December 8, 2025 • 48 mins
If you’ve wrestled with father wounds, homelessness stigma, invisible illness, or the weight of expectations, this story offers a map and a hand to hold.
We trace Jordan’s path from constant moves and a distant father to finding a home in faith, leading peers, serving in the Marines, living with an undiagnosed illness, and mentoring students through Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA). A story of forgiveness, community, purpose, and joy that holds under pressure.
Connect with Jordan:
Brevard County FCA
Phone: (321) 419-7399
Email: jiris@fca.org
Website: https://my.fca.org/?form=jordaniris
Connect with Jen:
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By sharing the hidden lines of our stories, we remind each other we are not alone — together, we step out of hiding and into healing.
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Memoir: Why I Survived, by Jennifer Lee on Amazon
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Jordan doesn't just carry a story, he carries a
testament, a life marked bysearching for roots and
ultimately finding them in God.
Since childhood, Jordan hasknown what it means to adapt.
With a father in the military,constant moves meant constant
(00:22):
change.
While he searched for a place tocall home, his heart longed for
something deeper, a relationshipwith his dad, a place to plant
roots, to learn, to love and togrow together.
Though his dad was present, hewas absent in the ways Jordan
needed most.
(00:42):
Each year, Jordan would blow outhis birthday candles with the
same quiet wish to see his dadin the stands cheering at his
game, or simply to have a gameof catch in the backyard.
By middle school, his parentshad separated and eventually
divorced.
As a teenager, Jordan foundhimself in Florida living with
(01:06):
his mom and sister.
And while life kept shifting,his mom and sister remained his
constants, the ones who steadiedhim and reminded him that love
was still real.
Once again, with this move, hehoped maybe this would be it.
Maybe this year when he closedhis eyes over his candles, he
(01:31):
would finally find the father'slove he was searching for.
And God, in his timing,answered.
That move to Melbourne, Floridaled Jordan to a youth group
where his faith was ignited.
There he discovered not justcommunity, but the steady,
(01:52):
unshakable love of God.
He finally found home, not in ahouse, but in a savior.
As Jordan shares his testamentthrough homelessness, military
service, and battling anundiagnosed illness, you'll hear
how surrender turned his paininto strength and his wandering
(02:15):
into worship.
His faith will move you.
It brought tears to my eyes, andit will to yours.
Jordan, you are an inspiration.
You remind us that even in ourhardest, loneliest paths, God's
light never fails to breakthrough the darkness.
(02:38):
Jordan, thank you for being myguest today.
I am so glad we connected.
Welcome to the I Need BluePodcast.
SPEAKER_01 (02:49):
Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_00 (02:51):
Absolutely.
It's always interesting how I amconnected to people.
Uh, and it actually started withme being connected to your mom
first.
And she said to me, you know, myson, he has a journey, he has a
story, and I said, Well, let'sconnect.
And you and I had an amazingconversation.
You've gone through adversity,and here you are talking with me
(03:14):
today.
And I don't want to forget,thank you for your service.
SPEAKER_01 (03:18):
Oh, no problem, not at all.
SPEAKER_00 (03:19):
So if we can go ahead and kind of dig into your
childhood and what that lookedlike for you.
SPEAKER_01 (03:26):
Yes, absolutely.
I was born in Auburn, Alabama.
For my mom, she was in collegeat the time.
And when I was about two weeksold, I left Alabama and we ended
up in Wisconsin.
Um, that's where all my family'sfrom.
My my grandparents, my aunts,and uncles, and my mom, my
sister, and my biological fatherwere all born in the same
hospital in the same small townin Wisconsin.
(03:46):
So wow.
That's where I started uh mylife just growing up there.
During that time, um movedaround quite a bit.
Uh my biological father was inthe army.
So the longest really stayedsomewhere was about two years.
The shortest I've definitely wasabout like four months.
We just constantly on the move,bouncing from school to school
and just from house to house.
(04:07):
And my relationship with my momand sister was always very, very
strong.
But even when my biologicalfather was present, um, it just
felt like he was absent.
Didn't really want a lot to doin my life or my sister's life,
it wasn't gonna be easy.
I just started to notice that nomatter what I did or what I said
or what I tried to do, Icouldn't please my biological
(04:28):
father.
It was either his way or thehighway.
And whether that came through umwords he would say or or you
know, just emotional things, um,I could tell that I couldn't I
couldn't live up to theexpectation that he had.
Or um if there was somethingthat I wanted to do, it was it
was about him and not and notme, my sister and my mom.
(04:48):
I remember whenever he went anddeployed um when I was about
second grade, uh, he went toIraq.
After he came back, it was justit was just different.
And I just felt thatrelationship strained just even
more.
Moved forward just a few years,I'm in about fourth grade, and
then my my parents separate.
Didn't really go into detailwhy, but he just wasn't living
(05:10):
at the house.
I was just like, okay, that's alittle weird, but I still saw
him pretty much all the time.
When I was finishing up myfourth grade, no, my fifth grade
year, he ended up moving down toArizona.
I mean, we were staying inWisconsin.
I was like, okay, now he's far.
So I don't I don't really seehim.
After some time, my mom decided,like, okay, we're gonna move
down to Arizona and try andreconcile and bring that family
(05:33):
back together.
So going into my sixth gradeyear, I moved up from all my
family and friends at the timeto a brand new place across the
country where I didn't know asoul.
And we just started going toschool there down in uh Yuma,
Arizona.
So I went from extreme cold inWisconsin to this blazing
desert.
So it was definitely atransition with that as well.
(05:54):
My parents, you know, moved inand we were trying to just make
it work.
Unfortunately, it just wasn'tgoing very well.
Remember just one time my my momand sister and I were going out
to uh to dinner.
My biological father was outdoing something.
I don't I forget what he wassupposed to be doing.
But then I remember we were wewere coming back home and we saw
his car drive in the otherdirection, and he had another
(06:16):
woman in the pasture seat, and Iwas the one that like saw it,
and I was just like, hey, mom, Ithink that's you know, him.
Um and it was ultimately myparents ended up divorcing.
All those things just kind ofcome together and and it just
didn't wasn't working out.
I didn't feel like that feltlike my mom was fine and he
wasn't, and they just decided toto separate and go their
(06:37):
separate ways.
Even though my relationship withmy biological father was not
good.
It still hurt because it's like,oh now my family's just gonna be
one of those families that'sbroken, and you know, two
Christmases and and all that.
So that was just definitely ahard thing to hear when they
finally sat us down and saidwe're getting, you know,
(06:58):
divorce.
And I knew at that moment I wasgonna have a lot of
responsibility thrown on myshoulders really, really
quickly.
SPEAKER_00 (07:06):
You know, many times we think about the spouse, uh
the military spouse and thesacrifices that they make,
right?
Also moving around all the time.
But I've never had the voice ofa child of a military family to
share what it was like for them.
(07:26):
So this is very insightful forme, you know, but I think also
for others too.
Lots of shifting, and it soundslike there was a big change
after your dad was deployed andcame back.
Um, his behavior towards youchanged.
And did it change in the familyas well, like for your mom and
(07:47):
your sister, or was it just kindof targeted towards you?
SPEAKER_01 (07:50):
Um, it was definitely definitely towards
all of us.
You know, he treated my mom andsister one way that he didn't
treat me.
He treat I think he treated themmore.
I think the right word to put itis like you just the things he
would say, like emotional abuse,if anything, versus like me was
less emotional and more likephysical.
But both were unfortunately justnegative, how he treated us all.
SPEAKER_00 (08:12):
Absolutely.
And we talked about um how hewould miss baseball games and
things like that.
How did that make you feel?
SPEAKER_01 (08:21):
It definitely hurt quite a bit because I again I
think I was always searching forthat approval.
Um, and I think every young boywants, you know, approval of
their dad.
So when I would, you know, playsports, um and I I do well, and
he just wouldn't be there to beable to see it.
It hurt because I was like,look, I'm I'm I'm actually doing
well.
He wouldn't be there, but hewould turn to social media and
(08:41):
talk about how proud he is,about how well I'm doing during
these events when he's notpresent at them.
So I wonder if it was just oneof those things like to make it
look like he was more involvedthan he was and just to save
face versus actually being therewhen I needed him.
SPEAKER_00 (08:58):
How did you emotionally deal with that?
And how did your then positionwithin the family unit change?
SPEAKER_01 (09:07):
It was definitely a hard thing.
And I I began to try and findthings to to make me feel
better, to fill that, fill thatup.
You know, in middle school, umin middle of high school, I
just, you know, started dating.
I tried to get involved with allthe sports that I could just to
keep myself busy and occupied tofeel fulfilled.
I started going to youth groupum for the first time, but still
(09:28):
wasn't really understanding whoGod was and what that was all
about.
And then the shift of like menow knowing that, oh, now I'm
the only man in the house and Ihave to be the man of the house.
Um and I just know like how muchI was hurting my mom and
affecting her and my and mysister, so I I felt like I had
to step up, even though I didn'tknow what that looked like or
(09:49):
what that meant, especially asI'm middle schooler and just
trying to be emotionallyavailable if my mom or sister
just needed to talk or cry andtry to bear that burden of
weight that I knew that Icouldn't even handle as a kid.
SPEAKER_00 (10:03):
Was there anyone there emotionally for you?
SPEAKER_01 (10:07):
There's a few people that tried to pour into me
during that time.
Um the first time I had a firstyouth pastor that I had in
Arizona just tried to take meunder his wing and just be like,
hey man, like I'm just here totalk.
And you know, I'll just be ableto share with him, like, hey,
I'm I feel like I can't handlethis.
I feel like it's too much.
Relationship with my dad's notgreat.
(10:28):
I still hate the the divorce andjust be able to just have
someone in my corner when I feellike I didn't.
SPEAKER_00 (10:34):
There are many who would have turned to unhealthy
forms of coping, whether it bedrugs, something like that.
That was not the route that youtook.
Why do you think that is?
SPEAKER_01 (10:49):
The reason why I stayed away from like drugs or
alcohol to as a way to cope isit just kind of goes back to my
biological father and just my myfamily history, um, coming from
a long line of alcoholics andseeing that effect on my family
before I was born, you know,coming to the world and seeing
how broken and there wasn't afamily that stayed together.
(11:12):
They're all broken and divorced.
And it was just a heavy levelamount of alcoholism for my
biological father and backward.
So I knew that I didn't want toturn to those things either, um,
and not follow the same paththat has been going on for
generations.
SPEAKER_00 (11:30):
Good for you.
Break the generational uh thetrauma, the pattern.
So good for you.
And at such a young age torecognize that too.
High school became a verypivotal time for you in your own
learning and growing as a man inthe house, but also as your
faith.
(11:51):
Um, and that's kind of whereyour journey took you to
Melbourne, Florida.
SPEAKER_01 (11:55):
So that's where freshman year of high school.
I was starting to kind of getconnected.
You know, I went to school withsome of these kids in middle
school and I was transitioningto high school.
So I was bringing some of thoserelationships along with me.
