September 17, 2024 • 15 mins
Have you ever been bullied for just being yourself? On the premiere episode of "I'm Not Gay, You Are," I open up about my personal battles with coming out and the internalized homophobia I faced during my school years. Through stories of my own struggles and triumphs, this episode is all about celebrating who we truly are and offering support to those in the LGBTQ+ community, alongside their allies. We’ll weave in humor and lightheartedness to tackle these heavy subjects, ensuring everyone feels seen and understood.
We venture into the heart of reclaiming the word "gay" and using it as a badge of pride. Reflecting on experiences from my childhood and the differing impacts of supportive versus unsupportive individuals, I discuss the societal shifts that have allowed us to view our identities through a more empowered lens. This intimate chapter serves as a reminder of the importance of creating safe, welcoming spaces for everyone while providing valuable insights and support for those seeking to better understand LGBTQ+ issues.
Finally, join me in committing to a journey of consistent, meaningful content with new episodes every Wednesday. We’ll explore various queer issues, share personal anecdotes, and learn from the experiences of our guests. This series is dedicated to fostering a sense of community and understanding, ensuring that our platform remains a supportive space for all. Get ready for an exciting ride filled with laughter, learning, and a whole lot of love.
Follow the show on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/imnotgayyouarepodcast/
Stay tuned bi weekly (Wednesday) for a new episode from I'm not gay, you are
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Joey (00:21):
we're here.
We made it.
There's been so much talksabout creating this podcast for
me and I really struggle inexecution.
I love to dream, don't we all?
So I'm here, you're here andI'm so excited to share the
podcast, the dream and whatwe're going to create here this
(00:44):
safe space about education and alot of humor.
So I'm really looking forwardto sharing the space, answering
any questions someone might haveand also getting to learn more
about myself, as we have otherguests on and talk to them about
their experiences and how Imyself and listeners can can
(01:09):
relate to being gay in the worldwe live in today.
I'm really excited to be able toshare people's experiences, um,
and know that you're not alonein you know, maybe struggling to
come out, or maybe you havequestions about like being gay,
and hopefully we can answer thatin a very lighthearted, comedic
(01:34):
way.
I hope that you can find someeducation from the podcast and
that we can create a safe spacefor our listeners and answer any
questions that you might have,because I know I've got a lot of
questions too, and I thinkpeople are afraid to talk about
it, whether you're gay or not.
(01:56):
So I'm really looking forwardto just like getting into the
nitty gritty, so I really wantedto talk about the purpose of
the podcast here real quickly.
So obviously the purpose of thepodcast is to create a safe
space.
I want people to feelcelebrated, I want you to feel
educated and I also want you tofeel inspired, you know, so you
feel like you're taking littlepieces of what we're talking
(02:16):
about and you know putting theminto everyday life and like
using these.
You know scenarios and ourexperiences and coming out and
things like that and like beingable to like support people in
your network, or maybe yourself,if it's solve love you need,
honey.
Take a seat me too.
Put on your headphones, dialout the world for 20 minutes,
(02:40):
listen to what we have to say.
Um, you're not going gonnaregret it.
I feel like there's, you knowit's value in the education and
also take a load off.
You deserve, you know, 20minutes alone time with your
headphones on and just listen tosomebody else ramble about
everyday shit.
Anyways, back to the podcastname.
I'm not gay, you are.
(03:00):
It was definitely designed aslike a defensive system, so
people would point the finger atme like you're gay.
You're gay and you know, as akid you're like.
I'm not gay, you are, you know.
So that really is, uh, the nameof the podcast and the why of
the podcast.
It's like, definitely likeinternalized homophobia.
(03:22):
For myself, I I remember veryclearly kids with feminine
attributes, high-pitched voices,just like me, hanging out with
girls, da-da-da, but I wouldnever associate with them and
I'm so sorry, looking back nowif you're listening to this, I
am sorry that I was scared tohang around with you because I
(03:42):
was scared that would attracttoo much attention and that
certain classmates or people inour school would associate us as
dating or experimenting, and Iwas so scared at the thought of
that that I was gonna be likegay and I was like, oh, like you
know, looking back now I feelso stupid, saying that out loud,
(04:03):
because I love surroundingmyself with queer people and
like-minded people, people thathave gone through the same
experiences as me and that arenow like learning about
themselves and like this is okayto talk about and like I feel
like I've healed, definitelyfrom all this.
