Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome back to, I Get It fromMy mom where we talk about
everything moms and daughtersshould be talking about with a
lot of honesty, some humor, andhopefully some wisdom along the
way.
And today is extra specialbecause we're celebrating
someone who is very important toboth of us.
My big sister Ava, who turns 19this week.
(00:21):
That's all right.
It's all about me today.
I mean, it's my birthdayepisode, so I think that's only
fair.
We did this for Maggie Swift 16,and now it's your turn.
But honestly, Ava, your storydeserves its own episode because
you've been teaching us thingsfrom the moment you arrived.
She's been the test dummy child.
Hey, I like Guinea pig.
(00:41):
Maybe prototype, like originalOG version.
That's what I'm thinking.
Oh, OG is a good one.
Yeah, the child who broke us inas parents and made us who we
are today.
So let's walk through 19 yearsof Ava.
The highs, the lows, the scarsand everything in between.
All right.
Enough of this.
Let's get to the story of me.
(01:09):
Ava, as you know, you wereplanned.
After a few years of marriage.
Dad and I decided it was time toshake things up.
Forever, but I was terrified.
The entire pregnancy as a firsttime mom, everything felt so
fragile.
I was superstitious.
We didn't find out the gender,didn't set up the nursery till
(01:30):
after you were born.
Didn't have a baby shower.
Didn't give my belly one ofthose weird nicknames.
Nothing of the sort, you know, Ihad to keep you on your toes.
Yes, always.
Birth Wasn't so fun for me orfor you.
I went into labor in the middleof the night, 10 days early.
I had no idea what Libra painswould feel like, but they were
(01:51):
harsh and awful in back andfront.
Once I was fully dilated andready to go, I pushed for over
five hours, but to no avail, andwe wound up in an emergency
C-section situation'cause bothof our blood pressures dropped.
Very dramatic entrance for avery dramatic child.
So she was very on that dramaticbrand since day one.
(02:14):
Thanks everybody.
When the doctor finally said,here she is, I looked at dad and
asked, did they say she, andwhen they held you up to me,
still strapped to that surgicaltable.
I shouted, it's David, becauseyou looked exactly like your
father uncanny resemblance thatyou still have today.
Definitely.
Get that a lot.
Yep.
(02:35):
You were born on May 29th, 2006.
That was Memorial Day that year.
Eight pounds, 20 inches, baldand beautiful.
But your poor thing, you wereborn with a bruise on your head
from the delivery and developedjoice.
Beautiful.
Totally my fault.
No birthing hips here.
So for a few days you were underthose bilirubin lights in the
(02:56):
hospital.
It kind of looks like anincubator that they put little
chicks in.
That's what I tell people.
I was in an incubator.
Yep.
And you were so tiny and theyhad these like little eye masks.
So the lights were in your eyes.
It was the tiniest little eyemask.
I had it for years.
I don't even know what it is,but we just stare at you.
Completely overwhelmed and inawe.
We chose the name Ava Morganjust because we liked it not
(03:17):
knowing how popular the name Avawould then become.
Sorry about that.
It's fine.
And we named you Paia Miriam inHebrew after your great
grandparents.
And then I was just so much morefun when you got to take me
home.
Yes.
You didn't sleep for months aswe talked about last week.
The reflux, the crying, the latenights.
You are our first everything.
(03:38):
First diaper we changed.
First baby.
We fed and bathed.
I got a baby nurse after theC-section since I was pretty
beat up inside and outside.
But we sent her home after threedays because it felt weird,
frankly, having someone elsetake care of our precious baby.
Basically, Ava trained you to bea parent.
Yes, exactly.
Your first word for everythingwas ba babo.
(04:01):
It meant bottle ball blocks.
Barney, you know, the purpledinosaur.
It sometimes meant grandpa forsome reason that came out.
Baba, you said dadda beforemama.
Which I'm still not over.
Sorry.
And I think the first real wordwe really remember was deuce.
Which we think meant eitherjuice or shoes.
(04:22):
It was definitely juice.
It was definitely juice, notshoes.
No, definitely juice.
Toddler.
Ava was pure energy.
