Her childhood was stolen from her, leaving her struggling to trust and love. But Julie Jacky found a way to break free from the chains of her past
How do we confront and heal from the painful experiences of our past? Julie Jackie, a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and author of the book 'On the Other Side,' joins us to share her inspirational journey towards healing and forgiveness.
Julie's journey began by attending a forgiveness workshop, where she faced the difficult process of forgiving her abuser. Julie discovered EFT tapping, a powerful tool that involves tapping on meridian endpoints with our fingertips to calm our bodies and release trapped emotions. This practice helped her to confront the memories of her childhood sexual abuse and find a path towards healing.
In this moving and informative conversation, we explore the benefits of EFT tapping and the mind-body connection. Julie shares her experience of tapping for eight hours in one day, illustrating the power of allowing emotions to flow freely. We also discuss the responsibility of healing and how it's not something we can put off. Join us as we delve into the importance of self-healing, discovering that we are stronger than we think and that there's always hope for a brighter future.
To purchase Julies book, On the Other Side, https://www.amazon.com/Other-Side-Spiritual-Memoir-ebook/dp/B088CW66XZ/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1QSH6BLALC5IX&keywords=on+the+other+side+julie+jacky&qid=1689350763&sprefix=on+the+other+side+julie+jacky%2Caps%2C121&sr=8-1
Follow Julie on Instgagram: https://www.instagram.com/juliejackycoach/?fbclid=IwAR2_lOQCTPH7AgfQTrA2VRPJLrE_V0Pp3d73O40RqXbsjE7nS9KN_i8jUrA
Connect with Jen:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ineedbluepodcast/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/needbluepodcast
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCp1q8SfA_hEXRJ4EaizlW8Q
Website: https://ineedblue.net/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
you are stronger than you think.
Don't believe me, we're aboutto prove it.
Welcome back.
This is Jen Lee, creator andhost of I Need Blue podcast.
(00:21):
True Crime to True Life.
As a survivor of arm droperyand abduction, i understand the
trauma and triggers survivorsexperience Knowing this and
through my powerful podcast, ioffer survivors a safe place to
share their lived experiences.
(00:41):
Survivors need blue to feelthey belong, they are loved,
understood and my favoriteempowered.
Please note I Need Blue doescontain sensitive topics which
could be triggering.
Please seek help if needed andremember you always come first.
I Need Blue episodes can befound on Apple Podcasts, spotify
(01:06):
and many listening platforms,including my website,
wwwineedbluenet.
There you will find all theepisodes, valuable resources,
safety tips, my newly releasedbook and e-book Why I Survived
by Jennifer Lee, and if yourpassion is to learn to podcast,
(01:30):
you will find a learn to podcastPDF available as well.
I would like to thank Shar Good, the talented violinist who
composed and performed thisopening music.
You can find information aboutShar Good on my website.
As always, thank you forlistening.
(01:50):
Let's introduce today's specialguest, julie Jackie.
She is a survivor of childhoodsexual abuse and wrote a book on
the other side which is aspiritual memoir of her healing
journey.
I have started reading thisbook and I know, through reading
(02:10):
the pages and my conversationswith Julie, the courage it took
her to put pen to paper.
She is raw and vulnerable.
The story pulls at everyemotion inside you.
Her story is one of healing andforgiveness and she is here to
share it with us today.
(02:32):
Julie has found purpose inhelping others.
She is a spiritual coach,author and certified emotional
freedom technique practitioner,also known as EFT and tapping.
She has over 20 years ofcoaching and business experience
and loves helping women ontheir healing journey deepen
(02:55):
their personal relationshipswith themselves and others.
I am here to say that I haveexperienced a tapping session
with Julie and I did not realizehow un-relaxed I really was.
For my session we focused on myanxiety associated with public
(03:15):
speaking, which I know many ofyou experience.
It was quite amazing thetransformation I felt inside by
the time we were finished.
I felt I wanted to go out andtell everybody about this
experience.
I wanted them to feel howwonderful I felt.
Anyway, we're going to talkabout that a little bit later,
(03:38):
but right now, i am honored tointroduce Julie.
She's my friend and I amthankful that you are joining me
today on the I Need Bluepodcast.
Julie (03:50):
Oh, jen, i am so honored to be here.
Thank you so much for invitingme to be on your awesome podcast
.
Jen (04:00):
Thank you, oh, you're so welcome.
I'm happy you are here.
I'm really glad that I was ableto experience the EFT.
The tapping with you is quiteamazing For you.
because of your story, becauseof what you went through in your
childhood, you found that themost effective way for you to
(04:20):
deal with your trauma wasthrough the EFT helping.
That's what motivated you,because you wanted to help
others the way it had helped you.
So can we start a little bittalking about your story and
your book, because that,ultimately, is what led you into
helping others.
Julie (04:38):
Yeah, i'd be honored to.
I was sexually abused betweenage 11 and 17 by the same person
who was my brother's friend andmy best friend's brother, and
they were neighbors of ours, sowe were together a lot Over
those years.
I never knew when I was goingto be abused or what was going
(05:03):
to happen next.
And as he got more brave,situations escalated.
They ultimately ended when mystepfather came running down
into the house where we were andhe was abusing me And my
stepfather lucky for the personwho abused me didn't see it.
(05:27):
But had he, things wouldn'thave ended well.
And that moment was a powerfulmoment because things ended
physically, but emotionally theydidn't end until I started
dealing with him way later,three decades later, in my 40s.
(05:48):
I had the thought, and as Italked to other women who've
been abused in some fashionsexual, mental, emotional,
physical abuse I had the thoughtthat, well, he didn't penetrate
me with his penis, so I'm okay,i don't need to go to therapy.
There's other people who've hadit way worse than me.
(06:11):
They've been raped, they gotpregnant.
Whatever story I made up aboutminimizing my experience And I
was woefully wrong I did needhelp because, being abused over
and over, i had behaviors that Iunknowingly created to protect
(06:36):
myself and cope, and thosepermeated my whole life.
They impacted my significantother relationships And,
honestly, i didn't know thatuntil 15 years after my divorce,
when I was sitting in thetherapist's office and I
recognized my own contributionto my failing marriage, which
(07:00):
led me to promptly apologize tomy ex-husband.
Jen (07:03):
Well, that's an amazing step in itself.
Can I go back?
Because I think there is thisperception that sexual abuse is
perpetrated by an adult right,but that was not the case in
your situation.
It was teenage boys, and haveyou found now, in sharing your
(07:28):
story and speaking with otherwomen, that that is more common
than we think?
Julie (07:33):
I think it's for sure more common than we think.
I don't know the statistics onwhat age people are when they
abuse, but I've heard so manystories about babysitters
abusing the children they'rebabysitting sexually.
Because I've opened up andshared my story, when people
(07:56):
read it, they come and talk tome and tell me their story And
oftentimes they've never toldanybody before, just like I
didn't.
And not telling isn't becausewe don't want to heal, it's just
not telling.
