Rules Are Made To Be...Questioned?

Send us a text

🎧 Episode 3: Rules Are Made To Be...Questioned?

Rules—they’re everywhere. From what time you get home to whether or not you really need to wear a jacket. In this episode of I Get It From My Mom, Elissa, Ava, and Maggie sit down for a spirited and funny conversation about the rules that shape our homes, our choices, and our sanity.

They dig into:

✅ The real reason parents make safety rules (hint: it’s not just to ruin your night)
✅ Why some rules feel arbitrary and how teens really feel about them
✅ How expectations shift between siblings—and whether younger kids have it easier
✅ What happens when there are too many (or too few) rules in a family

From bedtime battles to Uber protocols to clean-room debates, this episode unpacks how rules evolve, how they’re enforced, and why the best ones actually prepare you for life.

🎧 Listen now and decide for yourself—are these rules totally fair, or just plain frustrating?

🔹 Takeaways & Challenges:
📌 Parents—explain the why behind your rules. You might get more buy-in than you think.
📌 Teens—ask yourself: “Am I annoyed by the rule, or do I just not like being told what to do?” (👀)
📌 Everyone—think about the balance between structure and freedom. Are your household rules setting you up to thrive?

💬 Join the Conversation:
👉 What’s the most debated rule in your house? Share it with us on Instagram @i.get.it.from.mymom!
👉 Know a mom or teen who's constantly arguing about curfews or cleaning up? Send this their way!

📲 Follow & Subscribe so you never miss an episode!

📌 Because sometimes, questioning the rules… leads to better ones.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome to I Get it from my mom,where we have the conversations
moms and daughters should behaving, but sometimes avoid.
I'm Elissa, a working mom whosomehow still finds herself
explaining the same rules overand over.
I'm Ava.
I'm 18 and wondering if we stillneed rules when I'm technically
an adult.
And I'm Maggie.

(00:20):
I'm 15.
And let's be honest, some rulesmake sense and some are just
frustrating.
We're not experts.
We don't have all the answers,but we do have a lot of
perspective and a little bit ofhumor.
Today we're diving into rules,why parents make them, why kids
challenge them, and whether ornot they actually work.
So basically this is the episodewhere we get to find out if mom

(00:42):
is reasonable or just makingstuff up.
Great.
Can't wait.
Let's get into it Let's startwith the most basic reason.

(01:02):
Rules exist.
Safety.
Parents don't make rules just toruin your life.
Debatable.
I get that some rules are aboutsafety, like waiting for the
light before crossing the streetor checking in when we're out.
That makes sense.
Exactly.
You may think I'moverprotective, but you know how
I feel.
I trust you, but not the rest ofthe world.
So the argument is that I couldbe the most responsible person

(01:25):
in the world, but that doesn'tmean the people around me are?
Exactly.
It's not about you two makinggood decisions.
It's about keeping you out ofbad situations.
So let's go through some of themain safety rules we have in the
house and why they exist.
One of your favorites, curfews,they exist to keep you safe.
The later you are out and about.
The darker it is, the morepeople around you who may have

(01:48):
alcohol or worse in theirsystems with bad intentions.
Right.
But it's hard when some of ourfriends don't even have curfews.
Yeah.
And as we get older, our plansstart even later and later.
I know you first go out when I'mgoing into bed, but we've always
tried to be reasonable about thetime and to make them
appropriate for your age.
And most important to us is thatwe are hearing from you during

(02:11):
the night.
Like Maggie, there was a timewhen your friends couldn't find
their jackets at the party.
We were okay with you cominghome later that night because
you texted and explained whatthe holdup was going to be.
Oh, don't remind me.
They both never found theirjackets, so we had to huddle
together on the cold subwayhome, and then there's Ubers.
Better than trusting a teenagerto drive you home or a subway

(02:32):
here in the city late at night.
But we've all heard the horrorstories.
It's true, we know the rules.
Always check the license platenumber that it matches it on the
app, and make sure your driversays your name before you get
into the car.
And we always make sure to payattention to the route being
taken and call you if we thinkthere's an issue.
We also want the driver to beaware that we are in contact
with someone while they'redriving us home.

