March 11, 2024 • 36 mins
As we open our hearts to life's stories, Alexis shares a tale both devastating and inspiring. She bravely navigates the grief following her son's murder, emphasizing the role of family in rebuilding shattered lives.
Through her journey, we confront the harsh realities of homelessness and domestic violence, highlighting the need for societal change.
Alexis's resilience and advocacy offer hope amidst sorrow, showcasing the power of storytelling as a healing force. Her pursuit of a journalism degree underscores the strength found in sharing our stories with the world.
Connect with Alexis:
alexisanicque@gmail.com
alexisanicque.com
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Facebook:
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Website:
https://ineedblue.net/
Apple Podcasts:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-need-blue/id1567450935
Loved this episode? Leave a review and rating on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
Purchase my book or Audiobook: Why I Survived: How Sharing My Story Helped Me Heal from Dating Abuse, Armed Robbery, Abduction, and Other Forms of Trauma by Jennifer Lee
https://whyisurvived.com/
The background music is written, performed and produced exclusively by Char Good.
https://chargood.com/home
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Everyone has a story.
They just don't always have aplace to share it.
Music.
Welcome to the.
I Need Blue podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
This is Shar Good, and I am honored to introduce
Jennifer Lee, author, life coachand host of today's show on the
I Need Blue podcast MUSIC.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Thank you for that warm introduction, shar, and
welcome to I Need Blue, thepodcast about to take you on an
extraordinary journey whereprofound narratives come to life
, one captivating episode at atime.
I'm your host, jennifer Lee,and I founded this podcast
(01:01):
because I know there is healingand sharing.
Each story you will hear sharedon this podcast is a testament
to our collective strength,innate ability to transform in
the incredible power of healing.
Please remember you are neveralone.
Please visit and share mywebsite with those seeking
(01:23):
connection and inspirationwwwineedbluenet.
Thank you, shar Good, forcomposing and performing the
introduction medley for I NeedBlue.
You can find information aboutShar on her website,
wwwshargoodcom.
(01:43):
Before starting today's episode,I must provide a trigger
warning.
I Need Blue features graphicthemes, including, but not
limited to, violence, abuse andmurder, and may not be suitable
for all listeners.
Please take care of yourselfand don't hesitate to ask for
help if you need it.
Now let's get started withtoday's story.
(02:06):
You won't want to miss ourguest today, alexis.
Our connection was establishedthrough an author's network.
Alexis has a remarkableportfolio of published books and
short stories, all centeredaround her fascinating
adventures with her husband.
They delve into the realm oftaking bold chances, like the
(02:29):
moment they decided to spendtheir life on a sailboat.
Alexis firmly believes that thecircumstances you encounter
ultimately shape your journey.
From a harrowing car accidentto battling cancer and taking on
transformative work-awayassignments, she's come to a
(02:49):
profound realization Adversityoften paves the way for a better
path, but here's where it getsgenuinely captivating.
Just a month ago, alexis foundher deeply held beliefs put to
the test when she received anunexpected phone call bearing
the devastating news of herson's murder.
(03:14):
This is a story that hitsremarkably close to home for me.
Alexis and I had our firstconversation a month after this
heartbreaking loss, which,generally awe-inspiring, is the
courage that radiates throughher voice.
She's here to open up and shareher remarkable journey with us.
(03:35):
We'll pay tribute to her son,as Alexis has become a powerful
voice for parents who haveexperienced the unimaginable
loss of a murdered child.
What's more, her son, at theage of 32, was homeless.
Alexis will shed light on thecountless challenges she faced
(03:57):
while trying to help her son,who was more concerned with
helping others.
Her son's selflessness mighthave even cost him his own life.
So, without further ado, Iextend my heartfelt gratitude to
Alexis for being here today.
I'm being my special guest onthe I Need Blue podcast.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Hi.
So today's a good day, a couplemonths in, and I'm still here.
I'm still here.
I'm lost, I'm confused, I'mangry, but today's a good day.
Today's the first day in awhile that I haven't woke up
shattered.
You just never know Every dayis different whether it's going
(04:43):
to be one of those days that yourealize that your child is gone
and you realize there's noanswers.
There's no answers, and that's.
I think I don't know.
I say that's the hardest part.
But how would I know that's thehardest part?
I mean, I don't think anyparent would, and I wouldn't
want any parent to know how Ifeel right now.
(05:04):
I don't think any parent knowshow they would feel if they lost
their child, let alone to sucha horrific, terrible nightmare.
I just want to be the voice forhim.
I want people to know thatthere's so many avenues out
there that are not.
The boxes aren't being checked.
I don't understand.
(05:24):
There's no way to wrap yourhead around this kind of loss.
I mean, there's just no way.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Absolutely, and you and I, before I hit the record
button, we were talking abouttoday was a good day for you,
and I had asked what makes it agood day, and so thank you for
sharing everything that you justshared and the day that we're
recording this.
We're now over two months afteryour son's murder and you were
(05:55):
telling me on how you know, youwere texting your daughter
because it's hard for her aswell.
It's a family that has lost ason, a brother, grandson, all of
those things right.
Sometimes we forget that.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
I am eternally grateful for my husband and my
daughter.
I would have never survivedthis, never, not.
There's no way.
No way I would have survived it.
The day we found out, literally, my husband got me in the car
and took me straight over to mydaughter's and I spent the
entire day holding her.
So in every day, every day, I'mgrateful for her.
(06:35):
We text every day.
I don't think there's a day thatgoes by that we don't say I
love you at least 10 times,because you know, you just don't
know if it's the last day.
The last thing my son said tome was a text the day before he
died, saying mom, I think I havea temp job tomorrow so I'm
going to have to get me somepants, because all he had was
(06:56):
shorts, you know, and I was just.
It was just a randomconversation and I guess I
didn't see the text because Ididn't respond until later and
by the time I responded it wastoo late.
But that was the last thing Italked to my son about was he
needed to get some pants.
I was robbed.
I was completely robbed of mychild, my baby and other parents
(07:23):
that are going through this.
I'm so sorry for your lossbecause it is heart-wrenching.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Yeah, I can't imagine .
I'm not going to try to pretendto imagine either who received
the phone call.
Was it you or your husband?
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Well, it's kind of weird.
My husband's parents they'rekind of elderly, they're in
their 80s, and they were at thehospital because his stepfather
was having some medical issues,so he had stayed the night at
the hospital, so his mom wasthere.
Well, our permanent address istheir house because we move
(08:00):
around a lot.
Actually, there was a couple ofcop cars in their driveway and
the neighbors called them on hiscell phone and said hey,
there's a bunch of cops in yourdriveway.
I don't know what's going on.
So of course they called thepolice department real quick and
the police department said thisstate I'll just say that
because it's still an openinvestigation, so I don't want
(08:21):
to mention what state it was inthis state troopers would like
to speak with you.
So his stepdad called us.
