July 27, 2024 • 20 mins
Can friendships rooted in faith withstand the test of time and distance? Tiffany Windsor and her guest Chantal Johnson unpack the profound steps to building and maintaining spiritual friendships, and discuss the universal longing for deep, enduring connections, and reveal how friendships can manifest in diverse forms and durations. Learn the power of "scattering opportunities" by extending hospitality through simple acts like coffee meetings and community events, encouraging listeners to step out of their comfort zones to nurture meaningful relationships.
Chantal shares invaluable insights on cultivating friendships within a faith-based community, emphasizing the importance of trust and shared beliefs in Jesus. Learn actionable tips for fostering these connections, from proactive invitations and shared activities to integrating God’s word into daily interactions. With personal anecdotes and strategies, learn how friendships, much like faith, flourish through intentional acts and shared experiences. Tune in to understand the true essence of spiritual friendships and the transformative impact they can have on your life.
You can find all our episode information at https://www.inhiscircle.com and join us on Instagram and Facebook. You can also watch our podcast episodes on YouTube - Please join our community!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Tiffany Windsor (00:00):
Good morning, welcome to In His Circle.
I'm Tiffany Windsor.
My guest today is authorChantal Johnson, and we're going
to be talking about spiritualfriendships.
How do we make them and how dowe keep them?
Stay tuned.
Announcer (00:16):
Welcome to In His Circle, from women for women.
We're here to help you findpeace in knowing you are in
God's hands.
Our goal is sharing the Word ofGod in simple conversations.
We're here to help you findpeace in knowing you are in
God's hands.
Our goal is sharing the Word ofGod in simple conversations.
We're here to help you thriveevery day.
And now, here is your host.
Tiffany Windsor (00:36):
Chantal, welcome to In His Circle.
Chantal Johnson (00:39):
Thank you, Tiffany.
It's so exciting to be here.
I love being part of what Godis doing and in his circle is
one of those great ways for usto build friendship and
community through the wonderfulinternet connection.
Tiffany Windsor (00:52):
Yes, and I am so thrilled.
Chantal and I met recentlythrough mutual friends in the
creative craft industry and Ilearned that Chantal has a new
book out and we're going to talka little bit about this today
and I think in future podcastswe're going to talk about this
more.
But Chantal has a new book outand we're going to talk a little
bit about this today and Ithink in future podcasts we're
going to talk about this more,but Chantal's going to be
referencing some of the chaptersin here, and one of the first
(01:14):
things when Chantal and I firsttalked by Zoom because she's in
Texas and I'm in Tennessee oneof the topics that came up is I
mentioned to her that I don'thave long-term friendships and
it's been just a path for methat I want to learn how to
build spiritual friendships thattruly last, and so I think this
(01:35):
is a beautiful topic, chantal,for you to dig into today, so
let's go ahead and get started.
Chantal Johnson (01:42):
Well, Tiffany, I'm like you.
I've always wanted and longedfor those lifelong friendships.
You know, you hear people, oh,I was a friend since I was four,
or I've known them since highschool or college, and while
we've all known people for thatlong, they've not been in our
life that long or continuing.
And so, for me, I was like you.
I searched for those longtimefriends, and when they didn't
(02:09):
happen, I thought, oh, mygoodness, what, you know, what's
wrong with me?
Or why are friendships so hard?
And then I realized that theLord gives us people in our
lives for the opportunity toshare his love, and it could be
for a season, it could be for alifetime.
And so what I've, I think,learned over the years and want
to share is that friendshipcomes in all forms and we can
build those deep spiritualfriendships, whether they're for
a lifetime or for the time thatwe're in.
Tiffany Windsor (02:32):
What is your first step recommendation?
How do we actually sow theseeds of spiritual friendships?
Chantal Johnson (02:39):
Great question, and I like the idea of sowing
seeds because it implies thatthis is going to take a little
bit of time.
We can have instant friendship.
We can have sort of an instantconnection on Facebook or or, um
, any other form of social media, but it's not really a seed
that's going to maybe grow intoa friendship, and so there's
different ways to sow seeds offriendship.
Even across, as you're inTennessee and I'm in Texas, we
(03:00):
can be sowing those seeds.
So one way that I think we dothat is we scatter a lot of
opportunities for friendship.
So if we think about all theareas that we are in in our
daily life, whether it's throughwork, through hobbies or
interests, whether it's througha church or a community, there's
(03:21):
an idea that we can invite, andI think that's so very
important.
There are people who say I amlonely and I need friends, and
we hear that go, oh yeah, me too.
And the call to action for meis invite, just open the door
and invite someone to coffee,invite someone to your home and
if that's not a good thing,invite them to a restaurant,
(03:42):
invite them to something.
That is very simple, and ifthey happen to say no, ask again
or ask someone else, and Ithink that's the beginning part
of sowing the seeds is beingopen to invite in different
areas of your life and withdifferent people.
