November 6, 2024 • 39 mins
Ever wondered how a simple invitation for a beer could spark a lifelong friendship? Tune in as we chat with my best friend Briley about the unexpected ways our bond was forged amidst the hustle and bustle of the service industry. From late-night happy hours to heart-to-hearts over spin classes, our story is one of spontaneous connections and shared vulnerabilities. Whether it was trauma-dumping over drinks or cheering each other on during Spinco auditions, our friendship has been a journey of support and mutual growth.
Join us on a path of self-discovery as we explore the nuances of bisexuality and personal identity in a world that often expects conformity. I open up about my realization of being bisexual, despite the absence of same-sex relationships, and the internal conflicts I faced along the way. We'll share candid moments about societal pressures, coming out to family, and the beautiful complexity that comes with embracing one's true self. It's a raw and honest discussion about finding comfort in who you are and the beauty of unexpected encounters that lead to self-acceptance.
Laugh along with us as we dive into the world of online dating, love languages, and the quirky dynamics of masculine and feminine energies in relationships. From humorous dating app mishaps to the importance of physical touch, we ponder why modern dating platforms haven't yet incorporated love languages for better matches. We also tackle the stereotype of the "gay best friend" and reminisce about mall culture with a lighthearted nod to high-sodium food court favorites. Packed with humor and introspection, this episode promises to be a delightful mix of laughter and heartfelt reflection on genuine connections.
Follow the show on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/imnotgayyouarepodcast/
Stay tuned bi weekly (Wednesday) for a new episode from I'm not gay, you are
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Joey (00:13):
welcome back to.
I'm not gay.
You are with your host, joey,that is me, and today we have my
bestie on the pod, briley, sayhi, hey, bestie, how are we
doing?
I'm?
Briley (00:24):
say hi hey bestie, how are we doing?
I'm so good, how are you babe?
Joey (00:27):
Good, so good, to have you here Always On this bright,
bright, sunny, sunny day.
Gorgeous, it's 8pm on aSaturday night it's pitch black.
There's candles lit multiplecandles On a Saturday night.
Where's the Ouija board?
Briley (00:44):
Just kidding, it's spooky season, we're getting
into it.
Joey (00:49):
Alrighty, we're so excited to share some of Briley's
journeys and experience today,so let's get right into it.
Briley (00:56):
Everybody be nice.
Joey (00:58):
Let's start with how we first met.
Um, because you have a bettermemory than me, you bought it.
Briley (01:08):
You share our first memory, or your first memory of
us together and and kind of howwe know each other okay, um, so
at the time I was still, we wereboth working in the service
industry, um, and I would getoff work from my restaurant and
your work was still open, so Iwould frequent there for like a
(01:29):
late night happy hour.
Little wait, what was the redwine that was on happy hour?
the monvin no, the other one.
Anyways, there was this wine.
I can't remember the name of it.
I want to say, like carnivore,it was carnivore.
I used to get a nine ouncecarnivore after a long shift and
I noticed you there working.
I think you were like in shiftleader role, um, and we like
(01:50):
spoke a few times.
You would come to tables butthen we both worked out at the
same spin class and I would seeyou in class and like there was
a couple times I think we justdid like that nod kind of thing.
And then one time we got totalking and I think at that
point in your life you were kindof going through like some
relationship stuff and we werejust you just opened up to me a
little bit and I like low-key,asked you out and was like we
(02:12):
should grab a beer, and then wewent to a brewery and like
emotionally dumping on like aregular guest at the bar.
It was perfect to be honest,I've always like, manifested
like a gay bestie, and I wasjust like.
This is my opportunity tosnatch up this amazing man here
I am.
So yeah, trauma dumping yeah,literally, and we sat at the
(02:34):
brewery and we talked about lifeand I feel like that was just
kind of like the olive branch ofour friendship starting.
Yeah over beer, over beer Ithink you might have gotten a
cider.
Let's be honest, I don't likebeer, not much of a beer, dude
no, I I like breweries.
Joey (02:52):
I just I prefer cider.
I'm a sweeter I'm a sweet treattype of guy I like, I love like
a dessert, yeah, a dessert,never ever gonna knock down the
opportunity to?
A dairy queen run dq baby.
Briley (03:07):
When did we audition for spin co?
Joey (03:11):
oh yeah, that's a whole like part of chapter we've just
missed let's just we'll circleback to that later.
Briley (03:17):
Certain listeners aren't listening for the tea, or if
they are we still want paying Iam still owed my vacation and my
last three classes you transfer, truly thank you anyway, okay,
(03:38):
let's go to spin.
Joey (03:38):
Go, because that was that was for me.
I think that was where Iremember our friendship like
taking off and like kind ofbeing one-on-one and like um, I
just really saw more of youthrough that company and like
the brand.
So for anyone that doesn't know, um, me and Briley used to
(04:02):
teach at a indoor cyclingcompany in Canada called Spinco,
and we were at a location thatis not open anymore,
unfortunately.
Briley (04:11):
RIP Sad.
It had a good run.
Joey (04:14):
Yeah, and we used to ride together at another location and
then we auditioned forinstructors.
Briley was an instructor beforeme and then I was going through
some pretty low stuff, asBriley was an instructor before
me.
And then I was going throughsome pretty low stuff as Briley
was saying, and I kind of usedmy emotional what would you call
it?
Briley (04:33):
I think, like you were very I want to use the word
vulnerable and I mean that in avery like gentle and loving way
but I think the vulnerabilityside of it actually worked in
your advantage.
I remember you were very Idon't just want to use the word
nervous, of course everyone'snervous.
To hop on a bike and try toinstruct for the first time, pop
on that headset, like theadrenaline and nerves that go
through your body is like awhole other experience.
(04:54):
But I think I just rememberreally telling you like I think
that this will be a really goodopportunity for you to come out
and do something positive foryourself.
There's such like a just like arough patch and just.
I remember the audition.
I actually was working um at alike care home, nursing, and I
left early to come to youraudition and you killed it and
(05:17):
it was so good and the rest ishistory and you did amazing she
went from wiping asses to wipingmy ass.
I've got you on that bike and Iwas like do your thing, baby
girl, and you slayed.
It was so good.
I was so proud of you.
I was like in the front rowlike I remember it.
Joey (05:35):
I remember you texting me being like I don't think I'm
gonna make it and I was like, ohno, like there's nobody else
here cheering me on, I'm like,oh, I'm scared.
Briley (05:42):
And then, right before I was getting on the bike, you
just the door opened in and Iwas like I don't even think I
set up my bike, I just clippedin and was like let's go.
Yeah, oh cute, yeah, I madethat um, yeah, that was.
That's a core memory that's afriendship for sure.
Yeah, we just watched, we justwatched inside out.
So yeah, we're in the feels alittle bit.
Joey (06:04):
From there.
Briley (06:07):
I just feel like we kind of started hanging out like in
the wild and then, like I thinkone time In the wild, in the
wild.
Joey (06:14):
Well, I also moved down the street from you.
I was like a block from you.
Yeah, you lived close by, andthen I didn't know that at the
time I didn't know where youlived and like, oh, I'm just
gonna move a block near you tobe closer obsessed yeah yeah,
like she's around here somewherea lot, this one, I'll take this
one.
Uh, I so, yeah, I moved in andthen I guess we just, yeah,
(06:35):
started hanging out more andthat's that and now we're here.
Briley (06:40):
Here we are you're stuck with me yep, you're stuck with
me.
I wouldn't have it any otherway.
Joey (06:45):
It's perfect so that's a little bit about us, and then I
kind of want to talk about youme, yeah, okay obviously I want
to know a little bit aboutyourself, so give us a little
intro to yourself hi everybody.
Briley (07:03):
Um pleasure to be.
I guess I'll just start withthe boring basics, but not so
boring, I think it's necessary.
So I am the ripe age of 31.
I am a Taurus and I am brunette.
Does that matter?
(07:23):
I don't know.
You guys can get a littlevisual here Green eyes, hazel
sometimes, I don't know.
Joey (07:28):
Anyways, Sell it, sell it yeah.
Briley (07:30):
Single my Instagram?
No, I'm just kidding.
Yeah, and I would say that ifyou were to ask me this question
in my early to mid 20s, I would100% just come out the gate and
say like, oh, I'm straight andI've always dated men and I can
(07:50):
say that still is valid at thispoint in my life.
But, that being said, Irealized kind of like mid late
20s that I had like somebi-curious situations kind of
come up and that kind of justsat there for a while and then
eventually I curiosity got thebest of me and I had my first
(08:16):
few encounters with women andthey were good and I don't think
at the time it really shiftedwhat I wanted in terms of dating
, but it definitely kind of likeplanted the seed of what that
looked like in terms of beingable to say like, oh, now I
(08:37):
identify as bisexual and whatthat looks like for somebody
that has never actually been ina same-sex relationship.