It was about Christmas of myfreshman year of high school.
And at the time my mom had hadmet somebody, she got engaged,
and we ended up moving um onChristmas Day all the way from
(12:20):
Hume, Arizona, to uh downSebastian, Florida.
Another big pivotal move.
I'm in the middle of it feltlike high school when I was
trying to finally try to graspwho I am and what I wanted to
be.
And we up and left again.
And I was like, oh man, I'mlike, here we go again.
But I knew this pattern, I'veI've dealt with it so many
(12:40):
times.
I think at that point, that wasthe the 15th move that I've done
in my life.
So I was just like, all right,time to just adapt and and
overcome and make new friendsand just do it all over again.
It was it was definitely alittle bit more difficult just
because I was like, well, I'm alittle bit older now, but I'm
still having to start back atsquare one.
But I was able to get pluggedinto this church um in
(13:02):
Melbourne, Florida, um, calledFirst Baptist of Melbourne, and
I really get involved with theiryouth group for the first time
that I was like, okay, likethere's a lot of people here,
and like I feel like I can makeconnections, and I'm meeting
people that you know I'm on mysports team with with football.
So I was like, okay, like thismight be somewhere where I want
to be.
Fast forward a little bit um tothe end of my freshman year of
(13:22):
high school.
I decided to go on commissionsuh trip with the the youth group
for that summer.
Um, and we just went outbasically into the boonies up in
North Carolina and and helpedout um a lot of people out there
who didn't really have access.
Like they were in wheelchairsand stuff and helped build ramps
um in their houses where there'sjust no one out there to go and
(13:43):
and help them.
SPEAKER_00 (13:44):
Wow.
SPEAKER_01 (13:45):
I remember doing that and I still felt like
something's missing.
I was like, I'm doing all theseyou know good things, but I
still feel like like I'm notgetting it like these other
people that are there with meare.
Um I remember the the speaker atthe uh the mission strip was
just kind of talking about youknow Jesus, and I was like,
okay, I've grown up hearingJesus my whole life, and like if
(14:08):
you were to ask me, like, ohyeah, I believe in him, but my
life, if you looked at it backhome or in school, you couldn't
even tell the difference.
I was just acting like everybodyelse, saying the same things,
doing the same stuff.
Um, and that trip, I was like, Irealized I really need to make
this faith my own.
For so long it was my mom'sfaith and not mine.
(14:30):
So I was that trip, I was like,you know what?
Like, I want to you know followJesus.
And like I realized that I'venot been good and and I've I've
made all these mistakes and I'mnot perfect, but he was.
So I chose to follow Jesus onthat trip.
Come back two weeks later, I getbaptized over at Paradise Beach
with a few more of my my friendsfrom that trip.
(14:51):
And then two weeks after that, Ihit the the craziest spin that
I'd ever seen.
Where my mom, my sister, and Iended up homeless.
So in a you know, like a shortweek span, about like you know,
three, four weeks.
I went from not knowing Jesus tobeing saved, being baptized, and
then ended up homeless.
Um, because who my mom was with,the engagement didn't work out,
(15:14):
she wasn't working, um, becausehe was he was he had his own
company and stuff, so where shedidn't have to, and he just got
one of those pivotal momentswhere it's like we have to go
somewhere.
Started my sophomore year ofhigh school, we ended up in a
homeless shelter on my mom, mymy sister, and I.
SPEAKER_00 (15:29):
You know, there is a stigma that goes along with
people who are homeless.
Can we go into a little bit moreof the circumstances behind your
situation?
Because not every situation isthe same.
SPEAKER_01 (15:44):
I think for me, like for a while, like I was just
thinking, I was like, oh, youknow, if someone's like
homeless, they're just likethey're choosing uh to be
homeless, like they're justchoosing to be there.
And I'm not saying that can't bethe case for some people, but
for the most part, like it'sunforeseen circumstances.
Like my mom wasn't workingbecause she didn't have to.
And then when thrown in aposition of we have to move
somewhere and she wasn't able toget a job because she wasn't
(16:07):
working, we we had to gosomewhere.
And we had to live in theshelter where there were rules
that we had to follow.
I couldn't, you know, just goout and like spend the night at
my friend's house.
Like, I had to stay in theshelter.
If we're gonna stay in theshelter and we were allowed to
stay there, we there werecertain rules we had to follow,
certain things we had to, youknow, curfews, and you know, I
had to get dropped off a coupleblocks away so no one knows we
(16:28):
were staying, because it wasmore of a a protection thing
because this homeless shelterwas specific for single mothers
and and their families.
Um, and and a lot of people werethere for different reasons and
just the protection of thosefamilies and for my sister, my
mom and I as well.
It was definitely hard becausemy mom had to continue to just
try to find work and in in orderfor us to stay there.
(16:51):
You know, we couldn't just staythere and do nothing.
Like the the the process of theone we were specifically at was
to eventually allow us to goback up on our feet.
They wanted to come alongside usand and see us go back into
society versus just us stayingthere and not doing anything,
being stagnant.
They wanted to to help, eventhough it felt like it it was
(17:12):
awful because I was in highschool, so I didn't really
understand it.
SPEAKER_00 (17:15):
How long were you there?
SPEAKER_01 (17:18):
Um so we were there, I would say about 10 months.
So pretty much like I was justfinishing up my sophomore year
of high school when we weretransitioning out.
Um so I just pretty much spentthat entire year um of my
sophomore year of high school inthat homeless shelter.
And I definitely felt like likepeople were wanting to come
along and help.
And I was just like, no, I don'twant handouts.
(17:39):
We got this, we're good.
But that wasn't like how thatwhat they were doing.
They weren't doing it becausethey felt bad.
They just wanted to help.
And it took me those couple ofmonths to truly understand that
like they weren't just feelingpity for us, but they really
just wanted to help us.
And I I saw, like, oh no, we wedon't need it, we're fine.
Seeing my faith grow, like Icould have realized, okay, now
(18:00):
I'm in the worst situation of myentire life, and now I can just
go back to the way I was actingjust before you know a couple
weeks before, we're truly tryingto solidify like what my faith
you know meant to me and andgrow from there and allowed my
sister mom and I to grow theclosest that we had ever been.
SPEAKER_00 (18:16):
And the people who were trying to help, they had
service in their heart, justlike you did when you went on
your mission trip, right?
But it's really hard torecognize that, like you said,
you didn't want to feel like youwere taking handouts and and
things like that.
What is the biggest life lessonthat you took away from those 10
(18:37):
months?
SPEAKER_01 (18:38):
Even in those hardest and darkest
circumstances where it feelslike there's there's no end in
sight and you're hopeless, andit's just it's just awful.
You really aren't ever alone.
Um, even if you you think youare.
There's people just trying toeven do stuff behind the scenes
that I didn't even know about atthe time, just trying to to be
there for my mom, my sister, andI even had coaches of mine, you
(19:00):
know, I'd come back years laterand tell them, you know, thank
you just for helping me duringthat time.
And there's like, like, ofcourse, like at first, like we
didn't even know you were goingthrough that.
We you know, but like people inyour community, from teachers to
people in the church and thecoworker, like they're all
wanting to come alongside andjust just help.
You don't have to truly bealone.
(19:20):
I feel like sometimes we wethink that that no one
understands what we're goingthrough and no one's truly there
to help, but there really is.
SPEAKER_00 (19:27):
That's the love of a community.
I think that's just a perfectexample of how we can come
together.
And like you said, a lot ofthings go on behind the scenes
that we're not even aware of.
And sometimes when we feelalone, like God is still in the
background working on things,you know, helping you out.
So now you are getting ready togo into 11th grade.
SPEAKER_01 (19:50):
Um, so we're just finishing up at that homeless
shelter, and my mom was able tofinally find a job, and we were
able to move out.
And instead of we had rented myentire life, um, just houses,
places.
It was never something we everowned.
Um, I'm able, my mom was able tojust get back on her feet and we
were able to, she was able tobuy a house for the first time.
So when we moved in, it was ourswhere we didn't have to like,
(20:12):
you know, find somebody to paythe rent to.
Like, my mom owned that house.
So I felt like really for thefirst time, like, okay, we're
actually setting down roots,like we're gonna be able to live
somewhere, and I'm gonna be ableto finish out the rest of my
high school at the school thatI'm currently going to, and I'm
gonna have to like get up, go,go somewhere else again.
Because at that point, I hadbeen to this will be it would
have been my third high school,and I'd been to like I think
(20:34):
five elementary schools.
I went to at least one middleschool, but it's just like I was
always transitioning in school,so I felt like I'm like, I'm
hoping this time I can really Ican stay with the friends and
the connections that I had made.
I was really leaning on my faithand growing that, and I had a
lot of help from the youthpastor that I had here at First
Baptist of Melbourne.
I remember going to my senioryear.
(20:55):
They're like, hey, so we havethis this thing on campus called
FCA, which stands for Fellowshipof Christian Athletes.
And they're like, um, it'sstudent-led.
So they're like, so uh, we wantyou to run it your senior year.
I'm like, huh?
You want me to run this thing?
I'm like, I don't know what thatmeans, what that looks like.
Um, because basically it wasthese, it was these times we
(21:16):
meet during school, eitherduring our lunchtime or before
school, we meet usually in aclassroom, come together and
have someone do like a quickdevotional or Bible study, and
we get to pray and do that.
I was classmates just on school.
I was able to truly like bring alot of people in.
Okay, this is how it's gonna go,this is what I want to do, and
that's it.
I was able to just collectivelybring so many people in, share
(21:39):
their ideas, and watch thisthing blossom.
We went from end of my junioryear, about 20, 30 people like
meeting in a small classroom tomy senior year.
We were having you know, 150kids in the gymnasium every
week.
SPEAKER_00 (21:55):
Wow.
SPEAKER_01 (21:56):
Just be able to see the growth of that in such a
short time, just really seeingGod move.
And as like the the president ofit, like I had opportunities to
speak in front of theseclassmates, and I was scared and
nervous.
Like I know these guys, I go toclass with them, but like I
don't know them at the levelthat I would even be like
comfortable enough to share infront of them.
(22:18):
Um, but having thoseopportunities grew my
confidence, my faith, and myability to just be open and
honest with my classmates, um,people that I see every day
going to school with.
Um, so that was really my firstinteraction with what FCA was
and what that you know allentailed and how it can affect
me personally in my life, butalso affect uh the the community
(22:41):
of all the students and theteachers on on campus.
SPEAKER_00 (22:44):
Yeah.
And you graduated during COVID.
SPEAKER_01 (22:47):
I I graduated in uh 2020.
Uh I uh I went off the springbreak that I never came back
from.
Um and uh it was definitely aninteresting experience because
everyone just everything shutdown and just isolated.
And it's like I had these lastfew things that I wanted to hit.
You know, I was going my mysenior season of track and you
know, um prom and graduating,you know, I had all these big
(23:08):
things coming up that I wantedand look was looking forward to.
I ended up just not getting it.
