Episode 9: Sips,Laughs and Uhhuh, Mmhm, Yeah, Right

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A Day of Drinks, Laughs, and Honest Relationships | April & Cindy's Podcast

In this episode of 'If You Want Me to Be Honest with April and Cindy,' the duo discuss their latest drink, the 'Purple Rain,' made by Scotty. They joke about turning their podcast into an 'alcoholic' show and share personal stories, including an emotional moment about Cindy's mom's birthday and a tribute to recently lost celebrities. They reflect on hair salon adventures, humorous family anecdotes, and Mark’s dermatologist visit. They also offer some lighthearted advice on parenting, stressing that they are not professionals. Tune in for laughs, personal confessions, and plenty of 'uhhuhs,' 'mmhms,' and 'yeah rights.'

00:00 Introduction and Today's Drink

00:58 Remembering Loved Ones

01:51 Celebrity Losses and Coping Mechanisms

02:45 Hair Salon Stories

05:41 Weekend Plans and Anniversaries

12:13 Family Visits and Childhood Memories

27:24 Listener Questions and Parenting Advice

33:02 Workplace Personas and Drinking Habits

34:18 Shoutout to Stephanie and Drinking Occasions

35:20 Tequila Talk and Drinking Preferences

38:52 Parenting and Bonding with Children

43:24 Mark's Rash and Doctor Visit

49:37 Relationship Dynamics and Arguments

50:45 Podcast Merch and Drinking Discussions

52:31 Hair Dye and Aging

01:04:46 Final Thoughts and Social Media Plugs

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome back to if you Want Meto be honest with April and

(00:03):
Cindy, this bitch and my bitch.
Um, first of all, I want to talkabout this drink we got today
again.
Where's the, there we go.
Yeah, sorry.
It's called what?
Purple.
Purple Jamaican.
Purple Rain.
Alright.
And uh, Scotty made it for us,so.
Mm-hmm.
I'll show you.
Mines.
Tastes like Malibu.

(00:25):
And Pineapple.
Pineapple.
Yep.
That's a baby back bitch drink.
But tastes good.
I don't think it's as strong asthe drink last time.
Woo.
That other drink was strong.
Just so you all know.
Good though.
We're gonna turn this podcastinto an alcoholic.
An alcoholic?
No, not an aa.
Sorry, I'm talking aboutalcoholics named.

(00:46):
Yes, that's us too.
Because, um, I'm starting todrink a lot now because I'm
gonna do this podcast every timeI do it.
I have a drink or two, but Icould tell you that, um, they're
pretty good though.
Mm-hmm.
So I wanna start off today is,um, a day that, um, my buddy
didn't know that I was gonna saythis, but today is her mom's

(01:07):
birthday.
Oh boy.
Um, so I just want you to knowthat, oh my God, reason why
you're sick.
She's gone through a lot ofthings emotional.
So, um, we are gonna talk aboutup.
Shit.
Drink up bitch.
The fact that she was an amazingwoman, um, I will just say this,

(01:30):
that I want you to know.
She accepted everybody into herlife and was so good to my
daughter Gabby, and always saidthat that was her granddaughter.
Which was funny'cause she was inevery, she's my daughter.
That's why Mowgli was raised byher pretty much.
So I just wanted to say happybirthday in heaven to you, mama.

(01:50):
Happy birthday.
Um, also, we've lost a few, um,celebrities recently, which is
very.
Sad.
Yep.
Um, we lost, uh, brother.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We, we lost, um, Ozzy this week.
Ozzy, we, uh, we lost, uh,Malcolm Warner, which was on the
Cosby Show.

(02:11):
Yeah.
We grew up watching him.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Super funny.
Sad stuff this week, that's forsure.
Yeah.
So it's been a very overwhelmingweek, but that's why we going to
self-medicate.
As we say, we're not therapists,but my therapist, which is me,
says to drink up bitch.
And that's the problem,whatever.

(02:32):
I mean, if you've seen thatepisode of the algorithm is my
therapist.
Mm-hmm.
They keep sending me drinks andScott keeps making them, dude.
So I'm gonna be a, a drunk bythe time we're done, whatever.
By the way, she, her hair looksbeautiful.
It's new.
It took her 65 hours, but it'sfine.
It's okay.
I had a lot of work done to it.

(02:52):
So in case y'all are wondering,I like it.
I like it looks nice.
I go to a great salon.
My girl there, her name's Lisa.
I love her.
She did a great job.
Can I just tell you, this chickLisa is very calm.
Oh, very quiet.
I need to be her.
Like even when she talks to mesometimes she'll be blow drying

(03:14):
my hair and she's telling mesomething and I'm like, I can't
fucking hear you.
I'm going, oh, Uhhuh, really?
And I'm looking in the mirrortrying to read her lips.
Who knows what I've agreed to.
Great.
Or told her she was right.
Lisa, I'm gonna tell you now, ifyou listening, girl, try not to
talk to me when I'm like, gotthe hair dryer on, or talk

(03:34):
louder.
Well, yeah, that too, but youknow.
But no, she.
I relax, dude.
It's like getting a massage forme.
Oh, maybe I need to go get myhair.
Did you?
Well, I mean, them fucking graysis still there.
Ain't, Hey, I like easy grays,love gray.
I like, I think they're cute.
They're, they're lovely.
Some people try to hide it.

(03:56):
I do not.
I, oh, I hide it.
I'm just not bougie, so I don'tcares why it's not about being
bje.
Well, when you go spend sixhours at a hair salon.
Pretty much I got the hair dyeout four and a half.
Calm down.
Oh my God.
I can't imagine.
Oh my God, it's so relaxing.
I'm four and a half hours.
I better be at a pool with somealcohol.

(04:17):
Yeah, well I'll tell ya, I mightstart bringing my own little nip
nips water.
I think they do have get likechampagne and wine there.
Yeah, but I've never had it'cause I go so early.
Well, and not only that, ifyou're there four and a half
hours, you'll be drunk on to gethome.
Especially me.
Well, I, I made Scott come pickme up.
Smart.
Smart.
Because I'm bougie Smart.
Um, also I wanna talk about howmany times April.

(04:43):
And I.
And I, okay.
Say yeah, right?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
Yeah.
Right.
We know people keep telling us,we say it a lot, we can't help
it, and we ain't fixing it.
We're not professionals here.
It just, it is what it is.
Well, I mean, we're semi prosnow really.
We're in our JV season.

(05:03):
Yeah.
I mean, for those of you wholisten to sports, we would
technically be on the JV squad.
Okay.
Well.
We're gonna be at JV for awhile.
Okay, well y'all think that, butlisten.
Yeah, but then we gotta watchwhat we say.
We can't say Mm.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
Right.
We can't talk about people ofall.

(05:24):
We complain.
Doing all that of I, I talkedabout, you know, it's been a
while since I had to do a lot ofedit.
Imagine if I had to edit out.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It would be broke up everysecond.
Dude, y'all wouldn't even havean episode.
Exactly.
So you're welcome.
Anyhow, it's the weekend.

(05:45):
I'm gonna go to the springstomorrow, we gotta turn the spam
on people.
Listen, I say something Meuse.
Yeah, it ain't plugged in.
God dammit.
Um, I'm going to the Springstomorrow with some of my family.
Good luck with that.
Yep.
It's gonna be fun.
It is ice cold.
The water is so cold.
It's, yeah, but hey, but whenyou're done though, you feel

(06:06):
amazing.
And it's hot as balls here.
Yeah.
It's like 110.
I think that's why it feels alot colder.
Yeah.
Because you do it in winter,it's warm.
It's like, you know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm not that bad.
So that's what I'm doingSaturday and then Sunday,
Brina's getting baptized.
Mm.
Mm-hmm.
Jesus Lord, help us.
Thank God.
Amen.
Yeah, she, she's supposed to,unless we can't get her up,

(06:29):
she's supposed to Lord not to.
And then when she's done, I'mgonna go to, um, I.
Oh shit.
I think it's funny'cause I'mjust saying it.
I'm going to go to my friendKim's house and have some drinks
at her pool, her and Paul withor with.
April.
So I'll bring snack.

(06:51):
We're fine.
Be good.
Whatever.
Do you boo?
Yeah.
So I'll see you guys there.
My, yeah.
My family's coming into town.
I probably won't even be there.
Oh, shit.
Fine.
Mm-hmm.
So all good.
That's what I'm doing.
What are you doing?
There we go.
Well, let's first talk aboutlast weekend for a minute.