One thing that I do know issometimes with friendship, we
have to determine what we'relooking for.
(04:03):
Are we looking for someoneexactly like me, exactly like
you, or are we open to the ideathat our friends don't have to
look like us, sound like us?
We want them to love Jesus likeus, but even there we want to
be able to share the love andkindness, and so I think that's
one area is to really invite.
That would be the beginningpart for me.
Tiffany Windsor (04:24):
So here's what I wrote down.
I love this because I haven'theard this before Scatter
opportunity.
That is beautiful and itreminds us because we can be
have a very narrow path.
We're walking and, for me,coming into a whole new state, a
whole new community.
The first thing I did, ofcourse, was reach out to find
church, and I visited severalchurches in my area and I knew
(04:49):
when I found the right churchand connected, and I'm just
starting to build some of those.
So I am taking that advice ofour church has a beautiful
coffee shop that's open everysingle day of the week and so
we'll meet.
Sometimes you can see peoplehaving, you know, bible study or
working on their computers orjust gathering, like you
mentioned.
You can go out into the worldor you bring people into your
(05:12):
world.
Right, I'm set up right now athome.
I'm not ready to bring peopleto my home.
How do you navigate that toreally understand in building
that friendship and what is truefriendship look like?
Chantal Johnson (05:24):
What I love is that you talked about you're not
ready to invite in the home.
So there's a lot of differenthospitality and I think
friendship is is a give and takeand I think in the beginning
you are to be the friend topoint a cliche you're to be the
friend that a friend would wantto have.
And I think we have to.
To navigate that path of thefriendship is to find out why I
(05:45):
want the friendship, becausethen I think that navigates, I
think that directs our path, andbecause the Lord has called us
his friend.
What does that look like?
And I think for us it lookslike I want to be a friend to
help either ease burdens, toshare joys, to teach or to learn
from.
I think there's a lot ofdifferent layers of friendship
(06:08):
and I also want to suggest toyou that let's say you say, oh
well, I've invited people andthey just say no.
And they just say no, okay,guess what?
You keep going, you findsomebody else to invite because
there's always, you know, youyou've got to keep going until
you find quote, unquote yourpeople.
And for us that love Jesus,it's the people that love Jesus
and it's the people who love usand not know Jesus Right, and so
(06:29):
we want to keep asking and keepinviting.
And then that friendship takeson a different level when we get
those people into our home orinto the coffee shop, or or we
just, you know, we just have aconversation with someone.
Then we say, okay, I'm startingto learn about this person.
Maybe they're struggling withsomething, maybe they have
something wonderful happening,and we learn to celebrate their
(06:50):
joys and we learn to help intheir struggles and hopefully
we're learning to learn moreabout you know God and his love
for us and how he seeks us out.
We seek others and we hopefullybring them in.
So there's I think there'slayers to friendship and not
everybody fits every layer right.
And I think if we look at Jesusand we talk about and this is
(07:11):
kind of a it's not an oldexample, but it's a timeless one
Even in the 12, there werelayers.
He loved them all, but they allhad somewhat of a different
connection, and I think that'sokay with friendship.
Sometimes we think everyoneneeds to be our best friend, or
then they can't be a friend, andI think we can have the same
(07:32):
love of friendship, but we havea different connection with
different people in our lives.
Tiffany Windsor (07:38):
The newest tool I have, of course, is coming to
the Lord.
So friendships in the past havenot been God-centered, but
there is a particular friendshipthat comes to mind for me that
has fallen away, and so Iinitially had reached out
through text, hand, wrote a cardand mailed it, but I am not
quite sure what to do, what toput into that to try and stay
(08:03):
connected Any suggestions.
Chantal Johnson (08:06):
Those are hard and I think we've all
experienced them I know I haveand I think in the beginning,
when the connection is lost,whether it's over conflict or
circumstance or something intheir life that has happened and
they don't feel like they canbe connected to you anymore.
I had one friend we had beenfriends for quite a while and
our children are my youngest andher oldest.
They were the same age and theywere good friends and
(08:28):
unfortunately she went through avery messy divorce and when she
divorced we were at her houseand this was recent.
She said I really can't be withyou anymore because I'm not
married and you're married andit just wouldn't be the same.
And I left thinking, oh, thatis so sad, because our
friendship wasn't based on beingmarried, our friendship was
(08:48):
based on a connection that wehad, a true friendship that I
thought would last.
And so you leave from thatfeeling a little discouraged,
hurt, confused.
And so what I've done with thosesituations in my life, I've
done just as you have, tiffany.
I think it's great You'vereached out through text or
through emails or through phonecalls, which we don't do very
(09:10):
often anymore.
But you know we we make, whichsometimes is the hardest one now
, where it used to be our onlychoice.
What 20 plus years ago Now?
