October 21, 2025 • 42 mins
Let’s be honest, most women entrepreneurs are carrying far too much.
Client demands, expectations, constant decision-making… and somewhere in the middle of it all, we start losing ourselves.
In this heartfelt conversation, I sit down with Barbara Burgess to talk about what it really means to reclaim your peace without losing your power. Barbara’s story is a mirror for so many of us: ambitious, talented, driven women who’ve realized that success means nothing if it costs your sense of self.
Through her journey of self-acceptance, Barbara learned that peace doesn’t come from doing more; it comes from remembering who you are and choosing what actually matters. Together, we unpack how to set boundaries, simplify your workflow, and define enough in a world that constantly tells us we’re falling behind.
This episode is your reminder that saying no isn’t selfish, it’s sacred. That your time, energy, and creativity deserve protection. And that slowing down doesn’t mean you’ve lost your ambition, it means you’re building from alignment, not exhaustion.
If you’ve been craving more clarity, more calm, and more confidence in your business… this one’s for you.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- How to release burnout and rebuild your business around balance
- Why “enough” can be your most powerful business strategy
- Practical ways to set boundaries without guilt
- How to simplify your workflow and reclaim your time
- The link between self-acceptance, peace, and sustainable success
You don’t have to do it all to be successful.
You just have to be you.
🎧 Tune in and let this conversation be your permission to pause, breathe, and redefine what success truly looks like.
Connect with Barbara Burgess:
🌐 BarbaraBurgess.com
Barbara's Gift:
Sign up for Barbara's weekly inspiration at beenough.com and get entered to win a copy of Enough: Finding Peace in a World of Distractions, Hustle, and Expectations.
Connect with Nikisha King:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Welcome with your host andbusiness guru, Nakisha King. This
podcast is the ultimatedestination for women creative entrepreneurs
who want to break free fromburnout. If you are overwhelmed by
client demands and feel likeyou're doing this all alone, you,
my friend, are in the rightplace. Now let's dive in for steps
(00:25):
to take back your time andsimplify your workflow.
All right, Nikisha, take itaway. Hello, gorgeous. Welcome to
Iconic CEOs. My name isNikisha and I have an amazing guest
today. I have Barbara. BarbaraBurgess is an author, a mother, an
(00:48):
executive, and an unapologeticdark chocolate lover. And we'll talk
a little bit more about that.Who's embraced the beautiful messiness
of of life. She founded CoreLuma, which means Core in your heart,
and Luma Light, a Chicagobased consulting firm. She wrote
and performed a one woman showthe extraordinary experience of being
(01:09):
ordinary and most recentlywrote her first book, enough in finding
peace in a world ofdistractions, hustle and expectations.
Welcome, Barbara. Thank youfor joining us today on the iconic
CEOs podcasts. It's always agift to have people in this realm
who loves to come and shareand we want to get to know you. So
(01:31):
first, I want you todefinitely share an apologetic dark
chocolate lover. Because,guys, I'm going to be honest with
you. When I read this, Ithought she was dating someone who
was black, you know, andunapologetic. I was like a very handsome
man.
She had the very handsome manin her mind, and now I do too. So.
Yes, but it wasn't that. Andthat is perfectly fine. You are also
(01:54):
a dark chocolate lover. Sotell me, what's your favorite dark
chocolate bar? And do you dolike a 80, 90%, like, where's your
percentage?
You know, right now myfavorite is the endangered species
88% extreme dark. And justbecause I think over time, like,
I love it, my tastes havechanged. I mean, my friends joke
like, if you're around me, youwill have a selection of them. Like,
(02:18):
I can, I can pull anythingfrom 70 to 88%. Beyond that, it gets
a little too bitter for me.But we'll pull it on my bag because,
like, life should be filledwith treats that you enjoy and they
should always be on you, in myopinion. So, yeah, it's. Nikki beautifully
educated me before this aboutmy word choices in a way that's just
hilarious. But yeah. So Idon't make any apologies for the
(02:39):
fact that I carry treats withme at all times. Yes.
And they're dark chocolate,which a lot of people don't consume
because of the bitterness fromthe cocoa. And I've come to like
it. My husband and I use it. Ijust like it because it gives me
the ability to eat somethingthat I believe in my heart is healthier
than other chocolate. Like aSnickers bar or a crunch.
Yes, absolutely. Well, andthat's how I started down that journey.
(03:02):
Right. It's like trying toincreasingly make better choices
that your body responds to.And, you know, I enjoy it, and, you
know, my taste change overtime. I think your tastes mature
in different ways. And so,yeah, it's just a treat that is really
fun and sweet. But now youhave to share about yours because
you told me about your treat combo.
Yeah. So I was sharing withBarbara. One of my treat combos is
(03:23):
I use Tostitos whole wholegrain chips. And then I have a handful
of cherries, but not cherriesin a jar, like natural fruit cherries.
And then I take a really smallpiece of dark chocolate. Mines usually
are infused with either, like,a orange or a raspberry, so it can
give me that sweet. But Ihave, like, fruits and crunchy. And
(03:44):
we learned that we both likecrunchy things. So it all comes together
in this beautiful.
And I'm convinced Nikkishould, you know, put this out online
and make it her own signature.Cause what an amazing combo.
It's too funny. I had toreally share that because that's
like my popcorn.
Yes.
When I do shows, I'm like. AndI always have cherries on hand when
they're in season. When theygo out, I'm just like, oh, my goodness.
(04:05):
Well, you will laugh, but notlaugh. So I was in. Where was I?
In Michigan. And of course,they've got all the farmers stands
and all that kind of stuff. SoI brought back the largest bag of
fresh cherries. And, yes, wehad them available and on our counter.
But I also pitted and froze abunch of them because I thought,
oh, my gosh, we don't want tonot have these when it's. When we
can't get it fresh.
(04:26):
I didn't know there was anoption to freeze them.
Yes. Yeah.
I had to look it up. Itdoesn't taste different.
I will. I will let you know.
Okay.
I'll let you know. Until. Butit's the first time I'm trying it,
but yeah.
So good to know. All right,perfect. So here's the thing. You
are someone who's falling inlove with yourself. You're on your
journey, and I want to talk alittle bit more about some of the
(04:49):
topics that you enjoyconversing about. You talk about
taking outrageous risks, trueto yourself. And I want you to share
with me a moment in your lifewhen you did just that. When you
chose self acceptance overapproval, even when you felt scared
of the outcome.
Such a beautiful, powerfulquestion. I'm just gonna say what
(05:11):
came to mind first, which isactually that one woman show, because
it was never. I never intendedto write something to perform. It
wasn't like in my mind, youknow, to me, this is me and God.
At some point in time, youknow, I was at a coffee shop and
this thing started coming andI just was capturing it. And over
time, I kept picturing it inmy head and I thought, oh, gosh,
I think this is supposed to beon a stage. I think I'm supposed
(05:33):
to do it. And it wasoutrageous. I'm like, why? What for?
This has no purpose. Itdoesn't relate to, you know, all
the cha cha and those things.But even more importantly, in the
show, you know, I'm sharingkind of these two parallel worlds.
Me here and this one and me inthis place that's a parallel of our
earth that has all the sameresources, all the same people, all
(05:54):
the same access, exceptthey've made different choices, you
know, to collectively support,to be authentic to whatever. It is
just a place of abundance. Andso you get these two viewpoints,
but in the one that's me here,there's a lot of vulnerability that's
shared, you know, and I'm withmy, you know, size 14, five three
body. You know, when I'mperforming, my belly rolls are there.
(06:15):
You know, all the stuff, youknow, I talk a bit about some stuff
from childhood. All. All thosethings. And so not only did I, you
know, write this thing and.But it was so personal and revealing.
And I'm actually a reallyprivate person. I mean, I do public
speaking, but I think you finda lot of us who do public speaking
are also very private people.And so to be in a theater with 90
(06:36):
people where everything isexposed, you know, physically and
emotionally for no greaterpurpose other than I felt led to
do, it was the probably mostoutrageous thing. And it was such
an interesting, almost bodilysensation afterward. Like, I literally.
It was like being in analtered space because I had that
moment of, well, if I couldtake all those things that I hide
(06:58):
and put them on display on astage in front of 90 people, then
like, what is stopping me fromdoing anything else? You know, it
was almost like a doorway toopen into something. It was terrifying.
I remember being backstagewith the curtains closed right in
front of me, getting ready topush through them in that moment
where my voice, everything wasjust dry, you know, it's like I couldn't
(07:18):
get fine saliva to save mylife. But I was like, we got this,
honey, here we go. Right? Andthen just bam. And it was not perfect,
impeccable, you know, not thatother people would know where the
errors are, but I do, youknow, and. But I did it and I let
myself be that exposed and.But honoring my own authenticity,
who I am and what I believe in.
Let me ask you, in youexposing yourself in that way, do
(07:42):
you recall at least one personwho came up to you and received their
message from that speech?
I was flooded with many peoplewho did afterward, to the point like
it was almost difficult toreceive. I'm much better at giving,
giving out than I am takingin. And so that was something that
kept giving in that way.Right. Because there were some people
(08:03):
I expected that it wouldconnect with the message who didn't.
And then there were so manyunexpected people, the least likely
who were moved to tears andthanked me afterward. And I think
again that it's like the firstexercise was being vulnerable. The
second exercise is beingwilling to genuinely receive someone
else's acknowledgment becausewe think it's vulnerable to say something
(08:25):
to someone or be inrelationship. I think it is almost
more vulnerable and intimateto receive, you know, to allow that
into our physical space. Andthat was a beautiful muscle exercise
of that experience afterward,for sure.
That's a good point. In yourjourney of doing your one woman show
and you speaking of how itstarted, there is something I learned,
I think this year, because Idid a speaking gig in June and I've
(08:48):
come to learn that when we arespeaking, it's not about us. When
we make it about us, that'swhere the dry throat, that's where
the response of nervousnesscomes in. The butterflies in the
tummy. And some people tellyou it's good to have, and some people
tell you they wish they canget rid of it. The way that I've
learned how to get rid of itis because anytime I have it, I'm
(09:08):
always worried about whatpeople will think about me. Becomes
a me story.
Yeah.