(07:12):
Okay.
Anniversary weekend.
Okay.
Was nothing for you.
Well, I just did it.
We went out to dinner.
That's nice.
We went on that little ferrythat took us to the fort.
Oh yeah.
Did that.
That was cute.
That's neat.
It was so hot out though.
Yeah.
I'd like to the winter, I'msurprised.
Get ferry up and running again.
'cause it's been a couple yearsthat that hasn't really, yes.

(07:33):
Now you tell me.
Now I tried.
Oh.
Oh.
Had you told me?
Yes.
It's not Tuesdays and Wednesdaysjust Okay.
Thursday through Monday.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was always on the weekendthat we tried.
It's, it was nice.
It's free too.
Yeah, it's pretty cool.
But I, I like to go in thewinter time so I can really.
Enjoy it more.
'cause it was like 110.
Yeah.
Then we went out to a late lunchand then we went to a later

(07:54):
dinner.
Nice.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Right.
What'd you do?
We were in Georgia.
Mm-hmm.
For, um, anniversary.
Mm-hmm.
Just so you know, there's gonnabe a lot of that this time.
Okay.
We're trying not to, we'retrying not to suggest that you
all start doing a drinking game.

(08:15):
Yes.
Hey, we're trying to help you.
Yes.
I'm join it every time somebodysays mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Mm.
Right.
Take a drink.
Maybe we will too, join you, butanyway, we'll be wasted.
Yeah.
So, um, we were in Georgia.
We went for CHOP anniversary.
That is a friend of Kim andPaul's, which is also a friend
of mine in Scott's.

(08:36):
But we met him through them, um,his birthday weekend.
Mm-hmm.
His birthday actually.
Okay.
His birthday actually drink up.
Oh shit.
You did it.
Um, God dangit.
I can, his birthday wasactually, it's actually on my

(08:56):
anniversary day.
Oh, right.
July 17th.
Boy, in case y all wanted toknow that once, send the me some
gifts.
Okay.
Um, but yeah, so, so y'allcelebrated, went up there and,
and hung out in Georgia.
Lemme tell you, there are somefreaks in Georgia.
Okay.
Really?
I heard some stories aboutchopper.

(09:17):
Oh, well Chopper, when he wasyounger, I'm sure Paul got the
same stories.
Mm-hmm.
These are worse.
I thought maybe he would too.
Oh yeah.
You know how you can hear theChoocho train run through this
area in our neck of the woods?
Yep.
He ran the train.
Whoa.
Oh, exactly.

(09:39):
That's what I said.
What the.
Who the, I don't want to hearthat story.
Yeah.
Really?
Mm.
Chopper.
Dang disappointed.
So sad.
But he was a baby then.
Hey.
I mean, he knew stupid shit.
When you're young, he, yeah.
Well, to be expected.
Mm-hmm.
But anyway, I'm gonna have todrink up alcohol.
Sorry.
One, maybe it's me that doesthe, mm-hmm.

(10:01):
Mm-hmm.
Right.
Anyway, so that was one of thethings that I learned while I
was in Georgia.
Wow.
I thought it would be that toyourself.
Great.
To bring back to you, if youwant me to be honest.
I wanted to see your realreaction.

(10:22):
Yeah, that's rough for a weeknow.
I've had to hear Paul and Scottdo Don't close your eyes.
Oh, it's an old country song.
They heard that in Georgia.
Well chop it's CHOP's favorite,like karaoke go-to song.
Oh, okay.
And it was one of his dad'sfavorite songs, so that Oh,

(10:42):
okay.
You know, that's sweet.
But you know, Paul and Scott,they won't let it go, dude.
They say one hear, one littleline.
It's, it's, it's done.
It's done.
It's been a week.
Oh, this.
He is gonna take months untilthey find something else.
I know.
Well, Scott, sorry.
Thank God is onto the wholeBiden.
Stumbling.
Oh, bumbling.
Get, get, get.

(11:03):
So it moved.
It moved.
So thank God he is moved on tothat until they hear this
podcast and it's gonna restartit up.
Dude, good job.
Don't close your eyes.
But anyway, other than that, wehad a great time.
Really good.
I mean, it was good.
The people at the VFW wereamazing.
They always are.
They're very nice.
Um, and we dressed up likerednecks that were going to

(11:26):
country folk Hawaiian and Luaugirl country folk.
It was fun.
So we had a good time.
Good.
And you come back Sunday?
Yeah, we came back on Sundaythis weekend.
I got family coming into town,like I said.
Um, which is exciting.
Who don't you?
Who's coming into town?
My family.
Your brother Met, met.

(11:46):
He's come, he's coming thisweekend.
My brother's coming with hiswife and so we stand for a
couple weeks or whatever.
Yeah, about two weeks.
Yeah, they'll be here.
Gotcha.
So that'll be fun.
Um, it's always fun to.
Get stupid like when we, well,he might meet me Sunday at Kim
and Paul.
Mm-hmm.
He's already probably seent yourass.
Um, but yeah, it'll be fun.

(12:07):
So.
Okay.
Well that's all I have plannedright now.
Hmm.
Okay, good.
That's good.
What else you got?
Um, two weeks we're supposed togo see Hayden, which is my
granddaughter.
Mm-hmm.
Um, we're supposed to go see herin a couple weeks.
I can't wait.
That you're ditching mygrandson's birthday for Yeah,
you're welcome, Hayden andNathan.
Yeah, I'm ditching, uh, poorlittle Winnie.

(12:30):
Yeah, that's all right.
Just make sure you drop off agift.
I know.
I gotta give the best gift now.
Thanks, Nathan.
Yeah, that's costly.
And Nathan, I expect a gift toonow.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Since you're taking my bestfriend.
Shoot, I said it again.
Mm-hmm.
So it's my fault.
It's always a hundred percent.
I'm gonna count them.
Wait, went down the wrong tube.

(12:51):
She choking.
She choking.
Who?
First of all, if they didn'tpoint this out, I wouldn't
notice it.
So what the hell?
Mm-hmm.
Um, just so you know, why'd theypoint it out?
Well, everybody I talk to pointsit out.
Well, they're rude.
Well, you know the running jokewith Scott, Zach, and Brandon

(13:11):
because my boys and my husbandare assholes.
And they like to purposely pointout your flaws.
They're funny.
Do they wanna do, they want usto go for theirs.
This is why I'm, why y alwayssay I'm a bitch.
Okay.
Yeah.
Because I got no problem tellingsomebody either.
But for years they say Kim and Iwhen we're on the phone, okay.

(13:34):
They know exactly who we'retalking to because all they hear
is mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Right.
So it's you and Kim, not me.
I think I, it's kind of likewhen you have poison ivy.
Oh, you itched.
I think I rubbed it off on you.
Pretty much.
Yeah.
I mean, it had to eventuallyhappen with the fact that we've

(13:58):
been friends this long.
Yeah, dude.
Huh?
Get all of her scratches.
I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
I have to interrupt.
Why Zach?
This child's on the phone.
Oh, Zach.
Now lemme forewarn him.
He's on the podcast.
It's illegal not to.
Hi Zach.
Welcome to the podcast.
If you want me to be honest.

(14:19):
You're on live.
Are you really?
Yep.
Yes we are.
Thank you for the call in.
How can we help you, Wow, that'sgetting edited.
Um, I'll be back.
I'm pausing.
Thank you.
Okay, well, we took the callfrom Zach and, um, if you've

(14:41):
ever seen the TikTok live,you'll know that um, he, we had
to cut him out of this.
Yeah, yeah, he got cut.
He's a little too much for thisepisode.
Yeah.
So all the cuts that we weretalking about that we're trying
not to make anymore.
Well, thank you Zach.
Yeah.
Done.
Screwed it up.
Thanks.
Any who?
Any who?
Um, so what else are we talkingabout?

(15:02):
I said, um, drink up.
Oh boy.
Hopefully it'll get less andless.
Ah.
Mm-hmm.
That's pretty good.
Drink, actually.
Like a little, um, taste like agrape Jolly Rancher.
Mm-hmm.
Or a grape Gatorade.
And you know, we're from thegreat state of Florida.