I made that decision when I was11 years old to not tell, and I
made that decision because Ididn't think people would
(08:17):
believe me over the person whoabused me and I didn't want to
lose my friendship with my bestfriend.
It was an 11-year-old decisionand it stuck for years.
But back to your question aboutessentially kids abusing kids.
Frankly, it happens a lot.
Jen (08:38):
I think you're right about that And it's not a conversation
that we have because that'sunthinkable, but as we continue
to talk about it, it'll bringlight to the situation.
You spoke about how you hadparticular behaviors and that
you didn't realize that theywere associated with the trauma
(09:00):
that you had experienced,beginning at age 11.
So for people listening, canyou share some examples, because
they may be in their 40slooking back on their life like
I can't believe I did that, notreally realizing that they were
trying to protect themselves?
Julie (09:20):
One of them that comes to mind immediately is I blocked
off my heart.
I closed it off to protectmyself.
So when we close our heart offto protect ourselves, so bad
people won't hurt us, we're alsoclosing our heart off to good
people, And we're closing it offboth ways.
(09:41):
We think we're just closing itoff to protect from incoming
hurt, But we're closing ourheart off to the outside too.
It goes both ways.
And so I thought I loved myhusband, and I think I did at
that time And I did the best Icould.
But I really wasn't fully open.
(10:04):
I wasn't open to fullyexperience a relationship, to
fully explore that unconditionallove from another human, an
adult human, because I had shutmy heart off to protect myself,
keep myself safe, so I wouldn'tever be a victim again.
That was literally my thinking.
Jen (10:27):
Yeah, the heart is a very delicate thing And sometimes it
creates this almost distortedview of love.
Like your definition of lovechanges in what it should look
like when you go throughsomething like that.
Did you find that in yourexperience too?
Julie (10:43):
I did when I was young, and I think this is part of
being sexually abused as well.
I confused love and sex andthought that they were like one
in the same, or you needed tohave sex with somebody.
For me, i choose men.
I thought I needed to have sexwith them in order for them to
(11:05):
love me, and I found that iscommon with women who've been
abused as well.
We confuse love and sex anddon't know that they're
different and don't understandthat, and I really didn't
understand that until I was, idon't know, somewhere in my mid
(11:26):
to late 30s.
For me, when I gave sex or hadsex when I was in high school, i
was giving my power away, nottaking it back.
Jen (11:38):
And how did that make you feel later in life, looking back
on that?
Julie (11:43):
I used to feel shame and embarrassment and I used to
judge the heck out of myself andput myself down until I went
through therapy and I couldunderstand my behaviors and have
some compassion for myself.
I was doing the best that Icould, knowing what I knew, And
(12:04):
I can see it for that now And Ican love myself.
That's where I was.
Jen (12:10):
I love that.
I went to church on Sunday andone of the biggest message that
he said was forgive yourself,god's already forgiven you.
It was rather empoweringbecause you were able to say I'm
sorry to your ex-husband And itprobably took you much longer
to have that forgiveness forJulie.
Julie (12:33):
I actually went through a forgiveness workshop.
I had been coaching with acoach I think this was
pre-therapy And she wanted me towrite a letter to the person
who abused me and forgive him.
And I just thought she was offher rocker.
How could I possibly forgivehim for what he did?
(12:57):
And yet I wanted to forgivebecause that's the right thing
to do, or that's what we'retaught to do, and maybe I would
feel better.
There's a couple of things thatI took away during that
experience.
One was she said a phrase thatstuck with me and I understand
(13:20):
it more than ever.
And it's hurt people hurtpeople.
And she wanted me to understandthat.
His behaviors he's just a yearolder than me and he's sexually
abusing me.
Something is happening to himto cause him to do that to me,
because that is not normalbehavior.
(13:41):
When she first brought that up,i was pissed Like what.
I'm the one who is hurt, and Ihad to think about it in a
different way, and that was thefirst time I ever thought about
him.
I had always thought about me,and that's hard to do when
somebody hurts you, but it tookme a while to fully understand
(14:07):
that.
So she had me write out thisletter to him.
I wasn't gonna mail it to himor anything like that.
It was for me to forgive him.
Frankly, i just did whatevershe told me to do.
I just wrote down what she saidto write And although looking
back on the letter and Iincluded this in my book looking
back at the letter it seemslike I forgave him.
(14:28):
But frankly, i half asked it.
I just did what she told me todo because I wanted to be done
with it.
But after I went through therapyand did a ton of tapping on
different aspects of the abuse,i wanted to forgive him.
It's something about forgivingsomebody else.
(14:50):
It's not condoning theirbehavior, it's not saying, oh,
that's okay, it's not.
I didn't go to him to forgivehim.
I forgave him to free myselfAnd that was powerful And I
share this workshop in my booktoo.
I volunteered to be the personwho demoed forgiveness process
(15:14):
in front of everybody And I didthat because I didn't wanna let
myself off the hook like I haddone in the letter that I had
wrote several years earlier.
I wanted to forgive And I did.
I was embarrassing to do thatin front of the group, but man
was it powerful And so freeingemotionally, physically,
(15:38):
mentally in every aspect.
It was so freeing And I felt aconnection with God during that
process as well.
That was profound And I just Iremember seeing this white light
come in at the end of theforgiveness process, like
(15:59):
freeing me, and it was sobeautiful.
Jen (16:03):
That is amazing And I get to see you as you are speaking
those words and feel it in yourenergy And that is amazing And
that is possible for everyone.
But it took a lot for you totake that step And to volunteer
to get up in front of them andbe that person.
So kudos to you.
I'm so glad you did because Isee that just how wonderful it
(16:27):
has been for you.
Heart people, heart people.
Can I ask you a question And Iapologize if it's uncomfortable.
Once you heard that, was therea part of you that wanted to
reach out to him and just haveconversation, like did somebody
hurt you?
Julie (16:46):
Yeah, i think I've been curious like what happened to
you and have you been able to doyour own healing work on this
journey?
because For you to do what youdid to me, clearly you were hurt
, like somebody was hurting you,but also you were hurting me,
(17:06):
and so now like your hurtsandwich, because you got hurt
and you're hurting, and so I'vebeen curious about it, but I've
never had the desire to reachout to him.
Jen (17:23):
Right now, let's go back to age 35, which is decades after
the abuse occurred, and thenstop.
You ended up in a marriagewhich ended in divorce.
What happened then?
after that?
What path did you end up on?
Julie (17:43):
so I got divorced when I was 30 and Became a single mom.
I think at that point in mylife I was just going through
motions and Trying to figurethings out and trying to make
money.
I had a lot of focus of, youknow, wanting to do the next
thing that I could make a lot ofmoney on and have financial
(18:05):
freedom.
I had a jewelry business.
I used to hand make beadedjewelry for 10 years and I had a
online travel website and Iused to teach people how to book
travel online when it was new.
And Then we had a recession,and both of those are
(18:29):
discretionary income businessesBecause when a recession hits,
people stop traveling right.