But when I reframe the thoughtand I'm like, there's someone this
message is for and I'm justbeing used as a vessel, which you
were used, then you realizethere's no reason to be nervous because
no one cares about you. Yeah,you're just a Delivery.
Yeah.
(09:29):
Right. No one like you say arelooking at your roles. No one is
looking at your height. Noone. Because what you have to say
is more important than you.Yeah. And we are used as vessels
when we're in a speakingcapacity, especially since we're
private people. And that's thejoy I get out of it because it's
the part where people receiveexactly what they needed.
(09:51):
Yeah. Well, to your point,that's when I started my business
and this whole book journeycame about. That's actually kind
of the prayer space that Imove into in that way. And I'm so.
It's just lovely to hear youreflect it in that way and to picture
myself back in that space inthat way. Because when I was early
in the business, we all havethat difficulty of rejection of any
(10:13):
sort. Right. And I'm theperson that I would do a training
Delivery and there's 99 scoresand 1 person doesn't like it. And
I'm looking at the one personhistorically. And so. So I'm aware
of that. I'm very self aware.I've done a lot of, you know, journeying
over my lifetime andintrospection and all those kinds
of things. But, you know, Iremember there was a big gig early
on in my consulting practicethat I thought I was going to get
(10:34):
and I didn't get. And youknow, all that cha cha starts, you
know, oh my gosh, you know, amI worth it? Am I not? Blah, blah,
blah, all that stuff. But itbecame a really radical spiritual
choice for me that remindingmyself that it's not about me, to
your point. And so I do thisexercise where I look at my hands
and I will look at my handsand I'm like, I'm here to serve.
(10:56):
And I almost just got teary onthat. That's what my job is. And
so what I do now is becauseI'm often on, you know, as an executive
coach, there's chemchat calls,people will interview a couple folks.
But I will, before I get onthat call, I say a quick blessing
and I say, if this is meantfor me, please pull it to me like
the strongest magnet everimagined and let me be as open as
possible to understand whatI'm here to do, what my job is, et
(11:19):
cetera. If this is not meantfor me and not right, please pull
it away from me dramatically,take it out of my space, et cetera.
And so to your point, thebusiness I win or don't win is never
about me. It's always aboutwhat I'm meant here to do. And if
someone's in front of mesometimes, and I'm sure you've been
in this position, sometimesyou have a client that's like, why
are we here? You are not mystyle, not my values, not my. Like,
(11:41):
how did I land in this space?Right. I will. I honor the fact that,
like, I'm here for a purpose.And so my job is to continue to discover
what that is. And some of theclients that have surprised me the
most are the ones I did nothave immediate kind of rapport style
wise with, who are verydifferent from me, you know, typically
kind of hyper analyzer folks,you know, I'm very big in heart,
(12:04):
you know, and if you're varyin detail in your head and I have
a hard time getting through.But some of those people are the
ones that have come back withthe most authentic acknowledgments
and appreciation for justholding space for them and taking
them on a journey, you know,of deepening whatever it is they're
working on. And so I feel likeit has proved out to be true of what
(12:24):
you're saying that I am meantto be a vessel and it isn't about
me. And sometimes it's justnot my, you know, earthbound brain
to figure out the logic behindit. Right. Like, it's. There's a
bigger story that I'm a partof and when I remember that, that
helps. But it's interestingwhen you were saying it, I don't
think I've connected it to thespeaking as much. I know the difference
between when I have performedversus been present that I'm very
(12:49):
conscious of. And it'sinteresting because my wish that
night for myself, you know, Ihad a lot of friends that were supporting
me and cheering me on. Andthere were people in the audience
that if I threw up on myself,they would still like, be right there
for me. Right. You know, yougot your besties that are going to
have your back no matter what.What my wish was, I knew I would
perform and not embarrassmyself. Quote unqu I said I want
to really be present for thewhole thing. Like, it's an extraordinary
(13:11):
thing I'm doing. I really wantto be here for it. And that was the
thing that was the mostimportant to me was that presence,
which is the difference I feelwhen I'm serving versus, you know,
there to put on a show orplease someone. To your point.
Such a good point. Just such agood point. There are moments when
I speak my presence transforminto being present. Not Thinking
(13:36):
of anything else, but notphysically or mentally being there,
something takes over anddelivers a message. Because at the
end of it, I never feel like Isaid anything important. But in when
people come up to me, it'slike, you did say something that
mattered to someone else.
Yeah.
And I'm just like, it wasn'tthat good in my head. Yeah. But it
(13:58):
had to be, because the peoplewho received it received it in the
way they needed to be. Yeah.It's a very interesting experience
when I have them, because I'mjust like, but it wasn't that good
for me.
Yeah.
Never anything's ever goodenough for me.
Well, to that point in theshow, there were several. Like when
people came up andacknowledged certain things, they
said I didn't remember. It hadno memory whatsoever because it was
(14:20):
very, you know, at somelevels, very scripted. But there
is also room for, you know, meto modify as I went. And I was truly
creating live at that moment,you know, and so they would point
something out, and I'm like, Iwill be very interested to see the
video because I don'tremember. Yes, you don't remember.
It's like you leave for alittle bit, right?
Yes.
And it's not you, which is socool about the whole experience.
(14:44):
Yeah. Yeah.
All right, so let me ask youanother question. Your book, Enough
touches on peace in a worldfull of hustle, Hustle, hustle, hustle.
What advice do you have forwomen or creative entrepreneurs who
feel like they're constantlychasing more, but it still feels
like they're falling behind?And these are rooms I'm in, and sometimes
(15:05):
I express it where I know it'shustle mentality, and I just gotta
be like, hold on. I'm aware ofit more now than I was in my past.
Yeah.
But what advice would you haveto share with them from your expertise?
Yeah, I think, you know, my.My first would probably be a question
because just to. What you justsaid was, you know, they're going
for more and more and more.But to what end? You know, like,
(15:27):
to what end? And I thinkthere's. What we're conscious of,
of the goals we set. And ofcourse, as business owners, we do.
We set goals, we achieve them,we do all of those kinds of things.
There's nothing wrong withthat. But I think there's these unconscious,
you know, spaces that wethink, once this happens, then. Right.
Once I arrive, then it's allgoing to settle. Once I turn my business
(15:48):
into 10 million, then this.All of a sudden, I'm going to have
These things. And, you know,my experience, my lived experience
has just not been that. Andthat the best thing that I have found
for myself is to go for thething that I want and not wait for
that milestone, that moment,that whatever. Because most of those
things, at the end of the day,it's not the money. It's what the
(16:09):
money will do. Right? It's a.I'm looking for a little break in
a lifestyle, or I'm lookingfor a deeper relationship. I'm looking
for something. Some intimatecontact or connection. All of those
things can be had regardlessof that milestone being achieved.
And my experience has been.And this is where I say, literally
enough. Moved herself into mylife in a strong and powerful way.
When I'm orienting and she'struly sitting on my lap, then I don't
(16:34):
have to, so that, you know, Ican choose the peace now. And I have
found the peace causes me todo more things than I might have
done before. You know, somepeople will think, well, if you do
that, you're just settling,and then you're not gonna achieve
your goals. If I stop thathustle, will I get the things done?
I'm like, well, I'm stoppingthe hustle, and I'm getting more
done. I don't. I know that'scontradictory, but, you know, if
(16:55):
you had told me. I mean, Istarted my business, and within a
year, I had, you know, writtenand submitted the book and performed
the show, like, what? Youknow, and built business, like, and
did all those things. And so,you know, and, oh, by the way, I
didn't do sales the way I hadbeen trained. I did it the way my
heart felt like doing it.Like, I just did everything differently
(17:16):
than what people had beenadvising me on, right? To a great
degree, which I think is anopportunity that we, as women have
more than ever is to reallystop and go, wait a minute. This
model and system we're livingin, like, yeah, no, are we kidding?
If we were designing fromscratch, is this what we built? No.
Right? And I think for me,that's what that hustle is. Is like.
(17:36):
It is to prove myself, youknow, and it's not like I'm immune
to it or above it. I'm justbetter at catching myself when I
am. You know, I will have amoment. Like, I was at a block party
the other day, and I. Youknow, you're in and out of your house.
You know, we do a big potluckdinner. You know, you're bringing
stuff in and out and all thatkind of stuff. And I had a moment
of walking in and realize,ooh, you're. You're doing that thing.
(17:57):
You're scrambling. You'retrying to, you know what you fake.
You're not. You're not in yourbody here. Somebody just left the
building unconsciously, youknow, and what's that about? Right?
So it's not that I never getin that mode, but I try to catch
it and bring myself back. Andso I think that my advice on it is,
I think first is just to resetthe framework, to really have a good,
(18:21):
clear understanding of what amI then going to get out of this thing
I've achieved and is itpossible to get that thing without
it? So for me, this morning, Ihad a cancellation for an appointment.
My old self would have been onto my next 16 emails and da, da,
da, da, and whatever I have todo. And there's nothing wrong with
that if that's what I feltcalled to do at that moment and would
(18:41):
bring me the most pleasure.But it's beautiful out. It's going
to rain later. You know, it'slike I put on my shoes and walked
around the block. I mean, evenfor me, walking around the block
without a mile goal, without ahow much you're going to achieve
without a blah, blah, blah,blah, is transformation. It is truly
a new thing to just walkwithout agenda, to be. And then even
that. I came back and we havea front porch, and I was tempted
(19:03):
to sit on the front porch. I'mlike, why would you sit on the front
porch? You know, like, youwatch the little chatter, like, to
what end are you. Is thatgoing to be an intentional rest?
And then I just laughed atmyself, right? And I'm like, I guess,
because I just feel like it.So I did. And I sat out there and
listened to some beautifulmusic in my headphones. And I would
not have done that. And I.That was peace. That was peace right
there in that moment. Thatbefore this concept of enough came
(19:26):
into my life, I would not havemade those choices before.
Right, that is a good point.You know, a lot of what you shared
is a good amount of things Ican relate to. Because before I used
to have an apple watch and itstopped working and I decided not
to get one again. And when Idid get one, those rings, when you
go walking and they close,they make you feel like, oh, my God,
(19:48):
you have achieved something.
Yeah.