Now it's like our last choiceand sometimes we need to hear
that, that voice or, you know,they need to hear our voice and
the love and intent.
If we leave a message and Ithink once we've tried those,
even probably as we're tryingthose, we're praying for God to
(09:33):
heal the hurt that they'veexperienced, whether it was, you
know, the conflict or theircircumstance.
We pray that the Lord wouldbring them back into our life.
But ultimately we we want topray that they have wholeness
and wellness and love in theirlife.
And if that happens to be we'renot connected, then we'll still
always have the time we were.
(09:53):
And that's kind of where we getback to those lifelong friends,
in those seasons of friendshipwhere sometimes we can look that
if the friendship didn't lastlong, it's a failure, or if
they've pulled away, thefriendship is a failure.
And what I love to do in thosetimes is say Lord, help me
remember what I learned in thisfriendship, what did I gain?
And what I love to do in thosetimes is say Lord, help me
(10:14):
remember what I learned in thisfriendship, what did I gain.
What did I give?
Because then we can have abetter look back at the past.
We can say while it didn't lastas long as I would have liked
to, it lasted long enough for meto share or to give or to learn
.
So I think part of that, likeyou said, tiffany, is you do all
that you can on your side andthen you leave it in God's hands
and you just pray for the bestfor that person and keep an open
(10:35):
door.
That's the harder part, right?
Tiffany Windsor (10:37):
That's the perfect advice, and the gift
that I have from that friendshipis it's what launched In His
Circle.
So I feel so blessed.
I will definitely always leavethe door open.
One of the things that's also apattern for me in my life is I
tend to be very independent,very behind the scenes, and so I
(10:58):
haven't always worked oncultivating friendships, and
because of my past experience ontelevision, you find you have
to protect yourself a bit morebecause you never know what are
the true friendships and whatare not.
Why do you think it's important?
I know for me I want to growcommunity, but why do you think
it's important to cultivatefriendships?
Chantal Johnson (11:18):
And you use the word community and I love that.
Community is such a centralidea to God's word and we don't
stop and think that God is incommunity because he's God, the
father, God, the son, God, theHoly spirit.
God knows the blessing and thejoys that come from community
and I think he wants to sharethat with us through friendships
(11:39):
.
And so I do think there is someof that independence in all of
us where to have a needsometimes we might think that's
weakness and yet for us to sharewith someone.
And again we've got to be at atrust level.
So when you first meet somebodyand you're having coffee, you
may not want to spill everythingthat's happened in your life,
(12:01):
right, Because there is a trustfactor.
We can do that with the Lord.
We trust him with our life,with our highs and our lows, our
sadness, our joys.
We trust him with all of thosethings.
But we know him and he's provenand he is perfect, right, and
he is always there for us.
So we meet somebody new, wedon't quite know.
That it doesn't mean we holdback in a very guarded way, it's
(12:22):
just we want to learn more ofthat person.
And then I think as we get intothe community as we get into
the community of people.
That either, you know, for me Ilook for.
Everybody talks about diversityand everything.
What I want to look for infriendship is commonality.
Yes, it's great that we're alldifferent, but there has to be
something that brings ustogether, and for me, the best
(12:44):
thing that brings us together isJesus.
And so from that point on, ourfriendships can be cultivated
and we can open up as we arecomfortable.
Let's say our community, ourgroup that we're cultivating.
If it's a Bible study group, asmall group, a craft group,
there might be 10 in the group,but there might be only two that
you feel this connection, thatif I share something with them,
(13:06):
I know they will pray and theywill keep the confidence, and
those are the two that youcultivate in that area.
It doesn't mean the other eightare not worthy, they're just
not exactly where you are in arelationship.
And so I think it's reallyimportant to cultivate that
community and recognize that ittakes time to let our
independence definitely be apositive right, Because we can
(13:29):
help others with that.
We can have a fierce I know howto do this and I can help you
get it done kind of attitude.
But what we don't want is Iknow how to do it and I don't
need you.
That's where we put that handup and we just say what we
wanted to do is say I do, Idon't always have this, I think
I do, but I really need some,either wisdom or guidance or
(13:49):
just some encouragement.
And so I think it's reallyimportant, because then we
really do know we're not aloneon all the things that we
encounter.
We have the Lord with us, butthen we have those, those
friendships that we're buildingand cultivating.
Tiffany Windsor (14:04):
You touched upon this just a little bit some
practical ways to be a friendand to grow friendships.
Let's go into that a little bitmore before we start wrapping
up today.
Chantal Johnson (14:14):
I think it's really important to do some
things.
I think it's great to go sitand have coffee and talk and
share, but I always think it'simportant to do so.
One way that I love to growfriendships and this is kind of
where my strength is I love todo arts and crafts and so there
is an intentionality with me,with cultivating friendships and
doing some practical things isthat we make things together.
