From kindergarten applications to college essays, academic pressure starts early and only gets more intense. In this episode of I Get It From My Mom, Elissa, Ava, and Maggie get real about the emotional roller coaster of school stress. From NYC’s test-in school system to AP classes, SAT anxiety, and "study hacks" that don’t always hack it, they break down what students are really dealing with and how parents can help without hovering.
🎓 What you’ll learn:
✔️ How early academic pressure is impacting kids’ mental health
✔️ Study strategies that actually work (and which don’t)
✔️ A real-time look at how different learning styles play out
✔️ What to say—and not say—to your kid before a big test
✔️ How to balance support vs. smothering (we’re looking at you, car ride quizzes)
Whether you’re a parent trying to be a safe space, or a student who just wants a break from the pressure, this episode is for you.
✨ Share your best study tip or school stress moment with us on Instagram at @i.get.it.from.mymom. And if you found this helpful, like, follow and share this episode and others from this podcast with other parents and kids who will benefit.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Welcome back to, I Get It frommy mom, where we talk about all
the stuff moms and daughtersshould be talking about, but
with more honesty, moreperspective, and a little bit of
humor.
I'm Alyssa navigating everythingfrom academic pressure to
emotional check-ins with my twodaughters.
I'm Ava.
I just finished my freshman yearof college with a sometimes
(00:23):
challenging workload, difficultgrading parameters and hard
tests.
And I'm Maggie, a high schoolsophomore at NYC and trying to
keep my grades up while stillfinding time for my friends and
family.
Today we're diving into a topicthat's been on every family's
mind.
School stress from homeworkbattles, and test anxiety to the
constant race for AP classes,good grades and perfect college
(00:46):
applications.
The pressure is real.
So how do we as parents and kidsmanage the stress without losing
our minds or each other?
Let's get into it.
(01:12):
Let's talk about when it allbegins.
Because school pressure, itdoesn't wait until high school
these days.
It starts as early as pre-K,especially in places like New
York City where getting intokindergarten can feel like
applying to an Ivy League.
It's true.
I think I even was testing intoa gifted program or a gifted
school when I was like fouryears old.
(01:33):
I didn't even know how to tie myshoes.
I probably had no idea what Iwas doing.
Yeah.
I remember feeling like everyreport card, every comment from
a teacher mattered right fromthe start.
Well, it's true from specializedtesting to constant comparisons,
it's a lot.
The National Institute of MentalHealth says that one in three
adolescents age 13 to 18 willexperience an anxiety disorder.
(01:56):
And not surprisingly, academicpressure is one of the biggest
culprits.
No, I mean, it's true.
I feel like even in elementaryschool we had like easily almost
an hour of homework every night.
Yeah.
And you chose a charter schoolfor us because of its amount of
rigor and high standards, butfrankly it was a lot.
Yeah.
I mean, we had these likereading logs every night.
(02:17):
We had to do minute math everynight.
I remember how much that used tostress me out that I would try
to do like.
20 math questions in 60 seconds.
And if I didn't get them all, Iwas so upset, And originally you
would read to us and then now,then we had to start reading to
ourselves and log in everysingle night.
I mean, I think it might've mademe hate reading, quite honestly.
And we had big homework packetsover holiday breaks.
(02:39):
I remember not even knowing kidsdidn't get summer homework or
homework over winter breakbecause we already got so much.
after camp coming back fromsleep with camp, there was only
so many days to do so much mathand reading that we had to do
Yeah, and I mean the elementaryand middle school we went to,
they had a lot of pressure forthe big tests and we prepped for
(03:00):
the state tests for months.
Like I remember when I was infifth grade, I didn't even prep
anymore because I had been doingit so many years.
They just sat me in a room and Iwas reading, because we have
been doing the state test prepfor like five years.
Okay.
So maybe it wasn't the easiestof environments you started out
in, but I also think there wassome value to you being exposed
(03:23):
very early on to homework andhigh standards and the pressure
of practicing and studying fortests better then than it to be
a shock later on.
I am so less overwhelmed fortests.
I use the same strategies formultiple, multiple choice that
they taught us for big, likewriting assignments for state
tests still in New York, or evenjust any ELA tests.
(03:44):
The writing short answers inshort amount of time that still
have evidence and conclusionsand claims has really helped me
through high school to continuetaking tests later on.
Yeah, I feel like I still use alot of the slashes and the magic
maybes on tests and stuff likethat, but honestly, I feel like
being in college now, thosetechniques might not work as
(04:05):
well anymore and might notactually help me while I'm
taking tests, which can befrustrating because it's so
engraved in my brain from doingit in years in elementary school
and middle school.
Well, to that point, you know,by high school.
Everything ramps up.
It's no longer just do yourhomework now.
(04:25):
It's APS and GPA we waitings andSAT prep and a CT strategy and
have extracurriculars and makesure you have leadership
positions and try to do somecommunity service.
It's a lot.
Basically, teenagers areexpected to have like full
resumes by the time you're 14.
Yeah, and I mean, it starts evenearlier in New York City, we had
to test into middle school andtest into high school.
(04:48):
I mean, we literally tooksomething called an S-H-S-A-T,
which is an SAT for middleschoolers, which is ridiculous.
Like I was in fourth gradestudying for the ELA and math
test just to maybe get into agood middle school.
Well, you both ended up inacademically rigorous schools
with really bright kids from allover the city.
And I think that's somethingpeople outside of New York don't
(05:10):
always understand.
The public school system hereisn't zoned based on your
neighborhood is often how youearn your way.
And once you're there, it'sintense.
Everyone's smart, everyone'stalented.
Suddenly you're not the topstudent anymore.
You're just one of a hundredkids trying to shine.
And that brings us to theelephant in every high school
classroom, college, it's thislooming constant topic.
(05:32):
Parents talk about it, teachersbring it up, friends over it.
Even when you're not activelythinking about it, someone is, I
mean, it's true.
Every conversation I had duringmy junior and senior year was
basically, what'd you get onyour SAT?
What schools are you applyingto?
Did you ed somewhere?
Did you get in?
Like, I mean, if you don't wannatalk about it, you feel weird,
but if you do talk about it, youfeel judged.
(05:54):
There's kinda.
No way to avoid the topic for afull two years of high school.
And it starts even, and itstarts even earlier now I'm a
sophomore and people are alreadyasking, where do you wanna go?
What are you looking, what doyou wanna study?
And it's like, I don't even knowat this point.
No, and and it makes sense.
You know, I, again, I'm tryingto look at studies and add to
the conversation here.
So there was a recent Sanfordstudy that showed over 40% of
(06:18):
college applicants experience,severe anxiety related to
admissions.
And if you take that to a placewhere it's already competitive
and you back it up more and moreyears these days, you know, it's
a lot.
And I know in the last episodewe talked about social media.
How do you think social mediaplays into their pressure?
I think it 100% makes it worse.
(06:38):
I mean, you see kids postingtheir acceptance videos to their
dream schools or videos titled,come Spend a Day with me in
Michigan.
And I'm kind of just sittinghere like, cool, I got a C in
physics and I'm struggling towrite my history paper, but yay,
go blue.
Like it's a little.
