August 31, 2024 • 14 mins
Have you ever stood in the corner of a room, yearning for a connection that transcends the superficial chatter? This heart-to-heart with host Tiffany Windsor and her guest Mary Koning, might just be the beacon of hope you're looking for. Together, we unravel the threads of 'Stand for a Sister,' a movement that champions the creation of a nurturing space for women. It's a no-judgment zone where authenticity is the currency and sharing life’s trials and victories is the norm. We tackle the tough issues head-on, from childhood trauma to the green-eyed monster of jealousy, all while reinforcing the sanctity of trust within our sacred circle of sisterhood. Prayer becomes our transformative tool, and through it, we find the strength to be pillars of support for each other in the most tempestuous of times.
You can find all our episode information at https://www.inhiscircle.com and join us on Instagram and Facebook. You can also watch our podcast episodes on YouTube - Please join our community!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Announcer (00:00):
Welcome to In His Circle, from women for women.
We're here to help you findpeace in knowing you are in
God's hands.
Our goal is sharing the Word ofGod in simple conversations.
We're here to help you thriveevery day.
And now, here is your host.
Tiffany Windsor (00:18):
Good morning.
I'm Tiffany Windsor.
Mary Koning (00:20):
And I'm Mary Koning .
Tiffany Windsor (00:22):
And Mary.
Today I want to talk aboutStand for a Sister.
If you would start us off inprayer first, please.
Mary Koning (00:30):
Psalm 107, let the redeemed tell their story.
So when we stand for a sister,we're telling our story without
judgment, with authentic powerand knowing that we're safe in
God's hands.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Tiffany Windsor (00:47):
So the subtopic today of Stand for a Sister is
it takes a community.
Mary and I have been talkingabout our circle sisters and
where everyone is on their path.
And how do we stand for oursisters?
One is on their path, and howdo we stand for our sisters?
(01:09):
Well, first of all, we need tobe in our authenticity to be
able to be that safe place forour circle sisters to come to us
when they need guidance.
We have to learn to be authenticand in today's world that can
be difficult for so many peoplebecause they're following and
walking on the wrong path.
As opposed to listening to whatGod is telling them, they are
(01:34):
sizing themselves up againstother women, other marriages,
other families.
We don't know all the thingsthat go on in these other
relationships and I think we maybe sizing ourselves up against
something that really isn't thetruth.
I know we'll talk about this,but I just want to get to the
(01:55):
point to have this discussion ofhow do we be the source for
people to come to in our littlecommunity, in our little
villages, and then an extendedcommunity throughout the world.
Mary Koning (02:11):
And I think that power comes from God first, that
we have to have thatrelationship solid, Otherwise
we're going to be moved andblown and knocked over and
affected by other people's chaosor circumstances or unhappiness
.
So when we're solid with God,we know that we're redeemed, we
(02:36):
know that we're loved with aneverlasting love.
We know that if we can't handlesomething we're hearing, we
need to be honest about it.
And if we can't handle it, thenspeak the truth in love but not
shoulder those things.
I've had to learn that lessonoften and over again, where a
lot of the trauma and chaosisn't my burden to bear.
(02:56):
It's just a point of prayer.
Tiffany Windsor (02:58):
Certainly when what I've learned and listened
is when you're going throughtherapy, they take you back to
childhood.
I will certainly be inquisitiveabout different circle sisters'
childhood experiences and youtalk about trauma and parenting
and all the things that go on intheir lives.
I thought it was reallyinteresting when you were
(03:18):
talking to me about thirdgraders and you talked about
drama and I said what drama dothird graders have?
And this is going to giveeveryone who's listening a
really great perspective of whenyou don't deal with those
issues as a child.
You will grow up with thoseissues, because a lot of women
have the same issues that you'regoing to talk about.
Mary Koning (03:39):
I think the first one I see is denial.
So if someone's doing somethingthey shouldn't be doing and
they know the classroom rulesvery well it's always somebody
else's fault.
It's always pointing in someother direction rather than just
owning it.
