Money Talks (and Sometimes Argues): How We Spend, Save & See It Differently

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🎙 Episode 6: Money Talks (and Sometimes Argues): How We Spend, Save & See It Differently
From allowance debates to the pull of online shopping hauls, this episode of I Get It From My Mom dives deep into how families talk (and sometimes clash) about money.

Elissa and her teenage daughter Maggie get candid about growing up with financial privilege—but also learning to appreciate what they have. They cover everything from budgeting, chores, and the pressure to keep up with social media, to grandparents’ generosity, the reality of working teens, and what The White Lotus can teach us (or not!) about comfort and privilege.

💸 In this episode, we explore:
✅ Why their family never did traditional allowance—and whether that was the right move
✅ The impact of growing up in a big city surrounded by wealth and struggle
✅ The rise of impulse spending from TikTok hauls and Instagram ads
✅ When teens should get a job and what they learn when they do
✅ The influence of generous grandparents—and how to balance gratitude vs guilt
✅ The White Lotus Test: Could you live without your creature comforts?
✅ How to raise kids who value money and give back generously

Whether you're a teen trying to manage your first Venmo balance or a parent wondering how to start the money conversation, this episode is packed with real talk, laughs, and reflection—without the financial jargon.

🎧 Tune in now for honest, funny, and thoughtful money talk across generations.

📲 Follow, share, and leave us a review—it helps us reach more families looking to open up real conversations. And tell us on our Instagram @i.get.it.from.mymom: What’s one thing you’ve spent money on that was totally worth it—or a total waste?

Episode Transcript

(00:05):
​How do you teach kids the valueof money without turning it into
a lecture or a meltdown in themiddle of a store aisle?
Or how do you focus on savingyour money when social media
makes it so easy to shop?
Since everything online says,buy it now, right?
Or how do you find the time tomake the effort to shop, plan
and cook dinners in advance soyou stop paying the incredibly

(00:28):
high Uber Eats in DoorDashcharges.
Welcome back to, I Get It frommy mom.
I'm Elissa, the mom in question,working parent, longtime
budgeter, frequent spender andoccasional bad guy.
When I say no to yet anotheronline hall and I'm Maggie, I'm
15 and doing my best to makesmart choices when it comes to
money.

(00:49):
We're not experts, but we're amom and her daughter.
Having the conversationsfamilies need about money
spending, privilege, pressure,and what it means to be
financially smart in today'sworld.
So whether you're budgeting foryour next big purchase, or
wondering if you should betipping 20% on a smoothie, let's
talk about money.

(01:09):
Not just how we spend or saveit, but how we think about it,
how it shows up in our familyvalues.
Our privileges, our habits, andour challenges.
And sadly, again, we're doingthis episode without Ava who
remains under the weather.
Although she may be getting offeasy this time, we all know she
likes to shop and spend money.
Seriously.

(02:02):
Let's start with somethingsimple, but important how money
showed up in our lives from thebeginning.
Your dad and I have worked hardto give you girls a really good
life.
That's something we're proud of.
We can afford to take familyvacations, eat out when we
choose, buy you things you want.
Not always, but often.
Yeah, and I think me and Avaalways felt that I never felt

(02:23):
like we were missing out, but Iwas also aware that not everyone
around me had those sameprivileges.
Like I would have classmates whocouldn't afford to go on the
school trips, couldn't get newsneakers each season, or
couldn't go to sleepaway camp.
And I remember thinking, wow,not everyone has what we do.
Well, I'm glad you have thatawareness.
Ava had a friend actually whenshe was younger in elementary

(02:45):
school, who was here all thetime, and I would purposely feed
her dinner or offer to take herplaces.
Since I knew her familystruggled with money, Ava didn't
even realize and I never saidanything to the mom or kid, but
hopefully they appreciated that.
We are trying to share a bit ofwhat we have.
And I think it's important torecognize that every family
manages and values money andtime differently.