It was like five-something inthe morning and they called us
and they said hey, the policefrom the state want to talk to
you.
And we were like, well, wehaven't been there in a couple
of months, but I don't rememberif we.
You know, I personallyimmediately knew it was my son.
(08:42):
I did.
I was like, oh my God, vince,you have to call right now.
And he said well, okay, butVince, you know, his first
thought was you know, did I geta ticket?
And I didn't realize it, did I?
You know, whatever he's like, Iwould never do that, you know,
I'd never be that irresponsible.
But he's thinking kind of thatway.
He's more of a positive, youknow, vibe, or something.
(09:05):
And I said, I said it's got todo with Michael, it's, you know,
it's got to do with our son.
So we called the detective andthe detective asked for the
relationship and he said, well,I'm his father.
And he said, well, I'm sorry,he was brutally attacked this
morning and passed away.
And just like, just like that,my world crumbled.
(09:28):
I mean, you know, I thought, Iknew it was about Michael, but I
thought, oh well, you know,he's gotten to an accident, or
you know, maybe he's in thehospital or maybe he got charged
with something you know and heneeds bail money.
I mean you know, your brain justnever, ever, would ever go to
that place of your son wasmurdered.
(09:48):
That would never happen, likeit just doesn't.
I think that's the biggestthing.
You always see it on TV, youknow, and they always say that
not me, the not me syndrome.
You know, like I'm not going toget cancer, well, my husband
did get cancer.
I'm not going to not going toget into a car accident today.
Well, I rolled my car threetimes with my husband in it and
(10:09):
he nearly died.
So I mean, such adversity hashappened in my life and every
single time, although it waslife-shattering at the moment,
something good came later.
You know, when my husband hadcancer, we had to sell our boat
that we loved living on.
We ended up traveling andvolunteering through 20
countries after that.
So I mean, when we wrecked thecar, we moved to the islands and
(10:34):
lived on our boat in theCaribbean, you know.
So, every life-shattering eventand I'm like I'm still trying
to find it, I can't thislife-shattering event, I can't
see anything good coming out ofit I mean, maybe I can be the
voice for those parents who arefacing the same thing that I
wake up to every day.
Today was a good day because Ididn't wake up with that night.
(10:58):
Maybe it's because I slept,finally, but I didn't wake up
feeling so incredibly angry andempty, which I do a lot, you
know.
So I have my good days, I havemy bad days.
It just, you know, that's life.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
It's a process, you're right.
You receive this devastatingnews and then, I believe you
said you went to your daughterand had to tell her and just
hold her and be with her.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
She was already out for it.
My husband said you know, maybewe should wait until she gets
off work.
I was like absolutely not,absolutely not, no.
I said you know you need tocall Joe, which is her husband.
I said I'm calling Kayla rightnow because there you know what.
I wouldn't want somebody towait eight hours to tell me the
most mind-crushing news.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
I mean no, were you in the same state at that time
where the murder occurred.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
No, I had to identify my son via his tattoo.
My husband's step-sister lost achild about 20 years ago and
she went and viewed him and shesaid you'll never get the
picture out of your mind.
Don't go, don't go, don't do it.
I wanted to get my car anddrive right over.
I mean, I drive cross-country alot, it's not a big deal for me
(12:18):
.
But everybody said that's notthe last thing you want to
remember about your son.
So I literally called themorgue and I said there's this
tattoo on his ankle, please canyou take a picture of it.
So I know it's my son and Iknew they had his fingerprints
and everything.
That's how I was able toidentify him.
I have since not gone there.
(12:39):
I still at this time.
I mean we have a lot of friendsthere and I'm just not ready.
I'm just not ready.
I have my son.
I'm going to take him where he,where him and I last were the
happiest, which is in theisland's diving.
I'm going to take my son fromone last dive trip.
I'm just not ready yet.
I don't know when I'll be ready.
(13:00):
I'm not ready to say goodbye.
I just can't, and you knowthat's I think.
I think everybody grievesdifferently.
I hope.
I hope I get to a point whereI'm not.
You know, a wreck every day,but you know who?
Speaker 1 (13:14):
knows that's okay.
You know that's okay.
One day at a time, sometimesit's an hour at a time,
sometimes it's a minute at atime, absolutely Whatever you
need.
Now your son was homeless andwe had a little bit of
discussion beforehand about howthat all came about.
(13:38):
Can you share a little bit ofthat with us?
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Yeah, you know, first he lost his job.
After he lost his job, it wasduring the pandemic because you
know, he did a specialized skilland during the pandemic nobody
wanted that specialized skilland slowly but surely the car
broke down.
I mean, we just we kept sendinghim money.
(14:02):
It just was never enough.
And his girl had gotten to anaccident and she was getting
hooked on whatever.
And slowly but surely they theyowned their mobile home but
they didn't own the lot.
They got behind.
They ended up getting aneviction notice and he pretty
much, slowly but surely, losteverything during the pandemic,
(14:24):
lost everything.
I begged him.
I begged him to come here.
Of course I wouldn't let hercome, and just is what it is.
I found him a few jobs where hewould have a place to live, but
all of them knew Michael.
I wouldn't allow her to comebecause they were toxic.
They were toxic.
She'd been arrested fordomestic abuse against him.
(14:47):
I mean just back and forth.
They were completely toxictogether and it was an ongoing
thing for eight years.
We would go visit, they wouldbe texting each other under the
table while staring each otherdown.
It was just constant.
It was just constant.
So they lost everything andthey ended up on the streets,
(15:08):
they got a tent and they're inthe encampment with all the
other.
There's a lot of homeless inthat area, there's a lot of
homeless everywhere.
And I begged him, I begged him,but I sent him money, I mean
every three days.
You know, mom, can I money?
Mom, can I money?
And you know, it wasn't untilafter he died that I really
(15:30):
think I realized his situation.
There's a homeless gentleman notfar from where I'm at and I
always.
You know, he has a dog thatlooked exactly like my son's dog
and I was talking to him aboutit one day and then the next
time I saw him, my son's dog hadgotten hit by a car and he was
really struggling and we talkedabout that.
And then, shortly thereafter, Isaid, you know, I lost my son
(15:55):
recently and I'm worried for you, you know.
And I said, just be careful.
And he said to me you know, thething is is if you get an
eviction, you can't get anapartment or a place to live.
He's like, if you can't get aplace to live, you can't get a
job.
And he's like it's this neverending homeless circle.
(16:18):
And he's like, once you startto get somewhere one of the
other homeless people might mugyou or steal from you in your
sleep.
And all those times of my sonsand moms, somebody stole all my
clothes out of my tent todaywhile I was, you know, working.
Because he worked temp jobs,because they were the only ones
that would hire him the dailypay type of jobs.
It wasn't until I talked to thiscomplete stranger that I really
(16:42):
realized that.
You know, how do the homeless,how do they fix their problems?
They can't get a job, theycan't get a place to live.
