Fatherhood & Masculinity

Join in on the conversation as Eury, Brenten, and Mars discuss fatherhood both in their upbringing and now personal lives, and how that experience shaped their view of masculinity and manhood.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
And he's cool too, like, he's cool, like he's a cool guy but he just be doing mad weird

(00:24):
stuff.
Like that, that, that sounds…
Yes, bro.
That sounds like I'm not surprised
Yo
This is who I have the potential to be so like tread lightly, you know

(00:46):
So that's why that's honestly one of the reasons why I'm staying on social media cuz I cannot turn into this nigga
Not I mean like yo, he's so cool and the thing is everybody like him like he's cool
And then I get around him. I'm like

(01:06):
But now like I thought that was a funny conversation we
Funny shit, I'm not surprised only because
As you were describing some of the shit he did I'd be like man, that's some of the shit you do
For real exactly exactly and that's the thing like if I didn't have a little bit of like harness to me, you know

(01:31):
Yeah
And if you catch me on the right day
Do you want me to introduce this episode right ahead
Start the combo you just bet that bet that well, welcome to I see you bro
Episode two episode three. I was I'll do this every time it episode three

(01:56):
Welcome to episode three y'all. I see you bros a space dedicated to
Talking about topics that we generally don't get to talk about. It's a safe space. It's a brave space
It's a space for people that love men of color and people that know men of color
You don't have to be a man of color to be here. You just have to
Care about our progression in order to be here. So shout out to everybody that's listening

(02:18):
Welcome to the space
You know, I like to say I like to say something a little smart if you too rigid get out
This ain't the conversation for you
so yeah today's topics are fatherhood and
masculinity want to talk about one and the other and
I hope to intertwine the two within our conversation as well

(02:41):
Brenton thank you for opening or breaking the ice with that story. That was funny
Um
Yeah
Like I hope you don't listen
So I wanted to start off I wanted to start off with with just like

(03:05):
Your experience is growing up, right? I'll start with myself like but but I wanted to just ask you like your experiences
Growing up, you know, all of us come from different backgrounds
I come from a two-parent home father mother Mars. You said you were living with your
With your mother and your stepfather at first and then you went on to live with your father and then your stepmother

(03:31):
Later, so your experience is different and then Brenton just from knowing you you said that you just have a wild start
I don't even like but basically you grew up, you know with your mom
I'm a single black mother. So your experience is unique as well
We'll let you tell your story and all that because you know for the people to know but just wanted to ask like how have those

(03:53):
experiences
Shaped you as a man and for me, I'd like to say it's I
Was able to see I mean as a father I'm seeing it now
because my son
He's learning to be a human by watching me, you know and by watching his mom
So he's he's learning how to be a human through us first before he steps out into the world

(04:19):
And kind of learns, you know from other people's perspectives
Lively livelihoods and things of that nature. So it gave me like
Okay
This is a human. This is how you're I'm watching his mannerisms
I'm watching, you know how people love him how he leads, you know a household
Good bad and ugly. I saw it, but I feel like I got an early. Well, I got a start into like

(04:45):
Who I wanted to become through watching him right and and you know
You end up shedding some of those things off as you grow and we'll touch on that later
But I feel like it just it gave me a lot to go off of right like a man that leads a man that that works
Very hard a man that wants better for himself and his family
I was able to see all those things very very early on
And I think that they helped shape me

(05:07):
Into you know the type of man I am today
I'm someone that is always going to continue to try to push forward
I
Despise settling in any form or fashion
I hate even feeling like I'm settling in any way because to me that's like, okay
I didn't do my best to get the best out of
whatever
This is right. Um
So yeah, just help me in such a way that I feel I had a great example

(05:33):
Of what a man a father is is supposed to be in this society
He's had many many struggles of his own, but
He's here today. He's persevered through it all right and even no matter how ugly it's gotten at some points. I
I can still lean on the fact that he's

(05:54):
Made it through
Today right like he's alive today through all his worst battles personally, you know internally or externally
And it kind of helps me continue to keep going too because he's just somebody that I've never seen
Give up. Yeah at all
so yeah, just want to just want to open the floor for y'all to kind of

(06:18):
Speak on a little bit about your experiences and kind of how that has shaped you as a man today
and
Then we'll circle back to kind of speak on what we had to shed to become our own man. Yeah, yeah
Oh, yeah, you want to go Mars or?
Okay, yeah, so

(06:41):
Growing up my it was just my mom. I was raised by my mother
But my grandfather kind of stepped in as as a father figure. He was very
much your standard provider, right like
Just a very traditional black man, you know, he's from Georgia. He
only finished the seventh grade and

(07:02):
Then he worked for the rest of his life until he got grown enough to go into the military
He went into the military retired Navy then right after the Navy
He went into the shipyard retired shipyard and then after he retired shipyard, he started working again in his 70s
So he is a man that really works hard, right?
He has always like I will hear about it, but there's never been a time where I have asked my grandfather for something

(07:25):
And I didn't get it. The only thing that I did I like I got what I asked for but I also like I heard it too
Like I got a lesson for it, right?
Not a very empathetic man. That's one thing that I remember even now. He doesn't he doesn't really process his emotions
He does it like very stoic, right?

(07:48):
I'm not really affirming right, but if you know me and you know people you know that like our
Our heart is where our things are right? Like you can kind of tell I knew that he loved me based off of what he gave me
Right and and outside of that, I wouldn't have really known right? But I'm like my grandfather

(08:09):
He has never denied me. So
How hard I work comes from
How hard I work comes from comes from him right?
How I look at money, right? How I look at how I take care of people around me
Right, like you're probably gonna get you're gonna hear my opinion, but you're also gonna get what you asked for, right?