You had 15 words by 15 monthsand never stopped singing or
talking since.
You loved Dora Barney, SesameStreet, anything with music, we
listen to the Lori Ner Band andthe Fresh Beat Band on repeat.
(04:44):
I mean, I remember the FreshBeat band, but I don't remember
the Laurie Ner band.
Yeah, well, lucky you.
Because we even saw them live.
Not a core memory for you.
I guess.
I remember when you used toperform little shows and always
made me be the supportingcharacters.
Someone had to appreciate mytalent.
It's hard to find it at thatyoung of an age for a lot of
people.
(05:04):
I was running a whole productioncompany out of our living room.
I dress up as differentcharacters, create elaborate
storylines, and make mom and dadbuy tickets to my performances
because talent is not cheap.
Yeah.
I want my money back.
Yes.
You always love pretend play.
We had to play kitchen and youwould make us elaborate.
Pretend breakfast.
You would act as the waitressand take our orders and quote
(05:26):
unquote write them down and thencome back and cook.
Would you complain about thefood quality?
And you would laugh and blame iton the kitchen.
You even ran a pretend storeoutta my closet where you sell
my own stuff back to me atridiculous prices.
You are very entrepreneurial.
A girl's gotta make a living.
I mean, come on.
But this is also when we learnedabout Ava's need for planning
(05:48):
and structure.
You've always gotten anxiouswhen you didn't know the
schedule or what's happening.
And even as a toddler, you liketo know what was coming next.
It's true.
I still need to know the plan.
She gets stressed if she doesn'teven know what she's doing for
the day or what time each mealis.
Yeah.
Well, speaking of challenges,potty training was an adventure
with Ava.
(06:09):
You learned to pee in the pottyeasily when you were two and a
half.
We did it over winter breakactually.
You had absolutely no interestin learning to poop in the
potty.
Oh, this is gonna be a funstory, isn't it?
Yes.
This is for everybody.
It's great.
Yeah.
Pull up a chair or a potty seat.
You would ask for a pull upspecifically to poop in, so you
knew when you had to go, andthen you would go find something
(06:31):
to hold onto.
What can I hold onto?
You actually had this likeperfect spot at a bookshelf,
still looking at the tv, and youstand and squeeze, and then you
would laugh and run away.
So we could have changed you,but eventually we decided no
more diapers, but you refused togo.
You actually held it in forthree entire days.
And yes, before others comeafter me.
(06:52):
We checked with the pediatricianon this.
You are crampy and gassy inpreschool, you were clearly
uncomfortable, but so stubborn.
Finally, when you got home andwere with grandma, you said,
okay, enough already I can'ttake it.
And you pooped in the potty andyou never looked back.
(07:14):
Clearly I commit fully to mydecisions, even the bad ones.
Yes but you were also such asweet, big sister when Maggie
came along.
You let her follow you around,included her in your games, even
if you were always the directorand lead actor.
In elementary school, you were aperfect student.
Always well behaved, alwaysraising your hand.
You did well in school that yourschool even suggested you
(07:36):
skipped the second grade.
I do remember coming home andhaving that conversation about
if I should skip the grade ornot.
Yeah, I don't think we werenecessarily giving you the
decision, but we said no becausewe didn't wanna rush your
childhood and we want you tosocially always be on track and
feel good and have confidence,but you're always in the top
reading and math groups alwayshad your hands up with the
answer nerd.
(07:57):
Yeah.
Back then.
You tried dance and gymnasticsand actually won the dance award
in elementary school, which youwere so proud of that you did
not get from me.
You've got amazing moves andhips that don't lie.
And this is where you alsolearned that Aven injuries were
gonna be a theme.
Yep.
Yeah, yeah.
(08:18):
Here we go.
Yes.
When you were 18 months old, youfell in our apartment building
hole away while I was watchingyou, and you have that scar in
your face from it.
Then when you were three theicicle, yes.
An icicle fell off grandma'sdeck and it hit you right in the
nose while you were playingunder it.
Another scar.
And another moment where Iquestioned my parenting skills.
(08:39):
Just so helpful because itreally, nothing covers it up my
whole life.