Joey (08:46):
So yeah, so how old were you when you had your first
encounter with like same-sex?
Briley (08:54):
I think I was 28.
Roughly we'll go with that.
Um, yeah, and it was with likea very, I would say, like
confidently, like anacquaintance, and it wasn't very
like expected.
It was kind of just one ofthose situations where, like we
(09:14):
were hanging out late like acouple of drinks, and then I
just remember she kissed me andand then I was like, oh was nice
, like to be honest, like ladies, your lips are soft and they're
not chapped and there's nobeard double prickle, or like
you know, it was very nice.
(09:34):
And then one thing led toanother and there was yeah, it
was an interesting experience.
I remember, kind of lookingback on it, just being like, oh,
that was a wild night or wasjust kind of something that I
would just reflect on, butdidn't think too much about it
until it was something that cameup in other circumstances that
I did not pass the opportunityon.
Joey (09:56):
So so like at this point now, like confidently, do you
feel like you're like bisexualor like what's your sexual
orientation?
Like do you?
Briley (10:04):
feel like you're like bisexual or like what's your
sexual orientation like.
I think this is where I have alittle bit of a hard time,
because I feel like we'vechatted about this like off the
mic as well, just in terms ofthe community and like is it
valid to say, someone who hasnever been in a same-sex
relationship, who has had, youknow, more than one, like
(10:26):
multiple experiences with thesame sex, to say, like
confidently, like I identify asbi, but I have never actually
gone and made an effort to goand even attempt to be in a
same-sex relationship?
Like I would say confidently,like I do feel, like I identify
as bi, like I am attracted towomen?
(10:47):
I think women are so manythings.
They are beautiful.
Their energy, just the rangeand what a woman can bring to
the table is so beautiful and Ithink that it would actually
make for a really interestingrelationship and I don't say
interesting as like a negativething.
I think it would be a very safespace to be with a woman.
(11:11):
I just feel like at this pointin my life I've only ever found
myself gravitating towards men.
Ew, I know, but it's just theway it's been for me.
And so it's like I know thatthey say it doesn't count if
you've never and by they I justmean I'm just summarizing what
I've seen on the internet orlike the community saying you
know if your social norms yeahand stuff like that and like
(11:34):
does that, like where do I fallin?
because I feel like I've gonepast the curiosity of exploring
and actually put myself intosituations where I've been able
to do it and can confidently saylike it wasn't a regret, like
there was zero regret that camewith those experiences.
And so, yeah, I would say I ambi.
(11:55):
I don't really think I've everhad like a formal coming out and
I don't even think this is iteven to yeah, you guys get the
cake guys, someone.
Joey (12:04):
Where's the spark?
Where's the streamers?
Where's?
Briley (12:06):
the cake?
Where's the?
I don't even pinata, yeah umbut yeah, I think you know what
I have actually told my siblingsand I feel I have two younger
brothers and I feel like one ofthem was like okay, yeah, you
know, we've all been there interms of different experiences
with and like life experiences.
(12:27):
And then when I said, well, no,like it was actually like blank
.
Joey (12:31):
Many times he goes oh okay , cool it was something that you
like returned to a couple times.
Briley (12:37):
Yeah, revisited, you know it wasn't like a sloppy,
like end of the night, drunkkiss, like there was multiple
experiences in which I, like, Isaid took the opportunity to
explore and did and enjoyed, andso I think one of them was kind
of like cool yo, that.
And the other one I don't thinkand again I could be lying Maybe
(12:59):
he did take me seriously, but Idon't think he was as like
quick to be like okay, yeah sure, but I don't think he was as
like quick to be like okay, yeahsure, but in terms of like
parents or stuff like that, Inever sat them down and said any
type of thing.
I think I might have casuallymentioned it at like a family
gathering again.
Joey (13:14):
So just like casual that I don't really think they took.
Briley (13:18):
I don't know, do you think they'd be shocked if they
heard this and they're like oh,I feel, yeah, I think it would
be like a little bit of a remix,because I don't really think
that there's, and I don't thinkthat there's any perfect write
up or drop in what I think thecookie cutter example of someone
, like a woman being bi, lookslike, but I don't really think
(13:41):
there's been really any clues orlike circumstances that would
lead up to them being able toconfidently say like oh, I saw
that coming.
I think for my friends and myclose friends, I would say they
could probably say yeah, sure,yeah.
But, I don't think, in terms offamily, that I think they would,
yeah, probably be a littletaken back.
Joey (14:01):
Going back to what you were saying before, when you
were saying you know, likesocietal norms and um, that we
set off Mike and stuff chattingabout, like people saying, just
because you've only you knowyou're not in a relationship
with a woman or like a same-sexrelationship, that does that
like devalue your orientationand how you see yourself.
(14:22):
Like does that even make you bior bisexual, you curious?
Like I think that there's powerin knowing who you are and it
shouldn't matter what peoplethink you know outside or
outside of your relationships.
And you know, if people want tohave those opinions, that's all
(14:44):
they are their opinions andpeople don't necessarily need to
share them.
And like I just find that mostpeople shouldn't really be
interjecting on what defines agay person or, you know, a
bisexual person or a straightperson.
Briley (15:02):
Or anyone in general really.
Like I truly think that otherpeople's opinions of me aren't
my business and it is easiersaid than done.
It is easier said than done,but I think, like in this
context, it also is relevantbecause it's like it's really
not their place to say oh well,like you said, it doesn't count,
or it?
Is not authentic when that'sjust true to me and where I'm at
(15:25):
right now.
Joey (15:25):
So totally, and all we're here to do is just kind of like
share experiences and how itmakes us feel and hopefully that
more.
Briley (15:36):
Maybe that aligns with somebody listening and they're
totally.
I'd be so curious if there'sother girlies in the same boat
who have, you know, maybe evennot crossed that threshold.
Maybe they're sitting in thesituation where I was a few
years back, where they're justlike curious but haven't
actually dove into the curidasior have only ever been with men,
and like curious as to what itlooks like to even just have an
experience, let alone look at itas a possibility of totally you
(15:59):
know a relationship, the realdeal and you're the first woman,
your first girlie, on thepodcast.
Joey (16:04):
I'm so excited, so honored yeah, of course you have to be
here.
You're my best friend yeah likethis is uh, this is great, it's
uh, it's kind of weird, though,like it's not strange, like I
know, obviously I'm, I'm yourbest friend, like I know most of
this about you already, but Ifeel like I'm interviewing oh
(16:25):
yeah, I'm like, I guess like formy best friend, you know what I
mean it's like, and obviouslyyour answers are like on point,
like to to what I'm, I know andeverything too, so like and I,
yeah, I just, I just don't wantto yeah.
I hope you're comfortable.
Briley (16:38):
Of course, Okay good.
Joey (16:40):
I just don't want to make sure that I'm asking anything
that could be like.
Briley (16:43):
No, you're good, I think it's funny because I have heard
the term like a gay awakeningand you know in the setting of
like when was your gay awakening?
and you know, in the setting oflike, when was your gay
awakening or what was like aspecific moment.
And I feel like it's funnybecause if I actually take time
to think about it, I just thinkabout the scene from the
(17:03):
original, like one of theoriginal Transformers movies
with Megan Fox, and she's like,if you know, you know, you guys,
listeners, you know what I'mtalking about.
She's like bent over the hoodof the car and she's tanned and
she's in this tight little jeanshort situation with like her
tummy out, and I was like jaw tothe floor, like more than just
she looks good, I was like holyshit, like yeah.
(17:25):
I would, you know, and it wasjust like it's funny, because
those kind of things haven'treally come up a ton.
But I've had like otherexperiences where you know, like
little moments where I've beenlike, am I like?
Joey (17:38):
she was awoke yeah, she woke today you're on online
dating platforms on and off, youknow the usual it's honestly
the trenches.
Briley (17:51):
If you're from vancouver , it is rough out there.
It is a shallow puddle.
There are no, I don't even knowI.
It's bad.
It's bad.
I was not cut out for war.
This is horrible.
Like I go on and off these appsbi-weekly, but here we are back
(18:12):
again we love the delete andthen the oh always.
Joey (18:15):
I'm like never again I'm just focusing on myself and then
it's a random tuesday accountthough for me, and then it like
you have to remake your accountand to go find the photos that
I'm like damn it, what was onthere where I looked?
Briley (18:27):
good, oh yeah, that's the one I should just create my
own little folder in my phone.
