March 10, 2025 • 18 mins
Ever encountered someone who just won’t admit they’re wrong? In this episode, we delve deep into the psychology of accountability and explore the complex reasons behind why some individuals perpetually dodge responsibility. From fragile egos to deep-rooted fears that a mistake could unravel their identity, we illuminate the mental gymnastics these people employ to avoid acknowledging their faults.
Listeners will gain insight into five common tactics used to sidestep accountability. Whether you’ve dealt with a friend, colleague, or partner who embodies these behaviors, understanding them can provide clarity. We also touch on how these dynamics can lead to toxic relationships and stifle personal growth.
Join us as we share powerful strategies for recognizing and navigating these patterns. Your journey to better communication and healthier relationships begins with awareness and understanding. Don’t miss out - subscribe, share your thoughts, and help others foster accountable interactions!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
The Psychology of People who Can't Take
Accountability.
Some people don't avoidaccountability because they
don't see the truth.
They avoid it because admittingthey're wrong would shatter who
they think they are.
Introduction why some peoplewill never admit they're wrong.
We'veatter who they think theyare.
Introduction why some peoplewill never admit they're wrong.
We've all dealt with them.
(00:30):
The person who twists everyargument so they're never at
fault.
The friend who always has anexcuse for their behavior.
The co-worker who throwseveryone else under the bus
instead of owning up.
The ex who rewrites history sothey're always the victim At
first.
You might think they just don'tsee it that if you explain
things clearly enough, if youpresent the facts, if you just
(00:53):
find the right words, they'llfinally get it.
But they won't, because forsome people, admitting fault
isn't just uncomfortable, it'simpossible.
Why?
Because their entire identitydepends on never being wrong.
Their ego is so fragile.
Admitting fault would be likeconfessing their whole
(01:14):
personality is just a thriftstore knockoff.
This episode breaks down whysome people refuse to take
accountability, even when theyknow they're wrong.
The mental gymnastics fragileegos use to dodge responsibility
, how engaging with these peoplekeeps you trapped in toxic
cycles, and how to recognizewhen someone is never going to
(01:36):
change.
So you can stop wasting yourenergy, because real strength
isn't just about owning yourwins, it's about owning your
mistakes.
And some people will never havethat kind of strength.
They're too busy gold meddlingin the blame Olympics to try.
So let's get into it, the realreason.
(01:58):
Some people can't admit they'rewrong.
Most people think ofaccountability as a simple thing
.
Did you mess up?
Own it and do better?
Did you hurt someone?
Apologize and, more importantly, do better?
Did you make a bad decision?
Learn from it and ding, ding,ding, do better.
(02:20):
For some, avoidingaccountability isn't just about
protecting their ego.
It is a survival mechanismshaped by deep psychological
wounds.
When someone's entire sense ofself is built around never being
wrong.
Admitting fault doesn't justbruise their pride, it threatens
the fragile identity they'vespent a lifetime constructing to
cope with past pain.
(02:40):
But for some people, admittingfault feels like psychological
death.
It's not about facts, it'sabout identity.
For these people, being wrongisn't just about a single
mistake, it's about who they are.
If they admit fault even once,their ego cracks open like a dam
(03:01):
and out spills a Pandora's boxof insecurities they've been
ductating shut since middleschool.
So instead of facing reality,they deny, deflect and distort
the situation.
They blame others to protecttheir self-image.
They attack you for evensuggesting they're at least
partially at fault.
They don't avoid accountabilitybecause they can't see the
(03:25):
truth.
They avoid it because theirmind won't let them process it
without breaking and that's whyyou can never logic them into
growth.
And yes, many of us have triedso hard.
We've tried Like teachingcalculus to a goldfish Noble,
but you're just wasting fishfood.
(03:48):
The five mental gymnasticspeople use to dodge
responsibility.
When someone refuses to takeaccountability, they don't just
say no and walk away.
They use mental gymnastics toprotect their ego at all costs.
Here are the five biggesttactics they use.
Tactic one the reality, rewrite, gaslighting and reframing.