Intimidating.
Yeah.
And even just seeing people'sstudy routines or productive day
in my life videos, it makes youfeel like you're so behind.
(06:59):
So what do you wish teachers orparents better understood about
the pressure you're under?
I wish people understood thatwe're not lazy.
We're just tired mentally andemotionally.
We're juggling school clubs,homework, family, friends,
social media, figuring out ourfuture and trying not to melt
down.
It's a lot.
Also, I wish people realizedthat college isn't the only
(07:21):
thing we think about, but itfeels like the world is obsessed
with it.
I feel like the, for the lasttwo years, every dinner
conversation, every familygathering was about AVA and
applications and getting intocollege, and now that attention
is pivoting to me, get ready,max.
I get it.
I've tried hard as a parent notto make your college list a
central topic at dinner.
Frankly.
I remember growing up and.
(07:43):
As I was like the third ofcousins and no, I was the fourth
of cousins, three ahead of me,and then there were more behind
me.
And so you were talking foryears.
Every family conversation wasgoing on about college and the
next one.
And who are you going to?
What's this pressure?
And doing the applications, andit's hard because we care and we
want you to succeed, but weforget that constant pressure
(08:04):
makes you feel like you'realways.
Being graded even at home, whichisn't the intent.
Yeah.
I feel like what helps most isjust feeling like we're
supported no matter what.
Whether you're going to an IvyState International or just a
different route, just knowing.
Loved and accepted, not whatschool name is on a sweatshirt.
Especially when collegeacceptances can be so
(08:27):
unpredictable these days.
It's like hard to have a dreamschool you wanna go to so bad,
but not really know what yourchances are anymore.
Yeah, no, absolutely.
I think that's the real lessonfor parents listening.
Right.
Be the safe place.
Stress is already out there.
We don't have to add to it.
That said, studying for school,whether it's for college or in
(08:48):
college or the years before, itis just part of growing up.
So let's shift to how we learn,because not all kids are wired
the same way, and yet mostschools expect everyone to fit
the same mold.
I mean, yeah, I feel like forme, I've always been someone who
I get my work done like a weekbefore it's due.
If it was assigned on Friday anddue the next Friday, it's
(09:10):
probably done by Saturday nightbecause just having it not done
is giving me anxiety.
But sometimes, you know, lastminute things creep up on me and
I don't even realize, especiallyin college, with so much work
and so many classes and so manydates to keep track of,
especially when no one is.
Looking over you and remindingyou of any of those things?
(09:33):
I think I'm the same, but alsokind of opposite.
I may leave more assignmentslast minute and do things where
it feels like I'm under apressure, but I also plan
everything ahead.
I keep all dates of tests orassignments written down.
I know when anything's going tobe due.
I just, I know myself and I knowhow I work, so if I leave it to
the last minute, I usually knowI can finish it in that time.
(09:54):
Well, it's good that you havestructure and plans, but let's,
talk about what actually workswhen it comes to really
studying, because I did do somedigging and science has a few
things to say.
Ready?
Yay.
Science.
So first research, the showsthat's spacing out your studying
over several days or weeks isway better than cramming.
(10:16):
So instead of reviewingeverything the night before or
the few days before, if you goover material a little bit each
day, your brain actually holdsonto it longer.
I think that makes sense, butit's hard to find the time each
day.
And we also don't know how farin advance a test is.
Usually if a test is onThursday, I learned that Monday,
and we don't finish the materialfor the test until Tuesday.
(10:36):
Like in high school tests reallydo catch up on you and.
It depends when the teacherfinishes lessons, when the whole
unit's over, and then the timebetween that and the test that
you have to study.
You can't always go weeks inadvance'cause you don't even
know weeks in advance, weeks inadvance.
You have a different test goingon.
Yeah, I feel like Maggie'sright.
High school is totally likethat.
(10:57):
And I actually think it'sinteresting because now being in
college, you know every date foreverything the day that class
starts, because it's all on thesyllabus.
And if you don't check thesyllabus, you're not gonna know
when your tests are.
So I actually feel like this istrue because this year for the
first time, I was able to slowlystudy and learn the material way
(11:17):
before exams happen.
And it really does help a lot.
But I mean, Maggie is right.
You don't really always get thatoption in high school because it
could be like.
Next test is on Friday andyou're kind of like, oh, I don't
even remember what I learnedlast week.
And that can be stressful whenyou don't have the time to
prepare.
I feel like even if things areplanned out, I mean, I had a
teacher last year who would dotests every Wednesday just'cause
(11:39):
that's how she worked.
I mean, they would be shortquizzes, but it would be every
Wednesday and you'd be prepared.
But every Wednesday was on adifferent thing and you didn't
learn what was for that testuntil the week in advance.
It's really hard.
I mean, in college it's clearlyeasier, but in high school it's
hard to study in advance to keepall the material for like to
have it in your brain before.
It's hard to do that.
Okay.
(11:59):
So clearly it's when you do havethe time, what we're saying or
science is saying is it's betterto build your knowledge slower
than to try to shove it on tothat pretty little brain of
yours last minute, right?
So every week, review thematerials you had, try to talk
them out loud, those type ofthings.
So it starts building thatlonger term memory.
(12:19):
Okay, second strategy, activerecall.
That means quizzing yourselfinstead of just rereading your
notes or just highlightingeverything.
So like flashcards, theydefinitely help me remember,
especially for things likevocabulary words or like terms
for even like a science or ahistory.
Just like having to hear a wordand then remember and think of
how to remember it for the testhelps me.
(12:41):
So then.
When I read it on a test or aquestion, I know what it means.
Yeah.
Flashcards are absolutely onemech, absolutely one mechanism I
think.
Or writing down everything youremember without even looking,
and then check what you missed.
Yeah, I mean, I have kind of aweird study tactic that helps
me, that I've learned through.
Years of school, and you'reright, it's writing down
(13:03):
everything I can remember, butit's also recording myself,
reading my notes out loud sothat I can listen to myself
saying them throughout the weekleading up to the test.
Because for some reason justhearing my own voice explain it
to myself has helped me.
So I kind of think that there'sa little bit of like a learning
curve there.
'cause I know Maggie, like shewas saying, works really well
(13:25):
with flashcards.
Never helped me.
I mean, every time I tried touse flashcards, the knowledge
would go in one ear and out theother, and I think everyone just
has to kind of.
Find their niche thing thatworks for them.
It probably went in one eye andout the other'cause the
flashcards couldn't talk to you.
But, um, right.
Well, and I think the point isthey're saying take it a step
farther.
Not only write down your notesand then hear them back to
(13:48):
yourself or reread them, butthen put it all away and
recreate them.
All right.
The next one is.
Don't multitask while studying.
So flipping between TikTok andtexts and your notes means you
won't actually retain anything.
So music while studying isn'tsuggested, well, I think they're
saying if it's instrumental orkinda low stimulation music, but
(14:11):
not.
You know, necessarily the stuffyou regularly listen to.
I mean, I will say when I doregular homework, I do tend to
have TV or background noise onbecause it helps me focus for
some reason.
But the truth of the matter iswhen I'm actually studying and
like really trying to retain theinformation for a test, I do
need silence.