(14:36):
We have different evenings andexperiences, so we actually do
those things together.
I think that's one thing.
So I think finding infriendship something to go and
do and again it's an invitationthe other thing about how we can
do practical applications is wedon't sit and wait for the
invitation.
We become the one who isinviting, and I think that's
(14:56):
what happens a lot of times.
When people do go into a groupagain, whether it's in church or
in the workplace or whereverthey might go, they're waiting
for someone to be a friend,they're waiting to be asked,
they're waiting to be invitedthe whole time while everyone
else is waiting to be asked.
So be that initiator and ask.
And I think that's onepractical thing is to go and ask
(15:18):
.
And it's hard at first man.
It's really hard if you're notan extrovert, so for me it's not
quite as difficult, right?
But if you're not an extrovert,if I'm just going to go ask
everybody until I get a yes,just go start with one person,
Just pray.
You know, Lord, give me courageand boldness and just let me
say, would you like to havecoffee?
Because I guarantee somebodywill want to say yes.
(15:39):
And so I think asking and Ithink the doing, find some
things that you would like to doand invite others to do those
things.
I think some practicalfriendships is once you've made
that connection don't let it bea once in a while kind of thing.
Let's text one another, let'sestablish a time where everybody
can get together, or if only afew can get together, let's do
(16:02):
those kinds of things.
And then I think sharing God'sword is so important in
friendship, and it doesn'tnecessarily have to be a Bible
study, it can be, but it alsocan be sharing a scripture with
somebody, with your friends sayhey, I.
Well, I did this with onefriend.
She was moving away and she had41 days or 40 days left in
Texas and she was not happyabout moving.
And every day I sent her ascripture.
(16:22):
Every day I found one aboutbeing courageous or home or the
peace and things like that, andthere was a connection and she's
in California and we still havethe connection.
So find a way to work God'sword in some practical ways in
friendship.
So those are a few things,Tiffany.
Tiffany Windsor (16:38):
You have given us so much information.
I am so grateful for coveringthis topic, for giving me hope
in building my friendships, andthe one thing that's been so
important to me in in a circleis walking in faith and
community, and so when we takeit one friend at a time, then
(16:59):
you start a community.
I love that.
As I mentioned, Chantal, youhave a book.
This is one of many that youactually have in the pipeline.
Tell us about this book and youhave a chapter on friendship
Chantal Johnson (17:13):
It's available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble I
think it's a lot of places booksare sold online.
It's called Blessings Beyondthe Page and it's a study on
Psalm 119.
It's kind of a twofold.
I do it by days.
This can be done individuallyor as a group.
The first five days could evenbe done on a women's retreat or
(17:34):
a women's week.
And what it does?
It takes scripture and itbrings it to the day, because
sometimes we can read somethingand then we close the book and
there it goes.
And what I want us to see isthat you know, blessings
literally come off the pages ofscripture, and so each day that
you do the study is a day of ablessing.
Day seven, I think, isfriendship, and you have a
(17:56):
scripture to read, one tomeditate on, and then some
practical ways that you findthat this scripture applies.
And then I just give a littlewrap up for some direction,
because what I want in thisBible study and anytime we're
together, I want the word of Godto be wonderful and fresh, and
I'm going to use the word easy.
I know people don't think it is, but it really can be.
(18:18):
Writing out the scripture,meditating on it, you find that
those words will come to you inseasons or in opportunities
throughout the day, seasons oflife.
You'll say, oh, that scripturejust pops into my head and I
love that.
And so this is one.
Like I said, it can be doneindividually, it can be done as
a group.
Each week is five days, cause Ibelieve that we need to be in
the word seven, but we shoot forfive and that's pretty good.
(18:40):
Like I said, you can do this onyour own or with a group, and
it can be as detailed or as easyas you want.
I have some that in my Biblestudies they literally do the
first part where they write thescripture and they don't do
anything else, and that's okaybecause they're getting the word
right, and then some go reallyfull on.
It's designed to be at yourpace and where you're
(19:00):
comfortable with and just to seethe blessings that the Lord has
given us through his word.
Tiffany Windsor (19:05):
I love this, day seven.
His word brings friendship.
You have daily progress anddaily prayer, and then you have
daily practice and daily praise,so there's space to be able to
actually write.
I thank you for joining metoday in his circle and I know
we have more podcast planned forthe future and I want to remind
everyone who is listening thatwe are now available on YouTube
(19:28):
podcasts, so if you're listeningjust to audio, you can jump on
over to In His Circle on YouTubeand actually watch us.
Do you mind praying us outtoday?
Chantal Johnson (19:38):
I would love to .
I want to give just one quickword.
In 2 Thessalonians there's agreat verse, and I want you to
understand that the Lord is yourencourager.
He is our eternal encourager.
So when you take a step out offaith into seeking friendship,
he is on the sidelines cheeringyou.