(03:08):
Some families have two workingfull-time parents just to make
ends meet.
Others have one parent at homeor jobs with flexible hours or
parents who travel constantly.
There's no one normal.
Yeah, I have friends whoseparents work night shifts or
weekends and that totallychanges how they handle school
stuff or activities.
It's not always about money,it's about availability too.

(03:30):
That's why I try to remind us,and I guess for other families
listening that what'scomfortable for one family might
be totally average for another.
Dad and I both wanted a certainlevel of lifestyle for us and
for you, and we've worked veryhard for that, but we're also
very aware of how quickly thingscan change as we've been out of
work before, and it's definitelystressful.

(03:51):
Yeah, it's a reminder not tojudge.
You never know why someone mightnot be in the same activities or
have the same things.
Maybe their family priorities orwork schedules are different,
and that's okay.
Right.
Money, time, energy, it allplays into how families function
and we don't always talk aboutthat part when we talk about,
you know, quote unquoteprivilege but I think it matters

(04:13):
just as much and it's not likewe get everything we want
because we definitely hear no alot.
But we understand why like whensomething's too expensive, you
explain why it doesn't makesense.
Exactly.
We never wanted you to grow upthinking things just appear or
that price didn't matter.
Even when we could affordsomething, we'd still talk about
whether it was worth it.

(04:34):
That's the piece I hope stickswith you more than any
allowance.
I think it has, I find myselfthinking about cost versus value
all the time.
Like, is it worth it to spend$30on takeout again, or could I
just eat what it's in thefridge, eat what's in the fridge
or when I'm out shopping and Isee a sweatshirt, I like, do I,
I sometimes think like.
Is it really worth that much?

(04:54):
Do I really like it, or is iteven worth it?
That's the beginning of beingfinancially aware of mags, not
just knowing what money is, buthaving a mindset that money is a
tool, not a lifestyle.
And we've tried to be honestwith you about money, not just
the practical part, but theemotional part.
When you were younger, we triedto protect you from stress about
money, but as you got older, Ifelt it was important to include

(05:16):
you in the why.
We want you to understand wherewe are and how we think about
things.
I've definitely noticed that theconversation shifted from, no,
we're not buying that to, let'stalk about if it's worth it.
You included us more, and thathelped us get better at making
decisions too.
That was definitely evident whenAva was looking and choosing
colleges.
Yeah.
And everything to us is kind ofabout value for money is what

(05:37):
you're buying worth it?
And at your ages, we'recertainly not trying to scare
you, but it's important tounderstand budgeting and costs.
All right.
Let's get honest about One thingwe didn't really do on our
house, formal allowance.
I know a lot of families givetheir kids a set amount each
week or month tied to chores orjust as a learning tool, but we

(06:00):
never really did that.
Yeah, I mean, we never got like$5 a week for just existing or a
set chore chart where we'd getpaid to unload the dishwasher or
walk the dog right in our house.
Helping out wasn't a job.
It was part of being the family.
You contributed because youlived here, that's why you
helped clean up after dinner ortook out the garbage or sort of

(06:21):
kind of kept your room somewhatlivable.
We're still working on the,could you walk the dog please
Ankle?
I mean, yeah, it never feltweird that we didn't get an
allowance, but maybe we missedsomething by not having to
manage a set amount of money forourselves.
That's what I sometimes wonder.
We gave you money when youneeded it within reason, you
know, for school events, fordinner, out with friends, for a

(06:42):
birthday gift.
And when we said no, we tried toexplain why, but maybe an
allowance would've helped youlearn how to make choices before
you got older, and were makingbigger ones on bigger spend.
That's fair.
When it comes to being your ownmoney, even if it's a small
amount, it makes you thinktwice.
So maybe we should have done itdifferently.
I mean, maybe starting a smallallowance during middle school

(07:04):
would've helped us make mistakeswhile the stakes were low.
Even something like, here's$10 aweek where you don't spread and
you can keep, that probablywould've been smart.
Yeah.
We don't always do smart thingshere.
Lesson learned for the future orfor your own kids someday.
But I also think every familyhas to figure out what works
best.
For us, it was more aboutcommunication and values.