It's terrible to me that, eventhough I did everything I don't
know if I did everything I guiltmyself on a daily basis about
what maybe I should have droveover there and grabbed him, you
(17:03):
know.
But every day I wonder how dothey go forward?
How do they go forward whenevery single step they take
forward there's an obstacle, youknow there's no place to go, no
one will give them a job, noone will give them a home, you
know.
And they're forced to panhandlejust to try and get enough food
(17:24):
to eat the next day.
But there's so many out therethat aren't really homeless, you
know, that are just doing it toget a free ride.
So there's so much skepticismso nobody wants to help them.
I mean, it's literally ahorrible circle, this horrible,
terrible, awful circle that myson was caught up in and lost
his life, and I still don't knowwhy.
(17:45):
I still don't know why.
I have no idea.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
So I think you shed a lot of light on an epidemic
that's going on, like you said,in every city within the United
States.
I think there's this perceptionof, oh, they want to be
homeless, they want to have thatfree ride.
There are some sort ofaddiction going on, absolutely.
But you just shed the light onthis cycle of once you get
(18:11):
evicted, then how do you find ahome?
And without a home, how do youget a job?
I think that's something peopledon't think about and don't
realize, because not everybodyout there is choosing to be
homeless.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
He said he wanted out .
But my son had such a big heartand he said I just can't leave
her, knowing she'll have nothing, knowing she doesn't have a job
, she's not able to work.
I can't leave her, you know,because how will she be okay.
I can't leave her not knowingshe's okay, because I feel
responsible for her.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Your son was in a domestic violence situation
makes it even harder, doublyhard for you, because not only
are you trying to help your son,who's homeless, you're also
recognizing that he's a victimfrom this woman who says she
loves him.
Do you think she felt that samelevel of responsibility for
your son?
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Absolutely not.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
No, has there been any communication?
Has she tried to reach out toyou at all since?
Speaker 2 (19:09):
his murder.
We text back and forth.
The first couple of days shegave me her number at her mom's
house.
Ironically, she has a warmplace to sleep and a food in her
stomach and everything iswonderful in her land.
She wanted to tell me whathappened and I said you know, I
can't hear your voice.
(19:30):
I just can't hear your voice.
I said, you know, just give methe rundown.
You know I mean, and shemessaged me a small little
snippet of what her story is andyou know, I don't believe her.
I just don't believe her.
I don't believe she wasn'tawake, I don't believe that she
would let Michael that far awayfrom her.
(19:52):
She was controlling, she wasinsecure and you know she left
him several times, she cheatedon him.
I mean, the story is endless.
And why didn't she just staygone?
Because if she just stayed gonemy son would still be alive and
I truly believe that in myheart.
(20:13):
I also have days where I'm likewhy didn't I just go there and
be like, confront him and say,listen, because my son was very
proud and I'm sure that he feltashamed and he had, I had sent,
we'd sent him thousands ofdollars and I'm sure he every
time that.
You know, it took a greatamount of strength for him just
(20:35):
to message me and say mom, isthere any way you can send me
$10?
So I can do laundry and get asandwich.
I'm grateful.
The last time he asked me forsome money, I was actually out
of the country and I quicklypaid pal them 20 bucks.
He's like, mom, I just need $10.
I paid pal them 20 bucks.
I'm grateful that I did itbecause there was, you know, it
was a crap shoot at the end, youknow, of whether or not I was
(20:55):
going to agree to send him money, because it got to the point
where it's every day or everyother day, and so at some point
in time I kind of had to put myfoot down and now I hate myself
for that.
You know, five years ago he hada business, he had a full time
job, he had his own home, a car,a truck, a boat.
(21:18):
Five years ago, three years ago, it all started to go.
Three and a half, it allstarted to go away, and now he's
gone.
There was a girl the other daythat I was talking to and she
was complaining compulsivelyabout her child and I don't
remember what she wascomplaining about.
And I said I said you know, Iwas you, like three months ago,
(21:39):
complaining about my kid becauseI couldn't help him.
And I was, I wanted to help himbut I couldn't keep sending him
$100, $20, $50, whatever thecase may be.
And I said you know, I saidjust understand that at some
point in time, you know, you'regoing to have to make a decision
(22:00):
and that decision is greatlygoing to impact your life
because it's either going tohave to be like we're going to
have to sort this out together.
Right now you just have to doit, be firm.
I said don't walk away from it,because the reality is, at some
point in time you may not haveyour child anymore and it could
be just because the child gotangry and walked away, or your
(22:25):
child doesn't live anymore.
And I said and I hope that youknow you just don't let it get
to that point.
You just have to sit down andsay listen, how can we fix this
problem?
You know, if your kid needshelp, find a way to help him.
It doesn't necessarily have tobe a dollar bill.
I wish I had.
I wish I had gone there.
How can we solve this problem?
Because I didn't do that.
(22:45):
I kept begging him to come tome, but I didn't go to him.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Yeah, you're living with a lot of guilt over you
know what, what I could havedone or what I should have done.
Has there been anyone becausepeople don't understand and they
can be insensitive at timesthat asked you the question of
well, why didn't you dosomething to help your son, or
why was your son homeless?
Has anybody asked you thatquestion where you felt you had
(23:16):
to defend your actions becausethey don't understand?
Speaker 2 (23:20):
I have kind of braced myself for that question
because I kind of thought, youknow, when I was talking about
it one day I said you know, myson was homeless.
When I say it out loud I'm likethinking, you know people must
be thinking you know, why didn'tyou?
You know why didn't you?
I don't know why I didn't gothere.
You know it's a 15 hour drive.
(23:41):
I make those.
I make those probably everyother month.
My daughter and I had talkedabout going about three or four
months ago because we couldn'tfind him.
Normally, michael and I keptpretty good text messaging.
I hadn't heard from him in aweek.
So I did the normal.
Kayla checked all the hospitals, I checked the jails.
I called all my friends.
Can you go check and see?
(24:02):
Can you go check?
I have one friend that livesnot far from where the
encampment was and my friendwent over and talked to him and
Michael texts me that next day.
You know I just been busy.
You know I've been working atthis temp agency.
I'm sorry, you know time gotaway from me.
His phone was stolen, his phonewas broken.
I sent him money for a newphone One day.
One time I had just switchedout my phone and I had an
(24:24):
unlocked phone and so Iliterally mailed it to my friend
who drove it over to him and Iput service on it for the first
month.
You know, I found all thehomeless places, the shelters,
the churches, everywhere in hisvicinity that offered food and
assistance of any kind.
(24:45):
He got a new ID card becausehis wallet was stolen, because
it was one of the things thatyou know they do have programs
out there.
They do.
It's still, even though theyhave all these programs to, you
know, get you some food and helpyou get an ID and help you get
a phone or help you get things.
Where's the program that helpsyou, you know, get into an
(25:08):
apartment?
I mean, I'm sure they're outthere.
There's gotta be.
I don't know.
I didn't find them.
I found a lot of other programsfor him.