And today without it, I stillknow when I did two miles, because
it's the same route exactly.And I don't need a ring to close
to tell me I did it, Iachieved something. And I think about
what you say, just put yourshoes on and what else you did that
I don't know if you notice,but when someone canceled, you didn't
complain about thecancellation, didn't complain how
(20:11):
they took your time up. Useyour time in a way where you got
to reap that time back.
Yeah.
You got the opportunity to go,oh, they canceled.
Great.
I'm gonna go walk around theblock, sit on my porch, listen to
music, have time with myself.That brings me joy and peace.
Yeah.
Allows me to be present withmyself. Yeah. And I think that's
(20:31):
a gift. Right. And I don'tknow if everyone has the availability
to that gift. You buy choice,but not by norm, malice, like normal
behavior.
Yeah.
And we do have to choose it.But once you do choose it, it becomes
part of your norm. Yeah.Because of your awareness on it.
Because when you had thebickering about, like, why would
you sit on the porch? You cango do this. You're like, no, but
(20:54):
I just want to sit on my porchand listen to my music and not feel
like I have to rush becausefor the next thing. Yeah. And these
are some of the things I enjoygiving to the people I work with.
Because it's a reframe. Thequestion is always, why? Why do you
have to run to the next email?What will happen if you don't do
it? Yeah. Right. And normallythe outcome is not any different
(21:16):
if you do or you don't. And Ithink we don't realize that.
Well, I. I joke with a lot ofmy clients. Like, I. In my cause,
I used coaching before when Iwas an executive. And so one of the
coaches that worked with me,he says, he go, you know, you are
amazing at one skill above allskills. I said, what is that? And
he said, catastrophizing. Youknow, I could easily tell you everything
(21:37):
that was going to go wrong orcould go wrong about something. Right.
Which is actually not a badskill to have because it does help
you prepare for things. Ithelps you look and see what might
be vulnerable, what's weak,what you might need to solidify.
Taken to an extreme, it'sreally problematic because that's
how I begin to view the world.Right. And so that is something to
(21:58):
the point. You were justsaying, oftentimes when I'm working
with clients, I do go to thatextreme and say, okay, let's pretend
that worst case scenario ishappening. Right. Is anybody dying?
Is the building going to be onfire? Right. And to your point, Most
of the time it's not. And evenfor me, like, this happened to be
a generous amount of time, butthat could be five minutes. Yesterday
I had this where I was doing a360 interview with a guy for, you
(22:21):
know, scheduled for a halfhour, and it was just only 20 minutes.
We got through it in 20minutes. And so it was that same,
you know, it could be 10minutes, it could be two minutes.
But what you can do when youget to be with yourself, following
yourself in a short period oftime, to me, it almost feels like
endless space. You know, it's.It's two minutes can feel like 20
if we get the muscle practiceof, you know, slowing down to be
(22:44):
with ourselves. Which is whatI, you know, hear in your invitation
of really asking that question.
Yeah, yeah. And it'simportant. It allows us to reclaim
self. Yeah. Give so much of ourselves.
Well, I think people talk somuch about, and particularly for
women, about self care, and Ithink a lot of the examples you're
giving, I used to hate whenpeople would say, like, oh, just
(23:04):
self care, blah, blah. It feltlike one more thing to do. I was
failing at, you know, and evenstill, like, I can't find time to
do the massage or the this orthe that or whatever it is. And I
think the ability to be withmyself now, to slow down, to follow
myself, that is self care. Youknow, it doesn't even have to cost
anything, and I don't evenhave to go anywhere. It really is
(23:26):
having that moment to say,yes, no. Here's what she's calling
for from the inside, right?And in my experience of life and
for your listeners, Iexperienced Nikki totally differently
than this. She's the mostpresent podcast host I think I've
had. But in my experience inlife, you know, that. That drive,
(23:46):
that going out of my body,that all of that kind of spin thing,
that was the norm, right? Andso to allow that slowing down and
being present, I think is aradical act for most of us. And that's,
again, I say for you, I canfeel your presence. Like, I feel
that you said it to me at thebeginning. It's your norm. I can
feel that in a way that ishighly unusual for most of us popping
(24:09):
through the world. Right? Andso I feel like it's an invitation
for the rest of us to see whatthat's like, see what that journey
is. See, you know, oh, my God.Because I think there's a part of
the little kid, traumasurvivor, right, who's like, if I
do that, bad things willHappen if I do that, you know, really
in the DNA piece and there's aretraining in. And again, what I'm
(24:31):
discovering and what enoughhas been teaching me is, no, when
I do that, things really goquite much better. Beautifully. Lovely.
Yeah, they do. Sometimes.Sometimes my normalcy of being at
peace within, there'sdiscomfort for me. People don't realize
that because, one, I willalways get my voices calming and
(24:53):
I will always think, is it toocalm? Is it going to put them to
sleep? Like, all the things.Right. Because I don't hear what
everyone else hears.
Yeah. Yeah.
And sometimes I will change itup because of that thought. But then
there's moments I have to go,no, Nikisha, this is who you are.
And it wasn't always becausemy family will tell you I'm loud,
because when I get veryexcited, my tone increases, my volume
(25:14):
increase. But it's not thatI'm upset, upset. It's just that
I'm like, extra happy about something.
Yeah.
And everyone doesn't get thatside of me because when I'm asking
questions, I'm really curious.That doesn't give you an increased
tone. That gives you. I'mcurious. So I'm like, all ears. Yeah,
no mouth, all ears. I'm in thestory with you. Right. And I'm learning
this about myself and I'maccepting it and I'm enjoying it.
(25:37):
And I'm like, no, justconsistently be who you are. Because
it's what someone needs.That's why they're here.
Yeah.
And that's it. But we allquestion what we have. Yeah, we all
do is like human nature. It'spart of, I guess, our DNA. It's part
of what we know. Becausebefore us, genetically, there were
people surviving that we don'thave to do all that today. So.
(25:59):
Yes.
Right.
So I'm going to ask you another.
Question I want to get to.Before. Let's talk about the power
of saying small no's. And thisis something, as women, we're learning
how to do more. Sometimes Ithink we take it to the extreme,
and I want. I want to hearyour take on it. Why do you think
boundary setting feels so hardfor women? And how can we start practicing
(26:22):
unapologetic boundaries today,but not to the place of extreme?
How can we have a boundary? Orhow can we say, this is not for us
and be totally okay with that,rather than talking about, you cut
everyone off and these peopleare your family and all the things
like, how do we find thatbeautiful middle where I can have
(26:43):
My boundary. Like, you're notgonna. Your words won't knock me
off my seat, but at the sametime, I could be around with you
and hear you and understand you.
Yeah. And for me, I'll saythere's a. There's like a two parallel
path experience that I've had.Like, the boundaries have come with
the increased sense of self,you know, they have lived in parallel
in that way. Because it isdifficult to draw a boundary when
(27:06):
I don't even know myself.Right. And so in the beginning, I
allowed myself a totalplayground. And to your point about
extreme, I did go extreme, butI allowed myself to go extreme so
I could find the middle again.Because how do I know where that
boundary is unless I kick upagainst it? Right? So there was a
big period of time where Ijust withdrew because I'm discovering
(27:27):
myself. But it's almost likethe caterpillar that goes internal
and becomes a gelatinous masstruly becomes a pile of goo to discover
the butterfly aspect. Like, Ireserve the right to do that, but
I find that the more Idiscover myself in that way, the
more I am able to be exposedin a wide variety of situations and
still tend to myself. Right.But the. They come hand in hand because,
(27:52):
you know, and I give in thebook some examples, like there are
certain no's that are easy tosay in some ways once you develop
the muscle, like somethingthat truly crosses your value set
or boundaries or those kindsof things. But the small nos were
the ones I was havingdifficulty with. Like, you know,
a friend has a ticket to anevent and invites you to go. Well,
if you're free, you should go,was what my mindset was not. Okay,
(28:14):
I am free. That's a freemoment I have. What are the many
ways I could spend that freemoment? And is this the most right
one for me, given what I knowright now? You know, very different
sorts in those regards. But ifit wasn't, let's say, you know, gosh,
no, I actually want to be athome wrapped up with tea in a book
or binge watching a show. Ifthat's what mostly appealed to me,
(28:35):
then the small no is thepractice. And those were the things
I had less practice with.Right. So to be able to say thanks
so much for inviting me, butnot a fit for me, Right. And without
having to say, because I havethis conflict. Because at the beginning,
when I started saying smallnos and friendship and relationship
circles, people are like, oh,do you have a conflict? Oh, do you?
(28:56):
Are you doing something else?Oh, blah, blah, blah, right? Like,
they're asking you, you know,and so, you know, to even have that
mustard saying, no, you know,I'm just going to be with myself.
Nope. I just want to take iteasy. Nope. You know, whatever it
is. So that is a less sociallycomfortable one, you know, historically
for many of us. And so. But.But that, to your point about what's
(29:17):
too extreme, I feel like thatis always refining, you know, it's
always refining because theworld is dynamic. Things are always
changing. We. Where I am rightnow in this moment is different than
where I was last week, isdifferent than where I'll be next
week. And so, you know, toallow all of that. But also the sense
of self is changing. So themore I honor who I am, get to live
(29:39):
in my skin, delight in, youknow, unapologetically being myself
in all the spaces, the moreI'm clear about what's a resonant
chord and what's not. Andsometimes I'm not. And sometimes
I make a choice and I'm like,eh, might not have been the best.
That's okay, too.
Right.
It's not about some perfectscript, because I don't think there
is one, but it is aboutincreasingly discovering myself for
(30:00):
me. And the more I discovermyself, the more I can know what's
right, what's not right, whatfits, what doesn't fit in any given
moment.
So true. It was interestingwhen you spoke about the small note.
I had a moment yesterday wheresomeone invited me to something.
My brain interpreted like, Ido not want to go to this. And when
I wrote the no, there was abecause. And I was like, why does
(30:22):
the because have to exist inthis? Why can't I just be like, no,
have a great time and let meknow how it went.
Yes.
And then, by the way, let's just.
Capture that phrase thatNikisha just said. That's a beautiful
phrase. Right. Usable anytime.No, but have a great time. Wish you
well.