(02:53):
Great.
We've trained you well andwhat's a rule about knowing your
location?
We keep our Find my iPhone on soyou can track us.
We make sure to be where we toldyou we would be and let you know
when we're changing locations.
Right?
I assure you, you don't want usfreaking out when we discover
you are not where you told usyou would be.
It's not about us hovering orstalking you or getting in the

(03:14):
way of you having fun.
It's to keep you safe.
Okay, fair.
We get it.
Rules about safety aren't aboutus being responsible.
It's about protecting us fromsituations we can't control.
Exactly.
But can we move on to the rulesthat are not about safety and
make zero sense?
Wow.
Can't wait to hear this.
Yeah, like why does it matterhow clean my room is if no one's

(03:36):
coming over?
And even if they are comingover, I keep the door shut.
I can do a whole podcast on thisone.
Maggie.
It's about respect for our home,for your things, and for
yourself.
A messy room with clothes on thefloor and cups and books all
over your desk is no way tolive.
But we're fine living like that.
We can still think amongst theclutter and when it's bad, we do

(03:58):
eventually clean it up.
Okay?
Then since Dad and I are theones who bought you your clothes
and cups and books and pay forthis house, then we don't like
you the way you're treating thisstuff.
I don't know.
I'm still not convinced that's afair argument, mom.
Just don't come in my room.
Also, while we're on the subjectof rules we don't agree with, I
can't wait to hear this, Ava.
Okay.

(04:19):
We're old enough now, mom, todecide if we want a jacket or
not.
You both are impossible when itcomes to wearing jackets in the
cool weather.
I simply don't get it.
Why not be comfortable in thechill?
Well, obviously we can decide ifwe feel cool or not.
It's not for you to tell us.
Plus, it's the fashion mom.

(04:40):
Ugh.
I mean, there are rules we areon board with, if that helps.
We have always helped to cleanup after dinner.
That rule makes sense.
Everyone pitches in andcontributes to clean up after
ourselves.
And of course we understand thatwe're responsible for doing our
homework, being at school andrespecting our teachers.
No issue with those rules.
Well, that's good to hear.

(05:00):
Being responsible and respectingauthority appropriately and
behaving appropriately are keyrules for life.
Sometimes the rules that seemarbitrary, like dressing
appropriately for the weatherare often about setting you up
for the real life.
So I'm a big fan of rules, butwithin limits, I think kids
should know the expectations ofthem.
Do you remember how you used tobehave differently at Grandma

(05:22):
and Grandpa's house versusGrammy and Papa's?
Definitely.
At Grandma's, we lived toyseverywhere, crumbs everywhere,
and she would let us get awaywith it being a mess.
But at Grammy's, we put ourshoes in a certain spot, only
ate at the table and cleaned upour toys before moving on.
Exactly.
Even at a very young age, youknew the expectations and knew
they were different In eachhouse, you had no problem
following the rules that Grammylaid out.

(05:43):
That's proof that kids rise tothe expectations set for them.
Let's talk about what happenswhen families either have too
many rules or too few rules.
That's definitely worth talkingabout.
We both have friends whoseparents try and control every
little thing.
Who their kid hangs out with.
What they do every minute.

(06:04):
What they wear, what they eat.
I kind of feel bad for them.
Yeah.
And you can definitely see theresult.
I know someone whose parentswere super strict throughout
their childhood and they verymuch resented them for it.
But now that they're in college,they rebelled, gone wild to a
bad extent.
Can't manage their time, theirresponsibilities, and making
some bad choices.
Yeah, that's definitely scary.
Yeah.
That's why I think it'simportant as a parent to set

(06:26):
boundaries and rulesappropriately.
Explain them to your child ifand when needed, but enforce
them consistently.
But if the child has no decisionmaking power growing up, then
how can they be expected to makegood choices when the time comes
to be responsible forthemselves?
On the other end, some kids haveno rules, no curfews, no
expectations, no consequences.