(14:31):
I actually often put on a moviethat I've seen like a million
times in the background.
And it's always like on my iPadin the top corner.
'cause something about hearingit and being able to like say
the words in my head helps methen do work at the same time.
Is that for studying too or forwork?
I kind of do it for both.
Like if I'm, but if I'm likewriting along things, even if it
(14:51):
is like a final assignment,.
I have a movie on like when I'mlike taking flashcards, I don't,
'cause then I need to focus onit.
But if I'm like doing work on myiPad, I will have a movie in the
top corner.
'cause it helps me when I knowit focused well.
I mean, I think everyone's alittle different.
I even kind of realized aboutmyself that I can get easily
distracted.
Even just being in the libraryat school, like if I ever
(15:13):
studied at the library orstudied out of my dorm, I had to
be.
Somewhere I was isolated, likesitting at my own booth.
I can't see the kids around meversus sitting near the
Starbucks in the library whereeveryone's walking around and
whatnot.
Like I was immediatelydistracted.
And I think you kind of justagain, find what works for you.
Yeah, it's a little bit oftravel there.
People distract me more thansounds.
(15:34):
That's so interesting.
Again, I think it's like asocial media thing.
'cause you know, I alwaysstudied best in college, like in
the library, but far away.
Go find a random corner, thestacks of the fifth floor's.
But the last thing I ever wasgood at was studying in my room.
And again, next study.
You know your study spaceaccounts, having consistent spot
does help your brain associatethat place with focus.
(15:58):
But that shouldn't be your bedgirls because that space should
be focused on it is my notstudying.
And yet both of you tend to doall your work in your bed.
Hey, I studied in the commons.
In a corner.
Mm-hmm.
Thank you very much.
And finally, sleep is notoptional.
Memory consolidation happenswhen you sleep.
(16:19):
So if you're staying up allnight studying, you're actually
going to retain less.
I guess that one goes hand inhand with without creme and the
night before too.
Yeah, absolutely.
I mean, I, I actually will saythis is totally true.
Because coming from high schoolwhere, you know, you kind of
have to wake up at like I, Imean personally, I had to wake
up at six 30 every morning and Iprobably didn't fall asleep
(16:40):
until 11.
I got maybe seven hours ofsleep.
Versus being in college, I getnine, 10 hours every night.
It is so much easier to focusand study and get work done when
you actually get sleep.
And while that might not alwaysbe.
A choice in high school.
It's just the point that this isdefinitely true because when I
(17:01):
have the option to sleep, it'smuch easier to focus completely
alright, so let's do a rapidfire round.
I'll say a study technique andyou tell me how you feel about
it.
Okay, so the Pomodoro method, itsays Study for 25 minutes, or do
work for 25 minutes and thentake a five minute break.
Personally don't love it becausewhen I take that five minute
(17:23):
break, it turns into a 15 minutebreak.
I need to get it all done atonce or I won't focus.
I was gonna say the same.
If I take a break, then I kindof stay in the break for longer
than I have to.
Okay.
So we're not doing pomodoro likea sauce, which is I think a
beautiful, lovely tomato sauceas well.
Yeah.
Okay.
Um, which we all will sign upfor that one we have no problem
with.
Okay.
Next one.
How about study groups?
(17:44):
I think it depends on thegroups.
When it's made up of too many ofyour friends, it gets
distracting, but also when it'smade up of no one you're really
like, can be talkative orcomfortable with, it gets hard
to really get in the zone.
Okay.
How about teaching the materialto someone else?
100% it's the same thing as merecording myself, reading my own
notes and teaching it to me.
I think if you're able to teachthe material to someone else,
(18:05):
that's how you know you actuallyunderstand it.
Okay.
How about color coding yournotes?
Yes.
I mean, even my flashcards, Iuse different colored pens to
write the definition andexamples and whatever.
Like being able to flip over acard and see where I have to go,
know where I have to look.
I wish I was one of thosecolored notes persons.
I, I've tried to be, but thetruth is when I spend more time
(18:27):
focusing on the color, Iactually am not really paying
attention to the information.
So I need a pencil and paper,unfortunately.
I prefer colored study guidenotes is I don't keep up in
class that much.
Yeah.
People have fancy notes.
Like, I applaud you if you cankeep that up.
But the second I do that, I am.
More worried about the esthetic?
Yeah, more worried about howlooks, mines are just random
writing, but for study, for likestudying, I like a color coded
(18:49):
to know where I have to see.
Okay.
And I know each of you have someassignments that are online.
Do you use any apps to help youwith studying, like Quizlet or
study apps or Notion?
I use Quizlet a lot in highschool.
Um, but I feel like not as muchnow really.
But I think it's kind of on acase by case basis, but
(19:11):
truthfully, if I need helpexplaining a concept to me in
something, in the courses thatI'm taking in school, cha GBT
can be quite helpful being like,explain to me why consumers are
buying this product or whatever.
You get the point.
I can't think of a good example.
I don't really use Quizlet, butmy like chemistry teacher has
(19:32):
started posting flashcards onQuizlet.
But I actually prefer writing myown'cause I do do think that
writing helps with the memory.
And kinda like Ava said, I thinkcha GBT is really helpful.
I had a test and I was likestudying, I was just like
refreshing my memory, like goingto school on the bus.
And I made cha GBT give me likeexample questions and it was for
math and I had to say theformula I needed to use to solve
(19:55):
it.
So if I read a similar question,I would know which one I needed
to immediately remember to thenplug all the numbers in and
figure it out.
I will say the good thing aboutQuizlet, especially in high
school that I found is sincemost high school students are
taking the same courses, likeevery AP Statistics course is
gonna have the same content, youcan see what other people have
(20:18):
created for themselves, liketheir own study guides, their
own note cards, and that can beso unbelievably helpful,
especially for someone Ipersonally don't like creating
that kind of stuff.
I'd rather just.
Have all that information infront of me and then study how I
want to.
It can be so helpful to findextra study tactics, whatever it
is, especially before an APexam.
(20:39):
Quizlet really helps in highschool.
Okay, great.
So let's say you've done all theright studying with all your
techniques and you did them inthe right place and you color
coded them or not the way youneeded to, and you read it back
to yourself and you got yoursleep.
You spaced it out, you usedflashcards, you didn't cram.
Now it's test day.
(20:59):
Let's talk about how to startthe day so your brain actually
shows up when you do.
Yeah, I mean, I gotta admit, I'mnot the best test taker.
I've taken many tests where Ifelt like I knew the material
and I did what I had to do, andthe second I sit down, it flies
right outta there.
Okay, so first sleep.
We talked about it that if youstudied until midnight and only
(21:20):
get a few hours of sleep, you'dforget a good chunk of what you
learned.
Um, but next up, breakfast, notjust coffee or granola bar.
Real food studies show thateating a balance breakfast with
protein and complex carbs canimprove focus.
So eggs and toast, or yogurtwith fruit and granola.
So not my iced chai andStarbucks chocolate croissant.
(21:41):
Not exactly.
Your brain needs fuel, not justcaffeine and sugar.
That crash mid test otherwisecould happen.
It's real.
I think that's also hard inschool though.