(07:25):
We may not have handed out aweekly bill, but we talked about
why things cost, what they do,and what we could or couldn't
afford.
I also think that, I also thinkit helps kids not get attached
to doing jobs for money.
It shows that those choresaren't just to get a reward, but
something you need to do to helpout the family or help out in
the house.
Good.

(07:45):
I'm glad you recognize that.
So let's talk about something wehaven't touched on yet, but
that's everywhere.
The pressure to quote unquote,you know, keep up.
Whether it's what yourclassmates are wearing, what
people are posting, what someonegot for their birthday, there's
this constant comparison loop.
Totally.
I didn't even realize it washappening until I scrolled
through TikTok or Instagram andsuddenly feel like I need five

(08:07):
new products.
I didn't care about those fiveminutes ago.
And the hauls like the giantSephora or shopping hauls where
someone casually showseverything they bought and it's
hundreds of dollars worth ofstuff.
Or those young kid on boxingvideos.
It makes it seem normal to getnew stuff all the time, and it
really pressures kids to wantnew things.
Yeah, I mean, sadly, Avaactually did one of those hauls,

(08:30):
I think over the holidays andthat thing went viral and I
don't think that's the messageshe was trying to send.
She just.
Wanted to share some things, butit definitely doesn't send the
right message.
And when I was a kid, we had noidea where our peers owned
unless we physically saw it.
Now it's broadcasted everywheredaily, that pressure to keep up,
which I think what it is, whatAva was doing is real.

(08:52):
And it's exhausting, I wouldthink, for kids and adults.
And that's the trap of, youknow, like retail therapy,
right?
It, it feels good for fiveminutes, but it doesn't solve
anything deeper.
You just end up with a lot ofclutter, too much in your
closet.
And maybe that a regret aboutthat.
Yeah, we know about yourclutter.
That's why I try to ask am Ibored or do I actually need

(09:12):
this?
Because boredom shopping is areal thing.
Also, TikTok, so many impulsebuy come from a ten second
video.
It's kind of dangerous.
Yeah.
I actually read somethingrecently.
It was some 2023 SE or somethingthat said that Gen Z makes more
impulse purchases than anygeneration before.
Often due to social mediainfluence and you know, I think

(09:33):
Gen Z is spending Gen X's money.
So recognizing that before youcheck out, I think that's
powerful to know when secondguess yourself.
And at this point, it's not evenjust stuff anymore, it's also
experiences like seeing everyonego to a concert or take a trip.
And feeling like you are missingout if you don't do that stuff.
Yeah.

(09:53):
That's why we've always tried todo to, you know, talk to you
guys about what really mattersto us.
Just because someone else isdoing it doesn't mean it's the
right choice for you.
And money spent out ofcomparison is rarely gonna be
money well spent.
For me, I'd always choose tospend money on experiences like
Broadway shows together orfamily vacations more than

(10:14):
anything material.
And why?
I know you and Ava appreciatethose.
I think that you guys tend tooften want things, clothing,
skincare, makeup.
There was actually a studyrecently done that a lot of the
people who went to Coachella andgot tickets, got a payment plan
for it.
'cause it's such expensivetickets and so many people can't
pay for it right up.
But so many people wanna go thatit's like.

(10:37):
This year more than ever, peopleare on like payment plans for,
to get those experiences.
And note by the way, the paymentplans charge interest.
Yeah.
You know, it might be$200 today,but if you're gonna pay it over
time, I'm sure it winds up$300.
Definitely.
And that's something to keep inmind.
It's like a credit card.
I don't think it's exactly truethat me and Ava want more
things, but I do know we likelyhave way too much of that stuff.