(04:10):
This is when they rearrangeevents, deny facts or rewrite
history, so they're always thehero, the victim or both.
It's not just lying, it'sstrategic erasure and
reconstruction of events toavoid accountability and
maintain control Over time.
This erodes your confidence inyour own memory and perception.
(04:33):
Examples what actually happened?
They broke a promise theirversion.
You're being dramatic.
I never actually promised that.
This is denial, making you theproblem.
What actually happened?
They hurt you with their wordsor actions their version.
I was just joking.
You're too sensitive.
This is minimization, turningreal harm into an overreaction.
(04:57):
What actually happened?
They bailed on plans multipletimes after insisting they
wanted to spend time with youtheir version I never really
said I'd be available.
You just assumed this isshifting blame, avoiding
ownership of their inconsistency.
What actually happened?
They shut down and withdrewafter an unintentional public
(05:20):
embarrassment, later discardingyou instead of addressing their
insecurities.
Their version you humiliated meon purpose.
You knew exactly what you weredoing.
Embarrassment later discardingyou instead of addressing their
insecurities.
Their version you humiliated meon purpose.
You knew exactly what you weredoing.
This is rewriting intent,turning an accident into an
attack, making you the villainand yes, I realize this one is a
bit personal, but it's still agreat example.
What actually happened?
(05:41):
You showed up authentically,shared your insights and called
out inconsistencies.
Their version You're justtrying to be the smartest person
in the room.
You always think you're right.
This is projection, accusingyou of motives that actually
reflect their own insecurities.
Now, this is all different frommisremembering something
(06:02):
genuinely.
Memory isn't perfect andsometimes two people remember
things differently.
The difference A healthy personacknowledges the possibility of
a mistake instead ofaggressively denying or
rewriting reality.
This is also different fromclarifying miscommunication.
If someone explains that theymeant something differently than
(06:22):
how you interpreted it, that isnot gaslighting.
The issue is when they refuseto acknowledge their past words
or actions at all.
This is also different fromstanding by a different
perspective.
Disagreeing on an event'simpact isn't gaslighting.
Denying that it ever happenedis Gaslighting.
(06:43):
Like this makes you questionreality, so they can escape
blame without changing anything.
Tactic two the blame reversal.
You made me do it.
Instead of owning their ownactions, they flip the script
and make you the bad guy or gal.
Examples what actually happened?
They snapped at you out ofnowhere their version.
(07:06):
Well, if you hadn't beenannoying me, I wouldn't have
snapped.
This is deflection.
Making their reaction yourfault.
What actually happened?
They lashed out during anargument their version.
You made me yell.
I wouldn't have lost my temperif you just listened.
(07:30):
This is shifting accountability,avoiding responsibility for
their emotional control.
These are different fromexplaining a trigger without
blaming you, saying hey, Istruggle with this and it upsets
me.
This is self-awareness.
Saying you caused this ismanipulation.
This is also different from amutual dynamic where both people
recognize their parts inconflicts.
Accountability should go bothways.
(07:52):
If one person always claimsthat their actions are caused by
you.
That's a real red flag.
Key takeaway the reaction istheirs to own.
If someone repeatedly makes youresponsible for their anger
actions or mood swings, it's nota partnership, it's emotional
outsourcing.
They've turned you into theiremotional landfill Dump and run
(08:17):
no recycling fee.
Tactic three the victim shield.
Why are you attacking meInstead of addressing the issue?
They play the victim so youfeel bad for holding them
accountable.
Examples what actually happened?
You call them out fordisrespecting you.
Their version Wow, I guess I'mjust a horrible person.
(08:39):
I can never do anything right.
Cue the violins They've justcast themselves in Poor Me the
musical.
This is a guilt trip, makingyou feel bad for addressing a
real issue.
What actually happened?
You calmly express a boundarytheir version I just wanted to
make you happy, but I guess Ican't do anything right for you.
(09:01):
This is a self-pity spiral,making the conversation about
their feelings instead of theissue.
This is different from someonefeeling genuinely hurt.