I think a big part of it ishaving classes before the test.
Like you have school and youhave a test fifth period, but
you have so many classesbeforehand and you're not
allowed to study in thoseclasses.
(22:01):
It really can get overwhelming.
But I try to run things throughmy head throughout the day, like
when I'm just sitting in a classand we're not really doing
anything, I try and remember myflashcards if I can, if I have
lunch before I try and look overthem.
Especially like vocab andformulas are key concepts just
to keep them in my head, so.
I know the basics of what I needto do, and it's more just about
applying it to the problem.
(22:23):
No, and that's a great tip.
Light review is fine in themorning or in the classes
before, but you don't want tooverwhelm yourself.
Trying to cram it in the car orthe hallway or the bus.
You're not learning anything newin the moment.
You just kind of wanna keep yourbrain awake and active.
I feel like my issue is that mybrain is too awake and active.
I definitely get really bad testanxiety.
(22:44):
My heart's racing, everyonesitting up and walking around
me, and especially in college,those lecture halls are so hard
to not feel anxious wheneveryone is finishing the test
before you and getting up.
There's TAs walking all aroundand staring over your shoulders
like it's all so stressful.
No, absolutely.
(23:04):
And it's totally normal.
I think so many people have testanxiety.
Um, so here's some thingseveryone can try when you do
have test anxiety first.
Deep breathing before the teststarts.
Breathe in for four, hold it forfour, breathe out for four.
Try to keep doing that.
It calms your nerves.
Good old box breathing, good oldbox breathing.
(23:26):
The second thing is don't obsessover what others are doing.
And we always talk about this.
Eyes are in your paper.
If you need longer, the class,the test is longer do it.
If people are getting up beforeyou, when they're done, who
cares?
Easier said than done.
I understand.
But that's, you know, the tip.
The other thing is if your mindgoes blank, skip the question,
come back, move forward.
Another question will jog yourmemory about that one, when you
(23:48):
can picture what your notes wereor what your flashcards were.
So your brain needs time toreset, to focus.
Once you're in the zone, I knowthat tests become easier.
It's often that anticipation.
I feel like I like havingsomething in my hand to play
with.
Even like the pen or pencil I'musing, I will always be the
person in class clicking itnonstop.
(24:09):
Or if I have a pencil, likespinning it around in my hand or
constantly just like erasing mypaper just so I can do something
with my hands.
I feel like it helps me think insome weird way.
But also if I am stuck on aquestion, I try and stay focused
in that question and not let mymind wander.
So I like to distract myselfwith something while thinking of
the problem.
(24:29):
And I, I will say, I think thatsomething that gets even more
stressful in college, especiallynowadays, is there are a lot of
exams that everyone's on theircomputer.
It can be.
Obviously stressful to seepeople standing up and finishing
a test, whatever before you,it's even more stressful when
you're taking a text test,sorry.
And all you're hearing iseveryone typing away on their
(24:50):
keyboards also taking theirtest.
But it's 300 other kids aroundyou.
It can be hard to zone that outand actually stay focused when
you're looking at your screen.
Yeah.
And unfortunately, I'm sureyou're not a allowed to wear
headphones'cause then they couldbe reading your pretty little
voice back to you.
Yeah.
Okay.
So for parents.
What's our job during, duringthe morning of the test, right?
We wanna keep it calm.
(25:10):
We don't wanna quiz you in thecar and say You studied right?
Do you know this?
Well, you wanna hear from usthat we love you.
We believe in you.
We're proud of you no matterwhat, and we know you did.
You'll do your best.
Yeah.
No one needs to be questioned at7 45 in the morning of, if we
studied correctly, if we lookedover everything.
We know what we need to do andwe tend to do it.
And if we don't, that does fallon us.
It's not that it's not yourresponsibility, but we don't
(25:32):
want extra pressures of us whenwe already have a test that
we're stressing for.
Yeah.
And I know with Ava in college,when I know she has a test that
day, I usually just send thetext that says, I love you, do
your best.
Don't stress, which I'm suremakes easier said than done.
Okay.
So the formula for test morning,I think if we recap is get some
sleep.
Have some real food.
(25:52):
If you can try to calm yourmind.
Do some light mental review, butnot overly cram.
Right.
And try to, for parents to havea supportive send off, right?
Or think about how much yourparents support you.
And that can be a winningroutine.
And you know what?
They don't always go well, butif it doesn't, it's one test.
One moment doesn't define yourfuture.
(26:13):
It's about preparation andknowing that your value isn't
measured in points orpercentages, but obviously you
want the result of it to reflectthe effort you put in.
And that's, I think when it'salways hard.
When you feel like you reallystudied hard and put in the
effort and you just still don'tdo well, that's when it's time
to say, okay, what else?
And more could be done.
Definitely.
Okay, so we have to acknowledgethat every kid is different.
(26:35):
Some thrive with structure, someneed movement breaks, visuals.
Not every kid is gonna be thestraight a AP track student,
That's okay.
Some people are better increative environments, some
hands-on, and some just don'tperform well under test
conditions.
(26:55):
And some students is havelearning DI differences and they
need extra help that don'talways get caught early enough
or even supported as well asthey need to be.
And parents, let's be honest,we're part of the problem and
the solution.
We want our kids to succeed, butwe also need to be their safe
space.
Yeah.
I mean, truthfully, I feel likethere's been a lot of times that
I've just needed to vent andcomplain about being stressed,
(27:17):
about studying or stressed aboutthe grading or a professor and.
You know, the truth is I don'treally need you saying, have you
studied or what are you gonna dofor the next one?
Right in that moment, sometimesit's just, oh, well, and
sometimes I want help, but onlythe kind I ask for is sometimes
I want you to sit with me thenight before and look over
flashcards and I will ask forthat.
(27:38):
But there's a fine line betweensupport.
And smothering us with questionsand trying to help, but not
actually succeeding.
And you know, I love to toe thatline between helping and
hovering.
So, well, very good at givingadvice on this one.
Not necessarily good at takingit myself.
Okay, so here's what I'velearned, right?
(27:58):
Ask things like, what's yourplan?
Instead of saying, why aren'tyou studying?
Or maybe don't ask at all.
Offer help, but don't assume youactually need it or we'll take
it.
Celebrate your effort, not justyour grades.
Right?
And most importantly, I shouldshow you that I trust you to
figure it out on your own, andyou'll seek the help when you
(28:20):
need to.
And I don't need you to quiz meevery night, but sometimes that
support is really needed.
Okay, so I learned I can't dothe learning for you, but I can
support your routine, createspace, and ask the right
questions.
That's really all we want, youknow, that and a 95 of my
finals.
Please, please, please, please.
Yeah, keep dreaming.
Okay, so here's what we'velearned.
(28:41):
School stresses real, but it'sdefinitely not unbeatable.
Each kid is different.
You both have told us how youstudy and think differently, and
every path looks different.
And we can all be a little morecompassionate to each other and
to ourselves when it comes totests and school stress.
And kids, talk to your parents.
Tell them what you need or don'tneed, and ask for space when it
(29:02):
helps.
And parents, try not to judge.
Just listen.
Ask good questions.
Remind us.