No concealer will ever coverthis big red dot on my nose.
So thanks mama.
So both of those happen when momwas watching you.
I know how it sounds, but Evahas a gift for finding danger in
very safe situations.
I like to keep thingsinteresting.
Well, you got earring back stuckin your ears several times and
(09:02):
had to get them removed.
That was fun.
Traumatized.
Traumatized.
And there was also the time youfainted and fell down our stairs
cutting a bruise in your face.
Thank goodness that one didn'tleave too much of a mark right
before graduation too.
That was great.
Yep.
I was walking accident, waitingto happen, but I've always been
a happy kid.
Then at eight years old, daddygot you into softball.
(09:24):
He was your coach for littleleague.
That really was special.
Having that thing that was justours, you know?
And I loved everything about it.
The strategy, being part of ateam, the competition, meeting
new people, like everything.
And what about the game did youreally love?
I love the mental game as muchas the physical part.
Reading the batter, callingplays as catcher, being in
charge of the defense.
(09:45):
You are a natural athlete, butyou also worked hard at it and
you had some incredible moments.
Like the Grand Slam on my 15thbirthday at that tournament,
that was probably the highlightof my softball career, was like
perfect timing.
That's like something out of amovie.
It went far over that wall.
It honestly did feel pretty epicin the moment, but eventually I
realized softball wasn'tbringing me joy anymore.
(10:07):
The coaches weren't supportive.
My team had changes a lot, andit felt more like an obligation
than something I love, sadly,that was a hard decision to walk
away from something you'dinvested so much time in.
Yeah, but through my life I'vedefinitely learned that just
because you're good at somethingdoesn't mean you have to keep
doing it if it's not making youhappy.
Yep.
You've always had a lot to sayon and off the field.
(10:29):
I'm vocal.
Sue me.
She never met a quiet moment shecouldn't fill.
Okay.
Background noise is important.
That's why I always have to havesome sort of TV or music on.
Silence is just weird.
Even now, you know every word toevery song.
It's like you have an internalsoundtrack running at all times.
Music makes everything better.
Speaking of how many times haveyou watched Mama Mia or Rent or
(10:50):
listened to Hamilton?
Oh, I don't even want to beginto try and count.
No regrets.
Middle school was tough.
You were academically a bitbored and socially struggling.
The girls were getting meanerand you just didn't feel like
you fit.
Yeah, I never really found mygroup there.
I did theater and step team,which I did love, but it was
kind of like a lonely time.
(11:11):
Yep.
That's when we made thedecisions to switch schools
after sixth grade.
It wasn't easy, but we knew youneeded more opportunities in a
better social environment.
Middle school is just the worsttime for everyone.
Right?
It's true.
I think we all will justcollectively forget those years.
Yeah.
But this is where we saw yourresilience and self-advocacy.
You knew something wasn't rightand you spoke about it, and that
(11:31):
takes courage.
I mean, I've never been afraidto say when something isn't
working for me.
So for high school, you testedinto Brooklyn Tech, one of the
more competitive high schools inNew York City.
Huge school, hour long subwaycommute each way.
It was a big leap.
And then COVID hit at the end ofeighth grade, so my entire
freshman year was remote.
(11:52):
I didn't really get to be a highschooler until 10th grade.
Plus I had COVID three timesduring high school.
Three times.
That's a lot.
I know.
I was kind of like a COVIDmagnet.
Yep.
But once you finally got back toschool, you found your stride.
You chose law and society asyour major in a school that had
a majors.
You had softball again while youchose to do it, and by junior
(12:13):
year you found a great group ofgirlfriends.
Yeah, it's true.
I feel like I've always beenable to eventually find my
people, whether it's my friendsI made in high school or my
close best friends that I've hadsince elementary school, that
even though we go to differentcolleges, it hasn't changed our
relationship at all.
Speaking of colleges, your firstyear of college brought some
health challenges too.
(12:34):
Wanna talk about those?
Yeah, definitely.
Um, so I had strep twice.
And one of the times I hadstrep, I also had the flu.
And then I got mono.
And I also had like an allergicreaction.
One time I was in the ER likealmost overnight.