It's okay to feel emotionalduring tough conversations.
The difference A healthy personwill stay engaged in the
discussion instead of shuttingit down with self-pity.
(09:23):
This is also different fromadmitting faults when feeling
bad about them.
Someone saying I feel awfulthat I hurt you is healthy.
Someone saying I'm just theworst.
You must hate me to derailaccountability, not so much the
key takeaway.
They're flipping the script.
So now you're the onecomforting them instead of
(09:46):
addressing the real issue.
Tactic four the excuse machine.
It's not my fault.
This is when they always havean excuse for why they can't be
held responsible.
Examples what actually happened?
They broke a promise or let youdown.
Their version.
(10:06):
I had a really rough day.
This is justification.
Their hardship doesn't erasethe impact on you.
What actually happened?
They snapped at you.
Their version.
I can't help it.
That's just how I am.
This is a fixed mindset,avoiding growth or
accountability.
(10:27):
This is different from givingcontext for their behavior while
still taking accountability.
For example, saying I had arough day, but that doesn't
excuse my reaction isself-awareness.
Saying I had a rough day, soyou should't excuse my reaction
is self-awareness.
Saying I had a rough day, soyou should understand, is
deflection.
Key takeaway excuses mightexplain behavior, but they don't
(10:51):
erase responsibility.
They've got more alibis than amob boss in a lineup just none
that hold up in reality.
Court in a lineup just nonethat hold up in reality court.
Tactic 5.
The Attack Dog.
You're the real problem.
If all else fails, they go onthe offensive, attacking you so
(11:13):
hard you forget what the heckthe original issue even was.
Examples what actually happened.
You calmly point out a mistake,their version.
Oh, so you think you're perfect.
You never mess up.
This is diversion, shiftingfocus onto your flaws instead
what actually happened.
You bring up a pattern ofbroken trust, their version.
(11:35):
Funny, because last month youdid X, y and Z.
This is weaponized history,using past mistakes to deflect
from the current issue.
Now, this is different frombringing up concerns in a
healthy way.
If both people are calmlydiscussing each other's
behaviors, that's communication.
But if one person only bringsup your flaws when they're being
(12:03):
called out, that's a strategy.
The key takeaway here isthey're not engaging in
resolution, they're engaging inwarfare.
They'll weaponize your pastlike it's a PowerPoint of your
sins, slide 47, and here's whyI'm still right the pattern to
watch for Each of these tacticsis designed to show.
The Psychology of People who Can't Take
Accountability.
Some people don't avoidaccountability because they
don't see the truth.
They avoid it because admittingthey're wrong would shatter who
they think they are.
Introduction why some peoplewill never admit they're wrong.
We'veatter who they think theyare.
Introduction why some peoplewill never admit they're wrong.
We've all dealt with them.
(00:30):
The person who twists everyargument so they're never at
fault.
The friend who always has anexcuse for their behavior.
The co-worker who throwseveryone else under the bus
instead of owning up.
The ex who rewrites history sothey're always the victim At
first.
You might think they just don'tsee it that if you explain
things clearly enough, if youpresent the facts, if you just
(00:53):
find the right words, they'llfinally get it.
But they won't, because forsome people, admitting fault
isn't just uncomfortable, it'simpossible.
Why?
Because their entire identitydepends on never being wrong.
Their ego is so fragile.
Admitting fault would be likeconfessing their whole
(01:14):
personality is just a thriftstore knockoff.
This episode breaks down whysome people refuse to take
accountability, even when theyknow they're wrong.
The mental gymnastics fragileegos use to dodge responsibility
, how engaging with these peoplekeeps you trapped in toxic
cycles, and how to recognizewhen someone is never going to
(01:36):
change.
So you can stop wasting yourenergy, because real strength
isn't just about owning yourwins, it's about owning your
mistakes.
And some people will never havethat kind of strength.
They're too busy gold meddlingin the blame Olympics to try.
So let's get into it, the realreason.
(01:58):
Some people can't admit they'rewrong.
Most people think ofaccountability as a simple thing
.