(08:33):
But I also like
I really appreciated the fact that he
That he stepped into that role because he actually could have he could have went the other way so um
Even him being who he is in my life, although my father wasn't around
That was a great example of what a man should be even if he wasn't

(08:56):
Even if he wasn't your father and so the way that I show up for even my friends kids, right?
Like that may not have their fathers. I have a
Their fathers. I have a a friend that we've been for instance high school. She's a single mom
It has boys and it's like well, you actually don't have to be a dad to be a dad, right? Yeah, like
You just have to a father figure right exactly. And so and so

(09:18):
um
I take data we talk about you know, just what it looks like to take data
And so as a kid I took data from that was who I was taking data from was my grandfather, right?
um, and it allowed me to really be who I am today and
And it has impacted the way that I that I take care of people how I provide for people
But we'll get on to the it'll be a later on in the conversation when I talk about like the cons of that as well

(09:43):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because it's good and bad. Yeah, exactly. That's that's what i'm getting. Um, but yeah, go ahead maris
um
Yeah, it's kind of
Weird because I got a little bit of both of these
ideas
um
and stuff like that from
basically being able to see

(10:03):
My mom first and then my father second, um in a sense, right?
Because they got divorced with me my brother my twin brother at a younger age
Which is two so that didn't give us any really coherent times for for them in it in itself, right?
So the way the court was set I got split with my mom until I turned 10 and then

(10:25):
When when I turned 10 I'd go move with my dad and both of them had
Long time significant others through our time being with them. So I had a stepdad
Um that and from you know young to 10 and then I had a stepmom
from um
10 to you know, obviously and they're still around
So that kind of gives an experience on kind of like seeing I always had a father figure around like a house father figure

(10:50):
Shall I say and then?
Transition to my um actual dad being my father figure
Which I was looking forward to as a young man, right?
So how it shaped me was, you know, I really didn't until I turned 10 to live with him. I didn't really take any
He to any real like other man around, you know, shall I say and I think that kind of made me resentful

(11:14):
for a while
Not against men in that in that frame, but I knew who my dad was right
And uh, especially when he wasn't there
I felt a lot similar to like how you felt with your granddad was that he was he wasn't there much
But he was there right and especially when he was when I moved with him
He was in the military and so he was just retiring but then he got

(11:37):
What you got a question yeah, I have a question you can ask me
So I want to ask both of y'all this
Because I can always tell when there's a lack of male influence in men's life based off of their how they're how accountable they are
Are right like I can have a conversation with a man
I could be like bro and like I can immediately tell like how he receives that information
I'm like you never had a man tell you about yourself. Sometimes you you know, so I asked so

(12:01):
I want to ask because I know it was for me. Do you think that your father?
Not being around until you 10 or you like moving into your father
um turning 10 do you feel like that has um
Translated into the way that you receive things from me. Oh, yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah
And so like that's kind of what I was um saying when I knew that there was a certain effect
Yeah on me from me not taking heed to any of like the men around me

(12:27):
like
advice shall I say, you know, I mean kind of understanding that like
I know my dad like, you know, it wasn't like uh, i'm not gonna respect you because I respected people
I was just brought up to respect
You know, my mom taught me that uh manners and and um all that and my stepdad has been around
He's still here, you know and married to my mom. So they he's been around for majority of my life and as I was young so

(12:51):
Unfortunately me being a young kid and knowing that I have a father that I am in communication with um, and see him every summer
And like you said, I know he loves me because he sends gifts and all this stuff
yeah, and I I really do understand that feeling right it's like
I try not to be that kind of loving like I want my daughters to kind of like see a different kind of loving for me

(13:13):
Yes, and so I think that did shape that experience with my father for sure shaped how I try to love
You know what I mean? And not to say that I haven't learned i've learned plenty of things from my father
Um when I finally was able to be with him
But you know one thing I noticed when I got 10 and that's one thing he had to do was
Had to start telling me about myself as a young man, right? That's important is how yeah

(13:34):
And he had to start raising two young men, right?
So that that actually was a huge experience for him, too
Um after 10 years, you know, I mean of not really living with us, too
um, but
you can just see the shift and feel the shift of a
Coming from a household where you think you demand. Yeah to you know, hold on a second

(13:57):
This is this is my father and you know, I've taken heed of what he's saying and and you know
And so a couple of things I know I got from my dad for sure is the way his mindset
You know a lot and a lot of things like he has like a open mindset on like
I think understanding um, is that where your misfit comes from? Um, yes
It's kind of weird. It doesn't really come from him like that or like my granddad. My granddad's a humanitarian. So it's just all about like

(14:24):
Understanding I think it is or the want to understand other people
Like their very reason their reasoning their livelihoods, right? And I think my dad has that for sure in him
And then my granddad definitely has that being a humanitarian. So
Um
That kind of mindset of just trying to love on people because my dad's my dad's a lover, too
I know that for sure. Um

(14:45):
People gravitate towards him as well kind of as you told about your dad. So I think some of that stuff is genetic
It's like spiritually, you know, yeah
Yes, you know where people gravitate towards your family
Right. It's really weird, but I feel that too. Do you feel that about like, um, like spiritual?
Struggles to like things like their past

(15:05):
Yeah, because there are some things that i'm struggling with i'm like that definitely came from that like horror of a father of mine
What i'm kidding. My belief is that
The traumas right the demons that
Are
Fathers grandfathers and so on and so forth
Didn't deal with or it's going to get passed down one way one way or another is getting passed down to the next generation

(15:32):
And then it's on them
You know what i'm saying? Because alcoholism as I speak to you alcoholism was heavy in my family from heavy
Yeah, fathers mothers cousins uncle like
Everybody drinks and everybody like they find the reason to drink
They just love to drink right?
You know how we were talking about not to cut you off real quick, but you know how we're talking about evolutionary stuff

(15:55):
Right the other day and um, so one thing about genetics is genetics evolve as well, right within family groups, right?
So like one. Yeah, my parent ain't this tall
No, i'm dead. My dad five eight my mom five three i'm six one
You're an anomaly, but now usually somewhere down the line in genetics somebody else was super
No, I know I know I get that but no but like when you're talking about like alcoholism

(16:18):
And how that can get passed down. It's like alcohol in itself can get passed down to where it tastes different
Like that's different on your tongue than other people but it's it's it's yeah, it's it's more it's that hormone
Yeah, my mom when I was 13
tried to
In an airport got me to take a sip of brugal, which is a dominican rum

(16:38):
She's like here so that you will never have a taste for it later
I did because it just it takes
What she wanted it to taste like for me
It like as sour and like, you know for me to be I don't like it
It tasted kind of good. You know what i'm saying? I'm not gonna lie. It's but
But I get what she was trying to do. But like you said it gets passed down to where it's

(17:01):
So many and it just tastes different right like and when I stopped and tried to like drink it again
It tastes way different. Yeah, way different. That's why I think it's important
Yeah, way different. That's why I think it's important for and not to move too fast on the conversation
But that's why I think it's important for people that have not had their father fathers in their in their lives or great