Yeah.
It was, I basically lived inurgent care and spent way too
many weeks bedridden.
(12:54):
Yeah.
That was so hard watching youdeal with all that while trying
to adjust to college life and weweren't there to help you.
I didn't have nobody to takecare of me.
I know, but I got through it.
You always do, and you'verecently made another big
decision.
It's true.
The college I was at freshmanyear isn't the right fit for me
socially, or quite honestly, alittle bit academically.
(13:17):
I've learned that I need totrust my insects about things.
If something doesn't feel right,I need to make a change.
So that's what I'm doing.
I'm transferring for the falland I'm really excited.
I think that's very mature.
I mean, it might seem bad tojust run away from your problems
like that, but I think knowingwhat you want and what you wanna
do is.
A mature thing to do.
Yeah.
I trust my intuition.
I know what I need to be happyand successful, and there's no
(13:38):
point in staying somewhere thatisn't doing what I need and not
giving me the experience I want.
I think it's a great call.
So here you are at 19.
You're still the talkativesinging TV in the background,
girl you've always been, butyou've grown so much.
You are beyond sweet with thebest heart of anyone I know and
(13:59):
hugely empathetic.
You are so very family orientedand beyond supportive of your
friends and us and Maggie.
You feel everyone's happiness,but also their pains.
It's interesting with a birthdayin late May, you are a pure
Gemini from day one.
You've been sweet and happy.
One minute, and then sad oranxious the next.
(14:20):
Dual personalities like yourtwin sign.
When I explained it to yourpediatrician when you were like
four or five, she called it, shesaid, Ava will feel life.
She said, you'd be one of thosepeople that will always embrace
the highest highs and be thehappiest and most excited about
them, but then also feel thelowest lows and get sad and
(14:41):
anxious.
And boy has she been right.
I get that.
It's taken me a long time tocontrol my emotions over things.
I still try to be optimistic andlove the highs and embrace great
times, but I think I'm muchbetter at handling the lows now.
I don't cry when I'm leavingvacations anymore.
Even, I remember that Ava wouldcry anytime we left vacations
with the families.
(15:01):
I don't wanna leave the beach.
I want grandma and grandpa orwhy can't we have water slides
wherever we go?
I'll miss Wisconsin so much.
Don't make me leave.
Actually, it's w constant,Maggie, so just make sure.
Yes, W's constant forever.
You have this confident airabout you, Ava, but it's
genuine.
You're not putting on a show.
You really know who you are.
(15:23):
And I don't think that'ssomething that comes easily.
I definitely have not alwaysbeen a very confident person my
whole life.
I feel like everyone struggleswith that in like middle and
high school, but I don't know.
I kind of just get the output onlife that I am who I am and I
can't change that.
And so why not do the thingsthat make me happy, surround
(15:44):
myself with the people that makeme happy and just.
Be happy about who I am.
It makes a lot of sense.
You're brave, you're caring.
You have an amazing heart.
You've overcome obstacles thatwould knock other people down.
I mean, I've had practice.
Life keeps throwing curve balls,but you learn to swing and
you're still obsessed withmusicals.
(16:06):
Obviously Broadway musicals arelife.
No apologies.
Okay, so let's end with somequestions about the future.
These are off the cuff.
So just answer whatever comes tomind.
Where do you see yourself livingafter college?
New York City for sure.
I can't imagine living anywhereelse.
What kind of career do you wannabuild?
(16:26):
Something?
Communications or marketinginvolving like social media?
I don't fully know yet, but youknow, related to what I'm
majoring in.
Do you wanna get marriedsomeday?
I do.
I'm not rushing to get married,but I definitely do wanna get
married one day.
Yes.
And what will you look for in apartner?
Someone nice and kind, maybeRich would be great.
(16:49):
Rich would be great.
Rich would be great.
Um, if anyone out therelistening, if you're rich and
cute, hit my line.
But honestly, just someone whogets me and we like have the
same vibe.
I don't know.
Do you want kids?
Yes, I do want kids.
Probably two after your speechabout not being outnumbered.
(17:11):
Probably two.
And a dog of course, obviously.