Did you mess up?
Own it and do better?
Did you hurt someone?
Apologize and, more importantly, do better?
Did you make a bad decision?
Learn from it and ding, ding,ding, do better.
(02:20):
For some, avoidingaccountability isn't just about
protecting their ego.
It is a survival mechanismshaped by deep psychological
wounds.
When someone's entire sense ofself is built around never being
wrong.
Admitting fault doesn't justbruise their pride, it threatens
the fragile identity they'vespent a lifetime constructing to
cope with past pain.
(02:40):
But for some people, admittingfault feels like psychological
death.
It's not about facts, it'sabout identity.
For these people, being wrongisn't just about a single
mistake, it's about who they are.
If they admit fault even once,their ego cracks open like a dam
(03:01):
and out spills a Pandora's boxof insecurities they've been
ductating shut since middleschool.
So instead of facing reality,they deny, deflect and distort
the situation.
They blame others to protecttheir self-image.
They attack you for evensuggesting they're at least
partially at fault.
They don't avoid accountabilitybecause they can't see the
(03:25):
truth.
They avoid it because theirmind won't let them process it
without breaking and that's whyyou can never logic them into
growth.
And yes, many of us have triedso hard.
We've tried Like teachingcalculus to a goldfish Noble,
but you're just wasting fishfood.
(03:48):
The five mental gymnasticspeople use to dodge
responsibility.
When someone refuses to takeaccountability, they don't just
say no and walk away.
They use mental gymnastics toprotect their ego at all costs.
Here are the five biggesttactics they use.
Tactic one the reality, rewrite, gaslighting and reframing.
(04:10):
This is when they rearrangeevents, deny facts or rewrite
history, so they're always thehero, the victim or both.
It's not just lying, it'sstrategic erasure and
reconstruction of events toavoid accountability and
maintain control Over time.
This erodes your confidence inyour own memory and perception.
(04:33):
Examples what actually happened?
They broke a promise theirversion.
You're being dramatic.
I never actually promised that.
This is denial, making you theproblem.
What actually happened?
They hurt you with their wordsor actions their version.
I was just joking.
You're too sensitive.
This is minimization, turningreal harm into an overreaction.
(04:57):
What actually happened?
They bailed on plans multipletimes after insisting they
wanted to spend time with youtheir version I never really
said I'd be available.
You just assumed this isshifting blame, avoiding
ownership of their inconsistency.
What actually happened?
They shut down and withdrewafter an unintentional public
(05:20):
embarrassment, later discardingyou instead of addressing their
insecurities.
Their version you humiliated meon purpose.
You knew exactly what you weredoing.
Embarrassment later discardingyou instead of addressing their
insecurities.
Their version you humiliated meon purpose.
You knew exactly what you weredoing.
This is rewriting intent,turning an accident into an
attack, making you the villainand yes, I realize this one is a
bit personal, but it's still agreat example.
What actually happened?
(05:41):
You showed up authentically,shared your insights and called
out inconsistencies.
Their version You're justtrying to be the smartest person
in the room.
You always think you're right.
This is projection, accusingyou of motives that actually
reflect their own insecurities.
Now, this is all different frommisremembering something
(06:02):
genuinely.
Memory isn't perfect andsometimes two people remember
things differently.
The difference A healthy personacknowledges the possibility of
a mistake instead ofaggressively denying or
rewriting reality.
This is also different fromclarifying miscommunication.
If someone explains that theymeant something differently than
(06:22):
how you interpreted it, that isnot gaslighting.
The issue is when they refuseto acknowledge their past words
or actions at all.
This is also different fromstanding by a different
perspective.
Disagreeing on an event'simpact isn't gaslighting.
Denying that it ever happenedis Gaslighting.
(06:43):
Like this makes you questionreality, so they can escape
blame without changing anything.
Tactic two the blame reversal.
You made me do it.
Instead of owning their ownactions, they flip the script
and make you the bad guy or gal.
Examples what actually happened?
They snapped at you out ofnowhere their version.