(04:23):
I definitely feel like it'sokay to talk about.
But there are some parts ofthis story that I've definitely
pushed down and I've not reallyspoke about them to anyone, and
that's okay, um, but I think,looking back at these, what I
put myself through um, yeah, Ifelt for me.
(04:44):
I was definitely in school.
I definitely felt like harassedto be, come to come out or to
be this person that everyonesaid I was going to be.
It's just not fair.
I'm gonna be honest, it'sabsolutely not fair and it
shouldn't be.
It shouldn't be that way.
It should just be like everyperson is individual and that
their own person.
Let me be the one that empowersyou.
(05:08):
I hope that you find value inwhat we're talking about and I
hope that you see potential inthe podcast.
I'm really just here to be yourcheerleader.
This is like, obviously morepersonal and intimate episode.
This is just getting to knowthe brand and like me as a
(05:30):
person.
But I really hope that as westart producing more content, it
becomes really light-heartedand like a safe space where
everyone feels welcome andthat's gay straight by.
Like, literally whoever you arein the queer community, you're
all welcome and also you don'thave to be queer to listen to
this podcast either.
(05:50):
Right, like there's value.
Maybe your friends strugglingto come out, or maybe we talk
about pronouns because you'rereally unsure how to address
someone like.
There is a huge educationalpiece here, because people
tiptoe around us in life.
Sometimes.
There's a lot of questions inthis world and I feel like I
might not be able to answer themall, but I feel like I can
definitely support and bringguests in that could support you
(06:13):
in making better choices.
I'm really excited, I'm reallystoked to be here and I'm really
looking forward to having thisspace.
Um, it's been a huge supportonline and I know a lot of
people listening, like friendsand family and stuff.
This is going to be a shock foryou.
Like, truly like.
I don't think I've ever spokeabout my like coming out journey
(06:33):
or like who I am and like being, you know, coming from high
school and like a littlechildhood trauma.
You know, mom and dad, I loveyou.
It's not about you.
Like you know, I this isn't meshading you at all like, like,
just remember that it's.
This is about the upbringingand like the time of.
You know I was being brought up.
Like you know, like I said, I'm30 years old.
(06:55):
I was born in 1994.
Like, you need to know thatlike, times have shifted in a in
a positive way, for sure, um,but not everyone still sees.
Has that um accessibility orhas the same upbringing as you
and I.
So I'm hoping that this createsa space where everyone can feel
comfortable.
(07:20):
So my story starts when I wasyoung.
I honestly had always, I guess,looked at the same sex men.
I hate myself.
I think I'd like reallyinternalized homophobia for
myself.
Sorry, I'm saying this wrong.
(07:41):
I'm really butchering grammarright now.
Butchering grammar right now.
I think I'd really becomeinternalized homophobic because
there was such a negativeconnotation in my upbringing and
that's not necessarily my home,but like, just like school, and
you got to know when I was akid there was a very common
(08:04):
phrase that was um, that's gay,or uh, gay, uh, like, gay, you
know, like, and I'm like, oh God.
So I feel like I heard thatterm so freaking often that I
associated with the word gay aslike negative and like a no and
like you don't want to be thatRight.
(08:24):
So being able to flip thenarrative upside down and be
like I'm fucking gay, like let'sgo, like you know what I mean,
like I just I've really learnedto just accept it, and like I'm
totally okay with it, like Iguess just one day, like you
(08:45):
know, after talking to myfriends and family about it and
being able to like reallyunderstand who I am and like
that's what I want for myself.
Like it doesn't really matter,kind of like what's going around
you and what other people thinkor how they use the word, the
context, like sure, it's reallyfucking shit sometimes that
listen to people talk.
You know about the word gay asa negative connotation, but like
(09:09):
you choose to use the word andempower the word how you want to
Period, like hello, like if youtalk to me in person or if you
know me at all, I'm like I'm gay, like you know, let's fucking
go.
Like gay is okay, baby, right.
Like oh, like I just I can'teven like come, like I can't,
(09:30):
even I don't know the word, butlike I can't combat.