(15:24):
Yep.
I like it.
Gatorade was invented.
It was good.
This just kind of making me lookfat.
Maybe it's the chair.
I think it's the chair.
You blaming the chair.
You got jokes today.
I, you can't even see my fuckingchair, so I dunno what you're
bitch about.
At least you can see yours.
You can't see mine either untilI turn sideways.
You can, dude, because I turnedit sideways.

(15:45):
Look at me Barely.
God, this is supposed to be fatgirl etiquette.
Sorry, this ain't, this ain'tcutting it.
And I lost two pounds.
We need to get a humongouschairs so it looks like we're
skinny.
So we look tiny.
Yes.
I love that idea.
Yes.
So we, we'll wear black shirtsand then put like big giant
white chairs Yes.

(16:06):
Behind us, so that way it makesus look real.
Zoom us.
Right.
Thank you.
Funny.
I'm funny.
Okay.
All right.
So we're gonna go see Hayden.
That's it.
Um, that's gonna be fun'cause Ihaven't had a break in a while.
So, since Puerto Rico last year.
Yeah.
That'll be a nice littlegetaway.
Yes.
I need a couple nice away and aquickie.

(16:30):
Saw we, she ain't had one ofthem in a long time too.
Hey, that's all I have.
I'm 52.
You gotta get as quick as youcan.
Just jk.
Jk.
What?
Dude?
I told you some family, somefriends, some acquaintances
might not like this.
And just keep listening or atleast download it.

(16:51):
Yes.
So I might You'll love it, butyou gotta like it.
Yeah.
Rude.
If you don't.
I know.
Um, so my son was working today.
And he works, you know, on thestreets.
Not on the streets, but on thestreets.
He's a street worker.
Just like Brandon.
Brandon's a street worker.
Exactly.
Um, so they were fixing pipesand stuff on the, in the street.

(17:13):
So I guess there was a highspeed chase.
Oh yes.
Which they didn't see it coming'cause it came so fast.
Mm-hmm.
While they're all standing thereby the stop sign, the guy hit
the stop sign, why they're nearit and took off and the cop kept
chasing off.
Nathan said, I own this.
I didn't give a shit aboutanybody on the side.
Nope.
Like, are y'all okay?
Nope.

(17:34):
They kept going.
Kept chasing, knocked the stopsign down on mate.
Kay.
Nathan.
Nobody's got taken out.
Nathan sent me a picture of thestop sign.
Yeah.
And said, yeah.
And his truck, that's besides,was it his work truck or his
new, his real truck work.
It's work.
Yeah.
Well fuck that piece of shit.
Well, I'm talking about he wasthere.
I don't care about, I don't careabout any truck.
His truck, their truck.

(17:54):
Anyway.
So Brina said, why would he showus this?
He knows we have anxiety, butyeah, thank God, especially
about, probably I almost diedtoday.
I deal with that with Brandontoo.
But you know how I find outBrandon has an incident?
Incident?
Yeah.
She drank too much already.

(18:15):
His girlfriend one eye.
When and one eye starts going, Isay, you know.
Um, Alex?
No.
Well, that bitch will kill hisass too, but no, um, no.
He's on TikTok live and he saysit and he starts talking about
what happened at work today.
So, you know what he tells me?
Well, he tells the world Yeah,on TikTok.

(18:36):
He said, um, that he was on thejob and some crack head stole
another guy on the job site'sbackpack.
Took off running with it or on abike.
Now what that mean may have thisstory wrong.
Not all the way wrong, but somedetails.

(18:56):
Yeah.
Okay.
Minor.
He was on a bike or he wasrunning, whichever.
Okay.
But he took off and Brandonchased after him.
Of course Brandon chased afterhim.
Let him go.
Dude, I told you in the lastepisode, did catch him.
Episode him.
He did.
Oh my God.
And he said, Hey.
Crack head.
That ain't your bag.

(19:17):
What the hell?
And the crack head pulled a pipeout of his shut up pocket, put
it in his mouth, and lit thatcrack and smoked.
And so he let go of thebackpack?
No.
And then tossed the backpack toBrandon took off.
I said, Brandon, you're asuperhero.
A crack head stopping superhero.

(19:38):
I mean, I'm proud of you, butyeah.
Can you believe that?
I said it had to have beenJack's dude like.
Of course it's only Jax.
Does that shit happen?
That's where Nathan just almostgot hit.
That's what I'm saying.
Crazy ass people dude.
Yep.
Well that's scary.
Yeah, of course.
Brandon chases'em.
I don't want my kids chasingnobody.
Brandon and Nate though are thetwo that, that kind of shit

(19:59):
would happen to.
Of course.
Why wouldn't it be?
Yeah.
No big deal.
Yeah.
Go on with your lives the mostcalmest la Well, I mean, brand
has his snap out moments.
Yeah.
But you know what I mean, likethe most chillest kind of guys.
Yeah.
These are the ones that end uphaving the crazy shit happen.
Of course.
Why wouldn't it be?
Mm-hmm.
Uhoh, God dang it, right?

(20:23):
Mm-hmm.
I'm gonna have to add that toAndrew's.
Sound the best things that Ineed him to put in our intro.
That's true.
Because if we say it that much,we should have thought I didn't
know.
Obviously.
That should be the whole thing.
I'm gonna put a beat too.
Uhhuh.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
Yeah.

(20:44):
We gonna make our own beats.
That's right.
Bitches.
Right, right.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Okay.
Back.
Let's get serious.
Let's get serious.
Serious.
Alright.
You were saying something about.
So my family's coming into town.
Yep.
Yep.
And that is so much fun.
And um, what I wanted toactually talk about was a little

(21:08):
bit about family.
Okay.
Okay.
Now, especially young kids doyoung kids say the most craziest
shit?
Right.
Okay.
Don't you think?
Yeah, of course.
There a lot of people say, oh,they're the most truthful.
They're the most hurtful.
Yeah.
Yes.
Let me be real.
Okay.
If you've got a mouthy ass kidthat will just say it like it

(21:28):
is, get'em on this show.
We'll have a seat right here.
That's right.
We'd be like, okay.
We want you to be honest.
Um, but for real, like mygrandson now, you can only
imagine who he's raised around.
Okay.
Wow.
And I don't appreciate Mowgli's.
Raising judgments.

(21:49):
No judgment.
Okay.
Okay.
We listen and we don't judgejeez that goes to you, viewers.
So my grandson likes to tell meall the time when I do stuff,
his first reaction is, what thehell?
But I said, let Mimi play yourgame with you'cause he got this

(22:13):
new, um, it's kind of like,what's that game called?
Um, the, we.
It's kind of like the we, but itdoesn't have controllers where
you can like throw it into theTV and stuff like that.
Yeah.
You know that you gotta holdonto, did I say Yeah.
Yeah.
Dang it.
So anyway, um, God dang it.

(22:35):
I hate this shit.
I, I'm gonna tell you something.
Those of you that have saidsomething, you're rude.
This is a problem and I didn'task you to be honest okay?
About that.
We said we were gonna be honest.
We didn't ask you.
This is about us.
And I appreciate y'all keepingyour shit to yourselves.
Okay.
Anyway, I'm not even gonna focuson it now.

(22:55):
Okay?
Okay.
So it's this setup that's likethe, we, you don't have
controllers.
Instead, it marks your body.
Well, you can see I throw my,I'm a hand talker.
I should have been Italian dude.
But anyway, so I said, let mereplay this game with you.
And so he wants me to play.
I get in there.
That boy is competitive as hell.
He's already a sore loser.

(23:17):
Oh boy.
All right.
First of all, I was killing it,girl.
There was this, there was this,you know, the old, um, what's
that block game?
That it's so old where the ballbounces and it goes big.
Oh yeah.
And you bust out blocks.
I understand.
I forget what it's called.
And it Yeah.
And it keeps bunking off ofstuff.
Yep.
And you gotta block it andstuff.
So this is called Blockbuster.

(23:39):
Okay.
Is this game.
So you gotta imagine your bodyis the board.
So like you gotta slide to theleft, slide to the right.
Okay.
Crisscross.
Everybody clap your hands.
That's what it's like.
Okay.
So without the hand clapping.
So I'm doing this right, dude, Iwas killing it.