Jen (18:38):
That becomes a luxury and not so much a necessity.
Julie (18:41):
Yeah, Yeah and so while Commissions were still coming in
like it didn't hit me rightaway All of a sudden the
commissions abruptly stoppedbecause people had stopped
traveling and I realized I wasin a little bit of travel there
and I started pulling money outof my retirement account and
(19:02):
ultimately I didn't make endsmeet.
I was Going bankrupt, bothfinancially and emotionally.
And I think that thatbankruptcy process because
literally I filed bankruptcy Itwas one of The hardest decisions
to make because I thought itwas a failure.
I Just remember one of myfriends pulling me aside and
(19:25):
said you know, julie,bankruptcies put in place to
help people like you do a resetso you can start fresh again and
Do things different the nexttime, so you can get that relief
.
And I remember I got Served atthe door by a sheriff because I
(19:46):
owed the credit card companyMoney and I hadn't paid them,
and so they were suing me, andRightfully so, but I did not
have the money to pay them atthat time.
That's why I ended up filingbankruptcy.
But I think that was a keyturning point for me because I
had to make massive changes inmy beliefs, in my thoughts
(20:11):
around money but also life, andI think that that bankruptcy was
really a wake-up call, and Thatwake-up call is, then, what
pivoted me and propelled me intoMy healing journey.
And while it still took me a fewyears before I started up
therapy and started dealing withThe childhood sexual abuse, it
(20:35):
started propelling me onto ajourney, and that's when EFT
entered my life as well.
I Remember I heard EFT tapping,eft tapping and, and You know,
when something repeats over andover you, like it's a sign I
should pay attention.
Yes, so I looked up EFT and andfound that EFT and tapping are
(21:00):
the same thing, and EFT, as yousaid in the intro, stands for
emotional freedom technique, andI took a community ed class so
I could learn more about it, andI had a good experience enough
that I Was interested inlearning more, so I took an
online course About weight lossand body confidence.
(21:22):
When I was taking that,memories started resurfacing
from the childhood sexual abuse.
Jen (21:29):
Had you had those memories before you started this process,
like flashbacks, i suppose.
I.
Julie (21:36):
Think maybe there were a few here and there, but I was
really great at playingwhack-a-mole.
I Would whack those down asfast as I could, but after I
started the tapping, theystarted coming up more
frequently.
I think that is because it wastime to deal with it.
It's like my Body and mysubconscious are like hey, julie
(22:00):
, hey, we're trying to get yourattention, you should do
something.
And you know what you resistPersist, it doesn't go away Just
because you ignore it.
It didn't go away.
It's decades later and here itis coming up.
And so that's really when myBig tapping journey began.
(22:21):
Never planning to become an EFTpractitioner, because it's
crazy, it looks weird And it'snot normal.
It impacted me so much Like mybody calmed down, like you said
when you tap with me, how calmyour body became, and you didn't
even know that it wasn't calm.
(22:42):
I had that same experience Andthat calmness inside.
Don't you want more of it?
Jen (22:49):
Absolutely, it was amazing.
You know my husband might saysomething.
I was like OK, that's fine, itwas great, that was not a drug,
that was not a prescription,like literally, that was just my
body, Yeah, just reacting, yeah, the freedom, like you said,
(23:10):
amazing.
Julie (23:11):
I don't think we realize how much we walk around with our
cortisol levels.
High cortisol is our stresshormone And I think it's even
more prevalent since 2020.
More and more people theiranxiety is just off the charts
And we don't realize how much wejust walk around every day
(23:36):
feeling very stressed out andoverwhelmed and anxious.
This tapping when we tap onmeridian endpoints with our
fingertips which, by the way,that's pretty amazing, we have
fingers and we can tap on pointson our body and it helps calm
(23:57):
us Like our body is amazing.
I love it.
Jen (24:02):
It really is.
Are you tapping now Or now?
I'm just curious.
Ha, ha, ha ha.
Julie (24:09):
You know because I taught you that you can tap on the
sides of your fingertips andnobody has to see that you're
doing that.
I was just right at thebeginning of our time just to
make sure that I came in reallycalm inside, not because I was
anxious to have thisconversation, but just
(24:29):
supporting my body.
so I stay calm.
Jen (24:33):
I love that supporting your body So many times.
We're like our body mustsupport us, right?
Thank you for sharing that.
Yeah, so you were telling usabout your EFT journey and not
planning to become apractitioner, but you did
because you felt so calm.
Julie (24:50):
Ha ha ha.
I was that first weekendcertification.
I got rid of craving forchocolate, i reduced pain in my
body, my body felt calmer.
I connected with other peoplewho were interested in learning
about this and curious.
We did several differentpractice sessions and I was
(25:13):
blown away the shift.
Each and every five or 10minute session We learned
different techniques and I'mchuckling because I now call
myself a tapping geek.
It started back then, but I dothings.
I tap on almost anything Like Itry it on everything because
(25:37):
why not?
I've done crazy experimentswith my friend who I call
Tapping Patty.
We literally decided we wantedto tap for eight hours in one
day to see what would happen Andwe both learned so much and how
the mind and body is connectedand how emotions stay trapped in
(25:59):
our body until we acknowledgethem and process and let them go
.
I had different pain points inmy body that came up during our
eight hours and at that time Ididn't understand the connection
and I kind of ignored the painI felt in my arm And that was a
big mistake.
(26:19):
Continued to feel this pain forthe next week And I was talking
with my chiropractor.
I'm like why I just have thispain.
It was after tapping And shesaid well, that's emotion, and
the energy was trying to go outyour arm, but you didn't allow
it to, so it got stuck in there.
Oh, i get it, because it leavesour body in all different ways.
(26:43):
So if you are in the middle oftapping and all of a sudden a
pain comes up in your body or asensation, it doesn't have to
hurt.
Some kind of sensation comes upin your body, whether it's in
your arm or your heart or yourthroat.
You just keep tapping and itwill dissipate.
It's pretty profound.
Jen (27:03):
So when you had that pain in your arm to release it, we'll
call it would you just tap yourarm then Like how would you
have released that?
Julie (27:13):
No, you don't actually tap where it hurts.
You tap on a set meridianpoints.
So everybody, just grab yourhand and take your fingertips
and just start at the top ofyour head.
You can just tap right on thetop of your head And then
there's three points around theeye.
(27:33):
There's one on the inside ofthe eye, so I take two fingers
and I'm tapping by the bridge ofthe nose and by my eyebrow, and
then the next one is on theoutside of the eye.
You kind of feel where thecorner of your eye comes
together.
You're just tapping therelightly And then under your eye,
on the bone.
(27:53):
The next point is under thenose crease in your chin, and
you're just tapping there with acouple of your fingers And then
you move on to the collar boneand under the armpit, so like
three to four inches down underyour armpit, ladies, where your
broadband would be And then youjust keep repeating those points
over and over.
(28:14):
So if you have that pain in yourarm again, you're not tapping
on your arm, you're tapping onthose points.