I was consistently trying tohelp him but he wouldn't come
here.
He didn't want to leave wherehe was at and he didn't want to
leave that girl.
She would be homeless, you know.
She would have nowhere to go.
(25:29):
Where is she now that my son'sgone?
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Right.
You know, within thisconversation, you identified a
need.
What I will say that I'venoticed is that there appears to
be more facilities that helpwomen and kids Absolutely,
absolutely Then, that help men.
I know you carry around a lotof this guilt, but you forget
(25:57):
that giving him money, but lookat all of the resources that you
worked hard and researched toprovide him.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
I tried, that's.
You know.
I can't say that I I don't knowwhat my best is.
Maybe I could have done better.
I did try.
I did try.
He was.
He's my baby.
I'm hoping that one of my nextbooks talks about him and how he
shined in this world and howmuch joy he gave me.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Joy, anger and anguish that's kids you know
that could be the title of thebook.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
Yeah, I, or the subtitle, the title could be my
son was murdered, I don't know.
I haven't really started.
I've got a few lines writtendown in retrospect to that.
But you know, I'm trying reallyhard to just get through every
day and when I wake up and I'mfeeling good, you know, then I
(26:58):
try to write.
I'm also in school right nowFor my journalism degree, and so
I'm trying to stay focused onpositive things.
It's not always easy, so I feellike if I start to write that
book now, so soon after, itmight spiral.
I might spiral.
I don't know, you know right?
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Yeah, it's a matter if that writing and journaling
is going to be helpful ortriggering.
Yeah, exactly yeah, and are youwilling to test that to see
where you're going to end up?
I completely get that, Iunderstand.
One last question I know it'sunder investigation so we can't
say a whole lot, but it's beenalmost three months.
(27:38):
Have you been provided anyinformation that Gives you
solace?
That's like getting you closerto the piece of the puzzle as to
why this happened.
Who did it?
Speaker 2 (27:53):
Nope, Nope, they said All of the interviews have been
done, they're waiting on labreports, but they can't discuss
it with me.
Actually they're only talkingto my husband because I just, I
just want to fly into a crazyrage every time I talk to him.
Somebody knows, because myfriend went down and talked to a
(28:14):
few of the Homeless peoplebecause he used to take him food
all the time and it was whereMichael was in his encampment
and stuff and he to do.
Two or three days after he toldme exactly how my son died and
I said, okay, you know, it camefrom a homeless person that was
possibly on drugs.
I'm just gonna wait for thereport and when I received his
(28:38):
death certificate, the manner ofdeath, you know.
I mean I don't have like allthe stories, but so somebody
knows, they know how it happened, they know who did it.
I don't think that They'll turnon each other.
They might steal from eachother, hurt each other.
You know they're not gonna turneach other in and you know my,
(29:00):
my daughter, went back and forth.
You know that's a horrible lifeand the person that did it's
probably living a horrible life.
I would not only want justicefor my son, but I also want no
one else's parents have to gothrough this, this horrible
monster that's able to just takea life without Thinking about
(29:21):
any repercussions or or caringabout how the the trail of
people that are left behindcrying, sometimes in the dark,
alone, crying.
They don't care about thatperson, those people.
So here, how is it any evenpossible to take a life in such
(29:43):
a Brutal way and just walk awayand live your life?
I Can never understand thatkind of human.
I just can't.
And they said they had asuspect but no probable cause.
You know, I know that there'ssomebody out there that saw it,
was there, that knew how ithappened, but they're just not
(30:05):
gonna come forward becausethey're cowards right.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
They're too afraid of what will happen to them.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Yes, and I get that.
I do.
But you know what, if I sawsomething terrible happen, I
want hundred percent would standup for that person, because
you're not just standing up forone person, you're standing up
for all the people that thatperson matters to and all the
people in the future that mighthave to go through this again.
How many people will thisperson hurt or kill Before they
(30:36):
put him away?
How many other families aregonna have to sit and cry?
How many other families aregonna lose a loved one?
Who does it matter to?
It matters to the peoplesitting on the side going why?
I just want to know why.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
That's a powerful question and the powerful
statement is my son mattersAbsolutely 100%.
Thank you for sharing all ofthis with me and with the
audience.
No well, thank you.
I want to talk about your booksnine books out.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
I have this great adventure series about a girl
who Follows her mom's path,where mom found her, and she
gets into all kinds of mischief.
There's a bit of magic and theChristmas book is out in that
series.
So I I also have a murdermystery and I have a book about
my husband and I moving on to asailboat, which is a true story.
(31:38):
It's a short story but it's alot of fun, and I have a couple
of journals out and a cookbook.
My 10th book will be out well,hopefully this winter.
But to be honest, the last twomonths I haven't done anything.
I I Just done my homework andjust haven't really worked on my
books because I just beenemotionally shattered.
(31:59):
So you know it's Been horriblecircumstances that got us to
meet, but I'm really gratefulfor that opportunity.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Absolutely.
Me too, I wouldn't change it,and I think we meet people who
were supposed to meet at thetime that we're supposed to meet
, and you and I are both doingsomething to make a difference.
You're just beginning yourjourney and going through the
grieving process, and Iencourage you to just allow that
to happen absolutely Well.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
I write in my journal every day and that that's why I
created the journals I didthere.
They're just.
They have like 50 topics inthem for you to write about,
because a lot of people don'trealize how Comforting it is
sometimes to just put your, yourvoice down, and yet they'll
open the thing.
They'll be like oh, I've got ablank page, I don't know what to
(32:49):
write about.
So I did these two journals.
One of them is a rant journal,so you can just complain away,
and one of them is that positiveenergy journal and it gives you
50 different ideas to writeabout yourself.
So you're not just staring at ablank page and by the time you
finish one of these journals,you're you're ready to actually
take on that blank page.
I I do journal every day and Ido think it helps and and your
(33:12):
books and your journals.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
Where can we find those?
Speaker 2 (33:17):
You can find all of my books on Amazon and you can
also go to alexisanniquecom.
My last name is A-N-I-C-Q-U-E,so alexisanniquecom and you can
look up finding famous on Amazon.
There's quite a few of them outthere.
You know I have, like I said,nine books and if you just look
(33:38):
up any of the famous books, thefamous adventure series, I just
put the three book series on aKindle Unlimited or you can buy
them for 99 cents for the threebook series.
So you can read three, thefirst three books.
The fourth one just came outAugust 9th.
So I didn't include that and Ihadn't included it when I
brought that out.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Awesome, and I will put those Links in the show
notes as well so that thelisteners can easily find those.
And thank you so much.
Yeah, you're so welcome.
Do you have any final thoughts?
Speaker 2 (34:11):
Love your kids, just love your kids.
You know, and the next time yousee somebody homeless, you know
I know you want to assessskepticism but you know, maybe
say hey, you know I'm hopingthat things get better for you,
because you know what Most ofthe time it doesn't.
(34:32):
The statistics are not great.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
You're right.
