August 4, 2025 • 46 mins
When the unthinkable strikes, how do we navigate the darkness of grief? Diane’s life changed forever when her husband, Harry, passed suddenly just days after their final vacation. What began as minor indigestion revealed three severely blocked arteries—something no one expected given his active lifestyle.
In this emotional episode, Diane recounts Harry’s final moments, the hospital rush, and the heartbreak of saying goodbye to their wedding song, Just the Way You Are. She reflects on their 41-year love, faith, and family, reminding us that grief doesn’t disappear—it’s something we learn to carry with grace, faith, and glimpses of joy.
Connect with Diane:
Email:DZIZZO01@att.net
Connect with Jen:
I Need Blue now has a new home at The Healing in Sharing! Visit thehealinginsharing.com to explore Round Chair Conversations, all relevant I Need Blue content, and ways to support the mission of sharing stories that inspire hope and resilience.
By sharing the hidden lines of our stories, we remind each other we are not alone — together, we step out of hiding and into healing.
Instagram: @ineedbluepodcast
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ineedblue
Apple Podcasts: Listen & Subscribe
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheHealingInSharing11
Memoir: Why I Survived, by Jennifer Lee on Amazon
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Imagine when you share your darkest hours they
become someone else's light.
I'm Jennifer Lee, a globalcommunity storyteller, host,
author and survivor, guiding youthrough genuine, unfiltered
conversations.
Together we break the silence,shatter stigma and amplify
(00:34):
voices that need to be heard.
Each episode stands as atestament to survival, healing
and reclaiming your power.
Listen to I Need Blue on ApplePodcasts, spotify, youtube or
your favorite platform.
Learn more at wwwineedbluenet.
(01:00):
Trigger warning I Need Blueshares real-life stories of
trauma, violence and abuse meantto empower and support.
Please take care of yourselfand ask for help if needed.
Now let's begin today's story.
(01:21):
On January 10th, I read aFacebook post that stopped me in
my tracks.
It simply said just letting youknow Harry passed away suddenly
at noon today.
I am in shock.
I stared at the screen, frozen.
The words felt unreal, like myheart needed a moment to catch
(01:46):
up with what my eyes had justseen.
I hadn't known Harry and Dianefor long, but with them, time
didn't matter.
Five minutes in their presencefelt like five years of
friendship.
That's just the kind of warmththey carried.
Once I gathered my thoughtsthrough the haze of disbelief, I
(02:09):
left a comment I'm so sorry,diane.
We're here if you need anything.
Others shared their own wordsof comfort.
Still, no amount of condolencescould touch the raw ache behind
Diane's post.
On February 22nd, we gatheredfor Harry's memorial a beautiful
(02:33):
, emotional tribute to a man whohad quietly touched so many.
Then, on May 18th, overbreakfast with Diane and a few
close friends.
Then, on May 18th, overbreakfast with Diane and a few
close friends, something shiftedas she began to speak about the
events leading up to Harry'spassing.
Her words carried more thanjust facts.
(02:54):
They carried love, shock,confusion and the deep sorrow of
having no chance to say goodbye.
I sat there listening andsomething inside me stirred.
I knew then we needed to honorHarry, truly honor him.
(03:15):
Though my time with him wasshort, harry left a mark.
He was the kind of man whoalways had a smile ready and a
lighthearted joke waiting in hisback pocket.
He had a gift he made peoplelaugh, feel seen and feel
welcome.
The world feels dimmer withouthis light.
(03:36):
And Diane, she, is full ofmemories, filled with the weight
of love, the ache of absenceand the torment of unfinished
goodbyes.
This space, this story, is forher, for Harry and for the love
that remains even when theperson we love is gone.
(04:00):
Diane, thank you for being myfriend and thank you for being
my guest today on the I NeedBlue podcast.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Thank you, Jen, it got me started crying already,
it's okay.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
I am fighting tears myself, thinking about you and
the courage it takes to comehere and speak with me today.
About you and the courage ittakes to come here and speak
with me today.
We were talking before we gotstarted that Sunday was Father's
Day and I thought about you andI can't imagine how that felt,
because you're going through theyear of the firsts right, the
(04:37):
firsts of Harry not being herefor everything.
How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (04:43):
You know I'm doing okay.
I guess Under the circumstancesI do the best I can, and some
days are harder than others andI just try and keep really busy.
So unless I have to focus onthe loss, I do okay, you know.
But it's still raw after fivemonths.
But it's still raw after fivemonths.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Yeah, how many years were you married Last?
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Tuesday, the 9th of June would have been 41 years.
We didn't make it 41 years, wow.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Well, he's still with you in heaven, looking down,
and I guarantee you in his heart.
You are still the one and willalways be the one.
So, and we're going to go intothis conversation at your
comfort level.
If you need a break, by allmeans.
We're not here to trigger you,but to honor your love and the
memory of Harry, and so I'm veryhonored to be able to do this
(05:43):
with you.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Of course, tell me about your family children
grandchildren.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
You know the one thing I talked to one of my
pastors over the weekend.
The one thing I can't get outof saying is we because we're
still we, always.
So we have two children andtheir spouses.
(06:12):
I have a daughter who will be40 this year.
She's not happy about that.
Her name is Dawn Danielle, butwe call her Dee Dee, and her
husband is Brian.
He is a vice principal.
He's been a rock.
They have three children.
The oldest is Liam, he's goingto be 11 this year.
And then there's Lennox, whoturned nine, and Laken, she'll
(06:33):
be seven, seven, nine and 11.
And then my son, brandon andhis wife Stephanie, who is also
a teacher, and they have threechildren.
And the oldest is Adeline, andshe also is nine.
The middle one is Gianni and heis seven, the same as Lakin.
(06:54):
And then the baby of the familyis Rain, and Rain is four and a
half.
I'm blessed because they're allvery close to us.
My daughter lives a coupleblocks away and my son lives
about 10 minutes away.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
I love that.
All your family is there foryou too, so you all have each
other as you go through lifetogether.
Can we talk a little bit about?
In the beginning?
We said unfinished goodbyes inthe beginning we said unfinished
(07:30):
goodbyes.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
What occurred before his sudden passing?
It was a cruise with his cousinand his cousin's wife to go on
a New Year's Eve cruise withthem.
That was for eight days and weleft December 27th and we got
back on January, I think 6th.
You know, I had an excursionplanned on the cruise for the
(07:52):
Thursday before we got back.
It was from Saturday toSaturday and we were in the
Dominican Republic.
We were going zip lining, whichwe had never done before, and
then lunch and horseback riding,so we left the ship early,
around 7.30.
You know, on a cruise you alwayseat so much, way too much.
He was a type 2 diabetic so hewas very, very, very religious
(08:18):
about watching what he ate.
But on the cruise we were badand so we had breakfast and then
headed out at 7.30 through thesmall town of Amber Cove to head
to our van that was going totake us on our excursion.
It was a long walk and it waswarm out and we got about
(08:38):
halfway and he stopped and saidI need to sit down for a minute
and I said okay and he sat.
I said what's wrong?
And he held his chest and andsaid I need to sit down for a
minute and I said okay, and hesat.
I said what's wrong?
And he held his chest and hesaid well, I think it's
indigestion, which made sense,you know, because he had eaten a
big breakfast.
So he drank some water, tooksome deep breaths and I said
well, let's just go back to theship.
(09:00):
And he said my husband wasalways worried about money.
And he said well, how much dowe pay for this excursion?
And I said well, it doesn'tmatter.
I said if you don't feel good,let's go back.
So he said give me a minute.
And so he sat for less thanfive minutes and got up and said
okay, I'm good, let's go.
(09:20):
So we proceeded the rest of theway we went ziplining and we
were on eight ziplines and if Itell you in that heat, if we
didn't walk up 20,000 steps, wedidn't walk up one and every
picture on every zipline is hisbig smile and his wave.
And we did that and we went andhad lunch and then we went
(09:41):
horseback riding and then wetook the walk back to the ship
and when we got back to the shipthere was a huge line waiting
to get back on the ship and itwas hot and we were in that line
for almost an hour and it wasso hot.
They were bringing us ice,towels and water because, you
know, just to keep us cooleddown.
(10:02):
So we get back on the ship.
That was Thursday.
Friday, everything was normal.
Saturday we get back to port.
We come home.
Sunday, we just do stuff aroundthe house.
Monday morning we are pickleballplayers and Monday morning we
went out and we playedpickleball for three hours.
And when I tell you we playpickleball, we play nonstop, we
(10:24):
never sit down.