And so you just start at thetop of the head, you work your
way down and you repeat themover and over, while you're
focusing your attention on thepain in your arm because you
want to acknowledge it.
And as you do that, you willnotice like, literally, it will
(28:37):
dissipate And sometimes yourmind will start to wander And so
you just bring it back to whatyou're doing.
You're focusing on thatsensation in your arm And then
notice how it shifts and changesAnd you tap until it goes away.
And that could take two minutes, it could take five minutes, it
could take eight minutes, butwhat's eight minutes?
(28:57):
to get that out of your arm andlet that?
whatever that emotion is?
Because I didn't even know whatit was related to when I had
that experience.
I just knew I wasn't going todo that again.
Jen (29:09):
Yeah, That's great.
So thank you for sharing thosemeridian points with us.
Earlier you said oh, you justyou tap anywhere because you
were curious as to what that wasgoing to do?
Julie (29:22):
What I mean is I tap on any topic, any pain, any
experience.
I try tapping on anything Ipossibly can.
So if I have a headache, I trytapping to help release the
headache.
Jen (29:39):
That is wonderful And I can see by you getting those
results why you were like I justdiscovered something amazing
that is easy to do And I want tohelp people.
I want to teach them this.
Julie (29:54):
I had amazing results and I didn't know how profound it
would be.
I knew there was something bigto this and I wanted to learn
more.
But when I say that that wasjust the beginning, when I was
going through my healing process, i used EFT all the time.
(30:18):
An example is I tapped on theperson's name who abused me, and
that might sound funny, but wecarry a lot of emotion in
people's names.
So if you think about an ex andhow you don't even want to say
their name out loud, that'sbecause there's emotion in it.
And when I first tapped on hisname, i did not want to even say
(30:43):
his name.
I couldn't get it out of mymouth without crying And so I
just kept tapping as I wascrying And then eventually I
said his name and I repeated itenough until it just became a
name And it didn't.
There was no emotion around itanymore.
It's just.
That was just a name That waspowerful and that allowed me to
(31:05):
continue doing other work, toheal other memories that I had
that I experienced.
Jen (31:12):
Let's talk about your book.
It's beautiful, it'sintentional And it has this
beautiful butterfly on front andshe even has it flying forward
And she explained because thishealing journey is way for her
to move forward, like she wasvery intentional in the way she
set up her book.
Can you tell us about your bookon the other side?
Julie (31:38):
It was never a book I wanted to write.
I was in the process of writinga book proposal for EFT on
business.
I was all prepared to talkabout tapping and networking,
tapping on public speaking, allthe things that we need to be
able to do as entrepreneurs andto do them confidently.
(32:00):
Well, i put my book proposal onhold while I was wrapping up a
different project And I pickedmy book proposal back up in the
new year And when I did, i hadthis really strong feeling
inside that I was writing thewrong book.
But I had no idea what the bookright book was then Like okay,
(32:21):
well, if this is wrong, thenwhat is right?
And I had this urge to sit andwrite out all these different
things that I had done in mylife, kind of over a 10 year
span.
And then I had a call with mycoach who was helping me with my
book proposal And I said I'mwriting the wrong book And I
(32:42):
have this list of things I canfelt compelled to write out And
I don't know how to proceedbecause I don't know what the
right book is.
And we went through the list.
She asked me a bunch of greatquestions to help me figure out
what was significant about mewriting those things And she
came up with this is aboutrelationships.
I said I don't know if that'sright And I sat with it for a
(33:07):
bit and I realized you know whatthis is about relationships?
It's about relationship withmyself and relationships with
other, but it's all stemmingaround healing and forgiveness
after childhood sexual abuse.
And then I said I don't want towrite that book.
Obviously that's not whathappened.
(33:27):
There were stories that came upand wanted to be told.
I continued to do healing workso I could write them along the
way, as I would share storieswith others about what I was
working on, what I was writing,the process I was going through,
the emotions I was experiencing.
I found that people felt veryconnected when I shared them,
(33:51):
because they may have had thatexperience too, or something
similar, and now they could talkabout it.
Jen (33:57):
There is healing and sharing.
As you know, yes, i do know andI am so glad that you shared
your story, because there aregoing to be others, as you know,
who will hear it and relate toit.
No, they're not alone And, likeyou said, they reach out to you
as well to share their story.
(34:17):
People share with people thatthey know have been through
something similar.
There's comfort in that.
Julie (34:24):
I think, an important thing to notice.
not like my book is filled withhorror stories of my abuse
There's a couple of stories inthere about that But this is
really about the healing.
This is about learning to sayno.
This is about learningboundaries and being able to set
them and keep them.
This is about that story ofworthiness that I told you.
(34:46):
That's in my book.
The time that I apologized to myhusband that's in my book.
The forgiveness letter I toldyou that I wrote.
the coach told me what to say.
That's in the book, the letter,literally.
I found my journal and put itin there.
And the whole forgivenessprocess, the eight steps that I
went through that's in my book.
It's not that it's a how to forother people, but as people
(35:12):
read my stories they go, ooh, ihave that too.
Wow, this could help me.
Or they have the awareness thatthey need to work on it as well
, because my things aren't sounique to me.
What I talk about in there isuniversal.
Most people have had trauma,whether it's sexual abuse or not
.
they've had trauma and theymight have a hard time saying no
(35:35):
.
They might have a hard timesetting boundaries.
That's what the book is aboutis learning to figure out who
the heck I am, learning to usemy voice in a much loving manner
and to free myself from my past, from all that pain, and moving
(35:57):
into a better space for myfuture.
Jen (36:00):
And we cannot forget how to beat the whack-a-mole game.
Wack-a-mole is chapter two.
Yeah, i used to play that gameas a child.
Julie, tell our audience wherewe can find this amazing,
inspirational book.
Julie (36:21):
I think the easiest way is juliejackiecom.
J-U-L-I-E-J-A-C-K-Ycom.
I have a book tab on there andI have the links where you can
get it.
on Amazon, you can get a signedcopy that I'll ship to you.
You can get it.
I recorded it, so it's onaudiobook and it's also
available e-book.
However you like to read, it'savailable to you.
(36:46):
You can also learn on mywebsite about tapping.
I have a women's tapping circlethat I do on a regular basis
and you can connect with me onall my socials and find those on
my website as well.
Jen (36:59):
I love it.
Thank you so much, and I willhave all of that information in
the show notes as well for youto easily link to Wonderful.
Well, julie, i am so thankfulthat you are here today.
I'm thankful that you are myfriend.
I can't wait to see you again.
Is there anything that I haveforgotten that you want to add
(37:20):
to this message?
Julie (37:22):
Take enough time to care for ourselves, and learning
self-care is criticallyimportant, as is healing our
past.
Even though somebody else hurtus and we aren't at fault for
that, it is our responsibilityto heal ourselves.
(37:42):
Nobody else can do it, and whenwe realize that and others can
inspire us along the way, thenwe know that we can do it too,
and I think that is a bigmessage in my book.