I Thank you so much for sharingthat message with us and thank
you for being my guest on the INeed Blue podcast.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
Having me here's just so wonderful.
I'm so appreciative.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
Absolutely, and I'm a friend and a resource.
So if I can do anything for you, please reach out.
You have my number.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome and thank youfor listening.
This is Jennifer Lee with the INeed Blue podcast.
You can find anything andeverything about I Need Blue on
my website, wwwinadbluenet.
(35:11):
And remember you are strongerthan you think.
Until next time you you.
Everyone has a story.
They just don't always have aplace to share it.
Music.
Welcome to the.
I Need Blue podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
This is Shar Good, and I am honored to introduce
Jennifer Lee, author, life coachand host of today's show on the
I Need Blue podcast MUSIC.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Thank you for that warm introduction, shar, and
welcome to I Need Blue, thepodcast about to take you on an
extraordinary journey whereprofound narratives come to life
, one captivating episode at atime.
I'm your host, jennifer Lee,and I founded this podcast
(01:01):
because I know there is healingand sharing.
Each story you will hear sharedon this podcast is a testament
to our collective strength,innate ability to transform in
the incredible power of healing.
Please remember you are neveralone.
Please visit and share mywebsite with those seeking
(01:23):
connection and inspirationwwwineedbluenet.
Thank you, shar Good, forcomposing and performing the
introduction medley for I NeedBlue.
You can find information aboutShar on her website,
wwwshargoodcom.
(01:43):
Before starting today's episode,I must provide a trigger
warning.
I Need Blue features graphicthemes, including, but not
limited to, violence, abuse andmurder, and may not be suitable
for all listeners.
Please take care of yourselfand don't hesitate to ask for
help if you need it.
Now let's get started withtoday's story.
(02:06):
You won't want to miss ourguest today, alexis.
Our connection was establishedthrough an author's network.
Alexis has a remarkableportfolio of published books and
short stories, all centeredaround her fascinating
adventures with her husband.
They delve into the realm oftaking bold chances, like the
(02:29):
moment they decided to spendtheir life on a sailboat.
Alexis firmly believes that thecircumstances you encounter
ultimately shape your journey.
From a harrowing car accidentto battling cancer and taking on
transformative work-awayassignments, she's come to a
(02:49):
profound realization Adversityoften paves the way for a better
path, but here's where it getsgenuinely captivating.
Just a month ago, alexis foundher deeply held beliefs put to
the test when she received anunexpected phone call bearing
the devastating news of herson's murder.
(03:14):
This is a story that hitsremarkably close to home for me.
Alexis and I had our firstconversation a month after this
heartbreaking loss, which,generally awe-inspiring, is the
courage that radiates throughher voice.
She's here to open up and shareher remarkable journey with us.
(03:35):
We'll pay tribute to her son,as Alexis has become a powerful
voice for parents who haveexperienced the unimaginable
loss of a murdered child.
What's more, her son, at theage of 32, was homeless.
Alexis will shed light on thecountless challenges she faced
(03:57):
while trying to help her son,who was more concerned with
helping others.
Her son's selflessness mighthave even cost him his own life.
So, without further ado, Iextend my heartfelt gratitude to
Alexis for being here today.
I'm being my special guest onthe I Need Blue podcast.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Hi.
So today's a good day, a couplemonths in, and I'm still here.
I'm still here.
I'm lost, I'm confused, I'mangry, but today's a good day.
Today's the first day in awhile that I haven't woke up
shattered.
You just never know Every dayis different whether it's going
(04:43):
to be one of those days that yourealize that your child is gone
and you realize there's noanswers.
There's no answers, and that's.
I think I don't know.
I say that's the hardest part.
But how would I know that's thehardest part?
I mean, I don't think anyparent would, and I wouldn't
want any parent to know how Ifeel right now.
(05:04):
I don't think any parent knowshow they would feel if they lost
their child, let alone to sucha horrific, terrible nightmare.
I just want to be the voice forhim.
I want people to know thatthere's so many avenues out
there that are not.
The boxes aren't being checked.
I don't understand.
(05:24):
There's no way to wrap yourhead around this kind of loss.
I mean, there's just no way.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Absolutely, and you and I, before I hit the record
button, we were talking abouttoday was a good day for you,
and I had asked what makes it agood day, and so thank you for
sharing everything that you justshared and the day that we're
recording this.
We're now over two months afteryour son's murder and you were
(05:55):
telling me on how you know, youwere texting your daughter
because it's hard for her aswell.
It's a family that has lost ason, a brother, grandson, all of
those things right.
Sometimes we forget that.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
I am eternally grateful for my husband and my
daughter.
I would have never survivedthis, never, not.
There's no way.
No way I would have survived it.
The day we found out, literally, my husband got me in the car
and took me straight over to mydaughter's and I spent the
entire day holding her.
So in every day, every day, I'mgrateful for her.
(06:35):
We text every day.
I don't think there's a day thatgoes by that we don't say I
love you at least 10 times,because you know, you just don't
know if it's the last day.
The last thing my son said tome was a text the day before he
died, saying mom, I think I havea temp job tomorrow so I'm
going to have to get me somepants, because all he had was
(06:56):
shorts, you know, and I was just.
It was just a randomconversation and I guess I
didn't see the text because Ididn't respond until later and
by the time I responded it wastoo late.
But that was the last thing Italked to my son about was he
needed to get some pants.
I was robbed.
I was completely robbed of mychild, my baby and other parents
(07:23):
that are going through this.
I'm so sorry for your lossbecause it is heart-wrenching.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Yeah, I can't imagine .
I'm not going to try to pretendto imagine either who received
the phone call.
Was it you or your husband?
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Well, it's kind of weird.
My husband's parents they'rekind of elderly, they're in
their 80s, and they were at thehospital because his stepfather
was having some medical issues,so he had stayed the night at
the hospital, so his mom wasthere.
Well, our permanent address istheir house because we move
(08:00):
around a lot.
Actually, there was a couple ofcop cars in their driveway and
the neighbors called them on hiscell phone and said hey,
there's a bunch of cops in yourdriveway.
I don't know what's going on.
So of course they called thepolice department real quick and
the police department said thisstate I'll just say that
because it's still an openinvestigation, so I don't want
(08:21):
to mention what state it was inthis state troopers would like
to speak with you.
So his stepdad called us.
It was like five-something inthe morning and they called us
and they said hey, the policefrom the state want to talk to
you.
And we were like, well, wehaven't been there in a couple
of months, but I don't rememberif we.
You know, I personallyimmediately knew it was my son.
(08:42):
I did.
I was like, oh my God, vince,you have to call right now.
And he said well, okay, butVince, you know, his first
thought was you know, did I geta ticket?
And I didn't realize it, did I?
You know, whatever he's like, Iwould never do that, you know,
I'd never be that irresponsible.
But he's thinking kind of thatway.
He's more of a positive, youknow, vibe, or something.