(06:48):
That is the other extreme that Idon't think is right.
Yeah.
I know people who are constantlyskipping classes and their
parents don't pay attention orcare.
Right.
And I know people who havetrouble managing their schedules
or staying on top of their workbecause as kids, they were never
given any real structure.
Yep.
Without structure, how are youexpected to develop
self-discipline?

(07:08):
I would think that with no rulesas kids, these people likely
will struggle more as adults.
So the right amount of rulesisn't about control.
It's about preparing us tofunction for when there are no
rules?
Bingo, it's about balance.
Too many rules and you don'tlearn how to make decisions.
Too few and you never learn howto manage life's
responsibilities.
that actually does make sense.

(07:29):
Yay.
Hashtag mom win.
Okay.
Wait, can I ask something that'skind of off topic, but it's
still about rules.
Do you think the rules changedbetween Ava and me?
Like did I have it easierbecause I'm the younger one?
Hmm.
That's such a good question anda tricky one.
I think.
Yes, in some ways you did haveit a little easier.

(07:50):
But it wasn't Maggie because wethought you deserved fewer
rules.
Actually, sometimes quite theopposite.
It's more that by the time youcame along, we weren't parenting
in like such a panic modeanymore.
With Ava, every little decisionfelt so high stakes because we
were new at it.
Right.
Like Ava had a stricter bedtime,and when I was younger I was

(08:12):
allowed to go out in the citywithout parents with my friends.
But she couldn't do that at thesame age I was.
Totally true.
We were super cautious the firsttime around, the first kid
around, and honestly, a lot ofthat came from fear.
Fear of messing up, fear ofdoing something wrong.
So we made a lot of rules to tryand control things we didn't
fully understand yet.

(08:33):
But with you, we had morecontext.
We'd seen what worked and whatdidn't.
We learned that being overlystrict sometimes backfired.
So I got the chiller version ofyou guys.
I'm sure Ava's very happy withthat fact.
Well, I wouldn't say chill.
I mean, I don't think either ofyou would accuse us of being
chill, but maybe more balanced.

(08:55):
We had more confidence.
We knew that forgetting homeworkwasn't gonna be the end of the
world, for example, and keep inmind, you know, you were
watching TV shows at your youngage, even though Ava was three
years older watching hers, therewere probably more appropriate
for Ava.
But we knew it wasn't going toruin your childhood.
So, yeah, you got a slightlymore relaxed version of the rule

(09:15):
book.
But did it really mean Ava hadit better or does that just come
with being a younger sibling?
I'm sure there's moments, itfeels unfair to Ava, but I also
think she understands.
You two are different people.
You have differentpersonalities, different
maturity levels, and part ofparenting is adjusting to each
child's needs, even if the ruleslook different sometimes.

(09:36):
That makes sense.
It's funny though, because I'lldo something and she'll
immediately go, oh wow.
I could have never gone awaywith that at your age.
And I'm like, oops.
I guess that's just the perks ofbeing a younger sister.
Yeah, I was the older sister, soI never got those perks either.
But I've definitely heard youguys say that before.
My younger sister has said thatbefore.
But to be fair, you've alsobenefited from Ava breaking us

(09:57):
in.
You watched her push boundaries,test Rules sometimes, pay the
price or act well, and we had astricter rule and then knew we
could loosen it.
So in a way.
You had a cheat sheet for whatto do and what not to do.
Yeah, but I still get yelled atfor leaving my stuff all over
the house.
So clearly that cheat sheetdidn't really work well.
You just haven't mastered thecheat sheet as well as you
could, and no one said theyounger sibling gets a free

(10:20):
pass.
Cleaning the house dishes.
That stuff sticks with youforever.
I'm well aware.
So final verdict, are rules justannoying or do they actually
have a purpose?
Fine.
Some rules make sense.
Yeah.
I understand the boundary andexpectation setting, but still
don't expect me to make my bedevery morning.

(10:40):
Great, Maggie.
Okay, guys.
Okay.
If you enjoyed this episode,share it with someone who has
argued about rules with theirparents or kids.
And tell us on our social media,what's a rule in your house that
sparks the most debates.
Please keep following ourjourney along, as these kids
will always find a way to blameit on their mom.