(17:24):
Relationships with their fathers to to seek out a relationship
It doesn't have to look exactly the way that you want it to
But one of the reasons why I wanted to build a relationship with my father is so I could see who I had the potential
to become good and bad
And so after like meeting yeah
Right. That's so like survival. I didn't actually have a full conversation till I was like 21 with my father, right and then

(17:47):
Maybe again when I was 25
And and and at 25 I would I would begin to study him
um, and
I would take out the judgment right and I'll be like, oh that's you
And that you have the potential to be that and even to your point of like certain things being passed down
It's like oh, that's me all day. Like and like my dad like

(18:12):
Very simple man, very exciting like intriguing man
Uh, very like mysterious like but funny when you get to know him
um, but also very just like
Cool, like just good and he will sit on his couch again. I hope you don't listen to this and like be good there
Oh, that's my he will be good there bro. And i'm like all day

(18:34):
I went through a week last week and i'm like i'm actually just good here
I still feel i'm still fighting through that like i'm actually just good here
You just give me a j and like in a drink and i'm good like that's my type of good time
And i'm realizing like bro, there's like god has so much more for you than than that
Like which is not a bad thing, right? I'm not i'm not down and doing that is not bad

(18:55):
It's not bad, but if that becomes who you are. Yeah. Yeah, that can't become your identity
It can just be something that you do because one thing I got from my pops to to your like
To your point is like he loves himself a good movie. Yeah, like
I love me a good movie. Like I could sit down and watch a good movie. You feel me? Um,
But I can't do that all day. I can't I can't do my parents they could do that all day

(19:20):
Me I gotta do something. Yeah, but I get to your point and and that was smart advice too is like seek out
Who they are. It doesn't have to be a perfect relationship, but you have to know you don't need any relationship
You just have you just yeah, you just have to know you're it helps you know a little bit more about yourself
um
because like to you I I put on a different lens when when

(19:41):
Looking at my father the older that I got when I was working with my father
I'm like damn bro, you do all this shit every day to help feed us to clothe us like bro a new appreciation
Every fucking day for how many years?
Mm-hmm. So and you see like his work ethic like when he would come home and say like yeah, I barely ate
Be like what you mean barely ate. No when I work with this nigga was like bro

(20:06):
It was his work ethic is insane
Yeah, yeah, it's so it's and he worked in hvac so like just that work ethic I was like
That's what I knew that's you yeah, and like I I see myself in that to the point where I have to stop myself sometimes because
I will burn out I will work until I burn out and then I'd get my rest

(20:29):
Yeah, and I've been a lot more conscious of that lately
I don't want to get too far ahead because this is something I wanted to touch upon too. So
I'll ask y'all. I mean I can start and finish off what I was saying, but I want to know like
What did you have to shed from your father figures as you were becoming your own man? And like I'll start like for me
Like I was saying is

(20:49):
My work ethic
Can be insane like people will look at me crazy
By how much I love to work and how long I can work without having any issue
That
early in my 20s caused
Health issues to where I'd get random nosebleeds. I'd be very very stressed. I could never sleep right

(21:16):
And it'll it taught me that I I cannot I can work like this won't live a very long life like this
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(21:38):
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(22:06):
Right, I think you're obsessed with results. Um, I think I
I can I can so at the time at that time I was very keen on results because at that point in my life
results to me meant that
Like I had just come off like uh, uh basketball and playing all last so like results matter, right? So like to me it's like

(22:33):
Growing up
If you did well in basketball like all the other shit will kind of take care of itself or they'll take care of it for you
Right. So I always felt like as long as you produce results, you'll be taken care of in some way or fashion
Right, so I would always
Try to get that result and work my ass off for it
um as I got older

(22:55):
and this goes with the shedding of uh, you know what what I feel like I learned from my pops is like
I got more I fell more in love with the journey and what that journey brought me
um
In the process right the growth that I experienced while accomplishing that goal or seeing it through and that allowed for my goals to get bigger

(23:16):
It allowed for me to be more patient and have more faith
And what I was doing enjoying the journey that way when you really finally understand that
You get this result gets smacked like the result just smacks you in the face, bro. You get this you literally get this
This is what I was going to and you're not and you're not so stressed about it. You're just doing you're just doing the work
I can go to sleep every night. No, I know and i'm doing the work, but I had to shed that

(23:41):
work till I die mentality because I was
very much digging myself in early grave working that way so to to kind of
Preserve myself I would say I had to I had to shed that um the alcohol thing
It was not uncommon for my dad to to have one or two or three

(24:01):
During the weekday, right? It was not uncommon for for them to just get drunk as hell on the weekends, right?
Or drink all day
That's and I would just see him casually. We'll be playing basketball. I have a gatorade. He has a beer like, you know what i'm saying?
We playing pool. I have a water. He has a beer like
And yeah, and it's just it was so casual

(24:24):
But
When I had a son, right? It's my turn
I have that baton now and I decide
Well, I decided i'm not going to let him just casually see me
This is not something that just happens around here all the time like over dinner
We'll have wine

(24:46):
at an outing
Rarely might have a couple but you're he's never gonna see me just drinking beer
Just because it's the thing to do
Because that's not the example that I want to set. Yeah
Um, so that had to do with some of the shedding as well and we can we i'm pretty sure we can go all day with this
But what are a couple things that y'all felt y'all have y'all have had to to shed from your father figures your your father and grandfather

(25:12):
You know your stepfather and father like
And like what have you had to shed to become the man that you are today?
Um
One of the things that i'm still actively shedding is performance based
Like
performance based being
Like I mentioned like my grandfather, you know being that man in my life up till I was an adult

(25:39):
He always did things right he never really talked to me unless things were wrong, you know
He never really like had heart to hearts with me, you know
I feel like he never really got to know me
and even now like I
I have questions. I'm like who are like are you like what why do you act like that?

