From Conflict to Connection

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Ever wondered why excitement in a relationship is often equated with conflict? We tackle this intriguing question head-on by exploring a heartfelt letter from a woman who finds herself yearning for arguments with her peaceful and quiet husband. Why is it that some people mistake turbulence for thrill, and how can these desires lead to toxicity in a relationship? We'll share insights on recognizing your partner's nature early on and the importance of finding shared activities to add zest to your relationship, sans unnecessary disputes. Plus, we offer advice for men who cherish tranquility, encouraging them to hold onto their peace even if it means reconsidering the dynamics of their current relationships.

Creating a loving and harmonious home environment is crucial, especially for men facing challenges outside. We underscore the significance of nurturing relationships grounded in peace and joy. Acknowledging that disagreements are natural, we emphasize resolving conflicts swiftly to prevent them from festering. Our conversation explores the art of mutual understanding and compromise, aiming to inspire you to cultivate a relationship built on love and tranquility. Tune in for transformative insights and practical advice that could redefine how you approach your relationships.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 2 (00:06):
What's going on, everybody?
This is your boy, j Stone,coming to you live with another
edition of In the Lounge ofStone and B.
I am so excited that youdecided to tune in to me on this
day.
We got a good one for you today.
I was sitting back in thestudio and one of my colleagues
on my team came to me with thisletter that she found on the

(00:28):
internet.
It's a lady that is talkingabout how bored she is in her
marriage and some things.
In a few minutes I'm going toplay it for you and I want you
to listen closely to what she'ssaying, and also I want your
comments, I want your questionsand everything on this topic.
Oh, you already know I got somethings to say about it and also

(00:52):
, if it is a man in thisrelationship, I really have some
things to say to him Quickly,quickly.
Here we go, ladies andgentlemen.
Listen, tim, what you think.
Here we go, ladies, andgentlemen.

Speaker 1 (01:05):
listen, tim, what do you think?
My husband is a silent typethat don't keep friends.
He never stays past 7 pm.
He don't visit anyone and noone visits him.
We have been married for fouryears and we never had a reason
to quarrel or argue.
Most times I bring up baselessarguments so we could just raise
our voice, yet he finds a wayto avoid it.

(01:25):
I know issues makes a marriagestronger, but I have never had
any reason to at least act upsetand have him beg me.
It's seriously eating me up.
This man is too peaceful andquiet for my liking and I, on
the other hand, I'm stubborn.
Please, how do I spice up mymarriage and how do I get this
man to at least raise his voiceat me a little?
I want him to at least getangry once.

(01:47):
This sounds funny, but it'sreally bothering me.

Speaker 2 (01:51):
I'm bored in this marriage.
So, as you heard the end of it,I'm bored in this marriage.
And we go up a little bit.
She's stubborn.
We go up a little bit, she'sstubborn, we go up a little bit
more.
She wants him to yell and raiseher voice, his voice, and she
comes up with some frivolousargument just for him to raise

(02:15):
his voice.
Ladies and gentlemen, this iswhat you call a toxic
relationship, and I can't evencall it a toxic relationship,
but I can call her toxic.
Ah, my, my, my.
This is why I'm calling hertoxic.
Show me, show me one person thatwants to be in a relationship

(02:35):
that they got to yell, screamand holler and fight and fuss at
every little piece of corner.
That they want to, because thisis her excitement.
That she has to fight and argueand yell, because this is what
she is used to.
Now I ask you this question,young lady when you met this man

(02:56):
, was he peaceful?
When you met this man, wheny'all went on dates, was he
yelling and screaming?
If he wasn't, trust me, hewasn't going to turn and do
something else that he wasn'tused to.
This is his nature.
He's a peaceful man.
What's wrong with that?
Now, ladies and gentlemen, thisis what you call a toxic
relationship, and if you don'tknow what a toxic relationship

(03:19):
is, here we go.
A toxic relationship is thatunpleasant, it's draining, it's
harmful to both people or oneindividual in this relationship.
Right now, that toxicity isharming him Because if you see

(03:39):
what she says, he runs away fromit as quick as he can.
He avoids it on all costs.
If you see somebody avoidingsomething, probably that means
he don't want to fight, he don'twant to argue, he just wants to
sit back and relax.
Women have to understand this.
A man is a very simple being.
We are here to do this.

(04:00):
We're here to love you.
We're here to protect you.
We're here to be there for you.
We're here to listen to youwhen you're going through
whatever.
We are protectors and we arefixers.
If you tell us something andyou don't want us to fix it, you
need to let us know.
I don't want you to fix it, Ijust want you to listen to me.