We don't have to be perfect tomake you proud.
Yep.
And if you're feelingoverwhelmed by the pressure,
just know you're not aloneclearly.
Right.
Whether you're cramming for atest or parenting through a pile
of permission slips, we're alljust trying to do our best.
And with that, leave a commentand say, what's been your
(29:24):
hardest school moment Or yourbest study tip.
We're clearly collecting themand don't forget to like,
follow, share, and subscribebecause the one thing we know
for sure, we all get somethingfrom our moms.
Welcome back to, I Get It frommy mom, where we talk about all
the stuff moms and daughtersshould be talking about, but
with more honesty, moreperspective, and a little bit of
humor.
I'm Alyssa navigating everythingfrom academic pressure to
emotional check-ins with my twodaughters.
I'm Ava.
I just finished my freshman yearof college with a sometimes
(00:23):
challenging workload, difficultgrading parameters and hard
tests.
And I'm Maggie, a high schoolsophomore at NYC and trying to
keep my grades up while stillfinding time for my friends and
family.
Today we're diving into a topicthat's been on every family's
mind.
School stress from homeworkbattles, and test anxiety to the
constant race for AP classes,good grades and perfect college
(00:46):
applications.
The pressure is real.
So how do we as parents and kidsmanage the stress without losing
our minds or each other?
Let's get into it.
(01:12):
Let's talk about when it allbegins.
Because school pressure, itdoesn't wait until high school
these days.
It starts as early as pre-K,especially in places like New
York City where getting intokindergarten can feel like
applying to an Ivy League.
It's true.
I think I even was testing intoa gifted program or a gifted
school when I was like fouryears old.
(01:33):
I didn't even know how to tie myshoes.
I probably had no idea what Iwas doing.
Yeah.
I remember feeling like everyreport card, every comment from
a teacher mattered right fromthe start.
Well, it's true from specializedtesting to constant comparisons,
it's a lot.
The National Institute of MentalHealth says that one in three
adolescents age 13 to 18 willexperience an anxiety disorder.
(01:56):
And not surprisingly, academicpressure is one of the biggest
culprits.
No, I mean, it's true.
I feel like even in elementaryschool we had like easily almost
an hour of homework every night.
Yeah.
And you chose a charter schoolfor us because of its amount of
rigor and high standards, butfrankly it was a lot.
Yeah.
I mean, we had these likereading logs every night.
(02:17):
We had to do minute math everynight.
I remember how much that used tostress me out that I would try
to do like.
20 math questions in 60 seconds.
And if I didn't get them all, Iwas so upset, And originally you
would read to us and then now,then we had to start reading to
ourselves and log in everysingle night.
I mean, I think it might've mademe hate reading, quite honestly.
And we had big homework packetsover holiday breaks.
(02:39):
I remember not even knowing kidsdidn't get summer homework or
homework over winter breakbecause we already got so much.
after camp coming back fromsleep with camp, there was only
so many days to do so much mathand reading that we had to do
Yeah, and I mean the elementaryand middle school we went to,
they had a lot of pressure forthe big tests and we prepped for
(03:00):
the state tests for months.
Like I remember when I was infifth grade, I didn't even prep
anymore because I had been doingit so many years.
They just sat me in a room and Iwas reading, because we have
been doing the state test prepfor like five years.
Okay.
So maybe it wasn't the easiestof environments you started out
in, but I also think there wassome value to you being exposed
(03:23):
very early on to homework andhigh standards and the pressure
of practicing and studying fortests better then than it to be
a shock later on.
I am so less overwhelmed fortests.
I use the same strategies formultiple, multiple choice that
they taught us for big, likewriting assignments for state
tests still in New York, or evenjust any ELA tests.
(03:44):
The writing short answers inshort amount of time that still
have evidence and conclusionsand claims has really helped me
through high school to continuetaking tests later on.
Yeah, I feel like I still use alot of the slashes and the magic
maybes on tests and stuff likethat, but honestly, I feel like
being in college now, thosetechniques might not work as
(04:05):
well anymore and might notactually help me while I'm
taking tests, which can befrustrating because it's so
engraved in my brain from doingit in years in elementary school
and middle school.
Well, to that point, you know,by high school.
Everything ramps up.
It's no longer just do yourhomework now.
(04:25):
It's APS and GPA we waitings andSAT prep and a CT strategy and
have extracurriculars and makesure you have leadership
positions and try to do somecommunity service.
It's a lot.
Basically, teenagers areexpected to have like full
resumes by the time you're 14.
Yeah, and I mean, it starts evenearlier in New York City, we had
to test into middle school andtest into high school.
(04:48):
I mean, we literally tooksomething called an S-H-S-A-T,
which is an SAT for middleschoolers, which is ridiculous.
Like I was in fourth gradestudying for the ELA and math
test just to maybe get into agood middle school.
Well, you both ended up inacademically rigorous schools
with really bright kids from allover the city.
And I think that's somethingpeople outside of New York don't
(05:10):
always understand.
The public school system hereisn't zoned based on your
neighborhood is often how youearn your way.
And once you're there, it'sintense.
Everyone's smart, everyone'stalented.
Suddenly you're not the topstudent anymore.
You're just one of a hundredkids trying to shine.
And that brings us to theelephant in every high school
classroom, college, it's thislooming constant topic.
(05:32):
Parents talk about it, teachersbring it up, friends over it.
Even when you're not activelythinking about it, someone is, I
mean, it's true.
Every conversation I had duringmy junior and senior year was
basically, what'd you get onyour SAT?
What schools are you applyingto?
Did you ed somewhere?
Did you get in?
Like, I mean, if you don't wannatalk about it, you feel weird,
but if you do talk about it, youfeel judged.
(05:54):
There's kinda.
No way to avoid the topic for afull two years of high school.
And it starts even, and itstarts even earlier now I'm a
sophomore and people are alreadyasking, where do you wanna go?
What are you looking, what doyou wanna study?
And it's like, I don't even knowat this point.
No, and and it makes sense.
You know, I, again, I'm tryingto look at studies and add to
the conversation here.
So there was a recent Sanfordstudy that showed over 40% of
(06:18):
college applicants experience,severe anxiety related to
admissions.
And if you take that to a placewhere it's already competitive
and you back it up more and moreyears these days, you know, it's
a lot.
And I know in the last episodewe talked about social media.
How do you think social mediaplays into their pressure?
I think it 100% makes it worse.
(06:38):
I mean, you see kids postingtheir acceptance videos to their
dream schools or videos titled,come Spend a Day with me in
Michigan.
And I'm kind of just sittinghere like, cool, I got a C in
physics and I'm struggling towrite my history paper, but yay,
go blue.
Like it's a little.
Intimidating.
Yeah.
And even just seeing people'sstudy routines or productive day
in my life videos, it makes youfeel like you're so behind.
(06:59):
So what do you wish teachers orparents better understood about
the pressure you're under?
I wish people understood thatwe're not lazy.
We're just tired mentally andemotionally.
We're juggling school clubs,homework, family, friends,
social media, figuring out ourfuture and trying not to melt
down.
It's a lot.
Also, I wish people realizedthat college isn't the only
(07:21):
thing we think about, but itfeels like the world is obsessed
with it.