Joey (18:30):
That's like hinge yeah, the hinge photos, my top five.
Briley (18:35):
And that would be your profile of choice or, sorry,
your platform of choice hinge um, I've used hinge and I've used
bumble and then for I'm notexaggerating about an hour and a
half I had tinder until a mancame up in like a full
mcdonald's costume standingoutside of wendy's, and I was
like that's enough for tonightand forever, and I deleted my
profile, like I said, men um,don't forget where you started,
(19:01):
though mcdonald's I don't callme out like that.
I went to mcdonald's.
Joey (19:07):
I drank the kool-aid hard when it came to mcdonald's.
Briley (19:13):
Yeah, the fruitopia oh, half fruitopia, half spray that
was the kool-aid, that was Imean that was my kool-aid, but
yeah did you ever have to cleanthe shake machine?
No, it just would like not work.
Oh god, that would just pass onthe information.
Anyone gay?
Joey (19:29):
you might have lube.
You gotta put on that thing,jesus I don't know.
Briley (19:32):
I think they had a guy that came and did it, but it
didn't work often.
Stop that.
I know I had to always give thebad news no ma'am.
Yeah, we came for the bigflurries.
I'm so sorry the ice creammachine's down again liars and
never forget where you're from,baby never, never forget where
you first flourished.
Joey (19:52):
It's not a flurry if it's made in a hurry oh oh, I have
them all.
Clean floor is a clean storemine.
Oh time to leave my ptsd.
Briley (20:01):
Was time to clean I had 90 second drive through.
Time was my manager'sexpectation of me from the time
that the car drove up to orderto the time they got their bag
of food and when I.
I think this is a part of thereason that I was just so
stressed the right most people.
Joey (20:16):
It takes 89 seconds to order yeah, that's the one
second food delivery at theother window and then out it was
not always a realistic goal.
Well, you've been to timhortons?
Yes, they crush theirdrive-thru times, throw the
order at you, but unfortunately,you're wearing your coffee you
get to the and your bagel beltson the hood of your car yeah,
and your ice cap is melted onthe floor diarrhea by the time
(20:40):
you get it.
They made it three days ago.
Briley (20:41):
Let me tell you from experience you don't want to do
the ice cap and farmers wrapcombo together because that is a
one-way ticket to the bathroomyou have a lot of one-way
tickets.
The bathroom we're not talkingabout that your online dating
profile is set to just men rightnow it is so is it because you
(21:06):
see yourself like long term withthem, with a guy or with like a
, like a masculine figure or Ithink what it's a good point you
just made about the term likemasculine and I think that can
be used in a lot of differentcontexts.
I feel like in my experiencewith women I find myself very
(21:28):
much channeling like masculineenergy, and I don't necessarily
mean like appearance, I meanlike actual energy.
I feel like if we were to putrules I don't actually know if
there's a top and a bottom in agirl-on-girl relationship but I
feel like I would be the top,like I give, like if I had a
(21:48):
dick it would be massive, like Ijust give off big chick energy.
Like one of my experiences witha girl we went back to her
house, we had some fun and shefell asleep and I called myself
an uber and I kissed her on theforehead when I left and I
walked out and.
I was like, oh my gosh, Iunderstand why these men do this
(22:11):
and it was like I don't want tosay toxic, but it was just so
weird that that's what Igravitated towards.
And then, like, even in otherexperiences, like I just found
myself being I don't want to usethe word dominant and like like
controlling or any way likethat, but I just found it was
easy to kind of lean into like amasculine energy, and I feel
(22:33):
like in a lot of ways, I've hadto do that in relationships with
men too, and it's hard becauseyou really, like I truly do want
to be what you fuck them.
I mean like my energy has justbeen, like I've taken the role,
or like the lead in terms of alot of things because, it.
(22:55):
It's safe for me to do thatbecause then I feel like there's
not a lot of letdown in termsof expectations.
But I would love to be in aposition where I'm in a
relationship, whether that iswith a man or woman, that I can
really lean into my feminine,like, my feminine side, like my
soft side, you know, like mysoft girl era, all those things
you want to, you hear and yousee on the internet.
(23:16):
Like I truly do want to leaninto a more like feminine, soft,
like loving version of myself.
But I feel like it was veryeasy in my experience to be like
a little bit more of like wearthe pants, you know.
Joey (23:29):
Yeah.
What do you think you need in apartner to bring out the more
feminine side in you, as quoted,or like the loving and
nurturing side of you?
Like, what do you think thatyou're missing in a relationship
that might bring out the femme?
Briley (23:48):
I think it's cheesy, but a lot of it stems for me with
my love languages.
I just think I found myself inrelationships where
compatibility in general hasn'tbeen there, but I've also not
been um receiving love in theway that I feel loved, and so I
think that that's just like ahuge foundation in any
(24:08):
relationship.
But I find like, the more Idon't receive love in the way
that I like to receive it andfor those that want to know, I'm
very big on like words ofaffirmation, um, so like I need
to, even in friendships, likeI'll be like you love me.
Like do you still want to be myfriend?
Like, do we still get to hangout this weekend?
Joey (24:26):
we're not there anymore.
We passed that barrier, but wewere there.
Briley (24:29):
Yeah, I remember it yeah , and I know in summons like it
can feel maybe like clingy orneedy and that's also like a big
fear of mine is to be too muchor a lot to handle and like
that's a whole other topic.
But I think when I'm not feelingaffirmed emotionally from a
partner, it makes it really hardbecause then I feel like I
(24:52):
almost and makes it really hardbecause then I feel like I
almost, yeah, have to like takeover or will do things or say
things, so that basically, likeI just have to like affirm
myself and then that takes awayfrom the point.
Like I want someone to bringout this like soft side of me
that knows that I'm loved orvalued or fill in the blank on
whatever feels good to you andthat you need to hear, to feel
(25:14):
in like a safe space.
So I think ultimately it wouldbe nice to find a partner that
can match those love languagesand makes an effort to do that
throughout a relationship thisfar in life, do you feel like
any man have been able to likegive you that and like provide
that for you?
I think to some degree, but alot of it comes with prompting
(25:37):
and also me like almost havingto ask, and then, when the
situations would come up andthey would do it, it felt Forced
yeah, disenjongous yeah.
I had to ask for this.
Basically, I had to give you ahandbook on how to love me,
which then, just like, bringsout wounds of like I'm not
lovable or like I'm difficult tolike this shouldn't be so hard,
(25:57):
like I feel.
Like you know you hear peoplesay it all the time like when
you meet the right partner,whatever that looks like, in
whatever capacity, whether it'splatonic love, like in a
friendship, or even familymembers, like they should know
how to love you, and I thinkthat people that genuinely want
a place in your life shouldunderstand the importance of how
that person wants to love andlike, be and receive love and
(26:20):
like, make an effort to do that.
I just, yeah, I don't thinkentirely, I think in some
aspects, but not enough for meto be, yeah, like, truly like my
soft girl side which,underneath, like the exterior
that I think I put on sometimeslike very scentsy you are very
in touch with your sensitiveside.
Joey (26:40):
I would, as are you.
You're not a water sign, I'm anearth sign.
I don't even know, like I onlyknow.
This is the thing.
You're a water sign because, no, I'm a fire aries.
Yeah, that's the thing.
Is you only really know yourown sign?
Right, we confirmed it's anearth sign.
It's the first earth sign inthe zodiac and second sign.
(27:00):
Overall yeah overall of what?
Briley (27:05):
of the signs no, it's not.
Joey (27:07):
They're not ranked from like first you're like I'm
second.
That's not winner, that winnerinstinct in you.
Briley (27:14):
You're like I'm oh my gosh, I'm so competitive, I'm
first.
Joey (27:17):
I'm the first of this zodiac and I'm the second in
everything else so I'm just awinner, practically winner I
love that.
Going back to something you saidbefore you were talking about,
people should know how to loveyou.
Do you think people nowadaysare more aware of like love
(27:40):
languages and like kind of justlike what they all are Like?
Do you think that men educatethemselves and women or like
anyone to be honest?
Do you think people educatethemselves on the love languages
out there and like understandthat like people really do
represent, like these languagesrepresent people and how they
(28:03):
accept and receive love andvalue in a relationship?
Briley (28:08):
I honestly always bring this up when I'm in like the
dreaded talking phase withsomeone is I will usually kind
of I do it in like alight-hearted way in some, in
like most instances, because Idon't want it to be this like
big, heavy topic, but it isimportant.
So I'll usually just be like,oh, what are your top three love
languages?
Because I feel most of them dooverlap and there's like in my
(28:34):
experience there is multiplethat tend to fall like, I would
say, the top ones.