And so we did that Monday andthen Tuesday and Wednesday it
was the 7th and 8th of Januaryit was really cold out.
He didn't want to play, it wastoo cold.
Thursday morning get up, he'seating breakfast and I'm sitting
on the couch with my back tohim and I said do you want to
(10:46):
play pickleball today or is ittoo cold?
And I didn't turn around and Ididn't hear anything.
And then all of a sudden hesaid I'm having a DR moment.
And I said I turned around, Isaid what he said Dominican
Republic.
And he's holding his chest andI said get dressed, I'm taking
you to the emergency room.
So he went in the bathroom.
(11:07):
He went to get dressed.
I waited a few minutes.
I didn't hear anything.
I went in and he was leaningover the sink and he said call
911, which fortunately they wereright across the street from
our house, not a minute away.
I called 911, but the EMTs gotthere.
(11:29):
He was very agitated.
They were asking him questionsand he was just barking back at
them.
The short end of it is theytook him to the heart center at
the hospital Holmes Regional andI was going to go ahead and
leave so that I could get therebefore he got there.
And I did got there and one ofmy pastors was actually already
(11:53):
there.
Everybody was praying heavilythroughout our friends and
family and my daughter also metme there and a lot of it is just
kind of a blur because it allhappened so fast, but he got
there a few minutes after we alldid.
It took a while.
They wouldn't let us back tosee him in the emergency room
(12:17):
and then finally we went backand it was me and my daughter
and they were just working onhim and they had him all hooked
up to oxygen and they wereinjecting him with stuff and the
nurse was wonderful but shejust kept asking Every time
she'd give him medicine she'dsay what's your pain level?
And he'd just bark back at her.
He said same, it's the same,it's the same.
(12:38):
And he hated having that bigoxygen mask on his face and he
kept trying to pull it off andhe said can't you put the one in
my nose?
And so she said, well, we'lltry.
And as soon as they did that,his oxygen just kept dropping
and so they had to have the bigmask on him.
And then finally, you know, shesaid okay, we're taking him up
to the heart cath lab.
(13:00):
And so they get ready to wheelhim out of the room.
And I couldn't get real close tohim because he had so much, you
know, between the mask andeverything hooked up to him.
So I just kissed him on theforehead and I said I love you
and I'll see you on the otherside, meaning the other side of
(13:21):
the hospital.
And he pulled the mask off andhe said I'm so sorry.
And I said what are you sorryabout?
You didn't want this to happen.
And my daughter kissed him andhe left, and little did we know
that would pretty much be theend of it, and so a lot went on
(13:42):
while he was up in the calf lab.
They said it would maybe acouple hours, but we waited
maybe about two, two and a halfhours and I hear co-blue room
three, and I had no idea whatroom he was in, but in my heart
I just knew it was him, I feltit, I knew it and tried to get
(14:04):
somebody to talk to us and findout.
No one would give us anyanswers and so we waited and we
prayed and there were just tonsof church people and family
there and eventually the nursecame out and doctor and they
said yes, it was him who coded.
(14:24):
But they resuscitated him.
You know, they had to intubatehim and have him on an impelio,
which is a heart machine to keephis heart going.
They said he's just very weak.
That was Thursday and we wentthrough the entire day.
Everything was touch and go.
We couldn't go back to see himfor quite some time.
(14:46):
They kept having to stabilizehim and then eventually, late in
the afternoon, one of thenurses came out and she said he
just squeezed my hand and triedto open his eyes and so she said
you might want to go back now.
My daughter and I went in and myson had not gotten there yet.
(15:09):
He was at work and he wastrying to get to the hospital.
I grabbed his hand and I justtold him you know I loved him
and he, I mean that's theslightest, slightest little
touch of a finger squeeze thatyou can imagine that he was.
It took everything in him toeven move his finger and he had
(15:32):
his one, his right eye, just.
You could just see himstraining to try to open it.
So we knew that he hurt us andso we said what we had to say.
And for me, I knew it wasgoodbye.
I just did, and of course mydaughter didn't want to believe
(15:53):
that or, at this point, wasstill hoping for some miracle.
But that was the rest of thatday.
That was pretty much all thathappened that night.
My daughter, my son and mysister we spent the night.
Of course we didn't sleep, butabout two in the morning a nurse
, a male nurse, came out.
He started to talk with us andhe said it is not good.
(16:14):
He said we lost pulse in bothof his legs.
And as soon as he said that, acode blue was called again, and
he didn't even finish what hewas saying, he ran, he just ran.
And, of course, here we arethinking you know it's Harry
again just crying and praying.
And about 45 minutes later themale nurse comes back out and he
(16:39):
sees us and we're just, youknow, looking at him.
He goes no, no, that wasn't him.
So we took a breath and he saidit's not good, though he said
his organs were all failing.
We can't get the pulse back inhis legs.
We've had to resuscitate him acouple of times and the
(17:00):
cardiologist will be here in themorning and talk to you more.
And so that was the night, andearly the next morning the
cardiologist arrives.
He had said to me has he everhad heart issues before?
And I said no, nothing.
And he said well, he had amassive heart attack a week ago.
(17:22):
And so I proceeded to tell himwhat we had done Thursday and
what had happened and what wehad done since.
And he was looking at me as ifI was lying to him and he said
you mean to tell me that hewasn't short of breath or
coughing or tired?
And I said no, I saideverything I'm telling you he
(17:46):
did.
He said his words to me werewhatever protocol he was on kept
his body so strong and healthythat a dead heart was pumping
because he had three mainarteries two were 100% blocked
and the third was 90%.
He said this man should nothave been walking, moving,
(18:08):
breathing, for at least the lastweek.
In itself was a miracle.
And he told us you know, it isnot good.
He said the only option theyhave at this point is they could
remove the I guess the port orwhatever it is they had in his
groin for the catheterization.
(18:28):
Remove that and put it up byhis shoulder.
He said but the chances arevery, very slim, less than 5%,
that he'll survive that.
And so my question thecardiologist was okay, if by
some miracle he survives that,what would we be looking at?
He would be on dialysis, hewould be in a wheelchair, he
(18:52):
would be on oxygen and he wenton and on and on.
And I looked at him and I saidhim, and I said he has a DNAR.
And if I could have taken apicture of the doctor's face, it
(19:13):
was like shock.
And he said who did you tellthat to?
And I said no one ever asked me, no one ever had me sign
anything.
No one ever asked.
At that point he said well, whatwould you like us to do.
I said, well, what should havebeen done?
Take him off all of the,everything they worked with us.
And the nurse asked what Iwanted to do and I said well, my
only wish is that I'm therewith him and he takes his last
(19:37):
breath.
And she grabbed my hands andgot in my face and she said Mrs
Izzo.
She said, if you were my mother, I'd tell you the same thing.
She said this is not somethingyou would want to see.
When we remove everything fromhim, it will be ugly, she said,
and I really don't think youwant that to be your last memory
(19:59):
of him.
So I said okay, she said, butwe'll do the best we can.
So we had all of the family hissister and sister-in-law and my
brother-in-law and sister andall the kids and everybody, of
course, but the grandkids,because they had no idea this
thing going on.
(20:19):
They were at school.
We all got to go in and beforethey unplugged him and everyone
went in and said their goodbyesindividually.
They had us in a little roomright across the hall from where
he was and they were just very,very good to us and very
gracious.
And when everybody had saidtheir goodbyes, she came to me
and she said are you ready now?
(20:40):
And I said, yeah, go ahead.
And so they did what they hadto do.
And then she came across thehall and she said okay, you can
come in.
She said everything isunplugged and he is still with
us.
And so I went in and myson-in-law went with me.
He asked me what I wanted himto play, what music.
(21:02):
And so I said, well, amazingGrace, my Chains Are Gone, was
his favorite song.
And so he put that on his phoneand I just sat with him and
held his hand and spoke to himand kissed him his hand and
(21:23):
spoke to him and kissed him.
The song was over and he isstill breathing and the nurse is
standing in the back of theroom just shaking her head, like
she.
She said there's no way, thisjust can't be.
And so Brian said my son-in-lawwell, what else do you want me
to play?
And I said, well, play our, oursong.
And I said, well, play our song.
(21:44):
Sorry, it's okay.
So our song was Billy Joel,just the Way you Are.
And so he put that on and itwas a very long song and I put
my head down on his chest andcried and the entire song played
and at the end of the song myson-in-law said he just took his
(22:07):
last breath.
So that's how it ended.
And it was just the nurse.
