned recently losing your
father, but previously that youalso lost your brother.
Like, how have you been dealingwith that grief?
Speaker 2 (39:33):
Well, in all honesty, when I lost my brother in 2017,
I did not deal with it verywell.
It was a very public death andso I didn't have space to deal
with it very well, and so I kindof returned to some habits that
were not helpful.
You know, drinking a lot.
You know Never returned todrugs, but, yeah, alcohol, wine
(39:57):
every night was like my thing.
Put the kids to bed and I'llhave some wine and I ate.
Like I'm an emotional consumer.
So that could be food, alcohol,it could be clothes shopping,
whatever right.
And so that's how I coped forlike the first six months after
losing Sean.
And then I realized like hewouldn't want this for me, like
(40:21):
I fought way too hard to comeout of that dark space of
depression and he would not wanthis death to be what sends me
back.
And so that was actually thebeginning of like a really
intentional healing andspiritual journey, not just for
the loss of him, but foreverything I had been through,
because, you know, I was sofocused on rebuilding my life
(40:43):
that I didn't always take timeto like pour into myself and
recover.
It was like, okay, I gotta dowhat's next?
I gotta get married.
I gotta get a job I gotta dothat, and so when he died, it
was like everything stopped andI was able to do that work that
was really required and that Iguess that kind of that
(41:05):
experience prepared me forlosing my father, because you
know, when you lose someonesuddenly it's not the same as if
they're sick or they're older.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
It's best that you can, yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
You know.
And so it lost my brother, likecompletely suddenly, and I
don't know if there's a painthat is greater than that.
So when my dad passed, you knowI had time I had years of him
being unwell to prepare for thatloss, even though you can never
really fully be prepared.
(41:41):
But I know that for the lastfive, six years of his life I
showed up as like the absolutebest daughter that I could be,
because I knew it was coming.
I knew it was coming right.
So that helped.
You know, the experience losingmy brother helped me to live so
much more intentionally thatwhen I lost my dad there was a
(42:04):
peace that came with that youknow, and how do you as a family
kind of stay together afterthat?
Speaker 1 (42:11):
right, you have tragedy and loss and then you
have a bit more.
You know it's coming loss butthen you also because during the
time of your brother's death,you were also, like, the
spokesperson for your family aswell right.
You were like the, you know, welike to say the family manager
you know what I mean At thattime.
So that's also an additionalweight.
Like how do you guys staytogether as a family during that
(42:33):
?
Speaker 2 (42:34):
Thankfully, we were always a close family so we
always came together for, youknow, every single birthday, you
know Christmas, all of that.
We've always supported eachother.
So it was natural to just, youknow, fall in line and continue
to support each other.
And then, with my dad, you know, because he was sick, we all
(42:55):
kind of played a role in, Iguess, just making the last few
years of his life good you knowmy mom.
She quit working and took careof my dad.
My nephew took over my dad'sbusiness.
You know, I was like thedaughter, slash caregiver, slash
(43:16):
manager of the things.
You know my niece at one pointshe came in and was his
caregiver.
So we all, just you know that'sjust what we do.
You know it's just what we doand I'm so grateful to be from a
family like that, you know.
And so the same way theyrallied to support me in my
lowest moments, we do the samething for each other, like
(43:38):
that's what we do.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
Definitely I can memorize the name of that 100%
the family aspect of it.
And at your core.
Like those values, never leaveyou.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
They never leave.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
And you always come together in the best times for
that.
But, given essentiallyeverything that you've been
through, right, how much ofeverything that you've been
through have prepared you foryour current role?
Speaker 2 (43:57):
100% like I chuckle all the time.
I'm like, okay, god, I get it.
So you wanted me to go throughevery single thing possible so
that when these women walk intomy office, I am speaking from a
place of complete understandingand non-judgment and
relatability.
And then also I have a story ofhope that I can give them.
I don't you know and this is nooffense to any one who is in
(44:21):
this profession, but I don'tjust have the textbook answer
for them what you're supposed tosay.
I'm actually a living,breathing, walking example that
you can 100% change your life,like it's 100% possible.
Speaker 1 (44:38):
And I think that's the key right, like that's the
missing key.
Like sometimes we have peoplein positions that do well the
text looks out of it and arevery good at their jobs, but
very rarely it's difficult notto be able to relate and
sometimes, especially whenpeople are in the lowest point,
it's like okay, yeah, pull yoursocks up, you can do it.
Rah, rah, rah.
But, there's a difference tosomeone saying no, I know where
(44:59):
you've been before.
Speaker 2 (45:00):
I literally know how hard it is to overcome an
addiction.
I know how hard it is to be asingle mom.
I know how hard it is to leavea relationship, but I also know
that the strength that'srequired to carry me through
(45:20):
those hard situations is stillthere to elevate me to the next
thing, you know.
So you have to draw on thatstrength.
Like you know a lot of women,we go through things and the
world tends to look down on usbecause of the things that we've
been through.
But it takes a really, reallystrong woman to go through abuse
(45:41):
and still be there and still bewilling to get up every day and
fight, you know, or go throughloss, significant loss, or even
making massive mistakes that endup on the front page of the
newspaper right.