(26:01):
Are you really sad or you just mean you know, um
But like one of the things that I did see from him is like how well he did things for other people right
And so that's what I took on and I think that's what I learned from him
And so that's what I took on and growing up. It's like
I am valuable based off of what I can do for you

(26:25):
and so it created this like
This performance based metric for me that if I could show up for you well, I was going to always be valuable to you
Right if I if I was able to do this right and change the atmosphere. You're always going to like me
I don't I don't give a shit now
but that's like I said, that's something that I consistently have to take off of me where it's like one of the things that I

(26:48):
actually wanted from my father and from my grandfather is like I want to see who you are outside of the providing
Because I actually I actually could have like looking back
You had you wasn't no millionaire so I could have did without like you get what i'm saying like
Um, and so so like I have this desire for people
To know me outside of the mask and how I show up for you like I need you to know that i'm a full human

(27:13):
Being just like you are um, which will ultimately make you love me more because you see that i'm human right?
And so that's why i've made it my business to be authentic in every form that I am because I watch the men in my life
Perform so much and now not only have they created this standard for other men to have to reach that but it's wrong

(27:33):
But and like it like I so wish that men
Um and black men in particular would give them a space that would give themselves like bump everybody else
But give themselves a space to be human
And so i'm having to share like this non-human superhero syndrome
Where I have to show up one way in every in the 12 different spaces that I take up. It's like no

(27:58):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I am the ship
You follow my lead. I don't follow the standards that and I feel like that's essentially kind of like what my father and my grandfather did
They they they stuck to this traditional man role like I need to provide for my family
But ultimately it did them a disservice and it did the people under them a disservice

(28:18):
Because it's like now i'm trying to get to know like my grandfather and it's like
Who I want to know who you who you are
Yeah, uh, but it's uh, do you think that?
it
How do I want to say this I I know times have a lot to do with it too
Yeah, I I think the times but but also this gives you the opportunity to be very intentional about exactly how

(28:45):
Your grandchildren get to know you exactly your nieces and nephews get to know you and my family in general like
I actually have had to have um, I like to have a
There's an accountability with it, right because and and uh,
And that's the kind of man that I want to be and that I wish I would have saw from my father or my grandfather like hey
Where I am right now is not a great space. That's okay

(29:07):
This is how I need to show up and this is how I need you to walk with me on this journey
Um, it may not be like this forever. It may be like this for a short period of time
But I think that would allow me to see the human value in people, right?
Beyond what they can actually do for me and like you said there not just that but in in a lot of ways like with the drinking
Like my family, um

(29:28):
And my a lot of drink bro. I was drinking I was as you were talking
I was thinking I was like bro. I was drinking palmasana college like
Like I was drinking brandy like peach you get what i'm saying
I was doing palmasana orange juice when I was like incredible hulk. You feel me bro?
Like I was like and now i'm like and now i'm talking about
I was like and now i'm like and now i'm thinking to myself like

(29:50):
Is that the type of man that you want to be always putting something to your lips?
Always feeling like in order to be in a space you have to drink
And that actually came I realized that was correlated to me feeling like I always had to be more than human
That I had to show up a certain type of way in these spaces, right? And so as i'm like shedding performance
based like being i'm also shedding small things like

(30:13):
like drinking before I go somewhere like and I realized I was doing that because I actually didn't feel like
I I didn't feel like myself and I had to be a certain way in order to go
And if you didn't feel like yourself that day that then I couldn't I could I was less valuable, right?
And so like i'm learning to shed that like which is why I think this space has been so transformative

(30:35):
You've been doing well, man. You've been doing well. Thank you, bro. Thank you, bro
I'm like fuck these niggas they're like they're about to give they're gonna get like
Like not nothing against y'all right, right, but everything for me. It's it's more along the lines of like
I've spent so much time as a man
Taking care of everybody else with my brain and and like how I things flow out of me that it's like that's not that's not

(30:58):
The kind of man that I want to be I want people to love me in every form
I want to be able that's that's why we had that conversation at lunch the other day where it was like
Hey y'all this I may not look like this in the next few years but like bear with me and walk with me through this season
Because it like I'm human and you like I got it. And so you got to understand though too is like

(31:19):
You showing up as you
It makes room
For and it'll clearly show you who accepts you and who doesn't and we've been telling you from the beginning man
Show up however the fuck however you want however you're feeling that day just show up
Because that's you. Yeah. Yeah, you don't have to be
None of that because I see right through that shit and I'm probably gonna call it out. Yeah

(31:42):
like
Because it just it just doesn't
You can feel it and if you're not being you it feels like no part of you at that time is is authentic
It doesn't feel like it's coming from the root from from, you know, the source, which is you and it's you know, so
Yeah, just keep on showing up man as as yourself. However, it is

(32:03):
However, that looks like yeah, yeah, and shout out to the people that are shedding performance based
Like I feel like that's a lot of culture, right?
Yeah, everyone is showing up in this mask and it's like and it's making it so much harder for the real ones
like
It's making it so much harder because i'm realizing like
Immediately I can tell like you like you said like I can tell in a conversation with somebody like oh

(32:25):
Because i've been there, you know, and even um with my father like
He does a great job of minding his business now. That's one thing I will say about my dad
Well, he's not in a good space. He does not
Um, no, he's not he don't he don't smear himself on you like he does not smear his emotions. He actually uh
Retreats and isolates and nobody knows where he is, right?

(32:46):
But also i'm trying to shed that as well because it's like no you need to be in community
You don't you you like you don't have to you get to feel bad and sad you just you communicate that
To your community and the people that you're around and if they're if they love you
They will walk with you if they don't they can they can go and to your point like in me shedding this performance thing

(33:08):
That i've learned from the men in my life. I've also learned like that
They can love me or they can't and it makes it makes the the process a lot faster
A lot and it makes the environments that i'm sitting in a lot stronger because it's like I don't feel safe with you cool
I don't gotta be there. So
Yeah, but marz what was your

(33:29):
like what are some of the things that you're trying to share from
A lot man
To be honest, like I said, I love being in this space because I can listen to y'all
mid conversation and just kind of like
People you feel me and so like one thing I think i'm kind of coming to the grips of is my stepdad was he was a cop
Right and so like in Atlanta you had military

(33:52):
Step pops and then no you had
He was air force and then he was a cop so and then and then your pops was in the military
My dad was in the military. Yeah, so I kind of always had that strict in that
And um
He was a cop and I don't think I really ever really not that he not only that he wasn't my father that i'm thinking as a young

(34:15):
Man, I also didn't give him respect because he was a cop too, you know young black kid
Especially once you started hearing nwa boy. I already know
stuff, you know, so
Unfortunately, I feel like I didn't give him any space but I feel like in this time i'm shedding like
old ideals that I thought
you know, I mean and not just from that because I realized when

(34:38):
You don't get to see your a lot of times when we don't have such father figures
We're able to see them in their everyday life. So that's one thing that you were fortunate enough
I believe to see your father figures, right because I think I don't remember which episode but we talked a little bit about how
We're going to take a little bit from each one of our father our father figures or the people that we idolize