Jen (37:59):
Your words.
It's our responsibility for ourhealing.
It's not really something thatI thought about before.
So when you said that, i waslike, yeah, i get that.
So thank you for again puttingwords into something that it's
like I think I knew, but Ididn't know Anything else.
Julie (38:19):
You're so cute.
Jen (38:21):
I told you, i try to make this fun and just make you
comfortable and lighthearted,but that's honestly really easy
to do with you.
It's not hard, thank you.
You're welcome, julie.
Thank you for being my guesttoday.
Julie (38:37):
Thank you for having me.
Jen (38:38):
Absolutely.
This is Jen Lee with the I NeedBlue podcast.
You can find all of theepisodes on your favorite
podcast platform, but also mywebsite, wwwineadbluenet.
And remember you are strongerthan you think.
you are stronger than you think.
Don't believe me, we're aboutto prove it.
Welcome back.
This is Jen Lee, creator andhost of I Need Blue podcast.
(00:21):
True Crime to True Life.
As a survivor of arm droperyand abduction, i understand the
trauma and triggers survivorsexperience Knowing this and
through my powerful podcast, ioffer survivors a safe place to
share their lived experiences.
(00:41):
Survivors need blue to feelthey belong, they are loved,
understood and my favoriteempowered.
Please note I Need Blue doescontain sensitive topics which
could be triggering.
Please seek help if needed andremember you always come first.
I Need Blue episodes can befound on Apple Podcasts, spotify
(01:06):
and many listening platforms,including my website,
wwwineedbluenet.
There you will find all theepisodes, valuable resources,
safety tips, my newly releasedbook and e-book Why I Survived
by Jennifer Lee, and if yourpassion is to learn to podcast,
(01:30):
you will find a learn to podcastPDF available as well.
I would like to thank Shar Good, the talented violinist who
composed and performed thisopening music.
You can find information aboutShar Good on my website.
As always, thank you forlistening.
(01:50):
Let's introduce today's specialguest, julie Jackie.
She is a survivor of childhoodsexual abuse and wrote a book on
the other side which is aspiritual memoir of her healing
journey.
I have started reading thisbook and I know, through reading
(02:10):
the pages and my conversationswith Julie, the courage it took
her to put pen to paper.
She is raw and vulnerable.
The story pulls at everyemotion inside you.
Her story is one of healing andforgiveness and she is here to
share it with us today.
(02:32):
Julie has found purpose inhelping others.
She is a spiritual coach,author and certified emotional
freedom technique practitioner,also known as EFT and tapping.
She has over 20 years ofcoaching and business experience
and loves helping women ontheir healing journey deepen
(02:55):
their personal relationshipswith themselves and others.
I am here to say that I haveexperienced a tapping session
with Julie and I did not realizehow un-relaxed I really was.
For my session we focused on myanxiety associated with public
(03:15):
speaking, which I know many ofyou experience.
It was quite amazing thetransformation I felt inside by
the time we were finished.
I felt I wanted to go out andtell everybody about this
experience.
I wanted them to feel howwonderful I felt.
Anyway, we're going to talkabout that a little bit later,
(03:38):
but right now, i am honored tointroduce Julie.
She's my friend and I amthankful that you are joining me
today on the I Need Bluepodcast.
Julie (03:50):
Oh, jen, i am so honored to be here.
Thank you so much for invitingme to be on your awesome podcast
.
Jen (04:00):
Thank you, oh, you're so welcome.
I'm happy you are here.
I'm really glad that I was ableto experience the EFT.
The tapping with you is quiteamazing For you.
because of your story, becauseof what you went through in your
childhood, you found that themost effective way for you to
(04:20):
deal with your trauma wasthrough the EFT helping.
That's what motivated you,because you wanted to help
others the way it had helped you.
So can we start a little bittalking about your story and
your book, because that,ultimately, is what led you into
helping others.
Julie (04:38):
Yeah, i'd be honored to.
I was sexually abused betweenage 11 and 17 by the same person
who was my brother's friend andmy best friend's brother, and
they were neighbors of ours, sowe were together a lot Over
those years.
I never knew when I was goingto be abused or what was going
(05:03):
to happen next.
And as he got more brave,situations escalated.
They ultimately ended when mystepfather came running down
into the house where we were andhe was abusing me And my
stepfather lucky for the personwho abused me didn't see it.
(05:27):
But had he, things wouldn'thave ended well.
And that moment was a powerfulmoment because things ended
physically, but emotionally theydidn't end until I started
dealing with him way later,three decades later, in my 40s.
(05:48):
I had the thought, and as Italked to other women who've
been abused in some fashionsexual, mental, emotional,
physical abuse I had the thoughtthat, well, he didn't penetrate
me with his penis, so I'm okay,i don't need to go to therapy.
There's other people who've hadit way worse than me.
(06:11):
They've been raped, they gotpregnant.
Whatever story I made up aboutminimizing my experience And I
was woefully wrong I did needhelp because, being abused over
and over, i had behaviors that Iunknowingly created to protect
(06:36):
myself and cope, and thosepermeated my whole life.
They impacted my significantother relationships And,
honestly, i didn't know thatuntil 15 years after my divorce,
when I was sitting in thetherapist's office and I
recognized my own contributionto my failing marriage, which
(07:00):
led me to promptly apologize tomy ex-husband.
Jen (07:03):
Well, that's an amazing step in itself.
Can I go back?
Because I think there is thisperception that sexual abuse is
perpetrated by an adult right,but that was not the case in
your situation.
It was teenage boys, and haveyou found now, in sharing your
(07:28):
story and speaking with otherwomen, that that is more common
than we think?
Julie (07:33):
I think it's for sure more common than we think.
I don't know the statistics onwhat age people are when they
abuse, but I've heard so manystories about babysitters
abusing the children they'rebabysitting sexually.
Because I've opened up andshared my story, when people
(07:56):
read it, they come and talk tome and tell me their story And
oftentimes they've never toldanybody before, just like I
didn't.
And not telling isn't becausewe don't want to heal, it's just
not telling.
I made that decision when I was11 years old to not tell, and I
made that decision because Ididn't think people would
(08:17):
believe me over the person whoabused me and I didn't want to
lose my friendship with my bestfriend.
It was an 11-year-old decisionand it stuck for years.
But back to your question aboutessentially kids abusing kids.
Frankly, it happens a lot.
Jen (08:38):
I think you're right about that And it's not a conversation
that we have because that'sunthinkable, but as we continue
to talk about it, it'll bringlight to the situation.
You spoke about how you hadparticular behaviors and that
you didn't realize that theywere associated with the trauma
(09:00):
that you had experienced,beginning at age 11.
So for people listening, canyou share some examples, because
they may be in their 40slooking back on their life like
I can't believe I did that, notreally realizing that they were
trying to protect themselves?
Julie (09:20):
One of them that comes to mind immediately is I blocked
off my heart.