I hear often, especially frommen who you know I've had
majority of my experience with,will all say like physical touch
I knew you're gonna say thatyeah, the first one's like my
dick yeah, like you're notsucking.
Joey (28:50):
We're not sucking my dick.
Briley (28:50):
Sucking we're not sucking my dick if you're not
sucking my dick, babe, get out.
There's the door, like you know, and it's just you know.
I was thinking more of like ahand on the leg while in the
passenger seat in the carbecause we love a passenger
princess moment.
I want that hand on my thigh,maybe a little squeeze yeah, I.
Want you to hold my hand inpublic.
You know we can talk about hairpull, yeah, in a private setting
(29:13):
, but for the most part it'sjust, you know, yeah, but it
doesn't have to necessarily be asexual thing.
Like physical touch is just,yeah, like someone is physically
there.
I think that one comes up a lotlike movie night, yeah, anything
or listening, like, even if youdon't have anything to say,
just like the physical presenceof sitting next to someone is so
(29:35):
important and, I think, somonumental in so many ways, like
think about all those you knowlittle videos that you see that
will say, like showing upmatters, and I'll be like a kid
looking in the crowd for theirparent to come to that like
really lame school play thatthey're about to be in and they
look out in the crowd and theysee their parent or whoever it
is that they're waiting for, andtheir eyes light up.
It's like it really does matter,like when you show up yeah, and
(29:57):
I think, oh yeah, that's.
Joey (30:00):
I never really thought about that.
It's so important.
Why don't dating apps have likeuh, in the profile?
Why is it not like installedyet in the profiles?
Like you know, like what areyour top three love languages?
Or like why do you think, whydo?
Why don't you think that's likeavailable?
I know, are they sleeping onthis?
Like?
Briley (30:20):
I feel like we should copyright this right now, um
director of hinge.
You're missing out.
Joey (30:27):
Yeah, I just, I love, I'm just like attacking hinge
because it's the literal worstin my experience but I think
that that would actually be areally good thing to add to any
platform for people looking forconnections, because it yeah, in
my experience, I just feel likeit's so important well, I mean,
if there's like listen right,if, if tinder is doing or hinge
(30:49):
or any of these online datingplatforms are doing what they're
supposed to be doing andmatching your profiles to people
that are supposed to becompatible for you then why are
we not putting that in there?
I don't know, and like if you'resaying that I, you know, my
love languages are you didn'tsay this but physical touch,
words of affirmation and thengifting Say those are the three
that you put in affirmation, andthen gifting say let's, those
(31:12):
are the three that you put in.
Briley (31:13):
Those three should match somebody else's or maybe what
they're willing or how they showtheir love, right, like maybe
there's like a compatibility,like, um, something there where
they can, I don't know, like the, the opponent, that's a really
good point, because I know thatit's not necessarily one of my
languages of like receivinggifts, but I love to give gifts
(31:36):
like handwritten cards,thoughtful birthday gifts,
christmas I turn into a freakingelf and I just love finding
like little things that I'm like.
I remember they said that theylike this or that that was their
favorite or?
oh my gosh, they were talkingabout wanting to read this book
and so I got it for you.
Like to me, like those thingsare enjoying, like I enjoy doing
(31:59):
those types of things.
Enjoying I enjoy doing thosetypes of things.
So I wouldn't necessarily needsomeone to give me gifts, like
it's always nice, for sure, butI enjoy, enjoy gift giving.
So, for someone who does reallyvalue giving, getting gifts as
a way of feeling loved, likelike you said, that would be the
perfect opportunity to maybepotentially match to people up
where, like yeah, I don't know,I think you're onto something
(32:23):
like daddy, I need a porscheyeah, or like I don't really
feel like paying rent this month.
Yeah, literally, uh, yeah,groceries, that's gonna give me
the right crowd.
Joey (32:29):
You know, potentially I don't really feel like paying
rent this month.
Yeah, literally yeah, groceries.
That's going to give me theright crowd.
You know, potentially I don'tknow whether they're I think
they're missing the mark alittle bit.
Briley (32:39):
I feel they are.
I don't think they matchanymore.
Joey (32:41):
Is that what they do?
Is that ever been the intention?
Or I think it's just likepopulates everyone in your area.
Briley (32:46):
I don't think the intention was ever to like match
people to you being like thesequalities that you have, they're
looking for, or I mean, I thinkthat in some ways they try to
because, like I know, hinge hasthis feature which I hate, and
it says like most compatible,but it doesn't say why it thinks
you're most compatible and itwill just match you with like
(33:07):
gremlins and you're just.
Joey (33:09):
it kind of hurts your ego for our final point, we'll talk
about, uh, the gay best friendmyths the myths of the gay
bestie yeah, yeah, are there anymyths?
Briley (33:24):
I don't know.
Actually I feel likestereotypical.
It's always like the girl'sgirl, you know, can shoot the
shit with the girlies, goshopping, talk about things that
maybe you're, you know,heterosexual Is that the right
word?
Man, friends aren't going towant to chat with you about like
(33:46):
, on some level there'squalities that are just like a
little bit more geared towardslike femininity.
Is that fair to say?
yeah, like more femme energy,yeah, um, and just really safe,
like I just think the concept ofhaving a friendship with the
(34:06):
opposite sex, not feel any otherway than just genuine love and
care and like just platonic umis not super common, like I know
of friendships where you knowpeople have really close, like
male or female friends and viceversa, but I think it doesn't
(34:27):
always work out a lot of thetime because of whatever someone
catches, feelings or whatevercheesy tv series what wrong
comes.
Joey (34:39):
You've been watching recently um no, I agree, though
I think that, um, I think, likethe gay best friend you know
myths or whatever I feel likewhen I kind of brought that up,
I think it's important that,like we address, um, the, the
genuinity, and like therelationship and the friendship
(35:00):
first as well.
Like I feel like, you know,like some of these older movies
and stuff like stereotypical,would be like oh, grab your gay
best friend and let's go formanicures, and or, right, like I
feel like gay, the gay bestfriend was almost like an object
, it was like a purse that youwould wear an accessory, yeah,
the perfect accessory I mean Imean you are the perfect
(35:23):
accessory, but to life baby yeah, yeah, this is.
This is for life, this isn'tjust for the mall I honestly
hate the mall.
We've grown out of the mallphase yeah, like I'm sick of
manchu walk, but anyways likethe food court.
Briley (35:39):
I'm like pardon, is that a new store?
I'm so out to date of thetrends.
Have you ever been?
Joey (35:44):
no to manchu walk.
Briley (35:46):
No, oh my god, you've never had mall chinese food I
feel like I have, but I feellike it also give me food
poisoning no, it's so high insodium you'll be running for the
tap you'll be running for thetap.
Joey (35:58):
You need to drink lots of water.
Yeah, I just eat it and then Ifeel skinny because I've got no
more water in my body.
Briley (36:07):
I'm not sure how that worked.
Joey (36:09):
I don't think that's quite how the electrolyte system
works, but anyway yeah, just oneone buffet combo from manchu
walk and I'm I'm out ofcommission zero yeah, and on the
toilet all night all nightliquid last question before we
sign off here what do you?
(36:29):
Why do guys like girl on girl?
I Like you obviously this isstemming from your conversation
then, when your ex was like,yeah, I'm okay with you, like
wanting to explore, like cause,you were like and he was like of
course I'm okay with it, likeyou know, like what?
Briley (36:43):
is what is that?
I think that it's funny thatyou say that, because I feel for
most and again, I can't speakon behalf of men in general but
I think I can summarize that Ifeel the majority of men when
they think of having a bisexualgirlfriend, they just think that
they're going to have a thirdinvolved in the relationship all
the time it's just going to bea revolving door of women.
(37:05):
They don't know that they'rethe one that's not they don't
understand that, like babe, youain't getting in on the action.
You can sit in the corner andyou can watch yeah, because your
pants on reading a book bringme snacks no I, I mean again, I
think that would come down tothe dynamics of the relationship
and what if you wanted yourpartner involved that, etc.
(37:26):
But I think I mean, obviously,like women are just hot, like I
can confidently say that, likethat's the only porn I've ever
watched is just girl on girl,but like okay, that's fair, but,
like, when it comes to likeguys, like gay men, like of
(37:50):
course, I, only I, I'm confusingmyself, I'm I don't know, I'm
tripping myself up.
Joey (37:56):
So do girls only watch girl on girl too?
Briley (38:01):
I don't think so.
I personally feel like, from myconversations with people that
have obviously been in a spaceto talk about our recent porn
searches, I don't think it's.