Um I was super just sad andfrustrated because it's like I I
was I'm getting to myculmination of all this school
that I've been doing, and Ican't even go and walk and get
my diploma.
SPEAKER_00 (23:24):
You know, obviously you are not alone in that.
Can you take me and set theemotions behind the high
schooler who, like you said,cannot do the graduation, not do
the prom?
Like, what was that like?
SPEAKER_01 (23:36):
It was definitely, definitely devastating because
it was something that I like Iworked so hard for to finally
get to this point.
And I wanted to be able to havemy family, like my mom, my
sister, and whatnot, like in thestands, you know, celebrating
that accomplishment and be ableto, you know, finish those last
few things of being a kid.
Um, because once I graduatedhigh school, you know, real life
hits you real, really fast.
So I just wanted to savor thoselast few months of just being a
(23:59):
kid one last time.
Um, and it kind of cut offshort.
So I was definitely, definitelyfrustrated.
I was like, okay, well, I can'tdo those things.
What's what's gonna happen now?
I saw my dad one time when I wasin high school, beginning of my
sophomore year.
My grandpa, his dad, had passedaway.
So when I was three years afterI'd moved away, um, I had seen
(24:22):
him just once.
He wasn't planning on coming tothe graduation or doing anything
like that.
And our relationship at thatpoint was very, very strange,
very far and few in between.
I don't I don't think he calledonce during that time, maybe a
few texts.
And it was just very justlimited because after we had
gone and left, it was like,okay, now I don't have to to see
you, so I don't have to beinvolved in your life.
(24:44):
When we were close to Arizona,there was a parenting plan for
the divorce, so he still hadvisitation.
And in order to move from orArizona to Florida, you know, my
mom had to ask to get fullcustody.
I remember my mom told me this,and this just crushed me that
like he was like, okay, you canhave full custody.
I'll let you go move across thecountry.
(25:05):
He's like, if I pay less childsupport.
And my mom was like, Well, ifthat's what it is, it is what it
is.
And it's just like, in my mind,I was like, you would give up
seeing us to pay a little lessmoney.
And I was like, at that point, Iwas just like, I don't I don't
even know if he's gonna be in mylife again.
SPEAKER_00 (25:23):
Wow, that's hard to process.
But looking back now through,you know, the elementary, the
middle, the high school, therelationship that you had with
your dad, what how do you feelabout it today?
SPEAKER_01 (25:37):
You know, it took me a long time to process and just
be able to forgive him foreverything.
What he did to my mom, and youknow, and just you know, how he
treated her, you know, my sisterand I, you know, I had to to
process that, you know, and ittook a while to be able to heal,
but I knew I couldn't truly healunless I forgave him.
And I didn't have to tell himthat I forgave him, but in my
(25:58):
heart I knew I had to, or I wasgonna hang on to this anger and
bitterness against him, and andthat was just gonna make me a
more an angry, bitter personover time if I let it.
Um, so even though myrelationship with him right now
is pretty much non-existent, Ihaven't seen him in a long time.
(26:20):
I still hope and pray that likehe does get better and that one
day maybe can come back into mylife.
I'm not I don't hate him, I'mnot mad at him anymore.
I have forgiven him.
But it took a many years to getto that point, the anger that I
held against him.
And it's one of those thingswhere it's like, I'm not any
more, you know, more perfectthan he is.
(26:43):
If I've been forgiven foreverything that I've done, I
need to be able to forgive himtoo.
SPEAKER_00 (26:49):
Gosh, see that message.
I, you know, I'm wearingglasses, so you can't see the
tears.
But yeah, that is that isbeautiful, and that is a
journey.
Forgiveness, that's almost likean art in itself, you know.
You started to serve God in highschool.
(27:11):
You started to serve yourcommunity, you started to serve
your high school, and theneventually you served your
country.
And again, thank you for yourservice.
SPEAKER_01 (27:22):
Oh, absolutely.
So going in my senior year, it'sone of those things where it's
like I knew I wanted to join themilitary ever since I was like
five or six years old.
It's just a tradition that'sbeen in my family for a long
time on both sides, my mom's andmy my dad's side, just people
serving in the military.
So I knew it's something that Iwanted to do.
I I I loved my country, I wantedto, you know, do my service for
(27:44):
it.
It was one of those things, Iwas looking at all the branches
and seeing which one.
This time my mom had had met mystepdad and they had gotten
married.
He was in the Marine Corps.
I was like, you know what?
Like, I don't want to be in thearmy because that's what my
biological father was, and Idon't want to ever have a
situation where he's he's overme.
Because I felt like that couldhappen.
I just didn't want to have toever be in that situation.
(28:06):
So I was looking at thinking,and my mom uh reached out to a
bunch of recruiters because shewas at uh assisted living and
she wanted a bunch of them to tocome represent the branches
during Memorial Day, and how shegot them there was she said,
Hey, I have a you know17-year-old son who wants to
join the military.
You know, I'll give you hiscontact information if you come.
And uh the Marine Corps sentthree people, and I got a phone
(28:29):
call the next week.
After that, the rest is ispretty much history.
I they were really the only onesI ever I really got in contact
with and sat down with, and Ileft thinking like, okay, this
is what I want to do.
So I signed up and joined theMarine Corps, and they gave you
three choices of what to pickfor, you know, top jobs you want
to try and get.
My number one choice wasmilitary police.
(28:50):
And thankfully, you know, LordWilliam, I was able to get that.
That was the job that I wasgonna do.
But before that, you have to goto boot camp.
And that was one of the hardestthings that I had to go through
just physically, mentally, andemotionally.
I'd put that up there right nextto the time that I was in the
homeless shelter, just howdifficult that can be.
(29:13):
And you can watch these videos,you can ask people what it's
like going into it.
But until you're actually there,it's it's a whole new world.
And it was definitely differenttoo because I was going into it
during COVID, and at that point,no one's ever done that before.
So having to navigate that COVIDwhile still doing, you know,
(29:33):
Marine Corps training, it wasdefinitely interesting.
I mean, we're doing all the samestuff and having to wear these
masks on our faces, but there'sgetting dirt everywhere and
sand.
It's like these once white maskslook brown from just all the
work that we're doing.
And I remember the moment that Ihad hopped on that bus or van to
leave to start boot camp.
I must say goodbye to my mom andsister, and immediately I felt
(29:55):
this peace come over me.
I'm gonna be okay.
I'm gonna be able to get throughthings.
And it stayed with me the entiretime I was at boot camp.
And I just knew that was justGod's hand on it, that He He was
letting me know that He's there.
Um, He's gonna get me throughthis.
And there were just times duringboot camp, in the middle of
training, I got this itty time,itty bitty Bible that I got from
(30:16):
MEPS, which is the last you knowthing you have to go to before
they ship you off.
And I kept it with me.
It had Psalms, Proverbs, and theNew Testament.
And I was able to find timeduring boot camp to read my
Bible.
And there was a few times I wasable to have guys come with me
and read it with me because whenyou're at boot camp, everyone
has a reason that they're thereand the way that they want to
(30:37):
get through it.
Whether it's, you know, agirlfriend, their parents, um,
to prove themselves.
But for me, my reason was likeI'm gonna rely on my faith to
get through this because I knowthat's the one and only true
thing that hasn't let me downthat I know that will get me
through this boot camp.
You know, those 13 weeks, right?
All the the mental um strain andthe physical stuff we had to do
(31:01):
and waking up and every singlesecond of your life is planned
out for those 13 weeks.
Um, and you're up early, stayingup late, getting yelled at,
screamed at, running around likea chicken with their head cut
off, but you just keep going.
That time I was able to justspend time in the in in the word
with these these young men.
We had you know small Biblestudies during boot camp.
(31:22):
And I know that it helped getthose guys through as well.
Um, we were all able to tograduate at the end of those 13
weeks um without any injuries orsetbacks or anything like that.
SPEAKER_00 (31:32):
So you're like a disciple, just you know, sharing
the word everywhere that you go.
That is so beautiful.
Thank you for helping your yourfellow Marines.
And I know God was just shiningdown on you, like he always
does.
So that's amazing.
And how long were you in theMarines?
SPEAKER_01 (31:53):
So I did four years in the Marine Corps.
So I I completed my my firstcontract.
SPEAKER_00 (31:59):
Awesome.
And uh, we know currently youhave a mystery illness that kind
of ties back to the military andthat journey you're going
through that you're still goingthrough trying to find answers.
You want to touch base on thatreal quick?
SPEAKER_01 (32:16):
Absolutely.
So, like I said, I was in theMarine Corps, finished boot
camp, went off to basically theequivalent of the police
academy, and I became a militarypolice officer.
And immediately right afterthat, they sent me overseas.
So I was in South Korea for awhole year.
I wasn't so much of a policeofficer as I was security
because I was in a foreigncountry on a small base.
(32:38):
But, you know, I still had abadge and I was still the
security for that base overthere because you know, we're
we're very close to some somepeople that don't like us.
So it there's definitely sometension here and there,
especially during the time I wasthere.
Later on in my time in SouthKorea, they started everyone had
to get the mandatory um theCOVID vaccines, and I definitely
(32:58):
was going back and forth on itum if I wanted to get it or not.
And I I definitely was, youknow, trying to get appealed,
but they just weren't goingthrough, and it got to a point
where it's like you you get it,or you get kicked out with
dishonorable discharge.
I was like, well, I'm too young,and I know that follows you for
you know the rest of your life,so I'm like, I'll just get it.
And that was uh, you know, Imight have not agreed with it,
(33:20):
but you know, it is what it is.
I'm not sure to this day, but Idefinitely know after I got in
it, I just don't feel the same.
You know, over the course of myrest of my time in South Korea
to my second duty station in SanDiego, I dart I began to start
to see a change in my body uhphysically.
Um, where it's one of thosethings where it's like, you
(33:40):
know, he might look good andfine on the outside, but like
you know your body, you can justtell something's something's
wrong.
And I'm always a very stoic uhperson.
I don't really share much whenit comes to, you know, pain or
going through that kind ofstuff.
I just kind of just deal withit.
But it got to a point when I wasin San Diego, it got to a point
where I couldn't just deal withit.
I I realized something really iswrong and I needed help.
(34:04):
I just got back from working outone day and I was getting ready
to go to my my 13-hour shift,you know, as a police officer,
and uh I just felt this immensepain come over the the left side
of my chest.
I was like, that's not good.
And it was weird because I knewI didn't do chest that day, so I
didn't pull like my muscle, butsomething was off.
And that began a almost the restof the two-year journey of
(34:26):
trying to figure out what isgoing on.
I wasn't able to necessarilyperform my duties the best that
I wanted to.
I went from, you know, being apatrol unit, you know,
responding to two calls of, youknow, DUIs, drugs, weapons, and
you know, even calls for servicefor suicide.
(34:46):
That was definitely the numberone call that I had to go to
during my time as a militarypolice officer, whether it was
ideations of someone, you know,you know, cutting themselves or,
you know, trying to take lots ofmedication or trying to, you
know, drink themselves, or eventrying to hang themselves.