And denial is basically itemone in my trail guide, which is
are we going to deny the realityof the situation or are we
(04:01):
going to face it?
Face it with power, and not mypower, but power through me and
Jesus Christ.
So just owning it is a huge,huge thing, and not taking on
any shame around the just owningit Like we are not perfect
there was only one perfectperson who walked the earth.
So to just own it and to knowthat we're learning and growing
(04:23):
every single day of our lifeuntil we meet with Jesus in
heaven.
And then being jealous ofsomeone else's you know, not
just physical or even whatthey're wearing or where they
live, but it's jealous of, maybe, their peace and their gifts,
their abilities, maybe able toroll with things more and not
take things personally, alsocompetitive, whether it's
(04:46):
academically or physically.
And then sharing secrets andI've heard a few things about
sharing secrets or sharingintimate details where asking a
friend can you handle hearingthis right now.
Can you take it to the vault,like Brene Brown says?
Can you hold this in confidence?
You take it to the vault, likeBrene Brown says.
Can you hold this in confidence?
(05:09):
And if you cannot, please behonest, because that's how we
become circle sisters is notopening up that feather pillow
and tossing those feathers tothe wind, which is gossip and
talking, and then try and goback and gather every single
feather.
If we cannot hold that featherpillow closed for a sister,
don't hear that information.
Just be honest with yourselfabout that, and I'm trying.
(05:29):
I have to be honest.
I feel like I can do that, butsometimes I just cannot, and so
I need to be careful.
Be careful with a sister'ssecret, and I want to be a safe
person.
I want to be a trusted friendand I want to be a safe person.
I want to be a trusted friend,and so my MO is what I try to do
is, if I hear a sister sharesomething with me, I pray and
(05:50):
then I forget it.
I pray and forget.
I can't hold onto it becauseit's not meant for me to hold,
it's meant for God to hold andhis hands are big enough.
Tiffany Windsor (05:57):
This is where your trail guides are going to
come in, so helpful for so manywomen.
Because we forget in the moment.
We forget to go back and usethe tools that we know or ask
our circle sisters for advice.
There's some sort of fear ofbeing authentic and letting
other sisters know that thingsmay not be going so well.
(06:19):
I've never had this experiencebefore, mary, of all of the
opportunity we have had to talkand chat and talk in depth and
be authentic with each other andsupport each other.
It takes community, it takestime for that, and we're not
giving ourselves enough time incommunity to share like that.
I think that some women willjust dip their toe into the
(06:43):
water and maybe test thefriendship quality.
We've had wonderful gatheringsat your home with beautiful
women and some of them are moreopen about talking about what's
going on.
I know that they have otheravenues to do that.
I would love to see women haveat least one battle buddy that
they know that they can alwayscome to when they need advice,
(07:06):
as opposed to trying to hide itbehind something.
Obviously, the first thing thatwe do is turn to prayer and
turn to God, but sometimes weneed to talk to hide it behind
something.
Obviously, the first thing thatwe do is turn to prayer and
turn to God, but sometimes weneed to talk to another woman
who can give us some beautifuladvice to help us in that day,
in that moment, in that week, inthat month, in that year, to
grow.
This is all about growing.
Mary Koning (07:27):
And I like what you said, Tiffany, about talking
with someone.
There's something aboutverbalizing, making sound and
putting words to what is goingon.
My quiet time, when I journalin the morning, I was talking to
God.
I was praying for my children.
They're just heavy on my heartthese days.
Tiffany Windsor (07:48):
And you know you have a circle of sisters who
are praying every day for youand your children.
Can you put a word to whatyou're feeling right now?
Heavy, heavy, heavy-hearted.
Mary Koning (08:00):
Okay, my last little chick left yesterday, so
I'm getting better at missingthem but also just releasing
them in their journey to God.
That's hard.
Tiffany Windsor (08:18):
Well, look at the authenticity you have in
speaking your truth right now.
I know because you've had thesemoments before in some of our
past podcasts.
I cannot believe the feedbackwe get from women who listen to
the podcast and they're sograteful of you being honest in
(08:39):
your moment.