Like how difficult that wordwas for me growing up and then
being the age 30 and like now,in present day, I'm like I use
that word every day, every day,honestly, like I'm like the word
is so powerful to me and Ireally appreciate everyone in
(09:51):
this in my life today, and eventhe people that was a part of my
upbringing, that weren'tnecessarily as accepting or that
used the word as a negativeconnotation, because if it
wasn't for them, I wouldn't bewho I was today.
Period again, like surprise,like you know, I just, I really,
yeah, I really feel empoweredby that word.
(10:14):
Now I'm not trying to take awayfrom your situation right now,
but I want to just let you knowhow I am in this current day and
I feel that it really resemblesme and the podcast.
Well, so I'm not gay, you are.
She's here to stay and she'shere to slay.
Okay, so let's go.
I served at a very casualrestaurant, um, and at this
(10:38):
restaurant I was talking aboutmy podcast that I wanted to
launch, you know, and one of theguests at the bar that we were
just talking to like one of myfriends.
He was like hey, I want to liketalk to you about, you know,
your podcast.
What you're doing is amazing,like bringing awareness and like
just educating and like justhonestly giving a space and a
topic to being able to talkabout.
(10:58):
This is like not really whatpeople do anymore.
So, like I feel like, or everhave done, so I feel like having
this opportunity to be able totalk about this today in this
present space, using thisplatform, like podcasting,
that's awesome.
Like hello, you don't got toread a book anymore, like just
listen.
(11:19):
But he said you know, homophobicpeople are people that are
people, are people that areuneducated and I kind of fuck
with that.
Like that's kind of like, yes,hello.
Like that was me as a kid, Iguess.
Like I didn't internalize thishomophobia because I was, and
(11:40):
not towards other people.
I wasn't like, ah, you're gay,like leave me alone, faggot.
Like that wasn't me, like atall.
Like I was very much likesupportive of the community but
I didn't want to associatemyself with it.
So I really removed myself andI didn't watch Drag Race, I
didn't, I refused to.
Like I probably wouldn't evenlisten to this podcast.
I'm going to be honest, like Iwouldn't indulge in any queer
(12:04):
activities or communitiesbecause I was scared that I'd be
associated with that community,having these feminine
attributes, like I'd beenbullied for, like my
high-pitched voice, or that Ihung around with girls and I had
no male friends.
So I think that these outletsand like understanding that,
like where I'm at today, likeI'm totally, like accepting of
(12:26):
who I am and and and what I wantin life, like I want a man,
like I have a man okay, like Ilove him, like and I feel like
that's okay, like you know whatI mean.
So it it was a really liketough like process for me to
like combat and overcome myinternalized homophobia, because
I was so scared to accept who Iwanted to be, because I was
(12:48):
bullied that I had to be thisperson, um, and that people were
like, oh, you've got to be gay,you know, you know.
So, yeah, anyways, I feel likethat's kind of like my story.
Um, I'll now go into like moredetails.
Definitely, like my coming outjourney and stuff like that
wasn't easy, um, um, but there'svalue there and I want to share
(13:13):
and I want to be really openand honest and let be an open
book, but just like a firstepisode intro to what the
podcast is coming, what's comingup and what the podcast is
going to be.
I really want, um, people tolike listen and see value, um,
through this network, um, andalso like let's just have a good
time.
Like you know, this isn't.
(13:34):
This should be reallylight-hearted and I really want
it to be approachable.
Yeah, so that's me in anutshell.
Honestly, I'm gonna be here tosupport and I would love to get
to a place where we can takequestions for people listening
(13:54):
and like really address people'sactual concerns.
Alrighty, we're going to keepthose episodes short and sweet.
So you're looking at like maybe20 to 30 minute episodes.
It should be something you puton in the car you want to listen
to.
I'm not going to drone out myvoice for the next like hour and
a half Sorry, I'm not into that.
(14:15):
And hopefully, like one day,we'll have like a video so we
can like do like a video podcasttoo.
But right now we're just goingto really focus on the
educational piece and bringingsome people in and talking about
their experiences and if youhave questions, you can always
send us a dm at.
I'm not gay, you are thepodcast, um, so we can chat more
(14:40):
and like really like talk aboutwhat you want to learn and like
what you want to hear and whatyou want more of.