I feel like the, for the lasttwo years, every dinner
conversation, every familygathering was about AVA and
applications and getting intocollege, and now that attention
is pivoting to me, get ready,max.
I get it.
I've tried hard as a parent notto make your college list a
central topic at dinner.
Frankly.
I remember growing up and.
(07:43):
As I was like the third ofcousins and no, I was the fourth
of cousins, three ahead of me,and then there were more behind
me.
And so you were talking foryears.
Every family conversation wasgoing on about college and the
next one.
And who are you going to?
What's this pressure?
And doing the applications, andit's hard because we care and we
want you to succeed, but weforget that constant pressure
(08:04):
makes you feel like you'realways.
Being graded even at home, whichisn't the intent.
Yeah.
I feel like what helps most isjust feeling like we're
supported no matter what.
Whether you're going to an IvyState International or just a
different route, just knowing.
Loved and accepted, not whatschool name is on a sweatshirt.
Especially when collegeacceptances can be so
(08:27):
unpredictable these days.
It's like hard to have a dreamschool you wanna go to so bad,
but not really know what yourchances are anymore.
Yeah, no, absolutely.
I think that's the real lessonfor parents listening.
Right.
Be the safe place.
Stress is already out there.
We don't have to add to it.
That said, studying for school,whether it's for college or in
(08:48):
college or the years before, itis just part of growing up.
So let's shift to how we learn,because not all kids are wired
the same way, and yet mostschools expect everyone to fit
the same mold.
I mean, yeah, I feel like forme, I've always been someone who
I get my work done like a weekbefore it's due.
If it was assigned on Friday anddue the next Friday, it's
(09:10):
probably done by Saturday nightbecause just having it not done
is giving me anxiety.
But sometimes, you know, lastminute things creep up on me and
I don't even realize, especiallyin college, with so much work
and so many classes and so manydates to keep track of,
especially when no one is.
Looking over you and remindingyou of any of those things?
(09:33):
I think I'm the same, but alsokind of opposite.
I may leave more assignmentslast minute and do things where
it feels like I'm under apressure, but I also plan
everything ahead.
I keep all dates of tests orassignments written down.
I know when anything's going tobe due.
I just, I know myself and I knowhow I work, so if I leave it to
the last minute, I usually knowI can finish it in that time.
(09:54):
Well, it's good that you havestructure and plans, but let's,
talk about what actually workswhen it comes to really
studying, because I did do somedigging and science has a few
things to say.
Ready?
Yay.
Science.
So first research, the showsthat's spacing out your studying
over several days or weeks isway better than cramming.
(10:16):
So instead of reviewingeverything the night before or
the few days before, if you goover material a little bit each
day, your brain actually holdsonto it longer.
I think that makes sense, butit's hard to find the time each
day.
And we also don't know how farin advance a test is.
Usually if a test is onThursday, I learned that Monday,
and we don't finish the materialfor the test until Tuesday.
(10:36):
Like in high school tests reallydo catch up on you and.
It depends when the teacherfinishes lessons, when the whole
unit's over, and then the timebetween that and the test that
you have to study.
You can't always go weeks inadvance'cause you don't even
know weeks in advance, weeks inadvance.
You have a different test goingon.
Yeah, I feel like Maggie'sright.
High school is totally likethat.
(10:57):
And I actually think it'sinteresting because now being in
college, you know every date foreverything the day that class
starts, because it's all on thesyllabus.
And if you don't check thesyllabus, you're not gonna know
when your tests are.
So I actually feel like this istrue because this year for the
first time, I was able to slowlystudy and learn the material way
(11:17):
before exams happen.
And it really does help a lot.
But I mean, Maggie is right.
You don't really always get thatoption in high school because it
could be like.
Next test is on Friday andyou're kind of like, oh, I don't
even remember what I learnedlast week.
And that can be stressful whenyou don't have the time to
prepare.
I feel like even if things areplanned out, I mean, I had a
teacher last year who would dotests every Wednesday just'cause
(11:39):
that's how she worked.
I mean, they would be shortquizzes, but it would be every
Wednesday and you'd be prepared.
But every Wednesday was on adifferent thing and you didn't
learn what was for that testuntil the week in advance.
It's really hard.
I mean, in college it's clearlyeasier, but in high school it's
hard to study in advance to keepall the material for like to
have it in your brain before.
It's hard to do that.
Okay.
(11:59):
So clearly it's when you do havethe time, what we're saying or
science is saying is it's betterto build your knowledge slower
than to try to shove it on tothat pretty little brain of
yours last minute, right?
So every week, review thematerials you had, try to talk
them out loud, those type ofthings.
So it starts building thatlonger term memory.
(12:19):
Okay, second strategy, activerecall.
That means quizzing yourselfinstead of just rereading your
notes or just highlightingeverything.
So like flashcards, theydefinitely help me remember,
especially for things likevocabulary words or like terms
for even like a science or ahistory.
Just like having to hear a wordand then remember and think of
how to remember it for the testhelps me.
(12:41):
So then.
When I read it on a test or aquestion, I know what it means.
Yeah.
Flashcards are absolutely onemech, absolutely one mechanism I
think.
Or writing down everything youremember without even looking,
and then check what you missed.
Yeah, I mean, I have kind of aweird study tactic that helps
me, that I've learned through.
Years of school, and you'reright, it's writing down
(13:03):
everything I can remember, butit's also recording myself,
reading my notes out loud sothat I can listen to myself
saying them throughout the weekleading up to the test.
Because for some reason justhearing my own voice explain it
to myself has helped me.
So I kind of think that there'sa little bit of like a learning
curve there.
'cause I know Maggie, like shewas saying, works really well
(13:25):
with flashcards.
Never helped me.
I mean, every time I tried touse flashcards, the knowledge
would go in one ear and out theother, and I think everyone just
has to kind of.
Find their niche thing thatworks for them.
It probably went in one eye andout the other'cause the
flashcards couldn't talk to you.
But, um, right.
Well, and I think the point isthey're saying take it a step
farther.
Not only write down your notesand then hear them back to
(13:48):
yourself or reread them, butthen put it all away and
recreate them.
All right.
The next one is.
Don't multitask while studying.
So flipping between TikTok andtexts and your notes means you
won't actually retain anything.
So music while studying isn'tsuggested, well, I think they're
saying if it's instrumental orkinda low stimulation music, but
(14:11):
not.
You know, necessarily the stuffyou regularly listen to.
I mean, I will say when I doregular homework, I do tend to
have TV or background noise onbecause it helps me focus for
some reason.
But the truth of the matter iswhen I'm actually studying and
like really trying to retain theinformation for a test, I do
need silence.
(14:31):
I actually often put on a moviethat I've seen like a million
times in the background.
And it's always like on my iPadin the top corner.
'cause something about hearingit and being able to like say
the words in my head helps methen do work at the same time.
Is that for studying too or forwork?
I kind of do it for both.
Like if I'm, but if I'm likewriting along things, even if it
(14:51):
is like a final assignment,.
I have a movie on like when I'mlike taking flashcards, I don't,
'cause then I need to focus onit.