Luckily, every time that I wasable to go, no one actually went
(35:07):
all the way through.
But there were definitelysometimes they were close.
And, you know, thankfully,everyone that I responded to did
make it.
But I know sometimes that's notalways the case, but it was
still it was still hard seeingthat, and that was the way
people were trying to cope withthings that they were going
through in the Marine Corps.
And I just felt like sometimes,you know, you always have to
(35:27):
just be the best of yourabilities, you have to be able
to always be capable of goingjust four in a moment's notice,
and there's always thesedeadlines for who knows what.
And I felt like sometimes, youknow, in the Marine Corps, the
the mental aspect of thingsisn't always made important as
the rest of the things are.
So I feel like sometimes peoplejust feel like there's no way
out.
SPEAKER_00 (35:47):
Right.
And I think I had um actuallyasked the question before when
we were originally talking aboutwhat type of mental support is
available for our our militarymen and women who think that
taking their life is the onlyway out.
SPEAKER_01 (36:02):
They do have mental health professionals and
counselors and like that onbases.
Um, but I feel like sometimesit's looked down upon if you go
try and get that help.
I remember for me, like when Iwas going through my medical
stuff, the the people that werehigher above in charge of me for
a long time thought I was justfaking it because they couldn't
see physical symptoms.
(36:24):
So they thought I was justtrying to get out of work, even
though I was working my nightshift, you know, 13 hours, five
days a week.
I was like, I'm still coming towork, like I'm not trying to get
out of work.
Something's wrong with me.
And that definitely took a tollbecause it seemed like my my my
higher-ups, my 10 commandweren't believing that something
was wrong with me and they werekind of just dismissing it.
And I was like, if you knew me,like that's not true.
(36:46):
Like, there's something wrongwith me.
Like, I'm not just malingering,is what they call it in the
military, where you're justfaking an injury to just try and
get out or get out of work andjust coast your way through.
So the mental aspect is hard,regardless.
I mean, even if you don't havethat, like you're being away
from friends and family for youknow years on ending, you're put
in stressful and tough jobs.
(37:07):
The military is not an easyplace, and it's definitely a
place where it's a it's aculture of, you know, suck it
up, deal with it, push forward.
If you you can't do your job,you're you're not helpful,
you're useless to me.
And also coming from an faithaspect, I'm now in the minority
of what I believe, and I used tobe around people who believed
what I believe, believed, andnow it's like I feel like at one
(37:28):
point in time when I was on baseat one of them, like I was the
only believer that I knew.
So that was hard too, becausethe culture of what everyone
talks about, what everyone'sabout, it's you know, drinking,
or you know, how many people youcan, you know, sleep with, or
you know, trying to just climbthe ladder of promotions to get
to the top as fast and quicklyas possible.
It's all these things about you,you, you, and not about
(37:50):
everybody else.
It's all about it's it's justit's kind of selfish.
And it just felt like I try tobe that light, but sometimes I
felt myself like everybody else.
So it's definitely difficult.
SPEAKER_00 (38:01):
And that's a side of things that you know we're not
aware of.
Thank you so much for sharingthat.
And I was really sad to hearthat it was a dishonorable
discharge.
If you decided you didn't wantto get the COVID shot, that's
just uh unjust.
And that hurts my heart as wellto hear that.
And how are you feeling today?
SPEAKER_01 (38:21):
And where I'm at now medically, um, still a mystery.
Still going to doctors um allover, from big, you know,
research hospitals like the MayoClinic to trying to go like more
of a like a holistic round, trydifferent things just to see
what's going on.
And it felt like I'm getting runaround in circles, and every
doctor's like, you are too youngto be dealing with the issues
(38:43):
that you are having, but wecan't figure out why you're
having these problems.
They can't pinpoint it.
It's one of those things that'staking a lot of faith and
trusting in God because I gotreally mad when that was taken
away from me.
I've been healthy my entirelife.
Um, and all of a sudden now Ican't do anything nearly like I
used to.
And it brought me to deciding tostay around town when I got out
(39:05):
of the military and stay inMelbourne versus going off to
college.
And it brought me to staying ina hospital for five days.
At that point, I hadn't sharedit with anyone I was going
through.
And yet I had like 25 visitorsduring those five days come and
just say, hey, you're not alonein this.
It was one of those full circlemoments, again, like from the
hopeless shelter to hear, andlike, hey, I don't have to bear
(39:26):
this burden alone.
I can share with people, andthey're here to pick me up when
I need it because you need help,whether you think so or not.
And I think sometimes as men,especially, you know, you being
in the military, you just haveto deal with it on your own.
And that's the even though dealwith this, you know, every
single day where I'm in in painand it hurts to get out of bed,
(39:47):
and I can't sleep through thenight, and sometimes I skip
meals because it's just so much,and I can't work out or run like
I used to.
I still have this joy.
Because for other people, itdoesn't make any sense.
Like you have every right to bedown, upset, and just hate life.
But I'm like, I know.
And sometimes there's those dayswhere I feel like that, but
(40:10):
overall, I'm like, I know I havethis joy because I feel like I
know it's gonna be okay, even ifI don't get an answer here on
earth.
It's like God's still got me,I'm still here for a reason, for
a purpose, and I'm stillfiguring out what that reason
and purpose is.
And you know, one of them isbeing able to share this story
with people that hey, you know,I don't know what's going on.
(40:30):
I feel like everything's justcoming at me, but I have joy
through it all.
Um, and that God will heal meeither here on earth or one day
later on, that it's gonna beokay, and that I'm not alone in
this, and that I can share thatwith others who are going
through similar circumstances.
SPEAKER_00 (40:52):
Now you've had another full circle moment in
regards to sharing your message,your testament with schools,
churches.
Let's talk about that becauseit's amazing.
And definitely, you know,sometimes God leaves us with I
don't know the answer to this,but then other times he puts us
(41:14):
in positions where here's ananswer.
Like this is part of yourpurpose, what you are doing now.
SPEAKER_01 (41:20):
Absolutely.
When I got out of the Marines, Iwas I was trying to figure out
what's next.
Could I have gone and been acop?
Sure, but I knew physically Icould I couldn't work anymore.
It's like, okay, at least I'llgo to school online.
But you know, when that's done,like, what am I gonna do?
I was like, I gotta do somethingfor work, right?
I don't want to just sit arounddoing concept.
Um, and I started doing some youknow part-time work here and
(41:41):
there.
And I ran back into my old youthpastor, the one that was
encouraging me to lead the FCAback at Melbourne High School.
Um, and he's like, hey, youknow, like we need some help
with this.
You want to like help volunteera little bit here and then?
I was like, sure, absolutely.
Didn't think anything of it.
So I was just, you know, helpingcoach some like league, you
know, sports like flag football,soccer, and basketball with
like, you know, three to fouryear olds, you know, be able to
(42:03):
like coach a practice, um, do alittle devotion with them, you
know, and play a game.
Um, and I was like, okay, that'sa lot of fun, you know, and
didn't think anything of it.
And I got to a point a couplemonths later, like, hey, um, we
don't want you to volunteeranymore.
We want you to come and workwith FCA.
I was like, what?
I don't even know, like, that'sa possibility, that's an
(42:24):
opportunity.
I was like, I'd love to.
So the best way to explain isI'm a missionary for the schools
here in Bavard County.
So I go into the middle schools,the high schools, and like
Eastern Florida and FIT, and I'mable to just meet with students
and share not only like mystory, but also the gospel
message on these campuses.
(42:45):
It's never mandatory.
These kids are allowed to showup, you know, on their own free
will, so we're not forcinganyone to be there.
But like the amount of growththat I've seen out of this, and
like example, you know, justlike last week I was out of
school at Mel High, my oldstomping grounds, right?
And I was able to meet with oneof my old coaches from football
because they're still coaching.
And I had, you know, twostudents come up to me and ask
(43:06):
if they could speak to theirfellow space and their fellow
football team players.
That day, this was last week,Friday, like nine of their
teammates came to know the Lord.
And if they wanted to, and allof them did, like all 40 of
those varsity players, I wasable to give them a Bible.
And you know, they have thiswhole new rule in school that
you can't be on your phone atall, no matter what.
And it's like, well, I have theycan read now.
(43:28):
I'm able to come alongside thesethese schools and partner with
them and just read into thecommunity because people are
hurting, people are confused,especially in this generation.
There's a lot of stuff justcoming at them, and there needs
to be a constant, you know,people are like, Oh, I don't
know what truth is.
And I'm like, well, there's allthese things that tell you,
like, you know, you could go tosocial media, you hear these
(43:48):
influences and tell you whattruth really is.
But I can tell you a truth thatstanded the test of time and
won't fail.
And I can go in these schoolsand be able to share that with
these students, you know, aspart of my job and just be a
missionary back into the samecommunity that was pouring into
me when I was a high schooler,and now I'm able to come full
circle and pour and lead thesestudents to do the exact same
(44:11):
thing.
SPEAKER_00 (44:12):
I love that.
You know, in closing, can youshare with the audience one of
your favorite gospel messages?
SPEAKER_01 (44:22):
So, my for me, my my life first, and this has taken
you know a lot for me over theyears, what yeah, I feel like
that's been mine, and it's thebook of Proverbs, it's Proverbs
chapter three, verses five andsix, and it says, Um, trust in
the Lord with all of your heartand lean not on your own
understanding, and always submitto him, and he will make your
(44:42):
path straight.
So, for me, it's like I have tobe able to trust in the Lord,
not with just parts of my life,but with all of it, because I
don't understand everything.
And I I tried, and if I try tomake these decisions on my own,
like usually it doesn't so go sowell.
So I have to rely on, you know,the Lord and his understanding.
(45:04):
And if I just am able to submitmy life to him, he's going to
make my life, my path straight.
And seeing that now, like allthese things had to happen to
bring me where I am today.
You know, if I wasn't medically,you know, dealing with the stuff
that I am now, I don't know ifI'd be doing this missionary
work in these schools.
Yet God's still able to use thatto bring me to people that need
(45:26):
to hear the truth.
And he's been giving me theopportunity, the position to be
able to speak.
And, you know, back to being ina shelter, I don't know if I
would have been going to MelHigh if that happened.
And now I'm at that same schoolwhere I graduated from meeting
seeing teachers that used toteach me.
And I had a teacher come up tome saying, you know, like when
you were doing that, itencouraged me back in high
(45:47):
school and like so much like Iwant to share with you, like,
you know, this past year that Igot saved.
Like the fact that you're backon this campus, like, is huge
because people need that.
So I'm able to submit everythingin my life to God, and I know
he's gonna direct my past.
I might not always understandit, I might not see where it all
connects, but like looking back,how everything happened to where
I am now, like I couldn't Iwouldn't have changed any of it,
(46:11):
even the hard things, because ofwhere it's brought me, you know,
and the man that it's led me tobecome.
SPEAKER_00 (46:18):
Jordan, thank you for being my guest today on the
I Need Blue podcast.