But for right now, um, our nextcouple episodes are all planned
and we're all ready to go, solooking forward to releasing and
, uh, getting to know everyoneand sharing some content that I
really truly see value in andthe educational piece.
So every Wednesday we'll bereleasing an episode.
(15:02):
This is just something that Ireally want to hold myself
accountable for.
I don't want to force anything,I don't want to just throw out
content that I'm not proud ofand that it isn't cohesive with
the brand.
So, stay tuned.
There's going to be a lot ofeducational pieces, I hope, and
a lot of like experiences thatI'm going to talk about with
guests and myself that I reallywant to bring to light and shed
(15:24):
some like light on, obviously aswell.
Stay tuned for more coming soon.
I'm really looking forward tothis space and what we can
create and, uh, this is going tobe awesome.
we're here.
We made it.
There's been so much talksabout creating this podcast for
me and I really struggle inexecution.
I love to dream, don't we all?
So I'm here, you're here andI'm so excited to share the
podcast, the dream and whatwe're going to create here this
(00:44):
safe space about education and alot of humor.
So I'm really looking forwardto sharing the space, answering
any questions someone might haveand also getting to learn more
about myself, as we have otherguests on and talk to them about
their experiences and how Imyself and listeners can can
(01:09):
relate to being gay in the worldwe live in today.
I'm really excited to be able toshare people's experiences, um,
and know that you're not alonein you know, maybe struggling to
come out, or maybe you havequestions about like being gay,
and hopefully we can answer thatin a very lighthearted, comedic
(01:34):
way.
I hope that you can find someeducation from the podcast and
that we can create a safe spacefor our listeners and answer any
questions that you might have,because I know I've got a lot of
questions too, and I thinkpeople are afraid to talk about
it, whether you're gay or not.
(01:56):
So I'm really looking forwardto just like getting into the
nitty gritty, so I really wantedto talk about the purpose of
the podcast here real quickly.
So obviously the purpose of thepodcast is to create a safe
space.
I want people to feelcelebrated, I want you to feel
educated and I also want you tofeel inspired, you know, so you
feel like you're taking littlepieces of what we're talking
(02:16):
about and you know putting theminto everyday life and like
using these.
You know scenarios and ourexperiences and coming out and
things like that and like beingable to like support people in
your network, or maybe yourself,if it's solve love you need,
honey.
Take a seat me too.
Put on your headphones, dialout the world for 20 minutes,
(02:40):
listen to what we have to say.
Um, you're not going gonnaregret it.
I feel like there's, you knowit's value in the education and
also take a load off.
You deserve, you know, 20minutes alone time with your
headphones on and just listen tosomebody else ramble about
everyday shit.
Anyways, back to the podcastname.
I'm not gay, you are.
(03:00):
It was definitely designed aslike a defensive system, so
people would point the finger atme like you're gay.
You're gay and you know, as akid you're like.
I'm not gay, you are, you know.
So that really is, uh, the nameof the podcast and the why of
the podcast.
It's like, definitely likeinternalized homophobia.
(03:22):
For myself, I I remember veryclearly kids with feminine
attributes, high-pitched voices,just like me, hanging out with
girls, da-da-da, but I wouldnever associate with them and
I'm so sorry, looking back nowif you're listening to this, I
am sorry that I was scared tohang around with you because I
(03:42):
was scared that would attracttoo much attention and that
certain classmates or people inour school would associate us as
dating or experimenting, and Iwas so scared at the thought of
that that I was gonna be likegay and I was like, oh, like you
know, looking back now I feelso stupid, saying that out loud,
(04:03):
because I love surroundingmyself with queer people and
like-minded people, people thathave gone through the same
experiences as me and that arenow like learning about
themselves and like this is okayto talk about and like I feel
like I've healed, definitelyfrom all this.
(04:23):
I definitely feel like it'sokay to talk about.
But there are some parts ofthis story that I've definitely
pushed down and I've not reallyspoke about them to anyone, and
that's okay, um, but I think,looking back at these, what I
put myself through um, yeah, Ifelt for me.
(04:44):
I was definitely in school.
I definitely felt like harassedto be, come to come out or to
be this person that everyonesaid I was going to be.
It's just not fair.
I'm gonna be honest, it'sabsolutely not fair and it
shouldn't be.
It shouldn't be that way.
It should just be like everyperson is individual and that
their own person.