So I thank you today for that,because we have talked this
morning, we've been together forseveral hours and I did not
know how deeply that was on yourheart and so I thank you.
Thank you, circle Sister.
I think when you in thesemoments I know you do this where
(09:01):
you turn to God in prayerbecause the pressure and
heaviness that you're feeling isyou trying to solve this moment
and this is not your burden tocarry.
You have raised threeincredible children and you have
given them tools to come intotheir teen years and young
(09:24):
adults and they're venturing outin the world and they're
experiencing life.
You have been a beautiful,loving mother to them.
I know it has to be challengingbecause I do not have children
For whatever feeling that youhave to go through in processing
this of letting go, but you'renot losing them in that letting
(09:46):
go and I wish I could give morewords to you to say oh, I've had
experience and I know what thisfeels like.
I don't.
I just send blessings of loveand support to lift that
heaviness from your heart,because the Lord knows what your
children need and the Lordknows what you need.
Mary Koning (10:06):
And thank you for those beautiful words.
It has been about releasingthem to God, and on a good day I
remember that.
And today is about rememberingto release them back to God
because you know they're olderand I'm not with them every day.
It's a release of control fromtoddlerhood, you know, when I
(10:27):
could control what they ate whenthey slept, and that's a bit of
an unhealthy under control toreleasing them into these adult
decisions that they're making.
That I may not agree witheverything, but it's part of
their testimony.
So I'm trying to remember theyhave a story and their path is
one that they've chosen andthere's power in that, because I
(10:48):
am not choosing this path forthem.
So they will have to processand understand the choices
they're making and the paththey're taking as part of their
journey back to God.
It's so powerful to speak thosewords over them and that's what
God was telling me.
He said you're praying for themin your mind, but I want you to
(11:10):
pray for them out loud, becausethere's something about the
sound as God spoke the worldinto being.
There's something powerfulabout our out loud prayers.
So, just by myself, I was justclaiming authority over my home
and my children and theirfutures, that they can come to
(11:31):
know who they are in Christ,their true identity.
And I pray that for all of uscircle sisters, that we stand
for a sister, that we need eachother so much to speak out loud
prayers to just own our poorchoices and our great choices,
to celebrate with each other aswe have successes and mourn when
(11:51):
we have losses, and not beshamed when we make mistakes,
because mistakes are part oflife.
And when did it not become okayto make a mistake that we don't
have it all figured out but weknow the one and we trust the
one who does?
Tiffany Windsor (12:06):
Well, I stand with you.
My sister and I know that youand your children are protected
by the Lord through every stepthat they make, and you are all
going to flourish.
I am so delighted to bewitnessing this with you.
Mary Koning (12:24):
And maybe at some point we'll talk about what the
actual kind of challenges andstruggles are.
But one of the words I wasconsidering for this year was
blooming, and so we will watchthe blooming unfold.
And I think you know in my mindI was talking with God about
how blooming, oh, it's sobeautiful and it's just so
unfolding and he's like it's aprocess.
(12:46):
If you were a flower, you wouldknow that you've got to break
through the outer hard coveringand that all of that it takes so
much preparation the seed inthe ground where it feels like
death, cold and dark, and thenpushing through all the things
you've had to push through andthat's the dirt to emerge.
(13:08):
But you're not done yet.
Now you see some sunshine andyet you still have to push and
grow.
And it's not necessarily all me, you know it's not out of my
own power, it's out of God'spower.
But we're still not at theflower bud yet.
So just keep going, little,little flower.
I'd like to end with Song ofSolomon, chapter 2, verse 2.
(13:32):
Like a lily among the thorns ismy darling among the young
women.
Lord, we just are grateful.
We are your beautiful flowers.
You're delighted with us.
You have great plans for us.
In Proverbs 31, we are thewomen.
We laugh at the future becauseit's full of your beautiful
surprises and friendships andhope.
(13:56):
So, lord, I speak that over usIn Jesus name, amen.
Tiffany Windsor (14:01):
Amen.