SPEAKER_01 (46:22):
Thank you so much for having me.
It's been amazing.
SPEAKER_00 (46:24):
Absolutely.
And this is Jen Lee, host of theI Need Blue Podcast.
If you want to learn anythingand everything about I Need
Blue, visit my website,ineedblue.net.
And remember, you are strongerthan you think.
Until next time.
Jordan doesn't just carry a story, he carries a
testament, a life marked bysearching for roots and
ultimately finding them in God.
Since childhood, Jordan hasknown what it means to adapt.
With a father in the military,constant moves meant constant
(00:22):
change.
While he searched for a place tocall home, his heart longed for
something deeper, a relationshipwith his dad, a place to plant
roots, to learn, to love and togrow together.
Though his dad was present, hewas absent in the ways Jordan
needed most.
(00:42):
Each year, Jordan would blow outhis birthday candles with the
same quiet wish to see his dadin the stands cheering at his
game, or simply to have a gameof catch in the backyard.
By middle school, his parentshad separated and eventually
divorced.
As a teenager, Jordan foundhimself in Florida living with
(01:06):
his mom and sister.
And while life kept shifting,his mom and sister remained his
constants, the ones who steadiedhim and reminded him that love
was still real.
Once again, with this move, hehoped maybe this would be it.
Maybe this year when he closedhis eyes over his candles, he
(01:31):
would finally find the father'slove he was searching for.
And God, in his timing,answered.
That move to Melbourne, Floridaled Jordan to a youth group
where his faith was ignited.
There he discovered not justcommunity, but the steady,
(01:52):
unshakable love of God.
He finally found home, not in ahouse, but in a savior.
As Jordan shares his testamentthrough homelessness, military
service, and battling anundiagnosed illness, you'll hear
how surrender turned his paininto strength and his wandering
(02:15):
into worship.
His faith will move you.
It brought tears to my eyes, andit will to yours.
Jordan, you are an inspiration.
You remind us that even in ourhardest, loneliest paths, God's
light never fails to breakthrough the darkness.
(02:38):
Jordan, thank you for being myguest today.
I am so glad we connected.
Welcome to the I Need BluePodcast.
SPEAKER_01 (02:49):
Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_00 (02:51):
Absolutely.
It's always interesting how I amconnected to people.
Uh, and it actually started withme being connected to your mom
first.
And she said to me, you know, myson, he has a journey, he has a
story, and I said, Well, let'sconnect.
And you and I had an amazingconversation.
You've gone through adversity,and here you are talking with me
(03:14):
today.
And I don't want to forget,thank you for your service.
SPEAKER_01 (03:18):
Oh, no problem, not at all.
SPEAKER_00 (03:19):
So if we can go ahead and kind of dig into your
childhood and what that lookedlike for you.
SPEAKER_01 (03:26):
Yes, absolutely.
I was born in Auburn, Alabama.
For my mom, she was in collegeat the time.
And when I was about two weeksold, I left Alabama and we ended
up in Wisconsin.
Um, that's where all my family'sfrom.
My my grandparents, my aunts,and uncles, and my mom, my
sister, and my biological fatherwere all born in the same
hospital in the same small townin Wisconsin.
(03:46):
So wow.
That's where I started uh mylife just growing up there.
During that time, um movedaround quite a bit.
Uh my biological father was inthe army.
So the longest really stayedsomewhere was about two years.
The shortest I've definitely wasabout like four months.
We just constantly on the move,bouncing from school to school
and just from house to house.
(04:07):
And my relationship with my momand sister was always very, very
strong.
But even when my biologicalfather was present, um, it just
felt like he was absent.
Didn't really want a lot to doin my life or my sister's life,
it wasn't gonna be easy.
I just started to notice that nomatter what I did or what I said
or what I tried to do, Icouldn't please my biological
(04:28):
father.
It was either his way or thehighway.
And whether that came through umwords he would say or or you
know, just emotional things, um,I could tell that I couldn't I
couldn't live up to theexpectation that he had.
Or um if there was somethingthat I wanted to do, it was it
was about him and not and notme, my sister and my mom.
(04:48):
I remember whenever he went anddeployed um when I was about
second grade, uh, he went toIraq.
After he came back, it was justit was just different.
And I just felt thatrelationship strained just even
more.
Moved forward just a few years,I'm in about fourth grade, and
then my my parents separate.
Didn't really go into detailwhy, but he just wasn't living
(05:10):
at the house.
I was just like, okay, that's alittle weird, but I still saw
him pretty much all the time.
When I was finishing up myfourth grade, no, my fifth grade
year, he ended up moving down toArizona.
I mean, we were staying inWisconsin.
I was like, okay, now he's far.
So I don't I don't really seehim.
After some time, my mom decided,like, okay, we're gonna move
down to Arizona and try andreconcile and bring that family
(05:33):
back together.
So going into my sixth gradeyear, I moved up from all my
family and friends at the timeto a brand new place across the
country where I didn't know asoul.
And we just started going toschool there down in uh Yuma,
Arizona.
So I went from extreme cold inWisconsin to this blazing
desert.
So it was definitely atransition with that as well.
(05:54):
My parents, you know, moved inand we were trying to just make
it work.
Unfortunately, it just wasn'tgoing very well.
Remember just one time my my momand sister and I were going out
to uh to dinner.
My biological father was outdoing something.
I don't I forget what he wassupposed to be doing.
But then I remember we were wewere coming back home and we saw
his car drive in the otherdirection, and he had another
(06:16):
woman in the pasture seat, and Iwas the one that like saw it,
and I was just like, hey, mom, Ithink that's you know, him.
Um and it was ultimately myparents ended up divorcing.
All those things just kind ofcome together and and it just
didn't wasn't working out.
I didn't feel like that feltlike my mom was fine and he
wasn't, and they just decided toto separate and go their
(06:37):
separate ways.
Even though my relationship withmy biological father was not
good.
It still hurt because it's like,oh now my family's just gonna be
one of those families that'sbroken, and you know, two
Christmases and and all that.
So that was just definitely ahard thing to hear when they
finally sat us down and saidwe're getting, you know,
(06:58):
divorce.
And I knew at that moment I wasgonna have a lot of
responsibility thrown on myshoulders really, really
quickly.
SPEAKER_00 (07:06):
You know, many times we think about the spouse, uh
the military spouse and thesacrifices that they make,
right?
Also moving around all the time.
But I've never had the voice ofa child of a military family to
share what it was like for them.
(07:26):
So this is very insightful forme, you know, but I think also
for others too.
Lots of shifting, and it soundslike there was a big change
after your dad was deployed andcame back.
Um, his behavior towards youchanged.
And did it change in the familyas well, like for your mom and
(07:47):
your sister, or was it just kindof targeted towards you?
SPEAKER_01 (07:50):
Um, it was definitely definitely towards
all of us.
You know, he treated my mom andsister one way that he didn't
treat me.
He treat I think he treated themmore.
I think the right word to put itis like you just the things he
would say, like emotional abuse,if anything, versus like me was
less emotional and more likephysical.
But both were unfortunately justnegative, how he treated us all.
SPEAKER_00 (08:12):
Absolutely.
And we talked about um how hewould miss baseball games and
things like that.
How did that make you feel?
SPEAKER_01 (08:21):
It definitely hurt quite a bit because I again I
think I was always searching forthat approval.
Um, and I think every young boywants, you know, approval of
their dad.
So when I would, you know, playsports, um and I I do well, and
he just wouldn't be there to beable to see it.
It hurt because I was like,look, I'm I'm I'm actually doing
well.
He wouldn't be there, but hewould turn to social media and
(08:41):
talk about how proud he is,about how well I'm doing during
these events when he's notpresent at them.
So I wonder if it was just oneof those things like to make it
look like he was more involvedthan he was and just to save
face versus actually being therewhen I needed him.
SPEAKER_00 (08:58):
How did you emotionally deal with that?
And how did your then positionwithin the family unit change?
SPEAKER_01 (09:07):
It was definitely a hard thing.
And I I began to try and findthings to to make me feel
better, to fill that, fill thatup.
You know, in middle school, umin middle of high school, I
just, you know, started dating.
I tried to get involved with allthe sports that I could just to
keep myself busy and occupied tofeel fulfilled.
I started going to youth groupum for the first time, but still
(09:28):
wasn't really understanding whoGod was and what that was all
about.
And then the shift of like menow knowing that, oh, now I'm
the only man in the house and Ihave to be the man of the house.
Um and I just know like how muchI was hurting my mom and
affecting her and my and mysister, so I I felt like I had
to step up, even though I didn'tknow what that looked like or
(09:49):
what that meant, especially asI'm middle schooler and just
trying to be emotionallyavailable if my mom or sister
just needed to talk or cry andtry to bear that burden of
weight that I knew that Icouldn't even handle as a kid.
SPEAKER_00 (10:03):
Was there anyone there emotionally for you?
SPEAKER_01 (10:07):
There's a few people that tried to pour into me
during that time.
Um the first time I had a firstyouth pastor that I had in
Arizona just tried to take meunder his wing and just be like,
hey man, like I'm just here totalk.
And you know, I'll just be ableto share with him, like, hey,
I'm I feel like I can't handlethis.
I feel like it's too much.
Relationship with my dad's notgreat.
(10:28):
I still hate the the divorce andjust be able to just have
someone in my corner when I feellike I didn't.
SPEAKER_00 (10:34):
There are many who would have turned to unhealthy
forms of coping, whether it bedrugs, something like that.
That was not the route that youtook.
Why do you think that is?
SPEAKER_01 (10:49):
The reason why I stayed away from like drugs or
alcohol to as a way to cope isit just kind of goes back to my
biological father and just my myfamily history, um, coming from
a long line of alcoholics andseeing that effect on my family
before I was born, you know,coming to the world and seeing
how broken and there wasn't afamily that stayed together.
(11:12):
They're all broken and divorced.
And it was just a heavy levelamount of alcoholism for my
biological father and backward.
So I knew that I didn't want toturn to those things either, um,
and not follow the same paththat has been going on for
generations.
SPEAKER_00 (11:30):
Good for you.
Break the generational uh thetrauma, the pattern.
So good for you.
And at such a young age torecognize that too.
High school became a verypivotal time for you in your own
learning and growing as a man inthe house, but also as your
faith.
(11:51):
Um, and that's kind of whereyour journey took you to
Melbourne, Florida.
SPEAKER_01 (11:55):
So that's where freshman year of high school.
I was starting to kind of getconnected.
You know, I went to school withsome of these kids in middle
school and I was transitioningto high school.
So I was bringing some of thoserelationships along with me.
It was about Christmas of myfreshman year of high school.
And at the time my mom had hadmet somebody, she got engaged,
and we ended up moving um onChristmas Day all the way from
(12:20):
Hume, Arizona, to uh downSebastian, Florida.
Another big pivotal move.
I'm in the middle of it feltlike high school when I was
trying to finally try to graspwho I am and what I wanted to
be.