(35:01):
You know, I mean we're just a little bit. Oh, they have something I would like
So I want to take that right and then um
When we're not doing that at all or not respecting a person at all. We don't even take anything from them
So good or bad. Yeah. Yeah, so I think that's one thing that I didn't allow myself to do as a young man
But when I finally lived with my dad

(35:22):
I still didn't really get to see him be human until like being a senior in high school because he brought me
He was a jr. Tc instructor, which is another thing like that showed me to love on people, right?
Everybody's like as a jr. Tc instructor. He's a lot of people's father figure the girls and the boys there, you know, and so um,
They loved him man, you know, I mean, so that was another thing that brought me to like kind of like who I am today

(35:46):
I didn't come straight here, but it started like, you know, even I don't think none of us
No, no, but I mean like I think this is kind of like something that is like
influencing people like you said like
Loving on people for me and then for you is just you know being around people, you know, I mean and and kind of
Changing the aura of the room for you. I mean it all revolves around

(36:08):
masses of people right and so
I think shedding the fact that we think we know even though we spend a bunch of time with people
Who they are right and and what our figures are because they're not
They're not necessarily just our influence. There's something they're like people are technically like

(36:30):
Somebody in a store. It's a there's items in a store, right? You basically take what you want, right?
They're a grocery store and you take what you want from them and then you leave some stuff on the shelf, right?
Yeah, yeah, and so this sounds worse than what it really is
That's what I was thinking but I was going to let them finish
But it's but it's but you understand
I understand what you're saying
If we don't like the grocery store at all or like what it's about we won't ever go

(36:51):
Right
And so we're not getting anything from them kind of like how I just said so like if it's a grocery store
We'd be like, I like some things in here
Oh, I really want this and I really want that and if we can afford them which is putting the work to get that attribute
You know, we kind of you know, grab them and pay for them. So I think
Realizing that you have to

(37:13):
Not take everything at people as face value. We try to take not just things as face value
But people have to take what you can get take what you have to spend time with them
Yeah
To real to actually understand who they are instead of just going into the grocery store to buy
We go to the grocery store to buy we don't go to the grocery store to window shop most of the time
Right and to figure out oh maybe next time i'ma take that and oh maybe this isn't something

(37:35):
I really want it because I think if we spent more time in a grocery store, we'd actually understand better how to use it
Right and and and what more to take from that person, right?
Instead of just that face value of what looks good and what shouts out to me, you know
I see what I see what you're saying
Whereas like, you know, everything doesn't necessarily have to be good or bad like they're good and bad things in every

(37:57):
Every and everything but just like spending the time with that individual right to see what's best for you
To see what's best for you
Yeah, yeah and collect that data kind of like how you said, right?
Because not only i'm not necessarily genetically connected to my um, my stepdad
But I am connected to him in my experience and like how I react and pick up things and stuff like

(38:19):
And respond to people because that happens like I want I want to ask some
Um, uh, have y'all ever seen your fathers or grandfathers? Have y'all ever seen them cry at all?
I saw my dad cry once yes, and it was about his mom who committed suicide to my grandmother. Okay, and so
yeah, that was like weird because

(38:40):
Okay, so
Let me let me tell you the story
We had just moved in with my dad. We were talking about maybe six months and my brother
My brother, we're both obviously mama's boys because we did live with our mom my twin brother
And so but my twin brother was more open about his crying and I felt like I was more
On that men don't cry, you know kind of tough tough guy

(39:02):
But not only that that was kind of me and I never really cried unless I was extremely upset like mad
That's when I would cry back then, you know, I mean and so, um, my brother had been crying
Multiple nights and kind of stuff
He would do that since we were younger even when we would go to live with my will not live with my dad

(39:26):
He would cry in his sleep right in the middle of the night
Man, just loud and welling right wake me up every time you know, but um, no he he we were mama's boys, right?
So being spending any time away from your mom you're gonna feel a certain type of way
My brother wasn't afraid to let it out as we were kids, right now. It might be it looks way different
Like i'm more of the sensitive person and that's always been that way

(39:49):
but being together I get to see you know, I mean see him as a human and so
My dad was like, yo, you gotta stop all that crying and stuff not in like a manly way
but in a man in like a
Empathetic way, right? And so he brought us into his room one night and he was just sitting on his bed
He's talking to us. You're like, you know what? I understand the crime, you know, he's like I miss my mom

(40:11):
You know and that kind of feel like that hit him you feel me like I feel like he felt what he was saying
In that moment, right and i'm feeling i'm a little choked up saying the story because that was the first time
I saw my dad cry and it was like
I think we were like 10 and a half or 11 because we had just got there. Was his mom had his mom passed by
Yeah, his mom committed suicide when he was young

(40:32):
Okay, when he was a young man when my grandfather was going through all that, uh stuff after the olympics and all that. Um,
A whole bunch of stuff happened. But yeah, she ended up creating committed suicide early
Um in my dad's life after uh after uh your grand like after the olympics
Yeah, because there was so much there's pressure

(40:54):
Um, there was you know, my granddad lost a bunch of jobs and they blackballed him so he couldn't get jobs
You understand i'm saying so they split are we are do you care if I mention who your
Grandfather so anybody who's listening just for context
Uh mars is the grandson of john carlos
uh, who was

(41:16):
one of
the
Torch holders and just um bringing and ushering in
um
Like equality into the olympics, right? And so he was like an influencer humanity in itself, right?
And so he has an organization mars has um
Um in a non-profit organization called the john carlos for humanity

(41:38):
um
Organization, yeah, we're working to make it a non-profit, but it's definitely a community event
We do it every year. Yeah, and so he he does this event every year
So i'm mentioning that because like I didn't I know that you don't share that often
I just think that's a cool tip, but also it's like I didn't realize that him
Taking this leap of like what effect it had what effect it had and so that's so i'm

(42:02):
I'm a lot. This is my first time hearing this part of the story. Yeah, so there's a lot
Yeah, no, there's a lot to that story
So your dad's i'm also interested in that because your father also probably saw what the effects of what it
On his death on what it took to take risk on like the effects of risk taking exactly and and and yeah

(42:24):
And would he take risk that big seeing the effect? Yeah that it would have on the people around him
Do you think that that has well, I know it has in our conversation
Do you think that that has like really changed how you take risk or the way that you look at risk?
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I
Let's tell you this I was like a 50 50 like right now
It was never I never tried to reach towards my granddad because I felt his presence as the silver rights