Yeah. Let me know how youenjoyed it. Yeah. But I knew it wasn't
for me. And I was like, Idon't need to give a reason why it's
(30:43):
not for me. I don't need topush my thoughts of why I wouldn't
go on it. I was like, that'sfor me. That was a little selfish.
I was like, I don't need allof that. Yeah. All I had to say was
no, but thanks for inviting me.
Yeah.
Let me know how you enjoyedit. Yeah. Was better than giving
the no, because I don't wantto do that.
Yes.
Yeah. Right.
(31:03):
And Again, I think, to me,it's about authenticity. Right. You
know, even for me, when I'm atmy highest and best, I do wish others
well, regardless of what mychoice has been. I want them to have
the best time they couldpossibly have, whether I'm there
or not. And so that is almosta more authentic ring than the little
kid. Like, no, I can't standbeing there. That one's a little
more reactive than the, I'mhonoring my choices. You're honoring
(31:27):
your choices. You know, that'sthe most important part. It is. And
I think as you begin toexperiment with this, at least for
me, you know, people don'talways like it either. And so that
was an exercise in being okaywith that. You know, I had a close
friend who got very, veryupset because I had just free volunteered
(31:48):
to support an event a coupletimes, and there was another one
coming up, and I had been outof town for work, literally was getting
back in town. It was thatnight. And then I was, you know,
off to the races the next day,and I just was already tired, you
know, and we were days out,and she hadn't asked me at all, and
I wasn't even sure. I wasn'teven sure if it was going on. You
know, I just remembered thatshe had said one was coming up. So
(32:10):
she had reached out and said,you know, listen, I'm looking forward
to the event, and I haven'tdecided if I want you doing this
or this. And I just had amoment. I was like, wait a minute,
hang on a sec. You know, lovewhat you're thinking about for the
event, but not a fit for me togo. And I didn't explain the whole
tired and thing like that,because I had been in the practice
of not needing to do that. Icould have. It's a fine option. But
(32:34):
she later called me and kindof yelled at me like, I don't know
who you think you are,treating me this way, and da, da,
da, da. You know, and it wasreally educational about our friendship.
And again, we've moved past,through and past that, but it had
nothing to do with me. To yourpoint earlier, this had to do with
her upset about herexpectations and what she thought
and what she wanted and whatit meant for me to not be a yes to
(32:59):
that event. That's what it wasabout. It had nothing to do with
my choices, but I had to becomfortable with the. You're yelling
at me right now, and, youknow, this isn't the fit for me.
I'm gonna be hanging up thephone now, you know, And. But I mean.
And I didn't have a. You know,this is somebody I've known for a
long time. I didn't know ifthat would work itself out or not.
But that was part of. Again,having this sense of enough. Like,
(33:20):
it's okay if it doesn't. Ifthis person is not meant to be intimately
in my life right now, that'sokay. Because the higher value, the
higher calling is thisincreasing sense of rightness for
myself.
Got you. Got you.
And to that point, when I am,I can serve more. You know, I think
we often think, well, that'sso selfish. You're just taking care
of yourself. I'm like, yep, I am.
(33:42):
Or you can give them a full cup.
Yeah, for sure. And. And Ithink that's an ongoing practice
many of us have as women is.What is it to fill up that cup, you
know? But when women. You canfeel when women are giving from that
full cup, it is so differentthan when they're not. You're receiving
the same gifts, activities,things, but the space around it is
(34:04):
so qualitatively different.
You show up differently,period. You show up differently.
Your words are different.There's so much mannerism that cheap
in it. I usually can see itbecause most of the times when you
know it's not from a full cup,there's a high vibration, but it's
a. Like, it. It pulls moreenergy than give energy.
(34:26):
Yes.
Yeah.
It's like.
And I'm like, oh, my God, youare killing me right now.
But, but, but I love what youjust said. There's more that's pulling
than giving. That is so true.You can feel that drain.
And I'm just like, you need tobring it down because you're vibrating
high. You're like, oh, andwhat is this? Yes, commentate. Like,
(34:47):
I'm like, let me help you.
Yeah.
That's why I know when I'mreally calm, because my calmness
would put people in calmness,and I don't mean to do it. There's
people I've been around that Igot really weird with my energy.
I'm like, you just drained me.And I didn't even do anything yet.
And I was like, what's happening?
How'd that happen?
(35:07):
Yes. And I was like, whoa. AndI'm like, I have to just remove myself.
Yeah. And it's not all people.There are.
Yes.
People that have had thatexperience. Sounds like this is a
very interesting dynamic.
Yeah.
Experience it and be like, Ididn't know this even existed. But
when you're aware of it, youcan feel it. You can feel your people.
You can love your people froma full cup. And it doesn't matter
(35:27):
who they are.
No, it does not.
Yeah. Yeah.
And. And to your. To yourpoint, somebody gave me advice years
ago that I've, you know, usedfor myself and with other people
too. But you just describedit, which is, you know, when you're
in these interactions withpeople and you walk away, you know,
does your energy feelexpanded? Does it feel, you know,
uplifted? Does it feelcentered and grounded? Or, you know,
(35:51):
do you feel less than for somereason? Like, they can be the most
important person in the room.But if I walk away feeling less than
about myself, it's usually notabout me. It's usually about something
in that dynamic that isn't asobvious from the words, but it was
real clear in the energy. Ifyou could just tune into what that
was. And that's one of thethings that I've learned as far as
(36:13):
who I surround myself with andwhen and all those kinds of things.
Not to be ultra protective,but, you know, when I need to be
uplifted, I choose who I'mwith and who I call versus other
situations where it's like, Ireally literally, with some humans,
will block off my energy.Like, I will be there, it will look
like we're interacting, but Iwill not allow an exchange for that
(36:34):
very reason. And I don't knowthe logic of it, but I feel like
I don't have to figure it out.I just know, right?
Here's the question for you,because my experience now is I don't
usually have to worry aboutthose boundaries anymore because
they're not attracted to me.Those people don't even want to be
around me because I'm just toopositive. And I realize I don't have
to do as much work because therepelling happens. And my people
(36:58):
attract to me like magnets,and I attract to the hem. And I just
love on them because they'refreaking amazing. But the people
who may be a repellent, like,it just doesn't. It doesn't feel
like it happens a lot, doesn'treally happen.
And Mikisha, I think you'rewriting enough 2.0, because I hear
you and I'm not yet in thatspace. I will say that. And to your
(37:23):
point, though, you know,compared to a handful of years ago,
do I have a lot of upsettingpeople enter my life? Absolutely
not. You know, it is nothingthat it's not usual, but I'M still
not in that space of, youknow, that real energy resonance
where there's almost like.What I sense for you as you're talking
is there's almost like thisforce field around you, and it repels
(37:45):
and attract in an ongoing waywith a huge engine. I'm not yet there.
You know, I have hadexperience of it, I have touched
it. I, I know that that'sthere, but it's not a way of being
for me yet.
Okay, got it, Got it. Becausethat's the thing. Because people
will ask me and I just know,like, I don't. And I'm okay with
it. Never been a. I want, Iwant them to all, like. I don't want
(38:07):
no one to all like me. I havecome. Really. Okay. It's okay not
to be liked. Because if youdon't like me, there's something
else about that. That'ssomething about you. And what don't
you like? And if you don'tlike it, is it because you want some
of it? I'm happy to give it.But you only can receive it if you
choose to. And that only takesyour time and your awareness. And
(38:29):
I have to let people be. Andwhen that moment happens, it's not
like I don't receive thembecause I didn't know they didn't
like me, but I receive them inthe right time that it's meant to
be.
So I think that's a vision. Ithink it's a vision for people. I
mean, I really do, as you'retalking about it, because again,
you know, I, I, you know,there's this concept of the internal
(38:50):
locus of control and externallocus of control, you know, external
locus of control. As I'mscanning outside to see what everybody's
thinking in order to decidewho I am, what I want, what I need,
internal locus of controlmeans it starts here. I'm, I'm tuning
in, looking in and discoveringwhat's there in order to radiate
that out. And I think if yougo back in my career and my life
(39:11):
and entrepreneurship, if yougo back 10 years, it was full external
locus of control. And I thinkI've continued to move and the Enough
Book and that Enough Journeyhas moved that locus of control deeply
inside. But it's not all thetime. Right. And so I think that's,
you know, how I'm hearing thedistinction. Because for me, perfectly.
(39:32):
Yeah, for me, what I'm doingis catching myself when I don't.
Right. So it's not in a placeof like, that just doesn't happen
for me. It's like, oops, thereyou went. It's kind of like with
a block party. Oh, there youwent again, honey. You know, and
that's part of the kind.Little. Come on back in. That's okay.
You know, you made a little.Little blip there. We're getting
it right. You know, that'skind of the. The internal voice of
(39:54):
Enough. You know, journeyingwith me in that regard. But I think
that's. It's all on acontinuum almost. Right. Till I would
imagine there's a place that Imay arrive at which is more where
you are, which is that spaceof pure radiance, but not there yet.
Yes. And you're right, becauseevery. All of us transition, and
that's a transition that Iwent through, and I had a lot of
(40:16):
material to help me transition.
So my bloody pocket.
Yes, my happy pocket full ofmoney was one of those transition.
Letting go by Hawkins wasanother one. Because I didn't know
about frequency. I just knew Iam. I desired something different.
So when I started totransition into that, my coaching
certification from my lifecoach school, these were all big
(40:39):
pillars that helped with thetransformation. I couldn't do it
by myself. I don't believewe're meant to do things on our own.
Yeah. So those were thetransition. The transitions. And
they all spoke a similar language.
Yeah.
Frequency. So I dialed intothat station and I was like, I like
this station. Yeah. Yeah. Thisgives me a little bit more peace
in my life.
(41:00):
I love that.
And then I practiced. Yeah,that's it. Right. That's what we
all do. And the awareness isnumber one. Yeah, I got that. Barbara,
it's been really good havingyou on the iconic CEO podcast. Thank
you so much for joining me.Thank you for being here. Thank you
for your gift of seeing mypresence. It's one of the things
(41:20):
I love, and it's. It bringsimmense joy to my heart. And thank
you for allowing me to. To seethrough you, because deep in your
lotus of internal. That is me.Don't have the words, but you're
giving me the words. I'm like,well, what is this? I want to learn
more about this.