(11:00):
We, we cleaned out my closet theother day, don't remind me.
And definitely had a lot todonate.
I think we're both trying to getbetter at making smart
decisions.
That's good.
That's the goal.
It's okay to want things, butlet them come from your own
priorities, not pressure, andlet them come from a need not
always a want.
And parents, I think this is agreat area to talk with your
kids about values, you know,what really matters versus

(11:22):
what's just noise and meant ascomparison.
So Maggie, do you think teensshould work?
And if so when?
I definitely think there's avalue to it.
I would love to get ababysitting job or help with
kids' birthday parties.
It's not just easy to find workat this age.
I want the experience, not justthe money, but also feeling like
I'm able to earn and havesomething to myself.

(11:44):
Yeah.
There's a big shift when themoney you're spending is yours
that you've earned versus minethat I earned.
It's like you might hesitatebefore buying another, you know,
$10 coffee.
Yes.
Even when it's on my own moneyfrom gifts, gifts or something,
I still get like scared at theidea of.
Spending it and you become sothoughtful about it and suddenly
you don't need that extra thing.

(12:05):
Yeah, and that's the wholepoint.
It builds appreciation.
I'm sure teens who workpart-time jobs develop stronger
work ethics and are morefinancially responsible in
college and beyond because theyhad that, I babysat younger and
then worked in an office afterschool once I could drive and
worked at a camp in summers.
I think that makes sense and Ifeel like I take more pride in

(12:26):
buying something if I was theone that worked for it.
Even if it's small, like pairsof jeans or movie tickets, pair
of jeans ain't so small thesedays.
Definitely not.
Yeah.
And I know you have a lot goingon with schoolwork and after
school activities, so do youfeel like you have time for a
job?
I mean, I do a few hours a week.
I know I have a friend actuallywho's currently playing

(12:46):
volleyball and there's a lot oftimes where he can't go to games
or practices and it's honestlyholding him back'cause he's
missing so many, practicing somany games that like the coach
doesn't wanna play him.
Because he is not putting in theeffort as much as other kids.
Even if it's something he can'treally control.
Because he has a job, you mean?
Yeah, he like can't go'cause hegoes to work and like whether

(13:07):
it's in the evenings or theweekends, it would be nice to
have that time to take a job.
But there's so many othercommitments.
Especially as a teen in school,you have to do, yeah, I think as
parents we shouldn't.
You know, force our kids to takeon a responsibility if they
don't need to.
Mm-hmm.
And if it may be conflicts withother things, because I do think
being in a sport and a groupactivity is a good thing, but a

(13:28):
few hours a week of making somemoney, I wouldn't complain too
much about you doing that,Maggie.
And for anyone listening, I'malways available to babysit.
I'm so responsible and superfun, I can assure you.
Great.
Plug for yourself, mags.
Hire Maggie.
Exactly.
Shifting topics a bit.
Neither daddy nor I came from alot of money, but our parents

(13:51):
worked really hard to provide agood life for us and you girls
have grown up luckily withincredibly generous
grandparents.
They were awesome about savingall their lives, so now
wonderfully helped to pay foryour education, give you
memorable birthday gifts andtake us on incredible family
vacations.
That's something I think about alot.
I know how unusual that is.
A lot of kids I know can'tafford to travel and Ava

(14:13):
certainly knows friends who havea big student loans to deal with
and we try not to take it forgranted.
Even talking about colleges now,it's in crazy for me to see so
many kids who have to discussprices of college is a lot more
than I do.
Yeah, that's exactly why we'retrying to bring it out in the
open.
There's a difference betweenfeeling guilty and feeling
grateful.
You don't have to apologize foryour family doing okay or have a

(14:36):
little privilege or thegenerosity.
I.
Of others around us, but weshould acknowledge it and
understand how it can shape ourperspective.
And it makes me wanna do thesame someday day.
Like I wanna be successfulenough that I can help my family
or give my kids opportunitieswithout making them entitled or
you know, give it back to yourparents.
Exactly.
And it also puts into contextthe idea of gifts.