(09:05):
And I said, I said it's got todo with Michael, it's, you know,
it's got to do with our son.
So we called the detective andthe detective asked for the
relationship and he said, well,I'm his father.
And he said, well, I'm sorry,he was brutally attacked this
morning and passed away.
And just like, just like that,my world crumbled.
(09:28):
I mean, you know, I thought, Iknew it was about Michael, but I
thought, oh well, you know,he's gotten to an accident, or
you know, maybe he's in thehospital or maybe he got charged
with something you know and heneeds bail money.
I mean you know, your brain justnever, ever, would ever go to
that place of your son wasmurdered.
(09:48):
That would never happen, likeit just doesn't.
I think that's the biggestthing.
You always see it on TV, youknow, and they always say that
not me, the not me syndrome.
You know, like I'm not going toget cancer, well, my husband
did get cancer.
I'm not going to not going toget into a car accident today.
Well, I rolled my car threetimes with my husband in it and
(10:09):
he nearly died.
So I mean, such adversity hashappened in my life and every
single time, although it waslife-shattering at the moment,
something good came later.
You know, when my husband hadcancer, we had to sell our boat
that we loved living on.
We ended up traveling andvolunteering through 20
countries after that.
So I mean, when we wrecked thecar, we moved to the islands and
(10:34):
lived on our boat in theCaribbean, you know.
So, every life-shattering eventand I'm like I'm still trying
to find it, I can't thislife-shattering event, I can't
see anything good coming out ofit I mean, maybe I can be the
voice for those parents who arefacing the same thing that I
wake up to every day.
Today was a good day because Ididn't wake up with that night.
(10:58):
Maybe it's because I slept,finally, but I didn't wake up
feeling so incredibly angry andempty, which I do a lot, you
know.
So I have my good days, I havemy bad days.
It just, you know, that's life.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
It's a process, you're right.
You receive this devastatingnews and then, I believe you
said you went to your daughterand had to tell her and just
hold her and be with her.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
She was already out for it.
My husband said you know, maybewe should wait until she gets
off work.
I was like absolutely not,absolutely not, no.
I said you know you need tocall Joe, which is her husband.
I said I'm calling Kayla rightnow because there you know what.
I wouldn't want somebody towait eight hours to tell me the
most mind-crushing news.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
I mean no, were you in the same state at that time
where the murder occurred.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
No, I had to identify my son via his tattoo.
My husband's step-sister lost achild about 20 years ago and
she went and viewed him and shesaid you'll never get the
picture out of your mind.
Don't go, don't go, don't do it.
I wanted to get my car anddrive right over.
I mean, I drive cross-country alot, it's not a big deal for me
(12:18):
.
But everybody said that's notthe last thing you want to
remember about your son.
So I literally called themorgue and I said there's this
tattoo on his ankle, please canyou take a picture of it.
So I know it's my son and Iknew they had his fingerprints
and everything.
That's how I was able toidentify him.
I have since not gone there.
(12:39):
I still at this time.
I mean we have a lot of friendsthere and I'm just not ready.
I'm just not ready.
I have my son.
I'm going to take him where he,where him and I last were the
happiest, which is in theisland's diving.
I'm going to take my son fromone last dive trip.
I'm just not ready yet.
I don't know when I'll be ready.
(13:00):
I'm not ready to say goodbye.
I just can't, and you knowthat's I think.
I think everybody grievesdifferently.
I hope.
I hope I get to a point whereI'm not.
You know, a wreck every day,but you know who?
Speaker 1 (13:14):
knows that's okay.
You know that's okay.
One day at a time, sometimesit's an hour at a time,
sometimes it's a minute at atime, absolutely Whatever you
need.
Now your son was homeless andwe had a little bit of
discussion beforehand about howthat all came about.
(13:38):
Can you share a little bit ofthat with us?
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Yeah, you know, first he lost his job.
After he lost his job, it wasduring the pandemic because you
know, he did a specialized skilland during the pandemic nobody
wanted that specialized skilland slowly but surely the car
broke down.
I mean, we just we kept sendinghim money.
(14:02):
It just was never enough.
And his girl had gotten to anaccident and she was getting
hooked on whatever.
And slowly but surely they theyowned their mobile home but
they didn't own the lot.
They got behind.
They ended up getting aneviction notice and he pretty
much, slowly but surely, losteverything during the pandemic,
(14:24):
lost everything.
I begged him.
I begged him to come here.
Of course I wouldn't let hercome, and just is what it is.
I found him a few jobs where hewould have a place to live, but
all of them knew Michael.
I wouldn't allow her to comebecause they were toxic.
They were toxic.
She'd been arrested fordomestic abuse against him.
(14:47):
I mean just back and forth.
They were completely toxictogether and it was an ongoing
thing for eight years.
We would go visit, they wouldbe texting each other under the
table while staring each otherdown.
It was just constant.
It was just constant.
So they lost everything andthey ended up on the streets,
(15:08):
they got a tent and they're inthe encampment with all the
other.
There's a lot of homeless inthat area, there's a lot of
homeless everywhere.
And I begged him, I begged him,but I sent him money, I mean
every three days.
You know, mom, can I money?
Mom, can I money?
And you know, it wasn't untilafter he died that I really
(15:30):
think I realized his situation.
There's a homeless gentleman notfar from where I'm at and I
always.
You know, he has a dog thatlooked exactly like my son's dog
and I was talking to him aboutit one day and then the next
time I saw him, my son's dog hadgotten hit by a car and he was
really struggling and we talkedabout that.
And then, shortly thereafter, Isaid, you know, I lost my son
(15:55):
recently and I'm worried for you, you know.
And I said, just be careful.
And he said to me you know, thething is is if you get an
eviction, you can't get anapartment or a place to live.
He's like, if you can't get aplace to live, you can't get a
job.
And he's like it's this neverending homeless circle.
(16:18):
And he's like, once you startto get somewhere one of the
other homeless people might mugyou or steal from you in your
sleep.
And all those times of my sonsand moms, somebody stole all my
clothes out of my tent todaywhile I was, you know, working.
Because he worked temp jobs,because they were the only ones
that would hire him the dailypay type of jobs.
It wasn't until I talked to thiscomplete stranger that I really
(16:42):
realized that.
You know, how do the homeless,how do they fix their problems?
They can't get a job, theycan't get a place to live.
It's terrible to me that, eventhough I did everything I don't
know if I did everything I guiltmyself on a daily basis about
what maybe I should have droveover there and grabbed him, you
(17:03):
know.
But every day I wonder how dothey go forward?
How do they go forward whenevery single step they take
forward there's an obstacle, youknow there's no place to go, no
one will give them a job, noone will give them a home, you
know.
And they're forced to panhandlejust to try and get enough food
(17:24):
to eat the next day.
But there's so many out therethat aren't really homeless, you
know, that are just doing it toget a free ride.
So there's so much skepticismso nobody wants to help them.