But if I'm like doing work on myiPad, I will have a movie in the
top corner.
'cause it helps me when I knowit focused well.
I mean, I think everyone's alittle different.
I even kind of realized aboutmyself that I can get easily
distracted.
Even just being in the libraryat school, like if I ever
(15:13):
studied at the library orstudied out of my dorm, I had to
be.
Somewhere I was isolated, likesitting at my own booth.
I can't see the kids around meversus sitting near the
Starbucks in the library whereeveryone's walking around and
whatnot.
Like I was immediatelydistracted.
And I think you kind of justagain, find what works for you.
Yeah, it's a little bit oftravel there.
People distract me more thansounds.
(15:34):
That's so interesting.
Again, I think it's like asocial media thing.
'cause you know, I alwaysstudied best in college, like in
the library, but far away.
Go find a random corner, thestacks of the fifth floor's.
But the last thing I ever wasgood at was studying in my room.
And again, next study.
You know your study spaceaccounts, having consistent spot
does help your brain associatethat place with focus.
(15:58):
But that shouldn't be your bedgirls because that space should
be focused on it is my notstudying.
And yet both of you tend to doall your work in your bed.
Hey, I studied in the commons.
In a corner.
Mm-hmm.
Thank you very much.
And finally, sleep is notoptional.
Memory consolidation happenswhen you sleep.
(16:19):
So if you're staying up allnight studying, you're actually
going to retain less.
I guess that one goes hand inhand with without creme and the
night before too.
Yeah, absolutely.
I mean, I, I actually will saythis is totally true.
Because coming from high schoolwhere, you know, you kind of
have to wake up at like I, Imean personally, I had to wake
up at six 30 every morning and Iprobably didn't fall asleep
(16:40):
until 11.
I got maybe seven hours ofsleep.
Versus being in college, I getnine, 10 hours every night.
It is so much easier to focusand study and get work done when
you actually get sleep.
And while that might not alwaysbe.
A choice in high school.
It's just the point that this isdefinitely true because when I
(17:01):
have the option to sleep, it'smuch easier to focus completely
alright, so let's do a rapidfire round.
I'll say a study technique andyou tell me how you feel about
it.
Okay, so the Pomodoro method, itsays Study for 25 minutes, or do
work for 25 minutes and thentake a five minute break.
Personally don't love it becausewhen I take that five minute
(17:23):
break, it turns into a 15 minutebreak.
I need to get it all done atonce or I won't focus.
I was gonna say the same.
If I take a break, then I kindof stay in the break for longer
than I have to.
Okay.
So we're not doing pomodoro likea sauce, which is I think a
beautiful, lovely tomato sauceas well.
Yeah.
Okay.
Um, which we all will sign upfor that one we have no problem
with.
Okay.
Next one.
How about study groups?
(17:44):
I think it depends on thegroups.
When it's made up of too many ofyour friends, it gets
distracting, but also when it'smade up of no one you're really
like, can be talkative orcomfortable with, it gets hard
to really get in the zone.
Okay.
How about teaching the materialto someone else?
100% it's the same thing as merecording myself, reading my own
notes and teaching it to me.
I think if you're able to teachthe material to someone else,
(18:05):
that's how you know you actuallyunderstand it.
Okay.
How about color coding yournotes?
Yes.
I mean, even my flashcards, Iuse different colored pens to
write the definition andexamples and whatever.
Like being able to flip over acard and see where I have to go,
know where I have to look.
I wish I was one of thosecolored notes persons.
I, I've tried to be, but thetruth is when I spend more time
(18:27):
focusing on the color, Iactually am not really paying
attention to the information.
So I need a pencil and paper,unfortunately.
I prefer colored study guidenotes is I don't keep up in
class that much.
Yeah.
People have fancy notes.
Like, I applaud you if you cankeep that up.
But the second I do that, I am.
More worried about the esthetic?
Yeah, more worried about howlooks, mines are just random
writing, but for study, for likestudying, I like a color coded
(18:49):
to know where I have to see.
Okay.
And I know each of you have someassignments that are online.
Do you use any apps to help youwith studying, like Quizlet or
study apps or Notion?
I use Quizlet a lot in highschool.
Um, but I feel like not as muchnow really.
But I think it's kind of on acase by case basis, but
(19:11):
truthfully, if I need helpexplaining a concept to me in
something, in the courses thatI'm taking in school, cha GBT
can be quite helpful being like,explain to me why consumers are
buying this product or whatever.
You get the point.
I can't think of a good example.
I don't really use Quizlet, butmy like chemistry teacher has
(19:32):
started posting flashcards onQuizlet.
But I actually prefer writing myown'cause I do do think that
writing helps with the memory.
And kinda like Ava said, I thinkcha GBT is really helpful.
I had a test and I was likestudying, I was just like
refreshing my memory, like goingto school on the bus.
And I made cha GBT give me likeexample questions and it was for
math and I had to say theformula I needed to use to solve
(19:55):
it.
So if I read a similar question,I would know which one I needed
to immediately remember to thenplug all the numbers in and
figure it out.
I will say the good thing aboutQuizlet, especially in high
school that I found is sincemost high school students are
taking the same courses, likeevery AP Statistics course is
gonna have the same content, youcan see what other people have
(20:18):
created for themselves, liketheir own study guides, their
own note cards, and that can beso unbelievably helpful,
especially for someone Ipersonally don't like creating
that kind of stuff.
I'd rather just.
Have all that information infront of me and then study how I
want to.
It can be so helpful to findextra study tactics, whatever it
is, especially before an APexam.
(20:39):
Quizlet really helps in highschool.
Okay, great.
So let's say you've done all theright studying with all your
techniques and you did them inthe right place and you color
coded them or not the way youneeded to, and you read it back
to yourself and you got yoursleep.
You spaced it out, you usedflashcards, you didn't cram.
Now it's test day.
(20:59):
Let's talk about how to startthe day so your brain actually
shows up when you do.
Yeah, I mean, I gotta admit, I'mnot the best test taker.
I've taken many tests where Ifelt like I knew the material
and I did what I had to do, andthe second I sit down, it flies
right outta there.
Okay, so first sleep.
We talked about it that if youstudied until midnight and only
(21:20):
get a few hours of sleep, you'dforget a good chunk of what you
learned.
Um, but next up, breakfast, notjust coffee or granola bar.
Real food studies show thateating a balance breakfast with
protein and complex carbs canimprove focus.
So eggs and toast, or yogurtwith fruit and granola.
So not my iced chai andStarbucks chocolate croissant.
(21:41):
Not exactly.
Your brain needs fuel, not justcaffeine and sugar.
That crash mid test otherwisecould happen.
It's real.
I think that's also hard inschool though.
I think a big part of it ishaving classes before the test.
Like you have school and youhave a test fifth period, but
you have so many classesbeforehand and you're not
allowed to study in thoseclasses.
(22:01):
It really can get overwhelming.
But I try to run things throughmy head throughout the day, like
when I'm just sitting in a classand we're not really doing
anything, I try and remember myflashcards if I can, if I have
lunch before I try and look overthem.
Especially like vocab andformulas are key concepts just
to keep them in my head, so.