And we up and left again.
And I was like, oh man, I'mlike, here we go again.
But I knew this pattern, I'veI've dealt with it so many
(12:40):
times.
I think at that point, that wasthe the 15th move that I've done
in my life.
So I was just like, all right,time to just adapt and and
overcome and make new friendsand just do it all over again.
It was it was definitely alittle bit more difficult just
because I was like, well, I'm alittle bit older now, but I'm
still having to start back atsquare one.
But I was able to get pluggedinto this church um in
(13:02):
Melbourne, Florida, um, calledFirst Baptist of Melbourne, and
I really get involved with theiryouth group for the first time
that I was like, okay, likethere's a lot of people here,
and like I feel like I can makeconnections, and I'm meeting
people that you know I'm on mysports team with with football.
So I was like, okay, like thismight be somewhere where I want
to be.
Fast forward a little bit um tothe end of my freshman year of
(13:22):
high school.
I decided to go on commissionsuh trip with the the youth group
for that summer.
Um, and we just went outbasically into the boonies up in
North Carolina and and helpedout um a lot of people out there
who didn't really have access.
Like they were in wheelchairsand stuff and helped build ramps
um in their houses where there'sjust no one out there to go and
(13:43):
and help them.
SPEAKER_00 (13:44):
Wow.
SPEAKER_01 (13:45):
I remember doing that and I still felt like
something's missing.
I was like, I'm doing all theseyou know good things, but I
still feel like like I'm notgetting it like these other
people that are there with meare.
Um I remember the the speaker atthe uh the mission strip was
just kind of talking about youknow Jesus, and I was like,
okay, I've grown up hearingJesus my whole life, and like if
(14:08):
you were to ask me, like, ohyeah, I believe in him, but my
life, if you looked at it backhome or in school, you couldn't
even tell the difference.
I was just acting like everybodyelse, saying the same things,
doing the same stuff.
Um, and that trip, I was like, Irealized I really need to make
this faith my own.
For so long it was my mom'sfaith and not mine.
(14:30):
So I was that trip, I was like,you know what?
Like, I want to you know followJesus.
And like I realized that I'venot been good and and I've I've
made all these mistakes and I'mnot perfect, but he was.
So I chose to follow Jesus onthat trip.
Come back two weeks later, I getbaptized over at Paradise Beach
with a few more of my my friendsfrom that trip.
(14:51):
And then two weeks after that, Ihit the the craziest spin that
I'd ever seen.
Where my mom, my sister, and Iended up homeless.
So in a you know, like a shortweek span, about like you know,
three, four weeks.
I went from not knowing Jesus tobeing saved, being baptized, and
then ended up homeless.
Um, because who my mom was with,the engagement didn't work out,
(15:14):
she wasn't working, um, becausehe was he was he had his own
company and stuff, so where shedidn't have to, and he just got
one of those pivotal momentswhere it's like we have to go
somewhere.
Started my sophomore year ofhigh school, we ended up in a
homeless shelter on my mom, mymy sister, and I.
SPEAKER_00 (15:29):
You know, there is a stigma that goes along with
people who are homeless.
Can we go into a little bit moreof the circumstances behind your
situation?
Because not every situation isthe same.
SPEAKER_01 (15:44):
I think for me, like for a while, like I was just
thinking, I was like, oh, youknow, if someone's like
homeless, they're just likethey're choosing uh to be
homeless, like they're justchoosing to be there.
And I'm not saying that can't bethe case for some people, but
for the most part, like it'sunforeseen circumstances.
Like my mom wasn't workingbecause she didn't have to.
And then when thrown in aposition of we have to move
somewhere and she wasn't able toget a job because she wasn't
(16:07):
working, we we had to gosomewhere.
And we had to live in theshelter where there were rules
that we had to follow.
I couldn't, you know, just goout and like spend the night at
my friend's house.
Like, I had to stay in theshelter.
If we're gonna stay in theshelter and we were allowed to
stay there, we there werecertain rules we had to follow,
certain things we had to, youknow, curfews, and you know, I
had to get dropped off a coupleblocks away so no one knows we
(16:28):
were staying, because it wasmore of a a protection thing
because this homeless shelterwas specific for single mothers
and and their families.
Um, and and a lot of people werethere for different reasons and
just the protection of thosefamilies and for my sister, my
mom and I as well.
It was definitely hard becausemy mom had to continue to just
try to find work and in in orderfor us to stay there.
(16:51):
You know, we couldn't just staythere and do nothing.
Like the the the process of theone we were specifically at was
to eventually allow us to goback up on our feet.
They wanted to come alongside usand and see us go back into
society versus just us stayingthere and not doing anything,
being stagnant.
They wanted to to help, eventhough it felt like it it was
(17:12):
awful because I was in highschool, so I didn't really
understand it.
SPEAKER_00 (17:15):
How long were you there?
SPEAKER_01 (17:18):
Um so we were there, I would say about 10 months.
So pretty much like I was justfinishing up my sophomore year
of high school when we weretransitioning out.
Um so I just pretty much spentthat entire year um of my
sophomore year of high school inthat homeless shelter.
And I definitely felt like likepeople were wanting to come
along and help.
And I was just like, no, I don'twant handouts.
(17:39):
We got this, we're good.
But that wasn't like how thatwhat they were doing.
They weren't doing it becausethey felt bad.
They just wanted to help.
And it took me those couple ofmonths to truly understand that
like they weren't just feelingpity for us, but they really
just wanted to help us.
And I I saw, like, oh no, we wedon't need it, we're fine.
Seeing my faith grow, like Icould have realized, okay, now
(18:00):
I'm in the worst situation of myentire life, and now I can just
go back to the way I was actingjust before you know a couple
weeks before, we're truly tryingto solidify like what my faith
you know meant to me and andgrow from there and allowed my
sister mom and I to grow theclosest that we had ever been.
SPEAKER_00 (18:16):
And the people who were trying to help, they had
service in their heart, justlike you did when you went on
your mission trip, right?
But it's really hard torecognize that, like you said,
you didn't want to feel like youwere taking handouts and and
things like that.
What is the biggest life lessonthat you took away from those 10
(18:37):
months?
SPEAKER_01 (18:38):
Even in those hardest and darkest
circumstances where it feelslike there's there's no end in
sight and you're hopeless, andit's just it's just awful.
You really aren't ever alone.
Um, even if you you think youare.
There's people just trying toeven do stuff behind the scenes
that I didn't even know about atthe time, just trying to to be
there for my mom, my sister, andI even had coaches of mine, you
(19:00):
know, I'd come back years laterand tell them, you know, thank
you just for helping me duringthat time.
And there's like, like, ofcourse, like at first, like we
didn't even know you were goingthrough that.
We you know, but like people inyour community, from teachers to
people in the church and thecoworker, like they're all
wanting to come alongside andjust just help.
You don't have to truly bealone.
(19:20):
I feel like sometimes we wethink that that no one
understands what we're goingthrough and no one's truly there
to help, but there really is.
SPEAKER_00 (19:27):
That's the love of a community.
I think that's just a perfectexample of how we can come
together.
And like you said, a lot ofthings go on behind the scenes
that we're not even aware of.
And sometimes when we feelalone, like God is still in the
background working on things,you know, helping you out.
So now you are getting ready togo into 11th grade.
SPEAKER_01 (19:50):
Um, so we're just finishing up at that homeless
shelter, and my mom was able tofinally find a job, and we were
able to move out.
And instead of we had rented myentire life, um, just houses,
places.
It was never something we everowned.
Um, I'm able, my mom was able tojust get back on her feet and we
were able to, she was able tobuy a house for the first time.
So when we moved in, it was ourswhere we didn't have to like,
(20:12):
you know, find somebody to paythe rent to.
Like, my mom owned that house.
So I felt like really for thefirst time, like, okay, we're
actually setting down roots,like we're gonna be able to live
somewhere, and I'm gonna be ableto finish out the rest of my
high school at the school thatI'm currently going to, and I'm
gonna have to like get up, go,go somewhere else again.
Because at that point, I hadbeen to this will be it would
have been my third high school,and I'd been to like I think
(20:34):
five elementary schools.
I went to at least one middleschool, but it's just like I was
always transitioning in school,so I felt like I'm like, I'm
hoping this time I can really Ican stay with the friends and
the connections that I had made.
I was really leaning on my faithand growing that, and I had a
lot of help from the youthpastor that I had here at First
Baptist of Melbourne.
I remember going to my senioryear.
(20:55):
They're like, hey, so we havethis this thing on campus called
FCA, which stands for Fellowshipof Christian Athletes.
And they're like, um, it'sstudent-led.
So they're like, so uh, we wantyou to run it your senior year.
I'm like, huh?
You want me to run this thing?
I'm like, I don't know what thatmeans, what that looks like.
Um, because basically it wasthese, it was these times we
(21:16):
meet during school, eitherduring our lunchtime or before
school, we meet usually in aclassroom, come together and
have someone do like a quickdevotional or Bible study, and
we get to pray and do that.
I was classmates just on school.
I was able to truly like bring alot of people in.
Okay, this is how it's gonna go,this is what I want to do, and
that's it.
I was able to just collectivelybring so many people in, share
(21:39):
their ideas, and watch thisthing blossom.
We went from end of my junioryear, about 20, 30 people like
meeting in a small classroom tomy senior year.
We were having you know, 150kids in the gymnasium every
week.
SPEAKER_00 (21:55):
Wow.
SPEAKER_01 (21:56):
Just be able to see the growth of that in such a
short time, just really seeingGod move.
And as like the the president ofit, like I had opportunities to
speak in front of theseclassmates, and I was scared and
nervous.
Like I know these guys, I go toclass with them, but like I
don't know them at the levelthat I would even be like
comfortable enough to share infront of them.
(22:18):
Um, but having thoseopportunities grew my
confidence, my faith, and myability to just be open and
honest with my classmates, um,people that I see every day
going to school with.
Um, so that was really my firstinteraction with what FCA was
and what that you know allentailed and how it can affect
me personally in my life, butalso affect uh the the community
(22:41):
of all the students and theteachers on on campus.
SPEAKER_00 (22:44):
Yeah.
And you graduated during COVID.
SPEAKER_01 (22:47):
I I graduated in uh 2020.
Uh I uh I went off the springbreak that I never came back
from.
Um and uh it was definitely aninteresting experience because
everyone just everything shutdown and just isolated.
And it's like I had these lastfew things that I wanted to hit.
You know, I was going my mysenior season of track and you
know, um prom and graduating,you know, I had all these big
(23:08):
things coming up that I wantedand look was looking forward to.
I ended up just not getting it.
Um I was super just sad andfrustrated because it's like I I
was I'm getting to myculmination of all this school
that I've been doing, and Ican't even go and walk and get
my diploma.
SPEAKER_00 (23:24):
You know, obviously you are not alone in that.
Can you take me and set theemotions behind the high
schooler who, like you said,cannot do the graduation, not do
the prom?
Like, what was that like?
