Episode Transcript
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Announcer (00:00):
Welcome to In His
Circle, from women for women.
We're here to help you findpeace in knowing you are in
God's hands.
Our goal is sharing the Word ofGod in simple conversations.
We're here to help you thriveevery day.
And now, here is your host.
Tiffany Windsor (00:19):
Good morning.
I'm Tiffany Windsor and I'mMary Koning and Mary, will you
please start us off?
Mary Koning (00:25):
Lord, we just pray
this morning 1 John 4
In this the love of God wasmade manifest among us, that God
sent his only Son into theworld that we might live through
him.
So, Lord, I ask that we livethrough you today, and that
requires me to get out of my ownway, and maybe some of our
(00:47):
other circle sisters.
So we ask you to show us how.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Tiffany Windsor (00:53):
Thank you so
much.
Today I'm feeling really boldin my conversation.
This is going to be interestingto see what comes out of my
mouth Because as we're growingour community, we're reaching
out to friends, other women thatwe know, and gathering in
community and talking, anddefinitely what I am seeing is
(01:15):
that one of the hiccups thathappens to women is getting
stuck in their life story.
Because I went through divorceso many years ago and I was so
young and I know I had to have alife story then that I was
stuck in for some amount of timethat I've forgotten about.
I want to be kind and forgivingto the women around me, but
(01:40):
it's not serving them well to bestuck in their life story.
So can we talk about that today?
Mary Koning (01:48):
Let's talk about it
.
I know that for me it was a lotof ruminating over just stuck
stuck in a rut is all I can say,and I called it my long valley
of the shadow of death, and itlasted probably four years.
I couldn't see the light at theend of the tunnel and I didn't
know how to get out, so I justkept putting one foot in front
of the other and kept going tomy recovery group and praying
(02:12):
and trying to get through it,one foot in front of the other.
Tiffany Windsor (02:16):
So what comes
to mind for me is that we, as
women, want to be heard and, ofcourse, in a lot of times in
relationship, we feel that weare not heard by our spouse when
that relationship breaks.
So you've made the decision, asa Christian woman, that you are
going to move into divorce.
(02:37):
How are women heard?
Because when I hear womenspeaking their life stories over
and over and over again, I wantto help move them and shift
them through these phases, andso I think first we need to
identify what the phases are,help give tools, but what can we
(02:58):
do to help women who have thisreally deep desire to continue
to talk about their life story,but there's this stuckness that
is not allowing them to take thenext steps in their growth.
Enlighten me more on this, Mary, and help me understand this
(03:18):
more.
Mary Koning (03:20):
I think that
keeping going or continuing to
go to recovery group, eventhough I didn't feel any forward
motion, helped me find my voice.
But it wasn't just that.
The last year I was in recoverywhich started, it was 22, 23.
The leadership started to useright brain activities so
(03:41):
drawings and other activities toprocess our emotions and that
broke loose some damn.
That broke through for me tounderstand all the previous
years of recovery group andhelped me find my voice.
And then a dear friend reachedout and said hey, why don't you
(04:01):
use your voice in a podcast?
And I said that sounds awfuland scary.
And yet here we are, so findingmy voice, especially in a
marriage, that my voice wassilenced for 20 odd years.
To be able to try and find myvoice again and use it, and then
use it in this format, is onlyGod.
(04:23):
I mean, there's no way toexplain this other than here's
what God can do when I followhim instead of making my own
choices for myself.
Tiffany Windsor (04:32):
So, as I'm
listening to you and thinking a
little bit about my path overthe past years, because I've had
several successful careers, Iwas in real estate development
for a while.
My mother is in the arts andcrafts business and she started
a television show that ran for16 years.
I was the producer and host forsix years.
(04:53):
I hit my 40s, I was 44, top ofmy career, top of what I thought
was what I wanted, and I justremember sitting down one day,
not even being close to the Lordat that point, and I said, god,
is this all there is?