Announcer (14:03):
Thank you for joining us for today's podcast.
For more information, go toInHisCirclecom.
Sign up for our newsletter andsocial media.
We love your feedback.
Please more information, go toInHisCirclecom.
Sign up for our newsletter andsocial media.
We love your feedback.
Please leave reviews, commentsand subscribe to this podcast to
help us get the word out aboutIn His Circle.
Thank you and, dear friends,have a blessed day.
Welcome to In His Circle, from women for women.
We're here to help you findpeace in knowing you are in
God's hands.
Our goal is sharing the Word ofGod in simple conversations.
We're here to help you thriveevery day.
And now, here is your host.
Tiffany Windsor (00:18):
Good morning.
I'm Tiffany Windsor.
Mary Koning (00:20):
And I'm Mary Koning .
Tiffany Windsor (00:22):
And Mary.
Today I want to talk aboutStand for a Sister.
If you would start us off inprayer first, please.
Mary Koning (00:30):
Psalm 107, let the redeemed tell their story.
So when we stand for a sister,we're telling our story without
judgment, with authentic powerand knowing that we're safe in
God's hands.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Tiffany Windsor (00:47):
So the subtopic today of Stand for a Sister is
it takes a community.
Mary and I have been talkingabout our circle sisters and
where everyone is on their path.
And how do we stand for oursisters?
One is on their path, and howdo we stand for our sisters?
(01:09):
Well, first of all, we need tobe in our authenticity to be
able to be that safe place forour circle sisters to come to us
when they need guidance.
We have to learn to be authenticand in today's world that can
be difficult for so many peoplebecause they're following and
walking on the wrong path.
As opposed to listening to whatGod is telling them, they are
(01:34):
sizing themselves up againstother women, other marriages,
other families.
We don't know all the thingsthat go on in these other
relationships and I think we maybe sizing ourselves up against
something that really isn't thetruth.
I know we'll talk about this,but I just want to get to the
(01:55):
point to have this discussion ofhow do we be the source for
people to come to in our littlecommunity, in our little
villages, and then an extendedcommunity throughout the world.
Mary Koning (02:11):
And I think that power comes from God first, that
we have to have thatrelationship solid, Otherwise
we're going to be moved andblown and knocked over and
affected by other people's chaosor circumstances or unhappiness
.
So when we're solid with God,we know that we're redeemed, we
(02:36):
know that we're loved with aneverlasting love.
We know that if we can't handlesomething we're hearing, we
need to be honest about it.
And if we can't handle it, thenspeak the truth in love but not
shoulder those things.
I've had to learn that lessonoften and over again, where a
lot of the trauma and chaosisn't my burden to bear.
(02:56):
It's just a point of prayer.
Tiffany Windsor (02:58):
Certainly when what I've learned and listened
is when you're going throughtherapy, they take you back to
childhood.
I will certainly be inquisitiveabout different circle sisters'
childhood experiences and youtalk about trauma and parenting
and all the things that go on intheir lives.
I thought it was reallyinteresting when you were
(03:18):
talking to me about thirdgraders and you talked about
drama and I said what drama dothird graders have?
And this is going to giveeveryone who's listening a
really great perspective of whenyou don't deal with those
issues as a child.
You will grow up with thoseissues, because a lot of women
have the same issues that you'regoing to talk about.
Mary Koning (03:39):
I think the first one I see is denial.
So if someone's doing somethingthey shouldn't be doing and
they know the classroom rulesvery well it's always somebody
else's fault.
It's always pointing in someother direction rather than just
owning it.
And denial is basically itemone in my trail guide, which is
are we going to deny the realityof the situation or are we
(04:01):
going to face it?
Face it with power, and not mypower, but power through me and
Jesus Christ.
So just owning it is a huge,huge thing, and not taking on
any shame around the just owningit Like we are not perfect
there was only one perfectperson who walked the earth.
So to just own it and to knowthat we're learning and growing
(04:23):
every single day of our lifeuntil we meet with Jesus in
heaven.