(23:59):
I mean, killing it.
Okay.
Mind you, my grandson's almostthree and he said, no, Mimi,
you're done.
You're done.
He didn't want to, you're done.
He didn't want, he's tired ofyour ass.
He did not like me beating hishigh score.
Yeah.
And I said, I'm not done yet.
Let me do this.
So I keep going and finally Iclear the board and he goes, my

(24:23):
turn, I, you're done.
I'm like, what the hell, dude?
You won't even let me play.
No.
Nope.
He's so competitive.
Aw.
He cannot stand that.
Well, yeah, that's kind of good.
He, he's so funny because.
I have a nephew when he wasyounger.
Mm-hmm.
When he was a baby.
They're all grown now.
Mm-hmm.

(24:44):
When he, he was younger, he usedto, everything was me.
So instead of like, oh, I'mgonna do this, he said, me do
this, me got this.
Right.
So Winston calls YouTube, me,YouTube.
Because I always, always, it'sall about him.

(25:06):
Damn, I'm raising a narcissist.
Pretty much.
Good luck with that.
I guess he takes after his Mimianyway, so he calls it me tube.
Okay.
So every time he wants to get onsomething, he says Snapchat.
'cause he loves Snapchat.
Mm-hmm.
Um, but yeah, he, he, so hecalls it me tube.
Well, every time he does it, itreminds me of my nephew.

(25:28):
And my nephew.
When he was younger, he got, hadto get his.
Not had to.
He got a haircut and they shavedall his hair off.
Okay.
Okay.
And I'm not gonna name mynephew.
Okay.
I have a couple so y'all can tryand figure it out.
But that nephew knows who thehell I'm talking about because
he's heard this story for years.
And he said, he was told, ohyeah, your haircut looks good.

(25:51):
Good.
It looks good buddy.
And he said, no.
Me look like Dick.
I can tell you that when he was,that was like the most favorite
thing we would visit or hang outtogether.
Everything was me, me got this,me do this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Me.
No, me do this, not you.

(26:11):
Anyway, so I thought that wasfunny.
It reminds me of like whenNathan was younger.
Her?
Yes.
And what he used to call Scott.
Oh my God, dude.
Yeah.
That, uh, mark used to make himpurposely say, Scott, I know.
He's like, who do you wanna gosee Cock?
Who do you want to, what do youwant to go?
You wanna go to April?
And who's Cock?

(26:33):
And Mark would make him say,over, all the time, because he
was little and he couldn't sayScott, so he said, cock.
I still call him cock too.
Don't feel bad.
It was, it was funny.
I'm like, Hey cock, come on.
Get over here.
We, we still laugh about that.
Yeah.
He used to call, uh, when it'slightning.
He said lightning.
Lightning, lightning.
Yes.
Mail.
Mail.

(26:53):
He used to call the mailmanmail.
Mel's here, mails here's, that'sthe cutest age, I think is like
between two when they'relearning and, and four, yeah.
After four, they become completesmart asses.
Yeah.
They're gonna tell you how torun your life, what to do, and
they do it for the rest of theirlives.
They're still doing it.
Still doing it now.
Yeah.
Well, especially yours.

(27:13):
I got a 21-year-old that triesto tell me how to run my life.
She does.
I mean, he does.
My bad whoopsies.
Well, yeah, I think that goesinto a little bit of, you know,
we had that, um, viewer, thatfan, or I don't know what you

(27:34):
would call it.
Listener.
Yes.
Listen, watcher, stalker, um,that emailed us about, um, he
was from the uk.
Oh yeah, I told you about it.
Yeah.
And he wanted to know aboutraising babies and, and what to
do and how to do this and how todo that questions.
What the fuck are you asking usfor?
Let's be real.

(27:54):
I mean, because we're perfectlygreat parents, obviously, and
this is what I'm thinking.
He's listening to Maybe he neverheard our podcast.
Okay, that's not true because Idouble checked all his shit.
Listen, I'm like a privateinvestigator, okay?
Oh, here she goes.
Can't get no shit past me.
And I checked all our analytics,all of our stuff shows that we

(28:17):
have a viewer in the uk.
So if we have somebody fromthere, I have to assume the
email.
Came from an actual personthere.
Yeah.
It's not like somebody emailedme and said, Hey, I am in the UK
and we have no listeners in theuk.
Yeah, that's true.
You know what I mean?
Right now we've got people in,um, Calgary, Canada.
What the heck?
Alberta, Calgary, all.

(28:37):
I think that's Canada.
Okay, so something you gonnafind out about me People, if you
want me to be honest, I'm dumbas shit when it comes to
geography.
Dude! Uh, I never, I don't, so Ican't help you out.
Huh?
Did you say Calvary?
No.
Calgary.
What'd you say?
Calgary.
Calgary, Alberta.
You know what that means?
You know what that sounds like.

(28:58):
I should Google that shit.
Calgary sounds like the CalvaryChristian Church.
No, no, that's Calgary.
Um.
The calgorithm you told meabout.
Oh my fuck, what is it called?
Just imagine me of that.
Hold on.
Algorithm, algorithm.
Algorithm.
Well, whatever it reminded me ofthat she thinking this is like
redneck calgorithm cow.

(29:20):
So tipping, you'll know.
Find out that I suck atgeography.
Great at math.
Um, Cindy sucks at English.
This is, I do make up my ownwords.
You see that little TikTok Isent you?
That little ticky tacky that Iwas talking about.
I make up my own words.
I just send it to you.
Yeah.
And Stephanie, you don't watchmore stuff.

(29:40):
Wasn't it a TikTok?
Yeah, fine.
It's fine.
Stephanie laughed at it.
Thanks Stephanie.
My bestie.
We talked about that bitch too.
Next.
Keep up.
She about bestie.
You seen that TikTok?
We gonna do that too?
Yeah.
I'm gonna post that next whereit says.
Your best friend's over therecalling you.
Oh yeah.
See a lot of, and then as soonas you start going, they grab

(30:02):
you by the hair and yank youdown.
Yeah.
Like what the hell?
That's gonna be me.
Ours is gonna be, I'm gonna haveyour eyes blackened out.
Yeah.
How you like that shit?
I like it.
I buy drinks.
But, so anyway, I was talkingabout our listener.
From the uk'cause we like to runaround in circles'cause we
probably,'cause we talk aboutour kids so much.

(30:23):
They think we're professionals,but our kids are fucked up.
So I don't know why they thinkwe are professionals.
Well, I mean, they're not injail yet.
All me.
Yeah.
Hey, I'm just saying.
You gotta leave for, you gottaleave room for listen,
percentage wise, there's six of'em between you and me and none

(30:43):
of'em been to jail.
Right.
Yay.
I'm gonna tell you, there'sprobably a statistic that says
one out of 10.
Yeah, that's true.
One out of five, one out six.
No, but honestly, I I, I feellike we raised amazing kids.
Yeah.
They're even though in thejungle, we just talk shit about
'em.
That's all.
Yeah.
Fuck their ass.
I don't got shit.
I don't care either.

(31:04):
Just like our husband talking,you think we don't love them?
We wouldn't have been with'emthis long.
Come on, dude.
But they do get all my damnnerve.
Ain't that the truth about lifein general?
I was telling Mark the other daysitting at a table, this is men,
okay?
Mm-hmm.
Me.
And this guy wants to know aboutraising kids and how to bond
with his baby.
Mm.
You see this?
We don't care.

(31:25):
Mm-hmm.
Not us, generally.
Us women.
Yeah.
My husband, I don't give a shitif you bonded with them kids.
Yeah.
As long as we did come in.
Yeah.
So the guy from the UK wasasking us, you know.
What, what's the best book toread the Bible?
That's the best book otherwisefor everybody.
All you listeners, there's ageappropriate stuff for age

(31:47):
appropriate people.
Now, I think you should read theBible to the baby in the belly.
I mean, you could.
That'd be great.
Yeah.
He'll, he'll Or she'll recognizeyour voice at least.
Yeah, they say put like, um, uh,Beethoven and Bach like on
headphones and it causes a calmkid.
Listen, I'm gonna tell yousomething about this world.

(32:09):
We need a bunch of crazy kids,okay?
They won't survive.
Not if they're good kids, not ifthey're like, they got good
hearts.
It's hard.
That's what I'm saying, to livein this world with, with a good
heart.
Oh, I know.
But some of them that havehearts, they feel way too much.
Yeah.
Like thicken up, toughen up.
I ain't got time for that shit.
Okay.
I agree.
Some, sometimes you gotta, Ihave a good heart and I'm still

(32:30):
a bitch.
Oh my God.
She picks on me all the time andI don't what?
Deja, hallelujah.
Oh, you just actually admitthat.
Oh.
Said I'm a bitch.
You're a bitch.
You catch everything.
You're annoying as shit.
Fuck yeah, because I, wait,bitch, this is, this is the shit
I wait for.
She sits like a panther.
Yeah.
I'm sick in the head is why?