Let me be the one that empowersyou.
(05:08):
I hope that you find value inwhat we're talking about and I
hope that you see potential inthe podcast.
I'm really just here to be yourcheerleader.
This is like, obviously morepersonal and intimate episode.
This is just getting to knowthe brand and like me as a
(05:30):
person.
But I really hope that as westart producing more content, it
becomes really light-heartedand like a safe space where
everyone feels welcome andthat's gay straight by.
Like, literally whoever you arein the queer community, you're
all welcome and also you don'thave to be queer to listen to
this podcast either.
(05:50):
Right, like there's value.
Maybe your friends strugglingto come out, or maybe we talk
about pronouns because you'rereally unsure how to address
someone like.
There is a huge educationalpiece here, because people
tiptoe around us in life.
Sometimes.
There's a lot of questions inthis world and I feel like I
might not be able to answer themall, but I feel like I can
definitely support and bringguests in that could support you
(06:13):
in making better choices.
I'm really excited, I'm reallystoked to be here and I'm really
looking forward to having thisspace.
Um, it's been a huge supportonline and I know a lot of
people listening, like friendsand family and stuff.
This is going to be a shock foryou.
Like, truly like.
I don't think I've ever spokeabout my like coming out journey
(06:33):
or like who I am and like being, you know, coming from high
school and like a littlechildhood trauma.
You know, mom and dad, I loveyou.
It's not about you.
Like you know, I this isn't meshading you at all like, like,
just remember that it's.
This is about the upbringingand like the time of.
You know I was being brought up.
Like you know, like I said, I'm30 years old.
(06:55):
I was born in 1994.
Like, you need to know thatlike, times have shifted in a in
a positive way, for sure, um,but not everyone still sees.
Has that um accessibility orhas the same upbringing as you
and I.
So I'm hoping that this createsa space where everyone can feel
comfortable.
(07:20):
So my story starts when I wasyoung.
I honestly had always, I guess,looked at the same sex men.
I hate myself.
I think I'd like reallyinternalized homophobia for
myself.
Sorry, I'm saying this wrong.
(07:41):
I'm really butchering grammarright now.
Butchering grammar right now.
I think I'd really becomeinternalized homophobic because
there was such a negativeconnotation in my upbringing and
that's not necessarily my home,but like, just like school, and
you got to know when I was akid there was a very common
(08:04):
phrase that was um, that's gay,or uh, gay, uh, like, gay, you
know, like, and I'm like, oh God.
So I feel like I heard thatterm so freaking often that I
associated with the word gay aslike negative and like a no and
like you don't want to be thatRight.
(08:24):
So being able to flip thenarrative upside down and be
like I'm fucking gay, like let'sgo, like you know what I mean,
like I just I've really learnedto just accept it, and like I'm
totally okay with it, like Iguess just one day, like you
(08:45):
know, after talking to myfriends and family about it and
being able to like reallyunderstand who I am and like
that's what I want for myself.
Like it doesn't really matter,kind of like what's going around
you and what other people thinkor how they use the word, the
context, like sure, it's reallyfucking shit sometimes that
listen to people talk.
You know about the word gay asa negative connotation, but like
(09:09):
you choose to use the word andempower the word how you want to
Period, like hello, like if youtalk to me in person or if you
know me at all, I'm like I'm gay, like you know, let's fucking
go.
Like gay is okay, baby, right.
Like oh, like I just I can'teven like come, like I can't,
(09:30):
even I don't know the word, butlike I can't combat.
Like how difficult that wordwas for me growing up and then
being the age 30 and like now,in present day, I'm like I use
that word every day, every day,honestly, like I'm like the word
is so powerful to me and Ireally appreciate everyone in
(09:51):
this in my life today, and eventhe people that was a part of my
upbringing, that weren'tnecessarily as accepting or that
used the word as a negativeconnotation, because if it
wasn't for them, I wouldn't bewho I was today.
Period again, like surprise,like you know, I just, I really,
yeah, I really feel empoweredby that word.
(10:14):
Now I'm not trying to take awayfrom your situation right now,
but I want to just let you knowhow I am in this current day and
I feel that it really resemblesme and the podcast.
Well, so I'm not gay, you are.
She's here to stay and she'shere to slay.
Okay, so let's go.
