A Very Vulnerable Get to Know Me: Dreams, Depression, and Breaking Cycles

Have you ever felt trapped in cycles of negative thinking that seem to manifest exactly what you fear most? That's the raw, honest territory we explore in this  personal solo episode.

After hosting eleven interview-focused episodes, I'm taking a different approach today – just me, opening up about the parts of myself.  Beyond the extroverted goofball you might know me as, there's a whole history with depression, anxiety, and even self-harm that's shaped who I am. Dreams I've pursued on and off for a decade while dealing with mental health challenges and even unexpected brain surgery in 2020.

This episode came from a place of resistance – I almost didn't record it today. If you're feeling stuck or comparing yourself to others' highlight reels, remember that you have everything you need to change your life. Love you, Liz

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey everybody, welcome back to.
I Am Me.
I am your host, liz Bachman,and today is actually a little
different.
My episode today is going to bejust me, so I hope everybody
didn't just run away, but youalready saw the title of the
episode, so you're locked in itnow.
No, but in all seriousness, I'mgoing to start doing episodes
that are just me.
I still absolutely haveepisodes with guests, because I

(00:24):
do really enjoy learning andtalking to new guests and just
learning about different thingsand what people are doing and
how they're chasing their dreamsand as corny as it might sound
how they're being them.
For me, I'm just going to betalking about different ways
that I'm learning, growing,evolving.
This stuff is going to be moremental health and wellness and
just me being honest andvulnerable with you.

(00:44):
I don't have all the answers,but I think sometimes it's just
helpful to hear from someone whomight be going through
something a little similar toyou, because we're all humans,
right, and we're all trying ourbest to figure it out.
The other thing I want to pointout real quick is that I am
actually filming outside today.
I am trying to.
I'm at a public park and I'mtrying to make audio as best as
I can for everyone, because Istill want this to be an

(01:06):
enjoyable experience.
I'm also still filming myself,so if you're someone who likes
to watch this kind of stuff onYouTube, it'll still be up on my
YouTube channel.
Sorry, something keeps touchingmy leg and I think it's a bug,
but it's not.
So, with all that said, let'sdive into today's episode, into
today's episode, and today Iwant to talk about me and get to
know me a little bit, becauseI've done, I think, 11 episodes

(01:27):
now and I've never really talkedmuch about myself.
I mean, I know I talk aboutmyself in those episodes.
If you can't tell, I like totalk, but I've never really told
people my story or kind of whatthey can expect from me.
Sorry, I'm scratching my legand I realized that I am in fact
being filmed, so enjoy that toanyone who views it.

(01:49):
So I am absolutely a goofballand I love that about myself.
I love that I'm silly and notafraid to be the dork in the
middle of the room, so to speak,but something that I haven't
opened up with a lot of familyand even people outside of my

(02:12):
inner circle I guess that don'tknow me as well or people who
see me online, is that I alsostruggle with some pretty
serious depression and anxiety,and I know who doesn't right.
But it's something that Iactually want to start talking
about because, as much fun as itis to be an extrovert and silly
and goofy, I've been throughsome stuff.

(02:33):
I have self-harmed I've wantedto in my life.
I've been in a four monthoutpatient mental health program
and this isn't going to be allabout mental health, but I think
it's important to reveal thatside of me.
I also am someone who wants topursue acting and music and I
have off and on, but I've alsovery much given up on those

(02:54):
dreams because it feels like abad relationship, like the bad
boyfriend that you keep goingback to, even though they let
you down every single time, andI know part of that is I have
not done my work in therelationship, that there's
definitely ways that I could beshowing up more in the
relationship, this relationshipof acting and music and being an
entertainer.
But after 10 years of pursuingacting off and on, I've had

(03:16):
different health things.
Like I said, with my mentalhealth, I also randomly had
brain surgery back in 2020.
And we will get into that in adifferent video, but it's
something I don't want to giveup on, and I think the only way
you can't succeed in life is ifyou quit, and I've definitely
had those moments where Iabsolutely want to quit, and I'm
sure other people have hadthose moments too, and that is
okay.
I thought that, in all honesty,I would be a star by now, and I

(03:39):
think it's funny because I'mlike, oh, don't say that, that
sounds so egotistical, but Ithink if you want to be an
entertainer, you I mean, ifthere's really an actor or a
musician out there there mightbe that says they don't want to
be famous I don't know that Ibelieve them because, of course,
like, being famous is a waythat signals that you are having

(04:00):
some success in those things.
So, yeah, I'm not going to lieabout the fact that I would like
to have some level of fame inmy life.
I don't know that I want to beTaylor Swift famous.
I would like to actually beable to go to a coffee shop
without being mobbed, but it issomething that I want and I
think that's also something alot of people want in this