(43:59):
You know here on right, you know, especially from my dad who held his dad in the iconic role
Of course, he got to see everything, you know, so I just was like I didn't want to be like a moocher
Growing up like, you know, you have weird ideals as growing up and then you never you don't know
Which ideal is gonna finally smack you in the face? So you when you're like, wait, why did I think that way?
You know, you never know what year in your life that's gonna happen or if ever but you have to get to that specific ideal

(44:24):
Um, so but now when I got older I kind of feel like i'm like, you know, no, it's not that it's not about being a
Moocher it's about realizing
What he did and the balls he had to do that
And so I always thought like when I started thinking about it would I have the balls to get on the stand like that put my
Right, right tell people exactly how i'm thinking out of
Turn shall I say like because you know, I mean though it was respectful. So it inspired you it was it's very inspiring

(44:49):
Yeah, very inspiring inspired me now to start doing because now i'm starting to think about it inspired me to
That john carlos run for humanity was created in five months
Um, and then we did our first community event. Do you think that your dad?
Um, and yuri i'll let you slide to our other question after this, but do you feel like your dad?
um
He kind of suffered the negative like effects of like seeing his dad being so inspiring like yeah

(45:14):
Where it kind of like made him? Um
At a time he was getting you know, the paparazzi and everybody wanted to talk to him
Then all of that went away and then he saw his his father becoming the guy without a job and you know working hard
Yeah, yeah, and um, you know kind of like what yuri saw he got to see him as more human than he and I mean and so

(45:37):
So yeah, so that's finally like when he was talking about his mom
My dad and himself and talking about his mom was the first time and the last time I saw him
Wow, like the last time I saw really and that's we're talking about 10 years old and so
I know what makes him cry or made him cry at that time and I don't think I was able to see

(46:00):
a
emotion release
You understand what i'm saying? Yeah
A lot from him or my stepdad my stepdad had a has a lot of emotions, but his a lot of his emotions were anger
You know and and now I try to I want to love I find myself really loving on him
In a space to where i'm like I understand you now as a human, you know
And I feel like I never gave you a chance to be a father figure just a father figure not my father

(46:25):
Specifically specifically even though he was right, um for a group of time
But just even giving him a chance and so emotionally is something that I would like to shed my ideals of emotional stability
or emotional like
Expression. Yeah, because I'm right now to this day
I'm learning that I got stuff from my my stepdad and I got stuff from my dad as far as you know

(46:49):
It goes with the most i'm learning that to your point. I have never seen my grandfather cry
Maybe have seen him share one tear one
I've heard of my dad crying right?
Like i've never even even my even my
Even my brother like I saw him cry for the first time this weekend our grandmother passed, right? Like
And i'm and i'm and I feel so crazy

(47:12):
Crying because i'm a crier. I have cried every like I am now. I can't wait to get back on instagram
I can't wait to get back on instagram because I have my caption, you know, I think about content
But because i'm off
I'm like, you know my creative I was like I can't my first post back to instagram would be like, you know
For the first part of this year. This black boy did not have joy

(47:32):
You know, and that's my thing having joy and I always want to show that but i'm also realizing the part of me
And who I am and my joy is also like my emotional identity, right? Like I get to cry
I get to really show those different
I'm a crier. I have cried every single today was probably the first day that I didn't cry
I told somebody manifestation and release go hand in hand. I feel like that's crying to be honest like

(47:57):
For any man that's out there. Listen, it's a spiritual thing. You know what I mean? I feel like crying is a spiritual thing
I feel like it's your spirit crying out on behalf of your flesh
Right, and I think that sometimes when you cry like
Oftentimes I like I know that i'm sad and because people haven't really um in my my father figures

(48:19):
I'm i'm really learning my emotions now as an adult, right? And so i'm actually like
Sometimes I actually don't know what's wrong with me. And so I have to say you're sad right now
you know, you're you're upset right now and the moment that I
Acknowledge that I go ahead and release it and sometimes I don't always fully understand why i'm sad or why i'm frustrated

(48:39):
But I do what I do know is that there is a power in that release
Yeah, there's a power in the way that I love how you just said that man. What?
I don't know why i'm up so emotional sometimes, you know, like why am I sad? Why am I upset or why am I drained?
Right, you know, I mean and so like that's really powerful
But there's so much power in that release when you finally

(49:02):
find
find it in your
Journey to learn when to release and learn when it's bottled up and I think that's what happens for my emotion. It just
Anger upset and this is just like I get full with that emotion
Yuri, what what how what is your emotional identity look like right now? Where'd you learn it from too?
um, like I said, I heard of my father crying back in

(49:27):
2005
We had a very close family friend joelle
back in jersey
who went out for a night drinking and
He slipped and fell
and he hit his head
And he fell like he fell unconscious outside and froze to death. Wow

(49:48):
uh, so
I remember getting the news
I remember my dad telling us with a very very straight face. You could tell he's upset, right, but
He just goes in the bathroom
comes out probably like
15
20 minutes, I don't know. He ran the water like yeah, he just like he just went into the bathroom came out

(50:10):
nothing like you know what i'm saying like I you would have thought he just
Wouldn't do his business or whatever, but
I never
Never once
Saw my dad like cry or yeah, I've never seen him
My mom she's expressed that he has like when our great-grandfather died
Um and stuff like that. So she's expressed that he has but by that time i'm already like 25

(50:35):
Yeah, you know what i'm saying, but like growing up
and
And yeah, it was um
Rarely ever saw that so I carried that myself, right I was
Not emotional in the sense that i'd get sad at things
I just get really angry at shit and to your point when I get really angry
That's when you'd see tears, right?
Because I i'd get so I didn't know what to do because it's either I cry right now

(50:57):
I try to burn everything down like one
Somehow this is like something this game resolved right? But
yeah, I carried that with me to where I I
I became a very like just stoic person
um
Especially when I got more time to myself like when I was in the military and spent a lot of time with myself I found

(51:19):
That a lot of shit ain't really worth it
Right to to all those peaks and valleys of emotions all that that sadness that anger, right?
So I I really tried to keep it level don't get me wrong. There are things that piss me off
There are this you know, there are things that piss me off that i'm still working through and learning
Why you should feel every emotion? Yeah, so I I've it's very healthy. So it's I kept that stoicism for a while

(51:45):
Then I had a son
right
With that just the experience of seeing him born in itself brings out emotions
In that time that I really didn't
feel or express in a long time
And since then it's I i've been very conscious like he has not seen me cry

(52:06):
But I have learned the power of releasing because I may not cry often
But when I do is because I know that I need to I know
Yes
That there is a blockage going on. I know that
Something is going on where I'm either not thinking straight. I'm not
It's something and I just have to get it out

(52:27):
And sometimes I'll just sit there and I just and I cry weird bro. I'm silent as fuck like them tears them tears
Would just roll them tears would just run down my face. You're not used to doing that. You've been bottling
Yeah, it ain't emotional like that. So it's not like you know boo-hooing or it's just i'll sit down and tears will run down my eyes
What did Andre say? Do you cry in tune?