I closed it off to protectmyself.
So when we close our heart offto protect ourselves, so bad
people won't hurt us, we're alsoclosing our heart off to good
people, And we're closing it offboth ways.
(09:41):
We think we're just closing itoff to protect from incoming
hurt, But we're closing ourheart off to the outside too.
It goes both ways.
And so I thought I loved myhusband, and I think I did at
that time And I did the best Icould.
But I really wasn't fully open.
(10:04):
I wasn't open to fullyexperience a relationship, to
fully explore that unconditionallove from another human, an
adult human, because I had shutmy heart off to protect myself,
keep myself safe, so I wouldn'tever be a victim again.
That was literally my thinking.
Jen (10:27):
Yeah, the heart is a very delicate thing And sometimes it
creates this almost distortedview of love.
Like your definition of lovechanges in what it should look
like when you go throughsomething like that.
Did you find that in yourexperience too?
Julie (10:43):
I did when I was young, and I think this is part of
being sexually abused as well.
I confused love and sex andthought that they were like one
in the same, or you needed tohave sex with somebody.
For me, i choose men.
I thought I needed to have sexwith them in order for them to
(11:05):
love me, and I found that iscommon with women who've been
abused as well.
We confuse love and sex anddon't know that they're
different and don't understandthat, and I really didn't
understand that until I was, idon't know, somewhere in my mid
(11:26):
to late 30s.
For me, when I gave sex or hadsex when I was in high school, i
was giving my power away, nottaking it back.
Jen (11:38):
And how did that make you feel later in life, looking back
on that?
Julie (11:43):
I used to feel shame and embarrassment and I used to
judge the heck out of myself andput myself down until I went
through therapy and I couldunderstand my behaviors and have
some compassion for myself.
I was doing the best that Icould, knowing what I knew, And
(12:04):
I can see it for that now And Ican love myself.
That's where I was.
Jen (12:10):
I love that.
I went to church on Sunday andone of the biggest message that
he said was forgive yourself,god's already forgiven you.
It was rather empoweringbecause you were able to say I'm
sorry to your ex-husband And itprobably took you much longer
to have that forgiveness forJulie.
Julie (12:33):
I actually went through a forgiveness workshop.
I had been coaching with acoach I think this was
pre-therapy And she wanted me towrite a letter to the person
who abused me and forgive him.
And I just thought she was offher rocker.
How could I possibly forgivehim for what he did?
(12:57):
And yet I wanted to forgivebecause that's the right thing
to do, or that's what we'retaught to do, and maybe I would
feel better.
There's a couple of things thatI took away during that
experience.
One was she said a phrase thatstuck with me and I understand
(13:20):
it more than ever.
And it's hurt people hurtpeople.
And she wanted me to understandthat.
His behaviors he's just a yearolder than me and he's sexually
abusing me.
Something is happening to himto cause him to do that to me,
because that is not normalbehavior.
(13:41):
When she first brought that up,i was pissed Like what.
I'm the one who is hurt, and Ihad to think about it in a
different way, and that was thefirst time I ever thought about
him.
I had always thought about me,and that's hard to do when
somebody hurts you, but it tookme a while to fully understand
(14:07):
that.
So she had me write out thisletter to him.
I wasn't gonna mail it to himor anything like that.
It was for me to forgive him.
Frankly, i just did whatevershe told me to do.
I just wrote down what she saidto write And although looking
back on the letter and Iincluded this in my book looking
back at the letter it seemslike I forgave him.
(14:28):
But frankly, i half asked it.
I just did what she told me todo because I wanted to be done
with it.
But after I went through therapyand did a ton of tapping on
different aspects of the abuse,i wanted to forgive him.
It's something about forgivingsomebody else.
(14:50):
It's not condoning theirbehavior, it's not saying, oh,
that's okay, it's not.
I didn't go to him to forgivehim.
I forgave him to free myselfAnd that was powerful And I
share this workshop in my booktoo.
I volunteered to be the personwho demoed forgiveness process
(15:14):
in front of everybody And I didthat because I didn't wanna let
myself off the hook like I haddone in the letter that I had
wrote several years earlier.
I wanted to forgive And I did.
I was embarrassing to do thatin front of the group, but man
was it powerful And so freeingemotionally, physically,
(15:38):
mentally in every aspect.
It was so freeing And I felt aconnection with God during that
process as well.
That was profound And I just Iremember seeing this white light
come in at the end of theforgiveness process, like
(15:59):
freeing me, and it was sobeautiful.
Jen (16:03):
That is amazing And I get to see you as you are speaking
those words and feel it in yourenergy And that is amazing And
that is possible for everyone.
But it took a lot for you totake that step And to volunteer
to get up in front of them andbe that person.
So kudos to you.
I'm so glad you did because Isee that just how wonderful it
(16:27):
has been for you.
Heart people, heart people.
Can I ask you a question And Iapologize if it's uncomfortable.
Once you heard that, was therea part of you that wanted to
reach out to him and just haveconversation, like did somebody
hurt you?
Julie (16:46):
Yeah, i think I've been curious like what happened to
you and have you been able to doyour own healing work on this
journey?
because For you to do what youdid to me, clearly you were hurt
, like somebody was hurting you,but also you were hurting me,
(17:06):
and so now like your hurtsandwich, because you got hurt
and you're hurting, and so I'vebeen curious about it, but I've
never had the desire to reachout to him.
Jen (17:23):
Right now, let's go back to age 35, which is decades after
the abuse occurred, and thenstop.
You ended up in a marriagewhich ended in divorce.
What happened then?
after that?
What path did you end up on?
Julie (17:43):
so I got divorced when I was 30 and Became a single mom.
I think at that point in mylife I was just going through
motions and Trying to figurethings out and trying to make
money.
I had a lot of focus of, youknow, wanting to do the next
thing that I could make a lot ofmoney on and have financial
(18:05):
freedom.
I had a jewelry business.
I used to hand make beadedjewelry for 10 years and I had a
online travel website and Iused to teach people how to book
travel online when it was new.
And Then we had a recession,and both of those are
(18:29):
discretionary income businessesBecause when a recession hits,
people stop traveling right.
Jen (18:38):
That becomes a luxury and not so much a necessity.
Julie (18:41):
Yeah, Yeah and so while Commissions were still coming in
like it didn't hit me rightaway All of a sudden the
commissions abruptly stoppedbecause people had stopped
traveling and I realized I wasin a little bit of travel there
and I started pulling money outof my retirement account and
(19:02):
ultimately I didn't make endsmeet.
I was Going bankrupt, bothfinancially and emotionally.
And I think that thatbankruptcy process because
literally I filed bankruptcy Itwas one of The hardest decisions
to make because I thought itwas a failure.
I Just remember one of myfriends pulling me aside and
(19:25):
said you know, julie,bankruptcies put in place to
help people like you do a resetso you can start fresh again and
Do things different the nexttime, so you can get that relief
.