SPEAKER_01 (23:36):
It was definitely, definitely devastating because
it was something that I like Iworked so hard for to finally
get to this point.
And I wanted to be able to havemy family, like my mom, my
sister, and whatnot, like in thestands, you know, celebrating
that accomplishment and be ableto, you know, finish those last
few things of being a kid.
Um, because once I graduatedhigh school, you know, real life
hits you real, really fast.
So I just wanted to savor thoselast few months of just being a
(23:59):
kid one last time.
Um, and it kind of cut offshort.
So I was definitely, definitelyfrustrated.
I was like, okay, well, I can'tdo those things.
What's what's gonna happen now?
I saw my dad one time when I wasin high school, beginning of my
sophomore year.
My grandpa, his dad, had passedaway.
So when I was three years afterI'd moved away, um, I had seen
(24:22):
him just once.
He wasn't planning on coming tothe graduation or doing anything
like that.
And our relationship at thatpoint was very, very strange,
very far and few in between.
I don't I don't think he calledonce during that time, maybe a
few texts.
And it was just very justlimited because after we had
gone and left, it was like,okay, now I don't have to to see
you, so I don't have to beinvolved in your life.
(24:44):
When we were close to Arizona,there was a parenting plan for
the divorce, so he still hadvisitation.
And in order to move from orArizona to Florida, you know, my
mom had to ask to get fullcustody.
I remember my mom told me this,and this just crushed me that
like he was like, okay, you canhave full custody.
I'll let you go move across thecountry.
(25:05):
He's like, if I pay less childsupport.
And my mom was like, Well, ifthat's what it is, it is what it
is.
And it's just like, in my mind,I was like, you would give up
seeing us to pay a little lessmoney.
And I was like, at that point, Iwas just like, I don't I don't
even know if he's gonna be in mylife again.
SPEAKER_00 (25:23):
Wow, that's hard to process.
But looking back now through,you know, the elementary, the
middle, the high school, therelationship that you had with
your dad, what how do you feelabout it today?
SPEAKER_01 (25:37):
You know, it took me a long time to process and just
be able to forgive him foreverything.
What he did to my mom, and youknow, and just you know, how he
treated her, you know, my sisterand I, you know, I had to to
process that, you know, and ittook a while to be able to heal,
but I knew I couldn't truly healunless I forgave him.
And I didn't have to tell himthat I forgave him, but in my
(25:58):
heart I knew I had to, or I wasgonna hang on to this anger and
bitterness against him, and andthat was just gonna make me a
more an angry, bitter personover time if I let it.
Um, so even though myrelationship with him right now
is pretty much non-existent, Ihaven't seen him in a long time.
(26:20):
I still hope and pray that likehe does get better and that one
day maybe can come back into mylife.
I'm not I don't hate him, I'mnot mad at him anymore.
I have forgiven him.
But it took a many years to getto that point, the anger that I
held against him.
And it's one of those thingswhere it's like, I'm not any
more, you know, more perfectthan he is.
(26:43):
If I've been forgiven foreverything that I've done, I
need to be able to forgive himtoo.
SPEAKER_00 (26:49):
Gosh, see that message.
I, you know, I'm wearingglasses, so you can't see the
tears.
But yeah, that is that isbeautiful, and that is a
journey.
Forgiveness, that's almost likean art in itself, you know.
You started to serve God in highschool.
(27:11):
You started to serve yourcommunity, you started to serve
your high school, and theneventually you served your
country.
And again, thank you for yourservice.
SPEAKER_01 (27:22):
Oh, absolutely.
So going in my senior year, it'sone of those things where it's
like I knew I wanted to join themilitary ever since I was like
five or six years old.
It's just a tradition that'sbeen in my family for a long
time on both sides, my mom's andmy my dad's side, just people
serving in the military.
So I knew it's something that Iwanted to do.
I I I loved my country, I wantedto, you know, do my service for
(27:44):
it.
It was one of those things, Iwas looking at all the branches
and seeing which one.
This time my mom had had met mystepdad and they had gotten
married.
He was in the Marine Corps.
I was like, you know what?
Like, I don't want to be in thearmy because that's what my
biological father was, and Idon't want to ever have a
situation where he's he's overme.
Because I felt like that couldhappen.
I just didn't want to have toever be in that situation.
(28:06):
So I was looking at thinking,and my mom uh reached out to a
bunch of recruiters because shewas at uh assisted living and
she wanted a bunch of them to tocome represent the branches
during Memorial Day, and how shegot them there was she said,
Hey, I have a you know17-year-old son who wants to
join the military.
You know, I'll give you hiscontact information if you come.
And uh the Marine Corps sentthree people, and I got a phone
(28:29):
call the next week.
After that, the rest is ispretty much history.
I they were really the only onesI ever I really got in contact
with and sat down with, and Ileft thinking like, okay, this
is what I want to do.
So I signed up and joined theMarine Corps, and they gave you
three choices of what to pickfor, you know, top jobs you want
to try and get.
My number one choice wasmilitary police.
(28:50):
And thankfully, you know, LordWilliam, I was able to get that.
That was the job that I wasgonna do.
But before that, you have to goto boot camp.
And that was one of the hardestthings that I had to go through
just physically, mentally, andemotionally.
I'd put that up there right nextto the time that I was in the
homeless shelter, just howdifficult that can be.
(29:13):
And you can watch these videos,you can ask people what it's
like going into it.
But until you're actually there,it's it's a whole new world.
And it was definitely differenttoo because I was going into it
during COVID, and at that point,no one's ever done that before.
So having to navigate that COVIDwhile still doing, you know,
(29:33):
Marine Corps training, it wasdefinitely interesting.
I mean, we're doing all the samestuff and having to wear these
masks on our faces, but there'sgetting dirt everywhere and
sand.
It's like these once white maskslook brown from just all the
work that we're doing.
And I remember the moment that Ihad hopped on that bus or van to
leave to start boot camp.
I must say goodbye to my mom andsister, and immediately I felt
(29:55):
this peace come over me.
I'm gonna be okay.
I'm gonna be able to get throughthings.
And it stayed with me the entiretime I was at boot camp.
And I just knew that was justGod's hand on it, that He He was
letting me know that He's there.
Um, He's gonna get me throughthis.
And there were just times duringboot camp, in the middle of
training, I got this itty time,itty bitty Bible that I got from
(30:16):
MEPS, which is the last you knowthing you have to go to before
they ship you off.
And I kept it with me.
It had Psalms, Proverbs, and theNew Testament.
And I was able to find timeduring boot camp to read my
Bible.
And there was a few times I wasable to have guys come with me
and read it with me because whenyou're at boot camp, everyone
has a reason that they're thereand the way that they want to
(30:37):
get through it.
Whether it's, you know, agirlfriend, their parents, um,
to prove themselves.
But for me, my reason was likeI'm gonna rely on my faith to
get through this because I knowthat's the one and only true
thing that hasn't let me downthat I know that will get me
through this boot camp.
You know, those 13 weeks, right?
All the the mental um strain andthe physical stuff we had to do
(31:01):
and waking up and every singlesecond of your life is planned
out for those 13 weeks.
Um, and you're up early, stayingup late, getting yelled at,
screamed at, running around likea chicken with their head cut
off, but you just keep going.
That time I was able to justspend time in the in in the word
with these these young men.
We had you know small Biblestudies during boot camp.
(31:22):
And I know that it helped getthose guys through as well.
Um, we were all able to tograduate at the end of those 13
weeks um without any injuries orsetbacks or anything like that.
SPEAKER_00 (31:32):
So you're like a disciple, just you know, sharing
the word everywhere that you go.
That is so beautiful.
Thank you for helping your yourfellow Marines.
And I know God was just shiningdown on you, like he always
does.
So that's amazing.
And how long were you in theMarines?
SPEAKER_01 (31:53):
So I did four years in the Marine Corps.
So I I completed my my firstcontract.
SPEAKER_00 (31:59):
Awesome.
And uh, we know currently youhave a mystery illness that kind
of ties back to the military andthat journey you're going
through that you're still goingthrough trying to find answers.
You want to touch base on thatreal quick?
SPEAKER_01 (32:16):
Absolutely.
So, like I said, I was in theMarine Corps, finished boot
camp, went off to basically theequivalent of the police
academy, and I became a militarypolice officer.
And immediately right afterthat, they sent me overseas.
So I was in South Korea for awhole year.
I wasn't so much of a policeofficer as I was security
because I was in a foreigncountry on a small base.
(32:38):
But, you know, I still had abadge and I was still the
security for that base overthere because you know, we're
we're very close to some somepeople that don't like us.
So it there's definitely sometension here and there,
especially during the time I wasthere.
Later on in my time in SouthKorea, they started everyone had
to get the mandatory um theCOVID vaccines, and I definitely
(32:58):
was going back and forth on itum if I wanted to get it or not.
And I I definitely was, youknow, trying to get appealed,
but they just weren't goingthrough, and it got to a point
where it's like you you get it,or you get kicked out with
dishonorable discharge.
I was like, well, I'm too young,and I know that follows you for
you know the rest of your life,so I'm like, I'll just get it.
And that was uh, you know, Imight have not agreed with it,
(33:20):
but you know, it is what it is.
I'm not sure to this day, but Idefinitely know after I got in
it, I just don't feel the same.
You know, over the course of myrest of my time in South Korea
to my second duty station in SanDiego, I dart I began to start
to see a change in my body uhphysically.
Um, where it's one of thosethings where it's like, you
(33:40):
know, he might look good andfine on the outside, but like
you know your body, you can justtell something's something's
wrong.
And I'm always a very stoic uhperson.
I don't really share much whenit comes to, you know, pain or
going through that kind ofstuff.
I just kind of just deal withit.
But it got to a point when I wasin San Diego, it got to a point
where I couldn't just deal withit.
I I realized something really iswrong and I needed help.
(34:04):
I just got back from working outone day and I was getting ready
to go to my my 13-hour shift,you know, as a police officer,
and uh I just felt this immensepain come over the the left side
of my chest.
I was like, that's not good.
And it was weird because I knewI didn't do chest that day, so I
didn't pull like my muscle, butsomething was off.
And that began a almost the restof the two-year journey of
(34:26):
trying to figure out what isgoing on.
I wasn't able to necessarilyperform my duties the best that
I wanted to.
I went from, you know, being apatrol unit, you know,
responding to two calls of, youknow, DUIs, drugs, weapons, and
you know, even calls for servicefor suicide.
(34:46):
That was definitely the numberone call that I had to go to
during my time as a militarypolice officer, whether it was
ideations of someone, you know,you know, cutting themselves or,
you know, trying to take lots ofmedication or trying to, you
know, drink themselves, or eventrying to hang themselves.
Luckily, every time that I wasable to go, no one actually went
(35:07):
all the way through.
But there were definitelysometimes they were close.
And, you know, thankfully,everyone that I responded to did
make it.
But I know sometimes that's notalways the case, but it was
still it was still hard seeingthat, and that was the way
people were trying to cope withthings that they were going
through in the Marine Corps.