Just even afterwards she said Icannot believe that that man
kept breathing for that long.
She said that should not havebeen.
It was just so fast and it wasso shocking my son, he never got
(22:28):
to see or speak with him andit's been very hard for my
children and my grandchildrenand we've all just been dealing
with a lot of grief in differentways and dealing with a lot of
grief in different ways.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
I would like to ask you, in recalling this story,
does it become part of yourhealing process or does it just
make you relieve the grief overand over?
Speaker 2 (22:55):
You know, in the beginning, when he first passed,
I just couldn't talk about itand my daughter made a very long
Facebook post detailingeverything so that people
wouldn't keep asking me and Iwouldn't have to even try to say
anything.
After a few weeks it became alittle easier to talk about and
(23:19):
I do believe in talking about itit helped with the healing.
It doesn't make it any easierevery time I tell the story.
It's just as hard, but I'm ableto get through it, so that's
the difference.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Thank you for sharing and thank you for letting us
into the emotions.
Cannot imagine where you are,where your kids are.
You did say within the storythat Harry should have had a
heart attack, but he was on aparticular regimen that had kept
him alive.
What was the secret?
Speaker 2 (23:56):
Well, we've been doing doTERRA essential oils for
the last 12 years.
Well, we've been doing doTERRAessential oils for the last 12
years.
But initially, when I first gotinto doTERRA it was because he
was on 16 pharmaceutical andover-the-counters and my goal
was to get him off some of them.
And when he finally stoppedcalling me the hocus-pocus oil
(24:16):
lady and started accepting someof these things to replace his
medications, in six months hewas off all but six.
And he did have type 2 diabetes.
So those medications hecontinued, but they were reduced
(24:37):
.
The cardiologist did say ofcourse his type 2 diabetes and
the medication was a bigcontributing factor to what his
health was.
He did everything religiouslyas far as his eating, his meds,
his doTERRA.
Neither one of us in the 12years that we were doing doTERRA
had so much as a cold.
So we were very healthy andvery active.
(24:57):
Again, that just made it evenmore of a shock.
He had been to hisendocrinologist for his diabetes
every three months and he hadhis blood work done right before
we left for that cruise.
And then his appointment wasthe Tuesday after we got back,
two days before the heart attack, the second one.
Everything was fine, all hisblood work was good.
(25:19):
Cardiologist said okay, see youin three months.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
You all had a mission together of how to help people.
You all used your passion andwere able to help people, and I
know that you're still helpingpeople.
Talking about family, how areyour children and the
grandchildren?
How do they process that,especially grandchildren so?
Speaker 2 (25:44):
when he passed.
Friday night, when the kids allgot off from school, we all
went over my daughter's houseand we sat them all down and my
son-in-law told them that Popswas gone, told them that Pops
(26:06):
was gone, that he had passed,and it's strange how each one of
them had different reactions.
The three girls went right totheir moms or dads, started
crying and hugging them.
And then the boys, the twoolder boys initially laughed.
It was like almost like theythought that he was kidding,
until, you know, they got therealization.
My youngest grandson, johnny,he was funny, he says.
(26:33):
He looked at me and he saysgrandma, who are you going to
marry now?
So there was a little levity inall of it.
But the girls struggledoutwardly the most.
The youngest one, rain.
She had nightmares and shewould wake up screaming that
(26:57):
Pops was with her and she missedhim.
He was just so close with allof them, he did things with all
of them.
They adored him.
They're just all processing itdifferently.
And we did just go on our annualfamily vacation, which was a
cruise, and we decided to takehis ashes with us, since he was
(27:20):
supposed to be on the cruisewith us.
We said you know, let's takehim one more time and do a
burial at sea.
And we did that and it was veryhard, very hard, but it kind of
opened up all the emotionsfreshly for everybody.
But we did it and it went welland we were glad we did and he
(27:44):
got to take that one last tripwith us.
So you know, it's just, it'songoing.
You know, now we're able to,you know, talk about him and
laugh about you know, some ofthe things he used to do and say
and have the memories, and hewas a letter carrier for 32
years.
Well, six years ago I was able,fortunately, to retire him to
(28:06):
help me with my doTERRA businessand we made the decision at
that time not to do giftsanymore and that's why we made
the decision to do an annualfamily vacation every year.
There were 12 of us, there werethe six kids and the six adults
.
We did something differentevery year.
We went skiing and last year wedid a Disney cruise and then
(28:29):
they loved the cruise so much weplanned the carnival cruise for
this year.
We weren't going to buy gifts,we were going to make memories,
and we have, and all the kidshave all of those memories.
So it was truly a blessing thatwe had done that.
You know, I believe everythinghappens for a reason.
That was just one more thingthat we were able to do for the
(28:52):
last five years with them.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
And you're so right Making memories is the greatest
gift you can give each other,and that carries on and on
Unfinished goodbyes.
Your son didn't have a chanceto say goodbye.
How does somebody who might bein that situation as well
process that?
How do they cope?
Well, you know for my son.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
It was very difficult .
A little history my son, backin 2010, I believe it was my son
was an addict and we were notaware of it.
Long story is he overdosed inour home and his dad had to
breathe life into his body.
To breathe life into his body,he was in ICU with aspirated
(29:42):
ammonia for 10 days, came out,went into a recovery program
which was supposed to be 10 to12 months, stayed there for 15.
It was a Christian program andhe came home a new creation.
He was totally changed.
Shortly thereafter he got home,he met his wife Within the next
(30:11):
year.
They married.
He has been clean since 2012.
So you know, the fact that hisdad breathed life in him and he
couldn't help him or say goodbyeto him was very difficult.
But he wrote him a text messageon his phone and of course, I
had his phone and I read it.
It broke my heart.
(30:32):
That's what he needed to do tosay his goodbyes and of course,
his words were you know, dad,you saved my life and I wasn't
able to save yours and it wasvery hard for him.
So he has been coping the besthe can.
It's difficult.
(30:54):
Father's Day Sunday I went over.
His family was invited to hishouse and we were all there and
it was just a very hard day.
It was so rough.
My daughter and her family weregoing to join us but they just
couldn't.
They just needed to be aloneand quiet.
So again, everybody dealsdifferently.
(31:14):
Sunday at church was very hard,very hard for all of me, my
daughter and my granddaughter.
I think it was hardest for us.
They go to church with me andyou do whatever it is that you
need to do individually.
It's personal.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
And what words can you share with someone like me,
a friend or somebody from churchwho wants to console you, but
they're not quite sure what youneed.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Well, I have such an outpouring of people and friends
and church people and ourpickleball community and you
know, everybody did the rightthing and the right thing is not
necessarily to say anything.
A hug means so much and youknow I'm so sorry.
(32:12):
I think that's really it.
There's really nothing elseanyone can say, especially if
they haven't been there.
And I learned a hard lesson aswell, because I have many
friends who are widows.
But a recent friend of mine, shewould come to a class we would
have at our home once a monthand you know, her husband passed
(32:33):
three years ago and she wouldstill talk about him and weep,
and I didn't get it and I hadeven said to her back in
December.
I said you know, I don'tunderstand your pain, but I, you
know, I love you.
And I hugged her and we went todinner the other night and she
said you know what, that was thebest thing you could have done.
(32:54):
And I said now I get it.
You know it was like was thebest thing you could have done.
And I said now I get it.
You know it was like why is shecrying all the time?
It's been three years, you know.
You just don't get it.
You know you deal with itbetter as time goes on, but it's
still raw and it's still there.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
I believe that there is healing in hugs and that it's
reciprocal.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Absolutely, and you know the hugs initiate the
crying a lot and I would have.
In the beginning I was a littleembarrassed and tried to avoid
it.
But you know what everybody,they most of the time cry right
along with me.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
There's just no shame in it.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
You know, let it out.
You know people who hold it in.
I think it's very difficult.
I don't know how they do it.
And also, if they don't have arelationship with the Lord, I
don't know how they do it.
And also, if they don't have arelationship with the Lord, I
don't know how they do it,because I couldn't know how I
would have gotten through itotherwise.
I just don't.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Do you want to elaborate on your relationship
with God and how that has helpedyou carry you through?
Speaker 2 (33:51):
Well, my husband was an amazing man of God.
Neither one of us had any faithin our life when we got married
.
Our kids were probably likearound eight, nine, 10 in that
area, and one day my daughtersaid how come we don't go to
church or synagogue like ourfriends?
(34:13):
A long story, but I had afriend invite me to church and I
came home and I talked to Harryand I said I want to go and he
goes, go ahead, I want you to gowith me.