(52:49):
I I actually have
Yeah, but I I feel like you know
I so in turn I I think
One it just made me more
Like I just wanted to be very emotionally intelligent and handle myself well across many situations. I'm one that
I've gotten like horrible news and i've been able to keep my composure like I learned on a deployment that a close like a

(53:15):
Friend died, right? And then not a month later that my uncle had passed
and
I still had to work
like i'm on deployment like you know what i'm saying, so I had to
Kind of put those emotions down do what I needed to do find time and space to go release later on
But i've gotten very well

(53:37):
at managing my emotions in that time
um
I will say that I still don't process death normally. Um
What I mean by that is like it's
There's no normal way. Yeah, it's for me. It's like the stages people talk about like for me that that's
Fucking yeah, it's just

(54:00):
Once I make sense of what happened I start just
working my hardest to accept it and then working to
Continue their name on
and
live through the memories we created and things that I don't like
Like there's a few like there was one time. I mean with my grandfather. I cried when my son was born because

(54:23):
he
My girl was like six seven months pregnant
And i'm like damn he's not gonna get a chance to meet her uh to meet to meet our son
And I had just realized that he had passed the previous
july on 2019
Right. My son was born september 2020. So
around july-ish
Right of 2020 about a year or so after it finally hit me like damn. He ain't never gonna meet

(54:48):
my son and
let out a few tears for that, but
I didn't cry when he died. It took me like a year to say yeah, i'm like that too. I'm a late processor
I'm kind of like a which i'm okay with that because I want to ask do you feel do you feel like
it's because
You

(55:09):
are
One you are someone people are going to lean on when shit like that happens and you have okay
So same i'm gonna be the one in my family like
I I grieve on the back end. Yeah, you know like I let everybody else which I which I which honestly
While we talk about our fathers and in their emotional capacity to and how they handle things

(55:31):
i'm so glad that there was a sense of stoicism there or a sense of like
Um, I want to call it staleness, right? But it's not that but there's this um, there's this rock foundation
That's there that no matter how hard the wind blows that house will not be blown down
Like what and and a lot of that is how I have been able to thrive this long, right?

(55:53):
Um, and so I say that to say like while it may seem like a con in some aspects
Like a downfall in some aspects that they didn't show that emotion
I think it's also it has been really really good for me too because the leader that I am like people people have
They're gonna they're gonna lean on me
And so it's not to say that I don't get to be sad in that moment

(56:14):
But I also really appreciate the fact that like I have this ability to like get business and be strong in this moment
I'm gonna get business that like leaders and people to lean on it's like i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna do the business first
And i'm gonna grieve later. Yeah, but that's not gonna exclude the grieving
It's gonna be there just at a later time just at a later time to your point is like
I feel the same way like when bad news is given

(56:38):
I'm the i'm probably gonna be the last person to cry because i'm making time and space
for y'all to feel how you feel and for me to to be that rock for
y'all right and
But the most important thing to know is that
How and when to find that place for you? Yeah, so that's that's something i've learned recently is

(56:59):
Making that time to still grieve myself
instead of
being that rock for everybody else and then kind of
Continuing to push down that emotion so far
That is going to be a while before they start to surface back up. But when it does boy
Boy, and you have to you have to be like i'm the type of person you're gonna have to a tragedy can happen

(57:21):
I'm good now
Ask me two months later. Am I good? Right? Yeah, because because i'm gonna make sure that my family is good first
I'm gonna make sure that business is taken care of first like i'll i'll cry at the end of this, you know
I've gotten there and really really good at that
And so I guess like segueing not like taking the question from you or anything uri, but I guess I also want to ask like

(57:43):
Do you feel like the experiences that you've had with your father's?
um
and and and where they have been in your life have you
Does that affect your masculinity today?
And like and what is it and and and what are you trying to change?
About how you perceive masculinity based off of what you were taught

(58:04):
um
Just see it as more dynamic. Yeah, because I feel like um our fathers and grandfathers
We have we have to understand that
It's a it's a new day. It's a different time
the way society works
And functions now is way way different than what they grew up in they they don't have nearly the information what they did was based

(58:29):
purely off survival
Exactly, right? So I I think maybe being more dynamic more open-minded
um two things
Because I grew up in a I would say a traditional right like my my mom
Um, she she was a stay-at-home mom when we moved to pa and she like until my sister

(58:50):
You know, uh went off to college and everything and my dad, you know, he brought home the bacon and things like that
So just just being more dynamic, um in the way I approach how I want to raise, you know my family
um
It definitely shaped me though as a man because like I said, I was able to see a leader

(59:11):
I was able to see somebody that was a father figure to others outside of me and my sister like
We had cousins calling him like dad, you know what i'm saying? Like people that
Hey, I need to talk to you real quick. Do you have a second like?
People like you know what i'm saying? So so just seeing that type of example like

(59:32):
The bad is the bad that's on us when we're old enough to shed that shit at the end of the day for anybody listening like
Like when you know better you have a choice to make whether you want to continue
The bad that you've witnessed or you've gotten from your father's your uncle's whoever
Or if you want to kind of change that path for yourself, and and I think all of us have done that here

(59:55):
We we just took
What we felt was best for us at that time
You know and there's still things that that
I've learned from my father that at the time it probably didn't serve me
You know because I wasn't I wasn't in a position that he was in but now that I think back on it
I'm like, okay. Yeah, I can pick that up now, right?
So really just shedding all the bad all the negative that that I don't feel like it resonates with me or the man that I want

(01:00:20):
to become yeah
But just instilling all the good the work ethic just how how he made sure we never went with that. We never felt
None of the shit he felt
We never felt none of the shit he felt right and that's because he provided such a large enough shield
And protection that we still felt good even when we weren't

(01:00:44):
and
Uh, y'all talked about risk taking
My I would say my parents as a whole but just just them like they
Inspired the way I take risks
One coming to this country without knowing the language
Oh your parents they know the language when they came in. No, wow. I didn't know that. No, so they they