(07:06):
Well, if you hadn't beenannoying me, I wouldn't have
snapped.
This is deflection.
Making their reaction yourfault.
What actually happened?
They lashed out during anargument their version.
You made me yell.
I wouldn't have lost my temperif you just listened.
(07:30):
This is shifting accountability,avoiding responsibility for
their emotional control.
These are different fromexplaining a trigger without
blaming you, saying hey, Istruggle with this and it upsets
me.
This is self-awareness.
Saying you caused this ismanipulation.
This is also different from amutual dynamic where both people
recognize their parts inconflicts.
Accountability should go bothways.
(07:52):
If one person always claimsthat their actions are caused by
you.
That's a real red flag.
Key takeaway the reaction istheirs to own.
If someone repeatedly makes youresponsible for their anger
actions or mood swings, it's nota partnership, it's emotional
outsourcing.
They've turned you into theiremotional landfill Dump and run
(08:17):
no recycling fee.
Tactic three the victim shield.
Why are you attacking meInstead of addressing the issue?
They play the victim so youfeel bad for holding them
accountable.
Examples what actually happened?
You call them out fordisrespecting you.
Their version Wow, I guess I'mjust a horrible person.
(08:39):
I can never do anything right.
Cue the violins They've justcast themselves in Poor Me the
musical.
This is a guilt trip, makingyou feel bad for addressing a
real issue.
What actually happened?
You calmly express a boundarytheir version I just wanted to
make you happy, but I guess Ican't do anything right for you.
(09:01):
This is a self-pity spiral,making the conversation about
their feelings instead of theissue.
This is different from someonefeeling genuinely hurt.
It's okay to feel emotionalduring tough conversations.
The difference A healthy personwill stay engaged in the
discussion instead of shuttingit down with self-pity.
(09:23):
This is also different fromadmitting faults when feeling
bad about them.
Someone saying I feel awfulthat I hurt you is healthy.
Someone saying I'm just theworst.
You must hate me to derailaccountability, not so much the
key takeaway.
They're flipping the script.
So now you're the onecomforting them instead of
(09:46):
addressing the real issue.
Tactic four the excuse machine.
It's not my fault.
This is when they always havean excuse for why they can't be
held responsible.
Examples what actually happened?
They broke a promise or let youdown.
Their version.
(10:06):
I had a really rough day.
This is justification.
Their hardship doesn't erasethe impact on you.
What actually happened?
They snapped at you.
Their version.
I can't help it.
That's just how I am.
This is a fixed mindset,avoiding growth or
accountability.
(10:27):
This is different from givingcontext for their behavior while
still taking accountability.
For example, saying I had arough day, but that doesn't
excuse my reaction isself-awareness.
Saying I had a rough day, soyou should't excuse my reaction
is self-awareness.
Saying I had a rough day, soyou should understand, is
deflection.
Key takeaway excuses mightexplain behavior, but they don't
(10:51):
erase responsibility.
They've got more alibis than amob boss in a lineup just none
that hold up in reality.
Court in a lineup just nonethat hold up in reality court.
Tactic 5.
The Attack Dog.
You're the real problem.
If all else fails, they go onthe offensive, attacking you so
(11:13):
hard you forget what the heckthe original issue even was.
Examples what actually happened.
You calmly point out a mistake,their version.
Oh, so you think you're perfect.
You never mess up.
This is diversion, shiftingfocus onto your flaws instead
what actually happened.
You bring up a pattern ofbroken trust, their version.
(11:35):
Funny, because last month youdid X, y and Z.
This is weaponized history,using past mistakes to deflect
from the current issue.
Now, this is different frombringing up concerns in a
healthy way.
If both people are calmlydiscussing each other's
behaviors, that's communication.
But if one person only bringsup your flaws when they're being
(12:03):
called out, that's a strategy.
The key takeaway here isthey're not engaging in
resolution, they're engaging inwarfare.
They'll weaponize your pastlike it's a PowerPoint of your
sins, slide 47, and here's whyI'm still right the pattern to
watch for Each of these tacticsis designed to show.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.