And so that was in 1995.
And he went the first time andit was an immediate
(34:35):
transformation for both of usand our kids.
And so we've been Christianssince then.
But my husband, he becameimmersed in the Word.
He couldn't get enough and hestudied the Bible and he taught
and he had a men's group for 20years and he never met a
(34:56):
stranger and he prayedincessantly for people.
We'd be in the middle of Publixand run into someone and they
mentioned a problem and we werepraying right there in the
middle of Publix or in theparking lot of BJ's, wherever we
were, and he always said I'mnot going to be one of those
people that says I'll pray foryou and then don't.
(35:16):
He said we're going to do itright now, and if they didn't
want to do it with us, we did itwithout them.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
You know, and that's just who he was.
God is patient and always righton time, right, absolutely yes,
you and I have a mutual friend,deborah, who suddenly passed
away and it didn't dawn on meright away, but I have a podcast
episode with her and I realizedI captured her voice and I
(35:49):
captured her story and it'ssomething that will live on,
hopefully as long as I live,right.
If you want to take thisopportunity because I will give
this link to your children aswell to share a message with
your kids, this space is yours.
If it's too hard, you don'thave to, but I learned a
(36:12):
valuable lesson with Debra incapturing her voice and her
message.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
So it's funny you say that I actually saved his
voicemail message from his phonebecause I wanted to be able to
hear his voice whenever I could.
I mean, he played the guitarand sang, and I was sad that I
never really recorded him doingthat often Some other people had
, so fortunately we got littlesnippets of that, but my
(36:39):
grandchildren used to sing withhim when he played guitar and so
we have those little things.
So, yeah, that's reallyimportant.
And for my children, oh gosh, Ijust.
I mean, everyone loves theirchildren, but I am just so
blessed by both of them andtheir dad just adored them.
(37:00):
We did everything we did forthem.
My daughter is I may not be hers, but she is my best friend, my
confidant, and my son is my newstrong tower.
I feel like I can rely on him.
I know he'd be there if I needhim.
(37:21):
My son-in-law, mydaughter-in-law as well.
I'm so thankful that they foundspouses that are perfect
matches for them and I know oneof the things their dad is the
proudest of is that they areraising their children to
believe the way that we believe.
(37:41):
He was able to see almost allbut two of them get baptized and
that meant a lot.
I just want them to know howmuch I love them and it's really
immeasurable, and I think theyknow that, and I think they know
that there isn't anything Iwouldn't do for them.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
Thank you for sharing those words, Diane, for your
children.
I would like to end this storywith some of your happiest
memories.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
You know, it's the little funny things we like to
remember.
My grandson, lennox, talkedabout every minute we got to
spend with those grandkids wasspecial for him.
He loved playing ball with theboys and they just loved every
minute of it.
They'd grab all their hands andjump into the pool together.
He was just always there,always happy, always doing
(38:36):
things for other people At hiscelebration of life.
That was one of the funnymoments.
He was just always there,always happy, always doing
things for other people At hiscelebration of life.
That was one of the funnymoments.
He always used to pull on hisprivate parts and Harry's thing
was it's not silly punny, leavethe silly punny alone.
And so that's become a standardjoke for all of us.
Every time anybody sees thatit's like leave the silly punny
(38:58):
alone.
Know, there's just been a lotof Harry-isms.
We call them.
You know, on the pickleballcourt he was known as Dirty
Harry and they did an amazingmemorial for him for me.
They dedicated a bench with hisname Dirty Harry's is on it and
put up a paddle by the gate.
(39:19):
There's just so much.
We met when we both moved toFlorida in 1978.
He was in the Air Force inAlaska and his parents had moved
here while he was in Alaska andso when he got out he came here
and I had moved here in 78 aswell.
(39:39):
I moved in March and then inSeptember.
We both loved to dance and wemet at a club, old Best Western,
on US 1.
The host of America was theplace of the live band and where
everybody went to dance andhave fun and that's where we met
and the funny meeting was.
I always wore glasses and Ididn't like to wear them when I
(40:01):
was out.
I was with my best friend atthe time, who is still in my
life, and we tell the story.
I went to the restroom and thisguy was standing outside the
bathroom door and he was makingcomments to me and I ignored him
because I couldn't see him andso I went in the bathroom.
I came out and he made anothercomment and I just ignored him
because I couldn't see him andso I went in the bathroom.
I came out and he made anothercomment and I just ignored him,
(40:21):
went to the table and I said tomy friend Denise.
I said, do me a favor, go tothe bathroom.
There's this guy standingoutside the door and he's kind
of coming on to me, but Icouldn't see him See.
If he says anything to you andif he doesn't, let me know, and
let me know who's cute.
(40:41):
So she goes a little whilelater and she comes back and she
goes.
He didn't say nothing to me, hegoes and if I were you I'd go
for it.
So I go to the bathroom againand he looks at me and he goes.
So are you going to say hellothis time?
And so that is how we met.
And then, you know, we datedfor a little bit and then he
(41:06):
moved away.
He moved to Daytona Beach and Iwound up marrying someone else
and that didn't last but sixmonths and that was in 78.
And then in 82 he moved backand we ran into each other again
at a different club and westarted dating and we got
engaged in 83, got married in 84.
(41:29):
Here's a little tidbit that Ilove to tell people.
Actually there's two things thenight of our rehearsal dinner
for our wedding when we gotmarried at the old Port Malibu
Country Club, which doesn'texist any longer, but his best
friend was flying in from NewYork to be in our wedding party,
and back then at the Melbourneairport there was no terminal,
(41:51):
you would get off the plane onthe tarmac.
And so we're standing in theairport, tarmac, and so we're
standing in the airport lookingout the window and I see this
young man coming off theairplane and I'm thinking to
myself, I know that guy.
And he comes closer, and hecomes in the airport and him and
(42:11):
Harry hug each other and I'mlike, oh crap, I know that guy.
And you know I didn't say itout loud, but I'm like, oh my
gosh, I know him.
How could this be the person heis?
Anyway, so we have the rehearsaldinner and we spend time
together and I finally said Isaid Louie, I said I know that I
(42:31):
know you.
And he said I'm so glad yousaid that because I know you too
.
And we spent the next hourtrying to figure out how we knew
each other.
And, of course, we're all fromNew York and Harry lived in
Massapequa.
And when I left home and gotmarried the first time which
didn't last very long either Imoved to Lindenhurst, which was
(42:53):
close to Massapequa, and used togo out dancing with my
girlfriends to Massapequa, andused to go out dancing with my
girlfriends.
And we remember that this onenight we met these two guys at
this club and the reason Ididn't remember Harry was
because Harry was with my bestfriend and I was with Louie and
(43:13):
we danced and we went to threedifferent clubs and we went out
to breakfast and we never saweach other again.
Talk about fate, right?
Yeah, you talk about somethingyou meant to be.
So that was that.
And then when Harry and Istarted dating the first time, I
(43:34):
used to act.
I was a stage actress and I wasin Greece in Coco Community
College at the time and I wasplaying Rizzo, and Harry came to
the show and after the show Isaid to him wouldn't it be funny
if we got married someday andI'd be Rizzo Del Pizzo Zizzo,
because Del Pizzo was my maidenname.
(43:56):
And he looked at me and he goeswell, that ain't going to
happen.
So you know famous last words,and anytime anybody said
something, I said, yeah, it tookme three tries to find a man
with more Z's in his name than Ihad, right?
So you know, there's just greatmemories and we had lots of fun
(44:16):
.
We never, in our almost 41 yearsof marriage and of knowing each
other for way more than that.
We never had a fight.
We never fought.
We bickered and argued with thebest of them, but we never
fought.
And that was one thing my kidscommented about too.
You know, we never saw ourparents angry at each other.
(44:37):
The one thing my husband saidearly on he had never been
married before and knowing I hadtwo very brief marriages he
said we will never use the Dword.
And we never did.
It's so easy for people to dothat, and I know that for a fact
.
We got to do things that peopledon't get to do.
My children got to experiencevacations that some people only
(45:01):
dream about.
We went to California, did theentire Pacific Coast Highway,
spent a night on the Queen Mary,went to Napa Valley, did hot
air ballooning.
We did dog sledding andsleighing on Lake Louise at
Christmas.
And that was another reason wewanted to do the vacations with
(45:24):
the grandkids, because our kids,at this point in their life
they can't afford to do thatquite yet.
We did so much, we had such afull life.