I had the creative expressionthat I wanted, I had a
(05:16):
comfortable life, I had my ownhome, and yet there was so much
that was missing, and so Iwalked away from all of it at
that point, didn't realize thatit was the Lord helping me at
that point, saying you need towalk away from all of this to
find me because you're sowrapped up in what you believe
(05:37):
is success in this world that itwas tough.
It was a full year.
I did go into depression,didn't seek any sort of
counseling or any help.
I did start reading the Bible.
So at that point I was seekinghelp.
I just didn't realize that'swhat it was, that that would be
what I understand it to be today.
(05:57):
What I want to encourage womento understand is, once you get
unstuck from your thinking, yourhumanness, and you turn that
thought to, god is present andGod is here to help me in this
moment, in this situation.
It takes such a burden off ofyou and that is my main tool
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right now.
Because you'll ask me well, howdo you do this or how do you do
that?
The simplicity of my answer isI turn to God.
I don't have to worry about theplanning because that's in
God's hands.
When everything is taken fromyou, when you walk away from
life that way and you say God,I'm turning myself over to you,
and I know not everyone can doit to the extreme.
(06:43):
That I did where I sat in aguest house on a 10 acre ranch
and there was really not peoplearound me and I really isolated
myself and it was a really toughsituation because I separated
from my family at that pointbecause I had been in a family
business.
When you strip all of that down, then you truly understand how
(07:03):
you turn to the Lord.
And again, I didn't understandit in that moment, but in
retrospect.
That's when the shift in mylife happened.
Mary Koning (07:12):
You said so many
good things there.
The two I caught and held ontowere you put it in his hands and
that you practiced, youpracticed it, you practice
turning everything over, andthat it wasn't immediate.
There was a process and we'retrying to circle back and I
(07:32):
thought it was interesting.
You were telling me back to me.
I'm asking you how do you dothis?
And isn't that what we'retrying to create here too?
How do we do it?
How is it done?
And I came across someinformation about oh, why do I
keep making decisions that areself-defeating and keep me down
low?
It's because I know what thatoutcome is.
(07:53):
I know that outcome is failureand that feels comfortable.
That sounds so depressing anddefeated that I would choose a
failure outcome over anunexpected outcome, just to
maintain control instead ofletting God control everything
and see what he has.
It's this relationship with Godthat you know I'm kind of
(08:15):
modeling after my ex, who isunhealthy for me, and having to
relearn that I can trust God.
And how do we learn to trustGod?
Community, the Bible, otherwarrior, women's stories and
successes.
Tiffany Windsor (08:32):
As we talk
about women sharing their life
story, I would love to see womennot get caught up in the loop
of repeating the life story.
So, mary, I definitely want tobuild with you some sort of
tools for women.
We've talked about theseguidebooks because there is a
pattern to this and so much ofthis is deprogramming what has
(08:52):
been programmed into themthrough relationships, through
childhood, through parents.
I totally understand thatthey're not going to be able to
heal overnight, but there haveto be tools that we can offer
that help them understand how tobuild their strength back up.
Because once you can shift yourthinking in that moment, one of
(09:14):
the women that I talked torecently, where she was really
explaining what was going onbehind closed doors and I was
just so sad of how she was ledto believe that she was far less
than what she is capable of andwho she is as God's child, and
(09:36):
how easy we can be manipulatedwith those words and those
patterns and the fear of theprogramming that happens and
again, this was from a spousethat she still hasn't been able
to stand up to that yet and tosee the trauma that she's going
through that I know that you anda lot of women that you have
(09:58):
been with over the past years onyour healing paths totally
understand what she's goingthrough and it breaks my heart.
Here's the thing she hasn't beenreaching out to us, and you
know me.
I'm the mediator.
I am the one who wants toalways step in and help.
I know my help is not alwaysthe right thing.
I have to learn how to navigatethat.
They will make their ownchanges when the time is right.
(10:20):
I'm just going to try and plantseeds, so help me here.
I'm going to toss it over toyou because I don't think I have
any other words to say.