(04:21):
Great, we follow directionsreally well.
Another thing is this If you seea man is at peace, leave him be
, because you don't understandwhat he went through out in the
world.
He should not have to come intohis home and fight and argue
with you over some bullshit thatyou want to find, that you want
to see, and say, oh, I needsome excitement in my life.

(04:43):
Let me argue and fight with myman.
No, how about this?
I need some excitement in mylife.
Let me find out what we can dotogether and have some fun.
Let's go on a trip, let's goand build something, let's go
and do something.
Let's go and whatever.
However it is, if you see yourman is at peace and he needs you
, and if a man ever asked you,can you be my peace?

(05:06):
And you tell him yes, and youcome with this bullshit, he
should leave you.
He should leave you right now.
Young man, if you are listeningto me and I hope you are, leave
.
That relationship is not foryou.
She should have seen this inthe beginning.
This is the problem that we dowhen we get relationships.
We do not pay attention to thebeginning.
We see, oh, he got muscles.

(05:27):
Oh, he fine.
Oh, he got money.
Oh, he got this, whatever.
But do you see what you like inthis individual, other than the
physical, other than the, theother than what you see?
You got to go beyond that.
You got to go beyond thatbecause if you're talking about
she, you've been married withthis man for four years.
The first year, the first sixmonths, you see he was quiet,

(05:49):
you see he was docile, you seehe was really relaxed and really
ain't for the bullshit.
But you for the bullshit, youfor the, as my people say, you
for the streets, you want thesmoke, he don't want the smoke.
Find somebody who he want thesmoke.
This is back in the day.
Oh, I need a roughneck, I needa roughneck.

(06:11):
Nah, you really don't want aroughneck and I hate to say this
, but this is my.
Is it PSA or PPA or what haveyou?
Public service announcement?
That's what it is.
Women out there in arelationship, if a man is
putting his hands on you, leave,because that is not love.
If he tells you he won't do itagain, he's lying to you,

(06:34):
because that is not love.
If he tells you he won't do itagain, he's lying to you Once
again.
If a man tells you, baby, Iwon't hit you again, you're
lying.
For one, you shouldn't put yourhands on me in the first place
For another one.
Love is not a, love is physical, but love does not hurt, love
is not talking about somebody,love is not putting somebody
down, love is not beating onthem and everything like that.
This is the part that we haveto understand what we are in

(06:58):
doing Love, love.
The Bible says love covers amultitude of faults.
If you love a person, you don'twant to treat a person in the
wrong way, in the wrong manner.
Man, if I were you and I was inthis relationship, I would turn
to her and say, hey, here's thepapers.
I want a divorce, I want mypeace back and I want my joy

(07:20):
back.
Lady, you need to find somebody, a roughneck, or you really
need to get yourself some helpto.
Whatever relationships you'vebeen in in the past that they
were yelling, cussing, fightingand fussing at you.
Find out why.
Find out why that triggers you.
Find out why that's somethingthat you like to do, because,

(07:43):
trust me, that is not healthy,especially if you have kids.
That is not healthy.
If you get to yelling andscreaming, cussing and fighting
in front of these kids, that isnot healthy.
If you're doing that justbecause for yourself, right now,
at this day and age, when youget with somebody, you need to
find their peace, because oncethey walk out that door, don't,

(08:04):
nobody care about them.
A man should be in his headsaying I'll be glad when I get
back home to my woman, I'll beglad when I get back home to my
kids, I'll be glad when I getback home to my wife and my kids
, because that's my peace,that's my joy, that's my love.
Now I'm not saying, I'm notsaying y'all not gonna have no
problems.

(08:24):
I'm not saying y'all not gonnafight and fuss and argue but got
dogged every day because hequiet.
No, and honestly, when you dofight and fuss, find a way to
make it up to each other.
Don't go to sleep angry, Don'tgo to sleep mad.
Don't go to sleep with thisstill lingering in the air.

(08:46):
Find a resolution for it andkill it right then.
And there, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I am so
excited she stopped in andlistened to me.
Today.
I want you guys to keep tuningin to me, keep showing me the
love that is.
This is the lounge with Stoneand B.

(09:09):
I got the t-shirts out, I gotthe hats out, I got the socks
out.
All the information will be inthe bio, where to get these
things from.
You'll hear the commercials andall that good stuff.
I need you to go and check usout.
Show us much love.
Ladies and gentlemen, I thankyou so much.
Young man, young lady, youngman, run my guy, run.

(09:30):
Young lady.
Let him find peace andunderstand the next person you
get.
You shouldn't want to fight andargue with them.
This has been your boy, jayStone.
Speaking on love, speaking ontruth, peace.