He is encouraging you to keepgoing.
Let's pray, god.
We thank you so much for thisday, for the beauty and for the
blessing.
(19:59):
I thank you for everyone whocan hear this and see this, and
that just your word is permeatedthroughout and that they will
want to go and seek friendshipbecause of the friendship you
have given us.
We love you, lord.
We thank you.
We thank you for Jesus and it'shis name.
We pray.
Announcer (20:23):
Go to inhiscircle.
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We love your feedback.
Please leave reviews, commentsand subscribe to this podcast to
help us get the word out aboutIn His Circle.
Thank you and dear friends,have a blessed day.
Good morning, welcome to In His Circle.
I'm Tiffany Windsor.
My guest today is authorChantal Johnson, and we're going
to be talking about spiritualfriendships.
How do we make them and how dowe keep them?
Stay tuned.
Announcer (00:16):
Welcome to In His Circle, from women for women.
We're here to help you findpeace in knowing you are in
God's hands.
Our goal is sharing the Word ofGod in simple conversations.
We're here to help you findpeace in knowing you are in
God's hands.
Our goal is sharing the Word ofGod in simple conversations.
We're here to help you thriveevery day.
And now, here is your host.
Tiffany Windsor (00:36):
Chantal, welcome to In His Circle.
Chantal Johnson (00:39):
Thank you, Tiffany.
It's so exciting to be here.
I love being part of what Godis doing and in his circle is
one of those great ways for usto build friendship and
community through the wonderfulinternet connection.
Tiffany Windsor (00:52):
Yes, and I am so thrilled.
Chantal and I met recentlythrough mutual friends in the
creative craft industry and Ilearned that Chantal has a new
book out and we're going to talka little bit about this today
and I think in future podcastswe're going to talk about this
more.
But Chantal has a new book outand we're going to talk a little
bit about this today and Ithink in future podcasts we're
going to talk about this more,but Chantal's going to be
referencing some of the chaptersin here, and one of the first
(01:14):
things when Chantal and I firsttalked by Zoom because she's in
Texas and I'm in Tennessee oneof the topics that came up is I
mentioned to her that I don'thave long-term friendships and
it's been just a path for methat I want to learn how to
build spiritual friendships thattruly last, and so I think this
(01:35):
is a beautiful topic, chantal,for you to dig into today, so
let's go ahead and get started.
Chantal Johnson (01:42):
Well, Tiffany, I'm like you.
I've always wanted and longedfor those lifelong friendships.
You know, you hear people, oh,I was a friend since I was four,
or I've known them since highschool or college, and while
we've all known people for thatlong, they've not been in our
life that long or continuing.
And so, for me, I was like you.
I searched for those longtimefriends, and when they didn't
(02:09):
happen, I thought, oh, mygoodness, what, you know, what's
wrong with me?
Or why are friendships so hard?
And then I realized that theLord gives us people in our
lives for the opportunity toshare his love, and it could be
for a season, it could be for alifetime.
And so what I've, I think,learned over the years and want
to share is that friendshipcomes in all forms and we can
build those deep spiritualfriendships, whether they're for
a lifetime or for the time thatwe're in.
Tiffany Windsor (02:32):
What is your first step recommendation?
How do we actually sow theseeds of spiritual friendships?
Chantal Johnson (02:39):
Great question, and I like the idea of sowing
seeds because it implies thatthis is going to take a little
bit of time.
We can have instant friendship.
We can have sort of an instantconnection on Facebook or or, um
, any other form of social media, but it's not really a seed
that's going to maybe grow intoa friendship, and so there's
different ways to sow seeds offriendship.
Even across, as you're inTennessee and I'm in Texas, we
(03:00):
can be sowing those seeds.
So one way that I think we dothat is we scatter a lot of
opportunities for friendship.
So if we think about all theareas that we are in in our
daily life, whether it's throughwork, through hobbies or
interests, whether it's througha church or a community, there's
(03:21):
an idea that we can invite, andI think that's so very
important.
There are people who say I amlonely and I need friends, and
we hear that go, oh yeah, me too.
And the call to action for meis invite, just open the door
and invite someone to coffee,invite someone to your home and
if that's not a good thing,invite them to a restaurant,
(03:42):
invite them to something.
That is very simple, and ifthey happen to say no, ask again
or ask someone else, and Ithink that's the beginning part
of sowing the seeds is beingopen to invite in different
areas of your life and withdifferent people.
One thing that I do know issometimes with friendship, we
have to determine what we'relooking for.
(04:03):
Are we looking for someoneexactly like me, exactly like
you, or are we open to the ideathat our friends don't have to
look like us, sound like us?
We want them to love Jesus likeus, but even there we want to
be able to share the love andkindness, and so I think that's
one area is to really invite.
That would be the beginningpart for me.
Tiffany Windsor (04:24):
So here's what I wrote down.