Mary Koning (10:27):
I like what you
said about behind closed doors,
because it's hidden in thedarkness and the Lord wants us
to bring it into the light.
And this friend reminds me somuch of myself that I kept the
unhealthy things in the marriagehidden and wouldn't invite
people into the home, wouldn'tgo to other people's homes,
(10:48):
because I couldn't handle havingwitnesses to the excess bad
behavior of me and I also didn'thave a solution.
So what God has done over theyears is to open up the doors,
bring in the light, has doneover the years is to open up the
doors, bring in the light.
And when the light shines onthe dark places, then healing
can begin.
And so, instead of tellingmyself the same broken story, I
(11:10):
had to be willing to beauthentic and vulnerable with
safe people and not fearjudgment from them.
And one thing you have downreally well is your audience of
one that you know you're herejust to please the Lord and you
know and you're comfortable withpeople around you being not
(11:31):
100% happy with you and that'sbecause they're not who you're
here to please.
Tiffany Windsor (11:36):
Right, because
all I can do is speak the truth.
I listen to the Lord and I'mtrying to speak the truth in
that moment.
A lot of people do not want tohear it and I'm okay with that
because I know the Lord loves me.
I don't need love fromeverybody else.
Please read our e-zine.
Please listen to all of ourpast podcasts, because there are
(11:57):
so many pearls of wisdom that Itruly believe that you can take
away and apply to whateversituation you are in in your
life, in walking with the Lord.
This community our hope is thatit feels some sort of gap, that
you're feeling that you're notgetting from other groups, that
you're not getting from other,probably very wounded women
(12:18):
around you, because you need toalign yourself with strong women
, because you will get stuck inthe life story of yourself and
the other women's life storiesand you do not have to be stuck
there.
There are very strong women whohave been through this, who are
ready to share their storiesand life successes with you and
(12:38):
how they turn to the Lord to beable to keep walking through
their life.
Mary Koning (12:45):
And that's such a
good visual, because other women
aren't meant to be your rescuering, your floaty thing, your
lifesaver.
Lifesaver, that is thrown out toyou.
They're meant to be the oneswimming beside you encouraging
you, and I can't tell you howmany times I've reached out to
(13:05):
women wanting them to be mylifesaver and thank you God,
they just would refuse becausethat's not their role and that's
not their job.
And that was really painful atthe time because I didn't know
how to find my lifesaver, whichis God and in the word.
And even though I filled upjournals and journals and
(13:26):
journals with the word of God,I'm so forgetful and I think God
is trying to tell me, to tellyou, that his mercies are new
every morning.
We can't survive, you know,even a whole day without
remembering he's here for us andwith us.
And a dear friend said we neednot worry, god is for us.
(13:46):
So if it feels impossible orthere's no way through, god
needs the width of an angel,which is really tiny, and I've
really tested him on that manytimes and he has come through
the width of an angel wing.
Tiffany Windsor (14:02):
So I'm looking
at the bookmarks that we made
for our e-zine and I see justblasting at me is fearless.
Be fearless, because themanipulation that goes on in
this outside world is all aboutfear, and so that can trickle
down if we allow it to tricklesinto our lives and when we are
(14:26):
in dysfunction in relationship,what stops us so much is fear.
And so, dear friends, ourwonderful sisters in Christ, I
encourage you to be fearless andspeak up.
One of the things you may needto do because I see that on
another one of the bookmarks isbe still and know that I am God,
because there's going to be somuch running through your head,
(14:49):
because that is how you havesurvived in the past.
So if you take that moment tobe still and be with God, you
are going to feel that fearbeing lifted so that you can be
fearless, so that you can speakyour truth.
That's what I want to leave youwith today and, mary, I will
let you close this out.
Mary Koning (15:08):
All right.
The Lord tells us to fear not365 times in the Bible, and you
can guess why One for every dayIsaiah 41, 13,.
For I, the Lord, your God, holdyour right hand.
It is I who say fear not, I amthe one who helps you.
So fear not, dear ones circlesisters, the Lord is with you.
Announcer (15:31):
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