Joey (38:12):
I think it's common, but I don't think oh, every woman
only watches that, especiallylike whether they're straight by
or not, like I think mostpeople like the idea of having a
man involved because I guessI'm like overthinking this and
now I think I've just likeanswered my own question, but I
guess, like girl on girl,because the straight guy likes
(38:32):
women, why would he want to seeany another naked man?
Maybe?
Briley (38:38):
right, I don't actually know like, I just know it's,
it's just hot thanks for beinghere you're so welcome.
Joey (38:47):
Thanks for having me yeah, thanks for sharing your stories
, your experiences and hopefully, someone's listening out there
and maybe they feel the same way.
Maybe they're like we're teambriley, how do we?
Only team to be your baby,because we're winners that's
right, because if you're anearth sign, you're a winner
you're a winner and remember I'mnot gay.
Briley (39:08):
You are.
Joey (39:09):
That's right bitch.
welcome back to.
I'm not gay.
You are with your host, joey,that is me, and today we have my
bestie on the pod, briley, sayhi, hey, bestie, how are we
doing?
I'm?
Briley (00:24):
say hi hey bestie, how are we doing?
I'm so good, how are you babe?
Joey (00:27):
Good, so good, to have you here Always On this bright,
bright, sunny, sunny day.
Gorgeous, it's 8pm on aSaturday night it's pitch black.
There's candles lit multiplecandles On a Saturday night.
Where's the Ouija board?
Briley (00:44):
Just kidding, it's spooky season, we're getting
into it.
Joey (00:49):
Alrighty, we're so excited to share some of Briley's
journeys and experience today,so let's get right into it.
Briley (00:56):
Everybody be nice.
Joey (00:58):
Let's start with how we first met.
Um, because you have a bettermemory than me, you bought it.
Briley (01:08):
You share our first memory, or your first memory of
us together and and kind of howwe know each other okay, um, so
at the time I was still, we wereboth working in the service
industry, um, and I would getoff work from my restaurant and
your work was still open, so Iwould frequent there for like a
(01:29):
late night happy hour.
Little wait, what was the redwine that was on happy hour?
the monvin no, the other one.
Anyways, there was this wine.
I can't remember the name of it.
I want to say, like carnivore,it was carnivore.
I used to get a nine ouncecarnivore after a long shift and
I noticed you there working.
I think you were like in shiftleader role, um, and we like
(01:50):
spoke a few times.
You would come to tables butthen we both worked out at the
same spin class and I would seeyou in class and like there was
a couple times I think we justdid like that nod kind of thing.
And then one time we got totalking and I think at that
point in your life you were kindof going through like some
relationship stuff and we werejust you just opened up to me a
little bit and I like low-key,asked you out and was like we
(02:12):
should grab a beer, and then wewent to a brewery and like
emotionally dumping on like aregular guest at the bar.
It was perfect to be honest,I've always like, manifested
like a gay bestie, and I wasjust like.
This is my opportunity tosnatch up this amazing man here
I am.
So yeah, trauma dumping yeah,literally, and we sat at the
(02:34):
brewery and we talked about lifeand I feel like that was just
kind of like the olive branch ofour friendship starting.
Yeah over beer, over beer Ithink you might have gotten a
cider.
Let's be honest, I don't likebeer, not much of a beer, dude
no, I I like breweries.
Joey (02:52):
I just I prefer cider.
I'm a sweeter I'm a sweet treattype of guy I like, I love like
a dessert, yeah, a dessert,never ever gonna knock down the
opportunity to?
A dairy queen run dq baby.
Briley (03:07):
When did we audition for spin co?
Joey (03:11):
oh yeah, that's a whole like part of chapter we've just
missed let's just we'll circleback to that later.
Briley (03:17):
Certain listeners aren't listening for the tea, or if
they are we still want paying Iam still owed my vacation and my
last three classes you transfer, truly thank you anyway, okay,
(03:38):
let's go to spin.
Joey (03:38):
Go, because that was that was for me.
I think that was where Iremember our friendship like
taking off and like kind ofbeing one-on-one and like um, I
just really saw more of youthrough that company and like
the brand.
So for anyone that doesn't know, um, me and Briley used to
(04:02):
teach at a indoor cyclingcompany in Canada called Spinco,
and we were at a location thatis not open anymore,
unfortunately.
Briley (04:11):
RIP Sad.
It had a good run.
Joey (04:14):
Yeah, and we used to ride together at another location and
then we auditioned forinstructors.
Briley was an instructor beforeme and then I was going through
some pretty low stuff, asBriley was an instructor before
me.
And then I was going throughsome pretty low stuff as Briley
was saying, and I kind of usedmy emotional what would you call
it?
Briley (04:33):
I think, like you were very I want to use the word
vulnerable and I mean that in avery like gentle and loving way
but I think the vulnerabilityside of it actually worked in
your advantage.
I remember you were very Idon't just want to use the word
nervous, of course everyone'snervous.
To hop on a bike and try toinstruct for the first time, pop
on that headset, like theadrenaline and nerves that go
through your body is like awhole other experience.
(04:54):
But I think I just rememberreally telling you like I think
that this will be a really goodopportunity for you to come out
and do something positive foryourself.
There's such like a just like arough patch and just.
I remember the audition.
I actually was working um at alike care home, nursing, and I
left early to come to youraudition and you killed it and
(05:17):
it was so good and the rest ishistory and you did amazing she
went from wiping asses to wipingmy ass.
I've got you on that bike and Iwas like do your thing, baby
girl, and you slayed.
It was so good.
I was so proud of you.
I was like in the front rowlike I remember it.
Joey (05:35):
I remember you texting me being like I don't think I'm
gonna make it and I was like, ohno, like there's nobody else
here cheering me on, I'm like,oh, I'm scared.
Briley (05:42):
And then, right before I was getting on the bike, you
just the door opened in and Iwas like I don't even think I
set up my bike, I just clippedin and was like let's go.
Yeah, oh cute, yeah, I madethat um, yeah, that was.
That's a core memory that's afriendship for sure.
Yeah, we just watched, we justwatched inside out.
So yeah, we're in the feels alittle bit.
Joey (06:04):
From there.
Briley (06:07):
I just feel like we kind of started hanging out like in
the wild and then, like I thinkone time In the wild, in the
wild.
Joey (06:14):
Well, I also moved down the street from you.
I was like a block from you.
Yeah, you lived close by, andthen I didn't know that at the
time I didn't know where youlived and like, oh, I'm just
gonna move a block near you tobe closer obsessed yeah yeah,
like she's around here somewherea lot, this one, I'll take this
one.
Uh, I so, yeah, I moved in andthen I guess we just, yeah,
(06:35):
started hanging out more andthat's that and now we're here.
Briley (06:40):
Here we are you're stuck with me yep, you're stuck with
me.
I wouldn't have it any otherway.
Joey (06:45):
It's perfect so that's a little bit about us, and then I
kind of want to talk about youme, yeah, okay obviously I want
to know a little bit aboutyourself, so give us a little
intro to yourself hi everybody.
Briley (07:03):
Um pleasure to be.
I guess I'll just start withthe boring basics, but not so
boring, I think it's necessary.
So I am the ripe age of 31.
I am a Taurus and I am brunette.
Does that matter?
(07:23):
I don't know.
You guys can get a littlevisual here Green eyes, hazel
sometimes, I don't know.
Joey (07:28):
Anyways, Sell it, sell it yeah.
Briley (07:30):
Single my Instagram?
No, I'm just kidding.
Yeah, and I would say that ifyou were to ask me this question
in my early to mid 20s, I would100% just come out the gate and
say like, oh, I'm straight andI've always dated men and I can
(07:50):
say that still is valid at thispoint in my life.
But, that being said, Irealized kind of like mid late
20s that I had like somebi-curious situations kind of
come up and that kind of justsat there for a while and then
eventually I curiosity got thebest of me and I had my first
(08:16):
few encounters with women andthey were good and I don't think
at the time it really shiftedwhat I wanted in terms of dating
, but it definitely kind of likeplanted the seed of what that
looked like in terms of beingable to say like, oh, now I
(08:37):
identify as bisexual and whatthat looks like for somebody
that has never actually been ina same-sex relationship.
Joey (08:46):
So yeah, so how old were you when you had your first
encounter with like same-sex?
Briley (08:54):
I think I was 28.
Roughly we'll go with that.
Um, yeah, and it was with likea very, I would say, like
confidently, like anacquaintance, and it wasn't very
like expected.
It was kind of just one ofthose situations where, like we
(09:14):
were hanging out late like acouple of drinks, and then I
just remember she kissed me andand then I was like, oh was nice
, like to be honest, like ladies, your lips are soft and they're
not chapped and there's nobeard double prickle, or like
you know, it was very nice.