Speaker 1 (45:34):
Thank you so much for sharing all of the memories.
Thank you for allowing me, ofcourse, diane.
Speaker 2 (45:41):
Thank you for being my guest today on the I need
blue podcast thank you, jen, forallowing me the opportunity and
uh, I love you and I appreciateyou, and uh, I hope I'm not too
weepy.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
No, I love you too, and you're so welcome.
Thank you for listening.
This is Jen Lee with the I NeedBlue podcast.
To learn anything andeverything about I Need Blue,
visit my website,wwwinadebluenet, and remember
(46:20):
you are stronger than you think.
Until next time.
Imagine when you share your darkest hours they
become someone else's light.
I'm Jennifer Lee, a globalcommunity storyteller, host,
author and survivor, guiding youthrough genuine, unfiltered
conversations.
Together we break the silence,shatter stigma and amplify
(00:34):
voices that need to be heard.
Each episode stands as atestament to survival, healing
and reclaiming your power.
Listen to I Need Blue on ApplePodcasts, spotify, youtube or
your favorite platform.
Learn more at wwwineedbluenet.
(01:00):
Trigger warning I Need Blueshares real-life stories of
trauma, violence and abuse meantto empower and support.
Please take care of yourselfand ask for help if needed.
Now let's begin today's story.
(01:21):
On January 10th, I read aFacebook post that stopped me in
my tracks.
It simply said just letting youknow Harry passed away suddenly
at noon today.
I am in shock.
I stared at the screen, frozen.
The words felt unreal, like myheart needed a moment to catch
(01:46):
up with what my eyes had justseen.
I hadn't known Harry and Dianefor long, but with them, time
didn't matter.
Five minutes in their presencefelt like five years of
friendship.
That's just the kind of warmththey carried.
Once I gathered my thoughtsthrough the haze of disbelief, I
(02:09):
left a comment I'm so sorry,diane.
We're here if you need anything.
Others shared their own wordsof comfort.
Still, no amount of condolencescould touch the raw ache behind
Diane's post.
On February 22nd, we gatheredfor Harry's memorial a beautiful
(02:33):
, emotional tribute to a man whohad quietly touched so many.
Then, on May 18th, overbreakfast with Diane and a few
close friends.
Then, on May 18th, overbreakfast with Diane and a few
close friends, something shiftedas she began to speak about the
events leading up to Harry'spassing.
Her words carried more thanjust facts.
(02:54):
They carried love, shock,confusion and the deep sorrow of
having no chance to say goodbye.
I sat there listening andsomething inside me stirred.
I knew then we needed to honorHarry, truly honor him.
(03:15):
Though my time with him wasshort, harry left a mark.
He was the kind of man whoalways had a smile ready and a
lighthearted joke waiting in hisback pocket.
He had a gift he made peoplelaugh, feel seen and feel
welcome.
The world feels dimmer withouthis light.
(03:36):
And Diane, she, is full ofmemories, filled with the weight
of love, the ache of absenceand the torment of unfinished
goodbyes.
This space, this story, is forher, for Harry and for the love
that remains even when theperson we love is gone.
(04:00):
Diane, thank you for being myfriend and thank you for being
my guest today on the I NeedBlue podcast.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Thank you, Jen, it got me started crying already,
it's okay.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
I am fighting tears myself, thinking about you and
the courage it takes to comehere and speak with me today.
About you and the courage ittakes to come here and speak
with me today.
We were talking before we gotstarted that Sunday was Father's
Day and I thought about you andI can't imagine how that felt,
because you're going through theyear of the firsts right, the
(04:37):
firsts of Harry not being herefor everything.
How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (04:43):
You know I'm doing okay.
I guess Under the circumstancesI do the best I can, and some
days are harder than others andI just try and keep really busy.
So unless I have to focus onthe loss, I do okay, you know.
But it's still raw after fivemonths.
But it's still raw after fivemonths.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Yeah, how many years were you married Last?
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Tuesday, the 9th of June would have been 41 years.
We didn't make it 41 years, wow.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Well, he's still with you in heaven, looking down,
and I guarantee you in his heart.
You are still the one and willalways be the one.
So, and we're going to go intothis conversation at your
comfort level.
If you need a break, by allmeans.
We're not here to trigger you,but to honor your love and the
memory of Harry, and so I'm veryhonored to be able to do this
(05:43):
with you.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Of course, tell me about your family children
grandchildren.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
You know the one thing I talked to one of my
pastors over the weekend.
The one thing I can't get outof saying is we because we're
still we, always.
So we have two children andtheir spouses.
(06:12):
I have a daughter who will be40 this year.
She's not happy about that.
Her name is Dawn Danielle, butwe call her Dee Dee, and her
husband is Brian.
He is a vice principal.
He's been a rock.
They have three children.
The oldest is Liam, he's goingto be 11 this year.
And then there's Lennox, whoturned nine, and Laken, she'll
(06:33):
be seven, seven, nine and 11.
And then my son, brandon andhis wife Stephanie, who is also
a teacher, and they have threechildren.
And the oldest is Adeline, andshe also is nine.
The middle one is Gianni and heis seven, the same as Lakin.
(06:54):
And then the baby of the familyis Rain, and Rain is four and a
half.
I'm blessed because they're allvery close to us.
My daughter lives a coupleblocks away and my son lives
about 10 minutes away.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
I love that.
All your family is there foryou too, so you all have each
other as you go through lifetogether.
Can we talk a little bit about?
In the beginning?
We said unfinished goodbyes inthe beginning we said unfinished
(07:30):
goodbyes.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
What occurred before his sudden passing?
It was a cruise with his cousinand his cousin's wife to go on
a New Year's Eve cruise withthem.
That was for eight days and weleft December 27th and we got
back on January, I think 6th.
You know, I had an excursionplanned on the cruise for the
(07:52):
Thursday before we got back.
It was from Saturday toSaturday and we were in the
Dominican Republic.
We were going zip lining, whichwe had never done before, and
then lunch and horseback riding,so we left the ship early,
around 7.30.
You know, on a cruise you alwayseat so much, way too much.
He was a type 2 diabetic so hewas very, very, very religious
(08:18):
about watching what he ate.
But on the cruise we were badand so we had breakfast and then
headed out at 7.30 through thesmall town of Amber Cove to head
to our van that was going totake us on our excursion.
It was a long walk and it waswarm out and we got about
(08:38):
halfway and he stopped and saidI need to sit down for a minute
and I said okay and he sat.
I said what's wrong?
And he held his chest and andsaid I need to sit down for a
minute and I said okay, and hesat.
I said what's wrong?
And he held his chest and hesaid well, I think it's
indigestion, which made sense,you know, because he had eaten a
big breakfast.
So he drank some water, tooksome deep breaths and I said
well, let's just go back to theship.
(09:00):
And he said my husband wasalways worried about money.
And he said well, how much dowe pay for this excursion?
And I said well, it doesn'tmatter.
I said if you don't feel good,let's go back.
So he said give me a minute.
And so he sat for less thanfive minutes and got up and said
okay, I'm good, let's go.
(09:20):
So we proceeded the rest of theway we went ziplining and we
were on eight ziplines and if Itell you in that heat, if we
didn't walk up 20,000 steps, wedidn't walk up one and every
picture on every zipline is hisbig smile and his wave.
And we did that and we went andhad lunch and then we went
(09:41):
horseback riding and then wetook the walk back to the ship
and when we got back to the shipthere was a huge line waiting
to get back on the ship and itwas hot and we were in that line
for almost an hour and it wasso hot.
They were bringing us ice,towels and water because, you
know, just to keep us cooleddown.
(10:02):
So we get back on the ship.
That was Thursday.
Friday, everything was normal.
Saturday we get back to port.
We come home.
Sunday, we just do stuff aroundthe house.
Monday morning we are pickleballplayers and Monday morning we
went out and we playedpickleball for three hours.
And when I tell you we playpickleball, we play nonstop, we
(10:24):
never sit down.
And so we did that Monday andthen Tuesday and Wednesday it
was the 7th and 8th of Januaryit was really cold out.
He didn't want to play, it wastoo cold.
Thursday morning get up, he'seating breakfast and I'm sitting
on the couch with my back tohim and I said do you want to
(10:46):
play pickleball today or is ittoo cold?
And I didn't turn around and Ididn't hear anything.
And then all of a sudden hesaid I'm having a DR moment.
And I said I turned around, Isaid what he said Dominican
Republic.
And he's holding his chest andI said get dressed, I'm taking
you to the emergency room.