I love this because I haven'theard this before Scatter
opportunity.
That is beautiful and itreminds us because we can be
have a very narrow path.
We're walking and, for me,coming into a whole new state, a
whole new community.
The first thing I did, ofcourse, was reach out to find
church, and I visited severalchurches in my area and I knew
(04:49):
when I found the right churchand connected, and I'm just
starting to build some of those.
So I am taking that advice ofour church has a beautiful
coffee shop that's open everysingle day of the week and so
we'll meet.
Sometimes you can see peoplehaving, you know, bible study or
working on their computers orjust gathering, like you
mentioned.
You can go out into the worldor you bring people into your
(05:12):
world.
Right, I'm set up right now athome.
I'm not ready to bring peopleto my home.
How do you navigate that toreally understand in building
that friendship and what is truefriendship look like?
Chantal Johnson (05:24):
What I love is that you talked about you're not
ready to invite in the home.
So there's a lot of differenthospitality and I think
friendship is is a give and takeand I think in the beginning
you are to be the friend topoint a cliche you're to be the
friend that a friend would wantto have.
And I think we have to.
To navigate that path of thefriendship is to find out why I
(05:45):
want the friendship, becausethen I think that navigates, I
think that directs our path, andbecause the Lord has called us
his friend.
What does that look like?
And I think for us it lookslike I want to be a friend to
help either ease burdens, toshare joys, to teach or to learn
from.
I think there's a lot ofdifferent layers of friendship
(06:08):
and I also want to suggest toyou that let's say you say, oh
well, I've invited people andthey just say no.
And they just say no, okay,guess what?
You keep going, you findsomebody else to invite because
there's always, you know, youyou've got to keep going until
you find quote, unquote yourpeople.
And for us that love Jesus,it's the people that love Jesus
and it's the people who love usand not know Jesus Right, and so
(06:29):
we want to keep asking and keepinviting.
And then that friendship takeson a different level when we get
those people into our home orinto the coffee shop, or or we
just, you know, we just have aconversation with someone.
Then we say, okay, I'm startingto learn about this person.
Maybe they're struggling withsomething, maybe they have
something wonderful happening,and we learn to celebrate their
(06:50):
joys and we learn to help intheir struggles and hopefully
we're learning to learn moreabout you know God and his love
for us and how he seeks us out.
We seek others and we hopefullybring them in.
So there's I think there'slayers to friendship and not
everybody fits every layer right.
And I think if we look at Jesusand we talk about and this is
(07:11):
kind of a it's not an oldexample, but it's a timeless one
Even in the 12, there werelayers.
He loved them all, but they allhad somewhat of a different
connection, and I think that'sokay with friendship.
Sometimes we think everyoneneeds to be our best friend, or
then they can't be a friend, andI think we can have the same
(07:32):
love of friendship, but we havea different connection with
different people in our lives.
Tiffany Windsor (07:38):
The newest tool I have, of course, is coming to
the Lord.
So friendships in the past havenot been God-centered, but
there is a particular friendshipthat comes to mind for me that
has fallen away, and so Iinitially had reached out
through text, hand, wrote a cardand mailed it, but I am not
quite sure what to do, what toput into that to try and stay
(08:03):
connected Any suggestions.
Chantal Johnson (08:06):
Those are hard and I think we've all
experienced them I know I haveand I think in the beginning,
when the connection is lost,whether it's over conflict or
circumstance or something intheir life that has happened and
they don't feel like they canbe connected to you anymore.
I had one friend we had beenfriends for quite a while and
our children are my youngest andher oldest.
They were the same age and theywere good friends and
(08:28):
unfortunately she went through avery messy divorce and when she
divorced we were at her houseand this was recent.
She said I really can't be withyou anymore because I'm not
married and you're married andit just wouldn't be the same.
And I left thinking, oh, thatis so sad, because our
friendship wasn't based on beingmarried, our friendship was
(08:48):
based on a connection that wehad, a true friendship that I
thought would last.
And so you leave from thatfeeling a little discouraged,
hurt, confused.
And so what I've done with thosesituations in my life, I've
done just as you have, tiffany.
I think it's great You'vereached out through text or
through emails or through phonecalls, which we don't do very
(09:10):
often anymore.
But you know we we make, whichsometimes is the hardest one now
, where it used to be our onlychoice.
What 20 plus years ago Now?
Now it's like our last choiceand sometimes we need to hear
that, that voice or, you know,they need to hear our voice and
the love and intent.
If we leave a message and Ithink once we've tried those,
even probably as we're tryingthose, we're praying for God to
(09:33):
heal the hurt that they'veexperienced, whether it was, you
know, the conflict or theircircumstance.
We pray that the Lord wouldbring them back into our life.
But ultimately we we want topray that they have wholeness
and wellness and love in theirlife.