(32:50):
I'm like, let it fuck up.
You're petty.
You say, I'm petty.
You're the petty one.
That's why I had that shirtmade.
Um, now what was I saying beforeyou rudely interrupted again.
Okay.
I have a good heart and I'm abitch.
Yes, you, I'm really only abitch at work.

(33:11):
You think?
Yeah, other, if I'm not at work,I'm not a bitch.
And they all, we could have Markon here.
I think he might.
I wish he would.
I wish he would, was saying,dude, I'm the best wife he'll
ever have.
That's the only one, two littledied.
The best and the only so, well,I don't know.
I think obvious.

(33:32):
What?
You don't know what, what, whatdid I stumble?
What part didn't you get?
What you don't know?
I mean, no, I, I not saying Idon't, I don't know about that.
I meant like, I don't know.
I think that, um, you know, it'sokay to be sensitive.

(33:53):
Well, of course, and a certaindegree, but, but I think you
also have to be mother.
Budging.
Honest.
I'm trying to watch my cussinglately.
Good job.
You're doing a great job.
You know, I probably, as manytimes as I've cussed, I've
probably said mm-hmm.
Yeah, I'm right.
You know what the problem isthough, the last few episodes

(34:15):
we've been drinking, so it'sharder.
Okay.
Let's talk about that because Iknow Stephanie, I know you're
out there listening.
Okay.
And watching and liking.
Don't talk about my best.
and following.
Okay.
Okay.
Let me do, she's talking shit.
Yeah.
She's like, let me shut up.
Um, this goes out to my bestfriend Stephanie.
Mm-hmm.
Which is really her best friend.

(34:37):
Um, we do drink a lot.
No, I don't actually, I drink onoccasion.
This is an occasion.
I do drink on occasion.
Okay.
On daily occasion, I would likepeople to answer this.
Okay.
So you're not daily occasion.
Now we weekly occasion.
It used to be, um, when did westart this podcast?
Two months ago.
And a half.

(34:57):
Okay, so take out the two and ahalf months.
Eight episodes.
Four out of'em.
We had one drink.
One.
One, yeah.
Which I almost need another one,so I know.
I'm thinking it's going down toogood like Gatorade.
You sure there's any alcohol onthis?
I can taste it.
You can?
And I can feel it.
Oh, I don't feel it.
One bet I'm a fricking becauseyou drink more on occasion than

(35:20):
I do.
Yesterday was National TequilaDay.
I didn't drink no tequila,anything.
I did not drink tequila.
I did.
I got the expensive shit I madeScott.
Buy two for one.
I mean, not two for one, two forone, buy, two for$38 because
you're bougie of classic shots.
Classica, caa.
Why would you do shots?

(35:41):
Why not have a like, I mean, Isip the second one.
Yeah, but the shot goes down wayeasier.
Dude.
I ain't got time.
I need to kick it and hit it.
I don't like tequila at all.
I don't like margaritas.
I don't like, have you had thefancy, I don't care what it is,
blue and white from theHousewives.
I don't care what it is.
That's what you had that bougieass shit.
God dang right.
I did.

(36:02):
I got my bougie ass hair doneand had some bougie ass tequila
rich people.
That's not rich people.
You know what I did?
Well, you know what I hadyesterday.
What did I have?
Oh, I went to.
I had, oh, I had a sandwich fromDominic's yesterday for my
lunch.
Did I finish my conversation?
I don't know what you weretalking about.
That's bullshit.
You were talking about what?

(36:22):
The UK people?
No, first of all, this bitch,Stephanie.
Oh, back to professionaldrinkers and alcohol.
I'm sorry, Stephanie.
I can't control it.
I am the one who is shoving itdown her throat.
Y'all don't like it.
First of all, before we startedthe podcast, I did drink on
occasion.
Don't you think?

(36:42):
Is that okay?
This is my question and somebodycan email us whatever they want
to do, just to help me.
No know if it's you, Stephanie.
No.
You leave my friend alone.
So I think occasion is, okay.
So during holidays, 4th of July.
Mm-hmm.
Uh, Memorial Day, labor Day,Yamkipper, new Year's Eve,

(37:05):
Hanukkah, no New Year's Eve FlagDay, and sometimes Halloween.
So if you drink them five timesa year and you may have one
drink with dinner in between,that ain't that occasion.
I mean, you're definitely anoccasion.
I think I drink way more thanyou ever.
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah.
Can Scott reach over and give usmore?

(37:26):
True.
Can you want, Hey, you want meto text him?
Babe?
Can we get another, I need himto make a pitcher.
Yeah.
This is only gonna get worse.
I'm just, well, if its wecontinue drinking.
If it's these, we need apitcher.
That one drink last time wasnot.
I'm gonna text.
We only need one of those.
Watch this.
I'm gonna go ahead and send thisout.

(37:47):
What you keep, the conversationyou gonna do is say, bring a
pitcher in here.
Hey babe.
Anyway, can we get another, Ithink that's on occasion.
I'm gonna tell you this, I,that's me.
Curse me.
And some people think that's alot.
So, hey, I don't know.
Well, I'm gonna tell you this.
We've been on air Okay.
For about, well, 23 minutes onthis one, but we did, I don't

(38:07):
know if it continued from thepoint where I cut Zach out.
It didn't.
You're gonna have to add, youthink it's a new recording?
Yes, I saw.
Saw it.
I think it said start recordingagain.
No.
Anyway.
No, that's gonna get edited out.
Um, if that's the case, we'veonly been on for about 30
minutes.
Yep.
And you have downed an entiredrink.
But this was weak.

(38:28):
Goes down, slowly, smooth.
The other one was so strong.
It was good, but strong, so Islowly sipped on it.
And our glasses last time wereway bigger than this.
It was the, it was the Tortugathick one.
Oh yeah, the Big Mac.
You gimme a baby drink.
Sorry, Jacobs.
You get a baby back bitchattitude.

(38:48):
Exactly.
Um, well, I don't know.
I don't know.
Anyway, back to the originalconversation that she has now
dodged 50 times because I saidabout children.
I, I went back to it.
Okay.
Children and are you UK,listener?
Yeah, I went back to it and youskipped it to Stephanie.
Well that's because that's whatI do.

(39:08):
Okay.
Um.
They wanted to know the book wasthe Bible.
Yep.
The bonding during the, um,tummy time.
I don't You don't get that?
Yeah, I don't, I mean, they'rein his stomach.
They don't, they can hear you.
They can feel like vibrations ofsomething, but.
I think they're like in therelike, knock, knock, knock.

(39:29):
Shut the fuck up.
You're loud out there.
Yes, exactly.
You know what I mean?
When you, when the mom feels thebaby move around, it's because
they don't like you.
Yes.
Not the mom, the daddy.
But also they said when the dad.
When the baby comes, how can adad bond be there?
Feed the baby, change the baby,be there when it's sick, hold
it.
Don't be a deadbeat dad.
Yeah.
Be there constantly.

(39:50):
Just like the mother would be asmuch as possible.
I know, you know, dad's work andwhatever, but play with the baby
a lot, blah, blah, blah.
That's what bonds, that's whatbonds.
Wow.
So that's the only bonding, likeI say, be take part in, uh, um,
raising the kid and don't put itall on the mom.
And if you really wanna know thetruth.

(40:10):
Ask a child therapist.
Yeah, you're asking all peoplesthat Fucking raised a couple of
kids.
That honestly turned outamazing.
But yeah, but there's things Iwould change.
Oh, I, there's no perfectparent.
I didn't.
That's about it.
Well, no, I wouldn't beat mykids more.
They were, you didn't great.
Give him enough.
They, oh, Nathan was a good kid.

(40:33):
So was Gina.
Spare the rod, spoil the child.
It's in the Bible.
But they were pretty good kids.
It's once they become older.
I'm glad you said that.
Adults spare the rod, spoil thechild.
Yeah, it's in the Bible.
Then why do you always bitchabout the fact that I spoil the
shit outta my kids now?
Do you know what that means?
No, obviously not.