I mean, it's literally ahorrible circle, this horrible,
terrible, awful circle that myson was caught up in and lost
his life, and I still don't knowwhy.
(17:45):
I still don't know why.
I have no idea.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
So I think you shed a lot of light on an epidemic
that's going on, like you said,in every city within the United
States.
I think there's this perceptionof, oh, they want to be
homeless, they want to have thatfree ride.
There are some sort ofaddiction going on, absolutely.
But you just shed the light onthis cycle of once you get
(18:11):
evicted, then how do you find ahome?
And without a home, how do youget a job?
I think that's something peopledon't think about and don't
realize, because not everybodyout there is choosing to be
homeless.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
He said he wanted out .
But my son had such a big heartand he said I just can't leave
her, knowing she'll have nothing, knowing she doesn't have a job
, she's not able to work.
I can't leave her, you know,because how will she be okay.
I can't leave her not knowingshe's okay, because I feel
responsible for her.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Your son was in a domestic violence situation
makes it even harder, doublyhard for you, because not only
are you trying to help your son,who's homeless, you're also
recognizing that he's a victimfrom this woman who says she
loves him.
Do you think she felt that samelevel of responsibility for
your son?
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Absolutely not.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
No, has there been any communication?
Has she tried to reach out toyou at all since?
Speaker 2 (19:09):
his murder.
We text back and forth.
The first couple of days shegave me her number at her mom's
house.
Ironically, she has a warmplace to sleep and a food in her
stomach and everything iswonderful in her land.
She wanted to tell me whathappened and I said you know, I
can't hear your voice.
(19:30):
I just can't hear your voice.
I said, you know, just give methe rundown.
You know I mean, and shemessaged me a small little
snippet of what her story is andyou know, I don't believe her.
I just don't believe her.
I don't believe she wasn'tawake, I don't believe that she
would let Michael that far awayfrom her.
(19:52):
She was controlling, she wasinsecure and you know she left
him several times, she cheatedon him.
I mean, the story is endless.
And why didn't she just staygone?
Because if she just stayed gonemy son would still be alive and
I truly believe that in myheart.
(20:13):
I also have days where I'm likewhy didn't I just go there and
be like, confront him and say,listen, because my son was very
proud and I'm sure that he feltashamed and he had, I had sent,
we'd sent him thousands ofdollars and I'm sure he every
time that.
You know, it took a greatamount of strength for him just
(20:35):
to message me and say mom, isthere any way you can send me
$10?
So I can do laundry and get asandwich.
I'm grateful.
The last time he asked me forsome money, I was actually out
of the country and I quicklypaid pal them 20 bucks.
He's like, mom, I just need $10.
I paid pal them 20 bucks.
I'm grateful that I did itbecause there was, you know, it
was a crap shoot at the end, youknow, of whether or not I was
(20:55):
going to agree to send him money, because it got to the point
where it's every day or everyother day, and so at some point
in time I kind of had to put myfoot down and now I hate myself
for that.
You know, five years ago he hada business, he had a full time
job, he had his own home, a car,a truck, a boat.
(21:18):
Five years ago, three years ago, it all started to go.
Three and a half, it allstarted to go away, and now he's
gone.
There was a girl the other daythat I was talking to and she
was complaining compulsivelyabout her child and I don't
remember what she wascomplaining about.
And I said I said you know, Iwas you, like three months ago,
(21:39):
complaining about my kid becauseI couldn't help him.
And I was, I wanted to help himbut I couldn't keep sending him
$100, $20, $50, whatever thecase may be.
And I said you know, I saidjust understand that at some
point in time, you know, you'regoing to have to make a decision
(22:00):
and that decision is greatlygoing to impact your life
because it's either going tohave to be like we're going to
have to sort this out together.
Right now you just have to doit, be firm.
I said don't walk away from it,because the reality is, at some
point in time you may not haveyour child anymore and it could
be just because the child gotangry and walked away, or your
(22:25):
child doesn't live anymore.
And I said and I hope that youknow you just don't let it get
to that point.
You just have to sit down andsay listen, how can we fix this
problem?
You know, if your kid needshelp, find a way to help him.
It doesn't necessarily have tobe a dollar bill.
I wish I had.
I wish I had gone there.
How can we solve this problem?
Because I didn't do that.
(22:45):
I kept begging him to come tome, but I didn't go to him.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Yeah, you're living with a lot of guilt over you
know what, what I could havedone or what I should have done.
Has there been anyone becausepeople don't understand and they
can be insensitive at timesthat asked you the question of
well, why didn't you dosomething to help your son, or
why was your son homeless?
Has anybody asked you thatquestion where you felt you had
(23:16):
to defend your actions becausethey don't understand?
Speaker 2 (23:20):
I have kind of braced myself for that question
because I kind of thought, youknow, when I was talking about
it one day I said you know, myson was homeless.
When I say it out loud I'm likethinking, you know people must
be thinking you know, why didn'tyou?
You know why didn't you?
I don't know why I didn't gothere.
You know it's a 15 hour drive.
(23:41):
I make those.
I make those probably everyother month.
My daughter and I had talkedabout going about three or four
months ago because we couldn'tfind him.
Normally, michael and I keptpretty good text messaging.
I hadn't heard from him in aweek.
So I did the normal.
Kayla checked all the hospitals, I checked the jails.
I called all my friends.
Can you go check and see?
(24:02):
Can you go check?
I have one friend that livesnot far from where the
encampment was and my friendwent over and talked to him and
Michael texts me that next day.
You know I just been busy.
You know I've been working atthis temp agency.
I'm sorry, you know time gotaway from me.
His phone was stolen, his phonewas broken.
I sent him money for a newphone One day.
One time I had just switchedout my phone and I had an
(24:24):
unlocked phone and so Iliterally mailed it to my friend
who drove it over to him and Iput service on it for the first
month.
You know, I found all thehomeless places, the shelters,
the churches, everywhere in hisvicinity that offered food and
assistance of any kind.
(24:45):
He got a new ID card becausehis wallet was stolen, because
it was one of the things thatyou know they do have programs
out there.
They do.
It's still, even though theyhave all these programs to, you
know, get you some food and helpyou get an ID and help you get
a phone or help you get things.
Where's the program that helpsyou, you know, get into an
(25:08):
apartment?
I mean, I'm sure they're outthere.
There's gotta be.
I don't know.
I didn't find them.
I found a lot of other programsfor him.
I was consistently trying tohelp him but he wouldn't come
here.
He didn't want to leave wherehe was at and he didn't want to
leave that girl.
She would be homeless, you know.
She would have nowhere to go.
(25:29):
Where is she now that my son'sgone?
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Right.
You know, within thisconversation, you identified a
need.
What I will say that I'venoticed is that there appears to
be more facilities that helpwomen and kids Absolutely,
absolutely Then, that help men.
I know you carry around a lotof this guilt, but you forget
(25:57):
that giving him money, but lookat all of the resources that you
worked hard and researched toprovide him.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
I tried, that's.