And I remember I got Served atthe door by a sheriff because I
(19:46):
owed the credit card companyMoney and I hadn't paid them,
and so they were suing me, andRightfully so, but I did not
have the money to pay them atthat time.
That's why I ended up filingbankruptcy.
But I think that was a keyturning point for me because I
had to make massive changes inmy beliefs, in my thoughts
(20:11):
around money but also life, andI think that that bankruptcy was
really a wake-up call, and Thatwake-up call is, then, what
pivoted me and propelled me intoMy healing journey.
And while it still took me a fewyears before I started up
therapy and started dealing withThe childhood sexual abuse, it
(20:35):
started propelling me onto ajourney, and that's when EFT
entered my life as well.
I Remember I heard EFT tapping,eft tapping and, and You know,
when something repeats over andover you, like it's a sign I
should pay attention.
Yes, so I looked up EFT and andfound that EFT and tapping are
(21:00):
the same thing, and EFT, as yousaid in the intro, stands for
emotional freedom technique, andI took a community ed class so
I could learn more about it, andI had a good experience enough
that I Was interested inlearning more, so I took an
online course About weight lossand body confidence.
(21:22):
When I was taking that,memories started resurfacing
from the childhood sexual abuse.
Jen (21:29):
Had you had those memories before you started this process,
like flashbacks, i suppose.
I.
Julie (21:36):
Think maybe there were a few here and there, but I was
really great at playingwhack-a-mole.
I Would whack those down asfast as I could, but after I
started the tapping, theystarted coming up more
frequently.
I think that is because it wastime to deal with it.
It's like my Body and mysubconscious are like hey, julie
(22:00):
, hey, we're trying to get yourattention, you should do
something.
And you know what you resistPersist, it doesn't go away Just
because you ignore it.
It didn't go away.
It's decades later and here itis coming up.
And so that's really when myBig tapping journey began.
(22:21):
Never planning to become an EFTpractitioner, because it's
crazy, it looks weird And it'snot normal.
It impacted me so much Like mybody calmed down, like you said
when you tap with me, how calmyour body became, and you didn't
even know that it wasn't calm.
(22:42):
I had that same experience Andthat calmness inside.
Don't you want more of it?
Jen (22:49):
Absolutely, it was amazing.
You know my husband might saysomething.
I was like OK, that's fine, itwas great, that was not a drug,
that was not a prescription,like literally, that was just my
body, Yeah, just reacting, yeah, the freedom, like you said,
(23:10):
amazing.
Julie (23:11):
I don't think we realize how much we walk around with our
cortisol levels.
High cortisol is our stresshormone And I think it's even
more prevalent since 2020.
More and more people theiranxiety is just off the charts
And we don't realize how much wejust walk around every day
(23:36):
feeling very stressed out andoverwhelmed and anxious.
This tapping when we tap onmeridian endpoints with our
fingertips which, by the way,that's pretty amazing, we have
fingers and we can tap on pointson our body and it helps calm
(23:57):
us Like our body is amazing.
I love it.
Jen (24:02):
It really is.
Are you tapping now Or now?
I'm just curious.
Ha, ha, ha ha.
Julie (24:09):
You know because I taught you that you can tap on the
sides of your fingertips andnobody has to see that you're
doing that.
I was just right at thebeginning of our time just to
make sure that I came in reallycalm inside, not because I was
anxious to have thisconversation, but just
(24:29):
supporting my body.
so I stay calm.
Jen (24:33):
I love that supporting your body So many times.
We're like our body mustsupport us, right?
Thank you for sharing that.
Yeah, so you were telling usabout your EFT journey and not
planning to become apractitioner, but you did
because you felt so calm.
Julie (24:50):
Ha ha ha.
I was that first weekendcertification.
I got rid of craving forchocolate, i reduced pain in my
body, my body felt calmer.
I connected with other peoplewho were interested in learning
about this and curious.
We did several differentpractice sessions and I was
(25:13):
blown away the shift.
Each and every five or 10minute session We learned
different techniques and I'mchuckling because I now call
myself a tapping geek.
It started back then, but I dothings.
I tap on almost anything Like Itry it on everything because
(25:37):
why not?
I've done crazy experimentswith my friend who I call
Tapping Patty.
We literally decided we wantedto tap for eight hours in one
day to see what would happen Andwe both learned so much and how
the mind and body is connectedand how emotions stay trapped in
(25:59):
our body until we acknowledgethem and process and let them go
.
I had different pain points inmy body that came up during our
eight hours and at that time Ididn't understand the connection
and I kind of ignored the painI felt in my arm And that was a
big mistake.
(26:19):
Continued to feel this pain forthe next week And I was talking
with my chiropractor.
I'm like why I just have thispain.
It was after tapping And shesaid well, that's emotion, and
the energy was trying to go outyour arm, but you didn't allow
it to, so it got stuck in there.
Oh, i get it, because it leavesour body in all different ways.
(26:43):
So if you are in the middle oftapping and all of a sudden a
pain comes up in your body or asensation, it doesn't have to
hurt.
Some kind of sensation comes upin your body, whether it's in
your arm or your heart or yourthroat.
You just keep tapping and itwill dissipate.
It's pretty profound.
Jen (27:03):
So when you had that pain in your arm to release it, we'll
call it would you just tap yourarm then Like how would you
have released that?
Julie (27:13):
No, you don't actually tap where it hurts.
You tap on a set meridianpoints.
So everybody, just grab yourhand and take your fingertips
and just start at the top ofyour head.
You can just tap right on thetop of your head And then
there's three points around theeye.
(27:33):
There's one on the inside ofthe eye, so I take two fingers
and I'm tapping by the bridge ofthe nose and by my eyebrow, and
then the next one is on theoutside of the eye.
You kind of feel where thecorner of your eye comes
together.
You're just tapping therelightly And then under your eye,
on the bone.
(27:53):
The next point is under thenose crease in your chin, and
you're just tapping there with acouple of your fingers And then
you move on to the collar boneand under the armpit, so like
three to four inches down underyour armpit, ladies, where your
broadband would be And then youjust keep repeating those points
over and over.
(28:14):
So if you have that pain in yourarm again, you're not tapping
on your arm, you're tapping onthose points.
And so you just start at thetop of the head, you work your
way down and you repeat themover and over, while you're
focusing your attention on thepain in your arm because you
want to acknowledge it.
And as you do that, you willnotice like, literally, it will
(28:37):
dissipate And sometimes yourmind will start to wander And so
you just bring it back to whatyou're doing.
You're focusing on thatsensation in your arm And then
notice how it shifts and changesAnd you tap until it goes away.
And that could take two minutes, it could take five minutes, it
could take eight minutes, butwhat's eight minutes?
(28:57):
to get that out of your arm andlet that?
whatever that emotion is?
Because I didn't even know whatit was related to when I had
that experience.
I just knew I wasn't going todo that again.
Jen (29:09):
Yeah, That's great.
So thank you for sharing thosemeridian points with us.