To be able to go through thatand still get up and like, keep
going is incredible.
(46:01):
It's like it's-.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
It's a superpower 100%.
You know, yeah, and then whenyou look at it from that angle,
and then you couple in havingchildren, right.
And having to show up for themas well, like you have three
boys that you have to show upfor every single day and you
know with the women that youhelp at the Women's Resource
Center I'm sure a lot of themalso have children too right?
So I think coupling all thattogether like we do some amazing
(46:25):
things as women, that's thefirst thing right, and then
everything that you kind of pourinto these women, like how
receptive are they?
Speaker 2 (46:33):
I think they're very receptive.
I mean, a lot of them don'tknow my journey right, and I
have to remind myself.
It has been enough time wheresome people just don't know.
I think that everybody knowsbecause obviously you felt like
that.
I felt like that I mean it wasliterally on the front page of
these.
They were.
But I've done so much otherthings since then that people
(46:54):
don't always either remember orthey just never knew, and so
sometimes I have to tell them,like listen, you know, I'm not
just sitting here in this seattelling you things that I think
you want to hear, like you know,and it shouldn't be about me
but sometimes there areopportunities to really inspire
someone by sharing that personalstory?
Speaker 1 (47:16):
Yeah, definitely, and I think also, you know we
always say you go througheverything happens for a reason,
right, and I think this newrole that you're in is the
literal kind of definition ofthat right Because it allows you
to pour into people from apersonal experience, but then
you also go back to school to beable to apply that knowledge
(47:36):
into a way that can expand anddo all of that right, so I think
it's pretty amazing.
I think so too.
I think you're pretty great.
No, it's crazy because I haveso much more to talk to you
about, but we're not in time broit's crazy, I told you.
It always happens Like you justlook up and then it's like oh
wow, 45 minutes gone, done anddusted.
But no, I think we coulddefinitely expand on this more
you know, going forward and Idefinitely want to have an
(47:58):
additional conversation with you, but for purposes of time and
here on the podcast today likewhat are some things that you
know, given everything thatyou've been through right and
everything that you've learnedand things that you're going to
continue to doing?
What is something that you wantto be remembered for, like when
you, you know, are old and grayand you know you've retired and
(48:21):
you know everything that youcan look back on now and where
you currently sit.
What do you want to beremembered for?
Speaker 2 (48:28):
I want to be remembered for creating safe
spaces for women to be theirmost authentic self and be able
to create a life beyond theirwildest dreams.
That's what I want to beremembered for.
You know I feel like it soundscliche, but I want to be
remembered for making peoplefeel safe.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Yeah, amazing, I love that.
Yes, that's good.
Okay, so let's give thelisteners some ways to get in
contact with each other At theWomen's Resource Center.
That's the first thing.
So let's talk about how, ifsomeone wants to get in contact
with you or the Women's ResourceCenter, how can they do that?
Speaker 2 (49:03):
Sure, so at the Women's Resource Center you can
contact us obviously by givingus a call 295-3882, but our
website is wwwwrcbramudacom.
And just really quick, I justwant to say that the Women's
Resource Center, we've recentlyrebranded, so we have a host of
programs and services, not justfor women who might find
(49:25):
themselves in a rough situation.
We have empowerment programsand services and education and
all of that.
So if that's something that youthink you might benefit from,
just head over to our website.
Speaker 1 (49:36):
Okay, perfect.
And also you have a blog and apodcast that you have as well,
so tell me a bit about that.
Speaker 2 (49:42):
So A Little Girl Grows Up.
That's my Instagram handle.
It started as a blog like atraditional write blog, but now
it's more like when I feel theinspiration.
I hop on stories and just sharewhatever.
It's not structured, it's veryauthentic, but if that's your
thing, you can follow me there.
Speaker 1 (50:03):
And check it out.
Check it out when the spiritmoves.
There you go.
Well, thank you so much, Renee,for joining me today.
I really appreciate it and I'mconfident that your story will
touch someone, and that's why Iwant thank you for trusting me
to share that here today.
Speaker 2 (50:16):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
Yes, all right, guys.
We just had an amazing episodewith Renee Crocker.
She is also the new executivedirector of the Women's Resource
Center.
Make sure you head over to thewebsite to learn about all the
amazing new programs they havefrom their new rebrand, as well
as give them a call if you justwant to find it out that way as
well.
Also, follow Renee on Instagram.
A little girl grows up.
You can learn more about herand anything that kind of hits
(50:37):
her spirit that day that shewants to share with you you can
find on her Instagram channel.
As always, head over to ourwebsite, hustleherpodcastcom,
where you can sign up to be aVIP listener as well as catch up
on all the other episodes.
You can also see our new blogthat we've launched, where you
can comment on today's episodeand let me know what you think.
As also, we have merch guys.
(50:58):
We have some new hats in stock.
We have the mustard ones, wealso have the black ones, and
we'll have some sweatshirts thatare coming out.
All of that can be found on thewebsite.
So, as always, thank you forspending some time with me today
and for watching Hustle HerPodcast.
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