You know.
I can't say that I I don't knowwhat my best is.
Maybe I could have done better.
I did try.
I did try.
He was.
He's my baby.
I'm hoping that one of my nextbooks talks about him and how he
shined in this world and howmuch joy he gave me.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Joy, anger and anguish that's kids you know
that could be the title of thebook.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
Yeah, I, or the subtitle, the title could be my
son was murdered, I don't know.
I haven't really started.
I've got a few lines writtendown in retrospect to that.
But you know, I'm trying reallyhard to just get through every
day and when I wake up and I'mfeeling good, you know, then I
(26:58):
try to write.
I'm also in school right nowFor my journalism degree, and so
I'm trying to stay focused onpositive things.
It's not always easy, so I feellike if I start to write that
book now, so soon after, itmight spiral.
I might spiral.
I don't know, you know right?
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Yeah, it's a matter if that writing and journaling
is going to be helpful ortriggering.
Yeah, exactly yeah, and are youwilling to test that to see
where you're going to end up?
I completely get that, Iunderstand.
One last question I know it'sunder investigation so we can't
say a whole lot, but it's beenalmost three months.
(27:38):
Have you been provided anyinformation that Gives you
solace?
That's like getting you closerto the piece of the puzzle as to
why this happened.
Who did it?
Speaker 2 (27:53):
Nope, Nope, they said All of the interviews have been
done, they're waiting on labreports, but they can't discuss
it with me.
Actually they're only talkingto my husband because I just, I
just want to fly into a crazyrage every time I talk to him.
Somebody knows, because myfriend went down and talked to a
(28:14):
few of the Homeless peoplebecause he used to take him food
all the time and it was whereMichael was in his encampment
and stuff and he to do.
Two or three days after he toldme exactly how my son died and
I said, okay, you know, it camefrom a homeless person that was
possibly on drugs.
I'm just gonna wait for thereport and when I received his
(28:38):
death certificate, the manner ofdeath, you know.
I mean I don't have like allthe stories, but so somebody
knows, they know how it happened, they know who did it.
I don't think that They'll turnon each other.
They might steal from eachother, hurt each other.
You know they're not gonna turneach other in and you know my,
(29:00):
my daughter, went back and forth.
You know that's a horrible lifeand the person that did it's
probably living a horrible life.
I would not only want justicefor my son, but I also want no
one else's parents have to gothrough this, this horrible
monster that's able to just takea life without Thinking about
(29:21):
any repercussions or or caringabout how the the trail of
people that are left behindcrying, sometimes in the dark,
alone, crying.
They don't care about thatperson, those people.
So here, how is it any evenpossible to take a life in such
(29:43):
a Brutal way and just walk awayand live your life?
I Can never understand thatkind of human.
I just can't.
And they said they had asuspect but no probable cause.
You know, I know that there'ssomebody out there that saw it,
was there, that knew how ithappened, but they're just not
(30:05):
gonna come forward becausethey're cowards right.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
They're too afraid of what will happen to them.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Yes, and I get that.
I do.
But you know what, if I sawsomething terrible happen, I
want hundred percent would standup for that person, because
you're not just standing up forone person, you're standing up
for all the people that thatperson matters to and all the
people in the future that mighthave to go through this again.
How many people will thisperson hurt or kill Before they
(30:36):
put him away?
How many other families aregonna have to sit and cry?
How many other families aregonna lose a loved one?
Who does it matter to?
It matters to the peoplesitting on the side going why?
I just want to know why.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
That's a powerful question and the powerful
statement is my son mattersAbsolutely 100%.
Thank you for sharing all ofthis with me and with the
audience.
No well, thank you.
I want to talk about your booksnine books out.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
I have this great adventure series about a girl
who Follows her mom's path,where mom found her, and she
gets into all kinds of mischief.
There's a bit of magic and theChristmas book is out in that
series.
So I I also have a murdermystery and I have a book about
my husband and I moving on to asailboat, which is a true story.
(31:38):
It's a short story but it's alot of fun, and I have a couple
of journals out and a cookbook.
My 10th book will be out well,hopefully this winter.
But to be honest, the last twomonths I haven't done anything.
I I Just done my homework andjust haven't really worked on my
books because I just beenemotionally shattered.
(31:59):
So you know it's Been horriblecircumstances that got us to
meet, but I'm really gratefulfor that opportunity.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Absolutely.
Me too, I wouldn't change it,and I think we meet people who
were supposed to meet at thetime that we're supposed to meet
, and you and I are both doingsomething to make a difference.
You're just beginning yourjourney and going through the
grieving process, and Iencourage you to just allow that
to happen absolutely Well.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
I write in my journal every day and that that's why I
created the journals I didthere.
They're just.
They have like 50 topics inthem for you to write about,
because a lot of people don'trealize how Comforting it is
sometimes to just put your, yourvoice down, and yet they'll
open the thing.
They'll be like oh, I've got ablank page, I don't know what to
(32:49):
write about.
So I did these two journals.
One of them is a rant journal,so you can just complain away,
and one of them is that positiveenergy journal and it gives you
50 different ideas to writeabout yourself.
So you're not just staring at ablank page and by the time you
finish one of these journals,you're you're ready to actually
take on that blank page.
I I do journal every day and Ido think it helps and and your
(33:12):
books and your journals.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
Where can we find those?
Speaker 2 (33:17):
You can find all of my books on Amazon and you can
also go to alexisanniquecom.
My last name is A-N-I-C-Q-U-E,so alexisanniquecom and you can
look up finding famous on Amazon.
There's quite a few of them outthere.
You know I have, like I said,nine books and if you just look
(33:38):
up any of the famous books, thefamous adventure series, I just
put the three book series on aKindle Unlimited or you can buy
them for 99 cents for the threebook series.
So you can read three, thefirst three books.
The fourth one just came outAugust 9th.
So I didn't include that and Ihadn't included it when I
brought that out.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Awesome, and I will put those Links in the show
notes as well so that thelisteners can easily find those.
And thank you so much.
Yeah, you're so welcome.
Do you have any final thoughts?
Speaker 2 (34:11):
Love your kids, just love your kids.
You know, and the next time yousee somebody homeless, you know
I know you want to assessskepticism but you know, maybe
say hey, you know I'm hopingthat things get better for you,
because you know what Most ofthe time it doesn't.
(34:32):
The statistics are not great.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
You're right.
I Thank you so much for sharingthat message with us and thank
you for being my guest on the INeed Blue podcast.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
Having me here's just so wonderful.
I'm so appreciative.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
Absolutely, and I'm a friend and a resource.
So if I can do anything for you, please reach out.
You have my number.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome and thank youfor listening.
This is Jennifer Lee with the INeed Blue podcast.
You can find anything andeverything about I Need Blue on
my website, wwwinadbluenet.
(35:11):
And remember you are strongerthan you think.
Until next time you you.
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