So he went in the bathroom.
(11:07):
He went to get dressed.
I waited a few minutes.
I didn't hear anything.
I went in and he was leaningover the sink and he said call
911, which fortunately they wereright across the street from
our house, not a minute away.
I called 911, but the EMTs gotthere.
(11:29):
He was very agitated.
They were asking him questionsand he was just barking back at
them.
The short end of it is theytook him to the heart center at
the hospital Holmes Regional andI was going to go ahead and
leave so that I could get therebefore he got there.
And I did got there and one ofmy pastors was actually already
(11:53):
there.
Everybody was praying heavilythroughout our friends and
family and my daughter also metme there and a lot of it is just
kind of a blur because it allhappened so fast, but he got
there a few minutes after we alldid.
It took a while.
They wouldn't let us back tosee him in the emergency room
(12:17):
and then finally we went backand it was me and my daughter
and they were just working onhim and they had him all hooked
up to oxygen and they wereinjecting him with stuff and the
nurse was wonderful but shejust kept asking Every time
she'd give him medicine she'dsay what's your pain level?
And he'd just bark back at her.
He said same, it's the same,it's the same.
(12:38):
And he hated having that bigoxygen mask on his face and he
kept trying to pull it off andhe said can't you put the one in
my nose?
And so she said, well, we'lltry.
And as soon as they did that,his oxygen just kept dropping
and so they had to have the bigmask on him.
And then finally, you know, shesaid okay, we're taking him up
to the heart cath lab.
(13:00):
And so they get ready to wheelhim out of the room.
And I couldn't get real close tohim because he had so much, you
know, between the mask andeverything hooked up to him.
So I just kissed him on theforehead and I said I love you
and I'll see you on the otherside, meaning the other side of
(13:21):
the hospital.
And he pulled the mask off andhe said I'm so sorry.
And I said what are you sorryabout?
You didn't want this to happen.
And my daughter kissed him andhe left, and little did we know
that would pretty much be theend of it, and so a lot went on
(13:42):
while he was up in the calf lab.
They said it would maybe acouple hours, but we waited
maybe about two, two and a halfhours and I hear co-blue room
three, and I had no idea whatroom he was in, but in my heart
I just knew it was him, I feltit, I knew it and tried to get
(14:04):
somebody to talk to us and findout.
No one would give us anyanswers and so we waited and we
prayed and there were just tonsof church people and family
there and eventually the nursecame out and doctor and they
said yes, it was him who coded.
(14:24):
But they resuscitated him.
You know, they had to intubatehim and have him on an impelio,
which is a heart machine to keephis heart going.
They said he's just very weak.
That was Thursday and we wentthrough the entire day.
Everything was touch and go.
We couldn't go back to see himfor quite some time.
(14:46):
They kept having to stabilizehim and then eventually, late in
the afternoon, one of thenurses came out and she said he
just squeezed my hand and triedto open his eyes and so she said
you might want to go back now.
My daughter and I went in and myson had not gotten there yet.
(15:09):
He was at work and he wastrying to get to the hospital.
I grabbed his hand and I justtold him you know I loved him
and he, I mean that's theslightest, slightest little
touch of a finger squeeze thatyou can imagine that he was.
It took everything in him toeven move his finger and he had
(15:32):
his one, his right eye, just.
You could just see himstraining to try to open it.
So we knew that he hurt us andso we said what we had to say.
And for me, I knew it wasgoodbye.
I just did, and of course mydaughter didn't want to believe
(15:53):
that or, at this point, wasstill hoping for some miracle.
But that was the rest of thatday.
That was pretty much all thathappened that night.
My daughter, my son and mysister we spent the night.
Of course we didn't sleep, butabout two in the morning a nurse
, a male nurse, came out.
He started to talk with us andhe said it is not good.
(16:14):
He said we lost pulse in bothof his legs.
And as soon as he said that, acode blue was called again, and
he didn't even finish what hewas saying, he ran, he just ran.
And, of course, here we arethinking you know it's Harry
again just crying and praying.
And about 45 minutes later themale nurse comes back out and he
(16:39):
sees us and we're just, youknow, looking at him.
He goes no, no, that wasn't him.
So we took a breath and he saidit's not good, though he said
his organs were all failing.
We can't get the pulse back inhis legs.
We've had to resuscitate him acouple of times and the
(17:00):
cardiologist will be here in themorning and talk to you more.
And so that was the night, andearly the next morning the
cardiologist arrives.
He had said to me has he everhad heart issues before?
And I said no, nothing.
And he said well, he had amassive heart attack a week ago.
(17:22):
And so I proceeded to tell himwhat we had done Thursday and
what had happened and what wehad done since.
And he was looking at me as ifI was lying to him and he said
you mean to tell me that hewasn't short of breath or
coughing or tired?
And I said no, I saideverything I'm telling you he
(17:46):
did.
He said his words to me werewhatever protocol he was on kept
his body so strong and healthythat a dead heart was pumping
because he had three mainarteries two were 100% blocked
and the third was 90%.
He said this man should nothave been walking, moving,
(18:08):
breathing, for at least the lastweek.
In itself was a miracle.
And he told us you know, it isnot good.
He said the only option theyhave at this point is they could
remove the I guess the port orwhatever it is they had in his
groin for the catheterization.
(18:28):
Remove that and put it up byhis shoulder.
He said but the chances arevery, very slim, less than 5%,
that he'll survive that.
And so my question thecardiologist was okay, if by
some miracle he survives that,what would we be looking at?
He would be on dialysis, hewould be in a wheelchair, he
(18:52):
would be on oxygen and he wenton and on and on.
And I looked at him and I saidhim, and I said he has a DNAR.
And if I could have taken apicture of the doctor's face, it
(19:13):
was like shock.
And he said who did you tellthat to?
And I said no one ever asked me, no one ever had me sign
anything.
No one ever asked.
At that point he said well, whatwould you like us to do.
I said, well, what should havebeen done?
Take him off all of the,everything they worked with us.
And the nurse asked what Iwanted to do and I said well, my
only wish is that I'm therewith him and he takes his last
(19:37):
breath.
And she grabbed my hands andgot in my face and she said Mrs
Izzo.
She said, if you were my mother, I'd tell you the same thing.
She said this is not somethingyou would want to see.
When we remove everything fromhim, it will be ugly, she said,
and I really don't think youwant that to be your last memory
(19:59):
of him.
So I said okay, she said, butwe'll do the best we can.
So we had all of the family hissister and sister-in-law and my
brother-in-law and sister andall the kids and everybody, of
course, but the grandkids,because they had no idea this
thing going on.
(20:19):
They were at school.
We all got to go in and beforethey unplugged him and everyone
went in and said their goodbyesindividually.
They had us in a little roomright across the hall from where
he was and they were just very,very good to us and very
gracious.
And when everybody had saidtheir goodbyes, she came to me
and she said are you ready now?
(20:40):
And I said, yeah, go ahead.
And so they did what they hadto do.
And then she came across thehall and she said okay, you can
come in.
She said everything isunplugged and he is still with
us.
And so I went in and myson-in-law went with me.
He asked me what I wanted himto play, what music.
(21:02):
And so I said, well, amazingGrace, my Chains Are Gone, was
his favorite song.
And so he put that on his phoneand I just sat with him and
held his hand and spoke to himand kissed him his hand and
(21:23):
spoke to him and kissed him.
The song was over and he isstill breathing and the nurse is
standing in the back of theroom just shaking her head, like
she.
She said there's no way, thisjust can't be.
And so Brian said my son-in-lawwell, what else do you want me
to play?
And I said, well, play our, oursong.
And I said, well, play our song.
(21:44):
Sorry, it's okay.
So our song was Billy Joel,just the Way you Are.
And so he put that on and itwas a very long song and I put
my head down on his chest andcried and the entire song played
and at the end of the song myson-in-law said he just took his
(22:07):
last breath.
So that's how it ended.
And it was just the nurse.
Just even afterwards she said Icannot believe that that man
kept breathing for that long.
She said that should not havebeen.
It was just so fast and it wasso shocking my son, he never got
(22:28):
to see or speak with him andit's been very hard for my
children and my grandchildrenand we've all just been dealing
with a lot of grief in differentways and dealing with a lot of
grief in different ways.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
I would like to ask you, in recalling this story,
does it become part of yourhealing process or does it just
make you relieve the grief overand over?
Speaker 2 (22:55):
You know, in the beginning, when he first passed,
I just couldn't talk about itand my daughter made a very long
Facebook post detailingeverything so that people
wouldn't keep asking me and Iwouldn't have to even try to say
anything.