(40:55):
And I gotta, it means beat yourkids ass so you don't spoil, so
they're not spoiled.
Spare the rod.
Means put the rod away.
No, no.
And spoil the child.
No, no.
It means take the rod and shoveit in their ass.
That, no, that's what thatmeans.
No, it just means like, don'tspoil your child.

(41:15):
Be strict.
You're the parent.
Don't, uh, don't.
Um, like this generation dude,parents are, uh, soft, what's
that called?
Soft parenting or some shit.
Helicopter dumb.
Well, I done that.
That's dumb.
Still are like, be normal.
If they don't like the rules,you got to 18 and get the fuck

(41:36):
out.
That's all I got to say.
Well, but they won't leave someYou have to remove.
Yeah.
Yes.
So I just, um, yeah, I wouldjust go with your gut.
Mine just want to leave.
See this is you don't, don't.
Mine are like, we're 18.
We were trying to leave when wewere 16.

(41:58):
How is it that you're notallowing us to leave until we're
18?
Well, Brina says she's still incollege.
That's why she's still there.
I don't give a shit.
I owe her something.
I'm just telling you, my kidswere dying to get the hell out
from under us.
I was too.
And isn't that weird?
Because everybody, well, it wasthe jungle.

(42:21):
I the jungle.
Let the kids do everything.
Like you had free reign.
Why would you not wanna be herenow?
They all wanna come back now.
And I'm like, hell no.
Mama's door's closed.
We're good.
We're good.
Shit.
I might be moving into yourhouse next.
Oh my God.
This is barn door just wideopen.
Come open and shut.
Come in open and shut.

(42:42):
Hey, why not?
It's my turn.
I mean, you're entitled.
You do.
I feel like you putt enoughtime.
You got that shit right.
Yeah.
I'm gonna make that as like whenwe divvy up payment.
That's your payment.
You know you ain't bougie,usually don't need much.
You got that right?

(43:03):
I take you to Culver's everyonce in a while Culver's Give a
little burger.
A little Longhorn.
Hey, we didn't eat Culver'stoday.
No we didn't.
Firehouse sub.
Yay.
We changed it up.
Yep.
It was pretty good too.
Yeah.
Hooking liner.
I like the firehouse Sub subs.
Sub subs.
Sub, sub, sub.
Yeah, it's pretty good.
Yeah.
Anywho.
So yeah.

(43:24):
So tell me about, um, mark'slittle, um, rashy rash.
Oh, okay.
Let's talk about rash ash fish.
Okay.
Yeah.
What happened when you got tothe docks?
So, because Mark works outsideand it's 110 degrees right.
He's sweating like crazy, like,oh, hold on.
The bartenders here.
Oh shit.

(43:45):
We need that.
There you go.
Oh yeah.
Thank you sir.
I appreciate you.
Thank you.
Scotty in for the refill.
You got another one too.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hey bartender.
Thank you buddy.
Thanks babe.

(44:06):
Got a new one, guys doing.
Hold on, I gotta scooch nearyou.
Yeah.
Scooch in.
Scooch in.
Come share.
Woo.
Got your ass.
O.
All of a sudden it ain't thesame.
He added a little extra.
Or ours is watered down here andthat.
Oh, that was, that's strong.
I mean, yours is so strong.
It looks blue and not purple.

(44:26):
Let's see.
Oh shit.
It looks blue on there.
That's a lot of blue.
AKA kaka, Kaka.
Case the Caco.
Mm mm-hmm.
He went heavily heaven heavy.
Let's see if it's happy hour.
Mine is Happy hour.
Well, that make me happy.
That's so buy one, get one free.
That ain't no, it's strong.

(44:47):
That one's strong.
Is it to you?
No, it's fine.
Are you scared, baby, backbitch?
'cause I don't drink, drink onoccasion.
Now see for me, I drink everyshe te yesterday, so this ain't
strong to her.
Okay.
But.
Paul is home.
We drink for two monthsstraight.
Great.
I do, Scott drinks 12 monthsstraight.
I drink two months on, twomonths off, two months on, two

(45:10):
months off.
Got it.
So help that that works.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You gotta filter it.
Anyway, we're talking about, um,okay, so Mark works.
Oh yeah.
And it's 110 degrees outside.
So every summer, you know, hesweats like crazy.
So every summer right at hisbelt line, he'll get like a
little rash there and it itchesand it burns and itches and

(45:32):
burn.
I wanted to say it, but Ididn't.
Not down there.
Just where his belt goes.
Calm down.
Everybody iching and burning.
You might wanna get checked.
Yeah.
So it's always right there.
So every year he has the samelittle rash and on the back of
his leg.
Right.
Just a little spot.
Right.
So he kinds of deals with it andjust deals with it and puts

(45:53):
stuff on it and blah, blah,blah.
Well, this year it got prettybad and I kept saying, you need
to go to a doctor.
You need to go to the doctor,you know, get it fixed,
whatever.
Get some steroid cream.
I knew that's what he neededyears ago.
He had to go get it.
But anyway, so I let him go todoctor's by himself because I
usually hold his hand througheverything.
Yes.
Because I was like, I'm going towork.

(46:14):
So you go to the dermatologist,you're fine.
Right.
So he went there toughen up.
Yeah.
So he went there and see, hethinks stuff is funny.
Okay.
What kind of stone?
Like if he, because I know Mark.
Yeah.
If he thinks it's gonnaaggravate me.
Right.
The he loves, loves to pick you.
Yes.
All the stuff, you know,remember the dentist
conversation.
True.

(46:35):
He thinks that's funny.
So he, he, he really gets megoing.
Right?
So he said, yeah, so she gave mesome creams and whatever.
Okay.
He said, but.
I'm gonna punch you in yourface.
I can picture what he's about tosay.
Yes, exactly.
Because you said it's down herein a nace area.
It's Right.
Or at his, uh, belt line.
Mm-hmm.
In his stomach.
Mm-hmm.

(46:55):
Right.
Where, and she was already thereon her knees.
So, so he said, you should haveseen her.
She got right in there.
Get the, and I said, what, whatdo you mean?
And he said she had to get down.
Her head was right there lookingat it.
Oh my.
And I just.
Okay.
I'm, I'm going.
He's gonna get his eyes rippedout.

(47:15):
Yes.
I'm gonna kill him any second.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Jugular.
And he's like, yeah, it wasfunny.
I said, okay, was she fat?
That's always our go to, dude.
And he said, no.
Okay.
He is dumbest and he's smiling,you know, them teeth that I
wanna g so rip them off.
Yeah.
And I said, oh, well, how oldwas she your age?

(47:36):
Okay.
So I said, really?
He said, and then she justwalked around the back of me and
opened up my pants and looked atmy butt, shut your fucking face.
Hold on.
I said, what?
What?
She, because she's lookingaround the waistline.
Stop.
He said, without warning, shejust walked back there and went
like that and went like that.
And he's like, she's checkinghis ass up.
Okay.

(47:57):
Who's this bitch I'm going tothis one time?
I said, really?
And he's smiling and of courseBrina's there, she's.
Saying, dad.
Dad, you know?
Yeah.
Because I know she about to killhim himself.
Yeah.
So I cursed him out.
Tried to bite him.
Right.
Tried to scratch him, rip hisdick off.
Yeah.
Or at least grab it and twistit.
Oh God.
And he thinks he's so funny.

(48:18):
So I'm getting hot.
I don't think it's menopausethis time.
So he's like, yeah, I can'tbelieve it.
She was right down there.
He thinks he's a regular oldCaptain Morgan.
That's what he thinks.
That's what he thinks thismoment.
So dude, that's what I dealtwith this week.

(48:39):
One of the many things, butyeah, that's what smart he gets.
I'm good.
I hope he is.
I would've had to look at himand said, I hope you're itching.
Does it hurt?
Yeah.
Does it bother you?
I maybe down there.
That's how you got that in thefirst place.
That's what you got it for.
No, that's why God got you itthere, so nobody will go near
it.
Yeah.
So he's been putting on hislittle cream and some mm-hmm.

(48:59):
Huh?
They, they gave him antibioticstoo, but he's gonna wait a few
days.
I don't think you need anymore.
But this morning he's like, didhe go down some?
A little bit.
But he's, it's been a day and ahalf, like this morning, he's
like, I'm still itching.
I said, calm down.
Like, don't, it's not gonna,it's not gonna work overnight.
Give it a few try.
I mean, I'm itching in places tocome see me.
Freaking, I'm bitching anditching, itching, bitching.