(09:34):
And then one thing led toanother and there was yeah, it
was an interesting experience.
I remember, kind of lookingback on it, just being like, oh,
that was a wild night or wasjust kind of something that I
would just reflect on, butdidn't think too much about it
until it was something that cameup in other circumstances that
I did not pass the opportunityon.
Joey (09:56):
So so like at this point now, like confidently, do you
feel like you're like bisexualor like what's your sexual
orientation?
Like do you?
Briley (10:04):
feel like you're like bisexual or like what's your
sexual orientation like.
I think this is where I have alittle bit of a hard time,
because I feel like we'vechatted about this like off the
mic as well, just in terms ofthe community and like is it
valid to say, someone who hasnever been in a same-sex
relationship, who has had, youknow, more than one, like
(10:26):
multiple experiences with thesame sex, to say, like
confidently, like I identify asbi, but I have never actually
gone and made an effort to goand even attempt to be in a
same-sex relationship?
Like I would say confidently,like I do feel, like I identify
as bi, like I am attracted towomen?
(10:47):
I think women are so manythings.
They are beautiful.
Their energy, just the rangeand what a woman can bring to
the table is so beautiful and Ithink that it would actually
make for a really interestingrelationship and I don't say
interesting as like a negativething.
I think it would be a very safespace to be with a woman.
(11:11):
I just feel like at this pointin my life I've only ever found
myself gravitating towards men.
Ew, I know, but it's just theway it's been for me.
And so it's like I know thatthey say it doesn't count if
you've never and by they I justmean I'm just summarizing what
I've seen on the internet orlike the community saying you
know if your social norms yeahand stuff like that and like
(11:34):
does that, like where do I fallin?
because I feel like I've gonepast the curiosity of exploring
and actually put myself intosituations where I've been able
to do it and can confidently saylike it wasn't a regret, like
there was zero regret that camewith those experiences.
And so, yeah, I would say I ambi.
(11:55):
I don't really think I've everhad like a formal coming out and
I don't even think this is iteven to yeah, you guys get the
cake guys, someone.
Joey (12:04):
Where's the spark?
Where's the streamers?
Where's?
Briley (12:06):
the cake?
Where's the?
I don't even pinata, yeah umbut yeah, I think you know what
I have actually told my siblingsand I feel I have two younger
brothers and I feel like one ofthem was like okay, yeah, you
know, we've all been there interms of different experiences
with and like life experiences.
(12:27):
And then when I said, well, no,like it was actually like blank
.
Joey (12:31):
Many times he goes oh okay , cool it was something that you
like returned to a couple times.
Briley (12:37):
Yeah, revisited, you know it wasn't like a sloppy,
like end of the night, drunkkiss, like there was multiple
experiences in which I, like, Isaid took the opportunity to
explore and did and enjoyed, andso I think one of them was kind
of like cool yo, that.
And the other one I don't thinkand again I could be lying Maybe
(12:59):
he did take me seriously, but Idon't think he was as like
quick to be like okay, yeah sure, but I don't think he was as
like quick to be like okay, yeahsure, but in terms of like
parents or stuff like that, Inever sat them down and said any
type of thing.
I think I might have casuallymentioned it at like a family
gathering again.
Joey (13:14):
So just like casual that I don't really think they took.
Briley (13:18):
I don't know, do you think they'd be shocked if they
heard this and they're like oh,I feel, yeah, I think it would
be like a little bit of a remix,because I don't really think
that there's, and I don't thinkthat there's any perfect write
up or drop in what I think thecookie cutter example of someone
, like a woman being bi, lookslike, but I don't really think
(13:41):
there's been really any clues orlike circumstances that would
lead up to them being able toconfidently say like oh, I saw
that coming.
I think for my friends and myclose friends, I would say they
could probably say yeah, sure,yeah.
But, I don't think, in terms offamily, that I think they would,
yeah, probably be a littletaken back.
Joey (14:01):
Going back to what you were saying before, when you
were saying you know, likesocietal norms and um, that we
set off Mike and stuff chattingabout, like people saying, just
because you've only you knowyou're not in a relationship
with a woman or like a same-sexrelationship, that does that
like devalue your orientationand how you see yourself.
(14:22):
Like does that even make you bior bisexual, you curious?
Like I think that there's powerin knowing who you are and it
shouldn't matter what peoplethink you know outside or
outside of your relationships.
And you know, if people want tohave those opinions, that's all
(14:44):
they are their opinions andpeople don't necessarily need to
share them.
And like I just find that mostpeople shouldn't really be
interjecting on what defines agay person or, you know, a
bisexual person or a straightperson.
Briley (15:02):
Or anyone in general really.
Like I truly think that otherpeople's opinions of me aren't
my business and it is easiersaid than done.
It is easier said than done,but I think, like in this
context, it also is relevantbecause it's like it's really
not their place to say oh well,like you said, it doesn't count,
or it?
Is not authentic when that'sjust true to me and where I'm at
(15:25):
right now.
Joey (15:25):
So totally, and all we're here to do is just kind of like
share experiences and how itmakes us feel and hopefully that
more.
Briley (15:36):
Maybe that aligns with somebody listening and they're
totally.
I'd be so curious if there'sother girlies in the same boat
who have, you know, maybe evennot crossed that threshold.
Maybe they're sitting in thesituation where I was a few
years back, where they're justlike curious but haven't
actually dove into the curidasior have only ever been with men,
and like curious as to what itlooks like to even just have an
experience, let alone look at itas a possibility of totally you
(15:59):
know a relationship, the realdeal and you're the first woman,
your first girlie, on thepodcast.
Joey (16:04):
I'm so excited, so honored yeah, of course you have to be
here.
You're my best friend yeah likethis is uh, this is great, it's
uh, it's kind of weird, though,like it's not strange, like I
know, obviously I'm, I'm yourbest friend, like I know most of
this about you already, but Ifeel like I'm interviewing oh
(16:25):
yeah, I'm like, I guess like formy best friend, you know what I
mean it's like, and obviouslyyour answers are like on point,
like to to what I'm, I know andeverything too, so like and I,
yeah, I just, I just don't wantto yeah.
I hope you're comfortable.
Briley (16:38):
Of course, Okay good.
Joey (16:40):
I just don't want to make sure that I'm asking anything
that could be like.
Briley (16:43):
No, you're good, I think it's funny because I have heard
the term like a gay awakeningand you know in the setting of
like when was your gay awakening?
and you know, in the setting oflike, when was your gay
awakening or what was like aspecific moment.
And I feel like it's funnybecause if I actually take time
to think about it, I just thinkabout the scene from the
(17:03):
original, like one of theoriginal Transformers movies
with Megan Fox, and she's like,if you know, you know, you guys,
listeners, you know what I'mtalking about.
She's like bent over the hoodof the car and she's tanned and
she's in this tight little jeanshort situation with like her
tummy out, and I was like jaw tothe floor, like more than just
she looks good, I was like holyshit, like yeah.
(17:25):
I would, you know, and it wasjust like it's funny, because
those kind of things haven'treally come up a ton.
But I've had like otherexperiences where you know, like
little moments where I've beenlike, am I like?
Joey (17:38):
she was awoke yeah, she woke today you're on online
dating platforms on and off, youknow the usual it's honestly
the trenches.
Briley (17:51):
If you're from vancouver , it is rough out there.
It is a shallow puddle.
There are no, I don't even knowI.
It's bad.
It's bad.
I was not cut out for war.
This is horrible.
Like I go on and off these appsbi-weekly, but here we are back
(18:12):
again we love the delete andthen the oh always.
Joey (18:15):
I'm like never again I'm just focusing on myself and then
it's a random tuesday accountthough for me, and then it like
you have to remake your accountand to go find the photos that
I'm like damn it, what was onthere where I looked?
Briley (18:27):
good, oh yeah, that's the one I should just create my
own little folder in my phone.
Joey (18:30):
That's like hinge yeah, the hinge photos, my top five.
Briley (18:35):
And that would be your profile of choice or, sorry,
your platform of choice hinge um, I've used hinge and I've used
bumble and then for I'm notexaggerating about an hour and a
half I had tinder until a mancame up in like a full
mcdonald's costume standingoutside of wendy's, and I was
like that's enough for tonightand forever, and I deleted my
profile, like I said, men um,don't forget where you started,
(19:01):
though mcdonald's I don't callme out like that.
I went to mcdonald's.
Joey (19:07):
I drank the kool-aid hard when it came to mcdonald's.
Briley (19:13):
Yeah, the fruitopia oh, half fruitopia, half spray that
was the kool-aid, that was Imean that was my kool-aid, but
yeah did you ever have to cleanthe shake machine?