After a few weeks it became alittle easier to talk about and
(23:19):
I do believe in talking about itit helped with the healing.
It doesn't make it any easierevery time I tell the story.
It's just as hard, but I'm ableto get through it, so that's
the difference.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Thank you for sharing and thank you for letting us
into the emotions.
Cannot imagine where you are,where your kids are.
You did say within the storythat Harry should have had a
heart attack, but he was on aparticular regimen that had kept
him alive.
What was the secret?
Speaker 2 (23:56):
Well, we've been doing doTERRA essential oils for
the last 12 years.
Well, we've been doing doTERRAessential oils for the last 12
years.
But initially, when I first gotinto doTERRA it was because he
was on 16 pharmaceutical andover-the-counters and my goal
was to get him off some of them.
And when he finally stoppedcalling me the hocus-pocus oil
(24:16):
lady and started accepting someof these things to replace his
medications, in six months hewas off all but six.
And he did have type 2 diabetes.
So those medications hecontinued, but they were reduced
(24:37):
.
The cardiologist did say ofcourse his type 2 diabetes and
the medication was a bigcontributing factor to what his
health was.
He did everything religiouslyas far as his eating, his meds,
his doTERRA.
Neither one of us in the 12years that we were doing doTERRA
had so much as a cold.
So we were very healthy andvery active.
(24:57):
Again, that just made it evenmore of a shock.
He had been to hisendocrinologist for his diabetes
every three months and he hadhis blood work done right before
we left for that cruise.
And then his appointment wasthe Tuesday after we got back,
two days before the heart attack, the second one.
Everything was fine, all hisblood work was good.
(25:19):
Cardiologist said okay, see youin three months.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
You all had a mission together of how to help people.
You all used your passion andwere able to help people, and I
know that you're still helpingpeople.
Talking about family, how areyour children and the
grandchildren?
How do they process that,especially grandchildren so?
Speaker 2 (25:44):
when he passed.
Friday night, when the kids allgot off from school, we all
went over my daughter's houseand we sat them all down and my
son-in-law told them that Popswas gone, told them that Pops
(26:06):
was gone, that he had passed,and it's strange how each one of
them had different reactions.
The three girls went right totheir moms or dads, started
crying and hugging them.
And then the boys, the twoolder boys initially laughed.
It was like almost like theythought that he was kidding,
until, you know, they got therealization.
My youngest grandson, johnny,he was funny, he says.
(26:33):
He looked at me and he saysgrandma, who are you going to
marry now?
So there was a little levity inall of it.
But the girls struggledoutwardly the most.
The youngest one, rain.
She had nightmares and shewould wake up screaming that
(26:57):
Pops was with her and she missedhim.
He was just so close with allof them, he did things with all
of them.
They adored him.
They're just all processing itdifferently.
And we did just go on our annualfamily vacation, which was a
cruise, and we decided to takehis ashes with us, since he was
(27:20):
supposed to be on the cruisewith us.
We said you know, let's takehim one more time and do a
burial at sea.
And we did that and it was veryhard, very hard, but it kind of
opened up all the emotionsfreshly for everybody.
But we did it and it went welland we were glad we did and he
(27:44):
got to take that one last tripwith us.
So you know, it's just, it'songoing.
You know, now we're able to,you know, talk about him and
laugh about you know, some ofthe things he used to do and say
and have the memories, and hewas a letter carrier for 32
years.
Well, six years ago I was able,fortunately, to retire him to
(28:06):
help me with my doTERRA businessand we made the decision at
that time not to do giftsanymore and that's why we made
the decision to do an annualfamily vacation every year.
There were 12 of us, there werethe six kids and the six adults
.
We did something differentevery year.
We went skiing and last year wedid a Disney cruise and then
(28:29):
they loved the cruise so much weplanned the carnival cruise for
this year.
We weren't going to buy gifts,we were going to make memories,
and we have, and all the kidshave all of those memories.
So it was truly a blessing thatwe had done that.
You know, I believe everythinghappens for a reason.
That was just one more thingthat we were able to do for the
(28:52):
last five years with them.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
And you're so right Making memories is the greatest
gift you can give each other,and that carries on and on
Unfinished goodbyes.
Your son didn't have a chanceto say goodbye.
How does somebody who might bein that situation as well
process that?
How do they cope?
Well, you know for my son.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
It was very difficult .
A little history my son, backin 2010, I believe it was my son
was an addict and we were notaware of it.
Long story is he overdosed inour home and his dad had to
breathe life into his body.
To breathe life into his body,he was in ICU with aspirated
(29:42):
ammonia for 10 days, came out,went into a recovery program
which was supposed to be 10 to12 months, stayed there for 15.
It was a Christian program andhe came home a new creation.
He was totally changed.
Shortly thereafter he got home,he met his wife Within the next
(30:11):
year.
They married.
He has been clean since 2012.
So you know, the fact that hisdad breathed life in him and he
couldn't help him or say goodbyeto him was very difficult.
But he wrote him a text messageon his phone and of course, I
had his phone and I read it.
It broke my heart.
(30:32):
That's what he needed to do tosay his goodbyes and of course,
his words were you know, dad,you saved my life and I wasn't
able to save yours and it wasvery hard for him.
So he has been coping the besthe can.
It's difficult.
(30:54):
Father's Day Sunday I went over.
His family was invited to hishouse and we were all there and
it was just a very hard day.
It was so rough.
My daughter and her family weregoing to join us but they just
couldn't.
They just needed to be aloneand quiet.
So again, everybody dealsdifferently.
(31:14):
Sunday at church was very hard,very hard for all of me, my
daughter and my granddaughter.
I think it was hardest for us.
They go to church with me andyou do whatever it is that you
need to do individually.
It's personal.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
And what words can you share with someone like me,
a friend or somebody from churchwho wants to console you, but
they're not quite sure what youneed.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Well, I have such an outpouring of people and friends
and church people and ourpickleball community and you
know, everybody did the rightthing and the right thing is not
necessarily to say anything.
A hug means so much and youknow I'm so sorry.
(32:12):
I think that's really it.
There's really nothing elseanyone can say, especially if
they haven't been there.
And I learned a hard lesson aswell, because I have many
friends who are widows.
But a recent friend of mine, shewould come to a class we would
have at our home once a monthand you know, her husband passed
(32:33):
three years ago and she wouldstill talk about him and weep,
and I didn't get it and I hadeven said to her back in
December.
I said you know, I don'tunderstand your pain, but I, you
know, I love you.
And I hugged her and we went todinner the other night and she
said you know what, that was thebest thing you could have done.
(32:54):
And I said now I get it.
You know it was like was thebest thing you could have done.
And I said now I get it.
You know it was like why is shecrying all the time?
It's been three years, you know.
You just don't get it.
You know you deal with itbetter as time goes on, but it's
still raw and it's still there.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
I believe that there is healing in hugs and that it's
reciprocal.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Absolutely, and you know the hugs initiate the
crying a lot and I would have.
In the beginning I was a littleembarrassed and tried to avoid
it.
But you know what everybody,they most of the time cry right
along with me.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
There's just no shame in it.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
You know, let it out.
You know people who hold it in.
I think it's very difficult.
I don't know how they do it.
And also, if they don't have arelationship with the Lord, I
don't know how they do it.
And also, if they don't have arelationship with the Lord, I
don't know how they do it,because I couldn't know how I
would have gotten through itotherwise.
I just don't.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Do you want to elaborate on your relationship
with God and how that has helpedyou carry you through?
Speaker 2 (33:51):
Well, my husband was an amazing man of God.
Neither one of us had any faithin our life when we got married
.
Our kids were probably likearound eight, nine, 10 in that
area, and one day my daughtersaid how come we don't go to
church or synagogue like ourfriends?
(34:13):
A long story, but I had afriend invite me to church and I
came home and I talked to Harryand I said I want to go and he
goes, go ahead, I want you to gowith me.
And so that was in 1995.
And he went the first time andit was an immediate
(34:35):
transformation for both of usand our kids.
And so we've been Christianssince then.
But my husband, he becameimmersed in the Word.
He couldn't get enough and hestudied the Bible and he taught
and he had a men's group for 20years and he never met a
(34:56):
stranger and he prayedincessantly for people.
We'd be in the middle of Publixand run into someone and they
mentioned a problem and we werepraying right there in the
middle of Publix or in theparking lot of BJ's, wherever we
were, and he always said I'mnot going to be one of those
people that says I'll pray foryou and then don't.