Right.
So thank you for your wisdom.Thank you for sharing this all with
our listeners, because thereare people out here going through
(41:43):
specific things, and thesemessages help them transition into
who they want to be andfinding their peace as well.
Well, I. I consider it a greathonor to have been here and been
present. And to me, it's likethe best aspect of going to church.
So you know for yourlisteners. I hope that as you have
Nakisha in your ears, that'swhat you allow in because it's allowable.
(42:06):
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you for joining ustoday. We loved having you with us.
Remember, each action youtake, no matter how small, adds up
to big results. If today'sepisode fired you up, hit, hit. Subscribe
for more insights and visitour resource hub, which is linked
in the show notes. Thereyou'll find tools to streamline,
(42:28):
organize and grow yourbusiness. Keep moving forward and
we'll be right here to cheeryou on next week.
Welcome with your host andbusiness guru, Nakisha King. This
podcast is the ultimatedestination for women creative entrepreneurs
who want to break free fromburnout. If you are overwhelmed by
client demands and feel likeyou're doing this all alone, you,
my friend, are in the rightplace. Now let's dive in for steps
(00:25):
to take back your time andsimplify your workflow.
All right, Nikisha, take itaway. Hello, gorgeous. Welcome to
Iconic CEOs. My name isNikisha and I have an amazing guest
today. I have Barbara. BarbaraBurgess is an author, a mother, an
(00:48):
executive, and an unapologeticdark chocolate lover. And we'll talk
a little bit more about that.Who's embraced the beautiful messiness
of of life. She founded CoreLuma, which means Core in your heart,
and Luma Light, a Chicagobased consulting firm. She wrote
and performed a one woman showthe extraordinary experience of being
(01:09):
ordinary and most recentlywrote her first book, enough in finding
peace in a world ofdistractions, hustle and expectations.
Welcome, Barbara. Thank youfor joining us today on the iconic
CEOs podcasts. It's always agift to have people in this realm
who loves to come and shareand we want to get to know you. So
(01:31):
first, I want you todefinitely share an apologetic dark
chocolate lover. Because,guys, I'm going to be honest with
you. When I read this, Ithought she was dating someone who
was black, you know, andunapologetic. I was like a very handsome
man.
She had the very handsome manin her mind, and now I do too. So.
Yes, but it wasn't that. Andthat is perfectly fine. You are also
(01:54):
a dark chocolate lover. Sotell me, what's your favorite dark
chocolate bar? And do you dolike a 80, 90%, like, where's your
percentage?
You know, right now myfavorite is the endangered species
88% extreme dark. And justbecause I think over time, like,
I love it, my tastes havechanged. I mean, my friends joke
like, if you're around me, youwill have a selection of them. Like,
(02:18):
I can, I can pull anythingfrom 70 to 88%. Beyond that, it gets
a little too bitter for me.But we'll pull it on my bag because,
like, life should be filledwith treats that you enjoy and they
should always be on you, in myopinion. So, yeah, it's. Nikki beautifully
educated me before this aboutmy word choices in a way that's just
hilarious. But yeah. So Idon't make any apologies for the
(02:39):
fact that I carry treats withme at all times. Yes.
And they're dark chocolate,which a lot of people don't consume
because of the bitterness fromthe cocoa. And I've come to like
it. My husband and I use it. Ijust like it because it gives me
the ability to eat somethingthat I believe in my heart is healthier
than other chocolate. Like aSnickers bar or a crunch.
Yes, absolutely. Well, andthat's how I started down that journey.
(03:02):
Right. It's like trying toincreasingly make better choices
that your body responds to.And, you know, I enjoy it, and, you
know, my taste change overtime. I think your tastes mature
in different ways. And so,yeah, it's just a treat that is really
fun and sweet. But now youhave to share about yours because
you told me about your treat combo.
Yeah. So I was sharing withBarbara. One of my treat combos is
(03:23):
I use Tostitos whole wholegrain chips. And then I have a handful
of cherries, but not cherriesin a jar, like natural fruit cherries.
And then I take a really smallpiece of dark chocolate. Mines usually
are infused with either, like,a orange or a raspberry, so it can
give me that sweet. But Ihave, like, fruits and crunchy. And
(03:44):
we learned that we both likecrunchy things. So it all comes together
in this beautiful.
And I'm convinced Nikkishould, you know, put this out online
and make it her own signature.Cause what an amazing combo.
It's too funny. I had toreally share that because that's
like my popcorn.
Yes.
When I do shows, I'm like. AndI always have cherries on hand when
they're in season. When theygo out, I'm just like, oh, my goodness.
(04:05):
Well, you will laugh, but notlaugh. So I was in. Where was I?
In Michigan. And of course,they've got all the farmers stands
and all that kind of stuff. SoI brought back the largest bag of
fresh cherries. And, yes, wehad them available and on our counter.
But I also pitted and froze abunch of them because I thought,
oh, my gosh, we don't want tonot have these when it's. When we
can't get it fresh.
(04:26):
I didn't know there was anoption to freeze them.
Yes. Yeah.
I had to look it up. Itdoesn't taste different.
I will. I will let you know.
Okay.
I'll let you know. Until. Butit's the first time I'm trying it,
but yeah.
So good to know. All right,perfect. So here's the thing. You
are someone who's falling inlove with yourself. You're on your
journey, and I want to talk alittle bit more about some of the
(04:49):
topics that you enjoyconversing about. You talk about
taking outrageous risks, trueto yourself. And I want you to share
with me a moment in your lifewhen you did just that. When you
chose self acceptance overapproval, even when you felt scared
of the outcome.
Such a beautiful, powerfulquestion. I'm just gonna say what
(05:11):
came to mind first, which isactually that one woman show, because
it was never. I never intendedto write something to perform. It
wasn't like in my mind, youknow, to me, this is me and God.
At some point in time, youknow, I was at a coffee shop and
this thing started coming andI just was capturing it. And over
time, I kept picturing it inmy head and I thought, oh, gosh,
I think this is supposed to beon a stage. I think I'm supposed
(05:33):
to do it. And it wasoutrageous. I'm like, why? What for?
This has no purpose. Itdoesn't relate to, you know, all
the cha cha and those things.But even more importantly, in the
show, you know, I'm sharingkind of these two parallel worlds.
Me here and this one and me inthis place that's a parallel of our
earth that has all the sameresources, all the same people, all
(05:54):
the same access, exceptthey've made different choices, you
know, to collectively support,to be authentic to whatever. It is
just a place of abundance. Andso you get these two viewpoints,
but in the one that's me here,there's a lot of vulnerability that's
shared, you know, and I'm withmy, you know, size 14, five three
body. You know, when I'mperforming, my belly rolls are there.
(06:15):
You know, all the stuff, youknow, I talk a bit about some stuff
from childhood. All. All thosethings. And so not only did I, you
know, write this thing and.But it was so personal and revealing.
And I'm actually a reallyprivate person. I mean, I do public
speaking, but I think you finda lot of us who do public speaking
are also very private people.And so to be in a theater with 90
(06:36):
people where everything isexposed, you know, physically and
emotionally for no greaterpurpose other than I felt led to
do, it was the probably mostoutrageous thing. And it was such
an interesting, almost bodilysensation afterward. Like, I literally.
It was like being in analtered space because I had that
moment of, well, if I couldtake all those things that I hide
(06:58):
and put them on display on astage in front of 90 people, then
like, what is stopping me fromdoing anything else? You know, it
was almost like a doorway toopen into something. It was terrifying.
I remember being backstagewith the curtains closed right in
front of me, getting ready topush through them in that moment
where my voice, everything wasjust dry, you know, it's like I couldn't
(07:18):
get fine saliva to save mylife. But I was like, we got this,
honey, here we go. Right? Andthen just bam. And it was not perfect,
impeccable, you know, not thatother people would know where the
errors are, but I do, youknow, and. But I did it and I let
myself be that exposed and.But honoring my own authenticity,
who I am and what I believe in.
Let me ask you, in youexposing yourself in that way, do
(07:42):
you recall at least one personwho came up to you and received their
message from that speech?
I was flooded with many peoplewho did afterward, to the point like
it was almost difficult toreceive. I'm much better at giving,
giving out than I am takingin. And so that was something that
kept giving in that way.Right. Because there were some people
(08:03):
I expected that it wouldconnect with the message who didn't.
And then there were so manyunexpected people, the least likely
who were moved to tears andthanked me afterward. And I think
again that it's like the firstexercise was being vulnerable. The
second exercise is beingwilling to genuinely receive someone
else's acknowledgment becausewe think it's vulnerable to say something
(08:25):
to someone or be inrelationship. I think it is almost
more vulnerable and intimateto receive, you know, to allow that
into our physical space. Andthat was a beautiful muscle exercise
of that experience afterward,for sure.
That's a good point. In yourjourney of doing your one woman show
and you speaking of how itstarted, there is something I learned,
I think this year, because Idid a speaking gig in June and I've
(08:48):
come to learn that when we arespeaking, it's not about us. When
we make it about us, that'swhere the dry throat, that's where
the response of nervousnesscomes in. The butterflies in the
tummy. And some people tellyou it's good to have, and some people
tell you they wish they canget rid of it. The way that I've
learned how to get rid of itis because anytime I have it, I'm
(09:08):
always worried about whatpeople will think about me. Becomes
a me story.
Yeah.
But when I reframe the thoughtand I'm like, there's someone this
message is for and I'm justbeing used as a vessel, which you
were used, then you realizethere's no reason to be nervous because
no one cares about you. Yeah,you're just a Delivery.
Yeah.
(09:29):
Right. No one like you say arelooking at your roles. No one is
looking at your height. Noone. Because what you have to say
is more important than you.Yeah. And we are used as vessels
when we're in a speakingcapacity, especially since we're
private people. And that's thejoy I get out of it because it's
the part where people receiveexactly what they needed.
(09:51):
Yeah. Well, to your point,that's when I started my business
and this whole book journeycame about. That's actually kind
of the prayer space that Imove into in that way. And I'm so.