And if that happens to be we'renot connected, then we'll still
always have the time we were.
(09:53):
And that's kind of where we getback to those lifelong friends,
in those seasons of friendshipwhere sometimes we can look that
if the friendship didn't lastlong, it's a failure, or if
they've pulled away, thefriendship is a failure.
And what I love to do in thosetimes is say Lord, help me
remember what I learned in thisfriendship, what did I gain?
And what I love to do in thosetimes is say Lord, help me
(10:14):
remember what I learned in thisfriendship, what did I gain.
What did I give?
Because then we can have abetter look back at the past.
We can say while it didn't lastas long as I would have liked
to, it lasted long enough for meto share or to give or to learn
.
So I think part of that, likeyou said, tiffany, is you do all
that you can on your side andthen you leave it in God's hands
and you just pray for the bestfor that person and keep an open
(10:35):
door.
That's the harder part, right?
Tiffany Windsor (10:37):
That's the perfect advice, and the gift
that I have from that friendshipis it's what launched In His
Circle.
So I feel so blessed.
I will definitely always leavethe door open.
One of the things that's also apattern for me in my life is I
tend to be very independent,very behind the scenes, and so I
(10:58):
haven't always worked oncultivating friendships, and
because of my past experience ontelevision, you find you have
to protect yourself a bit morebecause you never know what are
the true friendships and whatare not.
Why do you think it's important?
I know for me I want to growcommunity, but why do you think
it's important to cultivatefriendships?
Chantal Johnson (11:18):
And you use the word community and I love that.
Community is such a centralidea to God's word and we don't
stop and think that God is incommunity because he's God, the
father, God, the son, God, theHoly spirit.
God knows the blessing and thejoys that come from community
and I think he wants to sharethat with us through friendships
(11:39):
.
And so I do think there is someof that independence in all of
us where to have a needsometimes we might think that's
weakness and yet for us to sharewith someone.
And again we've got to be at atrust level.
So when you first meet somebodyand you're having coffee, you
may not want to spill everythingthat's happened in your life,
(12:01):
right, Because there is a trustfactor.
We can do that with the Lord.
We trust him with our life,with our highs and our lows, our
sadness, our joys.
We trust him with all of thosethings.
But we know him and he's provenand he is perfect, right, and
he is always there for us.
So we meet somebody new, wedon't quite know.
That it doesn't mean we holdback in a very guarded way, it's
(12:22):
just we want to learn more ofthat person.
And then I think as we get intothe community as we get into
the community of people.
That either, you know, for me Ilook for.
Everybody talks about diversityand everything.
What I want to look for infriendship is commonality.
Yes, it's great that we're alldifferent, but there has to be
something that brings ustogether, and for me, the best
(12:44):
thing that brings us together isJesus.
And so from that point on, ourfriendships can be cultivated
and we can open up as we arecomfortable.
Let's say our community, ourgroup that we're cultivating.
If it's a Bible study group, asmall group, a craft group,
there might be 10 in the group,but there might be only two that
you feel this connection, thatif I share something with them,
(13:06):
I know they will pray and theywill keep the confidence, and
those are the two that youcultivate in that area.
It doesn't mean the other eightare not worthy, they're just
not exactly where you are in arelationship.
And so I think it's reallyimportant to cultivate that
community and recognize that ittakes time to let our
independence definitely be apositive right, Because we can
(13:29):
help others with that.
We can have a fierce I know howto do this and I can help you
get it done kind of attitude.
But what we don't want is Iknow how to do it and I don't
need you.
That's where we put that handup and we just say what we
wanted to do is say I do, Idon't always have this, I think
I do, but I really need some,either wisdom or guidance or
(13:49):
just some encouragement.
And so I think it's reallyimportant, because then we
really do know we're not aloneon all the things that we
encounter.
We have the Lord with us, butthen we have those, those
friendships that we're buildingand cultivating.
Tiffany Windsor (14:04):
You touched upon this just a little bit some
practical ways to be a friendand to grow friendships.
Let's go into that a little bitmore before we start wrapping
up today.
Chantal Johnson (14:14):
I think it's really important to do some
things.
I think it's great to go sitand have coffee and talk and
share, but I always think it'simportant to do so.
One way that I love to growfriendships and this is kind of
where my strength is I love todo arts and crafts and so there
is an intentionality with me,with cultivating friendships and
doing some practical things isthat we make things together.
(14:36):
We have different evenings andexperiences, so we actually do
those things together.
I think that's one thing.
So I think finding infriendship something to go and
do and again it's an invitationthe other thing about how we can
do practical applications is wedon't sit and wait for the
invitation.
We become the one who isinviting, and I think that's
(14:56):
what happens a lot of times.
When people do go into a groupagain, whether it's in church or
in the workplace or whereverthey might go, they're waiting
for someone to be a friend,they're waiting to be asked,
they're waiting to be invitedthe whole time while everyone
else is waiting to be asked.