I know the basics of what I needto do, and it's more just about
applying it to the problem.
(22:23):
No, and that's a great tip.
Light review is fine in themorning or in the classes
before, but you don't want tooverwhelm yourself.
Trying to cram it in the car orthe hallway or the bus.
You're not learning anything newin the moment.
You just kind of wanna keep yourbrain awake and active.
I feel like my issue is that mybrain is too awake and active.
I definitely get really bad testanxiety.
(22:44):
My heart's racing, everyonesitting up and walking around
me, and especially in college,those lecture halls are so hard
to not feel anxious wheneveryone is finishing the test
before you and getting up.
There's TAs walking all aroundand staring over your shoulders
like it's all so stressful.
No, absolutely.
(23:04):
And it's totally normal.
I think so many people have testanxiety.
Um, so here's some thingseveryone can try when you do
have test anxiety first.
Deep breathing before the teststarts.
Breathe in for four, hold it forfour, breathe out for four.
Try to keep doing that.
It calms your nerves.
Good old box breathing, good oldbox breathing.
(23:26):
The second thing is don't obsessover what others are doing.
And we always talk about this.
Eyes are in your paper.
If you need longer, the class,the test is longer do it.
If people are getting up beforeyou, when they're done, who
cares?
Easier said than done.
I understand.
But that's, you know, the tip.
The other thing is if your mindgoes blank, skip the question,
come back, move forward.
Another question will jog yourmemory about that one, when you
(23:48):
can picture what your notes wereor what your flashcards were.
So your brain needs time toreset, to focus.
Once you're in the zone, I knowthat tests become easier.
It's often that anticipation.
I feel like I like havingsomething in my hand to play
with.
Even like the pen or pencil I'musing, I will always be the
person in class clicking itnonstop.
(24:09):
Or if I have a pencil, likespinning it around in my hand or
constantly just like erasing mypaper just so I can do something
with my hands.
I feel like it helps me think insome weird way.
But also if I am stuck on aquestion, I try and stay focused
in that question and not let mymind wander.
So I like to distract myselfwith something while thinking of
the problem.
(24:29):
And I, I will say, I think thatsomething that gets even more
stressful in college, especiallynowadays, is there are a lot of
exams that everyone's on theircomputer.
It can be.
Obviously stressful to seepeople standing up and finishing
a test, whatever before you,it's even more stressful when
you're taking a text test,sorry.
And all you're hearing iseveryone typing away on their
(24:50):
keyboards also taking theirtest.
But it's 300 other kids aroundyou.
It can be hard to zone that outand actually stay focused when
you're looking at your screen.
Yeah.
And unfortunately, I'm sureyou're not a allowed to wear
headphones'cause then they couldbe reading your pretty little
voice back to you.
Yeah.
Okay.
So for parents.
What's our job during, duringthe morning of the test, right?
We wanna keep it calm.
(25:10):
We don't wanna quiz you in thecar and say You studied right?
Do you know this?
Well, you wanna hear from usthat we love you.
We believe in you.
We're proud of you no matterwhat, and we know you did.
You'll do your best.
Yeah.
No one needs to be questioned at7 45 in the morning of, if we
studied correctly, if we lookedover everything.
We know what we need to do andwe tend to do it.
And if we don't, that does fallon us.
It's not that it's not yourresponsibility, but we don't
(25:32):
want extra pressures of us whenwe already have a test that
we're stressing for.
Yeah.
And I know with Ava in college,when I know she has a test that
day, I usually just send thetext that says, I love you, do
your best.
Don't stress, which I'm suremakes easier said than done.
Okay.
So the formula for test morning,I think if we recap is get some
sleep.
Have some real food.
(25:52):
If you can try to calm yourmind.
Do some light mental review, butnot overly cram.
Right.
And try to, for parents to havea supportive send off, right?
Or think about how much yourparents support you.
And that can be a winningroutine.
And you know what?
They don't always go well, butif it doesn't, it's one test.
One moment doesn't define yourfuture.
(26:13):
It's about preparation andknowing that your value isn't
measured in points orpercentages, but obviously you
want the result of it to reflectthe effort you put in.
And that's, I think when it'salways hard.
When you feel like you reallystudied hard and put in the
effort and you just still don'tdo well, that's when it's time
to say, okay, what else?
And more could be done.
Definitely.
Okay, so we have to acknowledgethat every kid is different.
(26:35):
Some thrive with structure, someneed movement breaks, visuals.
Not every kid is gonna be thestraight a AP track student,
That's okay.
Some people are better increative environments, some
hands-on, and some just don'tperform well under test
conditions.
(26:55):
And some students is havelearning DI differences and they
need extra help that don'talways get caught early enough
or even supported as well asthey need to be.
And parents, let's be honest,we're part of the problem and
the solution.
We want our kids to succeed, butwe also need to be their safe
space.
Yeah.
I mean, truthfully, I feel likethere's been a lot of times that
I've just needed to vent andcomplain about being stressed,
(27:17):
about studying or stressed aboutthe grading or a professor and.
You know, the truth is I don'treally need you saying, have you
studied or what are you gonna dofor the next one?
Right in that moment, sometimesit's just, oh, well, and
sometimes I want help, but onlythe kind I ask for is sometimes
I want you to sit with me thenight before and look over
flashcards and I will ask forthat.
(27:38):
But there's a fine line betweensupport.
And smothering us with questionsand trying to help, but not
actually succeeding.
And you know, I love to toe thatline between helping and
hovering.
So, well, very good at givingadvice on this one.
Not necessarily good at takingit myself.
Okay, so here's what I'velearned, right?
(27:58):
Ask things like, what's yourplan?
Instead of saying, why aren'tyou studying?
Or maybe don't ask at all.
Offer help, but don't assume youactually need it or we'll take
it.
Celebrate your effort, not justyour grades.
Right?
And most importantly, I shouldshow you that I trust you to
figure it out on your own, andyou'll seek the help when you
(28:20):
need to.
And I don't need you to quiz meevery night, but sometimes that
support is really needed.
Okay, so I learned I can't dothe learning for you, but I can
support your routine, createspace, and ask the right
questions.
That's really all we want, youknow, that and a 95 of my
finals.
Please, please, please, please.
Yeah, keep dreaming.
Okay, so here's what we'velearned.
(28:41):
School stresses real, but it'sdefinitely not unbeatable.
Each kid is different.
You both have told us how youstudy and think differently, and
every path looks different.
And we can all be a little morecompassionate to each other and
to ourselves when it comes totests and school stress.
And kids, talk to your parents.
Tell them what you need or don'tneed, and ask for space when it
(29:02):
helps.
And parents, try not to judge.
Just listen.
Ask good questions.
Remind us.
We don't have to be perfect tomake you proud.
Yep.
And if you're feelingoverwhelmed by the pressure,
just know you're not aloneclearly.
Right.
Whether you're cramming for atest or parenting through a pile
of permission slips, we're alljust trying to do our best.
And with that, leave a commentand say, what's been your
(29:24):
hardest school moment Or yourbest study tip.
We're clearly collecting themand don't forget to like,
follow, share, and subscribebecause the one thing we know
for sure, we all get somethingfrom our moms.
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