It's just lovely to hear youreflect it in that way and to picture
myself back in that space inthat way. Because when I was early
in the business, we all havethat difficulty of rejection of any
(10:13):
sort. Right. And I'm theperson that I would do a training
Delivery and there's 99 scoresand 1 person doesn't like it. And
I'm looking at the one personhistorically. And so. So I'm aware
of that. I'm very self aware.I've done a lot of, you know, journeying
over my lifetime andintrospection and all those kinds
of things. But, you know, Iremember there was a big gig early
on in my consulting practicethat I thought I was going to get
(10:34):
and I didn't get. And youknow, all that cha cha starts, you
know, oh my gosh, you know, amI worth it? Am I not? Blah, blah,
blah, all that stuff. But itbecame a really radical spiritual
choice for me that remindingmyself that it's not about me, to
your point. And so I do thisexercise where I look at my hands
and I will look at my handsand I'm like, I'm here to serve.
(10:56):
And I almost just got teary onthat. That's what my job is. And
so what I do now is becauseI'm often on, you know, as an executive
coach, there's chemchat calls,people will interview a couple folks.
But I will, before I get onthat call, I say a quick blessing
and I say, if this is meantfor me, please pull it to me like
the strongest magnet everimagined and let me be as open as
possible to understand whatI'm here to do, what my job is, et
(11:19):
cetera. If this is not meantfor me and not right, please pull
it away from me dramatically,take it out of my space, et cetera.
And so to your point, thebusiness I win or don't win is never
about me. It's always aboutwhat I'm meant here to do. And if
someone's in front of mesometimes, and I'm sure you've been
in this position, sometimesyou have a client that's like, why
are we here? You are not mystyle, not my values, not my. Like,
(11:41):
how did I land in this space?Right. I will. I honor the fact that,
like, I'm here for a purpose.And so my job is to continue to discover
what that is. And some of theclients that have surprised me the
most are the ones I did nothave immediate kind of rapport style
wise with, who are verydifferent from me, you know, typically
kind of hyper analyzer folks,you know, I'm very big in heart,
(12:04):
you know, and if you're varyin detail in your head and I have
a hard time getting through.But some of those people are the
ones that have come back withthe most authentic acknowledgments
and appreciation for justholding space for them and taking
them on a journey, you know,of deepening whatever it is they're
working on. And so I feel likeit has proved out to be true of what
(12:24):
you're saying that I am meantto be a vessel and it isn't about
me. And sometimes it's justnot my, you know, earthbound brain
to figure out the logic behindit. Right. Like, it's. There's a
bigger story that I'm a partof and when I remember that, that
helps. But it's interestingwhen you were saying it, I don't
think I've connected it to thespeaking as much. I know the difference
between when I have performedversus been present that I'm very
(12:49):
conscious of. And it'sinteresting because my wish that
night for myself, you know, Ihad a lot of friends that were supporting
me and cheering me on. Andthere were people in the audience
that if I threw up on myself,they would still like, be right there
for me. Right. You know, yougot your besties that are going to
have your back no matter what.What my wish was, I knew I would
perform and not embarrassmyself. Quote unqu I said I want
to really be present for thewhole thing. Like, it's an extraordinary
(13:11):
thing I'm doing. I really wantto be here for it. And that was the
thing that was the mostimportant to me was that presence,
which is the difference I feelwhen I'm serving versus, you know,
there to put on a show orplease someone. To your point.
Such a good point. Just such agood point. There are moments when
I speak my presence transforminto being present. Not Thinking
(13:36):
of anything else, but notphysically or mentally being there,
something takes over anddelivers a message. Because at the
end of it, I never feel like Isaid anything important. But in when
people come up to me, it'slike, you did say something that
mattered to someone else.
Yeah.
And I'm just like, it wasn'tthat good in my head. Yeah. But it
(13:58):
had to be, because the peoplewho received it received it in the
way they needed to be. Yeah.It's a very interesting experience
when I have them, because I'mjust like, but it wasn't that good
for me.
Yeah.
Never anything's ever goodenough for me.
Well, to that point in theshow, there were several. Like when
people came up andacknowledged certain things, they
said I didn't remember. It hadno memory whatsoever because it was
(14:20):
very, you know, at somelevels, very scripted. But there
is also room for, you know, meto modify as I went. And I was truly
creating live at that moment,you know, and so they would point
something out, and I'm like, Iwill be very interested to see the
video because I don'tremember. Yes, you don't remember.
It's like you leave for alittle bit, right?
Yes.
And it's not you, which is socool about the whole experience.
(14:44):
Yeah. Yeah.
All right, so let me ask youanother question. Your book, Enough
touches on peace in a worldfull of hustle, Hustle, hustle, hustle.
What advice do you have forwomen or creative entrepreneurs who
feel like they're constantlychasing more, but it still feels
like they're falling behind?And these are rooms I'm in, and sometimes
(15:05):
I express it where I know it'shustle mentality, and I just gotta
be like, hold on. I'm aware ofit more now than I was in my past.
Yeah.
But what advice would you haveto share with them from your expertise?
Yeah, I think, you know, my.My first would probably be a question
because just to. What you justsaid was, you know, they're going
for more and more and more.But to what end? You know, like,
(15:27):
to what end? And I thinkthere's. What we're conscious of,
of the goals we set. And ofcourse, as business owners, we do.
We set goals, we achieve them,we do all of those kinds of things.
There's nothing wrong withthat. But I think there's these unconscious,
you know, spaces that wethink, once this happens, then. Right.
Once I arrive, then it's allgoing to settle. Once I turn my business
(15:48):
into 10 million, then this.All of a sudden, I'm going to have
These things. And, you know,my experience, my lived experience
has just not been that. Andthat the best thing that I have found
for myself is to go for thething that I want and not wait for
that milestone, that moment,that whatever. Because most of those
things, at the end of the day,it's not the money. It's what the
(16:09):
money will do. Right? It's a.I'm looking for a little break in
a lifestyle, or I'm lookingfor a deeper relationship. I'm looking
for something. Some intimatecontact or connection. All of those
things can be had regardlessof that milestone being achieved.
And my experience has been.And this is where I say, literally
enough. Moved herself into mylife in a strong and powerful way.
When I'm orienting and she'struly sitting on my lap, then I don't
(16:34):
have to, so that, you know, Ican choose the peace now. And I have
found the peace causes me todo more things than I might have
done before. You know, somepeople will think, well, if you do
that, you're just settling,and then you're not gonna achieve
your goals. If I stop thathustle, will I get the things done?
I'm like, well, I'm stoppingthe hustle, and I'm getting more
done. I don't. I know that'scontradictory, but, you know, if
(16:55):
you had told me. I mean, Istarted my business, and within a
year, I had, you know, writtenand submitted the book and performed
the show, like, what? Youknow, and built business, like, and
did all those things. And so,you know, and, oh, by the way, I
didn't do sales the way I hadbeen trained. I did it the way my
heart felt like doing it.Like, I just did everything differently
(17:16):
than what people had beenadvising me on, right? To a great
degree, which I think is anopportunity that we, as women have
more than ever is to reallystop and go, wait a minute. This
model and system we're livingin, like, yeah, no, are we kidding?
If we were designing fromscratch, is this what we built? No.
Right? And I think for me,that's what that hustle is. Is like.
(17:36):
It is to prove myself, youknow, and it's not like I'm immune
to it or above it. I'm justbetter at catching myself when I
am. You know, I will have amoment. Like, I was at a block party
the other day, and I. Youknow, you're in and out of your house.
You know, we do a big potluckdinner. You know, you're bringing
stuff in and out and all thatkind of stuff. And I had a moment
of walking in and realize,ooh, you're. You're doing that thing.
(17:57):
You're scrambling. You'retrying to, you know what you fake.
You're not. You're not in yourbody here. Somebody just left the
building unconsciously, youknow, and what's that about? Right?
So it's not that I never getin that mode, but I try to catch
it and bring myself back. Andso I think that my advice on it is,
I think first is just to resetthe framework, to really have a good,
(18:21):
clear understanding of what amI then going to get out of this thing
I've achieved and is itpossible to get that thing without
it? So for me, this morning, Ihad a cancellation for an appointment.
My old self would have been onto my next 16 emails and da, da,
da, da, and whatever I have todo. And there's nothing wrong with
that if that's what I feltcalled to do at that moment and would
(18:41):
bring me the most pleasure.But it's beautiful out. It's going
to rain later. You know, it'slike I put on my shoes and walked
around the block. I mean, evenfor me, walking around the block
without a mile goal, without ahow much you're going to achieve
without a blah, blah, blah,blah, is transformation. It is truly
a new thing to just walkwithout agenda, to be. And then even
that. I came back and we havea front porch, and I was tempted
(19:03):
to sit on the front porch. I'mlike, why would you sit on the front
porch? You know, like, youwatch the little chatter, like, to
what end are you. Is thatgoing to be an intentional rest?
And then I just laughed atmyself, right? And I'm like, I guess,
because I just feel like it.So I did. And I sat out there and
listened to some beautifulmusic in my headphones. And I would
not have done that. And I.That was peace. That was peace right
there in that moment. Thatbefore this concept of enough came
(19:26):
into my life, I would not havemade those choices before.
Right, that is a good point.You know, a lot of what you shared
is a good amount of things Ican relate to. Because before I used
to have an apple watch and itstopped working and I decided not
to get one again. And when Idid get one, those rings, when you
go walking and they close,they make you feel like, oh, my God,
(19:48):
you have achieved something.
Yeah.
And today without it, I stillknow when I did two miles, because
it's the same route exactly.And I don't need a ring to close
to tell me I did it, Iachieved something. And I think about
what you say, just put yourshoes on and what else you did that
I don't know if you notice,but when someone canceled, you didn't
complain about thecancellation, didn't complain how
(20:11):
they took your time up. Useyour time in a way where you got
to reap that time back.
Yeah.
You got the opportunity to go,oh, they canceled.
Great.
I'm gonna go walk around theblock, sit on my porch, listen to
music, have time with myself.That brings me joy and peace.
Yeah.
Allows me to be present withmyself. Yeah. And I think that's
(20:31):
a gift. Right. And I don'tknow if everyone has the availability
to that gift. You buy choice,but not by norm, malice, like normal
behavior.
Yeah.
And we do have to choose it.But once you do choose it, it becomes
part of your norm. Yeah.Because of your awareness on it.