Earlier you said oh, you justyou tap anywhere because you
were curious as to what that wasgoing to do?
Julie (29:22):
What I mean is I tap on any topic, any pain, any
experience.
I try tapping on anything Ipossibly can.
So if I have a headache, I trytapping to help release the
headache.
Jen (29:39):
That is wonderful And I can see by you getting those
results why you were like I justdiscovered something amazing
that is easy to do And I want tohelp people.
I want to teach them this.
Julie (29:54):
I had amazing results and I didn't know how profound it
would be.
I knew there was something bigto this and I wanted to learn
more.
But when I say that that wasjust the beginning, when I was
going through my healing process, i used EFT all the time.
(30:18):
An example is I tapped on theperson's name who abused me, and
that might sound funny, but wecarry a lot of emotion in
people's names.
So if you think about an ex andhow you don't even want to say
their name out loud, that'sbecause there's emotion in it.
And when I first tapped on hisname, i did not want to even say
(30:43):
his name.
I couldn't get it out of mymouth without crying And so I
just kept tapping as I wascrying And then eventually I
said his name and I repeated itenough until it just became a
name And it didn't.
There was no emotion around itanymore.
It's just.
That was just a name That waspowerful and that allowed me to
(31:05):
continue doing other work, toheal other memories that I had
that I experienced.
Jen (31:12):
Let's talk about your book.
It's beautiful, it'sintentional And it has this
beautiful butterfly on front andshe even has it flying forward
And she explained because thishealing journey is way for her
to move forward, like she wasvery intentional in the way she
set up her book.
Can you tell us about your bookon the other side?
Julie (31:38):
It was never a book I wanted to write.
I was in the process of writinga book proposal for EFT on
business.
I was all prepared to talkabout tapping and networking,
tapping on public speaking, allthe things that we need to be
able to do as entrepreneurs andto do them confidently.
(32:00):
Well, i put my book proposal onhold while I was wrapping up a
different project And I pickedmy book proposal back up in the
new year And when I did, i hadthis really strong feeling
inside that I was writing thewrong book.
But I had no idea what the bookright book was then Like okay,
(32:21):
well, if this is wrong, thenwhat is right?
And I had this urge to sit andwrite out all these different
things that I had done in mylife, kind of over a 10 year
span.
And then I had a call with mycoach who was helping me with my
book proposal And I said I'mwriting the wrong book And I
(32:42):
have this list of things I canfelt compelled to write out And
I don't know how to proceedbecause I don't know what the
right book is.
And we went through the list.
She asked me a bunch of greatquestions to help me figure out
what was significant about mewriting those things And she
came up with this is aboutrelationships.
I said I don't know if that'sright And I sat with it for a
(33:07):
bit and I realized you know whatthis is about relationships?
It's about relationship withmyself and relationships with
other, but it's all stemmingaround healing and forgiveness
after childhood sexual abuse.
And then I said I don't want towrite that book.
Obviously that's not whathappened.
(33:27):
There were stories that came upand wanted to be told.
I continued to do healing workso I could write them along the
way, as I would share storieswith others about what I was
working on, what I was writing,the process I was going through,
the emotions I was experiencing.
I found that people felt veryconnected when I shared them,
(33:51):
because they may have had thatexperience too, or something
similar, and now they could talkabout it.
Jen (33:57):
There is healing and sharing.
As you know, yes, i do know andI am so glad that you shared
your story, because there aregoing to be others, as you know,
who will hear it and relate toit.
No, they're not alone And, likeyou said, they reach out to you
as well to share their story.
(34:17):
People share with people thatthey know have been through
something similar.
There's comfort in that.
Julie (34:24):
I think, an important thing to notice.
not like my book is filled withhorror stories of my abuse
There's a couple of stories inthere about that But this is
really about the healing.
This is about learning to sayno.
This is about learningboundaries and being able to set
them and keep them.
This is about that story ofworthiness that I told you.
(34:46):
That's in my book.
The time that I apologized to myhusband that's in my book.
The forgiveness letter I toldyou that I wrote.
the coach told me what to say.
That's in the book, the letter,literally.
I found my journal and put itin there.
And the whole forgivenessprocess, the eight steps that I
went through that's in my book.
It's not that it's a how to forother people, but as people
(35:12):
read my stories they go, ooh, ihave that too.
Wow, this could help me.
Or they have the awareness thatthey need to work on it as well
, because my things aren't sounique to me.
What I talk about in there isuniversal.
Most people have had trauma,whether it's sexual abuse or not
.
they've had trauma and theymight have a hard time saying no
(35:35):
.
They might have a hard timesetting boundaries.
That's what the book is aboutis learning to figure out who
the heck I am, learning to usemy voice in a much loving manner
and to free myself from my past, from all that pain, and moving
(35:57):
into a better space for myfuture.
Jen (36:00):
And we cannot forget how to beat the whack-a-mole game.
Wack-a-mole is chapter two.
Yeah, i used to play that gameas a child.
Julie, tell our audience wherewe can find this amazing,
inspirational book.
Julie (36:21):
I think the easiest way is juliejackiecom.
J-U-L-I-E-J-A-C-K-Ycom.
I have a book tab on there andI have the links where you can
get it.
on Amazon, you can get a signedcopy that I'll ship to you.
You can get it.
I recorded it, so it's onaudiobook and it's also
available e-book.
However you like to read, it'savailable to you.
(36:46):
You can also learn on mywebsite about tapping.
I have a women's tapping circlethat I do on a regular basis
and you can connect with me onall my socials and find those on
my website as well.
Jen (36:59):
I love it.
Thank you so much, and I willhave all of that information in
the show notes as well for youto easily link to Wonderful.
Well, julie, i am so thankfulthat you are here today.
I'm thankful that you are myfriend.
I can't wait to see you again.
Is there anything that I haveforgotten that you want to add
(37:20):
to this message?
Julie (37:22):
Take enough time to care for ourselves, and learning
self-care is criticallyimportant, as is healing our
past.
Even though somebody else hurtus and we aren't at fault for
that, it is our responsibilityto heal ourselves.
(37:42):
Nobody else can do it, and whenwe realize that and others can
inspire us along the way, thenwe know that we can do it too,
and I think that is a bigmessage in my book.
Jen (37:59):
Your words.
It's our responsibility for ourhealing.
It's not really something thatI thought about before.
So when you said that, i waslike, yeah, i get that.
So thank you for again puttingwords into something that it's
like I think I knew, but Ididn't know Anything else.
Julie (38:19):
You're so cute.
Jen (38:21):
I told you, i try to make this fun and just make you
comfortable and lighthearted,but that's honestly really easy
to do with you.
It's not hard, thank you.
You're welcome, julie.
Thank you for being my guesttoday.
Julie (38:37):
Thank you for having me.
Jen (38:38):
Absolutely.
This is Jen Lee with the I NeedBlue podcast.
You can find all of theepisodes on your favorite
podcast platform, but also mywebsite, wwwineadbluenet.
And remember you are strongerthan you think.
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