I served at a very casualrestaurant, um, and at this
(10:38):
restaurant I was talking aboutmy podcast that I wanted to
launch, you know, and one of theguests at the bar that we were
just talking to like one of myfriends.
He was like hey, I want to liketalk to you about, you know,
your podcast.
What you're doing is amazing,like bringing awareness and like
just educating and like justhonestly giving a space and a
topic to being able to talkabout.
(10:58):
This is like not really whatpeople do anymore.
So, like I feel like, or everhave done, so I feel like having
this opportunity to be able totalk about this today in this
present space, using thisplatform, like podcasting,
that's awesome.
Like hello, you don't got toread a book anymore, like just
listen.
(11:19):
But he said you know, homophobicpeople are people that are
people, are people that areuneducated and I kind of fuck
with that.
Like that's kind of like, yes,hello.
Like that was me as a kid, Iguess.
Like I didn't internalize thishomophobia because I was, and
(11:40):
not towards other people.
I wasn't like, ah, you're gay,like leave me alone, faggot.
Like that wasn't me, like atall.
Like I was very much likesupportive of the community but
I didn't want to associatemyself with it.
So I really removed myself andI didn't watch Drag Race, I
didn't, I refused to.
Like I probably wouldn't evenlisten to this podcast.
I'm going to be honest, like Iwouldn't indulge in any queer
(12:04):
activities or communitiesbecause I was scared that I'd be
associated with that community,having these feminine
attributes, like I'd beenbullied for, like my
high-pitched voice, or that Ihung around with girls and I had
no male friends.
So I think that these outletsand like understanding that,
like where I'm at today, likeI'm totally, like accepting of
(12:26):
who I am and and and what I wantin life, like I want a man,
like I have a man okay, like Ilove him, like and I feel like
that's okay, like you know whatI mean.
So it it was a really liketough like process for me to
like combat and overcome myinternalized homophobia, because
I was so scared to accept who Iwanted to be, because I was
(12:48):
bullied that I had to be thisperson, um, and that people were
like, oh, you've got to be gay,you know, you know.
So, yeah, anyways, I feel likethat's kind of like my story.
Um, I'll now go into like moredetails.
Definitely, like my coming outjourney and stuff like that
wasn't easy, um, um, but there'svalue there and I want to share
(13:13):
and I want to be really openand honest and let be an open
book, but just like a firstepisode intro to what the
podcast is coming, what's comingup and what the podcast is
going to be.
I really want, um, people tolike listen and see value, um,
through this network, um, andalso like let's just have a good
time.
Like you know, this isn't.
(13:34):
This should be reallylight-hearted and I really want
it to be approachable.
Yeah, so that's me in anutshell.
Honestly, I'm gonna be here tosupport and I would love to get
to a place where we can takequestions for people listening
(13:54):
and like really address people'sactual concerns.
Alrighty, we're going to keepthose episodes short and sweet.
So you're looking at like maybe20 to 30 minute episodes.
It should be something you puton in the car you want to listen
to.
I'm not going to drone out myvoice for the next like hour and
a half Sorry, I'm not into that.
(14:15):
And hopefully, like one day,we'll have like a video so we
can like do like a video podcasttoo.
But right now we're just goingto really focus on the
educational piece and bringingsome people in and talking about
their experiences and if youhave questions, you can always
send us a dm at.
I'm not gay, you are thepodcast, um, so we can chat more
(14:40):
and like really like talk aboutwhat you want to learn and like
what you want to hear and whatyou want more of.
But for right now, um, our nextcouple episodes are all planned
and we're all ready to go, solooking forward to releasing and
, uh, getting to know everyoneand sharing some content that I
really truly see value in andthe educational piece.
So every Wednesday we'll bereleasing an episode.
(15:02):
This is just something that Ireally want to hold myself
accountable for.
I don't want to force anything,I don't want to just throw out
content that I'm not proud ofand that it isn't cohesive with
the brand.
So, stay tuned.
There's going to be a lot ofeducational pieces, I hope, and
a lot of like experiences thatI'm going to talk about with
guests and myself that I reallywant to bring to light and shed
(15:24):
some like light on, obviously aswell.
Stay tuned for more coming soon.
I'm really looking forward tothis space and what we can
create and, uh, this is going tobe awesome.
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