(35:16):
He said we're going to do itright now, and if they didn't
want to do it with us, we did itwithout them.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
You know, and that's just who he was.
God is patient and always righton time, right, absolutely yes,
you and I have a mutual friend,deborah, who suddenly passed
away and it didn't dawn on meright away, but I have a podcast
episode with her and I realizedI captured her voice and I
(35:49):
captured her story and it'ssomething that will live on,
hopefully as long as I live,right.
If you want to take thisopportunity because I will give
this link to your children aswell to share a message with
your kids, this space is yours.
If it's too hard, you don'thave to, but I learned a
(36:12):
valuable lesson with Debra incapturing her voice and her
message.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
So it's funny you say that I actually saved his
voicemail message from his phonebecause I wanted to be able to
hear his voice whenever I could.
I mean, he played the guitarand sang, and I was sad that I
never really recorded him doingthat often Some other people had
, so fortunately we got littlesnippets of that, but my
(36:39):
grandchildren used to sing withhim when he played guitar and so
we have those little things.
So, yeah, that's reallyimportant.
And for my children, oh gosh, Ijust.
I mean, everyone loves theirchildren, but I am just so
blessed by both of them andtheir dad just adored them.
(37:00):
We did everything we did forthem.
My daughter is I may not be hers, but she is my best friend, my
confidant, and my son is my newstrong tower.
I feel like I can rely on him.
I know he'd be there if I needhim.
(37:21):
My son-in-law, mydaughter-in-law as well.
I'm so thankful that they foundspouses that are perfect
matches for them and I know oneof the things their dad is the
proudest of is that they areraising their children to
believe the way that we believe.
(37:41):
He was able to see almost allbut two of them get baptized and
that meant a lot.
I just want them to know howmuch I love them and it's really
immeasurable, and I think theyknow that, and I think they know
that there isn't anything Iwouldn't do for them.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
Thank you for sharing those words, Diane, for your
children.
I would like to end this storywith some of your happiest
memories.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
You know, it's the little funny things we like to
remember.
My grandson, lennox, talkedabout every minute we got to
spend with those grandkids wasspecial for him.
He loved playing ball with theboys and they just loved every
minute of it.
They'd grab all their hands andjump into the pool together.
He was just always there,always happy, always doing
(38:36):
things for other people At hiscelebration of life.
That was one of the funnymoments.
He was just always there,always happy, always doing
things for other people At hiscelebration of life.
That was one of the funnymoments.
He always used to pull on hisprivate parts and Harry's thing
was it's not silly punny, leavethe silly punny alone.
And so that's become a standardjoke for all of us.
Every time anybody sees thatit's like leave the silly punny
(38:58):
alone.
Know, there's just been a lotof Harry-isms.
We call them.
You know, on the pickleballcourt he was known as Dirty
Harry and they did an amazingmemorial for him for me.
They dedicated a bench with hisname Dirty Harry's is on it and
put up a paddle by the gate.
(39:19):
There's just so much.
We met when we both moved toFlorida in 1978.
He was in the Air Force inAlaska and his parents had moved
here while he was in Alaska andso when he got out he came here
and I had moved here in 78 aswell.
(39:39):
I moved in March and then inSeptember.
We both loved to dance and wemet at a club, old Best Western,
on US 1.
The host of America was theplace of the live band and where
everybody went to dance andhave fun and that's where we met
and the funny meeting was.
I always wore glasses and Ididn't like to wear them when I
(40:01):
was out.
I was with my best friend atthe time, who is still in my
life, and we tell the story.
I went to the restroom and thisguy was standing outside the
bathroom door and he was makingcomments to me and I ignored him
because I couldn't see him andso I went in the bathroom.
I came out and he made anothercomment and I just ignored him
because I couldn't see him andso I went in the bathroom.
I came out and he made anothercomment and I just ignored him,
(40:21):
went to the table and I said tomy friend Denise.
I said, do me a favor, go tothe bathroom.
There's this guy standingoutside the door and he's kind
of coming on to me, but Icouldn't see him See.
If he says anything to you andif he doesn't, let me know, and
let me know who's cute.
(40:41):
So she goes a little whilelater and she comes back and she
goes.
He didn't say nothing to me, hegoes and if I were you I'd go
for it.
So I go to the bathroom againand he looks at me and he goes.
So are you going to say hellothis time?
And so that is how we met.
And then, you know, we datedfor a little bit and then he
(41:06):
moved away.
He moved to Daytona Beach and Iwound up marrying someone else
and that didn't last but sixmonths and that was in 78.
And then in 82 he moved backand we ran into each other again
at a different club and westarted dating and we got
engaged in 83, got married in 84.
(41:29):
Here's a little tidbit that Ilove to tell people.
Actually there's two things thenight of our rehearsal dinner
for our wedding when we gotmarried at the old Port Malibu
Country Club, which doesn'texist any longer, but his best
friend was flying in from NewYork to be in our wedding party,
and back then at the Melbourneairport there was no terminal,
(41:51):
you would get off the plane onthe tarmac.
And so we're standing in theairport, tarmac, and so we're
standing in the airport lookingout the window and I see this
young man coming off theairplane and I'm thinking to
myself, I know that guy.
And he comes closer, and hecomes in the airport and him and
(42:11):
Harry hug each other and I'mlike, oh crap, I know that guy.
And you know I didn't say itout loud, but I'm like, oh my
gosh, I know him.
How could this be the person heis?
Anyway, so we have the rehearsaldinner and we spend time
together and I finally said Isaid Louie, I said I know that I
(42:31):
know you.
And he said I'm so glad yousaid that because I know you too
.
And we spent the next hourtrying to figure out how we knew
each other.
And, of course, we're all fromNew York and Harry lived in
Massapequa.
And when I left home and gotmarried the first time which
didn't last very long either Imoved to Lindenhurst, which was
(42:53):
close to Massapequa, and used togo out dancing with my
girlfriends to Massapequa, andused to go out dancing with my
girlfriends.
And we remember that this onenight we met these two guys at
this club and the reason Ididn't remember Harry was
because Harry was with my bestfriend and I was with Louie and
(43:13):
we danced and we went to threedifferent clubs and we went out
to breakfast and we never saweach other again.
Talk about fate, right?
Yeah, you talk about somethingyou meant to be.
So that was that.
And then when Harry and Istarted dating the first time, I
(43:34):
used to act.
I was a stage actress and I wasin Greece in Coco Community
College at the time and I wasplaying Rizzo, and Harry came to
the show and after the show Isaid to him wouldn't it be funny
if we got married someday andI'd be Rizzo Del Pizzo Zizzo,
because Del Pizzo was my maidenname.
(43:56):
And he looked at me and he goeswell, that ain't going to
happen.
So you know famous last words,and anytime anybody said
something, I said, yeah, it tookme three tries to find a man
with more Z's in his name than Ihad, right?
So you know, there's just greatmemories and we had lots of fun
(44:16):
.
We never, in our almost 41 yearsof marriage and of knowing each
other for way more than that.
We never had a fight.
We never fought.
We bickered and argued with thebest of them, but we never
fought.
And that was one thing my kidscommented about too.
You know, we never saw ourparents angry at each other.
(44:37):
The one thing my husband saidearly on he had never been
married before and knowing I hadtwo very brief marriages he
said we will never use the Dword.
And we never did.
It's so easy for people to dothat, and I know that for a fact
.
We got to do things that peopledon't get to do.
My children got to experiencevacations that some people only
(45:01):
dream about.
We went to California, did theentire Pacific Coast Highway,
spent a night on the Queen Mary,went to Napa Valley, did hot
air ballooning.
We did dog sledding andsleighing on Lake Louise at
Christmas.
And that was another reason wewanted to do the vacations with
(45:24):
the grandkids, because our kids,at this point in their life
they can't afford to do thatquite yet.
We did so much, we had such afull life.
Speaker 1 (45:34):
Thank you so much for sharing all of the memories.
Thank you for allowing me, ofcourse, diane.
Speaker 2 (45:41):
Thank you for being my guest today on the I need
blue podcast thank you, jen, forallowing me the opportunity and
uh, I love you and I appreciateyou, and uh, I hope I'm not too
weepy.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
No, I love you too, and you're so welcome.
Thank you for listening.
This is Jen Lee with the I NeedBlue podcast.
To learn anything andeverything about I Need Blue,
visit my website,wwwinadebluenet, and remember
(46:20):
you are stronger than you think.
Until next time.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.