And I just felt like sometimes,you know, you always have to
(35:27):
just be the best of yourabilities, you have to be able
to always be capable of goingjust four in a moment's notice,
and there's always thesedeadlines for who knows what.
And I felt like sometimes, youknow, in the Marine Corps, the
the mental aspect of thingsisn't always made important as
the rest of the things are.
So I feel like sometimes peoplejust feel like there's no way
out.
SPEAKER_00 (35:47):
Right.
And I think I had um actuallyasked the question before when
we were originally talking aboutwhat type of mental support is
available for our our militarymen and women who think that
taking their life is the onlyway out.
SPEAKER_01 (36:02):
They do have mental health professionals and
counselors and like that onbases.
Um, but I feel like sometimesit's looked down upon if you go
try and get that help.
I remember for me, like when Iwas going through my medical
stuff, the the people that werehigher above in charge of me for
a long time thought I was justfaking it because they couldn't
see physical symptoms.
(36:24):
So they thought I was justtrying to get out of work, even
though I was working my nightshift, you know, 13 hours, five
days a week.
I was like, I'm still coming towork, like I'm not trying to get
out of work.
Something's wrong with me.
And that definitely took a tollbecause it seemed like my my my
higher-ups, my 10 commandweren't believing that something
was wrong with me and they werekind of just dismissing it.
And I was like, if you knew me,like that's not true.
(36:46):
Like, there's something wrongwith me.
Like, I'm not just malingering,is what they call it in the
military, where you're justfaking an injury to just try and
get out or get out of work andjust coast your way through.
So the mental aspect is hard,regardless.
I mean, even if you don't havethat, like you're being away
from friends and family for youknow years on ending, you're put
in stressful and tough jobs.
(37:07):
The military is not an easyplace, and it's definitely a
place where it's a it's aculture of, you know, suck it
up, deal with it, push forward.
If you you can't do your job,you're you're not helpful,
you're useless to me.
And also coming from an faithaspect, I'm now in the minority
of what I believe, and I used tobe around people who believed
what I believe, believed, andnow it's like I feel like at one
(37:28):
point in time when I was on baseat one of them, like I was the
only believer that I knew.
So that was hard too, becausethe culture of what everyone
talks about, what everyone'sabout, it's you know, drinking,
or you know, how many people youcan, you know, sleep with, or
you know, trying to just climbthe ladder of promotions to get
to the top as fast and quicklyas possible.
It's all these things about you,you, you, and not about
(37:50):
everybody else.
It's all about it's it's justit's kind of selfish.
And it just felt like I try tobe that light, but sometimes I
felt myself like everybody else.
So it's definitely difficult.
SPEAKER_00 (38:01):
And that's a side of things that you know we're not
aware of.
Thank you so much for sharingthat.
And I was really sad to hearthat it was a dishonorable
discharge.
If you decided you didn't wantto get the COVID shot, that's
just uh unjust.
And that hurts my heart as wellto hear that.
And how are you feeling today?
SPEAKER_01 (38:21):
And where I'm at now medically, um, still a mystery.
Still going to doctors um allover, from big, you know,
research hospitals like the MayoClinic to trying to go like more
of a like a holistic round, trydifferent things just to see
what's going on.
And it felt like I'm getting runaround in circles, and every
doctor's like, you are too youngto be dealing with the issues
(38:43):
that you are having, but wecan't figure out why you're
having these problems.
They can't pinpoint it.
It's one of those things that'staking a lot of faith and
trusting in God because I gotreally mad when that was taken
away from me.
I've been healthy my entirelife.
Um, and all of a sudden now Ican't do anything nearly like I
used to.
And it brought me to deciding tostay around town when I got out
(39:05):
of the military and stay inMelbourne versus going off to
college.
And it brought me to staying ina hospital for five days.
At that point, I hadn't sharedit with anyone I was going
through.
And yet I had like 25 visitorsduring those five days come and
just say, hey, you're not alonein this.
It was one of those full circlemoments, again, like from the
hopeless shelter to hear, andlike, hey, I don't have to bear
(39:26):
this burden alone.
I can share with people, andthey're here to pick me up when
I need it because you need help,whether you think so or not.
And I think sometimes as men,especially, you know, you being
in the military, you just haveto deal with it on your own.
And that's the even though dealwith this, you know, every
single day where I'm in in painand it hurts to get out of bed,
(39:47):
and I can't sleep through thenight, and sometimes I skip
meals because it's just so much,and I can't work out or run like
I used to.
I still have this joy.
Because for other people, itdoesn't make any sense.
Like you have every right to bedown, upset, and just hate life.
But I'm like, I know.
And sometimes there's those dayswhere I feel like that, but
(40:10):
overall, I'm like, I know I havethis joy because I feel like I
know it's gonna be okay, even ifI don't get an answer here on
earth.
It's like God's still got me,I'm still here for a reason, for
a purpose, and I'm stillfiguring out what that reason
and purpose is.
And you know, one of them isbeing able to share this story
with people that hey, you know,I don't know what's going on.
(40:30):
I feel like everything's justcoming at me, but I have joy
through it all.
Um, and that God will heal meeither here on earth or one day
later on, that it's gonna beokay, and that I'm not alone in
this, and that I can share thatwith others who are going
through similar circumstances.
SPEAKER_00 (40:52):
Now you've had another full circle moment in
regards to sharing your message,your testament with schools,
churches.
Let's talk about that becauseit's amazing.
And definitely, you know,sometimes God leaves us with I
don't know the answer to this,but then other times he puts us
(41:14):
in positions where here's ananswer.
Like this is part of yourpurpose, what you are doing now.
SPEAKER_01 (41:20):
Absolutely.
When I got out of the Marines, Iwas I was trying to figure out
what's next.
Could I have gone and been acop?
Sure, but I knew physically Icould I couldn't work anymore.
It's like, okay, at least I'llgo to school online.
But you know, when that's done,like, what am I gonna do?
I was like, I gotta do somethingfor work, right?
I don't want to just sit arounddoing concept.
Um, and I started doing some youknow part-time work here and
(41:41):
there.
And I ran back into my old youthpastor, the one that was
encouraging me to lead the FCAback at Melbourne High School.
Um, and he's like, hey, youknow, like we need some help
with this.
You want to like help volunteera little bit here and then?
I was like, sure, absolutely.
Didn't think anything of it.
So I was just, you know, helpingcoach some like league, you
know, sports like flag football,soccer, and basketball with
like, you know, three to fouryear olds, you know, be able to
(42:03):
like coach a practice, um, do alittle devotion with them, you
know, and play a game.
Um, and I was like, okay, that'sa lot of fun, you know, and
didn't think anything of it.
And I got to a point a couplemonths later, like, hey, um, we
don't want you to volunteeranymore.
We want you to come and workwith FCA.
I was like, what?
I don't even know, like, that'sa possibility, that's an
(42:24):
opportunity.
I was like, I'd love to.
So the best way to explain isI'm a missionary for the schools
here in Bavard County.
So I go into the middle schools,the high schools, and like
Eastern Florida and FIT, and I'mable to just meet with students
and share not only like mystory, but also the gospel
message on these campuses.
(42:45):
It's never mandatory.
These kids are allowed to showup, you know, on their own free
will, so we're not forcinganyone to be there.
But like the amount of growththat I've seen out of this, and
like example, you know, justlike last week I was out of
school at Mel High, my oldstomping grounds, right?
And I was able to meet with oneof my old coaches from football
because they're still coaching.
And I had, you know, twostudents come up to me and ask
(43:06):
if they could speak to theirfellow space and their fellow
football team players.
That day, this was last week,Friday, like nine of their
teammates came to know the Lord.
And if they wanted to, and allof them did, like all 40 of
those varsity players, I wasable to give them a Bible.
And you know, they have thiswhole new rule in school that
you can't be on your phone atall, no matter what.
And it's like, well, I have theycan read now.
(43:28):
I'm able to come alongside thesethese schools and partner with
them and just read into thecommunity because people are
hurting, people are confused,especially in this generation.
There's a lot of stuff justcoming at them, and there needs
to be a constant, you know,people are like, Oh, I don't
know what truth is.
And I'm like, well, there's allthese things that tell you,
like, you know, you could go tosocial media, you hear these
(43:48):
influences and tell you whattruth really is.
But I can tell you a truth thatstanded the test of time and
won't fail.
And I can go in these schoolsand be able to share that with
these students, you know, aspart of my job and just be a
missionary back into the samecommunity that was pouring into
me when I was a high schooler,and now I'm able to come full
circle and pour and lead thesestudents to do the exact same
(44:11):
thing.
SPEAKER_00 (44:12):
I love that.
You know, in closing, can youshare with the audience one of
your favorite gospel messages?
SPEAKER_01 (44:22):
So, my for me, my my life first, and this has taken
you know a lot for me over theyears, what yeah, I feel like
that's been mine, and it's thebook of Proverbs, it's Proverbs
chapter three, verses five andsix, and it says, Um, trust in
the Lord with all of your heartand lean not on your own
understanding, and always submitto him, and he will make your
(44:42):
path straight.
So, for me, it's like I have tobe able to trust in the Lord,
not with just parts of my life,but with all of it, because I
don't understand everything.
And I I tried, and if I try tomake these decisions on my own,
like usually it doesn't so go sowell.
So I have to rely on, you know,the Lord and his understanding.
(45:04):
And if I just am able to submitmy life to him, he's going to
make my life, my path straight.
And seeing that now, like allthese things had to happen to
bring me where I am today.
You know, if I wasn't medically,you know, dealing with the stuff
that I am now, I don't know ifI'd be doing this missionary
work in these schools.
Yet God's still able to use thatto bring me to people that need
(45:26):
to hear the truth.
And he's been giving me theopportunity, the position to be
able to speak.
And, you know, back to being ina shelter, I don't know if I
would have been going to MelHigh if that happened.
And now I'm at that same schoolwhere I graduated from meeting
seeing teachers that used toteach me.
And I had a teacher come up tome saying, you know, like when
you were doing that, itencouraged me back in high
(45:47):
school and like so much like Iwant to share with you, like,
you know, this past year that Igot saved.
Like the fact that you're backon this campus, like, is huge
because people need that.
So I'm able to submit everythingin my life to God, and I know
he's gonna direct my past.
I might not always understandit, I might not see where it all
connects, but like looking back,how everything happened to where
I am now, like I couldn't Iwouldn't have changed any of it,
(46:11):
even the hard things, because ofwhere it's brought me, you know,
and the man that it's led me tobecome.
SPEAKER_00 (46:18):
Jordan, thank you for being my guest today on the
I Need Blue podcast.
SPEAKER_01 (46:22):
Thank you so much for having me.
It's been amazing.
SPEAKER_00 (46:24):
Absolutely.
And this is Jen Lee, host of theI Need Blue Podcast.
If you want to learn anythingand everything about I Need
Blue, visit my website,ineedblue.net.
And remember, you are strongerthan you think.
Until next time.
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