And then being jealous ofsomeone else's you know, not
just physical or even whatthey're wearing or where they
live, but it's jealous of, maybe, their peace and their gifts,
their abilities, maybe able toroll with things more and not
take things personally, alsocompetitive, whether it's
(04:46):
academically or physically.
And then sharing secrets andI've heard a few things about
sharing secrets or sharingintimate details where asking a
friend can you handle hearingthis right now.
Can you take it to the vault,like Brene Brown says?
Can you hold this in confidence?
You take it to the vault, likeBrene Brown says.
Can you hold this in confidence?
(05:09):
And if you cannot, please behonest, because that's how we
become circle sisters is notopening up that feather pillow
and tossing those feathers tothe wind, which is gossip and
talking, and then try and goback and gather every single
feather.
If we cannot hold that featherpillow closed for a sister,
don't hear that information.
Just be honest with yourselfabout that, and I'm trying.
(05:29):
I have to be honest.
I feel like I can do that, butsometimes I just cannot, and so
I need to be careful.
Be careful with a sister'ssecret, and I want to be a safe
person.
I want to be a trusted friendand I want to be a safe person.
I want to be a trusted friend,and so my MO is what I try to do
is, if I hear a sister sharesomething with me, I pray and
(05:50):
then I forget it.
I pray and forget.
I can't hold onto it becauseit's not meant for me to hold,
it's meant for God to hold andhis hands are big enough.
Tiffany Windsor (05:57):
This is where your trail guides are going to
come in, so helpful for so manywomen.
Because we forget in the moment.
We forget to go back and usethe tools that we know or ask
our circle sisters for advice.
There's some sort of fear ofbeing authentic and letting
other sisters know that thingsmay not be going so well.
(06:19):
I've never had this experiencebefore, mary, of all of the
opportunity we have had to talkand chat and talk in depth and
be authentic with each other andsupport each other.
It takes community, it takestime for that, and we're not
giving ourselves enough time incommunity to share like that.
I think that some women willjust dip their toe into the
(06:43):
water and maybe test thefriendship quality.
We've had wonderful gatheringsat your home with beautiful
women and some of them are moreopen about talking about what's
going on.
I know that they have otheravenues to do that.
I would love to see women haveat least one battle buddy that
they know that they can alwayscome to when they need advice,
(07:06):
as opposed to trying to hide itbehind something.
Obviously, the first thing thatwe do is turn to prayer and
turn to God, but sometimes weneed to talk to hide it behind
something.
Obviously, the first thing thatwe do is turn to prayer and
turn to God, but sometimes weneed to talk to another woman
who can give us some beautifuladvice to help us in that day,
in that moment, in that week, inthat month, in that year, to
grow.
This is all about growing.
Mary Koning (07:27):
And I like what you said, Tiffany, about talking
with someone.
There's something aboutverbalizing, making sound and
putting words to what is goingon.
My quiet time, when I journalin the morning, I was talking to
God.
I was praying for my children.
They're just heavy on my heartthese days.
Tiffany Windsor (07:48):
And you know you have a circle of sisters who
are praying every day for youand your children.
Can you put a word to whatyou're feeling right now?
Heavy, heavy, heavy-hearted.
Mary Koning (08:00):
Okay, my last little chick left yesterday, so
I'm getting better at missingthem but also just releasing
them in their journey to God.
That's hard.
Tiffany Windsor (08:18):
Well, look at the authenticity you have in
speaking your truth right now.
I know because you've had thesemoments before in some of our
past podcasts.
I cannot believe the feedbackwe get from women who listen to
the podcast and they're sograteful of you being honest in
(08:39):
your moment.
So I thank you today for that,because we have talked this
morning, we've been together forseveral hours and I did not
know how deeply that was on yourheart and so I thank you.
Thank you, circle Sister.
I think when you in thesemoments I know you do this where
(09:01):
you turn to God in prayerbecause the pressure and
heaviness that you're feeling isyou trying to solve this moment
and this is not your burden tocarry.