(49:22):
So I was just like, you're fine.
But he thinks he's funny.
He thinks he's fine.
I, I, what the hell?
Yeah.
Just like the dentist.
Now you know why my grandsonsays, what the hell?
Yeah.
Just like the dentist when hewent, I know.
She said, oh, you work out.
I can tell you, dude.
First of all, let me just schoolyou fucking, I gotta be honest
for a minute.
I can tell you work out.
I'm gonna tell you something.

(49:42):
Here's the problem I have withwomen, okay?
Okay.
Not us married women, singlewomen.
Listen closely, okay?
Don't fuck with a married man.
One thing I can't stand, theylove to hit on married men.
Why?
I don't know.
Because it's that catch.

(50:02):
Just because they're marrieddon't mean they're good.
It's like the big white whale,you know, the fishermen that's
always trying to chase thebiggest catch.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Lemme tell you something.
They're married and most likelythey're assholes.
That's why they're stillmarried.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because we, just because they'remarried don't mean they're good.
Exactly we said.
I mean, come on.
Got your ass.
You're just saying I'm gonna behonest about it as my buddy just

(50:24):
brung me a drink.
You talking shit are ain'ttalking about this man, talking
about my shit.
Poor hasn't even been on hereyet and has been blasted every
episode.
You're sick.
Welcome to my life.
Don't be a dick.
You won't be blasting.
That's right.
So what?
That's, that's, that's what Idealt with.
I like it.

(50:45):
I like it.
So I'm thinking about coming outwith a new shirt.
You see our shirts, we try towear something of our shirts,
and if anybody's interested inone of the shirts, let us know.
Um, feel free.
Let me know and I'll get you adiscount.
I know a guy or a gal, whatever.
Um, but I think what it's gonnasay is, I was gonna say I like

(51:06):
my podcasts.
Like, I like my martinis extradirty.
Thank you.
I love it.
Love it.
I love it.
So that's gonna be our next one,even though I don't drink
martinis.
Me neither.
Ugh.
But I heard the espressomartinis are real good.
That's a lie.
Who?
Oh, is it?
Who did you hear it from?
Somebody who likes martinis,maybe.
I don't know.

(51:26):
I've had espresso martinis.
I don't like'em.
They're nasty.
I, when my nephew, Steven was intown, he had one.
He liked it, but you don'tdrink.
And they made be like, vodka.
So you would think I'd like it,but, and you like coffee, you
would think, I don't like it.
I don't like it.
All right.
Me no like it.
Me no like it.
Yeah.
I never had one.

(51:47):
So.
You drink on occasion.
You gotta drink what you likeonly.
Okay.
Unlike me, I'm an expert.
Yeah.
She drinks any, I think everyepisode we should introduce a
drink you want me to get.
So then the occasion is goingdown the drain.
I mean, screw it.
Because the life you live,bitch, you should drink daily.

(52:09):
It's only once a week.
So this will be your downtime,your relax.
Hey, what's the blue on mynapkin?
Am I getting poisoned?
Scott's a roofy in me.
I was gonna say, might be alittle roofy or flory Flory.
No, it's the, it's the, it's thedye.
Yes.
Calm down hair dye.
Yeah.
This is blue.
That's bluish.

(52:31):
When you get older, your hairturns blue.
I seen this lady coming out ofPublix the other day.
Mm-hmm.
With blue hair.
No.
Well, she had like.
It wasn't silver, it wasn'twhite, it was something okay,
but it was like white orsilverish, whatever.
But it was the prettiest colorand it had a very tint, like
during the sun hitting it here,you could see blue a little bit.

(52:55):
It was so, you know how they sayold people get blue hair, ice
blue like it was.
So I said, I even said to him,uh, him, I said to Mark, you
know, that guy she randomly goesto the store with?
I said, I love her hair.
Went up and he said, that isnice.
Mm-hmm.
But I almost went up to her andsaid, what is that?
Right?

(53:15):
What color do you call that?
Did you write that recipe forme?
It was so white, but had a tint.
Very light tint.
Yeah.
Of the like the blue.
Hmm.
And I think that's what they saywhen old people to get blue
hair, but she gets it.
done called blue hair.
You could tell it was it.
There's nobody's hair like that.
I told my mom when I get older,you know, I'll probably like in

(53:35):
my seventies maybe cut it up tohere.
Mm-hmm.
But.
I'm so crazy.
I might chop it all off and Ohshit.
Dye purple and have somecraziness.
Yeah.
But this is the longest I've hadmy color, my hair pretty much
maintain the same color.
Really?
Yeah.
You've been with this color awhile since we started, before
we started this podcast too.
Yeah, that's true.

(53:55):
It's probably been a good sixmonths.
Yeah, it's been a while.
Yeah.
I like that.
Like black hair and underneath,is that deep blue or purple?
Yeah.
I think that's cool.
But I'm too, I'm a Ws.
I ain't pussy.
Yep.
I can't even color a regularcolor.
She can't even get the grayscolored shit.
She's afraid the grays will takeon the red something or purple

(54:16):
or whatever it's gonna be.
Whatever that color is.
Yeah, I think what it is, whatit is.
I don't know, whatever.
All right.
So poor Ozzy.
Oh, that was sad.
Mm-hmm.
But you know what?
A few weeks before he died, whenhe did that concert and he's
saying, mama, I'm coming home.
And they showed that to, and Imade fun of him in that episode.
Oh my God.
I feel like such a piece ofshit.

(54:37):
Nathan sent me that Mama I'mcoming home song and the little,
the young girl crying and italmost made me want to cry.
'cause you can hear his voicecry like he's older.
And I was You're a baby backbitch.
Yes.
I'm a wi So, um.
I, and I was teared up watchingit too, and now it's like, oh
gosh, listen, you gotta be thickskinned like me.

(54:58):
She has no heart, zero heart,it's gone.
Yeah.
Poor all I do.
Only when it comes to death.
I think I've been exposed somuch death that.
Now anything kind of, lets dotears come out.
Everybody's like, you're goingthrough menopause.
You're so sensitive.
Oh my, listen, I'm a hard bitch.
Okay.

(55:19):
Told you.
But when it starts talking aboutdeath.
Yeah.
Because I've taken care of somany people and stuff like that
to discuss anything in regardsto that.
Yeah.
Breaks me.
Yeah.
You know?
Understand.
That's the one thing Iunderstand that.
Other than that I said, male,man, fuck you kids.
Fuck them fucking.
Fuck'em all.
Fuck them all.

(55:39):
She don't mean that she has agreat heart, uh, drinko.
I do mean that.
I'm saying in general, like, youknow.
Yeah, I get it.
Do you?
I don't think you do.
I'm a lot, I'm a lot meaner whenI'm drunk though.

(55:59):
You are like stronger.
Yeah.
I'm mouth as lot dude.
Not I'm fond.
I curse a lot.
I pick on people a lot.
That's you see, that's fun toyou.
It's fun to me.
I think it's fun.
It's funny to me to watch shit.
Wait till we hopefully go onthis work cruise.
Oh boy.
I'd like to know if I'm invitedfor that.
You're invited.
You're going to go.

(56:19):
Am I?
Yeah, you are.
And oh, I'm gonna go'cause I'mgonna crash.
That bitch.
Gary's gonna paid.
It's gonna be fun because, um.
If they're gonna see me a littletipsy and you know me, my mouth,
oh yeah, I'm gonna be rude.
Well, not purposeful.
Well, they think I'm rude,sober.

(56:40):
Imagine when I'm drunk, they'rescrewed.
That's a lie.
You're such a teddy bear whenyou're not.
Well, don't they don't think I'ma teddy bear.
They think I'm a bitch at work.
You're a jokey joke.
That's when you're, well, Ijoke, but I'm serious.
That's why some people can'ttell what's going on when you
laugh after it.
I think it's funny, but that'swhat I'm saying.
But not every time I joke isserious.

(57:03):
Except for at work.
Watch out bitches.
Yeah.
You've been warned, I warned.
I've warned Sam before shestarted.
I told her I am not the sameperson at work.
Yeah, I agree.
Well, so you didn't listen.
That's on you.
It's people with kids now.
Oh my god, the kids so strong.