No, it just would like not work.
Oh god, that would just pass onthe information.
Anyone gay?
Joey (19:29):
you might have lube.
You gotta put on that thing,jesus I don't know.
Briley (19:32):
I think they had a guy that came and did it, but it
didn't work often.
Stop that.
I know I had to always give thebad news no ma'am.
Yeah, we came for the bigflurries.
I'm so sorry the ice creammachine's down again liars and
never forget where you're from,baby never, never forget where
you first flourished.
Joey (19:52):
It's not a flurry if it's made in a hurry oh oh, I have
them all.
Clean floor is a clean storemine.
Oh time to leave my ptsd.
Briley (20:01):
Was time to clean I had 90 second drive through.
Time was my manager'sexpectation of me from the time
that the car drove up to orderto the time they got their bag
of food and when I.
I think this is a part of thereason that I was just so
stressed the right most people.
Joey (20:16):
It takes 89 seconds to order yeah, that's the one
second food delivery at theother window and then out it was
not always a realistic goal.
Well, you've been to timhortons?
Yes, they crush theirdrive-thru times, throw the
order at you, but unfortunately,you're wearing your coffee you
get to the and your bagel beltson the hood of your car yeah,
and your ice cap is melted onthe floor diarrhea by the time
(20:40):
you get it.
They made it three days ago.
Briley (20:41):
Let me tell you from experience you don't want to do
the ice cap and farmers wrapcombo together because that is a
one-way ticket to the bathroomyou have a lot of one-way
tickets.
The bathroom we're not talkingabout that your online dating
profile is set to just men rightnow it is so is it because you
(21:06):
see yourself like long term withthem, with a guy or with like a
, like a masculine figure or Ithink what it's a good point you
just made about the term likemasculine and I think that can
be used in a lot of differentcontexts.
I feel like in my experiencewith women I find myself very
(21:28):
much channeling like masculineenergy, and I don't necessarily
mean like appearance, I meanlike actual energy.
I feel like if we were to putrules I don't actually know if
there's a top and a bottom in agirl-on-girl relationship but I
feel like I would be the top,like I give, like if I had a
(21:48):
dick it would be massive, like Ijust give off big chick energy.
Like one of my experiences witha girl we went back to her
house, we had some fun and shefell asleep and I called myself
an uber and I kissed her on theforehead when I left and I
walked out and.
I was like, oh my gosh, Iunderstand why these men do this
(22:11):
and it was like I don't want tosay toxic, but it was just so
weird that that's what Igravitated towards.
And then, like, even in otherexperiences, like I just found
myself being I don't want to usethe word dominant and like like
controlling or any way likethat, but I just found it was
easy to kind of lean into like amasculine energy, and I feel
(22:33):
like in a lot of ways, I've hadto do that in relationships with
men too, and it's hard becauseyou really, like I truly do want
to be what you fuck them.
I mean like my energy has justbeen, like I've taken the role,
or like the lead in terms of alot of things because, it.
(22:55):
It's safe for me to do thatbecause then I feel like there's
not a lot of letdown in termsof expectations.
But I would love to be in aposition where I'm in a
relationship, whether that iswith a man or woman, that I can
really lean into my feminine,like, my feminine side, like my
soft side, you know, like mysoft girl era, all those things
you want to, you hear and yousee on the internet.
(23:16):
Like I truly do want to leaninto a more like feminine, soft,
like loving version of myself.
But I feel like it was veryeasy in my experience to be like
a little bit more of like wearthe pants, you know.
Joey (23:29):
Yeah.
What do you think you need in apartner to bring out the more
feminine side in you, as quoted,or like the loving and
nurturing side of you?
Like, what do you think thatyou're missing in a relationship
that might bring out the femme?
Briley (23:48):
I think it's cheesy, but a lot of it stems for me with
my love languages.
I just think I found myself inrelationships where
compatibility in general hasn'tbeen there, but I've also not
been um receiving love in theway that I feel loved, and so I
think that that's just like ahuge foundation in any
(24:08):
relationship.
But I find like, the more Idon't receive love in the way
that I like to receive it andfor those that want to know, I'm
very big on like words ofaffirmation, um, so like I need
to, even in friendships, likeI'll be like you love me.
Like do you still want to be myfriend?
Like, do we still get to hangout this weekend?
Joey (24:26):
we're not there anymore.
We passed that barrier, but wewere there.
Briley (24:29):
Yeah, I remember it yeah , and I know in summons like it
can feel maybe like clingy orneedy and that's also like a big
fear of mine is to be too muchor a lot to handle and like
that's a whole other topic.
But I think when I'm not feelingaffirmed emotionally from a
partner, it makes it really hardbecause then I feel like I
(24:52):
almost and makes it really hardbecause then I feel like I
almost, yeah, have to like takeover or will do things or say
things, so that basically, likeI just have to like affirm
myself and then that takes awayfrom the point.
Like I want someone to bringout this like soft side of me
that knows that I'm loved orvalued or fill in the blank on
whatever feels good to you andthat you need to hear, to feel
(25:14):
in like a safe space.
So I think ultimately it wouldbe nice to find a partner that
can match those love languagesand makes an effort to do that
throughout a relationship thisfar in life, do you feel like
any man have been able to likegive you that and like provide
that for you?
I think to some degree, but alot of it comes with prompting
(25:37):
and also me like almost havingto ask, and then, when the
situations would come up andthey would do it, it felt Forced
yeah, disenjongous yeah.
I had to ask for this.
Basically, I had to give you ahandbook on how to love me,
which then, just like, bringsout wounds of like I'm not
lovable or like I'm difficult tolike this shouldn't be so hard,
(25:57):
like I feel.
Like you know you hear peoplesay it all the time like when
you meet the right partner,whatever that looks like, in
whatever capacity, whether it'splatonic love, like in a
friendship, or even familymembers, like they should know
how to love you, and I thinkthat people that genuinely want
a place in your life shouldunderstand the importance of how
that person wants to love andlike, be and receive love and
(26:20):
like, make an effort to do that.
I just, yeah, I don't thinkentirely, I think in some
aspects, but not enough for meto be, yeah, like, truly like my
soft girl side which,underneath, like the exterior
that I think I put on sometimeslike very scentsy you are very
in touch with your sensitiveside.
Joey (26:40):
I would, as are you.
You're not a water sign, I'm anearth sign.
I don't even know, like I onlyknow.
This is the thing.
You're a water sign because, no, I'm a fire aries.
Yeah, that's the thing.
Is you only really know yourown sign?
Right, we confirmed it's anearth sign.
It's the first earth sign inthe zodiac and second sign.
(27:00):
Overall yeah overall of what?
Briley (27:05):
of the signs no, it's not.
Joey (27:07):
They're not ranked from like first you're like I'm
second.
That's not winner, that winnerinstinct in you.
Briley (27:14):
You're like I'm oh my gosh, I'm so competitive, I'm
first.
Joey (27:17):
I'm the first of this zodiac and I'm the second in
everything else so I'm just awinner, practically winner I
love that.
Going back to something you saidbefore you were talking about,
people should know how to loveyou.
Do you think people nowadaysare more aware of like love
(27:40):
languages and like kind of justlike what they all are Like?
Do you think that men educatethemselves and women or like
anyone to be honest?
Do you think people educatethemselves on the love languages
out there and like understandthat like people really do
represent, like these languagesrepresent people and how they
(28:03):
accept and receive love andvalue in a relationship?
Briley (28:08):
I honestly always bring this up when I'm in like the
dreaded talking phase withsomeone is I will usually kind
of I do it in like alight-hearted way in some, in
like most instances, because Idon't want it to be this like
big, heavy topic, but it isimportant.
So I'll usually just be like,oh, what are your top three love
languages?
Because I feel most of them dooverlap and there's like in my
(28:34):
experience there is multiplethat tend to fall like, I would
say, the top ones.
I hear often, especially frommen who you know I've had
majority of my experience with,will all say like physical touch
I knew you're gonna say thatyeah, the first one's like my
dick yeah, like you're notsucking.
Joey (28:50):
We're not sucking my dick.
Briley (28:50):
Sucking we're not sucking my dick if you're not
sucking my dick, babe, get out.
There's the door, like you know, and it's just you know.
I was thinking more of like ahand on the leg while in the
passenger seat in the carbecause we love a passenger
princess moment.
I want that hand on my thigh,maybe a little squeeze yeah, I.
Want you to hold my hand inpublic.
You know we can talk about hairpull, yeah, in a private setting
(29:13):
, but for the most part it'sjust, you know, yeah, but it
doesn't have to necessarily be asexual thing.
Like physical touch is just,yeah, like someone is physically
there.
