Illuman - The Cave and The Fire

Content Warning. The following program covers sensitive subjects including suicidal ideation and self harm. Listener discretion is advised.

In this raw and deeply moving episode, Dean—an Illuman brother, father, and 12-step leader—shares the story of his long road from trauma, addiction, and abandonment to healing, sobriety, and sacred presence.

With honesty and depth, Dean opens up about:

• The early wound of feeling unlovable and ...

In this powerful and tender conversation, Markku Kostamo—a nonprofit leader, mental health advocate, and Illuman brother from British Columbia—shares his journey through mental illness, grief, and recovery, and how the Men’s Rites of Passage offered him a path toward deeper healing and belovedness.

With host Ned Abenroth, Markku reflects on:
• Living with bipolar disorder and the layered work of recovery

• Discovering his core wound a...

In this conversation, T. Michael Rock, a pastor, community builder, and leader from the Twin Cities, shares his journey from performing to embracing vulnerability and authenticity. T. Michael reflects on his path of self-discovery, the lessons learned through the Men’s Rites of Passage, and the deep healing he found within the Illuman community.

Together with host Ned Abenroth, T. Michael explores:

• The evolution of masculinity an...

What does it mean to be a man shaped by both power and tenderness?

In this wide-ranging and deeply personal conversation, Brazilian-born theologian Gustavo Santos shares his journey from the boardrooms of São Paulo to the forests of British Columbia—and from performative success to a deeper encounter with the Divine.

Together, Gustavo and host Ned Abenroth explore:
• The cultural shape of masculinity in Brazil and North America

In this moving conversation, we sit down with Matthew Lyda—a brother within the Illuman community whose fierce tenderness and grounded presence invite others into deeper authenticity. At just 39, Matthew brings a rare self-awareness, offering reflections on his Men’s Rites of Passage, the unspoken grief many young men carry, and the sacred call to heal.

Together, we explore the contours of masculinity today—its distortions and its p...

 These are crazy times, and so much of what we assumed we knew seems to be up for grabs. In the midst of it all, men are struggling. From one side, there's a lot of anger, even hatred of men, which perhaps is understandable, but isn't helping anything. And from the other side, what it means to be a man is taking a huge step back to authoritarian ways of being.

The generative masculinity we saw in patriarchs such as M...