Because when you had thebickering about, like, why would
you sit on the porch? You cango do this. You're like, no, but
(20:54):
I just want to sit on my porchand listen to my music and not feel
like I have to rush becausefor the next thing. Yeah. And these
are some of the things I enjoygiving to the people I work with.
Because it's a reframe. Thequestion is always, why? Why do you
have to run to the next email?What will happen if you don't do
it? Yeah. Right. And normallythe outcome is not any different
(21:16):
if you do or you don't. And Ithink we don't realize that.
Well, I. I joke with a lot ofmy clients. Like, I. In my cause,
I used coaching before when Iwas an executive. And so one of the
coaches that worked with me,he says, he go, you know, you are
amazing at one skill above allskills. I said, what is that? And
he said, catastrophizing. Youknow, I could easily tell you everything
(21:37):
that was going to go wrong orcould go wrong about something. Right.
Which is actually not a badskill to have because it does help
you prepare for things. Ithelps you look and see what might
be vulnerable, what's weak,what you might need to solidify.
Taken to an extreme, it'sreally problematic because that's
how I begin to view the world.Right. And so that is something to
(21:58):
the point. You were justsaying, oftentimes when I'm working
with clients, I do go to thatextreme and say, okay, let's pretend
that worst case scenario ishappening. Right. Is anybody dying?
Is the building going to be onfire? Right. And to your point, Most
of the time it's not. And evenfor me, like, this happened to be
a generous amount of time, butthat could be five minutes. Yesterday
I had this where I was doing a360 interview with a guy for, you
(22:21):
know, scheduled for a halfhour, and it was just only 20 minutes.
We got through it in 20minutes. And so it was that same,
you know, it could be 10minutes, it could be two minutes.
But what you can do when youget to be with yourself, following
yourself in a short period oftime, to me, it almost feels like
endless space. You know, it's.It's two minutes can feel like 20
if we get the muscle practiceof, you know, slowing down to be
(22:44):
with ourselves. Which is whatI, you know, hear in your invitation
of really asking that question.
Yeah, yeah. And it'simportant. It allows us to reclaim
self. Yeah. Give so much of ourselves.
Well, I think people talk somuch about, and particularly for
women, about self care, and Ithink a lot of the examples you're
giving, I used to hate whenpeople would say, like, oh, just
(23:04):
self care, blah, blah. It feltlike one more thing to do. I was
failing at, you know, and evenstill, like, I can't find time to
do the massage or the this orthe that or whatever it is. And I
think the ability to be withmyself now, to slow down, to follow
myself, that is self care. Youknow, it doesn't even have to cost
anything, and I don't evenhave to go anywhere. It really is
(23:26):
having that moment to say,yes, no. Here's what she's calling
for from the inside, right?And in my experience of life and
for your listeners, Iexperienced Nikki totally differently
than this. She's the mostpresent podcast host I think I've
had. But in my experience inlife, you know, that. That drive,
(23:46):
that going out of my body,that all of that kind of spin thing,
that was the norm, right? Andso to allow that slowing down and
being present, I think is aradical act for most of us. And that's,
again, I say for you, I canfeel your presence. Like, I feel
that you said it to me at thebeginning. It's your norm. I can
feel that in a way that ishighly unusual for most of us popping
(24:09):
through the world. Right? Andso I feel like it's an invitation
for the rest of us to see whatthat's like, see what that journey
is. See, you know, oh, my God.Because I think there's a part of
the little kid, traumasurvivor, right, who's like, if I
do that, bad things willHappen if I do that, you know, really
in the DNA piece and there's aretraining in. And again, what I'm
(24:31):
discovering and what enoughhas been teaching me is, no, when
I do that, things really goquite much better. Beautifully. Lovely.
Yeah, they do. Sometimes.Sometimes my normalcy of being at
peace within, there'sdiscomfort for me. People don't realize
that because, one, I willalways get my voices calming and
(24:53):
I will always think, is it toocalm? Is it going to put them to
sleep? Like, all the things.Right. Because I don't hear what
everyone else hears.
Yeah. Yeah.
And sometimes I will change itup because of that thought. But then
there's moments I have to go,no, Nikisha, this is who you are.
And it wasn't always becausemy family will tell you I'm loud,
because when I get veryexcited, my tone increases, my volume
(25:14):
increase. But it's not thatI'm upset, upset. It's just that
I'm like, extra happy about something.
Yeah.
And everyone doesn't get thatside of me because when I'm asking
questions, I'm really curious.That doesn't give you an increased
tone. That gives you. I'mcurious. So I'm like, all ears. Yeah,
no mouth, all ears. I'm in thestory with you. Right. And I'm learning
this about myself and I'maccepting it and I'm enjoying it.
(25:37):
And I'm like, no, justconsistently be who you are. Because
it's what someone needs.That's why they're here.
Yeah.
And that's it. But we allquestion what we have. Yeah, we all
do is like human nature. It'spart of, I guess, our DNA. It's part
of what we know. Becausebefore us, genetically, there were
people surviving that we don'thave to do all that today. So.
(25:59):
Yes.
Right.
So I'm going to ask you another.
Question I want to get to.Before. Let's talk about the power
of saying small no's. And thisis something, as women, we're learning
how to do more. Sometimes Ithink we take it to the extreme,
and I want. I want to hearyour take on it. Why do you think
boundary setting feels so hardfor women? And how can we start practicing
(26:22):
unapologetic boundaries today,but not to the place of extreme?
How can we have a boundary? Orhow can we say, this is not for us
and be totally okay with that,rather than talking about, you cut
everyone off and these peopleare your family and all the things
like, how do we find thatbeautiful middle where I can have
(26:43):
My boundary. Like, you're notgonna. Your words won't knock me
off my seat, but at the sametime, I could be around with you
and hear you and understand you.
Yeah. And for me, I'll saythere's a. There's like a two parallel
path experience that I've had.Like, the boundaries have come with
the increased sense of self,you know, they have lived in parallel
in that way. Because it isdifficult to draw a boundary when
(27:06):
I don't even know myself.Right. And so in the beginning, I
allowed myself a totalplayground. And to your point about
extreme, I did go extreme, butI allowed myself to go extreme so
I could find the middle again.Because how do I know where that
boundary is unless I kick upagainst it? Right? So there was a
big period of time where Ijust withdrew because I'm discovering
(27:27):
myself. But it's almost likethe caterpillar that goes internal
and becomes a gelatinous masstruly becomes a pile of goo to discover
the butterfly aspect. Like, Ireserve the right to do that, but
I find that the more Idiscover myself in that way, the
more I am able to be exposedin a wide variety of situations and
still tend to myself. Right.But the. They come hand in hand because,
(27:52):
you know, and I give in thebook some examples, like there are
certain no's that are easy tosay in some ways once you develop
the muscle, like somethingthat truly crosses your value set
or boundaries or those kindsof things. But the small nos were
the ones I was havingdifficulty with. Like, you know,
a friend has a ticket to anevent and invites you to go. Well,
if you're free, you should go,was what my mindset was not. Okay,
(28:14):
I am free. That's a freemoment I have. What are the many
ways I could spend that freemoment? And is this the most right
one for me, given what I knowright now? You know, very different
sorts in those regards. But ifit wasn't, let's say, you know, gosh,
no, I actually want to be athome wrapped up with tea in a book
or binge watching a show. Ifthat's what mostly appealed to me,
(28:35):
then the small no is thepractice. And those were the things
I had less practice with.Right. So to be able to say thanks
so much for inviting me, butnot a fit for me, Right. And without
having to say, because I havethis conflict. Because at the beginning,
when I started saying smallnos and friendship and relationship
circles, people are like, oh,do you have a conflict? Oh, do you?
(28:56):
Are you doing something else?Oh, blah, blah, blah, right? Like,
they're asking you, you know,and so, you know, to even have that
mustard saying, no, you know,I'm just going to be with myself.
Nope. I just want to take iteasy. Nope. You know, whatever it
is. So that is a less sociallycomfortable one, you know, historically
for many of us. And so. But.But that, to your point about what's
(29:17):
too extreme, I feel like thatis always refining, you know, it's
always refining because theworld is dynamic. Things are always
changing. We. Where I am rightnow in this moment is different than
where I was last week, isdifferent than where I'll be next
week. And so, you know, toallow all of that. But also the sense
of self is changing. So themore I honor who I am, get to live
(29:39):
in my skin, delight in, youknow, unapologetically being myself
in all the spaces, the moreI'm clear about what's a resonant
chord and what's not. Andsometimes I'm not. And sometimes
I make a choice and I'm like,eh, might not have been the best.
That's okay, too.
Right.
It's not about some perfectscript, because I don't think there
is one, but it is aboutincreasingly discovering myself for
(30:00):
me. And the more I discovermyself, the more I can know what's
right, what's not right, whatfits, what doesn't fit in any given
moment.
So true. It was interestingwhen you spoke about the small note.
I had a moment yesterday wheresomeone invited me to something.
My brain interpreted like, Ido not want to go to this. And when
I wrote the no, there was abecause. And I was like, why does
(30:22):
the because have to exist inthis? Why can't I just be like, no,
have a great time and let meknow how it went.
Yes.
And then, by the way, let's just.
Capture that phrase thatNikisha just said. That's a beautiful
phrase. Right. Usable anytime.No, but have a great time. Wish you
well.
Yeah. Let me know how youenjoyed it. Yeah. But I knew it wasn't
for me. And I was like, Idon't need to give a reason why it's
(30:43):
not for me. I don't need topush my thoughts of why I wouldn't
go on it. I was like, that'sfor me. That was a little selfish.
I was like, I don't need allof that. Yeah. All I had to say was
no, but thanks for inviting me.
Yeah.
Let me know how you enjoyedit. Yeah. Was better than giving
the no, because I don't wantto do that.
Yes.
Yeah. Right.