I think that one comes up a lotlike movie night, yeah, anything
or listening, like, even if youdon't have anything to say,
just like the physical presenceof sitting next to someone is so
(29:35):
important and, I think, somonumental in so many ways, like
think about all those you knowlittle videos that you see that
will say, like showing upmatters, and I'll be like a kid
looking in the crowd for theirparent to come to that like
really lame school play thatthey're about to be in and they
look out in the crowd and theysee their parent or whoever it
is that they're waiting for, andtheir eyes light up.
It's like it really does matter,like when you show up yeah, and
(29:57):
I think, oh yeah, that's.
Joey (30:00):
I never really thought about that.
It's so important.
Why don't dating apps have likeuh, in the profile?
Why is it not like installedyet in the profiles?
Like you know, like what areyour top three love languages?
Or like why do you think, whydo?
Why don't you think that's likeavailable?
I know, are they sleeping onthis?
Like?
Briley (30:20):
I feel like we should copyright this right now, um
director of hinge.
You're missing out.
Joey (30:27):
Yeah, I just, I love, I'm just like attacking hinge
because it's the literal worstin my experience but I think
that that would actually be areally good thing to add to any
platform for people looking forconnections, because it yeah, in
my experience, I just feel likeit's so important well, I mean,
if there's like listen right,if, if tinder is doing or hinge
(30:49):
or any of these online datingplatforms are doing what they're
supposed to be doing andmatching your profiles to people
that are supposed to becompatible for you then why are
we not putting that in there?
I don't know, and like if you'resaying that I, you know, my
love languages are you didn'tsay this but physical touch,
words of affirmation and thengifting Say those are the three
that you put in affirmation, andthen gifting say let's, those
(31:12):
are the three that you put in.
Briley (31:13):
Those three should match somebody else's or maybe what
they're willing or how they showtheir love, right, like maybe
there's like a compatibility,like, um, something there where
they can, I don't know, like the, the opponent, that's a really
good point, because I know thatit's not necessarily one of my
languages of like receivinggifts, but I love to give gifts
(31:36):
like handwritten cards,thoughtful birthday gifts,
christmas I turn into a freakingelf and I just love finding
like little things that I'm like.
I remember they said that theylike this or that that was their
favorite or?
oh my gosh, they were talkingabout wanting to read this book
and so I got it for you.
Like to me, like those thingsare enjoying, like I enjoy doing
(31:59):
those types of things.
Enjoying I enjoy doing thosetypes of things.
So I wouldn't necessarily needsomeone to give me gifts, like
it's always nice, for sure, butI enjoy, enjoy gift giving.
So, for someone who does reallyvalue giving, getting gifts as
a way of feeling loved, likelike you said, that would be the
perfect opportunity to maybepotentially match to people up
where, like yeah, I don't know,I think you're onto something
(32:23):
like daddy, I need a porscheyeah, or like I don't really
feel like paying rent this month.
Yeah, literally, uh, yeah,groceries, that's gonna give me
the right crowd.
Joey (32:29):
You know, potentially I don't really feel like paying
rent this month.
Yeah, literally yeah, groceries.
That's going to give me theright crowd.
You know, potentially I don'tknow whether they're I think
they're missing the mark alittle bit.
Briley (32:39):
I feel they are.
I don't think they matchanymore.
Joey (32:41):
Is that what they do?
Is that ever been the intention?
Or I think it's just likepopulates everyone in your area.
Briley (32:46):
I don't think the intention was ever to like match
people to you being like thesequalities that you have, they're
looking for, or I mean, I thinkthat in some ways they try to
because, like I know, hinge hasthis feature which I hate, and
it says like most compatible,but it doesn't say why it thinks
you're most compatible and itwill just match you with like
(33:07):
gremlins and you're just.
Joey (33:09):
it kind of hurts your ego for our final point, we'll talk
about, uh, the gay best friendmyths the myths of the gay
bestie yeah, yeah, are there anymyths?
Briley (33:24):
I don't know.
Actually I feel likestereotypical.
It's always like the girl'sgirl, you know, can shoot the
shit with the girlies, goshopping, talk about things that
maybe you're, you know,heterosexual Is that the right
word?
Man, friends aren't going towant to chat with you about like
(33:46):
, on some level there'squalities that are just like a
little bit more geared towardslike femininity.
Is that fair to say?
yeah, like more femme energy,yeah, um, and just really safe,
like I just think the concept ofhaving a friendship with the
(34:06):
opposite sex, not feel any otherway than just genuine love and
care and like just platonic umis not super common, like I know
of friendships where you knowpeople have really close, like
male or female friends and viceversa, but I think it doesn't
(34:27):
always work out a lot of thetime because of whatever someone
catches, feelings or whatevercheesy tv series what wrong
comes.
Joey (34:39):
You've been watching recently um no, I agree, though
I think that, um, I think, likethe gay best friend you know
myths or whatever I feel likewhen I kind of brought that up,
I think it's important that,like we address, um, the, the
genuinity, and like therelationship and the friendship
(35:00):
first as well.
Like I feel like, you know,like some of these older movies
and stuff like stereotypical,would be like oh, grab your gay
best friend and let's go formanicures, and or, right, like I
feel like gay, the gay bestfriend was almost like an object
, it was like a purse that youwould wear an accessory, yeah,
the perfect accessory I mean Imean you are the perfect
(35:23):
accessory, but to life baby yeah, yeah, this is.
This is for life, this isn'tjust for the mall I honestly
hate the mall.
We've grown out of the mallphase yeah, like I'm sick of
manchu walk, but anyways likethe food court.
Briley (35:39):
I'm like pardon, is that a new store?
I'm so out to date of thetrends.
Have you ever been?
Joey (35:44):
no to manchu walk.
Briley (35:46):
No, oh my god, you've never had mall chinese food I
feel like I have, but I feellike it also give me food
poisoning no, it's so high insodium you'll be running for the
tap you'll be running for thetap.
Joey (35:58):
You need to drink lots of water.
Yeah, I just eat it and then Ifeel skinny because I've got no
more water in my body.
Briley (36:07):
I'm not sure how that worked.
Joey (36:09):
I don't think that's quite how the electrolyte system
works, but anyway yeah, just oneone buffet combo from manchu
walk and I'm I'm out ofcommission zero yeah, and on the
toilet all night all nightliquid last question before we
sign off here what do you?
(36:29):
Why do guys like girl on girl?
I Like you obviously this isstemming from your conversation
then, when your ex was like,yeah, I'm okay with you, like
wanting to explore, like cause,you were like and he was like of
course I'm okay with it, likeyou know, like what?
Briley (36:43):
is what is that?
I think that it's funny thatyou say that, because I feel for
most and again, I can't speakon behalf of men in general but
I think I can summarize that Ifeel the majority of men when
they think of having a bisexualgirlfriend, they just think that
they're going to have a thirdinvolved in the relationship all
the time it's just going to bea revolving door of women.
(37:05):
They don't know that they'rethe one that's not they don't
understand that, like babe, youain't getting in on the action.
You can sit in the corner andyou can watch yeah, because your
pants on reading a book bringme snacks no I, I mean again, I
think that would come down tothe dynamics of the relationship
and what if you wanted yourpartner involved that, etc.
(37:26):
But I think I mean, obviously,like women are just hot, like I
can confidently say that, likethat's the only porn I've ever
watched is just girl on girl,but like okay, that's fair, but,
like, when it comes to likeguys, like gay men, like of
(37:50):
course, I, only I, I'm confusingmyself, I'm I don't know, I'm
tripping myself up.
Joey (37:56):
So do girls only watch girl on girl too?
Briley (38:01):
I don't think so.
I personally feel like, from myconversations with people that
have obviously been in a spaceto talk about our recent porn
searches, I don't think it's.
Joey (38:12):
I think it's common, but I don't think oh, every woman
only watches that, especiallylike whether they're straight by
or not, like I think mostpeople like the idea of having a
man involved because I guessI'm like overthinking this and
now I think I've just likeanswered my own question, but I
guess, like girl on girl,because the straight guy likes
(38:32):
women, why would he want to seeany another naked man?
Maybe?
Briley (38:38):
right, I don't actually know like, I just know it's,
it's just hot thanks for beinghere you're so welcome.
Joey (38:47):
Thanks for having me yeah, thanks for sharing your stories
, your experiences and hopefully, someone's listening out there
and maybe they feel the same way.
Maybe they're like we're teambriley, how do we?
Only team to be your baby,because we're winners that's
right, because if you're anearth sign, you're a winner
you're a winner and remember I'mnot gay.
Briley (39:08):
You are.
Joey (39:09):
That's right bitch.
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