You have raised threeincredible children and you have
given them tools to come intotheir teen years and young
(09:24):
adults and they're venturing outin the world and they're
experiencing life.
You have been a beautiful,loving mother to them.
I know it has to be challengingbecause I do not have children
For whatever feeling that youhave to go through in processing
this of letting go, but you'renot losing them in that letting
(09:46):
go and I wish I could give morewords to you to say oh, I've had
experience and I know what thisfeels like.
I don't.
I just send blessings of loveand support to lift that
heaviness from your heart,because the Lord knows what your
children need and the Lordknows what you need.
Mary Koning (10:06):
And thank you for those beautiful words.
It has been about releasingthem to God, and on a good day I
remember that.
And today is about rememberingto release them back to God
because you know they're olderand I'm not with them every day.
It's a release of control fromtoddlerhood, you know, when I
(10:27):
could control what they ate whenthey slept, and that's a bit of
an unhealthy under control toreleasing them into these adult
decisions that they're making.
That I may not agree witheverything, but it's part of
their testimony.
So I'm trying to remember theyhave a story and their path is
one that they've chosen andthere's power in that, because I
(10:48):
am not choosing this path forthem.
So they will have to processand understand the choices
they're making and the paththey're taking as part of their
journey back to God.
It's so powerful to speak thosewords over them and that's what
God was telling me.
He said you're praying for themin your mind, but I want you to
(11:10):
pray for them out loud, becausethere's something about the
sound as God spoke the worldinto being.
There's something powerfulabout our out loud prayers.
So, just by myself, I was justclaiming authority over my home
and my children and theirfutures, that they can come to
(11:31):
know who they are in Christ,their true identity.
And I pray that for all of uscircle sisters, that we stand
for a sister, that we need eachother so much to speak out loud
prayers to just own our poorchoices and our great choices,
to celebrate with each other aswe have successes and mourn when
(11:51):
we have losses, and not beshamed when we make mistakes,
because mistakes are part oflife.
And when did it not become okayto make a mistake that we don't
have it all figured out but weknow the one and we trust the
one who does?
Tiffany Windsor (12:06):
Well, I stand with you.
My sister and I know that youand your children are protected
by the Lord through every stepthat they make, and you are all
going to flourish.
I am so delighted to bewitnessing this with you.
Mary Koning (12:24):
And maybe at some point we'll talk about what the
actual kind of challenges andstruggles are.
But one of the words I wasconsidering for this year was
blooming, and so we will watchthe blooming unfold.
And I think you know in my mindI was talking with God about
how blooming, oh, it's sobeautiful and it's just so
unfolding and he's like it's aprocess.
(12:46):
If you were a flower, you wouldknow that you've got to break
through the outer hard coveringand that all of that it takes so
much preparation the seed inthe ground where it feels like
death, cold and dark, and thenpushing through all the things
you've had to push through andthat's the dirt to emerge.
(13:08):
But you're not done yet.
Now you see some sunshine andyet you still have to push and
grow.
And it's not necessarily all me, you know it's not out of my
own power, it's out of God'spower.
But we're still not at theflower bud yet.
So just keep going, little,little flower.
I'd like to end with Song ofSolomon, chapter 2, verse 2.
(13:32):
Like a lily among the thorns ismy darling among the young
women.
Lord, we just are grateful.
We are your beautiful flowers.
You're delighted with us.
You have great plans for us.
In Proverbs 31, we are thewomen.
We laugh at the future becauseit's full of your beautiful
surprises and friendships andhope.
(13:56):
So, lord, I speak that over usIn Jesus name, amen.
Tiffany Windsor (14:01):
Amen.
Announcer (14:03):
Thank you for joining us for today's podcast.
For more information, go toInHisCirclecom.
Sign up for our newsletter andsocial media.
We love your feedback.
Please more information, go toInHisCirclecom.
Sign up for our newsletter andsocial media.
We love your feedback.
Please leave reviews, commentsand subscribe to this podcast to
help us get the word out aboutIn His Circle.
Thank you and, dear friends,have a blessed day.
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