(01:01:10):
Yeah, like they they be full-time boy, yeah, so came here didn't know the language in the 19 early early to mid 1980s
um
You know finished schooling to what the high school level
Went and found jobs, but I say all that to say is like they took risks continuously to to one

(01:01:31):
And get us a better life
They took a risk to move us out of the neighborhood where our family grew up in in new jersey where it's safe where we feel like hey
You know
We could drop our kid off here so he could get dinner we could drop him off here so he could get babysat
Whatever moved us to pennsylvania because they wanted us to see

(01:01:51):
More than what was in jersey and what was in that that particular area? They wanted us to get exposure to
to like
more wealth I would say you know families that are in a different class and
That exposed your help. You know what i'm saying?
But just the risk that they took without fear about what anybody cared because that's what they wanted for them and their family

(01:02:17):
um
I carry that shit with me to this day. I like that where you use dynamic
Uh, yeah, that's good. That's really really good. What about you marsh? I like that word too. Um,
um, just kind of basically adding
The healthy things to my toolbox, you know, I think that most other people would think
Um, they add automatically is the healthy thing but no it's more so just what you like what twinkles

(01:02:44):
What's shiny so?
um
And kind of realizing that I can't step back from my old ideals my old
thoughts and and and um
Kind of behaviors is the biggest thing, you know, but being able to be like hold myself accountable when I see those behaviors pop up
in myself, you know, like um
I guess like my anger too like me not being able to express that the right way

(01:03:09):
Um my my sadness not being able to express that the the more healthy way and there's no right or wrong way for people to express it
um, just
Healthy and unhealthy way for them to express it
Individually, you see i'm saying that so
Um, one thing that you did say was you need a community and sometimes I feel like right now as i'm learning how to do this
I need a community and that's why I see you bro. It's so dope and and uh,

(01:03:33):
We welcome all parties and we started this um podcast for for more outreach so people can understand that community is very important
Very it's important to masculinity in general. Yeah, exactly because once because once I felt I felt more masculine
In this safe space than I have ever been because i'm more sure of myself. I'm more
um
accepting of my

(01:03:55):
Unhealthy behaviors because i'm like, all right now I know how to tackle these unhealthy preach bishop
You know what I mean? And now I know how to kind of mold those into healthy, you know behaviors and so um
It's it's way more powerful when i'm learning
How to release as a group so that way when i'm able to
i'm starting now to be able to do it by myself. Yeah, and I think we're like

(01:04:18):
We're we're growing in real time
It's faster than real time, you know what i'm saying? So seeing three experiences is crazy
But like even going from that like I continue to elevate the standard at which I want to hold myself too because i'm like
Yeah, I I need to cut this this like i'm better than this. You know what i'm saying?
So it's just like I continue to raise the bar for myself

(01:04:39):
As a person as a man and just continuing to do it
Just shed anything that doesn't that doesn't resonate with who i'm trying to become. So
Yeah, you um
I i'm gonna be really really short in regards to masculinity
The one thing that I really really want to keep and take from our like fathers and the I know we talked about again

(01:05:03):
Like the stoicism and um them not really
Showing any emotions right like and we know that there are bad parts of that but the good part about that that I do want to keep
Is that I love solid men
Regardless of who you are what kind of man you are what you like. I love a solid man
And that's one of my favorite things about me, right?

(01:05:24):
And um, even in my not great moments
Like I love how that i'm able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to
be able to have a conversation with you and look you straight in your face and say this is where I am
You know, like this is um, I can still provide I can still show up this way

(01:05:45):
Like that's my favorite part about masculinity is just this innate ability to do things and to do
Hard things and so i'm gonna keep that right. Um, one of the things that I want to invite more into
How I view masculinity is how dynamic we are
And so masculinity is how dynamic men get to be

(01:06:06):
You know how dynamic men of color get to be like I hear you talk about them taking that risk right and leaving right
We're able to do those things and so masculinity my you know, my masculinity is like
Has been shaped by stoic men, but like those stoic men are the reason why that I get shit done

(01:06:26):
And that and that you're gonna call me to make sure that like, you know
You can call me you can be confident to call me that even if I know some shit gonna get done
It's gonna it don't matter how it's gonna get done. He might not be good, but he's gonna get it done
Right, but like the other part thing about like not to cut you off when people keep calling you
I was like, yo
I gotta take it as a compliment because that means people know i'm gonna get shit done

(01:06:49):
Mm-hmm. But also it's in that part and i'm gonna close out on this part in that part if that's you right
It's also your responsibility to show the other side of what it looks like to carry that burden
Because there are men like behind you that you're responsible for for me being a black man
And a predominantly white mostly predominantly white spaces and really just the only man of color of who I am

(01:07:14):
It's important that I show you like how to treat the person that comes after me. Yes. He's great
He can do everything but should you be requesting him to do everything?
Should you be giving him space to be a little bit more than what you've assigned to him?
Just ask hey, what do you need? What do you need? What do you ask? You know, ask him. What do you need?
Um, and and i'm like that's what i'm inviting into my masculinity asking myself what I need

(01:07:40):
Um, and so I guess that wraps up episode three
Episode oh, I thought that was six episode three that was
Yeah, shout out to episode three
Uh masculinity and fatherhood. Yeah. Thanks for tuning in. Yeah. Thanks for tuning in
I'm i'm i'm i'm gonna keep it black and i'm gonna keep it brief as as lenae would say I love her what?

(01:08:03):
uh
Listen y'all. Thank you for tuning into the icu bro podcast a space dedicated to men of color and a space dedicated to
the developing through the through the crap
I always say it if you love a black man, if you know a black man, if you got black brothers black friends
This is the podcast for you. If you're too rigid, you can't really get with it get lost

(01:08:26):
I'm one third. Yeah, come back at another time. I'm one third of the collective brenton
And it's a number one misfit mars. Make sure you like share subscribe. Just tell your people about us spin that
You know can't interact remain. Can you insert spin that? Spin that shit?
Okay

(01:08:48):
And this is yuri just uh, we appreciate y'all tuning in man, but
Please please please leave a comment below sharing a little bit about your experience
Sharing what you relate to because we have three very very very different experiences here
Um talking about subjects like this so we want to know who you resonate with why what your experience looks like and how you've grown

(01:09:10):
uh from that
but
I'll cut it short. We're out. I didn't know what to say at the end so you can cut this out, too
I like that part we out we
Out I actually like that though. I didn't know what to say so we just go in here