(14:57):
When we were younger, we lovedgetting stuff and it was more
about quality, meaning orexperiences.
I'd rather get a weekend away ora dinner out than just more
things.
Yeah, I think we're runningoutta things.
Frankly, I can't think of asingle thing to ask for my
birthday and Maggie's birthday'scoming up.
We'll talk about it soon.
16 things we love about Maggieand that evolution matters

(15:19):
because the more thoughtful weare about giving and receiving,
the more intentional we becomewith money overall.
Also, when you see whatgenerosity looks like, it
encourages you to give back it.
It makes you.
Appreciate it so much so let'sbring in a pop culture moment.
I hate to bring it up again, butWhite Lotus and the Ratliff
family, for anyone who's not asfamiliar, and I know Maggie are

(15:42):
not, Maggie has not watchedWhite Lotus.
They're a very, very wealthyfamily who admit they cannot
live without all of theircreature comforts.
They character played by ParkerPosey.
The mom actually says, and I'mnot gonna attempt to do that
Southern accent, but she says, Idon't think at this age I'm
meant to live an uncomfortablelife.
I don't have the will.

(16:03):
And her kids echo this in sayingthey need to have air
conditioning and good food andfancy life around them.
And it made me think, have weraised you to appreciate things
Wow.
To that character online.
But I do think we do appreciatewhat we have.
We know we're lucky to be ableto go on vacations or out to
dinners and go to camp and wedefinitely recognize that not

(16:26):
everyone gets those experiences,especially with our city
upbringing.
We see wealth and struggle everyday.
Yeah, that's the white lotustest.
Could you live without yourusual comfort?
Could you travel without a fancyhotel?
Could you not get what you wantand still be content?
And we certainly don't need oreven ever experience the best of
everything in our family.

(16:46):
Not at all.
We budget and save forvacations.
We don't take them when we'renot able to.
We watch what we spend onextras, like manicures and
eating out.
Um, but to be fair, there aremany things we consider to be
basics that are comforts tosome.
We rely on air conditioning andit heat when appropriate.
For example, we need runningwater and electricity and

(17:07):
privacy.
We're not exactly the roughingIT types.
No, but I do think you and Iwould be better at roughing it
than Dad and Ava.
We could better handle camping,bathing in a river or eating
whatever than those two could.
Yeah.
Just not bugs.
I don't want to eat bugs, but Itotally agree.
We suck at bugs.
Definitely not bugs, but let'sbe sure like I don't need to
have some survivor likecompetition to prove it.

(17:29):
I'm we'll just, and I take ourword for it.
Absolutely.
So we touched on a little, butwe really can't talk about money
without talking aboutgenerosity.
If we have more than we need, weshould help those who don't.
That's been a part of our familyforever.
I remember being little andpicking out toys or stuffed
animals to donate at theholidays, even when I really

(17:51):
wanted to keep them.
You always wanted to keep them,and I know you always donate
your items or time to ourschools and have any charity
type thing you've been involvedin.
And we certainly donate lots ofbarely used clothes to the
Salvation Army or nearby localthrift locations.
Or you guys will always pay alittle extra when I go on a
school trip to help supportother people who can't pay as

(18:11):
much.
Yeah, because giving money ortime teaches empathy, it reminds
you that your problems aren'tthe only ones, and that
everyone, no matter how muchthey make, can give something.
And it's not just big donations,it's tipping fairly, supporting
small businesses, helpingsomeone without expecting
something back.
Yes.
And that's such an importantlesson for kids.
Giving builds confidence too.

(18:31):
It makes you feel like you cancreate change.
I remember when Ava did a bigcharity drive a bunch of years
ago for the American KidneyAssociation as her and your
grandfather had been a recipientof a kidney transplant, and we
knew intimately what kidneydisease can mean for people.
She was so proud of havingraised money.
We all participated in a bigfamily walk.