So be that initiator and ask.
And I think that's onepractical thing is to go and ask
(15:18):
.
And it's hard at first man.
It's really hard if you're notan extrovert, so for me it's not
quite as difficult, right?
But if you're not an extrovert,if I'm just going to go ask
everybody until I get a yes,just go start with one person,
Just pray.
You know, Lord, give me courageand boldness and just let me
say, would you like to havecoffee?
Because I guarantee somebodywill want to say yes.
(15:39):
And so I think asking and Ithink the doing, find some
things that you would like to doand invite others to do those
things.
I think some practicalfriendships is once you've made
that connection don't let it bea once in a while kind of thing.
Let's text one another, let'sestablish a time where everybody
can get together, or if only afew can get together, let's do
(16:02):
those kinds of things.
And then I think sharing God'sword is so important in
friendship, and it doesn'tnecessarily have to be a Bible
study, it can be, but it alsocan be sharing a scripture with
somebody, with your friends sayhey, I.
Well, I did this with onefriend.
She was moving away and she had41 days or 40 days left in
Texas and she was not happyabout moving.
And every day I sent her ascripture.
(16:22):
Every day I found one aboutbeing courageous or home or the
peace and things like that, andthere was a connection and she's
in California and we still havethe connection.
So find a way to work God'sword in some practical ways in
friendship.
So those are a few things,Tiffany.
Tiffany Windsor (16:38):
You have given us so much information.
I am so grateful for coveringthis topic, for giving me hope
in building my friendships, andthe one thing that's been so
important to me in in a circleis walking in faith and
community, and so when we takeit one friend at a time, then
(16:59):
you start a community.
I love that.
As I mentioned, Chantal, youhave a book.
This is one of many that youactually have in the pipeline.
Tell us about this book and youhave a chapter on friendship
Chantal Johnson (17:13):
It's available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble I
think it's a lot of places booksare sold online.
It's called Blessings Beyondthe Page and it's a study on
Psalm 119.
It's kind of a twofold.
I do it by days.
This can be done individuallyor as a group.
The first five days could evenbe done on a women's retreat or
(17:34):
a women's week.
And what it does?
It takes scripture and itbrings it to the day, because
sometimes we can read somethingand then we close the book and
there it goes.
And what I want us to see isthat you know, blessings
literally come off the pages ofscripture, and so each day that
you do the study is a day of ablessing.
Day seven, I think, isfriendship, and you have a
(17:56):
scripture to read, one tomeditate on, and then some
practical ways that you findthat this scripture applies.
And then I just give a littlewrap up for some direction,
because what I want in thisBible study and anytime we're
together, I want the word of Godto be wonderful and fresh, and
I'm going to use the word easy.
I know people don't think it is, but it really can be.
(18:18):
Writing out the scripture,meditating on it, you find that
those words will come to you inseasons or in opportunities
throughout the day, seasons oflife.
You'll say, oh, that scripturejust pops into my head and I
love that.
And so this is one.
Like I said, it can be doneindividually, it can be done as
a group.
Each week is five days, cause Ibelieve that we need to be in
the word seven, but we shoot forfive and that's pretty good.
(18:40):
Like I said, you can do this onyour own or with a group, and
it can be as detailed or as easyas you want.
I have some that in my Biblestudies they literally do the
first part where they write thescripture and they don't do
anything else, and that's okaybecause they're getting the word
right, and then some go reallyfull on.
It's designed to be at yourpace and where you're
(19:00):
comfortable with and just to seethe blessings that the Lord has
given us through his word.
Tiffany Windsor (19:05):
I love this, day seven.
His word brings friendship.
You have daily progress anddaily prayer, and then you have
daily practice and daily praise,so there's space to be able to
actually write.
I thank you for joining metoday in his circle and I know
we have more podcast planned forthe future and I want to remind
everyone who is listening thatwe are now available on YouTube
(19:28):
podcasts, so if you're listeningjust to audio, you can jump on
over to In His Circle on YouTubeand actually watch us.
Do you mind praying us outtoday?
Chantal Johnson (19:38):
I would love to .
I want to give just one quickword.
In 2 Thessalonians there's agreat verse, and I want you to
understand that the Lord is yourencourager.
He is our eternal encourager.
So when you take a step out offaith into seeking friendship,
he is on the sidelines cheeringyou.
He is encouraging you to keepgoing.
Let's pray, god.
We thank you so much for thisday, for the beauty and for the
blessing.
(19:59):
I thank you for everyone whocan hear this and see this, and
that just your word is permeatedthroughout and that they will
want to go and seek friendshipbecause of the friendship you
have given us.
We love you, lord.
We thank you.
We thank you for Jesus and it'shis name.
We pray.
Announcer (20:23):
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Thank you and dear friends,have a blessed day.
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