What kind of mom do you thinkyou'll be?
I think I'm gonna be like mom,like I You mean awesome and
fabulous.
Yeah.
The best mom ever.
Not truthfully.
I think you've done basicallyeverything, right?
And I, and I look up to you, soI think I'm gonna be the same
kind of mother you are.
Even the maybe sometimesnegative things.
(17:32):
I think everyone gets what theyget from their mom.
I, I don't think I would doanything differently than you
have.
Well, we could just really wrapthis right there.
I mean, I love mom.
Thank you baby.
What do you value most infriendships?
Loyalty, honesty, and people whoare there for you and not fake.
I don't like fake people.
(17:55):
Where are your ideal vacationdestinations?
Um, well my favorite vacationwill always be Casa Decapo in
the Dominican Republic, buthonestly, somewhere I haven't
been like anywhere in Europebecause I, anywhere in Europe or
like beach or city.
Um, I think if I'm talkingEurope, maybe city, because I
(18:18):
haven't seen any of it.
So I wanna like see stuff aboutthe culture and stuff.
But if we're talking likeregular vacations, I'm more of a
beach person.
What do you want your twentiesto look like?
Oh God.
I don't even know.
That's such a scary question.
'cause that's next year.
I mean, I want to get to travel.
I want to enjoy college.
(18:41):
I wanna graduate.
I would love to be able to livealone.
Not in my late twenties, onlyhopefully in my early twenties,
but, well, that you're gonnahave to be rich on your own too.
Yeah.
Mean, I know.
I don't know if I wanna thinkabout it yet.
What's the most important thingyou've learned in life so far?
To be true to myself and that I,I'm someone who tends to get
(19:07):
knocked down a lot and that I amnot.
I can't be the person who blamesthat for my problems.
Like if that's gonna be the paththat my life is on, I'm gonna
still make the best ofeverything and control what I
can control.
And is there any advice forpeople our age or your age or
somewhere in between?
You're only young once.
(19:28):
Just live life.
Do what makes you happy and bearound the people you wanna be
with date, who you wanna date.
Do whatever you want because youonly get to be in college one
time.
That's my advice.
But be safe, be responsible.
Right?
I don't, no, I mean, I mean itin like a be true to yourself
way.
(19:48):
Absolutely.
Not in like, just not in a, likedon't surround yourself with
people you don't wanna be aroundbecause like then you're just
wasting the time that you couldbe happy if that don't do drugs.
Kids.
What's your dream way to spendyour 19th birthday?
Uh, I don't really know.
I feel it doesn't feel like mybirthday.
I mean, honestly, I'm cool withhow I'm spending it this year.
I would love to sleep in andthat's not something I'm gonna
(20:10):
get to do, but see a Broadwayshow, go to dinner, I'll hang
out with my friends eventuallyand celebrate.
Maggie and I are gonna go to SixFlags.
Like all those things are thingsI like, so I'm good with that.
Sounds great.
Yeah.
So Ava, I'm so proud of whoyou've become.
You came into this world makingyour presence known, and you've
been leading your own story eversince You are the best sister.
(20:34):
Even when you're being a littleextra sometimes, which is often.
I still love you both and ofcourse Dottie so much.
Thank you for supporting me evenwhen I'm changing schools again
or getting injured again orhaving too many feelings about
everything.
Again, happy 19th birthday, Ava.
You've taught us so much.
(20:55):
We know we as parents don't getit all right nor perfect.
But I hope you know we love youbeyond words and we are so proud
of the woman you've become.
Don't ever change, especiallyyour hugs.
You give the best hugs.
Thank you.
Don't ever change those hugs.
And we can't see, wait to seewhat the next chapter brings for
you.
Hopefully fewer trips to thedoctor and maybe no friend
(21:18):
drama.
That sounds great.
Let's not jinx it.
True.
And thanks everyone forlistening to I Get It From My
Mom.
Be sure to wish Ava happybirthday in the comments or on
her Insta handle.
We'll be back next week withmore honest conversations about
life, family, and everything inbetween.
And remember, confidence meansshowing up.
Anyway, you probably get it fromyour mom.
(21:41):
Bye bye.