(57:24):
I told you.
Told you not to get married,told you not to have kids.
So if you've learned anythingfrom this podcast, here's our
real opinion.
Live your life.
Enjoy it.
You want me to be honest?
Stay single.
Yeah.
Don't have no babies travel,have sex with as many nobody.
You went too far.
Oh my bad.

(57:46):
Real life.
This is why she can't be single.
I, this is why God gave me ahusband.
Yeah.
I Nobody said, do all kids okay.
You went too far.
I'm just trying to, I'm sayingif you live, maybe because you
know that's how you think singlepeople live is why I said that.
Have sex with everyone.
Sure, why not?
If you're not in a relationship,I know, but that don't mean you

(58:06):
have to go have sex witheveryone.
You and I have different views.
Dang dude.
Sorry.
Would we be friends if you weresingle?
Hell no.
And what would a podcast?
Hell no.
I'd be doing it with my bestieStephanie.
She wouldn't be a whore if shewas single.

(58:26):
Um, if we were, if I was single.
I would've got Stephanie whenshe was single.
You would've been out.
Yeah, that's true.
Guys would've been doing allthis more Podcast whore podcast.
That's right.
And I'd be listening.
Ew.
Yeah.
You'd be like nasty bitchesjudging.
We listen and we don't judge.
Mm-hmm.
I'm trying to teach you this.
Well keep saying it then.

(58:49):
A lot of things I've said go inone.
Yeah, it does.
Why not the other, I'm sorry.
Mm-hmm.
You said?
Mm-hmm.
God dang it.
I told you.
Drink up bitches.
Or as my husband would like tosay, yulches.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, I think it's funny, fun.

(59:10):
You think What's funny, yulch,when he said Yeah.
In case anybody knows what thatis, that's, I don't know.
Nice way.
It's his way of calling me abitch.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or something.
Yeah.
I thought it was a real meaningyou were gonna, it's a loving,
endearing.
Yeah, it's, it's his way to getaway with saying, oh, he don't

(59:30):
get away with it.
I hear him say it.
He is saying, I'm a bitch rightin my face.
That's how we banter.
That's like, yeah, yeah.
You guys are different than me.
Exciting for him.
'cause if he calls me a bitch,dude.
Oh yeah dude.
Yeah.
He better not.
I remember years ago, you gonnatalk to him for fucking three
weeks.
Wait, you got that right.
I remember.
You're so different than me.

(59:50):
We are.
I, I, I, I, we've said this, butI remember, um, years ago,
probably 10 years ago, let'ssay,'cause I don't know how
long, but whatever, right?
It was years ago, um, me and himgot into an argument and he said
to me, why are you acting like abitch?

(01:00:10):
Okay.
He's never even said them wordsto me before.
That's a trigger word.
So I was devastated.
Mm-hmm.
So I didn't talk to him.
Of course.
So the next day I go to work,I'm driving home and I call my
friend Diane, and I'm talking toher and I said, and you didn't
call me me and Mark?
No.

(01:00:30):
I said, me and Mark got in afight last night.
And she's like, you did.
You are a bitch.
He, she said, you did?
And I'm like, yes.
And I said, and he asked me, whyare you being a bitch?
And I'm crying and she's like,okay, what happened?
And I'm like.
He said, she's like, why are youbeing a bitch?

(01:00:52):
Okay, so, and he said, okay,what happened?
I said, I think we might getdivorced.
And she's like, are you kiddingme?
And I'm like, he's never saidthem words to me before.
He's now called me a bitch.
How long you together?
Like 20 years like thishappened.
Few, not that long ago.
Like years ago, bitch.
But like, not more.
Not on a regular, but he don't.

(01:01:13):
He should.
So I nipped that right in thebud when I got home.
See, I'm gonna tell yousomething.
I own that.
I'm a bitch.
I like that.
I'm a bitch.
That's okay.
But Mark can't call me that.
Oh, you can call me it.
There's fucking recourse.
Um, repercussions for, yeah.
I didn't talk to him for that.
He said, I didn't call you one.
I said, don't be it.
Don't act like one or you, whyare you acting like one?

(01:01:33):
I said it's the same thing.
It is.
If you curse at me while we'rearguing or while we're talking.
Zos.
It's funny, that's funny thatyou like that.
We don't yell and curse at eachother like that.
So when he said that I wastraumatized, that's just stupid.
That's crazy.
Anyway, to me, not me.
I do it on the regular.
I I know that's just, but Ican't not like, I'll get pissed

(01:01:55):
off and I'm like, I'm not gonnafucking talk to him.
And then I'll go in another roomand I'm like, fuck, I gotta go
ask him what's for dinner?
Damn.
Yeah.
'cause he cooks, I gotta go talkto this motherfucker.
And they're like, lemme thinkabout it.
Don't mean what do you care?
Did I get fat?
Go get a sandwich.
What conversation have we had?
Go get a sandwich.
You son, this body came fromeating.

(01:02:17):
Okay.
Yeah, but I, I went and talkedto for that.
I just, I got to, okay, so I goout there and I'm like, eh, all
tough too, like the fuck's fordinner.
And he'll go, whatever the fuckI'm making, okay.
Go back in the room.
I'm like.
Damn, I really don't know whatwe're having for fucking dinner.

(01:02:39):
So you did it for nothing andthen I gotta have a
conversation.
I just let it go.
Yeah.
No, I don't.
I ain't got time for that.
I hold onto that shit until heapologizes and mm-hmm.
Then I, I will be okay.
Yeah.
And I'm still pissed for awhile.
I don't think that, I mean, myhelp, and that's just a normal
convers relationship, might notbe considered a healthy
relationship, but it is for me.

(01:03:01):
I mean, but that's your normal.
Like, oh, we've been cussingeach other out the day we met.
See, I'm, I'm not used to that.
Yeah, no, I grew up that way.
So I learned how to fight frommy mama and daddy and lemme tell
you.
Yeah, you, you guys, my mama anddaddy are ugly when it comes to
that shit, dude.
Yeah.
My mom's throwing a ashtray.
See?
Oh, hell no.

(01:03:22):
I'm not a thrower though.
I'm not a throw, I'm a lover.
I'm not.
I'm, I'm not a thrower, I'm alover.
No, I'm not a thrower.
I'm more of a puncher.
I, I'm nothing.
I'm not, I don't even to yell atme.
I'm just like, is thishappening?
Or you, I'm, I'm a cusser, I'm aget in your face.
I'm a push your buttons.
Oh yeah.

(01:03:43):
Kind of person.
I like to act like I'm gonnabeat your ass.
I ain't gonna beat your ass as aman.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Is what I'm talking about.
Like, I like to act tough tomen.
Oh.
Because I, I mean, I ain'tscared.
What you going to do hit me?
You going to jail, call the popo, you're going to prison.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
So, but yeah, I can push, I canpush a motherfucker to hit me.

(01:04:05):
For sure.
For sure.
For sure.
Dude.
Like, I'm mouthy.
See?
Uh, I'm not, especially when I'mheated and I think I know
everything and I think I knowI'm right.
I just, we know.
I mean, oh, we know.
I know.
All my problems, people, it'ssolved.
I'm perfect.
I'm okay.
That's why we don't get therapy.
Because we know our problems.

(01:04:25):
Yeah.
I don't need to, we don't toconfirm that shit.
Yeah.
What are they gonna say?
Yep, you got the problem.
And I'd be like, that's what mybrother told me.
My mother told me, my sistertold me, my father told me, my
husband told me.
And all my kids especially.
And me this bitch.
Exactly.
Anyway, on that note.
All right guys.
Well I hope you have a wonderfulweekend.

(01:04:46):
And there was no title to thisepisode.
I'm gonna have to create itbecause this was a mish mash of
shit.
That's what every episode iswelcome, mismatch to our lives.
Click me, click.
It's not the days of our lives.
The minutes.
Yeah, the minutes.
It changes.
All right, well, all right.
Have a good weekend.
Guys.
Enjoyed, enjoyed it.

(01:05:08):
Enjoyed it.
Take an opportunity to follow uson YouTube.
iHeartRadio, Spotify on ApplePodcast and other outlets,
TikTok, of course, follow us andwatch for our antics.
Yeah, on there, Instagram,Facebook, and uh, like share.

(01:05:30):
Tell your mama about the drama.
Tell your mama about your drama.
It's been fun.
Bye guys.
Bye.