(18:51):
That was just really amazing.
Yeah, and I did the big fundingfor the Trevor Project since I
feel strongly about that.
And equality for All in helpingthe youth who need support.
No, absolutely.
These things humble us, which isgood.
All right, so looking at the bigpicture though, right now the
economy is a bit rough andeverything seems expensive.
Groceries, gas, rent, insurance,tuition, eggs, eggs, right?

(19:16):
The wealth gap is winding, andsadly, you're growing up in a
world where financial stress isreal.
Yeah, it's scary.
I mean, I know Ava is worriedabout finding a job when she
graduates college, and yet thesedays even people with good jobs
are worried about bills.
Yeah.
That's why I think we need tohave these conversations, not to
create fear, but to prepare, tounderstand, to build resilience.

(19:36):
So what's the big picture here?
Money is a complicated topic andI think we were felt awkward
even talking about it, but it'sone worth talking about,
especially between parents andkids, maybe not between us and
strangers though, whether it'show we're raised, how we spend,
or how we compare ourselves toothers, the way we think about
money shaped by so many things,and we know it's not always easy

(20:00):
to bring up, but having theseconversations really helps.
It makes you feel more incontrol and less afraid to ask
questions.
And also it helps you understandthat everyone's situation is
different.
Not every family spends the sameor has the same priorities, and
that's okay.
No, and that's a good point.
People may have money, but theyspend it differently or prefer
to save or you know, so younever know everyone's situation.

(20:21):
So before we sign off, we alwaystry to do the know lessons for
our listeners.
So let's try this for both, youknow, kids and parents.
So I'd say for kids orteenagers.
One, earning your own moneyhelps you appreciate its value.
So if you can get a job, and Iknow it's even been tough,
Maggie, to find, she isavailable for babysitting, as
we've said, um, you know,earning your money is important

(20:43):
'cause it appreciates the value.
And social media is not reallife.
Don't listen to it.
Spend money on your values, nottrends.
If you've had financial support,I think we say be grateful and
generous with your own, anddon't hesitate to ask questions
about money.
Not, of course, you know,everything that your parents
make or do is necessary for youto know, and we've never shared

(21:04):
that with our children.
But I think understanding thevalue and what things are worth
and the comparisons isimportant.
And for parents, don't avoid themoney talk.
Let kids into the process whenit's appropriate and when
they're old enough.
'cause it really does help themunderstand when you say no to
things Y and just help them.
Help for themselves in thefuture.

(21:26):
Use chores and allowances.
Tools for teaching, not bribes.
If a kid doesn't wash thedishes, don't say, I'll give you
$10 if you do it.
'cause that just shows they'llonly do it if there's a reward.
And help your kids navigate peerpressure and spending wisely.
I.
Like she said before, socialmedia can be dangerous and
really influences kids a lot,but let them know when you
should spend money on somethingshouldn't, and not get

(21:49):
influenced by other people.
Recognize that not all familieslook or function the same.
Don't teach your kids that whatwe're doing is the only way.
But also you don't have to showthem people have less money, but
make them be aware.
And if you are aware, it helpsyour kids be more aware and ne
next, model gratitude, balanceand giving.

(22:09):
If you don't raise your kids, orif you do, raise your kids to
show empathy and give back tothe community.
They'll have a similar mindsetonce they get older and get more
aware of the process.
No, that's great and thanksMaggie for this good.
Talk through, I think what'skind of an awkward subject and
to our audience.
If you enjoyed this episode,please share it with a parent or
teen who's ever asked, can Ihave money for that?

(22:32):
And follow, like, and subscribeso you can never miss an
episode.
We'd love to hear from you aboutyour own money lessons or any
feedback you have on on, on anyof our episodes.
And remember whether you'resaving, spending or still
figuring out, you probably atleast got some of that from your
mom.
See you next time.