(04:22):
social media age.
We're all itching to berelevant, right?
But here's the thing I'venoticed the harder I try, the
more these things feelunattainable, and I think that
comes from limiting beliefs.
Basically, I create my realitywith my beliefs, right?
So I believe that I'm not goingto be able to have these things

(04:42):
.
So what I'm actually doing on asubconscious level is creating
a reality in which I don't getthese things.
Let's make this an example.
I want a really big role, right?
Let's call it a co-star role.
I'd be hella happy with aco-star role.
If you don't know what that is,don't worry about it.
But I've never got a co-starrole before.
So I start believing that Icould never get a co-star role.
Well then I start, on asubconscious level, making sure

(05:05):
that that belief happens,because that is my belief.
And the thing about beliefs is,it's not fact, it's a belief.
So our subconscious has areally powerful way of taking
our beliefs and making them ourreality, which is why it's
really important to break awayfrom these limiting beliefs.
There's a huge wasp.
Okay, it left Scary.

(05:25):
In the past 10 years, in my 20s,I've really gotten stuck in
these cycles that, even thoughthey might not be true, I make
them true.
How do we actually get out ofthese cycles.
You have to start doing thework, and that is something that
I've put off because it makesme anxious.
But I'm actually at a point inmy life where I'm doing the work

(05:46):
, and the beautiful thing aboutit is you don't have to be on
anyone else's timeline.
You can do the work at your ownpace, and if you're feeling
anxious or overwhelmed or likeyou're behind, it's okay.
You're not behind.
You are exactly where you aresupposed to be in this moment,
and society wants to tell youthat you need to have certain
things done by a certain age,and that just is not true.

(06:08):
Journaling, meditating, deepbreathing all these things,
these modern wellness thingsthese things have been around
for centuries.
These aren't new.
Now we're just seeing thempushed in this influencer kind
of way, and you actually have todo the thing.
It doesn't matter which thingyou do.
Maybe you like to journal,maybe you like to meditate,
maybe you hate those.
Find something that works foryou.

(06:29):
Maybe it's going outside, maybeit's being on a walk, but you
have to stop engaging with thisonline presence and start
engaging with yourself.
The thing that's gonna heal youand the thing that's gonna move
you forward is you.
Isn't that crazy.
Let's say that again the thingthat's going to help you and the

(06:52):
thing that's going to move youforward is you, but you have to
actually do the things, whateverthat is, and however small.
That is that's what I mean whenI say it's on your timeline.
You're not competing againstanybody else.
You're not doing anything.
I know we are constantlycomparing ourselves online and
it feels like we are doing thisagainst other people, but it's
just not true.
The life that you want iswithin reach and the only person

(07:15):
that can do that is you.
But the thing is, you can dothat.
You can achieve the thing thatyou want to do, and I say this
to myself as much as I'm sayingit to you, because I'm at a
point where I'm starting tobelieve in myself again, even
though for years, I've just kindof like not given up, but given
up.
Like I just, at a certain point, kind of took myself out of the

(07:40):
game and decided that thethings that I want were just not
happening for me.
Seemed to be happening foreverybody around me, but not for
me, and that's a wholeconversation.
But this episode I just want totake a second to encourage
someone to just focus on you,however small, take a minute to
just go and do for yourself andto be honest with you about how

(08:04):
much like I don't want to do thework.
I did not want to come and dothis episode today.
I feel a lot better now thatI've done it, but I did not want
to.
I literally looked at mysocials because I've been
low-key obsessing over them.
How quickly are they growing?
Do people care?
I looked at my socials, didn'tsee what I wanted, didn't get
the dopamine hit from havinglikes, views, follows, whatever

(08:28):
and decided I wanted to checkout.
I wanted to go into oldpatterns, sit on the couch, not
do this.
I didn't want to come and makemy podcast episode, even though
that's what I needed to do today, but I did it anyway, and part
of it is we're not always goingto feel like it, you're not
always going to want to do it,you're just not.
I mean, I know I feel like afortune cookie, but the thing

(08:49):
that's so amazing about doingthe hard thing over and over
again is the hard thing becomeseasier and easier and easier
because our brains are soresilient and so adaptable.
And if you feel stuck, Ipromise you you can change your
life.
All right, I hope everybody hasa beautiful day.
I hope you enjoyed this ramblesession.
I really appreciate anybody whosat and listened to this.

(09:12):
But just remember, you reallyare.
You're beautiful and you arecapable of so many wonderful
things.
All right, I love you.
Thank you for listening.