(31:03):
And Again, I think, to me,it's about authenticity. Right. You
know, even for me, when I'm atmy highest and best, I do wish others
well, regardless of what mychoice has been. I want them to have
the best time they couldpossibly have, whether I'm there
or not. And so that is almosta more authentic ring than the little
kid. Like, no, I can't standbeing there. That one's a little
more reactive than the, I'mhonoring my choices. You're honoring
(31:27):
your choices. You know, that'sthe most important part. It is. And
I think as you begin toexperiment with this, at least for
me, you know, people don'talways like it either. And so that
was an exercise in being okaywith that. You know, I had a close
friend who got very, veryupset because I had just free volunteered
(31:48):
to support an event a coupletimes, and there was another one
coming up, and I had been outof town for work, literally was getting
back in town. It was thatnight. And then I was, you know,
off to the races the next day,and I just was already tired, you
know, and we were days out,and she hadn't asked me at all, and
I wasn't even sure. I wasn'teven sure if it was going on. You
know, I just remembered thatshe had said one was coming up. So
(32:10):
she had reached out and said,you know, listen, I'm looking forward
to the event, and I haven'tdecided if I want you doing this
or this. And I just had amoment. I was like, wait a minute,
hang on a sec. You know, lovewhat you're thinking about for the
event, but not a fit for me togo. And I didn't explain the whole
tired and thing like that,because I had been in the practice
of not needing to do that. Icould have. It's a fine option. But
(32:34):
she later called me and kindof yelled at me like, I don't know
who you think you are,treating me this way, and da, da,
da, da. You know, and it wasreally educational about our friendship.
And again, we've moved past,through and past that, but it had
nothing to do with me. To yourpoint earlier, this had to do with
her upset about herexpectations and what she thought
and what she wanted and whatit meant for me to not be a yes to
(32:59):
that event. That's what it wasabout. It had nothing to do with
my choices, but I had to becomfortable with the. You're yelling
at me right now, and, youknow, this isn't the fit for me.
I'm gonna be hanging up thephone now, you know, And. But I mean.
And I didn't have a. You know,this is somebody I've known for a
long time. I didn't know ifthat would work itself out or not.
But that was part of. Again,having this sense of enough. Like,
(33:20):
it's okay if it doesn't. Ifthis person is not meant to be intimately
in my life right now, that'sokay. Because the higher value, the
higher calling is thisincreasing sense of rightness for
myself.
Got you. Got you.
And to that point, when I am,I can serve more. You know, I think
we often think, well, that'sso selfish. You're just taking care
of yourself. I'm like, yep, I am.
(33:42):
Or you can give them a full cup.
Yeah, for sure. And. And Ithink that's an ongoing practice
many of us have as women is.What is it to fill up that cup, you
know? But when women. You canfeel when women are giving from that
full cup, it is so differentthan when they're not. You're receiving
the same gifts, activities,things, but the space around it is
(34:04):
so qualitatively different.
You show up differently,period. You show up differently.
Your words are different.There's so much mannerism that cheap
in it. I usually can see itbecause most of the times when you
know it's not from a full cup,there's a high vibration, but it's
a. Like, it. It pulls moreenergy than give energy.
(34:26):
Yes.
Yeah.
It's like.
And I'm like, oh, my God, youare killing me right now.
But, but, but I love what youjust said. There's more that's pulling
than giving. That is so true.You can feel that drain.
And I'm just like, you need tobring it down because you're vibrating
high. You're like, oh, andwhat is this? Yes, commentate. Like,
(34:47):
I'm like, let me help you.
Yeah.
That's why I know when I'mreally calm, because my calmness
would put people in calmness,and I don't mean to do it. There's
people I've been around that Igot really weird with my energy.
I'm like, you just drained me.And I didn't even do anything yet.
And I was like, what's happening?
How'd that happen?
(35:07):
Yes. And I was like, whoa. AndI'm like, I have to just remove myself.
Yeah. And it's not all people.There are.
Yes.
People that have had thatexperience. Sounds like this is a
very interesting dynamic.
Yeah.
Experience it and be like, Ididn't know this even existed. But
when you're aware of it, youcan feel it. You can feel your people.
You can love your people froma full cup. And it doesn't matter
(35:27):
who they are.
No, it does not.
Yeah. Yeah.
And. And to your. To yourpoint, somebody gave me advice years
ago that I've, you know, usedfor myself and with other people
too. But you just describedit, which is, you know, when you're
in these interactions withpeople and you walk away, you know,
does your energy feelexpanded? Does it feel, you know,
uplifted? Does it feelcentered and grounded? Or, you know,
(35:51):
do you feel less than for somereason? Like, they can be the most
important person in the room.But if I walk away feeling less than
about myself, it's usually notabout me. It's usually about something
in that dynamic that isn't asobvious from the words, but it was
real clear in the energy. Ifyou could just tune into what that
was. And that's one of thethings that I've learned as far as
(36:13):
who I surround myself with andwhen and all those kinds of things.
Not to be ultra protective,but, you know, when I need to be
uplifted, I choose who I'mwith and who I call versus other
situations where it's like, Ireally literally, with some humans,
will block off my energy.Like, I will be there, it will look
like we're interacting, but Iwill not allow an exchange for that
(36:34):
very reason. And I don't knowthe logic of it, but I feel like
I don't have to figure it out.I just know, right?
Here's the question for you,because my experience now is I don't
usually have to worry aboutthose boundaries anymore because
they're not attracted to me.Those people don't even want to be
around me because I'm just toopositive. And I realize I don't have
to do as much work because therepelling happens. And my people
(36:58):
attract to me like magnets,and I attract to the hem. And I just
love on them because they'refreaking amazing. But the people
who may be a repellent, like,it just doesn't. It doesn't feel
like it happens a lot, doesn'treally happen.
And Mikisha, I think you'rewriting enough 2.0, because I hear
you and I'm not yet in thatspace. I will say that. And to your
(37:23):
point, though, you know,compared to a handful of years ago,
do I have a lot of upsettingpeople enter my life? Absolutely
not. You know, it is nothingthat it's not usual, but I'M still
not in that space of, youknow, that real energy resonance
where there's almost like.What I sense for you as you're talking
is there's almost like thisforce field around you, and it repels
(37:45):
and attract in an ongoing waywith a huge engine. I'm not yet there.
You know, I have hadexperience of it, I have touched
it. I, I know that that'sthere, but it's not a way of being
for me yet.
Okay, got it, Got it. Becausethat's the thing. Because people
will ask me and I just know,like, I don't. And I'm okay with
it. Never been a. I want, Iwant them to all, like. I don't want
(38:07):
no one to all like me. I havecome. Really. Okay. It's okay not
to be liked. Because if youdon't like me, there's something
else about that. That'ssomething about you. And what don't
you like? And if you don'tlike it, is it because you want some
of it? I'm happy to give it.But you only can receive it if you
choose to. And that only takesyour time and your awareness. And
(38:29):
I have to let people be. Andwhen that moment happens, it's not
like I don't receive thembecause I didn't know they didn't
like me, but I receive them inthe right time that it's meant to
be.
So I think that's a vision. Ithink it's a vision for people. I
mean, I really do, as you'retalking about it, because again,
you know, I, I, you know,there's this concept of the internal
(38:50):
locus of control and externallocus of control, you know, external
locus of control. As I'mscanning outside to see what everybody's
thinking in order to decidewho I am, what I want, what I need,
internal locus of controlmeans it starts here. I'm, I'm tuning
in, looking in and discoveringwhat's there in order to radiate
that out. And I think if yougo back in my career and my life
(39:11):
and entrepreneurship, if yougo back 10 years, it was full external
locus of control. And I thinkI've continued to move and the Enough
Book and that Enough Journeyhas moved that locus of control deeply
inside. But it's not all thetime. Right. And so I think that's,
you know, how I'm hearing thedistinction. Because for me, perfectly.
(39:32):
Yeah, for me, what I'm doingis catching myself when I don't.
Right. So it's not in a placeof like, that just doesn't happen
for me. It's like, oops, thereyou went. It's kind of like with
a block party. Oh, there youwent again, honey. You know, and
that's part of the kind.Little. Come on back in. That's okay.
You know, you made a little.Little blip there. We're getting
it right. You know, that'skind of the. The internal voice of
(39:54):
Enough. You know, journeyingwith me in that regard. But I think
that's. It's all on acontinuum almost. Right. Till I would
imagine there's a place that Imay arrive at which is more where
you are, which is that spaceof pure radiance, but not there yet.
Yes. And you're right, becauseevery. All of us transition, and
that's a transition that Iwent through, and I had a lot of
(40:16):
material to help me transition.
So my bloody pocket.
Yes, my happy pocket full ofmoney was one of those transition.
Letting go by Hawkins wasanother one. Because I didn't know
about frequency. I just knew Iam. I desired something different.
So when I started totransition into that, my coaching
certification from my lifecoach school, these were all big
(40:39):
pillars that helped with thetransformation. I couldn't do it
by myself. I don't believewe're meant to do things on our own.
Yeah. So those were thetransition. The transitions. And
they all spoke a similar language.
Yeah.
Frequency. So I dialed intothat station and I was like, I like
this station. Yeah. Yeah. Thisgives me a little bit more peace
in my life.
(41:00):
I love that.
And then I practiced. Yeah,that's it. Right. That's what we
all do. And the awareness isnumber one. Yeah, I got that. Barbara,
it's been really good havingyou on the iconic CEO podcast. Thank
you so much for joining me.Thank you for being here. Thank you
for your gift of seeing mypresence. It's one of the things
(41:20):
I love, and it's. It bringsimmense joy to my heart. And thank
you for allowing me to. To seethrough you, because deep in your
lotus of internal. That is me.Don't have the words, but you're
giving me the words. I'm like,well, what is this? I want to learn
more about this.
Right.
So thank you for your wisdom.Thank you for sharing this all with
our listeners, because thereare people out here going through
(41:43):
specific things, and thesemessages help them transition into
who they want to be andfinding their peace as well.
Well, I. I consider it a greathonor to have been here and been
present. And to me, it's likethe best aspect of going to church.
So you know for yourlisteners. I hope that as you have
Nakisha in your ears, that'swhat you allow in because it's allowable.
(42:06):
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you for joining ustoday. We loved having you with us.
Remember, each action youtake, no matter how small, adds up
to big results. If today'sepisode fired you up, hit, hit. Subscribe
for more insights and visitour resource hub, which is linked
in the show notes. Thereyou'll find tools to streamline,
(42:28):
organize and grow yourbusiness. Keep moving forward and
we'll be right here to cheeryou on next week.
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